This is an imaginary story...
Aren't they all?
"Superman: Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?"
explaining John Constantine: Hellblazer
"He dances on the edge of the known like a crazy man, pitting
himself against Heaven and the Pit, because he is John
Constantine, and because he is alive."
-Dr Occult to Tim Hunter on John Constantine,
"The Books of Magic"
Explaining John Constantine: Hellblazer
So, who is this John Constantine guy?
Imagine if you will, a fellow of about six feet in height, with
short blond hair that could be considered slightly on the spiky
side, always with a cigarette handy. He has the trademark
Trenchcoat, which every man of mystery seems required to have.
His accent and demeanor mark him as Definitely British.
So, what's so special about this fellow?
He deals in the occult.
No, he doesn't call down thunder or morph people into bunnies or
summon blizzards. He doesn't even pull rabbits out of hats. In
fact, he's rather lousy at fisticuffs.
But that's not important.
You see, John Constantine _knows_the_rules_.
Oh, he has other powers. Nobody knows exactly WHAT they are, and
John isn't talking. But then again, he doesn't use those powers
as much as he uses his knowledge.
For him, it always comes down to the technicalities of the
He knows what spirits absolutely can and cannot do.
He knows that even the Devil himself has limits.
And John knows _exactly_ how to manipulate those rules.
His history is long and marked with moments of honor and
disgrace. Growing up, he and his father truly hated each other.
John's youth was spent gathering arcane knowledge and yelling his
lungs off as the leader of the 70's punk group 'Mucus Membrane'.
His first grand step into the occult, an attempt to exorcise a
demon from a little girl in Newcastle, ended in disaster, with
one of his friends demonically raped and the little girl damned
to hell, her torn arm the only part of her left on earth.
Accused of murdering the girl, John spent years in Ravenscar
Asylum, where he was subjected to endless nights of torture for
what they believed he did.
He was eventually released from Ravenscar, wandered the world
again, and even tangled in the affairs of the elementals.
However, that isn't what earned John his fame. He is truly
notorious for quite a few recent deeds.
A lot of those deeds involve Hell. Here's what you need to know.
Hell was, for quite a while, ruled equally by three devils. The
First of the Fallen (who was in hell far earlier than Lucifer
Morningstar), The Second of the Fallen, and the Third of the
Fallen. John managed to:
1) sucker the First into drinking holy water,
2) through a bit of treachery, managed to actually 'kill' The
First of the Fallen, if only for a while,
3) trick The First, Second, and Third by selling his soul to all
three, which, technically, forced them to keep him alive until
two out of three renounced their claim on him,
4) give all three Leaders of Hell the finger.
He's done quite a lot more to royally offend all the major demons
in Hell, but those four stand out.
His notable deeds for which the Heavens dislike him are:
1) a fairly strong anti-catholic streak,
2) treating the Ten Commandments like a joke,
3) causing the Archangel Gabriel's fall from grace,
4) hacking Gabriel's wings off with a chainsaw.
Again, those are the big ones. There's more, but they're too
numerous to list and those four stand out. Heaven keeps a wary
eye on John. And you know what? He doesn't care.
Other small feats of wonder include pissing on (literally) and
killing the Lord of the Vampires while being stone drunk, and
averting the Apocalypse (something which, ironically, both Heaven
and Hell seemed eager to start at the time. Only goes to show
you can't please everyone).
But what is most fearsome... and tragic... about him is... well,
let John put it in his own words:
"I'm the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and
cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness.
"Oh, I've got it all sewn up. I can save you. If it takes the
last drop of your blood, I'll drive your demons away.
"I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're
down, and then I'll be gone back into the darkness, leaving only
a nod and a wink and a wisecrack.
"I walk my path alone...
"Who would want to walk with me?"
And that's John Constantine. Or, at least, some of him.
The rest is still a mystery.
John Constantine: Hellblazer was created by Alan Moore,
Steve Bissette, and John Totleben. All rights and
related characters are owned and published by DC Comics.
Ah! My Goddess was created and copyrighted by Kosuke
Fujishima. Published by Kodansha Ltd and Dark Horse
This work of fan fiction is public domain and not intended
for profit. Copyrighted by David Tai and Rod M.