{Ranma 1/2 and Star Wars are properties of Rumiko Takahashi and George Lucas and all their
friends and lawyers, not us. Mike and I are poor so don't sue us. This story is not for use in the
pursuit of making money in any shape or form. This story not for use without permission from us.} 

                                      

                Star Wars - A Faint Hope

                         Century of the Fruitbat Productions

                    Screenplay by Lara Bartram and Mike Loader



The sounds of blaster fire echoed through the corridors of the Corellian blockade runner. This was
fairly normal; at least, normal for when small illicit craft are forcibly stopped and boarded by
Imperial Star Destroyers. Stormtroopers prefer to shoot first and ask for surrenders later. 

And so, Her Royal Highness, Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan, did the smart thing and ran like hell
for the farthest part of the ship from the hatch. 

She was expendable. The plans weren't. 

So she had to find a suitable astromech droid, one who could safely hold the precious data and get
it safely to the general. 

And here, just around the corner, was a tiny blue R2 model. Leia vaguely remembered as belonging
to the other member of royalty on board the ship. Nerima was a world sympathetic to the rebellion,
so the droid should be a safe bet. 

"Here, little fellow," she called softly. The droid glanced over at her, and its sensor brightened with a
somewhat unnerving glint. Bleeping enthusiastically, it scuttled over to the waiting Princess. 

Fishing in her belt, Leia drew out the precious datacard. "You've got to take this message to
General Kenobi on the planeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEYAAAHHH!" 

Outraged, Leia quickly jumped back out of the reach of the aptly named grasping arm. The tiny
droid beeped, the sound somehow lecherous, and retracted the appendage. To her horror, she
noticed a black silk undergarment gripped tightly in the claw... 

It suddenly felt... drafty. 

Her cheeks reddening, Leia hurried off. Captain Antillies had an astromech; it'd do just fine. 

R2-HT gave a mechanical chirp of glee, stowed the royal panties in an inner compartment, and
trundled off. Whatta haul! Whatta haul! Boy, wouldn't C-KN0 be jealous! 

"Yo, droid!" 

HT's perverted little sensors twitched. The mistress! Sweetums! 

"I gotta datacard here for you..." 

Droids can't grin. R2-HT did anyway. 

                                   *** ***

"...and bring me the passengers. I want them alive!" 

With a menacing flick of his cape, Darth Vader stormed off the bridge of the captured blockade
runner. Every stormtrooper present breathed a heartfelt sigh of relief. 

It wasn't that Vader was scary. Midterms at the Carida Academy were scary. Large, trooper-eating
snakes were scary. Rebels with thermal detonators and maniac grins were scary. But the Dark Lord
of the Sith made all of those look like a comfy evening in front of the fire with a mug of hot tea and
mother knitting something. People in his presence were too busy being terrified to be scared. 

"Remember, he's on my side," hapless servants of the Empire used to tell themselves in a vain effort
to keep from soiling their regulation white-on-black undergarments. Then some thoughtful
numberpusher casually mentioned in a post on the MilWeb that Lord Vader had killed over 145
times the amount of Imperial troops as he had Rebels. 

The Fervent Tyranny Overthrow Cell, a splinter group from the Alliance, intercepted this message
and promptly awarded the Dark Lord their highest honors. 

Glad to have escaped alive, the stormtroopers hauled up the body of the dead Corellian captain and
began to trundle him off. And then the bridge door opened, revealing a shape in black body armor. 

Oh no, was the silent thought. Vader's come back. We're all dead. 

Coolant mist swirling theatrically around him, the Dark Lord deliberately trod forward and seized
the dead captain by the throat in a viselike grip. Slowly raising the corpse, he looked directly into its
slack features, the dead eyes reflected in the lenses of his helmet. 

"Where is the transmission you intercepted?" 

Relief mixed with embarrassment as the stormtroopers silently looked somewhere else. It wasn't
Vader after all. 

"Well?" 

The platoon leader cleared his throat. "Er. Lord Ono?" 

The figure in black turned to regard him. "Yes?" 

"Er. Um, that man's dead, sir. Sorry, sir." 

Lord Tofu Ono, the other Dark Lord of the Sith, carefully wiped the lenses of his helmet with his
free hand, then examined his prisoner once again. "Hmm. So he is." 

"Lord Vader broke his neck," chimed in a recruit. The platoon leader winced. Ono scowled, and
angrily tossed the body aside. 

"Lord Vader," he said, voice dripping with spite, "is a clumsy, egotistical, joke of an amateur. He
doesn't know the first thing about proper use of the Force, or chiropractic techniques." 

Most of the stormtroopers wisely stayed silent. The recruit sniggered. 

Lord Ono glared at him, and casually tapped the recruit's armor with a gloved pinkie. The platoon
leader, who had worked under Ono before, shuddered. 

"Tear this ship apart until..." 

"...we find the plans? Lord Vader already...." 

Tofu snarled. "Vader, Vader, Vader! He's not the only student of the Emperor, you know! He's not
even the first one! I was!" 

This was true, and most of the stormtroopers knew it. Emperor Palpatine, needing a right-hand man
for his consolidation of power and extermination of the Jedi, had set his sights on the skilled young
Jedi Chiropractor. Tofu had, after a brief struggle, become the mildly- feared servant of fairly
unpleasant behavior that he was today. 

It was also true that the Emperor, after muttering something about 'back to the drawing board', had
then carefully ignored Tofu's existence and turned his efforts to one Anakin Skywalker. 

Thus, while Vader purposefully strode forth on missions from his master aimed at crushing the Rebel
Alliance, Ono tended to meander around on rather pointless quests of his own. 

The best way to deal with him, as the platoon leader knew, was to respectfully acknowledge his
every command, salute smartly, and then never get around to carrying out his orders. 

"Er, Lord Ono," he began hesitantly, "we'll let you know if we find the plans for the Death Star. Just
as soon as we..." 

Tofu flicked a black-gloved hand dismissively. "Feh, who cares about the Death Star? Your
mission, Trooper, is to find the plans for Project J that were beamed to this ship. At once. Is that
clear?" 

"Yessir," barked the platoon leader, saluting crisply. 

"Good. Call me when you find them." Turning, the Dark Lord of the Sith stormed into a wall, swore,
wiped the coolant mist off his helmet lenses, and sheepishly slunk out the door. 

Sighing, the platoon leader turned to the recruit. "Son... that was real dumb. Everyone knows that
Lord Ono'll stand just about anything but disrespect. And now look at what's happened." 

The novice stormtrooper made a rude noise. "Feh. So he poked me. Big deal. A REAL Dark Lord,
like Darth Vader, would have auuughhhaggggghhhjjjhgfddffhhj*splat*gish*blorp*" 

The platoon leader shook his head sadly. "Men, flush what's left of Trooper Gelik down the
commode." Lord Ono wasn't as bloody-minded as Vader, but he was still an incredibly powerful
Dark Jedi with a extensive knowledge of pressure points and the human body. Armor didn't help. It
just prevented the liquid remains of the ex-stormtrooper from making a mess on the floor. 

"And the plans he mentioned, sir?" 

"Bugger that. Vader told us to find the passengers, so we find the passengers." 

                                   *** ***

C-KN0 turned the corner, looking to retrieve his diminutive, yet quite lecherous companion,
R2-HT. How he despised the little droid, but it seemed that they were in the firefight together and
thus had to work together to escape in one piece. Or at least, for him to escape; the fate of the
astromech was secondary. 

Turning down another corridor, he caught sight of R2-HT at the other end, and there was a strange
woman with him. A strange, buxom, lithe, red-haired woman, kneeling down enticingly in something
sheer and clingy. Or maybe he was just imagining it and she was really dressed in a red shirt and
black pants. 

C-KN0 could feel his wires begin to melt as he watched the woman with R2-HT for a moment.
Unable to control himself any longer, he shuffled as quickly as possible toward the two. "Oh
beauteous one, waste not your attention on that lesser droid!" he yelled, waving his hand at her. 

She looked up at him, blue eyes flashing, then looked down at R2- HT. She fiddled with something
then swatted away one of the droid's claws, and ran off down the corridor. 

Finally reaching R2-HT, C-KN0 looked longingly after the woman. "Who was that enticing
creature?" 

R2-HT practically bounced up and down in place, beeping and whistling excitedly. 

"A mission? She wishes us to complete a mission for her? If such a beautiful woman asks a favor of
us, then how can we deny her desires? Behold! C-KN0, renowned protocol droid of the galaxy
shall..." 

R2-HT chirped annoyedly at him. 

"Yes, yes... And R2-HT, lecherous astromech, shall stop at nothing to fulfill our given mission!"
C-KN0 adopted a heroic pose, then looked down at R2. "What was the mission?" 

R2-HT told the other droid what had happened, knowing C-KN0 wouldn't believe a word he had
said. That was one thing about the translator droids that could always be counted on. Predictability.
It also made them great to play pranks on. 

"Indeed. A princess and secret plans... Very well, we shall go!" 

If it was possible for robots to facefault or sweat or do anything not related to real life, R2-HT had
just done it. 

"Escape is our first order of business. To the escape pods!" C- KN0 headed toward the closest
bank of emergency lifepods with R2-HT following. 

The tiny droid had the feeling that he was getting into something very, very bad. But anything for that
cute princess! R2-HT sped down the corridor, past C-KN0. 

"The Princess was a most fetching creature indeed," C-KN0 sighed as they walked. "And to think,
she required our help..." 

*Bwoop beep dweep whistle* R2-HT answered, humming in place. His display lights were flashing
wildly as they made their way to the escape pods. The sounds of blaster fire had ceased, but they
knew they weren't out of the proverbial woods yet. 

C-KN0 made a disgusted sound. "You shall not speak to me in such a manner. When did they start
programming astromechs with such foul tongues?" Shaking his head at the fate of being cursed with
the lecherous R2-HT, C-KN0 wished for an industrial laser to take care of his companion. 

"This way, you cretinous little slug," the translator droid said as the two turned down a grated
passage. "Why she would ever consider a foul trash compacted heap a suitable courier is beyond
even my immense comprehension." 

*Dwoop bee fip boop woo* The R2 unit's lights were flickering crazily again. 

"And she appeared none to grateful for your... attentions." As possible as it is for a droid to sneer,
C-KN0 did it. "That grasping claw is a tool, not an extension of your lechery!" 

Summarily ignoring his unwanted companion, R2-HT continued to reminisce about the kawaii little
princess that had put her hands all over him. *Whistle woo beep bip* 

"No, I do not believe she will be 'slipping you' any more plans!" C-KN0 rapped sharply on
R2-HT's dome-shaped top, who approximated a droid snicker. "Cease such ignoble comments
about the princess, or you shall be summarily blasted out an airlock!" 

R2-HT whistled forlornly, then chirped happily as the two reached the escape pods. 

"While my sentiments may be similar, she would invariably choose me as her translator over you as
her astromech. You are nothing more than a peasant mechanical droid to her, while I am versed in
the finer arts of diplomatic process and..." 

The little forked appendage that came out of a recently opened door on the R2 unit's trunk touched
the reflective metallic skin of C- KN0's leg, sending a burst of electricity jolting through the taller
droid. 

C-KN0's words became garbled as the current played havoc with his speech center. 

R2-HT withdrew the extremity and rolled over to the escape pod access panel, leaving the
translator droid gibbering behind him. Using his computer access rod, R2 tried to activate the pods.
Turning back to see C-KN0 recovering, he beeped slyly. 

C-KN0 knocked himself in the head once to clear his sensors, then turned a cross pair of visual
detectors on the squat robot. "No, I do not believe the Princess would care to see your computer
access 'member' or witness your speed at 'data retrieval'. Our first priority is to see through on the
mission the fiery-haired Princess has given to us." 

R2-HT returned to accessing the escape pods only to discover they had all been jettisoned. Making
a sound that could have been interpreted as 'uh oh', he stopped accessing the computer. 

"And what obstacle might we have encountered this time? Hm?" C- KN0 tapped expectantly on
R2-HT. "We must not let anything stand in our way." 

Retracting his access rod, R2 backed away from the panel. Now just what were they supposed to
do now? C-KN0 couldn't get them out; he couldn't formulate a crew list for a freighter, let alone an
escape plan. It was up to him to get things done. 

Speeding away, paying no mind to C-KN0's questions, R2-HT was forming a serious plan. 

"You two droids, stop where you are!" 

The two stopped in place and turned in unison. Neither was particularly afraid, as the Empire in
general was far too conceited and egotistical for its own good, but they didn't want to fail the
princess. 

"And what evilness have you visited upon our..." C-KN0 began. 

"Good. We could use a translator droid," the trooper in the lead said. 

"What for, sir?" 

"Have you ever tried to understand a cantina full of half-drunk aliens who can barely tell you their
own name? It's not easy." 

Several other troopers nodded in agreement. Blasting them was always a last resort, but it was
important to appear in control, even when there was a complete failure to communicate. 

"You think that I would step foot into any of the filthy establish..." 

"Yeah, this one'll do. Grab the little one too, just in case. It might come in handy if we have
problems." 

"Remove your hands from my person," C-KN0 ordered as a pair of stormtroopers grabbed his
arms and began to drag him away. 

"Save it until we're ready for you, droid." 

                                   *** ***

R2-HT beeped softly at C-KN0. 

"I am unaware of our purpose aboard this ship. Whenever I attempt to get an explanation, I am
most rudely cut off," C-KN0 returned quietly. 

R2 continued his quiet noises, seeing several of the troopers nearby look over at them. 

"And what, pray tell, is wrong with how I speak? My speech patterns have served me for many
years as a highly successful translator, and now I am expected to abandon what I have achieved so
much doing?" C-KN0's voice was rising in volume. "Nay! It is that which..." 

More troopers looked over at the sudden silence, watching R2-HT withdraw the electrically
charged prod he had just put to use. Several sighs of relief were heard. 

Safely en route to the surface of the planet Tatooine, the stormtroopers were beginning to get antsy
in the company of the two droids. The little one wasn't too bad, but there was definitely a
threatening air about it, and the translator... Lord help whoever he had to translate for. Straws were
being drawn for who would be stuck with it. 

Recovering, C-KN0 looked down at the little R2 unit. "You vile, little scrap-heap. You do know
that I utterly despise you, don't you?" 

Several troopers had their hands resting on their blaster rifles, wondering if too big a commotion
would be started. 

One of the officers chose that moment to make an appearance at that time much to the delight of
R2-HT. Even though her hair was pinned up under the hat and she wore the same drab uniform as
the others, there was no mistaking her gender. 

Sensor flaring to life, making some very... impolite noises, R2- HT quickly advanced on the female
officer with all appendages extended. Sweeto! It was the most frightening moment of the officer's
life, even eclipsing the brief meeting she had had with Lord Vader. 

"Shoot this little monster!" she yelled, pointing at the droid. 

Blasters were leveled, ready to happily comply with the order. 

"Hold! As detestable as I find my companion, we have pressing matters to attend to. Blasting him
would impair our ability to complete the mission, and that would invariably disappoint the beauteous
princess..." 

With amazing self-control, R2 turned away from the officer and beeped annoyedly, again, at
C-KN0. 

"Nonsense. Knowing the importance of our mission, they shall no doubt release us and assist us to
deliver the plans for the Prin..." 

R2-HT made a sound that was almost... dangerous. 

"Your feeble threats do not frighten me." Moving quickly for a droid with locked joints, C-KN0
pulled out of thin air apparently... 

"Where'd it get that stick?" one trooper asked. 

"Beats me. I've never seen a droid move that fast before." 

"You idiots! Get rid of these two mechanical rejects!" the officer yelled. 

Absorbed in their argument over the mission, waving sticks and electrically charged appendages
around, the two droids didn't even notice the troopers slowly moving in on them. 

Unexpectedly, the protocol droid swung his stick in a wide arc, missing the shorter astromech, and
hit one of the troopers in the chest. Only his armor saved him from a horrible bruise. 

Stumbling back a little, tripping over someone's foot, the trooper landed square on his rump,
accidentally firing off his blaster. 

Everyone ducked as the shot ricocheted around the ship until it struck an unawares pilot, killing the
sap instantly. There was silence except for the two droids arguing loudly still. C-KN0 swung his
stick again, striking another trooper accidentally, knocking him into the others. 

Putting one hand over her face, the officer shook her head. "Fine. I guess I do this myself then."
Watching the two battle and babble, the officer went ahead and released the docking safeties,
opening the airlock that the two were standing on. 

As the two were sucked out of the ship and sent hurtling through the atmosphere of the planet, not
even knowing how fortunate they were that were not in outer space, C-KN0 yelled, "Cowards!" 

Then he got down to the business of panicking at the fact that impact would most likely send him
scattering in several thousand parts across the planet surface. Unless he could somehow break his
fall by landing on R2-HT... 

There was no time, however, as the ground was coming up fast, and it appeared that they might
land on those two... black... dots... 

Jawas tend to spend much of their dull, squat, verminous little lives doing things with droids. Selling
them was the most common thing. Repairing them was another... well, at least making them look
repaired, anyway. Some particularly pathetic Jawas even slept with them, because it's hard to get a
date on Saturday night when you're a filthy, three- foot-high humanoid rat clothed in rags that a
leper would wrinkle his nose in disgust in. But no Jawa had ever actually been killed by a droid.
Until now. 

*WHAM!* 

Two of the little humanoids were wiped out right there and then as R2-HT and C-KN0 landed right
on top them, turning the area in a 15 foot circle around them into a giant smear of Jawa bits. 

                                   *** ***

Jawas are one of the few things about Tattooine that are even remotely famous. 

In major, urban, cosmopolitan worlds like Coruscant, Corellia, and Vertide, a thriving trade is done
in Jawa dolls, plushies, virtual pets, and air-fresheners. This is because the Jawa profile is cute and
cuddly, with the pointy hood and button eyes and adorable waddle. And they have bandoleers and
guns, which appeals to the intergalactic equivalent of rednecks and 10-year-old boys. 

And so, most sentient beings who ever hear of the race go through life thinking that Jawas are cute. 

This is a reasonable but enormous mistake. 

Possibly, if you gave a Jawa a industrial strength bath, a tailor-made robe, enough odor eaters to
freshen a skunk colony, a manicure, and a acting lesson... well, it probably still wouldn't be cute, but
it would be closer. 

The closest thing to a cute Jawa is a dead one. If nothing else, it improves the smell and removes the
fear that they might try to touch you. 

Two Jawas of the Gaaaahp'oootie Parasitic Scavenger Collective were currently trying to attain
cuteness over a quarter-mile radius. Their less cuddly but still living companions stared at the droids
that had caused this. The one or two Jawas with what passed for a sense of hygiene absently
brushed bits of entrails off their clothing, and licked their lips. 

C-KN0 slowly sat up, and took stock of the situation. He was in one piece, which was good. He
was covered with some sort of gore, which was bad. R2-HT was bleeping and half buried in the
sand, which was good. There were a number of small, grubby-looking creatures clustering around
him, which was bad. 

"Avert thy gaze, base knaves!" he said in Magrat, trade tongue of barely-sentient creatures who
infest spaceports. While it was uncertain if the little creatures even knew what a spaceport was, they
looked like experts on infesting. 

The Jawas chattered to each other in a squeaky, primitive tongue for a few seconds. C-KN0 stood,
and with great dignity brushed shreds of Jawa from his faux-golden surface, pretending not to listen.
He was fluent in over three million forms of communication, but this wasn't one of them. Still, he was
a fast learner when it came to languages, and it gradually began to make some sort of sense. 

"Ochee gas sell mukgah out of the blue eechebee?" 

"Go-nah toku squashed ootah felkii flat!" 

"Muso gamp should visdis kak shoot them." 

C-KN0 quivered with outrage. The nerve! 

"So, thou wouldst shoot the noble C-KN0 and his companion in metal? Doubtless delaying our
quest on behalf of the most beauteous pig-tailed princess? Feel the wrath of the Golden Translator
of Furinkan Cybernetics, squat offal!" 

Thunder crashed somewhere in the background. 

The Jawas watched in sheer disbelief as the droid from the sky whipped out a stick and charged. 

After watching him beat five of their number to a bloody pulp, they shot him repeatedly. 

The astromech buried upside-down in the sand didn't look like much of a threat, but they shot it too.
Just in case. 

                                   *** ***

These are the Jundland wastes. 

They are treacherous, forbidding, barren. Sandpeople live in them, and greet travelers in their own
special ethnic way. 

Despite this - or, perhaps because of this - moisture farmers persistently cluster around the fringes,
eking out a living by growing things that could probably be grown much more easily somewhere
else. 

Moisture farmers came in many different sexes, races, and sizes, but they all had one thing in
common. They weren't young, and they had pretty much had it with the outside galaxy. This worked
out fine, because the outside galaxy had usually pretty much had it with them. 

The current crop of farmers in the Anchorhead area contained three ex-smugglers, two former
lawyers, a Senator in the Old Republic, four fleet officers from the wrong side of the Clone Wars, a
Barabel with a vast collection of stormtrooper helmets, the foster parents of Darth Vader's son, and
a widower named Soun Tendo. 

At the moment, this individual was crying his eyes out. 

"Wah! My only remaining daughter's going to leave me all alone in my old age!" 

Kasumi Tendo frowned slightly. "Now father, that's not so. I just said that eventually I might
consider leaving the farm, that's all." 

Soun sniffled, and carefully examined his eldest child. She smiled back at him, patted him on the
head, and wandered into the kitchen. "You just sit down, father, and I'll bring you a nice cup of tea."

Sighing, Soun sank into an armchair. He knew he was a bit overprotective, but... he couldn't help it.
Ever since losing his wife and two youngest daughters in that freak nerf herding accident, he found
himself constantly worrying about his eldest daughter, now his sole heir. 

If it weren't for the fact that continuing the family line required two people, he wouldn't even let her
go into town on weekends. As it was, she had begun dating that Darklighter boy... but he moved
away last year, and Soun had gotten the impression that she had been going out with him simply
because it was expected. Hints on his part that she might try a date with the Skywalker boy were
met with the pleasant, slightly bemused look that she normally gave his more ridiculous ideas. His
daughter seemed to prefer older men, and Luke had the spiritual age of a energetic puppy. 

He sighed. Getting Kasumi a decent husband was proving to be a major headache. Young people
just didn't stay around this place; they applied to the Academy, or bought passage to a major world,
or took the Jabba the Hutt Scholarship for Promising Young Sentients. 

Emerging from the kitchen with a cup of scrub tea, Kasumi carefully set it on the table near his chair.
"I'm going into town to do some shopping, father. Is there anything you need?" 

Soun's brow wrinkled. "Hmm. A newspaper, two pipes of tabac, and see if you can find us some
replacements for the droids the Tusken stole." 

"Okay!" 

"And please don't buzz the Hamthax's place again. They called to complain the other night." 

