tp-11 ======================== The Pursuit of Happiness Act I Part 11 Konatsu's Arrival ================= [Nerima District, Morning] "Ryouga Hibiki, I challange you!" The lost boy sighed. He really wasn't in the mood for this. He was following Ukyou to school, and somewhere along the way he lost track of her. And now, as was his nature, he was hopelessly lost and definitely late for school. Not good. And now this. A block away, in her usual sooty atire, the mysterious gaijin Tanya Noori stood in a combat stance with a really mean looking steel-brush broom in one hand, and a meaner looking metal sharp thing in the other hand. "Can you just tell me," he said tiredly, "WHAT did I do to you?" For a brief moment, she ranted VERY angrily. But she ranted in English and so he had no idea what she was saying. "Um... excuse me..." Noori snapped at him in English once more, and seemed to be waiting for something. "Can you talk in Japanese? You're talking really fast and my English isn't that good." Tanya scowled. She kept on slipping back into English every now and then when she was mad, and was feeling embarrased that her five minute tirade went right over his head. No, that wasn't right. It was his fault for not knowing his English better. Yes, that's it. "LEARN ENGLISH!" she yelled at him. "I sai- a... ACK!" "Ack?" wondered Ryouga. Before he could ask further, she suddenly ran off and quickly disappeared from sight. "Now where'd she go?" he wondered. "Um, excuse me?" Ryouga blinked. Seconds after a battle was supposed to have started, one doesn't expect a genteel feminine voice to be asking for attention. He turned around to see who was asking, and his eyes were greeted by one of the more... beautiful, he guessed (any other word wouldn't be quite appropriate), girls he'd ever seen. She was covered, except for her face, entirely in black ninja garb. It was obvious she was in fine shape indeed. Not curvy or busty, but a normal sort of form. And her face was certainly beautiful, in a vague sort of way, as well, topped by long, soft ebony locks bound in a ponytail. If she wasn't in ninja garb, he'd imagine she'd probably look like a good candidate for a nice normal wife. "Um, excuse me? Hello?" she asked. "Hm? Oh, sorry. Were you talking to me?" he wondered. "Yes," she said, looking concerned. "I'm wondering... have you seen a young girl here... a gaijin... with blond hair, probably covered with soot?" "Yes, she was just here a moment ago, but..." "She was?" asked the girl, her voice rising slightly with hope. "Do you know where she went?" "Um... sorry, no." She sighed. "Thank you for your help. Goodbye." Suddenly, she was engulfed in smoke, then disappeared as a breeze blew the smoke away. Ryouga frowned. It was going to be one of _those_ days. * Tanya peered from the shadows nervously. _How_ did Konatsu find her? How? Damn, this was quite an unpleasant pickle to be in indeed. It was ridiculous how much of a pain in the rear one simple act of kindness could escalate into something so ridiculously annoying. Konatsu was a sweet girl, really, but what she wanted, Tanya really was not willing to give. Right now, what Tanya really needed was a drink and a quiet place to hide. Now where, around here, was like that? Hm... * King looked at her latest patron with some curiosity. It seemed to be a very young, sooty, agitated, and nervous chimneysweep thumbing through a copy of the London Times, muttering occasionally in English, and nursing some darjeling tea. If she was back in England, this wouldn't be so surprising. asked King. Tanya blinked. This wasn't much better in King's view. started King tenatively. said the girl in a tired (and very heavily British accented) voice. King nodded in agreement. The girl took a long sip of her tea and sighed. said King, extending a hand. The girl shook it, saying said King, She briefly wondered why she was about to tell the bartender what she was dealing with, although she shouldn't have worried. Everyone tells the bartender everything eventually. It's a rule of the universe. [SOME MONTHS BACK...] Tanya was tired. Very tired. Wandering through Japan on foot (as most martial artists tended to do) was very draining on her, and she'd been doing it for an entire month so far. She needed some rest. She needed relief. And in this remote mountain area, she wasn't expecting anything but another night under the stars on the hard forest floor. Just when she was ready to give up, there was suddenly hope. Lit in the darkness, like a ray of hope, was a modest wooden building, with a sign that displayed 'Sexy Tea Shop Kunoichi'. Sexy Tea Shop? Sounded bloody perverted to her, but Tanya was incredibly sick of nature and had a burning desire for some modern civilization settings. And what she saw next was... * said Tanya. said King. swore Tanya. * Tanya stared with major apprehension at the cup of tea that was placed before her. In any other setting, it would probably look like a quite normal beverage, of no threatening nature, and possibly quite refreshing. Within the abode of those three hags, however, it looked like it was