{These characters are not property of me. I would never attempt to claim them as my own. This story may not be used without my permission, and may not be used to make money in any way, shape or form. Characters and certain situations were created by Rumiko Takahashi, so don't try any funny stuff!}
"Ucchan, you're the only fiancee for me!"
"And don't I know it, Ranchan!"
Ukyo and Ranma embraced lovingly. They never noticed Akane walk up behind them, glowing with an unholy red light.
"Rrrrrr... Ranma!"
Ranma ripped himself away from Ukyo reflexively, looking like a scared rabbit. "It wasn't my fault, Akane!"
Ukyo looked at Ranma, getting more annoyed by the moment. If Ranma wouldn't stand up for himself, she would do it for him. She turned to face the enraged Akane. "Now you listen here, Ranma and I are getting married. Not you and him, so just give it up." She adopted a very smug smile on her face. "We all know I'm better than you anyway."
"Yeah, Akane," Ranma offered. "She's a lot better cook, she can swim, she's got a decent body, and she's a lot better..."
Akane suddenly pulled out her mallet, but instead of the normal wooden construct, it was metal and adorned with sharp spikes. She whipped it around, bringing it down on Ukyo's head. The giant spatula was no match for the hammer, and was summarily buried in Ukyo's head, along with the head of the hammer. "Rrraaahh! Take that!"
Ranma looked on, dumbfounded. "Akane, how'd you do that? Ukyo's a way better martial artist than you! She should've kicked your butt!"
Akane smiled evilly at him. She pulled a furled scroll from the same place she kept her hammer. "Heh heh heh heh," she chuckled, in a completely inhuman voice. "You thought I would sit idly by while those other girls fought over you? Never!" She unfurled the scroll for Ranma to see it.
He looked it over, not even being able to read it, the print was so small, but he could read the signatures at the bottom. There was some writing that he couldn't read, but it was big enough for him to see, and below that there was... "Akane! What'd you do?"
"Simple, my dearest fiancee, I sold my soul to the devil so I could have you. I had Nabiki help with the contract to get it just how I wanted it, and now... I have you." Akane tucked the contract away.
"Akane, I can't believe..."
"Believe it, buster. You're mine and no one will ever take you away. In fact, now that I've done away with Ukyo, the most saintly of the fiancees, if annoying and smug, I should be granted the power to do things my way from now on."
Ranma was speechless.
"Hold still, this won't hurt at all." Akane walked toward Ranma, resuming her normal, innocent looking self and cute voice.
"Akane, this is fabulous! I can't believe how good a cook you are!" Ranma proceeded to shovel down the rest of the food.
Akane only smiled happily at him, then looked at Nabiki and winked.
Nabiki nodded and began eating her own food. She was set for life now from helping Akane.
"Ranma," Akane asked suddenly, "do you want to get married?"
Ranma lifted his head from the food. "To you?"
Akane nodded.
"Yeah!"
The entire household broke into tears of joy, except Akane and Nabiki.
Akane and Ranma lived a long, happy, comfortable life, never wanting for anything.
Akane's disposal of Ukyo had provided her the power to bend Ranma's mind to her own wishes, though he never noticed and never seemed happier.
The death of Shampoo provided the happy couple wealth and comfort for their remaining days, which meant Cologne and Mousse got deported, Nodoka suddenly had a change of heart when it came to the manliness of her son and seppuku, Kuno ranted too long one day and was tossed in an institution, and Happosai just up and died.
Kodachi's death, well, it was only brownie points for Akane, but the clause Nabiki had put in the fine print set her up for a comfortable life too.
Ranma and Akane lived happily ever after, until they both died, together, and went to hell. =)
The End