Dire Fates: A Hellblazer/Oh My Goddess! crossover.


"See, it's a bit nerve wracking, being the universal crash test 
 dummy.  I can feel the gods' delight as they sort through their
 collection of interesting problems to present to me.  I can almost
 hear their joyful shouts as they get ready to shove the next one 
 right up my arse.  So why me, exactly?"

	-John Constantine,
	 "John Constantine: Hellblazer"


                   David Tai & Rod M. 

                       Dire Fates
             A John Constantine: Hellblazer
                    Ah!  My Goddess! 

             Epilogue:  "A Better Tomorrow" 


                        EPILOGUE 1

                         IN HELL


"So, Mara, how'd it go?" 



"Go ahead, Ellie.  Say it." 

The succubus patted the demoness on the shoulder.  "I told you

Mara sighed, melancholy tainting her features as she sat down on
the solitary island in the eternal flames of Hell that was
Ellie's hideaway.

Ellie took a seat next to her, leaned on Mara and rested her head
on her shoulder. "If it makes you feel any better, I know exactly
how you feel." 

"Y'know, I almost got away with it," said Mara sadly.  "If only
the boss didn't find out..." 


"I gotta say," said Mara, "Raphael's bit in this was a real


"Wonder why he hasn't been kicked out yet." 

Ellie shrugged.  "Who knows?  The way those those bastards are,
they probably covered his tracks."

"Yeah.  Bastards." 

A distant echo of a roar was heard by both. 

"He throwing a tantrum again?" asked Ellie. 

Mara nodded. 

"How bad?" asked Ellie. 

"About two hundred demons are, at this moment, discovering how it
feels to be chihuahuas in Hell."


"The infernal city of Dis, at the moment, consists of lots of
wreckage, two pillars, and Beezelbub's basement."

Ellie tsked.  "The boss never did take defeat very well." 

"No, I guess not." 

The two sat in silence for the longest time, frowning upon their
misfortunes.  Then Ellie elbowed Mara. 

"Hey, you shouldn't stay here, y'know.  Go out, have some laughs,
tempt some mortals.  All this concern you're showing is

Mara smirked.  "Heh, who said I was concerned for you?  I'm
hiding from the boss until he calms down."

Ellie laughed.  "Oh, of course, of course.  Seriously, get outta
here.  Go have some fun.  Tempt a few mortals.  Start a brawl in
a bar or something."

"What about you?" asked Mara. 

"I'll be fine," said Ellie.  "I just might have a new hiding
place soon, anyway.  The atmosphere 'round here is starting to
depress me."


                       EPILOGUE 2

                    THE MORTAL PLANE


He'd just helped defeat the hoards of the Devil, and blew smoke
in the face of the Archangels all in one day.

Where, one would wonder, would John Constantine go after having a
day like that?

"To a pub!" he would say.  And that's exactly what he did. 



The Lord of the Dance looked up from behind the bar and grinned
as a certain trenchcoat-clad rogue entered his pub.  "John! 
How've you been, my son? 

John sauntered up to the bar, happily puffing on a cigarette, and
settled in.  "Interesting times, mate.  Interesting times.  Give
us a lager, hm?" 

"Right!  One lager coming up." 

While waiting for his drink, John took some time to look around
the Arcadian's bar.  A handful of nondescript people were
relaxing in cozy corners of the place.  Aside from one woman, who
was at the moment face-down with her hair hiding her features,
John had the bar to himself.  He grinned to himself as he sat
down.  Really blitzed girl, she was. 

Hold on a minute. 

Something was nagging him.  Something about the girl... 

John slowly reached toward the girl, intending to move aside the
long strands of blond hair and see just who was under there.  The
Lord of the Dance, arriving with a large and full mug, seemed a
bit worried as he put the drink down.

"Er, John, I wouldn't bother her..." 

He did. 

"Bloody Hell!" 

Mara rose with a groggy, drunk expression on her face.  "Ah... 

"Well, you've some nerve, after the stunt you pulled," said John
testily.  "I ought to-" 

A hand on John's arm caused him to pause in his rant.  The
Arcadian said softly, "John, if y'don't mind... I'd rather not
have any scenes in my place."

John glared at the Arcadian for a moment, then sighed and sat
back down.  Mara did likewise, but skipped the part about glaring
and just settled in for a nap, her features once again hidden by
her hair.

The Arcadian, seeing the situation diffused, leaned on the bar
across from John and grinned.  "So, had yourself a bit of an

"Yeah, and she was part of the reason why," said John, pointing a
thumb at the now unconscious demoness.  He then related the
events of the days, beginning with Mara, through the bit about
the Archangels (which John seemed to enjoy telling greatly), and
ending with the grand achievement he did with the Yggdrasil. 

