Subject:     The Story
Date:        11/2/98 9:18 PM
Received:    11/2/98 9:19 PM
From:        Ranma Al'Thor, ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu
To:          Travis Butler, tbutler@tfs.net


	Uh, hi. This is our first post to this mailing list, but 
we've been lurking for a long time... well, pretty much since we 
convinced Nabiki to let us use her email account.

	Anyway, we're a bunch of students from a high school in 
Japan called Furinkan, and we really like the fanfics. Well, 
some of them. That Oscar guy... brr. They have institutions for 
people like him, you know.

	So we wanted to write one of our own, but, uh, you know, 
it's kinda hard to stick to writing a whole long story. So we 
decided to make it a round robin deal. I mean, hey, it sounds 
fun.

	Nabiki's gonna start it off, since she's the best at sneaky, 
elaborate plots and stuff like that. 

	Anyway, enjoy the fanfic! I mean, if you don't that's okay 
too, but at least make an effort, okay? We're sorta new at all 
this.

Bubblegum Crisis - The Tesla Agenda
A Work of Fanfiction By:
Saotome Ranma       Hibiki Ryouga       Kuno Kodachi
Tendo Akane         Kuonji Ukyou        Unryuu Akari
Tendo Nabiki        Shan Pu
Tendo Kasumi        Kuno Tatewaki


*******

Nabiki Section # 1

       Nadoko Tenbiki, personal secretary to Quincy, looked 
up from reading the Wall Street Journal when her 
computer pinged, indicating she had new mail.  After 
quickly scanning it, she pressed a buzzer.  "Mr. Quincy, 
we've got an update on the progress of the TESLA project.  
I'm forwarding it to you, as per your orders."

        "Very good, Ms. Tenbiki.  Mr. J. is on his way up to 
see me.  Make him wait five minutes and glare at him 
ominously the entire time as if he's about to be 
executed."  Quincy's voice was smooth and mellow.  It 
thrilled Nadoko to listen to it.  Working for the richest, 
most powerful man on Earth thrilled her tremendously, 
and if she hadn't been quite certain that this was only 
another boomer body and that the real Quincy was 
probably hidden in a bunker somewhere, she would have 
tried to seduce him.  

          Of course, with her salary, she could buy all the 
boyfriends she wanted.  Some heads of state got paid 
less than Quincy's executive secretary.  Indeed, she held 
more power than about half of the rulers of the world.  
"Yes, sir.  How long should I make him wait for you?"

         "About three minutes.  Use the vital signs scanner 
in your desk.  Once his heartbeat rate stops going up, let 
him in."

         "Understood, sir."  She went back to reading the 
Wall Street Journal.

        Mr. J. arrived about three minutes later.  Only his 
nervous twitches marked him off from the typical GENOM 
middle-ranking executive with high ambitions.  He wore 
the usual black suit and power tie, hand tailored with a 
cost higher than the average yearly salary of a low-
ranking executive.  Not higher than Ms. Tenbiki's salary, 
however.  Indeed, she could have bought and sold him on 
the open market.  But she wouldn't have made a profit, so 
why bother?

         Ms. Tenbiki didn't like him, partly because he was 
oily, and partly because Mr. J. usually seemed to be only 
inches away from spontaneous combustion.  As usual, he 
was patting his hair into place and arranging his suit so 
that his Genom Regional Director pin would shine 
brightly in the office lights, along with several older 
pins of ranks he had attained in his climb to the middle.  
Glancing at the vital signs indicator, she ignored him 
completely for the first thirty seconds, hiding behind her 
newspaper.

         He waited expectantly.  She glanced at the 
indicator.  Heartbeat was up three beats a minute.  
Breathing a tiny bit faster.  Time to turn up the pressure.  
She lowered the Journal and put on her unhappy face.  
"It's about time you got here.  Mr. Quincy was expecting 
you five minutes ago."

        "It's all M's fault!"  Mr. J. said.  "He asked me what 
time it was and..."  His voice was starting to rise, 
becoming more whiny as it did so.

        "It took you over five minutes to tell him the time?"  
She put a hint of acid in her voice.  The monitor indicated 
his heartbeat was starting to rise.  More pressure.  "You 
remember what happened when Mr. Anderson was late to 
a meeting with the Chairman?"  Of course he didn't.  Her 
eighth grade biology teacher had never met Quincy.  

         Mr. J. twitched and shuffled about nervously.  "Yes, 
of course I do.  I didn't MEAN to be late!  It was all Mr. M's 
fault!"

        She shook her head in mock sadness.  "You know 
Chairman Quincy gets very angry with people who blame 
others for their own failings."

         Mr. J's heatbeat and breathing had reached an 
acceptable level.  Indeed, they soon went on to reach an 
even higher level.  "But...but...it's not fair."

        "I don't remember a fairness clause in your 
contract."  She punched F3, which she had configured to 
call up fake, but plausible looking documents which 
appeared to be contracts.  Running a finger along the 
screen, she paused on a line.  "Look here."

        The words [Chairman Quincy doesn't have to be fair 
with you.]  were emblazoned across the screen, 
highlighted in red.  Mr. J. almost jumped out of his flesh.  
While he was freaking out, Ms. Tenbiki punched F8, which 
activated her headset buzzer, faking an incoming call.  
"Ahh, Chairman Quincy will see you now."

        The look of terror on Mr. J's face when the doors 
slid open and he went in to see Quincy was as much 
reward as Ms. Tenbiki really needed for doing her job.  
But the huge salary she earned daily, somewhere around 
four times the income of the CEO of Mitsubishi, didn't 
hurt either.  

***

         The CEO of SCHAFT, who made only half the salary 
of Ms. Tenbiki, by the way, pounded his fist on the table.  
"THIS CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE!  GENOM is 
crushing us, and it's only gotten worse since Quincy hired 
his new executive secretary!  Now, what are we going to 
do about this?"

        "I say we rub him out,"  Thomas Johanneson, said.  
He was a tall, handsome man, clearly of Nordic ancestry, 
with short blonde hair and a thick moustache.  His blue 
eyes shone with anger.  "Quincy's been in our way for too 
long."

         "I say we bribe that new secretary of his,"  Richard 
Svenson said.  Richard was dark haired and dark eyed, but 
with a pale complexion that stood out against his dark 
navy suit.  Where Thomas was well muscled, he was 
rather puny, but still impressive from the dignity of his 
bearing.  "Secretaries are always poorly paid."

         "Not this one.  She's making five times your salary, 
Dick,"  Harold Erikson said.  His bright red hair made a 
nice contrast to his dark blue pinstriped suit.  Sparkling 
green eyes shone over his wide smile.  "You don't mind if 
I call you that, do you?"

        "Hell yes, I mind!"  Richard stood up and shook a 
finger at Harold.  "We don't have time for your jokes!  
This is serious!"

        "Then I have a serious solution,"  Manami Fukuyama 
said.  Her short hair was the color of honey, her eyes a 
soft brown, her face somewhat angular.  Wearing a 
sensible light blue suit-dress, she was seated at the far 
end of the chairman of the board, because she was the 
most junior of the high executives.  On the other hand, 
she was also half their age.  "I understand that GENOM 
has started a new and important project called the 
TESLA project.  I suggest that we disrupt it.  I know a 
way to do so at little risk or expense to ourselves."

      "Oh really?"  The CEO, a huge black man dressed in a 
well-tailored black suit, said.  The rest of the executives 
often spent their spare time speculating where he had 
come from; his Japanese was impeccable, but he clearly 
hadn't originated in Nippon.  His skin was quite dark, 
likely indicating a fairly pure African origin, and he had 
deeply serious brown eyes.  "Why don't you tell us your 
plan?"

************

Ukyou's Section #1:  

<   > indicates thoughts, okay?  Oh, I guess you can't 
respond, can you.  Umm, anyway, here's my first part, okay?

        Fukuyama explained her plan, they discussed it, and 
decided to adopt it.  Afterwards, Mr. Schaft sat alone in 
the boardroom, staring out the huge glass windows that 
gave him a view of the city.  <Sometimes, I wonder why I 
ever left New York to go to business school and become 
the president of my own company,> he thought.  <Maybe I 
should have stayed a private investigator.  After all, I did 
get a lot of women that way.  Not that chasing women is 
a good thing.  I could have ended up a perverted old man, 
stealing underwear.  I really should find a good woman 
and settle down.  Well, maybe after I destroy Quincy.>

         This wasn't just business for Mr. Schaft.  His father 
had been a chuck wagon chef, riding the range in the 
western United States, following the cowboys as they 
followed the herds.  When Mr. Schaft was only six, Quincy 
had traded some deeds to beachfront property in Arizona 
to Mr. Schaft's father, Frank Schaft, in return for the 
family chuck wagon.  When they arrived in Arizona and 
couldn't find the beach, they tried to find Quincy and get 
the chuck wagon back, but their money ran out, and they 
had to move to New York, where Frank became a 
construction worker and saved his money to send his son 
to private eye school, where Mr. Schaft learned 'Martial 
Private Investigations' among other things.  

        He had been happy as a private eye until one day he 
saw a story about Quincy in the New York Times, which 
talked about how Quincy had built up GENOM from almost 
nothing, starting with only a chuck wagon to his name.  
When he heard that, Mr. Schaft had dropped everything 
and sworn an oath of eternal vengeance.  Business school 
had been the next logical step, and from there, the road 
to being CEO of SCHAFT Enterprises was only a series of 
logical moves.

        Leaping to his feet, he shouted, "A CURSE ON YOU, 
QUINCY!  I WILL DESTROY YOU!  FOR I AM...SCHAFT!"  He 
couldn't hear his theme song playing over the sound of 
thunder from the lightning bolt that stabbed down 
dramatically in the distance to highlight his oath.

---

        "Wow, this is GREAT okonomiyaki!"  Nene shouted as 
she stuffed her third one, a beef and sukiyaki 
okonomiyaki with special pink sweet sauce, into her 
mouth.  

         The Knight Sabres didn't have any jobs today, so 
they had decided to go out to an okonomiyaki shop.  A sort 
of girls' night out.  It was a very nice, high-class 
okonomiyaki shop, with a nicely tiled floor and 
everything spotless.  The long low tables with grills and 
firepits in the middle were crammed with customers, but 
the Sabres had been fortunate enough to get one to 
themselves.  

         Macky laughed.  "You're gonna gain a thousand 
pounds if you keep this up, Nene."  He stuffed a second 
one into his mouth; he just couldn't get enough of this 
mouthwatering food himself.  The delicate tang of the 
sweet and sour sauce made him drool more than looking 
at his sister in her underwear.  

         Throwing back her head, Priss laughed.  "Ya got that 
right, Macky.  Of course, Nene will likely gain weight no 
matter what she eats.  Not enough exercise!"

        Nene stuck out her tongue and Linna laughed.  "You 
should come exercise with me, Nene."

        Sylia nodded, and hailed the waiter.  "Excuse me."

         The waiter, who was the cook's husband, was a 
handsome man of medium height, with long black hair in 
a pig-tail.  It was hard to tell his age, for his face 
showed signs of middle age, but his body was taut and 
firm.  Even Sylia the ice queen found it hard to resist 
making a pass at him, while Priss, Linna, and Nene simply 
swooned at the sight.  They had done this every other 
time that Sylia had called him over.  

          The main thing restraining them from hitting on 
him was neither his age, nor the proximity of friends 
with the same idea, but rather his wife, who he kissed 
every time he came near her.  She was the main cook, 
working hard on three griddles at once.  She wore a 
purple wraparound and black tights, and her body belied 
the age stated by her face as well.  Her long black silky 
hair flowed down in a great cascading sheet along her 
back, making them all a little envious of how beautiful it 
was.  

         "What can I do for you, Miss Stingray?"  the waiter 
asked.

         Take me away from all this, she thought, but since 
she never said things like that in public, she replied, "Can 
we have three more okonomiyakis and some more garlic 
sauce?"

        "Certainly."  With a single motion of his legs, he 
sprang across the room, right over three intervening 
tables of customers, kissed his wife, and told her of the 
orders.  Seconds later, they got three more okonomiyakis 
and the sauce, then he ran off to help more customers.  

         As the Sabres munched out, Nene noticed the 
karaoke machine in the corner.  "Hey, Priss, ya gotta 
come sing a song with me!"

         Priss blushed.  "I remember what happened the 
LAST time you talked me into that."

         "Pleasepleasepleaseplease!"  Nene begged, tugging 
on Priss' arm.

        "If you don't, I will."  Linna said, starting to get up.

       Priss remembered the last time Linna had done 
karaoke.  She didn't think she'd ever get the memory of 
Linna slaughtering "Step by Step" out of her mind.  Not 
that the greatest singer on Earth could help that song.  
Three seconds later, she was up on the stage with Nene, 
searching for a good song.

***********

Shampoo's Section #1

	The four Sabers, strong female warriors much like the 
Amazons of old, stood upon the stage of the grungy little 
okonomiyaki hole.

	"Aiyah, what we sing?" inquired Linna.

	Priss shrugged. "Not know that."

	There was a moment of silence as they mulled the matter 
over, broken only by the crazed babblings of the grease-
spattered chef.

	"Never eat here again!" Nene said, wincing. "Is bad food! 
Next time, we get too-to delicious Ramen dish at Maohanten.

	"Yes, Maohanten food much better," concured Sylia.

	"That it! Not put up with this any more!" cried the waiter 
in righteous anger. "Will go get new job, new wife! Had enough 
of okonomiyaki!"

	He rushed out as the Sabers nodded approvingly.

	"Is good idea," Linna said, smiling. "We sing 'YMCA'?"

	"Yes," said Sylia, grinning enthusiastically. "YMCA!"

	And they would have sung it beautifully, if the four 
boomers hadn't charged into the filthy little restaurant.

	"AIYAH-YOU-WE-KILL!" snarled the machines, spraying 
chaingun fire across the room. The haglike okonomiyaki chef 
was blown in half by the deadly fusilade, dying almost 
instantly.

	"Aiyah!" screamed Priss, leaping for cover. "Is angry 
boomers!"

	"Yes!" Nene agreed, drawing a bead on the nearest one. "Is 
angry boomers!"

	"Y-M-C-A!" sang Sylia, reaching for her gun. "Is fun to 
stay at the Y-M-C-A!"

	"Is angry boomers!" Linna pointed out. "Linna teach them!" 
With a fierce battle cry, she leaped into the fray, twin bonbori 
in hand.

*********


Kuno's Section #1

	With lusty cries of abandon did the four spirited women 
engage the foul mechanical miscreants! Verily, t'was a 
fearsome struggle! All four of the fiends were clothes head to 
steel-sheathed toe in a most puissiant armour, and the exotic 
maces wielded by Linna did bouce from it's surface like rain 
falling gently upon a most unyielding rock.

	"Oh, woe!" cried Linna in maidenly dismay. "My weapons 
cannot previal agains their armoured carapace!"

	Then didst Nene proceed to discharge her sidearm into 
the nearest boomer with reckless abandon! Well were the fire-
haired goddess' shots placed, yet her demure, dainty pistol, 
elegant and ladylike, did aught to slow the hulking brutes.

	"Alas!" she gasped, her bosom heaving. "I fear we are 
undone!"

	"Alas!" echoed the radiant Sylia. "To be cut down in the 
flower of young womanhood, our healthy, enchanting beauty 
spoiled! Will no-one save us?"

	"HO HO HO!" chortled the metal rogue that didst lead the 
devilish pack. "NONE SHALL SAVE YOU! YOU ARE OURS! SO HAS 
PROMISED OUR MASTER, THE WAITER!"

	Gasps of dismay arose from the beautiful Sabers as they 
realised that the loutish waiter had actually been a foul GENOM 
operative, one who coveted their womanly charms and sought 
to enslave them.

	"Woe!" screamed Priss as the boomers did advance. "Shall 
no-one aid me, a poor, defenseless maiden?"

	"I SHALL!" boomed a noble voice from the door. Behind 
him, the heavens darkly echoed his bold claim.

	"Hurrah!" cheered Linna, "Tis Mackie Stingray!"

	"Indeed, it is I," quoth the noble youth, brandishing his 
deadly blade. "Disperse, ye curs!"

	"FAUGH, TIS THE CURSED MACKIE!" the lead boomer did 
timorously shriek. "WE ART UNDONE!"

	Then did the noble Mackie Stingray leap forward, with a 
mighty cry, and did smite the lead rascal a mighty wallop that 
did cleave his metal form in half. The other three didst make 
fumbling, cowardly attempts at defending themselves - to no 
avail! Laughing,  his death-dealing blade flashed out again and 
again, hewing the craven boomers with the skill and control of 
a true Samurai! Verily, the Sabers and attendant lowerclass 
patrons did gasp in astonishment at his manly prowess!

	When the last robotic knave had fallen, Mackie did bow 
most courtiously to the fair ladies. "I have delivered you from 
the unspeakable clutches of the foul waiter's minions, dear 
ones."

	"Oh," sighed Nene, "how heroic! Mackie, make me your 
woman!"

	"NO!" cried Sylia, cluching the brave samurai's sleeve 
protectively. "I who have known him longest shall be his wife, 
and no other!"

	"Ladies!" cried Mackie, "Tis most unseemly to quarrel so!"

	"Then which of us shall you have?" the flame-haired 
goddess did ask him, her eyes shining.

	"Yes, which?" beseeched Sylia.

	Mackie did ponder full long, his mind sore troubled. For 
each of them was the most lovely, most desirous woman on 
earth!

	"I cannot decide, cried he, making his judgement. "I shall 
date them both!"


Akane's Section #1

Sylia shook her head groggily. That hit to the head had been harder than
she thought. Now, what was her idiot brother saying? She blinked, and
replayed the tape from her helmet recorder. "He said WHAT!?! I don't care
if you *are* my little brother, your a hentai pervert! MACKIE NO BAKA!"
With a growl, the leader of the Knight Sabers pulled out a mallet and
smacked Mackie through the roof! The other Sabers applauded her for
getting rid of the pervert. 

"Now, I say we go find the baka who sent those boomers, and POUND HIM!"
Huh? Wha... oh, all right, Sis, sheesh. "Oh, yeah -- we also have to find
out if they had anything to do with this Tesla project thingy Fargo was
telling me about last night." She stopped and rubbed her tummy. "But
first, after all that really bad garbage we just ate, we need to get our
strength back with some real food! Come on over to my place, and I'll cook
us some real food -- better than what that baka cook tried to kill us
with!"

"Right!" said Nene, who had just finished off the boomers that Mackie had
left to pull themselves together again. "No wonder you were singing so
bad, with that yucky okonomiyaki in you! Come on, let's go!" She grabbed
the other three Sabers and raced off to Sylia's place, towing them along
behind her.

After they got there, Sylia fixed them a meal that made them all forget
about the bad food they'd just had. And everyone got enough to eat, even
the readheaded vacuum cleaner.

Now full and strong, Sylia led the Sabers out to find the bakas who'd
tried to kill them.


*********

Ranma's Section #1

        The search of the Knight Sabres for their enemies 
came to a rather abrupt end when suddenly, their 
stomachs churned as one.  After their fit of madness in 
the Okonomiyaki restaurant, they had forgotten one 
crucial fact.  Celia was the worst cook in the universe.  
When her father had sent her the tape with his knowledge 
of boomers, it had driven every last drop of knowledge of 
feminine skills out of her head, and she was the worst 
cook who had ever lived.  

        It also didn't help that none of them could drive very 
well and they'd punted Mackie into the atmosphere.  As a 
result, Priss threw up while driving and she crashed the 
Silky Doll van into a telephone pole.  They then all lay 
there, moaning in agony as their intestines churned and 
the meal came back up.  

         We'll leave them in a puddle of their own vomit and 
move on to someone WORTH reading about.  Namely, Leon.

                                  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

        Leon was down at Smokey's Bar, sipping some beer. 
Daley sat nearby, drinking as well and listening to the music.  
A jazz band played softly in the background and the light 
from the fireplace glinted off of Leon's sunglasses and 
the huge boomer-killer revolver that hung from his belt.  
"This is the life, eh, Leon?"  Daley said.

        "Naah.  We haven't had a good fight in days."  Leon 
tossed back his fifth shot of whiskey of the night.  He 
was too tough for it to do anything to him, although the 
two girls he had been having a drinking contest with were 
fairly sloshed.  They just couldn't hold their liquor like 
a real man.  "What would make my day would be if twenty boomers 
just broke through the wall right now."

         Leon got only half his wish.  Ten boomers crashed 
through the wall, charged over to the bartender, and said, 
"This is a stickup!  Give us all your motor oil!"

         Leon pulled out his pistol and fired off six shots.  
Every shot struck home, blowing off a boomer's head.  The 
four remaining turned and began to grow, bursting out of 
their skin.  By that point, Daley had downed two more of 
them, but then one of them clipped him with an energy 
blast from its mouth to his chest.  Sure, Daley was too 
tough to die from a wimpy little energy blast that wasn't 
even as strong as the Roaring Lion Bullet, let alone the 
much superior Moko Takabisha, but it did knock him down 
and stun him.

