Ota Minor, Gun Nut in a World With No Guns

"DROP IT! Or I'll drop YOU!"


"He stood framed in the doorway, the door prone at his feet with a huge crossbow bolt fired through it. He held a black sword in his right hand, and a segment of the pattern gleamed from it, casting a silver glow. Watchmen stood behind him, waiting for him to get out of the way and draw fire away from them, passing a huge crossbow back to a troll as they waited. He looked rather cranky, perhaps because the packet of gum in his uniform's left front pocket was empty. Stocky and solidly built, he had tanned skin and short, dark green hair, neatly cut but poorly combed. He looked like a very dangerous man, but not a very bright one."


Born in 1336 to Jacqui and Thoric, Ota Minor was an aggressive child with a love for combat and weapons. He seems to be a genetic throwback to (or reincarnation of) Ota Major, for he's little like his father. Though notably, both of Thoric's children are rather more aggressive than he is. In 1356, he was sent to Ankh-Morpork to train with the city watch.

1357 AY: Ota Minor burns the Assassin's Guild of Ankh-Morpork to the ground. The remaining members try to assassinate him. They fail spectacularly. The survivors hit on the idea of renaming the Guild the 'Honorable Society of Assisted Death'. Ota Minor pays them no more mind.

1360-1372 AY: The Blue Turban War (Arcadia) 1360 AY: A month after Beowulf leaves Arcadia and returns to Amber, Sultan Dabi of the Blue Turbans sweeps into the Sto Plains. Ankh-Morpork calls on Arcadia for aid, not expecting to get it. To their surprise, Arcadia mobilizes and the forces of the Green Circle move into the Sto Plains.

Twelve years of war ensue, as Saionji leads fleets down the coast and Thoric lead field forces across the plains and into Klatch in a series of battles. Minako assists Saionji, while Ota Minor and Makoto Minor join Thoric in the field armies. By 1368, Thoric secures control of Omnia, while Saionji seizes control of the capital of the empire, Al Khali. Four years of indecisive warfare follows, at the end of which, the Sultan gets killed in battle by Ota Minor and the Blue Turbans collapse.

1376 AY: Night of the Soul Cake Duck (Arcadia) In one of her many experiments, Dr. Jacqueline transforms the Soul Cake Duck into the Soul Bake Duke due to her bad spelling. It goes on a rampaging baking people's souls, until finally Ota Minor, Makoto Minor and Minako hunt it down and bring it back to be fixed.

1382 AY: Ota climbes Cori Celesti and spends 3 months gambling with the Lady, losing every time and having to gamble away more and more things, until finally, someone takes pity on him and points out that gambling with the Lady is unwise to say the least.

1384-1392 AY: The Dragon Wars (Arcadia) A rise in the mana levels enables the Dragon Riders of Wyrmberg to take their dragons out into other parts of the world. They begin conquering Llamedos and move against the Sto Plains. The Green Circle assembles its forces to fight them, and 8 years of war ensue.

Ota Minor fights a legendary duel against a gigantic bronze dragon over Sto Helit. Minako blows up far too much of Llamedos and is reminded that not all spells need a 20 mile blast radius. Makoto, Thoric, and Saionji defeat the main Dragon Armies in 1390, at the battle of the Octarine Grass, breaking the back of the invasion. The Dragon Armies fall to squabbling and break up.

1393-98 AY: Ota crosses over and visits Amber to meet his relatives. He immediately gets in a late-night brawl with Corey for no good reason, and is banned from the kitchens by Chef Bork for all of eternity. The next night, he mistakes Captain Uotani for an intruder and attacks her. Things go downhill from there.

1396 AY: Ota Minor goes down to the Amber Embassy in Chaos and begins pestering Davros to tell him the secret of how to get a destined harem. Davros finally gets irritated and tells him to go sit on a pillar for eighty years. Ota misinterprets this as a come-on and freaks out. The result is an Ota/Asuka/Moonshade/Davros brawl that finally ends with Motoko and Mitsune coming home from a hard day's negotiations and sending them all to go sleep on the roof in the rain.

Davros turns to his wolf form so the rain won't bother him. Ota gets sick of the smell of wet dog and tries to punt him off the roof. This time, Moonshade and Asuka pull them away from each other. Ota challenges Davros to a rose duel; if Ota wins, Davros has to tell him the real secret of destiny nookie. To the surprise of everyone, Davros accepts. Then he names 'Logrus Tendrils' as the weapon the duel will be fought with.