"Oh dear. All right, father." 

As his daughter walked out the door, Soun fished out two pieces of cotton wool and carefully
stuffed them in his ears. 

*vvvvvvvrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!* 

As soon as the vase on the corner shelf stopped shaking, he removed the wool. 

The Jundland wastes were hostile, barren, forbidden, and very, very boring. So young people did
what young people always do in such places - drive souped-up vehicles at ludicrous speeds through
narrow, dangerous areas. 

In an area noted for this, Kasumi Tendo was widely regarded as the Nicest Person In The
Anchorhead Area, Most Likely To Make Some Lucky Man A Great Wife, and Most Likely To
Smear Herself All Over A Canyon If She Keeps Driving That Repulsorlift With Seats The Way She
Does. 

                                   *** ***

Everyone liked Kasumi. 

More specifically, everyone liked Kasumi when she wasn't driving. 

Pulling her horribly overengined landspeeder to a screeching halt, she gingerly got out of the driver's
seat and walked into the streets of Anchorhead. People smiled, waved, and noted where she was
parked for future avoiding. 

She hadn't gone more that a block before the Jawas flagged her down. 

Kasumi was possibly the only resident of the area who would, when confronted by apparently
crazed Jawas frantically waving their hands, smile pleasantly instead of shooting them. 

"Good morning!" 

^!Droids! You want Droids?!^ 

"Oh. Well, actually, I am looking for...." 

^!Good! They're yours! Take them!^ 

Kasumi blinked. While she usually had little trouble with buying things, the little merchant wasn't
making much sense. 

"How much...." 

^!We'll pay you 20!^ 

"Pay me 20?" 

^!Okay! 30! Deal?^ Without even waiting for the puzzled moisture farmer to nod, the Jawas
frantically hustled two bound and gagged droids out of a nearby alleyway. Kasumi stood, bemused,
as they shoved an ownership datacard and 30 coins into her hands, laughed insanely, and ran like
hell. 

This was most odd, Kasumi thought. While people often gave her free samples, no-one had ever
paid her money to accept valuable machines before. 

Oh well. Never look a gift droid in the circuits. 

With some difficulty, she managed to remove the gag from the large golden one. 

"At last! Liberated from the vile clutches of those repulsive peasant scum! Back in the surface of a
honorable liege!" The translator droid bowed. "I am C-KN0, noble protocol droid. And the
astromech you have so wisely kept muffled is my counterpart, R2-HT. We are both at your service,
Lord...?" 

"I'm Kasumi Tendo," she responded. "My, what a bargain. Do you speak Bocce?" 

C-KN0 sniffed slightly. "I comprehend the language of every civilized race worth mentioning. Oh,
and Jawas, too." 

"How about binary moisture vaporators?' 

The droid looked taken aback. "What might those be? They sound suspiciously like something
involving manual labor." C-KN0 somehow managed to invest the last two words with a degree of
odiousness usually only found in pairings like 'gang rape', 'child molesting', or 'tax audit'. 

This wasn't good, Kasumi thought. The main reason the farm needed droids was for those
vaporators. Perhaps the little one knew how to handle them? Kneeling, she began to work the
bonds off the R2 unit. 

Behind her, C-KN0 fidgeted alarmedly. "Lord Tendo..." 

"Oh dear, just Kasumi." 

"Miss Kasumi, you might want to wait to release that malodorous little robot until there are more
people around, ones with blasters or electric bantha prods..." 

"Oh, I'm sure I'll make due." 

C-KN0 winced as the last durarope came loose, and waited for the inevitable cacophony of
lecherous beeps and female screams. 

To his vast surprise, R2-HT bleeped pleasantly, performed a systems check, and rattled off a series
of electronic clicks for the protocol droid's benefit. 

"Why... ahem... Master Kasumi, he wishes to inform you that he is well acquainted with vaporator
operation." With an amazed look, C-KN0 listened to another flurry of beeping. "He.. he says he's
eager to see them and whip them into shape for you? R2-HT, are you feeling quite well?" 

Kasumi beamed at the little astromech, and fondly patted the dome. "My, what a handy little
fellow." 

R2-HT bleeped endearingly. 

"Now, if you two will wait right here, I'll be right back with some groceries for you to carry." 

As their new master walked off, C-KN0 stared at his companion in disbelief. "I must say, for once
you behaved with decorum and gentility. Have you picked up a flutter?" 

The little droid bleeped puzzledly. To tell the truth, it had no idea whatsoever why it hadn't gone for
a cheap feel. Odd, that. 

                                   *** ***

Kasumi hummed happily as she walked back to her landspeeder. The two droids following her
were less so. "And why did you agree to help this young lady? She works us as if we are slaves,"
C-KN0 seethed to R2-HT. 

R2-HT, still running a full internal systems diagnostic, ignored him and continued rolling along behind
their new master... mistress... Sweeto! 

His grasping claw shot out to acquire a new souvenir, but halted in mid pinch. He couldn't do it.
Violating his new mistress' undergarments just seemed so... wrong. He intensified his diagnostic
efforts. 

"Whatever is that worrisome whirring noise?" Kasumi asked, turning to look at the two droids.
There appeared to be some sort of smoke pouring out of the little R2's top. 

"Oh dear!" Hurrying back to relieve the unit of its burden, she deposited everything R2-HT had
been carrying on top of C-KN0's impressive pile of groceries. She didn't notice as he toppled over
backwards. 

"You poor little droid! What's happened?" Kasumi kneeled down in front of R2, running her hands
over his metal frame. She didn't feel any damage and it didn't look damaged at all. What could be
wrong to cause so much smoke? "What did those Jawas do to you?" 

The grinding, whirring noise in R2-HT stopped suddenly, and the smoke dissipated eventually. In
fact, a purring noise started. 

Kasumi smiled and patted R2-HT. "Feeling better?" she asked pleasantly. 

R2 beeped in the affirmative as Kasumi stood, and the two headed to the landspeeder. 

"Now..." Kasumi stopped, realizing she had no idea what to call the droids. "What should I..."
When she turned to ask the protocol droid, she noticed he wasn't there. Looking left and right,
Kasumi finally noticed the heap of groceries on the ground. 

"Oh... oh no! The groceries!" She hurried over to the pile and began picking things up. "I do hope
the wamp rat steaks haven't been dirtied." 

She smiled as she lifted the bag with the steaks in it. It was all intact. Apparently, C-KN0's face had
stopped it from hitting the ground. 

"If you wouldn't find it an inconvenience..." he said, struggling feebly under the immense pile. 

"Maybe this is why those Jawas paid me to take you. This little R2 unit seems quite helpful, and yet
you have only caused trouble so far." Kasumi tsked gently and began removing the groceries. 

"Honestly, I don't know why Father insists on moisture farming," Kasumi said to herself, frowning
ever so slightly. "This dry weather can't be good for his health, and he's getting too old to do the
work by himself when I leave..." 

Kasumi helped C-KN0 back to his feet and dusted him off somewhat. "There, now as I was
saying," she said as she began loading the groceries into the droid's arms again, "what can I do with
a protocol droid? If you don't want to help with the vaporators, then you're not really that much
good to us." 

Kasumi was walking back to the speeder, talking almost to herself again. "Maybe those nice Jawas
would take you back... I'm sure they'd find a use for you; then you'd feel important, I'm sure." 

C-KN0 followed as quickly as he could. Things had taken a sudden turn for the worse. He hadn't
even gotten a chance to impress the young lady with his knowledge of... 

"Yes, I think that's what I'll do. R2-HT, did you see where those Jawas went?" 

Regretfully, R2 had not. He sure would have been happy to dump that bump on a log C-KN0 if he
could, too. Then he could have the pretty lady all to himself. If droids could drool, he would have.
As it was, he burbled up a little lubricant. 

"That's unfortunate." Kasumi stood with one hand on her cheek, looking around. "I suppose I
should just take you with me. Perhaps Father will know what to do with you." 

As the group and their groceries piled into the landspeeder, bungie cording the two droids down
since the engine was immense enough to take up all passenger room, anyone who noticed Kasumi
preparing to leave cleared the streets. 

Kasumi made sure everything was secured; it wouldn't do to have groceries flying out the back.
Daintily, she got behind the controls of the speeder and smoothed her dress out before starting the
engine. 

To R2-HT and C-KN0's delicate audio sensors, it was like being in the middle of a herd of mating
banthas. Only the fact that droids had no bladders to lose control of saved them from a bad case of
rust. 

Kasumi looked back at the two and smiled reassuringly. "It should only take two hours or so to get
back. Hold on." 

"To whaaaaaaat?" C-KN0's voice was lost as the engine thundered and the speeder was off. 

                                   *** ***

Soun sat glumly at home in the little kitchen area. He was staring longingly at the unprepared food.
He couldn't possibly hope to make it himself, not without Kasumi. And Kasumi had talked about
leaving... Impossible! She couldn't or he'd be completely helpless. If only his friend Saotome was
there to help... 

Lower lip quivering, Soun was unprepared for the sudden ear- shattering blast of sound that shook
the entire house, even though it was underground. "KASUUUUMIIIII!" he yelled, which was
impossible to hear over the horrible roaring, until the engine noise stopped suddenly and left him
screaming at the top of his lungs. 

Realizing the noise was gone, Soun stopped screaming and removed his fingers from his ears. He
shook his head, trying to get the ringing to stop and the flashing lights to disappear. 

"Mothra, come bone!" 

Soun looked around in a blind panic. Who was there with him and just what were they talking
about? He shook his head again when he saw Kasumi enter the kitchen. "KASUMI." 

"Go fy, Mothra. Cuts za bottom?" 

Soun stared at Kasumi for a moment. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, KASUMI?" 

Kasumi winced. "Cot zo proud, Mothra." 

Soun wedged his pinkie finger in one ear and tried to shake out whatever was preventing him from
hearing correctly. 

"Father, is there something wrong? Why are you yelling?" Kasumi asked, holding some groceries. 

Soun got angry for almost an entire nanosecond before he gave in to Kasumi's smile and began
crying. "Ka-su-mi! Don't leave!" he blubbered. 

"But Father, I've just returned. I won't be leaving until..." Kasumi looked at a calendar on the wall
and flipped a couple pages. "Until after dinner. But right now, I've got to do something with these
droids. They're just filthy." 

Soun's tears dried. "Droids? What droids?" 

Kasumi turned and pointed at the two mounds of groceries. "These two. Some nice Jawas paid me
to take them, and the R2 unit is so helpful, I just couldn't leave them behind." 

Soun stared at the groceries. "The Jawas paid you to take two mechanical piles of groceries? How
very odd. I've never known them to be so... helpful before." 

Kasumi giggled. "Oh my, no, Father. The droids are carrying the groceries." She put all the
groceries away with her usual speed and grace. She obviously believed in applying her everyday
skills to her driving because those groceries were put up, shut up, zipped up, locked up and
thoroughly arranged neatly in the cupboards in about five seconds. 

Soun, paying no mind to Kasumi's apparently superhuman grocery abilities, looked thoughtfully at
the droids. "They _are_ a ragged duo, aren't they?" He walked in a circle around them making
noises of doubt and confirmation. 

"The little one can work with the vaporators, Father." 

"He can, can he? That will be useful..." 

Kasumi smiled happily at that. Anything to get his mind off the fact that she would be leaving to
check out the landspeeder hot rod show past the 600th sand dune after dinner. 

"And what about this one? What does it do?" Sound asked, poking C-KN0. 

C-KN0 growled. "Peasants and lecherous machines, I am surrounded by them!" He straightened
up, some of his joints being bent from the strain of the groceries, and tried to look dignified. The
crunching, grinding noise that came from the sand in his joints didn't help a whole lot. 

"I, known to my peers and masters, am known as C-KN0! The Golden Translator of..." 

His wondrous speech was cut off by Soun suddenly sticking his fingers into places a polite droid
doesn't allow. "It's filthy. Kasumi, maybe you should clean them up. That should help its speech
problem." 

"Yes, Father. Come along and we'll have you clean by dinner." 

"How dare you! Implying that I might..." 

Kasumi hit the button and activated the restraining bolt on C- KN0. It worked enough to shut him
up for a time. "I said, come along. We can't have droids tracking sand all over the house." 

In the repair area, where Kasumi normally did her engine work, C- KN0 was already in the hot oil.
The sand was finally working its way out of his joints and he no longer smelled like a pile of dirty
Jawa clothing. He sighed in relief. 

Kasumi was working on R2-HT, cleaning the Jawa chunks off that were really stuck on. "You two
droids must have been through quite a lot," Kasumi said as she scrubbed at a particularly stubborn
glob. "I've never seen..." She ran her finger across a spot of blackened... something. "...a mess like
this before, not even after Father accidentally put that little Corellian saber hamster in the northern
vaporator." 

"Oh dear," C-KN0 said quietly. 

Kasumi finished scraping off the bits and moved on to cleaning out the little nooks and crannies. She
took a large, wedge-shaped tool and tried to clean out the data slot in the front of R2-HT. "Oh
dear, there's something jammed in here quite tight." 

"Most likely one of his purloined pieces of lingerie," C-KN0 offered from behind her. 

"No, nothing like that." Kasumi twisted and pushed, trying to work out whatever was jammed in the
slot. "I wonder who could have done this. I don't think it's..." 

The tool snapped off at the handle and wedged inside R2-HT as Kasumi fell back to her rump,
dirtying her dress. She was about to proclaim her dismay when the hologram appeared. 

A small blurry image of a young girl with red hair pulled into a braid appeared. There was an excited
gasp from C-KN0 as he laid sensors on the hologram. 

"The vibrant pig-tailed princess," he said reverently. 

"Princess? She doesn't look like a princess. She's not very lady- like at all," Kasumi said as the
message fragment started. 

"...Obi Wan Kenobi, you're the only one who," the holographic princess said before apparently
hitting something not in the hologram with her closed fist. 

The fragment replayed itself as the three watched it, Kasumi with curiosity, C-KN0 with droid lust,
and R2-HT with something no-one wanted to identify. 

"Obi Wan Kenobi? Who might that be? And where did this message come from?" Kasumi asked. 

"Most likely a stray purloined garter belt melted to his circuits. He seems to find them pleasurable,
though I could never fathom the reason why." 

"Well, we can't have that now, can we?" Kasumi calmly yanked the broken tool from the data slot,
causing the hologram to disappear. "Now, to finish cleaning you up..." 

                                   *** ***

Kasumi was setting the table as Soun quietly read his morning Anchorhead Times. More gangster
activity, more smugglers and bounty hunters, more Tusken raiders scalping Galaxy Spice Droids
tickets... And for those prices; raiders indeed. 

Sitting down and politely clearing her throat, Kasumi set a plate in front of her father. "Father..." 

Soun set his paper aside. "Yes, Kasumi?" 

Kasumi looked a little unsure of herself. "Father, do you know... Obi Wan Kenobi?" A princess
asking for Obi Wan Kenobi... she wasn't sure she should be getting involved in things. "I thought he
might be some relation of Ben Kenobi, the next rocky chasm over." 

"Obi Wan..." Soun said thoughtfully, then nodded. "Why yes. Obi Wan Kenobi is Old Ben's real
name. I think he started using Ben when he started going to bars. The women seemed to like it more
than Obi Wan. I couldn't imagine why..." 

"Ah." Kasumi began eating slowly. Just maybe she'd have to take a detour before she went to the
hot rod show. 

                                   *** ***

"And where, might I ask, are we traversing to?" C-KN0 asked, shuffling across the rocky terrain
behind Kasumi. 

"We're going to find Obi Wan Kenobi. Now you must keep your voice down. I don't want to run
into any sandpeople; they're fairly vicious, and get quite jealous of super-modified landspeeders. I
just hope the chrome vent covers are safe while we're gone." 

R2-HT beeped a little, trying to keep it down. 

"No, I do not believe they wear anything pink or lacy," C-KN0 answered him. 

"You have to..." Kasumi's words died in her throat as a shape loomed out of the darkness. "Oh
my." 

With a seal-like battle cry, the raider swung his bantha stick and smacked C-KN0 squarely in the
chest, sending the droid flying. Fortunately, before it could do the same with the defenseless
Kasumi, there was a flash of greenish-blue light and the raider yowled in pain before it fell to the
ground, lifeless. 

"Despicable creatures," a matronly voice was saying. "Are you all right, dear?" 

Kasumi, feeling slightly shaken up, but physically healthy, nodded. "Yes, I just got a fright. I'm fine,
and thank you for that." 

"Think nothing of it. I've often had to deal with those beasts. It's not something I enjoy doing."
Whoever the woman was, she was completely unphased by the killing and the body lying at her
feet. "What are you doing out here, dear? It's quite dangerous at this time of night." 

"I was looking for Ben Kenobi's residence. I have two droids that have a message for him," Kasumi
replied with ultimate politeness. If not for the sand and the night sky and the dead body, they might
have been having tea together. 

"What a coincidence. I am too. Shall I escort you there?" 

"That would be lovely. I'm Kasumi Tendo." She began walking alongside the woman with R2-HT
behind them. 

"I'm very pleased to meet you, and I think this wreck is your other droid." She kneeled down next
to the mess that used to be C-KN0. 

"I do hope Mr. Kenobi isn't too disappointed that this one is in such horrid condition." 

"I don't think he'll mind, dear. Why don't we gather it up and be on our way." 

                                   *** ***

At a cave that looked like any other cave, except for the door and lawn jockey, the group stopped.
"This is his home," the woman said, and rapped sharply on the door. 

Kasumi stood back respectfully, her hands crossed in front of her. She was out rather late, and this
was taking much longer than she had hoped it would. It didn't even appear that she would make it
to the show. 

The woman pounded on the door a little harder this time. "Obi Wan Kenobi, you let me in this
instant!" she yelled, catching Kasumi completely off-guard. 

"Um, shouldn't you..." Kasumi began. 

"Fine, have it your way!" She whipped out what appeared to be a flashlight, and it most definitely
flashed light, but this light sliced through the wooden door like... like... something really sharp. 

Removing what was left of the door with her foot, she immediately marched inside, Kasumi trailing.
"Obi Wan Kenobi!" she yelled. 

She was greeted by silence. 

Kasumi stood just inside the devastated door and waited for the woman to stop... foaming at the
mouth. She glanced at a small table next to the door and saw the envelope there. She picked it up
and looked at it. There was a name on it. Nodoka. 

"Excuse me, are you Nodoka?" Kasumi asked as the woman rushed by with her sword of light
raised. 

Nodoka almost screeched to a halt. "Yes, I'm Nodoka. How did you know?" 

Kasumi held out the envelope. "This was on the table." 

Nodoka took the envelope and opened it. Pulling out the piece of paper, she read quickly, the look
on her face unchanging. "You old fool," she said quietly. "You can't defeat the Empire. And you
most definitely can't skip out on my alimony payments with such a feeble excuse." 

Nodoka looked up at Kasumi. "I think we need to have a little discussion about Obi Wan. He's my
ex-husband." 

                                   *** ***

After several minutes of conversation, Nodoka looked at R2-HT. "So you have a message for my
worthless ex-husband? Why don't you show it to me. Half of what he owns is mine anyway." 

R2 gave a droid nod and without any jammed tools, played the message with the princess. 

"Yo, I'm Ranma Saotome and I got a couple messages for General Kenobi. Anyways, you were a
big guy in the Clone Wars, and a Jedi Knight, and all that, so I figured you'd be able to help. I got
these secret plans on Project J that are vital to the Rebellion, but there's this honkin' big Star
Destroyer blowin' my ship to bits, so I'm not gonna be able to deliver em. I stashed em in this droid,
so if ya could deliver em to my Pop, the King of Nerima Prime, you'd be doing us all a big favor.
Sorry bout this, Obi Wan Kenobi, you're the only one who lives near here that I can trust." 

The message ended there. 

"That was interesting." Nodoka turned to look at Kasumi. "Kasumi, do you have some vacation
time built up?" 

Kasumi blinked. "Excuse me?" 

"Well, since my worthless ex has once again skipped town on some damn-fool crusade, it's up to
me to deliver this droid to the Alliance. And if I'm going to travel, I might as well have someone to
talk to." 

"But I can't go," Kasumi said, totally bewildered. "Father needs me here on the..." 

Nodoka shook her head. "You're Soun Tendo's daughter, aren't you?" 

Kasumi nodded. "Do you know father?" 

"He and I go way back. We fought in the Clone Wars together." 

"Clone Wars? But father told me that he was the navigator on a spice freighter!" Kasumi could
practically feel the careful boundaries of her life breaking down. Nodoka Kenobi's words were
bulldozers heading for the shoddy building of her day-to-day routine, and she had an unpleasant
suspicion that lying down in front of them would just get her run over. 

"He was, dear. But spice freighters get mistaken for troop transports when there's a war on,
especially when they specialize in running blockades. Your father was a cunning pilot, a brave
warrior, and a good friend." 

She tried to picture her father as a cunning pilot or a brave warrior. No dice. "What, my father?
Soun Tendo?" 

Nodoka sighed. "I know. He wasn't always like that. He was a different man in the old days." 

"What happened?" Kasumi had often wondered why her father was so... well... wishy-washy. 

"He was in training to become a Jedi Knight," Nodoka said sadly. "He had incredible promise, too.
Unfortunately, he challenged one of Obi Wan's pupils who was turning to the Dark Side of the
Force, and got the crap beat out of him. The poor lad just wasn't ready, and it left his spirit
shattered. We had hoped that your mother would help him recover, but then there was that freak
nerf herding accident..." 

"Oh my. The Force?" 

"Yes. The Force is... well..." Nodoka frowned, and flicked her hand. To Kasumi's vast surprise, a
fairly-clean cup on a low table floated over to the kitchen, rinsed itself out in the sink, and
proceeded to be filled with wine from a newly airborne bottle. "Obi Wan always spouted a lot of
philosophical gibberish about it holding the universe together, but I mostly find that it saves a lot of
bother. Your father used to be quite good at it." 

"Oh. Imagine that," said Kasumi weakly. 

"You'd better learn it too, if you're coming to Nerima with me." 

Somewhat feebly, Kasumi shook her head. "But father... I don't know how he'd manage..." 

"Soun Tendo," Nodoka said sternly, "got me and four other people through the Hellswamps of
Bogleg V with a broken collarbone, rabid Mogs stalking us day and night, and most of the food in
the area poisonous, carnivorous, or both. Are you honestly trying to tell me he can't take care of
himself in a well-stocked house? I think he's been pampered too much." 

Kasumi tried and failed to picture Soun dealing with whatever a rabid Mog was. Still, the woman
had a point. Maybe what her father really needed was to fend for himself a bit. 

And besides.... 

She was bored. Her life was stretching out ahead of her, and it looked from here like living and
dying on the familiar, grubby, boring old moisture farm. 

Kasumi didn't crave excitement. But even she needed a change. A vacation, if nothing else. 