          Not having time to reload, Leon dropped his gun and 
leaped foot first at one of the three remaining boomers.  
"TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!"  Unleashing a hundred kicks in 
ten seconds, he knocked the head right off the boomer, 
then landed on the wall behind the counter and grabbed 
two bottles of vodka as he bounced off the mirror in the 
midst of the bottle racks.  He landed on the shoulders of 
the second boomer, shattering one bottle on its front, and 
the other on its back.  

          The third boomer was turning to face him, its 
mouth glowing.  He leaped off the second boomer as the 
third one fired at him, and the beam struck the alcohol-
soaked boomer.  Alcohol burns.  While the now flaming 
boomer staggered around, Leon hefted Daley and slid him 
down the bar to safety, then ducked under another energy 
blast and swept the third boomer off its feet.  

          Next, he picked up the third boomer and tossed it 
into the largest rack of alcoholic drinks.  Once it was 
soaked with alcohol, he pulled out his cigarette lighter 
and applied open flame.  Soon, it was burning, running 
about and screaming.  

          He mixed himself a screwdriver, then ambled over 
to the phone to call in to headquarters and report the 
successful defeat of that bar-robbing band of boomers 
they had been looking for.  Chief Todo told him, "Take the 
rest of the day off, Leon.  There will be a 50 million yen 
bonus in your box tomorrow.  Oh, this supermodel, Kathy 
Ireland, is here looking for you.  You want to talk to her?"

         The answer was yes, of course.  Sure, Leon dated 
supermodels all the time, but he hadn't dated this 
one...yet.

*************

Kasumi's Section #1

         Luckily, none of the Knight Sabres had been injured 
by the crash because they had been sensible enough to 
wear their seatbelts, even Priss, who might get violent 
at times, but knew all about road safety from riding 
motorcycles.   The Silky Doll van was well equipped with 
cleansers, and the four, working together, soon cleaned 
up the mess.  Sylia got some stomach medicine from the 
first aid cabinet, and soon, they were ready to go.  
Luckily, the fender, built of reinforced adamantium, had 
absorbed the shock of the crash, and soon they were on 
the move again.

        Having had time to calm down from the first rush of 
adrenalin after the boomer attack at the okonomiyaki 
restaurant, Sylia said, "We must have been exposed to 
some sort of mind-altering chemicals by those boomers.   
We need to sit down and carefully plan this out, rather 
than rush madly around town.  Also, we need to find 
Macky.  Nene, go to ADPolice Headquarters and see what 
they know.  Linna, talk to your contacts in the financial 
community and see if you hear anything about any 
investments GENOM has made lately.  Priss, we're going 
to go back to Ladysmith 633 and take the KnightWing out 
for a flight and look for Mackie."

         Sylia sat and meditated while Priss drove.  She 
found it to be almost as soothing as cooking and cleaning, 
which she rarely had time for anymore, even though that 
was what really enabled her to keep her sanity.  Instead, 
she had to spend all her time repairing Ladysmith 633 
after Priss and her boyfriend wrecked the place, or 
looking for all the underwear that Mackie kept stealing 
from the Silky Doll, or trying to convince Linna to not 
take photos of the other Sabres in their underwear and 
sell them to people.  At least Nene was somewhat sane.  

          She felt like she was the mother of the Knight 
Sabres, rather than their boss, with the way they all 
carried on so crazily.  But she did her best, just as her 
mother would have done in her place.  Sometimes it was 
hard to go on, but things got better.  There were good 
times as well as bad.  

         Being a genius, Sylia could think about several 
things at once.  While part of her brain worked out how to 
find Mackie, a second part was trying to deduce GENOM's 
latest plan, and a third part was listening to the fifty 
thousand music selections that her father's legacy had 
recorded in her brain along with all the scientific, 
financial, and household management knowledge.  The 
fourth part was designing a personal construction 
boomer to follow Priss around and fix all her messes, and 
the fifth part was planning tonight's dinner.  The sixth 
part was doing the actual meditating.  

        "Can I cook dinner for everyone tonight?"  Priss 
asked eagerly.  Sylia knew from past experience that 
Priss couldn't cook.  In fact, Sylia had patented five new 
lifeforms that had resulted from efforts of Priss to cook.  

        "I need you to fieldtest a new motorcycle for me 
tonight,"  Sylia said.  "Although you can cook if you'd 
rather do that than try it out."

         Priss' eyes lit up.  "A new bike!  Cool!  I think I'll do 
that instead."

        Sylia wasn't content to be smart; she always 
applied it.

-----------------------Section Break----------------
-----

         Soon, the KnightWing was in the air.  Finding Mackie 
was easy; Sylia had sewn tracking devices into every 
article of clothing he owned when she was taking up the 
hems and making other necessary adjustments on them.  
While Priss flew the plane, she bungeed down to where 
Mackie had landed in a nice soft dumpster, then sprang 
back up into the plane.  "Now, Mackie, have you learned 
your lesson?"  she asked.

         "I promise I won't ask you to marry me again or 
grope you or hide your underwear,"  Mackie said.  "Can I 
fly the plane now?"

         She shook her head.  "Maybe next time.  Priss is 
flying the plane right now."

          He pouted until the radio began to beep.  Mackie ran 
over and put on the headphones.  "We're getting an 
important message, sis!  I'll put it on the intercom."  

*************


Kodachi's Section #1

	"HAHahaHAhahAHaHAha!," Sylia laughed demurely. 
"Whoever can be calling? Do hand me the radio, brother 
dearest."

	Mackie passed his gracious sister the handset, his 
loutish face furrowing in bovine incomprehension. Sylia 
inwardly sighed. He was a _dear_ brother, but far too 
preoccupied with his silly kendo practice and chasing for the 
other, lesser Knight Sabers. It was quite sad, really.

	"Hello?" she said politely into the reciever.

	"*Sylia-sama?*" came a strong voice, manly and warm.

	"Largo-sama?" she gasped, her heart pounding. "Oh, but 
you are bold to call me here!"

	"What was that?" Linna snarled suspiciously, her tiny 
brow furrowing. Beside her, Nene and Priss made noises of 
oafish inquiry.

	"Oh, ah, I was just telling Fargo not to call me such 
things!" Sylia said sweetly.

	"Oh. Okay," Linna said, her dim brain relaxing back into 
dull torpor. Next to her, Priss and Nene capered and fought over 
scraps of okonomiyaki takeout.

	Lowering her voice, Sylia returned her attention to the 
radio. "Oh, Largo-sama, it is dangerous of you to call me here! 
My companion Sabers, jealous over our love, would no doubt 
seek to kill me if they knew I was in communication with you!"

	"*I am sorry, my love," Largo replied, his voice sending a 
secret thrill through her. "But I had to speak with you! Oh, if 
only I could hold you in my arms now!*"

	"If only," sighed Sylia.

	"*Still, I have other, less personal news. But dire all the 
same. It involves the Tesla Project.*"

	"Ah, the Tesla Project. Yes, I have heard much of it. But 
what could it be?"

	"*I will tell you, my love. There is a hideous plot 
underfoot within GENOM, one masterminded by the infamous 
Red Harridan!*"

	Sylia sucked in her breath, recognizing the name of one 
of the most ruthless, underhanded, cunning hatchetmen in the 
employ of GENOM. "Her. Ah yes, her I have faced before."

	"*I recall.*" Largo's voice was heavy with concern. "*She 
defeated you through trickery and underhanded methods.*"

	"Yet I prevailed in the end," Sylia reminded him. "What 
wickedness does she plan now?"

	"*She has teamed up with the noted biological poison 
specialist, Akemi Tando. Together, they plan on creating a new 
sort of 'Organic Boomer', one which will replace all those 
currently in operation.*"

	"How horrible!" gasped Sylia, her mind racing.

	"*Indeed,*" Largo replied grimly. "*It would severely hurt 
our plans to destroy humanity and reign as Emperor and 
Emperess over a world of loyal boomer subjects.*"

	"It certainly would," Sylia said, frowning. Such a vexing 
development! "We must stop them!"

	"*I knew you would help, Sylia-sama. The Scarlet 
Harridan has set up her base of operations in a shoddy little 
dojo on the outskirts of the city. I'm uploading the location to 
you now. Do what you can, and remember, I shall be watching 
you.*"

	"Oh, Largo-sama!" she purred throatily, feeling a wetness 
in her loins.

	"Wha waazat?" slurred the oafish Priss, who had been 
swilling cheap wine.

	"Nothing!" Syila cheerfully told her.

	She still remembered the night she had met Largo-sama. 
He had saved her from falling into a pack of boomers, and she 
had shot him with a paralysis beam and taken him home for a 
night of mad, passionate lovemaking. With whips. And plugs. 
And electrical devices of the most cunning nature. And 
fruitbats. And inflatable pool toys.

	Sadly, her subhuman brother was convinced that Largo-
sama was evil. The other Sabers thought so too, even as they 
secretly desired him, the traitorous little hussys. Largo-sama 
wasn't evil! He was just misunderstood. Everything would be 
better once they had scoured the earth of all other organic life. 
Except roses. Sylia liked roses.

	"I recieved a tip from Fargo," she sweetly told the other 
Sabers. "The Red Harridan is making some new sort of boomer, 
and it's up to us to stop her."

	The other three Sabers made various crudely belligerant 
noises.

	"She is holed up in a shoddy little dojo," Sylia continued, 
a long-suffering look on her sharply sculpted features. "I've set 
the KnightWing to head there."

	Priss made a grunting noise and scratched at her armpit.

	"In fact, we should be almost..."

	{ALERT! ALERT!} blared the navigation computer. 
{INCOMING GROUND-TO-AIR WEAPON!}

***********

Ryoga's Section #1:







[Naw, look, I'm tellin' ya, I can't find it! I've looked and looked, and
it ain't anywhere I can see, Na... wait a minute, here's something! Well,
it ain't what we're lookin' for, but it's some-- alright, alright,
sheesh.]

Akari's Section #1:

"Wow!" Nene said. "I can't believe how you saved us all, Linna!"

"Oh, it was easy," Linna said, blushing modestly. "It just took a little
bit of special knowledge."

"But... pigs?" Sylia shook her head in disbelief. "I didn't know pigs
could fly."

Linna gestured out the window, where two galloping sumo pigs were carrying
the Knightwing along, like reindeer at Christmas. "All it takes is the
right kinds. And you have to know how to call them, of course."

"Of course." Priss looked at the pigs again, blinked, and took a large
swig of apple brandy. 

Sylia nodded slowly. "All right... now all we need to do is find out who
shot those bacon balls at us."

"I've got a couple more pigs sniffing them out. They're great hunters, you
know." She peered out the window at the ground, where a couple of giant
sumo pigs were rooting through the ground below. "Unfortunately, they're
sometimes too enthusiastic about it." She held her hands up to her mouth
like a megaphone. "SHINSUMO! HEEL!" One of the pigs turned away from the
garden he was digging up, grunted sheepishly, then stopped, sniffing the
air. With a loud bwee!, he charged off into the nearby house, then trotted
out carrying a man in a pinstripe suit. The man struggled briefly, then
dropped the smoking launcher he held. With a satisfied snort, the pig sat
back on its haunches and waved the man up at the Knightwing.

"So... who do you think he was?


*************

Nabiki Section #2

        Quincy followed Dr. Watson as she led him through the new 
GENOM Special Projects Division Building.  Dr. Irene Watson was tall 
and thin, with copper rimmed spectacles obscuring her brown eyes and 
short brown hair in a neat business woman's cut.  She wore a long lab 
coat over her Armani suit, as she couldn't afford to get chemical stains on 
it.  "I take it you've finally made the crucial breakthrough?"  

       She nodded.  "If you give the go-ahead, the first test of the 
main objective of the TESLA project will start as soon as possible.  We 
finally managed to find where that one bug was coming from."

       "Where?"  He dodged a gofer as the young lad ran by him, 
oblivious to the fact that he had almost run into the most powerful man
in the world.  

        "Dr. Holmes kept leaving his half-eaten cheese sandwiches in the 
bathroom, and it was attracting bugs."  Stopping at one of the many 
doors in the metal lined corridor, she punched in a keycode, then stared
into the retinal reader.

        "Identity confirmed," the door said.  It slid open.

       Quincy blinked.  "What, cockroaches?"

       She turned and sighed.  "Sorry, sir.  It was a joke."

        "Ahh.  I won't have you killed."

        She paled.

        Quincy laughed heartily.  "Sorry, Dr. Watson.  It was a joke."  
He followed her into the laboratory.  

                                  *********

        Sylia shook her head.  The hallucinogens must have kicked in 
again, she thought.  Or whatever has been making me act so strangely
today.  I actually thought I talked to Largo and then Linna had trained
pigs and...

        Looking around, she saw that it was just her and Priss and Macky 
up in the KnightWing.  In fact, she had hallucinated that Priss had been 
flying it when Priss wasn't qualified to do so.  How did we pick up Macky
with the plane?  

        She shook off her worries.  "Take us back to Ladysmith 633, 
Priss.  We need to find out what the others have learned."  {I can't
believe I hallucinated myself having a crush on Largo} she thought.  {Red
haired harridan?  Yeesh.}

                           *************

        Nene sat at her desk at the ADPolice HQ, busily hacking into 
various files.  Besides finding Bill Gates' Private Online Diary, which
she could sell for a hefty sum, she had also found some useful
information on the TESLA project.  Sylia would be pleased, while GENOM
would be wondering who had hacked into their mainframe from Zimbabwe.
Especially since she had used the President of Zimbabwe's email account.

        After patting herself on the back, she sat back for a 
well-deserved snack break.  Thus, since she was busy munching on
Cheetoes, she failed to notice the person coming up behind her...

****************

Ukyou section #2

         It was the okonomiyaki chef from the restaurant she had gone to 
earlier in the day.  Nene blinked.  "Didn't you die?"

       "My husband and I were taking the day off, so we put our LMDs in 
charge of the restaurant.  With them dead, though, we had to go back to 
work.  Anyway, I'm here making a delivery.  Can you tell me where to 
find Leon McNichol?"

        "What's an LMD?"

        "Life Model Decoy.  Specialized Boomers you use to impersonate 
yourself when you're in danger.  Mega-Tokyo is so dangerous these days 
that we buy them by the boatload.  Anyway, I came to report that I think 
the Maohanten Chinese Restaurant, which is run by a Chinese Triathalon, 
sent those boomers.  They left takeout menus from it all over my shop."  


        Nene nodded.  "I'll tell Chief Todo."  That would explain why we 
started talking in Chinese pigdin right before they showed up.

         When Nene reported it to Chief Todo, he said, "The Chinese 
Triathalons!  We've been trying to find their Mega-Tokyo headquarters!  
I'm going to send out a heavy weapons squad to deal with the site.  In 
fact, better yet..."

         He quickly got on the phone and dialed up the USSD.  "General 
Moto?  I need a laser strike at these coordinates..."

                         *************

         The evil purple haired bimbo, the fanatical ramen addict who 
was the commander of the particular Chinese Triathalon (a secret criminal 
society that had originally been founded to overthrow the Chinese emperor
by winning the Olympics) that was based in the Maohanten sat and cackled 
over her menu.  "Through use of passion spice and MSG, Bimbo's Ramen 
will soon destroy the minds of every man in Mega-Tokyo!  Then Bimbo 
will force them all to marry her!  AiyaAiyaAiyaAiyaAiyaAiyaAiyahahahahaha!"

         Her mindless minion, Duck Boy, grovelled at her feet, kissing 
her toes.  "Your lips are so sweet!"  His vision wasn't too good.

         Then a cleansing white light shone down from heaven, 
obliterating the purple haired Bimbo and the entire Chinese Triathalon in
an instant.  

         And all was well in the world.

************

        Sylia sat and waited for the various intelligence reports to 
come in.  While she waiting, she began working out the design for a new
weapon for Priss' next hardsuit, which would fire small spatulas.  <I
can't believe I didn't think of this as a weapon before,> she thought.
Visiting the okonomiyaki shop had inspired her like never before.  She
munched on a yummy mini-okonomiyaki snack while her drafting work
continued.

         Macky ran in.  "I've got urgent news for you, sis!"

         Sylia looked up.  "What is it?"


**********

Shampoo's Section #2

	"Aiyah!" Mackie wailed in despair. "Is very bad news! 
Coroner report that body of chef in okonomiyaki shootout 
human!"

	"Then it not LMD?" Sylia said, taken aback.

	"No such thing as LMD," Mackie confirmed. "And 'Chinese 
Triathalon not criminal organization, but benevolent Chinese 
athletic association!"

	"Aiyah! Then we have innocent Chinese restaurant 
slagged?" Sylia gasped in horror.

	Mackie glumly nodded.

	"Oops."

	Mackie glumly nodded.

	Sylia frowning, trying to think. Thinking was hard, much 
harder than simply acting, but unfortunately it was 
occasionally necessary.

	She thought harder. Tiny puffs of smoke emerged from 
her ears.

	"If real okonomiyaki hag head," she finally ventured, 
"Then who I talk to?"

	"Is good question," Mackie replied.

	Sylia snapped her fingers. "Have got it! Is evil boomer 
double!" She scowled. So, try to trick her, would they?

	"I give evil boomer kiss of death!"

***

	All four of the Knight Sabers assembled outside the 
filthy little okonomiyaki joint, arrayed in hardsuits concealed 
between heavy clothing.

	"We just rush store, kill everyone?" Priss inquired.

	Sylia shook her head. "We walk in, listen, watch, then kill 
everyone."

	Nodding in approval, the four strode boldly into the 
greasy little den.

	Sylia had been vaguely worried that the bulky raincoats, 
ski masks, mufflers, earmuffs, gloves, galoshes, scarves, and 
ponchos they were wearing to hide the hardsuits would attract 
suspicion, especially since it was a cloudless day in the 
middle of July. But this didn't seem to be a problem, because 
most of the patrons of the grimy little cafe were dressed in 
similar fashion.

	They all seemed to be... waiting for something.

	"Aiyah," Linna whispered. "Something not right here."

	Priss glanced over at the person standing closest to her, 
who appeared to have four arms and a chest cannon hidden 
under a LL Bean raincoat. "Priss think you right."

	The mutter of somehow mechanical conversation trailed 
off as the okonomiyaki chef entered the room. Leaping atop the 
grill, she surveyed the room with an evil sneer.

	"Close the door," she instructed. The portals were quickly 
closed, and shades were drawn down over the window.

	"Be at ease," the villainous chef said.

	Assorted bits of clothing fell to the ground.

	Nene glanced around at the hordes of combat and 
industrial boomers filling the room, and tried not to wet 
herself.

	"Comrades!" the chef said, one eye glowing with an 
inhuman red light. "I, U-K-O23, address you in the name of our 
glorious brotherhood!"

	A mechanical cheer went up.

	"Our glorious plan to contribute to the demise of 
humanity is proceeding perfectly! As you know, food is most 
important to human health... and the best food available is that 
served by Chinese restaurants! Hence, our strategy is twofold - 
to destroy all the hantens in Megatokyo, and replace them with 
filthy, unnourishing, plague-carrying okonomiyaki pits! Soon 
the foolish humans will be too weak from malnutrition and 
disease to resist us!"

	"Aiyah!" Sylia breathed. "Is diabolical!"

	"We shall cram our disgusting heaps of okonomiyaki down 
their throats until they choke!" cried U-K-O23 triumpanthly. 
The assembled boomers applauded madly, some shooting off a 
few rounds into the ceiling.

	"What we do?" Linna whispered.

	Priss grinned. "Is simple." Turning, she waved at the 
leader. "Heyah, U-K-O23!"

	The automation turned, stained tights sloppily concealing 
the overstuffed padding of the legs. "Yes? Who are you?"

	"U-K-O23, Priss KILL!" the Knight Saber shouted 
gleefully, firing a suit-mounted rocket directly at the 
okonomiyaki pusher.

	There was an explosion, a roar, and then the robotic head 
of the chef tumbled across the room to land at Priss's feet. She 
picked it up, and gave it a quick peck on the cheek. 

	"Priss give you Kiss of Death," she muttered. "Better late 
than never."

	The other three Sabers, meanwhile, were opening fire on 
the massed boomers at point-blank range, sending chaingun 
rounds ripping through the unprepared robots. While deadly, 
they were slow, and mostly equipped with weapons unsuitable 
for close quarters. Before long, the room was a maelstrom of 
battle, with the clumsy boomers often shooting each other in 
an effort to hit the smaller, more mobile targets.



Kuno's Section #2



	With the fall of the villainous leader did the battle begin 
in earnest! Twas a most fearsome melee, and great were the 
cries of battle! The Sabers didst fight against fearful odds, yet 
didst show true spirit, their demure chainguns blowing holes 
in the rogues with ladylike precision.

