R1/2 -- Nigel M. & RpM-acct2/5 There is nothing but darkness. Suddenly a blinding light flashes. In the distance, the rumble of thunder starts, getting closer, louder reaching a mighty, window shattering crescendo. Softly, the first few strings of a string orchestra play as the rest build on level after level of complexity. THX: THE AUDIENCE IS NOW DEAF --------------------------------------- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! The long awaited Grand Finale of A REALLY THINLY VEILED OTAKU FANTASY FIC *WHAM* ... ow... Nigel... put down the bokken, it was a joke! A joke! *WHAM*WHAM* *WHAM*WHAM* -editor "Help me!" Rod --------------------------------------- =============================== Ranma 1/2: Eight Days a Week Story concept: Astroboy (Nigel M) Written by: Astroboy (Nigel M) General Nagging: RpM based on the characters of Rumiko Takahashi (and the creators of all the characters that seem to pop up here every now and then) =============================== Author's note: Thanks a lot! Do you know how annoying it is to be nagged at by Rpm? I mean, here I am, trying to write another type of fanfic, and then suddenly: "Hey! What about Eight Days huh?" ------------ EDITOR'S NOTE: Grrrr... ------------ Just kidding! Actually I enjoy writing this fanfic since it really doesn't involve a lot of effort (except when I'm blocked, and when that happens. whoooo! =) Anyway, send all flames, comments, requests etc. to st2a0@jetson.uh.edu =M Productions: We Do Weddings!= ============================== =RESOLUTIONS: THE EIGHTH DAY= ============================== ----------------------------- --Saturday Morning Cartoons-- ----------------------------- Isamu Hentaii emerged from the blissful oblivion that was sleep. The first thing he noticed was that he was in pain. No, not pain. He searched his mind for the right word. Agony, That was the word he was looking for. Searing agony. He half opened his eyes, his eyeballs feeling as if they were floating in a bowl of hot beef soup. He enjoyed this thought for a moment until he noticed a second thing: Pussy. There was a little stuffed pussy cat near his head. He shot up off the bed which was, to his considerable shock, much smaller than his. He scrambled for balance, failed utterly, and fell in a heap onto the floor. The agony that he was feeling immediately shot up. He groaned pathetically. "Good morning!" Nabiki said cheerfully, entering the room. "Blmfmrfhfguh?" Said the heap on the floor. Nabiki kneeled down, putting her face near the level of Isamu's. "What?" Isamu was running several confusing ideas through his head. What was Nabiki doing in her house? Why were his walls this girlie blue color? Why was there a cute pussy cat doll on his bed? Why was Nabiki talking to him in her underwear? Isamu's eyes widened in shock as a thin trail of blood oozed slowly out his nose. He sat up, this time ignoring his body's cheerful message that, yes, he was in agonizing pain. "You! We! Why are-?! Did me-?! And you-! Did you and me-?! Did we-?!?" He said, in a constant barrage. The only reason Nabiki even remotely understood him was that he remembered to talk in Japanese. "Save your questions for later," she said, going into his closet and putting on a school uniform. "We're gonna be late for school again." She hefted him up and thrust a blue uniform at him. "Here! Get dressed, quick!" At that, she blew out the door. Isamu, his head still feeling like it was stuffed with cotton candy, got into the uniform. "She's right," he thought as he put on some frilly socks. "I'll deal with this after school." "Isamu! We're going outside now! Hurry up!" She called from downstairs. Isamu adjusted the blue uniform quickly and ran downstairs. Strangely enough, Nabiki's dad was in his house too. And so was Mr. Saotome. He said a quick "Hello!" To both of them as he raced by them. At this point, his mind was finally clearing up. He ran out the gate and a flash of intense light greeted him. "GOTCHA!!!" Ranma, Akane and Nabiki yelled. Nabiki was holding a camera in her hand, as Ranma and Akane were leaning on each other, laughing so hard that tears were streaming down their faces. "Gotcha? C'mon! We're gonna be-" Isamu looked down and finally realized why he felt the uniform was utterly wrong. He was in a uniform. A Furinkan High uniform. A GIRL'S Furinkan High uniform. -------------------------------------------------------- Jamie Madrox opened his eyes. Yellow rays of sunlight penetrated the translucent curtains of his hotel room. He smiled. Last night was extremely fun. The club, the dancing, he especially liked participating in a bloodthirsty mob. Today, well, today could be fun too. ------------------------------------------------------- Acme Labs, Japan Station..... Pinky woke up. Immediately he went into fifty tail springs and a hundred 'narfs'. "Sshush, Pinky!" Brain hissed, although not as harsh as usual. Brain was in a good mood, his martial arts android worked perfectly last night. The grand melee with the gymnastic lunatic went well, and more importantly, they thought he was just another martial artist. Brain picked the lock on their cage and stepped out. Pinky hopped out and ran towards the rack where the scientists kept the magazines. Brain sat down in front of a blackboard and started scribbling notes. Now he needed a device that can seek out martial artists to defeat, he thought. He was in the process of designing one when Pinky shouted from across the room. "Egads, Brain! We're in the comic books!" Pinky shouted happily. "No, Pinky. That scheme failed remember?" Brain said, irritated. He despised being interrupted. "But look, Brain! Narf!" Pinky said, holding up a recent copy of the Incredible Hulk. "That's us innit?" Brain looked closely. "Why, yes it is!" He said in amazement. ----------------------------------- Isamu stood in front of the Tendo Dojo, the wind whipping his skirt around his legs. The mischievous trio that got him in it were still laughing, their laughter filling the morning air. "What-?" Isamu tried again. In between fits of laughter they started explaining. They led Isamu into the house as Soun and Genma, and now Kasumi, stared oddly at them. "We (haha!) we found you unconcious outside the gate last night," Ranma began patting Isamu's shoulder good-naturedly. "(hahahaha!) Yeah. We heard (haha) noises outside and when (haha) when we looked out, there you were," Akane continued. They led him back to the room where his clothes were and continued explaining to him from the other side of the door. "Anyway," Nabiki tried, then broke into laughter. "Sorry, anyway, we dragged you in, slapped some medicine on you and let you sleep it off." By now, Isamu emerged, clothed in the stuff he wore the night before, but still red in the face. "Me, Ranma and Akane stayed up a little while longer after everybody else went to bed," Nabiki said, wiping off some tears and steering Isamu to the breakfast table. Kasumi smiled at them and started putting some food on the table. Soun and Genma were on the patio, fanning themselves and playing shogi. In between mouthfuls, they spilled the rest of the story. How they wondered what happened, the extent of his injuries, and how Nabiki came up with the whole thing. "I did not!" Nabiki protested. "The uniform, yeah, but I vividly remember entering the discussion with you two plotting already." Akane reached over and playfully patted Isamu's cheek. "We had to do something to him," she said. "For that kiss and all. We thought making him think it was a school day was enough." Isamu smiled. He had to admit, it was a pretty good joke. "So, am I forgiven? You know I'm never gonna trust any of you ever again?" "Who cares?" Akane laughed. "And yes, I think that was payback enough." Isamu got up, "Ok, I'll be back in a little while. Are you going somewhere?" "No," Nabiki shrugged, munching on some