Compiled by: Trisha L. Sebastian

Disclaimer: Any and all named copyrighted characters are being used without permission from the original copyright holders. Any and all named writers have been contacted about their inclusion in this glossary, and the terms associated with these writers are not the opinion of the compiler. Some of the submissions have been formatted for editing purposes. Ms. Sebastian reserves the right not to include some submissions sent to her if they do not meet the criterion for fan fiction. All rights to the reproduction of this glossary are reserved to Ms. Sebastian. Copyright 2000.

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Beau de toi'(BO-day-twah):
All female characters upon doning spandex attire must exhibit a pair of either large or curvy bodacious ta ta's.
Corollary #1: If the women are in a group, one of them must have low-cut spandex or reveal a lot of skin for no apparent reason. Example: Psylocke.

Submitted by: Shadow Dancer devilishone69@yahoo.com
Corollary by: Quamp quamp8@hotmail.com

The British Bastard Principle:
Any new character who is related to Pete Wisdom is invariably also related to or been rescued (on at least one occasion) by John Constantine.
Corollary #1: John Constantine, of course, knows everything and everyone. And is not impressed.

Submitted by: Kielle kielle@aol.com

Cameos of Cth'thu'whatever:
At least one fic by any BNA [Big Name Author] there will be some form of Lovecraft reference or crossover, the latter is more common.

Submitted by: Petes-kun jdetenbeck@home.com

Character Boinkability Clause:
In every mainstream universe, there is one character who is so beautiful/handsome/interesting that every other character wants to boink him/her. This includes Mary Sues and self-insertion characters. Some comic books and anime have more than one. Gambit and Rogue of the X-Men is a good example. So is Akane of Ranma 1/2 fame. Rei Ayanami from Neon Genesis Evangelion is a weird case, as she doesn't exude sex appeal in any way shape or form.
Other Boinkable Characters: [West Wing] Josh Lyman: Of all the men on the West Wing, Josh is the most 'boinkable'. He gets paired up with Donna Moss, his assistant, quite often. Less likely is the ones where Josh gets hooked up with Joey Lucas, or CJ the Press Secretary. And of course, he's fodder for Mary Sue too. :)
Corollary #1: Any boinkable character will have been boinked more than once by the Mary Sue or avatar character by the end of the fanfic. Sometimes even his/her friends get to join in as well.

Submitted by: Trisha L. Sebastian tls@thekeep.org
West Wing example by: Tori Morris skywaterlv@hotmail.com

Character Bonkability Clause:
In which [there is] one character whom the vast majority of the other characters (if not all of them) want to hit with mallets, tables, rocks, bokken, swords, etc.). Ataru and Ranma [are] good examples. The reason they get bonked is not important -- viz. the difference between these two -- just that they get bonked.

Submitted by: Robert M. Schroeck rms@eclipse.net

ClintSquint:
All badass bounty hunter, mercs, assassins, etcetera must exhibit the famous "squint of death" popularized by Clint Eastwood.

Submitted by: Shadow Dancer devilishone69@yahoo.com

NEW!The Coffee Clause
A character who canonically exudes grouchiness and irritability, especially a large and ultramasculine character (ex. Cable, Wolverine, Director Skinner) will always display an adorably cute and snuggly vice that demonstrates his human side, typically a coffee addiction that renders him helpless without his morning dose of the cup that cheers. (Cross reference: Don't Touch the Twinkies)

Submitted by: Alec Wire alecwire@yahoo.com

Davies Potential:
Possibility, expressed as a percentage, that a female character will be revealed to be either bisexual or lesbian.
Example: Rei Hino has a 100% Davies Potential, Mara Jade has a 0%. Davies likes living.

Submitted by: Chris Davies cricharddavies@hotmail.com

The Death Angst Factor
The second most common story in the Sandman fanfiction genre (which is rather small...). Death must always feel really bad about killing people, or killing her brother, Dream, and spill her guts.

Submitted by: Tori Morris skywaterlv@hotmail.com

The Destiny Crock:
Any destined lovers must be on initially hostile terms.

Submitted by: David Johnston rgorman@telusplanet.net

The Dig-Em-Up Rule:
Any character killed in canon will be resurrected in fanfic.
Examples: Illyana Rasputin, Blink.
Corollary #1: If the comic book company resurrects him or her, and the story bears any resemblance to a fanfic story, the fans of said story will automatically assume that the writer of that book reads fanfic.

Submitted by: Indigo ISNIndigo@aol.com
Corollary by: Trisha Lynn tls@thekeep.org

The Donna Moss Lovelorn Effect
Any [West Wing] story with Donna in it must ellude to her secret passion for Josh. Any story where she is the narrator must have to do with her secret passion for Josh.