The resulting duel is over rather quickly, as one might guess. Ota sulks off back to Amber.

1397 AY (Arcadia) - Prince Van rides forth to battle a dragon raiding the fringes of Uberwald. The dragon turns out to be the formidable Chaos beast Raiu, clad in board shorts of power that render it virtually unstoppable by making it better at everything than the person who fights it. After getting badly mauled on the first go-round, Van defeats the beast by bribing Nym the Swagman to fight it. The dragon's enchanted board shorts make it even better at suicidal greed than Nym, and it dies trying to steal the Uberwald Pattern. Nym grabs the huge enchanted board shorts and flees. Van declares victory.

Ota tries to get Davros drunk, so he can get the secret out of him. He succeeds in doing so, and Davros details an incredibly long quest he had to do in order to get his destiny lovers, ranging from giving Lord Loewen a dog to stealing one of House Jesby's galleons to kissing Queen Yuriko on the lips to having sex with the Unicorn.

Ota gets all the way through step nine (of twenty six), before Motoko finds out that 'Davros' was actually Mitsune (and not drunk at all) , and hears of the long list of things. Mitsune gets in trouble, and Motoko tracks down Ota before he can try step ten (kissing Queen Yuriko on the lips). The real Davros finds Ota and tries to explain the real story of how he got three wives, but Ota just can't believe it.

1398 AY: Rumor has it that Ota fights and kills the Great Troll of Skdjfi for Lord Odin in order to get a drink from Mimr's Well. He doesn't seem to like any of the answers, and shortly afterwards, returns to Arcadia and resumes working in the City Watch of Ankh-Morpork.

1402 AY: Nym the Swagman attempts to rob Castle Arcadia. After looting in the treasury, he and his band go to the kitchens, where they stumble on a chambermaid getting a snack. His masculine charms win her over, and she helps him and his band of men sneak out of the castle by a concealed tunnel. Later that night, Nym sells his companions out to the Arcadian City Watch, and scampers off into the Ramtops.

Three days later, Nym wakes from sleep to find himself butt-naked in the Dwarf Quarter of Ankh-Morpork with the words 'Trolls rule; Dwarves suck' tattooed all over his body in Dwarven runes. This sets off the 'Great Nym Hunt of 1402'. It ends with Ota Minor finding him and designating him 'Official Ankh-Morpork City Watch Archery Target'.

In his own ineffable manner, Nym somehow escapes. Ota swears to find him, then immediately gets caught up in a case involving Dwarven prostitution, becomes hideously nauseated, and has to go home to Arcadia for a month, after which he can't remember the last four months of his life, even after a Patternwalk, because every time he remembers, he suppresses the horrible, horrible mental images.

1403 AY: Minako arranges for N'Stylite: Generation 4 to cross over into Arcadia. They perform a sold-out concert in Aidacra, then go to Ankh-Morpork, where, due to an unfortunate incident at the Broken Drum, the city panicks and assumes they're the first wave of an invasion from Uberwald. Massive rioting ensues, made worse by Ota Minor shooting several members of the band with Whalekiller, Mark III, before someone finally tells him what's going on. Minako gets mad and imposes a trade embargo on Ankh-Morpork and begins sinking Ankh-Morporkian ships. All-out war almost erupts before Makoto Minor performs emergency brain surgery on Minako with her fists. Minako calms down and the situation is defused.

1404 AY: (Arcadia) In an incident still talked about in the city, Ota Minor catches up with the ice gypsy, Alias, two weeks after Hogswatchnight in the Mended Drum and attempts to arrest her for impersonating a Holiday. Alias points out that this isn't a crime. Ota points out that it in fact is, thanks to Crazed Lord Snapcase, who also made it illegal to seduce a tree. Alias points out that the person doing the duties of the Hogfather can, in fact, be said to be the legitimate Hogfather, since he is defined by his duties. Ota replies, "Right then, Miss Hogfather, you're under arrest for several billion counts of breaking and entering." "Go away," said Alias. Violence ensued. Who won this fight is debatable, but when the rioting stops two days later, Ota is found dazed under a heap of maimed trolls, and Alias has vanished without a trace. Ota receives the label of 'The man who tried to arrest the Hogfather'. Much to his horror, it sticks.