And this Force thing... think of how nice it would be to let the dishes do themselves... 

"Okay," she said finally, a giddy little thrill of excitement running through her. "I suppose it would be
nice to see this... Nerima?" 

Nodoka smiled. "That's the spirit! You'll make a fine Jedi, I know you will. Speaking of which..."
Rummaging around in her brownish kimono, she handed a complex-looking metal cylinder to
Kasumi. "Your father probably would be horrified to see you have this, but back in the old days he
would have been all for it." 

Curiously, Kasumi peered at it. "What does it do?" 

"It was your father's lightdon't PUSH THAT!" 

Kasumi yelped as a slightly curved beam of orange light leaped from the handle, neatly turning a
sofa into two one-armed chairs. 

"Your father's lightkatana. It cuts through things very well, you'll find. Light-blades are the traditional
weapons of the Jedi; partly because of their utility, partly because of their precision, but mostly
because they look really impressive." 

Hastily, Kasumi switched off the beam. "Whatever _is_ a Jedi, Ms. Kenobi?" 

Nodoka rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "From what I've seen, it's a person who makes sure the
galaxy is kept tidy, happy, and harmonious." 

Kasumi brightened. Substitute the word 'house' for 'galaxy', and that sounded a lot like what she did
every day. "Are you one?" 

"Opinions," Nodoka said evenly, "differ on that point." Turning crisply, she began to pace. "Now.
Our first priority is to get the droids to Nerima. Do you know the way to Mos Eisley, Kasumi?" 

"I can probably find it," said Kasumi, with the cheerful optimism of someone who enjoys driving far
more than arriving. 

"That's settled, then! We can find a transport there." Nodoka glanced around the tiny hut. "Where
did your other, louder droid go? 

"KN0? I had him guard the door." Actually, she had decided that if Ben Kenobi did turn out to be
home, C-KN0 might grate on his nerves. He would grate on her nerves if she had any. 

                                   *** ***

Seen from a distance, the Death Star didn't look very impressive. It looked, in fact, like a small
moon. 

Get closer, and you notice the fact that it's made of metal. Suddenly, it becomes very, very, very
impressive indeed. 

The Empire likes impressive. 

Captain Kuonji reflected on this fact as she oversaw the close- orbit procedures for the Imperial
Star Destroyer _Spatulator_, her new command. Any Star Destroyer assigned to ferrying around
Darth Vader went through officers at a prodigious rate; it was only good luck that Commander
Ukyou Kuonji was not only high enough on the ladder to become the new captain, but low enough
to become the new captain at the very end of the cruise. 

Currently, she and the other officers on the bridge were intently watching a certain shuttle prepare to
depart the main hangar bay. 

After entirely too long a wait, it did. 

The bridge spontaneously erupted in a cheer, and Ukyou grabbed the communications officer and
waltzed him around the command pit for a minute. Darth Vader had left the good ship _Spatulator_,
and was now officially Someone Else's Problem. 

Flopping into her command chair, she picked up the intercom. "*Attention all hands, this is the
Captain. Lord Vader has departed the ship. We'll be refueling and picking up supplies, and then
departing for the Galos system to investigate suspected Rebel activity. Any mail home should be
handed to the postmaster in the next hour. That is all.*" 

She gave a satisfied sigh and happily surveyed the bridge. The past few days had been a nightmare -
but it had been well worth it. Her very own command - not a patrol cruiser or a supply hauler, but a
sleek, massive Imperial Star Destroyer bristling with turbolasers. A girl could do some real damage
with a ship like this. 

Not that they'd ever give a girl command. Which was why she had carefully concealed the fact that
she was female by binding her chest and deepening her voice. It was hard to look feminine in an
Imperial uniform anyway. 

It had involved a lot of sacrifices... renouncing her femininity, devoting every waking hour towards
honing her command skills, learning how to use a men's urinal without embarrassing herself. But it
was worth it. She wanted to do her part to crush the Rebellion and bring the galaxy firmly under the
New Order. Her part, as she saw it, was the position of Grand Admiral. 

She hadn't always been such a anti-Rebel stalwart. But that was before her engagement was broken
by that damn royal bastard, who's lot was promptly thrown in with the Alliance. Ukyou had been
humiliated, rejected, spurned. Once the New Order was in total control, that sort of thing wouldn't
be allowed. She'd show them. She'd show them all. 

The bridge doors opened, and Ukyou's heart nearly stopped as a deathly hush fell over the room.
No, it couldn't be, he had left... 

"Captain Kuonji, why isn't my shuttle ready?" 

Oh. Him. 

"Well, Lord Ono, I'm sure it's just waiting for you to board," she said politely. It always paid to be
polite to Dark Jedi. 

"I was told it would be waiting in Bay 5 to transfer me and my prisoner to the Death Star. Bay 5 is
empty." 

Ukyou quickly glanced at the bay readout display on the opposite wall. "There must be a mistake,
Lord Ono. Your shuttle's in Bay 23." 

"I was told Bay 5," the black-armored figure said petulantly. Ukyou valiantly managed to keep a
straight face. 

"There must have been an error. I'll find out who it was and have them shot." 

"Thank you, Captain. Most thoughtful." There was a tone of pleasant surprise in the Sith Lord's
voice. Usually, people didn't bother to do such a good imitation of respect. 

"Would you like an escort to your ship, Lord Ono?" 

"Hmm? No, thank you. Bay 23?" 

"Yes, Lord." 

"Right. Carry on, Captain." 

As soon as the doors closed, Ukyou grabbed the comm unit. "Bay 23? Lord Ono's coming down.
Get that ship ready for flight before he gets there." 

"* Damnit, you could have given us a bit more warning... *" 

"Don't talk back to your Captain." 

"*Yessir.*" 

Ukyou smirked, and gazed happily at the viewscreen. She had a new ship, a fairly decent crew, a
purpose in life, and Rebel scum to crush under her heel. Life was good. 

                                   *** ***

Kasumi slammed on the brakes as the speeder emerged from a canyon. "I think that's Mos Eisley,
Ms. Kenobi." 

Slowly, carefully, Nodoka forced her hands to let go of the arms of her seat. "Yes... yes, it is, dear.
Kasumi?" 

"Yes, Ms. Kenobi?" 

"Just Nodoka, please. Was it really necessary to break the sound barrier in that narrow, twisty, long
canyon.?" 

Surprised, Kasumi blinked. "It did shave a few seconds off our time." 

"It also shaved a millimeter of paint off the starboard side." 

"Oh dear. I suppose I'll have to repaint that." 

On the rear luggage rack, C-KN0's circuits recovered from the ride. "Zounds! Mine noble body
was almost smashed to flinders!" 

"Yes, but we're away from the sandpeople now," Kasumi told him soothingly. She stared at the city
ahead. "What sort of place is Mos Eisley?" 

"My husband always called it a wretched hive of scum and villany," Nodoka said. 

"Oh dear," said Kasumi worriedly. 

"That just means they stopped giving him credit in the bars." The older woman snorted, and patted
Kasumi on the back. "It's a lot like any other spaceport; dirty, unsanitary, and amoral. Not a place
you enjoy visiting, but perfectly suitable to get a ship in." 

"But are any of the people in it dangerous?" 

"Well, since I'm going in, there'll be at least one." Nodoka fingered the handle of her lightkatana and
smiled grimly. "Back in the old days, I used to clean up places like this all the time. That was how I
met Obi Wan, in fact." 

"Oh," asked Kasumi. "He helped you bring order to the lawless cities?" 

"No, he was usually drinking in one of them, and tried to stop me." 

"Oh." 

"I refuse to enter that vile sewer!" C-KN0 said from the rear, voice dripping with disgust. "It
undoubtedly contains Jawas and even worse vermin!" 

"Then we can leave you here and go deliver the message ourselves," said Nodoka sadly, winking at
Kasumi. "And gain the honor and glory that comes with such a noble...." 

"LEAD ON!" boomed the droid. "I shall complete the mission laid upon me by the pig-tailed
princess!" 

"Oh dear," Kasumi whispered, "Wouldn't it have been easier to leave him behind?" 

"A good translator droid is worth a tidy sum," Nodoka returned, "And we're probably going to
need an interpreter at least once on this trip. If nothing else, he'll probably make good blaster
fodder." She glanced once more at the rather unattractive bulk of the spaceport. "Take us in,
Kasumi. A bit slower, though, if you please." 

                                   *** ***

They were only a few feet inside the city when the stormtroopers flagged them down. 

"Good morning, officer!" said Kasumi brightly. "Can we help you?" 

The patrol leader, who had recently had his brain merrily fiddled with by a somewhat careless Ben
Kenobi, blinked at her behind his helmet. "These aren't the droids we're loo... um. I mean, I'm going
to need to see some ownership papers on those two mechanicals, Miss." 

"Oh dear," Kasumi said worriedly. "Whatever for?" 

"He can go about his... that is, there's these two droids wanted by the Empire. An R2 unit, and a
protocol droid. In fact, exactly like those two there. Got those papers?" 

"Well, no..." 

The patrol leader motioned, and four blaster rifles were raised to a ready position. "I'm afraid I'm
going to have to place you under Imperial arrest. Put your hands over your heads and exit the
vehicle." 

"What? You dare detain us from delivering secret plans to the Rebellion on behalf of the beauteous
Princess?" said C-KN0 incredulously. 

Kasumi winced. R2-HT bleeped frantically at his counterpart. Nodoka shut her eyes, mumbled a
few unladylike words, and concentrated for a second, then turned to face the lead trooper with a
severe expression. "Young man, we're in a hurry. There's nothing for you to do here. Both of us are
obviously respectable women, and these aren't the droids you're looking for." 

"These aren't the droids we're..." The patrol leader stopped and shook his head to clear the mental
fuzz. "Look, that protocol bot just admitted that he's affiliated with the Rebellion, and those things
are to stupid to lie. You aren't fooling anyone." 

"Stupid? STUPID!" screamed KN0. "Someone untie me so that I might smite this ill-bredzzzzz...."
His voice faded into garbled static as R2-HT once again put his electric prod to good use. 

Nodoka fixed the patrol leader with a nasty glare, and he winced. Despite the squad of troopers
behind him, he was actually beginning to feel intimidated. And that odd headache wasn't getting any
better; he had recently spent half an hour telling a rock to move along, for reasons which escaped
him at the moment. 

"Young man," Nodoka said dangerously, "you let us through right this minute. Or else." 

Reluctantly, the patrol leader shook his head. "Sorry, but you're obviously the ones we're looking
for. Now, get out of the speeder and put yourAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" 

Kasumi stared in amazement as the troopers screamed in unison and fell to the ground clutching
their heads. Then, being a sensible sort, she gunned the engine and burned repulsorlift into the bustle
of the spaceport. 

"What on earth did you do to them?" Kasumi asked as she drove, carefully missing a wide-eyed
fruit merchant by a good two centimeters. 

Nodoka smiled mysteriously. "The Force is a powerful ally, Kasumi." 

The girl blinked, narrowly missing a band of screaming Jawas. "Oh my. Did you melt their minds?
Overload their neural synapses? Show them horrible things?" 

"No, I just tuned their helmet radios to the local Loud Music station and turned the volume up to
maximum." Nodoka glanced around. "Turn left here, Kasumi... try not to hit the..! look out for
that..! I think you can slow down just a bit, dear. We're going to need to hire a private ship; I'd
hoped to simply buy tickets on a transport, but those stormtroopers are going to be looking for us
as soon as their ears stop bleeding." 

"Should we find a disreputable spacer bar, then?" asked Kasumi, who watched _The Adventures
Of Lance Starkiller_ every Thursday night on the Holonet. Nodoka frowned. 

"Only if you want a disreputable spacer. Really, dear, that's the sort of thing Obi Wan would do.
We're going to a nice clean ice cream parlor." 

"Starpilots hang out in ice cream parlors?" asked Kasumi weakly. 

"The ones who like ice cream do," Nodoka replied. "They're usually the ones who don't drink, don't
gamble, and don't have drug flashbacks while trying to make the calculations for a hyperspace
jump." 

                                   *** ***

The Mos Eisley Ice Cream Shoppe was perhaps the most reputable place in the spaceport. That
being said, half the clientele would just as soon kill you as look at you. 

It was, in fact, due only due to the universal Ice Cream Shoppish aura of niceness that the body
count was on average only three a week. It was hard to have a proper brawl in a place with lace
curtains and a faint lavender odor. 

Jimbo the Destroyer, burner of Gephart III and terror of the spaceways, was in a corner booth
blissfully chugging a double chocolate malted. He might have had the death penalty in twenty-three
systems and the worse-than-death penalty in a dozen more, but the pirate chief did love a good ice
cream. Especially the kind with the little candy sprinkles on top. 

It was that sort of place. 

Kasumi sat at the bar and daintily ate a dish of Ubervanilla Surprise, waiting for Nodoka to finish
her inquires. She hoped that no- one else would have to get cut in half like that. Such a mess... 

A multi-tentacled lifeform next to her made a few pick-up lines, which she fortunately didn't
understand a word of. C-KN0 was outside, a decision on Nodoka's part which had probably
prevented a riot. Kasumi smiled pleasantly at the amorous tentacle thing, and absently made
smalltalk. 

"Kasumi, dear? I think I might have found a ship." 

She looked over to see Nodoka standing next to a large, furry humanoid with a yellow-and-black
bandoleer draped across a chest reminiscent of a badly-made rug. 

"This is Chawbaka. He's the first mate on a ship that's in our price range and has acceptable
standards of hygiene." 

The huge creature made a noise like a grizzly yodeling, and offered her a massive paw to shake.
Kasumi automatically shook it. "Oh my. I'm Kasumi Tendo." 

"Chawbaka's a Wookiee," Nodoka commented approvingly. "Very honorable beings, and generally
skillful navigators. We should do well with him." 

The Wookiee made an embarrassed noise, and ushered them over to a table occupied by a young
woman and three empty sundae dishes. "Who've you got here, Chawbaka?" 

Nodoka gave her a winning smile. "Nodoka Kenobi. Are you the captain's daughter?" 

The young woman gave her a scowl that would have made a Rancor turn pale and run. "No. I'm the
Captain. Akane Soro. Got a problem with that?" 

The Wookiee made an ominous noise deep in his throat. 

"Not at all," Nodoka lied smoothly. "We'd like to hire your ship." 

Akane's face brightened. "Wow, really? You do?" She coughed, and assumed a nonchalant
expression. "Of course you do." 

Kasumi smiled somewhat dubiously. "It is a fast ship, right?" She had never traveled in space
before, but she did have definite views on how fast moving vehicles should be. Namely, capable of
severely bending any silly speed limits imposed by towns, systems, or natural law. 

"A fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the _Impudent Hedgehog_?" Akane asked, doing a
very credible imitation of disbelief. 

"Not really," Kasumi replied politely. "I'm fairly sure I would have remembered a name like that." 

Akane gamely rallied. "It's the ship that made the Frozboz Run!" 

Kasumi waited for a few seconds for the young smuggler to continue, and then asked the obvious
question. "In under...?" 

Squirming, Akane chuckled weakly. "Well, see, there were these TIE fighters, and they were being
real jerks, so we had to stop and blast them... and then the second fighter wing started shooting at
us, so we had to spend time on them, and then the Interdictor Cruiser showed up..." She trailed off.
"Well, it would have been real fast if the bakayarou Star Destroyer hadn't shot off the sensor dish." 

"How much for passage to Nerima?" Nodoka cut in. "Just us, and two droids." 

Akane shrugged. "Ten thousand should cover it. Up front." 

"One thousand now, eleven when we get to Nerima," Nodoka countered. 

"Good enough," Akane replied, looking vaguely surprised. "Meet you at docking bay 69 in a little
over an hour, okay?" 

Nodoka nodded. "Excellent. Come along, Kasumi." 

As the two left, Akane grinned at her first mate. "Twelve thousand, C-Chan! Twelve! And I was
expecting them to bargain down to five!" 

Chawbaka growled a delighted agreement. 

Akane glared at him. "And this time, _I_ set the coordinates for the hyperspace jump." She rolled
her eyes. "'Wookiees are excellent astronavigators'. Yeah, right. This is just going to pay off the Hutt
for delivering that highly-perishable shipment of Mutti fruit two months late due to _someone_
plotting a course to the opposite end of the galaxy we were supposed to go in." 

The Wookiee whimpered pathetically, and Akane patted him kindly on the back. "I didn't mean it
like that, C-Chan. Just let me handle the navigation, okay?" 

"Going somewhele, Solo?" 

Akane irritably looked up at the Rodian who had just sat down across for her. "Not really. What do
you want?" 

"The Hutt is vely unhappy, Solo." A blaster appeared in a green hand. "He wants his money." 

"I've got it, I've got it," Akane said cheerfully, her hand slowly moving towards the horrendously
overpowered blaster on the seat next to her. "Plus a little extra." 

"Let's see it, then." 

"I haven't got it _on_ me..." The blaster was almost in her grip. 

"Too bad, Solo. If you'le vely lucky, Jabba will only take youl ship." 

Akane snarled, hand closing around her gun. "Over my dead..." She blinked. "Jabba?" 

"Yes," the Rodian snapped, "Jabba the Hutt." 

"I owe Akri the Hutt. I've never done business with Jabba." 

The alien blinked. "Alen't you Han Solo?" 

Akane sighed and let go of the blaster. "No, I'm Akane Soro." 

"But the soda guy said... you've got a Wookiee and evelything..." 

"Baka." 

"Rrrrow?" 

"Not you, C-Chan." Akane glared that the bewildered hitman. "Look, 'Han' is a male name. Do I
look male to you?" 

"Hald to tell with humans..." 

"And it's Soro, not Solo. So-RO." 

Looking as sheepish as its possible for a anthropomorphic green giraffe to look, the Rodian stood.
"Solly. I don't suppose you have any idea where...?" 

"Try the Cantina. That pervert's usually in there when he stops by this miserable rock." 

"Light. Thanks." The bounty hunter slunk off. 

Shaking her head, Akane finished her last sundae. "C'mon, C-Chan. Let's prep the Hedgehog." 

The two strode purposefully out of the Ice Cream Shoppe. 

"No, Chawbaka, this way." 

"Arrrrough?" 

"THIS WAY. Pay attention." 

"Urr-hurgh." 

"No, your OTHER left." 

"Urr." 

                                   *** ***

Kasumi walked into Docking Bay 69 and stared. 

There have been sleek, elegant ships. There have been blocky, solid, durable ships. There have
been lean, pointed, menacing ships. 

And then there are lovable, beat-up, ragtag freighters oozing with character. 

The _Impudent Hedgehog_ wasn't any of these. It was a ship that had been built from the remains
of two different craft, blown to bits, patched up with the remains of yet a third, and carrying spare
parts from at least a dozen other vessels. Most of the spare parts looked like guns of some sort. 

Kasumi was far too polite a person to say things like "What a piece of junk!", "That thing actually
flies? No, really?", or "I'm not going anywhere near that deathtrap." 

"Oh dear," she faintly commented. 

C-KN0, who had no such politeness, said all three in rapid succession before Kasumi hit the
restraining bolt. 

"It may not look like much," Akane began, somewhat inaccurately from Kasumi's point of view. It
looked like three dozen ships too much. "But it... er... well, it flies, okay?" Stepping out from behind
a landing strut, the smuggler motioned to a combination boarding ramp/SU- 23 Gatling Plasma
Ejector. "Right this way, watch your feet, don't step on the arming mechanisms." 

Nodoka nodded. "Right. Come on, dear." 

And that's when the platoon of slightly deaf and very angry stormtroopers showed up. 

"Blast them!" roared the platoon leader. 

"Come again?" 

"Blast them!" 

"Er, could you speak up, Sir? My hearing's still a bit off." 

Akane, who had excellent hearing, began to shoot them. 

"Oh dear," mumbled Kasumi, and ran like hell up the ramp. Nodoka and the droids followed, with
Akane crouching on the closing ramp and firing wildly until it shut. 

"C-Chan, get us out of here!" 

There was the -plink- of blaster fire bouncing off the closed hull. Akane snarled, and raced for the
cockpit. 

"They shot at my ship! C-Chan, use the antipersonnel blasters we put in last week." 

"What should we do?" asked Kasumi, taking a seat on a rather battered ammunition drum. 

"Just strap yourself in while we take off," Akane called back, cheerfully pushing buttons. 

Nodoka smiled reassuringly at her new student. "You might want to hold onto that strap, dear." 

                                   *** ***

The platoon leader knew that there wasn't much point in firing hand blasters at a spaceship, but he
did it anyway. The thing didn't look terribly sturdy, and it would look pretty stupid if he just stood
there and did nothing. 

He started to worry when the little nozzles popped out of fifteen places on the hull. 

The worry turned to panic when superheated engine plasma boiled out of them. But not for very
long. 

                                   *** ***

The inhabitants of Mos Eisley looked up in mild interest as a spacecraft gracefully rocketed out of a
landing pit, leaving the echoes of blasterfire behind. 

A minute later, they hit the dirt as a landing bay on the other side of town exploded in a superheated
fireball, out of which drunkenly rose the _Impudent Hedgehog_. 

Inside, Akane Soro gripped the controls, smiled like a madwoman, and zoomed out of the
ionosphere at full throttle. 

The smile wavered slightly as she noticed the two Imperial-Class Star Destroyers heading straight
for her. 

"C-Chan, start making the calculations for the jump to hyperspace." This was going to be tricky...
but she could do it! She knew she could do it! She was just as good a pilot as anyone! 

Angling sharply, she brought the Hedgehog in fast, zooming straight between the two huge warships,
the forward guns spitting laserfire. Hopefully, they'd limit their fire for fear of hitting their sister ship. 

The Hedgehog streaked safely through the gap, and Akane opened her mouth to give a yell of
triumph. Then she realized something. 

They hadn't shot at her. 

Blinking, she checked the rear scanner. They weren't even giving chase. No, they were chasing
some old Corellian freighter, instead. 

Frowning, Akane whipped the Hedgehog around and fired a quick burst at the control tower of the
closer Star Destroyer. 

Nothing. Not even a single return burst of turbolaser fire. They were ignoring her. 

Akane growled. Chawbaka, who knew that growl, whimpered and hastily began to route power to
the deflectors and navicomputer. 

                                   *** ***

Admiral Gaffnie paced the bridge of the Star Destroyer _Vigilant_, glaring at the Corellian just
outside of turbolaser range. "Faster, Captain. They're getting away." 

The Captain opened his mouth to say something, when the bridge shuddered. 

"What was that?" asked the Admiral sharply. The Captain shrugged. 

"There's a small smuggler craft strafing the bridge, sir. Should we return fire?" 

Gaffnie blinked. "Small?" 

"Slightly larger than a starfighter, sir." 

"Does it pose a threat?" 