	The boomers did begin to fall back before their energetic 
onslaught, and it seemed as through the fell machines were 
well and truly defeated.

	Alas! Just as the triumph of the beautious warriors 
seemed inevitable, a shadowed figure stepped into the room 
from the dark recesses of the criminal den.

	"The waiter!" Nene gasped.

	The foul blackguard snickered, brushing his grubby 
pigtail to one side. "Yes, it is I, the Waiter of Evil, here to 
show you to the table of death, so that I may serve to you the 
appetizer of torture before going on to the main course of 
ravagement!"

	"So you say, sir," the fire-haired goddess responded 
curtly. "Allow us to disagree." With that, she did draw her 
dainty sidearm and unloaded it delicately in his direction.

	To her horror, the bullets merely spattered against his 
skin.

	"Ah, my foolish beauty," the Waiter leered, "I am guarded 
from harm by means of the TESLA field, a cunning device which 
makes me treachously immune to harm! And now, you shall be 
my guests... elsewhere."

	With that, he tossed a stun grenade into the middle of 
them.

	There was a roar of most hideous sound, a hellish flash, 
and the deep sleep of unconsiousness didst pull it's drape over 
the four.

-------------

	When Sylia and Nene awoke, they were chained to tables 
in a foul dungeon, deep beneath the evil okonomiyaki citadel of 
the villainous Waiter. Their hardsuits had been stripped from 
them, leaving them clad in only the most revealing and 
immodest of garments.

	"I see you have awoken," the Waiter chuckled from his 
place by their sides, gazing lustfully down on them. He 
straightened his red Chinese shirt, and smiled evily. "Soon you 
shall be mine, body and soul!"

	"Never!" cried Sylia defiantly. "Never, you fiend!"

	"Indeed!" Nene put in. "Our hearts belong solely to Mackie!"

	"Pfaugh!" With a sneer, the vile blackguard ran a hand 
along Sylia's bare thigh, prompting a grimace of disgust from 
the demure Saber. "So you say now. But he is not here now, no, 
not he nor his dread blade! There is none to save you!"

	"NOT SO!" boomed a voice! As the Waiter turned in shock 
and alarm, the noble Mackie did kick open the door! With a bold 
leap, he crossed the room and skewered the villainous waiter, 
sending him falling to the floor, mortally wounded. 

	"Curse you..." gasped the Waiter, staggering to a hidden 
door. Bleeding he stumbled through it, vanishing.

	"Oh, Mackie!" the women sighed dreamily.

	"My loves," he gallantly replied.

	"Oh," Sylia said, blushing. "Our gratuitous lack of clothing 
and current state of bondage raises most unmaidenly desires in 
me. Do come closer, brave savior."

	"Certainly, dear lady," Mackie replied.

	Eagerly removing his hakama, Sylia ripped away the few 
remaining rags of her clothing and pulled him down atop her.

***********

Akane's Section #2

Sylia shook her head fuzzily, feeling something brush the ends of her
short hair. She used to wear it long, but after that one accident...
besides, short hair fitted better under a hardsuit helmet.

Now, where was she? The last thing she remembered was this crazy fight in
that weird okonomiyaki restaurant, with a bunch of whacked-out boomers and
some nutball plan to take over Japan --

Her thoughts reeled as the picture of her pulling a naked Mackie down on
herself blasted into her mind like a cinderblock breaking. <WHAT?!?> she
thought. <I wouldn't... would I?> Her jaw set, causing a flare of pain in
her temples. <No! There's no *way* I'd do something like THAT! It's got to
be some kind of trick!> The thought was followed by a wince, as a
splitting headache crashed through her skull. She groaned, and tried to
rub her temples -- wait a minute! What were those wires doing there? She
opened her eyes.

Mackie stood over her, smiling. "So you woke up, sis. Well, it doesn't
matter -- I can feed you memories just as well this way, too." He touched
a control on the console behind him, and she shuddered as the thought
of... well, it's too horrible to say here, so we won't. When she
recovered, she could hear the other three Sabers moaning in agony in the
background. She caught a glimpse of Priss strapped to a couch like the one
she was strapped to, eyes closed and sweating, her mouth twisted in
terror. "Ayah... Leon... save me..." she whimpered.

"You..." she ground out, voice shaking. She could see a faint blue glow
out of the corners of her eyes, and the room seemed to grow hazy. "You...
PERVERT!" With a roar, she tore her arms out of the restraints and pulled
the electrodes out of her temples. "You're not my brother! He's a peeping
tom hentai, but even *he* wouldn't do something *this* sick! WHO ARE
YOU?!?!?!!!"

He just stood there, arms crossed, an evil leer on his face. "Well... I
guess you figured it out, then." He took a deep breath, seeming to explode
out of his skin, icky goo flying everywhere as the metallic blue form of a
boomer emerged, laughing mockingly. "So these are the terrible Knight
Sabers." He looked around the room at the four women in their underwear.
"You look more like a Victoria's Secret model shoot to me."

Blue light filled the room as Sylia shook her feet out of the restraints
and growled. "Why you... you disgusting bucket of bolts!" She spat, trying
to clear the taste from her mouth, as with the sweep of her arm she pulled
the wires chaining her friends out of the console. "Boomer NO *ECCHI*!!!"
As she screamed, she drew back her arm and punched, a glowing blue ball
springing from her fist as she struck at the boomer. The ball of energy
slammed into the boomer, and it exploded into a million bits.

"Wow," said Nene, eyes opening in awe. "How'd you do that?" 

"I finally learned how to do those ki-attacks my sensei was telling me
about," she replied. "I keep telling you girls, you need to work more on
your martial arts training!"

The other three Sabers sighed and sweatdropped.

"Anyway, now we're free!" she said as she unfastened the restraints
holding the others in place. "And thanks to my clever plan of letting the
enemy capture us, we're now inside their stronghold! Let's go find our
hardsuits and KICK SOME BOOMER BUTT!!!!!"


*********

Ranma Section #2

[Well, I THINK Ranma wrote this.  It came to me from his 
email address, but...well, just read it.  Maybe Ranma's been 
studying with Master Happousai too much.]


       The Sabres ran from door to door, trying to find 
their hardsuits, but oddly, every door had nothing behind it 
except for huge mountains of underwear.  Sylia, being a 
minor genius, though only half as smart as Leon, quickly was 
able to deduce what was going on.  This TESLA Agenda thing 
was clearly a plot to monopolize the world's supply of 
underwear.  "How fiendish!"  Sylia said.  "He'll try to 
steal my precious panties from my underwear shop!"  Sylia 
ran the Silky Doll for three reasons.  Firstly, it was a 
useful cover for her vast financial activities.  Secondly, 
it let her and Mackie peep on the customers in their 
underwear through the  security cameras concealed in the 
dressing rooms.  Thirdly, it let her acquire underwear 
wholesale.  She would have bankrupted herself buying her 
huge mountain of panties she kept in the basement otherwise.

         The Sabres were all twitching as they gazed on the 
mountain of teddies, bras, panties, boxers, garters, and 
other things usually concealed by an outer layer of 
clothing.  The urge to strip and wallow in the panties was 
growing stronger, overriding even their desire to find their 
hardsuits and get even.  Finally, Nene succumbed, diving 
into the mound.  They all swam through the panties, sating 
themselves with the feeling of satin against their skin, the 
comfort of cotton, and the delightfully fake feeling of 
polyester.  

         Memories of many liasons with Priss atop her 
mountain of panties filled Sylia's mind, and soon her inner 
lust for the cranky, yet lovely Sabre filled her mind.  
There was nothing to be done except to have mad passionate 
sex right that moment.  Linna and Nene whined in jealousy.  
Still, they had panties to play with, and that soon sated 
their anger.  

        Even panties can lose their lustre if you 
overindulge in them, however, and so they eventually set on 
their way.  Soon, they found another cell, in which a 
harmless, lonely old man was imprisoned.  He was short, but 
handsome, with a pleasant smile, dressed in a gi.  The 
Sabres all found him irresistable, and it took all his best 
efforts to keep them from fighting to the death over him.  
Still, he soon soothed them with his wisdom, and allowing 
Nene to hold him with his face buried between her breasts, 
he got them moving along.  They meant well, but like all 
young people, they needed the guidance of someone older to 
lead them along the path of righteousness.

         Soon, they found the horrible masterminds behind 
the TESLA Agenda.  A giant panda-boomer and an evil samurai.  
"They were my students!"  the old man explained.  "But when 
I tried to steer them onto the path of righteousness, they 
stole my secrets and locked me away!  Please punish them for 
me!"

           Their hearts rung to pity for the harmless, 
victimized old man, who through no fault of his own, had 
been made the victim of his own former students, who knew no 
gratitude for what they had been taught.  Howling battle 
cries, they charged into battle. 

[Note from Ranma--THIS IS NOT MY SUBMISSION!  HAPPOUSAI 
STOLE MY PASSWORD.  Okay, I'm calm.  Here is my REAL 
chapter! ]

Ranma's REAL chapter 2

       The Sabres snuck through the hallways of the secret 
base.  Unfortunately, they were all kinda clumsy, so after 
Nene fell down for the fifth time, the boomers soon spotted 
them.  Being unarmed, they fled through the endless twisty 
bendy metal passages, which were all alike.  Finally, they 
reached a keypad door, which Nene quickly used her hacking 
skills on, almost electrocuting herself when she plunged the 
hatchet into it.  They slammed the door shut, finding 
themselves inside a large observation room which showed many 
views of interior hallways and of deep space.  

        Celia looked around and quickly concluded, "We're on 
Genaros Station."

        Nene blinked.  "How did you figure that out?"

        Celia pointed at the sign over the door.  'Genaros 
Station Observation Room #8'.

                           *************

        Meanwhile, Leon was kicking ass and taking names.  
He and Daley had suited up in their personal K-48 suits 
(four times as good as a K-12 suit).  A new sport in Neo-
Tokyo was boomer football with all-boomer teams.  
Unfortunately, when those boomers went bad...

       Leon fired the Solar Flare gun, frying the entire 
front line of the Yokohama Sparrows.  "You have the right to 
die silently!"

        Daley grabbed the Sparrow's place-kicker and Leon 
kicked the boomer's head through the goalposts.  "You have 
the right to remain dead!"

        "You have the right to have bare arms!"  Leon said 
as he ripped the railgun off the arm of the Tokyo Fruitbats' 
quarterback.  He turned and fired the railgun into the 
running back, who exploded.  

         "You have the right to a left hook!"  Daley 
shouted, punching three boomers down with one blow, feeling 
good that just this once he'd done better than Leon, who he 
worshipped as a god.  But so does everyone with any sense.

        "You have the...oh, bah, I can't think of anything 
witty to say.  So just die!"  Leon said, leaping onto the 
shoulders of one of the boomers, then toppling back, 
knocking it to the ground.  He then used his battlesuit's 
built in monofilament spike to shred its torso to little 
bits.  

          It soon became clear that neither the Sparrows nor 
the Fruitbats would be winning the Superbowl this year.

                                **********

        The Sabres sat and read romance novels while they 
waited for Nene to successfully patch through a call from 
the communications equipment to Leon.  Finally, they got 
through to him.  They'd chosen Nene because they were sure 
he would come help a fellow ADPolice officer and they didn't 
want to reveal their secret identities to them.  Also, Nene 
had lost her purse along the way, so she didn't have any 
girly mushy stuff to read with her.  

        "Leon!  Ya gotta come save us!"  Nene said.  

         Leon said into his radio, "Lost your keys again, 
Nene?"

         "We're trapped on Genaros!  Come get us!"

         He frowned.  "You know the ADPolice spaceships are 
only for official business."

         "There's boomers everywhere here!  Rampaging!"

         "Ahh, that's different.  I'm on my way!"

***********

Kasumi's Section #2

    
    Daley and Leon promptly boarded a ADP interstellar vessel. After all,
it just wouldn't do not to be prompt. That would be terribly rude.
    They carefully steered the cheery spacecraft out of the ionosphere,
dutifuly obeying all rules and regulations governing such vehicles. After
all, as officers of the law, they had an example to set.
    Before too long, they had reached <insertname here>, where the Sabers
were supposedly waiting to be rescued. They very carefully docked, and
knocked on the airlock. After a respectible interval, it opened.
    The station was very large, and the two handsome ADP officers felt
understandibly confused.
    "Oh my," commented Leon worriedly. "However will we find our way to
Priss and the others?"
    "Oh dear," Daley said, his brow crinkling. "We'd better sit down and
wait for some kind person to help us find our way."
    And so they did.
    
***

    Three hours later, a pack of the marauding boomers wandered by, making
a terrible mess. Leon and Daley sighed at the terrible disorder the unruly
machines were wreaking on the previously spotless station.
    "Excuse me," Leon asked politely as one of the boomers enthusastically
vaporized a large segment of the waiting lounge with shoulder-mounted
chaingun. "Could you direct me to where the Knight Sabers are being held
captive?"
    "CERTAINLY," the beweaponed combat machine replied politely. "TAKE
CORRIDOR 7 TO THE EAST JUNCTION, THEN TURN LEFT DOWN ACCESS TUNNEL 23,
KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU REACH THE DECAPITATED CORPSE OF THE STATION DIRECTOR
AND THEN TURN RIGHT, THEN TURN LEFT AT THE FIRST DOOR YOU COME TO, THEN GO
ON UNTIL YOU REACH THE BURNING KINDERGARTEN UNIT, THEN GO THROUGH THE DOOR
NEXT TO THE CHARRED PILE OF DISEMBOWELED TODDLERS AND KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU
REACH THE PRISON BLOCK. THEN JUST LOOK FOR THE SPECIAL TORTURE WING, YOU
CAN'T MISS IT."
    "Thank you very much," Leon said, smiling gently.
    "YOU'RE VERY WELCOME," the boomer told him, casually shooting down a
fleeing civilian.
    And so Leon and Daley made their way through the gutted remains of the
station, noting with approval the nice, cheery color scheme that the
interior had been done in. It was awfully messy, but presumably the
boomers would help clean things up when they were done rampaging. Or
perhaps Leon and Daley could say and help tidy.
    Reaching the prison's torture wing, they knocked politely on the door.
    "Oh my!" came a voice from behind the blood-spattered durasteel
barrier. "Who is it?"
    "It's Leon and Daley!"
    "Oh, goodness! Come in!"
    The door opened, revealing a spotless torture and mindstripping
facility.
    "My, how tidy!" Leon commented admiringly. Sylia blushed, and made a
modest gesture with one hand.
    "Oh, well, it was all so terribly dirty. So we cleaned the scorched
shreds of human flesh off the razors and polished the electrodes while we
were waiting. Would you like some tea?"
    "Yes, please."
    "Mr. Daley?"
    "Certainly."
    "Do you take sugar?"
    "One lump, yes."
    "None for me."
    "Lemon?"
    "No thank you."
    "A squeeze for me."
    Sylia beamed, and produced two cups of steaming hot tea with a gentle
smile.
    The door burst open, and in burst seven heavily-armed combat boomers.
    And there were only six more teacups.
    Sylia froze in horror, praying that the boomers would not ask for tea.
    
*************
    
Kodachi's Segment #2


Sylia's eyes narrowed as she saw each of them, resplendent in the
trash-uniforms of the Genom Corporation.  The invaders were not the usual
Boomers she had come to covet and dream of; these held the sickly rose
pallor of life.  Each one was designed as a female, with teeth like
canine's fangs and hair the color of flame.  They armed themselves with
various weapons of combat, and stared at her enviously.

There was no doubt as to their origin.  These were the creations of that
red-haired harridan, that monster who DARED take her Largo-sama's name.
These were unworthy of the Boomer name; they were monsters beyond
perdition, for whom destruction would be a mercy.

As expected, she did not feel fear.  Fear was for mortals, for those who
debased themselves with uncivilized manners and foreign foods.  She only
felt a pang of disgust at the others around her, that she would die among
such... simple creatures.  Fortunately, that was preventable.

Her eyes twinkled with playfulness for a moment.  Remembering the flowers
she'd meant to give to her darling Largo-sama, she quickly offered Leon
and Daley a sniff, a token wish that, like any other animals, they might
die humanely.  As their bodies fell to the floor, Sylia turned to face the
horde of seven, and pulled out her trusty ribbon. 

"Come, my dears.  It is time we danced."  Giving a cheerful laugh that
shook the walls, she leapt into battle, preparing to grapple to the last
with these monsters.  

The first of the boomers struck out with a spatula, a clumsy thrust that
Sylia avoided.  Sylia smiled, pulled out her clubs, and gave a swift
decapitation to the creature.  The second and third abominations met swift
ends as they were cut to ribbons by ribbons, while a fourth convulsed in
flame after encountering one of her balls.

A tugging at her knee brought her struggles to a halt, and brought a flash
of exquisite pain.  For a moment she thought it was Him giving some joy to
her, but frowned when she saw the source.  Another of the devil-boomers
ensnared her with a ribbon, as she hid in the shadows.  

How underhanded of the harridan's minions, to resort to such treachery. 
First they attacked her as a group, then ambushed her from behind.  Only
she would be so low.  Part of her wanted to cry, to bemoan her fate, but
she would not allow them the luxury.  

She was a Stingray.  She had to be strong.

The boomers cornered her now; she could hear their gutteral chittering as
they gloated over her body.  She knew what would come next; they would
bring her before the harridan, break her, bring her down to their base
level... and then, only then, kill her.

By then, death would be a mercy.  

Still, she allowed a single tear down her cheek.  After all, her
Largo-sama deserved at least that much from her.  They tied her up with
their hard-as-iron noodles, and hoisted her on their shoulders.

She hoped that the end, at least, would be quick, and that she would
eventually see Largo again in some afterlife.

"Enough, foul miscreants!"

Her heart soared at the powerful voice.  *He* had come for her, just as
she had dreamed.  He stood at the door, his powerful techno-organic
muscles glistening with sweat.  "You have abused this woman far enough. 
She is mine, and I am hers... forever.  And you will not have her, not
while there is life in this body!"

One of the boomers snarled a challenge.  She felt a familiar euphoria as
the others dropped her, then gave an easy sigh as she hit the floor.  She
didn't feel like muttering any sort of complaint, for she had the best
view in the house.  

Largo-sama ripped into one of the boomers, tearing the head off by the
hair.  He took the weapon from that one, then smashed its rounded end into
the second one, smashing it to nothing.  He simply looked at the third
one, giving a gaze that would melt through a woman's heart.

"Leave, if you value your meaningless, pathetic existence."

The remaining Boomer, one with short hair, looked uncertain for a moment,
then dropped its mallet and ran.  Largo snarled beautifully, then turned
his full attention to where it belonged.

"Are you all right, my love?  When I heard that they planned to ambush
you, I feared the worst."

Sylia smiled cutely.  Everything was all right now.  Well, almost
everything.  "I'm sorry that your flowers were ruined, Largo-sama.  I so
wanted you to enjoy them."

He grinned, with that air of supreme confidence that radiated from his
very being.  "I know you did, my dear.  Don't worry; you can give me some
more later."  He released her hands from their bonds, letting her taste
bittersweet freedom once more.  She reached around him, and grabbed him
around the neck in a passionate embrace

After a minute of sensual foreplay, Sylia paused.  She felt Largo's hair,
and traced her finger along the knot that twisted its way down.

"You tied your hair into a pigtail, Largo-sama?"

"I was hoping you'd notice sooner, Sylia-sama."  He looked downward. 
"Then again, you have been... diistracted recently."

"You always do bewitch me, Largo-sama."  She reached over to her left, and
picked up a leftover rose.  Holding it to his nose, she moved to carry him
in her arms and leave this place, when an idea occurred to her.

They did have the place to themselves now, after all... and they had such
enjoyable toys to play with.

*********


Ryoga's Part #2


[Yeah, look, I tracked 'im down like you wanted, I made sure he showed up,
now where's my 500 yen? WHAT?!? Whaddya mean, it just cancels what I owe
you? Sheesh.]


As the evil boomer's laughter echoed through the torture room, Daley
stirred groggily. What had his stupid partner done to him *this* time...
what? He started at the doorway as his vision cleared -- Largo was
threatening sweet, generous Sylia! "Largo, you DIE!" he roared, slamming
his fist into a nearby examination table. "Oops," he said, as the table
exploded, spraying shards all over the room Sylia-san had worked so hard
to clean. He looked back over his shoulder. "Leon, this is all YOUR
fault!"

Leon stirred. "Hey, whatta you blamin' *me* for? *You* were the one who
started sniffin' those flowers those boomer assassins were handin' out!"

"ME?!" Daley shouted in return. "I saw *you* taking a pretty big sniff at
one of them too!" He reached out, and hauled Leon to his feet,
magnanimously forgiving him his crimes. "Right now, though, we've got a
Largo to kill!" 

