Pastpresent 5 - Tourism, Part 1

		Money has usually been a problem for me. During my 
	youth I worked very hard to obtain it; unfortunately, I 
	worked very hard in a grocery store. The pay I received 
	for my labors was nothing to write home about.

		The situation was unlikely to improve. I was a 
	middling student at best; I really only attended classes 
	because it was expected of me. Many times I was 
	tempted to drop out entirely, but I somehow managed to 
	get through high school. Your mother paid far more 
	attention to her grades, as did Soun. Kiri, as far as I 
	know, hadn't spent a day in school since leaving the 
	orphanage. 

		It's easy to point to schooling as paradoxically 
	being something that only the rich can do well in, and yet 
	which is also necessary to become rich in the first place. 
	That is, however, a vast oversimplification in my case. 
	Even if I had been given more time and rest to pursue my 
	schoolwork in, I doubt I would have done any better. I 
	wanted to be a martial artist; why did I need good 
	grades? It was the same with Kiri; she just wanted to 
	work with machines.

		All the same, money was a problem for both of us. I 
	was working to support two people, and Kiri's cash flow 
	took a dip at around the same time Misuto arrived.

		There were a lot of ways to make more money. Most 
	of them were illegal. Kiri and I each tried our hand at a 
	few of them; her more successfully and regularly than 
	me.

		One or two of them were legal. I tried to take those 
	offers when I could.

		I promised myself, after the Sumatra disaster, that 
	I'd never work for Kuno Takashi again. My wallet 
	disagreed.

--------------------------------------------------

	"This is insane," Soun moaned, staring out the grime-
smeared window of the plane. "How did you talk me into this, 
Kasigi?"

	Genma sighed, fingering the straps of his parachute 
nervously. "I didn't. You insisted on coming. Something about 
not trusting me to look after Nodoka, remember?"

	"I still don't," Soun muttered. The plane lurched 
alarmingly, and the lanky martial artist swallowed. "Kasigi, 
are you sure Kiritsubo knows how to fly one of these?"

	Genma shrugged. "She said she could, and we haven't 
crashed yet." The plane lurched again, and he shot a nervous 
glance towards the door to the cockpit. "I don't know that I like 
all the swaying and thumping, though. Maybe I should go up and 
ask her and Takashi if we're almost there yet?"

	"Good idea," a miserable voice from the bathroom said. 
The plane tilted sharply to the right, and retching noises were 
heard. "Genma, if I ever ask to go on a trip with you again, 
show some damn backbone and refuse."

	"Sorry, Nodoka," he said. "I did warn you it was probably 
going to be rough."

	"Will you just get forward and find out what's going on?" 
Soun snapped.

	"Yeesh, alright, just a minute..." Sighing, Genma rose 
unsteadily to his feet and staggered down the center of the 
tiny cargo plane. Pushing open the battered steel door, he 
glanced into the cockpit. "We almost to Laos?"

	Kuno Takashi, archeologist, scholar, and eccentric rich 
guy, looked up from the map spread across his knees. "Hmm, 
well, yes... we seem to be making good speed, strong tailwind, 
lovely weather, yes.... We're just having some trouble with, 
hmm, indigenous human elements..."

	"We're being shot at," Kiri translated curtly. She 
wrenched the stick to the left as a small cloud of black smoke 
and flame suddenly appeared off one wing. "Flak."

	"SHOT AT?" Genma yelped. "Why?"

	"Well, my guess is the war going on beneath us has 
something to do with it," Kiri snapped. "People get edgy during 
wars."

	Takashi frowned. "I've been trying to explain to your 
friend here that we are in no way affiliated with the, hmm,  
Army of South Vietnam, and, hence, there is no logical reason 
for the Viet Minh to be shooting at us. She doesn't seem to 
agree."

	"To hell with whether I agree! The guys manning the guns 
down there are the ones you need to convince!" Kiri pulled up 
sharply, and the plane shook as a burst of flak exploded 
directly underneath them. "Genma, can we throw this guy out 
the hatch? Maybe he can talk some sense into the commies 
when he lands."

	Genma just stared. "Look, we're uh, not in any real 
danger, are we?"

	"If they hit us, we're all going to die," Kiri informed him. 
"So that's a definite Yes."

	"Well, are they going to hit us?"

	"I have no idea!" she snapped. "I'm flying as good an 
evasion as I can, but all they need is to get lucky once." She 
swore, causing Takashi to cluck in disapproval. "Your employer 
here plotted our flight path right through a major air defense 
network."

	Genma stared at Takashi in resigned disbelief. "Should I 
even bother to ask why?"

	"It looked like the fastest route," the archeologist said 
confusedly. "And Japan isn't at war with them. I still don't 
understand why they're shooting at us."

	Kiri yelped as a burst of flak sent bits of metal pattering 
against the windscreen. "I thought you said this guy travels a 
lot?!"

	"He does," Genma said resignedly. "Korea, China, the 
Philippines, Vietnam, Egypt, India..."

	"I'm amazed he's lived this long."

	"So am I," Genma agreed glumly.

	Takashi smiled slightly. "Traveling is good for you."

	"Well, flak is bad for you," Kiri irritably replied. "I wish 
Misuto could survive outside of Japan. We could use some fog 
right about now."

	"Is there anything I can do?" Genma asked.

	"Yeah. Go back to the passenger area, sit down, and pray 
as hard as you can. I'll try to keep us not dead."

	Nodding, Genma closed the cabin door and sighed. Takashi 
paid well, but his expeditions seemed to involve not so much 
flirting with death as buying it a dozen red roses and 
proposing. It looked as though this one would be no exception.

	"Well?" Soun asked.

	"The good news," Genma told him, "is that no-one is 
supposed to be shooting at us."

	"What's the bad news?"

	"They are anyway."

	"Kuomintang?"

	"Viet Minh, I think."

	"Someone's SHOOTING at us?" Nodoka moaned from the 
bathroom.

	"Yup," Genma said resignedly. "Kiri's flying evasion, but 
we're not completely safe. Have you got your parachute on, 
Nodoka?"

	The bathroom door opened and a pale Saotome Nodoka 
emerged, like a ghost from a tomb. "I've been wearing it since 
we almost crashed."

