Quotes from Subrealicon

What? You think that only the DexCon people have the monopoly on rude, funny and weird out of context sayings? Here are some quotes from various people at Subrealicon. Warning: some of these can be rude, sexual and full of bad words like "Sh-thead" and "slut!". Let's not have parents contacting me with printouts, okay?

From MiniCon 3: When KayJays Attack:

"You're just jealous because she wanted to kiss me!"
---Dande to Trisha about Ashlan, right before she mauled Ashlan.

"I only love you for your liquor."
---JB to Ashlan

"It was like an orgasm."
---Trisha, on Superman: The Escape

"Areola."
---Dande, meditating

"I'm all about the phone sex."
---Ashlan

"Speaking of penises..."
---Dande

"Draco Dick!"
---Trisha, while bouncing in from the other room.

"Chia Ashlan: Just add water and I grow!"
---Ashlan

"Didn't get much sleep, but we had a lot of fun on Kielle's feather bed."
---KayJay

"Ooh! I turn on command."
---Ashlan

KayJay: Truth or truth?
Ashlan: Truth.
Dande: Is that your final answer?
Kielle: I want to vote her off.
Ashlan: Can I take a 50/50?

"Hey, they're watching TV up there. Wonder if it's a porno."
---Dande

[More on porn]
"'I guess my tennis pro is not coming..." *bom chicka bow, bow bow*"
---Dande

"In Alabama, this would be considered an orgy."
---KayJay

"What are we doing?"
"Jogging."
---Dande/KayJay, working on their alibi should a cop come by while they're standing still, barefoot in the sprinkers with their pajamas on.

"You were breathing rather heavily this morning."
---Dande to JB

"I officially declare Voltage to be an honorary woman."
---Kielle

"Hey... that was like my first time."
---Ashlan

"Oh my God! She's undressing publically!"
---Kitarra

"My breasts are in the way!"
---Ashlan

"You'd break the universe if it was on top."
---Kitarra, about Kielle.

[After coughing, again]
Ashlan: You got a hairball?
Trisha: Yeah, I just lick myself too much.

"On Sunday at a quarter to four, we started discovering everyone's fetishes."
---KayJay

"You know what I did with my little brother? I mentally subjucated him."
---Kitarra

"You can't swish?"
---KayJay to Kitarra

"I'm not willing to go out into the big blue room and get assaulted bu the bright day star."
---Kitarra

"I am NOT paying for Dex!"
---KayJay

"I have a kinky toe."
---Dande

"Dande! Come join us! Lose a decade... and you'll still be able to vote!"
---KayJay

"Pole dance!"
---All, chanted to Kielle at the playground

Ashlan: Can we get Kielle half off?
Kitarra: If you get her half off, you have to get her all the way off.

Kitarra: Ashlan gets the best quotes.
Trisha: For a really low rate, too.

Trisha: ...'cause the two harems intersect--
Ashlan: Inner sex? Into Dex?

"Kelly! The probing reporter!"
---Kitarra

"I was not looking at your butt, trust me."
--JB

"I think this is how the world looks from my ass."
---Dande

"I can be pretty flexible."
---JB

Dande: That's okay. We all know what time it is.
All: A quarter to four!

KayJay: This tree's mean and sappy.
Kielle: That kinda describes her Logan, doesn't it?

"I'm going to stick with boiled peanuts... I go well with beer."
---KayJay

"My ass is not an airbag!"
---Kielle

"Think about it. Apocalpyse as a kid, climbing trees: 'YES, THIS BRANCH IS OF THE STRONG.'"
---Dande

"I can't get up any higher!"
---JB

"I think that I shall never see
A poem as lovely as a tree.
And if I were to be JB,
I'd hump it."
---Dande

"I know CPR, but I'm not doing it on you."
---Kitarra to Ashlan

"Support JB's butt. Plant trees."
---Dande

"If we fell--"
"We'd laugh!"
---Ashlan/All (variations thereof)

"Make *love* to the grass!"
---KayJay

"...when we're out together dancing cheek to cheek to cheek to cheek..."
---Dande and Trisha, singing
(you had to be there. ^_^)

[On Mile High Comics]
"If you have sex at the comics shop, does it mean you're part of the Mile High Club?"
---Dande

"Hi, I'm Scott Summers--"
"Asshole!"
"--and this is my wife, Jean Grey--"
"SLUT!"
---Kielle/all

KayJay: [The Sentinel's] about this guy who's sorta like Logan, except he's sweet and kind and sensitive.
Dande: So then he's not Logan, is he?

"You can't own the rocks *and* the trees!"
---Kielle, to JB the Rock Pimp.

"I'm so tired of archiving Mook sometimes! It shows up in my mailbox and I'm all like, 'Break UP already!'"
---KayJay (Yes, KayJay said this!)