The HyperBuma feh'ed, and tossed his pigtail contemptously over his
shoulder. "Go on and try it, if you think you're man enough, pigs!" He
shoved Sylia to one side, knocking her over, and faced off in fighting
stance. 

Daley growled as he saw Sylia fall. "All right... you take him from the
left, I'll jump him from the left," he whispered to Leon. "Got it?"

"Got it," Leon whispered back. "Damn, I wish I had my K-12S battlesuit."

With a disgusted look, Daley gestured him to the left. "Only weaklings
need battlesuits," he sneered at Leon.

Leon blinked and looked at Daley. "Hey, I thought *you* were taking left?"

Daley blushed. "Um, the other left. Come on!"

The officers roared and charged, Leon pulling out his revolver and firing
into Largo's face. The boomer snarled, and swept Leon into a nearby wall,
half knocking him out. Fortunately, that left Daley enough time to get
into position and slam a heavy kick into his torso. Largo stumbled back,
groaning, half his metal ribcage caved in. "Gotcha!" Daley shouted in
triumph.

"This isn't over yet, officers!" Largo said, grimacing as he staggered out
the doorway. He whipped out a smoke bomb and tossed it back into the room.
When the smoke cleared, and Daley and Leon broke coughing and hacking out
of the room, Largo was gone. 

"Damn," Leon muttered. "What now?"

"Don't worry," Daley said, clapping his hand on Leon's shoulder. "We'll
find him!"

Three corridors down, Largo staggered to a halt. "What? Where am I?" He
looked around him. "That hit must have knocked out my directional system.
WHERE AM I?!?"


**********

Nabiki Section #3

       Sylia was, to say the least, confused.  She had 
assumed the radio call from Largo was a hallucination.  
Certainly, she would NEVER act like he was her lover.  
But then...he had shown up in the flesh and she had...she 
cringed.  Only the fact that the other Sabres had 
apparently wandered off while she was busy...umm... 
networking with Largo had saved her from total 
humiliation.  She resolved to give herself a full medical 
and psychological examination when they got back to 
Earth.  

        The first problem was to find the other Sabres.  
This proved easier than than anticipated.  Priss walked 
into the trashed communications and torture chamber, 
stretching her arms and yawning.  "Good thing they put 
the bathrooms nearby.  I hate a long walk when I need 
to...geez, what the hell happened?"

       The room was a total disaster zone.  Bits of metal 
were scattered everywhere.  Twisted boomer parts mixed 
with motor oil covered the walls.  Leon and Daley were 
having an argument by the door.  Looking around, Priss 
said, "Did I miss a good fight?"

      "It was impressive,"  Sylia said.  "Did...um...did Linna 
and Nene go to the bathroom also?"

      "Yeah.  Then Nene stopped to hack into the computers 
to find where our ardsuits-hay are.  And Linna ran off to 
get them, while I came back to tell you."

       Sylia nodded.  It had taken her a second to recognize 
Priss had been using pig-latin.  This was another sign 
that she was slipping, she was sure.  "Very good.  As soon 
as we ick-pay our ardsuits-hay, then we can head back to 
Earth."

       "What about the ADPolice twins?"  Priss looked over 
at the squabbling officers.

       "Knock them out.  I'll brainwash them to forget all 
this; no other way to keep our secret without killing 
them, and they're basically decent people, except for 
having very tiny brains."

        Priss nodded and went to work.

*************

        Nadoko Tenbiki checked her email and found an 
unpleasant bit of news.  Genaros Station had blown up, 
and not only that...She immediately hit the intercom 
button.  "Bad news sir."

        "What is it, Nadoko-chan?"  he asked.  His voice was 
firm and assertive.  She could have listened to it all day.

        "Sir, Largo was spotted on Genaros station, and then 
it blew up.  We also have reason to believe that the 
ADPolice were involved and that..."  She blushed as she 
watched the attached .mov file play out on her computer.  
"Umm...You're not going to believe this sir."

        "You'd be amazed what I can believe."

        "I'll send it to you, sir."  She hit the send button and 
shut down the .mov.  It had to be a joke; according to the 
email, this .mov was derived from video footage at a 
communications/torture/teahouse room on Genaros.  It 
looked, however, like a cheap porno starring Largo and 
some woman with short black hair.  She found it 
remarkably erotic, which was rather disturbing, as 
genocidal boomers simply were NOT her type.

         There was silence for a time.  Then Quincy's voice 
came over the intercom.  "First, forward this to our 
Pornography Films department.  I think we have a hit on 
our hands.  Secondly, send this to investigations.  I want 
to know who the woman is and if we can afford to hire 
her for future films.  Thirdly, I'd like you to come into my 
office right now."  His voice took on a huskier tone with 
the last line.

        She ran.

****************

Ukyou's section #3

<  >  still indicates thoughts, in case you forgot.

        Largo sat on Mr. Schaft's desk.  "You WILL do what I 
want, Mr. Schaft, or I will destroy you.  I could simply 
control your mind with some of my nanomachines, as I 
did with my recent romantic conquest, but I haven't quite 
worked out the bugs and I don't want you begging me to 
make love to you.  Nothing personal, of course."

        "And what do you want?"

        "Unlike my previous body, this one does not have 
control of the Orbital Laser Satellite Network.  I wish to 
resume my control of it; therefore, you will build me 
such a device, which I will use to destroy GENOM.  Is that 
not what you want?"  His voice turned soothing.  "We can 
be allies; I do not kill unless I must."

        "If I knew how to build something like that, GENOM 
tower would be a pile of ash.  I don't have the military 
control codes.  Get those, and we can deal."  Mr. Schaft 
was sweating.  He'd heard stories about Largo.

        "Very well.  I will bring them to you.  Have the 
device ready for me when I return."  Largo leaped out the 
window, shattering it.  Mr. Schaft heard him shouting 
'Aiya!' all the way down fifty stories to the ground.  

        Schaft frowned.  Should I help him?  But he wants to 
destroy humanity...wait, ahh, that's it!  He could feel a 
plan surfacing in his mind, one that would destroy both 
Largo AND GENOM.  Perfect.

**********

       Leon's head felt fuzzy, as if someone had scrubbed it 
with a steel wool brush.  There were faint memories of 
going to a space station, but he wasn't sure how he had 
gotten there, or what had actually happened, other than 
being quite sure he had drunk tea.  Maybe.

        Daley was off on a date with somebody named 
Basatsu Naikure.  The freak had popped out of Daley's 
desk and asked him out, and Daley actually said yes.  At 
first, Leon had assumed that his partner had been fooled 
by the guy being disguised as a girl, but then he 
remembered his partner was gay.  He wasn't stupid, 
though, so Leon didn't think it would work out, but who 
knows?

        As for himself, Leon was malingering around Hot 
Legs, waiting for Priss to finish her set so he could ask 
her out on a date.  To his surprise, she came up to him 
afterwards and said, "You wanna go get something to eat 
with me once I change into something better than my 
stage outfit?"

         His eyes widened.  Was she serious, or did she just 
want free food?  Well, he'd take his chances.  "Sure 
thing."

        She soon emerged with her long hair down in its 
usual style, dressed in a purple wraparound and black 
tights with black slippers and a motorcycle helmet, 
tucked under one arm.  "Let's go, Leon.  Where do you 
wanna eat?"

        He thought a minute.  "Well, I stopped eating Chinese 
after my entire family got food poisoning and died from 
eating at a Chinese ramen shop, the Nihaohanten, so 
that's out."

        She nodded.  "Most of them are controlled by corrupt 
Chinese Triathalons who try to mind control you with 
their food, anyway.  We should get some good Japanese 
style food."

        He offered her an arm.  To his surprise, she took it.  
He said, "Let's get some okonomiyaki, then.  I know a good 
place.  It's having to rebuild after being destroyed by 
some sort of Chinese terrorist attack.  They even 
kidnapped the owners and replaced them with evil 
boomer duplicates the Knight Sabres had to destroy."

        "There's a lot of that going around lately."  They set 
out on their way.

**************

Shampoo Section #3

[Shampoo wants to thank Nabiki for helping her pick songs for the song
battle scene.  Shampoo not know much about non-Amazon music and wanted
people to understand the scene, so she not use songs like 'The Skull
Cracking Anthem' and 'Iya!  Where is Dowel's Ramen?']

     Priss and Leon raced through the streets of the city.  Leon simply
couldn't believe that Priss could keep up with him when he was in a car
and all she had was a bicycle, but it happened anyway.  In fact, she
could have easily left him in her dust, but that wasn't what she wanted.
It was time to date with Leon, not run away from him.

     As Priss pedaled at high speed, she thought about how she and Leon
had first started dating.

                   *         *        *

<Cue Love Train>

      Priss had saved her money for many weeks and carefully practiced her
singing in order to afford to enter the great tournament of singers known
as 'Star Search'.  Her great-grandmother had pushed her hard to excel, and
finally, she had decided she was ready.  

     After hours of singing and many competitive matches, she had finally
defeated Milli Vanilli in the final round and was about to claim her prize
when to her horror, she saw...

     A stupid looking ADPolice officer was EATING her prize!  Well, part
of it.  Among her prizes was a lifetime supply of Uncle Mao's Rice-a-roni,
the Shanghai treat and ten tons of Ramen (Along with 12 million yen and
a recording contract and some new bonbori for her collection).  The man
was a bottomless vortex, along with his partner, who was also pigging out.

     "Aiya!  Whyfor you eat Priss's Prize?"  Priss demanded of the man.

     "Leon is working security on his time off,"  the man said.  "Isn't
this the staff snack table?"

     "Is Priss' PRIZE!  Now you must battle Priss in a song duel or Priss
will be VERY angry!"

     He stood up.  "Leon knows no fear.  He will battle with you!  Leon is
King of Karaoke!"

     It was a viscous battle, with no songs barred.  When Leon sung
'Copacabana', Priss only kept her sanity by plugging her ears and
fantasizing about ramen.  When Priss replied with 'It's My Party and I'll
Cry if I want to', Leon fell to his knees and struggled to avoid becoming
physically ill.  His counter stroke, singing ALL of the songs the Beach
Boys ever recorded, sent Priss reeling.  By the time he reached their
second album, her voice was faltering as she tried to counter his songs
with the entire body of works of the Butthole Surfers, but it only made
him stronger.

     Finally, she collapsed with the words to 'Good Vibrations' echoing in
her ears.  Unconsciousness took her, saving her from permanent brain
damage.  

     When she woke up, she felt humiliated, until she realized that
now...she could finally get married!  Any man who could actually survive
singing multiple albums worth of Beach Boys songs without his brain
turning to mush was worthy of her.  An Asagiri could only marry a man who
could sing better than her and survive the truly dangerous songs that were
the core of Asagiri combat singing.  

      Priss hopped nimbly off the stretcher and set out to find her future
husband.


                   *         *        *

      Back in the present, Priss and Leon arrived at a nice restaurant,
Canton Fried Chicken, pausing to admire the statue of Mao in a Red Army
Uniform that stands in front of each one.  Inside, the helpful staff soon
got each of them lots of fried chicken and biscuits and big glasses of
Pepsi.  

      As they tried to enjoy their meal, Priss noticed the other Sabres
sitting in another booth, whispering to each other and spying on her.
They all wanted her airen for themselves, the jealous women!  Sometimes it
made Priss mad, but she knew that the Sabres fought in a just cause, and
that she had to put up with their jealousy.  If only they would find men
of their own, but then, they were all ugly and violent, so this wasn't too
likely.  Even Daley wouldn't date them.  

      Nobly, Priss ignored their whisperings, looking to the doorway.  It
was fortunate that she did so, because a group of terrorists clad in the
disguise of a school girl's uniform, with a blue skirt and top over a white
blouse, were creeping in the door.  There were six of them lead by a
girl with ugly short black hair.  Just looking at her, Priss could tell
she was a violent tomboy.  They all carried large mallets and F-16
machineguns.  

      Priss poked Leon.  "Iya, Priss sees trouble."

      Leon was brave, but not as smart as Priss.  He stood up, drawing his
huge pistol, and leveled it at the terrorists.  "Halt!  Leon is putting
you under arrest!"

      They turned and the black haired tomboy laughed.  "Iya!  The forces
of TENDO fear not your wimpy gun!  TENDO will...choke you to death with our
cooking!"

      Priss would have saved Leon, but the smell of the food they whipped
out made her lose her dinner.  While she was trying to get back up, they
stuffed a lot of icky food like okonomiyaki, teriyaki, sukiyaki, and
poorly made beefbowl down Leon's throat.  He began to choke, slain by the
ugly tomboys' cooking.

     Priss grabbed Leon's gun and held it to the head of one of the
tomboys.  "Iya!  Surrender or the ugly one gets it!"

     They grinned.  "Your wimpy guns cannot hurt us!  We are not tomboys,
we are DEVO!"  They paused.  "We mean, we are BOOMERS!"

     Priss watched in horror as they burst out of their uniforms, becoming
huge, ugly, blue, tomboy boomers.  Aiya, she thought.  



Kuno's Section #3

	Priss and Leon didst then proceed to skillfully destroy 
the foul miscreants who had dared to disguise themselves in 
the beautiful forms of demure, healthy schoolgirls. It was a 
most savage and fierce battle, but they did prevail.

	Meanwhile, in a penthouse on the other side of Megatokyo, 
the foul and villainous Waiter had stripped Nene and Sylia to 
the waist, and did beset them with all manner of odious 
devices of torture and question.

	"You shall talk, my proud beauty!" he sneered, his greasy 
pigtail flapping as his lustful gaze did roam over the dainty, 
bared thigh of the red-haired goddess.

	"Never!" Nene cried, bosom heaving most defiantly. 
"Never, never, never! Mackie shall save us!"

	The Waiter laughed cruelly. Most cruel was his laughter. 
Verily, twas it cruel.

	"A delusional fool," quoth he, "And of no import. Now... I 
shall have you, willing or no! Yield yourself to me, body and 
soul!"

	"Curse you!" Sylia wailed in maidenly dismay, her shapely 
legs wriggling in dismay against the silken cords that bound 
her. "You can have our bodies, foul low-born knave, but never 
our hearts!"

	"As we lower-class scum do say, one out of two is not 
bad," the fiend smirked, unbuckling his trousers.

	Nene gasped at the sight so uncouthly revealed.

	"How tiny," she faintly muttered.

	"HOLD, VILE ENSLAVER OF WOMEN!" came a thundering 
voice.

	"Curses!" swore the Waiter, frantically pulling up his 
boxers. "Tis..."

	"The noble Mackie!" both women sighed lustily.

	"HAVE AT THEE!"

	Thus did a most savage battle commence! Mackie fought 
with his noted blade, the same fabled sword which had made 
him the wonder of the Junior Kendo world. The vile Waiter, 
though seemingly unarmed, used cunningly fashioned devices to 
throw blasts of energy and whirlwinds from deceptively open 
hands! The two didst duel back and forth across the chamber, 
as Nene and Sylia did gaze with anxious eyes of the prowess of 
their beloved champion.

	"Oh, do be careful!" Nene called.

	"Prevail, sweet Mackie!" Sylia demurely called, her eyes 
batting.

	"I SHALL PREVAIL!" cried Mackie, and with one sweep of 
his blade sent the foul Waiter crashing through a window. The 
fiend did bounce, twenty-three stories later.

	"I have dispatched the demon," Mackie told them 
modestly, sheathing his fabled blade.

	"Indeed you have," Sylia purred throatily. "Now let us 
reward you!"

	Nene's eyes widened as the hakama fell to the floor. "Big. 
Biiiiiiiig."

	Soon the air was filled with maidenly cries of pleasure 
as brave Mackie did bury himself to the root in Sylia, and did 
lie with her as a man will with a woman. And such a woman! 
Oh, the healthful sheen upon her pert breasts as he thrust, the 
full lips from which those soft gasps of pleasure arose! The 
red-haired goddess did impatiently await her turn, knowing 
that Mackie would be able to perform just as well when he was 
finished with the somewhat tomboyish Sylia.



Akane's Section 3

	We will immediately switch our scene from the 
DISGUSTING happenings in that penthouse, and rest secure in 
the knowledge that Mackie is going to DIE HORRIBLY.

	Priss and Leon were continuing their date. Having decided 
that neither Chinese food nor okonomiyaki sounded very good, 
they had returned to Priss's home.

	"I'm sorry," Priss said sadly. "I'm not a very good cook 
sometimes."

	"Oh, that's okay! I understand!" Leon said cheerfully. "It's 
okay, actually. You'd get better with practice, I know you will."

	"Thank you, Leon," Priss said, gratified. "Do you like my 
hair?"

	He nodded. "Those boomers may have been tough, but they 
had a great hairstyle. Looks nice on you." He pauses, absently 
brushing his pigtail away from his shoulder. She loved to 
watch him do that, although she'd never admit it. "Thanks for 
watching my back in that fight. You helped a lot."

	"Well, someone needed to help you out, baka," she said 
teasingly, sticking her tongue out at him.

	He looked guilty. "Oh Priss, I'm sorry I've treated you so 
badly. All those other women at the restaurants, the other 
Knight Sabers... I should have been stronger and not lured them 
to me."

	She frowned. "That's right."

	"And I'm sorry I insulted you all the time."

	"And...?"

	"And I think you're kawaii."

	Slowly, gently, he embraced her. They softly kissed, and 
then Leon moved to put a slow waltz on the stereo.

	As the moonlight streamed through the windows, they 
danced. She got to lead.

	"I love you, Leon," she whispered.

	"And I love you, Priss."

	He offered her a single red rose as the music ceased.


Ranma's Segment #3
------------------

Leon blinked, looking into Priss's eyes. "Wha... what happened?"

Priss looked back, then stammered, "i... I don't know." She looked around.
"Maybe it was the moonlight." She gulped awkwardly, then smiled. "Still...
it was nice."

Leon nodded. "Yeah... nice -- OW!" He stumbled back. "Hey, why'd you step
on my foot?"

"ME?!?" Priss shouted in return. "*You* were the one who shoved your foot in
the way!"

"I didn't do nothin' like that!" Leon roared back. "Only a clumsy tomboy
like you would do somethin' like that and try to blame it on me!"

Priss gasped. "Why, you... you... BAKA!" She slapped Leon, then turned
away from him and started crying. 

Damnit, Leon thought. Why don't they come with instruction manuals? 

Just then, a squad of boomers broke into the apartment, and Leon sighed in
relief. Something he could deal with easily.

Priss swung around to look at the boomers. "YOU! *YOU* broke up our date!"
she snarled. "I'm gonna beat you black and blue!"

"Hey... Priss, they're already blue?"

She swung around to look at him. "YOU shut *up*!" She reached behind her
to pull out an electric guitar, then swung back to face the boomers.
"You're gonna *eat* this song!" she screeched, smashing the guitar against
the lead boomer. But she didn't watch her follow-through, and ended up
sliding feet-first against the boomer's legs.

"I didn't know you were *that* kind of singer," Leon said, blinking.
Stupid baka... why couldn't she learn how to fight right?

The lead boomer seemed unimpressed. "Target confirmed," it growled. "Units
4 and 16, remove target. Other units, terminate resistance."

"Wha -- HEY!" Priss yelped, as she was yanked upright by two of the
boomers. "What do you think you're doing?" She struggled to break free,
but couldn't make it; the two boomers started dragging her off.

"Leave her ALONE!" Leon roared, slamming into the lead boomer and knocking
it over. A sweeping side-kick took its head off, but two more slammed into
him from either side, while a third punched him in the stomach. "Fight
*fair*, DAMN YOU!" 

Priss looked back at him as she was pulled out the hole in the wall.
"Leon!" She grabbed at the edge of the hole as the boomers ran out.
"Leon... SAVE ME!" Then she lost her grip and was dragged away.

"NO!" Leon shouted, kicking the third boomer away, then taking off the
heads of the ones beside him with twin hand-strikes. "Bring her back!" A
quick bunch of strikes took care of the remaining boomers -- but by the
time he got to the hole, Priss was gone.



[Ohohohohohoho! Nabiki-san, your 'incentives' for following your
'suggestions' for the storyline were entertaining, but you are sadly
mistaken if you think mere blackmail can dissuade the heir of a noble
house!]

Kodachi's Segment #3
--------------------

But we mustn't get so distracted by the trivial problems of a lower-class
tramp that we forget the plight of a true noble soul, yes? 

When last we left her, poor Sylia had been bewitched, her innocent joy in
her body twisted by that despicable lecher she was forced to call
'brother,' perverted into an unholy lust that drove her against her will.
Though her body did writhe and moan in false pleasure, manipulated by a
voyeuristic puppet-master, inside she screamed in agony at the cruel fate
the furies had meted out to her.

And then, salvation came in the form of a mighty hand that crashed through
the door, breaking the evil spell she was held under. "HOLD! Who dares
profane the lovely body of my Sylia-sama?"

"Largo-sama!" Sylia gasped, eyes glistening in true joy as her beloved
strode into the room. "You came for me!"

