=========================================== Part IV Ranma & Mousse's "Operation: True Romance!" =========================================== [Early Fall] October The back door of the Nekohanten flew open suddnely, disrupting the tranquil mode of the surrounding area. With a violent sounding *WHAM* a boy in white chinese robes flew at sub-sonic speeds out of the doorway and into a pile of trash. "STUPID MOUSSE!" "S-sh-shampoo...." -SLAM- Mousse closed his eyes and sighed. Ranma was out out of the way. Things should've gotten easier, right? *** It was a nice, mild fall day. The air was cool, the sun not unpleasantly warming to the skin, and a gentle breeze blew the leaves slightly. It was a nice day to be in the forest, as long as you weren't in front of a red umbrella. It zoomed through the wind, sliced a tree, curved in it's flight path, and landed neatly in Ryouga's hand. "Hah... I've still got the touch." Ryouga snapped the umbrella shut, held it like a sword, and took a few practice swings. Ukyou sat nearby up in the branches of a tree. "Hey, where'd you learn to fight with that thing anyways?" she asked, pointing to Ryouga's umbrella. "Oh... well, it's a kinda long story." Ukyou looked around. The sun was fairly high in the sky. The forest was fairly empty. "Well... seems we've got time." "I, ah, guess you're right," he shrugged. "Anyways, it all started a little after Ranma ran away from our man to man fight." "Are you STILL calling it 'running away'?" said Ukyou in disbelief. "Yes I am!" "He waited for ya THREE DAYS, y'know." "He could've waited ONE MORE DAY! WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN SO HARD?!" Ukyou scowled. "Who ever heard of waiting FOUR DAYS after the fight was supposed to take place, huh?" "Why are you defending him anyways?!" shot back Ryouga. "I am NOT defending him! I'm just saying you're being STUPID!" Ryouga stood there, simmering. "Oh yeah? Well at least I didn't turn myself into A MACHO CROSSDRESSING UNCUTE TOMBOY!" Immediately after he said it, Ryouga felt extreme alarm and panic. {Did I actually say that? Oh no!} He quickly blamed it all on being near Ranma too much. Unfortunately, Ukyou didn't care to think about any explanations. "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!?!" she roared, with the power that only an enraged woman could generate. "Wait! No! I didn't mean it!" *CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG* An hour later... Ukyou sat under the shade of a tree, humming absentmindedly some tune she'd heard from somewhere, sitting by a fairly beaten up Ryouga. "Sorry I pounded you like that," muttered Ukyou. "Sorry I said... what I said," mumbled Ryouga. "You okay?" "Yeah, sure, I've been through worse. How's your spatula?" Ukyou held it up to the sunlight, where a notable impression was evident. "Well... the dent shaped like your face is kinda surprising... I guess I swung it really fast that time. Oughta be easy to fix, though." "Oh... good." Birds flew by. Crickets chirped. The cool gentle breeze flowed by. "Say... what were we talking about anyways?" asked Ukyou. "Dunno." A few minutes later... "Just remembered," said Ukyou. "Remembered what?" wondered Ryouga. "What I was asking." "You were?" "Yeah. I was asking about your umbrella." "What about it?" "How you learned how to use it like a weapon?" "Oh that.... okay." He sat up, stretching a bit and held his umbrella in his hands, looking thoughtful. "I stumbled into this dojo while..." Ukyou glared at him, "... while wandering around China. It specialized in... how did they put it? Oh yeah, 'Unorthodox Weaponry' Martial Arts." Briefly, he glanced at Ukyou. "Hey, you wouldn't be a member, would you?" "What? What'd make you ask that?" "Well, you _do_ use spatulas, and they did have a kitchenware division." "Nope. Coincidence." "Oh. Anyways, they had a division for umbrellas and since I had to carry around an umbrella anyways, I figured I'd learn how to use it." "Umbrella. Martial. Arts. Right...." "Okay, it sounds weird, but I'm telling you, it was there. Now that I think about it, it was weird. I thought I was in China, but I stumble into this dojo with everyone speaking perfect japanese. Hmm....Anyways, I was getting really good at it." For a moment, he smiled with pride. Then it faded off into a blank expression. "But... but while I was there I forgot about my vendetta with Ranma. I guess I was distracted by learning a new fighting technique. Anyways, it was a nice time. The senseis were good