	"You mean since we took off."

	"That's what I said," she croaked. "I hate to fly."

	"So do I, but it's better than falling," Genma replied. 
"Takashi says we've got a good tailwind, at least. And I think 
we're almost to the Laotian border."

	"Good," Soun said, looking out the window with 
foreboding. "Those funny black clouds kept appearing. I don't 
like it."

	"That's flak."

	"They're shooting flak at us?" Nodoka moaned. "Can they 
do that?"

	"Takashi says no, but I think the gunners disagree."

	Soun blinked. "Oh. Well, it's stopped now. Maybe we've 
crossed into Laos."

	The cockpit door opened, and Kiri dove into the passenger 
area. "Good news and bad news, guys. Good news is we're out of 
the flak."

	"Thank God," Soun intoned gratefully.

	"Bad news is there's a SAM battery that's going to start 
firing at us in about three minutes, if what Takashi picked up 
on the shortband is accurate. Time to jump." She tightened her 
parachute straps, and began wrenching at the door.

	"JUMP?" the other three screamed.

	Takashi stumbled into the passenger cabin. "They're, 
hmm, almost ready to fire. I think we should leave."

	"We're going to jump out of a plane into a war zone?" 
Soun screamed. "Genma! How did you convince me to come 
along?!"

	"Actually," Takashi corrected, "we're over Laos." His 
bespectacled face frowned. "I can't imagine why, hmm, they'd 
be shooting at us."

	"I'm supposed to jump out of this thing?" Nodoka said 
numbly. "You're insane."

	Kiri gave a final tug and sent the door open. "Saotome!"

	Nodoka looked up. "What?"

	The mechanic's finger jabbed out. "This is your ripcord." 
The cord was shoved into her unresisting hand. "This is your 
backup ripcord." A second cord was shoved into her other hand. 
"And this is me tossing you out the door."

	"NO! WAIT! AIIIIYYYYIIIIIIIIIEEEeeeeee....."

	Kiri smirked, bowed to the three remaining passengers, 
and then jumped out after Nodoka.

	Takashi beamed. "I like this part. Wheee!" With a laugh, he 
merrily leapt out the door.

	Soun and Genma stared at each other.

	"He's insane," Soun muttered.

	"And we aren't, for coming along?"

	"Never again, Kasigi."

	"Never again, Tendo."

	"BANZAI!"

	Five off-white parachutes wafted lazily down towards 
the Laotian countryside. Roughly 90 seconds later, a barrage of 
white smoke trails raced up from the ground towards the 
plane, which exploded in a nicely spectacular fashion.

* * * *

	On a nearby hilltop, a young man in a fedora and leather 
jacket watched with interest through binoculars as flaming 
wreckage fell from the sky.

	He smiled slightly. "Very nice shooting, Mr. Ngyuen."

	The burly partisan at the foot of the hill shrugged, barked 
a few orders, and watched as his men began to pack up the 
mobile rocket battery. "They were flying a piece of junk. Would 
be hard to miss." Squinting, he stared intently at the sky past 
the wreckage. "I see chutes. Told you that they might hear our 
transmission."

	The young man shrugged. "Five chutes. It would seem they 
all got out, if my information was correct."

	"They'll come down by the Mekong. My men can be there in 
about an hour and..."

	"No." He smiled, eyes twinkling over sharp features. "I'm 
not trying to kill Takashi, just slow him down. I think he's been 
slowed down. This race is going to be won by me."

	"You have a funny way of not trying to kill people," the 
partisan observed. "What if they hadn't jumped in time?"

	Chuckling, the young man watched the last of the chutes 
vanish below the treeline. "That's their problem, not mine, now 
isn't it?"

	Ngyuen shook his head. "Who is this guy, anyway?"

	"Kuno Takashi? Archeologist. I'm not sure if he's an 
incredibly lucky idiot or a cunning, dangerous man who just 
acts like an incredibly lucky idiot. He's more than a little 
crazy." As if reading Ngyuen's mind, the young man chuckled. "I 
suppose I'm not a model of stability either. But who is? 
Takashi has beaten me to the Bowl of the Sun, the Ebon Skewer 
of Thoth, and the last bottle of the Wine of Pnoth left on earth. 
This time, I win. The Sukhothai Tongs will be mine."

	Ngyuen had always thought archeologists were sweet old 
men who dug around in ruins for bits of broken pottery; wise, 
gentle, and easy to rob. He was beginning to get the feeling 
that these two were different. One of his men had tried to 
murder their employer two days ago, while he slept. Now he 
had one less man in his company, and a great deal more respect 
for the funny-looking knife their boss carried under his jacket. 
If the other archeologist had actually beaten this one, not just 
once but three times...

	"Who else jumped out?" he asked curiously.

	"Takashi usually hires bodyguards. Those would probably 
be them." He shrugged. "I've dealt with their sort before. 
Myself, I prefer local talent."

	Ngyuen chuckled, and motioned for his men to load the 
disassembled rocket pipes into the jeep. "A better choice than 
that guy made. He'll be lucky if he gets out of the Mekong 
alive."

	"Oh, I think he will," Kuonji Inji said, smiling coldly. "I 
think he will."

* * * *

	"What are you so upset about?"

	"YOU THREW ME OUT OF AN AIRPLANE, YOU CRAZY BITCH!"

	"Hey! Watch it, rich girl! You froze!"

	"I DIDN'T HAVE A _CHANCE_ TO FREEZE, AND I AM NOT 
RICH!"

	Genma listened resignedly to the voices wafting up as 
his parachute drifted towards the trees. He had been slightly 
worried that a stray rocket might decide to head their way, but  
all of the incoming missiles had raced for their plane with 
commendable accuracy.

	It was not, he felt, an entirely reassuring fact.

	"I say. No need to, hmm, fight..."

	"YOU BUTT OUT!"

	"Can it, fossil boy!"

	"I say!"

	Well, Genma thought glumly, at least Kiri, Nodoka, and 
Takashi had landed safely. 

	"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"

	"C'MON, GARAGE APE, JUST TRY SOMETHING!"

	Yes, landed safely.

	Then his feet broke through the treeline, and he landed 
with a jolt on a soft clump of tree roots.