possibly brewed by questionable persons, using dubious liquids, and with the distinct possibility of sanitary violations occurring during the creation of said drink. She eyed it much like someone eyes something really distasteful. Actually, that's exactly what she was doing. Meanwhile, the three witches were watching her carefully, waiting for her to actually drink the liquid. "Er..." she said nervously, "Do you... have... um... sugar?" That seemed to be a good idea at the time. Sugar. Surely it couldn't make the drink any worse than she was afraid it was. She looked around the table as an afterthought, and noted that there wasn't any sugar to be seen. The three hags seemed to notice this too. "KONATSU!" bellowed one of the hags suddenly, startling Tanya enough to make her twitch. "KONATSU YOU LAZY USELESS DAUGHTER OF MINE! GET OUT HERE!" Tanya was horrified. There were _more_ of these hags? Looking at what was apparently the mother, and what the two daughters looked like, genetic odds were that this other daughter would kill her appetite entirely. She was entirely surprised when a young girl rushed out, a perfectly normal young girl, beautiful actually, rushed out in a panic. "Yes mother?" said Konatsu timidly. MOTHER?!?! Bloody hell, talk about defying the odds. Those must've been some seriously dormant genes that made it through to this girl, thought Tanya. "Konatsu you IDIOT! You forgot to leave sugar on the tables!" "S-sorry, mother! I'll go get it now!" The two sisters cackled while the mother bellowed again. "For your mistake, you get no dinner tonight!" "But... but I haven't eaten in a week!" "ARE YOU TALKING BACK TO ME?!" shrieked the mother ghoul. "N-no... no, mother." said Konatsu meekly. "I'm not." "And you'll have to scrub the floor before you go to sleep tonight!" "But... but I scrubbed the floor an hour ago..." said Konatsu sadly. "Don't you dare talk back to me you UNGRATEFUL GIRL!" To Tanya's horror, the trio of hags started beating and kicking on Konatsu, clearly enjoying it. She didn't like this, not one bloody bit. But... it was a family matter, none of her business. But... dammit, the way they were treating her... it REALLY was making Tanya MAD. <'At's bloody well ENOUGH!> she yelled. In English. Everyone in thee room stared at her curiously. Tanya winced, realizing her mistake. She thought about saying it again in Japanese, but decided it again and just started hitting people. * said Tanya. agreed King. * Tanya was feeling GOOD. Nothing helped her unwind than a savage beating to people that deserved it. Checking to make sure the three hags from hell were unconscious, she sat down and surveyed her work. The tea shop would never be the same, definitely. Utterly destroying the walls tends to do that to a place. Oh well. All seemed to be well, with the just defended and the unjust whapped silly, when Tanya noticed that the girl, Konatsu, seemed to be depressed and alarmed. "Um... why did you do that?" asked Konatsu. Konatsu blinked. Tanya blinked. Oh, wait. Oops. Slipped into English again. "They shouldn't treat you so bad. I cannot stand by and let them abuse you like that! It isn't right!" "Oh..." "Why are you sad?" asked Noori in her uneven Japanese. "Where... where do I go from here?" asked Konatsu fearfully. "I've no place to stay now and... and they'll surely blame me for all this." "WHAT?!" Tanya was fired up once more. "You not rely on... on... THEM! What they give you? They beat you up and work you like dog! You are better off alone!" "But... but I don't know how!" Tanya sighed, exasperated at the girl's lack of self-confidence and apparent helplessness. She wanted to _liberate_ the girl, not strand her helpless out here. Something had to be done, although she really didn't want to be the one to do it. "Come on, let's go." Konatsu blinked. "Go? Where?" "To the city. Find jobs over there, maybe?" "But... but who will want to hire me? I mean..." "Who will...? You are hard-working and beautiful, sure there will be a job for you," said Tanya confidently. Konatsu seemed to brighten slightly. "You really think I'm beautiful?" Tanya took a moment to look at Konatsu thoughtfully. "Very much, more than your mother or sisters definitely." She then turned southward. "Come on, let's travel." She didn't notice Konatsu's slight blush. "By the way, you didn't tell me your name." "Hm? Noori Tanya." "Kenzan Konatsu." "What?" "Nice to meet you." "Oh." * wondered Tanya. said King. wondered King. * Tanya wheezed for breath. Around her, the restaurant was thoroughly, definitely, and totally trashed. Damn, but those old biddies were a lot tougher than before. She ached all over from the blows that the three hag Kunoichi had inflicted on her. Konatsu was beside her, also looking severely beaten. The hags, Tanya noted, didn't look so great either, but considering how they looked normally, it was hard to judge their condition properly. They would have never, ever, gotten so many hits in if they hadn't have snuck up in ambush. Or so Tanya firmly believed. "Konatsu," said the eldest hag, "stop this nonsense and come back with us