The Captain chuckled nervously. "Against our deflectors? One freighter? Hardly." 

Shaking his head, the Admiral made a dismissing gesture. "Ignore it. We're after that Corellian." 

                                   *** ***

"AAAAARGH! Star Destroyer no BAKA!" 

"Rrrought?" 

"Not you." 

"Urrgh." 

Akane grit her teeth and swung around for another pass. This time, the gloves came off. 

"Is something wrong?" asked Kasumi, walking into the cockpit. She had heard a great deal of
weapon fire and swearing, two things that probably didn't bode well. 

"Two Imperial Star Destroyers," Akane snapped tersely. "And another two coming in from far orbit.
They won't shoot at us." 

"Oh," Kasumi said, relieved. "That's good." 

"I hate it when they hold back!" 

Kasumi looked out the cockpit window. She wasn't as experienced in spaceflight as she was in
skyhoppers and landspeeders, but she could recognize an attack run when she saw one. And she
could recognize a Star Destroyer, too. 

"Ah... Akane? Captain Soro? That's... oh dear, are you going to... oh my. Nodoka? Ms. Kenobi?" 

Muttering, the matronly Jedi unstrapped herself and walked into the cockpit. "Now Kasumi, don't
bother Captain SorOh my God...." 

The Impudent Hedgehog zoomed straight for the bulk of the massive Imperial warship. 

                                   *** ***

Admiral Gaffnie dropped his cup of tea as he watched the tiny ship zoom straight for the bridge.
No-one could possibly be stupid enough to attack a Star Destroyer at close range. Even most
rocks were smarter than that. 

He opened his mouth to give the order to fire, then remembered the importance of the Corellian
freighter. If their partner was willing to make a suicide run in order to distract the fleet, then it had to
be pretty important. 

Besides, even at point blank range, a ship that size couldn't possible do any damage. It'd need a
Ion-Thermite bomb just to get through the bridge deflectors. 

                                   *** ***

"BAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKA!" yelled Akane, holding down the tiny red button
labeled "All the guns". 

"Pull up, you little idiot!" Nodoka screamed. Akane continued her run. Ignore her, would they? 

When she was almost on top of the bridge tower, she thumbed the big red button. The one labeled
"Ion-Thermite bomb". 

                                   *** ***

Admiral Gaffnie stared in disbelief at the deflector indicators. How many guns did that junkheap
have, anyway? Three X-Wings wouldn't have been able to cause so much damage... 

He had just enough time to see the bomb appear on the tactical scopes before it hit. 

The Admiral was thrown to the deck, the bridge exploding around him. Gingerly, he struggled to a
sitting position, assured himself that the hull was still (if barely) intact, and smiled grimly. Even a Ion-
Thermite bomb couldn't take out the bridge of a Star Destroyer in one shot. 

Then Akane dropped the second one. 

                                   *** ***

"What's that flashing?" 

"We're losing our deflector shield! Go strap yourself in, I'm going to make the jump to light speed!" 

Odd, Han thought, a second before he made the jump. It almost looked as if the bridge tower of the
trailing Star Destroyer was on fire. 

Nah. 

                                   *** ***

"HAHAHA! Take that!" 

Akane and Chawbaka exchanged high-fives as the tower of the _Vigilant_ exploded. 

"GET US OUT OF HERE!" Nodoka screamed. 

"Relax, lady," Akane said soothingly. "The idiots are concentrating on that... uh-oh..." 

The Corellian gone, all three remaining Star Destroyers were heading directly for the _Impudent
Hedgehog_. 

"C-Chan, get us out of here! Now!" 

The Wookiee glanced out the viewport, yelped, and redoubled his efforts at the navicomputer.
Turbolaser fire from the incoming ships sizzled past, occasionally grazing the Hedgehog's deflectors
shields. 

"Grab your cooking utensils and hold on," Akane warned. No doubt these two women had never
been on a REAL ship before, traveling at light speed. The shock alone might kill them. Couple of
housewives out for a very expensive joyride... Sheesh. 

Plopping back down in her own seat and buckling herself in, Akane glanced over quickly at
Chawbaka and, without waiting for his consent, sent the ship into hyperdrive. 

It was a familiar, yet strange sensation that Akane never quite got used to. She was forced back in
her chair a little as the jump started, keeping her hand poised to drop them out after the short time
required for the jump. 

She smiled secretively to herself, figuring the two women were probably ready to run to the head
from the experience. 

"Excuse me, Captain Soro?" 

Akane almost jumped out of her boots at the sound of Kasumi's voice. She turned to see the young
woman standing behind her with a plate of cookies, smiling. 

"Would you like a cookie? They're homemade." 

Akane simply stared then shook her head. "No thanks. You should probably sit back down. We're
about to drop out of hyperspace." 

"Of course. You're the captain, after all." Kasumi giggled in the most inane way. 

Before she could leave, Chawbaka reached out and grabbed a handful of the cookies, earning him a
nasty glare from Akane. He shrugged and stuffed a few in his mouth, growling a full-mouthed thank
you. 

"You're most welcome," Kasumi answered, smiling, then returned to the pile of junk she had been
sitting on. "What a polite young Wookiee," she said to Nodoka. 

"A most unusual sight, but not unheard of." She leaned over so she could whisper to Kasumi. "Have
you noticed the way it looks at Captain Soro?" 

Kasumi nodded. 

"Young love, even between species, will often tame the wildest of beasts." It had almost worked
with Obi Wan... Kasumi nodded, though she didn't really understand what Nodoka was getting at.
Sitting quietly as the ship shuddered around her, Kasumi looked down at the cookies and pondered
the entire journey. 

All because those Jawas had given her the two droids and that silly hologram and Obi Wan
Kenobi... Then it suddenly hit her. Young love. Between species. 

"Oh my," she said quietly. That was most improper. And Captain Soro seemed to be such a nice, if
fairly irreverent, girl. She shouldn't be... 

"Dear, why are your cheeks so red? Are you sitting too close to the heating ducts?" Nodoka asked.

Kasumi shook her head, blushing furiously. Wookiees were so... furry! 

Nodoka put her hand on Kasumi's forehead. "Are you sure you're not ill, dear? Your face is..." 

"No, no. Really, I'm fine. Um, would you like a cookie?" she offered, trying to turn the subject away
from anything pink. 

On the other side of the compartment, where R2-HT was wedged against the wall by what looked
to be the cooling mechanism from a shield generator, the small droid bleeped. 

Nodoka looked over at it and smiled. "You certainly are a friendly droid. When did you get
programmed with protocol?" 

C-KN0, gray-taped up next to R2, snorted. "I think you have the wrong droid, fair madam. He was
not referring to the blush of her cheeks, but the color of her..." 

*Zot!* 

Kasumi put away the control for the restraining bolt, unused since R2 had taken care of things.
"Thank you, R2." 

Nodoka, shaking her head slowly, looked away from the droids. Kasumi was a nice enough young
lady, but those droids... She wasn't sure what to make of them yet. The little one seemed nice, but
there was an underlying, almost infernal, glow about it's sensor that gave her the creeps... er, made
her Jedi abilities wary. 

"Dropping out of hyperspace now," Akane warned them. And drop out they did. It felt like all their
internal organs were trying to exit through their pores, and there was a severe lurching sensation. 

Recovering slowly, Kasumi had to ask, "Dropping out of hyperspace is quite jarring, isn't it?" 

Akane's voice sounded embarrassed. "Well, no. That was the engine doing a little... space backfire.
Chawbaka was supposed to take care of that last week." She shot the Wookiee another glare and
unbuckled herself from her seat. 

She turned to look at the two women. "We're out. It's safe to walk around now; we should be
coming up on Nerima Prime momentarily." 

Nodoka and Kasumi untied themselves, as there were no real belts for passengers and they were
restrained by thick coils of spare wires. At least, they hoped they were spare wires. 

Kasumi had just begun to free R2-HT when the ship shook around them, sending a shower of bolts,
nuts, bits of wire, rust and some unidentified liquid down on top of them. 

"Damn it, C-Chan! I thought I told you to take care of that!" Akane yelled. "I don't want another
fire sweeping through the ship again!" 

Kasumi and Nodoka exchanged fearful glances, with R2 making a fearful whistle. 

"I beg of you, release me from these bindings!" C-KN0 asked, struggling against the tape, covered
with bits of debris. "How ignoble for myself to be consumed by fire, covered in filth aboard an
unsafe death trap!" 

Akane ignored the commotion from behind her and was running through the series of emergency
switches. "C-Chan, why aren't any of the damage control units working? I don't want to have to rely
on the backup systems." 

Chawbaka made a plaintive growl as he hit his own panel of switches, all flashing red at the
moment. He slammed his fist down on the panel and was rewarded with a gout of sparks and the
red lights going out. At least they were out. 

"Not again! I told you to stop doing that!" Akane yelled as sparks shot all over the place. "Great!
Now what are we..." 

Her voice was cut off as the ship shook again, almost throwing her from her seat. "What IS that?" 

"Could it be from those large hunks of interstellar rubble flying at us?" Nodoka asked, peering
between the seats out the large viewing window. 

Akane looked back at her, then out the window as well. Sure enough, there were asteroids flying
right at them. The fact that they had only been hit by a few of them was miraculous. But that miracle
was lost on a suddenly serious Captain Akane Soro. 

"Get back there and settle in why we get out of this mess," she commanded and re-buckled herself
in. "I'll handle this myself," Akane said, her eyes taking on an almost maniacal glint. 

Nodoka briefly considered knocking the young captain out and letting the more level-headed
Wookiee take care of things, but things hadn't gotten too desperate. Yet. 

Returning to the back and reclaiming her seat, she warned Kasumi, "It's probably best that you
return to your seat, Kasumi. We seem to be in a spot of trouble." 

"Oh dear!" 

Spinning and weaving and turning on a dime (even in space), and generally making everyone on
board ill, Akane maneuvered them out of the mysterious asteroid belt without further incident. 

Smiling smugly, she wiped her forehead on the back of her arm and released the safety harness.
"We're out. It's safe again." 

Nodoka, slowly regaining her equilibrium, muttered, "I doubt that." 

When the two passengers joined Akane and Chawbaka at the front, they were all looking out at the
asteroids they had just escaped. Chawbaka was shaking his head, trying not to look guilty, while
Akane appeared thoughtful. 

"What's happened to Nerima Prime?" Kasumi asked. 

"That's a pretty good question. Maybe..." Looking at the asteroids, the most horrible thought came
to her mind. "Oh no. The Empire probably had something to do with this," she said through
clenched teeth. 

"Whatever are you speaking of?" Nodoka asked, her feeling to put the captain down getting
stronger. 

Chawbaka growled and looked at the destroyed panel, no longer emitting sparks. He really didn't
want to call attention to him. 

"The Empire... What if these asteroids ARE Nerima Prime? What if the Empire has some huge new
super-weapon that's able to destroy entire planets? What if they came here before we did and
destroyed it, killing everyone?" 

Nodoka and Kasumi both looked at her, horrified. Then Nodoka's expression changed and she
couldn't hide the smile that started to appear. 

Kasumi, for her part, was a bit more reserved and resisted the temptation, but when Nodoka
started to snicker, she couldn't help herself. 

Suddenly, both women broke into laughter, making Akane scowl at them. 

"What's so funny?" she asked, obviously perturbed at their reaction. 

"My dear, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, and being married to Obi Wan Kenobi,
I've heard some pretty ridiculous things." She wiped the tears from her face and continued to
snicker. "Super-weapon... You really know how to lighten a dreadful journey up," she praised. 

Akane's eye twitched, and her hands clenched into fists. "Dreadful? Is that some sort of..." 

She was cut off again as Nodoka's laughter started again, Kasumi still giggling. Even Chawbaka
started it, despite trying very hard not to. 

Akane glared at the women, then over at Chawbaka. "This is all your fault!" she yelled, then
punched the hapless Wookiee. 

Chawbaka's head rocked to the side and crashed into another panel, caving it in. That served to
make Akane more upset. "Ooh. Why do I even BOTHER?" She stormed from the cockpit area to
go smash something. 

It was clearly audible from where the rest of the flesh and blood beings were. 

"Such beauty and grace, even whilst covered in the clothing of a common spaceport beggar. Your
boyish beauty rivals that even of the pig-tailed princess. I must translate for thee!" 

"WHAT did you just call ME? Boyish beauty?" 

"Why yes. Your clothing hides your feminine charms, and the filth you insist on covering yourself is
unbecoming of a true lady..." 

There was the sound of something breaking. Then again. And again. 

The laughter quickly died after that. No one wanted to face the awful wrath of Captain Soro. 

A few minutes later, after apparently everything had calmed down, Akane reappeared. She had bits
of wire stuck in her hair and a faint gold smudge on her right hand. She didn't look very happy, but
she didn't look ready to kill anyone either. 

"All right. Where does navigation say we are?" she asked briskly. 

Chawbaka looked at a non-broken panel then rattled off something only a Wookiee or an elephant
with a stuffed nose would understand. 

Sighing, Akane closed her eyes. "Chawbaka. Never again. Do you understand?" 

Kasumi looked at the almost embarrassed look on the Wookiee's face, then at Akane's rather
resigned face. "What's happened? Where's Nerima Prime gone?" 

"Nowhere apparently." 

"Nowhere? Well it's not here," Nodoka said. She could feel the start of a headache coming on. 

"Right. Nerima is right where it should be. It's just that... we're not at Nerima Prime." 

Nodoka closed her eyes and opened them several times, trying to wake up from the awful dream
she was having. "Not there? Then where?" Oh yes. Any minute now, she would wake up back
home in bed and laugh at such a stupid dream. She almost wanted to laugh right there. 

"Far as I can tell, no thanks to Chaw*baka* here, we're at the Alderaan system, and this is what's
left of it." Akane scowled again for effect. 

"That's not right," Kasumi said in the perfect manner to send Akane over the edge again. 

"I KNOW it's not right. But it's too late for that, and now furball has destroyed half the navigation
system!" 

Yes, Nodoka would wake up just about now. Wake up, Nodoka. Wake up. 

"Does this mean we won't be going to Nerima?" Kasumi asked, wondering how she was supposed
to cook bantha patties with scrub salad on a broken down junkpile of a ship. Politeness dictated
that she not say that, though. 

Akane shoved Chawbaka aside and looked at the damaged instrumentation. "It looks repairable.
We'll just have to set down to do the work. It shouldn't take more than a few hours." Well, that was
one pleasant surprise. Things weren't as bad as they seemed. That almost never happened. 

Nodoka sighed. A few hours wasn't so bad really. Kasumi was nice enough company to chat with.
She hadn't been out in ages, so it was also a nice chance to get away for some extra time. 

"We'll just set down... Look." Akane pointed at something in the distance of space. "We'll just set
down on that small moon." 

Waving the women away and taking her seat, Akane immediately planned her route to the moon. It
seemed rather large for the typical moon in the system, but then, that could also mean it was
populated and someone might have some spare parts there. As long as there weren't any of those
stinking Jawas. There were only good for one thing: target practice. 

As the ship limped on toward the moon, Akane started to feel the call of nature that dropping out of
hyperspace always caused her. "I'll be right back. And keep us on course!" 

Chawbaka grunted in the affirmative as Akane got up and left. He heard from the back, "Do my
sensors deceive me? Could the fierce and..." 

There was another breaking sound and the voice stopped. 

Sometimes, Akane wondered what she had gotten herself into. The life of a smuggler wasn't easy
and quite dangerous. She was wanted by several crime lords for debts she had accrued to build and
maintain the _Impudent Hedgehog_. 

Not to mention her old partner had broken her trust and skipped out to greener pastures when the
pressure had gotten to be too much. She always wondered what had happened to her wily
companion, but in the circles they had run, it was never wise to ask such things. 

Now this whole business with the Empire and the Rebellion... She hadn't wanted to get involved,
but the money had been right. A simple drop-off run and she would be able to afford those power
converters that would make the engines run ten times more efficiently and provide a hefty speed
boost. The _Hedgehog_ would be able to outrun any of the Imperial fighters, even the
developmental ones, with that. And she'd probably be able to blow a hole in a planet with the extra
power to the guns. 

And now this had happened. She should have been watching more closely. She shouldn't have
allowed Chawbaka to set the coordinates. He was a nice enough Wookiee, but he was a really
crappie navigator. 

Sighing, Akane Soro had to wonder why her life had been so rough. Never such deep and
ponderous thoughts were made in a bathroom before. 

Walking slowly back through the ship, Akane simply could not believe her misfortune. And yet, the
only thing she could think to say was, "When it rains, it pours." 

"So, Akane Soro has returned to bask in my presence! Bask in the glow from my..." 

Akane's fist was quickly planted firmly in the face of C-KN0, denting the shiny metal. "Shut up, you
freaky droid!" The concept was nearly horrific. She had heard the obscene stories about Jawas and
droids, but that had been an old story at the ice cream shoppes for ages. That was just a suburban
myth... Or so she thought. 

"Ah, your gentle caresses are of the warm wind from the..." 

Akane did it again, trying to find the off switch by going through the droid's head with her fist. The
second punch seemed to help a little as the lights that highlighted the droid's eyes dimmed some and
the crazy babbling stopped. 

Shaking her head, she had more important things to deal with than one sex-crazed Rebel droid. Or
two. "Give that back!" she yelled as R2- HT rolled away with a more... personal article of her
clothing. "You little piece of slag!" She growled in frustration at things. This was definitely raising the
price of her services when they made it to Nerima. 

She passed by the area she liked to call the lounge (which was simply where Chawbaka liked to
practice some weird Wookiee hand/foot thingy) and saw Nodoka and Kasumi doing something...
very odd. 

She stopped in the doorway and watched with a bemused expression on her face. The two
housewives were quite the interesting pair. 

"Watch carefully, Kasumi. Leave your senses open and watch," Nodoka said as she concentrated.
The metal rod resting on the floor shivered a little, then floated into an upright position. It began
moving back and forth slowly in a sweeping motion. 

Nodoka squinted and raised her left hand. A large tangle of wires rose into the air to about chest
height. Once there it began to move back and forth briskly over the masses of spare parts scattered
about, like it was dusting them. 

Closing her eyes fully, almost grimacing with the effort, Nodoka began to move all the little nuts and
bolts on the floor over to a small bin that had been overturned. 

It righted itself and moved through the air, the spare parts dropping into it with a clunk. Finally,
when there was nothing else, the bin slowly settled to the floor, and the wire tangle and metal rod
followed. 

Nodoka sat down slowly. She opened her eyes and inhaled deeply. "That takes a lot out of a
person," she said shakily. 

"That was quite impressive. How did you..." 

In Nodoka's hand was a small book. She thrust it at Kasumi and waited for the younger girl to take
it. "Go on. You have the potential to be a Jedi, Kasumi. You must follow through on it." 

Shaking her head, Kasumi said, "I couldn't possibly!" 

"You must. I can see it in you, Kasumi. You're destined for higher things." 

Kasumi took the small book slowly, not sure if she should actually keep it. Things were moving too
fast for her. She looked at the cover, then at Nodoka. "Using the Force for Better Housekeeping?"
She looked questioningly at Nodoka. 

Nodoka nodded. "A very select group." 

Akane snorted and shook her head. Housekeeping. Jeeze, what a joke. And the Force... an even
BIGGER joke. 

"You don't believe in the power of a Jedi?" Nodoka asked, looking at her. 

"That's just an old legend. Jedi and the Force were invented to put little kids to sleep. It used to
work with me." Yeah. Used to, until she had to leave home. Leave home, and go on the run almost
from the first day. 

"Is there a problem, dear?" Nodoka asked, recovering from her exertion of power. 

Sighing deeply, Akane shook her head. "No. It's nothing you need to worry about. I've been dealing
with it since I left home, and I'll keep dealing with it." 

Nodoka and Kasumi looked at her sympathetically, and suddenly, Akane couldn't help herself. She
sat roughly on the floor, wanting to just pour her guts out to the two women. Somehow, she
managed to blubber out her entire life story and kept it short and sweet. 

"I've got multiple bounties on my head, a broken down ship, I'm running from the Empire, I'm mixed
up with the Rebellion now, and I have a Wookiee with a bad sense of direction as my navi... Oh
NO!" 

Akane stood up suddenly and rushed back to the cockpit. The gentle rumbling that she had
dismissed earlier had actually been the ship landing. She closed her eyes and opened them again. 

"Chawbaka. Small moon I said. Make repairs on the small moon. That's what I said, right?" Akane
asked calmly. 

Chawbaka gave a plaintive growl. He did not like the tone in Akane's voice at all. 

"Right. I DID say small moon. So we were supposed to land on a small moon." Akane looked
outside the ship again. "So could you explain what we're DOING ON A GIANT SHIP?" Akane's
face took on an alarming shade of red. 

Chawbaka could only cringe away. 

"Chawbaka no baka!" 

Akane's tirade was quickly cut off as several Imperial troopers appeared in front of the ship, looking
at it curiously. "Oh no. We'll be shipped off to a mining colony if we're caught. Quick!" Akane went
to stab the 'All the guns' button, but it didn't respond. They were beyond dead meat. 

"Come on, C-Chan. We've got to defend the Hedgehog to the very end." 

Chawbaka wasn't so sure about that. It wasn't exactly a great ship or anything, but he was loyal to
Akane, and even if she wanted to do something suicidally dangerous, he would help. 

"First, lock down the plasma ejector. Don't want them getting in here, then figure out what's wrong
with the guns. We'll toast their butts and laugh while we do it!" 

Rolling his eyes, Chawbaka nodded and continued to follow her as they made their way to their
makeshift ramp. 

When they arrived at it, they were both stunned to see... 

"Would you like to join us in some tea?" Kasumi asked them. There were several officers and
troopers there already sipping tea and eating cookies. 

Akane's jaw dropped in disbelief. She wanted to scream at the brutal unfairness of everything. 

Chawbaka naturally took a seat next to Nodoka and began daintily sipping tea with the rest of
them. 

"Thank you for the hospitality, ma'am," one high-ranking officer said. "Naturally we understand the
problem of making repairs in deep space. You're welcome to stay as long as necessary." 

Nodoka and Kasumi both smiled, sending warm and fuzzy feelings throughout the ship. Akane
nearly gagged. 

"That's very kind of you, young man. Do you think you could see it possible that our ship is repaired
by a competent mechanic?" Nodoka asked. 

"That's no problem, ma'am. We have the best starship mechanics in the system aboard. And if
you're interested, I'm sure we could arrange for you and your sister to go on a guided tour of the
station." 

Nodoka laughed politely. "She is not my sister, as you very well know, and the flattery won't get
you very far." 

The look on Akane's face was simply... priceless. 

                                   *** ***

The Galactic Empire was oppressive, evil, tyrannical, and bloody huge. 

