Ranma 1/2 story from Shonen Sunday Week 7, 1990 (Ranma 1/2 Volume 12, Part 1) Original story is Copyright (C) 1990 Takahashi Rumiko/Shogakukan Translation is Copyright (C) 1990 AmaTran/Ragnarok Part 1 of 5 Kaette kita kouchou...no maki (The principal returned...episode) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's snowing at Furinkan High School, as students are leaving for the afternoon... Students' voices: Hey, I heard the principal came back. The principal!? If that's true... A couple of male students talk to each other... Student #1: Since I came to this school I've never even seen him once. Student #2: It's because he went to America three years ago for an educational observation trip. A couple of school girls talk to each other... Girl #1: He's come back from America. Girl #2: I wonder what kind of person he is. Suddenly, something tugs at the second girl's tartan-patterned shawl!... Voice: *HEY GIRL!!* A rather evil-looking snowman with a miniature coconut tree on its head glares at both girls, with shawl in "hand"!... Snowman: Flashy muffler check. The snowman, laughing maniacally (these sound effects are rendered in English), runs around harassing frightened students... Snowman: (to male student) Dress check. (to schoolgirl) Hairstyle check! Student: (frightened) What's with this snowman?!! Ranma happens on the scene... Ranma: (looking ahead) Hm? What's all this commotion? The snowman takes one look at Ranma, then leaps high into the air. Snowman: #Check!# The snowman almost lands on top of Ranma, who backflips out of the way. Ranma: What is it, you jerk? The snowman smiles, and pats Ranma on the back with mittened hands... Snowman: *DON'T WORRY* A set of shears appears in the snowman's hands as it prepares to snip off Ranma's ponytail. Snowman: Disallowed hairstyle. Ranma protectively grabs his ponytail away as he kicks the snowman headfirst into a nearby goalpost. Ranma: (angry) What are you doing?! The snowman turns around steaming mad with a dent in its head close to the wilted miniature coconut tree, glaring at a defiant Ranma... Snowman: #Goddamn.# The snowman prepares to charge Ranma, changing its hands to huge shears... Snowman: (furious) Are you disobeying the principal?!! Other students: (incredulous) Pr... principal!? That!? Ranma: (wary) The principal?... Ranma lands a vicious kick into the snowman, which falls apart. Ranma: (angry) This snowman's speaking nonsense! When the smoke clears... A very strange-looking man sits amidst the debris of the snowman. Tanned, with sunglasses and a permanent grin on his face, he's also wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt with a lei, short beach slacks and slippers. The miniature coconut tree atop his wavy hair and the ukulele he's playing complete the bizarre outfit. He's laughing maniacally (with English sound effects)... Principal: #Hello my student.# Students: (unbelieving) He was inside... Then that's the principal, returned from America...? He's like a Hawaiian slave dealer... The principal hands Ranma a pineapple. Principal: (grinning) *HEY BOY!* Here's a souvenir from Hawaii. Ranma: (accepting) Hm? The pineapple blows up with a large English BOOM. Ranma is left lying face-down in a small snow-free circle. The principal has a knee-slapping English laugh to himself. Principal: (smug) Hmpf, this is the pitiful end of life for one that disobeyed the principal of Furinkan High School. The principal grabs Ranma's ponytail and prepares to shear it off as the other students watch in horror. Principal: (laughing) Hairstyle check. Suddenly, Ranma kicks the principal away... Principal: (surprised) *OUCH!* (very upset, cradling his face) You hit me, didn't you... Ranma: (angry) I kicked you... The principal whistles loudly. A couple of reindeer wearing rattles on their necks appear, harnessed to a sled with a American-flag seat cushion. The principal gets on the sled, then turns to address Ranma. Principal: (upset) *HEY BOY!* I won't forget this. (yanking on reins) *GO!* A pineapple suddenly appears over Ranma and the other students. There is a huge explosion a moment later... Students: (slightly singed and dazed) That old man's discipline... I think it's the craziest I've ever seen... Ranma: (slightly burnt and angry) He's playing with me... Next day, at school... Announcement: The whole school will immediately gather in the physical-education building... The principal has some instructions. At the gym building, the principal is already at the podium, laughing rather hysterically (and in English) as the students file in. Students: (to themselves) That old man... Is he really the principal?... Principal: (grinning) Because I am the principal of Furinkan High School, I have a big present for all the students. Students: (excited) Present...? I wonder if it's a souvenir from Hawaii. Two banners suddenly unfurl down behind the principal: the one on the right, with "BOYS" on the bottom, is a bizarre smiling round head with very short hair (almost bald); the one on the left, labelled "GIRLS", has the same head, with a pageboy-style short haircut. Principal: (gesturing at the banners) New school regulations. Boys will have a marubouzu [very short, bristle-length] haircut, and girls will have an okappa [short, blunt, pageboy-style] haircut. The entire school greets this proclamation with total shock and disbelief. Principal: This is just the beginning. From now on, discipline will gradually become tighte... The angry students start throwing shoes and balls at the principal before he can even finish. Chairs start flying, which staggers him a bit. The final torrent of large gym equipment proves to be too much and he goes under. Ranma finishes him off by jumping on his head. Ranma: (annoyed) Hey, old man. Is this the morning of revenge? You're dirty. Principal: (grinning) *HA!