NOW!" "No... I-" said Konatsu before she was interrupted. "SHE IS NOT GOING BACK WITH _YOU_," stated Tanya firmly. "Oh-ho, being stubborn, are you?" said the eldest. She gave a glance to one of her daughters, who suddenly whipped out a blowgun and shot at Tanya. She easily blocked it with her broom handle. The other one, shot by the other sister, however, wasn't blocked. Tanya felt the sudden sting on her neck, then felt the world slowly fade into black, Konatsu's screaming voice only a distant sound... * It was darkness. She was not able to hear, see, taste, or smell anything. It wasn't a state she was familiar with, and she sure as hell didn't like it. Now... how did things end up like this? Oh yes, darts. Must've been poisoned or something. That was rather underhanded, wasn't it? Why those bloody hags. She'd have to give'em a royal medievel thrashing... once she got out of this darkness. She tested one more time. Heard nothing, saw nothing, tasted nothing, smelled nothing. Oh, wait, she felt something. Something soft... her head was resting on something soft. Ah, she was lying down apparently. Good, that starts to establish things, that does. With slight apprehension, she blinked, then opened her eyes. Apparently, her head was on Konatsu's lap. Not pillows. Hrm. It seemed Konatsu had fallen asleep watching over her, and they were now on some odd rooftop. Might as well get up, she thought, and silently rose, sitting up and bending her sore back. The sound of movement awoke Konatsu, who rubbed her eyes and yawned. She looked drowsily at Tanya. "Noori-sama?" she grumbled. "NOORI-SAMA! You're okay!" Suddenly, Konatsu wrapped Tanya in a warm, caring, intense, and almost lung-crushing hug. "I was so worried!" said Konatsu tearfully. "Mother hit you with poison darts and I was afraid that... that..." Tanya's brain was still in that odd sort of wake-up fog, and was trying to figure out exactly what was going on. There seemed to be quite a bit of crying going on. Yes, lots of that. Was she crying? No, seemed to be this other girl. Seems to be rather hard to breath too. Wonder why? Oh, we seem to be getting... what's the word... hugged? Yes, we're getting hugged. Rather tightly too. Who's hugging us? Oh, the girl. THE GIRL? Hugging was something alien to Tanya. Something left for the more genteel folk. A handshake or a pat in the back was just fine for her. None of this hugging nonsense. Her first reflex was th beat the hell out of Konatsu. But... no... that would feel as dirty as kicking a puppy, somehow. "Er... Konatsu... hey..." said Tanya. She slowly and nervously pried herself out of the girl's arms. "Konatsu... you can... ah... let go now... I'm fine. Heyheyhey, let go now!" After a hard tug or two later, Konatsu finally let go, and Tanya was looking at her as if she was bloody insane. "Why are you so concerned? I'm not that weak," she said irritably. "I'm sorry," said Konatsu timidly. "It's just that I... I wouldn't know how to survive on my own, and..." Tanya took the moment to get up and stretch a bit. "... and you just wouldn't wake up..." Konatsu was saying something a bit quietly, but Tanya wasn't paying particular attention. She tended to let people talk if they were going to to be long-winded. The quicker they said what they had to say, the quicker they'd get to being quiet again, in her experience. "... I... I know that this is wrong, this feeling I have..." Not until she heard two peculiar words. "... love you." No, she thought, must've misheard that. She turned and looked down at Konatsu, who was still kneeling on the ground. "What did you say?" asked Tanya. "I... I ah," said Konatsu nervously, "I'm in love with you." * hissed Tanya. said King. exclaimed Noori. asked King. * "I... I... I but I'm.... you're... aaaagh!" She was trying to be nice about it, she really was. Until Konatsu bowed at her feet and started crying. And then... * said Tanya impatiently. said King. Tanya sighed and finished off her tea, then stared at the bottom of her glass for a while. As King handed Tanya another glass, she asked, asked King. replied Tanya. Nearby, concealed by the entertainment section of the Tokyo Press, Ryo grinned. It was funny what one could overhear just by lounging around. This Konatsu... she sounded like a rather fun new addition to the chess pieces of Nerima. * "Why are these things always wrong?" wondered Ryouga, looking at a map of Tokyo. He looked at the street, then the map, then the street again. Nothing. Had he known he wasn't in Tokyo, things would have made much more sense. The large forest bit should have been a hint to him that Tokyo was no longer a likely location, as well as the occasional [TOKYO 100KM] signs, but as was the Hibiki tradition, he failed to notice them. He did, however, notice that Tokyo seemed to be a bit smaller around here. Across the street he spotted a bus stop and what seemed to be a trio of people waiting within its shade. Might as well ask, he reasoned, which way to Tokyo. "Excuse me," he asked, "but do you know how to get to Tokyo?" In a most hag-like, cackling voice, one of them replied. "There's