	Wincing, Genma peered up at Nodoka and Takashi. "Hi, 
guys. Where's Kiri?"

	"...you've got five seconds to get off me before I crush 
your skull."

	Whoops, that wasn't a clump of tree roots after all. 
Genma hastily began to get to his feet, and then something 
heavy landed on him like a ton of bricks.

	"Thank you for breaking my fall, Kasigi. Most thoughtful."

	"...no problem, Soun."

	"...i thought I told you to get the hell off me?"

	"...sorry, Kiri."

	With some difficulty, the heap of martial artists 
untangled itself.

	Brushing himself off, Genma struggled to his feet. 
"Everyone all right?"

	Kiri glared at him, rubbing her side. "Except for two 
Bruce Lee wannabes using me as a landing pad, just fine."

	"I'm going pretty good for having been thrown out of an 
airplane like a sack of rice," Nodoka said sourly.

	"I think this is a Laotian Water Oak," Takashi said 
absently, peering at a fallen log. "This is a stroke of luck."

	"Why's that?" Genma asked hopefully.

	"They're supposed to be extinct. I'll have to tell the 
botanical department back at the university..."

	"Wonderful," Soun said sarcastically. "I'm sure we're all 
overjoyed, Kuno-san. Now can we perhaps go to the nearest 
settlement?"

	"Tendo's got a good idea for once," Kiri said. "Where _is_ 
the nearest settlement?"

	For a few seconds, all that was heard was the sound of 
jungle birds and insects.

	Nodoka finally gave a resigned sigh. "Takashi-san? Where 
is the nearest settlement?"

	Takashi peered at her bemusedly. "Oh dear. Well, hmm, I'm 
afraid I'm really not sure. You see, I don't exactly know where 
we are."

	"WHAT?" screamed Genma and Soun.

	"I just drew the course on the map. Kiritsubo-san was, 
hmm, the one following it. I'm afraid I'm not sure what our 
exact position was when we went down."

	"Don't look at me," Kiri said, holding up her hands. "I was 
busy trying to keep us in the air. I know we were in southern 
Laos, if that's any help."

	Nodoka buried her head in her hands. 

	"Kiri," Genma pleadingly asked, "are you sure you don't 
know where we are?"

	"Well, we were over a clump of jungle near a band of 
hills and a river," Kiri said. "I wasn't looking at the villages, 
just the terrain, and I'm really lousy with maps. Actually, I 
think I might have gone a little off course, what with all the 
flak and my navigator being Takashi here." She smiled 
sheepishly. "I take back my earlier statement. Maybe we aren't 
in Laos."

	Genma scratched his head. "Okay. You say we were near a 
big river, right?"

	Kiri nodded. "Yup, off the left wing."

	"I think that's probably the Mekong. If we make for it... 
Takashi, are there any villages along the Mekong?"

	"Oh, hundreds of them," the archeologist said cheerfully. 
"The Mekong River Valley was a cradle of civilization in 
Southeast Asia."

	"Good idea, Kasigi," Soun said. "We shall simply go to the 
river, and then follow it to a village, where we can... can..." He 
blinked. "Can we get transport from there?"

	"Oh, certainly," Takashi told him. "The Mekong is a 
veritable, hmm, canal system for river traffic. It used to be 
infested with river pirates, but I'm told they don't frequent it 
anymore."

	"Oh?" Genma said suspiciously. "Why's that?"

	"The guerilla war between the Pathet Lao and the Hue 
Dang drove them south to Thailand."

	Kiri raised an eyebrow. "So instead of pirates, we get 
guerillas? Lovely."

	"Oh no," Takashi chuckled, shaking his head. "I have it on, 
hmm, good authority that there are, in fact, no Pathet Lao at 
all."

	"So what drove out the pirates?"

	"I told you, the guerilla war."

	Kiri stared at him. Genma and Soun just glanced at each 
other, nodded, and sighed in unison.

	"Let me get this straight," Kiri slowly said. "We don't 
have to worry about pirates because the Pathet Lao drove them 
out, and we don't have to worry about the Pathet Lao because 
they don't really exist. Isn't that sorta mutually 
contradictory?"

	Takashi frowned slightly. "I suppose it is. But it must be 
true. It came from a very reputable journal."

	"These Pathet Lao," Nodoka slowly said. "They wear black 
farmer's clothing, conical hats, and carry machine guns?"

	Takashi nodded. "And they wear a red strip of cloth."

	"Over their left arm?"

	"That's right."

	"And they don't exist?" Nodoka said wearily.

	"They're just a myth."

	"Well," she said, pointing, "In that case, there are about a 
dozen nonexistent people aiming guns at us."

	They turned. The sound of roughly a dozen safeties 
coming off echoed through the jungle.

	"It's a good thing they don't exist," Genma said. "If they 
did, they'd look like they'd just as soon kill us as look at us."

	"Yes, and they'd be carrying AK-47s," Soun added glumly. 
"On semi-automatic, no less."

	Takashi peered curiously at the band of guerillas. "Oh 
dear. Maybe I should mention this in a letter to the journal."

	[You! Hands up, all of you!]

	"What did he say?" Kiri asked, warily eyeing the gun 
barrels.

	"I think he said for us to sit down," Genma said. "I picked 
up a little Laotian from Saotome-sensei."

	"Grandfather?" Nodoka said.

	"Yeah, he trained for a time in the north mountains." 
Turning to the guerillas, he smiled winningly. [Hop on a friend, 
yodeling frogs dance well.]

	[What did he say?]

	The lead guerilla frowned irritably. [Got me. Hey, you, 
where are you from?]

	[My llama has boils,] Genma told him. [Oh no, here comes 
the priest's flowerpot. Please stomp on my ear.]

	[He's obviously mad, Jauing.]

	[Or just very, very stupid. Hey, you! Talk sense!]

	"He says that we might be spies," Genma translated. "I'm 
going to tell him that we aren't." He shook his head vigorously. 
[We are not eggplants. Let me impregnate your daughter.]

	[Buddha preserve us. Let me shoot them, Jauing.]

	[I don't think he really understands what he's saying. Any 
of you know what language he was speaking to these other 
foreigners?]

	[Sounds a bit like Japanese, maybe? Dad used to know 
some Japanese.]

