Anomaly Log

Caspar says, "Major, irreconcilable anomalies list begins."

Caspar says, "Subject--Uotani Arisa. Status: Damaged Soul. Problem: Failed to become Princess of Amber and born to wrong parents."

Melchior says, "Subject--Hanajima Saki. Status: Damaged Soul. Problem: Failed to become Princess of Amber and born to wrong parents."

Chloe looks mildly intrigued at that.

Kaname says, "Uotani is supposed to be a PRINCESS OF AMBER? What the hell?"

Balthasar says, "Subject--Kanako of Helgram and Belgalad. Status: Ghost. Problem: Born to Wrong Parents. Born at Wrong Time. [Deleted]. Multiple destiny errors. Currently unstable due to status as Ghost."

Chloe says, "It makes sense. You don't often see guards with that level of ability so young."

Anya says, "But I'm really good and I'm that...oh, wait, I AM a princess...never mind."

Caspar says, "Subject--Telemain of Tenjou. Status: Ghost. Problem: Died before fulfilling destiny. Destiny remains unfulfilled, though Nexus status was transferred. Update: Princesses Akari and Wakaba have temporarily stabilized Telemain, but Destiny and Fate issues remain unresolved, which will eventually recur problem."

Chloe says, "That would be the wave we felt."

Melchior says, "Subject--Nanami Minor of Belgalad. Status: Cannot be determined. Problem: Cannot be determined.

Chloe says, "..."

Balthasar says, "Kill updates, move to next subject."

Anya says, "Oh man, it didn't say who she's sleeping with!"

Chloe says, "Identify construct."

Caspar rattles off something in Sidar.

Anya says, "Uhoh, I hope that's not an out of cheese error."

Chloe rubs her head. "Oh dear. I hope she wins. And uses protection. And waited 20 years."

Chloe says, "-Could it be... Uotani? They always act like they hate each other, so they must be in love. No, wait, that's stupid.-"

Melchior says, "Subject--Tomos Valois du Therin. Status: Gender Status Indeterminate. Problem: Cannot... [Deleted for Security reasons]. Update: Child not yet born, successful Level 2 patch performed. Gender Status remains indeterminate."

Chloe says, "..."

Minako says,"TOMOS IS ALL MAN!"

Balthasar says, "Men do not have wombs. Initiate-Minako is in error."

Chloe asks, "... he was a womb?"

Minako says,"That's sexist!"

Minako says, "Tomos and I are having a baby, and he's carrying our little Inigo."

Chloe says, "..."

Kaname buries her face in her hands.

Anya says, "Now, see, that's a sign of a really good man, willing to REALLY share the rigors of childbirth."

Anya says, "Most guys talk about it, but they couldn't hack the real thing."

Chloe says, "Goodness, no wonder the system is going berserk."

Chloe thinks. "Okay. We can get Hana and Uo adopted and somehow get them Pattern'd. That would fix that."

Chloe says, "Maybe by replacing all their blood, or special sandwiches."

Caspar says, "Subject--Pattern-Drawer Jacqueline of Tenjou."

Balthasar says, "Status: Utterly Fucked Up."

Chloe keeps thinking. "We can fix the Telemain problem by getting someone to fufill his Destiny. Or his Fate, come to think of it."

Melchior says, "Problem: Current Status is unstable. Bride is mildly sociopathic. Dr. Jacqueline has no grasp of 'consequences'. Jacqui lacks backbone. Jack has no taste in women. Host is asshole. Hostess cannot act far beyond the castle of Dreams for long. [DELETED FOR SECURITY REASONS] [DELETED FOR SECURITY REASONS] Stupid Logrus in way of one solution. STUPID LOGRUS. Status Update: Dr. Jacqueline's giant magnet is perfect example of the whole problem."

Caspar says, "Subject--Lian of Avalon and Amber. Status: Lost In Abyss. Problem: STUPID FOOL COMMITTED SUICIDE."

Chloe says, "Hm, that's a tough one."

Melchior says, "Status Update: Still in the Abyss. Moron."

Chloe says, "Okay. Hana and Uo sound pretty easy. Telemain sounds doable. I'm not really sure what the problem is with Minor and Tomos. I have no idea how to fix Lian and Jacqueline."

Balthasar says, "Subject--Chloe of Rebma. Status: Damaged Soul. Problem: Chloe is currently pursuing solutions adequate to solving her problems."

Chloe asks, "That's a problem?"

Chloe looks confused.

Caspar says, "Inadequacy of Report Format Error."

Melchior says, "Pausing for Correction."

Balthasar says, "Subject--Chloe of Rebma. Status: Damaged Soul. Problem: Chloe has damaged soul due to upbringing and heredity. Status Update: Chloe is seeking solutions to her problem; preliminary analysis shows Wind Dragon Should Have Sufficient Power to Keep Promise."

Chloe says, "Ah, I see."

Caspar says, "Subject--Moriya of Catala. Status: Fractured Soul. Problem: Soul currently split into multiple parts due to circumstances of death and blood curse from slayer. Status Update: Princess Akari is pursing solutions."

Chloe says, "..."

Chloe asks, "Can you identify fragments?"

Melchior says, "Processing."