"Oh yeah, Logan's noseless period! He has no nose. How does he smell? Terrible!"
---Dande

"When you're ten, you're not breakable--you bounce."
---Kielle

"And now I can't get down, because I'm surrounded by monkeys."
---KayJay

JB, age nineteen: I can't get down!
Scarlett, age seven: Don't worry. I'll help you.

"My tip to you guys: Don't breathe the coffee."
---JB

Trisha: [Voltage's] learned a lot about women this weekend.
Kielle: Well, at least twisted psychotic women.

"Look! Senior menu!"
---Kitarra to Dande, after which she got thwapped by the aforementioned menu.

"[Doqz] almost got Saskia in a family way... but decided against it."
---Ashlan, about the AoA RR.

"Happy Harem(tm). It sounds like something that comes with a prize."
---Dande

"Aren't you afraid with all these women?"
---Random lady to Voltage

[Immediately after.]
"She was like your guardian angel, dude. You should have listened to her."

---Kielle

"Robin, Superboy and Impulse are like brains, muscles and 'Huh?!?!?'"
---Kielle

From the Inaugural Blackout Party, aka "Let's get together for the hell of it"

IN THE EVENING

Pebbs: "You suck."
Ashlan: "I suck but I suck well."

"Yes, I am The Dande. Hey, I'm a THE!"
-- Dande

"Nipple burn."
-- Pebbs' mental image after seeing Trisha in a tank top

"I've already fondled the leopard bra, now it's everybody else's turn."
-- Dande to KJ

"Sparks is making me doubt my heterosexuality."
-- Mice

"Uh huh, 'like' with a 'y' no 'l' and a 'd.'"
-- Pebblin

KJ: "What happened to 'questioning your heterosexuality'?"
Dande: "Sparks stopped dancing."

Kitarra to Sparks: "I can snap you like a twig."
Kielle: "Yeah, and that's only with her cleavage."

"I'm a tree virgin."
-- Mice

"Sublimnable."
-- KJ quoting a Bush mispronounciation

"Follow the bouncing nipple!"
-- Mice

"Now you know one word in Spanish: 'leche'!"
-- Pebbs to Sparks after various nasty breast-related innuendos

"Let's compare the height of our ribs."
-- KJ to Ashlan (and they did. Ash won. ;)

Mice: "Dande wriggled her ass!"
Pebbs [to Dande]: "You did?"
Dande: "I didn't realize!"

"I have a renewed respect for heterosexuality now."
-- KJ

"Those pants already *have* an ass."
-- Kielle

"I want your smaller breasts."
-- Ashlan to J.B.

"Here's the thing: I'm good at *everything*."
-- Trisha, said in a sultry voice

"I don't do icky things unless there's an orgasm involved."
-- Dande

"Those Samoa cookies are better than some orgasms I've had."
-- Kitarra

"I mean sex...Samoas...it's a natural progression."
-- Mice

AFTER THE DRINKING BEGAN IN EARNEST

"My sister and I have Boob Wars all the time. It's like sumo wrestling, but with tits."
-- Dande

"Put your bottle down, I have to ravish you."
Dande to Mice

"It's not a good ravish if something's not dripping afterward."
-- Dande (said while trying to blot Hard Lemonade off of her shirt)

"That wasn't a dipsmooch, that was a dipSPLAT."
-- Kielle to Dande & Trisha

Dande: "Michael Stipes is gay."
Mice: "My dog knows that."
Dande: "My cat knows that!"

Dande: "Two men playing guitar back to back...two sweaty writhing men..."
Mice: "Didn't KJ write this?"

Kitarra about Sparks' trouble with footwear: "Off, off, damn boots!"
Pebbs: "... I just got that! That's what high school will do for you."

"It's Dande's own Barely Legal Tour!"
-- Mice

"It looks cute on you. Kinda reminiscent of Torgo."
-- Kielle to Kitarra about the leopard-print hat

"Augh! They're talking about M&M slash in there--!"
-- Kielle

"Okay, look, watch -- it's the Cork-And-Blistex Trick!"
-- Dande

"I wanna be a Dande cork dancer."
-- Mice

Dande: "Bring me some water, it might make me feel better."
Trisha: "Honey, nothing short of Jesus of Nazareth..."

"First we'll get you some water then we'll get you some pee."
-- Trisha

"Oh God she licked my legs."
-- KJ

"You should stop drinking. Dande is the funny kinda drunk. You're the weird sort of 'I'm gonna rape you' kind of drunk."
-- Pebbs to Trisha

Trisha about Kielle & Kitarra: "Oh my god, I'm the third oldest person in the room!"
Kielle: "You forgot Dande."
Trisha: "Oh yeah..."
Kielle: "It's okay, Dande doesn't count. There are 'people ages' and there are 'geological landmass ages.'"

