The Erisian Memo

The following document was sent to Prince Setsuna, Yomiko Butler, and High Priest Geo. The first filed it, the second put it in the restricted stacks, and the third had what is charitably assumed to be a religious fit of some sort. The author seems to have been in hiding for some time.

Dear sirs and madam,

I recently read a copy of Prince Setsuna's _Secret History of the Cone People_, and was most impressed with his findings. Clearly the Prince has put a great deal of effort into unraveling this enigmatic race's plots. However, I am sorry to say that a great deal of it is utterly wrong, composed of bosh, misinformation, and falsehood. This should not be blamed on the good Prince; as a relative youngster, he has only begun to penetrate the veils of deception that grip our universe. I have been working for all of my 523 years, and only now have begun to grasp the full scale of the conspiracy.

With this in mind, and to correct any errors Prince Setsuna may have inadvertently made, I am publishing to you this short overview of the problem.

The chief problem with the _Secret History_ is that it outlines the goals and actions of the Cone People. These are rendered accurately - to a point. The fact is that there are no Cone People, or rather the Cone People are merely a mask used by the sinister forces working to rule the universe. By setting forth such a menace, they disguise their own nefarious ends.

To this purpose, the chief agent of the Cone People front is one Professor Vernon Watson at Panopticon. His job is to promote the notion of the threat of the Cone People, which he does poorly.

Watson believes he is working for the TIDORG, the Taylor Inheritors Defense Organization, which seeks to keep attention away from the remaining Taylor Blood Creatures. This is FALSE! There are no Taylor blood creatures. Rather, this was a fiction born of the Quadrilateral Committee's need to kill off agents of their rivals in the Trilateral Committee. Both groups were splinters of the original Kundali Universal National Chain Hierarchy Authority Network, or KUNCHAN. KUNCHAN took as its vision a society governed, run, and populated by sex maniacs. However, a great schism occurred after the legendary Hot Tub Conference of '32, and open warfare began between those who felt it should be led by Pattern Sex, and those who felt it should be led by Logrus sex. The resulting 'committees' used their agents within the Amber Royal Family and the Stylite Order to immediately grab as much power as possible, cementing their position. This is the explanation for the so-called 'rebirth of the universe' that deluded historians record. Actually, the creation of the second universe was completely unrelated; the two conspiracies had merely been alerted by their spies and moved in with elaborate rituals designed to promote group orgies and harems in general. The result was an unmitigated success for the conspiracy, although the Trilateral Committee was very badly mauled by the Quadrilateral Committee. A great purge of Trilateral agents took place, identified as 'Taylors'. In reality, of course, there were no Taylors except for the shapeshifter and mental powerhouse Prince Taylor, who currently rules in Amber, and 'Princess Jacqueline, who also never actually existed.

What is not known by the Quadrilateral Committee is that one of the High Copulators, Princess Moonshade, is actually not a Trilateral spy as they believe. The Trilateral Committee believes that Moonshade is a spy for the Quadrilateral Committee pretending to be a Trilateral agent. Actually, Moonshade is an agent of the Shaftian Illuminati, that shadowy group that pulls many of the strings of society.

Most people familiar with the SI know the surface myth; that Prince Ota of Amber founded a secret society that fights the Outsiders. A few more perceptive people have noticed the flaws in this argument and usually believe that either A) Shaft was merely a convenient way for the organization to emerge into the open, or B) Shaft never had anything to do with the organization, and the whole thing was either a Trilateral or Outsider plot. Neither theory is correct. The SI, which was formalized under the name of Delta Green, was created by Annadil in his tireless efforts to fight the Outsiders. To this end, he faked his death in Chinatown, and took on the identity of Prince Shaft, born to Utena. This was accomplished through the aid of King Gendo, who was working in disguise as Gideon the Ravager Beast at the time, and Prince Touga 3, who helped in exchange for access to the Horn of Valere for use against Tougas 1 and 2. This aid, incidentally, tipped the balance of the Touga Wars and is the REAL REASON that Cape Westb'ryport EXPLODED MYSTERIOUSLY.

Annadil's archfoe, Secret Master Mo, was not fooled by the incident in Chinatown. He knew the truth of the ancient and cryptic line in the Mitala Cycle (Excorrupted Dee Edition) - "If you go to Chinatown you will die / And with strange aeons even death's a lie." He quickly put into motion a fake Annadil, one that had been 'corrupted by the Outsiders'. Thus, the REAL Annadil would be exposed, and Mo would have caught the pawn of the Outsiders in a trap of his own making.