teachers, and I met a few people..." "Like who?" "It's hard to remember... there was this guy I used to spar with all the time. He was quiet, kind of intense, but polite. And then there was his sister... she was nice to me." "Oh? A girlfriend?" teased Ukyou. "What?" "She was your girlfriend, riiight?" continued Ukyou. "N-no! Hey! It wasn't like that!" "Suuuure." "Hey!" "C'mon, I'm just teasing. Calm down, pig-boy. C'mon, finish your story." "Alright... and don't call me pig-boy." Ryouga scowled briefly, then resumed. "Eventually, I thought I was ready to continue after Ranma, and I knew that he was headed for China, so I left. It was kind of abrupt, but I had to hurry. I spent too much time there already, and Ranma might've left China and gone anywhere." "Ever wonder how things might've been if you didn't leave?" wondered Ukyou. "I could've leared a few great techniques from the sensei... although at the time I thought I was good enough to beat Ranma. Guess I wasn't after all." "Ranma Ranma Ranma, stop talking about _him_. What kinda techniques did the sensei do that you didn't?" queried Ukyou, shuffling slightly and lying back against the tree. Ryouga leaned back as well, eyeing the rather nice beginnings of a sunset in the sky. "Well, he could ki-blast with his umbrella. Had something to do with the carving on the handle. I think. He could guide his umbrella around alot better than I just did. Another thing he did was show me some design principals in making combat umbrellas. There were all sorts of ways to make umbrellas. There was one design contained blades, one that extended to become a staff, one that held poisons, all sorts of stuff." "Sounds neat. Wonder if they did anything that fancy for giant spatualas," wondered Ukyou, taking a look at her own weapon and mulling over some weaponry modifications. "The best designer that the school ever had was this gaijin guy, kinda fat and arrogant. Great designs, though. Last I heard about him was that he went to a life of crime in some big American city." "Sounds familiar..." "Anyways, as part of training, every student builds his own umbrella. This one," said Ryouga, as he lifted his umbrella, "was one of several I built during my stay. It's for sheer hitting power. Breaks cement nicely." "Several?" "One was cut in half during my first fight with Ranma. Anyways, all of mine are identical." "What is that thing made of anyways? It's really heavy." "I Don't know. I just went to this warehouse one day with my master. He said something about good quality and told me to use this stuff if I was going to use the design that I had laid out." "So... you just left one day?" "Yup." "And you never visited there again?" "Actually... I could never find it again." Ukyou rolled her eyes upward. "Figures." They sat under the tree, in silence, as the sun sank towards the skyline, talking of miscellaneous things. Of school, and of shop, mostly. However, Uyou couldn't help but notice something seemed to be bothering Ryouga. "Something bothering you?" she asked. "Eh? Oh, nothing, nothing." said Ryouga. He hoped to get away from his troubles with this little trip to the woods, but they wouldn't get out of his head. Actually, the memory of what he thought was Ranma-chan giving him a deep french kiss was still haunting him. Ryouga was permanently scarred by that memory. He tried to block it out, but as with any truly horrible event, the memory of it just kept on back, making Ryouga sick to his stomach. Dammit, his first kiss was from RANMA??? Blech. "I'm glad we're out here. It's nice to leave the city every now and then." said Ryouga. "Speaking of leaving things... Ryouga, you feeling any better about..." "Hm?" "Y'know, about Akane." "Oh, that. Well... I dunno. I still feel, well, uncomfortable. How about you?" "You took the words right outta my mouth." The two looked out into the woods silently for a moment. "Well, the best we can do now is wish Akane-" "And Ranchan," Ukyou added. Ryouga gritted his teeth, "Yeah, and him, a happy marriage. But still... I can't help but think that there's still time for me to do something about this. I can't let it end like this. I just can't..." He closed his eyes. "Hey, it's getting dark. Let's get back." She gave him a light elbow. "You ready to practice on your directions?" "Yeah, sure, no problem." "Don't forget to use the compass." "Yeah, yeah. Quit nagging." "Who's nagging?" "You are!" "Shut up!" *** Much Later... Ukyou and Ryouga sat at a table within Ucchan's, playing a