It had been built on the foundation of the Old Republic, and pretty much _was_ the Old Republic
with cooler uniforms and less tolerance. Rather than throw everything out the window, the new
rulers of the galaxy simply changed the existing order to suit them. 

Since, as has been mentioned, the Empire was bloody huge, a few anachronistic remains of the Old
Republic still persisted as part of the Imperial system, simply because no-one had bothered to
delete them. 

When the Death Star was in the final stages of construction and crew selection was in progress,
Navy Regulation 23.b-DeltaCainCharlie5 (subsection 2.3) was one of those flagged by the Staffing
Computer. It had been passed by the Admiralty during the days when "Public Relations" didn't
mean leveling population centers from orbit, and stated: 

All orbital or deep space platforms of sizes at or above 

Type-BB will be required to have on duty at least One(1) 

officer of a rank no lower than Lt. Commander, with a 

advanced degree in Public Relations from a major 

University. This officer shall hold the position of 

Civilian Tour Liaison, and shall not be assigned other 

duties barring a State of Emergency as described in 

Reg46.c, Sections Alpha through Theta. 

Since there were very few stations of Type-BB or higher, and since it was clearly such an asinine
regulation that everyone would ignore it, no-one ever got around to getting rid of it. 

Since the drones who made up the Imperial Personnel Department would follow regulations that
told them to shoot themselves in the head without bothering to question it, the Death Star was
dutifully assigned a Civilian Tour Liaison. Since the Empire had a distinct shortage of high-ranking
officers with public-relations degrees, they picked the one officer in the fleet who did, an Ensign
Sanzenin, and immediately promoted him to the rank of Lt. Commander. 

This was rather fortunate for Ex-Ensign Sanzenin, especially since he had been scheduled to be
executed for getting caught in an awkward situation with the wife of a Vice Admiral. 

He was quite happy with his job on the Death Star. Nothing beat being a tour guide on a top-secret
battlestation for low workloads and plentiful free time. And he was drawing a Lt. Commander's pay
and quarters assignment, too. 

When he got bored, he used his considerable design skills to make little brochures and coloring
books. It was his wistful dream that one day a shuttle filled with beautiful women would land, and he
would be asked to give them a private tour. 

Currently, his dream was coming true. Sort of. His daydreams hadn't included the huge, unchained
Wookiee, or the two annoying droids. 

"And, if you'll look to your right, you'll see one of the Death Star's docking bays, similar to the one
you entered through. At the moment, this bay contains a pirate freighter belonging to enemies of the
New Order." 

From the rear of the cheery little tour tram, Akane eyed the mentioned ship with narrowed eyes.
"Doesn't that look a lot like the Corellian freighter that we saw off Tatooine?" 

Chawbaka growled an agreement, and resumed coloring the TIE Fighter cutaway drawing in his
Death Star Fun Book. 

"The Death Star contains over a hundred of these bays," Commander Sanzenin recited cheerfully,
"And three larger ones used for servicing capital warships of the Empire. Each requires over four
dozen flight controllers, mechanics, ground crew, and menial laborers." 

"How nice," Kasumi murmured politely, moving his hand gently but firmly off her leg. She had met
this type before, and found that the attention was rather flattering up to a point. Beyond that point, a
few near-misses with the landspeeder was usually all that was necessary to get the message across. 

Undismayed, the commander steered the cart down a narrow hallway. "Through the glassteel wall
to your left, you can see the one of the outer blast tunnels of the Death Star's planet-destroying
superlaser. Built under the supervision of noted designer Bevel Lemelisk, the Death Star Superlaser
is the largest energy weapon ever constructed, and has vaporized noted stellar bodies like Test
Asteroid X-6923, Planetoid P- 42D, and Alderaan. Future targets are being selected as we speak,
funded by you, the Imperial Citizen." 

"Vaporized Alderaan?" Nodoka asked weakly. 

Sanzenin nodded cheerfully. "Page 123 of your tour guide has photos." 

The sound of four guidebooks being flipped through was heard, followed by a horrified silence. 

"Right, haha, destroying an entire planet, what a joke, isn't Captain Soro such a comedian? I TOLD
you, C-Chan, but did anyone listen? Nooo..." 

"Oh dear," Kasumi said quietly. Being vaporized probably wasn't very nice for the people on the
planet, and it had made an awful mess... that sort of thing shouldn't be allowed. 

Nodoka just shook her head sadly. 

"And now, if you'll look to your right, you can see the Loyalty Fervor Inspiration Board, where
photos of Rebel Traitors scheduled for execution are displayed for the edification and amusement of
station personnel." 

They looked. There were quite a lot of them. 

"Why is an image of the most glorious pig-tailed princess displayed on a common board with filthy
criminals?" demanded C-KN0 from his spot towards the rear. "She should have her own frame,
hung in a place of honor." 

Startled, Nodoka and Kasumi examined the board more closely as the tour cart rolled by. Sure
enough, a picture of the redheaded girl was stuck prominently near the center, sticking her tongue
out at the camera. 

Commander Sanzenin shrugged eloquently. "Everyone on there is scheduled for execution for
crimes against the Empire. Did you know that the Death Star has over 30 execution chambers, each
with over fifteen methods of termination? Page 99 in your Death Star Fun Book(TM) has a diagram
and crossword activity." 

"Thou wouldst harm the sacred person of the fire-haired princess?" roared C-KN0, pulling out a
wooden stick. "I, the Golden Translator of Furiiiiiii*blip*" 

Akane gave a satisfied grunt and removed her hand from KN0's 'off' switch, mentally memorizing
the location. She wished the designer had situated it somewhere other than the lower torso. 

"Ms. Kenobi? I think they're going to execute that poor girl," Kasumi said worriedly. Execution was
bad for growing young ladies. 

"I know, dear," Nodoka sighed. "I suppose we'll have to do something about it. If for no other
reason, to find out exactly what these plans are and where to take them." 

"Hold on," Akane said, scowling fiercely. "After landing on an Imperial battlestation capable of
destroying entire planets, we find ourselves home free through a vast stroke of luck. And you want
us to break someone out of a execution detention area in the largest Imperial military installation in
history?" 

"Second largest," Sanzenin added helpfully. "The Coruscant Military Center is slightly larger, but is
divided up between several ground and orbital structures. There's a comparison chart on the inside
back cover." 

"The poor girl _is_ going to be executed," Nodoka calmly reminded. "It is our duty as Jedi and
fellow sentient beings to lend aid." 

"I'm not a Jedi, and I hate sentient beings," Akane replied hotly. "They tend to be real jerks. Let's
just take the tour, wait for the Hedgehog to be repaired, and get the hell out of here." 

Kasumi clucked her tongue reprovingly. "Now, Captain Soro, really! Think how scared the poor
girl must be! All alone in a cold, hard cell..." 

"Actually, all the cells in the Death Star are heated," chimed in Sanzenin. 

Akane maintained her firm expression, but her eyes softened a bit. "Well, yeah, but..." 

"And the food," Kasumi continued, "I'm sure it's not very nice. And the atmosphere surely isn't the
proper sort for a young girl, far away from home, with no-one to turn to..." 

Akane sniffled a little. The Commander passed her back a Death Star Souvenir Hankie, which she
blew into loudly. 

"And one hears such stories about the guards in these sort of places, taking advantage of a poor
sweet defenseless girl, with nothing to protect her honor..." 

"Okay," Akane said, wiping her eyes, "we'll rescue the poor little thing." 

"That's very good of you," Kasumi said happily. Nodoka had told her that you could use the Force
to influence the weak-minded, but in her experience you could do that simply by being nice.
Besides, whatever else Captain Soro was, weak-minded probably wasn't among them. 

"Rroughroow," commented Chawbaka. 

"He wants to know how we're going to get into the detention level," Akane translated, frowning.
"Good question. I think we need a plan." 

"Well...." Nodoka began. 

"Okay," Akane interrupted, "How about this. We find a group of three stormtroopers, jump them,
and take their armor and blasters. Then we put fake restraints on C-Chan here, and take him into
the detention level, see, only when we get into the prison control room we shoot all the guards and
blast the security cameras. After that, while everyone's still confused, we engage in a running battle
through the prison wing, rescue the girl, blow open a garbage hatch or something, make our way
through the bowels of the station, and blast our way back to the Hedgehog." 

Nodoka looked at Kasumi. Kasumi looked at Nodoka. Then both of them looked at Akane. 

"Commander Sanzenin?" Nodoka asked politely. "Could we please have a tour of the detention
level?" 

"Why sure!" the officer said, steering the tram down a side corridor. "Did you know that the Death
Star's cell block is the largest holding facility on any spacegoing vessel or installation?" 

"Okay, we can do it this way, too," Akane said, sounding somewhat disappointed. 

"And if you'll look to your left, you'll see two officers of our friendly and helpful staff escorting a
Rebel terrorist to his well- deserved fate." Slowing the cart down, Sanzenin waved at the two
stormtroopers. "You there!" 

The troopers froze, and slowly turned. The cuffed Wookiee they were escorting made a worried
noise. "Er, yeah?" 

"Would you mind posing for a picture?" Commander Sanzenin chattered cheerfully. "I'm sure these
ladies would be thrilled." 

The troopers looked at him as if lobsters had started crawling out of his ears. "Uh, sure," the shorter
one said hesitantly. "Han, why don't you stand over there by Che... er, the prisoner, and I'll stand
here." 

"Okay, if you ladies could stand right there in front of them... you on the left, why don't you give
your blaster to the young lady to hold, that's it... could the traitorous Rebel prisoner move to the
right just a smidgen... okay... perfect. Say 'cheese', everyone...." 

"Cheese!" 

"Rrroughse." 

"Okay, thanks guys!" 

"Yeah, sure, c'mon kid let's get outta here...." 

The troopers hustled off, and Kasumi and Company reboarded the cart. Sanzenin handed them all
polaroids as he restarted the tram and drove on. 

"Oh my. I really should have brought a camera." 

                                   *** ***

Leia awakened with a start as the door to her cell was thrown open. The short figure silhouetted in
the doorway waving a blaster in the air immediately got her attention, and she quickly sat up in her
bunk. 

"Princess?" 

She blinked. "Yes?" 

"We're here to rescue you!" 

Her heart leaped. "You're what!" 

"We've got your droids! We're here to rescue you!" 

A taller figure appeared behind the blaster-waving one. "Akane? That's not her." 

"Oh dear. This is #327-B, not #357-B." 

"But I'm Princess Leia Organa of..." 

"Whoops. Sorry." And with that, the cell door slammed shut again. 

Leia shrugged, and went back to sleep. She had known it was too good to be true. 

                                   *** ***

The tram pulled up in front of a cell for the third time. 

Nodoka peered carefully at the number on the door. "#327-B. Okay, this should be it." 

Hopping out, Akane thumbed open the cell door. "Right. You," she paused to glance at a hastily
scribbled note, "Princess Ranma Saotome of Nerima?" 

"zzzzzzzsnort.... huh? Wha? Yeah, 'sme...." 

Akane shut the cell door and turned to the others. "Okay, found her." 

Kasumi beamed at her. Nodoka smiled, and turned to their tour guide. "Commander Sanzenin,
could you show us one of the empty cells? We're all just fascinated by this." 

Sanzenin, who had already coaxed the promise of a drink together after the tour was over out of
Nodoka, obligingly opened a nearby cell. "These cells are constructed of the finest materials
available, have a holding capacity of 23 cubic T'Vans, and can withstand sustained blasterfire at
close range. The carpet is..." 

"Oh my," said Kasumi brightly, "what's that little panel in the back, under that nice bunk?" 

Sanzenin ducked into the cell. "Panel? I don't think I see a..." 

Kasumi thumbed the "Door Close" button, followed by the "Door Lock" button. "I hope he isn't put
to very much trouble. He was very nice, I thought." 

"Well, that's one bother taken care of," Akane muttered. Pressing the open button, she again
opened the door to Ranma's cell. "Okay, c'mon." 

The redhead inside sat up slightly in her bunk. "You sure, now? Not just here to ask me my name?" 

Akane sighed. "Look, do you want to be rescued or not?" 

Frowning slightly, the redhead examined her. "By you? Lemme think about it for a bit." 

"Captain Soro? Nodoka?" 

"And just what's that supposed to mean?" 

"Well, I don't wanna be rescued by some tomboy with a blaster! It's embarrassing!" 

"Excuse me, Captain Soro? Ms. Kenobi?" 

Nodoka turned away from the cell to glance at her student. "Yes, Kasumi?" 

"What do those big flashing red lights on the wall saying "INTRUDER ALERT!" mean?" 

"TOMBOY? Look, sister...." 

"I think it means that hundreds of stormtroopers are about to come boiling down here any minute,"
Nodoka said with relative calm. 

"Oh dear." 

"Who're you calling sister!" 

"Excuse me," Nodoka snapped, "can we please run away now before the stormtroopers come and
shoot us?" 

The princess blinked. "Huh? Yeah, sure." 

"Fine with me!" Akane snapped. 

They hurried out of the cell, the ominous sound of blaster fire sounding faintly in the distance. 

"Right," Nodoka said crisply, "which way out of the detention level?" 

"Rrrourgh," said Chawbaka, pointing. 

"That's the cell we just walked out of, C-Chan." 

"Rourgh." 

"Oh dear," Kasumi commented, peering down one of the hallways. "I think the shooting is getting
closer." 

"Quick, check the Death Star Fun Book," Akane said, drawing her blaster. "Maybe there's a map
or a coloring diagram or something." 

Ranma rolled her eyes. "Doncha even know the way out of the stupid detention center? Some
rescue this is." 

"Oh, yeah, like you do either?" Akane shot back, as Chawbaka frantically flipped through the pages
of the book looking for a map. 

"Actually," the princess replied smugly, "I do. C'mon, it's this way." With that, she took off running
down the cellblock corridor. Kasumi and Nodoka shrugged and followed at a trot. 

Akane swore, glanced after them, and reluctantly followed. Chawbaka brought up the rear, reading
as he loped after his captain. 

"Are you sure you know where you're going, young lady?" Nodoka asked, puffing along behind the
Neriman princess. Ranma nodded, turning to give her a confident smile. 

"Trust me," she called, "I know what I'm..." 

Ranma turned the corner and skidded to a stop. Up ahead, their backs to the group, a cluster of
stormtroopers were firing down an hallway at something. 

Behind her, Nodoka and Kasumi pulled to a halt and stared at the platoon. They seemed to be
quite enthusiastic about their shooting, and the occasional laser bolt zooming past seemed to indicate
that their targets were getting into the spirit of this as well. 

"They obviously aren't going to notice us," Nodoka said quietly. "Let's turn around and head a
different..." 

Akane Soro turned the corner at this point, saw the stormtroopers, and immediately shot one. 

About half the squad turned their attention to her, and began turning their guns as well. 

"Oh hell," muttered Nodoka, and threw her lightsaber at them. 

It snapped on in midair and whipped through the air like a killer day-glo boomerang, scything at the
Imperials. They very sensibly dived to the ground, whereupon Akane shot another one, followed by
a blast from Chawbaka's bowcaster. Ranma took the opportunity to jump forward, snatch a blaster
carbine from one of the fallen troopers, and shot a third. 

Kasumi placed one hand over her mouth, mildly aghast. Ranma tossed her a blaster; she numbly
caught it with one hand and looked at it. 

"Into the garbage chute, flyboy!" someone yelled at the other end of the hall. Ranma, Chawbaka,
and Akane quickly took down the few remaining troops on their side, then ducked back as a
withering fusillade of blasterfire came from the other end. 

"Run away?" asked Kasumi, holding her blaster gingerly. 

"Yes!" yelled Nodoka, snatching up her lightsaber and dashing off. Kasumi followed. 

"YAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Akane, gleefully emptying her blaster around the corner. Ranma
stared at her for a second, then resumed picking off troopers one by one. 

"Rurgle-rowrl," observed Chawbaka, firing over Akane's shoulder. 

"What'd he say?" 

"He suggested we should make a strategic withdrawal," Akane translated, ducking as a barrage of
laserfire blew big holes in the wall over her head. "I think he might have something." 

Ranma snorted. "What, run away?" She jumped to one side just as a blast went through the place
she had been a moment before. "Ack. Yeah, I think he has something there." 

"Right," Akane said determinedly, taking a metal sphere from a belt pouch, twisting it, and tossing it
around the corner. "Run." 

"Why?" 

"Because the thermal detonator I just tossed is going to go off in five seconds." 

"Oh." 

They ran. 

                                   *** ***

The force of the blast wave that rocked the Death Star detention level gave Akane, Ranma, and the
Wookiee enough momentum to catch up to the two Jedi. 

"I think we bought some time," Ranma panted, never breaking stride. "She's pretty good with that
blaster." 

Akane blushed, for once looking off guard. "Why.. ah, thanks..." 

"For a clumsy psychopathic chick, anyway." 

"WHY YOU!" 

"Later!" snapped Nodoka. Both looked sheepish. 

"So, you got the droids, huh?" asked Ranma. Kasumi nodded. 

"Yes, these Jawas...." Kasumi trailed off. "Oh my. Where did the droids go?" 

Nodoka winced. "We must have left them on the tour cart. I think Captain Soro switched off the
loud one." 

"Captain Soro?" asked Ranma. Akane raised a hand, and the redhead grunted. "Figures. Look, we
gotta get those droids. The information in em is... uh, vitally important to the rebellion, yeah." 

"Right," Nodoka said resignedly. "back to the tour cart." 

"Cheh. Tomboy pilot. Can't even fire a blaster right." 

"Oh, and I saw just how helpful the Princess was. Were you too busy waiting for your servant to
come and carry you to the tram?" 

"Naw, I was just waiting to watch you trip over your own feet and fall on your face, you clumsy..." 

"Snotty..." 

"Macho..." 

"Helpless..." 

"ENOUGH!" Nodoka finally yelled. "You two are worse than that damned droid! I think I'd rather
turn him on than listen to you two fight like children!" Nodoka readjusted her kimono and turned
around with a humph. "And we're supposed to be paying them," she said under her breath. 

Akane and Ranma looked at each other, scowling. Akane shook her head and turned forward, her
blaster drawn just in case. Obviously the princess wasn't going to be of any use except decoration. 

Ranma muttered something under her breath and crossed her arms over her chest. The whole thing
was a nightmare, and that was just the rescue. She was afraid to see what kind of shape the rest of
the Rebellion was in. 

Kasumi drove as though her life depended on it, and as badly as she had to use the young lady's
room, it probably did. The little tram squealed as it rounded a corner, though it had no wheels to
speak of. 

"Get this fuzzball offa me!" Ranma yelled from the back as she was almost tossed from the seat,
along with Chawbaka and the droids. Akane was apparently the only one with a working seatbelt. 

Of course, that didn't help her when Kasumi turned another corner and sent the two sliding into her.
She opened her mouth to protest, but got a mouth full of long, stringy Wookiee hair instead. 

Anyone not strapped in was sent airborne for a moment as the tram hit some sort of object.
Looking behind them, Akane saw the remains of one of those annoying little mouse 'bots that were
always underfoot. 

So maybe Kasumi wasn't such a bad driver after all. Akane couldn't help but smirk. 

Of course, that was before the little bridge, barely wide enough for one person, over a seemingly
bottomless shaft. Somehow, Kasumi got the tram up on its side to skid along the walkway, sparks
shooting off the side. 

Akane had her eyes closed so she never saw everyone else in the tram hang on for dear life, coming
dangerously close to spilling out and tumbling down the shaft. 

There was a squeal of grinding metal and the tram slammed back down to its upright position,
sending everyone on a short E-ticket ride. Akane opened her eyes just in time to see a group of
officers dive aside as the tram plowed through the area they had been walking a second before. 

Somehow, by some act of a much, MUCH higher power, they ended back up in the hangar bay.
The tram spun around three times, acting like some out of control amusement park ride, just before
it slid safely into a recessed area usually used for cargo. 

Kasumi got out of the tram daintily, smoothing her dress out before hurrying to the Hedgehog. She
stopped at the ramp and looked back at the tram. For some odd reason, none of the others had
moved, except the droids, which appeared to be losing bits and pieces of themselves. "Goodness.
Shouldn't we leave as soon as possible? I don't think they'll be too happy about us scratching up
their floors." 

Akane was the first to react, simply because she had had her eyes closed a good portion of the trip
and had worn the safety belt. Now if she could only get the safety belt off. 

She was still in better condition than either the Princess or Chawbaka, who had looks of terror
frozen on their faces (which is not pretty on a Wookiee), or Nodoka, who looked like she was in
shock. Even the droids. 

R2-HT's lights were flashing wildly, and several panels were sliding open periodically, small clouds
of smoke emerging. C-KN0 was completely inert, all functions halted. No wonder it was so quiet. 

Kasumi decided to head into the ship and make some tea. 

                                   *** ***

"What WAS that?" the officer yelled after pulling himself from the tangle of bodies. 

"Sir, I think those were the escaped rebels. They were reported heading in this direction," answered
one of the officers that had managed not to end up on the bottom of the pile. 

"Gah. Just my luck. Why didn't someone stop them?" He kicked one of the junior officers that was
still untangling himself. 

"Well, Lieutenant Wesley? Why didn't you?" 

"I... uh... I didn't see them coming, sir!" 

"Take this worthless maggot down and have him shot!" 

                                   *** ***

Kasumi was just setting a makeshift table with the last teacup when the others came in. Even
Nodoka was looking a bit... bedraggled. "Good! You're just in time for lunch!" 

"Kasumi," Akane said, her voice barely louder than a whisper, "we don't have time for lunch. We
have to get off this station before the entire Empire tries to board this ship!" 

Kasumi seemed to consider what Akane had said. "Dear, I don't think there will be enough food for
all of them." 

Akane squeezed her eyes shut and tried very hard not to start screaming. "Buckle in, people. We
are leaving, with or without lunch!" She marched away, grabbing Chawbaka and dragging him
along. 

"Man, what a temperamental chick. What's her problem?" the Princess asked, having come around
at the sight of food. She sat down at the table and began shoveling lunch into her mouth. "I'b neber
sheen sush a groushy tonboy." 

"Princess, please don't speak with your mouth full. It's quite... disgusting," Nodoka said gently. 

Ranma shrugged and continued to eat. "Dear girl, what kind of princessly training did you receive?"
Nodoka asked. She was getting doubts about going to Nerima Prime. If this was what their royalty
was like, she didn't want to see the common people. Oh sure, the other members of the rebellion
were nice enough, but they did all seem to need a lesson in personal hygiene. 

Ranma swallowed the last of her lunch and looked defiantly at Nodoka. "I ain't no princess, so stop
calling me that." 

"You're not... But I thought..." 

Ranma chuckled bitterly. "You got the right person, but I ain't no princess. Got any hot water?" she
asked. 

                                   *** ***

He stood rigidly at attention, sweat crawling down the side of his face. It was a complete nightmare;
figures he would get the crap duty. 

