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Pastpresent
by Susan Doenime
R1/2 characters and backstory are the creations and property of Takahashi
Rumiko. Used without permission. No challenge to copyrights should be
inferred or taken.
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Pastpresent homepage at: http://www.thekeep.org/~mike/pastpresent.html
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Pastpresent 7 - Tourism, Part 3

		As you may have gathered, son, on Takashi's 
	expeditions half the fun was in getting to the dig. Fun? 
	Excuse me. Half the suicidal danger, homicidal opponents, 
	and mind-numbing terror, I mean.

		The other half would be waiting in one big lump 
	once we got there.

		I often wondered - sometimes out loud - how 
	Takashi had survived so many of these little jaunts. It 
	never occurred to me that anything other than sheer dumb 
	luck, with emphasis on the dumb, might be involved.

		Looking back, I have cause to doubt.

-----------------------------

	It was a peaceful day on the Mekong River.

	Fish flopped. Insects hummed. Deer drank.

	Old Guh sat on the bank and fished.

	He'd seen it all. He'd seen tribal warfare, he'd seen the 
French, he'd seen river pirates, he'd seen the Pathet Lao, he'd 
seen his Aunt Tongyn in one of her moods. He'd also seen far 
too few beautiful, peaceful days like this.

	The fish were ignoring his line, but that was okay. It was 
a nice enough day that actually catching fish was beside the 
point. 

	"It's too good to be true," he mumbled dourly.

	A deer downriver cocked one ear.

	Old Guh glanced at it. "Hmm?"

	And then a screaming, flaming, bouncing devil zoomed 
past in a shower of churning water, hollering such devil-words 
as "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIYEEEEETURNITOFFTURNITOFF 
DAMNYOUTAKASHIIIIIII!"

	When it had passed, Old Guh slowly blinked twice, nodded 
in satisfaction, pulled his hat out of the river, and began to 
scoop up the stunned fish floating atop the Mekong. He had 
known it was too good to be true.

****

	The boat stopped, it seemed to Genma, a short eternity 
later. It did so by running into a fishing boat.

	"Well, we got away," he said, carefully extracting 
himself from a barrel of river carp that their craft had 
acquired. Behind him, the crew of the slowly-sinking fishing 
craft screamed Laotian curses at them.

	Kiri and Soun mutely nodded, and absently began to pick 
fish out of their clothing. Nodoka lay on the bottom of the boat 
in a dead faint, a flopping carp clutched between her teeth. 
Takashi, in the rear of the boat, merely nodded benignly and 
brushed fishscales from his sleeve.

	"I daresay we've, hmm, given Kuonji-san the slip," he said 
proudly.

	"Yeah," Kiri mumbled, eyes still slightly unfocused. "What 
incredible luck to run into an entire army bent on blowing us 
and our boat to scrap metal. Couldn't have worked better if 
we'd planned it."

	"Oh, I did plan it," Takashi cheerfully told her. "Who do 
you, hmm, think radioed them with our location?"

	A horrified, murderous silence fell as three pairs of eyes 
locked onto the archeologist's smiling face. It was the kind of 
silence you hear seconds before entire ghettos are burned to 
the ground.

	"Remember, we can't kill him," Genma said with great 
effort. "He hasn't paid us yet."

	Soun's hands twitched and curled. "And he is our 
employer. It wouldn't be proper to throw him to the piranhas, 
as tempting as the thought might be."

	"Gimme a raise or I'll kill you now," Kiri said calmly, one 
eye twitching slightly.

	"Will, hmm, an extra 20 percent be acceptable?"

	"30 percent."

	"Done."

	"I could use a-" Genma began. Takashi shook his head 
sadly.

	"Sorry. I'm over budget already," he said. "Perhaps, hmm, 
next time. I'll thank you in my monograph on the expedition."

	"Why on earth did you have the Laotian army attack our 
boat, Kuno-san?" Soun said tiredly. "It seems a bit much even 
for you."

	"I told you. To slow down Kuonji, I had them attack the 
boat he was on."

	"And the fact that it also happened to be the boat we 
were on didn't bother you?" Genma said. His head hurt, and 
everything seemed to smell of fish.

	Takashi blinked, then looked astonished. "So it was. 
Goodness. It, hmm, never even occurred to me." He shrugged. 
"Still, it seems to have turned out for the best. Genma, see if 
you can read the port name on the bow of that fishing boat 
before it sinks."

	Genma peered at the rapidly vanishing front half. "I think 
it says that it's registered out of Luang Prabang." He blinked. 
"Isn't that where we're heading?"

	"Close," Takashi said cheerfully. "It's merely the closest 
settlement to the Pass of Doom, which leads to the Valley of 
Imperial Pain, which leads to...

	"The place we're going?" Soun asked gloomily.

	"No, to the national tourist office, actually. That's where 
we, hmm, get our papers stamped. But since we're in a hurry 
and being chased by a ruthless killer, we'll just skip that part 
and go directly to the site."

	Kiri, sitting in the prow, cleared her throat. "Uh, people? 
Local color up ahead."

	They turned and looked at the large stone gate rising 
from the jungle on the left side of the river. A small channel, 
barely wide enough for one boat, flowed off under it, vanishing 
into the mists beyond.

	"Very impressive," Soun said neutrally. "I see they got 
the carvings of the shoggoths right."

	"Musta taken a lot of work to mortar all those skulls into 
place," Kiri said, peering at it. "Hey, are those shrunken heads 
on the spike thingies?"

	"The ones above the mosaics of people being eaten by 
wild dogs and snakes? I think so," Genma said. He turned to 
Takashi resignedly. "No, don't tell me, let me guess. We turn 
here, right?"

	Takashi beamed. "Goodness. How did you guess?"

	"Just a wild hunch."

	With effort, Kiri poled the boat out of the current and 
towards the gate. "Hey, fossil-boy? There's some signs and 
stuff on a rope blocking the channel."

	"Just lift the rope," Takashi said reasonably.

	"Yeah, but what do they say?"

	"They're just the usual silly warnings. Press on."

	"Kuno-san," Soun said hesitantly. "The fishermen are 
yelling something at us."

	"Yeah, Tendo, people tend to do that when you drive 
through their yacht," Kiri explained.

	"Yes, but they sound worried now."

	Genma listened, and frowned. "Oh. No, that can't be right." 
He chuckled weakly. "I thought for a second they were yelling 
that they forgive us."

	"They are," Takashi confirmed. "They're pleading with us 
not to throw our lives away." He listened for a second longer. 
"Now they're offering up prayers for the salvation of our 
souls." He beamed. "What friendly people you meet in this part 
of the world!"

	"Speaking of which," Genma said, "do you think maybe the 
army attack took care of Inji for us?"

	Kiri shook her head. "He's hard to kill. Believe me, I 
know."

	He shivered slightly, the memory of both the fight and of 
Kiri's confession drifting up. "Yeah. I had no idea anyone except 
Saotome-sensei could move that fast. I could hardly _see_ 
him."

	"That much better than you?" Kiri said curiously. "Wonder 
why. I mean, I know you're supposed to be pretty good, and you 
practice all the time..."

	"He's not better than me," Genma said. He replayed the 
fight in his mind, remembering the moves Inji had made, and 
noting the moves Inji hadn't made as well. "He's good, but his 
technique and form is a bit sloppy. There were a couple big 
mistakes he made; spots where he coulda had me if he'd tried 
something else or swung a little tighter."

	"He was looking pretty good to me," Kiri observed. "It 
looked to me like he was about to cut you a new... er, mouth."

	"No, Kasigi's right for once," Soun said. "Kuonji's moves 
were uninspired at best and grave mistakes at the worst. He 
kept overextending himself when he did that masokiri cut, did 
you notice?"

	"Yeah." Genma turned to Kiri, his frustration leaking out 
into his voice and expression. "He's just too damn fast, that's 
the problem. He can afford to make small mistakes with speed 
like that, and I can't. If he didn't have that damn knife I'd let 
him get a few hits in and give him a few in return, but as it 
is..." He shook his head. "One good stab with that knife in a vital 
area, and that's that. I'm gonna have to get faster before I fight 
him again."