round of poker. "You did good today, Ryouga. Ten hours. Big improvement. Used to take you two days to get back to the house.." "Thanks. By the way, you done?" "Yep. Show'em." Ryouga displayed his cards with confidence. "Three aces. Beat that." Ukyou flashed her cards with more confidence. "Full house. Hah!" Suddenly, the creak of the front door was heard. They both turned their heads to see standing in the open doorway... Shampoo. Strangely, Shampoo had a look of ... it was hard to describe. It was something like mild boredom mixed with the look of being stuck with a job that she really didn't want. She turned away, looking at someone neither Ukyou nor Ryouga could see. Shampoo then nodded her head, sighing, and closed the door quietly. _boom_ The door exploded into splinters, but in a strange way. Compared to the other times Shampoo smashed down doors and walls, this effort was weak, with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm. The door exploded _lazily_. Shampoo once again appeared, and turned to an unseen person once more. "I have to?" she asked the unseen person. Then she sighed, lazily pointed a bonbori at Ryouga, and with a deadpan face and a not very enthusiastic voice, said, "Nii hao. Ryouga." Shampoo turned away, looking again at the unseen person, then continued, "You. Come. Marry. Shampoo. Now." It sounded very much like she was reading from a script, and not doing a good job of it as well. She looked back one last time, turned to Ryouga again, rolled up her eyes and said "Wuoda. Airen." From outside, the other person was finally heard. "Bah! Great Granddaughter, you're embarrassing me! This is a disgrace. I'm going back to the cafe." Cologne threw down her cue cards in disgust and stomped back (yes, _stomped_, even though she was using her stick to walk around) to the Nekohanten. Ryouga spoke to Shampoo first. "You... really don't want this, right?" "No." Ukyou asked, "you can't break this engagement?" "No." Shampoo closed her eyes. She sniffled a bit. Ryouga knew what was going to happen next. He'd seen something very similar plenty of times at the Tendou's. Suddenly, Shampoo burst out into a full Soun Tendou Wail (tm). Through the gushers of tears she was able to sob "Shampoo want Ranma!" and began to sink to her knees. Ryouga took off a bandanna and offered it to her. She blew her nose in it and offered it back. Ryouga politely declined. After all, there was more where that came from. Mousse came in. "Shampoo? Is Shampoo in here? Oh, what's Mr. Tendou doing here, and crying again too?" "Mousse," Ukyou said, slapping his glasses down to his eyes,"that's Shampoo." Mousse ran up to her, arms outstretched in a gesture of love. "Shampoo!!! *WHAM* UGGH!!!" Shampoo, still crying, returned her fist to her side. Mousse extracted himself from the wall. Ukyou sighed. "Another exciting Friday night, eh Ryouga?" "Isn't it?" Ryouga nodded solemnly. "Hey, Mousse, wanna join in the poker game? Wait around until Shampoo calms down anyways." queried Ukyou. "Oh, sure. Thank you." Ukyou looked over at the wailing Shampoo. "Anybody ever sat down yet and had a long talk with her yet? She should've gotten over it by now." Mousse looked at Ukyou curiously. "Have you? Gotten over it, I mean..." "Well... sorta, yeah. Definitely more than she has." In the back of Ukyou's mind a familiar chorus began {NOT married YET! NOT married YET!} "Maybe someone ought to, before this whole thing gets out of hand," Ryouga suggested. "She was really psychotic before." "Has Ranchan ever talked to her about it?" "Is that such a good idea?" Mousse asked. "Well, he talked things over with me. I felt better about it." She said. {No I don't} she thought to herself. "Maybe it'll work for her?" The boys looked deep in thought. Ryouga was wondering how quickly she'd maim Ranma. Mousse was wondering if he should begin dipping into the passion spice supplies and cook up something for Shampoo. Then Ryouga remembered another problem of his. "Hey, Mousse. Look, I don't mean to offend you, but will you hurry up and beat up Shampoo?" "WHAT?" "Or have you forgotten? The old ghoul has shoved ME into being her next son-in-law! I don't wanna marry Shampoo!" "You want me to hurt Shampoo?!" "Look duck-boy, I don't see any other alternative at the moment. C'mon, be a man and beat her up! Hey, she's still sobbing now! Get over there and hit her with something heavy while she's distracted!" "I... it... just... to strike now.... that would be dishonorable. Besides, I just