Deirdre has three mommies
An Amber Story for Children (or maybe not)

By John Biles

	
	Samantha took out a handkerchief and wiped the sweat from her 
brow.  It was unseasonably warm for spring; Dworkinland stayed open 
year round because it never got too cold where it was was, but usually it 
never got too hugely hot either.  But today, it was blazing hot.  Or at least 
it felt blazing hot if you had massive amounts of permed black hair and 
were wearing full body armor and toting a huge axe around.  Samantha 
was one of Dworkinland's character actors, to be precise, she had the job 
of being Deirdre, Princess of Amber.  

	It paid well, but she got stuck wearing heavy armor most of the 
year, which sometimes drove her nuts.  That and having to fall into the 
'Abyss' with that idiot David every night.  If he 'accidentally' fondled her 
again, she was going to test her axe on his neck.  It was a pity the previous 
Brand, Thomas O'Connel, had gotten accidentally shot by Sandy (aka 
Darako) last year, then got eaten by the feral Brands the last manager had 
kept in the 'Abyss' for 'authenticity'.  His screams had been pretty 
authentic when they'd chucked him in after Thomas.  Poor Thomas.  

	Samantha decided that even though it would break character, she 
was going to have to have some ice cream or she was just going to die.  
She ambled over to Main Street Shadow Earth, since it had the best ice 
cream shops in Dworkinland.  Striding into one of them, she began 
arguing with herself whether she wanted Abyssal Chocolate, Chaosian 
Tutti-Frutti, or some Lime Sherbert.  As she stood at the counter arguing 
with herself, a small kid came in and started looking under all of the 
tables; the child had her orange hair pulled back into a braid, and slightly 
pointed ears poked up out of them.  She was wearing a large paper red 
bishop's hat, a loose green blouse, and blue jeans.  

	I'd better make sure she's okay, Samantha thought.  She's kind of 
young to be running around loose.  She came over to the young girl.  "Hi, 
what's your name?  Are you lost?"

	"I'm not lost.  My parents are lost," the girl said.  "I'm Deirdre.  
What's your name?"

	"I'm Deirdre, Princess of Amber," Samantha said.  "Would you 
like me to help you find them?"

	The little girl blinked.  "I thought I was Deirdre, Princess of 
Amber."

	"Well, we can share, right?" Samantha asked gently.

	Deirdre said, "Okay!"  She straightened up.  "I think Mommy 
would be buying ice cream and putting it down Daddy's shirt if she was 
here anyway."

	Samantha laughed.  "Does she do that often?"  She thought for a 
moment.  "Would you like some ice cream?"

	"Okay!" Deirdre said.  "I want some Abyss Chocolate and Begman 
Strawberry."

	Samantha went over and ordered herself some Abyss Chocolate 
and Avalon Vanilla, and an Abyss Chocolate/Begman Strawberry for 
Deirdre.  Then they headed out into the street.  As Deirdre munched on her 
ice cream, Samantha asked her, "So what does your Daddy look like?"

	"Whatever he wants to," Deirdre said.

	"How do you recognize him if he could be anything?" Samantha 
asked.  Shapeshifter, she thought.  This could complicate things.

	"Well, he wears his wedding ring on one hand and his magic ring 
on the other," Deirdre said.  "And I guess he usually is kinda the same."

	"And how would that be?" Samantha asked as they headed up the 
street.  Dozens of tourists streamed past them, heading into various shops 
full of tacky souvenirs.

	"He's got dark hair, and he's really big like you, and he's kinda 
darker skinned than me."  Deirdre herself was fairly tanned in complexion.  
"And he's wearing the ugly hat today."

	"The ugly hat?"

	"Grandpa Ramon gave it to him.  It's called a...a..."  Her face 
screwed up as her brain tried to remember the word.  "Fiddle."

	"Fedora?" Samantha asked.

	"Yeah," Deirdre said.  "Mommy made him not wear his robes 
today, so he's wearing stuff like me.  Except his shirt is red.  And he has a 
noose around his neck."

	"..."   Not more of those lunatic Odin cultists, Samantha thought.  
"Does he worship Odin?"

	"Is that the funny looking man with one eye?"

	Samantha laughed.  "Yes."  She started working on her own ice 
cream.

	"Daddy is a priest of the Serpent.  He used to be stylin', but now he 
sets things on fire instead."

	Samantha took another bite of her ice cream and cocked her head 
in a fit of paranoia to listen for the distant wail of fire alarms, but she 
couldn't hear any.  "Sets things on fire?"

	"And writes books.  And spanks Miroku when he's bad."

	"Is Miroku your brother?"

	"He's very naughty," Deirdre said.  "He isn't sweet and innocent 
and made out of sugar like me."  She licked her ice cream, then said, "It's 
his birthday too, but he and Akari got in a fight about whose daddy was 
better, so they didn't get to come."

	Samantha craned her head about, looking for any men wearing a 
noose and a fedora.  "So you and Miroku were both born on the Spring 
Equinox?"

	"No, we were born in a big bed in the Embassy."  Deirdre finished 
off her chocolate and started on her strawberry ice cream.  "Akari was 
born a month earlier on the bed, but Miroku didn't wanna come out, 
Daddy says."

	Samantha blinked.  "They're twins, but one was born a month 
earlier?"

	"I guess Miroku liked being inside Mitsune-mommy."

	Samantha decided not to think about that too much.  "So your 
mommy had three of you at once?"

	"No, no, me and Miroku have the same daddy, but different 
mommies.  He and Akari have the same mommy, but different daddies."

	Chaosians are all insane, Samantha thought.  "So what's your 
Daddy's name?"

	"Daddy is named Davros, except when he's Narya or when he's 
Special Agent Cooper or a wolf or a falcon or...."

	Samantha asked, "And your Mommy is?"

	She looked Deirdre up and down.  "Am I supposed to tell you her 
real name or her other name?"

	"What do you call her?"

	"Isillome."

	"Well, that'll do, won't it?"

	"I think you're supposed to call her Moonshade, though," Deirdre 
said.  "But I can't ever understand who calls her what."

	"Does she shapeshift too?"

	"My two other mommies both shapeshift, but she doesn't.  She 
can't spell very well either."  Deirdre finished off her ice cream, then 
began licking her fingers.

	They now had wandered into the Race Track area.  Mr. Toad's 
Hellride stood open to their left with a long line, and off to the right, lots 
of teenagers were driving round crazily on Stagger Lee's Go-Kart Track, 
crashing cars into each other.  Up ahead was a small forested area full of 
treaded trails; a tank stood near the gate with an attendant looking bored.  
A sign proclaimed 'EvilMike's Tank Ride'.  

	Deirdre clapped her hands.  "Oooh, I wanna take a tank ride!"

	What the hell, Samantha thought.  It couldn't hurt.  "Okay."

	They went over to the tank, which meowed hello to them.  
Samantha patted it.  "Good kitty."  All of the ride's tanks had odd quirks.  
One of them had the ghost of Jeb Stuart in it.  Another one only went 
backwards.  And this one was possessed by a cat spirit.  "Hey, Ritsuko, 
I'm using my park credit for this, okay?"

	"Okay," Ritsuko said.  "Hop in."  She clambered up on top, then 
Samantha hefted Deirdre up to her.  "What's your name?" Ritsuko asked 
Deirdre.  

	"I'm Deirdre, Princess of Amber and Cardinal of Catalonia!"  She 
patted her hat.

	"Did you eat at Burger Pope today?" Ritsuko asked.

	"Yep!"

	Samantha scrambled up after her, and sat on top of the tank, 
holding Deirdre in her lap as the tank started along with Ritsuko standing 
half in and half out.  "Take it gentle, Mike," she said to the tank.

	"Meow!"

	"Lost kid?" Ritsuko asked.

	"I'm not lost.  I know where I am," Deirdre said.  "Mommy and 
Daddy are lost."

	"So how did they get lost?"

	"Mole People."

	"..."

	Samantha asked weakly, "Mole People?"

	The tank rumbled down a well beaten track.  Birds sang in the trees 
nearby.

	"Uncle Morgy says that if you don't know what to say, you should 
always guess either Mole People or Mecha-Pope and you can't go wrong."

	Ritsuko laughed.  "Left here, Mike."

	The tank swung left, and several branches battered at Samantha's 
armor.  She asked Deirdre, "What were you doing when they got lost?"

	"We were in a  bookstore, and I went to go get a book, but I 
couldn't find it, and then they got lost.  I know Mommy was talking about 
going to Queen Cait's Funland For Grownups earlier, but Daddy said they 
couldn't go there because I wasn't grown up, and I'm wondering if they 
decided to go without me."

	Samantha frowned.  She'd seen parents cheesy enough to do 
something like that; especially parents who seemed to all be shapeshifting 
and making each other pregnant.  "Hey, Rits, this tank can drive outside 
the ride, right?"

	"Oh no, we are NOT doing that again," Ritsuko said.  "I nearly got 
fired the last time."

	"I'm not talking about going after 'Super Dave'."

	"I might be willing to take my chances if we were, but no.  You 
wanna scare some sense in her parents, then you're gonna have to do it 
without me and Mike."  