bread. "Ok, I'll be back. I gotta get out of these clothes." He went to the kitchen and said his good-byes to Kasumi, waved his good-byes to everybody else and left. -------------------------------------------- Mousse was lying down on a rooftop, his afro providing both cushion and shade against the early morning glare. "Shampoo," he thought, "one day, you'll be my bride." STAYING ALIVE, STAYING ALIVE! AH AH AH AH STAYING ALIIIIHIHIVE! Mousse sat up furiously. "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!!" He shouted to the world in general. --------------------------------------------- Shampoo walked down the street with 'Nimaii'. He was cute, she thought, although a bit on the dumb side. "Shampoo like you, yes?" She tried. "Yes," replied 'Nimaii'. "But only as friend," she insisted. "Mommy is friend," 'Nimaii' agreed. "Shampoo not your Mommy!" She said loudly, a couple of people looking up. She sighed, he just didn't get her point. Her eyes caught sight of the window of the pet shop they were passing. A cute little dog, brown like a chocolate, its little tail wagging furiously barked happily at her. "Cute puppy! Cute puppy!" Shampoo squealed. The okonomiyaki monster took note. Mommy liked that form better. Eventually Shampoo waved good-bye to the little puppy and continued on their way. "Ok, we try this again. Shampoo like you, yes?" -------------------------------------------- "Ooh! Cute puppy! Cute puppy!" Asuza Shiratori squealed. -------------------------------------------- "Ooh! Cute puppy! Cute puppy!" Atsuko Natsume squealed. The man who owned the pet store looked out the window of his shop. "I don't understand why they don't buy the damned things," he told his assistant. "All they do is stand outside and squeal." He sighed. "At least it's better than yesterday, if that foreign bastard walked in one more time singing 'How much is that dog-gie in the window', I swear I would've blown his head off." -------------------------------------------- Isamu drove his car down the street to his house. His radio blasting "Staying Alive" by the Beegees. Boy, who would've thunk it? A 70's radio station in Japan? Isamu showered, got into some fresh clothes, and walked back to the Tendo home. He looked at his watch, it said 10:37. He let his mind wander. At this time last week, he was unaware of the madcap world that Nabiki inhabited. He smiled. He felt lucky. --------------------------------------------------- Madrox watched Isamu leave the house. He smiled. The boy never was a homebody, he thought, creeping towards the house. He should be gone for the better part of the day. His grin went even wider as he thought of what he was preparing for the unsuspecting boy. -------------------------------------------------- Ryu woke up, his head felt like someone was dancing on it. The world smelled bad. He opened his eyes and saw a white thing, it seemed to be the source of the smell. Ryu got up, his vision blurring. He snorted disgustingly. Ken was sprawled on the bed, snoring loudly. His foot inches from where Ryu's face had been. "Hey! Ken!" He said, shaking his buddy awake. "What happened?" "urhglegurgle," Ken retorted. Ken's eyes focused. "Hey, Ryu-san! I didn't know you could dance like that!" "Dance?" "Yeah! Last night! Remember?" "I don't-" "I never thought of using the Hurricane Kick as a dance move!" Ken said happily. "Look," Ryu said desperately. "If anyone asks, I got ambushed by Akuma, ok?" ------------------------------------- Isamu knocked on the Tendo gate. Something was nagging at his memory, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember what. Kasumi answered the door and let him in. "Hello, Kasumi!" He greeted, following her. "Why hello, Isamu," She greeted, as she walked back into the kitchen. "As you can see, Ranma and his dad are training at the moment," she indicated Genma and Ranma sparring at the pond. "Nabiki said she had to take care of something, and Akane's in the dojo." "You're amazing," Isamu grinned. "You keep track of everybody?" "Someone has to," she smiled and walked off. "Dad's upstairs, fixing one of the doors," her voice said from the kitchen. He smiled. More to her than meets the eye, he thought. He headed for the dojo, walking quietly. Akane was kneeling over three bricks, obviously preparing to break. She was turned away from the door. Isamu hung back, not calling attention to himself. He watched as she took two even breaths and struck. The bricks split neatly in half, the pieces falling to the floor. "How was that?" Akane asked, not turning around. "Terrific!" Isamu clapped as she gave a mock bow. "It was nothing," Akane said dismissively. She raised her fist and waggled it. "All in the wrist." "You think you can teach me then?" Isamu asked, joking. "Sure." "Really?" Isamu asked, intrigued. "Seriously?" "Yeah, I told you, it's pretty simple." Akane set up one brick and guided him into position. "You know martial arts already right?" "Uh-huh." "Ok, then I'll skip all the obvious explanations," she continued. "First, you have to know where to hit. In this case here," she said, tapping a spot a little off center of the brick. "Shouldn't I hit it here?" He asked, pointing at the exact center. "No. Hit it at it's weakest point." "Ok." "Now, the second, more important point is where to aim," she said. "Aim? I thought I was suppose to aim here?" He indicated the spot she pointed out. "No, that's where you _hit_. You aim here," she said, pointing at an area below the brick. "You're not actually trying to break it as much as you're trying to go through it. The point you want is here. The brick is just in the way." Isamu nodded. "I think I got it." She smiled. "Go for it." Isamu took a few deep, controlled breaths. In. Out. In. Out. He looked down at his target, his arm in the prescribed breaking position. He visualized his fist, whizzing through space and hitting the spot he aimed for, cutting through the brick like so much powder. He let out a mighty yell. And struck. "KII-YAII!!" ---------------------------------------- The Pigtailed Goddess ran through the forest, as clothed as she was when she was born. Well, maybe not. She didn't have a lot of blood on her, and there's the conspicuous absence of an umbilical cord and a placenta dangling from it. But other than that.... Tatewaki Kuno ran after her, his sword waving in the breeze. "Choose me, my love! Choose me!" She giggled as she ran. "I shall! Pigtailed Girl it is you that I love!" Akane Tendo appeared, her hair blowing in the wind, the translucent dress she wore drifted away. "What about me, Kuno my love?" "Akane Tendo! My one true love!" He stood at a crossroads. One led to the naked pigtailed girl, the other, the unclad Akane Tendo. He looked one way, then another. Faster and faster. "Which shall you choose?" They smiled beguilingly. "Which of us do you love?" "I LOVE YOU BOTH! I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT EITHER!" He screamed. "You must choose one! Choose one! Choose one!" They said, disappearing from view. "NO!" Kuno yelled, waking up. ------------------------------------------- Ranma leaped into the air, nimbly avoiding another kick from his dad. He had a big grin on his face. He and Akane were finally going out with each other. He threw a few lows in the direction of his dad and continued reminiscing. He realized that all this time, even through all the arguments and fights, that Akane was the one person that he truly wanted to go out with. The night would have ended spectacularly if the Tendos and his dad didn't burst in, but aside from that the day went pretty well. "So Ranma," Genma said as he deftly blocked one of Ranma's kicks. "When should we set the wedding date?" "Shut up, Pop!" Ranma fumed, throwing a few rapid punches. "We went out once, that's all." "Foolish boy!" Said Genma, exchanging blows. "The time has come for you