couldn't hurt her!" "What? You think Ranma beat Shampoo HONORABLY? Some big arranged fight? Let me tell you, he beat her totally by accident, and when she was fighting with someone else! You tell me how HONORABLE that is, eh? Go and be a man! Hit her while she's not looking! Just get her off of my hands, okay?" "Guys," Ukyou interrupted, "we're gonna have a poker night over at Ranchan's in a couple of days. You guys wanna come? I mean, Mousse, you might be able to get together with Ranma and come up with a plan to get Shampoo. He's told me he wants to help you out." "Oh really? Why?" Mousse was suspicious. "You remember when she attacked Akane?" "Oh." "How about you, Ryouga? C'mon." She knew he might have a hard time going back there, but she hoped this final test would push him to get over Akane. Had she thought more on this, she'd have discovered something surprising about her motives. "Um... if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not..." "C'mon, don't be such a baby." "Who're you calling a baby?" "Who do you think, pig-boy?" *** "Ucchan," Ranma muttered, "I don't believe you did this." Before him, Ranma had a considerable number of his "old friends". Mousse was there, sitting next to and looking at Shampoo, who was sniffling into the bandanna that Ryouga had given her several days ago. Ukyou was there shuffling the cards. Akane was sitting next to Ranma, looking uneasily at Shampoo. Ryouga looked shellshocked. Every now and then he'd glance at Akane and Ranma. Whenever he glanced at Akane he looked more depressed. Every time he looked at Ranma, Ryouga looked more horrified. Ranma had earlier asked Ryouga what was bothering him, but Ryouga just screamed and hid behind Ukyou. Then Akane punched Ranma and told him to stop picking on Ryouga. The potential for disaster was fairly high already. All they needed was Kunou and his sister. "Ranchan, c'mon, you agreed to this. Besides, you need to do something about Shampoo. In fact... maybe now would be a good time?" Ranma sighed. He wasn't going to look forward to this. What was probably going to happen was Shampoo would glomp unto him and Akane would boot him through the roof. After all, that's what always happened in the past. Resigned to his fate, Ranma walked to Shampoo. "Shampoo, we need to talk." All eyes turned nervously towards the pair. They knew what Shampoo was capable of, and were ready to tackle her to the ground if she went on a homocidal rage. "You want talk to Shampoo?" She looked sad. Ranma looked around. "Tell you what, follow me." They both headed outside. This puzzled everyone. "Hey," Mousse said, holding Ranma by the shoulder, "what are you doing?" "Look, she's upset already. I'm trying to reject her as gently as possible. We're gonna be on the roof. If you hear any crashing noise, get up there and help me." And so Ranma and Shampoo stepped out of the room and to the roof. "Shampoo, you gotta understand..." Ranma muttered. The two sat out on the roof in the moonlight, Ranma continuing to talk, and Shampoo turning away, looking more empty by the minute. Meanwhile, back in the room, the card game resumed. "I fold," Akane said. "I'm in," Mousse followed. "I'll raise ya ten" Ryouga confidently said. "Mousse, y'think they're gonna be okay up there?" Ukyou asked. "I'm sure. But keep your weapons ready." "By the way," Ukyou said, "Ryouga, what's bothering you so much?" Ryouga looked noticably ill when Ranma was in the room, and it didn't go unnoticed. "I don't want to talk about it." Ryouga firmly said. Suddenly there was the loud sound of feet running and Ranma yelling. Everyone stood up. Mousse whipped out baseball bats, Ryouga held his umbrella at the ready, Ukyou gripped her mega-spatula, and Akane hefted her mallet. "Yaah! Get her away from me!" Ranma yelled and ran into the room. What followed wasn't what they expected. "O-hohohoho! Ranma darling! Wait!" Everyone stared blankly at Kodachi. "Her?" Ukyou asked. "Oh, I guess she finally got out of jail," Akane added. "She was in jail?" Ryouga asked. Suddenly, Kodachi stopped in her tracks. "Ryouga darling?" Everyone looked at Ryouga. "Ryouga DARLING?" Ukyou asked angrily. "What?" Ryouga asked. He was as confused as the rest of them. "Ryouga darling! *glomp* I've found you at last!" Ranma looked at Ryouga. "Hey, Ryouga, when did this happen?" "I don't know! What's going on? Help!" "Oh, Ranma darling! I've got a gift for both of you!" With lightning speed, she whipped out two bouquets of black roses. She threw