Ranma 1/2 - Sour Times (Nobody Loves Me)

by Sean Gaffney

All characters (c) Rumiko Takahashi.  I have no right to use
them at all.  I should be hunted down like a dog.


	Ucchan's had been closed for the past week now.  People 
wandered by, wondering if there was a death in the family.  The
truth was a little more difficult to understand.
	Ukyou sat in the darkness of her okonomiyaki shop, staring
at the wall.  She hadn't cried for a couple of days, it seemed
that all of the crying had stopped.  Konatsu came by every day to 
check on her, but she just told him to go away.  She sat, staring 
at the wall, waiting for the person that she now knew, in her heart,
would never come.
	"He hates me," she muttered to herself.  "He hasn't come
to see me, he hasn't called...Oh, God, what have I done?"  Her
mind began to slip back to the last time they talked, when she
began her slow descent into despair.

***

	"What were you thinking, Ukyou?  I mean, Shampoo I can
understand, but you?  I thought you were my friend!"
	"Ran-chan..."
	"Don't call me that!  How could you try to kill Akane?"
	"I...I don't know!  I just needed to do something!  You
were going to marry her!"
	"And you thought that getting rid of her would win my
heart?!"
	"STOP IT!  I just...don't know what I was thinking!"
	"I don't know what you were thinking either, Ukyou.  I
also don't think we should talk again unless you do know what 
you're feeling.  I don't want to be your friend if you're someone
who would try to kill to gain my affection."
	And with that, he walked away.
	"RAN-CHAN!" she wailed, but there was no reply.

***

	And now, a week later, he still hadn't called.  He hated 
her.  She saw that now.  He had trusted her more than anyone else, 
even Akane, and she betrayed him.  And now she had no one.  She 
didn't have any real friends, all her friends were through her 
relationship with Ranma.  She couldn't talk with Nabiki or 
Kasumi, they must hate her too.  Ryouga was off somewhere with
Akari.  Even Konatsu was probably just feeling sorry for her.
After all, she made a pitiable sight.  The girl who threw it all
away for her love.
	Story of her life, really.  A life devoted entirely to
Ranma Saotome.  She had loved him almost from their first meeting.
Then, after he and Genma abandoned her, she turned her love into
hatred.  But it was a hatred devoted to Ranma.  Even after she 
moved to Nerima, and made up with him, she still found her life
revolved around Ranma.  She listened to his problems, she cooked
his food, she tried in every way to be the perfect woman for him.
And now he had abandoned her.  He must hate her now, for what
she had tried to do to Akane.
	*He hates me.  He hates me...*
	Her eyes wandered the room, finally lighting on a jar of
sleeping pills.
	*Hates me.  Hates me.*
	And at that moment, she grabbed them.  It was an act of
weakness, anyone could have stopped her.  But there was no one
else there.
	*No one left.  Ran-chan...*
	She hoped they would make the pain go away.

***

	The Tendo Dojo was a different place lately.  Oh, there
were the usual arguments.  But lately the edge seemed to have
been taken off them, as if a fog of indecision had finally 
lifted.	
	Genma and Ranma were sparring in the dojo, Kasumi was
baking something, and Nabiki was tabulating.  It was therefore
Akane who answered the door.
	"Yes, Tend-AAAH!"
	Konatsu stood there, carrying a large sword.  He had
tears streaming down his face, but that wasn't what concerned
Akane.  What bothered her was the look of murder that she saw
in his eyes.
	"I challenge Ranma Saotome to a battle to the death.
He cannot refuse."
	"What?  What brought this on?"
	"Just tell him."
	Akane ran to the dojo.  "Ranma, Konatsu's here..."
	"Tell him I'm not ready to talk to Ukyou yet."
	"He wants to kill you."
	"What?!"