	And somehow he knew in his soul that he was going to 
fight Inji again, probably before the trip was over. The notion 
would have scared him if the challenge of the idea wasn't such 
a thrill. As it was, he merely felt a sense of shaded 
anticipation.

	But he wished that Saotome-sensei was around to give 
him advice. He had no idea how to train up to Inji's speed level. 
He wasn't even sure it was possible.

	No! Inji had done it, so could he!

	"Right!" Genma said, voice strong and determined. "By the 
next time we fight, I'll be as fast as he was! Then we'll see!"

	Kiri sighed. "Hey, Genma? Something you should know."

	"Yeah?"

	"Inji wasn't going all out. He's faster than that at peak 
performance."

	He stared at her in disbelief. "You're joking."

	"Nope. He was playing with you." She bit her lip. "Nah, not 
playing, just... not showing his full speed. I think he was taking 
you seriously enough to not show you everything he had unless 
you made him."

	"Kiritsubo-san is unfortunately correct," Takashi chimed 
in. "I saw Kuonji fight a Nibek during an expedition to New 
Guinea, and he was moving faster then."

	"A Nibek?" Soun questioned faintly. "And what would that 
be, pray tell?"

	"A sort of cross between a leech, a snake, and a 
centipede."

	Soun winced. "Hideous sounding, but not terribly 
threatening."

	"A 20-foot-tall cross between a leech, a snake, and a 
centipede."

	"Oh."

	"Vicious things," Takashi murmured. "Fortunately we're 
not likely to encounter any. They're extinct."

	Genma and Soun exchanged glances.

	"Uh, Takashi?" Kiri finally asked. "If these Nibek things 
are extinct, how come Inji-kun got to go ten rounds with one?"

	"That's why they're, hmm, extinct."

	"Oh."

	"I wrote a very cross letter reporting him to the World 
Wildlife Fund."

	"I don't think he'll be staying up nights over it," Kiri 
muttered. "How long have you been crossing paths with him?"

	Takashi rubbed his chin. "Oh, about six or seven years, I 
believe. We share similar interests in the archeological field."

	"You must be the luckiest man on the planet. I curse the 
day I became aware of your existence, and I can't wait to get 
as far away from you as possible." She shook her head in a 
mixture of awe and disgust. "I've heard about the kami 
protecting fools and children, but this is too much."

	Genma had to nod. He'd known that Takashi was a naive 
maniac who strolled blithely into war zones and firefights and 
eldritch temples as if he were taking a stroll in his rose 
garden, and he was still vaguely come to grips with the 
archeologist's continued survival. After all, Takashi had people 
like Genma and Soun, who were paid to keep him alive. But 
doing all this in the face of a very annoyed Kuonji Inji, for 
years?

	Of course, Takashi was often less befuddled than usual in 
the face of real danger - Genma still remembered the sight of 
the archeologist calmly turning a flamethrower on the thing in 
Sumatra - and there was no denying that he had the devil's own 
luck. But luck did have an alarming tendency to run out, usually 
at inconvenient moments.

	Hopefully, it would hold until they were safely out of 
Laos.

	"Never again, Tendo," he muttered to Soun.

	"Never again, Kasigi."

	"Oh, shut up," Kiri grumped.

****

	Nodoka woke up. There was a fish in her mouth.

	She spat it out, gagged a bit, and then opened her eyes.

	Ten thousand bats looked curiously back at her.

	Nodoka closed her eyes, counted to ten, and then took 
stock of the situation.

	Item: She seemed to be alive.

	Item: From the motion she could feel, she was floating 
down something on some sort of boat.

	Item: Her mouth was saturated with the taste of raw 
fish.

	Item: There were hordes of fanged, leathery bats hanging 
above her head, staring at her.

	Conclusion: Next time Genma warned her against going on 
a trip with him, she would damn well listen.

	"Genma?" she whispered. "Soun? Kuno-san?" She paused. 
"Kiritsubo?"

	"Right here, Saotome," Kiri's voice whispered back. "The 
others are getting some shut-eye."

	"There's a million bats over us."

	"Please don't remind me."

	"They're LOOKING at us, Kiri..."

	"If that's all they're gonna do, they can stare all they 
want."

	"Is it all they're going to do?"

	"Well, they've been up there for the past three hours and 
haven't done anything yet. I think we're safe."

	"Safe?"

	"Well, y'know. Not facing certain death in the next few 
seconds."

	Nodoka resisted the urge to laugh maniacally. "Right. 
Safe."

	She opened her eyes. The bats stared back. She decided to 
close them again.

	"Kiritsubo?"

	"Yeah?"

	"Where are we, and why was there a fish in my mouth?"

	She heard Kiri chuckle uneasily. "Heh, well, see, we're 
floating down this narrow little overgrown canal that you get 
to by going through a gate that's probably real similar to the 
front door of Hell, only maybe not as cheerful and without the 
welcome mat, and the canal's lined with all these statues of 
people and animals."

	"Do I want to see the statues?"

	"That would depend on how kinky you are, for half of 
them. I personally don't cotton to inter-species affection, if 
you take my drift."

	Nodoka brightened slightly. "That doesn't sound so bad."

	Even with her eyes shut, she could feel the dubious stare 
Kiri was giving her. "Well, I mean considering," she hastily 
added. "It could have been statues of people being tortured or 
burned alive or sacrificing babies or something."

	"Yeah, see, that's what the other half of the statues are 
of."

	"Oh."

	Silence for a while.

	"So the bats are just sitting there, hanging from the 
trees and looking at us?"

	She could hear Kiri shrug uncomfortably. "Well, not 
exactly from the trees."

	"Do I want to know?"

	"No."

	Nodoka thought about it for a second. Her imagination 
went busily to work.

	"Tell me anyway," she said, shuddering. "It can't possibly 
be as bad as what I'm picturing."

	"Well, they kinda strung a lot of dead guys over the canal 
as a sort of canopy.."

	Nodoka considered this. "So we're sailing down a canal 
lined with kinky animal torturer statues under a canopy of bats 
and skeletons?"

	"Well, mummified skeletons. They still have bits on."

	"Joy." She sighed. "Oh well. I suppose it could be worse."

	Kiri didn't answer. Nodoka waited for a while, and sighed 
again. 

	"It isn't worse, right?" she said tiredly.

	"Do you really wanna-"

	"Yes."

	"Okay. It's worse. The whole stinking canal's lousy with 
water snakes. You can't spit in the water without hitting one."

	"Is that all?" Nodoka said calmly.

	"No, not really."

	"Go on..."

	"There's crocodiles too."

	"Big ones?"

	"Big enough for me."

	"I suppose that's not so bad," Nodoka said, a trace of 
hysteria entering her voice. "I mean, if the water's filled with 
incredibly poisonous snakes - they are poisonous, right?"

	"Hideously, yeah."

	"Well then, the crocodiles don't make much of a 
difference."

	"That's a good way to look at it," Kiri said encouragingly.

	Silence felt for several more seconds.

	"Don't tell me there's something else."

	"I really hate to tell you, but nonetheless I'm going to."

	"Well?"

	"There's these stupidly huge spiderwebs all over the 
place."

	"Define huge."

	"There's a dead deer hanging in one of them."

	"Oh." Nodoka thought about this for a while. "Anything 
else?"

	"Naw, that's everything."

	"Good." She paused. "Kiritsubo?"

	"Yeah?"

	"Why aren't you screaming in terror?"

	"Beats the hell outta me. Why aren't you?"

	"I think I'm too scared that it would get something's 
attention."

	"That's probably it for me too," Kiri agreed gloomily. "I 
can't believe I let that pottery-kissing maniac hire me for this 
little tour."

	"He seems a bit... distracted," Nodoka said, letting doubt 
creep into her voice. Distracted, she supposed, was a polite 
way to put it.