The Arcadian sighed.  "First you went and pissed off the big
bastard downstairs.  That was bad enough.  Now you've got people
up there furious."

"As if they were happy with me to begin with?" 

"Good point." 

John grinned.  "Amazing, aren't I?" 

The Arcadian laughed and shook his head.  "Here's to your luck," 
he said, raising a glass of his own.

"Heh, cheers." 

In mid-toast, the door opened.  A bell attached to the door
distracted the two with its chime.

The Arcadian smiled.  "Urd!  Come over here'n join us." 

"Well, fancy meeting you here," said John. 

Urd, with a neutral expression, took a seat next to John, not
noticing the demoness on the other side.  As she approached, Urd
frowned and looked around, as if expecting someone else.

*Odd... if I didn't know better, I'd think Mara was around here,*
she thought to herself.

"Hello, Constantine, Arcadian." 

"Drink?" asked the Arcadian. 

"Hrm...  Martini, dry, on the rocks." 


John gave her a wary sideward glance.  "What brings you to merry
old England, hm?"

"Actually, you did." 

"I'm touched," he replied, smirking. 

Urd narrowed her eyes.  "Oh, shut up.  Constantine... I know
you've made friends with Skuld.  She seems to think highly of
you, y'know."


"I just came by to let you know... if you do _anything_ to hurt
her, I'll tear you apart." 

"Sheesh.  A man gets crucified and killed so's you can live and
this is the thanks he gets?"  He paused for a moment.  There
seemed to be something odd about that statement... 

Urd just smirked. 

The door chimed once more as it swung open and two more people
stepped in.

"See?  I told you he'd be here," said Peorth smugly. 

"Hi, John!"  Skuld waved and scampered over to him. 

"What is this, a bloody reunion?" asked John amusedly.  He
ruffled Skuld's hair in greeting. 

"Whazanoizeere," mumbled Mara, rising up and giving everyone a
bleary, uneven, half-asleep look.

John thought about it. 

This, he felt, had the potential to get ugly. 

"YOU!"  Urd got up, shoving John aside, and grabbed Mara by the
shirt.  "Why I oughta..." 

"Uuurd?  S'aaaat you?" asked the demoness unevenly. 

Urd frowned.  "Ugh, you're drunk."  Definitely drunk.  She
couldn't get properly mad at Mara when she was drunk.  It wasn't
quite right. 

"Heyaaa, Uuuurd," continued Mara, looking a little cheerful. 
"Lisss... lissen, about wha'appened er'lier..."

"Yeah, what?" snapped Urd. 

"Look... s'wasn't what... s'wasn't what I was plannin'to do... 

"Sure it wasn't," replied Urd sarcastically. 

"I jus... jus..." Mara frowned and hung her head low.  "I miss... 
th'old days, Urd," she said sadly.  "I miss you." 

Urd's features softened, although only a little. 

"Dammit, Mara," grumbled Urd, her voice a little uneven. 

Mara sniffled. 

Urd looked baffled. 

Suddenly, Mara rushed towards Urd and... 


... started crying her eyes out, hugging her tightly. 

"Er... hey... c'mon, cut it out," said Urd, not at all sure how
to deal with the situation.  Mara sniffled for a while, holding
tightly onto Urd, the others standing around them and watching. 
This was embarrassing.

"I jus... jus'wanned t'make it bettr... make't RIGHT!  Miss you'n
Ell... why's things gotta be *hic* like'is?"

"C'mon, Mara, snap outta it," grumbled Urd. 

"Don'cha miss th'good ol days?  Huh?" 

"Dammit, Mara..." Urd tried to summon some of the anger she had
felt earlier, but somehow, memories of the good times they had
together in their youth distracted her. 

Finally, she took a hold of Mara's shoulders and pushed her
gently away, a sad smile on her face. "Let's just have a drink
and forget about it, okay?  Hey, can we have some glasses and a
bottle of whiskey here?"  The Lord of the Dance quickly handed
Urd the bottle and glasses.

Urd glared around briefly.  Everyone else quickly found something
else interesting to do, although John had a smirk on his face as
he turned to his drink. 

"C'mon, Mara..." Urd said, as she led Mara away to a table. 

John grinned, then blinked as Skuld bounced up onto a stool on
his left, and Peorth took a seat to his right. 

"Care for a drink, ladies?" asked the Lord of the Dance. 

