I can truly say that I hated her then.  She had destroyed my life,
turned me into an empty shell.  She stopped treating me like her
son.  I wasn't a member of the family, I was her possession.  She
was the master and I was the slave.  And a good slave does what
the master tells him.  Or so she said.

I still couldn't stop her, couldn't keep her from attacking,
molesting, RAPING me.  I was far too weak, I realize that now.  If
I had been able to do something by that third or fourth time,
things would have been different.  But I couldn't.  She was my
mother, for better or worse, and I had to respect her.  That's how
I was raised.

I wasn't happy and she knew it.  But she didn't care either.
Happiness of the slave is secondary to the happiness of the
master.  Or so she said.  I hated her even more.

I hated her for a lot of reasons though.  It's hard to say why I
hated her most.  Hell, more than once she beat me like a dog then
ended up fucking me like one.  What's not to hate about that?  But
I have a hard time admitting the real reason I hated her...  Back
then I couldn't, now I barely can.  I'm in deep now, I've gone
along with it, but it's still an ugly truth...  The real reason is
that I liked it.

She made it pleasurable, physically, so much that...  How could I
ever have anyone else?  All my excuses sound weak and pitiful.  I
know they are, but they are the truth.  How could any other woman
take care of me like my mother?  Would any other woman do
everything she could to give me pleasure?  Not like my mother, I
bet.

Hers are some pretty big shoes to fill, after all.  I mean, my
mother was the only person I'd had sex with and actually had
orgasmed with.  A lot.  Could any street whore compare with her?
Not in my eyes.

That's why I really hated her.  I can't remember ever feeling more
guilty or ashamed than afterwards, when I'd just had everything a
man or boy could ever wish for done to me.  And it all felt so
good.  It wasn't heaven, not by a long shot.  If it was, I
wouldn't have felt like hell after it was over.  Oh, maybe for her
it was; she knew lots of tricks that required minimal
participation on my part.

I don't think anyone actually knows my mother except me.  And 
sometimes I'm not so sure I really know her anymore.  But she gets
anything she wants, no matter what she has to do to get it.  And
if she wanted me to take her from behind, then nothing I could say
or do could make me stop.  I don't know how, I couldn't control
myself, like she was pulling the strings on my hips, making me
fuck her.

That's not... entirely true.  I do know how.  Deep down inside, in
a place that I refused to recognize, I wanted to do it.  Simple as
that.  She'd say something like 'Ryu-chan, I want you to eat me
out tonight' and I'd whine and moan and cringe away from her.
Then she'd get that nasty look on her face and hit me.  Sometimes
it was only a slap or two, sometimes she used...  Well, I'm not
sure what it was.  I think it used to be my Dad's and it hurt like
hell.  One swat with that and I was down, begging her not to hit
me again.  Then she'd smile and pat my head like the good little
stud I was and tell me to get undressed.  All the time I was
taking my clothes off, I'd be apologizing over and over.  Like it
might carry over to next time and she wouldn't hit me.  And then
I'd do it, I'd eat her out like there was no tomorrow.

It was one of those times, just after she swatted me with that
thing, that it hit me.  I was taking my shirt off, saying 'I'm
sorry' again and again when I realized that...  Guess what?  I WAS
sorry.  I had always been such a problem.  I was never anything
but trouble and for 17 years, my Mom and Dad did everything for
me.  I had done nothing for them except leach off them.

I never had a job, I never did any chores, except when I was
punished, they gave me everything I asked for, took me on vacation
to other countries...  I remember the day like it was yesterday.
'I'm sorry for disobeying you, Mother,' I said.

I think it surprised her more than anything.  She was used to my
begging and pleading.  She knew how to handle a weak boy, too
enthralled by his mother to resist.  I don't think she ever
expected me to fuck her willingly.  Maybe she hoped I would, but
she couldn't have been too confident of it.

So when I said those words, then looked her straight in her eyes
and stopped taking off my clothes, she just stood there.  I had
actually done something she hadn't counted on.   I could write a
book and call it 'How to Catch Nabiki Tendo Off Guard' and make
billions.

She regained her hard look a moment later, trying to pretend it
hadn't affected her at all.  I resumed taking my clothes off, but
more slowly.  Not hesitantly, just a bit more teasingly.  Or at
least that was how I hoped it came out as.

I saw her try to hide her smile as I pulled off my t-shirt, just
like in the commercials and stuff.  I tensed my abs and my arms,
every one of my well toned but not overly developed muscles standing
out as I pulled the shirt over my head.  Shit, I barely left the
house and I still looked better than most of the guys I went to
school with.  Of course, they weren't having sex with my mother
four times a week.  I probably would have killed them if they
were.

I dropped my shirt to the floor and turned around.  I undid my
pants and started to push them down slowly.  I bent over a little
so she could get a good view of my tail end, something I knew she
liked.  I kept pushing my pants down, not allowing them to fall,
until I was nearly doubled over.  I pulled one foot out, then
tried to do the other, but the pant leg was caught on my heel.  I
stood on one leg, sort of flamingo style, and tried to pull the
pants the rest of the way off.

And then I felt her hand on my ass.  She was grabbing me hard,
almost knocking me over since I was on one foot.  'M... Mom,' I
said, trying to regain my balance.

Then her hand squirmed between my legs and was grabbing my package
from behind.  Her other arm was around my side, kind of holding my
stomach.  I think she tried to knock me down then, but I caught
myself.  The yank she gave my nuts made me wish I had gone down.