========================================================================= __ _ __ __ ____ ___ ____ | | | |\ | | | | | | | | |\ | | | | | | \ | | | | | | | | || | | |__ |_| | \| | | |_ |__| | | | | | | ____ | | | | | | \ | __ | | | | | / ____ \/ | | | | \ | | | | | | | ____ |__ | | | | | | | | | __ \____ | | | ___| | | | | | | | | \ \ |--- | | | __ |___| | | | | | | | | |____| | | ____ | | || | | | | | \ | |- /____ | | || | | _____/ |____ | \_|_ |__ ____/ _|_ | \| |___| ========================================================================= Written by Mike Loader, RpM, David Tai, Erin Mills, Chris Willmore, Ross McKenzie, Kevin Eav, and Caroline Seawright ========================================================================= Act VII ========================================================================= The story so far... ACT I: In an alternate reality where Ranma married Shampoo, their daughter had somehow obtained a magic locket that allowed her to cross dimensions. A few accidents later, several of Ranma's 'children' from various realities ended up in one reality, where Ranma was still a teen-age youth. One among them, Ryo Saotome (son of Ranma and Ukyou) managed to get a hold of the locket before Cologne was about to do something devious with it. Following his victory, Ryo sent all the children of Ranma & company to their proper realities, and then prepared to go home himself. Something, however, went wrong. He ended up in a bizarre version of Tokyo in 2096 and accidentally dragged along Ratiko Hibiki and Childra Jansen in his attempt to fix this mistake. That attempt dragged him to two other realities with amazing speed. From them, he accidentally brought Miyabi, daughter of Ranma and Akane, and Ishido, a mysterious amnesiac hunted by a shadowy organization. Finally, they stopped in a reality where Ranma & co. were still teens, but had never met them before. ACT II: Childra, curious as to what caused their dimensional/reality shift, watched Ryo Saotome closely, and discovered that the locket is the source of their troubles. She tried, and succeeded, in stealing the locket from him without his noticing. Ratiko schemed to make sure that the history of his world took place, and began a plan to kill Ranma and frame Miyabi for the murder. He succeeded in getting a blood sample from her and a torn piece of her clothing, but was interrupted before he could go through with his plan. In a talk with Ishido, he found out about a certain umbrella-wielding maniac threatening to kill Ryouga in Ishido's reality. In a panic, Ratiko rushed to Childra, and accidentally triggered the locket. The three of them found themselves on a bridge somewhere. Before they left, they accidentally dragged along Ryo Muhoshin, a person that looked amazingly like Hikaru Gosunkugi, but in truth was a bit more devious. Bringing him along, the four crossed several realities, narrowly escaping danger, capture, and death. Then they returned to the Nerima they had left from, with an irate Ryo Saotome waiting for them. Meanwhile, Miyabi had put up with the antics of her grandparents (Soun and Genma) who were overjoyed at her existence, distressed at the way her parents were fighting, greatly annoyed at her trans-dimensional half brother Ryo Saotome, and had decided that a talk with Grandmother Nodoka was in order. ACT III: Miyabi went to Nodoka's to talk, unaware that Ranma's life was in danger due to the promise Genma made to Nodoka regarding manliness and Ranma's upbringing. The end result was that Nodoka was invited to dinner, expecting to see her son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. Miyabi's age, almost that of Ranma, was, unfortunately, not foreseen as a major problem by Miyabi. Upon returning from her accidental trip through time, Childra surrendered the locket to Ryo Saotome once again. Meanwhile, the extra passenger they picked up, Ryo Muhoshin, passed himself off as 'Ryo Gosunkugi, son of Gosunkugi and Ukyou' and had everyone fooled. Nabiki got a hold of the material Ratiko was planning to frame Miyabi with and used it to blackmail him into buying her dinner, among other things. They end up at Ucchan's, where he washed dishes to pay for things. He eventually got drunk, hit on Ukyou, and was knocked out by a blow to the head. Childra and Ishido became more... intimately attached. When his guard was down, Ryo Saotome was knocked out by Ryo Muhoshin, who then accidentally triggered the locket and disappeared into times and places unknown. Ryo Saotome woke up much later to find the locket gone, an image of it burned in his hand, and discovered what was inside the locket: A picture of him and Bell-chan, his fiancee. ACT IV: Ryo Saotome began making plans to assemble the locket that he was apparently destined to create (the photo from the locket being proof of that). Meanwhile, Ratiko spent the day with Nabiki, buying her food and treats while also beginning to feel somewhat attracted to her. Ishido and Childra sorted through their fears and anxieties, but in the end came together in a happy reunion within the local graveyard. Miyabi & the Tendo household held a dinner for Nodoka, who was expecting to see her son at last. What happened instead was that she had an interesting experience with a time traveler (Happosai) and realized that Miyabi was, in fact, Ranma's daughter from the future. She also assumed that 'Ranko' was Genma's daughter from an affair. Soun briefly assumed Akane was Genma's child from an affair with his deceased wife. Things got ugly, but got better again as they usually did (although Nodoka still thinks Ranko is Genma's illegitimate child). Meanwhile, Under the distrustful eyes of Childra and Ishido, Ryo Saotome used the arcane resources within Happosai's room to create the locket. ACT V: Ryo Muhoshin, having borrowed the locket from Ryo Saotome by means of an umbrella applied to the back of the head, found himself whisked away to a post-modern, futuristic world populated by thousands of Kasumis, Ryougas, and other familiar faces (Ministry of Confusion). After losing the locket in a fall, he settled in and tried to make the best of it, striking up a friendship with a Kasumi extender named Ami. The relationship progressed to the point of a date, at the end of which Ami was murdered by a berserk Ryouga extender. Muhoshin killed him in retaliation, and began a slow but methodical hunt for Ryougas across the city. Ryo Saotome, having remade the locket with some help from three goddesses of time, arrived in this world just as Muhoshin killed a Ryouga to recover his own locket. The two fought inconclusively, with Muhoshin escaping. Leaving 'Ministry of Confusion' in a hurried fashion, Muhoshin rescued one world's Kasumi from a group of terrorists intent on beating her to death. A veteran time-jumper already, she took the name Kaeri to distinguish herself from the more serene person she had been. The two stayed together for a few weeks, with Kaeri recovering and picking up some of Muhoshin's skills. Still obsessed with the need to protect her family, Kaeri prevailed upon Muhoshin to take her to Nerima - and off they went. ACT VI Nabiki unwisely allowed Ratiko to take the lead in a brisk walk through Nerima. As a result, she found herself lost in Africa. Obeying her wishes, Ryo Muhoshin brought Kaeri to Nerima, the version of Nerima that just happened to be the resting place for Ishido, Childra, and the others... Miyabi hatches a plan to use Nabiki's tape recording equipment to make a fake conversation between Ranma and Akane, so as to discourage the other rivals and possibly nudge the two closer together. Ratiko, after having just one of those days, hunted for Ranma. Instead of finding him, he had another one of those days. Ryo Saotome chased Ryo Muhoshin across the worlds, stumbling through across strange realities, and learning that he has more power over the locket than he knew. Ryo Muhoshin and Saotome confronted each other once more, with the end result being dozens of injuries and a destroyed building. This convinced Ryo Saotome that bringing in Muhoshin would require a team effort. Kaeri spied upon the Tendo household, finding out (much to her distress) about the fate of her family in Ratiko and Childra's world and causing much confusion among them until Ryo Saotome, returning from other worlds, runs into her. She tells him her tale, leaving out her involvement with Ryo Muhoshin, and asks for his help in putting an end to the timeline that creates Ratiko and Childra's world. Ryo said no. Kaeri hit him when he wasn't looking and took the locket. Just before she disappeared, Ryo Saotome, Ishido, and Ratiko jumped into the fading afterglow of the locket and all disappeared. And now... * * * * * Reality _shifted_, folded.... And she was standing in front of a gorilla. In a tuxedo. No, Kaeri thought calmly, gorillas don't have six arms. It's just something that resembles a gorilla in a tuxedo. "May I ask if Madam has a reservation?" Ah. A six-armed gorilla in a tuxedo with an upper-class British accent. She was rather surprised at how easy it was to stay calm. "Oh dear...no..." The gorilla looked at her kindly. "May I ask Madam's name?" "Kas...Kaeri Tendo." One of the hairy, black-clad arms fished in a pocket large enough to accommodate a mailbox, withdrawing a list. "Tendo section, K's...... several Kasumis, a Konatsu, a Kentaro, a Kedo... ah, here you are. Tendo Kaeri. A reservation was made for you by a Mr. P. Noone. Your table is in the East Wing, number 546. May I wish you a pleasant meal, Madam." Kaeri was feeling rather befuddled by all this. She had asked the locket to bring her to the start of Reiraku's timeline. Instead, she was being told that her table was ready, and seemed in imminent danger of having a wine list thrust at her. It was all very odd... For the first time, she noticed her surroundings. It was a large, lushly-carpeted, oak-paneled reception area, lined with green leather sofas and armchairs. A set of bronze double doors stood at one end, vibrating in their doorframe. Aside from that...there was no way out, or in. Then there was a flash of green light, and Nabiki appeared in the center of the room. Well...it looked like Nabiki. Mostly. Nabiki wasn't quite as...bulked out...as this person, and didn't go in for military uniforms. Nor did she tote around large, futuristic, impressive- looking firearms. The gorilla gave a smile that probably wasn't intended to be menacing. "May I ask if Madam has a reservation?" "Yes. General Nabiki Tendo." Out came the list. "Hmm... _which_ General Nabiki Tendo?" The General frowned. "I'm the commander of the entire RDF." "So are four of the others, I'm afraid. Can the General perhaps be more specific?" "We're fighting the Ravening Commie Argyle Death Fleet, in a heroic struggle to make the galaxy safe for capitalism." "That narrows it down to two, then...." "I was last here with Brigadier Fokker?" "Ah. That General Tendo. North Wing, Table 523. I'm afraid the General will have to check her plasma ejector at the door." "Here you are." "Have a pleasant meal, General." The Nabiki strode off towards the doors, as Kaeri stared in confusion. "Is Madam waiting for someone?" The gorilla was peering down at her with what she hoped was an expression of polite concern. She shook her head. "No, thank you. Where am I?" "Madam is in the reception area." "No, I mean...oh dear. Where in..." "Ah. Madam is in the Cafe Eternum." "Oh." "Perhaps madam would care to be shown to her table?" Kaeri briefly considered this. "No, that's all right. I'll find my own way. Thank you." The gorilla watched as the rather bedraggled girl in the apron made her way through the doors, and sighed. She had been through that spiel before, but usually it was with a Ryouga. You got all types in this job. Just two more hours, and it was back home for a nice spot of tea... The phone rang, and one of the arms reluctantly reached out to take it. "Cafe Eternum, Front Desk, Kasumi Tendo speaking, how may I help you?" * * * * * The first thing to hit her upon opening the doors was the wave of noise. Make that the tsunami of noise. Chattering, yelling, laughing, clinking of glasses...all the sounds one hears in a normal restaurant, only much, much, much more of them. A rather good swing band was somehow managing to be just on the verge of drowning it all out, presumably by using speakers the size of Buicks turned to the "Lethal" setting. The second thing to hit her was the size of the room. She'd seen smaller sports arenas. Mind you, most sports arenas aren't done in tastefully stained wood panels with lots of leather, ornate picture frames, and gilding. They don't often have kilometer long wet bars, or enough tables, alcoves, booths, and nooks to seat the entire population of a small African nation. The third thing to hit her was the people. Despite the reference above, most of them didn't resemble the population of a small African nation. Many of them, however, did resemble Ranma. And Akane. And Ryouga. And lots and lots of people who seemed to look a bit like Muhoshin-san. The fourth thing to hit her was a very, very drunk Ukyou Kuonji, who managed to plant a neat left cross on her jaw. She fell to the floor, feeling rather hurt at this treatment. And Ukyou-chan had always seemed like such a nice girl... "UKYOU! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Kaeri blinked. Ranma? Ukyou turned, swaying rather noticeably. "Shee took my Ryouga-chan, the violent, tomboy shlut...." Ranma took her by the shoulders and shook her a bit. "Ukyou, that's the wrong Kasumi. C'mon, give me the earring, I'm taking you home." "Shee can't cook, shee hits him, an, an, I'm cuter..." "C'mon, Ukyou..." The pair walked off, Ranma supporting a madly sobbing Ukyou, as Kaeri struggled to her feet. The people sitting at the nearby tables stopped staring and went back to their respective conversations. "...so it was a bit of a shock to discover that P-chan was actually Akane! I mean, here she acts like she hates me, always the "Ranma no Baka" and the mallet, and it turns out that she's actually been my pet pig; sleeping in my bed with me at night, trying to hump my leg..." "...so strange, Ryouga's male in my world. You say he...sorry, she actually married Ranma? Go figure...." "..the Collective can get stuffed, Tsubasa. You're the girl I love, and if they can't handle that, then they can go to..." She shook her head. Life had been odd of late, but this...her grasp of reality was hanging over the cliff of insanity by the fingernails of instinct, scrabbling desperately for the protruding tree root of normality and wishing the writer wouldn't use such bad metaphors. Well...she could either stand here all day, or move on. Moving on seemed like the better idea. So she pushed her way through the tables, past clumps of merrily chatting copies of people she knew, until her path was blocked by a rather large party of gaijins. Loud, noisy, slightly tanked gaijins. And Kodachi Kuno. "Excuse me..." One of them, a scruffy-looking young man, looked up from his inspection of a whiskey stein. "Yah? Wot can I be doin' fer ya?" "I'm trying to get by..." The scruffy gaijin nodded politely. "Right yah are. Ko-chan, can ya be movin' yer chair outta the way o dis lady?" Kodachi obligingly transferred her person to his lap, and Kaeri walked past, colliding as she did with another gaijin, this one in a floppy, wide-brimmed hat and a multicolored scarf. "Excuse me. Would you, by chance, have seen a young lady, name of Sarah?" She stared at him. "Who?" "Yes, actually. But about Sarah..." "I'm sorry, I don't know her." "Oh well. Sorry to bother you." He walked off, scarf fluttering behind him, vanishing into a nearby blue phone booth. Shrugging, she continued her trek. Taking a left at a stand of potted palms, she found herself staring at Ryo Muhoshin. All three dozen of him. "M...Muhoshin-san?" "Yes?" they asked in unison. "Oh my....are any of you the Muhoshin-san I know?" The Ryos adjusted their Havana cigars and considered this. "I'm afraid," one finally replied, "none of us are. Are you Kaeri Tendo?" "Well, yes..." The Ryo waggled his cigar at her. "Hrumph. You've been involved with that other Muhoshin, haven't you? The one going around wiping out timelines?" "Yes, I suppose I have...Muhoshin-san's a nice young man..." "He," the Ryo said with gravity, "is a menace." "Not that he isn't a extremely clever, resourceful, and stylish menace," another one added. "A very witty fellow, I think," chimed a third. "But," the first one finished, "a menace nonetheless. Why, he wiped out Ryo's home reality!" "Who?" He pointed to a glum-looking Muhoshin playing backgammon in a corner booth. "That one. Was in the Cafe when it happened, luckily." "Oh my!" "Yes, it was quite a shock, poor chap. He just looked up, said drat', and got blind drunk when they told him." She looked at the unlucky Ryo with sympathy. "The poor man. My home's gone too, you know..." "Oh? That mad Ryo blow it up?" "No, I did." The assembled Muhoshins stirred uneasily at this pronouncement. "I'm on my way to stop this horrible future timeline right now..." The Ryo stuck his cigar back in his mouth and hastily led her away. "You might not want to say that in public, Miss Kaeri. We lot are about as sympathetic as you'll get, and I think some of the lads are considering running you through for that statement." Kaeri looked shocked. "They wouldn't!" "Well...no. We like you. But for your own safety, please don't talk like that. Eh?" "Okay." "Good girl. Oh, and do steer clear of that other pack of Ryos. Frightful scoundrels. Give us a bad name. They actually want to _kill_ Ryouga, can you imagine?" "Don't you?" The Ryo looked shocked. "Certainly not! We want to beat him at cribbage." "Oh?" "Oh yes. We're very keen on cribbage. Play the cursed Hibiki every week. Good luck, and mind what I said." With that, he headed back to his armchair. "There you are!" She spun, to come face to face with a rather annoyed looking fellow dressed...well, like Ryouga. "Excuse me?" "We told you people not to leave the reserved room. Come on!" With that, he dragged her off by the arm. Somewhat curious, she followed, apologizing to a group of Gosunkugis she brushed against. They stopped at the door to a side room, and the man knocked. "I found her!" The door opened, and a Gosunkugi... no, Gos wasn't a gaijin...in a black trenchcoat stuck his head out. ABBA could be heard in the background. "You found..? Aw, damnit, Rod found her in the broom closet five minutes ago." "You mean...?" "Yup." The man turned to her, sweating. "Um. Sorry, mistaken identity. Bye." He vanished inside the room, the door rapidly closing behind him. She stood staring at the door for a few minutes, an unexplainable feeling of dread moving through her. Once, she dimly recalled, long ago, life had made some sort of sense. On occasion, it still did. And then there were times like now. It was moments like this that prompted people to shoot themselves, or refuse to ever talk again, or start conversations with trees. At times like this, insanity was much less odd than what was feebly trying to pass for reality. Well. She wasn't going to take this anymore. Fishing out the locket, she stared at it, focusing her will. "Take me to..." It flared like a roman candle, causing her to yelp in pain and drop it. Across the room, diners were swearing as their coat pockets, purses, and, in a few cases, cleavage erupted with azure flame. Whoops. That's right. You can't use it by other copies. Fortunately for her, no-one seemed to know who had triggered the flareup. Several Muhoshins were loudly insisting it to be the fault of a Ryouga, while a quintet of Akanes began pounding their respective Ranmas (or, in one case, Gosunkugi) into the ground. It would probably be a good idea to leave the area, before someone started to make a serious search for the offender. Her table, she dimly recalled, was in the "East Wing". Perhaps someone would feed her. That would be nice; she hadn't eaten in quite a while. Should she go find it? Yes, said her stomach (which was filling in for her rather overburdened mind), she should. The East Wing, she reasoned, was probably east. Whichever way that was. They had taught her in school how to find north by seeing on which side of trees moss grew on. Sadly, five-star restaurants have a distinct lack of moss-encrusted trees. So she did the sensible thing, and walked over to an Akane eating dinner with Nabiki. "Nab-chan, I still find it hard to believe we've only been married a year. I don't think I could have asked for a better wife." Oh. Oh my. This was interesting. "Excuse me," she asked, "which way is the East Wing?" Akane turned, smiling politely. "Take a left at the clump of pewter flamingos over there, and go straight on." "Thank you, Akane-chan!" Kaeri strode off, her eyes misting a bit. Even in alternate dimensions, Akane was polite and kind. Mother would be proud. The Akane turned back to her wife. "I still can't figure out how you managed to fall in love with me, with this curse and all..." Nabiki smiled. "Don't be silly, Ryouga-chan. I love you no matter what you look like. Besides, I'm sure you could have picked worse springs to fall in than Akaneniichuan..." * * * * * She was lost. That is, even more so than usual. The swing band was gone, and in it's place was something by Bach. Not churchgoing Bach, either. This was the kind of Bach Count Dracula enjoyed pounding out. The walls had become faintly less cheery, and distinctly more gothic. You wouldn't catch a potted palm dead in this wing. On the other hand, maybe you _would_ catch it dead. And then there were the people. They looked a lot like Muhoshin-san, at least in that they were pale, thin, and looked like they had been staying up past their bedtimes. And those were the younger ones. The older ones looked...well...embalmed. And not by a particularly competent mortician, either. "...Collective is insisting something be done! Four realities, #843, four of them, all with Collective members. Gone. And people are saying it's our fault, look at the guy..." "...my sister' is a fool. Worse than a fool. And that white...shows the dirt and blood far too easily. Give me basic black any day. Now. It's very simple. All you have to do is..." "...My brothers? Not a chance. They last saw me falling into the abyss, with an arrow in my neck and another by my heart. No, they all are safe in the knowledge that Brand is dead. This Collective of yours, they can move through shadow? How do they manage..." She sincerely hoped this wasn't the East Wing. None of these people looked as nice as Muhoshin-san. But it would probably be a good idea to make sure. Walking over to a young lady in a black dress, she tapped her on the shoulder. "Excuse me? Is this the East Wing?" The woman turned, and Kaeri noticed the alcohol blush on her cheeks. Judging from that, and the half-empty bottle of wine, the woman was likely a few sheets to the wind. "No," she replied, her voice annoyed and slightly slurred. "This the the Northwest.." Her eyes, bordered by tattooed diamonds of black, focused on Kaeri and went wide with shock. "YOU!" Oh dear. "Me?" Leaping back from her chair, the woman in black reached for a sheath by her belt in a smooth, practiced motion (marred only slightly by a noticeable swaying), drawing forth an ornate dagger. "You......you should be dead! How did you...." Abruptly, her demeanor changed, going from shock to contempt. "So, Our Lady of Mindless Saccharine still lives. What a pleasure. Normally I'm only able to kill people twice..." She trailed off, suddenly noticing that every eye in the immediate (and not so immediate) vicinity was trained on her. An elderly man stood, an expression of disapproval etched on his face. "Sicarii. That's really the wrong sort of knife to butter a roll with." Several Gosunkugis chuckled. Sicarii turned an interesting shade of purple, and curtly nodded. Kaeri felt that she should say something polite to help break the tension. "My, what a nice knife! What is it for?" Sicarii stared at her for a second, gaping at the sheer gall of the question. Then her face contorted into a feral grin, her eyes gleaming with a unhealthy light. "Let me show you!" she snarled, and leaped. The dagger in her hand flared with green fire as it thrust for the heart, and scarlet ki-flame rimmed her in a flickering aura. Kaeri jumped backwards, her staff coming up in an arc intended to catch the madly grinning Gosunkugi on the stomach. Luckily for both of them, Sicarii tripped over a chair and fell to the floor. Kaeri's staff whistled over her, ultimately coming to rest in a gentleman's groin. He made a peculiar whistling sound, akin to a football being deflated, and folded over. Aghast, Kaeri walked over to apologize. Sicarii picked this moment to tackle her from behind, sending both tumbling to the floor. The waiter picked this moment to walk in with Souji Gosunkugi's Duck Flambe. No-one picked that moment to knock the waiter on his tuxedoed rear, but that's what happened. The duck rose like a gourmet meteor, and then fell to earth. Or, rather, to Gosunkugi. Kento #25 found his jacket alight, and immediately grabbed the nearest glass of water to douse it. Unfortunately, the nearest glass of water turned out to be the nearest glass of Old Brainmelter Vodka. *splash* *WHOOSH!* "AAAAARGH!" Kaeri, had she seen this, probably would have apologized. But having a yowling, squirrelish maniac in black trying to strangle you is a tad distracting, and so she instead concentrated on keeping Sicarii's hands off her windpipe. Her hand fell on the edge of a plate, and she brought it down on what she hoped was Sicarii's head. It wasn't. Sicarii expressed her displeasure about being hit on the bottom with a plate of Jello by attempting to remove Kaeri's kneecaps with her teeth. Several Gosunkugis had begun incanting extinguishing spells, and unleashed them on the screaming Kento #25. Most of them worked. But Hodoko #12 (who was not just teetering on the brink of senility but was instead already in freefall) managed to botch a simple incantation in truly brilliant fashion. With a flash of ruby light, all of the tables in the area began to move. Several of them grew teeth of the sort normally found on the more impressive types of carnivore. The Gosunkugis began to blast them with mystical energies, arcane enchantments, and handy platters of sweet-and-sour pork. The tables tried to eat the Gosunkugis. Sicarii had found a perch on Kaeri's back, and was trying to twist her head off. Kaeri, on her hands and knees, was bringing up her staff to remove her unwanted passenger when Joey #54 (of the San Francisco Gosunkugis) lost control of his Symphony for Flamethrower and Blender spell, and tossed it at her by mistake. Sicarii, her sense of self-preservation belatedly kicking in, jumped for the relative safety of the floor. Kaeri, running on instinct and not a whole lot else, placed her big piece of wood in between her and the oncoming ball of razorsteel and inferno. The ball hit. And vanished. The carvings along the staff erupted with crimson energy, setting the nearby carpet aflame. Sicarii shrieked, and frantically tried to put out the merry blaze that had erupted in her hair. Kaeri took the opportunity to introduce Mr. Skull to Mr. Chair, and the Assassin slumped into unconsciousness. And that's when the sprinkler system turned on. Kaeri sighed, and began to crawl for the exit, unmindful of the Giant War Dingos pouring through the rift that Hodoko #12's latest mistake had just opened. * * * * * Three miles, five hours, and six sets of contradictory directions later, Kaeri entered the East Wing. The familiar faces had vanished several minutes back. No Tendos or Saotomes, Hibikis or Muhoshins or Gosunkugis. The most you could say about the East Wing was that some of the diners were human. She tried to place the music, a dreamy, outlandish, oddly familiar jazz riff. Somehow, it fit. The walls here, a smoky black marble, were almost invisible in the dim light. A single candle was set in a wine bottle atop each table, casting shadows that loomed at her before being lost in the deeper blackness along the wall. "...Miller, I tell him, you're keeping her on too tight a leash. It could cost us our jobs, and Heaven isn't much for layoff benefits..." "...I'm sorry, Mr. Ishmael, but we're fresh out of positions. I wouldn't be discouraged, though. We aren't the only Hell in the realities..." "...I HOPE THE STABLE IS ADEQUATE. BINKY GETS CROSS, OTHERWISE. TRY THE NACHOS, BY THE WAY..." "Kaeri Tendo?" She spun, to find herself face to face with a man. What sort of man, she couldn't say. It wasn't precisely that he was unremarkable, or hidden by the shadows that swirled around the room...he was just...hard to focus on. If eyes needed handholds, this fellow was covered in an inch of grease. "Yes?" "I'm Mr. Noone. Your table is this way." "Oh! Thank you..." He led her across the room (it did have a ceiling, it had to have one) and seated her, and gave her a menu, and sat down across from her. She had the bouillabaisse. He ordered wine. Setting down the menu, she tried to catch his eyes with her own. When this proved impossible, she settled for staring firmly in his general direction. "I'm very grateful for the reservation, Noone-san. But, please excuse me, do I know you?" He smiled. "Yes, and no. I know a good deal about you, and you, in return, know a good bit about me. You just don't realize it yet." Kaeri frowned. Her dinner companion was talking in riddles, which she found rather unnerving, and slightly rude. "Was there something you wished to discuss with me?" If he danced around things, she would be direct. It ran against her nature, though... no! Against Kasumi's nature! Weak Kasumi! Blind Kasumi! "Do you really think this plan to destroy Reiraku's timeline will solve anything?" Her mouth went dry. "How did you know..." Noone chuckled, the sound somehow sad. "I have my ways. But back to the question. What good will it do?" She stared at him. "What good? Do you even need to ask? The very idea of it is _obscene_. I wept at each word I read of it. It's as though some mad, evil, twisted god decided to to destroy everyone I love as thoroughly and completely as possible. I'll cleanse it. Kasumi scrubbed floors. I'll scrub worlds." She glared at him, waiting for him to challenge her claims. "And then what?" She blinked. "What? I don't.." "What happens afterwards? When you've destroyed..." "Cleansed," she said, a bit too quickly. "Either one. What happens then? There are worse worlds than Reiraku's, Kaeri, and there are more of them than there are tables in this restaurant. Will you destroy... cleanse... them all? Their number grows daily, just as do the worlds of love and joy. Will you ever see those bright worlds? By the time you stop, will you even belong in them?" It was a staggering concept, and one she had deliberately avoided. There were infinite worlds. Infinite Akanes. Infinite futures of pain and death. "Of joy, too." She looked up at the strangely elusive face. "Why are you telling me this? Why?" "You took a good choice for a name, Kaeri. Kaeri ni - on the way home. Go home. Find that other broken soul, and help him, for he needs your help more than the echoes of 2096. You were born to serve, to nurture, to care, and he needs that. You need that. Go home." "But... father... Akane... Nabiki..." "Are waiting for you, should you need them. But you don't. That time is over, Kaeri. Go home. If you follow this path you take, if you go on to do your deed, you will suffer for it, and the one who truly needs you will suffer even more. Go home. Before the graveyards of 2096 and it's ilk become more your home than a kitchen full of sunlight and laughter." She shrank back, hearing truth in his voice. It was not a pleasant fate he described, and it would be so nice to rest for a while...to bring soup, to tidy rooms, to bake cookies, to _love_... No. Her duty was to her family. If that meant doing without happiness... so be it. "Not just that. Your soul." She met his eyes. "So be it." Her hand tightened on the locket, and she summoned her will. Save them. Damn Kasumi, she deserves it. Save... Blue fire flared, and her chair was empty. Noone slowly sipped his wine and stared at her seat for a while. After a time, someone sat down in it. The newcomer looked at him kindly. "You knew it wouldn't work." Noone shrugged. "I had to try." His voice was had changed from the rough male baritone he had addressed Kaeri with. It was now a clear, smooth female one. "So does she." 