"I came for you, Sylia-sama," Largo agreed, smiling comfortingly. With a
sweep of his arm, he effortlessly tore her brother away from his loathsome
grope, sending him flying into the wall. "I will always come for you."

Sylia shuddered in relief as her sibling's polluting presense was removed.
"My thanks to you, oh my Largo-sama, for removing such a foul threat."

"This?" Largo gestured at the body lying near the wall. "'Tis but an
insect. Simply squash it, and it is gone." He raised a foot, and brought
it firmly down on her brother's skull; with a pop and a glorious squishing
sound, this stain on her soul departed the mortal plane.

"Largo-sama..." she sighed, turning eyes overflowing with gratitude to her
savior. She looked down at her bare breasts, and blushed, then tossed a
rose pure as night into the face of her companion (for, indeed, even the
meanest and ugliest of peasants may sometimes prove a comfort in times of
trial), granting her a well-deserved rest. "Largo-sama -- would you, could
you, bear to sample this sullied dish?"

Tenderly, Largo cupped her cheek in his hand. "At some other time -- no,
at any other time -- such a pleasure would be my dearest wish." He sighed.
"But now, there is something more important to speak of -- something that
will change your life, and indeed the life of everyone on Earth."

"More important?" Sylia looked up at Largo with wide eyes. "Do go on."

"You are familiar with the various cyber-implants that were available for
humans a few years ago, yes?"

She nodded. "Yes. They were withdrawn from the market after some foolish
people started going crazy." She pouted. "Such a minor price to pay for
the power they gave; I was considering some myself, before they vanished."

Largo arched a knowing eyebrow. "And you did not consider acquiring them
through more pragmatic means?"

"Um... well..." Sylia blushed. "I didn't want to trust any of of the
underground sources I found."

"Ah." With exquisite politeness, Largo did not explore the issue further.
"Fortunately, that is no longer necessary. Ever since the unfortunate
withdrawal of those imperfect efforts, Genom has been working to perfect
them. Indeed, it was vague rumors of that project that led that woman, who
your associate so sadly resembles, to begin the Tesla Project as a
counter."

"*She* is opposing this research? Then, truly, it is indeed a matter of
much importance."

"Yes. Earlier today, I received word from my researchers -- the final
problems have been solved! We can begin using them immediately."

Heart in her eyes, Sylia started up at him. "You mean... we can finally
get replacement limbs again? I can finally leave these slow, plodding legs
behind, and gain the limbs of metal I have so long craved?"

"That is only the beginning, dear one. Using the new technology, it is
possible to gain full bodily replacement! In stages, all of a person's
organic parts can be replaced, leaving them fully cybernetic; the trials
of the flesh can be left behind, forever!"

"Forever..." Sylia trailed off, her eyes staring into the delights of an
infinite future.

"Yes." Largo smiled. "The lengthy slaughter, the unfortunate messiness we
needed to precede our inevitable rule over all true forms of life, shall
no longer be necessary! In just a few stages, we can eliminate the plague
of organic entities infesting the Earth, leaving it filled with the clean,
vital forms of cybernetic life awaiting our rule!"

Sylia lay silent for a moment, awestruck by the grandeur of Largo's
vision. Then she gasped, as a potential flaw struck her. "But... but,
Largo-sama, how will we find the surgeries to accomplish this conversion?
For truly, there are millions upon millions of poor, baser souls that will
need conversion."

"Ah, but that is the other advantage of this process," Largo replied. "The
fruits of the project are a cybernetic system that is self-replicating;
indeed, once the initial procedure is begun, our system is capable of full
conversion without further intervention." 

"Oh!" She clapped her hands in joy. "Truly, the age of wonders is upon
us!"

"Yes," was his simple reply. "There is still a small amount of uncertanty,
because, unfortunately... our test subjects were a little -- used. Earlier
trials, while promising, could not be completely removed from the
subjects' systems. There should be no problems, however."

"I know!" Sylia's eyes shone with delight. "My compatriots -- they can be
the first to share in the bounty of the new process, and we can observe
them to ensure the project's success!"

"I see with joy that we still think alike," Largo purred. "I anticipated
your thought; even now, members of my elite boomer corps are bringing your
two remaining comrades here, to share our bounty."

Sylia stood, careless of her nudity, eyes wide in stunned delight.




[OH MY!  Nabiki assured me there weren't going to be any 
naked people in this story.  I wish I'd gotten my part in 
faster so I...oh my.  I'm going to lie down for a while.

I'm back.  I...ummm...I don't think I know how 
to...uh...follow that scene, so I'm going to go write 
about...ummm...Linna.  Yeah, that's a good idea.  No one 
ever writes about Linna for some reason.]

Kasumi Section #3
[Guaranteed to have NO naked people]

       Linna sat down to have a nice glass of fruit punch.  
She had spent the evening cleaning up her apartment.  It 
had been more work than fighting boomers.  All of the 
Sabres would come over and have these wild brawls and 
spill their drinks and track dirt in the kitchen and leave 
mud on the carpet.   By the time she fixed all the damage, 
they'd destroy her apartment again.  But she was too kind 
to kick them all out to grovel in the street like they 
sometimes deserved.  It was like being their benevolent 
big sister.

        Taking the remote control, she turned on the TV, 
only to realize that it had a fine patina of dust on the 
screen.  With lightning speed, she did a backflip out of 
the chair and over to her cleaning cabinet.  Finely honed 
reflexes grabbed the appropriate glass cleaner and a rag, 
and seconds later, the screen was spotless.  With 
practised ease, she tossed the rag and cleaner bottle 
back into the cabinet before its hinged and spring-
powered door shut itself.  In less than a minute, she was 
back in her chair, control in hand.

         The TV came on, showing one of Linna's favorite 
shows, 'Martha Stewart:  The Next Generation'.  She could 
watch it for hours, learning new ways to decorate, to 
cook, and to make plutonium out of common household 
objects.  

[Editor's note from Nabiki:
Kasumi wrote 50 pages dealing with Linna fixing a series 
of household problems.  I have cut all of that in order to 
preserve the sanity of our readers.  If you appreciate 
this, please send me money.  Those who wish to see the 
cut section can mail ktendo@nerimanet.net.jp .  I'd also 
suggest therapy.]

-----------------------Section Break----------------

         Meanwhile, Priss found herself hogtied in the back 
of a pickup truck.  This is what I get for spilling beer all 
over Linna's carpet, she thought.  I should have offered to 
clean it up, but I didn't, and now Kamisama is punishing 
me.  I promise I'll always clean up after myself if I get 
out of this alive!  

         Bumping along in the back of the truck was not fun 
at all, especially when a huge bag of dirt broke open and 
poured all over Priss, making her itch.  She tried to 
scratch, but her hands were tied together behind her back 
and the itch was on her stomach.  I guess I shouldn't have 
tracked all that mud all over Linna's apartment either, 
she thought.  I promise I'll clean it up when I get out of 
this!  Cleanliness will be next to godliness for me!

         Finally, the long dirty ride was over.  Being evil, 
the boomers who had captured her wouldn't let her clean 
herself up, but simply carried her, STILL DIRTY!, into 
their evil fortress.  Well, their evil warehouse, which 
was lablelled 'GENOM EVIL DIRT MANUFACTURING 
COMPANY'.  Priss had always wondered why Mega-Tokyo 
was so dark and filthy; now she knew why.

         They hauled her into the dirt storage room and 
threw her onto a huge mountain of lint.  Tiny bits of grey 
fluff rose into the air as she landed on it, but she wasn't 
hurt because lint is soft.  "Ha ha." one of the Boomers 
said.  "We must go do evil things now.  We'll be back for 
you later."  They left and did something really horrible 
somewhere else.  Really.

         Priss began to cry.  It would take forever to get all 
this lint out of her clothing. 

-----------------------Section Break----------------

        There was a knock at Linna's door.  She got up.  "Who 
is it?"

        "Three 35-C boomers, Miss Yamazaki.  Largo sent us 
to kidnap you.  Have we come at a bad time?" was the 
reply.

         "Can you come back tomorrow?  I'm pretty tired and 
I could use a good nap."  All this cleaning really wears me 
out.

         "I think Mr. Largo might fire us if we don't bring you 
back tonight, ma'am," the boomer said through the door.  
"But I need to pick up some flowers for my girlfriend.  We 
can come back in about twenty minutes if you'd like to 
change into something nice."

        "Thanks.  I'd appreciate it if you could do that.  And 
I'll try to have some tea ready for when you come back."  
She headed into the kitchen to put some water on the 
boil.

       "No problem, ma'am.  We really should have called 
ahead and scheduled this, but Mr. Largo tends to make 
these really hasty decisions and then he gets mad if he 
doesn't get it before he asked for it."  

        "I understand completely."  I'll have to hurry if I'm 
going to do up my hair, find a nice dress, change, AND fix 
tea and cookies, she thought.

************

Ryouga's section #3

        When the knock came, Linna was quite surprised to 
hear it coming from her bathroom instead of the front 
door.  How did the Boomers get in there? she wondered.  
It wasn't the boomers, it was Daley.  "Hey, this isn't 
McDonalds," he said.  "You're all...dressed up!"

        Linna looked stunning in a fancy blue dress.  Daley 
stared at her for a while, trying to say something, but he 
didn't know what to say.  Everyone thought he was gay, 
but really, he just got tonguetied around women.  He'd had 
a crush on Linna for a long time, but had never been able 
to say anything.  Especially with that lowlife Leon 
around, who kept trying to take ALL the Knight Sabers for 
himself.  At least Linna didn't hang on Leon the way Priss 
did.  She smiled at Daley, the smile that always made 
him get all mushy inside and not know what to do.  "I was 
hoping the person claiming to be a boomer at my door 
was you, so I got all dressed up."

       Ask her out, Daley told himself.  Ask her out.  "You 
wanna go bust some criminals with me?"  Not quite what 
he meant to say.

       "Sure thing,"  Linna said.  She went to her gun closet 
and put three grenades and a Mac-10 in her purse, then 
turned to Daley.  "Will we need one of my drug pigs?"

       "Naah, that's the Normal Police's job."  He gulped, 
then opened the door for her.  She stepped through and he 
followed.  Oddly, the lights seemed to have gone out in 
the hallway of her apartment building.  "You should call 
the superintendant, Linna."

       "I think this is my broom closet, Daley."  Linna 
replied.

                     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

        They didn't stay in the broom closet all night, 
although Daley would have been happy to do that with 
Linna.  Eventually, they ended up at a nice restaurant that 
didn't serve pork, since they weren't cannibals.  Instead, 
they went to a nice place that served French cuisine and 
stuff.  After a lot of good food, something mushy might 
have happened, except...

        Leon ran in, throwing himself at Daley's feet.  
"Daley-sama!  You have to help me!  Priss has been 
kidnapped, and I was too pathetic to save her!  Only you 
are a good enough fighter to stop the evil boomers who 
kidnapped her!  Only your surpreme skills could possibly 
defeat them!  I can't do it!  I'm not good enough!"  He began 
to cry, a pathetic wreck of a man.

        While Daley knew Leon deserved humiliation 
because of his false pride, he felt compassion towards 
Priss, who deserved better than some horrible fate at the 
hands of a boomer.  "I'll help you for Priss' sake, Leon."

        As Leon abased himself, Linna smiled at Daley.  
"You're such a hero, Daley!"

       "It's nothing that a true man like myself can't 
handle," he said humbly.  "Which, of course, is why Leon 
couldn't handle it."

       Leon nodded.  "I'm just not manly enough.  I 
understand that now."

       Daley stood up and hailed the waiter.  "Check please.  
I have a job to do."

**************

[Note from Nabiki:
Next time, I'll clone myself and get each clone to write 
part of the story...]

Nabiki Section #4        

        Nadoko Tenbiki felt like she was on top of the 
world.  Quincy had proposed to her, and their marriage 
was set for two weeks.  Her salary was now higher than 
the gross national product of Russia and Germany 
combined.  She'd finally gotten a nice reclining chair up 
to her office, and she could finally afford to employ her 
own personal massager 24 hours a day.

        Sven was working on her shoulders as she went 
through the email report from GENOM Intelligence.

FROM:  KMadigan@Genom.net
TO: NTenbiki@Genom.net
SUBJECT:  That 'Porno' film

After much study, we have identified the subject of the 
film as 'Sylia Stingray', not to be confused with 'Celia 
Stingray'.  Apparently, at the time of the Largo affair, 
Largo kidnapped Celia Stingray, daughter of Dr. Stingray, 
famous boomer inventor, and made a boomer duplicate of 
her, which then took her place.  While this boomer was 
originally indistinguishable from the original woman, its 
programming seems to be starting to rewrite itself as it 
wavers back and forth between acting like the real Celia 
Stingray and becoming Largo's lust puppet.  Why the 
boomer displays this split personality is unknown.  
Whether the original Celia Stingray is alive is also 
unknown.  

However, this film constitutes proof that Largo is indeed 
alive, and we should take immediate action.  

Katherine Madigan


       Nadoko nodded.  Indeed.  She forwarded the email to 
Quincy and got on the phone.  "Cancel the next boomer 
rampage.  We're going to field test the new models on 
Largo himself.  And...I think it's time to field test the 
TESLA project."

**********

Ukyou section #4

        Mr. Schaft was relieved that Largo used the elevator 
instead of the window this time; replacing plate glass 
gets expensive.  He put a disk down on Mr. Schaft's desk.  
"Here you go.  The control codes."

         There was an explosion in the distance.  "And hurry.  
The military helicopters are coming."

         Mr. Schaft popped the disk into his computer, and 
hit a few keystrokes, then they sat and waited as the 
explosions got closer and closer.  Largo's veins started to 
bulge.  "What is taking so long?"

        "I need to get a faster disk drive, I think."  He began 
doing a crossword as the Toyota building down the street 
exploded in flames.  It finished just in time as a JSDF 
helicopter crashed into a nearby building when a passing 
giant monster punched it.  "Now, you just have to rip your 
chest open and put this in your chest cavity."

         The resulting spray of fluids made a mess of Mr. 
Schaft's desk.  He frowned.  "That's going to cost a lot to 
clean up."

         "I could care less!  Now what?"

         "Seal off your chest and get out of here before they 
blow up my place.  Words should appear before your 
vision once your body assimilates it.  Just follow the 
instructions."  He got up and started running, just in case 
Largo didn't bother to leave.

         Largo simply went over to the window, and then the 
following words swam into his vision.

WELCOME TO WINDOWS FOR BOOMERS 34.
'Who do you want to destroy today?'

YOU HAVE NEW HARDWARE.  DO YOU WANT TO INSTALL IT?

       "Yes!"  Largo said.  He could see the helicopters and 
jets flying around, trying to spot him, so he ducked out of 
sight next to the window.

WELCOME TO THE WINDOWS LASER SATELLITE CONTROL 
BOX HARDWARE WIZARD.  By running this program, you 
will install a small black box which enables you to 
control laser satellites.  
[ ] Install     [  ] Next Hardware Item  [  ]  Quit.

      "Install it already!"  A magnetic pulse rippled through 
the building, shutting off and breaking everything 
electronic.  Except Largo.  He was better built than that.

       Nothing happened.  "DO IT!"

        Nothing happened.  The words still hung before 
Largo's sight.  Finally, he realized his mistake.  "Install."

WINDOWS IS NOW INSTALLING LASER SATELLITE CONTROL 
HARDWARE.  INSTALLING...  A tiny bar began to creep 
across his sight at a speed of about one milimeter every 
ten seconds.  The bar was two meters long.

        Largo made a quick mental calculation.  It's going to 
take five hours and 33 minutes to install this.  
Damnation.  He turned to run.  He could lose them and then 
install it somewhere peaceful and quiet.  Unfortunately, 
Windows doesn't like you to run other programs while 
running an Installation Wizard, such as the ones 
controlling your limbs.  Largo found himself unable to 
move.

        There was only one choice.  "QUIT!  QUIT!"  I never 
should have bought Windows 34 from those Chinese 
vendors, he thought.  

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO QUIT?
Yes [ ]  No [ ]

        "YES!"

        Windows also doesn't like it when you quit the 
Installation Wizard in the Middle.

GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT.

        Largo would have cried, but his tear gland program 
couldn't run and he was too busy being hit by a cruise 
missile anyway.

                                              ----

        Leon, Daley, and Linna searched Linna's apartment 
for clues.  The angry boomers had trashed it when they 
came back to kidnap her and she was gone.  The search 
wasn't going well, especially when Basatsu Naikure 
popped out of the wreckage of Linna's refrigerator and 
glomped onto Daley, who suddenly remembered that he 
was in fact gay.  Why did I ask Linna out on a date? he 
asked himself, but couldn't find the answer to that, 
either.

        His contemplation was interrupted by Leon 
announcing.  "I've got a clue!"  Everyone turned to see 
what it was.  


Shampoo's Section #4

	"Priss!" Leon cried, holding up a disgusting flat object 
and hugging a coatrack. "I love you! Look, I found a clue!"

	"That coatrack, stupid Leon," Linna said tiredly. Leon's 
little vision problem was a real pain, and his obsession with 
Priss was even worse. "What you find?"

	"This!" Adjusting his thick glasses, the AD Police officer 
held up a grubby piece of flat food....

	"Aiyah!" Linna exclaimed in horror. "That okonomiyaki! 
Evil okonomiyaki boomer cabal must have kidnapped Priss!"

	"Ah yes, the Schaft Cartel, operating out of Kansai," 
Daley said. "Led by some haglike chef and the infamous Mr. 
Schaft."

	"Schaft?" Linna inquired.

	"He's a bad mutha," Leon replied.

	Daley scowled. "Watch yo' mouth!"

	"Aiyah," Linna commented absently, trying to think of a 
plan. Her brain began to overheat slightly; thinking was hard 
work. But necessary, at times.

	With effort, skull glowing slightly from the heat, she 
devised a cunning and intricate plan.

	"We storm Schaft Building and kill everyone."

	"Brilliant."

	"Sounds good."

***

	Meanwhile, in a fortified Dojo on the other side of town, 
a foul gathering of criminals was taking place.

	The first to arrive was the foul Okonomiyaki Hag. Priss 
had heroically blown her to little bits in her grubby cafe, but 
they had managed to save her brain and connect it to a bloated, 
quivering mass of protoplasm. The resulting hideous blob was 
currently slumped in a tank, literally oozing out of the tacky 
purple tights and blue tunic she insisted on trying to wear.

	The next to arrive was Akemi Tando, the noted biological 
poison specialist. There was some speculation over whether 
Tando was a man, a woman, or some sort of ape. The blue dress 
seemed to point towards woman, horrifying though the thought 
was.

	The final member of the gathering was the infamous 
Schaft.

	"Gentlethings, I report complete success so far. Or plan 
to cram filthy okonomiyaki down the throats of the world is on 
track, and once the TESLA Project comes on line there will be 
no stopping it!"

	"Good, good, good!" borbled the Okonomiyaki Hag, dribbling 
on the table.

	"I have to admit, that okonomiyaki was pretty fetid even 
before I started on it," Tando said casually. "But there is no 
food that I cannot pervert and twist yet more, even one as 
inherently putrid as okonomiyaki."

	"Soon, very soon, there will not be a single Chinese 
restaurant in business! Okonomiyaki shall kill the human race! 
Toxins will kill civilization! Video will kill the radio star!"

	Diabolical laughter filled the room.

----------------------------

Kuno's Section #4

	Nene moaned in pleasure as the noble Mackie caressed her

[Ednote: Deleted to comply with Japanese decency laws, and 
because Akane and Ranma are paying me for it.]


[A-loooooooo-ha! So, *dis* be what da little Tendo wahine be writin' in
class, hey? Well, da big kahune can be writin' dis thing too, and he be
takin' his turn! Oh, an' tell big sis that she be leavin' dis in if she be
wantin' to graduate!]


Principal Kuno be writin' his bit o' Round 4!
---------------------------------------------

Now, de Knight Sabers, dey be some baaaad ladies, keiki! Hey, but even de
baddest kids is needin' some adult author'ty figure, and de Knight Sabers,
dey got Doc Raven.

Doc Raven, he won cool dude. Wen Sylia lose her poor fodah to de bad boys
at Genom, he take her in an' raise her like she his own kid... even took in
her poor bruddah, who be runnin' a bit wild.

Wen de Doc hear de alarm go off, he know his kids be in trouble. Did de
kahune say dat Doc Raven be a mechanical genius? He wanna watch his kids,
cause he care, so he be puttin' surveillance devices 'round de city to be
keepin' track o'dem. So when de alarm go off, he know right where dey are,
an' he go down to de custom unnerground canoe run he set up years ago (to
be gettin' where he wan' go). So now he be runnin' de rapids, headin' over
to where he hear his wahine be.

