David Lister

Name: David Lister
Rank: Third Technician
Status: Barely Human

Played by: Craig Charles

Dave Lister is the last human being alive. Supposedly, since the human race was very probably extinct quite a while back, during the time Lister was in stasis - the last three million years. If the human race hasn't been extinct, then they're now a race of super-humans. To them, Lister would be the equivalent of pond scum... but, then, to most people three million years ago, Lister was that already.

Lister's occupation, to put it nicely, is space bum. He's supposedly third technician, but after the accident that wiped out the rest of the crew (including the girl he was in love with, Kristine Kochanski), Lister really didn't have much of a job left to do.

His superior, the then dead, hologrammatic Second Technician Arnold J Rimmer, was a bureaucratic, small minded individual who continued to try to make Lister work by hiding his cigarettes. He 'rewarded' Lister for his work by giving him a cigarette, and penalised him by not giving him any. This plan was given up when the Cat found the cigarettes, spoiling Rimmer's plans.

Lister's only plan is to get back to Earth with a cat, to buy a little farm on Fiji, get a sheep and a cow and breed horses. (With horses and horses, of course, not with a sheep and a cow!) Unfortunately most of Fiji was (three million years ago) three feet under water, thanks to a volcanic erruption. The other major disruption to the plan is that Kristine was going to be in it. She was going to wear a white dress and ride the horses (even though he never told her this). But, anyway, she's dead. Though Lister's still going to do his best to get her back, and to stick to his plan!

Along the way, Lister happily (and lazily) slobs his way around the universe, as the remainder of the crew try to get back to Earth, with Lister happily consuming gross amounts of blisteringly hot curry.

As Rimmer once said:

"Morning, Lister! How's life in hippy heaven you pregnant baboon bellied space slob! Ah! What's the plan for the day then? Slobbing in the morning, followed by slobbing in the afternoon then a snooze before the main evening's slob? God, you're a disgrace to the species!"

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