	Mike meowed loudly and turned off down another trail.

	"No!  Bad Mike!  Bad Mike!"  Ritsuko groaned.  "There goes my 
seniority."

	Samantha said, "Don't worry, Deirdre, we'll find your parents if we 
have to level Queen Cait's Funland For Grownups to do it."

	"Daddy might set Mike on fire if he gets mad," Deirdre said, 
worried.

	"Mike's been toughened up ever since the night the flesh-eating 
Beatles rioted.  He's got a nice coating of Reflectium; magic bounces right 
off," Ritsuko said.  "Of course, we wouldn't have to test it if Mike would 
be a good boy and not go launch an attack on Queen Cait's Funland!"

	Mike purred.

	"That's IF!  Not me telling you you're being a good boy right 
now!"

	They crashed through some trees, then roared down the streets of 
the Courts of Chaos, past Professor Gopher-Beetle's Hall of Knowledge 
and the Library of Pymander Book Store.  Deirdre pointed at it.  "We were 
in there when they got lost."

	Mike was speeding up.  Samantha said, "Hey, Mike, can you stop 
so we can check the bookstore?"

	Mike sped up more.

	Ritsuko's pony tail began whipping about, smacking Deirdre in the 
face.  "Bad hair!" Deirdre shouted.  "Be good, hair, be good!"

	Mike roared around a corner; Deirdre clung desperately to 
Samantha to avoid flying off.  "Aaaahhhh!!!!"

	"Mike, slow down!" Ritsuko shouted.

	They could see the gates for Queen Cait's Funland For Grownups 
(You Must Be Over 18 To Enter).   The entrance gate had a sign which 
read, 'Cait's Funland is not reccomended for the elderly, pregnant, 
faithfully married, those with heart trouble, back problems, or Dante.'  
There were two black-clad men at the gates checking IDs.  They looked up 
at the tank and leaped out of the way.

	The Tank roared past Bumpy's Casino, then began whipping its 
'head' about, 'sniffing the air'.

	"Down, Mike, down!" Ritsuko shouted.

	Then Mike spotted 'Yuki's Cabaret', which had a sign which 
showed a line of dancing mice in chorus girl outfits.  He meowed loudly 
and charged.

	Okay, maybe this was a bad idea, Samantha thought as the tank 
shells began to blow the front door of the cabaret open.  Thankfully, it 
didn't actually open until dark, so only a handful of cleaning staff were 
inside as they crashed through the front wall.  

	Very faintly, they heard someone a ways back on the street 
shouting, "Deirdre!  There you are!"

	As Mike rumbled about, stomping the Cabaret flat, Samantha 
asked, "Is that your mother's voice?" to Deirdre.

	"Mommy!  I'm over here!" Deirdre shouted.

	Samantha looked and saw a huge woman with long pink hair, 
wearing a white blouse and blue jeans, a large sword on her back, running 
down the street towards them, along with a frantic looking dusky man who 
she was relieved to see was wearing a red tie, not a noose.  He had one 
hand clapped to his head to keep his fedora on.  "Are those your parents?"

	"Uh huh."

	"Bad tank!  You won't get any catnip if you don't stop!" Ritsuko 
shouted.

	It was then that Mike turned and spotted Cait's Cathouse across the 
street, complete with many pictures of cat-girls on the front wall.  Mike 
gave a yowl of triumph.

	"BAD TANK!"

	Black tendrils erupted out of the fedora wearing man, who turned 
into a falcon and picked up the woman with the tendrils, throwing her up 
on top of the tank as it charged across the street.  She landed on top of the 
tank and scooped up Deirdre into her arms.  "Mommy!  Where'd you go?"

	"Where did YOU go, honey?  I told you to stay with the Children's 
books until I got out of the bathroom!"

	"Oh.  I forgot," Deirdre said.

	Explosive rounds blew out the front of the Cathouse, and Mike 
plunged in, meowing wildly.  Groggy ladies of the evening began running 
in all directions, having been woken from their catnaps.  "Why do you 
have my daughter on top of a berserk tank?" the woman demanded of 
Samantha.

	"Because I didn't feel like risking trying to jump off a berserk 
tanks!" Samantha shouted back.  "You need to take better care of your 
kid!"

	Logrus tendrils wrapped around the tank, lifting it off the ground 
and out of the now collapsing Cathouse.  Mike spun his treads helplessly, 
and the falcon said, "Do I even want to know what's going on?"

	"Hi, daddy!  This is Deirdre.  She's sharing my name," Deirdre 
said.  "And the tank is Mike.  And the other lady is Ritsuko."

	"I am Davros, Deirdre's father," the falcon said.  "Deirdre, you 
really shouldn't wander off like you did."

	"I didn't get lost!  You did!" she said stubbornly.

	"We'll sort it out later.  So where do I need to deposit the tank?" 
Davros asked.

	"Back to the Tank Ride, please," Ritsuko said.  "Assuming Mike 
isn't going to get any more crazy ideas in his head."

	Mike meowed mournfully.

	Soon, Mike was back in his pen, Samantha and Ritsuko were off 
the tank, and Moonshade had a firm grip on Deirdre so she couldn't get 
lost again.  "I'm sorry about all that, sir.  She asked to go on the tank ride, 
and then Mike sort of got some wrong ideas in his head and..."

	Davros sighed.  "I should have put her on a  leash again."

	"I don't need a leash!  I'm not the one who got lost!"  Deirdre 
insisted.

	"But I'm grateful for you taking care of her."

	"Just doing my job, sir," Samantha said.  "I end up helping lost 
kids just about every day."

	"Well, I'm grateful.  Although really, little kids shouldn't be taken 
on tank rides."

	"She begged," Samantha said weakly.

	"I made her do it!" Deirdre announced.  "And it's probably all 
Miroku's fault, anyway."

	Davros winced at that.  "Don't blame everything on your brother."

	"Akari does."

	"Are you Akari?"

	"One day, I'll learn how to turn into Akari, and then I will be!" 
Deirdre said.

	"Not if I can help it," Moonshade muttered.  

	"Mommy?" Deirdre asked.

	"Yes?"

	"Which of your names should I have told Deirdre is your name?"

	"Moonshade, honey."

	"Oops."

	Moonshade sighed.   "Please tell me you didn't..."

	"I didn't tell her what they called you on that trumpvision show 
you told Uncle Morgy you were going to kill him for showing it to me this 
time."

	Davros and Moonshade vibrated in union.

	"Should I have?"

	"NO!"

	Deirdre shrank in on herself.  Moonshade sighed and stroked her 
hair.  "I'm sorry, honey.  Mommy just worries about you."

	"I'm okay now."

	Samantha said, "Is there anything else I can help you with before I 
get back to work?"  Please don't sue, she thought.  Please don't sue.

	"Are you one of the actors for the nightly abyss shows?" Davros 
asked.

	"Yes, I play Deirdre of Amber."

	"Is it suitable for children?" Davros asked.

	"Oooh, I wanna go!  I wanna go!" Deirdre proclaimed.

	Samantha glanced over at her, then said, "Well, children do have to 
learn about these things some time.  There's no foul language, but there is 
some violence and simulated death.  Good triumphs over evil, but at a 
cost."

	"There is always a cost," Davros said softly.  "In real life, the 
heroes rarely all walk away from the most important battles."  He turned 
and looked over at Moonshade.  "What do you think?"

	"She's just a kid," Moonshade said.  "We should take her to see the 
Funk Elves.  Even if she would get to see some asskicking at this show."

	"I wanna see Deirdre fight evil!" Deirdre proclaimed.  "And I'd 
like some ice cream."

	"You already had some with me," Samantha said.

	"_More_ ice cream."

	Moonshade frowned.  "It's not bloody, is it?"

	"We had a bad incident with the fake blood coming to life and 
trying to kill people, so we don't even bother with it now."  Samantha 
willed herself not to think about that disaster.

	"Please, please, please?" Deirdre begged.

	Moonshade sighed.  "Okay.  But I'm gonna laugh at you when you 
have nightmares tonight.  And if you do, Davros gets to go sleep in the 
closet."

	"I won't have any nightmares!" Deirdre said.  "And I won't try to 
hide in the pantry and knock all the sphagetti on myself either."

	Davros frowned thoughtfully, glanced at Deirdre, then said, "I will 
have to think about it.  Thank you for taking care of Deirdre, and may the 
Serpent watch over you...."

	"Samantha," Samantha said.

	"Good day, then."  And then they left.

	"Whew, no law suit," Ritsuko said once they were out of earshot.

	"I have a bad feeling Mr. Davros is going to end up in the closet.  
Or with one of his other wives.  Or whatever exactly is going on in that 
family."

	"Probably Mormons."

	"Chaosians."

	"Ahh," Ritsuko said understandingly.

*******************

	"Why exactly are we doing this?" Moonshade asked Davros again.

	"Because it's her birthday and she really wants to," Davros replied.  
"And perhaps there's a lesson to be learned."  He looked across the open 
space in front of the 'Abyss', one of the less realistic attractions of 
Dworkinland, as it was just a big pit full of smoke.  Lots of people sat 
restlessly, waiting for the Abyss show to start.