* (getting up) The insect flutters about the flame until it finally gets burned. Ranma: What!? Akane, unconscious, arms tied to a mop, is hanging by the handle over the gym. Ranma: (alarmed) Akane!! The principal points to Ranma with a finger that's got a little face drawn on it. Principal: (laughing) Saotome Ranma of first-year "F" Class! I am through testing you!! The principal produces a barikan [hair clippers] and advances on Ranma menacingly. Principal: (chuckling) If you value your fiance's life, you will quietly submit and be the first to have a marubouzu haircut. Ranma: (angry) You bastard. Akane angrily breaks the mop handle binding her in half and swings over to kick the principal in the face. Principal: (surprised) *OUCH* Akane: (furiously grabbing the principal) And you're the principal!? Principal: (slightly frantic) Listen to what I have to say first. The principal holds up a coconut for all the students to see. Principal: Starting now everyone will compete against me. Students: (surprised) A competition!? Principal: Within this coconut, a school regulation permission for exception has been inserted. If any of you can take it away from me... Ranma jumps up on the podium, kicks the principal in the face and seizes the coconut, twirling it on his finger. Ranma: Then we don't have to have marubouzu and okappa haircuts. The students begin to applaud Ranma, but it turns out to be premature. The coconut explodes, prompting students to run away. Ranma, slightly toasted, glares at the remains of the coconut. The principal starts to strum his ukulele and sing. Principal: (singing) "Your time limit is three days. I'll be waiting in the principal's office." Students: Three days!! Fine, we'll take it by force!! The teachers look a little apprehensive... Teacher: (worried) He hasn't changed, the principal... Gym instructor: (to other teachers) Was he like this before...? Other teacher: He likes being hated by the students. The principal suddenly points at Ranma. Principal: (annoyed) *HEY BOY!* The principal goes face-to-face with Ranma, barikan in hand... Principal: (grinning) For sure I'll be the one to cut your long hair for you. Ranma: (smug) Hm, you'd better worry about lifeguards instead, teacher. The principal stands on the clock tower of Furinkan High School as the snow falls. He laughs loudly as he watches two balloons made to resemble his haircut illustrations bob in the wind, each one holding up a banner appropriately labelled "BOYS" and "GIRLS"... Principal: Thus is the gauntlet thrown down! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: Bouken! Kochoushitsu...no maki Bouken! Kouchoushitsu...no maki (Adventure! Principal's office...episode) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- At Furinkan High School, the principal's bizarre balloons continue to swing in the wind with their "BOYS" and "GIRLS" banners as all is chaos within the school... Students: (angry) That stupid principal!! Does he think we're just going to let him give us marubouzu haircuts!!? Kunou, dressed in his usual traditional clothing and armed with his bouken [wooden sword], accompanies the students as they run amuck in the school hallways... Female student: (upset) There's no way we're going to get our hair trimmed to okappa-style haircuts!! Male student: (determined) No matter what, we have to grab that coconut with the school regulation exception in it!! Kunou: (serious) Hm. I, Kunou Tatewaki here in Furinkan High School have my limits... (angry) Foolish school regulations like marubouzu haircuts, crushing me with determination! (angry) It's over, principal!! Kunou suddenly thrusts his sword forward, where Ranma happens to be. Ranma leaps up high, narrowly avoiding injury and permanent emasculation. Ranma: (annoyed, kicking Kunou in the face) Who's the principal, who? Akane: (worried) You're acting so strange. And we're only searching... Someone watches the students search on closed-circuit TV... Students: (frustrated) Where's the principal's office!!? Inside an office filled with Hawaiian souvenirs (wooden totem pole, surfboard, palm trees, etc.) sits the principal, preparing a kana "Aloha" sign. He watches cheerfully as the students make a discovery... Students: (heard over TV) It's the principal's door!! Principal: I'll have to invite everyone in pretty soon. He presses a red button on his desk, causing a wall of water to surge towards the surprised students. Everyone is swept in by the sheer force of the cold water, including a changed Ranma. When they finish coughing up water and looking around, they spot a a square of light in an otherwise dark room, which leads them to believe that... Students: We're underground!! Akane: (confused) Wh-what is this... The lights come on in full force. Akane sees that they're in a... Akane: (surprised) Jungle...? As the students gape at all the coconut trees and birds flying around, a repulsively familiar voice makes an announcement... Principal: Welcome to the principal's office, everyone!! High up on a coconut tree, the principal is securely tied to the trunk, strumming his ever-present ukulele. Principal: (laughing) Have fun in a Hawaiian mood! Some students angrily try to hit the principal with soccer balls and volleyballs while others armed with brooms and mops wait below. Students: (angry) What kind of nonsense are you saying! Get down here, you jerk!! Suddenly, Akane senses something behind her... Akane: Hm? Jungle animals (ape, panther, tiger, lion, cheetah and crocodile) leap out at the students. The ape lunges with its fist at Akane, who barely stops it. She's shocked to discover that in the ape's hand there's a... Akane: (surprised) Ba, barikan! She flips the ape to the ground, stunning it. Other students have already discovered the peculiar weapons the animals have... Students: (dodging barikan) What kind of Hawaiian is this!!? Akane begins fighting the animals in earnest. They are no match for her and begin to fall. She suddenly notices that... Akane: (to herself) Ranma... Ranma's not here!! The other students examine the fallen "animals" ... Students: (incredulous) Why, if it isn't the school teachers inside!? What were you up to, you bastards? The teachers, still dressed in animal costumes, begin to cry. Teachers: But, the principal made us do it... Even though I have three kids here... Student: (furious) That's pretty sad. Akane: (shouting angrily) This is dirty, principal!! At about this point the students discover that... Students: (pointing to the tree) He's gone! He got away!! (upset) Seems like he still hasn't given up on making bouzu [priests with shaven heads] out of us. Anyway, let's split up and look for that coconut! Akane: (concerned) Oh, I wonder where Ranma has gone this time. On a beach somewhere nearby... The principal, relaxing on a cot, enjoys his artificial seashore, complete with fake seagull outlines and a heat lamp. He strums on his ukulele.... Principal: (singing) "It's still full of traps, good luck everyone." As the waves come in, a particularly strong wave dumps a kayak on top of the principal's head, knocking him over. Principal: *OUCH!