Balthasar says, "REcognizable fragments: Nym the Swagman. A little ghost-baby fed on healthy, nutritious ghost milk. Moriya's Rage. Small fragment incorporated into Special Agent Yomiko, status--irretrevable."

Balthasar says, "Ghost-Baby is key fragment around which others can be integrated."

Kaname says, "Integrated into...YOMIKO?"

Chloe asks, "Does the ghost baby look, well, like a baby?"

Caspar says, "Subject--Yomiko inherited never developed wood power set connected to initial Moriya Destiny."

Kaname says, "Oh."

Melchior says, "Ghost-Baby looks like little red-haired baby to those who can see ghosts." Akemi pages, "Moriya: I'm sure I could recognize me." to you.

Chloe says, "Hm."

Chloe says, "Well, Akari seems to have that in hand, although perhaps giving her the list will help."

Balthasar says, "Subject--Ota Minor. Status: Damaged Soul, Extreme Dumb Ass. Problem: Bad heredity has unhinged him because his soul and his body aren't fitting into each other well. Soul had to be jammed into the wrong body due to complex destiny fuckups as well."

Minako winces. "I'm hoping Akari can help him like he helped me."

like SHE helped me.

Chloe asks, "What body was he supposed to fit into?"

Caspar says, "Subject--Jacqueline Tenjou destined to have two daughters by Shinobu Minor. Souls rerouted to Minako and Ota Minor."

Kaname says, "You SURE about the woman thing? Ota would make a _crappy_ woman."

Chloe says, "Hmm. Maybe we can give him the body he was supposed to have had."

Melchior says, "Subject--Miroku of Belgalad. Status: Horny. Problem: Born to Wrong Parents, Supposed to be Prince of Amber. Problem is low priority due to subject mostly compensating for this."

Chloe says, "..."

Minako says, "Well, I expect Mom would be happy to have sex with Shinobu Minor to make him one, but..."

Chloe says, "..."

Anya says, "I think he's happier not being a Prince because it means almost everyone is fair game to him."

Chloe rubs her head. "Maybe we could get him decently married and make him a Prince of Amber in that way."

Chloe says, "No, that'd be cruel, I suppose."

Anya says, "He's dating Uotani. If she becomes a Princess, he can marry her and sort of be a Prince."

Chloe says, "Mm."

Balthasar says, "Subject: Jewel. Status: Outside Area of View. Problem: Only Slightly More Stable Than A Volcano During an Earthquake. May go apeshit at any moment and rip off Violet's head and spit on her grave. Potential grave threat to continued existence of universe due to ability to bleed on both Patterns and destroy them. Needs desperately to be stabilized."

Chloe says, "Define stabilized."

Chloe says, "-Terminally, maybe?-"

Caspar says, "Needs to either die or be tied to Order sufficiently to counteract the fact that she is half made of TOTAL PSYCHOSIS LOGRUS STUFF."

Melchior says, "And the fact that the other side isn't exactly a shining pillar of stability either."

Chloe asks, "Hm. Would walking the Pattern do it?"

Balthasar, "It would be a good start."

Minako says, "Ahh, like how I studied Pattern to become more stable?"

Caspar says, "Exactly."

Chloe says, "I'm not sure of any other way to tie her to Order. I'd kill her, but that's likely to cause splash damage worse than the current situation."

Melchior says, "Killing Jewel 95% likely to lead to catastrophic Order-Chaos war, destroyign entire universe."

Chloe asks, "The other 5% is lots of group sex, right?"

Chloe says, "OOC: I think I broke John. :)"

John says, "OOC LAAAAAAAAAG."

Balthasar says, "Subject--Pharoah Mobius. Status: Cackling Maniacally. Problem: Cannot conduct evil revenge because Telemain is dead."

Chloe asks, "That's a problem?"

Chloe says, "Okay, that one we can just kill."

Chloe says, "Hm. I think I know a way to tie Jewel to Order."

Caspar says, "Subject--Tomasina. Status: In Chaos. Problem: Currently Indeterminate between Destiny and Fate, Dual Existance."

Melchior says, "Subject is currently thrashing."

Chloe asks, "I don't suppose that would be a female Tomos?"

Balthasar says, "History is currently garbled. All versions have common origin as sister of Tomos."

Chloe says, "Wonderful."

Anya asks hesitantly, "Am I one of the problems?"

Caspar says, "Processing."

Melchior says, "Soul originally intended for your body is currently in queue, awaiting a suitable Amberite birth."

Balthasar says, "Birth of Subject patched hole created by Premature Death of Mikage."

Caspar says, "Final Analysis: Subject is within acceptable variance levels."

Chloe says, "Hm. I have an idea. It's from Munchausen, so it's probably very stupid."

Kaname says, "Yes, but we'd best hear it anyway."

Chloe says, "Maybe we can use Kurz as a sort of carrot to get Jewel to walk the Pattern. It's the only sort of leverage we really have on her short of violence."

Chloe says, "And she might be stabler if she was on regular dates anyway."

Kaname says, "Hmm, actually, that is a good idea. I'm sure he would help if I gave him a good talking to, and she'll trust him."

Chloe says, "My other idea was tying her up, throwing her in a sack, and forcing her to walk it at knifepoint, but this one is less likely to get us all killed."

Melchior says, "All Other Subjects Currently Sufficiently Patched into System to Not Destabilize it."