	[You are a big fat idiot,] Genma told them, smiling 
broadly. [I have missed the train.]

	[Try speaking Japanese to them, then. This is getting old.]

	[Dad didn't exactly..]

	[Just try it, okay?]

	The guerilla smiled sheepishly. "How do you do. We work 
very hard. We like Japanese very much."

	Soun beamed. "Excellent job, Kasigi! I don't know what 
you said, but it seems to have worked."

	"We not partisan. Yankee, French, they bad fellow."

	"You just have to know how to talk to them," Genma said 
proudly.

	"We kill you all. Death to Japanese. Spit on Emperor. You 
all die now."

	[What are you telling them, Phred?]

	[No idea. That's just what Dad used to say during the big 
war. Of course, he used to say the beginning a lot more at the 
beginning, and the end bits more towards the end of the war.]

	"Wonderful," Kiri muttered, glancing back and forth. 
"Mebbe we can bribe them?"

	[Fish nibble oxen testicles!] Genma said frantically. 
[Happy sun visits Uncle Vulture's bakery!]

	[This is getting us nowhere.]

	[Kill them?]

	[I'm not sure they're worth wasting ammo on.]

	"I'm not completely sure what they're talking about," 
Genma said worriedly. 

	"They're discussing whether or not they should kill us," 
Takashi told him. "Incidentally, Genma, while I'm sure this, 
hmm, plan of yours of pretending to be a raving lunatic is very 
good, I don't think it's working."

	"You speak Laotian?" Genma hissed.

	Takashi blinked. "Of course. I'd have to, you know, for an 
expedition to Laos."

	"Then you talk to them!"

	Takashi cleared his throat. [Ahem. You gentlemen. Could 
you be so kind as to tell us where the nearest village is?]

	[Hey, this one actually makes sense! You, what are you 
doing here?]

	[We are arms dealers. The Laotian market is good for 
business, you know?]

	[Yeah, it's a bit of a growth industry for foreign 
investments. Who are you selling to?]

	[All comers.] Takashi shrugged. [Of course, the Americans 
are just giving the stuff away, so we don't do much business 
with the government.]

	[No, I don't imagine you would. Who's your contact in the 
movement?]

	[I don't know. I was told to meet someone in Luang 
Prabang...]

	[That's on the other side of Laos, man.]

	[I know. My plane got shot down. Terrible nuisance, 
really.]

	[Hooray, hooray for the flatulent squid. Where is the 
bullfrog's wedding?] Genma asked curiously.

	The guerillas winced in unison. [What's with the 
madman?]

	[He had a bad batch of Mekong Whiskey, poor boy. Of 
course, he was never that intelligent to begin with.]

	[I believe it. He doesn't look very bright.]

	[Do you know if there's a way we could get transport up 
the Mekong? I really do want to make this sale.]

	The leader pointed into the jungle. [Head that way until 
you reach the river, then follow it north. There's a village, Gap 
My, where you can try to find someone willing to take you to 
Luang Prabang.]

	[There might be trouble?]

	[River's a bit dangerous these days. We're on it, for one 
thing.]

	[Oh. I'd heard there used to be pirates.]

	[That's incorrect.]

	[Oh?]

	[There still _are_ pirates. In hordes, really. They 
occasionally attack a Pathet Lao boat or a government ship, 
and then a firefight breaks out. There's also local militia 
fleets, opium smugglers, and I've heard some crazy rumor that 
the Americans are going to start bombing Laos.] The guerillas 
laughed. [Have you ever head anything so far-fetched? What are 
they going to bomb, the Plain of Jars?]

	[My bra is talkative,] Genma interjected.

	[Have you considered gagging the madman? Or maybe just 
putting him out of his misery?]

	[Many times. Thanks for the instructions. Hope you get to 
use some of my merchandise.]

	[Same here. Take care.]

	The guerilla silently vanished into the jungle.

	Takashi beamed. "Well! Those were really very helpful 
fellows. Thanks to Genma and me, we now have, hmm, 
instructions on how to get a boat."

	"Wonderful," Soun said happily. "A boat ride up the river, 
and then we'll be almost to the deathtrap."

	Kiri blinked. "Deathtrap? I thought we were going to an 
archeological site?"

	"Yes, see, in Takashi's expeditions that means 
'deathtrap'," Genma explained. "Don't worry. It can't possibly be 
as bad as Sumatra."

	"Please don't mention Sumatra, Kasigi," Soun said, 
closing his eyes. "I used to enjoy seafood."

	Kiri sighed. "I'm starting to get the impression that this 
isn't gonna be the simple piloting job I was hired for."

	"Gee, what was your first hint?" Genma said, smirking.

	"The plane I was supposed to pilot exploding in midair, I 
think. I'm gonna be getting danger pay, Kuno-san. Guns and 
missiles and Genma landing on me weren't in our contract."

	"I'm sure something can be, hmm, worked out," Takashi 
said mildly. "Shall we be on our way?" Without waiting for an 
answer, he strode cheerfully into the jungle.

	"I have a bad feeling about this, Kasigi," Soun said quietly 
as the four followed. 

	Genma nodded. "Yeah, I know. Sort of a rising, building 
feeling of impending doom?"

	"Exactly. With elements of fear and panic."

	"And a kind of looming menace."

	"Exactly."

	"Perfectly normal for one of Kuno's trips, then."

	"Sadly, yes."

	"Perhaps, Tendo, this one won't have the man-eating 
rats."

	"Or the cannibals."

	"Or the hasheesh-crazed dervish assassins."

	"Or the curious poisonous tree sloth, which attacks at 
night."

	"Or the supposedly mythical legend of the boiling flesh 
curse."

	"Or the 5-yard-long centipedes.

	"Or the shoggo...."

	"Please don't say that name, Kasigi."

	"Right. Sorry."

	"Oh, put a sock in it," muttered Nodoka. "You're both 
exaggerating."

	"I don't think Genma's bright enough to exaggerate this 
much," Kiri said reluctantly.

	Genma scowled. Soun smirked.

	"And I know for a fact that Soun isn't," Kiri continued. 
"We might be in for trouble."

	"Just as long as nobody throws me out of any more 
airplanes."