* Then, he spots the girl that the waves also wash up. Principal: (surprised) *OH!* The girl is Ranma, dressed in an island-style short sarong. Flowers in the hair, bangles around the left foot and a seashell tied on the right side complete his "island girl" outfit. He's murmuring unconsciously... Principal: (concerned) What's wrong, girl. The principal lifts Ranma up by the shoulders, without getting any response. Principal: *HEY GIRL!* The ever-present barikan comes out... Ranma: (kicking principal in the face) Female students get okappa haircuts. I'm not a female student. Ranma clasps his hands together and assumes a piteous pose, tears running... Ranma: (sadly) I need the coconut with the school regulation exception, and I've come all the way from the neighbouring island for it. Principal: (incredulous) *OH...!* A little while later, admiring a blue-sky background and fake seagulls... Principal: (serious) Is that so... It's for your father's delicate constitution... Ranma: Yes... He told me that there's nothing else he would eat... Principal: You're very considerate of your family... Ranma looks on in amazement as the principal sheds... Ranma: (to himself) A tear...!? Principal: (wiping tears away) *Sorry...* I finally remembered my son... Ranma: You have a son? The principal, without his sunglasses, looks up with tears still streaming from his eyes... Principal: (fondly) Three years ago, I was missing... Ranma: (pensive) Hmmm. A moment of silence passes by, with the two just staring into the depths of the artificial clouds of the blue-sky background... Principal: (shades back on) Now girl... You have a father? Ranma: (funny expression on face) ..... ..... (shyly smiling) Since I told you that because of his delicate constitution he can only eat the coconut with the school regulation exception, I wonder if you won't tell me where it is? Principal: (delighted) *OH!* Such filial piety. I know! I'll cooperate with you. Ranma: (delighted) You'll give me the coconut!? As the waves crash behind them, the principal pulls Ranma close while magnanimously declaring: Principal: We shall go on a search for the coconut with the school regulation exception!! Ranma: (mystified) Hm!? (annoyed) Just a second, don't you have it?... The principal laughs loudly (in English) at the question... Principal: (grinning) I've lost track of where I hid it. Meanwhile, in the "jungle"... Student: (searching) Blast it, there's lots of coconuts... Akane: (determined) Keep looking, no matter what! Elsewhere in the "jungle", Kunou is held captive by various predator plants... Kunou: (upset) I'll show you, evil principal! I, Kunou Tatewaki, shall punish you!! Students: (looking on) Oh, it's an insect-eating plant! First time I've ever seen one. (searching) Damn it, the principal's office is so wide!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: Kouchou no musuko...no maki Bouken! Kouchou no musuko...no maki (The principal's son...episode) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the principal's office jungle, the group of students led by Akane are busy gathering coconuts. Akane places the coconuts one at a time on a couple of rocks... Akane: (chopping coconut in half by hand) Destroy!! (chopping another one) Next!! Akane calls out "Next!" as the pile of empty halved coconuts grow in size. Finally... Student: (holding coconut carefully) Alright, this is the final coconut. Akane: (realizing something) ...Then it must be... (holding coconut up) This is the coconut with the permission for exception from school regulations in it!! Somewhere on a tree branch above, a disguised female Ranma and the principal observe... Principal: That's a powerful girl. Ranma: (to himself) They're doing it by the slow-but-sure way. Akane draws breath in preparation for halving the final coconut as the students look on. Akane: Destroy!! There's a flash of light, followed by a huge explosion. Miniature flags, confetti, and two balloons, one male, one female, representing marubouzu and okappa haircuts, burst out of the coconut. Akane: (upset, holding the coconut halves) A, a fake... Students: (worried) Th-the way things are now... Male student: (angry) Guys will have marubouzu haircuts. Female student: (upset) Girls will have their hair trimmed to okappa haircuts!! Akane: (furious) You're so quick to give up! Let's go search for the principal! Students: (calming down) That's right!! The principal will probably know where that coconut is!! Let's go get him! Suddenly, swinging above the students... Principal: (laughing in English) Catch me if you can. Students: (looking up in amazement) The principal!! Ranma cuts the principal's vine, dropping him squarely among the students. A tear falls as the students seize and tie him up. Principal: (indignant, to Ranma) You betrayed me. Ranma: (grinning) Ho ho ho ho ho, I never said I was on your side. Principal: (whistling) About the coconut's location, I've forgotten it. Students: (unbelieving) Oh... (gathering some large flat rocks) Should we set you in stone? Principal: (smiling) *OH!* I just remembered. (looking at a cord) Please pull that cord. Ranma: (climbing up on cord and pulling it) This? A large cloth unfurls for all to see. It has a strange picture on it: A young man, dressed in traditional clothing, gritting his teeth while biting his lower lip, and a small tear falling out of his left eye. The young man's hair is cut marubouzu-style, adding to the frustrated look in his eyes. Student: (annoyed, to principal) Hey... What's with this kid with the evil look in his eyes? Principal: (wiping tears with a handkerchief while sniffling) He's my son from three years ago when I went missing. (turning away from the students) If you find him for me, I'll tell you where the coconut is. Students: (excited) Really!? (thinking about it) ...But... Where do we look...? Ranma: (to Akane) Hey, haven't we seen that face somewhere before? Akane: (thoughtful) Hm? If that's so... Ranma climbs up and begins to paint the picture's haircut in black. Students: (surprised) This... this is...!! As Ranma finishes painting hair on top of the picture, the boy is revealed to be... Students: Kunou Sempai, isn't it!? Elsewhere in the jungle, Kunou cuts his way through... Kunou: I, Kunou Tatewaki, will not have a marubouzu haircut again a second time!! (burning in anger) This is a disgusting scheme you're planning, evil principal! I'll find you and beat you up!! The male Ranma suddenly leaps up from behind Kunou and knocks him out cold with a large rock to his head. Ranma: (smiling) Here you are, Sempai. Ranma brings the dazed Kunou back and kicks him over to the principal. Ranma: There. The emotional father-and-son meet. Students: (smiling) Oh, that was quick. Principal: (surprised) *OH!