"Clear the way, you freakin' pervert."

"Oh, and what brings you here, Mz. Bruckheimer?"

"Shut your piehole. I've got a change to make. You can keep your crappy fanfics to yourself. I've got a *blockbuster* to make here!"

Oscir took a step back from the wild look in Rumiko Bruckheimer's eyes. "Remember, it's the smallest..."

"Small. I know. The change has to be small, but this is going to be the *hit* of the summer!" Rumiko began to laugh maniacally, sending Oscir back another two steps.

"Just one change... HERE!"

Harry Stamper prepared to push the button and detonate the warhead that would split the giant asteroid in two. The two halves would safely pass on either side of the planet instead of impacting on the surface and wiping out all life there upon.

He had to push it before zero hour or the two halfs wouldn't make it. He had to do it for his daughter.

Closing his eyes, his finger started to push down on the red button.

An especially violent quake tossed him around, the switch flying out of his hand. It took precious seconds for him to get the switch back in his hand, offer a final prayer and push the button.

--- RANMAGEDDON ---

The explosion could be seen quite clearly from the earth's surface. Quite clearly.

People cheered, thinking the nightmare was finally over. The earth had been saved by the heroes in space.  

Ranma rushed inside. "Akane! Did you see it!? They did it!"

Akane looked up at him, a look of total misery on her face. "Ranma," she said quietly.

Stopping up short, Ranma stared at her. "What is it? What's wrong? Was Kuno here again?"

"Ranma, no! They... they didn't do it. They were too late. It was just on the news." She stood, clothes looking perfect in sharp contrast with her mussed hair and bleary eyes. "Ranma, we have less than four hours."

"Four hours until what?"

"The end of the world."

Ranma's jaw dropped. "But... but..."

Akane shook her head. "They failed. In less than four hours, we're all going to... The world is going to end!" She began to cry.

Ranma could only stare, not believing that the world was actually going to end. It couldn't! It just couldn't! There was only one thing left to do if he had less than four hours to live... "Akane, I... I..."

Akane looked up at him, then stood and took him in a bearhug. "Oh, Ranma! I love you too! I always have!"

Ranma choked. "Erk! Akane... whu?"

Releasing her hug, she looked him in the eyes. "I love you too. Weren't you going to say that you loved me? Since it's the end of the world and all..."

Ranma laughed a little and scratched the back of his head. "Well, er... I was just going to say that..."

"You love me, right?" Akane growled.

"Well, I just... I didn't wanna die a virgin. Heh heh."

Akane was prepared to be pissed, almost actually reached that point, but after looking at Ranma... She shrugged. "All right. Let's go upstairs."

Ranma gaped again. He then grabbed Akane's hand and dragged her up the stairs.  

T minus 3 hours 27 minutes  

"Ranma!"

"Ranchan!"

The two stopped and looked at each other.

"What are you doing here, Ryoga? You're going to interrupt the last moments I have with Ranchan for a stupid fight," Ukyo warned, holding her spatula threateningly. She had also brought her supply of ki mallets just in case.

"I'm going to kick the crap out of him and spend the rest of the time we have with Akane. I'm going to finally tell her. And I just know she'll understand that I was P-chan only because I loved her."

"Um... excuse me?"

Ryoga froze in place.

"Did I just hear that you were P-chan?" Akane asked as she walked down the stairs with Ranma following.

"I... er... I just..."

"Way to go, Ryoga. Now while Akane's busy killing you, I can have Ranchan all to myself," Ukyo whispered, hiding her smirk.

"Man, I don't wanna fight now. We're all gonna be blown up when that meteor hits the planet. I'd rather..." He suddenly looked at Ukyo. "I don't wanna die a virgin."

Akane looked sharply back at Ranma, a look of disbelief on her face. "Ranma!"

Ukyo squealed and bounded up the stairs, hugging Ranma, rubbing her body against his. "Do you mean it, Ranchan? You'd do that with me, your very best friend Ukyo?"