one at Ranma, which exploded in front of his face, and shoved the other in Ryouga's face. "Ack." Ranma said, holding his nose. "I can't move" Ryouga mumbled. "Yeah, paralysis powder. Good thing I held my breath." "Ah, at least I've caught my Ryouga darling! Come, give me your lips!" Suddenly, Kodachi was pried off by a titanic spatula. "Get off him, girl." "Oh-ho-ho, so you're after his heart as well, are you?" "What? NO! Of course not! It's just not nice to go around poisoning and kissing people! Get out of here!" She pointed at Kodachi with her spatula. "Kodachi," Ranma asked, "you're after Ryouga now?" Suddenly, Kodachi turned to Ranma. "Ah, my darling Ranma! I don't know what to do! Shall I pursue the hansome Ranma or shall I choose the herculean Ryouga?" Kodachi closed her eyes deep in thought. Then opened them. "I cannot bear to depart with either! I must have you both!" She ran to Ranma, bouquet in hand. Suddenly, a mallet crashed into her head and she was booted unceremoniously out by Akane. "I don't believe her! She's EXACTLY like her brother Kunou!" "Alas! Did someone utter my name? I, Tatewaki Kuno AM HERE!" boomed the bokken manster. Everyone was startled by his sudden appearance. "Uh oh." Ryouga was worried. He was still paralyzed. "Greetings. I have come in search of the pig-tailed girl and... YOU!" Kunou yelled, pointing his bokken at Ryouga, "You enslaver and abuser of women!" and then noticed Ranma. "AND YOU! EVIL SORCERER! I shall smite thee BOTH!" "Help!" Ryouga squeaked, "I'm still paralyzed!" Reflexively, Ranma punched the charging Kunou. Ukyou caught him with her assault spatula and flipped him out the door, where he would have exited this little scene except that he collided with the returning Kodachi. Both crashed onto the floor but recovered quickly. *CRASH* Yet another Tendou household wall came crashing down, revealing an angry Shampoo, with bonbori in hand. "Where stupid crazy girl?! Shampoo KILL!" "Guys," Ranma said, "this is getting ugly. RUN!" "Why?" Akane asked. "You want the house wrecked even more? We're running out of insurance companies, an' Pop and Mr. Tendou aren't gonna be happy." "Oh. RUN!!!" Ranma, Akane and Mousse stampeded out through the Shampoo-made hole in the wall. Ukyou was about to join them when she heard Ryouga squeaking pitifully "I can't move! Help!" Ukyou sighed, hefted Ryouga onto her back and put his arms around her neck. "C'mon, let's get outta here." "Ranma," Mousse asked, "what happened to Shampoo?" "Back there, I think, about to kill Kodachi." "Oh, good." The five of them could be seen, four shadows hopping across rooftops (Ukyou was still carrying Ryouga with difficulty) followed by two other figures. "Hibiki, stand your ground you coward!" "Ryouga darling! Ranma darling! Wait!" And finally there was one figure at the end waving bonbori and yelling, "Crazy psycho girl, I KILL!!!" Suddenly a large explosion burst and a section of roof nearby was severely damaged. Tsubasa, flying in the Mishima heavy industries aircraft POISON-1, came into view and he turned on the loudspeakers. "HIBIKI, LET GO OF UKYOU _NOW_" Everyone ran faster. Ukyou screamed "I don't believe this! TSUBASA! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!" Ryouga muttered to himself "Why me?" The eight figures raced into the night, chased by a mini-jet. It was just another night in Nerima. *** [the next day] Mousse was waiting in front of Furinkan High school. He had an arranged meeting to attend. Ranma came up to him. "Good. You showed up," said Mousse. "Hey, I'm not Ryouga." Briefly, Mousse looked nervous. "Ranma, you and Akane still are okay, right? I mean, you still want to marry her, yes?" "Well, yeah." "Good to hear it!" Mousse said, giving a large grin and patted Ranma on the back. {I wonder why he's asking} Ranma thought, and then dismissed it as just an icebreaker in conversation. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyways, I need your help, and I think it would help us both in the end." "Really?" "I've got a plan." Mousse looked at Ranma suspiciously. Maybe Ranma always was the best when it came to martial arts battles, but it's been known that his scheming skills were sometimes woefully inadequate. "You sure about this?" "Well, maybe Akane doesn't think this is a great idea, but that doesn't mean much. You know your way around those weird spices Cologne always uses, right?" Mousse looked uneasy again. "Well, yes." "Good. Now here's the plan...." *** Akane was walking along the Nerima streets, which was usual. She was walking with Ryouga, which wasn't. Normally after school she'd be accompanying Ranma, but he said he was going to meet with Mousse to work on a plan that Akane suggested was destined for disaster. Also, Ukyou had asked Akane to guide Ryouga home since she had to attend to some business about her restaraunt which forced her to leave school earlier than everyone else, including Ryouga. "Akane, tell me something," Ryouga said. "Yes?" "Has Ranma been acting... strange lately?" "Strange? Like how?" "Er... I dunno. Acting a bit... um... happier, maybe? Not looking at you so much anymore? Dressing up in your clothes? Something like that?" "What? No, I don't think so. Why do you ask?" Ryouga was looking a bit shaky. "Hey, Ryouga, you okay?" "Um, er, yeah. Fine. Just feel a bit of a cold coming on." "Good thing you've got such a nice girl like Ukyou waiting at home to take care of you." "W-what?" "Aren't you two ... y'know..." "No! No, we're not!" She stopped walking, and turned to face him. "Why not?" Ryouga was surprised at this. {What's she thinking? Why is she asking me if I'm dating Ukyou?} "I mean," Akane continued, "you've been mooching off of her for several months now, she always helps you around, and there must have been _some_ reason why you moved in with her to begin with, right?" "Er..." Ryouga realized that nobody ever told Akane how he felt, not even himself. To explain that now would be too awkward. "You've always seemed so lonely, getting lost so much and not having a home. Now you two are getting along great, and you're telling me that you two AREN'T in a relationship?" "Well, yes." "Why don't you go for it?" "It's just," he stumbled. {Akane... I still...} "I mean..." "C'mon, don't you think she's cute? I think you'll make a great couple." "I, ah, I'm just not interested, I guess. Okay?" Finally, they reached Ucchan's. Ukyou was sweeping outside. Akane whispered into Ryouga's ear, "Think about it, okay?" then waved goodbye to Ukyou. Ryouga waved goodbye to Akane as she walked away. And waved. And waved... *CLANG* "OUCH! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR???" "Snap out of it!" Not picking his words with tact, Ryouga yelled back, "What's your problem? Jealous?" Ukyou narrowed her eyes and turned around, walking into the store. "I am _not_ jealous." "Suuuure," teased Ryouga, who for some odd reason just felt like teasing her. "THAT'S IT!" With alarmig quickness, she pulled out her mega-spatula and slammed him into the sky. As he sailed past a flock of birds, Ryouga wondered if he'd find his way back before sundown. He could camp out if he had to, but he'd rather not. *** Outside the Tendou residence, someone in a suit stared at the house. "Well, this is the place... but I don't see him here. Maybe he's on a trip or something. Ah, well, I'll just check back in a couple of weeks." *** Meanwhile, at the Tendou kitchen... A pot boiled, its steam writhing with magical essence. Two figures stood over it watching with interest. "I'd have done this sooner, but the old ghoul always watches over what happens in the kitchen," Mousse solemnly said. "So this is the stuf, eh? You sure about this, Mousse?" Mousse smiled. "Well, it sure worked on ... it worked. I'm sure of that." "Well, let's get to work. Where's Shampoo?" "She should be over at the Nekohanten by now." "Alright, get to it. Good luck." *** Ukyou sat in her store, fuming. Then she cooled down. The side-effects of what she had just done finally dawned on her. "Oh no, he'll be lost for days." She ran out the door in search of him. {That jackass... now I've gotta go find him.?} *** Mousse spotted Shampoo sitting at the window table of the Nekohanten in a gloomy mood. "Are you okay, Shampoo?" "Leave Shampoo alone." She replied, with not much emotion in her voice. "You look terrible. Did you even eat yet today?" Mousse knew Shampoo's habits. Ever since Ranma decided, Shampoo had a considerable loss in appetite. She did eat rarely, and right now seemed to be the right time. "Look, I'll leave this out here for you," he said, leaving a bowl of ramen in front of her, "just leave the bowl and I'll clean up." Shampoo sighed. Mousse hovered nearby. He knew that he had to be nearby when the spices took affect. He also knew that he couldn't act suspicious or else she'd know there was something going on. Normally she would already be suspicious, but in her depressed state she let her defenses down. Mousse really didn't believe in