	"Oh, will you stop whining about that? Look, I'm sorry I 
threw you out. Next time I'll let Genma do it. I'm sure it's 
something he's fantasized about for years."

	"Do you want to die, grease monkey?"

	"How'd you like that metal sword shoved up your..."

	Genma and Soun glanced at each other, nodded glumly, and 
quickened their pace.

* * * *

	Somewhat to their surprise, they managed to reach the 
riverside town of Gap My without incident.

	Walking through the town proved an interesting 
experience. The residents looked at them with expressions of 
supreme uncaring, shrugged, and then very quickly went 
somewhere else. There were enough local problems in Laos 
without adding exotic, foreign ones.

	The dock area proved to be a mishmash of stubby wood-
and-bamboo piers jutting out into the river. Boats lined it. All 
of them were painted various bright colors, and all of them 
were peeling enough to show that they had been painted 
various other bright colors in the past.

	The five eyed the collection with doubtful expressions.

	"Well," Soun said hesitantly, "I suppose the cleaner ones 
might be adequate for Nodoka."

	"They look fine," Nodoka said with fake enthusiasm. "As 
long as they float, they're the Queen Mary in my eyes."

	Kiri shook her head. "Sorry. Except for that big one down 
by the end, none of 'em'll do."

	Genma blinked; the mechanic was the last person he 
would have expected to reject a ship. "Kiri? I know they aren't 
exactly luxurious, but.."

	She sighed. "I'm not talking about the accomidations, 
moron. Look at the way they're rigged. Those are fishing 
vessels. None of their owners are going to want to sail through 
bandit-infested waters to the other end of this armpit of a 
nation."

	"Kiritsubo-san is unfortunately right," Takashi 
confirmed. "Fishermen are largely concerned only with, hmm, 
catching fish."

	"Okay," Genma said, looking resignedly at the large boat 
toward the end of the row. It was, of course, one of the dirtier 
ones, and had canvas tarpaulins draped over it in interesting 
places. "We'll take that one, then."

	Soun peered at the vessel. On board, several individuals 
with a great deal of water rat in their ancestry peered back. 
"Maybe we could build our own. Kiritsubo, you're good with 
making..."

	"I fix bikes. I assemble bikes. I work with cars. If it has 
an engine, I can do wonders. But I'm not a shipyard." She 
shrugged. "Sorry."

	Genma glanced around, his gaze finally settling on at 
quonset hut with a decayed wooden signboard showing a bottle. 
"I'm guessing that place would be the local hiring hall?"

	Kiri nodded. "Bingo. C'mon, let's go check it out."

	The hut's occupants went quiet as they entered the door. 
The crew inhabiting it seemed to fall into two categories - 
quiet, clean, and terrified, or quiet, filthy, and predatory.

	"Genma," hissed Nodoka, "some of these people are 
LOOKING at me."

	"Probably just curious..."

	"They're calculating the best way to get her alone and 
rape her," Kiri translated. "I think a few of them are looking at 
Soun like that, too."

	Soun turned purple and muttered dire threats under his 
breath.

	Grinning broadly, Kiri walked over to a card table in the 
center of the room, and slouched into a chair across from a 
large, somewhat commanding man. Taking out a handful of 
coins, she tossed them into the pot and motioned for the dealer 
to deal her in.

	Leering, he instead reached for her leg.

	Genma averted his eyes. There was a terrible crashing, 
screaming, and then silence.

	Kiri wiped the blood off her knuckles, took the deck, and 
smiled apologetically. Then she began to deal.

	A fascinated hush began to settle over the room as the 
game began.

	"Are you sure she knows what she's doing?" Soun 
whispered.

	Genma shook his head. "Not really, but it's too late to 
stop her now. Get ready to fight our way out if something goes 
wrong."

	Hand after hand was dealt. Sometimes Kiri lost. Other 
times she won. Oddly enough, the hands she lost never seemed 
to be worth very much...

	Before long, there was a pile of coins and notes in front 
of her, and one very angry captain with very little money.

	"They're going to kill us," Genma muttered. "She's really 
pissed them off. Get ready to make a break for it with Nodoka 
and Takashi; I'll try to get Kiri out alive..."

	Suddenly, Kiri offhandedly said a few sentences in an 
oddly familiar language. The look of anger faded from the 
captain's face, to be replaced by one of anticipation.

	Kiri pointed at Nodoka and said something else.

	A low snicker slowly arose from the room.

	"What the hell is she doing?" Soun hissed. Nodoka just 
turned a bright, crimson red and glared angrily back.

	"Nodoka?" Kiri said cheerfully. "You get the next hand. 
Please don't lose."

	Nodoka slowly nodded. Then she beamed, gave the 
assembled human refuse a cute look and a brainless giggle, and 
sat down in Kiri's former seat.

	As Nodoka dealt, Kiri strolled over to Genma. "There. 
Piece of cake."	

	"What the hell is going on?" he hissed. "I thought you 
didn't know Laotian?"

	"I don't, but I know some English, and so do they. If 
Nodoka wins this hand, we're the new owners of that boat."

	"What happens if she loses?"

	"Oh, I told them they could have Nodoka."

	"YOU WHAT?!"

	"Just for tonight, though, and they have to give her back 
in good condition."

	Genma frantically put Soun in a headlock seconds before 
his hands could close around Kiri's neck. "Damnit, Kiri! What do 
we do if she loses?"

	"Well, if they like her, we could use her to pay our 
passage..." 

	Genma glared at her as his grip on the frothing, purple-
faced Soun began to slip.

	She smirked. "I'm joking. She won't lose."

	"You... don't... KNOW... that!" Soun snarled, his hands 
flexing. "Nodoka-san is a refined, cultured maiden! How on 
earth do you expect her to win a card game with that lot of 
walking... depravity? Let me GO, Kasigi!"

	"Kiri, this was a really stupid idea," Genma said, 
struggling desperately to keep Soun from the mechanic's 
throat. "I mean, maybe _you_ could sucker them, but Nodoka 
doesn't stand a..."

	"Yattai!" squealed Nodoka, waving four aces and a king. "I 
win! Oh, what a lucky girl I am!"