	"Motoko's going to kill us."

	"She's going to kill us as soon as she hears about Deirdre and the 
tank, so we might as well run up our account and get killed for everything 
at once."

	"You sound like Mitsune," Moonshade said.

	Davros looked embarrassed.  "I just..."

	"Daddy, is Motoko-mommy gonna be mad at us?" Deirdre asked.

	"Probably."

	"She's going to crucify us,"  Moonshade pointed out.

	"Then why are we still here?" Deirdre asked.

	"'Cause it's your birthday and you wanted to come."

	"I don't wanna get you in trouble.  She won't send you to bed 
without dinner, will she?"

	"We're going to eat here," Davros said.  "I was thinking we could 
try Gabrielle's Grill."

	"Steak," Moonshade said, sounding like a man dying of thirst in 
the desert.

	"I wish Miroku could have come," Deirdre said.

	"You miss him?" Davros asked.

	"Then he'd get spanked too like he needs to be."

	Moonshade laughed.  "I'm sure Mitsune's spanking him for making 
her get stuck at home while we ran off and had fun."

	"Daddy, can I ask you a question?" Deirdre asked Davros.

	"Sure."

	"Why do people always get confused when I tell them about our 
family?"

	Moonshade said, "'Cause people are stupid."

	Davros said, "Well, our family is very special.  Most families just 
have one mommy and one daddy."

	"Uh huh," Deirdre said.  "Like Uncle Beowulf and Aunt Lily and 
Telemain."

	"Yes," Davros said.

	"So why do I have three mommies?"

	Moonshade glanced across the 'stage' and wondered when the 
show was ever going to start.

	"Because when the Serpent married Motoko, he declared that she 
might choose three people to live with her forever, to be her friends and 
lovers, to take care of her, and play with her.  So she chose me and 
Isillome and Mitsune, because we all loved her very much, and because 
we loved each other too."  Davros' voice stumbled a bit as they talked.  
"You're going to ask me about Akari's father next, right?"

	"Oh wow, you read my mind, Daddy!" Deirdre said.

	"Moriya died saving Mitsune from being killed," Davros said.  "He 
was very brave and kind and gentle, and a good friend.  Before he died, he 
and Mitsune made a baby, Akari."

	"Like you and Mommy made me."

	"Exactly," Davros said.  "But before Akari was born, the four of us 
had to perform a very holy rite..."

	"Which made babies," Moonshade said, grinning.  "And involved 
someone squealing with a very high pitched voice."

	Davros blushed.  "Isillome..."

	"Oh yes, Mooooootoooookoooooooo," Moonshade mock moaned.

	"Isillome..."

	"Did you ask daddy to rock you like a hurricane?" Deirdre asked 
Moonshade.

	Moonshade turned red.  "Dammit, Motoko assured me the 
soundproofing would work!"

	Davros, who now wanted to die, asked Deirdre, "Did you hear that 
through the walls?"

	"Uncle Morgy says that Uncle Saionji is jealous because he wishes 
he could rock as many women like a hurricane as you do, Daddy.  Is that 
how you make babies?"

	"Uncle Morgy needs to learn what not to say to children," 
Moonshade mumbled.

	Davros decided it was best not to argue the point.  "Yes, Daddy 
makes babies by rocking people like a hurricane."

	"So why doesn't Motoko-mommy have a baby?" Deirdre asked.

	Davros and Moonshade sat uncomfortably at that.  Finally, 
Moonshade said, "Three babies was as many as we could handle at once."

	"Miroku didn't really eat her baby, did he?"

	Moonshade's eyes widened.  "Who the fu...who told you that?"

	"I saw that in a movie, where the bad baby ate the good one."

	"Did Uncle Morgy show you this movie?" Moonshade asked.

	"Uh huh."

	"And the brain-eating zombies one?"

	"I had nightmares for a week."

	Davros said, "No more letting him babysit."

	"But Daddy, he's lots of fun!"

	"Some kinds of fun are bad for you."

	"Like when Miroku tried to eat all the candy and choked."

	"Exactly."

	A horn played, cutting off all conversation; the show was about to 
begin.  They sat and watched quietly as the battle of the Courts of Chaos 
took place before their eyes.  Far off across 'The Abyss', one could just 
barely make out the Duel Called Revolution being played out for another 
audience.

	The battle raged, and then Brand stood at the edge of the Abyss, 
holding 'Deirdre' hostage as he harangued his family.

	Deirdre got tense in Davros' arms.  "She's gonna be okay, isn't 
she?" she whispered.

	Moonshade muttered something about Motoko and death and bad 
ideas.

	Davros felt his resolution wavering.  What AM I doing, he thought.  
She's just five, and we didn't HAVE to say yes to this.  It's a lesson 
everyone needs to learn eventually, but she's still so young...  Too late 
now, he thought.  Motoko's going to kill us, this is going to give her 
nightmares, and it's all my fault for being stupid, he thought.  

	A crossbow twanged.  'Brand' got hit and tumbled backwards, then 
managed to grab 'Deirdre', who tumbled in backwards with him.  They fell 
into the darkness, and the family of Amber played out their horror.

	Deirdre watched in horror.  "No!  He pulled Deirdre into the Abyss 
with him!  She's going to die too!"

	"It's all just a show, honey," Moonshade said, glaring over at 
Davros, who wished he could turn into a bird and fly away.  "They're just 
showing a made up story."

	Deirdre said, "Can't you save her, Daddy?"

	"Honey, it's just a show.  They'll get mad if I charge out into the 
middle of it," Davros said soothingly, stroking her hair.  "She'll be fine 
afterwards."

	The rest of the story played itself out, and then the audience 
dispersed.  Deirdre sat tensely in her father's lap, on the verge of crying.  
Finally, some of the crew brought a winch out, and winched up 'Deirdre' 
and 'Brand' out of the 'Abyss'.  Brand's face looked somewhat smooshed, 
and he was rubbing his cheeks.  "You didn't have to land on my face, you 
know."

	"You're the one who tried to roll me to one side by grabbing my 
breasts," Samantha retorted.  

	Deirdre leaped up and ran over to her.  "You're okay!  You're 
okay."

	"Of course I'm okay.  It's all just a show."  She picked Deirdre up 
and showed her what lay halfway down the Abyss, namely a very sturdy 
safety net.  "We just land on that every night."

	Deirdre gave a great sigh of relief.  "So you're okay?"

	"I kinda landed on David's face, so he's not all okay, but I am."

	"Okay.  You wanna come have cake with us?  Motoko-mommy 
said she was going to make a very nice one for me and Miroku, even 
though he's grounded."

	She blinked and looked over at Deirdre's parents.  Davros said, 
"That is fine with me if you want to invite her, Deirdre.  You don't mind, 
do you?" he asked Moonshade.

	"Fine by me.  We probably ought to let her get out of the armor, 
though."

	"Well, I've got to go clock out and everything, but...okay, sure," 
Samantha said.  "I'll meet you at the West Gate in an hour, okay?"

	"Okay!" Deirdre said.

********************

	Samantha had trumped before, but it wasn't something she ever 
had gotten used to; the Dworkinland staff had a few people who could 
make trumps, thanks to having walked the Broken Pattern of 
Dworkinland.  Samantha had walked it herself; all of the staff had to 
survive walking it.  Some people seemed to get a little crazy obsessive 
with preserving the order of the park after they walked it, but she didn't 
feel like she was any different.  Sometimes she wondered if she was, and 
just couldn't tell.

	They landed in a foyer, where armed guards in Unicorn livery 
saluted all of them but her.  She waved in the cheerful manner polished by 
years of working for an amusement park.  

	She tagged along as Deirdre gave her running commentary on 
everything in the Embassy and as Davros carefully corrected half the 
commentary.  They soon came to a fancy dining room where a large 
chocolate cake and ice cream had been laid out.  Two children were there, 
and two elegantly dressed women.  The boy was dark haired; the girl was 
a red head.  Both of them were about the same age as Deirdre.  The taller 
and more slender of the two women had short dark hair, and wore an 
expensive dress in a Cathayan style, white cotton cloth with a phoenix 
printed on it in red and black and grey.  The shorter, stockier woman wore 
a shimmering green dress with a winking fox printed on it.  She had a rose 
tucked in her hair over her left ear.  Both wore a ring which showed the 
unicorn and the serpent chasing each other's tails, which matched rings 
worn by Davros and Moonshade.

	The little boy asked, "Did you have fun?"

	"We had lots of fun!" Deirdre said.  "I got to ride on a tank and 
level a Cathouse!"

	The taller woman, who had started to cross over to Davros and 
Moonshade, now froze up.  "You what?"

	Moonshade said, "We'll tell you the whole story after the little 
party, so you can kick our ass."

	The taller woman started to say something, noticed Samantha and 
fell silent, though she took on a somewhat frozen look.  "Alright."

	Davros said, "Motoko, this is Samantha, who works at 
Dworkinland.  She helped us out when Deirdre got lost, and Deirdre 
invited her to come and have cake with us."