* The principal looks Kunou over carefully. Principal: (disappointed) *NO!* He's not my son. Ranma: What? Akane: (looking at the large picture) He looks so similar... Principal: (sweating) My son Tatewaki... Ranma: (holding Kunou's head up) Tatewaki!? Student: (angry) Then that's his son. Principal: (arguing) *NO!* Tatewaki was fourteen. He was shorter. Student: (furious) Isn't that because he grew up? Over three years... The principal has a moment of realization, then draws out his barikan. Principal: Let's shave him and see. Kunou suddenly awakes, bokutou in hand... Principal: (grinning) *SHIT!* You've recovered. Kunou: (angry) I'll get you, evil principal!! Akane: Kunou Sempai, isn't this person Sempai's father? Kunou observes the grinning face before him in partial shock. Kunou: (looking carefully) Hm? My father who went missing three years ago... Kunou suddenly slashes at the principal, who barely dodges the sword. Kunou: (angry) ...Doesn't look like this! Principal: (ducking the slash) *OH!* A piece of paper floats by Kunou, who grabs it and looks at it. It's a picture of a man that looks like the principal, except that instead of a palm tree on his head this man only has a young tree shoot. He's wearing shades and is dressed in a kimono with a frilly collar, holding a fan and with a much lighter complexion than the heavily-tanned principal. Kunou: This is...!! A picture of my father!! (to the principal) You bastard, where did you... Principal: (laughing embarrasedly) It's a picture of me three years ago. Kunou: (upset) Stop lying!! Father wasn't as dark as you, you bastard!! Ranma: (incredulous) He was sunburned from being in Hawaii. Students: (studying the picture) It's the same guy... isn't it? Kunou charges the principal with his sword. Kunou: (angry) Questions and answers are useless! Divine retribution!! The principal wields his pair of barikan in his own defense, much to Kunou's (and everyone else's) surprise. Kunou's bokutou is totally shredded into a whisk. Students: (stunned) The... The bokuto... It's in pieces... Kunou thinks about the implications of this technique in a flashback of himself charging his father with his sword, and his father consequently shaving his head and shredding his sword by barikan as he passed by... Kunou: (to himself) Th... This barikan technique... Three years ago I, Kunou Tatewaki, had my hair taken away by it... (realizing something) Kunou-style sword-whisk destruction!! Principal: (shocked) *OH!* How do you know the name of this technique... The principal and Kunou stare at each other for a moment. Students: (pleased) Th... Then they were father and son... And now we'll have the coconut with the school regulation exception in it. The principal, in tears, takes his shades off... Principal: My son... Tatewaki... Kunou and the principal run towards each other, smiling, arms open wide, with tears running from their eyes... Principal: Tachi!! Kunou: #Daddy!!# Students: (incredulous) "Tachi"...? "Daddy", he said. Kunou suddenly draws another sword and brings it to bear on the principal, who barely gets his barikan out in time. Kunou: (smiling evilly) Hu hu hu, Daddy, a grudge from three years ago... I'll clear this up right here. Ranma kicks Kunou away as the principal watches. Principal: *OH!* Ranma: (annoyed, to principal) Hey, principal. Just like I promised, I found your son, so... The principal kneels down in resignation. Principal: (sad) I understand. It's my loss. Fact is, the location of the coconut is shown on a map... Students: (indignant) A map!? Where do you have that? Principal: It's on the back of Tachi's head. Akane: (incredulous) Kunou Sempai's...? The principal thinks back fondly to the night before he disappeared, three years ago, and what he did to his sleeping, shaven son... Principal: (laughing) Three years ago I drew it with special ink. Ranma: Oh, then that means... Ranma jumps up on top of the principal's head. Ranma: (angry) Three years ago you were already planning this foolishness. Students: Anyway, if we have a look at the back of Kunou Sempai's head, we'll have that coconut!! As students search the jungle for Kunou, he hangs unseen, dazed and upside- down in the grip of a snake... Students: (determined) Everyone will have to convince Kunou. (calling out) Sempai!! (frustrated) Where are you!!? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: Minna kiki ippatsu!!...no maki Minna kiki ippatsu!...no maki (A critical moment for all!...episode) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- At Furinkan High School, snow blows outside while the principal explains the situation using a side diagram of Kunou's head, with the back of the head bare to reveal... Principal: (laughing) I drew the map that shows the location of the coconut with the school regulation exception on the back of Tachi's head. The diagram clearly labels items like "Tachi", "map" and "principal". In the principal's underground office... Male students: ...Therefore--!! If we shave the back of Kunou Sempai's head!... All students will avoid having marubouzu haircuts!! Everyone raises their barikan upwards in a gesture of unity. Male students: (determined) For the sake of everyone's happiness! Fight!! Oh!! Suddenly, who should appear within their midst but... Kunou: (smiling evilly) Hu hu hu hu hu, I heard what you were talking about just now. The students rush Kunou with their barikan. Students: News travels fast! Kunou Sempai, this is the end--!! Akane and Ranma watch from an overhead branch... Kunou: You fools--!! Kunou disposes of the other students rather handily. Kunou: (angry) My hair is a friend of long standing. You bastards would trim it away?! Ranma cracks his knuckles in preparation for taking