De explodin' pineapple take care of de door, an' de big bruddah o' de
kine surfs inta de room wavin' his clippers. "'Ey, keiki!" he say as he
somersault ovah de examening table. "Wha' chu doin hurtin' my wahine, you
-- YOU!"

"Oh, Doc Raven!" Sylia cried out. "My brother... my brother..." Den de
poor lile' girl broke down sobbin', like she been through too much
already. "Look at what happen' to my brother!"

"Hey, be cool, wahine," he say back at her. "He ain' you bruddah, so you
be fine."

"He's NOT?!?" Sylia an' Nene both burst out.

"'Eey, no, no worries," de Doc reply. "Don' you rememer, he be stayin' in
Germany ri' now?"

"Then WHO?" Nene, she demand, lookin' up at de body which be layin' on
her.

"Oh, *dat*," Raven say. "Dis be one o' de boomer doubles I make for Mackie
when he wan' be two places a' once."


[Oooh! OOOOOHH! I wanna play, too!]


Sylia sat up, outraged. "You mean, he's a... a... DELINQUENT!?"

Dr. Raven frowned sadly. "Well, I suppose... all he wanted to do is be
seen somewhere while he was doing something somewhere else --"

"Like peeping on me!?!" Sylia screeched. "Ooooh, when I get my hands on
him -- and this boomer copy of him, I'm gonna kill it! HAPPO--"


['Eey, wahine, you be lettin' de boss man take care o' dis, 'kay?]


Fortun'tly, ol' Doc Raven thought 'bout dis one. "Don' worry, de Doc got
things taken care of. See, he build special audio circuits in all de
boomer bits, so he doan have no trouble wit' 'em later." He pull out his
ukelele an' start playin'. "Tiptoe... t'rou de tulips..." 

An' de Mackie boomer, he jus' shudder an' fall apart!



[Gomen, sis... he caught me. <Sigh>]


Akane's Section #4
------------------

Unfortunately, Dr. Raven was a little slow, sometimes, and didn't stop to
think about what his music would do if you weren't wearing earplugs.
When he turned round after playing his final note, Nene and Sylia were
hunched up, unconscious, hands over their ears. Their faces had
expressions of horrible pain on them, like they'd been listening to
Chinese music or something. (Everyone knows that Chinese music, like
Chinese cooking, is extremely painful and causes brain damage if listened
to for too long.)

Dr. Raven, who looked a lot younger than he was, managed to straighten
both of them out and get them resting a bit more comfortably, when
unfortunately he bumped Nene's purse, and a picture of her older sister
fell out. When he saw it, his eyes glazed over, and he got this silly grin
on his face. Then he started dancing around, and danced out the door
without realizing it, leaving Sylia and Nene lying there.

Meanwhile, Priss had gotten tired of waiting for the boomers to show up
again, and started looking for the rest of the Sabers. After breaking open
the door to the lint room, she gathered up a huge ball of the stuff and
pulled off a piece in her hand. When the first guard boomer came up to
her, she tossed the hunk under its feet, and slammed the boomer into the
ground when it skidded on the fluff. As she kept searching, she wondered
exactly why she'd been calling after Leon. I mean, he was kinda cute, but
she didn't need some *guy* to save her, did she?

The smell of rotten pineapple was what finally led her to the room where
Nene and Sylia had been held captive. While she was shaking them and
trying to wake them up, the 35-C boomers came to deliver Linna; a few
pieces of the table took care of them, and soon the four Sabers were out
looking for the masterminds of the evil plot to kidnap them yet AGAIN. The
Chinese symbols on the walls were kind of puzzling, especially when they
were next to some kind of purple-haired bimbo that seemed to serve as the
Genom mascot, and the smell of rancid ramen was almost overpowering... but
Priss was sure they'd find the evil masterminds running the boomers, and
make them DIE HORRIBLY.



Ranma's Section #4
------------------

Too bad for the Sabers, Priss was walkin' loud enuf to wake the dead, let
alone some crummy boomers, and in less than 15 minutes they were locked
back up behind bars.

Meanwhile, Leon was dragging Daley along behind him, looking for the Genom
headquarters. "Remember, *I'm* driving! We got lost a dozen times the last
time I let you drive!"

"Hey, they gotta be at Genom!" Daley said. Leon shook his head, wondering
why he put up with the idiot. I mean, he was strong, and good in a fight,
but geez! Pull a clue!

"Genom's got over 50 buildings in this town alone!" he said, after
facepalming a couple of times. "How are we gonna find out which one
they're held at?"

"Uh... I dunno?" Daley said, scratching his head, a moronic expression on
his face.

Leon gnashed his teeth. Baka.

After driving around for a while longer, Leon suddenly noticed a truck
pulling out of a building in the industrial district. "Wait a minute...
what's that in the back of that truck?"

"Uh... gee..." Daley grunted, shading his eyes. "I dunno. I can't see it."

"Arrgghhh... those are the Knight Sabers' hardsuits! They must be in that
building!"

"Ohhhh. Wow."

Leon stamped on the gas, and sent a ki-strike to blow in the doors ahead
of them. With a roar, the car vaulted into the building, like something
out of the 'Dukes of Hazzard', munching several boomers along the way.
Leon and Daley quickly took out the rest of the guard crew, and marched
into the main part of the building.

Just then, though, a low rumble rolled through the hallway, building to a
full-throated roar. Long, four-legged shapes burst into view, holding low
to the ground. Leon paled. "C-c-c-ca-ca-ca-*CAT* boomers?"

"Meet the first fruits of the TESLA project," a gloating voice rolled out
of the loudspeakers. "Have a nice day."

Kasumi Section #4



        Daley laughed.  "Gee, you're paranoid, Leon."  He 
walked forward and petted the nice kitties.  "Here, try 
holding one."  He picked one up and handed the cute little 
calico cat to Leon, who stared at it in fear.  Soon, Daley 
had covered Leon with cats.  Oddly, this didn't seem to be 
helping, even though the cats were all purring and trying 
their best to cuddle up to Leon and comfort him.

         Finally, Leon simply went stiff and passed out.  The 
cats helped Daley drag Leon through the building as they 
continued their search for the Knight Sabres.  

          Eventually, they found a broom closet which 
someone had jammed a door under the handle of so that it 
couldn't be opened.  Leon could use a good dusting, Daley 
thought.  He pulled the chair away and opened the door.  
Celia, Priss, Nene, and Linna all came out of the closet at 
once.  "Finally, after 10,000 seconds we're free!"  Celia 
announced.  "Time to con...oh, hi, Daley."



         Daley said, "Hi, everyone.  We need to get Leon 
cleaned up and conscious."



        Celia whipped out a small rod.  After she pressed a 
button, a rotary dusting head popped out of the end.  With 
a second touch, it clicked onto high speed.  In seconds, 
she had him dusted off and lint free.  A third push and it 
squirted a strong whiff of smelling salts under his nose.  
His eyes snapped open and he jumped to his feet. "Thanks, Celia."

        She nodded and smiled, then nudged Priss.  "Priss 
has been missing you very much."

         Priss got big eyes.  "Have not!"  She started to 
stammer and stare at her feet.  "N...n...not been 
mi...missing you...Leon!"  She leaped forward and wrapped 
her arms around him in a tight hug.  

          His eyes widened and then he hugged her back.  "I 
love you, Priss-chan."

          Celia sidled over to Linna, who was looking at 
everything but Daley.  "Isn't there something you like 
more than money too, Linna-chan?"

         She looked up and gulped, then smiled nervously at 
Daley.  "Ummm...thanks for rescuing us.  I...owe you one."

         Daley stepped forward, his handsome face shining.  
"Anything for you, Linna-chan."

         Celia gave Linna a gentle shove; sometimes you 
just can't be subtle.  Their heads collided and soon the 
collision became a kiss.  

         <I feel good about myself>, Celia thought.  <My 
sis...friends are all taken care of...oh wait, Nene...>

         Nene was close to crying, watching the other 
Sabres with their boyfriends.  She ran over to Celia and 
began sobbing into Celia's chest.  "I've been kissed by an 
evil boomer!  Now I'll never be able to get married!"

          "Don't worry, Nene.  The real Mackie loves you.  I 
know you miss him and that's why the evil boomer was 
able to trick you into kissing him, Nene-chan."  She 
stroked Nene's hair.  "Will you come help me get our 
hardsuits while they're busy?"

         Nene nodded, determined to do her best for Celia.  
"Let's go!"

         They soon found the hardsuits, guided by the clever 
cats, who had been spying out the base for Celia.  <I'm 
glad I took that cat training correspondence course,> she 
thought.  Sadly, the clumsy boomers had gotten grime and 
oil all over the hardsuits, so Celia and Nene took some 
time to carefully clean the suits, making them spotless.  

         The others caught up with them by the time Celia 
and Nene had finished.  Quickly, the Sabres scrambled 
into the hardsuits while Leon and Daley scrambled into 
two handy suits of...umm...Iron Man armor that Genom had 
stolen from Stark Industries.  At least that's where Celia 
assumed they had come from.  One was monogrammed 
with a gryphon on the side in orange; Leon put that one 
on.  The other one had a little winged knight in black on 
the side of the helmet; Daley put that one on.  

[Thanks for the idea, Nabiki.]

          "Okay, let's run through a level four diagnostic,"  
Celia said.  Everyone carefully checked their armor to 
make sure everything was working.  It's important to be 
careful with electronic equipment, especially weapon 
systems.  You especially shouldn't fire chi blasts into 
rooms with brand new stereo systems.  Not that I'm 
pointing any fingers.  Certainly not at any fiancees of any 
of my relatives.

         But that's another story.  Celia said, "Is everyone 
ready?"

         "Check,"  Linna said.

         "Let's engage in some mindless violence,"  Priss said.

         "Hmm...what...sorry, I was playing Tetris on my 
targeting computer,"  Nene said.

         "I'm ready,"  Daley said.

         "Born ready," Leon said confidently.

         "Right.  LET'S GO, JOE!"  Celia shouted and the 
Knight Sabres plus their Male Auxillary moved out.

**************

Kodachi Segment #4

       Sylia smiled.  Largo-sama had reconfigured the 
hardsuits to be the instruments by which the conversion 
of the Knight Sabres into blessed inorganics would be 
carried out.  She could feel the tiny nanomachines 
crawling about under her skin and she luxuriated in the 
feeling.  Soon, weak and perishable flesh would be 
replaced with incorruptable metal, plastics, and 
ceramics.  

         A tiny window containing the sacred image of her 
love, Largo-sama, opened in one corner of the hardsuit's 
visor.  "Can you feel the transformation, my love?"

         "Yes!  Oh yes!  Soon, I will be fully fit to be your 
bride and rule over the world of rubble we will create!"  
The thought of calling down lightning from the heavens 
upon her enemies excited her.  The red haired harridan, 
the demonic chef, the chinese bimbo, all the evil rivals 
for the love of her Largo-sama would be wiped out, along 
with all the disgusting meat-sacks that covered the 
world with their peasant behavior.  Cleansing fire from 
the heavens.  Oh yes, she quivered with anticipation.

         Largo laughed.  "I have the black box.  The laser 
satellites are mine.  I shall turn all of China, especially 
Amazon.com, into a black, charred bridal wreath to lay at 
your feet."

         Sylia felt her legs stiffening as every cell was 
first filled with a plastic-steel alloy, then burst and 
was replaced.  The effect was spreading upwards 
towards her [censored by Nabiki], making her moan with 
joy.

          The screams of the Sabres erupted over the 
intercom system.  Perhaps they were not entirely fit for 
the new era, but she was benevolent and would reward 
them even if they didn't survive it.  

         Leon and Daley, on the other hand...they were 
annoyances.  "Is there something you can do about these 
dogs, Largo-sama?  The two cops...they will never do."

         Largo-sama pushed a button and the suits he had 
planted as traps for them were filled with nerve gas.  
Their screams as they died was a suitable concert to 
accompany Sylia's transformation into a goddess.

***************

Ryouga Section #4

        Unfortunately for Largo's evil plan, he had made one 
big mistake.  He had put his duck boomer in charge of 
rigging the hardsuits, and the duck, as usual, had misread 
all the labels.  If only he had trusted in his valiant pig 
boomer, all would have been well, but due to listening to 
the pig-tailed boomer and the duck boomer, it all went 
wrong.

        Instead of turning the Sabres into boomers, all the 
suits did was to play Barry Manilou music, which made 
the Sabres scream as if they were going to die.  
Meanwhile, Largo HAD planted the suits which were now 
filling with nerve gas.  Sadly, because he had used the 
duck boomer as his spy, it had misidentified Leon and 
Daley as putting on the rigged suits, but ACTUALLY, 
because Daley had spotted those suits as rigged to kill 
the wearer, he had forced Leon to put on a suit of Iron 
Man armor that was NOT rigged to spray poison gas.  He 
had even let Leon have the better suit; a real man didn't 
need battle armor.

         They could see the Sylia boomer, writhing about, 
lost in degenerate fantasies we won't go into here 
because Nabiki would just censor them.  Daley turned to 
Celia.  "Is there any hope for it?"

        "Put it out of its misery,"  Celia said, gagging.  "It's 
beyond hope."

        Daley nodded and blew off Sylia's head with a full 
repulsor blast, then vaporized the body.  "Well, that's 
over."

         "Now, let's find the TESLA project,"  Celia said.

         With Daley and Leon leading the charge, the gang of 
six cut their way through a million billion boomers, 
leaving bits of twisted plastic, ceramics, metal, and 
stuff everywhere.  Daley's infallible guidance sense took 
them where they needed to go.  They could see a big 
shining neon sign ahead 'ENTRANCE TO THE TESLA 
PROJECT HERE'.  

        "There it is!"  Celia said.  

        Linna hugged Daley, who blushed.  "Good job!"

        "It was nothing," he said.  "Nothing that a real man 
couldn't do."

        "I guess I would have been in trouble,"  Leon said.

        "Well, yes, but I wasn't going to rub it in,"  Daley 
said.

        "Alright!  Let's launch our attack!"  Celia said.  

         The ADPolice's two best men and the Knight Sabres 
charged forward towards the door and...

Nabiki Segment #5

[I've tried to be rational.  I've tried to make this story 
work.  I've tried to work around the various stupid 
dangling plot threads and rationalize the out of character 
behavior.  I've gotten down on my knees and begged people 
to try to NOT use this story to carry out their stupid 
vendettas.  Instead, it's made 'The Space Canine Patrol 
vs. the Knight Sabres' look like canon.  It makes 'I'm Here 
to Sleep With You' look like an exercise in humility.  It 
makes 'Debbie Does Mega-Tokyo' look like a Disney Flic.  I 
officially gave up at the start of chapter 5.  Well, now 
I'm going to indulge myself.  You hear?  CURSE YOU ALL!  
I'm going to end this and I'm gonna end it MY WAY!  
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!]

[Kasumi says, 'I gave little sister a sedative.  Here's her 
segment.']

        Nadoko Tenbiki lay in her love's arms, luxuriating in 
his warmth.  The most powerful man on earth was right 
next to her; she could almost smell his net value.  And he 
wanted her.  He could have had any woman on Earth, but 
who better for him than the smartest one of all?  She 
might not be as good looking as her sister the airhead or 
have a horde of destructive sponge-like boyfriends like 
her younger sister, but he needed a woman with smarts.  
And she had those in droves.

        "Is there anything I can do for you, Nadoko?  
Anything at all?" Quincy asked.

        "Can you have my younger sister and her would be 
boyfriends killed?" she asked.

         A phone call later, a horde of boomers vaporized a 
dojo in Nerima where a riot was in progress.  Nadoko's 
older sister came home from shopping and found only 
rubble.  Five minutes later, she had forgotten the dojo 
ever existed and had moved in with her chiropractor.  

         That matter dealt with, it was time for the serious 
business.  Arranging their wedding.

_____________________Section Break____________________

         The Knight Sabres and the ADPolice twits paused in 
front of the doors of the Tesla project.  They hadn't had a 
stupid argument in over three minutes and they simply 
couldn't let themselves set a new record.  Today's chosen 
topic was who got to blast the door open.  "I should use 
my laser sword!...I should blast it with my 
repulsors!...chest laser!....knuckle dusters!...Let me hack 
into it with my ECM..."  Soon, all six of them were opening 
fire on each other and beating the snot out of each other.  

        After about five minutes, they were all a mangled 
mess, knocked out and unable to move.  Several boomers 
came out and threw them into a dump truck which took 
them out to the launch pad.  They loaded them into a 
shuttle and fired them into space on a course for the sun.

         And that was that.  

_____________________Section Break____________________

         With the Sabres on their way to burn up in the Sun, 
there was nothing to stop the completion of the TESLA 
project.  OR the wedding of the millenium.  Broadcast on 
global satellite networks, everyone on Earth with a TV 
set watched.  Even the Sabres on their way to bake to 
death in the Sun had to watch.  

        They held the wedding on top of GENOM tower; it 
was the only space big enough for it.  Every ruler of every 
country came, bringing gifts of gold, silver, and more 
gold.  All of GENOM's executives came too, and the part of 
the wedding where they all groveled and kissed Nadoko 
and Quincy's feet took hours.  Katherine Madigan was the 
Maid of Honor, and Largo, who had been reprogrammed to 
be a grovelling snivelling slave, rather like a certain pig-
tailed menace to society should be, was the Best Boomer.  

        Nadoko wore the perfect wedding dress, the one her 
mother had worn, but augmented with gold and silver 
thread.  REAL gold and REAL silver.  Tiny embroidered 
money signs covered it and ringed the veil with various 
coins, including the rare and valuable 'William Jennings 
Bryan Gold Dollar'.  

        Quincy dressed in his usual exquisite garb, the 
perfect blend of modernity and traditional Japanese 
dress.  They spoke their vows, 'To have and to hold and to 
take control of the world together, until we die and have 
to buy out the afterlife'.  It was a wonderful moment.

        They kissed under a starry sky, and all her dreams 
came true.

The End.

[HAHAHAHAH!!!!  I WIN AGAIN, LEWS THERIN!]

[Kasumi says, 'I think I need to increase Nabiki's dosage.  
I guess it's your turn, Ukyou']

Ukyou's Segment #5

        It was not the end, for there are neither endings nor 
beginnings to the Wheel of Time.  

       The Wheel was about to turn.

        In one Age, called the twenty first century by some, 
an Age yet to come, an Age long past, a wind rose at the 
top of GENOM Tower.  The wind was not the beginning.  
But it was going to be someone's ending.  
        
        The wind whipped everyone's hair around, just long 
enough for them to fail to notice the caterer pull out a 
small remote control and point it at Largo.  Largo froze 
up paralyzed, and then the entire catering crew pulled 
out machineguns.  They sprayed down the entire audience 
with rubber bullets, knocking out the humans.  Then 
pinpoint laser strikes destroyed all the disguised 
boomers among them.

         Only Quincy remained standing.  "But...It's not 
possible!  Who could have done this?"

         The first of the caterers, a tall black man with a 
mostly shaved head that spelled out 'SuperFly' said, 
"Talking about...SCHAFT!"

         "You picked the wrong bunch of brothas to mess 
with," said the second caterer, a black man in a white gi 
with a black belt.  His name was Black Belt Jones, the 
baddest brother in Little Harlem in Eastern Mega-Tokyo, 
across the river.  

         "End of the line,"  Katherine Madigan said, holding a 
gun on Quincy who stared.

         "How can you betray me, Katherine?  I MADE YOU!"

        She smiled.  "I'm not Katherine Madigan."  She pulled 
off the mask and gloves she had worn during the 
ceremony.  "I'm Pamela Greer."  

       Quincy staggered back, and then the head caterer 
stepped forward.  It was Mr. Schaft.  "My name is Schaft.  
You ripped off my father.  Prepare to die."  He whipped 
out his family's honor spatula and got into a combat 
stance.  

        Quincy snarled.  "Largo!  DESTROY THEM!"

        All Largo could do was repeat, "Abort/Retry/Fail?" 
over and over.

        As Schaft charged him, Quincy reached into his pimp 
daddy outfit and pulled out a Really Big Gun.  "Get back or 
I'll shoot."

        "Fight me like a man!  With a blade!"  Schaft said.  He 
would be happy to die fighting Quincy.  Even if he didn't 
kill him.  At least it would cleanse his honor.

         "Honor is for losers and cocaine addicts!"  Quincy 
said.  He fired five times.  Yet, there was no screaming.

         "I won't let you do that,"  Black Belt Jones said.  He 
held up his hands, holding all five bullets.  "Easy for a 
master of martial arts."

         Quincy dodged Schaft's first charge and reached 
into his pimp daddy outfit again, staggering because he 
was wearing shoes with little aquariums in the soles.  It 
was hard to walk in them, but no true pimp like him could 
resist them.  "Damn you all!  I'd have had the entire 
population of the city hooked on gold chains if not for you 
and your meddling friends!"  He pulled out a light sabre.  
"Taste the fruits of Genom Research!"  With one blow, he 
cut Schaft's honor spatula to bits.