	"You lost Deirdre?" Motoko asked.

	"They got lost, but me and Deirdre and the pony-tail girl and the 
tank found them.  In Queen Cait's Funland," Deirdre said.

	Motoko's flesh rippled gently for a moment.  "In Queen Cait's 
Funland."

	"You went to Queen Cait's Funland and didn't take me and 
Motoko?  I think two people are sleeping on the couch tonight," the 
shorter woman said with a tone of mock-anger.

	"We were wandering around and..."  Davros began.

	"We did not leave her behind to go to Queen Cait's Funland 
without you," Moonshade said.  "Now, why don't we have some cake, 
okay?"

	Akari waggled a finger at Davros.  "You're a very bad man," she 
said solemnly.

	"Cake is great!" Miroku proclaimed.  He scrambled up into a chair 
and grabbed a fork.  "Hit me!"

	Motoko began to solemnly cut the cake.  Samantha sat down by 
Deirdre, feeling a little uncomfortable.   Deirdre reached over and patted 
her left hand, then half climbed up on her and whispered in her ear, 
"They'll kiss and make up later."

	"So you play Deirdre in the Abyss show?" Motoko asked 
Samantha as she served her some cake.

	She nodded.  "Yes, for the last two years.  It gets boring 
sometimes, but the pay is good, and the benefits are nice.   And I have to 
admit that having people take photos with me is pretty cool."

	"Oooh, daddy, you need to take a picture of me with her!" Deirdre 
said.  "You took pictures, didn't you?"

	Davros nodded.  "Yes, I did," he said, patting the camera.  "So long 
as no one tries to eat it, we'll be fine."

	"I didn't try to eat the camera," Miroku said.  "That was Random."

	"I know, son," Davros said.  

	Motoko moved on to serve cake to Moonshade, and asked 
Samantha, "Would you like some wine?  Or is the fruit juice fine with 
you?"

	"I'm fine, Madam Ambassador," Samantha said.  "Fruit juice is 
okay with me."

	"Mitsune, if you will," Motoko said to Mitsune.  

	Mitsune began pouring everyone fruit juice.  "Don't you ever get 
tempted to break the script?" she asked Samantha.

	"Oh, that's how my predecessor got fired.  She wanted to show off 
for her boyfriend and just picked up Brand and tossed him in."

	Mitsune laughed.  "That's the spirit."

	"I sure wish I could do that sometimes, but I like getting paid."

	"With your Broken Pattern imprint, you could get all the money 
you want," Motoko pointed out.

	"I guess, but I'm used to having to work for a living, and most of 
the time, it's fun. I have gone on recruiting runs into Shadow a few times, 
though.  And usually, I like this."

	Akari began cutting up some of the napkins into puppets as she 
waited for her cake to be served.  Mitsune started to reach over to stop her, 
then sighed and said, "Next time, ask Mommy for paper, okay?"

	"Okay, mommy," Akari said.

	The puppets began to dance as Motoko laid down a slice of cake 
for Akari, then finally cut one for herself.  Samantha watched them in 
amazement.  "Wow, that's really great, Akari."

	"Thank you," she said, smiling a little more.

	"They'd better not make a move on my cake like they did at your 
birthday party," Miroku said.

	"They don't like bad people cake," Akari said, stuffing her slice of 
cake in her mouth.

	Motoko said, "No arguing at the dinner table, children."

	The kids all shut up.

	For a little while, they all ate cake in silence, then Moonshade 
asked, "How did the meeting with Duke Koli go, Motoko?"

	"Thankfully, the Duke agreed to withdraw his request for a duel 
with Lord Loewen, so I cancelled the funeral arrangements."

	Samantha started to laugh, then realized no one else was and stifled 
herself.

	Davros said, "Good, good.  I'll save the eulogy for a future 
occasion, then."

	"Did you have to flash your breasts at him this time, Mitsune?" 
Moonshade asked Mitsune.

	"I'm not flashing anything but my pale arms in this outfit," Mitsune 
said.  

	"And your lovely face," Motoko said absently as she worked on 
her cake.

	Mitsune said, "I think he goes for tall, elegant women anyway."

	Motoko frowned at her cake.  "Not another one."

	"Hey, you have to use whatever advantage you can get, when 
dealing with these sorts of fools," Mitsune said.  "As Mom always told 
me, sometimes you have to stoop to conquer."

	"Lady Yumi is, as usual, correct," Motoko said.  "But I do not 
enjoy stooping."

	"I enjoy sledding," Miroku said, trying to do his part in the 
conversation.  "You should try that."

	Motoko looked up and stared at him for just a second, then asked, 
"Not bobsledding, I hope."

	"Mommy says I'm not old enough for bobsledding," Miroku said.

	"Good, good."

	Samantha opened her mouth, then shut it again.  Then she said, 
"Why did the Duke want to duel with Lord Loewen?"

	"He's a suicidal moron," Mitsune said.  

	"Duke Koli wanted to see for himself if it was true that Lord 
Loewen was a better swordsmaster than himself," Motoko said.  "As he is 
noted for his own skills, polished through years of study and discipline."

	"Which rotted his brain," Moonshade said.  "I wouldn't duel 
Loewen and I'm a damn sight better than Duke Koli.  He ain't bad, mind 
you.  He'd probably kick any of the rest of you's ass with a sword.  But 
Loewen would kick his ass."

	"Especially since his family insignia is that ugly dog rampant," 
Mitsune said.

	Motoko nodded.  "I convinced him that Lord Loewen is growing 
old and that it would be unfair for a young and healthy man to fight a 
convalescent.  I pray Lord Loewen never hears I said that."

	"But isn't he rather convalescent?" Samantha asked.  "I know little 
of Chaos, but I do know he's been a bandaged half-dead mummy for 
decades now."

	Motoko replied, "Sadly, yes.  But Loewen half-dead is more 
deadly than most people not dead at all."

	Samantha said, "We have a 'Loewen', but I'm sure he's not half as 
scary as the real thing."

	"o/~Loewen eats boats o/~", Miroku sang.

	Davros choked on his cake.  

"Who taught you that song?" Motoko asked sharply.

	"I made it up myself from one of Uncle Morgy's songs."

	Deirdre pounded Davros on the back.  "Don't choke, Daddy!"

	"I'll try to not choke," he choked out, then drank some apple juice.  
"All better, see?"

	"Good, good.  I don't want you to die like Akari's daddy did," 
Deirdre said.

	For a moment, all of the resident adults present looked like they'd 
been whacked with hammers.  Akari paled.  Miroku quickly grabbed more 
cake with the look of someone planning to evacuate.

	Samantha leaped into the breach saying, "You shouldn't talk about 
dying at the dinner table, Deirdre."

	"Oh, okay," Deirdre said.  "I'm sorry."

	Akari said, "You just think you're special because it's your birthday 
and you got to go to Dworkinland while I had to stay here with my stupid 
brother!"

	"At least I don't wet my bed," Miroku said.

	"I do NOT wet the bed!" Akari shouted.

	"Now, now, Miroku, we all know that was you pouring water in 
her bed," Mitsune said to Miroku.  "It's your birthday, be nice."

	"Don't wanna be nice.  I had to stay home 'cause she was stupid 
and sent her paper dolls after me!"

	"You kept talking about how you were going to get your daddy to 
take you on the Logrus with him!"

	Davros sighed.  "Now, now brothers and sisters should love each 
other, and not fight at the dinner table on their birthday."

	"It's not _my_ birthday," Akari pointed out.  "And he started it by 
bragging."

	"Akari, be quiet," Motoko snapped.  "Miroku, stop taunting your 
sister.  Deirdre..."  She sighed.  "Don't start anything."

	"Okay," Deirdre said.  She finished her cake. "Can we play _Fungi 
From Candyland_ now?   I wanna show Deirdre how to play."

	"You're Deirdre," Akari pointed out.

	"Sure, I'd be happy to play," Samantha said, her instincts for trying 
to defuse conflicts kicking in.  "I'm sure that would be a lot of fun.  You 
three can all show me how to play while the adults clean up and go do 
boring adult stuff."

	Moonshade said, "I'll go get it."

	Motoko and Mitsune and Davros quickly cleaned up the food and 
vanished into the house.  Moonshade returned with the game, and set it up, 
then said, "We'll be in the kitchen if you need us, okay?"

	"Okay," Miroku said.  "Have fun!"

	"Oh yeah, more fun than being a dog in Helgramways," 
Moonshade muttered and vanished into the depths of the house.  

	"Okay, pick a hand," Miroku said to Samantha, holding out two 
clenched fists. 

	"Hmm, that one," she said.

	He frowned.  "Can't you pick the other one?"

	She laughed.  "Okay."
	
	Akari pointed and laughed.  "I bet the blue one was in the hand she 
picked first!"

	This was proven correct, though Samantha now took the green one 
from the other hand.  Akari took the red one and Deirdre took the yellow 
piece.