Annadil, however, had predicted this. He knew that events would lead in a straight line from Chinatown to the impostor to the Gate of Revolution and the death of the impostor. Thus he would be regarded as safely out of the way, and would be free to direct his efforts against Secret Master Mo, the pawn of the Outsiders. This was the purpose of SI/Delta? Green, now run by Annadil in his guise as Ota Minor - actually the same non-Ota as Major, and the originator of the Jacqueline Liberation Army catastrophe.

Both were unaware, at least at this stage, that both were pawns. There were no Outsiders at all. They were a convenient fiction created by International Juri.

The many plots of International Juri are too numerous to list, but all stem to conceal the fact that Princess Juri of Amber is in fact a multipresent alien intelligence manifesting and concealing itself as bankers, theologians, and the occasional general. Their plans nearly came to fruition in the Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster. While they have tried to conceal the hordes of Juri as 'alternate universe visitors', 'redeemed Wu', 'Space Juri', etc, the signs are clear. International Juri created the 'Outsiders' as a fake alien menace to draw attention away from the actual alien menace, and also to use as a weapon against the rival conspiracies. The ENTIRE ANNADIL CRISIS WAS ENGINEERED BY INTERNATIONAL JURI. The goal was to kill Queen Setsuna I of Amber.

Who was she? Few remember, just as few can see the word . Just as the very word is edited out of the reader's brain, so too is the reign of Queen Setsuna, who took the throne after King Gendo left his throne to follow the road to Illuminatory Ignorance as the Red Leather Beast. He took the name of 'Gideon'.

International Juri wanted Setsuna dead because they believed that she WAS Gendo, and a front for the Inner Gods secret rule. They were unaware that the Inner Gods thought that Setsuna was either a agent of International Juri or an agent of Millard Fillmore, put in place after Gendo was killed in Chinatown while pretending to be Annadil, and dispatched Prince Makoto of Amber, 33 Degree Knight of the Chalice, to assassinate her. Makoto did this by disguising himself as the legendary Bad Ass Stagger Lee. He and Annadil and Mo got in each others' way, botching the operation, and Setsuna had to be killed by the THREE OTHER GROUPS THERE TO KILL HER. These were the Hideous Abyss Conspiracy, the Haradian Sapphic Order, and Jake.

While it is unclear which group actually succeeded, the rush to kill Setsuna was prompted by Taylor the Megabrain, who promptly set about rewriting history so that it would appear that THERE WAS NO SETSUNA and that HE HAD TAKEN THE THRONE AFTER GENDO DIED. To confuse matters, he changed his name slightly. This helped with the fiction of pretending to be a different person than 'Taylor'. Taylor/Tylor had been working hand in glove with the Bloc Rebmaquois and Derith, of course, and finally won ultimate victory. Now both Amber and Rebma are controlled by the Soggy Masons of Rebma.

This state of affairs was intolerable to the Ice Gypsies, who engineered the so called 'War of the Dead' from top to bottom. After replacing Nausicca and Mikage with Ice Gypsy impostors, they ran a complex scheme in which they persuaded the Haradian Sapphic Order, the conspiracy of lesbians that rules Ember, to finally deal with International Juri. They were, however, unaware that Mikage was an agent of Annadil, who sent the Kuonji twins to muddle up the scheme with the assistance of the Shaftian Illuminati. Yes, there were TWO Kuonjis.

'Hel' was actually Secret Haradian Lesbian Master Catherine. The so-called war would provide an excuse to wipe out International Juri. It failed, although they did seemingly manage to kill two top Juri agents, Hiko and Morgan. Yet even this was a failure, as both were actually assassinated by Jake, assisted by King Gendo in disguise as Vash and chanting the pre-Logrus scriptures.

Even so, the 'war of the dead' gambit paid dividends for the HSO, as they were able to place two Harad Lesbian Blood Creatures in the royal family. These are Princesses Eowyn and Vice. Eowyn is NOT THE REAL EOWYN! The real one was killed by Touga 2 during the revolt of the Logruses, although he was disguised as Queen Sakura at the time.