"Your report." 

"The rebels, they escaped down into the garbage..." 

"Not them! The others! I want to know the location of the Princess Saotome! She, and those droids
have knowledge of Project J, and they can not be allowed to escape here alive!" Tofu was starting
to get annoyed at all this. The next time someone got it in his or her tiny little brain to mistake him
with that gorilla-like buffoon Vader, he was going to get really mad. 

"Just find them. Bring them to me. And maybe I won't turn you into a pretzel. Do you think you can
handle that?" He knew they were on the station someplace. If anyone had properly listened to him,
they would have identified them the minute they had landed, but noooo. No one ever listened to
Lord Ono. 

Snapping back to attention, the fresh-faced captain nodded. "Yes, my Lord." 

"And don't fail me. I'm very intolerant of failure." 

"Of course, my Lord. The rebels will be captured and Princess Organa..." He stopped short when
Lord Ono twiddled his pinkie finger at him. "I mean, Princess Saotome! Princess Saotome and the
two droids will be at your disposal." 

Turning quickly, the captain got out of there as fast as he could without appearing too much of a
chicken with his tail feathers on fire. 

                                   *** ***

Nodoka and Kasumi stared. 

Ranma got slightly annoyed. "Look, it ain't my fault. This is Project J, that Lord Ono is after." 

Nodoka and Kasumi continued to stare. 

Getting more annoyed, Ranma slapped his hand down on the table. "Yo! Are you listenin' to me?
Just because I change into a girl with cold water don't mean I'm a freak or nothin'." 

"I don't know about that," Akane said from behind the princess turned prince. Her eyes suddenly
narrowed. "Assuming you're even still Princess Ranma and not some sort of shape-shifter stealing
her identity." Her hand settled on the blaster at her side. 

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Man, where do you come up with these stupid ideas?" 

Akane's face pinked and she scowled at him. 

"Like I was sayin' before the tomboy showed up, this is what Ono's lookin' for. That's what's in the
plans, along with the cure." Ranma's eyes gleamed. 

"Cure?" Kasumi asked. 

"Yeah. Whatever this cure is, it'll stop me from turnin' into a girl when I'm hit with cold water.
Everyone gets the dumb idea that I'm helpless and tries to help. Do you think I would have let those
morons catch me if I hadn't had some bonehead rebel tryin' to protect me?" Ranma snorted. "Not
on your life." 

"You looked pretty helpless back on that tram." 

"You weren't helpin' none, chick." 

"Freak." 

"Clumsy." 

"Pervert." 

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" Nodoka yelled, causing the two to stop abruptly and look at her.
"Kasumi, go get C-KN0. At least he can pretend to hold an intelligent conversation." 

Kasumi nodded and started to rise. 

"Hold it! Bring that little pervert droid in here. I wanna look at the plans and find that cure," Ranma
said, abandoning his argument with Akane. 

Nodoka gave a small smile. "Ah, excellent. Finally down to business." 

Kasumi returned a few minutes later with both droids following her. "Now, R2, can you give the
princess the plans back?" she asked sweetly. 

Ranma scowled, but couldn't bring himself to get upset with her. The freaky droids on the other
hand... 

"Who is this scoundrel dressed in women's clothing?" C-KN0 asked, glaring completely
non-threateningly at Ranma. After all, how scary can a shiny gold droid actually look? 

"I'm not..." 

"Please. The plans. We really should leave this station as quickly as possible. Speaking of, Akane
dear, why haven't we taken off yet?" Nodoka asked. 

"They've got the cleaning crews out. They're mopping the bay floor right in front of us. We won't be
able to leave until they're done. I've got Chawbaka up there ready to take off at the first possible
moment." Akane shook her head a little. "Stupid unions..." 

"Yes, anyway..." 

Ranma nodded. "Right. The cure." He crouched down in front of R2- HT. "Now, you little hunk of
garbage, show the plans I gave you." 

R2 seemed to think about it for a moment, then rotated his dome back and forth. The meaning was
very clear. 

"Why not?" Ranma asked, standing and raising his fist in preparation to beat the droid. 

A little nozzle popped out of the top of R2 then sprayed Ranma with a blast of cold water. 

Sputtering, Ranma glared at the smallish droid. "Hey, you little freak! How'd you know..." 

"Oh! My wondrous pig-tailed princess! How I have longed to hold you in my arms!" C-KN0 said
excitedly, and advanced on Ranma, arms open wide. 

Ranma's fist shot out, hitting the droid square in the face and knocking him against the wall. 

C-KN0 slid to the floor, circuits shorted out temporarily. 

Shaking some water out of her eyes, Ranma glared at R2-HT. "Now, I don't care why ya did that,
just show me the stupid plans!" 

Again, R2 denied her. This time, a little claw came out with a frilly pink bra in its grasp. Making
some strange high-pitched whistling noises, R2 thrust the bra at Ranma. 

Kasumi covered her mouth with one hand. "Oh my," she said quietly. 

Ranma's face slowly began to match the color of her shirt. "Freak!" she yelled and ax-kicked the
droid. 

Rather abruptly, the plans started to display themselves in the air, which immediately caught
everyone's attention. 

"What's that?" Akane asked, looking at the slightly transparent images flashing in the air. 

"That's it," Ranma said, grinning somewhat maniacally. "That's the cure. Project J." 

Nodoka watched for a bit. "But that... that looks like plans for the Death Star." 

"Yeah. So?" Ranma said, shrugging. 

That was when the red lights went off in the hangar and sirens started sounding. An announcement,
audible even from inside the Hedgehog, blared out. 'All outgoing traffic is to be detained. No
exceptions allowed. Rebel spies may attempt escape.' 

Akane shot to her feet. "Janitors or no, we're getting out of here, pronto." She hurried to the cockpit
area, leaving the others to get someplace and buckle themselves in. 

Nodoka and Kasumi started to clean up the dishes when, out of a tiny port, Nodoka caught sight of
a familiar face. "Ben," she said quietly. 

"Kasumi, dear, I have something to take care of. I'll be back in just a few moments." She smiled
reassuringly at the younger girl, but her eyes were cold and hard. 

Before Kasumi could answer, Nodoka was gone. Hesitating for just a few moments, Kasumi
quickly hurried after her, hoping she would be in time to stop the woman from doing something rash.

Kasumi was barely able to keep up with Nodoka as the older woman exited the ship and ran
across the hangar, slipping slightly on the freshly cleaned floors. 

Nodoka headed to one of the adjacent hangar bays where a junky old freighter was sitting. Junky,
but it still looked ten times better than the Hedgehog. 

Nodoka stopped behind a group of scruffy looking people firing their blasters at a group of
stormtroopers attempting to enter the hangar from the opposite side without getting their asses shot
off. But she turned her attention to the other side of the hangar. That was where she saw him. 

Obi Wan Kenobi. Her eyes immediately narrowed, and she glared in his direction. Never mind that
he was currently engaged in a lightsaber duel with someone, her owed her alimony! 

As if they were connected by the mysterious Force, able to feel each other's presence, Obi Wan
glanced over and almost visibly flinched at the sight of his angry ex-wife. 

One of the scruffy, violent people also saw Obi Wan and yelled to him, but Nodoka could see her
ex-husband had his attention on her. 

"I am a dead man," Obi Wan said quietly. "Only one way out of this..." With a look of peace and
tranquillity, knowing he would finally be free of his ex-wife's wrath, he held his lightsaber up and
allowed Vader to strike him down. 

With a rather unlady-like yell of rage, Nodoka brought her lightkatana to life, but before she ran to
the place her ex-husband had fallen she turned. 

Kasumi was slightly frightened by the wild-eyed look Nodoka was giving her. 

"Yes, dear, you can help me. Obi Wan won't be able to escape that easily," Nodoka said
pleasantly. "Kasumi, remember everything I've taught you because I know you have the potential
inside you. And never succumb to the dark side of the Force. Now if you would be so kind as to
lop off my head..." Nodoka smiled gently, then switched the lightkatana off and handed it to
Kasumi. 

Kasumi took it gingerly, looking at Nodoka. The woman was completely serious, deadly serious
about what she was asking, and well, what was Kasumi to do? She couldn't refuse and offend
Nodoka. But she didn't want to get in the middle of their marital problems. 

"Come now, I can assure you I won't feel a thing. My body will become immaterial and I'll be a
spirit where I can finally get Obi Wan to admit to what a rotten husband he was." Nodoka smiled
the entire time. 

Kasumi looked at Nodoka, then at the lightkatana in her hands. Pointing it downward, she activated
the blade, completely ignoring the stormtroopers and blaster fire and general chaos around them.
"You're sure..." 

"Quite sure. Just remember what I've told you. And always do your best. And don't forget to sweep
and wet mop before you wax. And preheat for cookies 10 minutes before you bake. And..." 

OK, this was getting tiresome. Kasumi let out a small sigh and brought the weapon up. "Of course I
will." Kasumi swung the blade daintily, cutting down Nodoka in the same way Obi Wan had just
been. 

Looking slightly disturbed by the pile of empty clothing at her feet, Kasumi wondered if she should
pick it up before she headed back to the ship. 

A laserbolt zoomed past her head. Probably not. 

"Run, Kasumi, run!" 

She did. 

After a few seconds, she remembered that she had just cut Nodoka in half. Which made the sudden
appearance of her voice telling Kasumi to run rather odd. 

Still, it was good advice. 

She raced up the Hedgehog's ramp to find Chawbaka trying to pound a male Ranma through the
floor, headfirst. Oh dear. 

*WHAM!* "Ow!" *WHAM!* "Hey, cut it out, ya hairy idiot!" "RRRRRAUGH!" *WHAM!* "I
said, quit it!" 

"Oh my," Kasumi ventured. "You're denting the deckplates, Chawbaka." 

*WHAM!* "Help!" "RRROOOROUGH!" *WHAM!* 

Disturbed, Kasumi briskly walked up to the cockpit, where Akane was preparing for departure.
"Excuse me, Captain Soro? Your Wookiee is pounding the Princess's head into the deck." 

The young smuggler glanced up, concerned. "Any damage?" 

"Well, surprisingly, she.. he's still conscious..." 

"Who cares about him? I meant to the deck." 

"It's badly dented." 

Scowling fiercely, Akane stomped back to the passenger area. "C- Chan! Stop that this instant!" 

The Wookiee ignored her, and continued trying to hammer Ranma through a wall. Akane blinked.
Usually her voice would bring Chawbaka to heel instantly. 

"CHAWBAKA! PUT THE SNOTTY JERK DOWN! NOW!" There. A full-fledged Akane Soro
Scream, the kind that had roughly the same effect as a stungun on full power. 

Unbelievably, Chawbaka continued to ignore her, completely engrossed in his human carpentry. 

Despite a occasionally savage temper, Akane Soro really was a very tolerant person. You had to
be, in this business, and with a first mate like the one she had. But there was one thing that would set
her off every time, and that thing was people ignoring her. 

Drawing her blaster, she set it to 'light stun', and fired. 

It took three shots before Chawbaka finally dropped to the deck. The 'Princess' fell as well, out
cold from the baseball-sized lump on his head. 

Akane holstered her blaster, amazed. She had never seen Chawbaka so enraged before, even
counting the time that the Bothan portmaster had tried to get her to do something disgusting in
exchange for waiving the docking fees. Granted, Ranma was aggravating... but that had been one
really pissed off Wookiee. 

"Kasumi, look after these two idiots. I'm going to get us out of here." She stopped about halfway
down the cockpit access hall. "Hey, where's Nodoka?" 

Kasumi fidgeted. "Oh. She's dead, I'm afraid." 

"Aw, jeez. Sorry." Akane made a brief effort to say something comforting, then gave up and
continued on her way to the cockpit, feeling slightly depressed. She knew lots of dead people, but
knowing one more was still enough of make her sniffle a little. Besides, the other woman had been a
bit like what she daydreamed her mother would have been. 

She brushed a tear from her eye as she revved the engines and used the belly guns to shoot the
stormtroopers just now entering the hanger. It wasn't easy, being an orphan. If only she hadn't lost
her parents and sisters in that freak nerf herding accident... the Soros had been well-meaning foster
parents, but life in a nerf-herding colony was terrible. It meant herding nerfs, for one thing. 

The hangar clear, she pulled back on the throttle, prayed they wouldn't put a tractor beam on her,
and roared out of the docking bay like a bat out of hell. 

                                   *** ***

In the fire control center, Grand Moff Tarkin watched yet another grungy little Rebel freighter zoom
for deep space. Really, couldn't the Rebels be bothered to fight in respectable-looking craft? 

"Sir? Shall we open fire?" 

Tarkin shook his head. "It's not worth the energy expenditure. Besides, their escape will
undoubtedly annoy Lord Ono." And anything that annoyed the Dark Moron of the Sith was fine in
Tarkin's book. He actually felt sorry for Vader; Ono was an embarrassment to Sith Lords
everywhere. 

The worst part of it, and something that even Tarkin would never dare mention, was that Ono was
better at the whole Force thing than Vader. Their one quarrel had ended with Ono bouncing Vader
about the room like a black-armored racquetball. 

This escape would upset Ono immensely. And that, in turn, would improve Vader's mood
enormously, which would make him much easier to work with. 

Tarkin rubbed his forehead absently. A Grand Moff's lot is not a happy one. He almost wished he
hadn't sent Daala off to the middle of nowhere, but it had been that or die of sexual exhaustion. 

He permitted himself a small smile. At least he had fixed that silly exhaust port weakness. He hoped
one of the attacking rebels actually did get a torpedo in, just so their tiny little minds could be utterly
baffled and horrified when the Death Star failed to explode. 

                                   *** ***

"Once again, I've saved us all," Akane proudly announced to the room. 

"Hark, how wondrous are the skills of the talented Akane Soro! Come to mine golden
arms*punch*zzzzzzzurk." 

"Yeah, what a brilliant flight plan," muttered Ranma, holding a medpack to the lump on his head.
Akane glared at him. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"I'm saying that only a bloodthirsty maniac like you would plot an escape course straight through a
TIE Fighter training flight." 

"I was trying to throw them off guard." 

"Was circling them five times to throw them off guard too?" 

"Aheh, well..." 

"How about shooting at them when they failed to get the hint and attack you?" 

"They might have just been waiting for us to turn our attention away," Akane weakly offered. Ranma
rolled his eyes. 

"I don't know who's the more battle-happy of ya, you or that furball of yours." He thought for a
second. "Nice piloting, though." 

Akane stammered and blushed. 

"I coulda done better, but not bad for a chick." 

"WHY YOU!" 

From the other end of the lounge, Kasumi frowned slightly. "I think Chawbaka is coming around,
Captain Soro." 

Glaring at the ex-princess, Akane walked to stand over the blinking Wookiee. "And just what was
all that about, C-Chan?" 

A barrage of agitated, furious growls came in return. Akane blinked in surprise, and turned to
Ranma. "He says you're his sworn enemy for the crimes you've committed, and that because of you,
he's seen Hell." She stared at him in amazement. "What on earth did you do to him? I've never
heard him that upset about anything!" 

"I never did nothin'!" Ranma protested, raising his hands. "I was sittin' here when he comes out of
the cockpit, sees me, and tries ta mash my head through the floor! I never met him before in my
life!" 

Frowning, Akane looked back at the snarling Wookiee. "C-Chan, are you sure this is the person
you're after?" 

"Roo-rogh!" 

"What on earth did he do, anyway?" 

A look of supreme terror and embarrassment came over the Wookiee's face. He growled
something inaudible, and tried to look casual. 

Akane sighed. "Right. Look, until you at least tell me what he did that was so horrible, I don't want
you killing him." 

Chawbaka gave a frustrated growl, but unhappily nodded his agreement. 

"Wonderful copilot you have there," grumbled Ranma. "I'd sell him to a circus, if I was you." 

"Stop picking on C-Chan," Akane said mildly, drawing her blaster. "If whatever you did turns out to
be really as bad as he claims, I'll shoot you myself." 

Ranma began to respond, looked at the stupidly overpowered blaster and at the expression on
Akane's face, and wisely remained silent. 

"He's normally a very nice young Wookiee," Kasumi volunteered. 

"That's right," Akane said. "Anyway, you said the Rebel base was on Yavin, right? We should be
dropping out of hyperspace in about an hour." 

Kasumi raised a hand hesitantly. 

"And yes, I was the one who plotted the course." 

The hand was lowered. 

                                   *** ***

The green moon of Yavin IV was bustling with activity. After all, it was scheduled to cease to exist
pretty soon. 

A large stone temple had been converted into a starfighter hangar/base of operations. Pilots and
ground crew ran to and fro, prepping their ships for the coming battle. 

Kasumi strolled through the chaos, almost drooling. These were far, far better than the old
landspeeders and skyhoppers she had flown back on Tatooine. 

The Incom X-Wings in particular caught her eye. The same corporation manufactured her favorite
skyhopper, and the speed/handling ratio on them was supposed to be amazing. The weaponry
wasn't as substantial as some other designs, but who cared about weaponry? Who on earth wanted
to shoot things, anyway? 

The core of Kasumi The Driving Fiend was a mental image of a happy little bluebird, singing
cheerfully as it flew in happy loops and spirals. Guns really didn't hold any particular appeal to her. 

"Miss Tendo? Is that you?" 

She turned, vaguely surprised at hearing a familiar voice. "Oh my. Luke?" 

The Skywalker boy nodded. "Yeah. What are you doing here? The place is about to be attacked
by the Empire!" He sounded entirely too enthusiastic about the prospect, but then Kasumi had
always suspected that he wasn't very bright. 

"I was just looking at the Incoms," she said cheerfully, wondering what on earth Luke was doing in a
Rebel hangar instead of minding his Uncle's crops. "Maybe they'll let me fly one of them later." 

Luke nodded enthusiastically. "Hey, yeah, that's right! You used to fly like anything, back home!
You even did the Beggar's Canyon run without using the airbrakes once!" 

Kasumi demurely acknowledged that she had. 

"Wait right here!" 

Somewhat relieved, Kasumi watched Luke scamper off and turned her attention back to the
starfighters. She pictured herself flying one of them, turning graceful loops and delicate rolls, singing
her heart out. 

"You Tendo?" 

Startled out of her daydream, she glanced at the deck officer who had spoken. "Oh my. Yes?" 

"Can you really fly as good as the kid says?" 

Kasumi squinted at Luke. "How good is that?" 

"He says better than him." 

"Oh. Yes." 

"Good enough for me." If the cocky young hotshot admitted that ANYONE was better than him,
the deck officer reasoned, then they had to be pretty good. "Wanna fly?" 

Beaming with delight, Kasumi mutely nodded. 

"Right." Taking out a checklist, he marked off a number and handed her a datacard. "You're Gold
23. Check out your flight togs and a astromech, see to your assigned fighter, and report to the ready
room in two hours." 

Kasumi happily took the card. "Thank you!" 

"You're welcome. Good luck." The deck officer shook his head and strolled off. With the possible
exception of the Skywalker kid, he had never seen anyone so eager to go on a suicide mission
before. 

For her part, Kasumi's glee was only mildly dampened by the fact that her assigned craft would be a
Koensayr Longprobe, the 'Y-Wing', rather than the beautifully sleek Incoms. The Y-Wing was
nowhere near as graceful, she reasoned, but the top speed was better. She hoped she would get a
chance to look at the engine before she had to take off. 

                                   *** ***

"You will be required to maneuver straight down this trench..." 

Akane irritably tried to tune out the noise from the adjacent briefing room. Stupid Rebels and their
silly attacks. Still, she supposed it was good for business, and she liked the idea of attacking the
Empire. 

"23,000 credits," she firmly told the bureaucrat. They were like cockroaches, she thought blackly.
Even in the middle of an anti- government military camp of wild-eyed fanatics, you had people like
the calmly arrogant man sitting in front of her. 

As far was she could tell, their only reason for existence was to stand between her and her money. 

"I'm afraid that's out of the question. However, in gratitude for your daring rescue of an obscure
member of royalty from a minor planet only loosely affiliated with the Alliance, we're willing to give
you all brevet promotions to Lieutenant. Junior Grade, of course. Pay dependent on duties." 

"Perhaps you misunderstood me," Akane told him, fighting down the urge to simply shoot him. "I
said I want 23,000 credits, not to join the Rebel Alliance." 

The paymaster gave her a bland smile. "I understood you. Very well, how about 1,000 credits and
free ship repairs?" 

"23,000 credits, and the Empire already repaired the ship free of charge." 

"They have a bigger budget." 

A lanky figure in a rather rakish vest strolled in. "I'm here for my reward. Oh, heya Soro." 

Akane gave the new arrival a neutral glance. "Solo." 

"Gotten yourself a better ship yet, kid?" 

"There's nothing wrong with my ship," she levelly replied. "Dumped any spice lately?" 

"Not recently. Your first mate find his sense of direction yet?" 

"Chewbacca ever learn how to count above five, Han?" 

The paperpusher watched the two smugglers with fascination, and wondered if either of them was
going to kill the other. He hoped so. It would save precious credits from the reward fund. 

"It true what they say about you and your Wookiee?" Han asked, somehow managing to put whole
volumes of obscene suggestions into a single raised eyebrow. 

Akane blinked. 

"I don't know, what do they say?" 

Han blinked. 

"Well, I mean, you know..." 

A mystified expression rolled across Akane's face. The bureaucrat scratched his head. Han just
blinked again. 

"That you, you know, sleep together?" he finally ventured. 

Akane's face darkened. Han began to wonder if he had pressed his luck a bit too far. 

"Are you suggesting," Akane said, her tone ice cold, "Are you suggesting that the Hedgehog doesn't
have adequate sleeping facilities?" 

They felt the resulting facefault all the way across the base. 

"Anyway," the penpusher said, picking himself up off the floor, "Here's your reward, Captain Solo.
23,000 credits." 

Akane gaped. "Wha uh huh? He gets it, just like that?" 

The bureaucrat shrugged. "Hey, he rescued Princess Leia." 

"Wears white, has a hairdo like a pair of earmuffs?" 

"Uh-huh," nodded Han, grinning. "Seeya around, Soro. Assuming you don't get lost for good."
Chuckling, he left, credstick newly charged. 

Akane barely kept herself from screaming. "I could have rescued a mint. Instead, I get Ranma the
Sexchanging Wonderbrat. Why? Why does the universe hate me?" 

"2000 credits and a crate of Rebellion T-Shirts, and that's my final offer." 

                                   *** ***

"Hey, Wookiee!" 

Chawbaka looked up from his Death Star Fun Book coloring activity and snarled ominously. 

Ranma raised his hands, backing up. "Hey, cool off, willya? Look, I just wanna talk. See? I even
brought a Wookiee-to-Human translator box." Cautiously walking over, he set a metal cube on the
table and flicked it on. "Honest, man, I never met you before in my life." 