'Noone' sighed, and raised her glass to her now obviously feminine lips. "You know what will happen. I couldn't tell her directly..." "I know. Maybe things will turn out differently as a result of your..." "No. The Cafe has rules for these situations. There is one clear choice, one path that leads away. If you don't take it, nothing changes. She didn't take it." "How do they manage that?" She laughed. "Why don't lockets flare in the Cafe when they come near each other? Who runs the place? Don't ask me. It's just the way the Cafe Eternum is." Her glass had run dry, and she poured a fresh draught. "She ran into Skeride, you know." "Oh? A nice girl, if you overlook..." "Not _that_ Skeride." "Ah. That one." Silence for a while, and then the newcomer stood. "I've got to check on my young charge. Take care of yourself, dear." 'Noone' smiled. "Be careful." He nodded, stepped sideways into nothing, and vanished. "Excuse me?" She turned, to see a spectral Akane looking up at her. "Yes?" "Can I possess you for a while? There's a Ranma in the South Wing I'd really like to have dinner with..." She shook her head. "I've got to go. Sorry." And with that, she held up a locket, closed her eyes, and vanished in a flash of cerulean fire. The Akane sighed and slowly walked off, translucent shoes scuffing the carpet. "Great. Another Saturday night, and I ain't got no body..." <<<<<<<<<<<<<<(*)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> He felt dizziness as disorientation took hold and spun his senses around and blinded him with azure light. The act of shooting across realities recklessly tended to do that. By now, he'd felt this sensation more than a dozen times, and was getting used to it. Ryo Saotome was getting sick of it anyway. He didn't _want_ to get used to it. He wanted this madness to end. He wanted to go home. And at this moment, he was really hoping for a normal landing. -POP- He hovered in mid-air awkwardly, and unfortunately, upside-down, and crashed on a hard, cold floor. "Ow." A second later, two quick bursts of azure flame heralded the arrival of Ishido and Ratiko... right above him. In that small space of a second before they landed on him, Ryo wondered why, as of late, whenever he traveled with company, there was a tendency for the landings to be rough. -THUD- "Ow!" -THUD- "Augh!" "Will you guys get off of me?!" he yelled, his patience already worn thin. He shoved a few unidentified limbs out of his way as he struggled to get up, ignoring any feelings he might've been bruising. "Hey, back off," grumbled Ishido, yanking his leg away from Ryo's arm. Along the way, it whacked Ratiko in the face. "OW! Hey, watch it!" whined the Hibiki. "A-hem." The three paused. "Good evening, gentlemen." Ishido and Ratiko froze, jaws hung low. Ryo, on the other hand, summoned up his willpower and utterly refused to be surprised. Instead, he brushed the dust off of his travel-worn clothes, quickly combed his hair with a fold-up comb he had in his pocket, straightened his jacket, and said, in perfectly polite tones, to the six-armed gorilla in a tuxedo... "Good evening." The gorilla seemed to approve of it. "May I ask if sirs have a reservation?" Ryo frowned. "Reservation... mmm... no. I'm afraid we're here accidentally." "Ah. I see." "You wouldn't happen to have seen a woman somewhat taller than me, with three fingers on one hand and a few facial scars?" The gorilla hmmed. "Well, yes, there was in fact a lady of that description. She passed by about thirty minutes ago." Ryo frowned. Thirty minutes? "If you don't mind, we really need to find that lady. Could we get in without a reservation?" The gorilla frowned and thumbed through a book. "Hrmm... well... we do have some room... but sirs simply can't be let in." "Why not?" asked Ryo, trying to remain civil. "It is _very_ important that we find this woman!" "My apologies, sirs, but there _is_ a dress code." Ryo sighed. Ishido and Ratiko were still marveling that Ryo was negotiating with a multi-armed gorilla that, apparently, had an aristocratic accent and was the doorman of the place. "However, if it IS important, the cafe DOES have a way for you to be admitted." Ryo raised an eyebrow. "Oh, is there?" * * * * * The trio stood, embarrassed, baffled, and naked as a conveyer belt moved them down a long white hallway. There was one exception: Ratiko still had his headband on. "Um, guys, what was this again?" he asked nervously. "We're headed to the showers, I think," answered Ryo. "I don't like this," said Ishido, looking around suspiciously. - INITIAL SOAK CYCLE: BEGIN - "Soak cycle?" asked Ratiko. And then the large water cannons emerged from the walls. "What the-" *****FWOOSH****** "AAAGH! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" yelled Ishido. "The soak cycle, apparently," said Ryo. "They could've used warmer water, dammit," replied Ishido. *SQUEAK* Ryo and Ishido paused, then looked down between them where Ratiko once was. In his place there seemed to be a small fruit bat. "So. Jusenkyou, huh?" asked Ryo. The bat managed an embarrassed squeak. -INITIAL SOAK CYCLE COMPLETE- "Well, that was interesting," said Ryo. -SOAP CYCLE: BEGIN- "This can't be any worse than the soak cycle," said Ryo. Ishido and Ratiko-bat looked at him doubtfully. "Of course, I could be wrong." Many small hoses mounted to mechanical arms lowered from the ceiling. Ryo frowned. "Oh not again." -FWOOSH- "EYOW!" Soapy water slammed into them from all angles. The water was, fortunately, enough to get Ratiko back to human form. Otherwise, there wasn't much that was pleasing about the experience of hot soap and water being sprayed at all odd angles and occasionally up orifices that the men would prefer to keep dry. -SOAP CYCLE: COMPLETE- Ryo wiped some foam from his eyes. "Well... that was... ah..." "A lot more violent than your usual shower, yeah," finished Ratiko. "What kinda shower is this?!" -SECOND SOAK CYCLE: BEGIN- "Ohnotagain," whimpered Ratiko. They waited for the water cannons to appear. Instead they fell. Ratiko flapped his arms around, forgetting that he wasn't a bat. "I REALLY HATE THIS SHOWERRRRRRRrrrrrr-" *SPLASH* They felt dizziness as disorientation took hold. There was much awkward splashing and blindness as water got in their eyes. The act of being dropped suddenly into a giant pool of warm water tended to do that to people. The trio coughed and splashed about until finally they felt the floor rise up to meet their feet. "*COUGH* Well... *COUGH*COUGH* that was unexpected," grumbled Ryo. The others didn't talk. They wanted to kill whoever designed the system. Three small robots hovered into the room, each carrying a tray and a towel. On the tray was a glass of tea. //REFRESHMENTS, GENTLEMEN? TOWELS?// What the heck, thought Ryo, why not? "Yeah, thanks." He put the towel around his shoulders and held the beverage in one hand. The others, following his lead, did the same. "Now this... this is much better," said Ratiko with a grin. He leaned on the edge of the pool and casually slurped his drink. Ryo did the same, while Ishido looked around nervously. In his eyes, the whole experience was bad so far and this part was surely a trap meant to lower his defenses. After five minutes soaking in warm water, he had his doubts. "Okay, we're soaked and soaked well, where's the exit?" asked Ryo. Immediately after he spoke, a door previously unseen opened with a big //EXIT// sign in cheesy neon letters appeared. "That answer your question?" asked Ratiko. -SECOND SOAK CYCLE: COMPLETE- The three went through the door and found themselves, once again, on a conveyer belt. "Aw man, I got a bad feeling about this," whined Ratiko. In front and behind the trio, large air vents suddenly dropped. -DRY CYCLE: BEGIN- Ratiko 'eep'ed. -FWOOOOOSH- Hot air blasted them from front and back, pressing them flat with incredible air pressure for an incredibly long stretch of time. Ishido really felt like hurting someone. Ryo was getting used to the rough treatment by now, and only rolled his eyes as he was blown about. "WE'RE DRY! WE'RE DRY! TURN IT OFF!" yelled Ratiko. -DRY CYCLE: COMPLETE- "THANK YOU! Sheesh." -YOU'RE WELCOME- * * * * * Ryo fidgeted slightly and pulled at his necktie. Ishido bypassed the irritation and undid his entirely. "I hate this," grumbled Ishido. "It isn't so bad," said Ryo as he scratched at his neck. Ratiko adjusted his slightly and brushed off some lint from the fine ebony cloth. "Heh... you know the difference between you guys and me?" he asked. "I make this outfit look _good_." Ryo sighed. Just great, he thought, the trans-dimensional Diners In Black. He tapped the two on the arms. "Time's wasting. C'mon, let's go find her." "How do you know she hasn't left yet?" asked Ratiko. "I don't." "Then... we're stranded?!" "We'll confront that possibility when it comes. Until then, I'm going on faith. You can either just stand there gaping or do something useful. Now c'mon." The three wandered from the lobby into a large dining area, with a bar of seemingly infinite length running down the side and fancy chandeliers everywhere. There was a stage for a band, but they seemed to be on a break at the moment. The sound of silverware clinking and people chattering created a steady buzz. "Fancy place," muttered Ratiko. He looked around further. "And the people... er..." He watched, carefully, as three Nabikis walked by, followed by two Elvises and Akira Kurisawa. "I don't like it here," said Ishido, almost in a snarl. Ryo glanced at the table full of Egyptian kings and sighed. "I'm trying not to be shocked anymore." The three wove their way through the crowd carefully, trying not to lose sight of each other. Ryo lead the way, with Ratiko in the middle and Ishido bringing up the rear. Unfortunately, with the crowds being thick and the noise being high, Ishido found himself separated from the two. He growled in frustration and tried to push his way through the masses, but was soon entirely separated and lost in the sea of people. * * * * * Ryo was getting that nagging feeling something was going wrong. He turned back to Ratiko "Hey, where's Ishi..." Ishido was gone. "...do..." And so was Ratiko. "Damn!" He was alone. Ryo tried not to scream in frustration as he wove his way back, retracing his steps. Now was NOT the time for any more delays. He wove around the tables and made his way to the bar, where there was a walkway with a good view of the room and a better flow of traffic. Moving with the masses, he headed down the hallway once more until a hand grabbed him by the shoulder. "Hey, you." The voice seemed eerily familiar. Then again, everyone he'd met so far was eerily familiar, since they were usually related to him in some trans-dimensional way. He sighed. "Listen, I don't have time for..." Their eyes met. And Ryo Saotome met Ryo Saotome. * * * * * "Where on Earth am I now?!" A passing penguin tapped him on the leg. Ratiko looked at the animal. It had an oversized flesh colored beak, a red bow tie, and was wearing a button that said "Opus 'N' Bill in '92. This Time Why Not the Worst?" "Yeah? What?" "You're not on Earth. Just thought you should know." Ratiko blinked. "Oh... thanks." "No problem." The penguin waddled off, leaving the Rat at a loss for words. After thinking things through for a few minutes more, Ratiko tried again. "Where in the Universe am I now?!" This caused a passing waiter to pause. "Hibiki?" he asked. "Um, yeah." "Ryouga Hibiki?" "No, Ratiko. Ryouga's my ancestor." "Ah, the Ratiko Hibiki group. Right. This way." Having nothing better to do, Ratiko followed the waiter, walking down the banquet hall/corridor for what seemed like a strangely odd time. "We almost there yet?" "Yes sir." That, thought Ratiko, was good. "Where are we going anyway?" "The Ratiko Hibiki group. You _are_ Ratiko Hibiki, are you not?" "Oh, yeah, I am." That seemed to make sense. He didn't recall having a party, but the waiter's logic seemed sound. Ratiko followed the waiter further, until at last they came to a stop at a side booth enclosed by a curtain. "Through the curtain, sir," said the waiter. "Huh?" "Your party, sir, through the curtain." "Oh. Right. Um... thanks." Ratiko pushed the curtain aside and walked nervously in. And then he nearly fainted. Looking at him was a room full of Ratiko Hibikis. "You lost too?" asked one of them. At this point, he decided fainting would be a good thing to do. * * * * * The Great Reiraku Hibiki party of Cafe Eternum was a grand example of what happens when one isn't specific with instructions in a restaurant that deals with the vagueness of time. Hibikis, by their nature, get lost. They get incredibly lost. More than any beings in the realities, Hibikis tend to cross dimensions and time barriers. A handful are bound to, sooner or later, run into each other. Two particular Hibikis, both being Reiraku, had one day made arrangements to do lunch at the Cafe Eternum. They had left instructions to the restaurant regarding the matter. It went, basically, like this. Epsillion room reserved, Hibiki Reiraku. Will need guidance to reserved area. The staff interpreted said instructions as, basically, to reserve a room and to toss any Reiraku Hibiki they found in it. The original two Ratiko Hibikis had long since left, having grown irritated at the suddenly crowded room of themselves. Since then, it had become a revolving door of Ratikos. They didn't mind, since there was a drink and snack bar as well as a neat view of the galaxy. Woe be unto the last one out, though, since they were going to be stuck with the bill... One particular Ratiko, recently re-awakened, decided that it was all a bout of temporary insanity and decided to mingle and go with the flow until he was sane again. "Hey, is that cheese dip?" "Sure is." "Cool. Pass it over, willya?" * * * * * After