action... Ranma: Of course I'm the only one who can go and do it. Akane: (concerned) Wait, Ranma. Whatever else about Kunou Sempai, he deserves pity. Everyone tried to force him to be a sacrifice... Kunou suddenly hugs Akane, much to both Ranma and Akane's surprise. Kunou: (crying) I have only thoughts of you! (shaking head back and forth) Let's go out, Tendou Akane!! A greatly upset Akane throws Kunou away as Ranma looks on. Ranma: He still deserves pity? Akane: (annoyed) He still deserves pity. Ranma: (thoughtful) But surely, it's no good to use strength. Akane: That's right. As long as we don't have his consent... Ranma, in his female form, dressed very smartly, rushes up to Kunou. Ranma: (smiling) Kunou Sempai!! Kunou: (astonished) Hm!? It, it's the girl with the ponytail, isn't it!! Ranma hands Kunou a box containing a barikan with a ribbon tied around it... Kunou: (picking barikan up) Is, is this for me!? Ranma: (shyly) Kunou Sempai, I... I like boys with marubouzu haircuts!! This revelation stuns Kunou, and surprises Akane and the other students who, hidden in the trees, watch the whole scene transpire... Students: I get it, if he does it himself... It'll be the perfect solution, won't it? Akane: (amazed) It's a beautiful plan, Ranma. Ranma watches Kunou ponder the situation. Ranma: Hm? Kunou: (resolved) For... forgive me, girl with the ponytail... Anything else that would make you happy, except a marubouzu haircut... Ranma: (heartbroken) Oh... oh no... Ranma imagines (for Kunou) a fun date between a clean-shaven Kunou and the girl with the ponytail... Ranma: (in tears) And it was my dream to go out with a marubouzu Sempai... At this point, Ranma really lays it on thick with a presentation of "what might have been" called "Otome no yume" (a maiden's dream). Ranma imagines riding the merry-go-round with Kunou... Ranma: (smiling sadly) Just the two of us doing that, Ranma imagines the two of them sharing a drink... Ranma: and this... Kunou abruptly steps in with his own imagined passionate kiss with Ranma... Kunou: (excited) And this too, I think I want to do it!! Kunou makes a grab for Ranma, who kicks him unconscious with a foot to the face while changing back via a convenient pot of hot water... Ranma: (disgusted) Tsk, I wasn't able to trick him. Students: (delighted) Oh. He did it. The students turn Kunou so that the back of his head is accessible to their barikan... Students: (determined) Okay, right here... Akane: (alarmed) Wait!! The students are surprised that Akane intervenes. Students: (curious) What is it, Akane? Akane: (worried) We still didn't get Sempai's consent. Remember!! Our enemy is the principal! The students stop as they are struck by the truth of Akane's words. Akane: Even if Sempai is strange he's a student isn't he!!? To do this sort of thing to one of our own when we are all students... The students stand around Kunou, thinking upon Akane's words. Students: (crying) How could we do this... Our concern for our hair blinded our eyes... Aaah--forgive us, Sempai!! We were mistaken!! Suddenly, even as Kunou lies unconscious, a voice seems to come from nowhere... Kunou: It's alright. It's alright, everyone. You can shave off as much as you must to save all the students... Students: (awestruck) Se... Sempai... The students get ready with their barikan... Students: Thanks! Sempai's hair won't be shaved in vain!! Kunou angrily gets up upon hearing this. Kunou: (furious) A fellow speaks in his sleep and you interpret it so selfishly... Students: (nervously) Wa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... Akane: (looking back) Hm!? Several things rush out from the trees, taking snips of hair from the students! Someone yells out, "Lo-lobsters!!" The lobsters fly about, nicking scraps of hair from the panicked students... Ranma: (dodging lobsters) They're aiming for hair! Akane: They're trained lobsters!! Suddenly, Ranma has a premonition of... Ranma: (to himself) Danger! Ranma barely gets out of the way as his ponytail narrowly misses getting lopped off by... Students: (astonished) A giant lobster!? Ranma leaps towards the giant lobster... Ranma: You monster! Only to be rewarded with a blast from the lobster's claw of... Ranma: (dazed) A smoke screen!? The giant lobster seizes Ranma using its large claw... Akane: (worried) Ranma! Inside the claw... Principal: (preparing to snip off Ranma's ponytail) #Hello#. Ranma: (yelling to the students outside) The jerk's inside here!! With his disguise blown, the principal makes a run for it, with Ranma in hot pursuit. Ranma: (angry) You pervert principal!! Ranma finds a hut on stilts. Ranma: Principal! Come out!! Ranma climbs up to the hut and finds the principal's desk and many Hawaiian souvenirs... Ranma: (searching) Damn it, and I was sure he'd fled this way. Something catches Ranma's attention; what appears to be a bust of the principal atop a stand, holding a pair of scissors. It looks rather odd... Ranma: (smiling and turning his back on bust) Why, it's a bust. The bust comes to life and tries to snip off Ranma's ponytail. Ranma turns around and pounds the principal on the head. Ranma: (disgusted) That was a lousy disguise. (grabbing the principal) Now then, let's make this visit short. Principal: (pantomiming sesame seed grinder) I have happy news. (explaining) #Just now#, I remembered where the coconut with the school regulation exception is. Ranma: (smiling sweetly) I don't need that. Ranma cracks his knuckles while smiling at the nervous principal. Ranma: (directing a powerful blow at the principal) Set your teeth!! Principal: (smiling) *OH MY GOD!* There is a loud noise. When the smoke clears, Ranma's blow has fallen short of hitting the principal, and with good reason. The coconut that the principal has caused to drop on Ranma's head has rendered Ranma nearly unconscious. Interestingly enough, the coconut has the characters "school regulation exception" written on it... The principal strings Ranma up from the roof, upside down, with his hands tied behind his back. The precious coconut is placed on a table nearby. The principal gloats over a dazed Ranma... Principal: (laughing) I've decided that you will be marubouzu number one. Ranma: (delirious) #Never give up...