	"Distracted? I think he must be the first senile twenty-
something in the history of the world." She heard Kiri stretch 
nervously. "If I had any sense at all I'd have jumped ship and 
headed to that Luang Prabang place to get a ride back to Japan."

	"So why didn't you?" Nodoka asked curiously.

	"Because someone needs to look after those two idiots 
while they look after the walking payroll here. And while you 
can admittedly play a mean game of cards, I wouldn't trust you 
with a burnt-out match in a rainstorm. So that leaves little old 
moi. Clear?"

	"I'm not as incompetent as you seem to think I am," 
Nodoka shot back, stung. "I'm a trained martial artist! Didn't I 
get away from Inji in Ant Town?"

	"Yeah, through blind luck," Kiri snorted. "There ain't gonna 
be no Chinese chicks with swords showing up to rescue us 
here, Saotome."

	"You couldn't take Inji on either," Nodoka snarled. "What 
makes you better able to look after them than I am?"

	Kiri gave a low chuckle. "In a nutshell? Because I'm 
sitting here keeping an eye on things, and you're huddled in the 
bottom of the boat with your eyes shut."

	Nodoka opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again. 
The mechanic had a point.

	Wincing, she sat up and looked around. The landscape was 
pretty much as Kiri had described it; their rowboat was 
drifting down a narrow canal filled with all sorts of 
unpleasantness. Genma, Soun, and Takashi lay slumped in their 
seats, snoozing peacefully.

	Nodoka stared at them incredulously. "How can they just 
sleep like that?"

	Kiri shrugged. "No idea. Perhaps, being men, they're 
stupider than we are." She appeared to consider that. "Well, 
they're definitely stupider than us, gender aside," she amended.

	Nodoka nodded absently, staring at a statue of two men, a 
woman, three eels, and a naughty jaguar. "Amazing attention to 
detail," she noted admiringly.

	Kiri looked at her oddly and quietly edged away.

	"I mean, look at the expression on the third figure as the 
jaguar..."

	"Do you mind, Saotome?"

	Nodoka flushed. "Sorry. I'm going to be an art major."

	"Yeah, I'll just bet you are," Kiri mumbled.

****

	Genma awoke from his nap feeling as refreshed as 
possible under the circumstances. Kiri had nodded a greeting, 
quietly advised him on the condition of the terrain they'd been 
passing through, and had then retreated under a blanket to try 
to get a few brief snatches of rest.

	He was relieved to see that Nodoka was awake. She was 
sitting in the center of the boat, studiously trying to avoid 
looking at their surroundings. Now and then she would glance 
at a statue, but for the most part she kept up her careful 
examination of the floor's fascinating fish stains.

	In hindsight, he realized, it had been a mistake to bring 
her. Nodoka wasn't as mentally tough as Kiri and him, and 
lacked the protective obtuseness of Soun. She really wasn't 
suited for this sort of thing at all.

	She was trying, though, with hardly a word of complaint. 
In a way, she was the bravest person on the trip. He felt a 
sudden surge of pride; bringing Nodoka along might have been a 
mistake, but he wasn't sure how he could have kept her away.

	The canal rolled by, and Genma shivered. He didn't know 
what kind of person built their front yard like a set from a bad 
horror movie, but he was sure it heralded nothing good. Then 
again, it was one of Takashi's expeditions, in which the best 
thing to ever happen was the things trying to kill you dropping 
dead.

	A roaring noise up ahead drew his attention, and he 
tensed. Beside him, he noticed Soun and Nodoka raising their 
heads in alarm. Takashi, of course, seemed blissfully oblivious.

	The roar, a low, snarling rumble, went on and on for 
several minutes. Finally, abandoning any pretense of 
nonchalance, Genma turned to the archeologist. "Takashi, what 
kind of bloodthirsty animal is waiting for us up there? I'm sick 
and tired of things I haven't been introduced to trying to kill 
me on these trips."

	"Oh, don't worry. It's not a dangerous, hm, animal," 
Takashi said placidly. 

	"You're sure?" Genma said suspiciously. "This isn't like 
the 'perfectly safe' Fanged Tree Sloths of Java?"

	"Or the Rodents of Unusual Size?" Soun added darkly.

	Takashi coughed apologetically. "Oh, no, no. Gentlemen, I 
assure you that that sound is not, hmm, from a dangerous 
animal. I'm as sure of it as, well, as my own name."

	Genma resisted the urge to ask him his name with 
difficulty. "You're sure?"

	"Quite."

	They floated along in relative silence for almost a 
minute as the roaring grew louder.

	"Takashi-san?" Nodoka finally asked.

	"Yes, Nodoka-san?"

	"If that roaring isn't a dangerous animal, what is it?"

	"Oh, it's just the water crashing over the knife-edged 
rocks of the Falls of Watery Hell."

	"Oh."

	A very long second passed as three bright red lightbulbs 
snapped on inside three heads.

	"WHAT?" the martial artists screamed in unison. Takashi 
smiled apologetically.

	"Takashi," Soun hissed dangerously, "does this canal end 
in a alarmingly-named waterfall?"

	"I actually think the name is, hmm, quite charming..."

	"And is there any way for us to get off this boat before 
we reach it?"

	"Why, no, not really."

	"Row for our lives," Genma snapped, grabbing a paddle and 
frantically trying to push them back up the canal. He didn't 
have much luck, even after Soun joined him.

	"It's quite all right, gentlemen," Takashi said soothingly. 
"I'm told that going over the waterfall is necessary to reach 
our goal."

	"Wonderful!" Nodoka snapped. "Were you told how we're 
supposed to avoid dying as a result of doing so?"

	"No, not really. I'm sure something will, hmm, present 
itself."

	"Row, Kasigi!" Soun moaned.

	"I am! You row, Tendo!" Genma snapped back, the now-
familiar sense of panic taking up housekeeping once again in 
his stomach.

	"I'm rowing!" Soun screamed.

	"We're still moving forward!" Nodoka yelled.

	The boat rounded a slight bend, and the falls came into 
view.

	"Dear God, that's at least a 100-foot drop!" Nodoka 
wailed. "We'll be killed!"

	"ROW!" Soun screamed. "ROW FOR NODOKA'S LIFE, YOU 
LAZY BASTARD!"

	"I AM ROWING, YOU PINHEAD!" Genma screamed back. "I'M 
ROWING MY DAMN ARMS OFF! IT'S NOT WORKING!"

	"Oh dear," Takashi said, frowning slightly. "It appears 
that I may have mistranslated this part of the instructions."

	"DAMN YOU, TAKASHI!" Soun and Genma howled, 
frantically paddling. Nodoka just stared numbly ahead.

	The blanket in the middle of the boat rustled, and Kiri sat 
up, rubbing her eyes blearily. "What the hell is with all this 
damn shouting?"

	"We're about to fall to our deaths," Nodoka told her.

	"I close my eyes for five minutes and we're falling to our 
deaths? Typical." Kiri lowered her hands, blinked, and peered 
ahead. Her eyes grew wide. "Hey, we're gonna fall to our 
deaths!"

	"No shit!" Nodoka snapped.

	Kiri turned to Genma. "Do something!"

	"Like what?" Genma panted, frantically rowing. He felt 
his arms groan in protest. "I'm not Misuto! I don't got no mystic 
power over waterfalls!"

	Kiri snapped her fingers. "Hey! Genma! Misuto! Ain't part 
of that longwinded title of hers 'Grand Poobah of Waterfalls' or 
something?"

	"Yes, but she's not here!"

	"She's a kami! Pray, moron!"

	Genma started to make a sharp retort, then shrugged. It 
couldn't put them in any worse of a fix. "Right. Uh. Oh divine 
kami of Mists and Fogs and especially Large Dangerous 
Waterfalls..."

	"Who owes me twenty yen," Kiri chimed in.

	"...who owes Kiri twenty yen, please use your divine 
powers to save us, your good friends, from being splattered all 
over these rocks. Please?"

