Mysterious Archaeologist, Baker, and Prince of Amber
Kuonji remains the great mystery of the family. Little is sure of him, except that he attended Panopticon at the same time as Beowulf and hates him. He has claimed at various times to be the descendent of Prince Van or alternately, a child of Gil-Galad (aka, Annadil, the Lion of Chaos). It remains unclear if Kuonji is male or female (leading some to speculate that his other parent was a Pattern Knight. A few lunatics argue he's actually Morgan in disguise. Usually right before they argue Gendo is alive and is disguising himself as Prince Demetrius and giving out yummy, yummy candy to children everywhere.).
Kuonji's heroic deeds during the Herald Crisis are too numerous to mention, but can be found in the UnS Timeline.
After serving a period of time in jail in Ember (He served a 50 year sentence in a fast-time bubble, being released in 10 years of real time), due to his involvement in planting some sort of tap in Gabrielle, he was released by Queen Corrine, and has been...well, accepted into the family isn't quite the right word, but few in the family hate him these days, though few trust him too much either. He is known to have publically sworn on Justice never to speak another lie to any member of the family.
He still doesn't like Beowulf, though they mostly avoid each other these days, except for the Lost Lark incident, which is capable of reduing Kuonji to gibbering madness.
Kuonji is known to have a son, Setsuna. The mother is apparently Ex-Wu-Corrine.
Kuonji is well noted for making the best pastries in the universe, as was established when he took on Makoto in an iron chef duel during her visit to Amber in the late
Kuonji has not been seen much of late. He showed up at the Battle of Cathuria to gut Annadil with his son Setsuna, sort of a multi-generational bonding massacre. He has seem abnormally pleased since, although his spirits were dampened by being kidnapped by Pharoah Mobieus and having to be rescued by Chloe, Asuka, Kaname, and Ex-Wu-Corrine.
Reactions to Others
- Fuyutsuki: I can't decide if he's extremely wise or the cosmic source of idiocy.
- Gendo: I've learned, painfully, that being ruthless for the good of the kingdom is just an excuse. There are always other ways, and they don't involve breeding a new generation of people who hate you and your realm. Looks like you never figured that out.
- Anthy: The most powerful limp noodle in the universe.
- King Tylor: Ten times the King his father was.
- Touga: A man I can understand and respect. He has used Claw well.
- Drake: Can you say 'idiot savant'?
- Van: Must be nice, not having to think.
- Saionji: You know, I've offered to neuter him. Think it over, at least?
- Eowyn: Made mistakes, learned from them, asset to the family.
- Juri: Gender was optional in the Second Sidar Empire. Given how stupid sex seems to make otherwise admirable and sane members of this family, I suggest we return to this practice.
- Corrine: So your sister tries to kill the family, sees the light, and all's forgiven. I make a mistake, spend 50 years in your dungeons, and I remain a pariah. Hypocrite.
- Makoto: And I suppose everyone talking him down never made a mistake in their lives.
- Corey: Moron.
- Nanami: Too clever by half. An awful way to go, though.
- Miki: Good call on the vacation.
- Kozue: There but for the grace of chance go I.
- Utena: I think you'd be wise to lay your feud with Helgram to rest, given that the people who wronged you are all dead. But if it becomes a matter of them or you, I will stand by you until the end.
- Wakaba: Just goes to show you can't judge people from their parents.
- Vash: Sometimes I think it's an act. And sometimes I think this man has the brain of a particularly deformed bullfrog.
- Drake: Two of them. Why? Why?
- Juri: Not bad company.
- Corrine: Not much like her double, is she? And that is not a bad thing, whatever others may say.
Spouses of the Elders
- Yuriko: I guess Tylor felt he was too happy for his own good and needed someone to beat his head in.
- Madoka: Can't say I know her very well.
- Nabiki: Come on, woman, you can do much better than him.
- The Red Knight: Missed his calling as a Pay-Per-Trump commentator.
- Suu: No comment.
- Tsuwabuki: Probably not at his best right now.
The TAMD Generation
- Keiko: No. I will not wear that dress. I don't care if it goes with my eyes.
- Michelle: May be finally coming out of her lust-coma. Took her long enough.
- Mikage: I never trusted him, and apparently for good reason.
- Nagisa: A good if not terribly clever man.
- Ramon: Never say anything bad about a man who can bench-press the castle.
- Shinobu Major: Thanks for making me look good by comparison, you ungrateful little twit.
- Shizumaru: One of the finest members of the family, and a credit to Amber.
Spouses and lovers of the TAMD Generation
- Atsuko: No comment.
- Damask: I'm tempted to kill it in order to cheer Kozue up.
- Gabrielle: There's a sucker born every minute. Or built, as the case may be.
- Inaba: Not only a freak, a traitorous freak.
- Rimururu: Just ask. I'll deliver Bustie to your door in a gift basket. Or baskets.
The UnS Generation
- Beowulf: While I think he should be gutshot and thrown off a ferris wheel onto an iron-spike fence, I am for once compelled to offer my sympathies.
- Demetrius: I wish he had a little indicator light to tell us whether he was in 'GENIUS' or 'POTATOHEAD' mode at any given moment.