	Genma and Soun stared in confusion. The room stared in 
disbelief. Takashi nodded benevolently. Kiri smirked, fumbled 
in her jacket pocket, and withdrew and lit one of the cheap 
cigars allegedly bought for 'Joe'.

	The captain rose abruptly to his feet, an ugly look on his 
face.

	Kiri strolled over, looked up at him, and barked 
something in English.

	"Kiritsubo-san just asked him for the boat's papers," 
Takashi translated.

	The captain spat out a string of syllables.

	"The gentleman told Kiritsubo-san to... oh dear. I don't 
think that's anatomically possible."

	Kiri smiled, puffed on her cigar, and then blew a cloud of 
smoke in his face.

	With a murderous roar, the captain started to pull a 
knife. Then Kiri's boot made its acquaintance with his groin, 
and he folded up like an accordion.

	Chattering brightly in English, Kiri strolled around him, 
occasionally delivering kicks to punctuate her sentences.

	"Kiritsubo-san is explaining that she now owns his boat, 
but that he can have it back if he behaves nicely on the trip to 
Luang Prabang."

	Taking a last puff on the cigar, she ground it out in his 
hair.

	"And she says that if he doesn't behave nicely, she'll use 
his privates as bait to fish the Mekong with."

	The room collectively winced as she drove this point 
home with a kick to the groin. Kiri beamed, and flooded the bar 
with a warm smile that made the bravest of them cringe.

	"She says that she's looking forward to a pleasant sail, 
and that she might not even have to kill anyone," Takashi 
finished. "I must say, Genma, your friend shows commendable 
mastery of the, hmm, more colorful parts of English."

	Kiri strolled over to them. "We've got a boat."

	Genma sighed. "That was unnecessarily brutal, Kiri."

	"Thank you."

	"Look, we're going to be on the same ship with these... 
people for days! What if they decide to get revenge?"

	"Then I hope they can swim." She snorted, glancing over 
her shoulder at the somewhat cowed crowd. "They're a real 
nest of snakes, but they're pack animals. I know the type. Go 
for the leader's throat, win, and you're the new alpha dog."

	"Or alpha bitch, to be more accurate," Nodoka muttered.

	"Better believe it, Saotome." Kiri rolled up her sleeves 
and headed for the door. "C'mon. I wanna see what's turning the 
propeller on my new yacht."

* * * *

	Genma looked around the deck of the boat with 
discomfort.

	Kiri had gone below, inspected the engine, and somewhat 
amazedly gave it her approval. She had then hauled out the bin 
of spare parts, grabbed a wrench, and settled down to give it a 
fine-tuning.

	Which left the rest of them on deck to watch the crew. It 
would have been a lot less unpleasant if the crew hadn't been 
watching back.

	Soun sidled over, glaring at their assembled horde of 
riffraff. "Kasigi, I think it would be wise for either you or I to 
stay next to Nodoka at all times while onboard this floating 
purgatory."

	"Probably wise," Genma concurred, staring glumly at the 
crew. "These lot look like they'd cheerfully sell their mothers, 
if they had any to begin with."

	"You shouldn't judge people from other cultures," Takashi 
said cheerfully. "For example, the Yamomano people of the 
Amazon basin consider hitting each other with large wooden 
clubs to be a polite formality."

	"I don't think these... people... even know what polite 
means," Nodoka said. "If they ever learned, they'd probably be 
careful to either avoid or beat to death anyone displaying it."

	"Very industrious, though," Soun admitted grudgingly. 
"They're treating those things under the tarpaulins with a 
surprising amount of care."

	Genma squinted. Soun seemed to be right; the crew were 
almost lovingly making sure that the canvas-draped shapes 
were secured and tightly lashed down. "Valuable cargo, 
probably."

	"Who'd trust them with cargo?" Nodoka asked pointedly.

	"Valuable, slightly stolen cargo," he amended. "They 
probably trade stolen merchandise upriver for the local 
fences."

	"That sounds plausible," Soun agreed. "Traveling with 
thieves, terrorists, murderers, and Kiritsubo is the usual way 
of things with Takashi's expeditions."

	"You're slandering the thieves, terrorists, and 
murderers," Nodoka muttered.

	"Kiri's not _that_ bad," Genma said, feeling somewhat 
defensive. "It's not like she's a real criminal or anything..."

	"She's managed to cow this nest of vermin with her 
ruthless brutality," Nodoka pointed out. "That says something, 
Genma."

	"For starters, it says that I'm very good at ruthless 
brutality," Kiri commented, emerging from the hold. "We lucked 
out, people. The engine's modern, relatively clean, and in 
beautiful shape. We should actually be able to make some 
pretty good speed with this baby."

	"Better than I'd, hmm, hoped," Takashi said 
appreciatively. "Truly the kami smile on us."

	"We left Misuto back in Japan, thank goodness," Kiri said 
shortly. "But you're right, professor. Looks like fate is finally 
on our side."

	Genma winced, and exchanged a fearful look with Soun. 
This wasn't the way things were supposed to be going. On 
Takashi's expeditions, fate only smiled on you to lull you into a 
false sense of security.

	"Maybe we should get underway?" he suggested. "The 
sooner we get this over with, the better I'll feel. I don't like 
this."

	"A good ship, a fine, stalwart body of rodents, what's not 
to like?" Kiri said sarcastically. "But point taken." She barked a 
long stream of English at the captain, and got a sullen reply.

	"He wants to know if we want to take on the passengers 
who'd arranged with him to be taken downriver," Takashi 
translated.

	"Let's do them a big favor and leave without them," 
Genma suggested. "If they ever saw the ship, they'd thank us."

	"Either that, or the passengers are of the same type of 
fungus as our fine crew," Soun said. "In which case we can do 
without their company. Order the villain to cast off, Kiritsubo-
san."

	Kiri snarled an order. The captain unhappily nodded and 
began to shout orders of his own. The crew began to swarm 
around the ship like ants around a kicked anthill, rigging the 
low, fanlike sails and loosening ropes.

	"That's more like it," Soun said happily. "Next stop, Luang 
Prabang! Wherever that is. May it be cleaner than here."

	"Amen," Nodoka echoed fervently.

	"Oh dear," Takashi said, glancing over the rail. "Time for 
me to hide. Please don't mention my name or, hmm, presence. 
Ta-ta!" With that, he dived for an open hatch and vanished 
belowdecks.