1409-1417 AY: When Communists Attack (Arcadia) It began when a strange red unicorn with a hammer and sickle embossed on its side attacked and mauled Gamera, the Pyroturtle. Then the hordes of red-shirted warriors poured out of shadow under the command of the Marx Brothers (Harpo, Karl, Groucho, and Zeppo) and swept over the Hogfather's Castle of Bones, and captured him, then brainwashed him to deliver communist propaganda and comedy routines to all good little boys and girls.

Then Ankh-Morpork erupted in chaos, being full of poor folk who had nothing to lose but their heavy debts. Ota Minor was overwhelmed by a mob and sentenced to be executed. The Arcadian government now found itself in the uncomfortable position of having to intervene on the behalf of the rich parasites of Ankh-Morpork or watch stange invaders overrun more and more of the Discworld and see Ota Minor die.

Mutsumi slipped into the city and rescued Ota Minor, while Thoric and Saionji led the armies of the Green Circle to the Castle of Bones and Ankh-Morpork respectively. Makoto punches out Harpo at the battle of the Castle of Bones after becoming frustrated because he never speaks. Years of fighting ensued, before finally the Commiecorn and the Marx Brothers fled into shadow, where they probably still lurk.

1411 AY: The Plumber's guild of Ankh-Morpork is forced to revise its policies by Ota Minor after an exploding toilet nearly kills Thoric during a visit to Ota Minor. The guild had promised to fix it within the next few hours, but did not in fact, show up until three weeks later, leaving the watch house without a privy all that time. Ota Minor forces the entire guild to go live in the Ankh river for a week. After that, they promise to speed up their work.

1414 AY: Ota meets Violet and hits on her. To the surprise of all and sundry, she takes him to bed, and he's unable to walk for a week. As far as is known, they've never had sex again.

1417 AY: The Plumber's Guild of Ankh-Morpork having failed to speed up its work, Ota Minor has their guild-house rezoned as a practice killing zone for the 'Honorable Society of Assisted Death'. A remarkable speed up in plumbing speeds follows.

1418-1423 AY: The War to End All Wars(Arcadia) A confused religious movement begins in Klatch, fanatically opposed to all warfare. Its members decide they must conquer the entire planet in order to ensure there can be no more wars. Ota Minor spends a lot of time busting up small Pacifist Terrorist cells. Makoto Minor leads an army of werewolves into the conflict by beating up all their pack leaders and becoming Queen of the Werewolves. For five years, fierce conflict rages across the southern Sto Plains and Omnia, until Mutsumi invites the leaders of the People's Pacifist All-Conquering Army to tea, where she basically explains to them why they are stupid. This leads to a schism within the ranks of the army over whether or not she was right. It soon tears itself apart and fades away, though lunatic cells of the movement still surface from time to time.

1419 AY: (Arcadia) Five would-be assassins are found dead outside the doors of the royal bedchambers, slashed up as if by claws. The exact cause of their death is never publically announced. Ota suspects Violet killed them.

1420 AY: Kaname, Ota Minor, Minako, Makoto Minor, and Violet raid and blow up the Pay-Per-Trump station in Genua after it begins broadcasting a Jacqueline Tenjou Porn Marathon.

Ota continues to serve on the City Watch.

Personality and Aptitudes

Mmmm, guns. Ota loves the concept of guns. Unfortunately, they don't work around Arcadia, and he can't leave until he finally cleans up Ankh-Morpork. Which seems likely to happen sometime around when the Abyss swallows all of creation.

He's had to settle for Whalekiller, Mark III, a man-portable ballista, and for his Patternblade, which isn't a gun, but it's damn handy.

Ota is a straightforward man, who approaches love, warfare, crime, and all other issues by charging straight ahead and trampling anything in his path. A decent general, he is likely the most potent swordsman and archer of his generation. He's also fairly strong and incredibly tough. He has a very focused sort of intelligence. It has to be focused to work at all.

Ota is convinced Davros is holding out on him, and if he wasn't so busy in Ankh-Morpork, he'd probably be down in Chaos, badgering the man until he gets the secret of having a harem. He and Moonshade alternately get along and beat the crap out of each other. Mitsune takes far too much delight in teasing him.

Reactions to others:

The Founders

The Elders

Spouses of the Elders

The TAMD Generation

Spouses and lovers of the TAMD Generation

The UnS Generation

Spouses of the UnS Generation

F9R Generation

Notable Items

He totes a Patternblade and a man-portable ballista, Whalekiller, Mark III.