to settle down and take over the Anything Goes School and take care of your lovely wife Akane." Ranma kicked him into the pond, effectively silencing him. Wife, he didn't even think about that. Will he marry her? Will she marry him? Will he survive a marriage with her? ------------------------------------------- Nabiki walked back towards the dojo, pockets bursting with yen. She had gone to the local college to use their computer, since she had just sold hers and was about to buy a newer model anyway. Out of curiosity, she tried to pull articles on Isamu's family business and she stumbled upon a small article done on Isamu. The article had something on him that he seemed to have forgotten to mention. She wondered why. ------------------------------------------- "YYYEOUUWWCH!!!" Yelled Isamu, dancing around and clutching his hand. He glared at the brick that was solid as ever. It seemed to be smirking at him. Akane quickly went to the corner of the room where there was a small refrigerator. She pulled out one of many icepacks and tossed it at Isamu. Isamu caught it in the face, but managed to put it on his sore hand. "Let me see," Akane said, inspecting his hand. "Nothing broken, just bruised that's all." Isamu flexed his hand a couple of times. "Hurts like bloody hell though." "I know," she said. "Had to go through that a couple of times before I got it right too." They sat down in the middle of the dojo, shooting the breeze. "Kasumi, now _she_ could break." Akane said, as Isamu lay on the floor. "What, Kasumi? Like your sister Kasumi? Sweet, never- gets-mad-Kasumi? That one?" "Uh-huh," she answered, brushing her hair back, tucking some errant strands behind her ear. "I remember once, I was maybe around twelve, there was this really strong storm. We all had to go to the cellar-" "You have a cellar?" "Storm cellar," she nodded, closing her eyes as she let the memories flood back. "Out back. Anyway, this storm blew our oak tree down on the door. Dad couldn't budge it, but Kasumi, she calmly walked up to it, split it into three pieces and helped Dad roll it off." "The whole oak tree?" He asked, trying to imagine splitting something with the circumference of a diesel tire. "Yup," Akane said, leaning back. "Sometimes I think that's why she's so calm. She knows she can snap each and everyone of us in two." "What about Nabiki?" "Ah, now Nabiki was different," she said, adjusting her belt. "Nabiki was never the fastest or the strongest or anything. But she found ways." "What do you mean?" "I mean, she just came up with these moves that confused the heck out of us." Akane smiled. "For example, I was watching her and Kasumi spar, right? And Kasumi was getting through with some really good shots. Suddenly, as she was about to get it in the face, she turned around! Kasumi pulled back, stopping her fist inches from Nabiki's face. Nabiki grabbed Kasumi's hand and threw her over her shoulder. I remember Kasumi laughing hard." "Does Ranma practice Anything Goes too?" He asked, walking over to the door and watching Ranma-chan and the Panda soggily spar. "Yes and no." Akane answered. He noticed another change in voice as she started talking about Ranma. "Ranma mixes his style with one or two others. I practice a purer form of Anything Goes; Tendo Anything Goes Martial Arts. He practices Saotome School. But the basics are the same." Isamu walked back and sat in front of Akane. They sat there in silence for a few minutes. Like all Saturday breezes, the one that blew through the dojo held promises of excitement and mischief. They listened to Ranma-chan's grunts of effort as she continued sparring with her father. "Can you teach me?" Isamu asked. "What, now?" Akane asked back. "Why not," Nabiki said, walking in. "Hello, Nikki," Isamu said, getting up and giving Nabiki a kiss. "Who's Nikki?" Nabiki asked, frowning slightly. "It's my nickname for you," Isamu shrugged. "No it's not," said Nabiki. "I like my name just the way it is." "So where'd you go?" Akane asked, standing up. Nabiki smiled at them, touching her nose lightly. The signal for 'that's my business'. "Oh, fine," Isamu said, going into a mock weeping pose. "Don't tell us," he put an arm around Akane's shoulders. "The people whom you are closest to." "Akane," Nabiki said. "Teach him the first thing we all learned," she said, smiling. "The first thing you learn," she said, suddenly grabbing his arm. "Is how to fall." With that, she threw him over her shoulder. Isamu flew threw the air with the grace of a brick and landed exactly like one too. ----------------------------------------------- Jamie dug in his multiple pockets. He had a lot of people to call. "Hi!" He greeted on the phone, "This is Jamie.... no, Jamie..... J-A... Yeah the one in the overcoat. Listen, I'm throwing a party tonight and-" ---------------------------------------------- Kasumi called everybody to lunch. Ranma-chan and Genma panda came in towels in hand. Soun came down from the bedrooms, extremely proud of himself for doing some mundane maintenance. Akane came in laughing, followed by Nabiki, who was riding on Isamu's back. "This isn't really what Japanese boyfriends do for their girlfriends, is it?" Isamu asked, naively. Actually, he didn't mind it too much. "Sure it is," Akane said, winking at Ranma-chan. "Oh, Ranma," she singsonged. "Ooh, no," Ranma-chan said, shaking her head. "You're too heavy for me." Akane bopped him on the head. "Jerk!" "That's enough, you two, " Soun said, calming them down. He gestured to Isamu, "Come in, son." "Smells good," Isamu said as Kasumi put some food in his bowl. "Akane, which one did you make?" Ranma-chan choked on her rice, snapping her chopsticks. She tried to sputter some comment but Akane immediately got behind her, pounding her back. "Are you ok, Ranma?" Akane said, deliberately hitting Ranma's back excessively hard. Ranma didn't get the message at all. "No. Isamu, Akane's cooking is terrible." Akane immediately booted Ranma-chan through the roof. "Jerk." "How does she do that?" Isamu asked, watching as the little speck that was Ranma reach the apex of her flight. -------------------------------------------------- Ranma-chan flew higher and higher. "Stupid tomboy," she muttered. "And I was gonna ask her out again too." "HEY! BABY! CUTIE PIE! WHAT'S YOUR PHONE NUMBER?" Yelled Ataru, as he started descending from his flight. He started swimming through the air, trying to get closer to Ranma-chan. "Darling! Stop flirting! Come back here!" Said Lum, flying across Ranma-chan's flight path. "Excuse me." "Sure," Ranma-chan said, letting her pass. "I'll kill him!" Benten seethed, flying by on her bike. "LUM-CHAN!!" Rei shouted in his tiger-cow form, flying after them. "It sure is crowded up here today." "Sure is," Karin observed, putting her hoverbike into high gear. -------------------------------------------------- Akane slowly went through the first forms of Anything Goes as Isamu tried to copy it. "Raise your right arm higher," Soun instructed, watching Isamu. "Right, now see how she slides her weight to the front foot as she pivots? There you go." "Hey Akane," Nabiki called, lounging around near the door of the dojo. "You must've sent Ranma far today. It's been nearly an hour." "I know exactly where I sent him," Akane said smugly, smoothly going through her forms. "He should've landed somewhere near Tomobiki." --------------------------------------------------- Ranma-chan ducked and smacked Ryoga in the stomach. By an unfortunate coincidence, Ryoga was being lost in Tomobiki when she finally landed. "Getting slow, Ryoga." Taunted Ranma-chan, sticking her tongue out and wagging it at him. Ryoga seethed. "You went out with Akane last night." "Yeah, so?" "What did you do to her!?" He shouted, swinging his umbrella. "Nothing!" Ranma-chan said, swerving and tripping him up. "Liar! You probably... you probably.. you