	They all set up their pieces at the start, then Miroku said, "Okay, 
we go round the table like this," he gestured clockwise.  "Everyone flips a 
card over on their turn, and moves to the next space of that color.  If you 
have two squares, you move twice.  Some squares let you take shortcuts."  
He pointed to some.  "And these squares," he pointed to others.  "You get 
partly eaten by evil flesh-eating zombie fungi from beyond space and 
time!"

	"And have to move back down the slide, like that one," Akari said, 
pointing to one of the slides.  "Where you get better and keep going."

	"Who goes first?" Samantha asked.

	"Deirdre can, since she's oldest," Miroku said.

	"I'm oldest!" Akari protested.  

	"Okay, you go first," he said.

	She blinked, then went.

	The map was basically a big s-shape.  Miroku's luck was good, and 
he soon pulled into the lead, frequently narrating his piece's adventures 
with the evil fungi.  "Okay, so the great hero Maverick sneaks past the evil 
green fungi."  He moved his piece a step.  "Then, he comes to where the 
horrible purple broccoli monsters live!"

	"Broccoli is green," Akari pointed out.

	"That's why it's horrible monsters!  Exposed to Moonshade-
mommy's cooking, it has become a terrible flesh-eating beast!"

	Samantha laughed.  "That bad, huh?"

	"Daddy says it's beyond good and evil," Deirdre said.  "C'mon, 
Miroku, finish moving before it's our next birthday."

	"Then Maverick leads the broccoli monsters into the giant blue 
squash patch.  Broccoli and squash fight it out to the death while he sneaks 
off into the orange blossom tree fungi."  He placed his piece down.  
"There."

	Samantha flipped a card over.  "Okay, the mighty heroine Deirdre 
is attacked by the purple werewolf fungi."  She moved her piece.  "But she 
picks them up and breaks their backs, because she's strong.  So then she 
meets up with her big-mouthed brother Corwin, and they go through the 
green fungal forest, to the yellow corn fields, where they encounter Julian, 
and have to hide from him until next turn."  She put her piece down.

	Deirdre was next; she sighed as she only got to move one square.  
"Joan stops to buy some pizza from the red fungi, but she can't pay, so 
they make her wash dishes to pay for it."

	Akari flipped a card and smiled.  She quickly moved from one red 
space past all the other colors to another red one that had a shortcut.  
"Because she's sweet and gentle, Mysteria is helped by all the fungi to get 
ahead of everyone else, and they show her a short cut."  She zipped her 
piece ahead.

	"Double Orange!  WOO!" Miroku shouted.  "Because Maverick is 
the baddest bad bad ass who ever was bad, all the fungi bows down before 
him and grovels for mercy!  Then they carry him all the way to THIS 
square," he moved his piece to it.  "Before they collapse under the weight 
of his invincible..."

"Invulnerable," Akari said.

"Coat of Arnold!"  Miroku finished.  

	"Arnd," Akari said.

	"Whatever."

	The game went on for nearly a half-hour with many twists of fate.  
Finally, Miroku got lucky and got the green he needed to make it to the 
last square.  "Maverick turns his arms into hedge trimmers, then trims all 
the evil fungi out of the way, finally making it back to civilization where 
he gets lots of cake and ice cream."

	"Then he bloats up and gets sick from too much candy," Akari 
said.  

	"Let's play again!" Deirdre said.

	After three more games, Miroku won twice, Akari won once, 
Deirdre won once, and Samantha was just out of luck.  Deirdre patted her 
hand.  "Don't worry, we all lose sometimes," she said kindly.

	"Maybe next time," Samantha said.

	"I'm afraid it's time for all good children to go to bed," Motoko 
said, striding in.

	"So when's Miroku going to bed?" Akari asked.

	"At least my bed will be dry," Miroku said.

	Akari looked at him in frustration, then ran off crying.  Miroku's 
face fell.  "I'm sorry!" he shouted.  "I didn't mean to make you cry!"  

	"Miroku, you shouldn't tease your sister," Motoko said sternly to 
him.

	"Yeah!" Deirdre said.

	"I didn't mean to make her cry," he said weakly, looking a little 
close to tears himself.  "She usually just yells back at me."

	"Well, you pushed her too far," Motoko said. "Now go apologize 
to her and get ready for bed."

	"Okay, Motoko-mommy," he said.  "Do I get a goodnight kiss?"

	She bent down and kissed his forehead.  "Now, go be good."

	"I will," he said, then ran off.

	Deirdre turned to Samantha, "I'd better go to bed.  You can ask 
Daddy to take you home." 

	"I will take her home," Motoko said.  She bent over and kissed 
Deirdre on the forehead.  "Good night, Deirdre."

	"Good night, Motoko-mommy," Deirdre said.  Then she ran off.

	Motoko turned to Samantha.  "I hope this hasn't been too much 
trouble for you."

	"Oh, no trouble at all.  They're very nice children, and really, the 
whole tank thing was my fault for not saying no."

	"Well, we straightened it all out."  She shook her head.  "I will 
need a psychic impression of where you need to go, although I could 
teleport you back to Dworkinland without one."

	"That'll be fine; I live in a dormitory there," Samantha said.  

	"I suppose our home life must seem strange to you," Motoko said.

	"It's not my place to judge, ma'am," Samantha said.  "Being a guest 
and all.  As long as I haven't caused any trouble in it, I'm satisfied."

	Motoko nodded, seeming pleased by the answer.  "Alright, are you 
ready?"

	"Ready," she said.

	She felt the shimmer of the magic rush over her, and soon she was 
standing under the half moon and starry sky by the west gate of 
Dworkinland.  Nothing like a nighttime walk to help me sleep, she 
thought.  She headed for bed.

****************

	"Mommy?" Akari asked as Mitsune tucked her in.  

	"Yes, honey?"

	"Will you sleep with me tonight?"

	"Okay.  I'll be right back once I change outfits, okay?"

	"Okay," Akari said.

	Mitsune went back to her bedroom to change; they all had their 
own bedrooms, although most nights, they usually were sleeping in pairs 
with someone else or even all four in the master bedroom.  Sometimes, 
they all just felt the urge to sleep alone, and they hadn't wanted to try to 
keep four sets of clothing all in one closet anyway.  

	Then she hoofed it down to Motoko's room, the master bedroom.  
Barging in, she found Motoko topless, in the process of sliding a long 
white nightshirt onto herself.  Motoko instinctively covered herself and 
blushed.

	Mitsune laughed.  "It's not like I haven't see you more naked than 
that."

	Motoko finished sliding on the shirt.  "I know, I just..."

	"It's just so cute when you and Davros do that," Mitsune said.  "I 
should barge in on him too."

	"..."

	"But Akari wants me to sleep with her tonight, so I'll be off being a 
human pillow."

	"Alright," Motoko said.  "Miroku was rather rude to her."

	"He came and apologized.  Well, he tried, anyway," Mitsune said.  
"We probably should have let them all go to Dworkinland.  I'm afraid 
they'll both be in a snit for days."

	"You can't reward bad behavior," Motoko said.  

	"True," Mitsune said, then came over to Motoko and took one of 
her hands.  "You okay?  You've been jumpy all night."  She squeezed the 
hand.  "Jealous you didn't get to go to Dworkinland?"

	"Of course not," Motoko said.

	"Liar," Mitsune said.

	"You see right through me," Motoko said.  "I could not have gone 
even if the children had been good, since I had to keep a leash on the 
Duke, but..."

	"I saw your face when the whole Funland thing came out," 
Mitsune said.  "You know they wouldn't leave Deirdre behind like that."

	"I know.  I am just...I am just a silly, jealous woman sometimes."

	Mitsune stepped in closer, then went up on her toes and kissed 
Motoko on the lips.  "Sometimes it's nice to know someone really wants 
you so much, they can't stand missing a chance to have you."

	Motoko embraced Mitsune.  "I fear I must have seemed rather cold 
and distant to our guest."

	"No, you were a good hostess to her," Mitsune said.  "It was just 
her misfortune that we couldn't straighten it all out before then."  She 
kissed Motoko again.  "And now I have to go be a living doll."

	"Doesn't it bother you at all?" Motoko asked.  "When things like 
this happen?"

	"Miroku making fun of Akari bothers me.  Akari not having her 
own father bothers me.  Having Duke Koli's stupid brother try to pinch my 
butt bothers me.  Having that dress ride up on my butt bothers me.  But I 
trust both of them not to do anything stupid.  Not like that, stupid, anyway.  
Stupid like deciding a five year old needs to see her new friend fall in the 
Abyss..."  She sighed.  "Time enough to gain wisdom when they get 
older."

	"It was not entirely a bad idea," Motoko said.  "But the timing was 
not good, nor do you do such things during a birthday celebration."

	"I know, I know," Davros said from the door, having changed into 
his usual pajamas.  He came over and embraced them both, one with each 
arm.  "She just wanted to see her friend and everything, and I just..."

	"Was stupid," Mitsune said.

	"That about sums it up.  It's something we all have to learn, but not 
when we're five."  Davros sighed.  "I'm sorry."

	Motoko extended an arm around him.  "I know you meant well, 
but..."

	Mitsune leaned over and kissed Davros, then disentangled herself.  
"You two snuggle.  I have to go make sure Akari doesn't start making her 
dolls march on Miroku's room in her sleep again.  Motoko, you should 
make them do something special for you to apologize for making you 
worry."