***

	"All right, Konatsu, what's this all -- aaaigh!"
	The moment Konatsu saw him, he came at Ranma with a
ferocity never seen before.  Ranma was just barely able to
duck out of the way of the sword.
	"Saotome, you have stolen all that is dear to me,
through a deceitful act of shame.  I cannot let you live."
	"Wait a minute, what are you --"
	At that moment, Konatsu charged again.  This time, he 
aimed straight for Ranma's head.  Ranma almost fell getting
out of the way.
	"Ranma!" Akane shouted.
	"Do you think I am fooling around?  I want you dead,
Saotome.  Dead for what you did to Ukyou!"
	"What I did to her?!  She's the one who tried to
attack Akane!"
	"And now you feel she's paid the price, is that it?"
	Ranma had had enough.  "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"
	"You know exactly what I'm talking about, killer!  I
saw her note!  She was devoted to you, who deserved none of 
her love, and you crushed her heart!" Konatsu was beginning 
to rant aimlessly now.  He had started to cry again.
	"Note?" Akane had a small feeling in the pit of her 
stomach.
	Konatsu drew a piece of paper from his blouse.  
"This."
	Everyone gathered to look at what it said.

---------------------------------------
		Ran-chan.  I'm sorry.  For everything.
		
		Goodbye.

		Ukyou
---------------------------------------

	Konatsu was saying, "I stopped by her place in the
morning.  I was getting very worried about her.  Then, when 
she didn't open the door, I panicked.  I broke it down, 
and..." At this he dropped the sword and began to sob.
"She was lying there, on the floor.  She'd taken pills.  If
I'd been there, I could have--"
	Akane began to cry.  Soun was already wailing away.
The others were in shock.
	Ranma looked at the note for a long time.  He then
gave it back to Konatsu, left the dojo, and went to his 
room.
	The sound of the door slamming echoed round the dojo.

***

	Kasumi laid a dinner for Ranma at the door.  He 
hadn't come out for a day and a half.
	Back in the living room, Akane and Nabiki were
preparing for the memorial service.
	"Nobody knows what to do.  I mean, all of Ukyou's
family are in Osaka, but we want to do something here.  
Plus...well, we don't know if they want her back."
	Nabiki frowned.  "Hmmmm.  Why don't you ask Ranma?"
	"He hasn't even opened his door."
	"If I know Ranma, he's probably blaming himself 
for Ukyou's death."
	"But it's not his fault!"
	"No, but he probably thinks he is.  That's why I
never second-guess myself.  It always leads to trouble."
	"I'm going to go check on him."
 
***

	Akane walked warily into Ranma's room.  He was 
laying on his futon, staring at the ceiling.  She tried to 
get his	attention.
	"Ranma?  It's almost time for the service."
	For the first time in two days, Ranma spoke.
	"Why should I go?  I disgraced her, Akane.  She
was my best friend, and I treated her worse than anyone."
	"That was because she was your best friend, Ranma.
It's harder when friends hurt each other."
	"I don't deserve to be called her friend.  I should
have realized.  Ucchan's always been the one to take things
hard.  I mean, you and Shampoo just get violent, but she
didn't.  At least no until--"
	Akane smiled wanly.  "Maybe that's why she attacked
me.  Maybe she thought being more violent would attract you
to her."
	"She deserved so much, Akane.  Her entire life was
ruined by me at age 5, and I could never figure out a way 
to make it up to her.  And now it's too late."
	"You can make it up to her now.  Come to the service."

***

	The memorial was short and simple.  It was held at 
Ukyou's okonomiyaki shop.  All of Ukyou's friends and 
classmates showed up.  Ryouga, with the help of Akari, 
managed to arrive.  Even Kuno was there, slightly subdued.  
In the front, Konatsu sat on one side, and Tsubasa on 
the other, bawling..  The Tendos and Saotomes were there 
too, being the closest Ukyou had to a family in Nerima.  
Soun, Kasumi, and Nodoka were all weeping, and Akane was 
feeling her eyes watering up as well. She looked over at 
Nabiki, who sat stone-faced.  She wondered what Nabiki was 
feeling, she always kept it so hidden.
	Ranma stood next to Akane, through the whole service, 
not moving or reacting.  At the very end, as people began to 
file out, Ranma stopped at the shrine.  The picture of Ukyou 
showed her in a relaxed fighting pose, spatula on her back, 
and a big grin.  Ranma looked at her picture for several 
minutes.  Ukyou, happy and at peace with herself.  Maybe 
there was something he could do for her.
	"I won't fail you again, Ucchan.  I promise."
	One small tear streamed down his face.