always the bus, young man." "Huh?" "The bus. The one we are waiting for. It is bound for Tokyo." "Oh, is it?" He quickly checked his pockets for bus fare, and to his relief, had some to spare. * Night. Nice, unrevealing, shadow-filled night. What better time to go hunting for Hibiki? That was Tanya's line of thought as she once again patrolled the rooftops of Nerima. After a week of prowling around here, she'd finally started getting used to the place. Furinkan was a very important landmark, although the giant bronze pineapple resting at its top was an irritating reminder of a night she'd rather forget. After that was the Ono clinic. Unfortunately, also a reminder of things gone wrong. The third landmark she used to get her bearings was King's Cafe, with probably the only naturally speaking English speaking barkeep in town. She had been lucky early in the day, managing to catch Ryouga and confront him, but Konatsu got in the way. Damn her! _Why_ did she have to show up, wondered Tanya, just when she'd finally tracked Ryouga down? The odds of her finding that directionally disabled fool again were not good. She descended down from a rooftop, sitting on a bench by the street, and watched the traffic flow by. *Sigh*. As she stood up again, someone bumped in to her, knocking her off balance slightly. she yelled. "Oh," said the person, sounding distracted, "sorry about that." He went on his way, occasionally looking at a compass hung around his neck. Tanya turned away, fuming. Then she froze. Details of that stranger suddenly clicked. Distracted. Lost. Compass. Headband. Fangs. Stupid look on his face. HIBIKI. "HIBIKI!!!" she roared, pulling out two rather wicked looking metallic things (technically, chimney soot scrapers, but 99 out of 100 people wouldn't have been able to guess that) and advanced upon him menacingly. Ryouga turned around and sighed. It was that Noori girl, again. He still didn't _why_ she was mad at him, and it was getting on his nerves. "What do you want?" he demanded. "Will you just tell me?" ranted Tanya, lapsing into English. "What? I don't understand," said Ryouga, getting into a defensive stance as she advanced menacingly. "Noori-sama!" Ryouga looked around, confused. Tanya stopped her menacing advance, and was now looking more irritated than angry. Noori mumbled. "Noori-sama! Please wait!" cried out Konatsu, approaching from the shadows. "Please don't leave me again!" With a resigned sigh, Tanya faced Konatsu. "Look, Konatsu... I do not... we can't... NOT NOW!" Meanwhile, Ryouga was beginning to wonder exactly what he was caught in the middle of. Seemed like one of those dramas Ukyou always watched on TV. He briefly contemplated sneaking away, but a determination to settle things once and for all kept him on the spot. "I just don't know what to do," sobbed Konatsu. "I've... I've been strong so far, but... I need you. I don't have anywhere else to turn!" Tanya seemed distinctly horrified. "But... but..." Konatsu blinked. "Ano... was that English?" Damn, she thought. Did it again. "I'M A GIRL! YOU'RE A GIRL! WE'RE BOTH GIRLS!" Konatsu sighed, then looked down at her feet. "I... I know." yelled Tanya, lapsing into English again. Damndamndamndamn, damn this situation. Why couldn't Konatsu be a guy? Or meaner? Tanya'd feel much better about beating the hell out of a mean guy. But noooo, this was poor trampled-on Konatsu. Damn. Bloody hell. Panic was settling in, and Noori desperately looked for a way to end the situation without totally crushing Konatsu. "I... ah... I..." said she, struggling not to lapse into English and looking around nervously. "I'm not THAT way... not..." Konatsu still seemed to be waiting on something. Drat. "Not that way and... and..." Gads, how to get rid of this girl?! It should be said at this point that Ryouga really should have taken that previous moment to sneak off. "I'm... ah... engaged to him!" said Tanya, grabbing Ryouga by the hand. "YOU'RE WHAT?!?!" yelled Ryouga. He recieved a swift elbow and a mean glare from the chimneysweep in response. "Shut up," grumbled Tanya. "How did we-" "Shutupshutupshutup." "I..." said Konatsu sadly, "I see. Goodbye!" She turned away, tears flowing, and disappeared into the night. Tanya released Ryouga's arm and watched her bound into the distance. Finally she was gone. Tanya breathed a sigh of relief, but a part of her felt rather guilty at the sight of Konatsu in such a sorry state. Damn. She hated feeling guilty. There seemed to be something she was forgetting, but she wasn't sure... oh! Ryouga! The duel! Aha! She turned, weapons once again at the ready, and said, "Ryouga Hibiki, prepare to... to..." * It was a lonely, lonely night. For Konatsu, it was a bitterly lonely night. For her entire life, she'd relied on other people. Stronger people. People with a _purpose_. Her? She'd never really had a purpose in life. Father told her what to do, she did it. Mother told her what to do, she did it. Stepmother and her stepsisters told her what to do, she obeyed. But at least Father and Mother had loved her. Her stepmother... she didn't care at all. It was more