# --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: Ippatsu gyakuten...no maki Ippatsu gyakuten...no maki (Reversal by a hair...episode) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the principal's hut deep within the office jungle, Ranma hangs upside down with his hands tied behind him, disgustedly contemplating the principal, who's prancing about with shears and barikan in hand... Principal: (laughing) *HEY BOY!* Let's begin the tail-cutting ceremony. The principal joyfully looks at Ranma's unprotected ponytail. Principal: For starters, let's cut that long ponytail. Ranma abruptly flips over and grabs the principal's outstretched shears hand with his feet, deftly flipping him over head first into the school-regulation-exception coconut nearby... Ranma: (angry) #Coconuts crash!!# Principal: *OUCH!* The principal rubs the swelling lump under his miniature coconut tree... Principal: (sadly, to Ranma) You did that on purpose, didn't you?... Ranma gives the principal the evil eye (with his foot) while sticking his tongue out at him... Ranma: (derisive) Of course. The principal blows up one of his bizarre balloons, and makes it burst right in front of Ranma's face. A cloud of particles sting Ranma's eyes, blinding him momentarily... Principal: (wearing surgeon's mask) It's a balloon with pepper in it. Ranma, taken by surprise, can only curse his fate as the principal prepares to snip off his ponytail... Ranma: (blind) Damn it... Akane, megaphone in hand, suddenly shouts rather loudly into the principal's ear point-blank. Akane: (smiling, still using megaphone) "We're here, principal! You're under a total siege!!" Behind Akane, all the male students assault the hut and nearby trees as they crowd into the hut. Principal: (stunned, shaking his head) *OH NO...* The students spot the school-regulation-exception coconut on the table... Students: (excited) It's the coconut with the school regulation exception in it! If we get that!... The students almost have their hands on the coconut... Students: ...it'll be the end of the marubouzu school regulation... ...Only to have the principal bat it away, in the best baseball tradition. Principal: (watching the coconut) It's a home run. Students: (furious) You--! A distant figure starts to run towards the hut. What baffles both the principal and students is the object that's stuck to the figure's forehead... Students: Oh!! The coconut's coming back! Kunou, with the coconut still stuck to his forehead, starts blindly swinging about with his sword, causing everyone to take cover... Kunou: (angry) Have at you, principal! Kunou unknowingly thrusts at a surprised Ranma!... Kunou: This is the end--!! Akane: (alarmed) Ranma! Ranma swings around Kunou and kicks him into the principal face-first. Ranma: (angry) Why don't you make sure to aim for the principal!!? Principal: *OUCH!* As Kunou pitches over face-first, the principal takes the now- detached coconut... Principal: (awed) The coconut has been recovered for me. Tachi is an obedient son. The principal, his face serious, readies his barikan... Principal: As a reward I will shave you bald. Kunou, furious, gets up to defend himself. Kunou: (indignant) You like marubouzu... because of my filial devotion to you, if it's possible... Kunou takes several swipes at the packed-up-and-ready-to-leave principal... Kunou: (angry) ...I'll call up a whole group of bouzu [Buddhist monks] for your funeral! The principal runs behind Ranma, intending to use him as a shield against Kunou's vicious attack!... Principal: (alarmed) *JESUS! HELP ME!* The principal keeps running as Kunou begins a rapid series of sword thrusts that just keep missing Ranma... Kunou: (trying to get the principal) Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da--! Ranma just gets out of the way as Kunou almost scores a direct hit on the principal, who barely manages to get his surfboard to take the blow instead... Principal: (arming himself with barikan) You're always trying to beat me. Ranma is caught in the middle, ducking desperately as the Kunou and the principal begin to fight in earnest... Kunou: (attacking) That's my intention, Daddy!! Principal: (grimly defending himself) Have at you, Tachi!! Ranma gains some breathing space by hauling himself up with his toes. Ranma: (furious) You fellows, while you have this father-son quarrel, I'll be backing out!! Ranma swings down, slamming his forehead against Kunou's. Both reel from the impact. Akane finishes Kunou off with a mallet blow to the head... Ranma: (relieved) That's one down. (hauling himself up the rope) Next, principal, it's your turn!! (swinging forward headfirst) Take this, head attack--!! Akane: (stunned) Huh...? (concerned) The principal will be ready with his barikan to meet your head when it's sticking out! What are you thinking of, Ranma!!? Ranma realizes that this could be true as the principal sticks his tongue out in delight. He tries to pull back... Ranma: (panicking) Blast it, just wasn't thinking... Principal: (grinning) The insect flies about the flame until it finally gets burned. The principal winds up, then attacks... Principal: *GO!* Ranma manages to avoid the principal's thrust, and swings back... Students: (cheering) Oh, he came back!! It's the pendulum principle! Principal: (disappointed) *SHIT!* Ranma: (sticking his tongue out) Serves you right. Ranma smacks face-first into one of the hut's bamboo pillars. Principal: (pointing at Ranma) When you return again, you will have a marubouzu haircut! Ranma angrily pulls a length of bamboo from the hut roof with his feet... Ranma: (charging principal) Then... let's go!! Principal: (gloating) That's just what I wanted. Regular Kunou-style sword-whisk destruction... I'll show it to you!! Ranma attacks with the bamboo pole. As before, the principal skillfully uses his barikan to reduce the pole to a whisk... Students: (amazed) Oh!! The bamboo spear looks like silk threads! Kunou suddenly gets up, much to Akane's surprise... Kunou: (concerned) Foolish Saotome Ranma!! The sword-whisk destruction is a barikan style that uses the opponent's thrust bokutou as a sliding platform to continually rotate against faster than the eye can follow, to trim hair! That is to say!!... A simplistic illustration (marked "Easy-to-understand diagram") shows how the principal can use the bokutou of his opponent to curve one barikan upwards to trim hair while the other bokutou rotates downwards against the bokutou, shredding it a little. The continous rotation of both barikan gradually deprives the opponent of both bokutou and hair... Principal: (laughing loudly) I'll be trimming your hair right along with your bamboo spear! Ranma, upside down, holds on to his whisk of a spear, as the principal makes another pass... Ranma: (taciturn) There--as arranged beforehand, the place... Ranma launches a vicious kick upwards into the grinning principal's chin, completely stunning him. Ranma: (angry) I hit your head just like I said I would! Students: (cheering) He... He did it--!! Ranma, along with the other students, crowds around the principal, now miserably hunched over. Ranma: (displeased) We have the coconut, principal. Akane: (holding coconut) With this, just as you promised, you will abolish the marubouzu-okappa school regulation! A single tear falls from the principal's eyes before a disbelieving Ranma and Akane... Principal: (sadly) *OK...