The Wookiee growled out a angry string of syllables, which the box sucked in and spat out in
normal language. "Damn you, Saotome! Because of you, I've seen HELL!" 

Ranma blinked. "You mean I somehow got you your job with Captain Soro?" 

"No! Akane is good, kind, gentle, sweet..." 

"We _are_ talking about the same Akane Soro, right?" 

Chawbaka glared at him. "Curse you! It's because of you that I'm like this!" 

"Stupid?" 

"NO! Remember when you were captured the first time, and a platoon of idealistic young Rebel
heroes tried to break you out?" 

Ranma scratched his head. "You mean the mercenaries who tried to kidnap me back from the
Empire in order to hold me for ransom? Yeah, that was right after they tested that damn
transformation process on me." He shuddered. 

"Do you remember the person you shoved out of your way as you ran in cowardly terror for the
exit? Platoon Leader Ryoga Hibiki?" 

Ranma shrugged. "The guy who tried to grab me? Yeah. I gave him a good shove, but I aimed him
for that tank of liquid to break his fall. Why?" 

The Wookiee snarled. "You idiot! Didn't you even look at the label on the tank?" 

"Um, er... yeah, something like 'Wookiee Metamorph Matrix Proto..." he trailed off. "Oh. Uh-oh.
You mean..." 

Chawbaka nodded, showing his fangs. 

"Oh. Whoops." Ranma chuckled somewhat nervously. "Sorry, man. Look, why don't I get you
some hot water so that we can talk without this box..." 

"BECAUSE THE DAMN MATRIX WASN'T DONE YET!" Chawbaka bellowed. "It was
one-way only! I'm stuck like this!" 

Ranma gaped at him. "Oh. Oh, man." 

"I wandered for days after I escaped," Chawbaka said bitterly. "I had lost the knowledge of human
speech, and the only other Wookiees I met thought that I was insane! I probably would have really
gone crazy, too, if Akane hadn't taken me in." The massive being gave a wistful sigh. "I couldn't
even pronounce my name, so I just gave her something Wookieesque to call me. She was kind and
patient with me, and before long I had fallen in love with her." His expression darkened. "A love
which she'll never return, because she thinks I'm a damn Wookiee, and it's all your fault!" 

Ranma looked down. "Gee. I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to..." He blinked, a thought hitting him.
"Hey, hold on, what do you mean she thinks you're a Wookiee? Didn't you tell her?" 

Chawbaka flushed, and shrunk a bit, averting his gaze. Ranma stared at him incredulously. 

"You mean you haven't told her!?" 

"It took a long time for her to learn to speak Wookiee!" Chawbaka snapped defensively. "By then,
it would have been... awkward for me to tell her." 

"You've lost me." 

The Wookiee flushed a bright red. "Captain Soro is, ah, somewhat casual about wearing clothing
when there's no passengers aboard and the ship is in hyperspace." 

Ranma stared at him. "No way." 

Shifting uncomfortably, the Wookiee blushed an even deeper red. "I tried to keep busy in some
other part of the ship, but I had chores to do, and she would have been hurt if I stayed away from
her altogether..." 

"...So you've been getting to drool over her in the buff because she thinks you're really a alien who's
idea of a desirable sex partner is a skinny gorilla. Right." Ranma snorted in disgust. "No wonder
you're afraid to tell her. Not that I really blame you. She is kinda cute..." 

Chawbaka eyed him ominously. 

"For a macho chick pilot, anyway," Ranma hurriedly finished. "Look, sorry about the Wookiee
thing. I really didn't mean to." 

"It doesn't matter what you meant! Because of you, I'm a walking shag carpet!" 

"But hey, man, look! I got the cure in the R2 unit, remember?" 

Chawbaka straightened sharply. "That's right! The cure! Quick, what do I have to do?" 

Ranma shrugged. "Well, it's not the actual cure. It's just the location of the lab designed to reverse
the treatment. I figure we can just storm the place and force them to cure us." 

The Wookiee grinned savagely. "Damn right we will! Now, where's.." 

He froze. 

"Hold on. Didn't Nodoka say that the plans looked an awful lot like the..." 

Ranma moaned, seeing it. "Death Star. Oh, jeez, we just broke out of there!" 

Chawbaka shrugged philosophically. "It'll still be there when we return." 

A door opened down the hall. "Now man your ships, and may The Force be with you." A cheer
was heard, and pilots in flight gear rushed out. 

Ranma looked at Chawbaka. 

Chawbaka looked at Ranma. 

"Hahah. They don't have a chance in hell, right?" 

"Not a chance. Eheh." 

Chawbaka looked at Ranma. 

Ranma looked at Chawbaka. 

"Oh shit." 

"We need a ship, NOW." 

"We can take the Hedgehog. Can you fly?" 

Ranma grinned. "Can I fly? C'mon, let's go." 

                                   *** ***

Kasumi clambered into the cockpit, absently wondering why everyone seemed so excited. She had
been too busy tuning the Y-Wing's engine to attend the briefing, but she figured that she'd just follow
the lead of everyone else. After all, they must like to fly too. 

Although they didn't know how to keep a lovely starfighter in peak condition. Why, she had cleaned
the thrust heads, and adjusted the fusion manifold, and installed the Ion-Enhancer fix that improved
speed dramatically, and hardly ever caused the engine to explode violently. Kasumi always felt that
it was a silly thing to ban. Anyway, a good two hours of work had done wonders to the handling
and pushed the top speed well beyond the design tolerance. 

Buckling herself in, she hit the rear intercom button. "Ready to go, HT?" 

The little droid gave a series of dubious beeps. It had been talking to the Y-Wing's diagnostic
computer about the new modifications, and was unnerved by the fact that the computer was doing
the digital equivalent of huddling in a corner gibbering with terror. 

Undismayed, Kasumi fired up the engines and, with the rest of Gold Flight, zoomed into space. 

She had never actually flown a craft out of the high atmosphere. It wasn't, she was finding, much of
a change. In fact, it was actually easier, since you didn't have to worry about wind and gravity. 

Her intercom crackled. "Gold Flight, this is Gold Leader. You know the mission. Either we blow
that station to Hell and back, or no- one goes home. Got that?" 

Oh. Oh my. 

She pressed the intercom. "You mean this is a combat mission?" 

The rest of Gold Flight laughed heartily in their cockpits, relieved that someone was making a joke
to ease the tension. 

"Remember, we're going to be outgunned severely. If it has wings and doesn't have a name
beginning with X or Y, it wants to kill you. Most of us probably aren't going to make it back, but we
all know what's at stake. All that matters is that one of us makes it." 

Kasumi was getting a very, very bad feeling about this. By the time Gold Leader finished describing
the towers, TIE Fighter squadrons, turbolaser batteries, and gunboats waiting for them at the Death
Star, she was just a tad edgy. 

Well. Goodness. If she was going to fly into all that terrible a mess, she'd better run the Y-Wing
through it's paces. She had already looked to see where the guns were. 

She broke formation slightly, climbing to test the stick response. 

"Gold 23! Tai, above you, 5-O-Clock!" 

Yaah! They must be diving at her from above! Almost panicking, Kasumi quickly fired the upper
turret guns in the direction indicated by the warning cry. 

"*&^%%$$#%@! My port engine! She shot my port engine off!" 

"Gold 23, have you lost your mind?" 

Kasumi whimpered, and looked through the top viewport to see a Y- Wing above her breaking
formation, one engine nacelle missing. "But... but you said there was a TIE Fighter at...." 

"No, I warned you that you were in danger of colliding with Daav Tai. Gold 17." 

"Oh. Oh dear." 

"Gold Leader, I'm going to have to return to base. Sorry." 

"That's okay, Daav." 

"Good luck." 

"Sorry," Kasumi meekly told the intercom. 

                                   *** ***

Somewhat guiltily, the two conspirators snuck up the ramp of the _Impudent Hedgehog_. 

"Rraurgh," commented Chawbaka dubiously. 

"Don't worry, we'll be there and back before she even notices that it's gone," Ranma told him
reassuringly. "No sweat." 

Going up to the cockpit, they fired up the engine and zoomed out of the hangar. 

In the pilot's seat, Ranma's brow was dripping with sweat. Not because of the fact that his cure
might be about to go up in an atomic fireball. Not because he was about to board the biggest
existing Imperial battlestation with his only companion a psychotic Wookiee who hated his guts. No,
that he could deal with. It was just that it was damn hot in the cockpit, probably due to the engine
vents under the seat. 

"Sheesh," he muttered, slipping out of his clothing as he mopped away the perspiration. "No wonder
she went around bare when she could. This junkheap needs an air conditioner." 

Chawbaka gave a noncommittal growl, pointed to the engine readouts and left. Probably to go tend
the overheating furnace, or power plant, or wood-burning stove, or whatever infernal energy source
powered the Hedgehog. 

Even from the other side of the solar system, he could already see the Death Star, looking like the
nastiest steel marble in the galaxy. He smiled grimly, and took another sip from the glass of ice water
he had poured himself. 

A footstep echoed on the deck behind him, and he swiveled the chair around. "Yo, Wookiee, the
engine... uh...." 

"C-Chan, why are we in... oh my..." 

Akane Soro, having woken up from her nap, had changed into her Stupidly-Hot-Cockpit outfit.
Namely, the same thing Ranma was wearing. Namely, nothing. 

There was a highly awkward moment of silence and stares of horrified fascination. This was
immediately followed by hands moving to cover certain areas. And then by Captain Soro screaming
in indignation. 

"PERVERT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING FLYING MY SHIP!" 

Ranma waved his hands in a gesture of innocence, remembered that those hands needed to be
concealing something, and hastily moved them back. "Er, ah, just getting the ship into space, didn't
wanna wake you..." 

"AND WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING ANY CLOTHES?" 

"Well, why aren't you?" 

Akane turned a bright red. "GET OUT OF MY COCKPIT!" 

"But, see, we gotta..." 

"OUT! OUT! OUT!" 

Ranma's mind reeled. His cure was gonna get blown up! 

"Hey, Kasumi!" he said, frantically looking over the irate Captain Soro's shoulder. Akane glanced
behind her, and Ranma smoothly drew his blaster, flicked it to 'light stun', and shot her. For a
terrifying moment she turned, gave him a baleful look, and then collapsed to the deck. 

Chawbaka picked this moment to enter. He took one look at the scene, gave a bellow of fury, and
rushed for Ranma. 

"Gah! Hey, wait! It's only stun! Gaaaaaaaacccccck!" The Wookiee's hand clamped around his
throat. "Gaaaaaaaccck.... she was gonna makeusturnback! Only stun!" 

Snarling ominously, Chawbaka glanced back at Akane, looking somewhat mollified when he
noticed that she was snoring like a chainsaw. Reluctantly, he set Ranma down. 

"Jeez, grumpy Wookiee." He glanced guiltily at Akane. "You'd better take her back to her quarters
or somethin'. I mean, we can't just leave her on the floor. She'd get in the way." 

Chawbaka nodded, bent over, and froze. A thin trickle of blood ran from one tufted nostril, and he
glanced helplessly at Ranma. 

The Neriman prince snorted. "What? I'm not gonna do it! You want _me_ to touch the ugly chick?
At least you ain't even the same species!" 

Smirking, the Wookiee grabbed the glass of ice water and soaked him. 

"Augh! What'd you do that for! Oh. Right." Sighing, she grabbed up Akane's limp form in a
fireman's carry. "Her quarters are toward the middle, right? By the second cargo hold?" 

Chawbaka nodded. Ranma sighed. "Just don't touch the controls, okay? I'll be right back." 

She walked down the corridor, stopping before a door with "Captain Akane Soro" carefully painted
on it. Shifting the load in her arms uncomfortably, Ranma pushed it open. And blinked. 

Ranma had expected the fearsome Captain Soro's cabin to be a lot like the rest of the ship.
Functional (barely), spartan, feminine as a sledgehammer, with perhaps a gun rack or a collection of
severed heads to add a bit of color. 

She definitely hadn't expected it to be painted a pale pink. 

There were trophies on a narrow, shabby table. High School Shooting team, Varsity Piloting,
Honorable Mention For Bakeoff Competition. Ranma tried and failed to imagine Akane baking
anything with a non-lethal instrument. 

A bookshelf had several rather dog-eared paperbacks, their covers all various shades of purple,
pink, and silver. A closer examination revealed that they had titles like "Love Roams The
Spaceways," and "Untamed Heart". 

The slightly open wardrobe had several pairs of rumpled Functional Smuggler Clothing, and a neatly
pressed pink dress tucked in a corner. It had ruffles. It was cute as the dickens. And it had the sort
of stiff, new quality that suggested that it had never been worn, and the sort of plastic slipcover that
suggested that it wasn't going to be worn any time soon. A folded school uniform, slightly dusty,
peeked out from behind a knitting needle and pair of half-mended socks. 

Ranma carefully set her down on the bed - which had enough frilly lace to clothe an entire platoon
of French maids - and pulled the covers over her. There was a battered stuffed nerf on one corner
of the frilly coverlet... which, she noted with mounting horror, had a cross- eyed kitten stitched on
it... and she stared in disbelief as Dread Captain Soro sleepily grabbed it and cuddled it. The nerf's
one remaining button eye glared balefully at Ranma. 

Quietly, feeling like a complete bastard, she left. The Death Star would be coming up soon. 

                                   *** ***

"Here we go!" 

"Oh my!" 

The pilots who survived the Battle of Yavin would talk about many things. They'd mention
Skywalker's run down the trench. They'd sadly recall the men who didn't come back. And they'd
talk about That Maniac Piloting Gold 23. 

Kasumi wasn't very good with guns. So she stopped using them. 

She saved the lives of just about every member of Gold Flight at least once. A TIE Fighter would
be bearing down on them, guns spitting death, when all of a sudden the Y-Wing would roar through
the Imperial formation like a sparrow on PCP, sending the TIEs scrambling to get out of the way, or
reeling from the wake. Several collided with each other in their mad efforts to avoid the obviously
insane Rebel in the stupidly fast Y-Wing. 

Around her, men screamed, swore, fought, and died. 

Inside Gold 23's cockpit, Kasumi's happy little bluebird was singing it's deranged little heart out. 

                                   *** ***

Ranma and Chawbaka stared at the battle. 

"Man, look at this mess!" 

"Roogh." 

Picking up the transmitter, Ranma sent a channel to the Death Star. "Death Star, this is the supply
freighter! Open a docking bay, now!" 

"Please state your identification code and registra..." 

"Let us in! Before we're killed! It's a damn war out here!" 

"I'm afraid I need to..." 

"Does this ship _look_ like an X-Wing? Let us in NOW, or you can get your damn pleasure
holodiscs somewhere else!" 

"Pleasure Holo...? Right. Bay 34 is open, supply freighter." 

Ranma smirked. 

She maneuvered the ship easily into bay 34, touching down gently. Hopping out of the pilot's seat,
Ranma located the small container of hot water she had been saving for an emergency. This seemed
as good an emergency as any and poured it over her head, changing back to male. 

Now if he could just avoid cold water and keep the "princess" from putting in an appearance, things
should go smoothly. If Chawbaka could manage to control himself. Stupid Wookiee. 

Quickly redressing, Ranma strapped a blaster holster on just in case. Sometimes it came in handy to
shoot the control panels of doors so they slammed in a mob of Imperial stormtrooper's faces. 

"Yo, hairball, are ya coming, or what?" he yelled, having not a clue where the pathetic fool had
gone. He waited a moment, walking slowly to the ramp, listening for a response. Shaking his head,
he tried again. "Hey..." 

"Raaawwr," Chawbaka answered from right behind Ranma. 

Ranma squawked and leapt six feet away, hitting his head on the low ceiling. "Whadja do that for?"
he yelled, rubbing the top of his head. 

"Roarawr." 

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Aww, jeez." He pulled the translator cube out of his shirt and switched it on.
"Look, we gotta get to the lab and fast." Ranma began walking more quickly to the ramp. "They
seemed pretty friendly before, so maybe we could just ask for the deluxe tour or somethin' stupid.
Unless you got a better look at the plans, 'cause I didn't see too close where it was." 

He stopped and looked back at Chawbaka. Who just happened to be wandering in the other
direction. "I guess we take the tour." 

"C'mon, hairball. We got to get this cure and get out." Ranma jogged back, grabbed Chawbaka's
considerable arm, and pulled him in the other direction. 

Chawbaka looked confused for a moment, then his gaze darkened. "We can't just leave Akane
here! Who knows what kind of things the filthy Imperial swine will..." 

"Give it a rest, 'C-Chan'. I don't think they're that desperate. Yet." 

"Don't call me C-Chan. Only Akane calls me that." 

"Right, furface." Ranma lowered the ramp. 

Chawbaka growled dangerously. "Don't call me furface!" 

Ranma looked at him while the ramp continued to lower. "Rasta- Wookiee?" 

"Why you..." 

"You ARE lookin' kinda stringy. When's the last time you been to have that coat trimmed? I mean, I
seen banthas better lookin' than you." Ranma had a big cocky grin on his face. 

"Now you DIE!" 

                                   *** ***

The ramp began to lower, too slowly, and the group of eager officers and troopers awaiting their
pick of pleasure holodiscs leaned forward in anticipation. 

What they weren't anticipating was a young man, dressed in a red shirt and black pants, hurtling out
of the ship at them. 

Ranma shouted a warning, then covered his face with his arms as he plowed into the group of
Imperial personnel. The was the last time he was ever dumb enough to tease a sensitive Wookiee
like that. 

Knocking them all aside and flying across the bay to impact with the wall, Ranma slid to the floor
and mumbled, "Ouch." 

Chawbaka stomped down the ramp after him, growling the entire time. He stepped on one
unfortunate officer, who was never quite able to get the smell out of that uniform again. 

Ranma sat up slowly, rubbing his head yet again, grimacing. "Stupid Wookiee. 'S justa joke."
Shaking off the pain, he assessed the situation quickly. 

One foaming Wookiee, one group of... frustrated Imperial drones, and one giant battle station about
to be blown to bits along with his cure. Right, priorities. 

"Besides, we gotta get that cure! Then you can cough up a hairball on me!" he yelled, bringing the
Wookiee to a halt. 

"Maybe..." 

"Let's get going." He spared a glance at the ship, hoped Akane would be... wouldn't get her tomboy
butt in too much trouble, and headed into the heart of the Death Star. Or at least to the cafeteria. He
was starving. 

                                   *** ***

"Hey, buddy," Ranma said, trying to sound oh so nonchalant. "I've heard something about a Project
J. Mind showing it to us?" 

"Well, it's not really on the way, but I suppose, for a couple of guys like yourselves, I can make the
exception. You know the entire station is supposed to be under alert," the guide offered happily.
"Something about rebels blowing the place up, or some other nonsense." He laughed. "That's about
the silliest thing I've ever heard. How about you?" 

Ranma gave him a sick smile. "Yeah, pretty stupid," he said weakly. 

The guide continued on. "Yeah, I don't know why you guys would actually want to see Project J.
It's nothing interesting really. Just a bunch of big vat-type things and scientists running around all
over the place. And I've seen some real weird stuff there too, doing the tour at peak hours and all." 

"Weird stuff?" Ranma asked. "What, like dancing pandas or somethin'?" 

The guide laughed. "Nothing that normal!" The look on his face suddenly grew very serious. "I'll tell
you what, though... Not too long ago, I saw some guy, poor bastard, walk in human and he came
out..." The guide shuddered. "He was some big slimy, tentacled thing, one big eye on a stalk,
slithering around. It escaped and went down into the garbage disposal system." He laughed
suddenly. "For all we know, it's still down there." 

Ranma and Chawbaka looked aghast at the tale. 

"I asked about it later, to maybe tell it to scare the kids, and they said that it had been some captain
Lord Ono had gotten fed up with. Captain Taro I think was the name." The guide shook his head,
honking the little horn on the tram to clear a group of TIE fighter pilots out of the way. 

"That's rough," Ranma replied sympathetically. 

"Yeah. I knew that guy. He was pretty much a jerk, but to be turned into a big, ugly slimeball..." He
brightened. "We're here!" 

                                   *** ***

Akane awoke slowly, her head throbbing. The last thing she remembered was... was... 

"RANMA!" 

"Wow! She's lively! I want a copy of this one!" 

"She's cute too!" 

"Whoa ho ho... She's naked!" 

Akane stared at the group of men leering at her from her doorway. "What are you doing on my
ship, PERVERTS!" She pulled the blaster out from underneath her pillow and began firing away,
absently pulling a blanket up to cover herself. 

                                   *** ***

The crappy thing about being a lieutenant was that he wasn't allowed to actually go on board and
remove the precious cargo. Instead, he had to stay outside and supervise it all. That always meant
the best discs were gone by the time he got to them. Oh, to be an enlisted man again. 

But, as quickly as the men had rushed into the ship, pushing and shoving each other, they were
currently on their way out in the same fashion. 

He gaped as the group of men knocked each other aside, yelling something about a rabid...
wampa? They rushed past him and were quickly followed by blaster fire in a rather wild pattern. 

Ducking himself, he dove to the side, and peered at the ramp through the heavy cover of some
containers of imported... fruit cake? Not again. 

Of course, as soon as the "rabid wampa" appeared, the officer's face grew very red and he got
them stupidest grin on his face. 

If THAT was a rabid wampa, he was gonna move to Hoth and learn to like cold baths. 

In fact, it was only Akane, a towel barely wrapped around herself, the blaster leveled in front of her,
her hair in complete disarray, and the cutest pissed off look on her face. "PERVERTS! GET BACK
HERE!" 

Hmphing, Akane turned and disappeared into the ship. 

                                   *** ***

"Lord Ono, I have your report." 

"Excellent. Let me see." 

The numbers for the week's tours of Project J flashed on screen. 

Tofu made a strangled noise. "Not THIS report, you imbecile! The rebels, the rebels!" 

"My Lord, Vader is supervising..." 

"Not THOSE rebels! Princess Saotome!" 

"Uh..." Shrugging was the young officer's last act. 

Wiping some stray mess off himself, Tofu shook his head. "Do I have to do everything myself?" 

                                   *** ***

Akane quickly changed into her regular outfit, still miffed over the crowd of Imperial hentais staring
at her. And she had it all to blame on Ranma. Ranma who took her ship, stared at her when she
was naked, actually shot her, then left her there for the pervert jackals. 

She would have his pigtail in a vice if it was the last thing she did. 

There was a creaking noise and when she looked, Akane saw that she had her hand closed around
some vital components of C-KN0. She looked at the droid curiously, then shrugged and released
her hold. It was only a droid, and a damn annoying one at that. 

Unfortunately, her little temper control exercise had also alerted the droid, who was just coming out
of shutdown mode. "Who would dare damage the... Oh! The mighty space huntress! Please let me
serve you!" He reached out with his one functional arm to her. 