much wandering, Ishido ended up in a side room of sorts, separated from the main room by a curtain. What really set him on edge, however, was the occupants. It seemed to be, in his eyes, a room full of Ryo Muhoshin. * * * * * The Gosunkugi wing was still in a chaotic state following the mess that had happened earlier. No one was sure exactly how it started, they only knew that the tables were still trying to bite their ankles off and the sprinkler system was FINALLY off. "Damn," said Gosunkugi #289, "what ELSE can go wrong tonight?" And then there was a growl. There are many kinds of growls. There's the growl that a chihuahua makes when it's threatening to piss on your shoe. There's a growl that a dog makes when it wants you to stop yanking on the collar. This sort of growl was along the 'someone will die in ten seconds' variety. All the occupants of the room turned around... very... slowly. * * * * * Ryo looked at his counterpart in silence, still surprised by the turn of events. He knew that it was a possibility that this sort of thing would happen, but it still didn't prepare him for the event. "C'mon, let's go to the bar," said his other self. Looking him over, Ryo saw a few things immediately that set them apart. The other was older by a few years, five was his guess. The biggest difference, however, was how he carried himself. The other him seemed... tired. "You're still chasing Muhoshin?" asked the other. Ryo nodded. "And you?" asked Ryo. "I've... finalized things." He turned away from Ryo with a dark expression on his face and ordered a drink. He looked Ryo over and hmmed. "Bell-chan's still okay?" "Yeah, the last time I saw her." "Good, good. At least you have that." "What do you mean by that?" His alternate looked away. "Bell-chan... my Bell-chan... she's dead." Ryo suddenly felt a chill hit him. Bell-chan? Dead? No. Oh no. "It happened after a month of chasing him." The other Ryo took a long drink, then closed his eyes. "I was chasing the bastard through realities... and somehow he managed to focus enough to land in mine. He killed Tachi and Godai, then kidnapped Bell. Muhoshin wanted my locket in exchange... when we made the trade he killed her anyway. For five years after, I've been chasing him across the realities, and I ended it all tonight." "You stopped him?" "I killed him." Ryo blinked. "Caught him while he was having one of those weird epileptic fits of his. Snapped his neck. He never knew what hit him. More than he deserved." "You killed him?" "Don't look so damned surprised! You don't know what I've gone through! You haven't had to see all the people he killed because you couldn't stop him in time! If you end up in my shoes, pray that you don't, then you'd do the same!" Ryo didn't reply. A month. It was after a month that he went after Bell-chan. He'd been chasing Muhoshin for only a few days now. He still had time. He had to plan. "The locket," said Ryo, "the one Muhoshin's got. The last time I saw it, the thing was burned into his chest. What's happening to him?" "Chronal radiation. The locket he's got is older than you even suspect, nearly at the end of its life. It's spitting out enough chronal radiation to warp flesh and really do some nasty things to the mind. When I finally got to him, Muhoshin wasn't much more than a rabid dog. Be careful, though. His link to the locket is stronger than yours. Don't underestimate what he can do with that thing." "What's the worst he could do?" "Make a small town disappear." "Oh... oh hell." "That's where he said he sent them." He was about to ask more questions, when there was a sudden and familiar yell of rage. It sounded very much Ishido-esque. "Damn, that sounds all too familiar," muttered Ryo. "Sounds like Ishido," said his alternate. "You'd better go stop him before he goes and wrecks the place. Besides, the last thing you want is to be tossed into their version of a jail." * * * * * Ryo cut through the crowds as fast as he could, feeling very much like a salmon going up a waterfall. Nearly knocking over waiters and customers alike, he slowly but surely made his way to the end of the crowded and noisy corridor. He paused a moment, took a few steps back, quickly walked into a side room and winced. "Hey, which one of you was with me?" The room full of Ratikos blinked, except one sucking out a can of cheese whip. That one paused, waved at Ryo, and motioned for him to come over. "Hey, Ryo! They got a snack bar here! Want some cheese dip?" Without a word, Ryo marched over, grabbed him by the tie, and pulled him out of the room. "Hey! What's the big deal?!" "We don't have time for this," grumbled Ryo. "Don't get los-" There was a loud growl. It was followed by many screams of terror. From a curtain many feet away, a body rocketed forth. It looked very much like he was thrown. "Oh no," muttered Ryo. Another person was ejected forcibly from behind a curtain. A third person scrambled away, yelling, "HELP! PSYCHOTIC IN THE HOUSE!" That person, and the two before him, were clearly Gosunkugi-esque in nature, if not the man himself. Considering how much Gosunkugi resembled Muhoshin, and then add the odd surroundings and stress that Ishido was going through, and Ryo had a really bad feeling about it. He grabbed Ratiko's arm and stomped towards the commotion. "C'mon, this way." "That way? But that's where everyone else is running _away_ from!" "No kidding." * * * * * When the fifth Gosunkugi screaming his head off ran through the foyer, the maitre'd knew exactly who was causing the problem. He also knew who to talk to about it. Leaving the head waiter in charge of the reservation desk, he proceeded to the upper level bar of the east wing. There he found a young woman dressed in black pants, a blue turtleneck, and a tan sportjacket enjoying a friendly drink with a woman dressed in red. He tapped the lady in the sportjacket on the shoulder. "Pardon me, Ms. Tsereba," said the Maitre'd. "But there is a bit of a problem in the Gosunkugi Wing with one of the members of your party. We were wondering if you could assist us?" The young woman looked at her watch and sighed. "They just can't seem to stay out of trouble, can they? All right, I'll need my gun, a pitcher of ice water and a copy of the New York City Telephone Directory." "The Yellow Pages, ma'am?" "Better make it the residential listings. And make sure it has the complete listings for all five boroughs. I'll need the weight." "Right away, Ma'am." "Oh, and get me a private booth, please." * * * * * Ryo and Ratiko dashed into the room. The first thing they noticed was the mountain of Gosunkugis piled on top of each other all on one table. They were conscious, quaking in fear, but conscious. The reason they were quaking in fear was due to the fact that Ishido was bouncing the head of one hapless Gosunkugi repeatedly against another table. With the result that the Gosunkugi in question, on the verge of passing out, now believed himself to be "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island. "I... WON'T... LET... YOU... HURT... CHILDRA!" Ishido roared, redoubling his efforts. "But, Boss... what is....Mr. Hubert's... fantasy?" said the Gosunkugi between the impacts. Rat and Ryo looked at each other. "Jai-ken-po?" Rat asked. Ryo rolled his eyes. "Just come on." he said. "Before he kills someone." The two of them made ready to attack the lunatic assassin. But, before they could do anything, an extremely thick book sailed through the air, impacting neatly at the base of Ishido's skull. The mentally unbalanced one's eyes rolled back in his head, and he collapsed to the floor, releasing the Gosunkugi, who also mercifully lapsed into unconsciousness. Ryo and Rat turned to find a young woman with long black hair behind them standing next to the Maitre'd. "Excellent shot, Ms. Tsereba." the gorilla commented. Ms. Tsereba merely nodded. She turned her attention to the two boys. "Ryo Saotome?" Ryo nodded, frowning. "Reiraku Hibiki?" Rat nodded, dumbfounded. "And I assume the psychotic is Ishido Takashima. I've been expecting you. If you'll follow me, please." "Wait a second." Ryo said, stepping forward. "No offense meant. We appreciate your help Ms.--" "Tsereba. Reiko Tsereba." answered the woman. "Ms. Tsereba." Ryo finished. "But, we're kind of in a hurry. We're looking for--" "A woman named Kaeri Tendo, right?" Reiko finished. "Well, I'm afraid you're too late. She left about half an hour ago." "What?!" Rat shrieked. "She destroy it all! We've got to find her." "Not right now." said Reiko. "Right now, I need you to come with me." Ratiko frowned at her. "And why should we do anything you say?" he demanded. Reiko glanced downwards. Rat and Ryo followed her gaze to the pistol she held in her hand. "You'll do it because this gun is loaded, and bullets tend to make nasty holes." Reiko said, smiling. "Besides, we have some business to discuss. So if you would care to gather up your friend over there and follow me." Reiko turned and spoke to the Maitre'd. Ryo sighed. And to think this had all started out with such promise. He turned to get Ishido, but Rat grabbed his arm. "Are you seriously going to do what she says? Let's just knock her out and get the hell out of here." the Hibiki whispered. Ryo shook his head. "I didn't hear her pull that gun out, did you?" he asked. "No. So what?" "So what it means is that she's pretty damn fast with that thing. And in my experience, Fast Draw plus Gun plus Martial Artist equals Dead Martial Artist. Got it?" Rat thought for a moment. "You get his arms, I'll get his feet." he said. * * * * * After a trip up three flights of stairs and through a few dozen wings, Reiko led the two boys and their unconscious friend to a large booth. As they got situated, Reiko pulled the cord that closed the curtains of the booth. "Okay," Ryo said. "We're here. Now what's this all about?" "First things first." Reiko said, picking up the water carafe. She glanced at Ishido who was snoring slightly and drooling on Rat's shoulder. "Sorry about this, Hibiki." she said, turning the open mouth of the carafe towards Ishido. Ratiko barely got out of the way in time. After calming Ishido down and getting him a towel to dry off with, Reiko produced a card. She tossed it to Ryo. "I'm a representative of this organization. I've been assigned to your case." Ryo looked at the card, then back at her skeptically. "The 'Save the Universe' Foundation?" he asked. "What do you do? Prevent people from polluting the spaceways with junk?" Rat asked, smirking. "That's another branch." Reiko answered, frowning. "I'm part of the branch that deals with reality hopping idiots like yourselves." "Hey!" Rat yelped. Ryo glared at him to keep quiet. "So what are you going to do?" Ryo said. "Keep us from jumping around anymore? Sorry, we can't oblige." "I didn't expect you to. That's why I'm here. I'm a Guide." "A what?" "A Guide." Reiko explained. "When a group of reality hoppers like you makes a total mess out of every reality they visit, my superiors sends a Guide to help them clean up the mess. Especially if they've lost their means of transport." She looked pointedly at Ryo. "What about Kaeri?" Ratiko piped up. "She's on her way to destroy my time! I won't exist!" Reiko looked at Ryo. "Let me guess. He hasn't gotten the concept of alternate realities yet, has he?" Ryo shook his head. Reiko sighed. "All right. In that case we'll just have to stop her." "And what about Muhoshin?" Ishido said coldly. Reiko looked at him. "What about him?" "Aren't you going to help us do anything about Muhoshin?" "Sorry, friend," the Guide responded. "The SUF believes in the old philosophy; 'You made the mess, you clean it up.' I'll help you get the locket back from Kaeri, but after that, you're on your own. Unless, of course, you totally botch that bit, too." "Fine." Ryo said, hoping to get on with it. "Where do we go from here?" Reiko reached into a pocket of her jacket and produced a small brass disc. She pressed a hidden catch and the disc opened like a pocket watch. Ryo noticed that the cover of the item had the legend "Reality Is Not An Absolute" engraved on it under a stylized design of seven hexagons bordering on one another. "What is that?" Rat asked. "A Reality Compass." Reiko answered. "Standard issue for all Guides." She turned it around to show them. The dial had a standard compass face, only all the directions were missing. Where "North" usually was were the words "Nerima 138." "What's Nerima 138?" Ryo asked. "It's where I live. You didn't think I spent all my time here did you?" she turned the compass back to herself. "Let's see... aha! Found her. Dimension 347890, Tendo dojo. Ready?" The three boys looked at each other and nodded. Reiko turned an outside dial on the compass. There was a flash of blue light. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<(*)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Contrary to the image that the authors have thus far painted, crossing dimensional realities is not as easy as crossing the street. A far more accurate analogy would be that crossing dimensional realities is like crossing a busy interstate highway at rush hour, where the majority of traffic is taken up by enormous eighteen wheelers transporting who knows how many crates of nitroglycerin and unstable plutonium, and there's one rabid lunatic postal worker on the opposite side with a bazooka looking to have a bit of fun. In the case of Ryo, Ishido, Rat, and Reiko, the rabid lunatic postal worker had the name Kaeri on her name tag. There was a flash and the next thing Ryo knew, he was face down in something cold and wet. Then something landed on him with a loud "OOF!" "Get off of me!" the Saotome exclaimed. The weight rolled off of him. Ryo got to his feet and looked around. Snow blanketed the landscape for miles around. The four of them were in a valley surrounded by huge mountains and glaciers. There wasn't a single person besides them to be found. "Everybody all right?" Reiko asked, brushing snow off her jacket. There was a loud squeaking coming from a snowdrift. Reiko reached in and pulled out a very annoyed, very cold fruit bat. "Oh, it's you." Reiko said. She tossed Rat to Ryo and got out her compass. "What happened?" Ishido asked. "This doesn't look like Nerima to me." "It isn't." Reiko said, consulting the compass. " We're too late. Kaeri's already done whatever she planned to do." "WHAT?!" Ishido roared. Reiko gave him a look. "Relax, Childra's okay. Apparently, she found a nexus point. She's just created a whole sub-dimension from the one Childra and Batboy over there are from." "What's a nexus point?" Ishido asked. "Nexus points are events that occur in various realities that can change the world in an instant." Reiko explained. "But, if someone tries to change or prevent that event from happening, it can have disastrous consequences." "What sort of consequences?" "The complete unraveling of time and space as we know it." The guide answered. "Fortunately, the universe knows better than to let that happen, so if an outside force fiddles with that event, it compensates by giving them the outcome they wanted, but lets them know that the original event will still continue. I imagine Kaeri isn't too happy right now." "That still doesn't explain where we are, or how we got here." Ryo pointed out. "We were in transit when Kaeri's sub-dimension was created. My compass is designed to keep up with the number of dimensions out there. It recalibrates itself every time a new dimension is created. Which means that when Kaeri did whatever she did, the resulting 'shockwave' for want of a better term, played hell with the compass, so it set us down in the nearest dimension so it can recalibrate itself." Reiko said. "So where are we then?" Ryo asked. "Iceplanet." Reiko responded. "It's a place where a second Ice Age hit the Earth, but the human race managed to survive. Don't worry, I've been here before." "How long before we can leave? Kaeri may try something else." Ryo said. Reiko checked the compass. "We got hit with a pretty big shockwave." she said. "It'll take time." "How long?" "About 24 hours." "24 HOURS!" Ryo yelped. "She could do who knows how much damage in that time! We can't wait that long!" Using the speed he inherited from his parents, Ryo reached over and plucked the compass from Reiko's palm. "What in the hell are you doing?" Reiko demanded. "You don't know how that thing works, we could end up anywhere!" "It's better than freezing to death waiting for this thing to decide to work!" "And how do you know we won't end up someplace worse?" "Could anyplace be worse than this?" Suddenly, the group became aware of a distant rumbling sound. It was too close to be thunder. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. Reiko looked off into the distance. "Ryo," she said quietly. "Give me the compass. We're getting out of here." "What is it?" Ishido asked. Ryo looked at the guide. "No tricks?" "No tricks." Reiko agreed. "Give me the compass." The rumbling sound got closer. Ryo handed the compass over. Reiko popped the lid and set the dial. The rumbling was almost deafening by this point. "Where are we going?" Ryo yelled above the din. "What's going on?" Ishido hollered. "We're going home and it's an avalanche!" Reiko yelled back. She twisted the dial and the four of them vanished just as a wall of snow slid down from the mountains and blanketed the area they had just been standing. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<(*)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Muhoshin appeared about three feet off the ground, and proceeded to land on his behind on a cobblestoned street. A cobblestoned street of an oddly familiar style... He looked around. London. He was back in the London of the barbarian Queen Victoria. Damn it all, this was NOT where he had been wanting to go.... Wait. Wasn't that a Ryouga walking by? Picking himself up, Muhoshin padded after his quarry, idling wondering what the hell Hibiki was doing here, years before he was supposed to be born. Perhaps he was another reality jumper? The thought sent a shiver of pleasure down his spine; killing Ryougas, while satisfying, didn't really... mean much any more. They weren't _real_, not really. Kill one, and there were plenty more. But a jumper... That was different. They were unique. There. Hibiki had turned into a alley. Cat-quiet, Muhoshin followed, noting with pleasure that it was empty. He cleared his throat, and Ryouga turned. "Ready to die, Hibiki?" he said. Or tried to say. o/~ Oh hated hated hated enemy o/~ o/~ It's time to shuffle off this mortal coil o/~ o/~ For sadly sadly sadly do you see o/~ o/~ Your existence I shall lance like a boil! o/~ o/~ Prepare to die... o/~ Ryo blinked. THAT certainly wasn't what he had meant to say, and where the hell did that music come from? o/~ Your plans I'll foil," Ryouga sang back, o/~ o/~ For although I'm afraid I know you not o/~ o/~ Your murderous plans and toil o/~ o/~ Against me shall come to naught! o/~ o/~ For you see... o/~ o/~ What do I see? o/~ o/~ For you see... o/~ o/~ WHAT DO I SEE? o/~ o/~ You face the mighty Ryouga Hiiiiibikiiiiiii! o/~ o/~ I face the mighty Ryouga Hibikiiiii!o/~ chorused Muhoshin, backing up a step. What the hell? Why was he chorusing? NO CHORUS, he mentally yelled at his mouth, which ignored him. Right then. He wasn't certain, but he suspected killing his old enemy would give him back control of his mouth. o/~ I'll have your head and see you dead, o/~ o/~ Oh source of my miiiiisery o/~ o/~ The street I'll flood with your lifeblood o/~ o/~ YOU DIE NOW, HIBIKIIIIIIII!" o/~ A nice swipe, he thought. Ryouga didn't even try to dodge, just reached for a pistol at his belt. His hand had almost reached it when Ryo's blade slid into his chest. "I breathe my last..." gasped the Ryouga o/~ You breathe your last!o/~ Muhoshin gleefully sang, as the music swelled grandly and died with his opponent. Wiping the blood from the tip, he strode back out onto the street, smiling. He had never killed to opera before, and he found it a novel and satisfactory experience. If somewhat puzzling. Glancing about at his fellow pedestrians, he noticed that they were gesturing somewhat dramatically when they talked. And a bit of music, ever so vaguely, came from each... It would seem that this reality had a soundtrack, and made it's dwellers conform to it. How novel. o/~ Alms, Alms o/~ o/~ For a miserable womaaaaaaaan o/~ o/~ On a miserable... chilly... morning... o/~ He turned, startled. He had heard that voice before... Well, well. Akane Tendo, clothed in rags and looking decidedly out of her head. How the mighty have fallen. "Off, I say! To the devil with you!" Odd. No singing, although a burst of rather bleak music did accompany it. Akane glared at him, and hurried off. No, he'd had enough of this place, amusing as it was. He'd depart for more normal climes... The odor of fresh okonomiyaki wafted past, and Muhoshin stopped in his tracks. Hmm. He'd depart. Right after he had a bite to eat. * * * * * Ryo Muhoshin stared at the shop he was approaching in disbelief. //Ucchan's Okonomiyaki//, proclaimed the sign. Tables and benches, filled with Londoners, stood in front. And there, he noted, was Kuonji herself. Singing. Of course. o/~ Gosling! o/~ she sang. Muhoshin snarled, then noticed that she wasn't looking in his direction... "Yes, mum?" returned Hikaru Gosunkugi, appearing out of a alcove. "Ale there!" "Right, mum!" wondered Muhoshin. "GOD THAT'S GOOD!" bellowed the customers. o/~ Have another yaki, o/~ Ukyou sang. o/~ No, we don't do take-out o/~ o/~ Ain't they very tasty? o/~ o/~ Gosling! One for the gentleman o/~ o/~ Spatulated nicely o/~ o/~ Tender but not flaky o/~ o/~ Gosling! Throw the old beggar out! o/~ Muhoshin watched as Gos ushered a protesting Akane away. o/~ GOD THAT'S GOOD! o/~ Hmm. This posed a problem. If he became a customer, did that mean he would have to join in the song as well? Not good at all. Perhaps there was somewhere else he could- His eye fastened on the sign for the shop a floor above the Ucchan's. //Saotome Ranma, Barber// The mighty Saotome, perhaps the most fearsome fighter Ryo knew. The father of his enemy. A barber. Muhoshin grinned. His hair was getting a tad long anyway, and the humiliation value was priceless. Ranma was probably a top-notch barber here, too. Something nagged at him, but he quickly shrugged the feeling off. Maybe he'd have to sing, yeah, so? A real barbershop quartet. o/~ Eat them slow, o/~ sang Gos and Ukyou. o/~ And taste the yummy flavor of it o/~ o/~ Eat them slow o/~ o/~ Coz every one's a prize o/~ o/~ Eat them slow o/~ o/~ Coz that's the lot and now we're sold it o/~ o/~ Come again tomorrow... o/~ "Hold it," Ukyou muttered, watching Muhoshin walk up the stairs to the barbershop and knock on the door. Ranma promptly answered it. "Right this way, sir," Saotome intoned. Ukyou grinned. o/~ Bless my eyes o/~ o/~ Fresh supplies! o/~ o/~ Gosling! Warm up the oven! o/~ * * * * * Ranma ushered Muhoshin into the chair, a fancy-looking metal contraption, and began mixing a bowl of lather. "And what may I do for you, sir?" The great Ranma Saotome, calling him sir in an ever-so- humble tone. Ryo grinned. o/~ I am, sir, a man with higher tastes o/~ o/~ My business you might say is grave o/~ o/~ So fetch the pomade and pumice stone o/~ o/~ To give me a suitably dapper tone o/~ o/~ A sprinkling, perhaps, of fine cologne o/~ o/~ But first, sir, I think - a shave. o/~ "The closest I ever gave," Ranma finished, smiling. He began to apply the lather to Muhoshin's face, whistling happily as he did. Ryo leaned back a bit, and began to whistle along with him. Quaint, this. After covering the face before him with white froth, Ranma took out a rather large, silver-chased razor and began the business of shaving. Muhoshin, who had been almost drowsy, came awake. Having a blade that close to his neck made him decidedly nervous... o/~ And are you beautiful, with hair o/~ o/~ As black as raven wing, like her? o/~ o/~ I think you'd have such raven hair o/~ o/~ The way I dreamed you were o/~ o/~ Miyabi... o/~ Ranma sang, his razor flourishes becoming more and more artistic. Muhoshin started. Miyabi? Must be a common name, but why on Earth was Ranma singing like... On pure instinct, he caught Ranma's hand just before the razor could be drawn across his throat. Ranma gave a puzzled frown, pushed Ryo back into the chair with his free hand, and kept moving the razor towards his throat. Panicked, Muhoshin tried to keep the blade away... but Saotome was stronger than him, and his other hand was pinned... That questing other hand fell upon a lever of some sort, set into the side of the chair. Maybe it lowered the chair back... the razor was only millimeters away, now, and Ranma was smiling in a horribly vacant way.... He pulled the lever, and was very surprised to have the bottom of the chair give way, tumbling him down a metal chute. He landed on something soft, and quickly surveyed the room he had fallen into. It was the bakehouse of the Ucchan's, with a roaring oven, a grill, and... what was he sitting on? Hmm. A dead body. With it's throat cut. Muhoshin looked at the meat ready for the okonomiyakis, looked back at the body, and was suddenly very, very glad he hadn't eaten lunch here. This has ceased to be novel. Blue fire flared, and he was gone. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<(*)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Kaeri stumbled out of the light, her face dripping with sweat. The locket was fighting her. She could feel it. Trying to stop her. Leading her astray. She had faltered, there in the Cafe Eternum. The words had almost turned her aside. Almost. She had a purpose, and the purpose was the Work, and the Work was her Family, and her Family was All. This nightmare of 2096 would fall in ruins, disappear like blown dust, vanish like a bad dream. And Reiraku would fall with it. But she needed her bearings, needed to know where was where and when was where.... Her eyes opened. The dojo. She was in front of the dojo, on a fine, sunny day. A voice, inside. Happosai? It had to be. This had to be the start of that hell-timeline, where the demon was wrenched from its pit by the horrible little pervert. Her grip tighted on the staff, and the locket sputtered slightly. He dies. She would wipe the future clean with his foul little life. Silently, she walked inside. "Ranma-kun, you disappoint me." Kaeri's lip curled in disgust at the sound, her eyes adjusting to the dim light. Kasumi, happy happy WORTHLESS Kasumi. Ranma had probably forgotten to put his laundry in the basket, or something equally... A tanto, she was holding a tanto to his stomach, what... "Mother disappointed me, too," said happy happy Kasumi as she thrust the blade slowly into Ranma's stomach. The blood ran down the blade, Kaeri noted, and the blade was connected to the handle, and the handle was connected to Kasumi, who was watching Ranma stare at her in glassy, helpless horror. Kasumi smiled. And smiled. "I told her I was ready to run the household for her, but she would just smile at me and say that I could run my own house..." "NO!" Kasumi jerked around, sliding the tanto out of its resting place in Ranma's belly. "Oh my. What are you?" Numb, feeling strangely ill, Kaeri advanced. "What are you?" "I'm Kasumi Tendo. Oh dear. What happened to your face?" "You're not Kasumi. You're not me." Kasumi smiled reprovingly at her. "I certainly am Kasumi... it looks like you are too, which is strange. Are you from the future?" No, no, no, she would never have done that, never...find out, she had to find out somehow..."What...what's the name of the bear on my dresser?" "Mr. Buttons! Although he's on the bed, not the dresser." Her teddy bear. She had named him that. And she hadn't told anyone, not even Mommy. It was her special name for him. Hers. "Are you here to warn me about the future?" "Mother wasn't sick here, was she." It was a statement, not a question. Kasumi laughed, the sound musical, bearing peace and serenity. "Mother was too healthy. She didn't understand that it was our turn. We were meant to do the Work." She tried to grasp it. Tried. Mother had been healthy. Would have lived. But Kasumi couldn't wait. SHE couldn't wait. It's not me, she told herself. Not me. Yes it is, replied Mr. Buttons. You. The smiling, gentle, happyhappyhappy Kasumi turned. "I'd better finish Ranma-kun. Afterwards, I'll make some tea and we can talk. Everyone else is asleep, so..." Filth. Obscene. Kasumi was a stain, you clean stains, you wipe them out, you scrub them away... Kaeri leapt, the blade sliding from the end of her outstretched staff. As if she expected it, Kasumi darted to the left, the tanto held in a knife fighter's grip. "Damn you. You evil, sick _thing_. You had everything important, and you KILLED her." "I had nothing! I was just another daughter. Someone to do what they told! Now, now, I tell them everything...I run the house, their days, their lives...me! US!" And the worst thing was that it was true. Us. She had enjoyed being the head of the house. Overseeing things. Giving orders. Us. And it was all she had ever wanted to do. Us. Both of them. Was she any different from Kasumi? If Mommy had lived, would she have.... Kasumi sensed her distraction and struck, knife thrusting in short, vicious arcs. Kaeri barely had enough time to bring the staff up to avoid being disemboweled. The battle was short, crazed, a nightmare of blind fury and instinct. Kasumi kept clawing ever inward, fighting with hands, tanto, and teeth, while Kaeri found herself frantically trying to get her doppelganger at arm's reach, where her staff would be effective. There was a bad moment for her, when Kasumi had gotten her free hand around her neck, the smiling, empty face leering into hers. She wrenched loose, Kasumi's fingernails leaving bloody trails along her throat. It was only a matter of time, time and focus, before one of them made a mistake... The moment came. Kaeri's leg swept out to trip her double, and with a strength born of desperation she pushed Kasumi away. Her hand stabbed the button controlling the needle, and she thrust towards the leg of the charging, snarling, dreamy- eyed murderer... "BAKUSAI TEN-SATSU!" The first stab to piece the leg didn't do anything. Neither did the second. The third was right on target. Kasumi's femur exploded as the needle hit the breaking point, sending her crashing to the ground with a shriek of agony. The tanto fell from her hand, skidding across the floor to land at the base of some piled practice mats. Kaeri stepped forward. Time to finish it. "Let's... oh my...talk about this...you won't really kill me..." "The world will be a better place for it." "Mr. Buttons! That's...ahhh...the name of the bear! The teddy bear!" "I know." She raised the staff, positioning the blade. "He had a green cap. Mother knitted it for us." "I'm you! You can't