probably took her sweet innocence didn't you?!" "Wh-what?" Ranma-chan shouted indignantly. "Stupid!" Why would-" "You did! You sullied the honor of Akane," said Ryoga, as tears started streaming down his cheeks. "Akane! Poor Akane!" Ryoga's eyes flared red. "I'll kill you!" Ryoga swung again, narrowly missing Ranma-chan. Ranma-chan flipped backwards, trying to gain a breather. Ryoga threw a bandanna which tripped up Ranma-chan and ran up for the kill. --------------------------------------------------- Shutaro Mendo strode down the street purposely. Actually, he had nothing in particular to do at the moment, but striding down the street purposely looked much better. He heard a commotion around the corner and sped up, his hand instinctively going for his sword. The fool Moroboshi must be the cause of all this. He rounded the corner and unsheathed his sword in one smooth motion, swinging down on the head of the person around the corner. --------------------------------------------------- Ryoga turned, let go of his umbrella, and caught the blade using the butterfly technique, trapping the sword between his palms. The boy who wielded the sword reminded him of the infuriating idiot Kuno. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He shouted angrily. Mendo blinked. It wasn't Moroboshi. "My apologies, good sir. I had you mistaken for someone else," he said, sheathing his sword smoothly. Ranma-chan watched this exchange and suddenly leapt up and threw her arms around a pleasantly surprised Mendo. "Oh please, gallant sir," she sobbed, batting her doe-eyes at him. "Please save me from this wicked, wicked man." Mendo's eyes flared as he gave Ryoga a menacing look. He looked into Ranma-chan's eyes with a smoldering look and talked in his deep, romantic voice. "Don't worry miss," he intoned silkily. "I, Shutaro Mendo, shall save you from this villain." Geez, Ranma-chan thought. This guy's almost as bad as Kuno. Out loud, Ranma chan said "Oh, thank you." She blinked her cute, girlie eyes at him one more time. Ryoga exploded with anger. "Ranma! I'll kill you!" Shutaro pushed Ranma-chan gently away from him. "Go on, I'll take care of him." Ranma-chan blew a raspberry at Ryoga and skipped happily away, back to Nerima. "Now, for displaying such rudeness to a female," Mendo began, unsheathing his katana menacingly. "You moron!" Ryoga shouted, charging towards the direction that Ranma went. "That was a guy!" "You're the moron!" Mendo laughed. "That was most definitely a girl." "Get out of my way!" Ryoga shouted as his umbrella and Mendo's sword clashed. "He took the flower of innocence from Akane!" "You're a disgusting pervert!" Mendo said, leaping back. "I'll be glad to dispose of you." Ryoga was frustrated, and he yelled his frustration to the world. "RANMA! YOU DIDN'T EVEN USE PROTECTION, DID YOUUUUUU!!!!" ----------------------------------------------- Ranma approached the Dojo gate, now male thanks to a kettle of hot water courtesy of Dr. Tofu. The house was strangely silent. Ranma looked around and after a few minutes, confirmed that the house was indeed empty. He went to the kitchen and finished what food Kasumi had left him. Could they be in the dojo? He thought. But what would all of them be doing there? He decided to check anyway, walking the short distance between the house and the dojo. The door to the dojo was closed. Strange, he thought. He was about to slide open the door when he heard the first moans. "Ooh," moaned a voice that Ranma was sure was Akane. "That feels so good! Do that again, Isamu. Ohhh!!" Ranmas hand flew to his mouth in a classic pose of shock. Do it again, Isamu? That feels so GOOD? THAT FEELS SO _GOOD_? Ranma's hand reached for the handle again, sure that he misheard. "Do me, Isamu," said Nabiki's voice, then came the sound of flesh being pounded. "Oh, yeah! Ohh!" By this time , Ranma's eyes have grown to the approximate size of platters. Serving platters. Large serving platters. "Oh my gods," Ranma squeaked. The depravity! The perversion! Well, he was gonna put a stop to that. "It's my turn again," Said Kasumi's voice silkily. "Gently, if you please." "Gentle it is," Said Isamu's voice, sounding tired. Ranma's head was boiling. He _should_ be tired! All three of them?! At the same time!? Ranma ground his teeth. Death's too good for this guy! he thought, his mind racing. I'm gonna- "Do me!" Cried his father's voice, forcing Ranma to choke down the bile he was about to spew. "No! Me first! Ahhhh!" Groaned Soun contentedly. Ranma's mind spun with disgust. The whole family!? ALL the Tendos _and_ his dad?!! Finally, Ranma could take it no more. He rushed in, eyes closed to the carnal carnival within. "STOP!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THE GODS!! FOR ALL THAT'S DECENT!! STOOOPP!!!!" ------------------------------------------ "STOP HIM!! KILL HIM!! CASTRATE HIMMM!!!!!!" Happousai ran happily away from the blood thirsty mob that was hot on his heels. This particular panty raid had gone well, he thought, glancing back ever so often to his lovely sack of underwear. "WHAT A HAUL!" He yelled gleefully. He accelerated, not wishing to spend the whole afternoon running. He spotted a perfect hiding place as he turned a corner. The rare captylus aforoherus. A large, dense bush that mainly grew in Africa. He dove in, disappearing from view. He watched as the horde of screaming valkyries thundered past him. He chuckled softly when suddenly, the bush spoke. "And what, may I ask, are you doing in my hair?" Asked Mousse irritatedly. ------------------------------------------- Six pairs of eyes bored into Ranma's skull. Ranma stood there, arms raised in a pose of righteous indignation and anguish. The scene in the dojo was a strange one. Ranma recognized the spare cots that the Tendo's kept for unexpected guests. They were all lined up in a row, on each one were the Tendos and his Dad. Isamu was currently standing on Soun's back, obviously massaging his back in the classic shiatsu technique. Nabiki spoke first. "And what," she asked slyly. "Praytell, are we supposed to stop?" She asked an obviously nervous Ranma. "In the name of decency and the gods, I mean?" "Errr, um," Ranma tried. His mind was running miles a minute trying to find a way to spit out his foot, which he seemed to have swallowed, along with his lower leg and most of his upper thigh. A small part of his mind was happily informing him that, yes, he was definitely screwed. "nothing," he squeaked meekly, as they stood up and started stretching. "This young man would make a fine addition to our family," Soun weeped (no. 35- Someone Would Make A Fine Addition To Our Family). "I'm glad you found him, Nabiki." "I'm not planning to marry him yet, Daddy," Nabiki said, cracking her back. "I wouldn't mind," Isamu said nonchalantly. "Ranma," Akane said sleepily. "Come over here," she beckoned to him. "Carry me," she said, holding her arms out. Ranma, a little shocked over this, did as he was told. As he walked out the dojo, they heard Akane ask him what he wanted them to stop. They waited expectedly. And then.... "YOU PERVERT! YOU SICK ANIMAL!!" They heard Akane shout, and a loud crash as if an object crashed through the floor. ---------------------------------------------------------------- Madrox rigged the door with fine precision. It was hard, he thought. But that's why he got paid the big money. Besides, he admitted. He enjoyed his work. ----------------------------------------------------------------- "Ryu-buddy," Ken said, shaking his head. "I thought you could hold your liquor better than this." "Shut up," Ryu said, wiping his mouth. "Don't worry," Ken said calmly. "I got what you need." "Aspirin?" "Naw," Ken laughed. "The only cure to a great night is another one! Ryu ol' buddy ol' pal, we're going to a party!