Submitted by: Tori Morris" skywaterlv@hotmail.com

NEW!Don't Touch the Twinkies In a fanfic where Hank McCoy (aka Beast) is mentioned with a Twinkie fixation, once the Twinkies are taken away, he automatically turns nasty, mean, short-sighted and/or grouchy. This can only be fixed by replacing the Twinkies, preferably with many more Twinkies. (Cross reference: The Coffee Clause)

Submitted by: Trisha Lynn cattleprodlynn@yahoo.com

The Drake Principle:
Bobby is gay. Even if he doesn't know yet. Deal. :)

Submitted by: Kielle kielle@aol.com

NEW! Gotta Blaze Syndrome
A [Dark Angel] fic [phenomenon] where the author has Max say "gotta blaze" *every* *single* *time* she leaves. Not "goodbye," "see ya," or even "gotta bounce". It's *always* "gotta blaze". A particularly severe symptom of this is when she says it after *ahem* boinking Logan.

Submitted by Owlthepsychica@aol.com

The Ice Prince-ipal:
Anime/Manga guys who show the least interest in romance will be the most pursued, and vice versa.

Submitted by: David Johnston rgorman@telusplanet.net

Inverse Law of Universal Peril As Calculated Through The Uncle Remus Phenomenon:
The law that states that the danger inherent in the fic is inversly proportional to the amount of song birds singing, the basic sunniness of a large ball of explosive hydrogen, and the azure nature of the surrounding air molecules.
Example: It was a sunny day in Nerima, the birds were singing, the sky was bluer then it had a right to be... somewhere, a demonic entity was checking his Evil-ometer. "Yes, this will do PERFECTLY!"

Submitted by: "Keener Barnes" otakunxs@bellsouth.net

The Josh Lyman Angst Factor
"Josh angst" is the most common [West Wing] angst story. And, of course, if some other character is going to have angst, somewhere in there, it relates back to Josh.

Submitted by: Tori Morris skywaterlv@hotmail.com

Law of Author(ess) Magic
Any event deemed to be impossible or highly improbable can occur as many times as the Author (or Authoress) wishes.

Submitted by: Dot Warner dot_warner17@hotmail.com

The Law Of Impending Maternity:
Any character (hey, in our field it might not be a woman!) who is pregnant in the course of the story WILL bear that child before the end of the story. This law applies to ALL fiction, with the exception of the movie "Fargo." ;)
Exception #1: The above rule holds true unless the author intends to work an entire series out of said pregnancy, in which case the second story of the series will always involve food cravings. Sometimes the first, but ALWAYS the second.

Submitted by: Kielle kielle@aol.com

Loader Lesserness:
No matter how many more amazing fics are written by Mike Loader, his stuff still won't be as well recognized as any other mediocre fics that have been twelve times over before.

Submitted by: Petes-kun jdetenbeck@home.com

Love And The Single GenX Mary Sue:
The female Mary Sue will always fall for Jono or, in a pinch, Angelo. She never falls for Everett.
The male Mary Sue will always fall for Jubilee or, in a SEVERE pinch, Monet. He never falls for Paige.
Corollary #1: Mary Sue is never gay/bi or adult, so no other on-campus romantic pairings are possible.
Cross-Reference #1: In regards to "The Rules Of Conduct For The GenX Mary Sue," Mary Sue will almost invariably fall for whoever is assigned to her in the third option. If both the Mary Sue and the assigned student are female, Mary Sue will default into "falling for Jono" mode.

Submitted by: Kielle kielle@aol.com

Love at First Sight
The first two main characters of the opposite sex that meet each other will become a couple by the end of the series.

Submitted by: Dot Warner dot_warner17@hotmail.com

The MST3K Rule of Eras:
A MST3K will usually be set in seasons 6-10, or in a pinch, seasons 4-5. It will never be set in the first 3 seasons.

Submitted by: Icehole icehole4@yahoo.com

Mood Eyes:
Energy wielding beings must lose their pupils upon igniting of powers or eyes must shift colors due to emotional state.

Submitted by: Shadow Dancer devilishone69@yahoo.com

The Mudslinger Rule:
Characters disliked by fanfic authors get their personalities written as punks, yes-men, or possessing other git-like qualities in order to make the author's favorite character or Mary Sue look good.
Example: Other Examples: [DS9] Dr. Julian Bashir will be written as someone who gets beaten up, maimed, mauled, or otherwise mistreated to make everyone else look better.

Submitted by Indigo ISNIndigo@aol.com
DS9 Example by: Icehole temporary_blue@yahoo.ca

The Pleasure Clause:

Submitted by: Northlight temporary_blue@yahoo.ca

The Romantic Permutation Observation:
If romance is an issue at all in the original work, (and where is it not?), each and every possible pairing of all major (and most minor) characters will eventually be explored in a fanfic.