do it! You're killing yourself!" The blade rose, a hungry gleam sparkling along the edge. "I'M ONE OF YOU! I AM YOU!" "THEN THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE OF US!" The staff came down. It made a noise like slicing a watermelon, Kaeri thought, watching Kasumi's head fall to the floor. The carvings on the staff flared, the red light matching the gouts of blood flowing from the corpse in the yellow dress. And now, she had to kill Ranma. She raised the blade once more, watching him stare with a sick, uncomprehending horror at her... Ranma? Why was she... Kill him! Kill him! Why was she about to kill... KILL HIM! She lowered the staff, horrified at the incredible urge she had to chop him to bloody rags. Ranma, poor Ranma looked worried. And he was bleeding, too. She carefully tore off part of Kasumi's apron, and made a makeshift bandage. "I'll call an ambulance, Ranma-kun, and they'll make you all better. All better." He managed to make a low, mewling sound. The poor boy was still scared, silly boy, nothing to fear, nothing at all. "Kasumi can't hurt you, Ranma-kun. She's all better, and I won't hurt you. See?" Picking the head up by the long, flowing hair, she held it up to him. Ranma made gurgling noises. Kasumi's head smiled at him, and dripped. Patting him on the shoulder, she set it on top of the corpse's apron and watched the blood congeal for a few minutes. Then she went to summon help. The phone was lying on the floor of the living room, carelessly dropped. The dispatcher assured her that an ambulance would be sent, and he seemed to know what he was talking about. Ranma would be fine, just fine. The naughty, naughty locket wasn't taking her to the right place. "Now, listen," she said in her best cheerful-but-firm voice. "You will take me to this 2096 dimension, the one Reiraku is from. You will put me in a position to kill Happosai before he can kill them all, kill them with the thing, the demon. You will do this and YOU WILL NOT DRAG ME THROUGH THIS AGAIN! DAMN YOU!" And the monsters jumped out from the walls and the Kasumis scrubbed and hummed and whistled and danced without heads and the staff howled and spun and cleansed.... Above, a sick and dizzy Akane awoke to the sound of shrieking and crashing. As she unsteadily descended the stairs, an eruption of blue light blinded her for a second. She noticed the near-total destruction of the living room almost immediately. She found the dojo only seconds before the ambulance arrived, and for a minute the paramedics were worried that the sedative wouldn't kick in. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<(*)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Kasumi was in a daze. Having your mother's ghost telling you she hates you does that. Couldn't hide in her room forever. Everyone would worry. Couldn't have people worry; it would give them wrinkle lines. But she really didn't know what to do. This was beyond her experience. She was really confused. Having your niece from another universe screaming for her father in the throes of orgasm does that. Kasumi buried her head under a pillow. So what was she to do? This was the sort of thing not covered in the Housewife's Little Handbook. Somehow, they seemed to have missed the section on this kind of thing. She couldn't think of anything about daughters loving their fathers inappropriately. Poo. Maybe there was something else she could find. She mentally flipped through the little handbook. Nothing. There MUST be something she could do. After all, she had to keep the family together. Together. Right. Family together. If they wanted to show their togetherness like that, who was she to say no? Still, it bothered her. Something should be done. Something she could do. She mentally flipped through her little Housewife's Handbook for things to do when something was beyond comprehension. Maybe chopping a few vegetables might help. Yes, that's right. Those nice long sharp knives in the kitchen. They'd help her feel better. After all, chopping things always DID help her a lot. And it was almost time for lunch. Maybe cooking would help her aching head. Yes, perhaps that was what she needed, time to think? Yes. Now what to make...? Ah. Cold sliced pork for lunch might do nicely. * * * * * Miyabi sighed as she headed down to lunch. After all the recent chaos, she realized, it was even more important to make sure that her parents got together. Ranma HAD to marry Akane, if Miyabi's reality was to come about. And if it didn't... Well, she _really_ hoped she wouldn't be around to see if a future with that (%*#@(*%# Ratiko could happen in this reality. She silently admonished herself for cursing, and for thinking such bad thoughts as that about the little ratbat. After all, if her plan worked, she would never ever have to see that little piece of excrement again. She smiled as she headed into the dining room. There was everyone. Daddy. Mum. Grandpa Soun, and Grandpa Genma. And of course, Auntie Nabiki was probably out taking perverse pleasure in the Art of the Deal. Wait, where was Auntie Kasumi? Oh there she was, just coming in from the kitchen. Miyabi smiled to herself. This was such a nice pleasant family gathering. She hoped there would be more of them in the future. Mentally, she smacked herself. Of COURSE there would be more of them! After all, her tapes, the ones she was going to send to all Ranma's fiancees, were going to help show everyone that Ranma really DID love Akane. And they would all give up and let her parents get together like destiny always meant it to be. It'd work, it had to work, so that everyone could have a happy sappy warm and fuzzy ending. After all, love conquers all, right? She giggled to herself. Kasumi looked at her curiously. It looked like a good lunch. Then again, Kasumi always made good lunches. It was Auntie Kasumi, after all. And that cold sliced pork looked absolutely delicious. Even if there wasn't that much pork on the plate. Wait, why was Auntie giving her those strange looks? Miyabi frowned, then shrugged to herself. Kasumi hadn't been feeling well lately after all... Miyabi smiled at Kasumi. "It looks delicious, Auntie!" Kasumi absentmindedly smiled, a strange and vacant smile empty of any true cheerfulness. Miyabi looked down at the table and sighed. Then she smiled as she reached out for several choice bits of pork and veggies with her chopsticks. Maybe Auntie Kasumi would feel better soon. Check that, definitely feel better soon. After all, a lot of Auntie Kasumi's troubles would be gone once she got the tapes to Ranma's other fiancees. Miyabi paused. She picked up a bit of pork with her chopsticks and put it in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. Hmm. How was she going to deliver those tapes to the other fiancees? Mail? Overnight delivery? UPS? Carrier Pigeon? Ah well, she was sure she could find something. You know, the pork was pretty tasty. Thin, smooth, tender... not tough at all. Must have been quite a young pig. Wait, what was that horrible bawling sound? Miyabi blinked, and looked around. Why was Grandpa Soun screaming and tearing his hair out? Oh no, Daddy's chokin' on something... Oh good. Mum's helping him out. Wait, why is Mum hitting him? Why is she screaming "PERVERT!!!!"? Miyabi slowly grew aware of Kasumi's stare. "What?" Kasumi said, without a trace of ingenuity in her voice, "I said, I hope you and Ranma have been using protection. You did, didn't you?" Miyabi blinked, then realized with a sinking feeling what Kasumi had done with that one question. Kasumi had destroyed all her plans and hopes, and trod on them with dainty little slippers. * * * * * Kasumi didn't understand why Miyabi and Ranma were quite vocally denying it all. After all, there was nothing wrong with closeness between father and daughter, was there? Even if, she had to admit, it bothered her a little. She frowned a little. Her harmony was disturbed. She needed a nap. But she had to make sure that Ranma and Miyabi understood that, if they couldn't abstain, they really should be practicing safe sex. After all, if Ranma had another child through his daughter, Kasumi thought, she'd never be sure whether to call the child a nephew or a grand-nephew, or a nephew once-removed. Or a niece, or a grand-niece or... "But Auntie! Grandpa! Grandpa! We REALLY didn't do anything!" "See, you uncute tomboy? Stop doing that!" "PERVERT! BAKA! With OUR DAUGHTER?! *WHAM*" "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" This was going to give her a migraine if the chaos didn't stop. Kasumi quietly *AHEMED*. Everyone stopped and looked at her. Kasumi gave her friendliest smile. "Now, Miyabi, Ranma... it's all right to love. Just be sure you do it safely." Ranma turned quite red in the face. "I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN'!!!" Goodness, that vein in his head didn't look good at all. She smiled warmly at him, hoping to get Ranma to calm down. Miyabi put her head in her hands. Then suddenly, she ran out of the room. Kasumi blinked. She looked at everyone else, then walked over to her father. "Now, now, father..." Miyabi came running back into the room, holding a few audio tapes. "See? This will show you all what happened!" Everyone didn't understand, Kasumi realized. Well, except herself. Kasumi smiled. "It was nice of you to record your love and share it with us, Miyabi." Kasumi blinked. She really didn't understand why everyone was making such a big fuss over such a perfectly wonderful thing. Maybe she really should go take that nap now. * * * * * Miyabi sulked outside the Tendo dojo. Beside her was a large trash can. She had played the tapes for everyone. She had to. She explained how she was trying to make sure her parents got together. She explained how she had spliced Ranma's words together using Nabiki's audio equipment, and pretended she was Akane and make everyone think that Ranma and Akane were really in love. And she had explained how she was trying to scare off the other fiancees using the tapes, hoping to make them give up. Genma and Soun were alternately bemoaning how deceitful Miyabi's act was and berating each other for not thinking of it themselves. But what made Miyabi's heart ache the most was the sight of Ranma and Akane looking everywhere except at each other. It wasn't much condolence that Kasumi had apologized, Miyabi thought. After all, her parents were no longer speaking to her. Leaving her in this strange reality, one that was nothing like the warm and comfortable reality she had grown up in, where everyone loved each other and were very happy and mushy and sappy. Here, nothing was like what she knew. Not Dad-... no. Ranma didn't love Akane here, so she couldn't call him Daddy. Not Mu... Akane either. Everything was too different. Here, everyone hated each other. Including her. She had never felt so alone in her life. Sighing, Miyabi looked at the matchbox she was holding. She took out a match, and lit it. She stared at the burning match briefly, then slowly put it in the trash can. She watched as her papers, her tapes, her notes... everything she had ever used in trying to put her parents tog- No. No, they weren't her parents. They were two strangers who she had thought she knew. And quietly, as she watched her hopes and dreams go up in smoke, Miyabi began to cry. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<(*)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> The locket was an odd device, with all sorts of quirks, flaws, and annoying features. But, when you came right down to it, operating it was pretty simple. You just pictured something in your mind, summoned your will, and commanded the locket to take you there. Sometimes, if the locket picked up especially strong images, it would ignore the bits about "will" and "command", and just take you places. Sometimes, if another mind nearby was thinking strongly, the locket would attempt to please both people. And inevitably fail. Sometimes, when other strong magic was nearby, the locket would be affected. Sometimes, if the mental processes of the user were incredibly strong and, at the same time, completely uncontrolled... the locket would have a hard time stopping. In the terribly long and terribly confusing and annoyingly circular history of the locket, these conditions have only twice occurred all at once. * * * KaesumiiiiiiTENDOKaseri was her name and the world was blackgreyred and the seas were blood and the blood came in seas and the foes were legion and all of them were her, her, her with her face and hands stained redcrimson though she tried to wash them off but IT WOULDN'T COME CLEAN WHY WON'T THEY COME CLEAN still still still there was work that needed doing, yes yes yes, mustn't forget or they're dead why did they did I kill them maybe just possibly it seems so NOT ME NOT NOT NOT NOT kill them no no no KILL THEM no I won't KILL THEM- She ran down down down the maze of twisting walls that bled bright red, and there was something following her. You don't want to turn, she knew, you don't want to turn and look because it will be something you really verymuch don't want to see, no no no. But she looked anyway, and, of course, it was the Dead running behind her. She took a left at the pile of charred sisters, and brushed blue fire from the sleeve of her apron as she walked through the dojo. The things with claws and fangs left off gnawing a femur and chased her across the kitchen until she dived into a pool of cool light, and surfaced in a black cistern somewhere under the bones of the earth. For a little over a year she trod water and tried to stop thinking, but the chittering grew louder and louder and the grub-white hands began pulling her under, so she left. The sun shone red and guttering, and the hill she strode upon began to burn. Ranma was already gone, poor boy, and the red in his shirt turned alive as flames began to engulf the body. Weaponsfire in the distance, screams and screams and screams and turquoise flame.... The box was closing in on her, so she tore her way out with her good good staff, and flung the cardboard pieces across the alley. A vagrant looked up, startled out of her repose. "Shh," said KaTendoMiRi, "go back to sleep, Nabiki-chan." Nabiki took a long pull from the bottle of sake, and fell back into a world far away from rotting clothing and streetdeath. Kaersumi began to stumble away, away, not nice to watch Nabiki-chan drink and decay.... So she stumbled into a warehouse, where Akari's corpse dangled from a gaff hook set in the ceiling, and drew a map in the pooling blood to find her way. After a while the map was true, and when the halo of blue cleared she was in the City of Dead Names. The streets were paved with skulls, and they had raised the spires with the bones of ancestors. But it was empty, and she wandered for a time down the boulevards and fountains, past the banks of lilies, under bridges of cold iron. In time the wind began to tell her things, but then it occured to her that wind couldn't talk. So she was probably in the wrong place, she reasoned, and turned right out the Gate of Sun's Exit. She walked through the train and found her seat, and watched Muhoshin-san and Ryouga play at cards. The maggots began to catch up with the train, and soon her car would be consumed... ...Muhoshin-san?... So she began to get up and.... ...what? Where...who.... She walked out the aisle and up the stairs as Akane's screams mingled with the ratatatatat of gunfire... ...no, it's not like this, who am I..... of gunfire, but she was proof against bullets, and would turn and sweep them... ..I am... sweep them and their... Kae.. and their owners... Kaeri. For the last damn time, 2096. Blue fire exploded, and died away to reveal a graveyard. Out of an odd compulsion, she looked at the nearest tombstone. SAOTOME RANMA - 1980-1996 "No," she said. "Back. You know when." The stone grew brighter, and the wear of years faded, and the grass grew shorter. And for the blink of an eye, Akane's face, wearing more pain and grief than anyone could ever comprehend. Anyone but her. The gravestone vanished, and Kaeri smiled. Maybe they would bury Happosai here, after she got done with him. The thought comforted her as she fell into a black sleep. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<(*)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> This... now this was puzzling. He didn't know how, he didn't know why, but Ryo Muhoshin found himself standing deep within a majestic city made entirely of crystals. Muhoshin looked around at the people walking by. They seemed rather pleasantly happy. It was all utterly disgusting to him. There was sickening pleasantness and happiness was everywhere, in the air, in the people, in the clouds above, in the crystals... The crystals? He looked around again. Everywhere he looked, breaking points. In every square meter of the place, a nice loud breaking point shone to his senses. The pitfalls of making a city made of crystal, he mused. The reason he was here suddenly became clear. Recreation. "Heheheh." He cracked his knuckles, strolled up to a crystal tower, then touched it. The tower cracked, then shattered in an impressive explosion that sent crystal bits everywhere and happy civilians screaming in terror. Muhoshin waded through the rubble, a maniacally happy look on his face. That, he thought, was quite a rush. He took off in a mad dash down the street, striking breaking points as he went, resulting in a wave of crystal destruction following his heels. He sprang into the air, umbrella twirling in a blur, then launched a spray of ki projectiles aimed at breaking points across his field of vision. Buildings, streets, all shattered in one thunderous crescendo as the citizens of this crystal city ran screaming, a song of mayhem that lifted Muhoshin's soul. Only killing Ryouga made him feel as good as this. He _grinned_. "Stop!" Muhoshin raised an eyebrow and turned around. In a menacing (well, a good attempt to be menacing) pose, a girl with pink hair tied in two ponytails stood. "What are you doing?!" "Having fun," he mumbled. "You're destroying the city!" "Mm-hm." "You take pleasure in destroying our paradise? In the name of the Moon, I will punish you!" "You must be kidding." AN HOUR LATER... Muhoshin took a deep breath, then sighed happily. Those Sailor girls, they were quite a workout. He hadn't beaten them, but they didn't touch him either. He did, however, manage to destroy most of the city before they chased him away to the barren outskirts. At the moment, he was taking refuge behind a boulder and catching his breath. "Hold it right there, mister!" He blinked. Surrounding him, flying in the sky, a squadron of Sailor Warriors circled. "Well, this's ALL been fun, but I do think I'll be running now," said Muhoshin. "No you won-" "BAKUSAI TEN-KETSU!" Rocks, dirt, and a massive cloud of dust burst from where he stabbed the crystal earth, obscuring him from view entirely. Within the clouds there was a brief flicker of blue followed by a hollow roaring sound. The Sailor Warriors struck with fire, ice and lightning, but once the cloud dissipated the only thing they saw was the crater at the center of the explosion, a tiny speck of blue fire that quickly disappeared, and mocking laughter drifting in the wind. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<(*)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Ryo Saotome & company found themselves in a modestly furnished apartment. Ryo and Ishido looked around in surprise. Compared to all the places they'd been recently, something this normal was like being on another planet. "Where are we?" Ishido asked. Reiko took off her jacket and hung it on a coat peg. "I told you, home." she said. "Specifically, my home. You didn't think I spent all my time at the Cafe, did you? Do you want some tea?" the Guide vanished into the kitchen. Ryo followed her. "Wait a second." he said, as Reiko put a kettle on to boil. "What do you mean, your home?" "This is my apartment. It's one of the few places we could get to without having to worry about the compass freezing up. Otherwise, we'd have to go back to the Cafe and I don't think Ishido would be very welcome there." "Can I ask why we're here, instead of out tracking down Kaeri?" Ryo frowned. "Look, I explained that already. Right now, cross-dimensional travel is not a viable option until the compass recalibrates itself. Thanks to our emergency departure from Iceplanet, we've got to wait at least 30 hours before we can go anywhere, otherwise the compass will become even more out of sync with the multiverse until things are so screwed up that it would be nothing more than a useless chunk of metal." "But Kaeri--" "Let me worry about finding Kaeri." Reiko snapped. "It's partially my fault anyway that we're stuck. If worse comes to worst, we'll go back to the Cafe and I'll talk to my superiors." "Why not now?" Ryo demanded. Reiko sighed in exasperation. "Because the Save the Universe Foundation assigned me to your case, and it's now MY problem. I can't go to them until I've exhausted every other solution." She pulled the compass from her pocket and consulted it. "Yep, I thought so. We couldn't get to the Cafe now, even if we tried. The shockwave is still moving." She turned the face to Ryo. The young dimension hopper could now clearly see that where one of the points of the compass had previously said "Cafe," there was nothing. The kettle began to whistle. * * * * * Night fell over this version of Tokyo. Ryo, Rat and Ishido were camped out in Reiko's living room. Of the three, only Ryo was still awake. This was partially due to his contemplation of his current situation, but mostly due to the fact that Ratiko and Ishido both snored. Loudly. After a few moments, Ryo couldn't take anymore and decided to go for a walk. He was about to leave, when he heard Reiko's bedroom door open. He quickly resumed his place on the floor and assumed a position suggesting deep sleep. Through half closed lids he saw Reiko, fully dressed, come into the living room, look them over, grab her jacket and quietly leave the apartment. Ryo silently counted to thirty, then stood up and exited the apartment himself, following the guide. Ryo followed Reiko, keeping to the rooftops of the neighborhood. She walked for about half a mile before coming to the local cemetery. Ryo leaped from his perch and followed Reiko. He found her kneeling in front of a marker. The full moon shone brightly, casting everything in near perfect light. Ryo cautiously crept towards her, careful not to make a sound. His eyes widened in surprise when he got close enough to read the name on the marker. KUONJI UKYOU "Well, come on, Ryo." Reiko said without looking up. "You've come this far." As if in a trance, Ryo stepped from his hiding place and knelt, dumfounded next to Reiko. She looked over at him, tears in the corner of her eyes. "Now you see why I was given your case." she said. The two of them went to a small all-night coffee shop where Reiko proceeded to spill her guts. She was once a cop from a world where Ukyou had died from a hithertofore unknown disease. It was later revealed that the "disease" was a malignant Ki-Spirit that fed on all of Ukyou's hate and prejudices. The Ki-Spirit had then decided to go after Ranma, but was defeated by him. Ranma then attempted to bring Ukyou back from the dead but had failed. Ukyou hadn't wanted to come back. "She told Ranma that it would cause too many problems for all of them. Even if the police left them alone, there was still the matter of their relationship." Reiko explained. "Something like that would put a serious strain on her relationship with Ranma and Akane. So she gave them her blessing and went on to...wherever she went." "And how did you get involved in this?" Ryo asked. "The Ki-Spirit had decided to attack Ranma by making him think that Ukyou had come back from the dead. My partner and I were put in charge of the investigation when Ranma was arrested for grave-robbing. Anyway, while Ranma was dealing with the Ki-Spirit in the astral plane trying to get Ukyou's soul back, Akane and I were kept busy trying to find Ukyou's body, which it had moved just before it decided to attack Ranma." "So, this is where it all happened." Ryo said. "Wow. You know, back in the other reality, where Childra and Miyabi are, it's been kind of hard to see Dad falling for Akane, but at least here I can see that he does really care about Mom. It's kind of comforting." Reiko smiled. "Yeah. But this isn't my home reality, either." "What?" "It's one where things happened in a similar way, but with a few major differences. I don't have a counterpart here, for example. And in this reality, Ukyou died from the disease, but it wasn't a Ki-Spirit in disguise. It was closest thing I could find to my real home." "So why aren't you based there? Why here?" Reiko sighed and looked out the window. "One of the main problems with working for the Save the Universe Foundation is the recruitment policy. In order to prevent a lot of questions, you have to fake your own death and set up shop in another reality. Or, in my case, have your death set up for you." Ryo stared silently at her, realizing how lonely the young woman actually was. He tried to imagine the solitude of the job. Sure, you got to meet a fascinating cross-section of the inhabitants of space and time, but what good was it when you had to come home to an empty apartment and a place where you see people with faces and names that you know, but they don't know you. He briefly thought about the other Ryo he had met at the Cafe. Was he to share Reiko's fate? "You can never go home again, Ryo." she said quietly. Ryo opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by the sound of a small bell ringing. Reiko reached into her pocket and consulted the compass. Her expression brightened. "Great!" she said cheerfully. "The shockwave has stabilized." "Does that mean we can leave?" Ryo asked. Reiko nodded. "Things have evened out enough that we can travel without any real danger. In fact," she fiddled with the rotating dial on the compass. "Perfect! I've found Kaeri. And even better news. She hasn't moved from her current location. Let's get back to my place and get the other two." Reiko got out of the booth and went to the register to pay the check. Ryo watched her silently, touched by what she'd sacrificed. He hoped that he'd never have to do the same. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<(*)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Kaeri woke, cold and stiff, at the base of a gravestone. Shaking off the morning dew, she glanced fearfully at the name engraved on the headstone. A giggle of relief emerged as she realized it was someone she didn't know. It hurt to stand, and her joints popped slightly, the noise audible even over her thin laughter. Was she still chuckling? It probably wasn't proper to be doing that in a cemetery, and Kaeri hoped she would stop soon. She had had such terrible nightmares, and she wasn't sure when she had fallen asleep. Gingerly, she looked down at herself, straightened the ragged apron, and froze. In a threadbare buttonhole, a pale white lily was stuck. ...and she walked through the City of Dead Names, along the court, up the avenues, her shoes clacking on the pave-skulls, and the spires rose above her as she strode on, past the frost- encrusted black fountains, past the bridges of cold iron, pausing by a bank of chalk-while lilies to pluck one as the moon shone down, cold and sterile.... But that had been a dream. A delusion. It had to have been, didn't it? The lily remained in her buttonhole, solid, undeniably real. Her laughter peaked, faded, and died. It had all been real. She had lost her grip on things, and the locket had spun her nightmares into flesh. She shivered slightly. Any of her 'delusions' could have easily killed her. She couldn't afford to go ma... to go insan... to... Kaeri hugged herself tightly, whimpering slightly. She was not losing her mind. She was sane. Despite it all, she was sane. It was all too terribly important to break down in a mewling heap, too important to run back to Mommy's lap. All that mattered was the Work and the Work was her Family and, God but it hurt, it hurt... She screamed, a long, shrill, drawn-out shriek of despair. And as the echos faded, she half ran, half stumbled out of the graveyard. Happosai. His fault, his and Kasumi's. Kill them. * * * * * She slipped though the house like a ghost. Soun was playing shogi. Akane and Ranma were fighting. Nabiki was lounging. None of them knew that their lives were about to be shattered. Blind, blind, blind and innocent. But she, she was the Adult, the Eyes, the Watcher, the Angel of Mercy and Death. And she walked without noise through the halls. Kasumi turned a corner, and Kaeri smiled at her, the empty bliss rising though her veins. As the worthless housekeeper opened her mouth to say something, the good staff whistled through the air to land with a sharp crack against her skull. Kasumi fell, crumpling like a puppet with cut strings, and did not move. Stepping over the fallen traitor, she walked the remaining feet to Happosai's room, the nest of the viper. It was a place of filth and disorder. Kaeri marveled that she hadn't seen the corruption in the squalor before. Kasumi had been a blind, weak, pathetic girl. Traitor! Cleanse! And in the middle of it all was Happosai, squatting amidst a pile of soiled clothing, intently studying a book. He didn't even look up as she entered. "Kasumi? Is that you, m'girl?" asked the filth, not even looking up. "Yes, Master Happosai," she replied calmly, euphoria filling her soul. "I'm here to clean." "Ah, good, good, just don't bother me." "I won't," she said sweetly, raising the blade. * * * * * She brought the blade down. Happosai turned, far too late, and the staff sliced cleanly through his neck. The runes erupted with crimson energy, blazing, glowing, sending purifying fire sweeping across the defiled room... * * * * * She brought the blade down. Happosai turned with unnatural speed, knocking the staff aside with jaguarlike force. A withered hand slammed into her throat, snapping her neck instantly... * * * * * The runes erupted with crimson energy, blazing, glowing, sending purifying fire sweeping across the defiled room. And then she split. She was two, she was one, she was floating above it all, she was dying in a pile of dirty undergarments and triumphant in the midst of an inferno, and suddenly she KNEW. She hadn't changed anything. Unlike her home reality, which her actions had rewritten, the timelines of this world could not be destroyed. As she had dropped the blade, the lines had split. In one, the new one, she killed Happosai. In the other, the old one, Happosai lived and she died. Both still existed. She hadn't changed anything. Last time she had saved them all. This time she couldn't. Ranma would die in flames, and Akane would kill herself, and Nabiki die in an explosion, and Daddy die broken and alone. She hadn't changed anything. With a howl, Kaeri returned to the timeline and died, her throat crushed, choking on blood and vomit. With a howl, Kaeri returned to the timeline and collapsed in enraged, despairing tears, Happosai's corpse burning merrily in the dying flames. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<(*)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Energies erupted, and the forms of four apprehensive reality jumpers flashed into being. Ryo rapidly flashed a look around, sliding into a fighting stance. Hallway in the Tendo home, right... picture frame on wall, doors.... He heard Ishido's snarl of alarm a split second before he noticed the apron-clad figure lying crumpled on the floor. His instincts as a healer took over, and he quickly knelt to have a look at her. She might be insane, but that didn't mean she didn't deserve... Ryo swore. Craning his head, Ratiko shot him a timid look. "What's wrong? Doesn't she have the locket? She's got it, right?" His fingers carefully probed the swollen, blue-purple lump on her forehead. "This isn't Kaeri. There's no scars, and the fingers are all here." "Then who's that?" Rat asked, voice rising shrilly. "Kasumi." She had what looked like a mild concussion; hard to tell without equipment. Still, her breathing was smooth and regular. "She should be okay. We should probably get her a doctor, though." Reiko cleared her throat. "If Miss Tendo isn't in any danger, perhaps you should find the person you're after? Before she jumps out again?" "She's right!" Rat yipped eagerly. "She hurt poor, innocent Grandmother Kasumi! We should stop her! Before she, uh, hurts anyone else!" Yeah, Ryo thought blackly, like you. Still, they had a point. "Right," he said, standing. "Kaeri said something about killing Happosai. We should probably check his room first." The others made agreeable noises, and followed him down the hall. * * * * * Failure. Moving figures, somewhere. "Is that her?" "Yeah. That's... oh. Oh, damn. I think this is Happosai." "Gack... what'd she DO to him, burn him?" Happosai? Dead. Alive. Deadalive. "Ryo... she's giggling at us...." "I don't think it's at us, Ishido." Ish-ieeee-dooo.... fit the sounds together, dip them in blood and bone, watch the names become moving shapes..... "Kaeri? It's me, Ryo... are you okay?" Ryo? Muhoshin-san? "Kaeri?" No, no, no, not Muhoshin-san. Other one, other one, doctornice and polite and unhelpful. "Kaeri, can you hear me?" No, let him go away. Him and the terrible things. "go... away..." "Kaeri, do you have the locket?" Locket, ah, locket, blueflame, death, AKANENONONONONO "Hey! You'll hurt yourself! Stop that!" Blood, bone, blessed sleep.... "Ish, give me a hand here!" "If she wants to kill herself, let her." "Rat, shut up." Not use struggling, she knew that now. No use at all. Hopeless. Failure. "Man, now she's crying. This is creeping me out." "She's very sick, Ish." "Tell me something I don't know." "Kaeri? Can you give me the locket? Please?" It didn't matter. She saw that now. He'd learn that too, eventually. It didn't matter. Move hand, open chain.... "I'll be. She actually gave you it." "Thank you, Kaeri. We're all going home now, okay?" Home. Burn, ashes, corpses, rubble, akanenabikidaddyno "Hey... hey, it's okay..." "Why is she screaming? What'd you do?" "I don't know! Reiko, thanks for the... hey, where'd she go?" "Probably rode off into the sunset on a white horse. Can we go home now?" Death, gone, loss, pain, blueflame... <<<<<<<<<<<<<<(*)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Miyabi mulled. Atop the roof of the Tendo Home, she mulled as her father did many times before her, and it was a mull of equal depth as any mull sessions Ranma had ever embarked upon. Her sulk also accomplished for Miyabi what Ranma's did for him: Absolutely nothing. She sighed again, one of a dozen melancholy sighs that evening, wallowing in melancholy. The overcast sunset was all too appropriate for her mood. What else, she wondered, could happen now? As if to answer, a fiery blue light began to glow from the back yard. Must be them, she thought. Miyabi wondered if everything was FINALLY settled so that she could just GO HOME. If, of course, she still had a home to go to. The glowing stopped, followed by a startled yelp and a splash. "Might be Ryo," she grumbled. "Serves him right if he fell in the pond." "Aargh! Why me?!" Mm-hm. It was Ryo. She rose and leaped easily to the grounds below. Seeing a grumbling and soggy Ryo stepping out of the pond brought a slight smile to her face. Ishido was walking away, grumbling something about finding Childra, shaking off a wet leg. She was somewhat puzzled at the fact that they were all in black suits. There was even an empty spare half-soaked in the pond. Then there was the bat that was flying about looking dazed, baffled, and lost. Bat? "EEEK!" With a lightning fast punch she sent the thing out of the backyard and into the horizon. "EEK!" Miyabi frowned. That wasn't her. She finally looked at Kasumi, who wasn't looking quite right herself. "Auntie Kasumi?" Kasumi flinched at the sound of her name and started screaming incoherently, shuddering and with tears in her eyes. Then looked at her surroundings and curled up into a ball on the ground, covering her face with her hands. "A-auntie?" "Um, Miyabi," said Ryo, looking apprehensive. "She's... not what you think she is." Miyabi glared at Ryo, then grabbed him by his soggy shirt. "What did you do to her?" she hissed. He met her gaze without a flinch, returning a look of extreme seriousness that was strong enough to halt even her temper. "Don't even blame me for this. I'll explain later. Really." "Oh my!" Ryo winced. Miyabi turned around. Kasumi stood at the porch doorway... looking at Kasumi, curled up in a ball in the backyard, her face frozen in shock. Miyabi looked from one Kasumi to the other in general confusion, then returned to glaring at Ryo. "You'd _better_ explain this later." "Just... dammit," Ryo looked from Kasumi to Kasumi and frowned. "Just get Kasumi back into the house, okay?" "Which one?!" "The one in the doorway," hissed Ryo. "Go. We'll talk about it later, okay?" * * * * * A few minutes later, after she ushered Kasumi back into the house and assured her that everything was, for the moment, okay, Miyabi headed upstairs to look for Ryo and that other Kasumi. She eventually found them in the guest room, waiting quietly. 'Kasumi' was lying on a futon, again curled up, but this time with eyes closed. She tossed and turned, her expression troubled. "She's asleep," said Ryo quietly. He neglected to tell her he'd used pressure points to induce the sleep, suspecting that she'd just accuse him of going for a cheap feel. "Who is she?" asked Miyabi. "I mean, she's Kas-" Ryo covered her mouth with his hand. In response, she covered his mouth with her fist. "Ow!" "What do you think you're doing, pervert?" hissed Miyabi, keeping the volume low so as not to wake Kasumi. "Don't say that name," hissed Ryo in return. "Call her 'Kaeri', okay?" "Kaeri?" "She doesn't like her old name. She really doesn't like it." "Well, why's Kaeri here?" She gave him an accusing glare. "You didn't accidentally drag her here, did you?" "No I didn't," he said angrily. "Stop trying to blame everything on me. Just listen, okay?" "This better be good, 'brother'." "Look... she used the mirror to get here." "The mirror?" "The Nanban mirror. From what she told me, she came from a reality where everyone died." "What?" "And it, well..." Ryo frowned. "It left her badly scarred too." "I noticed the scars on her face, yeah." "And she's missing a few fingers." "What?!" "Not so loud! You wanna wake her up?" said Ryo. Miyabi frowned and knelt by Kaeri's side. "So why's she like this now?" "She tried to make everything right, I think. It's hard to tell. She just mumbles a lot now. Anyway, I guess whatever she did didn't work and she couldn't deal with it." Ryo sat on the floor and sighed. "I hate seeing her like this. It just seems so... wrong." Miyabi gently brushed a few hairs from Kaeri's forehead. "Oh Auntie... what're we gonna do?" "Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about," said Ryo. "Look, that other Ryo's still out there and I have to stop him. Can you look after Kaeri-" "Who?" "Her," said Ryo, pointing to 'Kasumi'. "She doesn't like being called... by her old name, okay? Call her Kaeri. Look after her, okay? At least until I fix this mess with Muhoshin?" Miyabi looked thoughtfully at Kaeri, lips in a frown. "Yeah, I'll do it. No problem." "Thanks." Ryo sat there for a moment more, then left. He felt a little uneasy about leaving Miyabi to care for Kaeri, but he didn't think it was wise to have one of the Tendo sisters tend for her. It was bound to get ugly, especially if Kasumi.... Oh yeah. "Hey, one more thing," said Ryo, poking his head back into the room. "Yeah?" "DON'T let Kaeri and... Kas... you know... don't let those two see each other, okay?" "Fine. And Ryo?" "Yeah?" "Since when did you join the Men In Black?" "Huh?" "The suit. What's with the suit?" He frowned and looked down at his attire, fiddling with his tie. "This," he said, shaking the tie around, "is a short, weird story. You'd never believe me." Suddenly, appearing from nowhere, Reiko appeared with a large duffel bag and a backpack. "Reiko-san?" asked Ryo, clearly puzzled. "What're you doing here?" "You guys forgot your stuff," said Reiko. "The pack is Hibiki's, and all your clothes are in the duffel bag." "Oh. Er, thanks." "No problem. And keep the suits. Seeya!" -POP- "Do I really wanna know?" asked Miyabi. "Transdimensional guide," said Ryo. "Uh-huh." * * * * * Meanwhile, elsewhere, Childra and Ishido were stargazing where Miyabi was mulling only a few minutes earlier. Well, the idea was to stargaze (Childra thought it was romantic, and that was all Ishido needed to know) but in the end they did what everyone else that ever sat on that roof did. They mulled. "So she didn't succeed, huh?" asked Childra. He held her a little tighter. "You're still here, so she didn't succeed. Right?" Childra shrugged. "Yes and no." This caused Ishido to frown. "Yes and no?" "Temporal dynamics are weird. She did and she didn't succeed." "What do you mean?" Childra pointed to one of the backyard trees. "See that tree there? Now imagine the trunk was time. And see where the branches start splitting out? In time, that'd be a place where things happened differently. In this branch she tried and nothing happened. Somewhere else out there, it worked. Get it?" "How can you be sure?" Childra frowned, ever so slightly. "Tried it myself once. Long story. I'll tell you sometime later." She felt a little sympathy for Kaeri at that moment. The realization that one changed things, changed _important_ things, for the better but can never enjoy the rewards was a bitter moment. Ishido wasn't entirely sure of what she said, but as long as she was in his arms, it didn't matter much to him. "And by the way," said Childra, "what's with the suit?" "Oh, this?" Ishido frowned and tugged at his tie. "I forgot I was wearing it. We had to go to some weird place, and they wouldn't let us in unless we wore these." "I like it. You look cute in a suit." "Really?" She snuggled closer to him, and in a sultry voice, said, "But you look even cuter out of it." It was a blissful, romantic moment. Of course, it wasn't to last for long. "Ishido! You up there?!" yelled Ryo. Ishido groaned. Childra patted him on the arm. "Now now, Lobis, go see what Mr. Hero wants." "Me?" "You. I-" Jansen sighed and smiled faintly. "I have a few things to think about." Even had he been inclined to, it would have been difficult for Ishido to resist her dimples and watery eyes. With just the slightest frown, he resigned himself to his duty. "I'm coming!" he yelled, and clambered down the side of the building. * * * * * Ranma tried something new. Instead of mulling on the roof, he was mulling in his room. The topic of the night's mull was the ongoing situation with the miscellaneous time-traveling wanderers. They'd been there for about two days now. That wasn't so bad, though. The Tendos had tolerated worse for longer, and two of these were practically family. Things were certainly getting stranger since they'd arrived. Having two grown up children from two different mothers was a mixed blessing. Previously unknown parental pride had emerged in him, as well as fear of the future, or futures. Which way was he destined? If anything, the recent events made clear that his future was wildly undecided and anything was possible. Shampoo and Cologne would NEVER stop pestering him if a kid from a Ranma/Shampoo reality showed up, and he felt he'd definitely have an anxiety attack if a child from him and Kodachi decided to appear. It was his lack of participation in it that was really bugging him. He was Ranma Saotome. He was the one everyone in Nerima challenged or went to ask for help. He was the guy that eventually solved The Big Problem. Nobody was asking for help. Not even his son, or his daughter. At first it was nice to be left out of it, but now he was starting to feel ignored, and he hated feeling ignored. From the backyard, he could hear his future son calling out, "Ishido! You up there?!" They were meeting again. Without him. "That's it," he muttered. "I'm in." He stood and walked off, intending to confront his son about a few matters whether he liked it or not. * * * * * Ishido landed somewhat awkwardly at Ryo's side, skinning his elbow in the process. "What's going on?" he asked, somewhat irritated. "I need your help." "My help?" "You were right, he was dangerous, and I've been trying to stop him but I don't think I can do it on my own." Ishido frowned. "Oh, you mean Muhoshin." "Right." Ishido shook his head. "He's WRONG, if any man ever was." * * * * * With a sigh, Childra looked down from the clouds. It didn't seem fair that there should be so many different kinds of love, and each of them incompatible... Why couldn't others feel as she did? Why couldn't they understand that no matter how much she wanted to, she COULDN'T choose, and still remain herself? As she raised her hand to wipe the tears from her face, she noticed Ryo Saotome and Ishido walking away from the dojo. She waved. "Where you going, boy scout?" Ryo paused hesitantly and looked up. "Out." Three seconds, a flick of the bo and a somersault or two later, Childra was standing next to the two boys. "Out?" she asked, running her hand through her hair. Ishido glanced at her elbow, then hid his own and colored slightly. "Of this universe. We have to-" Childra raised her hand, stopping him mid-sentence. "Wherever you're off to, I'm going with you. You've caused enough trouble on your own." She smirked. "Besides, I want to-" Ishido froze. "You CAN'T go!" He protested. "What if-" Jansen looked him in the eye. "What if what?" "Well, I, uh..." Ishido looked down. "I'm going, Lobis." "Count me in too." The three looked up to see Ranma, standing at the entrance to the backyard from the house, arms crossed and looking as confident as ever. Ishido and Childra weren't terribly impressed. Ryo, on the other hand, looked horrified. "Ah, dad, no. I really don't think this is a good idea." "You're facing a dangerous martial artist, right? Look, you know it and I know it, I'm the best martial artist available right no