* It's a complete defeat. The principal removes his shades and cries some more... Principal: (shaking) *SORRY...* I was mistaken. Ranma: (annoyed) If you know that, then that's fine. Akane: (puzzled) You don't have to cry. Principal: (smiling) *OH!* Then you'll forgive foolish me--!? Some time later, back at school... Principal: (speaking to school) "...because of this, in order to be reconciled, I have a big present." The principal, speaking in front of the whole school in the gym, presents two banners, marked BOYS and GIRLS. Above the BOYS banner is a bizarre caricature of a boy with a samurai-style haircut, topknot and all. The GIRLS caricature is a counterpart to the BOYS picture, with the girl sporting a hairstyle reminiscent of the samurai period, hairpins keeping the hair together... Principal: (gesturing to banners) "New school regulations!!" The students take a very dim view of the proceedings and start to file out. The principal, outfitted like a mummy (and suffering a couple of fresh lumps on the head), tries to persuade an armed and defensive Kunou... Principal: (laughing) Tachi, at least if only you... Kunou: (furious) Stay away, you pervert. Ranma: (walking away disgustedly) Still haven't had enough. Students: The coup de grace will be delivered by the son. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: Chikoku sasemas--!...no maki "Chikoku sasema-su" (I'll make you late) English translation by Theresa Martin (revised January 1, 1994) Note: Some of the Principal's English and Japlish words are capitalized to emphasize his humorous way of talking. p. 86 A banner strung to a principal-head balloon catches the wind at the school entrance. Banner: Chikokusha bokumetsu Week Latecomer Eradication Week Student: (reading banner) Chikokusha bokumetsu shuukan...? Latecomer eradication week...? Student: `What-what' all of a sudden... Nan-nan da ikinari... A periscope emerging from the pavement squeaks as it watches students enter the front gate. Student: N? Huh? Student: Senboukyou...? A periscope...? The clock clicks to the 8:30 mark. p. 87 As the bell rings, the principal explodes from under the pavement holding a periscope. Principal: Shigyou BERU ga narimashita-!! The opening bell has rung!! Student: De-, kouchou!! Yipe, it's the principal!! Principal: (laughing and pointing at the students outside the gate) Chikokusha wa ippo mo kounai ni iremase-n. I will not let latecomers take one more step onto school grounds. Latecomer: Na na na na na... W-w-w-w-wha... Ranma's foot is suddenly planted in the principal's face as the bell stops ringing. Ranma: Kan ippatsu SEEFU! Just barely safe! [a baseball expression] Principal: OUCH! p. 88 The other latecomers rush in the gate behind Ranma. Ranma: N? Ore ima nanka funzuketa? Did I just step on something? Latecomer: Ki no sei daro. It's your imagination! The wind blows over the trampled principal. He picks himself up, burning with anger. Principal: Gadde~~~~~mu Saotome Ranma~~!! Godda~~~~~mn Saotome Ranmaaa!! Later, in the gym, the principal is addressing the students. Principal: ...to iu wake de-, ...because of this, Principal: konshuu chikoku-shita SUTUDENTO ni wa-... this week, to late students... The students murmur. p. 89 Principal: isshunkan no TOIRE souji o PUREZENTO shima-su! I give the present of one week of toilet scrubbing! Student: TOIRE souji? Toilet scrubbing? Student: Igai to heibon-na. Surprising and monotonous. [pun: Unexpected and everyday.] Caption: N de yokujitsu The next day: Ranma and Akane run to school, Ranma atop a long fence. Akane: Isoganai to chikoku yo! If we don't hurry, we'll be late! Ranma: Heiki heiki. No problem. Ranma: (whistling) Iza to nattara kouchou o buttobashite... If it comes to that, I'll knock down the principal... Ranma notices a pineapple plummeting toward him from behind. Ranma: N!? Huh!? p. 90 DON! The pineapple explodes, blowing Ranma off the fence. Ranma: Na!? Wha!? Ranma: (turning and flipping) Dare da asappara-. Who is it, so early in the morning? Ranma crashes through some boards and newspaper covering a pit in the sidewalk. The principal rolls up on a skateboard and runs over Ranma's protruding head, laughing HAHAHAHA. Principal: HEY BOY! Sonna tokoro de asonde-iru to chikoku-shimasu yo-. HEY BOY! If you hang around there, you'll be late. p. 91 Ranma: Annyaro-!! You bastard!! Ranma runs atop the fence, chasing after the principal. Ranma: Kouchou! Temee nan no tsumori da!! Principal! Why, you... What are you planning? The principal raises his smiling index finger. Principal: Saotome Ranma! Kimi no toukou RUUTO wa shirabezumi de-su! Saotome Ranma! I have investigated your route to school! Ranma: Nanii!? Sonna mon shirabete... Whaat!? Investigating such a thing... Ben! Ranma plows into a billboard tied to the top of the fence. Principal: Chotto kufuu-shite kimashita-. I've devised a few things. Ranma falls to the ground as the principal whooshes by on his skateboard laughing HAHAHA. Principal: Kanarazu kimi ni TOIRE souji o sasete misema-su! At any cost, I'll make you scrub toilets! p. 92 Akane: Ranma o chikoku-saseru tsumori ne-. He plans to make you late. Ranma: Hu-... Ranma takes off running. Ranma: Joutou ja nee ka-!! But I'm the best, aren't I!! Ranma bounces off the now-prone principal's head. Ranma: O-saki-!! 