	There was silence for a second, and then a familiar, 
shimmering figure in yellow and grey and blue rose from the 
water before them. "Hi!"

	"Misuto! Pal! Roomie!" Kiri yelped gleefully. "I knew you'd 
help us! Quick, save our asses!"

	"This is Misuto-no-Kami," the shimmering image said 
cheerfully. "I'm afraid I don't have sufficient strength to 
answer prayers outside of Japan right now, but if you'll leave 
your name, address, karmic number, faith, and the purpose of 
your prayer at the sound of the tone, I'll get back to you as 
soon as I can. Thank you for choosing Shinto as your personal 
belief system!"

	A gong sounded, and Misuto's image vanished.

	"WHY YOU GOPHER-BRAINED, HALF-WITTED, EMPTY-
HEADED MIST CHICK!" Kiri raved, her fists swinging at the air 
where the kami had appeared. "JUST YOU _WAIT_ TIL I GET 
HOME! OIL PAN SCRUBBING FOR A MONTH! _TWO_ MONTHS!"

	"That's it, then," Genma said gloomily. They were 
finished. He only hoped Inji would be foolish enough to follow 
them.

	"Hmm," Takashi said thoughtfully. "I see."

	"You see what?" Nodoka asked.

	"How to get across the falls alive, of course."

	Silence.

	"You have our undivided attention, Kuno-san," Soun said 
through gritted teeth.

	"It's simple." The archeologist pointed to the canopy of 
corpses overhead. Their eyes followed his finger, tracing the 
canopy as it went to the edge of the falls and kept going over 
the gorge ahead...

	"The canopy!" Genma exclaimed, catching Takashi's 
meaning. "It's like a bridge! We just go hand-over-hand across 
it!"

	"Exactly," Takashi said serenely. "I've spent many hours 
in the university gym practicing for just such a, hmm, 
occurrence."

	"You practice fording waterfalls via skeletal handholds?" 
Nodoka dazedly asked.

	"It comes up more often that one would, hmm, expect."

	"Right," Genma snapped, mind racing. "I can get across on 
that thing with no problem, and I know Soun can too. What 
about everyone else?"

	"No problem," Kiri said, cracking her knuckles. "Just 
takes upper body strength, and I've got that to spare."

	"I've crossed longer distances in less salubratory 
condition," Takashi said cheerfully. "I see no trouble."

	Nodoka gazed dubiously at the bones. "I think I can make 
it."

	Soun frowned. "I don't know, Nodoka. Your training hasn't 
focused on arm strength."

	She nodded. "True, Soun, but I haven't got much choice."

	"Hang on to me," Genma said, mentally calculating his 
chances of getting both of them across. They weren't 
wonderful, but they were better than the odds of Nodoka 
making it across under her own power. "Hold onto my neck and 
back, and I'll carry you..."

	"The hell you will," Kiri snapped. "You've just been rowing 
your arms off, remember?" Genma opened his mouth to protest, 
and she held up one hand warningly. "I'll carry her myself. I'm 
stronger than you two wimps anyway."

	He tried to come up with a good argument against this, 
and couldn't. She was right. "Fine. Be careful."

	"The falls are, hmm, approaching very quickly," Takashi 
pointed out. "We should take our leave of the boat."

	"Saotome, put your arms around my shoulders and hang 
on... augh, I can't believe I just said that..."

	"Jump!" Soun yelled.

	They jumped, grabbed hold of the grim handholds, and 
watched as their rowboat vanished over the falls. It hit the 
rocks below and disintegrated in a shower of water and wood.

	"These bones are metal," Genma said, surprised. He felt 
the handhold with his palms, noting the hard, metallic texture. 
"Are they all like this?"

	"Just the ones over the falls, I expect," Takashi said, 
swinging forward like a bespectacled ape. "Let us cross with 
all due speed, gentlemen."

	They moved forward, arms aching as they swung hand 
over hand across the gorge of the Falls of Watery Death. Genma 
tried not to look down. Just hearing the pounding and roaring of 
the deadly maelstrom below made him feel slightly dizzy.

	A shriek came from behind him. Kiri!

	"Kiri?" he yelled, his heart in his throat. "Are you okay? 
Talk to me!"

	"Saotome!" Kiritsubo screamed. "I'm gonna kill you!"

	"I'm sorry!" he heard Nodoka wail wretchedly. "I was 
slipping! I needed handholds!"

	"Leggo of my chest, you pervert!"

	"I'll fall to my death!"

	"Who cares? I- OWOWOW, NO PINCHING! NO PINCHING!"

	"Stop thrashing! I'm losing my grip!"

	"Good!"

	"The more I slip, the tighter I have to hold!"

	"Damnit... Ooooo, please don't shift your hands like that, I 
really ain't enjoying it..."

	Genma carefully stopped listening and concentrated on 
crossing.

	It didn't take as long as he'd thought it would. After only 
a few minutes, he gratefully let go and landed with a thump on 
the stone balcony set into the other side of the gorge. The 
others followed a few seconds later.

	"We're safe!" Soun crowed.

	"That was fun!" Takashi cheered.

	"Die, Saotome!" Kiri hissed.

	"Auuuuuugh," Nodoka agreed.

	Genma hastily walked over and pried Kiri's hands away 
from Nodoka's neck as Soun and Takashi pulled the frothing 
mechanic away. "Kiri, I'm sure it was just an accident..."

	"Accident hell! She's sick, Genma, sick sick sick! Let me 
GO, you morons!"

	"Nodoka is a well-bred, delicate young lady," Soun 
frostily informed her, struggling to maintain his headlock.

	"And the Marquis de Sade was a prude! Lemme go! The evil 
must be destroyed!"

	"I'm sorry!" Nodoka said haltingly, massaging her throat. "I 
just didn't want to fall screaming to my doom! Isn't that a good 
enough excuse?"

	"I been hearing too damn many excuses from you on this 
subject!" Kiri snarled. She stopped struggling, and Takashi and 
Soun warily loosened their grip. "Look, Saotome, I don't swing 
that way! Find someone else!"

	"I don't swing that way either!" Nodoka snapped.

	"You were swinging that way like a damn trapeze artist a 
few seconds ago!"

	"Can we please drop this?" Nodoka pleaded wretchedly.

	"Just so we understand each other," Kiri said, glaring 
balefully at her.

	"Anyway, that's settled," Genma hurriedly interjected. 
"Takashi, what do we have to do next?"

	The archeologist pointed to the other side of the balcony. 
The stone paving of the ledge gave way to a thick wall of 
bushes and trees, with a rough stone path leading away through 
them. "We must follow that path. It should, hmm, take us 
straight to the Temple of Five Thousand Forms of Highly 
Gratuitous Agonizing Death."

	"And this is a good thing?" Kiri demanded incredulously. 
"How'd it get a name like that?"

	"Takashi says it's a metaphor for turnip fertility," Genma 
said flatly.

	"Or possibly radish fertility," Takashi told her. "The 
translation is a bit, hmm, uncertain on that point."

	"Whatever," Kiri said tiredly. "Let's get moving before 
hordes of bloodthirsty savages pop out of the bushes or 
something."

	They took three steps forward, and then hordes of spear-
brandishing, loincloth-wearing, bone-shaking, feather-
festooned, brightly-painted tribesmen popped out of the 
bushes.

	"Too late," Soun said resignedly.

	"Boy, can I call 'em or what?" Kiri remarked.

	"Let me handle this," Genma said. He had been practicing 
his Laotian since the run-in with the Pathet Lao patrol, and 
was determined to make up for his earlier failure. He stepped 
forward.

	Several dozen spears leveled themselves at him.

	Smiling brightly, Genma raised one hand in greeting. [Ho! 
We are heap great immortals from land of the kami! Come here 
to see brave warrior spear hairy testicle men of tribe! Have 
much wisdom, much power! We big kami, have big juju, no shit!]

	"You're from Tokyo," the lead tribesman said in slightly 
accented Japanese. "Or possibly Osaka. You're likely thieves, 
and you've come to take one of our precious cultural artifacts."