	Genma swallowed, staring at the empty space where 
their employer had been. "Takashi just hid from something, 
Tendo."

	"So he did, Kasigi."

	"We're all going to die."

	Soun nervously peered over the rail. "I don't see 
anything... wait, there's a small band of men heading this way 
with... what did you call those things, Kasigi?"

	"AK-47s, Tendo."

	"Not a very nice name. At any rate, they all seem to have 
one except for the young man in the hat."

	Kiri glanced at the group, blinked, and turned pale. "Oh 
shit, it can't be..."

	Nodoka blinked. "What?"

	"Get below, Saotome!" Kiri hissed urgently. "It's Kuonji 
Inji!"

	"WHAT?" Nodoka yelped. "Here? Him?"

	"Less talk, more hide!" Kiri frantically snapped. "If he 
sees you we're all dead! Get below!"

	"What about yo-"

	"We go way back, and he owes me for a few favors, but I 
think you're pretty far up there on his 'People-Still-Breathing-
Against-My-Wishes' list. Now get below before I throw you 
over the side!"

	Nodoka scampered below. Genma and Soun locked hard, 
resigned eyes on Kiri. She tried to muster a smile.

	"Er, heheh, small world really..."

	"Kiritsubo-san," Soun carefully asked, "who is Kuonji 
Inji, and why should I not kill him on sight for disturbing 
Nodoka?"

	"Because he's got lots of people with automatic weapons, 
he's probably as good a martial artist as you, and quite frankly 
the man scares me. Good enough for you?"

	"That will do for now, yes," Soun said, subdued.

	"Why the hell does this guy want to kill Nodoka?" Genma 
asked plaintively. He was having trouble picturing his sort-of 
girlfriend becoming a major enemy of anyone capable of 
frightening Kiritsubo.

	"She cheated him at cards, hit him over the head, and left 
him under a pile of garbage in Ant Town. He kinda took it 
personally."

	"What, Nodoka!?" Genma and Soun chorused in incredulous 
unison.

	"How do you think we got the boat, morons? Now shut up, 
he's coming aboard."

	Genma watched the figure coming up the gangplank with 
wary interest. He didn't look like much, not at first glance. 
Slender, beardless, with sharp, bishonen features. An easy 
smile.

	Then he noticed the eyes, and got a little worried.

	Kuonji strode on board, glanced around, and then blinked 
twice, slowly, like a snake noticing prey. "Subeta Kiritsubo. 
Well. What an interesting surprise."

	"Biki Kiritsubo, Inji-kun," Kiri said neutrally. "You the 
one who booked passage on my boat?"

	"Myself and my associates, yes," Inji said, adjusting his 
fedora. "So. What are you doing running a riverboat in Laos? Not 
that it isn't your speed of things, but you're out of your usual 
stomping grounds."

	"I'm on vacation."

	"In a war zone?"

	"It's an exciting vacation."

	"I would imagine so," Inji said mildly. "Who are your 
friends?"

	"Tendo Soun, Hidimeko Clan, Kwanto Provinces," Soun 
announced imperiously.

	"Kasigi Genma," Genma mumbled.

	"Pleased to meet you," Inji said, voice friendly. "We'll be 
going downriver to Luang Prabang. The former owner told you 
that, right Kiri?"

	"Yeah," Kiri said carefully. "Or something like that. I can 
never get these names straight."

	"You never were too good with maps, were you, Kiri-
kun?" Inji glanced cheerfully around the deck. "That's okay. 
Just take us downriver, and stop when you get to the right 
place, and please don't screw that up. You can do all that, I'm 
sure."

	"Yeah," Kiri said. Genma swallowed, a cold feeling moving 
along the base of his spine. The Kiritsubo he knew would have 
broken the nose of anyone who talked to her like that. Instead, 
she just said 'Yeah'. Something was very wrong here.

	Inji turned to the small platoon of men who'd followed 
him aboard. "Ngyuen, have the men find quarters below."

	"And not in my cabin," Kiri said, irritation creeping back 
into her voice. "I find one of your goons in there, you'll need to 
hire a replacement until the doctors extract his head from his-"

	"Actually, I'll be taking your cabin," Inji said mildly. "I'm 
sure you won't mind."

	Kiri flushed red. "I'm sure I will, Inji-kun. No offense, but 
you're not my idea of a fun roommate."

	He chuckled. "That works in reverse, I'm sorry to say. 
You'll take one of the other cabins. I value my privacy."

	"I like my cabin," Kiri said flatly. "I'll fix you up with 
something else."

	"Oh?" Inji said softly, hand straying inside his jacket.

	They stared at each other for several seconds. Genma 
could practically see them weighing and balancing each others' 
resolve, testing the amount of will and threat that the other 
had backing them up. He could feel the fear coming from 
Kiritsubo, and the stubborn anger. Inji, though, just stared 
sleepily at them, relaxed and calculating.

	Genma quietly moved into a non-obvious fighting stance, 
and noticed that Soun was doing the same. Good. He had no 
doubt that the three of them together could twist Kuonji into a 
pretzel.

	And, of course, the guerilla platoon could mow them all 
down in a few bursts of gunfire. But he didn't think it would go 
that far. He hoped so, anyway.

	"I'm sure whatever you can find for me will be 
satisfactory," Inji finally said, smiling slightly. "Just so long 
as it's private."

	"Of course, Inji-kun," Kiri said smoothly, her relief 
almost hidden. "Genma, Soun, get below and clean your 
_baggage_ out of wherever it might be hiding, and move it out 
so that Kuonji-san has a place to stay."

	"Gotcha," Genma said, catching her meaning. "Come on, 
Tendo, we're off to clean out the room."

	"Of course we are," Soun muttered, giving Inji a hostile 
look. The two martial artists quickly jogged below.

	Nodoka peered out of a closet as they approached. "Is he 
gone?"

	"He's booked passage," Genma glumly told her. "We're 
going to be stuck with him for the voyage."

	Nodoka swallowed. "Genma, the man wants to kill me. 
Just so you know."

	"Don't worry, Nodoka-san," Soun said gravely. "We'll 
protect you."