'scuse me!! Principal: OUCH! BOOM! BOOM! The principal throws exploding pineapples at Ranma, who evades them easily. Principal: Gadde~~mu. Godda~~mn. Ranma: (pulling out his cheeks and sticking out his tongue) Ke ke- ba-ka. Nyah nyah stupid. Happousai races by with a bag of panties, chased by a posse of girls armed with brooms, sending Ranma flying over the fence. Happousai: Doke doke doke~i! Gangway, gangway, gangwa-ay! Ranma: De! Ack! Girls: Shitagi DOROBOO!! Underwear thief!! Principal: RAKKII. LUCKY. p. 93 Doban! With a loud splash, Ranma falls in the canal on the other side of the fence. Akane: (calling over the fence) Ranma! The principal rides away on a bicycle, laughing. Principal: (to Akane, sticking out his tongue) Yukkuri PURIIZU chikoku o nasa-i. Take your time PLEASE, and be late. Akane: Ku-... Sh-... Ranma-chan bursts out of the water and starts trying to scramble up the canal wall. Ranma-chan: Kusso~!! Shiit!! Suddenly Kunou leaps joyfully over the fence toward Ranma. Kunou: Osage no onna de wa nai ka-!! Isn't that the pigtailed girl!! Ranma-chan: De!? Kunou! They fall toward the water. Kunou: Sassoku DEETO-suru no da. Let's have a date right now. Ranma-chan: (hitting Kunou on the head) AHO ka-!! Are you stupid?!! They surface. Ranma-chan: Temee datte chikoku shitara isshunkan TOIRE souji da zo-. You jerk, if we're late, we'll scrub toilets for a week, what the hell! Kunou: Nanii-!? Whaat!? p. 94 We see Kunou's flower-framed vision of a stately dance with Ranma-chan amid gleaming porcelain and tile, a half-shell sink, statuary, fluted columns, angels bearing streaming rolls of toilet paper... Kunou: ...To iu koto wa... isshunkan osage no onna to TOIRE de futarikiri... ...As you said... a week with the pigtailed girl in the toilets, just the two of us... Kunou: Mitsugetsu daaa-!! It'd be a honeymoooon!! Ranma kicks Kunou in the face. p. 95 The panda bounds along the top of the fence. Ranma and Akane hurry off. Ranma: (tossing a teakettle over his shoulder) Ch- tsumanne- michikusakutcha matta ze. Tch, let's end this useless dawdling. The panda runs after them with a wrapped bentou box and a sign. Panda's sign: O-i Ranma bento- wasureta zo Hey Ranma you forgot your bentou! The panda runs with the bentou on his head and signs in both paws. Panda's signs: O-i Ranma Ranma teba- Hey Ranma when I call Ranma Panda's signs: Henji kurai shiro (used to whack Ranma behind the head) Bakamon At least answer Stupid Ranma counterattacks with two of his own signs. Ranma's signs: Kikoeru wake ne- daro (used to whack the panda's head) Aho How, I can't hear you Idiot Ranma and the panda fight with little signs atop the fence. Akane: Nmo~ sonna koto yatteru baai ja nai desho-!! This is probably not the occasion to be doing this!! Panda's signs: Ei Yaa Ranma's signs: Kono Kono You... You... p. 96 Akane and Ranma are running to school. Akane: Isoide! Ato sanbun yo!! Hurry! 3 minutes left!! Ranma: Sanbun mo areba rakushou da ze! In 3 minutes, we'll win easily! They approach the front gate, now a big gaudy arch lettered "GOAL". The principal stands beneath it laughing. Ranma: N!? Kouchou! Huh!? The principal! Principal: (swishing out a big wooden mallet) Shoubu wa kore kara de-su. It's a fight from here on. Ranma: (delivering a flying kick to the principal's face) Doki na!! I'm mad!! Principal: OUCH! Ranma bounces off the fallen principal through the front gate... Ranma: GOORU... Goal!... p. 97 ...to be carried away on the front of Shampoo's bicycle zooming out. Shampoo: Aiyaa, nii hao [Chinese: hello] Ranma! Akane: Shampoo!! Shampoo: (to Ranma) DEETO-suru aru. Go on date. Ranma: Ano na-. Listen... Akane snatches Ranma by the pony-tail and punts Shampoo's bicycle away. Clang! Bars close off the school entrance, leaving Akane and Ranma and several other students stuck outside. Atop the goal, the principal laughs HAHAHAHA. Principal: (pointing at Ranma) Hayaku hairanai to chikoku desu yo-!! If you don't hurry in, you'll be laaate!! Student: E... Student: Oi-!! Hey!! p. 98 Student: (outraged) Akeroo-!! Open u--p!! Student: Mada shigyou BERU nattenai ja ne- ka! The opening bell hasn't rung yet! Scrub-brooms fall like pelting rain down to the students. Student: Wa!! The principal hops atop the goal with a scrub-broom striped like a candy cane, laughing HAHAHA. Principal: BERU ga naru made ni hairaneba TOIRE souji de-su! If you don't enter by the time the bell rings, you'll scrub toilets! Student: Kuso~. Shit. Ranma leaps up to face the principal. Ranma: Kono furyou kouchou. You evil principal! Principal: COME ON BOY! p. 99 In midair, Ranma swings his broom at the principal in a clattering flurry of broom fencing. The clock clicks forward. Student: Aa- ikan! Ah, oh no! Student: Shigyou BERU made ippun matta! One minute till the opening bell! The principal's broom swishes past where Ranma's head was a moment ago, passing under his hat. Principal: Watashi no kachi de-su. I win. Ranma: Shoubu-tte no wa na-!! Not this fight!! Ranma slams his broom into the GOAL arch beneath the principal's feet, which starts to tip over. Ranma: Saigo no isshun de kimaru n dei-!! Decided at the last moment!! Principal: OH!? p. 100 The clock clicks to 8:30 and the bell starts ringing. The gate falls beneath the principal and Ranma, as the other students joyously pour into the schoolyard. Student: Yattaa! Made it! Student: SEEFU!! Safe! Ranma: (smugly) Ore no kachi da na. I win. Principal: (wagging his finger) NO! NO! NO! Principal: (thrusting his broom) Shoubu wa BERU ga nari owaru made tsuzuku no de-su!! The fight continues until the bell stops ringing. Ranma saults over the grinning principal's head, using the broom like a cue stick over his shoulder to shove the principal in the back. Ranma: Sore mo sou ka. Is that so? At the bell stops ringing, a frowning principal lands on the sidewalk outside the gate, and Ranma lands just inside the arch. Student: A-. Student: (pointing at the principal) Chi-koku chikoku kouchou chikoku! La-te, late, the principal's late! Later, a group of boys glare at the laughing principal with the striped broom over his shoulder, who is blocking the doorway of the boys' toilet. Ranma and Akane look on. Boy: Kouchou~ itsumade souji yatte n da~!! Principal is always doing the scrubbing!! Principal: (sticking out his tongue) Seisouchuu ni tsuki shiyou kinshi de-su. While it's being cleaned, use is prohibited. Ranma: Isshunkan TOIRE ni tate komoru tsumori rashi- na. Looks like he plans to shut himself up in the toilet for one week.