It was beginning to be habit to just imbed her fist in the droid's face whenever it started talking. Not
that it wasn't a helpful habit or anything. 

But anyway, she had another "princess" to rescue. She figured Ranma had probably kidnapped
C-Chan to drag him along on some silly... She paused to shoot a pair of Death Squad troopers who
happened to wander by. 

Some silly thing that princes and princesses couldn't live without, and was probably back in the
prison block, and it would be up to Akane Soro to save the day again. Sighing, Akane took out a
pair of stormtroopers carrying big boxes of toys labeled 'Imperial Toys for Tots'. 

Damn Empire. 

                                   *** ***

Ranma and Chawbaka both had their faces pressed against the thick protective glass that
surrounded the lab area of Project J. Thankfully, they were the only tourists on the tour this time, so
no-one but the guide saw the big drool smears they were leaving. 

"You really think it's that interesting?" their guide asked, looking disinterestedly through the glass. 

The two nodded absently, their eyes wide and shining at the prospect of getting cured. 

"You know, if you're that interested, I can get you a look at it close up," the guide offered.
Accommodating the guest was good hype for the Empire. The kid looked like a promising recruit.
The Wookiee... well, not everyone was perfect. 

Ranma was suddenly grabbing the front of his uniform, putting them nose to nose. "Inside. Now." 

"No problem. The Empire likes to see enthusiastic young men like yourself." The guide removed
Ranma's hands from his uniform and smiled knowingly. "It IS quite an opportunity. Follow me." 

                                   *** ***

"Hey, you!" 

Akane froze in place, her hand slipping to her blaster. She turned slowly. 

"Your group is on the deluxe tour. You should probably catch up with them and get off this station
on the double. There aren't supposed to be any civilians here now." 

Akane stared at the officer speaking to her. "Deluxe... tour?" 

"Yeah. It goes down to the reactor, all the way to the bridge and past Project J." He waited for
some sign of acknowledgment from her, then nodded. "Ah. Boyfriend dragged you along, huh?
Don't worry. We'll get you back to your group." 

                                   *** ***

"Which one do we jump into?" Chawbaka whispered as best he could. 

"Dunno. Why don't you ask them?" Ranma responded, pointing to the guards at the door. 

"Very funny. This isn't a time to make jokes though. I WANT that cure. I'm tired of being a
Wookiee. I want to be human again." 

"Hey, you think I want to turn into a girl? Thing again, fuzzball. At least you get some respect.
People treat me like some helpless little girl. And a princess to boot. I can't do anything on my own
then." Ranma hmphed. "Just because you don't wear clothes and are hard ta understand doesn't
mean you've got it all bad." 

Chawbaka growled, then hit Ranma. 

"Ouch! Stupid Wookiee," Ranma growled, while rubbing the back of his head. 

That got the guards looking at the two of them curiously, to which they smiled and waved a little. 

The guards, not liking the sight of a smiling Wookiee any more than the next guy, turned their
attention forward again. The two were probably a couple looking for that vat that turned men into
buxom young ladies. Perverts. 

"So, which one?" Ranma repeated, looking at the bubbling vats. 

"Oh don't know. Just jump in one and see if it's it." 

"Dream on! If anyone should be jumpin' in one, it's you. You're the one that's stuck that way for
good." Ranma scowled at Chawbaka, gesturing to the vats. 

"No way! They're looking for you, not me. You're the one with the bigger problems. Besides," he
said, staring dubiously at the bubbling liquids, "being a Wookiee's not so bad." 

The light going on over Ranma's head was almost tangible. Ignoring the rest of Chawbaka's hesitant
denials, Ranma looked at the two guards. "Yo, what happens if someone falls in and don't want to
be?" he asked. Heck, he wasn't a prince for nothin'. 

"Yeah, you'd think they'd get the point and set up some guard rails. They're just begging for a
lawsuit." 

The guard's partner chuckled. "Yeah, who's going to sue the Empire? Better yet, who would be the
prosecuting attorney?" His chuckling turned into laughter. 

The two were soon laughing at the folly of challenging the Empire. Just look at them? Who would
dare challenge them, and they were only guards? 

"Anyway, guys, why don't you just check the labels on those tubs? That's one thing about the
bubbleheads around here, they're pretty good about putting their names on their toys," the first
guard continued after his laughter had died. 

Ranma and Chawbaka peered at the dull gray vats, noting a code name and number on each one.
They slapped their foreheads in unison. "Yeah, well thanks for yer help." 

"No problem. Just don't get too close; that stuff is potent... permanent even." 

Ranma grinned at Chawbaka. "Yeah, we know." 

"Why you..." 

"Not now, 'C-Chan', we gotta find the cure." 

Saving his anger for later, hopefully when Ranma was asleep, Chawbaka nodded. The cure was
more important than the petty insults. 

The two began walking casually around, looking at each of the tanks curiously, just looking for the
one that had the big neon sign that read "CURE!" 

The feelings of urgency running through them began to escalate when they heard the faint sounds of
alert sirens and explosions. The rebels were attacking in an attempt to blow the place up. To blow
up the cure. To blow up Ranma's manhood and Chawbaka's chance at being human. 

They were still looking when a scientist, dressed in Imperial black and drab, entered, looked at
them strangely, then entered a door on the far side of the room. 

Before the door slid shut, Ranma caught sight of a small sign that read "Reversal Formula #84649c".
It didn't mean a whole lot to him. The smaller text beneath it that read "AKA Cure" did. He stared,
wide-eyed, as the door closed silently. That was it. 

That was it. "Yahoo!" he yelled, then sprinted over to the door. Hitting the panel repeatedly, trying
to force the door open, he was starting to get a little annoyed. He looked back at Chawbaka, who
was still wandering around. "Hey, Furface, gimme a hand here." 

He pointed secretively at the door, trying not to give away their plans to the entire station. Not that it
mattered considering they had given him a tour of the top secret Project J. Shrugging after seeing the
blank looks the Wookiee was giving he said, "The cure's in here." 

A look of understanding dawned on Chawbaka's face and he hurried over to help Ranma. The two
worked on the control pad to no avail. The door simply refused to open. 

With his incredible strength and pathetic attention span, Chawbaka growled at the panel and
promptly put his fist through it. There was a shower of sparks, the smell of burning rubber, and
some loud, mechanical squealing. 

Ranma looked at the decimated panel. "Uh oh," he said quietly, sparing a glance back at the guards.
They were now looking at them and started advancing. 

"Way to go! You don't you just run around yelling, 'I'm a rebel! Shoot me!'? It'll get us killed faster!"
Ranma growled, knowing full well they wouldn't be killed by some park rangers with guns to soothe
their egos. 

Removing his hand from the hole in the wall he had created, Chawbaka turned to face the two
guards with Ranma. "Whoops," he said, scratching the back of his head. 

"Too late to worry about it now," Ranma answered, dropping into an attack position. 

Chawbaka followed suit just as the guards raised their weapons. 

The door that the two had been trying to get open, opened. "What is going..." the scientist started to
say as he emerged. 

That broke the tension as the guards started firing, and Ranma and Chawbaka leapt into action. 

And without fail, another element was added to the chaos. The main door opened, and in walked
Akane, escorted by another guard. Blasters were drawn, blasters were fired, fists were swinging,
hapless guards were getting tossed around... The scientists wasn't all that surprised to see it
happening. 

"Akane! The cure!" Ranma yelled at her, avoiding a stray blaster shot. 

"Where?" Akane was getting tired of this. Too many Imperials running around unchecked. She
grabbed one guards arm, twisted her body and flung him into the others, sending them all flying back
into the scientist. The pile tumbled back into the second room. Bringing her blaster up like a
gunslinger, Akane shot the, hmm... already busted up control panel. 

Luckily, she smiled as she watched the doors closed, it still worked. 

Ranma and Chawbaka were not smiling. In fact, they looked horrified. Even maybe a bit angry. 

"What were you saying about the cure?" Akane asked, reholstering her blaster. 

"It was behind that door," Ranma said unemotionally. 

"Oh. Oops, sorry about that. But, we have to go anyway. This place is about to be..." 

"You. Clumsy. Brainless. Tomboy. Wannabe. Pilot! I'm STUCK this way now!" Ranma yelled, still
staring at the closed door. 

"Don't blame me, pervert! It's not my fault you didn't get your stupid cure! Or that you got cursed in
the first place, Princess!" Akane shot back, feeling a little hurt by the insults, but more mad than
anything. 

Chawbaka made a plaintive noise, looking at the door wistfully. If only... If only... "Rowr rowr roah
groawww!" And the stupid translation cube had been destroyed too. And the ki blasts he had
learned didn't work all too well when he was a Wookiee. 

"What's he sayin'?" Ranma asked, looking strangely at Chawbaka. 

Akane shrugged. "He does that sometimes. Now, I am going back to the ship and leaving this
station. You WILL come with me so I can drop you off back with the Rebellion and never have to
see you again." Akane put her hands on her hips and was glowering at Ranma. 

Ranma shook his head. "No, there's gotta be another way to get that door open. You're just gonna
have to wait." Ranma went over to a somewhat damaged console and began doing his damnedest
to get the door open. 

It's gotta be one of these," he said, sweat on his forehead, pushing things at random. One red button
that he hit, that maybe he shouldn't have, did something... unpleasant. 

A red light suddenly bathed the room. A androgynous voice spoke to them, saying, "Flushing tanks
in 10 seconds." 

"Flushing tanks? What's that mean?" Akane asked, looking around. 

Chawbaka looked up at where Akane was standing, right next to a tank that was apparently filled
with Rodian water. He couldn't allow Akane to turn into a green, bug-eyed, long-snouted alien! He
liked her too much as a soft-skinned, short-haired, pouty lips, round eyes, long legs, delicate
hands... 

"YO, BAKA BRAIN!" Ranma yelled at him, shaking him. "LET'S GO!" 

Chawbaka shook his head, a slight trickle of blood coming from his nose. He nodded, noting that
Ranma had given up on the door (something he would get him for later), and made his way to the
exit with the others. 

The three left, moving quickly, but not running. Ranma was cursing under his breath the entire time,
not believing how worthless his luck was. 

Akane looked at him quickly, then over at Chawbaka. "Oh, C-Chan, you're hurt," she said when
she saw the blood at his nose. "Let me take care of that," she said, whipping out a hankie. She
dabbed at the blood and wiped it all away. 

"How is that?" she asked, smiling gently at him. 

Ranma made a gagging motion, then yanked the hankie from Akane. "Look, it's bad enough that I
lost my cure. I don't need to sit here and watch you two get all... puppy-love here." He shuddered
involuntarily. 

"Why don't you just keep quiet, Princess? This is none of your business, anyway." 

"And glad of it," Ranma answered smartly. He took the bloodied hankie and as they passed what
looked like a trash chute built into the wall, he stuffed it in it. 

The walk back to the ship was made in uneasy silence, a combination of them being really irked at
each other, madly in love with each other, and ready to shoot the crap out of any Imperials that got
too close. 

                                   *** ***

A station like the Death Star is an immense project to undertake. Even for the Empire, it takes lots
of time, lots of material, and lots of funds. 

In one way or another, there were bound to be... loose ends. Cost-cutting maneuvers, only three
bolts there, instead of four, a door that doesn't open completely, improper venting for the
superlaser... 

Heck, they're things anybody would have done to shave a few credits off the top. After all, who
would be dumb enough to throw trash down one of the vents that released that superheated air as
the laser was about to fire? Who would be that dumb? 

Just because they had saved a few MORE credits by not painting them red, or using any warnings
around the vents... no one would be dumb enough. 

Surely, no one could be. Because any tiny bit of trash that could catch on fire, or melt, or mess up
the overall ejection of that hot gas... Well, surely that would mean one big-ass explosion. 

It said so in the safety guide. 

                                   *** ***

"I'm going in, cover me!" 

The few remaining X-Wings began their run down the trench, taking fire from every conceivable
direction but up. 

This was partly because up was being covered by Gold 23. Whenever a TIE strayed too close to
the trench, it's collision warning would blare madly as the Y-Wing from Hell bore down on it with
apparently suicidal intentions. The TIE would panic and try to avoid the fiery crash, and usually
would manage to smear itself all over the side of the Death Star. Several other members of Gold
Flight quickly caught on and followed in Kasumi's wake, blowing apart the dazed Imperials that
managed to survive the initial charge. 

Lord Ono noticed this immediately. 

"Flank me," he commanded his wingmen. Carefully, relentlessly, he maneuvered his Advanced TIE
Fighter behind the insane Y-Wing and kicked in the afterburners to keep up. 

There was a definite presence to this one, he felt. He hadn't had this sort of feeling since the Jedi
Praxeum... 

"The Force is strong with this one," he warned his wingmen. They ignored him. 

Lord Ono painstakingly lined up the Rebel fighter in his sights. A beeping from the computer
signaled a lock, and he peered at the rear cockpit to try and catch a glimpse of the pilot before he
shot. 

                                   *** ***

Kasumi wrenched the stick, angling to make a run at another TIE. 

"Kasumi! Behind you!" 

"Nodoka?" she asked, quickly glancing behind her. 

                                   *** ***

Ono's wingmen smirked as they saw him slide into firing position. In front of them, the figure in the
Y-Wing's cockpit turned around. 

"*Zun cha cha! Zun cha cha!*" 

The smirks changed to frowns. The one on the left thumbed the intercom. "*Lord?*" 

"*Zun cha cha!*" 

"*What the hell is he saying?" 

"*I dunno. Sounds like bad singing.*" 

"*Zun cha cha!*" 

"*Maybe it's some sort of Sith chant or something?*" 

"*Maybe...*" 

Lord Ono's fighter dipped and weaved alarmingly, swerved, shot one of his wingmates, and danced
drunkenly off into deep space. 

                                   *** ***

Kasumi gave a bemused smile, and turned her attention back to the battle. What a nice, funny TIE
Fighter! Especially for not blowing her to pieces. 

                                   *** ***

"You shot the 'Imperial Toys for Tots' guys?" Ranma said, staring at the bodies and overturned
boxes of toys. "Those were for orphans! Even the Rebellion has a little more class than that!" 

"Well excuse me! They were threatening me, and I had to find you," Akane said, walking quickly
back to her ship. 

"Threatened you? With what? A stuffed nerf? Jeez, I can't believe it..." 

Akane hit turned around and hit Ranma with the butt of her blaster. "Fine! You can stay here then."
She turned on her heel, and marched into the Hedgehog. "Come on, C-Chan," she ordered from
inside. 

Patting Ranma on the head, Chawbaka, hurried after Akane, snickering. 

Feeling his head for permanent marks, Ranma stood up and limped slowly back to the ship. He was
at the base of the ramp when he heard Akane yelling. 

"You stupid droid! Don't touch me again!" 

Then C-KN0 came flying at him, pronouncing his most joyous reunion with the rebel space
huntress, apparently alerting every trooper within one deck. The droid crashed into Ranma, and the
two tumbled to the floor. 

"Get offa me, ya worthless droid!" Ranma yelled pushing the droid off himself, then standing. 

"Stop! Don't move!" some foolish officer yelled at him. Like it ever actually worked. 

Ranma ducked and rolled, not waiting for anything more, and picked C-KN0 up. He turned,
holding the droid in front of him as a shield, and began backing up the ramp as the troopers with the
officer opened fired. 

"Get this junk pile out of here!" Ranma yelled into the ship, hoping Akane could hear him. "We got
company! And lots of it!" 

The ramp began to close, and with C-KN0 taking all the blaster fire, Ranma was safe in the
Hedgehog in one piece. Now to give it to that tomboy if she didn't get out of there by the time he
could get to the cockpit. 

                                   *** ***

"You're all clear, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!" 

Kasumi smiled pleasantly as she watched Luke's torpedoes go in. How nice! Luke must be very
proud. 

The remaining craft began to break off from their attack runs, and burned engine away from the
Death Star. Kasumi supposed she should probably follow suit. 

She was mildly puzzled to see the _Impudent Hedgehog_ zoom out of a docking bay and almost
overtake the fighters as they headed back towards Yavin. Had Akane come along for the battle?
She certainly seemed to be in an awful hurry... 

                                   *** ***

"Commence primary ignition." 

The torpedoes zoomed down the exhaust port, slammed into the hastily erected proton dissipation
field, and fizzled harmlessly. 

The massive plasma turbines spun to life, sending energy pouring down conduits. 

The gas produced by this was routed out a series of vents... including one containing a merrily
burning bloody handkerchief, which ignited the highly flammable gas. 

The resulting explosion was a minor one, but severely disaligned one of the superlaser shafts.
Instead of pointing out the firing port, it now slumped downwards into the Death Star. 

It fired, and cut a plasma reactor in half. This time, the explosion wasn't so minor. 

Can you say, "chain reaction"? We knew you could. 

                                   *** ***

*BOOM* 

"Yeehaw!" 

"Oh my. How pretty!" 

                                   *** ***

A regal, solemn processional march played as the heroes proudly marched down the aisle to receive
the honor that was due to them. 

In the docking bay adjacent to the ceremony hall, Captain Soro, Chawbaka, and Ranma sat and
glared at each other. 

"Stupid tomboy smuggler. Now I'm never gonna be cured!" 

"Well, maybe if you had actually asked me to help you instead of STEALING my ship,
SHOOTING me, and leaving me NAKED for a bunch of Imperial goons to drool over..." 

"Raaarugh." 

"No, C-Chan, you can't kill him." 

"Thank you." 

"I'M gonna kill him." 

"Hey! I'm the one who still grows a uterus when the shower's too cold! Cut me some slack!" 

"Baka." 

"Roorugh?" 

"Not you." 

They stared gloomily at the Hedgehog. It was going to been down for repairs for a while; the Death
Star's superlaser had given Akane some ideas that she wanted to test out. 

Ranma finally squirmed. "Look, sorry about shooting you like that. I just kinda panicked, and,
well... sorry." 

Akane shrugged. "It's okay, I guess. Sorry I destroyed your cure." 

There was an awkward silence. 

"Hey, where's Kasumi?" Ranma finally asked. 

"She's in that big hall where they're having the ceremony," Akane replied a little wistfully. "This
handsome young pilot blew up the Death Star, and they're giving him a medal." 

"Really? Handsome young pilot? Blew up Death Star? What's his name?" 

Akane managed to completely miss the dangerous tone in Ranma's voice. "Luke Skywalker, I
think." 

Chawbaka and Ranma exchanged glances, smiled grimly, cracked their knuckles, and nodded. The
Empire was going to be the least of Skywalker's problems. 

"I think Kasumi's joining the Rebellion," Akane continued. "Apparently she's a pretty good pilot, and
they lost a lot of those during the battle." 

Ranma shook his head in disbelief. "Somehow Kasumi doesn't strike me as a starfighter ace." 

"Check her kill record. It's very impressive. Especially considering that fact that she didn't use her
guns." Akane swallowed. "Look... I've been thinking about it, and I'm going to join the Rebellion for
a while. I don't have enough money to pay off the Hutt, and this will give me a bit of security while I
earn enough credits to get the price off my head. They pay okay, and it should be exciting." She
looked away. "So, I guess this is goodbye? You're going back to Nerima?" 

Ranma flushed a little. "Well, ah, I... is that Skywalker guy staying here too?" 

Akane nodded. "Yup. Boy, is he cute." 

Chawbaka and Ranma exchanged ominous glances, and nodded. The Empire was definitely going
to have to take a number and wait in line behind them. 

"Oh, I'm staying here for a bit," Ranma said. "They could use a good pilot besides you and Kasumi."

Akane tried not to look happy. 

"Besides, someone's got to protect the rest of the Alliance from you." 

"RAAAAAANMAAAAA..." 

                                   *** ***

Captain Kuonji read the dispatch and almost cried. 

The Death Star. Blown up. The Rebel scum had blown up the pride of the Imperial Navy. 

She snarled, and the rest of the bridge shuddered. Captain Kuonji had turned out to be a mixed
blessing. On the one hand, 'he' was fairly easygoing, usually pleasant and considerate to her crew,
and was undeniably the most competent person in recent memory to command the _Spatulator_.
Under her guidance, Rebel activity in the Galos system had been almost completely wiped out.
Morale was high; for once, it was the Rebels who tended to get outsmarted. 

On the other hand, it was becoming apparent that the Captain was at least mildly insane. The mood
swings, for instance. Cheerful one moment, homicidal the next, then suddenly sweetness and light
again. And then there was the topic of marriage or relationships. No-one in their right mind talked
about that in front of Captain Kuonji. She hadn't actually killed anyone yet, but there had been some
close calls. And 'he' was clearly on a revenge kick of some sort, which was never good news. 

Ukyou stared at the viewscreen for a second, and then wheeled on the navigator. 

"Find me something to destroy. Now." 

"T-There's a f-freighter we suspect of carrying contra..." 

"Set course." 

She sunk into her command chair and closed her eyes. What a lousy day... 

"Captain? Incoming message from a TIE Fighter, bearing oh-two- three." 

Ukyou straightened in her chair and composed herself with difficulty. "Patch it through." 

To her horror, the image of a black-armored figure flickered to life. "Captain Kuonji." 

Whew. Only Tofu, not Vader. "Lord Ono." 

"I will be landing on the _Spatulator_ shortly. It will serve as my flagship during the next few
months." 

A moan of dismay went up. 

"Ah, um, Lord, why, ah, why me?" 

"Because you seem competent and properly respectful." 

Ukyou mentally screamed. 

"I shall use it as my flagship as I search for Kasumi Tendo..." 

The bridge watched in mild horror as the Dark Lord of the Sith danced around his cockpit. Finally,
looking slightly embarrassed, he returned his attention to the transmission. 

"Ahem, yes, Kasumi Tendo. She is reported to be in the company of a smuggler and one Ranma
Saotome..." 

"WHAT?" shrieked Ukyou, jumping out of her chair. "WHERE? WHERE? KILL!" 

She froze, noticed the stares of interest everyone was giving her, laughed weakly, and sat back
down. "I mean, the ship is at your disposal, Lord Ono." 

Looking slightly taken aback, Ono nodded. "I shall land within the hour. I expect us to be ready to
begin our hunt immediately." 

"Oh," Ukyou purred, "we will be. You can count on that." 

"Excellent. Ono out." 

Ukyou grinned. 

Ranma Saotome was finally going to get what was coming to him. Leave her, would he? Make a
mockery of her life, would he? She'd show him. She'd show ALL of them. Revenge would finally be
hers. 

The bridge crew winced. The maniacal laugher from their Captain definitely did not bode well. 

The _Spatulator_ cruised on through the void. 

                                   *** ***

"Excuse me, Lt. Tendo?" 

"Oh my. Yes?" 

"Your astromech is chasing Princess Leia around the temple again." 

"Oh dear. I'll go get him to stop. He just gets overexcited sometimes." 

                               THE END