"Pina Colada, dearie?" asked Peorth. 

"Hot Chocolate, please?" asked Skuld

"Right, once Pina Colada, one Hot Chocolate coming right up." 

Meanwhile, John was busy examining Peorth and Skuld.  He looked
to one, then the other, and looked a bit puzzled.

"Something on your mind, Johnny?" asked Peorth, leaning casually
on his shoulder.  Skuld narrowed her eyes at Peorth's actions and
took hold of John's arm in retaliation.

"Yeah, luv, there is.  You two look like sisters or something,

Peorth blinked, surprised.  "We do?" 

"We do not!" protested Skuld. 

Peorth opened her mouth add some lines to the debate, but was
suddenly distracted the mark on her forehead suddenly glowed for
a moment.

"Oh, excuse me," she said, "I'm being paged.  Hey Arcadian, got a

"By the restrooms, m'lady." 

"I'll be back in a sec," said Peorth, giving John a quick peck on
the cheek before departing.

"We don't look alike at all," huffed Skuld. 

"Who knows, kid, y'just might grow up to be more cute than her." 

She blushed, a tiny smile on her face.  "You really think so?" 

"Oh, yeah, sure." 

This made Skuld smile even more, and she happily clung to his arm
while he finished off his drink. 

"So what're you going to do now, John?" Skuld asked, looking up
at him.

John shrugged.  "No idea, kid.  Y'never know what the future

"Oh."  Skuld frowned. 

John cast Skuld a look, then smiled.  "But I'll tell you one
thing.  If the future is a sharp, smart, cute girl like yourself
that won't back down to bastards, never quits, and has a heart'a
gold, I think we're in for a better tomorrow." 

Skuld blushed a very notable shade of red, and she tried to hide
it by looking away.  She couldn't, as much as she tried, to wipe
the huge smile from her face.

The entrance bell chimed once more as the door opened yet again. 
This time, a mysterious man, wrapped in a dark cloak, his face
partially hidden by a wide brimmed fedora hat, stepped in.

Skuld waved.  John scowled. 

"Hi Mr. Phantom Stranger!" said Skuld cheerily. 

"Oh, _you_," said John derisively. 

"Good evening, Skuld, John Constantine."  He took the seat
recently vacated by Peorth.

"I've been meaning to talk to you," said John.  "I wanna know,
why was I so important to this?  The way I see it, that bastard
down below wouldn't have been able to get in if it hadn't been for
me getting there." 

"If you had not been involved, Constantine, many things could
have gone wrong.  The goddesses would not think to check the
Yggdrasil until Raphael had caused catastrophies of a tremendous
scale.  Or, possibly, Mara would have come up with an alternate
way to break into the Yggdrasil and wrestle control from Raphael. 
There are these possibilities and more."

"Oh, I see.  So instead, you decided having the First of the
Fallen rampage in the very center of Heaven was a much safer

"All ended well." 

"You're not the one that'll be having bloody nightmares for
weeks," grumbled John.

"There is a price for every victory, John Constantine." 

John rolled his eyes up and went back to finishing off his drink,
then paused.  He stared at a spot on the Phantom Stranger's cloak
for a moment, turned away, then stared again.

"Hey mate, s'that an ice cream stain on you?" 

The Phantom Stranger, for once, seemed surprised.  He looked down
and frowned.  "Why yes, indeed it is." 

John blinked.  "Er... right." 

The mark on Skuld's forehead began to flicker, causing her to
frown.  "Oh, not now!" she cried. 

"Being paged?" asked John. 

"No, summoned.  I've gotta go, John." 

"Be seeing you, kid.  Be good, eh?" 

"Um... can I visit you again, John?" asked Skuld shyly. 

"Hm?  Oh, any time, kid.  Any time." 


"Yeah, sure." 

"Thanks!  Bye!"  Skuld gave John a quick hug and a peck on the
cheek, then dove into her hot chocolate and disappeared.

"Still think it's a weird way to travel," muttered John.  He
rubbed his cheek where Skuld kissed him, looking contemplative. 

"A kiss from a goddess.  Hrm.  That's sure to be good luck,

"In some cultures, yes," replied the Phantom Stranger. 

"Big help YOU are." 

For a while, he stared at the empty contents of his glass, then
he stood up and stretched.  "I think I'd better be going too. 
Later, mates," he said to the Lord of the Dance and the Phantom
Stranger, then stood up and headed outside.

Once he was outside, he heard a voice calling after him.  He
turned to look at Peorth.

Peorth laughed.  "Sneaking out without saying goodbye, John?" 