	"Special?" Davros asked.

	"I have no right to..." Motoko began.

	Moonshade came in.  "So, what's the plan for tonight?"

	"You and Davros get to entertain Motoko tonight to apologize for 
making her fret while I go have a sleepover with Akari.  So I'll just have to 
rip off your clothing tomorrow night and have my way with you."

	Moonshade grinned.  "Bring it on, Kitsune.  I'll have my way with 
you."

	"We'll see."  She kissed Moonshade and headed on out.

	Moonshade strode over to Davros and Motoko.  "Something 
special, huh?"

	"You don't have to do anything," Motoko said.  "I jumped to 
conclusions and..."

	Moonshade embraced them both and kissed her.  "Yes, but we 
WANT to do something," Moonshade said.  "'Cause I love you and so 
does Davros."

	Motoko blushed ever so slightly.  Davros said, "You are the flower 
of my heart, my love."  One of his hands slid up her back along her spine, 
and she felt her back grow warm.  "And I must admit that even just 
chasing a tank through Queen Cait's Funland is enough to give someone 
naughty thoughts."

	"Now, now, a monk shouldn't have naughty thoughts," Moonshade 
said teasingly.  "Or be caressing warrior hussies intimately."

	"I love you both," Motoko said softly.  "And Mitsune as well.  I 
feel like a fussy old mother hen sometimes, the way I worry about things 
and I know I don't tell you all enough how I feel."

	"We know how you feel," Davros said.  

	"But we never mind hearing it again," Moonshade said.  "Now, 
how would you like your rocking tonight?"  She paused nervously.  "Do 
you want a rocking tonight?"

	"I'm not quite in the mood," she said apologetically.  

	"Then we'll just have to cuddle up to you so you can have pleasant 
dreams and be all fired up in the morning," Moonshade said.

	Davros picked them both up and carried them over to the bed.  
"Goodnight, my loves," he said, casually snuffing the lamp with his 
spikard.

	"I don't feel right leaving Mitsune by herself," Motoko said softly 
as they cuddled up to each other.

	"Well, I don't think Akari wants either of us there, or you," Davros 
said.  "And she won't be alone, since she has Akari with her."

	"That's true."  Motoko sighed.

	"Feeling guilty again?" Moonshade asked her.

	"You always see right through me, Isillome," Motoko said to her.  

	"So does Davros, he just isn't willing to be rude about it like I am," 
Moonshade said.  "Akari has to know we all love her like she was our 
own, just like you love Miroku and Deirdre.  There ain't jack we can do 
about Moriya being dead, so don't fret about it."

	"Isillome is right, my love.  We do everything for Akari that we 
can, and while Moriya will be reborn one day, I do not think that day is yet 
come.  We must live for the living, though we remember the dead," 
Davros said.  

	"I know.  My mind knows your words are true, but the heart has its 
own reasons."

	"Rest my love, and let your heart be at ease," Davros said, gently 
brushing her cheek with one hand.

	"I should have..." Motoko began, then sighed.  "I should go to 
sleep instead of endlessly dissecting what I would have done if I had been 
all knowing and all seeing."

	"I always find a good wrestling match helps me sleep," Moonshade 
suggested.

	"I always find we have to fix the furniture after you and Davros 
have one of your matches," Motoko said dryly.  "And once you're done, 
you're randier than a herd of goats.  Not to mention, I'd last only about five 
seconds against either of you."

	"Just trying to help," Moonshade said.

	"I know."  Motoko closed her eyes.  "See you both in the 
morning."

	She heard their breathing change soon after that as they both 
slipped quickly into slumber while she stared at the inside of her eyelids.  
All of her doubts and worries chased each other round and round inside 
her head.  But they could not long persevere while she lay in the arms of 
her lovers, and sooner than she had feared, sleep took her.

*******************

	Akari cuddled up to her mother.  "Mommy, why did Daddy have 
to die?"

	Because I was too stupid to think we could ever lose a fight, she 
thought, feeling icy fingers clutch at her heart.  Because he went into the 
fight badly hurt already because Lily and Keitaro and I were mostly 
deadweight until I finally remembered to actually use my damn 
shapeshifting.  Because we were all too stupid to ask ourselves why one of 
the most powerful weapons in the universe would be in a place as poorly 
guarded as that place seemed before we got into it.  "Moriya died saving 
me and your Aunt Lily and your Aunt Shinobu and your Uncle Beowulf 
and your Uncle Keitaro.  We got trapped in a very bad place, and had to 
fight a very evil, strong man.  Your daddy beat him, but he died from his 
wounds."  She sighed.  "We all goofed up.  We never should have been 
there in the first place."

	"Is Daddy ever coming back?" Akari asked.

	"One day, your daddy will be reborn, once he's ready.  He'll be a 
baby, and then a little boy like Miroku, and then he'll be an adult one day."

	"Will you marry him when he gets old enough?"

	Mitsune winced.  "Honey, I'm already married.  And reincarnated 
people don't remember their old lives."

	"But who's going to marry Daddy, then?"

	"I don't know, honey, but I'm sure he'll find someone.  He was very 
kind and loving and strong and brave.  Probably someone much better 
than me."  She sighed.  I wish I knew for sure what he would think of all 
this.  

	"Mommy, why doesn't grandma live with us?"

	"She doesn't want to live down in Chaos," Mitsune said.  It was 
technically true, though she knew it was more like 'Rimururu doesn't want 
to live with the people the mother of her granddaughter shacked up with 
shortly after her only son died saving said woman'.  "But she loves you, 
you know that."

	"Uh huh.  And I love Grandma lots," Akari said.  "Mommy, what's 
a 'cheap floozie'?"

	"It's a bad word you shouldn't ever say or the Abyss demons will 
eat you," Mitsune said.

	"Grandma's in trouble," Akari said worriedly.  

	Mitsune sighed.  "Who did Grandma call a cheap floozie?"

	"A lot of people.  And she and Great-Grandma yelled at each other 
a lot."  Akari trembled.  "It was scary."

	Mitsune winced.  "Your uncle Damask didn't offer to try and 
recreate Moriya using Grandma and Grandpa's blood again, did he?"

	"Uncle Damask could bring Daddy back?" Akari asked.

	I'm going to kill myself now, Mitsune thought.  "It wouldn't really 
be daddy.  But he's good at making...toys that look like people."

	"Like my paper dolls?"

	Mitsune nodded.  "Yes, but he does it with...umm...blood."

	"Ewwwwwwww," she said, wrinkling her nose.

	"I can do it too," she said.  "But I haven't, because it would just be 
a fake Moriya, not a real one."

	Akari nodded, then yawned.  "Tell me a story, mommy."

	"Hmmm....Once upon a time, there was a happy little fox who 
wanted some cookies.  But the wicked queen said that cookies were only 
for dessert.  The happy little fox didn't want to wait for dessert, so she 
decided she'd steal herself some cookies..."  

	Mitsune rambled on, letting her tired brain spin out the story.  By 
the time she got to, "And then the fox sprouted wings and flew to the top 
cupboard..." Akari had slipped off into sleep.

	She kissed Akari on the forehead, then cuddled up to her and 
slipped off to sleep herself.



***********************
	
	Mitsune woke up, feeling flushed all over.  I'm so damn horny, she 
thought.  Akari was breathing softly, one arm around her mother, the other 
clutching a plush bear.  She smiled at her daughter for a moment, 
mothering instincts overcoming her hormones.  She closed her eyes and 
tried to focus, using the techniques her mother had taught her long ago to 
tamp down on her sex drive.  

	Then there was a gentle tap on her shoulder.  She rolled over and 
saw a logrus tendril.  Groggily, she called up the Logrus herself and 
extended a tendril to touch it.  [Mitsune-chan, we are all feeling very, 
very...umm...worked up, and would like you to join us before we all lose 
control,] Davros said.

	She replied, {I really shouldn't sneak out on Akari.}  Even though I 
want you inside me so bad right now, she thought.  

	[We will miss you, my love,] he said.  [But we're all just...We can 
try to wait until morning.]  He sounded a little guilty.

	{Well...I could link myself into everyone's minds, so at least I 
could be with you in spirit if not in flesh,} she replied.

	[A good idea,] he said.  [And an interesting way to practice our 
mental linking.]

	{Admit it, you're doing this for the nookie,} she said.

	[I am not just...Well, I'll admit it is a motivation.]

	{_A_ motivation?}  She smiled at him over the link.  

	[I am STILL not just a love monk,] he replied.  [I think.]

	{You'll always be my love monk,} she replied.  She knotted the 
tendrils together and turned back to her daughter, closing her eyes.  
{Thunderbirds are go...}


**********************
	
	Motoko sat on a bench next to where Narya was working.  "You 
could do that with magic, you know."

	"I could, yes," he said, as he shoved the shovel into the dirt, then 
pressed down on it with his foot, then levered the dirt out of the hole, 
tossing it to one side.  Sweat ran down his forehead and his bare arms, 
which Motoko suddenly realized were starting to get pretty muscular.  