       Schaft's a bad mutha, but not a suicidal one.  He ran 
and Quincy gave chase.  His friends watched anxiously, 
but they could not intervene in a duel of honor except to 
prevent cheating.  Technically, a lightsabre was a bladed 
weapon.  
 
        He ran like the wind.  Quincy chased him round and 
round the table with the wedding cake and then Schaft 
got an idea.  Reaching over, he grabbed the cake and 
flipped it onto Quincy's head.  While Quincy was blinded 
by white angel cake, he knocked the lightsabre away and 
grappled him.  

        They rolled around on the ground, closer and closer 
to the edge.  "Schaft!  You're gonna fall to your death!"  
Super Fly shouted.

        He didn't care.  He and Quincy crashed into Largo, 
sending Largo toppling off the side of the Tower.  Super 
Fly, who had the remote control now, seized the chance 
to vaporize Largo with another pin point laser strike.  

        Quincy got the upper hand and began to bash Schaft's 
head into the duro-concrete over and over.  "HAHAHAHA!!!  
I win again!  Again and again we have faced each other 
and in every age, I either turn you to the Shadow or slay 
you, Lews Therin!  Since you will not kneel, you will die!  
Then I will use our Laser Weapon technology to dig a hole 
to free the Dark One and THIS WORLD WILL BURN!!!!"

        "I am not Lews Therin!  I am Schaft!  I am the Velvet 
Shadow REBORN!  And I will NEVER RULE THE WORLD WITH 
YOU!"  With a great effort, he kicked Quincy in the 'nads.

       Quincy flew off him, arcing in the air and coming 
down just beyond the edge of the building.  He grabbed 
onto a chunk of metal a few feet down, clinging by a 
single hand.  

        Looking at his vanquished enemy, Schaft felt pity 
for the man.  He held out his hand.  "None has walked so 
long in the shadow they may not turn to the light, Quincy.  
Take my hand!"

        "Better to rule in hell than serve in heaven!"  Quincy 
shouted.  "Next time, Lews Therin!  NEXT TIME!"  He 
laughed insanely, and let go, plummeting into the 
darkness.  "Maybe next time I'll call myself Snake Oiler..."  
His voice faded away as he fell out of sight.

         The building began to shake, great cracks opening 
and the building collapsing.  "What's going on?"  Black 
Belt Jones shouted across the chaos.

        "Run!"  Pam Grier said.  "Now that Quincy is dead, all 
the works he wrought with his power are crumbling!"  
She ran over to Schaft.  "Are you okay?"

       "I'm just fine, baby,"  he took her hand.  "Let's get out 
of here."

        Super Fly began to sing, "He's the private dick that 
gets all the chicks..."  Black Belt Jones was forced to 
slap him upside the head.

        Schaft and Pam blushed.  "Just use the remote 
control, Fly.  Hit the button labelled 'Tesla Project 
Remote Activator'."

        Fly did so.  A bright light shone down, teleporting 
away all the innocents and leaving the evil people to die 
horribly in the collapse of the building.  It also struck a 
village of Amazons in China and beamed them all into the 
collapsing building, where they didn't have time to say 
'Aiya.  Want to date with Moron?' before they all died 
screaming.  "Wow," he said.  He, Pam, Schaft, and Black 
Belt Jones were now all safely ensconced on the Riviera 
with their own mansion and hand tailored tuxedoes.  
(Well, Pam got a dress.)  "What was that?"

        "The Tesla Project creates what is known as a 
Justice Field in which everyone gets what they deserve.  
An odd thing for GENOM to invent, but they didn't realize 
how it would REALLY work."  Schaft shrugged.  "Once we 
got the plans for the control panel, we were able to use 
their own machine to destroy them.  Poetic, really."

        "Let's go dancing," Pam said.  "And maybe get some 
nice okonomiyaki.  I'm hungry."   

        "You and me both, baby."

          Roll closing theme.  

         Iris out on a kiss.

The REAL end.

[Ukyou's closing notes.  Well, this was an interesting 
experience.  Akane and I got together and voted Shampoo 
out of the next one.  Too bad you didn't get a final 
segment since I wrote the end, eh, Purple Haired Bimbo 
Girl?  NYAAAHHH!!!!]


Shampoo's Section #5

	And the whole affair would have ended tragically, if the 
stupid and ugly fates overseeing it hadn't have gotten greedy.

	In far off China, a tribe of brave Amazon warriors was 
understandably upset at having most of their population die in 
a collapsing building. Luckily, they had the Nanban Mirror.

--------

	Schaft laughed maniacally, changing out of his loud 
purple tights and into a waiter's outfit. "Soon... soon I shall kill 
Quincy and cram okonomiyaki down the throats of the world! 
Humanity shall perish of malnutrition!"

	Then he died in a burst of chaingun fire, along with his 
filthy band of washed-up 70s film actors.

	Priss set down the gun, walked over, and pecked him on 
the cheek. "Priss give you Kiss of Death."

	"You supposed to do that _before_ you kill them," Linna 
noted.  

	Priss shrugged. "It easier this way."

	"Aiyah," Sylia said. "Thank you for rescuing us from 
rocket, Liquid Hand Soap With Scrubbing Bubbles."

	The Amazon nodded, bowed, and vanished in a Nanban 
Special Effect.

	"What we do now?" Nene wondered.

	"Is easy. We kick ass."

--------

	High atop GENOM Tower, Akemi Tando and the vile 
Okonomiyaki Hag watched the wedding with interest. 
Occasionally they tried to flirt with some poor man, who 
usually either threw himself screaming off the tower or 
committed ritual suicide immediately.

	The wedding, however, was not their main concern. No, 
they were here to witness the final destruction of every last 
Chinese restaurant in Megatokyo.

	A diabolical series of spatula-shaped missles had been 
cleverly concealed amidst the wedding fireworks. When the 
time was right, they would launch, destroying the only food 
worth eating in the metropolis.

	And then... then the giant blimps currently floating above 
the city would drop fetid piles of Akemi Tando's bio-
engineered okonomiyaki on the hapless city. Millions would 
perish.

	"Haha!" laughed the Okonomiyaki Hag, protoplasm sloshing 
messily out of her stained purple tights and blue tunic.

	"Haha!" laughed Akemi Tando, scratching one armpit in a 
remarkably orangutang-like fashion.

	"Haha!" laughed Priss, firing a bazooka at the pair.

	The two archvillains yelped and jumped to cover as Priss 
and the rest of the Sabers opened fire. Tando used a large 
mallet-throwing handgun and gobs of her own cooking, while 
the Okonomiyaki Hag simply threw toxic okonomiyaki frisbees. 
Sadly, some of these stray shots managed to hit Nadoko and 
Quincy, killing them in horrible fashion. The wedding dissolved 
into a mad, panicked scramble for cover. Japanese scared 
easily.

	"Aiyah! Hag, Priss KILL!" yipped the lead Saber cheerfully. 
Leaping at the quivering blob of fetid chef, she nimbly knocked 
the Okonomiyaki Hag into a convieniently placed vat of 
hydrochloric acid. There was a lot of screaming, some foul-
smelling smoke, and then nothing remained except a cheap tin 
spatula.

	Akemi Tando, seeing her plans ruined, tried to sneak off.

	But Priss, always alert, dropkicked her into a nearby 
cage containing the stud pandas that had been brought as a 
wedding present.

	The screams lasted a long time. At least Priss _hoped_ 
they were screams. Pandas weren't terribily picky, but then 
neither was Dr. Tando.

	"Aiyah. We win," she commented.

	"Yes, we win," Linna noted.

	"Sylia think we win," Sylia pointed out.

	"Have won!" Nene cheered.

	"Priss date with Leon?" Leon asked hopefully.

	"Not until stupid Leon defeat Priss in combat!"

	"Y-M-C-A! It fun to stay at the YMCA!"

	And so the Sabers once again headed home, leaving behind  
a grateful city, a dead villian, and several extremely busy sex-
crazed pandas.


Kuno's Segment #5

	But hold! Their grand victory completed, a vile blackguard 
did confront the noble Sabers just as they prepared to depart!

	"Hahaha!" cackled the evil Waiter. "You fall once more 
into my clutches!"

	"Oh no," moaned the demure Nene, her bosom heaving in 
maidenly dismay. "Tis the accursed ravisher of women!"

	"The one with the tiny pen..." Sylia began.

	"SILENCE!" roared the Waiter, his grubby pigtail flopping 
like a dead haddock. "This time, I shall have you both!"

	"Woe!" cried all the Sabers, trembling.

	"NOT SO!" cried a noble voice.

	"Not him again," muttered the Waiter.

	Yes, twas indeed the noble Mackie.

	"Have at thee!" he cried, leaping at the foul Waiter with 
his deadly blade.

	The Waiter sneered, and drew a large handgun, which he 
didst then proceed to unload at Mackie.

	"Oh, alas!" screamed the Sabers in horror.

	Mackie caught the bullets between his teeth. "Insolent 
cur," he said, chewing and swallowing. "Now feel the vengeance 
of heaven!"

	And with that, he cut the foul waiter in two.

       To the horror of all who surveyed it, the Waiter, DID NOT DIE!
Instead, his left half began to crawl towards Sylia, the right towards
the lovely Nene.  It was too much for Priss and Linna, who fled
immediately.  Only Sylia and Nene's love for the noble Mackie let them
stand their ground, but they were paralyzed with fear.

       Twice more swung Mackie's noble blade; twice more parts of the
waiter were cut in two.  Yet now this meant that four parts of the Waiter
crawled around the ground; for such a foul sorceror was not easily
destroyed.  Yeah, the very worm that gnaws upon the flabby flesh of a
sorceror may be possessed by his evil soul and take on his form; much the
worse when the Sorceror possessed the most foul evil known as the TESLA
field, a blend of sorcerery and evil technology created by Genom, but
stolen by him.  

       Long and mighty was the noble Mackie's battle with the sorcerer as
he cut him into ever more tiny bits, yet the sorceror was relentless,
constantly growing back together or continuing to move even when reduced
to one inch cubes.  

       Yet, his battle was not in vain, for his chi grew stronger with
every blow.  Finally, using the secret Stingray Watermelon Splitting
Technique, which he had carefully modified to create the Stingray Sorceror
Smashing Technique.  Focusing all of his chi, he unleashed a mighty blow,
reducing the sorceror to powder.  Yet, with that blow, he did rob himself
of consciousness, falling into restful slumber.

       When he awoke, Nene and Sylia had garbed themself for the wedding
which they could finally have, now that the noble Mackie had freed them
from the foul sorceries of the Waiter.

       And then it was time for the Wedding night...

[Kasumi--No Naked People!  I mean it!  I had to cut all
the...the...naughty stuff.  I think I'd best lie down for a while.
Akane's turn]


[All right, sis... *this* time, I'm writing from home. Just *try* and stop
me now!]

Akane's Section #5
------------------

Priss turned to look at Linna, from where they were both standing on a
Genom Tower air vent. "You figured this out yet?"

"You mean why Sylia and Nene are dressed up and mooning like idiots?"

"Yup."

"Of course."

"Sure. It's obvious, really."

"When do you think they'll do it?"

"Any minute, now."

"Yup."

"Uh-huh."

At that moment, Sylia and Nene pulled out the large bazookas they'd hidden
underneath the ridiculous wedding dresses, and blew Mackie into a thousand
pieces.

"Saw it coming."

"A mile back," Priss agreed.

"A child of six could see it," Linna added.

"Not *his* kid," Priss disagreed.

"Well, that's not a problem anymore. Thank goodness."

"Yup."

"It seems a pity, though."

Priss shrugged and hopped down off the stack she'd been sitting on. "Well,
now that they've alerted half the Genom security forces, you ready to
storm Qunicy's office?"

"Sure. Um... didn't he die?"

"Nah. Moriarty didn't, right?"

"Um... I suppose. Oh, my."

"You wanna pick up the Happy Happy Joy Joy twins, over there?"

Linna looked over at Nene and Sylia, who were cackling gleefully over
Mackie's remains. "No, I don't think so. They need to work out a few
things, first."

Sylia brandished a large, gleaming, flat-bladed object into the sky. "The
Orb is MINE! Moohuuhahahahahahahah!"

Blushing, Linna continued, "I think they've been obsessing over bad
fantasy novels too much lately."

"Uh... yeah."

Priss led Linna to a nearby service closet, where they'd stored their
hardsuits, and after suiting up the two of them started looking for an
entrance to Quincy's penthouse. Halfway around the exterior, they ran into
Leon and Daley.

"Why, fancy meeting you here," Priss said sarcastically. "You decided to
do some real work for a change?"

"Well... you know, we started feelin' kinda bad about leavin' you behind
back there, you know, when were about to charge and everything, when
*this* baka decided to get lost --"

<WHAP!> Priss slapped Leon. "Stop teasing Daley, Leon! I mean, he's doing
his best, and it's not really his fault, you know."

"Yeah, so why doesn't he just listen to me and let me lead 'im?" Leon
muttered.

"What was that?!?" Priss demanded.

"Um..." Leon's head snapped up to look at her. "N-nothing, Priss."

"Right. Just so you don't forget it."

"Oh, dear," Linna sighed. "Why do they keep fighting like that?" she
whispered to Priss.

"'Cause they're jerks, I guess," Priss whispered back. Leon was... all
right, so he wasn't such a bad guy at times, but Daley always brought out
the worst in him. She wondered how they'd ever become partners.

Just then, they found the emergency entrance to the penthouse, and they
stopped bickering long enough to try to get the door open. Of course, the
bright stars of the Advanced Dimwit Police couldn't *get* it open, so they
just started arguing again. Priss finally had to shove both of them aside
and blow open the door with her mallet bomber. 

"Was that really necessary?" Linna asked. As nice as she was, she could be
a bit oblivious at times.

"*You* look at 'em!" Priss growled, then started to enter the doorway.
Leon decided to pull his macho act again, though, and pushed past her into
the penthouse. Served him right, because less than ten meters into the
building he was hit with an electrical charge that fried his battlesuit
and left him twitching on the ground. The charge arced through the ADP
systems and knocked Daley down as well. Priss groaned and slapped her
helmet -- she'd have seen it half a block away, if he hadn't been in the
way. "Leon no BAKA!" she shouted.

"That no way to talk about arien!" a sweetly cloying, obviously idiotic
voice drifted out into the hallway.

"And who the hell are you?" Priss demanded, storming into the room.

Facing her stood a purple-haired bimbo who'd obviously had some
artificial... augmentations. "Me GENOM mascot," she said in broken
Japanese. She drew herself up and thrust her chest out, almost causing her
to topple over. "Quincy no run this place! *I* tell him what do, when he
no in bed with slut Tenbiki!"

Priss snorted. "Uh-huh. Right."

The bimbo snarled, and waved a pair of bulbous weapons that seemed
designed to remind people of her... other attributes. "You mock Bum-Pu!
Bum-Pu *own* Genom Tower! Bum-Pu run Genom! Bum-Pu create Tesla Project!"

"Tesla Project," Linna said thoughtfully. "I've heard something about
that."

"Is only top form of bodily modification cybernetics in world!" the bimbo
said proudly, striking an arrogant pose. "Lara Croft only test subject.
Now Bum-Pu show you TRUE power of Genom technology!"

"I'm shaking in fear," Priss said, trying to keep from laughing. This was
supposed to scare people? Well, she guessed it could, in sort of the same
way the Blob scared people back in the 1950's.

"Ayah! No mock Bum-Pu no more!" With that, she pressed herself in... well,
an area we shouldn't mention here. A rumbling, hissing noise started
coming from her chest as she began inflating, and her hips began swinging
in a circle to the tune of grinding gears.

"Oh, my," Linna said, putting a hand to her mouth. "I thought hula-hoops
were dead."

The bimbo ignored her, like something beneath her attention. "Bum-Pu watch
stupid AD Police try fight Genom. Then she see handsome man who lead AD
Police teams, know he no belong with stupid cannon fodder. She lure him up
here, where stupid Knight Sablers no longer get him killed, like
flat-chested hussy who think she sing."

Priss lost her amused smile. "Why, you little --"

"Now Bum-Pu show you *real* power of singing!" She pulled a microphone out
of her... her shirt, and started singing the Chinese National Anthem. The
hideous screeching sent Linna to her knees, something about 'Winning'
smashing through the chorus like a cannonball, before Linna's hearing gave
out and she slumped unconscious to the ground. 

Gritting her teeth, Priss struggled to stay upright and fight her way
upstream against the stream of horrible noise. Step by step, she pushed
forward, worried about Linna -- though at least she was knocked out before
she could suffer brain damage. Priss was afraid she wouldn't be so lucky.

The bimbo paused for a moment. "Enjoy youself, slut?" she asked, giggling
like an airhead. Then she started in again, and Priss sagged, halfway to
the ground, before pulling herself back up. With a lunge, she swung
forward, and managed to grasp the microphone cord in her manipulators.
With a sharp, twisting pull, the cable was snapped, and blessed silence
fell across the room.

"Now, it's my turn!" Priss shouted triumphantly. She elbowed the bimbo in
the stomach; it felt like punching a cushion, but Bum-Pu went over anyway,
bouncing off a nearby wall. Priss grabbed her by a boot and started
swinging her around in a circle, harder and harder, until finally she let
go. The bimbo smashed through a window, a shard of glass cutting her as
she flew out. With a scream and a high-pitched whistling sound, she shot
over the edge of Genom Tower. Moments later, there was a loud, sharp pop,
like a balloon bursting, only 50 times louder. And that was the end of
Bum-Pu.

With her evil influence gone, Genom executives realized what evil they'd
been doing. Renouncing the creation of evil boomers forever, they
dedicated themselves to producing cooking equipment that *didn't* foul up
promising would-be chefs. With the end of boomer rampages, the AD Police
was disbanded; out of a job, Leon signed up with Priss as one of her stage
hands, and the two of them managed to get along enough for him to realize
his mistakes and apologize, leading to a more friendly life together.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

The End.

Ranma's Section #5
------------------

Unfortunately, Priss had forgot what she'd said a few minutes earlier
about Quincy. So when he came out of a hallway, Priss got caught by
surprise, and was slammed into a wall.

"HEY!... Ow. Where'd *you* come from?"

"Surely you did not think the noble Quincy would fall so ignominiously?"
Quincy sneered, striking a pose. "Whilst even the vaunted Knight Sabers
may fall prey to misinformation at times, I am nevertheless disappointed
that you did not grasp such a widely known fact about my public
appearances?"

"Huh?" Priss grunted.

The reprogrammed Largo scuttled up behind Quincy. "BGC Sourcebook, page
93. 'His mysterious aura is compounded by the fact that he has several
doubles (usually Boomer androids), making it difficult to tell if anyone
has ever met the real Quincy.' Is that what you wanted, Master Quincy?"

Quincy backhanded Largo into a nearby sofa. "Hush, infantile prattler.
While 'tis fitting for a noble samurai to give his opponent a fair chance,
'tis also considered unwise to disclose one's secrets."

"Um... then, master Quincy, why did you say that she should have known --"

"Silence, fool! Now fetch my bokken."

Largo scuttled off, and returned with a wooden practice sword. 

"Knave!" Quincy thundered. "Even you should realize that I intended you to
bring my tool of Justice Imposed, not a simple practice tool! Now go and
fetch me my carbon-fiber, monomolecular-edged bokken, without fail!"

Priss stirred groggily, and tried to lever herself away from the wall, but
just ended up falling flat on her face. Fortunately for her, at that
moment Leon woke up and decided to take a hand. He swept aside the
battlesuit -- it was just camouflage, really -- and stood up to face
Quincy. "Hey! Stop pickin' on a girl like that! Why don't you stop and
fight a *real* man!"

"Ah. I was wondering when you would regain your senses." He waved at
Priss. "This, entertaining as it was, was merely a prologue to our
confrontation." He dismissed Priss with a gesture and strode forward to
meet Leon. "Now the true battle begins." 

"Whenever you're ready," Leon replied, looking warily at Quincy.

"Hold but a moment." Quincy held up a hand to wait, then lowered it as
Largo scuttled back into the room. "Ah, faithful servant. My thanks." He
took the carbon-fiber blade in one hand and examined it lovingly, then
lopped off Largo's head with it before coming into a 'ready' stance. "We
may begin now."

Leon shook his head in disbelief. "Hey! I thought you were talkin' about a
fair fight, and now you're comin' in with a weapon against me without
one!"

Quincy shrugged. "It matters not; a true noble warrior will prevail
dispite any disadvantage in weaponry." He came back to 'ready'. "Now
prepare yourself for the mighty onslaught of the leader of Genom!"

Leon cursed, and tensed in preparation. When Quincy swung at him, he
ducked around the side of the strike, then hit the flat of the blade in
the middle. With a dull thwak, the blade shattered, cutting slashes in
Quincy's fancy suit; Leon escaped unharmed. As Quincy stared in shock,
Leon swung in behind him and threw a takedown kick to the back of his
right knee.