like mere tolerance, as if Konatsu was an inconvenience. And that's how she saw herself. An inconvenience. And then Noori-sama came along, and took her away from the pointless and empty life she had. Tanya thought she _was_ somebody. Noori _cared_ about her. And then Konatsu ruined it all by opening her heart. Noori-sama... rejected her. She dabbled away the tears as they came, and tried to keep warm on the rooftop. The thin bed sheet draped over her was a makeshift blanket, but she might as well have been covered by paper. "My my my," said a smooth, smug voice. "What have we here?" Konatsu remained curled up on the roof. She didn't care who this intruder was, she'd lost her Noori-sama. "Oh, do lighten up, Miss Konatsu. I do believe I can be of assistance." she wondered. "I can see you're upset... your dearest Noori-sama rejected you, yes?" asked the voice. Konatsu nodded sadly, covering her hands with her eyes. "Well, let me help you out," said the figure comfortingly as he casually twirled his umbrella. "Trust me." * Maybe it was cowardice. Maybe it wasn't. Whatever. Ryouga just wasn't in the mood to stick around for duels and such. He was also having a hard time with the concept that he was ENGAGED. How on earth did THAT happen? It wasn't a situation he wasn't used to, since he saw Ranma get himself engaged three times... but that was because Ranma was an idiot or his father was. Father? Ryouga briefly wondered about his own father. Would he do something as stupid as Genma Saotome would? No... no way. At least, he hoped not. He hadn't seen the man in twelve years, but hoped he was a good person. Frowning, he brushed those thoughts aside and decided that getting home right how was all he needed to worry about. He blinked. Home. He was starting to think of Ucchans as home. Somehow, that seemed right. After all, he hadn't been home in a long while. He briefly wondered how his family was, hoping that they'd have a reunion someday. Maybe he could bring Ukyou. That'd be nice... As he passed another street, he noticed a familiar landmark, the Seiko General Cinema. If he recalled correctly, Ucchan's was directly south of here... south... south... hm. He pulled out his compass necklace and checked, then headed (miraculously) south. Hey, everyone gets lucky sometimes. * "I'm back!" called out Ryouga as he entered the now empty restaurant. He slowed to a halt as soon as Ukyou's glare hit him. "Er.... aheh... sorry I'm late." Ukyou looked a bit upset, but a part of her was quite happy. Not entirely because Ryouga finally came back, no. Part of this happiness was rather mischievous, and wanted to have some fun _now_. "Oh, he's sorry he's late," she said quietly, and in a somewhat irritated mood. "Mm-hmm." "So... ah..." he said, feeling he was on really shakey ground here. "Good timing too," she added. "Huh?" "After all the crowds are gone, after the big rush, after all the hard work is done, you're back," she said, smirking. "Hey, I _tried_ to get back as soon as I could!" Suddenly, she smiled. It was a happy smile. It really threw him off balance. "That's okay, sugar," she said, "'cause you've got dishwashing duty tonite." "But..." He hated dishwashing duty. Really hated it. Mostly because his curse and the occasional switch in water temperature due to the odd plumbing made for a really irritating time. Usually, dishwashing duty was determined by a game of poker. Usually. "No ifs ands or buts, Ryouga," said Ukyou. "Go ahead and get a little rest first, if ya want, but you _are_ washing dishes tonite." "Ever thought of just switching to disposable dishes?" wondered Ryouga. "Idiot!" she chastised. "I'd end up looking cheap! Anyways, if ya need anything, I'll be upstairs watching tv. Seeya!" With a smirk and a laugh, she went upstairs, leaving him to stare at the large pile of dishes. "No way..." * Ryouga looked at his watch. One in the morning. Not bad. Not bad at all. It'd taken only an hour to get to his room. He shuffled to his bed, noticing that it seemed to have been tidied up a little. Hm. Ukyou must have done that... gotta thank her some time for doing that. Without further adieu, he collapsed into his bed, and was soon sound asleep. And a moment later, the window opened silently. A figure in black crept into the room with the stealth of the legendary ninjas and stood above Ryouga with the intent to Hurt. Konatsu looked down upon her nemesis, frowning as indecision assaulted her mind. He said her that Tanya didn't really love this Ryouga Hibiki, but he was forcing her instead. If that was true, then Konatsu would be helping her, wouldn't she? But... what if she really did love him? It would break Noori-sama's heart surely, and she'd never forgive Konatsu. Ever. A cold breeze swept through the room, causing Konatsu to shiver and Ryouga to pull the covers over himself a bit more. She moved quickly to close the window and sighed as she stared out at the moon. Things were never easy. * This, he knew was impossible. Or highly unlikely anyways. Therefore, it was probably a dream. Might as well enjoy it, then. "Oh, Ryouga..." sighed Ukyou, laying