She watched, fascinated, as a sweat drop ran down out of his 
sleeve and down his arm to his hand.  Once it dripped off, she managed to 
say, "It's just so..."

"Like a peasant?" he asked.

	"Yes.  No.  Dammit."  She frowned.  "That didn't come out right."

	"Sometimes, it is good to get down on your knees and feel the 
earth in your hands, and let the sun beat down on you.  You could be as 
strong as your father if you spent a few hours a day doing this."

	"I'll never be as strong as father," she said, sighing.  "I inherited 
mother's talents, not his."

	"Well, you'll certainly never be strong if you don't exercise," he 
said.  He gently picked up the bush which was to go into the hole, then 
lowered it in and took some of the dirt he'd pulled out and began to 
smooth it around the gaps.  

	"I do sword practice every day," she said with just a hint of 
sharpness in her voice.

	"And I do magical practice with you every day, but your mind is 
stronger than mine because you do other exercises too that I don't have 
time for, while my body is stronger than yours because swinging a sword 
around isn't much work compared to this."

	She sighed.  "I didn't mean to have an argument with you today."

	"Neither did I, but we seem to have managed it anyway."  He rose 
from the bush and paused, then consulted a piece of paper.  He moved 
down another bush, then took his shovel and began to dig that one up.  

	"What I meant was...have you ever thought of running away, 
Narya?"

	"I did run away after Kentaro beat me up when I was ten, 
remember?  Although I only got as far as Amber City and then got 
hideously lost for days until the city watch found me sleeping on their 
roof."  He laughed.  "I might still be there if Nanami hadn't come down 
and spotted me in a Watch uniform, playing mascot."

	There was a great crack as a root severed, and then the bush came 
up.  Narya carefully set it to one side.  "Your mother driving you crazy 
again?" he asked.

	"Yes.  I want to know about my heritage, but she won't talk about 
it, and she gets mad when I come and spend time with you and I think 
she's looking for some nobleman for me to marry," Motoko said.

	"Father keeps making marriage noises at me too," Narya said.  He 
went to his cart and lifted out another bush, then settled it into the hole the 
first one occupied.  "But not very clear ones.  I will miss you if you go."

	"I want..."  She hesitated.  "Is there...I mean...would you..."

	He continued to work patiently, knowing from experience that 
Motoko would eventually get it all out.  "If there is anything I can do to 
help you prepare, just let me know."

	"I want you to come with me," she blurted out.  "I don't want to do 
this by myself."

	"Alright," he said.  "When do we leave?"

	"I mean, I know you like it here, and it's a long ways to go, and 
Mother will be very angry with you if you come with me, and 
Grandmother will probably send the watch after us and..."

	He smiled softly, then said, "I will gladly face any danger with 
you, Motoko."

	"I mean, I know I'm not always the nicest person to be around, and 
sometimes I can be pretty..."

	He finished patting the dirt into place around the new bush, then 
turned and took her hands.  "I said yes.  I will go with you, wherever you 
may lead."

	"You will?"

	"To the very Courts of Chaos themselves, and beyond into other 
universes through the Cave of Worlds if need be."  He leaned in closer, 
and she stared at his angular features, feeling her heart beat faster.  "When 
do we leave?"

	She leaned closer to him.  "I can go and book us passage on a ship 
tonight," she said.  "We could leave...tomorrow?"

	"We will probably want to prepare spells for our trip, so make it 
two days.  I don't have to work tomorrow, so we can go somewhere and 
get ready," he said.

	She nodded, then smiled slightly.  "Together."  She took a deep 
breath, then closed her eyes and leaned forward.

	He closed his eyes, then leaned forward and kissed her fiercely.  
She pulled him up onto the bench with her, and laid back on it, wrapping 
her arms around him.  His sweat stained her expensive clothing, but she 
didn't care.


************

	"I still say we ought to just find Sauron and break him in half over 
our knees," Isillome said, as she stood by the railing and gazed off to the 
northeast towards the lands they were approaching.  

	"We are to be guides to men, and teachers.  They must overcome 
Sauron on their own, if indeed Sauron is rising again, for this world is to 
be theirs, not ours," Mithrandir said, smoking as usual as he too gazed 
across the ocean towards the lands they could not yet see but would soon 
approach.

	"Order and discipline," Curunir said.  "That is the key.  After all, 
they have cast down Sauron before, and that was when he possessed his 
ring.  Properly equipped with the arts we can teach them, properly 
organized and lead, I am sure they will be equal to the task.  And if not, 
then we can consider other courses."

	Melokewen nodded.  "Exactly.  Isillome and I will pass into the 
east, while Mithrandir and Curunir guide the west, and Radagast marshals 
the animals to aid us all."  She tossed back her long black hair.  She was 
the tallest of the five gathered together upon the decks.  "I fear we will 
find battle enough in the east, for the shadow seems stronger there, further 
from Valinor."

	"I sure hope so," Isillome said.  She patted her sword, Sansacure.  
"I didn't spend five years making this thing just to use it to cut cake."

	"Do not be so eager for battle," Mithrandir said.  "Though I fear 
there will be menaces which only we five can fight.  Many of Morgoth's 
old evils sleep, waiting to be found."

	Melokewen leaned over the side and looked down, subconsciously 
fingering her necklace of beads as it swung forward.  "Are you planning to 
swim all the way there with the dolphins, Radagast?"

	"You should come down and play with them, Melokewen.  It 
would do you good," he shouted up, laughing.

	"Hmm, that could be fun.  Here, hold this for me, won't you?" 
Isillome asked Mithrandir, passing her sword to him.

	He took it and leaned it against the railing, smiling slightly as he 
had a pretty good idea what was coming next.

	"Are you planning to jump over the side?" Melokewen asked 
Isillome.  "You'll ruin your outfit in the sea water."

	She grinned.  "Well, I wasn't planning on going alone."

	"I...WHAT?"

	And then she scooped Melokewen up in her arms and kissed her on 
the lips, then vaulted over the side.  "When you work in the forges, you 
stop caring what your clothing gets like."

	"Isilloooooommmmmeeeeee!!!!!"  Melokewen shrieked as they 
plummeted into the cold water.

*************

	"So where does Bumpy have the goods?" Mona Shade demanded, 
pounding her fist on the desk of Vinnie the Weasel.  

	Vinnie reminded himself that staring at her large breasts, even if 
they did tend to rise pleasingly out of her black bustier, was a good way to 
die.  Especially with her partner, David "the Wolf" Roswell standing next 
to her with a crowbar in one hand and a 9mm pistol slung on his hip.  "I 
ain't telling you nothin'!  I got rights, ya know!"

	"It's crowbar time," Mona said to David.  

	"Ahh, no beatings!  New suit!  New suit!"

	David broke Vinnie's desk in half with one blow.  Then he bashed 
in Vinnie's sixth grade street hockey trophy.  He plucked the autographed 
football off the top of a filing cabinet and punted it out the window.  "God 
doesn't like people who smuggle drugs, Vinnie."  He plucked the crucifix 
off the wall.  "How can you mock him like that, making him watch you 
peddle dope?"

	"I thought priests were supposed to be non-violent and celibate!"  
Vinnie shouted.  "And put Jesus back up on the wall!  You're gonna scuff 
him!"

	David put the crucifix back, then took the crowbar to the 
autographed picture of Sylvester Stallone which hung below it and to its 
right .  "And what's this?  The thief who repented?  Vinnie, Vinnie, 
Vinnie..."  He turned to face Vinnie.  "The Order of Saint George is a very 
ancient institution, Vinnie.  Mostly we fight monsters that lurk in the 
shadows, but for you, we're going to make an exception."

	"But...I know you guys shag like weasels, 'cause we got those 
blackmail pictures through the cameras at that cheap hotel you're staying 
at, and I know that..."

	"YOU TOOK PICTURES?"  Mona lunged across the ruins of the 
desk and picked up Vinnie by his neck.  "Where are they?"

	"Tomoyo's still developing them..." he choked out.

	David's voice took on a lecturing tone.  "You see, the celibacy of 
male priests is a rule of the Church, but not a dogma.  It wasn't universally 
instituted until the thirteenth century, and even then it took centuries to 
enforce properly.  Certain groups of priests operate under rules which 
allow for changes in these rules.  For example, in seventeenth century 
Poland-Lithuania, there was an attempt to integrate formerly Ukranian 
Orthodox priests under a special regula, or rule.  The rules of our order do 
not require celibacy, because sometimes sex may be necessary for our 
missions in order to pass unnoticed as a priest until it is too late for the 
beasts to flee."

	"Wolf, we'll be here all week if you explain the entire canon law to 
Vinnie," Mona said impatiently.  "You're lecturing again."

	"Sorry, honey," he said.  

	"Yeah, but who did you think you were fooling in the hotel room?" 
he asked.

	"Oh, that was just because we're lovers," he said.  "So when is 
Bumpy's shipment coming in, Vinnie?"

	"So, you're like some kind of nun?" Vinnie asked Mona dubiously.

	"The Order of Saint Joan, of course," Mona said.  "Sister-order to 
the Georgians."