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- "Akane," Isamu said, trying to sweep her feet. Akane shuffled her feet slightly, avoiding his. "Uh-huh?" She said, rushing in for a one-two punch that found it's mark. "(whoof ooof) I've gotta ask you something," he said, rolling back onto his feet and circling. "Go right ahead," she said, aiming a kick at his head, which he very nearly didn't duck. "How do you do that thing with the hammer?" He asked, getting swept off his feet. Akane smiled. "You mean this?" She said as a mallet materialized in her hands and descended rapidly towards Isamu's head. "EEP!" He squealed, rolling away. "Time-out! No fair!" Akane smiled, making the hammer disappear again. "Here you go," she said, helping him up. "No such thing as 'unfair' in this martial art," she informed him. "A-ny-thing-goes- mar-tial-arts. The name says it all." "Ok, ok," he conceded. "But what about the mallet?" Akane looked around. "Well, it's not part of the style." She said. "And I've never told anyone before." "Tell me!" Isamu said eagerly. "I won't tell anybody! I promise!" He wheedled and cajoled for a few minutes. "Well," Akane finally gave in. "Ok. Watch carefully." She showed him exactly how to do it. "Wow," he said with amazed awe. ------------------------------------------------------- "It is now 6:07 p.m. when the sunset is at its most beautiful," said Kuno, walking down the street, a bouquet of flowers in each hand. "So it is rightfully so that the rising young star of the high school kendo world greets his loves at this time." ------------------------------------------------------- At that exact time, in the darkness of a house...... "Hi! Glad you could make it! No, no, you didn't have to bring anything. Come in! Remember me? Well, at least you remembered to come." ------------------------------------------------------- Acme Labs...... "Now is our chance, Pinky!" Brain shouted, getting into the android body suit. "To do what (poit)?" Asked Pinky, thoughtfully probing the inside of an ear. "Guess," Brain gritted, trying to keep his temper in check. "Oh, right, right, take over the world (narf)." Said Pinky, scrambling up into the machine. Brain looked down on his scanner. "It seems," he began. "That a large contingent of martial artists are gathering at this domicile," he pointed at the screen. "We shall go there as well." --------------------------------------------------------- Tokyo Airport.... "Taxi! Taxi! Take us to... oh, damn. He doesn't speak English. Mulder, can you-? No, it's too much to ask that you'd be any help. Here," Agent Scully thrust a piece of paper at the taxi driver. "Take us to Nerima." ---------------------------------------------------------- "Get dressed, man!" "I am, Ken!" "You're wearing that?" "What else am I suppose to wear?" "You wear that every single day, fer christ sake! I'm sorry, Ryu. But to be brutally honest, you stink." ------------------------------------------------------------- Nabiki was watching the news when Isamu and Akane came in. Ranma was still where Akane left him, his head deeply implanted through the floor. Although he seems to have gained consciousness since he was struggling to pull out, his behind wagging in the air. Nabiki turned off the tv and watched Ranma for a while. She turned to Akane. "This is better that watching tv, Akane." Said Nabiki cheerfully after awhile. She gestured for Akane to come and watch with her but Akane declined and went to take a nice, long bath. Isamu sat beside Nabiki. She was aware of the smell of his sweat, which for some unknown reason, did not smell particularly bad to her. He smelled like he had just exerted a tremendous amount of energy. She snuggled up to him a little, heedless of what his sweaty body did to her shirt. "Well," he said after a while. "I don't think I expected to be sitting here in your living room, watching Ranma waggle his butt at us." She laughed. "Would you rather be doing something else?" She asked him coyly. He looked at her for a little while, then kissed her softly on the lips. "Let's go help him out first," Isamu said, standing up. "It's kinda hard to be romantic when there's a third party wagging their butt at you." "Oh, you must think I'm enjoying this," Ranma grumbled. With a little effort, they helped him off the floor. Ranma dusted himself off angrily. "Stupid tomboy," he muttered, stomping off towards the bathroom. "It must be love," Nabiki sighed. "Isn't Akane in there?" Isamu asked. "Oh, well," Nabiki said dismissively. "I think he'll find out real soon." There was a yelp of surprise followed by a splash. Other than that, though, there was silence. There was silence for a long moment. "Hey," Isamu said uncertainly. "You think-" "I think," Nabiki said, "That it's none of our business," she said, and, being the nineties woman that she is, swept Isamu into her arms and kissed him passionately. "JERK!" They heard Akane shout from the bathroom. "Ah," Isamu said sagely. "Delayed reaction." -------------------------------------------------- Ranma and Akane sat with their backs to each other in the hot tub. Akane was about to take off her top when Ranma walked in. Ranma fell into the tub in surprise and Akane immediately pounced on him, ready to drown him. Much to his surprise, she didn't. "So," Akane said. "So," said Ranma. The silence returned. "Thanks for not hitting me," Ranma began. "It wasn't your fault," Akane answered. "I didn't leave my slippers at the door." [AUTHOR'S CULTURAL NOTE: I read that Japanese bathrooms do not have any locks and the sign that the bathroom is occupied is that you leave your house slippers in front of the door.] "This is nice," Ranma said, splashing the water around. "Uh-huh," answered Akane. "You know, if you could just explain yourself faster, I wouldn't hit you so much." "Heh," Ranma smirked. "I don't think anybody could talk that fast." "Akane," Ranma asked turning towards her. "Do you mind- ?" He said, indicating with his hands what his intention was. Akane gazed thoughtfully at him. They _were_ officially a couple. Isn't that what couples do? "I don't see why not." And so they did. Tentatively at first, then passionately. They kissed. "JERK!" She shouted, punching him and knocking the wind out of him. Ranma sank under the water slowly. Ranma sputtered to the surface. "(ptui) What was that for?" "Appearance's sake," Akane smiled. ----------------------------------------------------- Isamu's mind was still reeling a bit. The general ruckus that Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome get up to when they get happy is a sight he'll not soon forget. But he'll try. Beside him walked Nabiki, strolling in the moon's glow, two young people in seeming love. "Do you believe them," Nabiki said, putting her arm around him. "That they just fell into the bathtub? It did take a long while before we heard her shout." "Well," Isamu thought. "Yeah. Ranma and Akane just don't seem the type to, um, they just don't seem the type." "Good answer," Nabiki clapped. "Noncommittal, while sounding informative. I can make something out of you yet." "Hey! Wait up!" Ranma shouted, running after them, Akane holding onto his hand. "Hi!" Nabiki greeted. "Could we stay over at your place for a while?" Akane pleaded. "Dad's getting really unbearable." "Oh, now, come on," Isamu cocked his eyebrow. "How much worse can he get?" "MY GOOD NEIGHBORS AND FRIENDS! MY DAUGHTER AKANE HAS FINALLY CONSUMMATED HER LOVE WITH HER FIANCE!" Soun's voice shouted clearly, even though they were already a few streets down. "THEY HAVE BONDED IN THE PHYSICAL WAY THAT INSURES HEALTHY HEIRS!" "Well, ok. Maybe a couple of hours." ------------------------------------------------- The Hentaii home.... "I thought you said there's a party here?" "Where's the food? I'm hungry." "Me too. Why the hell do we need to be hiding in the dark anyway?" "Where's the bathroom?" "Ok, for the last time, NO SPITBALLS!" "I like to eat horsemeat and mice!" "Ewww, who said that!?" "Hey, baby! Wanna go get some tea?" "Ok, I don't know who did that, but I'm gonna clobber the next person who touches my knee!" "Ryu, chill!" "That was your knee?" "Everybody shut up!!" Jamie hissed. "I think he's coming!" -------------------------------------------- The four of them walked up to Isamu's house as the sun set, the night sky was full of stars. "I don't know about you guys," Isamu said, inserting his key. "But all I wanna do is sit in front of the tube for a while." "Sounds like a plan to me," Ranma nodded his head. "Oh!" Isamu exclaimed. "I just remembered! With everything that happened I completely forgot!" "What?" Akane asked as Isamu walked into the house. "Today is my-" "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" Everybody shouted as both a bucket of glue and a bucket of feathers fell on Isamu. --------------------------- -------HAPPY BIRTHDAY?