The 'war of the dead' also allowed other groups to get in on the action. Great Cthulhu's Starry Wisdom Band, led by Anno, was able to destroy much of Rebma and kill Prince Lucien, who was an agent of Amber Naval Intelligence, which as you may know is controlled by Bust Rimururu. This was in response to the infiltration and destruction of Serpent's Horn by Eowyn, who the Starry Wisdom Band erroneously believed worked for Bust's cross-universal crime syndicate. This impression was planted by Annadil, who with Vash (actually Gendo) had broken into the massive reality computer system that pretends to be 'the Logrus' and altered data. (The last real Logrus was destroyed in 964 by Chaos Heroes Against Dog Oppressors, CHADO, who recently sparked a golden circle war by carefully assassinating the lapdog of Demetrius IV. CHADO is actually a puppet organization manipulated by the Elder Gods, who are not in fact gods at all, but dogs, hyperintelligent terriers from the Quantum Pavlov Layer.) Actually, Bust Rimu spent most of her time trying to get the Red Dragons tong to infiltrate the Haradian Sapphic Order, which they may or may not have done, as it is unclear if Vice is an HSO agent who infiltrated the Red Dragons or a Red Dragon agent who has infiltrated the HSO. What is known is that Vice DOES work for the Armed Nymphomaniac Nihilist Invasion Elite, ANNIE, who work out of the Hisame-Monde School and have been trying to overthrow the Haradian Sapphic Order for generations. There is evidence that, along with the Hideous Abyss Conspiracy, they were the ones to first 're-imprint' Davros.

One of the stranger incidents in the whole conspiracy was the use of Davros the Stylite as a brainwashed pawn by multiple factions. He started out working for ANNIE as a food soldier and drug smuggler for the Red Dragons, who then was ordered to infiltrate the Stylite Order. The Stylites, acting on a tip from Millard Fillmore of the Rosylogrusans, reprogrammed him as a infiltrator to enter Serpent's Horn and rise up through the ranks to become their chief spy in the Starry Wisdom Band. Things went awry when he was intercepted by Shizumaru, then working for Jake, and taken to Chinatown.

A study of conversations with Davros makes it clear that THIS IS A MAN WHO'S REALITY IMPRINT HAS BEEN REPEATEDLY TAMPERED WITH. A failed attempt was made by ANNIE to re-imprint him, and then he seems to have infiltrated the Quadrilateral Committee. It is unclear if he is still working for Jake.

Jake may have abandoned him in favor of the various incarnations of N'Stylite, of which it has been proven that he controlled two. The destruction of the second version was done by Noir, who used the Great Rite of Yog-Sothoth to unleash the dread beast Yoko Ono on them. N'Stylite, far from being a band, was an attempt at mass-hypno-mind-control, taking advantage of the gate opened by World Jutes introducing fluoridation into Chaos at the urgings of the Secret Pontiff of the Jutes, Rural. At least one other incarnation of the band was controlled by the Ice Gypsies, who sent their agent Alias to prevent the obliteration of the Queen of the Moon over Hogswatch in exchange for a foot in the door in Chaos. They were bitterly opposed in this by Secret Master Mo, and this may have been a key factor in the multiway Jacqueline Liberation Army clone war, which concluded with the assassination of Prince Kentaro. Certainly Noir was responsible for that, although the body was later savaged by the Claw Killer, working for the Molepeople. The Claw Killer was intercepted and shot to dead by the Furry Ripper, who went on to mastermind the assassination coverup for the Trilateral Committee. But I digress.

What is clear is that Shizumaru was a sleeper agent of Chaos Heroes Against Dog Oppressors, who used him to massacre a cabal of Rosylogrusian knights. He was framed and put into prison by International Juri, who was annoyed that her agents in the Rosylogrusian had been wiped out. While in the Black Tower, Shizumaru was killed. A fake was released by the Molepeople, who would later go on to kidnap Kanako and repeatedly try to destroy Panopticon University to further their anarch0syndicalist agenda. The Black Tower itself became a lair and stronghold of the Molepeople, who took orders from The Master, a so-called 'prisoner'. Actually, the Master was a long-term agent of the Invisible Hand, a pre-Logrus cult surviving to the present day. The Invisible Hand seek many things, particularly the Magic Bag. This has lead them to conflict with the Queen of the Moon, who is violently in opposition to them and despises their alliance with the Inner Gods. While the two have fought each other for centuries, matters have become pronounced of late, as the Queen of the Moon was able to bring Moon-Land into the open under the name of 'Arcadia', and the Invisible Hand has activated its holy assassin, Noir. It was Noir who killed Molon, an agent of the Queen of the Moon in the Black Tower.

Both are fools, however, because I have learned that each of them secretly is run by the same organization; a shadowy group called Soldats which seeks 'light and water for the tree'. They plant 'trees' (conspiracies) in fertile soil, and then prune (manipulate) them. Soldats has engineered most if not all of the events of the last few centuries. While many in the organization imagine that they work for Gendo or Annadil, in truth they work for the Forestals, who do the bidding of Yig. So the history of the universe would seem to have been dictated by a big tree... or has it?

Thinking that would miss one important point... it is clear from early records, since suppressed, that Yig itself was planted by CONE PEOPLE!

Now you see the first layer of the conspiracy!

I hope that this helps, or at least gives you a starting point.


S. Muss Sein, Baronet of Ewigeblumencraft