	"Hey, he's sharp," whispered Kiri.

	"So are the spears," Nodoka hissed back.

	"Er, haha, yeah," Genma said, his smile turning rather 
sickly. "Well, I mean, not exactly take..."

	"You're here to not exactly take one of our precious 
cultural artifacts?"

	"Gosh, that's really good Japanese you speak," Genma 
said, rapidly changing the subject. "Where'd you learn it?"

	"From the previous archeologists."

	"Oh." Genma blinked. "So, what happened to them?"

	"We ate them, great kami."

	Genma sighed. "Right, okay, I deserved that. Sorry. But I 
really don't think we're here to take any of your stuff." He 
glanced at Takashi. "Are we?"

	The archeologist shook his head. "The Sukhothai Tongs 
are the relic of a people long vanished. It certainly isn't one of 
their holy objects."

	"You're here for the Tongs?" the lead tribesman said, 
looking mildly surprised. "No, those aren't ours."

	"So you have no objection to someone taking them?" Soun 
asked.

	The tribesman shrugged. "Not really. In a museum, in the 
Temple of Five Thousand Forms of Highly Gratuitous Agonizing 
Death, they're out of reach either way."

	"Great," Genma said. "In that case, if you could kinda 
point those spears somewhere else we'll just go get the Tongs 
and get out of your territory..."

	The spears stayed in place.

	"Er?" Genma said.

	The lead tribesman coughed apologetically. "I wasn't 
joking about eating the archeologists. It's hard to get enough 
protein out here. How much do you weigh?"

	"Dibs on the guy in black. I like lean cuts."

	"I'll have a rump portion off the girl in the jacket. And a 
thigh, please."

	Kiri's eyes went wide, and she took a step backwards. 
"Great. Pervert cannibal gourmets." Her voice hardened and 
raised. "You ain't getting my butt without a fight, hear me?"

	Genma retreated slowly backwards as the spears 
advanced. "Soun?"

	The lanky martial artist dropped into a fighting crouch. 
"Ready, Kasigi."

	He could hear the doubt in Soun's voice. While the two 
were good, and their three companions no slouches either, 
there were at least forty tribesmen crowding forward in a 
phalanx, all with spears. On open ground they'd still have a 
fighting chance... but backed up against a sheer cliff, the odds 
weren't good.

	Takashi coughed, a sharp, emphatic sound. Everyone in the 
clearing stopped, and looked at him.

	Then they looked at the string of grenades he was 
holding.

	"I really should have passed these out before," he said, 
waving the string about apologetically. "I suppose it just 
completely slipped my mind..."

	There was a short, sharp, final -pop-. A small piece of 
metal fell to the ground.

	-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-

	Twenty-three pins felt to the ground.

	"Whoops," Takashi murmured, voice dismayed.

	-thud-thud-thud-thud-thud-thud-thud-thud-

	The tribesman stood, frozen, and watched as the 
grenades fell to the floor and bounced about the clearing like 
olive-drab marbles. Then they screamed in unison and fled.

	"This way!" Takashi barked, and charged forward. Genma 
and the others followed him, teeth gritted, waiting for the 
explosion to blow them to bits.

	They ran along the path, shoving terrified warriors out of 
their way. The explosion didn't come.

	"What the..?" Genma began.

	"Duds," Takashi shot back. "I'm not foolish enough to 
carry real grenades. Too dangerous. I suggest you keep running."

	"Good idea," Kiri panted, pulling even with them. "I think 
the Great Chefs of Laos back there are catching on."

	Judging from the shouts of rage, Genma mused, Kiri was 
right. He ran even faster, following Takashi as the archeologist 
darted nimbly down the path, which promptly forked. One fork 
was decorated with flowers. The other was adorned with 
skulls-on-a-stick and carved stone demons.

	Genma was unsurprised when Takashi took the skull and 
demon fork.

	"We should be almost out of the woods," Takashi panted 
after a few minutes. "Literally and, hmm, figuratively."

	"They're still behind us!" Nodoka wheezed, risking a quick 
glance back. "Do something!"

	"We're almost... ah," Takashi replied. "Here we are."

	Out of the jungle rose the most hideously, blatantly, 
unabashedly evil building it had ever been Genma's displeasure 
to see.

	It was black, mostly. The blackness was interrupted by 
stretches of leprous green fungus, weeping a yellow-white 
mold. Sadly, there wasn't enough of it to completely obscure 
the carvings, which portrayed every form of perversion and 
torture that could be performed by a primitive society, and 
even a few that couldn't but which had been tried anyway. 
There were statues of things that you normally have to smoke 
massive amounts of dried mushroom to conceptualize, with 
enough tentacles, beaks, membranes, and bulging eyes for an 
entire restaurant of seafood buffets. In fact, their only virtue 
was to draw the eye away from the floor mosaics, which were, 
if possible, even worse. The angles of the walls and spires not 
only seemed to defy nature, time, and space, but also good 
building codes.

	"I can't believe we're running _towards_ this thing," 
Nodoka muttered.

	Takashi tsked and darted up the stairs and through the 
open doors. Genma and Soun paused at the entry, waiting until 
Kiri and Nodoka were safely through.

	Genma eyed the onrushing horde and sighed. This was 
almost getting to be routine. "Never again, Tendo."

	"Never again, Kasigi."

	Then they ducked inside, slammed the doors, and barred 
them.

	The tribesmen stopped outside, stared at the temple, and 
gave a collective sigh of disappointment.

	"Damn. That one in the white gi looked nice and tender."

	"Yeah. I hate fast food."

****

	Genma and Soun caught up to the others a few minutes 
later. Takashi had strolled down to the far end of the 
cavernous entry hall, and was intently examining the massive 
stone door set into its far end.

	"We've locked the savages out," Soun grandly informed 
them. "We're safe."

	"Yes, safe inside the Temple of Five Thousand Forms of 
Highly Gratuitous Agonizing Death," Kiri muttered. "I feel real 
comforted, Tendo."

	"Most interesting," Takashi murmured. "The door appears 
to be sealed by a pressure mosaic."

	"What's that?" Genma asked, feeling a sort of grim 
curiosity. Takashi shrugged.

	"It's like a code. You, hmm, hit the tiles in the right 
sequence to open the door."

	"What happens if you hit them in the wrong sequence?" 
Genma asked, suspecting that he knew the answer.

	"Terrible things, of course." Takashi gingerly reached out 
his hand towards the mosaic. "Kiritsubo-san?"

	The mechanic looked at him warily. "Yeah?"

	"Duck. Now."

	Kiri dove to the floor. Seconds later, a spinning, razor-
sharp wheel scythed through the spot her head had occupied 
moments before.

	"What the hell was that?" she yelped. Nodoka stared. Soun 
and Genma just sighed.

	"I'm afraid the room does not, hmm, react well to guests. 
Jump, Genma."

	Genma leapt backwards as a trap door opened in the floor 
below him. A glaring red glow and a sulfurous smell emerged 
from the gaping pit that it had covered, and then it shut once 
more.

	"The temple seems to have been built over an active 
volcano," Takashi said blandly. "Most, hmm, unusual. Step right, 
Nodoka."

	This time a shower of darts shot through the recently 
vacated space.

	"Pretty generic trap assortment," Genma muttered. "I was 
expecting something more spectacular."

	"Oh, these are just the opening ones," Takashi reassured 
him. "Move, Soun."

	Soun dived out of the way seconds before the giant stone 
foot came down with a rude noise in the space where he had 
been standing.

	"Funny, that was supposed to trigger a python pit, not a 
foot," Takashi remarked.

	A pit filled with hissing constrictors opened inches away 
from Kiritsubo, who yelped, teetered, and backed away 
frantically.

	"Ah, there they are. Duck, Genma."

	"Will this take much longer?" Genma asked, wincing as 
two logs crashed together above him.

	As if in answer, the door slid open.

	"Great," Kiri muttered. "Let's get outta the lobby of doom, 
grab the whatsit, and go home." She started for the door, only 
to be stopped by Takashi's outstretched hand. "What?"