Submitted by: Michael "Brazil" Borgwardt borgward@informatik.tu-muenchen.de

RpM Musicisms:
First Law: In all fics and fic scenes (in the case of Converging Series and his contirb's for Ranma 2096) that include song references (specifically Ranma fics), [they are always] by the types of groups some like to call 'college music' (artsy and the like).
Example: Beck [from The More Things Change].
Second Law: They will anyways only be the ones most commonly heard and none of the obscure ones neglected by radio stations.
Example: [He] only uses Beck's "Devil's Haircut" or "Where It's At", but not "Lord Only Knows" or "Readymade".
Third Law: The refs will always be done in ways that leave you sitting there thinking, "Umm... kay... why is Ryo Mohushi singing 'Today Is The Greatest'..? The guy prolly never listened to a [North American] song in his life!" 'Nuff said.

Submitted by: Petes-kun jdetenbeck@home.com

The Rule Of Cajun Occularity:
Any new character who is related to Remy LeBeau by blood has red- on-black eyes, is incredibly dextrous, wears a long coat of some kind, smokes, or all of the above.

Submitted by: Kielle kielle@aol.com

The Rules Of Conduct For The GenX Mary Sue:
Upon arrival at the Massachusetts Academy, the GenX Mary Sue must always: Submitted by: Kielle kielle@aol.com

The Rules of Conduct for the Sandman Mary Sue
[Sandman Mary Sues] are different than regular Mary Sues, in they usually don't fall in love with the Sandman character. (Usually either Death or Dream, with Delirium as a close second.) Rather, usually the Mary Sue has some sort of horrid problem and one of the Endless comes and solves it.

Submitted by: Tori Morris skywaterlv@hotmail.com

The Sexual-Preference Interference-Scramble-Skew Effect [SPISSE] (pronounced "spice")

Even if there are no canon instances whatsoever indicating any latent or nascent tendencies toward nymphomania, bisexuality, homosexuality, polygamy, patriphilia, Stockholm Syndrome or unfaithfulness to their established [significant other] -- certain characters are often written into such situations in serious fics. Sillyfics are simply intended to be silly and do not fall under this effect. This is possibly a skew of the Character Boinkability effect.
Examples of such characters are:
Submitted by: Indigo indigo@indigosky.net

The Staffer Syndrome:
Because everyone in "The West Wing" has gabs of free time, they spend it either trying to hook two people up, or actively rooting and advising in the matters of love. As a bonus, at least once, one 'staffer' character must ellude to the fact they are supposed to be running the country--and then go help them with matters of romance.

Submitted by: Tori Morris" skywaterlv@hotmail.com

The Stupidity Field:
This is the power that keeps shoujo heros and villains from being recognized in their other I.D.s even by their closest friends and family despite not being disguised in any meaningful way.

Submitted by: David Johnston rgorman@telusplanet.net

Toothe-n-Nail:
Refers to the fact that most characters (not all) having either fangs, claws, or both is aided by a healing factor.

Submitted by: Shadow Dancer devilishone69@yahoo.com

Vegita Was a Player:
Any new female Saiyajin character will almost invariably have 1) known Vegita, 2) liked him either secretly or openly, 3) insulted him to no end, and/or 4) was engaged to him.

Submitted by: Dot Warner dot_warner17@hotmail.com

Waterbomb:

All computer terminals must explode upon contact with liquids.
Corollary #1: Especially if there's a fight going on.
Corollary #2: AND there's important/top secret information on it.
Corollary #3: AND there's no tech person in sight.
Bonus Points: If the person operating said computer is a tech person.

Submitted by: Shadow Dancer devilishone69@yahoo.com
Corollaries by: Trisha L. Sebastian tls@thekeep.org

The Wolverine Clause:
If Wolverine shows up in a story, someone's in for an ass-kicking OR Jean's going to be mooned over.
Corollary #1: If, however, the story mainly refers to Wolverine as "Logan," at some point the reader WILL be subjected to at least a full page of "man vs. beast" soul-searching.
Corollary #2: If Wolverine is given a non-canon love interest, Sabretooth will be mentioned within three pages (for a single story) or show up to personally pick on said new love interest within the first three stories (for a series).
Corollary #3: If Wolverine is injured seriously enough to land him in the infirmary, Jubilee will arrive within three scenes. Even if she's dead. Hallucinations count.

Submitted by: Kielle kielle@aol.com

Worfism:
The act of using a secondary character, usually one renowned for combat skills or inherent toughness, to demonstrate the incredible phenomic cosmic ability of the newly introduced antagonist to the fic. Coined from a certain Klingon security officer who never seemed to catch a break. "Greetings, I am Jean Luc Picard, Captain of the Enterprise, this is my number one, and this is my head of security... would you care to kick his butt?"
Example: Common Worfs include: Wolverine, Ryouga, Ryouko, Piccollo, Sora, just about anyone more interesting then the main character. :)

Submitted by: "Keener Barnes" otakunxs@bellsouth.net

Xavier's Long List of Ladies: Any older female character must have had at least one romantic liason with Professor Xavier.

Submitted by: Quamp quamp8@hotmail.com

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