----- --------------------------- Jamie let out a whoop of joy at the back of the crowd. "Perfect! A classic!" Isamu looked around. He looked at Nabiki inquiringly. She shook her head. Isamu thought about the feathers now covering him. Now who would do something as childish and immature as this? "Jamie," Isamu grinned. "Where the hell are you?" Ranma looked on as a man in a green overcoat ran up and shook Isamu's hand grinning like an idiot. Isamu started when the man shook his hand. He revealed a joy buzzer as they talked. "Lots of people here, huh?" Ranma turned to Akane. "Must be close to sixty," Akane agreed. Isamu was mugging with Madrox, still covered with chicken feathers. "So, this is your idea?" "No," Madrox grinned, waving his drink in the air. "Your parents wanted you to have one." "And all these people?" Isamu asked, looking around. "Pretty eclectic crowd." "EVERYBODY DIG IN!" Madrox shouted as the human wave washed over the table groaning with the weight of the food. "Yeah, mostly people I met at clubs and stuff." Isamu gestured to Nabiki, Ranma and Akane. They walked up to the two and Isamu introduced them all. "This is Jamie Madrox," Isamu introduced him last. "He's a family friend. Also known as the Multiple Man." "Why do-" Akane began as somebody turned up the music. "-they call me-" said Jamie, grinning as he stomped his foot once. "-the Multiple Man?" Another Jamie said, stepping out of the first one. "It's a knack," Madrox grinned. "Listen, enjoy your party!" With that, he waded into the crowd and disappeared. "But I don't know these people!" He called after him, but he disappeared already. "Why didn't you tell us it was your birthday today?" Akane admonished, kissing him on the cheek in a friendly sort of way. "I absolutely forgot," Isamu said honestly. "Waking up and finding yourself tricked into wearing a girl's uniform does that to you." They looked around the house. It was full, loud music surged throughout the house. Everybody seemed to be having a good time, although it had more of a club atmosphere than anything else. ------------------------------------- The Brain's martial arts robot stomped through the night. "Once we have defeated the martial artists gathered in that house," he said as the robot easily cleared the gap from roof to roof. "We shall gain fame! Then we can implement the second part of my plan to take over the world!" "Ooh! Brain," Pinky shouted excitedly. "Look at this yellow stuff I found between my toes! Ahahahahaha! (narf)" ------------------------------------- The party was in full swing. A few figures crept in the front door, although they didn't need to since nobody cared about gate crashers anyway. "Hey! Mr. Yotsuya! Are you sure about this?" Godai asked, creeping in. Followed by Akemi and Mrs. Ichinose. "Live a little!" Mrs. Ichinose laughed, jumping on a table and dancing, waving her fans in the air. ------------------------------------ "HEY BABY! LET'S GO GET SOME TEA!" "DARLING!" "EYYAAHH!" Ataru shouted as Lum cooked him from a good ten feet away. ---------------------------------- Shampoo leaped from rooftop to rooftop, headed for the Nekohanten. She finally delivered the last of the orders and was now off for the night. She landed on a rooftop and was about to jump again when she thought she heard Ranma's voice. Without hesitation she leaped down and zoomed into the house. Mousse grumbled as the wind carried him high into the Nerima night. The wind gusted, carrying his afro and himself further north. He looked down and saw his Shampoo dart into a house. Fortunately for him, looking down changed the position of his afro, causing him to streak downwards towards his love. 'Nimaii-kun' followed mommy, running after her. He noticed something some time ago. He seemed to be having difficulty changing forms. He better do it now. Moments later, a small chocolate brown puppy followed Shampoo. ----------------------------------- Nuku Nuku was hanging around the buffet table, near the salmon to be exact. Akane put some food in her own plate and smiled at Nuku Nuku. Behind her, Ranma piled on the food. "Hi!" Akane greeted. "Hiiii!" Nuku Nuku returned sweetly. Akane blinked. "You know, you sound like someone I know." "I get that a lot!" Nuku Nuku nodded. "Some people think I have a cd out and have a radio show and I'm part of a band and I do seiyuu work for tv and stuff!!" "I'm Akane," Akane introduced herself. "And this is my, uh, this is Ranma." "Hi! Nuku Nuku Natsume at your service!" She said cheerfully. Akane and Ranma drifted away from her after a few minutes conversation. "Boy, is she peppy," Akane said, chewing on her food. "Why are you so nervous?" "I don't know," Ranma shivered. "But she really, _really_ makes me uncomfortable." "RANMA! I HERE!" Shampoo shouted, making Ranma spill his drink on himself. She hugged Ranma-chan fiercely. "Wow!" Ataru slobbered, galloping towards the two at lecherous speed. "Lesbian love!" "Flirt somewhere else!" Akane shouted, booting Ranma- chan away. ------------------------------------------ Ryuunusuke looked up. "She's got nice trajectory," she said, talking to Oyuki. "Excuse me, sir." Said Ryu, walking past her. "I AM A WOMAN!" Ryuunusuke shouted, punting him through the roof. -------------------------------------- Ranma-chan stomped back towards where Akane was, grumbling. She bumped into somebody, who turned out to be Nuku Nuku. "Excuse me," she said, trying to get through. "That's ok," Nuku Nuku smiled, then stopped. A third girl, who was listening to them stared. "Hey! You sound exactly like me!" Said Nuku, Ranma- chan and Ai-chan at the same time. ------------------------------------- "Hey baby! What's your phone number?" Ataru said, sidling up to Shampoo. "Ai-yah!" Shampoo shouted, stomping on him. "Get away, pervert-boy!" Shampoo fumed a little and started walking away. She felt a pair of eyes studying her intently and looked up. Lum stared down from the air. "You wouldn't happen to have horns under there would you?" She asked the Amazon. --------------------------------- "Hey! It's Liu Kang!" Ken said, spotting him a little distance away. He nudged Ryu and shouted again. "Hey! Turkey boy! gobble gobble!" Ryu, not just a little drunk himself, joined in. "I'm Liu Kang! The Turkey boy! Gobblegobblegobble! Liu Kang fumed. "At least my movie didn't suck! At least I was the lead in my movie! Not just 'hustlers' in the subplot!" "Hustling is a _fine_ proffesion," growled Ryu. "Oh yeah? Oh yeah?" Ken shouted at Liu. "Well at least the guy who played me didn't have hair like Sheena Easton!" -------------------------------- "Ranchan!" Ukyo said as she sidled close to her. "There's sure a lot of that going on," observed Mendo to Ken, who got away from the argument between Liu and Ryu. --------------------------------- Isamu was sitting in his bedroom with Nabiki. Most of the glue and feathers were washed off and he was dressed in a casual shirt and