next to him in his bed. "U-Ukyou?" "Hold me," she whispered, sliding into bed next to him. Well, reasoned a part of his mind, why not? He held her in his arms and his mind was reeling with the sensation of the scent of her hair, the softness of her skin, her breath on his chest as she cuddled next to him. "Wake u... AAAH!" Ryouga's eyes fluttered open, awakened by the scream. He wondered briefly who could have screamed. Maybe Ukyou? No, she was still in his arms. Couldn't be. Oh well, back to sleep. But if Ukyou was in his arms, then why was she standing at his door? Ryouga's brain mulled this one over. It was quite a puzzler, really. Then his mind reminded him that no, Ukyou shouldn't be in his arms. THAT was just a dream. The hopeful part of his mind pointed out that Ukyou had long, dark hair in a ponytail, and the girl in his arms had one too. Therefore Ukyou WAS in his arms. Okay, said the rational (and underused) part of his mind, then explain the (now definitely irate) Ukyou standing in our doorway. Right then. Not good. It'd be best to fully wake up. He never got the chance. "YOU PERVERT!" bellowed Ukyou, whipping out her battle spatula and knocking him through the roof in one swift motion. The nerve of that man! Bringing in his girlfriends and doing who-knows-what under HER roof! "Oooh, that jerk!" She turned away from the new Ryouga-shaped skylight in the roof and was about to stomp back downstairs, when a rather feminine voice said nervously, "Ah, did I cause trouble by being here? I'm very sorry." Ukyou turned her attention to the girl in Ryouga's bed, frowning. "And you are...?" "Kenzan Konatsu," said the ninjaette, bowing politely. "Ah. Hope you don't mind me asking, but..." * "Man, you look bad today, Ryouga," said Ranma as he, Ryouga, and several others sat down in the schoolyard for lunch. "Shut up," grumbled Ryouga. "Hey, Ryouga," said Hiroshi, "we heard a rumor about you." "What?" "Yeah," said Daisuke, "heard you got a fiancee. Is that true?" "No way!" denied Ryouga vehemently. "Why Ryouga, you sly pig you," teased Ranma, elbowing him slightly. "SHUT UP RANMA! It's not like that!" While Ranma smirked and the other boys talked amongst themselves, Ryouga looked around nervously for Ukyou. He _really_ hoped that she hadn't heard yet. Then he spotted her, with Akane and several other girls. Talking. Uh oh. Too late. * "He WHAT?" yelled Ukyou. "Yeah, heard about it yesterday," said Sayuri. "Hard to believe, isn't it?" said Yuka. "I'm sure it's a misunderstanding," said Akane, "right, Ukyou?" "Hrmph. I don't care what that pervert playboy does," she said, frowning. For a moment, she glanced at Ryouga sadly, then scowled and looked away when he met her gaze. So, that Noori girl WAS his fiancee. The jerk, why'd he go and get himself engaged?! She felt bitterly alone at that moment. After all, she was the last of the 'old gang' to be left single. Mousse won Shampoo, literally, and Ranchan had Akane. "That jerk," she muttered under her breath. Okay, a part of her reasoned, maybe it was a big misunderstanding. After all, this morning turned out to be a misunderstanding too. As it turned out, Konatsu was there to confront Ryouga. Something about honor, freedom, and that Noori girl. Ukyou was still fuming mad at Ryouga, so only part of her words got through, but at least Konatsu clearly stated she wasn't interested in Ryouga. Of course, it still didn't explain what she was doing in his bed, but at the moment Ukyou didn't insist on an answer to that question. But that still doesn't explain the fiancee business. Ukyou gave Ryouga one more venomous glare, then resumed eating her lunch. * "Oh man," said Ranma, "she's definitely mad at you." "Shutupshutupshutup," growled Ryouga. "Jeez, Ryouga, how'd you get yourself into this mess?" wondered Ranma. "I mean, most of my problems was caused by the old man, but you? I don't remember your dad being as stupid as mine." "Whatever's going on, I swear, it isn't my fault!" insisted Ryouga. "HIBIKI!!!" Ryouga paled. Ukyou scowled. The rest of Furinkan High swarmed to the action. After all, they could smell a good fight a mile away. In the middle of the schoolyard, a sooty chimneysweep armed with a steel-wire brooom advanced menacingly towards. "Hey, it's your fiancee," said Ranma smugly. He was enjoying this possibly too much. It was nice to see someone else get this sort of mess, especially Ryouga. *WHAM* "SHUT UP!" Ryouga scowled and reached for his umbrella, while Ranma slid down to the ground, wincing from the elbow Ryouga nailed him with. Ryouga didn't like fighting women. Sparring? Sure. Fighting? No. He would if he had to, but it just didn't strike him as an honorable thing to do. But at the rate this irate gaijin was going, never explaining herself and spreading lies, he was reaching his limit. Off in the distance, unnoticed by the crowd, a large mass of women, dangerously armed, sped towards the courtyard, in pursuit of their personal belongings. Unfortunately for them, their target had a sizeable lead. Ranma sensed him a few seconds before he arrived, but Ryouga, Tanya, and the