***

	Akane couldn't believe what she was hearing.  Ranma
had taken possession of Ukyou's ashes, and he was going to
deliver them to her family.  
	"They'll kill you!"
	Ranma looked at her with a face still full of grief.
He looked like a shadow of his former self.  But at the same
time she could see the determination in his eyes.
	"Probably."
	"Then why are you doing it?"
	"Because it's the honorable thing to do.  Because
it's right.  And because it's the last thing I can do for
Ucchan as a friend.  I may have abandoned her before her
death, but I refuse to do so after."
	"But...what about us?"
	"Akane...I'm sorry.  But I have to do this.  Don't
you understand?  It's my punishment."
	"You're blaming yourself again!"
	"Yes.  Who else could I blame?"
	"Ukyou!  She wasn't strong enough, so she gave up."
	Ranma sighed.  "Akane, when a person is too weak
to deal with something, the one thing they have to rely on
is the strength of other people.  Ukyou died alone, thinking
she had nothing.  And _that_ was my fault.  Now I can show 
her that she wasn't alone by doing this for her.  I...you
know how I feel about you, Akane.  But do you understand, I
_need_ to do this."
	Akane began to cry again.  She'd done far too much
of that lately, she thought.
	"At least take me with you."
	"No, Akane.  This is something I have to do myself.
It's my fault."
	"But what was that you were saying about the strength
of others?  You're trying to go into a life-threatening 
situation when you're still recovering from Ukyou's death!
Do you think you're at your strongest?"
	"Well..."
	"Rely on _my_ strength, Ranma.  Let me come with you.  
Because I'll be damned if I'm going to lose you to satisfy 
your guilty conscience!"
	Ranma thought for a long time.  About Ukyou, and being
alone.
	"All right."

***

	They left the dojo at dawn, heading north.  It would
take several weeks to make the journey, but that didn't seem
to bother them.  The family watched as they walked away, 
Ranma carrying Ukyou's ashes.
	Ranma still felt as if he was about to shatter.  He
couldn't yet find it in himself to forgive what he had done
to Ukyou.  But at least he wouldn't make the same mistake
she had.
	He could rely on his friends, on Akane, and on the
strength of others.


END



Author's Notes (long and annoying, as per usual):

The idea for this fanfic began after reading Furinkan Summer
and Daigakusei no Ranma.  I began to feel that, in my 
opinion, Ukyou was far too depressed for her own good.
Especially in DnR, it seemed like Ukyou was sliding into a
big, deep pit.  I began to wonder at the reasons that people
have for painting Ukyou this way, and how strong she 
actually is.

The other reason I wrote this was because I didn't like part
of Vol. 38.  I didn't think that Ukyou would have gone as 
far as that.  But, since it was written, I began to wonder
why she would go that far, and how Ranma would view her
actions.

Thus, this fic.  It started out being all about Ukyou, but
in writing it, it became a story of Ranma, and how he has
to deal with his actions.  I knew the one word I didn't
want bandied about in this fanfic was seppuku, which is
tossed around far too easily, in my opinion.  Also, I didn't
want Ukyou to have this big, sword out, I-go-to-my-ancestors 
type thing.  Ukyou's death was as pointless as all suicides,
and the pills were used to emphasize that.

Originally I had Ranma go to Ukyou's town alone, but as I 
started to develop my theme, I realized that the story would 
be better served if Akane went with him.

Nabiki had a much bigger role in the first draft of this
fic.  I edited most of it out.  Some of those problems may
be dealt with in a later work.

No, this isn't the first of a series.  This is the end. 
Though I'm going to write more Ranma, I think this line 
is now done.

The song "Sour Times", by the way, is by Portishead, and
if you haven't heard it, go get it.

This is my first Ranma fanfic, and I feel OK about it.  I
achieved what I wanted.  The following Ranma authors could
be said to be influences on this story:  David Tai, Paul
Gallegos, Darren Demaine, Mark Latus, Caroline Ann Seawright,
Jason Ashton, and especially John Biles, whose "For Want
of a Nail" is still my favorite Ranma fanfic.

Thanks!

--Sean Gaffney
--"You git!  I thought you were dead!  Git git git" - Benny, No Future