Ranma grinned at Akane. "Why sure I would, Ucchan. We're like best buds, right?"

Akane just stared, disgust welling up inside her. Typical male. Though she shouldn't have been surprised with the end of the world and all.

"Akane, you know I did it just because I loved you, right? I would never hurt you, never dishonor you, except I..."

Payback time. "Oh, Ryoga, please. Ranma's not enough of a man. Please, won't you make love to me so I'll remember you when I die. We can die in each other's arms." Akane batted her eyelashes at him, seeing Ranma glare at her from the corner of her eye.

"Akane! Hell yes!" He grabbed Akane and began pulling her shirt off, not noticing it was the only thing she was wearing.

"Not, here, nitwit! Let's go upstairs!" She whipped her monster mega mallet from her ki accessed hammerspace and smacked him with it.

"Oh, right. Upstairs!"

"Yeah. And Ranma, you don't want to be caught with your pants down in the living room, do you?" Akane said sweetly and winked at him.

Ranma actually understood what she was getting it, and a thin trickle of drool ran down his chin. "Yeah, Ucchan. Let's go upstairs."

The four retreated upstairs, to have their own separate encounters. *wink wink* *nudge nudge* Know whatImean. Say nomore...

T minus 3 hours 10 minutes  

Nabiki walked in through the door and tossed her bag away. "Damn. The end of the world really sucks. No one needs money when they have only a few hours to live. So much for my dreams of becoming president of some huge, multi-national company and marrying a rich American."

She sat down on the sofa, but not before snagging a monster bottle of sake and began drinking directly form it.

"Pig-tailed goddess! Akane Tendo! I am here to comfort you!"

Nabiki, with a healthy blush already in her cheeks, looked over as the door burst open and Kuno charged in.

"Where is the pig-tailed goddess? And your beauteous sister?" he demanded when he saw Nabiki. Something funky in his brain tingled when he saw her sitting there, dress hiked up and a bottle of sake nestled between her legs. Innocently, but considering what he had been planning on doing with his two objects of affection, any such display made him... stand at attention.

"You know, Kuno-chan, you're missing something in life," Nabiki said slowly, her speech not quite slurred.

"And what, pray tell, is that?" he asked, though his eyes remained on the almost obscene display of the bottle between her legs and the dress nestled around it.

"A good fuck. I know I need one." She stood, hit him over the head with the bottle and dragged him off to the bathroom.

T minus 2 hours 50 minutes  

"Nihao!" Shampoo toodled into the house on her bike. "Airen! Shampoo here to teach Amazon custom of end of world getting some on side!"

She was disappointed when not a peep answered her offer of free highly charged, pseudo-lesbian sex.

"Ranma-sama!" A flurry of black rose petals blew into the room with Kodachi following behind. "Ranma-sa..."

"He no here."

Kodachi stopped, her hand in mid-rose petal fling. "Whatever have you done with him, you wicked barbarian?" she seethed.

"Shampoo come here to see how airen handle his staff when faced with real warrior woman." Shampoo thrust her chest out at Kodachi.

For a moment, Kodachi looked confused, then the light of understanding dawned in her eyes. "Ah. I see." Something inside her rebelled. This was her last chance to know the kind of closeness and tenderness that she had never experienced before.

Kodachi rummaged around in her leotard for a moment before pulling a gymnastics club out. "How about this?"

Shampoo's eyes got wide, then they met Kodachi's.

The two quickly headed out to the dojo.

Scenes to occur later:  

- Hiroshi and Daisuke learn the pleasure of men

- Yuka and Sayuri learn the pleasure of watching two men

- Tofu works all the kinks out of Kasumi

- Genma and Soun lie drunk in the street

- Pantyhose goes on a rampage, destroying lingerie stores all over Tokyo

- Akari and Katsunishiki "ride" out the panic together

- Mousse gets volunteered to help Cologne with her "last rites" as the Amazon elder

- Mikado and Azusa finally kill each other with skate blades

- Nodoka finds Kumon and has sex with him in a moment of incestual weakness

- Everyone dies