large crowd watching them failed to notice until they heard the old master's victory cry of... "Sweeto!" The miniscule pervert plowed over Ryouga effortlessly, then suddenly came to a halt next to Tanya and looked her over with curiosity. Noori, also puzzled, looked over the miniscule menace, not sure what to make of it. "Who are you?" she asked, leaning down at him. "Don't mind me, just passing through," said the little letcher. "By the way, my compliments on your taste. Very silky, these," he said, while holding up a bra. Noori blinked. It _did_ seem kind of breezy all of the sudden, and that bra looked kind of familiar... A quick self-check proved otherwise, and Noori suddenly turned red with rage and fixated her fury on one small pervert. "YOU DIE!!!" She swung her broom around furiously, swiping at the old man. His speed and dexterity baffled her, as he managed to dodge all of her strikes effortlessly. Meanwhile, Ryouga was wondering what he ought to do. Interrupting might be a good idea. After all, everyone took their turn beating up Happosai, or at least trying to. Ryouga's mind was quickly made up when Happy used his face as a springboard while dodging Tanya's attacks. "Whoa, look out there, sonny!" called out Happosai as he bounced away. "HEY YOU!" bellowed Ryouga. He quickly flung a bandanna at the old master, which was dodged easily. However, the soot bomb aimed at his face caught him perfectly and he was quickly gagging on ebony smoke. "Oww... *kaff* gettin' a bit crowded around here," croaked the letch. From Furinkan's rooftop, a shadowy figure watched with concern. "Noori-sama," she whispered. * "What's going on out there?" asked Nabiki. She approached her henchwomen, who were looking out the window at the moment and down at the courtyard. "Martial arts fight," said one. "And I missed the start?" sighed Nabiki. "Oh well, a missed opportunity, but not a loss. It isn't all bad. "So, who's involved?" "That old letch Happosai, Ryouga, and his fiancee." Nabiki's eyebrow raised. "Ryouga's fiancee?" "According to the grapevine, yeah. Some gaijin girl from London waving around a broom." Nabiki's mind flipped through the known martial artists of the district, and pulled out one recent entry into her database. "Tanya Noori?" she wondered. "Something like that." "Strange days," said Nabiki, shaking her head. "So how's the fight going?" "Can't be sure," said one of the girls. "Noori keeps on bombing the place with soot bombs. The only thing we've seen is a few bandannas flying out." "Say, how's public opinion on this fiancee business?" asked Nabiki. "80% of Furinkan doesn't buy it. They figure there's no way Ryouga could possibly ever get a fiancee. Not like her, anyways." "And our other little Ryouga betting pool?" wondered Nabiki. "Everyone's spread out on that one, chief. Personally, I'm putting my money on eight months." "That'd be a good guess," reasoned Nabiki. "After all, him and Ukyou are acting like Ranma and Akane already. It's only a matter of time..." "What's your guess, boss?" Nabiki looked down at the soot cloud with amusement. "Knowing how volatile Ukyou and Ryouga are... eight months does sound good." "Whoa," said one of the girls looking out from the window, "new entry into the fray. Just jumped into the big soot cloud from one of the rooftops." "Oh? One of the locals or someone new?" asked Nabiki. "This one... definitely new." * Everyone murmered in surprise, as a female ninja joined in the fray, diving in from the top of Furinkan and into the cloud of soot. Mutterings and whispers of 'wow, did you see that girl?', 'You think Ryouga's got himself a harem?' and 'I can't see a thing in that cloud, this sucks' rippled through the crowd. They were wondering just who this new and late entry into the day's festivities was and how she was connected to things. "Say... that's the girl that was in Ryouga's bed this morning," Ukyou muttered. She wondered what, exactly, was going on now. Unfortunately, people around her overheard her comment and the rumor mill spread the news like a wildfire. "Ryouga got caught in bed with..." "What's that? Ryouga's mistress?" "Ryouga has a mistress?" "Hey, didja hear? Ryouga's got these two girls..." "Wow, I can't believe Ryouga got someone pregnant." Meanwhile, within the walls of Furinkan, the whispers spread. One girl ran up to Nabiki and whispered the news in her ear. "You have _got_ to be kidding," she said. The girl shook her head. "Let me get this straight... Ryouga is in a love triangle with the ninja girl and the gaijin, and now they're both after him because he's trying to run off and he got them both pregnant?" "That's what's on the grapevine." "I haven't heard anything so ridiculous since... well... since Ranma was in that reversal jewel mess. Oh my." * Old masters of The Art should not, felt Happosai, end up in this sort of situation. He was getting beaten, kicked, shoved, and whapped all over the place in general, and that was not to his liking at all. Of course, there was a real quick way to de-fuse the situation that he knew of, and that involved lighting lots of fuses. No pun