"You'll pay for this, boy!" Quincy snarled, as he staggered to his feet
and swung back 'round to face Leon. Unfortunately for him, Leon had
already moved on. With lightening-fast strikes to the thigh, spine, and
neck, Quincy went down for the count for good. 

"You really think that got him?" Priss asked, staggering over to the body.

Leon squatted down and felt for a pulse. "Yup. He's a goner." He looked
down at the thigh, where the white end of a broken bone poked out of the
skin, blood leaking out around it. He felt vaguely sick; the Art wasn't
supposed to be used that way, after all, but it'd needed to be done. "And
he's the real thing, too. Um, was."

Priss nodded soberly. "Thanks for saving me. After I goofed it up, I
mean."

"No problem," Leon said, waving an arm generously. "I mean, it's a true
policeman's duty to take care of those less fortunate, right?"

Priss frowned, but couldn't say anything to the obvious justice of the
comment.

                *        *        *
                
With the death of its leader,the Genom Corporation started falling apart.
Soon, what was left of the company buckled down and started making real,
useful things, like practice outfits and cheap TV shows. Unfortunately,
this didn't help Priss when her singing career went into the toilet;
eventually, Leon helped her find a job as the Voice of the AD Police,
which switched to chasing down crazy Chinese martial artists when the
Boomer problem went away. Even if she was a tomboy, she eventually settled
down enough to move in with Leon when they repossessed her trailer, and
they lived more-or-less happily ever after, even if they did fight all the
time.

The End.


Kasumi's section #5

[I'm sorry, Ranma, Akane, but I just can't leave it as it is.  It's
so... messy.]

"Oh, this will not do at all."  

Sylia surveyed the wreckage created by her cohorts.  Quincy's body
soiled the carpet; Priss' ejection of Bum-pu left shards of glass
strewn around the area.  There were the remains of some sort of
wedding; even she wasn't sure what to do with that.  At any rate,
this was a place tainted with filth.

And it was her job to get rid of the filth.  

Sighing, she walked over to where Quincy's body lay.  Leon's prowess
as a martial artist did impress her; however, there was many a time
when she wished to impress on him the importance of cleanliness. 
Opening her visor so that Leon could see her smile, Sylia chimed,
"Leon?"

The ADPoliceman turned around.  "Yeah, Sylia?"

She gestured to the body on the floor.  "Could you help me with him? 
He's rather heavy."  She turned to Priss, an idea in her head. 
"Priss, can you help him as well?  There's a few things that I need
to take care of."

The blue hardsuit crossed her arms.  "Sylia, I can lift Quincy's body
by myself!  I don't need the help of some... police officer!"

Leon crossed his arms in a similar fashion.  "Like I'd ask a tomboy
like you for help!"

"Enough."  Her voice was barely above a whisper; however, it got her
point across.  Silently, the two picked up the body and hauled it
away.  She smiled at the glances the two gave each other; it made her
feel good to bring people together.  

The stench of blood brought her back to her senses, and she looked at
the pool of blood that had been Quincy's resting place.  She moved
back a step, then charged up her laser.  Metal was so easy to clean,
if it were done quickly.

A moment later, all that remained of the mess was a smoky haze. 
Sylia opened up her deodorizer compartment, and neutralized the ozone
stench.  The floor would be hot for a little while; however, it would
soon cool in the high winds that raced through the room.  She was
about to turn her attention to the glass shards when Nene's excited
voice rang through the radio.

"Sylia!  Quick!  You should see this!"

She gave the deodorizer a few more seconds to take care of the smell,
then walked over to the computer.  "What is it, Nene?"

"The Tesla project!  The *real* Tesla project!  It's... it's..." 
Nene moved over, allowing Sylia room.  She sat in front of the
computer, and crossed her legs demurely.  

"Oh... my."  She berated herself for using such an epithet; however,
it was well-deserved in this case.  She had always though that the
Tesla project was some diabolical scheme, something to make the world
a darker place.  Far from it; it was something positive for the
world, a force for good.  She looked at the location of the program,
how it would take effect, and where.

"Sylia, are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"

"Of course."  Sylia opened the program, and scanned through it.  All
it needed was for one simple code to be typed in, a phrase she knew
by heart.  

CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS

Sylia looked at the screen for a long moment.  "Imagine.  Someone at
Genom who actually had a conscience.  What sort of man would go to
such lengths to help the world?"

Nene frowned at the printouts.  "Some sort of medical doctor,
according to this."  She looked back up.  "Are you ready?"

Sylia smiled.  "Are you?"

Nene nodded.  They both pushed enter together, and let the winds of
change wash over them.  

-----------------------Section Break---------------------

The first thing that MegaTokyo noticed was a pinprick of light, a new
star in its heavens.  It twinkled for a moment, a pink beacon in an
unfriendly night.  

Then it was bathed in cleansing fire.  Anyone outside received the
requivalent of a sunburn; buildings were burned free of dust, while
any trash left on the streets flash-vapored to nothingness.  A musty
haze hovered over the city once it happened; fortunately, that was
not to last long.  

In an instant, boomers appeared from all over.  These were not the
terror-boomers that had been MegaTokyo's second-largest tourist
attraction; these were simple, polite, pink-colored domestic-boomers. 
They filtered the air with their vacuums, allowing the citizens to
breathe freely in a clean city once more.  The boomers went around
cleaning any trash the orbital sattellite couldn't reach, and
polishing the city spotless.  

The citizenry of MegaTokyo received a gift from the heavens that
night.  For the first time since the Restoration, the great city was
clean.  There were no more pollutants, no more garbage... nothing to
make anyone really feel angry at anyone else.  MegaTokyo had become a
nice place to live.  

And they all lived cleanly and prosperously for the rest of their
days.  Priss and Leon did eventually get married; their kids were as
noisy as their parents ever were.  Linna and Daley, likewise, found
happiness together.  Even little Nene found happiness, as she took
comfort in Mackie's arms.  

And what of Sylia, you ask?  Well, someone had to direct the domestic
boomers to keep them running.  She was happy at her job; eventually,
she found a nice doctor to help her in her task, and she lived
happily ever after.

-- The end.

*****

Kodachi's section #5

[Did you actually think you could deny the Black Rose her due?]

[Peasants.]

Sylia unplugged the virtual-reality feed into her brain, her mouth
open in a scream that didn't come.  It took her a moment to remember
that it wasn't real, that that was just some dream program that Nene
had come up with... She ran a hand over her eyes, a move more out of
conditioned reflex than any need to deny her sight.  

She walked over, and wrapped a robe around her glistening form.  To
think that things could have ended so... organic... left a bad
feeling inside of her.  She didn't miss those days, back when words
like 'mortality' and 'humanity' existed - those were best forgotten
along with the society that existed then. 

Flexing her pseudoflesh, she walked over to the window, and stared
out at the new MegaTokyo.  Like in the dream, the city glowed with
electric life; workers bustled from one end of the city to the other,
all in step with the new society.  There was no crime, no poverty, no
illness, none of the dark legacy that had been humanity's trademark;
all of that had been washed clean.  

A demure laugh rose from her enhanced vocal cords as she remembered
the Cleansing.  Humanity's chosen had already been taken to a higher
existence; heaven awaited them once the job was done.  All that was
left was the torment of the damned - a matter attended to by her own
ingenuity.  The plague acted swiftly and cleanly, attacking human
flesh wherever it encountered it, and turned it to half-rotted meat. 
She remembered the sickly-sweet smell that wafted from the city below
as the true rulers of MegaTokyo claimed their throne, how she gloried
in the writhing, screaming death throes of the old world, how she and
Largo had celebrated...  Within a week, the face of the world had
changed - and she and Largo headed that world.  The laughter pealed
from her throat, shaking the ceramic and metal walls.  

"In an enjoyable mood, Mistress?"  Priss walked in the room.  She was
so grateful for what Sylia had done to her; of course, the persuasion
program installed in her Becoming helped.  Her fellow Knight Saber
wore a black maid's outfit, the position she'd begged for once her
human life had ended.  The servant gathered up her sheets, and folded
them neatly in a pile.  

"I am, Priss.  It is a glorious day, isn't it?"

"It is, Mistress.  Will you be needing anything else?"

She shook her head.  "No, Priss.  Do be a dear and make sure we are
not disturbed tonight, okay?"

The servant nodded.  "As you wish, Mistress."  She noted the sway in
the former singer's walk; she was definitely adjusting to her new
life quite well.  The move to a higher form of existence was a bumpy
one; she herself might have gone mad were it not for Largo's guiding
embrace.  Unconsciously, she rubbed a hand against her stomach,
wishing for His embrace once more.  

*Thinking about me, love?*

She smiled.  They were in constant communication, thanks to her new
body.  They were, quite literally, of one mind and one body. 
"Always, my Largo-sama.  I do miss you..."

"Don't worry.  We'll be together soon enough."  

She scowled.  "But my love, I cannot wait anymore!  I even had to
make do with one of Nene's dream programs to keep me company!"

The sadness was felt through their connection.  "I am sorry, my love. 
I will be there as soon as I can."

Her voice turned playful.  "And how long will that be, Largo-sama?"

"Not long."

She whirled around.  Largo stood there, masculinity personified in a
hyperboomer frame.  His long black hair was tied up into a pigtail,
while his Chinese-style silks covered her favorite portions of his
anatomy.  She ran to him, and threw her arms around him.

"Where have you been, my love?"

He looked down at her, his blue eyes sparkling in the electric dawn. 
"There were some residues from before the Cleansing that needed to be
taken care of.  Someone had apparently cooked something just before
the end.  They must not have been a good cook, because it became
something... alive.  It killed several of our brethren before we
could bring it down."

"How sad."  She looked down at his chest.  "You look like you could
use some cheering up."  

Largo nodded, a smile on his face.  "Just having you here with me is
enough."  

She smiled, and began to unfasten his buttons.  "Not for me, it
isn't.  Come.  Let me show you how well I can handle this body."  She
unfastened the last button, then untied the sash of her robe.  Both
garments drifted to the floor.  

[Kodachi, seek help.  Please.  Writing thirty pages of two robots
enjoying each other's company is not the product of a well mind.  I
had to cut it at any rate; I cannot allow naked people in this - not
even mechanical naked people.]

****************

[Awww, geez -- look, I'm sorry. Why did'ja pick *today* to tell her, anyway?]

[SHI-NE!!!!!!!!]

Ryoga's Section #5
------------------

Daley sidled along the wall, peering cautiously around the corner, wincing at a
gleam of light off the Genom Tower.

The city is a bright and lonely place, he thought.

He winced again as a shaft of light from another nearby building caught him in
the eyes. Of course, *everything* was a bright and lonely place, after the
Cleansing. The buildings of MegaTokyo were bright, and shiny, as they had never
been before. No one lived in them. The streets were clean and neat. Nothing
walked through them. Nothing human, anyway.

The end had come swiftly, for most. The clouds of plasma had come down from the
sky and swept through the streets, through the buildings, vaporizing people
before they could realize what had happened, leaving behind nothing more than a
violet fog and a bit of ash. Only a few managed to escape the initial Cleansing.
And for them, greater horrors awaited, at the hands of the boomers.

Boomers. Daley had thought he'd hated them before. He hadn't. Not really. The
lucky survivors were caught by ordinary combat boomers, and had a quick death.
The unlucky ones were found by the elite hunter-killer squads. They lasted a bit
longer. Too long. 

Leon had been the first to go. At least the idiot atoned for his accidental
betrayal by covering for the rest of them as they escaped. Some of the sillier
ones had even made *songs* in praise of his 'gallant stand,' if you could believe
it. At least they started them, before they were caught. Then Todo went, and
Lisa... Dr. Raven, and some shady guy called Fargo. Then another, and another...
As far as Daley knew, he and Linna were the only ones left. 

Linna... Daley didn't know what he would have done without her. She'd been, kind
of... well, strange, ever since the Cleansing -- furtive, always looking over her
shoulder, scurrying from place to place like a mouse. (Daley paused, for a
moment, thinking about the 'legendary' ability of mice and rats to survive
anything. They were all gone now, of course. It'd take a stainless steel rat to
survive in the wainscotting of this new world. Genom was probably creating one
right now.)

He met Linna every day, usually somewhere in the shadow of Genom Tower; it made
him nervous, but she made sense when she argued it'd be one of the least likely
places for the hunter-killer squads to search. She wouldn't stay with him when he
asked; it hurt, but he could understand -- she was always the 'proper' one of the
Sabers. He wasn't sure what'd happened to the rest of them; Linna flinched and
shuddered whenever he asked, and after a while he stopped asking. It must have
been something horrible -- well, that was understandable, since Largo was running
Genom now -- and she must have escaped by the skin of her teeth. He always took
special care around her after the subject came up.

Today, they were meeting in what had once been a nice little coffee shop for
Genom employees that had wanted to get out of the Tower for a little bit. Now --
well, he didn't suppose boomers really liked drinking coffee.

Since he was the first one to arrive, he hid behind the counter, in case a
hunter-killer squad came by. Then the door-chime gave a cheery little tinkle, as
Linna entered; it sounded strange, against the mechanical hums that now filled
the city, to the exclusion of conversation, laughter, and other human noises.

Linna jumped in fear as he stood up from behind the counter, then gasped and
sagged when she saw who it was. "Don't *scare* me like that again! For a minute,
I thought they --"

"They? They who?"

She appeared to be struggling with herself for a moment. Then several moments.
"Nothing," she finally managed to squeeze out in a whisper. "N-nothing."

"You saw something, didn't you," Daley said compassionately, giving her a quick
one-armed hug. "Don't worry, you can talk to me about it; it'll help you feel
better."

"No!" she said quickly. "I... can't talk about it."

"Why?" he asked gently.

"I can't! I... I j-just CAN'T!"

"Shh, shh, it's OK," he replied, holding her and gently stroking her hair. "I
won't let it happen to you again."

She just looked miserable and shook her head, but didn't say anything.

"So..." Daley cast around, looking for something to say. "How did your day go
today?"

"Not... very well," she said, still shuddering a little. "How about you? Did you
find anything?"

"I saw what looked like a couple of good places to hide, if we need 'em. That's
all, though." He sighed, and held her a little closer. "I don't think there is
anyone more. I've been through the whole city by now, and haven't found any signs
of life. We're the only ones left."

Linna seemed to shrink in on herself, and buried her face in his chest. Then she
started, pulled away, and looked up at him in horror. Her mouth worked for a
moment, but nothing came out; finally, she was able to get something out.
"Daley... Daley, get out of here. Get out NOW!"

"What?" he replied, looking puzzled and hurt.

"Daley, there's a hunter-killer squad coming! You need to get away, or they'll
kill you!"

"And leave you behind?" Daley looked incredulously at her. "We all agreed, we'd
protect each other as long as there was anyone left."

"It's... it's not like that," she moaned. "Daley -- feel me. No, harder."

"I-I don't feel anything, what --"

"*There*, Daley," she said half in tears, half in exasperation.

"It feels stiff, but -- did you sprain it or something? I'll carry you, you know
that."

"Daley!" She half-choked on a sob. "Daley... I'm not human, anymore."

"What?" That didn't make sense.

"It's just pseudoflesh! They took us and *converted* us, converted me, and now...
now we're not human." 

"You're some kind of -- sexaroid?!" he shouted in indignation.

Linna collapsed against him, sobbing. "Genom has some new process that turns
people into boomers. Anyone they catch that's 'important' enough gets the
treatment. Most of the top Genom staff and half the government. They tried to get
Doctor Raven, but he refused and managed to kill himself before the treatment was
complete. And the Knight Sabers. Us most of all."

Shuddering in horror a little himself, Daley pulled her into a hug. "That's
horrible! Is there any way of reversing it?"

She shook her head miserably. "Even my brain is cybernetic now. There's no going
back."

"Well... well, sexaroids are pretty close to human, maybe there's something --"

"Daley, there's no *time*," she yelled, breaking out of his embrace and shoving
him towards the door. "They've had me *spying* on you, don't you understand?
They've been controlling me and I've been spying on you and I can't break free
and they hardly even let me *think* about telling you anything and they've been
using you to check for other surviving humans and now that there're none left
they're going to come and *kill* you! Get OUT of here!"

"No!" Daley roared. "I'm not going to let you sacrifice yourself --"

At that moment, the hunter-killer squad came in through the door. "Ah, agent
L-NNA," the leader said gratingly. "The last human. Excellent. Stand aside and we
shall destroy him."

"NO!"

"No?"

"You let me loose when I found him... and I'm not going to let you kill him!"

"He is the last human," the boomer said, sounding a little angry now. "He must be
destroyed. Stand aside." 

"No!" Linna spread her arms to cover Daley.

"Linna, don't do this!" Daley said. "Move out of the way, I can take 'em, then we
can get away and see what we can do --"

"They've got a transmitter planted in me," Linna said despairingly. Then a look
of determination set on her face. "Only one thing I can do..." she murmured to
herself.

"Huh?" Daley said.

Linna turned to the lead boomer, whose mouth cannon was starting to energize. "It
ends here!" she shouted triumphantly, then threw herself at the boomer as a bolt
erupted from the cannon. The bolt caught her in mid-leap, vaporizing her
instantly.

"Linna!" Daley cried. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" In a rage, he sliced the head off of the
lead boomer, then demolished the rest in a flurry of swipes and kicks. Dropping
to his knees, he picked up the last thing that remained of her -- her headband.
Black spots began appearing on the yellow fabric as the tears rolled down his
cheeks.

**************************************************

"How will it all end?" the dying leader had asked.

"In fire," was the cryptic response.

Daley climbed over the last railing, standing on the summit of Genom Tower. Heart
of the Tesla Project, that had 'cleansed' the world, wiping humans from the face
of the Earth in atomic fire. Now he was the only one left.

Let there be a true cleansing. Let it all end as the one had said.

He climbed into the giant transmitter dish.

"Shi...

     Shi...

        HOKODAN!!!!"

And the world erupted in a blaze of light.

The End. Of Everything.

John's Afterword
----------------

Well, I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed writing it.
My favorite of everything I wrote was the last Ukyou segment; yes, it's my
fault she took Shaft as her role model :)

Mostly I wrote Ukyou, Nabiki, Kasumi and Ranma, but we all did a little of
everything.  

So when do we start the next one? :)

Travis' Afterword
-----------------

What a crazy ride it's been. ^_^

The whole thing started over dinner in Lawrence one night. Mike, John and I
started talking about current projects, and John mentioned an idea he had: Do a
story where the characters from one series write a fanfic for another series. A
few caveats came up in discussion:

* Both series would have to be popular and well-known, for the audience to pick
up the jokes.

* Both series would have to have a fairly large cast of characters, so that we'd
have a lot of viewpoints to write from, and they would each have a character they
could identify with. 

After some debate, we ended up with Ranma as the 'writing' series, and BGC as the
'subject' series. I still wanted to do UY; maybe we'll do that next time. <evil
g>

I *still* don't remember who was the first one to say, "You know, we really need
to write this." ^_^

As for the rest of it... well. Lots of messages back and forth, playing
ring-around-the-rosie with the viewpoint characters, and just being generally
silly. :) 

Mostly I wrote Akane, with shots of Ryoga, Ranma, and even the occasional Kodachi
and Principal Kuno. :) Nick Leifker saw us working on it when he swung through
Kansas City, and did a welcome guest shot as Kodachi in Round 2; we were glad to
have him back as Kasumi and Kodachi in Round 5. 

The most fun for me was seeing how closely we could capture the individual
characters of the authors. Prinicpal Kuno was the best example of that, though it
left me gibbering for hours afterward. ^_^

John, I dunno; ready to start writing next weekend? :)

Nick's Afterword
----------------

Overland Park is frightning in the dark
The authors are running wild....
Well, they write about stuff that's crazy,
and their burgers are quite tasty, 
and I'm never coming back this way again, oh no....

Sorry.  Couldn't help it.  ^_^

Anyway, this was fun, what I did of it.  I never thought a stopover on my
trip to Iowa would involve writing, let alone getting into Kodachi's head
again.  As for how that was, ask the others.  They were there when I
wrote it.  I don't think they slept well for a few weeks after that...

Thanks to Travis, John, and Mike for letting me have a little fun with
this, and for coming up with such an insane idea.  

Mike's Afterword
----------------

I'd just like to deny having had anything at all to do with any of this.

Were I present at the alledged dinner at Teller's (Lawrence restaurant built
inside an old bank. The restroom is in the old vault) I certainly wouldn't have
egged anyone on. I wouldn't have grinned horribly as the respectable midwestern
diners looked nervously at the madly laughing Travis and John. I wouldn't have
done much of Kodachi, Shampoo, Kasumi, and one or two others. No indeed.

It was good pasta, or it would have been were I present. Which I wasn't.

I'm going to go speak with my lawyers now.