John shrugged as he lit a cigarette.  "What can I say?  I was
never big on goodbyes.  Just... see ya later." 

Peorth smiled.  "Good fortune, John Constantine.  With luck, you
might be seeing me again soon."

John smirked.  "If not, we'll always have Silver City." 

And with a nod and a wink, John Constantine disappeared into the
London night, cigarette smoke swirling all about him.

Peorth shook her head and smiled.  Oh yes, a crazy mortal,


What, wondered Keiichi, was she doing?  From within the doors of
their temple abode, he looked at Belldandy.  She was, at the
moment, standing in the middle of the courtyard, looking up into
the night sky. 

There was something disturbing her, he could tell.  Ever since
her return from the heavens, she'd been subdued and melancholy. 
She hadn't told him what was bothering her and always seemed to
evade the topic when he tried to ask. 


Belldandy turned away from the stars and looked at Keiichi for a
moment.  She smiled. 

"[I'll be inside in a moment, Keiichi,]" she said apologetically. 

"[Bell-chan, are you okay?]"

She turned her eyes back to the heavens, then answered, "Yes,
Keiichi-san, I am."  She turned to him once more and tried to
give him a reassuring smile.  "[I'm just... thinking.]" 

"[Well... okay.]"  Not knowing what else to do, Keiichi left
Belldandy to her thoughts. 

Her thoughts, at that moment, were those of guilt and fear.  She
knew now that the message from the Yggdrasil, the terrible threat
of losing Keiichi, was a result of Raphael's meddling. 

That didn't mean, however, that they were false.  The Yggdrasil
didn't generate lies.  It generated possibilities, and all those
possibilities were just that, possibilities. 

She had almost joined with Raphael in his mad quest, rebelling
against the rules of Heaven, all for Keiichi.  She'd actually,
for a brief moment, considered allowing a mortal to die, for

There was a risk of their contract being voided, since the
Yggdrasil had been tampered with.  Or worse, they might view
Keiichi's involvement with her as a distraction to her duty.  She
knew there were other ways to fulfill his wish, ways that would
also seperate her from him.  After all, he didn't wish for HER to
stay with him... only a girl like her. 

There were all these terrible possibilities and more, all given
to her by the Yggdrasil, leaving a cold scar of fear in her soul. 

She didn't want to leave Keiichi. 

She loved him. 

Belldandy sighed and returned to the temple, in search of her
beloved.  She found him asleep in his room, and sat by his side,
gazing lovingly at his face.  Occasionally she would stroke his
cheek or run her hands through his hair. 

"[Mmm... Bell-chan?]" 

"[Sorry, Keiichi-san.  I didn't mean to wake you.]" 

Keiichi sat up slowly, then took her hand.  "[Bell-chan... are 
you sure you're okay?]"

"[Yes, I...]" 


"[Just... hold me.]" 

Belldandy held on to Keiichi as they settled onto the bed.  Her
head rested against his chest and her eyes were closed.  This,
she thought, is how she wanted to feel forever. 


Belldandy's eyes widened in fear.  Please, Lord, no... 


Keiichi frowned.  "[Who's calling at this time of-]" 

"[Don't answer it, please?]" asked Belldandy, a tone of urgency 
in her voice. 




"[Please, don't answer it, Keiichi-san.  Don't leave me.]" 


"[I won't leave you, Bell-chan, I promise.]" 



                       EPILOGUE 3



Skuld silently worked, looking a little disturbed despite being
deeply into her task.


"Well... yes," said Skuld reluctantly.  "I was thinking about
Earth.  We... well, we have the power to make Earth a paradise
again, right?  We could clean up pollution, end starvation, and
make everything right.  Why don't we?" 


Skuld thought about it for a bit, then nodded.  "Oh... well... 
okay."  Then she resumed her work on the Yggdrasil.  "Um... do we
have to get rid of the changes John made?" asked Skuld.


Skuld sighed.  John wouldn't be happy to hear about this, but she
really couldn't argue when it was HIS command.

At one line of code, she paused.  It was one of the lines John
had encouraged her to add.  It was, basically, unlimited amounts
of ice cream available to Skuld at any time and any place.

Ouch.  She really didn't want to delete that... 

"Um, can we keep this line?  Pleeeeeeease?" 


                   -= end Dire Fates =-





   RICH THE PUNK strolls on screen. 



   ( Far end of the LORD OF THE DANCE's pub.  There is a stage
   with a platform raised, two microphones, two stools, and
   a teleprompter device mounted to it.