	Takashi pointed towards the seemingly spartan, plain 
stone hallway. Fishing a small rock out of his pocket, he tossed 
it inside.

	*THWACK*WHOOSH*THUD*PSSSSF*SHWING*THOT*

	"Wow," Kiri said, eyes wide. "These guys take home 
security seriously. What's with the fire and the knives and the 
spikes and darts and beartraps and stuff?"

	"The builders of the temple were, perhaps, a trifle 
overzealous in their desire to keep the Tongs safe," the 
archeologist said. "This may work to our benefit."

	"How on earth will a preponderance of deathtraps work to 
our benefit, Kuno-san?" Soun said in exasperation. "Are you not 
perhaps carrying this hopeless optimism habit a bit too far?"

	"Not at all," Takashi said sunnily. Standing, he walked 
over to the entry hall's walls and began to smash away the 
surface of one of the odd plaster rectangles that lined them. 
"Genma, Soun, please help me open five of these."

	Shrugging, the pair did. After a second, Kiritsubo went to 
help as well.

	Nodoka rolled her eyes, drew her iaito, and slashed four 
times at one of the plaster coverings. It fell open.

	A dead man tumbled out.

	Nodoka gave a short yelp of alarm and stumbled 
backwards. The others turned and stared at the corpse, lying 
sprawled on the tile floor in a heap of rags, feathers, and 
rotting leather.

	"Ah, excellent job, Nodoka-san," Takashi said blandly. 
"Now, if the rest of you could each open one of your own..."

	"Why're we opening tombs?" Genma pointedly asked, 
staring uneasily at the dead man.

	"Because we need to occupy them briefly," Takashi told 
him.

	"Oh. Of course. Right." Genma scratched his head, 
shrugged, and resumed breaking open his assigned crypt. He 
hadn't expected Takashi's answer to make any sense anyway.

	When five tombs had been opened and their former 
inhabitants evicted, Takashi motioned each of them into a 
crypt. Then he stared at the hallway for a time.

	"Soun?" the archeologist finally said.

	"Yes?"

	"Do you see that stone down the corridor? The slightly 
reddish one under the fifth arch?"

	"Yes?"

	"Can you hit it with a, hmm, tossed rock?"

	Soun frowned. "Certainly, Kuno-san. Why?"

	Takashi handed him a rock. "Do so, then return to your 
alcove as quickly as possible."

	"Ah." Soun seemed to consider this. "Why?"

	"You'll die horribly, otherwise."

	"A good reason."

	Genma held his breath as Soun walked up to the corridor's 
mouth. The lanky martial artist squinted, drew his arm back, 
and threw the rock in a swift, sure motion. Then, without 
waiting to see if it hit the target or not, he dashed back into 
his assigned crypt.

	A low rumbling began to make itself known.

	"Er, Takashi?" Genma began.

	"When the boulder passes, run after it as quickly as you 
can," Takashi said, his voice sounding distant. "We should be 
safe."

	"Boulder?" Kiri said.

	"Should?" Nodoka said.

	Genma and Soun just whimpered slightly.

	And then a massive, huge, monolithic boulder crashed 
down from a chute above the temple's entry and crashed down 
the lobby towards them. 

	"Takashi!" Soun screamed. "Boulder!"

	"I know! Stay in the crypts!"

	The massive stone ball thudded down the entry hall, the 
crashing, grinding sound of its passage making Genma's teeth 
shake in his mouth. It came closer... closer... he had to fight 
down a suicidal urge to run, and instead settled for pressing 
himself as far back into the wall as possible.

	The boulder was suddenly upon, them, rolling past the 
tombs in a wave of noise, like some neolithic locomotive of 
stone. He could feel the air displaced by the sphere pressing 
him into the tomb's wall.

	And then it was past.

	"Run!" Takashi barked. "After it!"

	Dazedly, they darted out of the tomb and sprinted after 
the boulder. The massive sphere crashed through the doorframe 
of the inner passageway as if it were wet kleenex, barreling 
through the shattered portal and down the corridor.

	The elaborately trapped corridor, covered with pressure 
and motion snares.

	Jets of fire blasted it. Metal spikes blunted themselves 
against it, knifes of stone and glass and bone shattered under 
it, darts were pulverized. Razor wheels, pendulums, 
guillotines, and wires were run over and left as twisted junk. 
Acid scarred and pitted it, poisons and insects spattered 
against it.

	Some of the traps were ruined outright. Others, tougher 
or simply protected within the corridor, began to reset 
themselves for the next time.

	By the time they had, however, the Nerima expedition had 
already passed, following as close to the boulder as possible.

	And then they were past it.

	"There," Takashi said calmly, watching as the boulder 
roll towards the edge of a pit. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

	The others said nothing, contenting themselves with 
looking around at the massive room they had entered. It was 
circular in shape, with a high, Romanesque dome decorated 
with mosaic snakes far above. A pit, a dark chasm, lay in the 
center of the chamber, surrounded by a railing which the 
boulder splintered into fragments before dropping into the pit.

	"This is the chamber of the Great Serpent Sth-Ptah, 
killer of men, devourer of villages," Takashi gravely said. "Any 
who seek to pass must evade his deadly, gnashing, poisonous 
jaws. Many mighty warriors have pitted their prowess against 
his coils. None have survived."

	Nodoka swallowed. "Will Genma and Soun have to fight 
him?"

	From the pit came an odd, soft, mushy splatting sound, 
similar to the noise a Great Serpent would make after having 
an incredibly heavy boulder dropped on its head.

	"No," Takashi said, walking around the pit. "Really, I think 
more enthusiasm than intelligence was displayed in the 
construction of the temple's defenses. Come along."

	"Gosh, this is better than a theme park," Kiri muttered.

	They stopped before a small, plan door of metal. Takashi 
examined it for a few seconds, then frowned, withdrew a thin, 
sticklike bronze key, and stuck it in a hole by the door. With a 
shudder and a faint grinding noise, the portal slid open.

	Silently, slowly, they filed inside.

	The sight that greeted them was almost impressive. The 
chamber had been lined in silver, gold, and jade, jeweled 
mosaics and inlays showing scenes of agriculture and death in 
equal numbers. Guttering candles, somehow lit, sputters in 
torch scones made from human skulls. The floor was paved 
with a glittering surface of quartz.

	It was almost impressive.

	In fact, it was only the gigantic stone bowl in the center 
of the room, filled with giant stone turnips, radishes, and 
garden greens that prevented it from being impressive and 
rendered it merely slightly silly.

	Atop the bowl and the stone produce lay a plain metal 
implement, like a tuning fork with scoops on each end.

	"The Sukhothai Tongs," Takashi breathed reverently.

	Silence.

	"Do you mean to tell me," Kiri finally said, voice quiet 
and dangerous, "do you mean to tell me that we've spent the 
last week in this jungle replica of Hell for... for... for a stinkin' 
pair of prehistoric SALAD TONGS?"

	"Well, what did you expect would be in a temple 
dedicated to turnip fertility?" Takashi said reasonably. 
"Although from the altar, it appears that radishes _and_ salad 
lettuce were also venerated. This is truly a remarkable find."

	Genma and Soun just twitched slightly.

	"Wonderful," Nodoka said. "Can we go now?"

	Takashi approached the altar, examined it for a few 
seconds, and then picked up the Tongs in one fluid motion, 
twisting to one side as he did. A shower of spears passed 
harmlessly by. "Yes, Nodoka-san. We can go."

	"No, Miss Nodoka. You can't," Inji said mildly, stepping out 
from the shadows of the entryway. 

	Genma and the others spun, dropping into a fighting 
stance as they did so. Inji appeared unconcerned.

	Without warning, Soun's face flushed a deep purple. 
Seconds later, in his place stood a demonic, roaring, hideous 
figure. His indignation and loathing for Inji, combined with 
silent practice, had allowed him to unleash the Seven 
Righteous Demons Wrath attack in less than a second.