"I have a bra that is Y2K-compliant."
-- Mice

"Now I've got the best part of Trish."
-- Mice upon being confronted with Trisha's rear

Drunk Miceisms:
* "How do you pronounce 'sober'?"
* "I'm gonna regret this in the...what starts with 'm'? Morning!"
* "BANANAAAAAAAA!"
* "Are you an Ashlan or a Pebblin? I'm so drunk I can't tell a white girl from a black girl!"
* "Wow! You should get drunk! Pillows and blankets miraculously appear!"
* And the repeated "HI J.B.!!!"

"Come on, get drunk so I can laugh at *you*..."
-- Mice to J.B.

Mice: "Why am I drunk?"
Everyone: "*Because you drank!*"
-- repeatedly ;)

"They call me The Doughboy."
-- J.B., leering

THE MORNING AFTER

Trisha: "Coffee? Water? Juice?
Kitarra: "Death?"
Pebblin: "I'll take death. Overeasy."

"No one say anything funny for the next five minutes."
-- Mice trying to read the quote pad, at which point Kielle snatched it away to write *this* quote

Kielle to Mice about her new monicker "Goldie": "Pebbs has named you. When Pebbs names you, it sticks."
Pebbs to Sparks: "Right, Frost?"

"As long as they don't come out with EZ-Pork we're okay."
-- Mice about squeeze-cheese

"You're at the ass of the table."
-- Dande

Kitarra: "[Vegemite] tastes like licking a corpse."
Pebbs: "And you would know what that tastes like?"

Kitarra: "Corpse on tap!"
Pebbs: "I don't think Tapestry would appreciate that."

Kitarra: "It's what I think a corpse would taste like."
Sparks: "You go there often?"

"Our little J.B. went out and became Tree-Conquering Jenna this morning."
-- KJ

"I wanna get Trisha in a tree."
-- KJ

Mice about Ashlan's lack of hangover: "You had candy-ass Kool-Aid beer, what are you talking about?"
Ashlan: "I had Hard Lemonade."
Mice: "Yeah, candy-ass Kool-Aid beer."

KJ & Co. are at the store looking for AlkaSeltzer -- Pebbs is on the phone with her, and says aside to the table: "Should they keep looking?"
Dande: "Hell if I know."
Pebbs to KJ: "Dande says 'Keep looking.'"

"Besides, I did a lot of peeing and throwing up last night."
-- Mice

"Sobriety is severely underrated."
-- Trisha

Dande responding to the fact that her recommended hangover helper was removed from the shelves because it causes seizures: "I'll tell ya, if you're having a seizure you won't be worried about your hangover."

"Heat-seeking nipples."
-- Mice


From MiniCon 4: The "Shai's in California, and Pebbs is still alive" Con:

"I got gang braided!"
--Kitarra

"It's Pippi Longstocking Logan Hair."
--Kielle

"Everybody done with the meat?"
--Pebblin

"So there I was, in the goth/fetish store in a nice business outfit..."
--Trisha

"Oh look, it's Elton JB."
--Dande

"We're sending the quote book down. Someone write some goddamn quotes down."
--Dande

"The first time she did anything like that, [Kielle] stuffed Greg in her clevage."
"But it was at a Ren Faire, so it was allowed."
--Kitarra/Kielle

Trisha: How can anyone as little as me squash anyone as big as you
Laersyn (with Monty Python accent): Because I am wafer thin!

"There's a quote. It comes to mind when you wake me up after like 2 hours of sleep. 'FUCK YOU!'"
--Dande

"We're doing a photo shoot under the table."
--KayJay

"Why is this female grooming this female's male?"
--Pebbs, on seeing Kitarra fixing Laersyn's earring

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. No pain. No touchie."
--Pebbs, about Kielle ordering Kitarra to hit her.

Kielle: Don't by disturbed by the theme music.
Mice: But it's so loud... [said while trying to learn the Cork Trick from Dande, who is (for once) NOT doing the theme music]

"Damn the electric fence!"
--Dande

[on the cherry stem trick]
"It helps if you have little midgets in your mouth to tie it."
"Thanks for loading that image into my mind. 'Hello? Hello? Where are you, midgets?'"
--Mice/Dande

"They were cute, but they were cannon fodder. I mean, if you were to yank an X-Man, some one would notice."
--Pebbs, on the comparative merits of tanned, buff, Egyptian lackeys

"It is refered to as the 'Bobby does everyone' script."
--Mice, on one of her older stories

[on deciding where to go next]
Trisha: Okay guys, we're doing ducks!
Dande: Oh, we are NOT!

Later...
"Are we still doing ducks?"
--KayJay

"You don't take your shoes off for anything, do you?"
"Well... no-- [thinking about it] ... No."
--Sparks/Pebbs

"I should take my shoes off before I drop trou."
--Dande

"My job is to cleanse and refresh you."
--KayJay

"What are we doing here?"
"Waiting for your 'not knowing what we're doing ass' to get done."
--KayJay/Dande


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