this plan. He'd thought of it on his own plenty of times before but dismissed it as a dishonorable way to win over her heart. However, as time had gone by, he felt that his own window of opportunity was running out fast. Mousse was becoming desperate enough to resort to this trick. Shampoo picked up a fork... *** Ryouga wandered the streets of Nerima, aimlessly. He didn't know where to go. His camping equipment was still back at the restaraunt. Camping out without it would be rough. Staying at the Tendou residence, as a boy or as a pig, would be just as rough. Ryouga decided to turn back and see if Ukyou had calmed down any. Maybe, he hoped, just maybe she'd be sane. Then he realize he was already lost. Again. *** Mousse eagerly watched as she ate the ramen. And ate. And ate.... Now was the time! He stood up and was about to step into her line of view when suddenly she stood up and yelled "Wo ai ni!" and ran forward happily. "My darling!" Mousse yelled, his arms outstretched. Shampoo ran right past him and out the door. Mousse looked alarmed. He looked around. He saw Ryouga walking outside in the street, in perfect view from the window seat. "NOOOOOO!" He banged his head on the table in frustration. "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!" *** "Nii hao! Ryouga! Wo ai ni!" Shampoo cheerfully yelled as she glomped onto Ryouga. "Yaaaah! Get off! Get offa me!" To say that Ryouga was alarmed would be an understatement. This time around Shampoo was VERY enthusiastic and VERY agressive. She was also holding him _really_ tightly. "You come marry Shampoo now, yes?" "NO NO NO!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" Nearby, Mousse was sneaking away. He didn't like the idea of artificially gaining Shampoo's love, so he didn't put too much spice in. This had turned out to be an incredibly good idea, because if he had gone ballistic with the spices Shampoo would have been obsessed with Ryouga for years. For now, at least, Shampoo would be chasing around Ryouga only for an hour or so. Until then, Mousse didn't want to be around. After all, things could get ugly, especially when the drug wore off and Shampoo found herself in a compromising (or at least incredibly embarrasing) position. She'd be mad, and if there was one thing he leared from all the years of abuse it was that he shouldn't try to make her made -at him- when she was -already- dangerously hot tempered. *** {Damn damn damn damn where IS that idiot? He's gonna be lost for a stupidly long time! Good thing this is the weekend. Where IS he?} Ukyou walked quickly through the local streets, hoping that Ryouga hadn't wandered off too far. Then she saw him. Wrapped by Shampoo. Tightly. And not getting out of it. "Why that..." {Here I was worried about him and he's going around acting like some playboy! Who does he think he is?!} *** Mousse arrived back at the Tendou dojo. This wasn't unnoticed by Ranma since Mousse was _supposed_ to be romancing Shampoo at the time. "Yo, Mousse, what are you doing here?" "I'd rather not talk about it." "Talk about what?" "Exactly. Just let me hide here until things settle down." "C'mon, tell me." "Look, don't get mad, okay?" "Fine, just tell me." "Well, it went like this......" In a low voice Mousse explained the disaster of the day. When he was done, he looked at Ranma, expecting to see an angry glare or something similar. Ranma was red in the face, holding his hand over his mouth. Then he burst out laughing. "This is GREAT! I don't believe this! Shampoo is chasing after RYOUGA? Oh man, I gotta get some air." They both went to the front gate, Mousse in a serious manner, Ranma laughing all the way. Then Ryouga ran by. "Go away! I don't want you! Get lost!" He frantically yelled. He was followed closely by Shampoo, who was almost within arm's reach. "Ryouga! You marry Shampoo yes!" As quickly as they arrived, they zoomed by. Then Ukyou showed up, strolling in the direction where Ryouga and Shampoo had gone. She idly twirled her battle-spatula, looking somewhat tired. "Hey guys." "Hiya Ucchan." "Hello, Ukyou." "He went that way, right?" she asked in a somewhat weary voice. They both nodded. Ukyou sighed. "Okay. See you guys later." She strolled down the street, practicing a few swings with her mighty cookware instrument, a promise of much violence to come. Mousse and Ranma stood there for a moment, silently. Then they both quietly went back inside the house. Sometimes it's best to be out of the way when the action starts. - end part 4 -