jeans. "You're so _old_!" Nabiki laughed, shifting her weight on the waterbed. "Need help, grandad?" She said as he sat beside her. "Oh, haha. Very funny," Isamu grinned. "I'm only nineteen. Are you saying Kasumi's old?" "Actually...." Nabiki started, then laughed. "Seriously though," Nabiki said, pulling something out of her pocket. "I got this for you." ---------------------------------------------- Kuno strode purposely into the house, swivelling his head about. Where is the pigtailed girl? He was pushed aside by someone in white who strode more purposely than Kuno did. This infuriated Kuno. He dropped his bouquets and leveled his bokken at the man. "You! How dare you push aside Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!" Mendo turned slowly around. "Tatchi, long time no see," he said, a slight smile on his face. "How's the hair?" He added, unsheathing his sword. "MENDO! FOUL 3RD GRADE NEMESIS! DIE!" Kuno said, charging. ------------------------------------------ Mousse swooped into the house looking for Shampoo. "Shampoooo!" He shouted. "Why? How many bottles did you use already?" Snorted Ataru. "Nice afro!" Shouted someone from the back of the room. "Nobody told me this was a costume party!" "DIE MENDO! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE DIE!!!!" "Cool! Check it out! What an afro!" Just then, someone near the cd player put on the Sounds of the Seventies. "THAT'S! NOT!! FUNNY!!!" Mousse shouted. ---------------------------------------- "Hey baby, why don't the three of us go get some tea?" Ataru said, inserting himself between Ranma chan and Ukyo. Ranma-chan shivered and booted him just as Ukyo slammed Ataru with her spatula. Lum flew up over the crowd and blasted Ataru, leaving the crispy boy on the floor. "You're so perverted!" Lum admonished him angrily. "Truly he is the most perverted man in the world," Mendo said as he whizzed by, still fighting Kuno. "I guess none of these people know you, eh Ranma?" Akane said sarcastically. ----------------------------------------- The okonimiyaki monster, now in the form of a cute, brown puppy, found Shampoo and flung itself at her. Shampoo was surprised to find a cute little puppy on her lap. The chocolate brown tail wagged at her cutely. Ukyo walked by, talking to somebody. "Shampoo," Ukyo greeted. "What a cute puppy! This is Ryuunusuke by the way." Shampoo looked at Ryuunusuke, trying to decide what Ryuunusuke was. Guy? Girl? Finally, she just decided to greet Ryuunusuke with "Nihao." ---------------------------------- Nabiki and Isamu waded through the crowd, trying to find a familiar face. Nabiki pulled Isamu to where she saw Shampoo, Ukyo and a few other girls doing a typical girl thing: Boy watching. "Hey!" Ukyo greeted. "Happy Birthday, pal!" She hugged Isamu in a friendly way. Isamu sat down with the crowd of girls, each one greeting him perfunctorily. Shampoo walked up to him and plunked the puppy into his hands. "Happy Birthday!" "Urrr, thanks," he said uncertainly. The puppy was disconcertingly familiar, and it smelled like it's been hanging around Ukyo's place. "Did anybody else notice that this dog smells like okonomiyaki?" There was a general murmur of agreement. The monster was finding it harder and harder to think in coherent thoughts. All that was left now was loyalty. "If he smells like okonomiyaki so much name him Okonomiyaki," Benten suggested. "Too long," Ran shook her head. "How about Oko?" Isamu thought about it. "Oko sounds great." "You're about to watch something that very few guys get to see," Nabiki said, sitting beside him on the rather crowded sofa. For the next half hour, Isamu heard what girls actually said in those little huddles they go into during really big parties. "Look at that guy's _chest_! Baby!" "Forget him! Look over there, by the tv!" "The dude in the red shirt?" "Who's that fighting with Mendo?" "Isn't that Kuno?" "Have you ever noticed how Kuno's gi shows more cleavage than what some of us wear?" "No, no.... one in tiger stripe overalls!" "Hey! Rei's mine!" "Oh. My. God. Did you see what he did? Did you see!?" "How cute! He wink at me!" "What? What?" "I don't believe- what a loser!" "What? What? What'd I miss?" "Who's the afro in a dress?" "Look, he's winking at us!" "I missed it! What'd he do?" "Do you think he knows?" Finally, Isamu could not take it no more and excused himself from them. Boy, and he thought some of his friends were bad. He looked as a Madrox got the Karaoke system rigged up. "MoOn! RiIvveER!" He crooned. The crowd was trying to boo him off, but to no avail. People started throwing stuff at him but that only resulted in more Madroxes. "MoOn! RiIvveER!!" They sang discordantly. ------------------------ "Shampoo!" Mousse shouted, hugging Ataru. "Fool! I don't have any!" Ataru shouted, slamming Mousse with a mallet. "You're not Shampoo!" Mousse shouted as he put on his glasses. He pulled out two morningstars from his sleeves and charged. "HELP!" Ataru shouted, fleeing. Lum saw the situation and zapped Mousse. "What would you do without m-" Lum began, but saw that Ataru was already trying to flirt with another girl. Lum began chasing him, firing lightning from her fingers. "Lum! Stop it! STOOOP!" Ataru shouted as he scrambled out of Lum's shock ray's way. "If you didn't go girl-hunting, I wouldn't go hunting for you!" She shouted back, firing one off high. Ataru ducked and the bolt travelled across the room and hit the original singing Madrox dead on. The crowd applauded as he crumpled away from the mike and the duplicates disappeared. "Ugh! Thank you!" Ran called, rubbing her ears. -------------------------- The Brain's martial arts robot charged closer and closer....... -------------------------- Mendo swung his katana at lightning speed. Kuno ducked and sliced at Mendo's vulnerable chest. Mendo jumped up and over him, arcing high overhead. Kuno slammed into Lum's chest, sending them both crashing to the floor. "Ahh," Kuno sighed contentedly. "Even while I fight, they swoon at the great Kuno!" "You!" Ryoga shouted, whipping out his umbrella. Ryoga was lost as usual, arriving only moments ago. What are you doing in China?" He asked a confused Mendo. -------------------------- Isamu looked around, everywhere he looked there were people arguing. This is not a good thing. ------------------------- "Did. Not." "Did. Too." "Not." "Too." "For the last time," Liu Kang growled, his hands glowing with ki. "I did not copy you on the headband thing." "So that's the way you want it, eh?" Ryu said grimly, gathering energy in his hands. --------------------------- Lum's stormtroopers charged at Kuno, mallets in hand. The crowd parted for them. "UNHAND MISTRESS LUM!" They swung their mallets down just as Lum pumped Kuno full of juice. Kuno's flailing limbs tore the mallets from their hands and sent the objects flying. One of the mallets hit Ryu in the back, accidentally making him unleash his fireball. The wild fireball spun out and hit Rei in the foot. He looked down impassively at his foot. "LUM-CHAANN!" He cried as he transformed into his gigantic tiger-cow form. Another mallet swung towards Shampoo, who was holding a plate of food. She flipped to avoid it but spilled her food on Benten. "Fool! Why don't you be more careful!" She shouted. "No one calls my ShamURGHK!" Mousse shouted as he got elbowed into unconciousness, weapons scattering onto the floor. "Only person who knock out Mousse is Shampoo," she growled, producing her bonbori. "Come and get some of this," Benten said, swing her chain. -------------------------------------- A full pledged riot broke out. Isamu ducked as various projectiles ranging from fireballs to one of the stormtroopers filled the air. "KatsuUrghk!" "Ha doOOF!" "Gobblegobblegobble!" "Gobble this!" "No! Not there! NOT THERE! EEEEEK! ouch." "Baku sai-!" "Ai yah!" "Hey! You're a girl!" "I AM A WOMAN!" "Foul