   From the bar, the LORD OF THE DANCE and a burly MAN
   wearing viking garb gaze at it.  The man is drinking an
   incredibly large bottle of alcohol.  A few chairs down,
   the PHANTOM STRANGER is partaking of some Evian spring
   water. )

          What is that supposed to be, my friend? 

                     LORD OF THE DANCE
          Something Urd told me about, Thor.  Supposed to
          be big in Japan.  It's called... er...  karaokie... 
          um... karokey... karoopey... er... karaken? 

   ( URD and MARA, both clearly drunk, take the seats at the
     stage and test the microphones. )


                     LORD OF THE DANCE
          No, that's the big squid thing.  Ah, I remember! 

                Karaoke?  What does that mean? 

                     LORD OF THE DANCE
                     Bugger if I know. 


                        David Tai
                          Rod M. 


                     LORD OF THE DANCE
          Oh dear.  I think Urd and Mara are about to sing. 

                Urd?  AND Mara?  Ye Gods. 

                     PHANTOM STRANGER
       Good night, gentlemen.  I am... needed elsewhere. 

                  (PHANTOM STRANGER exits) 

   ( MARA and URD strain to read the teleprompter.  After a
     while, Urd scowls. )

          Awww... fuggg thissss craaap. 

  ( URD points a finger at the nearby jukebox 
   and it begins playing. )

                  Heyyy, I luv thisss'n. 

           IIIIIII know! Tha's why I picked it!

                  Aaaaan'how'd YOU know?

                 'Cause I'm a GODDESS!



                         David Tai
                       Patrick Vera
                       Zack Seaholm
                     Christian Bremer


         o/~ They saaaaay we're young and we don't knooooow o/~
         o/~ Won't find out until we grooooow. o/~

         o/~ Well I don't know, baybeee, if that's true o/~
         o/~ 'cause 'u got me and, baaaybeee, I got 'uuuu o/~


                          Rod M.
                      Terry Johnson
                      Kurt Stoskopf


                        MARA & URD
         o/~ Babe... I got 'u babe o/~
         o/~ I got 'u baaaaybe! o/~

           Perhaps karaoke means 'infernal singing'?

                    LORD OF THE DANCE
                   Perhaps, perhaps...


                      Mike Loader
                     Jeffrey Hosmer
                       Tim Miller
                    TJ Griesenbrock
                     Paul Corrigan
                 The FFML Lads and Ladies


         o/~ They say our love won't pay the rent o/~
         o/~ B'fore it's earned, our money's always spent o/~

         o/~ I guess that's soo, we dont'ave a lot o/~
         o/~ But at least I'm sure of all the things I've goooot o/~

                        URD & MARA
         o/~ Babe... I got you baaaaaybe! o/~
         o/~ Yeah I got you babe! o/~

         You know, after a few bottles of vodka, they sound
         pretty good, eh?


                    SPECIAL THANKS TO
       The Anime Web Turnpike: http://www.anipike.com
        CFAN: The Comic Fan-Fiction Authors Network:

            ...and especially you, the reader.


         o/~ I got flowers'n the spriiiiing! o/~

         o/~ I got you t'wear my riiiiiiing! o/~


                  A TIP OF THE HAT TO
                       Sonny Bono


         o/~ And when I'm sad, yer a clown! o/~

         o/~ And when I get scared, yer always 'round! o/~

         o/~ So let'em say your hair's toooooo long! o/~
         o/~ I don't care... with'u I can't go wroooooong! o/~


                        THANKS TO
              Alan Moore, & Kosuke Fujishima
                       for creating
              John Constantine & Ah My Goddess!

                   and for not suing us.

                        Aheh.  :)


        o/~ Then put your lil' haaaand in miiiiiiine! o/~
        o/~ Thr ain't no'ill'r moooountain we can't cliiiimb!o/~

                        URD & MARA
        o/~ BAAAAABE! o/~
        o/~ I GOT 'U BAAAABE! o/~
        o/~ YEAH I GOT 'U BAAAABE! o/~

                       (music ends)


   John Constantine: Hellblazer was created by Alan Moore,
   Steve Bissette, and John Totleben. All rights and
   related characters are owned and published by DC Comics.

   Ah! My Goddess was created and copyrighted by Kosuke
   Fujishima. Published by Kodansha Ltd and Dark Horse

   This work of fan fiction is public domain and not intended
   for profit.


                 Hahahahaa!  Tha'was GREAAAAaAAT!

                  Yeeaah!  Lesss'doit again!

   (Fade out as MARA and URD lean against each other drunkenly and
    laugh happily...)

                       -THE END-