This is an imaginary story...
Aren't they all?

        -Alan Moore,
	 "Superman: Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?"

Dire Fates: A Hellblazer/Oh My Goddess! crossover.

Writer's Notes:
explaining John Constantine: Hellblazer

"He dances on the edge of the known like a crazy man, pitting 
 himself against Heaven and the Pit, because he is John 
 Constantine, and because he is alive."

	-Dr Occult to Tim Hunter on John Constantine, 
	 "The Books of Magic"

Rod M.: Explaining John Constantine: Hellblazer So, who is this John Constantine guy? Imagine if you will, a fellow of about six feet in height, with short blond hair that could be considered slightly on the spiky side, always with a cigarette handy. He has the trademark Trenchcoat, which every man of mystery seems required to have. His accent and demeanor mark him as Definitely British. So, what's so special about this fellow? He deals in the occult. No, he doesn't call down thunder or morph people into bunnies or summon blizzards. He doesn't even pull rabbits out of hats. In fact, he's rather lousy at fisticuffs. But that's not important. You see, John Constantine _knows_the_rules_. Oh, he has other powers. Nobody knows exactly WHAT they are, and John isn't talking. But then again, he doesn't use those powers as much as he uses his knowledge. For him, it always comes down to the technicalities of the occult. He knows what spirits absolutely can and cannot do. He knows that even the Devil himself has limits. And John knows _exactly_ how to manipulate those rules. His history is long and marked with moments of honor and disgrace. Growing up, he and his father truly hated each other. John's youth was spent gathering arcane knowledge and yelling his lungs off as the leader of the 70's punk group 'Mucus Membrane'. His first grand step into the occult, an attempt to exorcise a demon from a little girl in Newcastle, ended in disaster, with one of his friends demonically raped and the little girl damned to hell, her torn arm the only part of her left on earth. Accused of murdering the girl, John spent years in Ravenscar Asylum, where he was subjected to endless nights of torture for what they believed he did. He was eventually released from Ravenscar, wandered the world again, and even tangled in the affairs of the elementals. However, that isn't what earned John his fame. He is truly notorious for quite a few recent deeds. A lot of those deeds involve Hell. Here's what you need to know. Hell was, for quite a while, ruled equally by three devils. The First of the Fallen (who was in hell far earlier than Lucifer Morningstar), The Second of the Fallen, and the Third of the Fallen. John managed to: 1) sucker the First into drinking holy water, 2) through a bit of treachery, managed to actually 'kill' The First of the Fallen, if only for a while, 3) trick The First, Second, and Third by selling his soul to all three, which, technically, forced them to keep him alive until two out of three renounced their claim on him, 4) give all three Leaders of Hell the finger. He's done quite a lot more to royally offend all the major demons in Hell, but those four stand out. His notable deeds for which the Heavens dislike him are: 1) a fairly strong anti-catholic streak, 2) treating the Ten Commandments like a joke, 3) causing the Archangel Gabriel's fall from grace, 4) hacking Gabriel's wings off with a chainsaw. Again, those are the big ones. There's more, but they're too numerous to list and those four stand out. Heaven keeps a wary eye on John. And you know what? He doesn't care. Other small feats of wonder include pissing on (literally) and killing the Lord of the Vampires while being stone drunk, and averting the Apocalypse (something which, ironically, both Heaven and Hell seemed eager to start at the time. Only goes to show you can't please everyone). But what is most fearsome... and tragic... about him is... well, let John put it in his own words: "I'm the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness. "Oh, I've got it all sewn up. I can save you. If it takes the last drop of your blood, I'll drive your demons away. "I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're down, and then I'll be gone back into the darkness, leaving only a nod and a wink and a wisecrack. "I walk my path alone... "Who would want to walk with me?" And that's John Constantine. Or, at least, some of him. The rest is still a mystery. -*- Disclaimer: John Constantine: Hellblazer was created by Alan Moore, Steve Bissette, and John Totleben. All rights and related characters are owned and published by DC Comics. Ah! My Goddess was created and copyrighted by Kosuke Fujishima. Published by Kodansha Ltd and Dark Horse Comics. This work of fan fiction is public domain and not intended for profit. Copyrighted by David Tai and Rod M.