sword wielding, pompadour wearing, seventies dressing fiend!" "Perverted wooden blade wielding, messy haired, dress wearing bastard!" "Hey baby you wannaARRGHH!" "I'm a guy!" "Not right now you're not!" "Shut up, Akane!" "What!?" "Ranma! Wo ai ni!" "We're not done yet!" "Ranchan!" "Hey, Oyuki! What say you and me go and-" "MOOO-ROOO-BOOO-SHIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!" Isamu was almost at the front door when he got picked up and thrown by Shampoo. "Take that, stupid chain girl!" "Is that all you can do?" Benten asked as she batted Isamu away with her chain. Isamu landed hard, dazed and confused. He was about to get up when he was stomped on by a large tiger striped creature. "LUM CHAAANNN!" Rei shouted, trying to find Lum. There seemed to be a lump on the floor, he thought. He looked down to see Isamu feebly trying to free himself. Rei shrugged and moved on. Ranma chan had the Stormtroopers in one form of lock or the other on the floor. "Why are we fighting again?" "YOU HIT MISTRESS LUM!" They shouted simultaneously. "It was an accident! I don't even know this Lum chick!" Ranma chan retorted. "HELP!" Lum shouted as Rei closed in. "LUM-CHAN!" "Rei darling!" Ran said, stepping in front of him. "Forget Rei!" Ataru shouted, grabbing Ran from the back. "Get away from me, Moroboshi!" She shouted, tossing Ataru away. Ataru landed on Rei's head, knocking them both for a loop. Ukyo swung her spatula at Ryunusuke with the intent of turning the other girl flat as an okonomiyaki. Unfortunately, Isamu was crawling near them and he got hit instead. He sailed high above the ruckus. An errant projectile caught him, totally ruining his trajectory. He landed in an area where a group of people had ganged up on another group of people and subsequently got trampled. Ryoga tried to stomp on Ranma-chan's head, but she quickly bolted and he hit Megane instead. Immediately he was grabbed by the remaining stormtroopers. Ryoga freed himself easily and was about to stalk Ranma again when his ankle was grabbed. Ryoga instinctively kicked backwards, sending Isamu sprawling. Isamu finally reached the door and crawled outside. Nabiki sat there staring through one of the newly made windows in his wall. Upon closer examination he realized that she had a camera in hand and was taking pictures. Isamu tried to stand, most of his joints popping loudly. "You had a camera?" "Never leave home without it," she smiled. Isamu winced as a loud crash and an electric explosion ripped through the house. Nabiki took a quick peek through the wall. "No more tv," she informed him. "Damn." A loud crash and a high pitched note pierced the night. "Bye bye, sound system." "Damn damn." Isamu sighed heavily and led Nabiki to the soft chairs situated a bit farther from the house. They watched the general melee as it was outlined by the lights from the house. The lights blew out as the house's electrical system finally gave up. They heard a general murmur of blind violence, but above all else they heard a high pitched whine. "I'M SCARED! I'M FRIGHTENED! I'M SCARED OF THE DARK!" "Fun birthday party, no?" She asked him. "Oh yeah," he said laughing. "Best I've had in years. Almost as much fun as the one I had to spend in the hospital." They sat close together, not saying anything for the moment. Finally Isamu broke the silence. "You know," he mused. "If this whole week was a story, this would be a really lousy ending." "If this whole week was a story, no one would read it," she replied. "It's too... too unfocused." Isamu thought for a moment. "I guess you're right," he admitted. "Silly thought. Besides, no one'll believe this stuff about magic springs and junk." "Maybe on tv," Nabiki said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "Or in comic books." The house was quieting down, just the occasional yelp of pain as the truly determined continued to fight. A figure darted past Nabiki and Isamu, startling both of them. Gleaming of metal, it knocked down the door and charged in. From inside, a deep voice was heard. "I have come to defeat you all, so I can take over.... THE WORLD!" Nabiki and Isamu cocked their ears to hear the response. At first, there was silence. Then, they heard a noise, as if of many varied, pain inducing weapons were drawn. The house, once dark, was awash with the battle aura of many warriors. Then, the voice was heard again, sounding much meeker. "One at a time? Please?" "GET HIM!!!!" The sounds of terrible violence once again filled the air. There was a pause, as if of the calm before the storm, or more accurately, it sounded as if someone's drink was spilled. "MY NEW KIMONO! OK, THAT'S IT! NOW I'M PISSED OFF!" "OYUKI! NO!" "Did Oyuki say that? She_never_says that." "LUM-CHAN!" A sudden chill froze the air around them then, an explosion rocked the house, heard for miles beyond. ------------------------------------------- Isamu stared at the pile of rubble that used to be his house. Immediately after it's destruction, everybody slinked off, not wanting to take the blame. Nabiki stood beside her boyfriend, shoving a piece of rubble around with her toe. A taxi pulled up. It disgorged a pair of white people, probably American, Nabiki guessed. "Do any of you speak English?" The woman asked. "I do," Isamu answered, sitting in the rubble. "Thank god," she said. She motioned her partner who, strangely enough was wearing gloves, to come closer. "What happened here?" Mulder asked, surveying the scene. "Does it involve shape changing beings?" He watched as a strange-smelling dog sniffed his leg and peed on it. Isamu looked at him for a long moment, then smiled. "Nah, shape changing beings? Haven't heard of any of them here. You just missed one hell of a party." ========================================== ==This is not THE END. This is not even== ==THE BEGINNING of THE END. But,========== ==perhaps, this is THE END...============= ==of THE BEGINNING======================== ========================================== Author's Endnotes I was trying to beat my old record of writing one part in three months, that's why it took this part so long to get out. No, just kidding. Actually, it was just a major case of the Slums (not to be confused with the squirts)=( I started writing this out of a major case of boredom. But finding out I can actually put something remotely resembling a story was a bit of a surprise to me. I do have other projects in the works, although all of them are still in the CONCEPT stage. Still, it was nice while it lasted =) Send all flames & comments to: st2a0@jetson.uh.edu ------------ Editor's snide comments: In case those last lines are making you unsure, YES, THIS IS THE END! However, if there's demand, Nigel'll do a few new ones with 'ol Isamu in it. ------------------------------------------------- COMING SOON FROM -M- Productions! Well, we seem to be in a crossover addiction lately. By _coincidence_, Nigel decided to work on a crossover of somewhat big proportions while I've got one cooking as well. current ongoing projects: *Gumbo High* -Nigel M. -Tobobiki lies in ruins and Nuku-Nuku just trashed her school in a massive fight. WHERE will all these students be transfered to? Well, Furinkan is still structurally sound... *The Pursuit of Happiness* -Rod M. Sequel to "The More Things Change" -Tsubasa falls in love (again!), Ranma and Akane get kicked out! An ancient curse runs it's course! Ryoga _tries_ to resolve his relationship problems! Ukyo meets an old friend she had a crush on! Ryo perfects the Bakusai-ten-satsu! And Happy's got this itch... *The Surreal World* -Nigel M. -Take seven people, picked at _random_, really, put them all under one roof, and film their lives. A Japan TV station rips off the MTV "Real World" concept, but ends up picking Ranma Saotome, Ataru Moroboshi, Kyosuke Kasuga, Mamoru Chiba, Nuku-Nuku Natsume, Washu, and Urd as housemates....