	Inji paled, and a decidedly ill look moved across his face. 
His hands trembled. He took a step back, and then a hard look 
replaced the fear.

	"Impressive," he hissed, face moving back to calm as 
Soun's aura returned to normal, drained. "Very impressive. But 
I've seen things in my quests that make that look... well, rather 
dull. Terrifying, yes, but next to the Great Old Ones? It just 
doesn't compare, friend Tendo." He waved to Takashi. "Hello, 
Kuno-san. I was wondering when you'd show yourself."

	"Kuonji-san, isn't it?" Takashi said cheerfully. "My 
memory for faces is terrible."

	Inji's left eye twitched slightly, marring his mask of 
relaxed unconcern. "Is it? Well. No matter. I'm afraid I'll have 
to ask you to give me the Tongs."

	"I'm sure you could arrange an inter-museum loan in a 
year," Takashi told him. "Just now, though, I'm afraid the 
University has first claim on them."

	"Perhaps you don't understand my point," Inji said. The 
twin-pronged knife appeared suddenly in one hand.

	"Oh, I do," Takashi said absently. "I do. But, you see, I 
have four points of my own that rather outnumber yours."

	Inji smiled thinly. "True." He looked around. "Fascinating 
place, this temple. Did you know, for instance, that the floor of 
the chamber you stand in is rigged to collapse?"

	"Why yes," Takashi said. "It was in the diagrams."

	"It's triggered by pressing... this," Inji continued, lightly 
resting his hand on a carved jade serpent protruding from the 
wall.

	"That would, of course, destroy the Tongs," Takashi 
pointed out.

	"Possibly. Or they might land between or atop a block. I 
give it a fifty-fifty chance, which is better than nothing at 
all." Inji smiled slightly, and the dagger spun in his other hand. 
"Give me the Tongs. Or I'll try my luck."

	Takashi chuckled. "My, such options. May I consult with 
my, hmm, associates first?"

	Inji shrugged. "Go ahead," he said mildly. "I'm in no 
particular hurry."

	The small group huddled around Takashi, who frowned. 
"I'm afraid he seems to, hmm, have us at a disadvantage," the 
archeologist admitted. "Unless anyone has a better idea, I'm 
going to have to give him the Tongs."

	"Sounds good to me," Kiri said.

	"Sadly, without the revenue the museum would provide 
for the Tongs, I will be unable to pay you your full wage."

	"We can't let that bastard win," Kiri righteously declared. 
"That belongs in a museum."

	Nodoka rolled her eyes. "I say we just give him the silly 
Tongs. They're not worth getting hurt over."

	Kiritsubo frowned. "They're also one of the only things 
that's keeping you alive, Saotome." She glanced at the others. 
"Inji wants her. If we give him the Tongs, I can see him quickly 
taking her out before he vanishes."

	"I'm willing to risk it," Nodoka said uneasily. "I don't 
think we have much choice in the matter anyways."

	Genma, who had been facing away from them and 
fumbling with something, turned. "Actually, I have an idea."

	"We'd love to hear it," Takashi encouraged.

	"I'll offer to fight him for the Tongs, and then-"

	"We've done this already, remember?" Kiri interrupted. 
"You lost. He'da killed you if the army hadn't shown up. Dumb 
plan, Kasigi, dumb plan."

	"I know how to beat him now," Genma said quietly. "I've 
been thinkin' about it all the way here, and I know how."

	"Don't," Kiri said, worry entering her voice. "Genma, he 
wasn't going all out last time. This time he will. He'll kill you."

	He sighed. "I know how to beat him now," he repeated. 
"Trust me, Kiri. This is my area of specialty. I wouldn't fight 
him if I didn't think I had a better than average chance, and I 
know how good he is." He swallowed, mouth dry. "It's going to 
look like I'm losing, maybe like I've lost. Just trust me. It's 
part of the plan."

	"Let me fight him as well," Soun offered. "Perhaps with 
more time to charge, the Seven Righteous Demons-"

	"Will not work," Takashi said firmly. "Inji and I have both 
looked upon things from Beyond in the course of our travels, 
and been reduced to quivering, gibbering wrecks by the sight. 
I'm afraid it's had the effect of building up a certain immunity 
to lesser horrors like your ki attack."

	"Don't worry," Genma said with a cheerfulness he didn't 
feel. "I have a plan."

	Without waiting for their approval, he turned to face the 
slim scholar-gangster. "We've got a deal for you, Kuonji."

	"Oh? Inji asked lazily. "Do go on, Kasigi."

	"It's like our last meeting," Genma told him. "I fight you. 
If you win, you get the Tongs. If we win, we get the Tongs, and 
you drop your vendetta against Nodoka."

	Inji seemed to consider the matter for a second, and then 
smiled. "That sounds reasonable. Shall we-"

	"Wait!" Kiri barked. She glared at Inji. "I know you, Inji-
kun. I want some guarantee that you'll keep your word about 
calling off the vendetta against us."

	The slim archeologist chuckled. "I'm hurt, Kiri-kun. Don't 
you trust me?"

	"I trust you to pay your debts," Kiri said bluntly. "I don't 
trust you to keep your word. I know you too well."

	"Do you?" Inji asked, amused. "A deal, then. An exchange 
of banes, just like in the old days."

	Kiri thought for a minute. "Done," she finally said, an odd 
mix of eagerness and fear in her voice.

	"A what?" Genma whispered. 

	"An exchange of banes," Kiri told him. "A secret or truth 
terrible or private enough to hold the giver to his word for fear 
of it being revealed by the other party." She winced. "Sorta a 
social version of mutually assured destruction."

	"Can't he just kill you and remove the threat that way?" 
Nodoka asked pointedly.

	"Nope. He knows I'll make arrangements for it to 
somehow get revealed in the event of my death. Of course, if I 
ever let it slip before I die, I'm hosed." She strolled over to 
where Inji stood. "Right, Inji-kun. What on earth could possibly 
put you to shame?"

	The lean killer sighed, a look of mixed reluctance and 
wistfulness entering his eyes. "Come around the corner here, 
Kiritsubo, and all shall be revealed."

	Kiri swallowed slightly, nodded to Genma and walked 
forward.

	"There's another trigger on the other side of the door," 
Inji called back as he and Kiri vanished. "Don't make any rash 
moves."

	"He is unfortunately correct," Takashi said. "I really 
should have been more wary. Careless of me." He didn't sound 
happy.

	For a time they just stared at the empty doorway that 
the two had disappeared through. 

	Then they heard Kiri yelp.

	Sucking in his breath, Genma exchanged a startled glance 
with Soun, and started to move for the door. Another sound 
stopped them. The sound of hysterical laughter.

	"I'm glad you find this so amusing," came Inji's voice, a 
mix of resigned and annoyed.

	"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

	"Do you mind?"

	"Sorry," they heard Kiri gasp. "It's just... jeez, I've known 
you for years, and I always had the feeling that there was 
something more about you than you were telling, but I thought 
it was just that you were psycho or delusional or gay or 
something."

	"I would think that you of all people would have some 
sympathy for my position," Inji said, sounding vaguely injured.

	"Oh, I do, I do. But don'tcha think you might have gotten... 
just a bit carried away with this? I mean, I was your closest 
associate, and you sure had me fooled."

	"Considering that you betrayed and tried to kill me, I 
think my caution was justified."

	"Oh, I was gonna kill ya, but I wouldn't have ever given 
you away. Jeez." A pause. "So, are you, you know..."

	"No, I am _not_."

	"Sorry, just checking."

	"Well." Another pause. "Your turn."

	There was a long silence.

	"Well," Inji's voice finally said. "I'm not sure if I should 
offer you my congratulations or condolences. Probably the 
latter, considering."

	"Condolences either way," Kiri said, her voice sounding 
regretful. "I can't win, Inji-kun. However it happens to fall."

	"You shouldn't have opposed me when-"

	"I couldn't live with myself if I hadn't. I don't want that 
death on my conscience."