- Jacqueline: I owe her.
- Kanna: Some things can't be fixed.
- Kentaro: Useless, but inoffensively so.
- Moonshade: Large dangerous creature.
- Motoko: Combines great wisdom with great silliness.
- Mutsumi: Quite an admirable woman.
- Naru: A brilliant scholar and skillful fighter.
- Nausicaa: Never impressed me very much, but still a great shame to lose her.
- Shinobu Minor: I see House Aesir goes for the mediocre. This woman couldn't even keep BEGMA safe.
- Sumire: Eminently civilized. Far more so than her father.
- Thoric: Let's see... he's grown a spine and a uterus so far. Wonder what the next organ to appear will be?
- Vice: I understand. We just have to live with it.
Spouses of the UnS Generation
- Davros: Needs some self-restraint.
- Kaede: Pity, I suppose.
- Lily: Married Beowulf. Lost her son. Fate hates this poor woman.
- Mitsune: Hey, guess what? YOU AREN'T FUNNY!
- Ruka: Everything I'm not.
- Aburatsubo: For the gods' sake be more careful, son; you're going to go the way of Telemain if you keep letting yourself get mauled like this, and losing both of you would be a real tragedy.
- Akari: The Phoenix is a better fixer-upper than I'd expected. Impressive. Now we see if you can keep it up.
- Anya: Go ahead. Just think about mouthing off.
- Asuka: You do realize that sword you're carrying belongs to my house, right, Your Crankiness? Still, I do owe her. How galling.
- Chloe: It is so very hard to escape one's upbringing, is it not?
- Deirdre: Useless and annoying at the same time.
- Hanajima: Welcome to the family. Thank you for raising the average intellect level by your addition.
- Haru: So has your navel told you the secret of the universe yet, puppet boy?
- Jewel: I avoid her. I suggest you do likewise.
- Kanako: Not just a useless fool, which is common in this family. A pinched, petty, malign useless fool. Got what she deserved.
- Kaname: Kaname, I am grateful for your aid, and I think highly of your manners, talents, and attitude. But you are going to have to learn more self-control than this before you take the throne of Rebma, and you are going to have to get better at making decisions when your heart is wrapped up in them. Waiting impotently for decades does you no good if you end it by making a snap decision on the spur of the moment.
- Kurz: Is 'super logrus powers' Chaosian for 'veneral disease'?
- Kyou: Dolt.
- Inigo: A promising lad.
- Makoto Minor: You'd be a much better cook if you'd learn to purge your mind of Dios.
- Melissa: Very efficient.
- Minako: Now that your excuse is gone, let's see if you can be somewhat more useful than a baboon with Downs Syndrome. Not holding my breath!
- Mireille: I see half the assassins in my files are really lost princesses.
- Miroku: You'd be more effective as a priest if you didn't make people think your religion is administered by one-night wonders, kid.
- Allen Von Munchausen: No great loss.
- Nanami Minor: She seems to have acquired civilization and grace. I admit surprise.
- Nanbara: I do NOT bake Rhoans. Go away.
- Orien: Try not to take Aburatsubo with you as you shed body parts.
- Ota Minor: A loaded weapon left lying around in a house full of idiot children.
- Random: I will love you forever for letting me gut Annadil you BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL WOMAN YOU. You are officially the brighest of the Arcadian children. Not that this is much of an honor with Ota and Minako in there, but you even beat out Makoto, which I would sooner have believed the Pattern to climb out of the basement and square-dance than for me to have to admit.
- Setsuna: Ha! The Patternblade of DESTINY. Hear that? My kid's got DESTINY. HA! HA! HA!
- Shigure: I don't trust him.
- Shiori: Yeah. You have to learn it. It's the only way to what you have to do. It won't taint you. You're one of the good guys. Just because you have this power doesn't make you a bad person. It's only if it gets used for bad things. The Pattern and the Elder Signs will protect you. *sigh* Yeah, I know that song too, Shiori. I hope you can sing it a hell of a lot better than I could.
- Sousuke: Give him a break, it was only Munchausen. What is it with you and Juri, kid?
- Suzuka: ... WTF? She doesn't even get JAIL TIME? Well SCREW YOU ALL! *hours of ranting snipped*
- Telemain: Damn it, boy. Why'd you have to go and get yourself killed? *sigh* You were one of the best of the lot, and you'll be missed.
- Tohru: A perky vampire. Riiiiiiight. You know, I still have nightmares about her DRINKING Tsathoggua. *shudder*
- Tomos: Breakdowns happen; life does not always play at our speed. Good luck getting back on your feet.
- Uo: And what Hanajima raises, she lowers.
- Violet: Charming, dangerous woman who reminds me of myself at a younger age. Only with sex appeal.
- Yomiko: I want him home by 10, hear?
- Yuki: A credit to his house.
- Yurika: I admire her scholarship, and she seems to be getting over her tendancy to be useless. Good luck running Melnibone; you will learn that no-one appreciates the people who keep things running instead of dashing out into Shadow to whack the enemy.
Played during UnS by [Mike Loader]?.