	Seeing that she looked less than convinced, Genma smiled 
reassuringly at her. "Yeah. Soun may be a bit of a moron, but 
he's almost as good as me. And I'm the second-best martial 
artist in the world. So there's nothing to worry about, ne?"

	"Second-best ego, you mean," Soun growled. He calmed 
himself with an effort. "Come, Nodoka-san. You'll be staying in 
Kiri's cabin for the duration."

	Nodoka visibly winced. "Do I have to?"

	"It's her or Inji," Genma said.

	"Hmm. Can I think that one over?"

	Pounding feet echoed down the steps. "No," Genma said 
hurriedly, ushering her along. Soun threw open the door to 
Kiri's cabin, and Genma shoved a reluctant Nodoka inside just 
seconds before the first of the guerillas appeared.

	The two smiled wide, plastic, insincere smiles at them. 
Hello, Genma thought, nothing to see here, move along...

	After glaring at the two martial artists for a second, 
they did.

	"So, Kasigi. We're going to be cooped up in a fetid 
riverboat crewed by talking rats and inhabited by bandits with 
machine guns led by a psychotic martial artist who wants to 
kill Nodoka-san and intimidates Kiritsubo."

	"That would seem to be the case, Tendo."

	"Everything's back to normal, then."

	"Why the hell did I say yes to Takashi?" Genma muttered, 
then blinked as a thought struck him. "Hey, where _is_ 
Takashi?"

	A shadow detached itself from one wall. "Right, hmm, 
here. Oh dear."

	Genma and Soun jumped as one, banging their heads 
painfully on the low ceiling of the boat. "Where did you come 
from?" Soun sputtered, rubbing his head.

	"I was, hmm, hiding," Takashi patiently explained. "The 
leader of these men has a grudge against me."

	Holding forehead, Genma closed his eyes wearily. "Dare I 
ask why?"

	"Kuonji Inji collects ancient artifacts used in the 
preparation of food," Takashi absently explained. "Sort of a 
specialized archeologist. I've, hmm, beat him to a few finds. 
He's not very sportsmanlike about it."

	"What, he lost his temper?" Genma asked.

	"He blew up the hotel I was staying in in Bangkok, and 
hired a tribe in India to ambush and ritually disembowel me 
when I went after the Kol-Jhar Plate."

	"Oh."

	"He also has a grudge against Nodoka," Soun said 
indignantly. "Kasigi, let's just beat him to a pulp and throw him 
over the side."

	"Fine," Genma snapped back, feeling slightly put-upon. 
"I'll fight him, and you can take on the eight nice men with the 
automatic weapons!"

	"Maybe we can let him live a while longer."

	"Maybe we can." Genma sighed. "Worry about something 
else, Soun. Like how we're going to keep Nodoka and Kiri in one 
cabin without bloodshed."

	"Nodoka is a proper, well-bred..."

	"...maniac with a metal sword," Genma concluded. "And 
Kiri's ten times worse. All it'll take is one fight, and Kuonji 
coming down to see what all the noise is..."

	Soun shrugged. "I have no worries there. If he does, we 
will defeat him."

	"And the guerillas?"

	"Something will turn up," Soun said, sounding supremely 
confident. Genma wanted to scream.

	He blinked. Where had Takashi gone?

	Footsteps sounded again, and Kiritsubo and Inji 
descended from above. Genma noticed that the mechanic 
seemed more at ease; almost back to normal. Inji merely 
glanced about with polite distaste.

	"Get the bag moved, Genma?" Kiri asked pointedly. He 
nodded a reply, and she smiled in relief. "Good. Your new 
quarters are this way, Kuonji-san."

	"I can see them later," Inji said. "I'd certainly not want to 
hang around a cramped little room when I can chat with my old 
friend Kiri. And with her friends, as well."

	"You two go back a long way then?" Genma asked, trying 
to sound casual.

	"Oh, a very long way. Childhood friends, practically. We're 
divided up stolen goods together, more or less without 
cheating each other," Inji replied. "And I've always appreciated 
Kiritsubo's skill at breaking bones to order."

	Genma blinked, somewhat taken aback. Kiri just shrugged. 
"And you've always been regular and generous with the 
paycheck, Inji-kun. Usually a pleasure working with you."

	"Usually." Inji smiled sleepily. "By the way, I've been 
meaning to ask you... what ever happened to Miss Nodoka?"

	"Nezumi? Skipped town," Kiri said, not missing a beat. "I 
sold her the info, and she went back to... hmm... Nagasaki? 
Somewhere in the south, I think." She raised an eyebrow. "Still 
sore about the card thing?"

	"Sore? Not really." Something glittered in Inji's eyes. "I 
just want to resume the discussion I was having with her. It 
was promising to get very interesting." He glanced at Soun and 
Genma. "I don't suppose either of you gentleman met her?"

	"Who, us?" they chorused in unison, then glared at each 
other.

	"Mmm," Inji commented, looking somewhat tired. "It 
appears so."

	"Only met her recently, in passing," Genma said.

	"Old acquaintance, haven't seen her in years," Soun said.

	They glared at each other again.

	Inji sighed. "I'm going above. Why don't you three agree on 
a coherent lie, and I'll ask again at dinner."

	Shaking his head sadly, he strolled up the stairs and 
disappeared.

	"This might be bad," Soun said.

	Genma glumly nodded. In his mind, there was no 'might' 
about it.

-----------------------------

		That trip was a turning point, in many ways. I 
	started realizing things about some of my closest 
	friends that I really hadn't examined before. Not all of 
	them were pretty.

		And, of course, I met Kuonji Inji for the first time. 
	I can't say it was a favorable first impression. I 
	suspected that I would wind up fighting him, possibly for 
	my or Nodoka's life, and events proved me to be correct. I 
	underestimated him badly. I have had many enemies, but 
	none the equal of Inji in skill or lethal purpose.

		I suppose I should find it amusing that you now 
	count my foe's daughter as one of your closest and oldest 
	friends. Mostly my doing, I'm afraid. Ukyou didn't live up 
	to my expectations, though... I was bitterly disappointed 
	then, but less so now. Obsession fades, and repentance 
	takes its place. I used her poorly, as I used so many 
	others.

		No, the trip was far from over.