	"You've changed, Kiritsubo."

	"Not that much."

	"No, I suppose not. You're trying to use this as a weapon 
against me, aren't you? Because if I-"

	"Got it in one, Inji-kun."

	"I call your bluff. I'd just kill you. And the others, since 
you seem to be such a martyr these days."

	"Look, just..." Kiri's voice trailed off. "We'll see."

	"Indeed we shall."

	The two reappeared, Kiri looking somewhat pale. "Inji's 
yours, Genma," she said, walking over to him. "I really hope you 
know what you're doing."

	He smiled at her, part of him wondering what she had 
heard and what she had revealed. "I do."

	"Be careful, Genma," Nodoka said quietly. "we believe in 
you. Don't get overconfident."

	Genma said nothing. Overconfidence would be the least of 
his problems.

	Inji strode forward, his sharp features shaped into a 
shark's grin. "Hello again, Mr. Kasigi."

	"Kuonji," he replied.

	"I'll make this quick," Inji said, and struck.

	Genma responded in a blur of motion, blocking the knife 
with long, thrusting arm parries, retreating backwards, giving 
ground. Inji was a streak against the gold and silver 
background, the knife a cold piece of lightning striking in and 
out. A slash appeared along his arm, then one on his side...

	Inji suddenly went to his full speed.

	Despite Kiri and Takashi's warnings, Genma almost died 
on the first attack. The sheer, inhuman swiftness of the 
archeologist was beyond anything he had dreamed of.

	Somehow he kept the flickering, slashing attacks from 
solidly connecting, reacting more on instinct than sight. He 
realized with chilling clarity that Saotome-sensei's training 
in reading and reacting to an opponent's ki was the only thing 
keeping him alive.

	Another grazing wound. Another. It was time to end this.

	Genma started to move into a slow, complex kata.

	Inji immediately spotted the flaw in it.

	And then Inji lunged, the attack too fast for the eye to 
follow, and plunged the twin-pronged knife into Genma's chest.

	There was a horrible scraping noise, and Genma felt a 
searing pain in his ribs. He ignored it, and struck, his fist 
solidly connecting with Inji's jaw. In striking the fatal blow, 
the archeologist had left himself too close, too open.

	Inji flew backward, the knife already falling from his 
hand. Genma jumped forward. His foot caught Inji in the 
stomach, and then his fist slammed into Inji's head.

	Kuonji fell to the floor in a heap.

	"Someone tie him up," Genma said, clutching gingerly at 
his chest.

	Kiri snatched a rope and swiftly moved to comply. "You 
okay, Genma? I looked like he got you there..."

	"He did," Genma said. Wincing, he opened his gi and 
gingerly removed a dented metal-and-leather object. "I took a 
bit of armor that one of the corpses back there was wearing, 
and gave him an opening. He took it, the dagger slid off the 
metal, and I clocked him." Another jolt of pain moved down his 
side, and he whimpered. "I think he might have fractured one of 
my ribs."

	Kiri shook her head, quickly trussing the slumbering 
gangster. "I can't believe you took him out in three hits! You 
ain't got my level of power, and you didn't get him that hard..."

	"He hasn't got our level of resistance," Soun said, nodding 
in recognition. "His speed keeps him from harm, and so he was 
undoubtedly unprepared for actually being struck."

	"In other words, he's got a glass jaw?" Kiri said. She 
finished her binding, examined her handiwork, and shrugged. 
"Makes sense, I suppose." 

	To Genma's mild discomfort, Nodoka walked over and 
kissed him on the check. "Thank you, Genma dear. Can we please 
go home now?"

	"You asked to come," he said defensively.

	"Please don't remind me."

	Soun walked over, glowing slightly. "Genma..."

	With effort, Genma removed Nodoka from his arm. "Yeah, 
Soun?"

	The lanky martial artist shot him a black look, but said 
nothing.

	"Come on," Nodoka said, sounding slightly exasperated. 
"You two have been getting along so well this trip. Please don't 
go back to trying to beat each other up over the drop of a hat."

	"He asks for it," Genma said.

	"He's gutter scum," Soun said.

	Nodoka rolled her eyes. "Men."

	"That's a nice knife, Kiritsubo," Takashi said quietly.

	Warned by something in the archeologist's tone, Genma 
turned. Kiri was kneeling by Inji, examining the ropes she had 
used to bind him. His twin-bladed knife was in her hands. She 
made no response.

	"Can I see it?" Takashi asked.

	Kiri ignored him. Her fingers tightened on the silver 
handle.

	Genma felt an odd feeling move down his spine. "Kiri? 
Why don't you give that to Takashi?"

	"Shut up, Genma," she said flatly. She turned the knife 
over, examining the blade.

	He took a step forward. "C'mon, Kiri. Step over here."

	She looked up, her eyes meeting his. They were ice blue, 
grey shadowing them, and he remembered their talk on the 
Mekong; the other side of her, the drug dealer, the thug. The 
killer, perhaps. He looked into her eyes, and saw murder there.

	"C'mon, Kiri." He didn't flinch. He really didn't care if Inji 
lived or died, but he knew what the act would do to them.

	She looked at the knife, at Inji, and sighed.

	Then she put it on the floor and slid it over to Takashi. 
"You're right. It is a nice knife. I'd recommend leaving it, 
though; Inji-kun's gonna be upset if you make off with his 
favorite piece of cutlery." She stood, and walked slowly 
towards the door.

	Moving ahead, Genma caught up with her. "You okay?"

	"I knew you were gonna say that." She shrugged. "Yeah. 
He's going to do a lot more harm, you know. That's just how he 
is."

	"Maybe. That doesn't mean you have to hurt yourself." He 
hesitantly reached out to hold her hand. "Look...why don't you 
start telling me how business went, at the end of each week? 
I'd kinda like to hear it."

	She glanced at him, startled. "Trying to keep me honest?"

	"You? Honest? Be serious. But no more hiding, okay?" He 
met her gaze. "I can handle hearing it, is what I'm saying. I'm 
not gonna hate you or nothing."

	"Like I care," she mumbled, looking away. "Thanks. It'd 
bore you to death, though."

	Takashi walked past them. "There's an exit that isn't as 
dangerous as the, hmm, entrance. We should be able to sneak 
past the cannibals and descend the gorge; the river at the 
bottom should take us to some semblance of civilization."

	The four teenagers sighed in relief as one, and followed 
him out.

	"And I ain't sitting next to Saotome on the plane home."

	"No-one's asking you to!"

	"Just making that clear."

	"Screw you, garage ape."

	"You only wish, pervert. You'll have to settle for your big 
iron phal-"

	And there was much violence.

-----------------------------

		And so we left Inji, the jungle, and the Temple of 
	Five Thousand Forms of Highly Gratuitous Agonizing 
	Death behind us. The last two would stay there. Inji 
	would not.

		The conversation between Inji and Kiritsubo haunts 
	me at times. I keep wondering how my life would have 
	turned out if I'd heard it all, or guessed, or... no, enough. 
	It probably would have wound up much the same.

		Did I do right in saving Inji? I don't know if it did 
	save him; I don't know if Kiri would have actually killed 
	him. I think - I know - that she was capable of it, and had 
	reason, but still... they remained friends, in a poisonous 
	sort of way.

		He did do great harm. And, I am forced to say, some 
	good as well. And of course the possibility of Ukyou was 
	almost slashed away with one motion of Kiri's knife hand 
	- so I suppose you should be glad things turned out as 
	they did, for her sake. She's a nice girl.

		We returned to Nerima without incident. Soun 
	seemed a bit quiet, a bit thoughtful, and less willing to 
	fight. Takashi was in high spirits, as usual. Nodoka and 
	Kiri snarled and spat at each other... I'd like to say it was 
	all a misunderstanding, but, well, your mother is a very 
	broad-minded and driven woman. I'm sure you've heard 
	what her views of manly behavior are often enough.

		So we returned to Nerima, to home. Maybe we 
	should have stayed in dull, safe Laos...