intended, of course. Ryouga, still wading through the thick cloud of soot, felt something hit his foot. Then, as he waded further, he stumbled on a few other things lying around on the ground. Something was nagging at him that this was a Bad Thing, but he wasn't sure entirely why until he finally heard the distinct sound of fuses burning. And with Happosai in the fight, that could only mean... "Oh no." * The students of Furinkan were familiar with Happosai. After all, he'd been regularly raiding the girl's locker rooms for several months now. They knew when he'd probably strike, where he'd probably strike, and when things were ready to get ugly. At the moment, the big hint of the day as far as impending danger was concerned was a few small bomb-like objects that rolled out from the soot cloud. Hiroshi was the first to notice, and sounded off the alert. "BOMB! DUCK AND COVER!!!" Students everywhere scattered, diving for cover. The ones watching from within the building quickly moved away from the windows. -----BOOM----- The earth rattled, a few windows cracked, and the sound of thunder rattled through the neighborhood. When the debris settled, everyone peered carefully at the scene of the fight. Happosai, apparently, didn't manage to get away in time. He was amongst the victims at the blast center, rattled witless by the blast and looking like a smudge on the ground. Ryouga had become one with the trees, in a painful sort of way. In a nearby wall, Tanya Noori was firmly planted, with Konatsu on top of her, flung by the force of the bombs. She was hurt mostly by the impact with the wall, spared from the force of the blast by Konatsu, who had apparently shielded Tanya with her own body. Being the least injured by the blast, Tanya rose slowly, lowering Konatsu down carefully. *Aw, ye stupid gel, y'din't havta dew that... naw look at ye,* she said, with some irritation but also some worry. *Oy, yew alroight? Konatsu, c'mon, gel, wakey wak.... ah... wot the bloody hell is this?* She stared at Konatsu's shirt, which was now torn open due to the blast, and reached a conclusion. Either Konatsu was really really really flat-chested, or Konatsu was a man. ... or Konatsu was a man? Tanya frowned. Then she examined Konatsu's throat _carefully_. Yup. Adam's apple. *KONATSU Y'BLOODY PERVERT!* If she hadn't been feeling so sore from the explosions, she would have killed him. Instead, she passed out. * A lean figure emerged from the shadows of Furinkan High's rooftop, idly spinning an umbrella. He looked down at the mess below and sighed. "Not bad... but Konatsu didn't go far enough with Tanya." Ryo sighed. People these days... you just can't count on them to be manipulated properly. Oh well, at least it was all entertaining. * Furinkan High Infirmiry, two hours later. "Hey, sugar, looks like you're still alive after all." Ryouga groaned. This was the third time he got caught up in that little freak's bombs, and it was an incredibly unpleasant experience every time. "Hi... Ukyou... how long've I..." "About two hours. How ya feeling?" "Been... worse." "Heh. Nurses say all you guys just got mild bruises. Surprising, when you think about the size of that crater Happosai made." "Where... is...." "The pervert? Ranma came by and picked'em up." "Oh... good." "You'd better get well soon, sugar, 'cause I don't think you're gonna like your roommates." "Roommates?" Ryouga struggled to lift his ringing head, and strained to look around. There, in the next bed, was Tanya Noori. Fortunately unconscious. Beyond her was Konatsu, also unconscious. "I wanna go home. Now." * Much to her irritation, by the time she'd been revived, Ryouga had managed to run from her once more. The jerk. What's worse, she was now stuck in the infirmiry with that... that... that crossdressing pervert! She felt she ought to give Konatsu a solid whap on the noggin for THAT little secret. Then she wondered why she was holding back. She whapped him. "Ooow...." The cross-dressing ninja sleepily blinked his eyes, looking alarmingly (when you consider Konatsu is a HE) beautiful as he awoke. "Noori-sama... are you okay?" "I am fine," replied Tanya with a menacing tone, "now explain yourself." Konatsu sat up slowly, still looking disoriented. "Explain... what?" "YOU'RE A MAN!!!" bellowed Tanya. Konatsu frowned. "No I'm not. I'm a girl." "You are a MAN! Look at your body!" "Well... stepmother said I was just unusual. I'm still a girl, though." *Ya bloody cross-dressing pervert! You are, without a bleedin'doubt, a MAAAAN!* "Ano... Noori-sama..." *WHAAAT?!* "Could you say that again, in Japanese? My English isn't too good." "AAAAAAAGH!" * Meanwhile, at Ucchan's... "They were saying WHAT?!?!" "That's the rumor that WAS flying around, sugar. Although, now that everyone knows Konatsu's a guy, it's kinda changed." "Changed? I... ah... do I really want to know?" Ukyou smiled. Ryouga paled. "You're now not only the father of Noori's child, but apparently you've been having a bi-sexual love triangle with Noori's cross-dressing boyfriend." "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" -end part 11-