	"Riiiiiiggghhhttt," Vinnie said.  He tried to reach under his desk 
and push the panic button, then realized his desk had been smashed and he 
was in fact being held up in the air by Sister Mona .

	"Now, you really don't want me calling the rest of the bruthas and 
the sistas to come down here and help us tear your place apart inch by 
inch, do you?" David asked Vinnie.

	"Okay, okay!  Bumpy's getting the stuff in down at Pier 8 at 
midnight tonight!"

	Mona tossed him into the garbage can.  "Thanks."  She took David 
by the arm.  "Let's go beat the crap out of Tomoyo and get those pictures 
destroyed.  And then I think I could do with a little playtime before 
dinner."

	"A good beating for voyeuristic scum always gets my engine 
running," he said, leaning over and kissing her on the cheek.  

	"I don't think she'll be going on any voyages any time soon," Mona 
replied.

	Vinnie reached for his cellphone to call Bumpy.  Mona spun and 
threw a knife right through it, pinning it to the wall.  "Don't even THINK 
about it," she said.

	"Right, right."

**********	
	
	Motoko squirmed a little as Mitsune's hands expertly eased the 
tensions from her muscles.  "Thank you, Motoko."

	"It's no problem.  So how's school going?" she asked Motoko.

	"Remind me again why I can't kill Saionji-sensei."

	"That bad, huh?" Mitsune asked.

	"Yes.  I am sick of his come-ons.  He is a very good kendo 
instructor, and I have learned much from him, but he just...he disturbs 
me."

	"Want me to trap him naked on the roof again for you?" Mitsune 
asked.

	"That was you?" Motoko asked.

	"I had help, but yes."  She smiled.  "Maybe you should challenge 
him to a duel."

	"I would lose," Motoko said.  "There would be no point.  I fear 
what he would ask for if he won."  She gave a little happy sigh as her back 
loosened up more.  "I hadn't realized how tense I was."

	"You need to get laid more often," Mitsune said.

	Motoko blushed.  "I do not."

	"When was the last time you got laid, hmm?" Mitsune asked, 
moving her hands up to work on Motoko's shoulders.

	Motoko said weakly, "It's not polite to ask such things."

	"Since when was I polite, hmm?"  Motoko felt her shoulders 
tingle, and the gentlest touch of Mitsune's mind.  She was using her 
powers directly now; Motoko felt a little guilty that her shoulders were so 
tense that was necessary.  "Let me guess, you're waiting for some perfect 
imaginary guy who somehow won't notice you scare off every man who 
shows any interest in you by glowering at them just for having a healthy 
interest in something we all need."

	"I do not have impossible standards," Motoko said huffily.  "But I 
do have standards."  She could feel her shoulders getting warm, and her 
body relaxing.  Mitsune's hands moved up and down her back, and for just 
a moment, she wondered what it would be like to kiss Mitsune.  Then she 
cursed herself for having such a naughty thought.  

	"Everyone has standards.  But I think you're just scared to reach 
out to someone, so you try to convince yourself that no one is worthy of 
you," Mitsune said.  Her hands ran up and down Motoko's spine for a 
moment, leaving a trail of warmth behind, then down her buttocks to 
Motoko's legs.  Motoko flounced slightly as the hands crossed her 
buttocks.  Mitsune touched them again and watched her jump again, then 
laughed.

	"Mitsune!" Motoko grunted out.

	"I'll let you touch my butt to make things even if you want."

	Motoko's hand started to come up, then she froze.  "No, no, no."

	"Has someone been thinking naughty thoughts, hmm?" Mitsune 
asked teasingly as she worked on Motoko's left leg.

	"Most certainly not.  I don't have a naughty thought in my head," 
Motoko said.  "About you or Thoric or..."

	"Hmmm, so the manager's to your tastes, hmm?"

	Motoko blushed.  "I did not say that.  He's a coward and a 
weakling and..."

	"And built like a mountain."

	"And has very nice hair and such gentle eyes and I'm not actually 
saying any of this!" Motoko's voice became slightly shrill.

	"I could be Thoric if you need help getting your courage up to 
approach the real thing," Mitsune said.

	Motoko couldn't see Mitsune, but she could feel the power flowing 
through Mitsune where Mitsune's fingertips still touched her.  "You just 
turned into Thoric, didn't you?"

	Long green hair fell down around her head, answering that 
question.  The bed shook as Mitsune-Thoric moved to kneel over her.  She 
felt her whole body suddenly flush, and part of her wanted to just die.  
Another part wished it was the real Thoric.  And a third part was tempted 
to see how far Mitsune would actually go with this.  So Motoko rolled 
over and looked up at 'Thoric'.  "I don't think Thoric would be very happy 
if you seduced me in his body."

	"I think he likes you," Mitsune-Thoric said.  "But he's scared you 
don't like him."

	"He is not the sort of man I should fall in love with," Motoko said 
softly.  

	"Sure he is," Mitsune-Thoric replied.  "Or would you rather I 
seduce you myself?"

	Motoko brought a hand up nervously to brush Mitsune-Thoric's 
cheek, then watched 'him' shiver as she did so.  "I want to see your real 
face," she said softly.

	Mitsune shimmered and became a woman once more.  
"M...motoko..." she said softly.

	Her arms came up and wrapped around Mitsune, pulling her down.  
She kissed Mitsune fervently, feeling her body grow warm as she did so.  
Finally, she released Mitsune's lips, and said softly, "Have you ever been 
with a woman, Mitsune?"

	"Not many times," she said softly, then kissed Motoko again.  "Is 
that an invitation, my friend?"

	"You're right, Mitsune.  I am scared to let someone in.  But then I 
realized, just a moment ago, that you'd already snuck in when I wasn't 
looking."  She slid the fingers of her left hand into Mitsune's soft hair.  

	"And what about Thoric, hmm?" Mitsune asked.

	"I don't know.  Am I a wicked woman to want more than one 
person?"

	"Well, speaking as a wicked woman, I can say that I wouldn't mind 
a piece of him either.  So, we could both go rip off his clothing together."  
Mitsune flashed a confident grin.

	"I'm not quite _that_ bold tonight.  I'll have to settle for ripping off 
your clothing."

	Mitsune said, "Sounds good to me."

	They had gotten as far as getting each other's tops off when Thoric 
barged in, holding a mop.  "Hey, Motoko, have you see...see...eeeeeeee...."  
He stared in shock.

	There was a long and terrible silence.

	Motoko, in a panic, grabbed the shield off her weapon's rack and 
threw it at him.  "Out!  Out!  Get out!"

	Ker-clunk!  Thoric staggered out of sight, closing the door as he 
fell into the hallway.  "Sorry..."

	Mitsune sighed.  "We need locks."

	"Very much."

*******************
	
	After a hundred years in the Big House, Stalag Shiz had almost 
forgotten what the sun looked like.  He was pretty sure he remembered 
what his son looked like, though, and unless his eyes were giving out or 
his son had gone to the Courts and gotten a sex-change, he was pretty sure 
the busty ash-blonde waiting for him at the gates in shades, a black suit, 
white shirt, and tie, was not his son.  She looked vaguely familiar, though.

	"Yo, pops," she said.  "Looking good."

	He adjusted his suit slightly, which matched hers.  "Please tell me 
you ain't my son."

	"The Hemingways fucked him up a century ago, remember?"  She 
pointed to the sword slung on her back.  "I iced their main man and took 
his little toy for myself."  She sighed.  "Anyway, me and Moony..."

	"I am NOT A MOONIE!" the woman sitting in the driver's seat of 
the very sporty red convertible shouted, tossing her long pink hair about.  
"Call me Shady, or I'll pop you a good one tonight instead of giving you 
sweet lovin'."

	"You Shaft's kid?" Shiz asked as he walked over to the car.

	"Yeah, he got killed by my damn psycho-brother," Shady said.  
"'Afore I could whack 'im myself."

	"He still in the Asylum?" Shiz asked.

	"Yeah.  Hop in."

	He hopped in the back seat, while the first woman, whose name he 
still hadn't gotten, leaped in the front.  He asked her, "So what's your 
name?"

	Shady started up the engine and cruised on down the road, leaving 
the Big House behind.  They roared off across the desolate wasteland 
under the multi-colored sky.

	"Geez, I fucked your son's brains out and had his kid and you still 
can't remember?"

	"Well, my wife's letters just call you 'cheap floozie', so..."

	She growled.  "Did she mention she's now turning tricks in Begma 
for a living?  They call her 'Bust Rimururu' now."

	He frowned.  "She WHAT?"

	"Yeah, I told her I promised Morry I'd take care of her, but she 
didn't like taking charity from a 'Cheap Floozie'.  I ain't CHEAP.  
Unfortunately, she couldn't be a nun no more, and she didn't have any 
other skills, so now she exotic dances, turns tricks, and rolls johns."

	"..."

	"She's pretty good at it, better than you were back in the day, 
Foxy," Shady pointed out as she roared around a turn.  The land began to 
rise into mountains, and the sky filled with geometric shapes.

	"I hear she does assassinations on the side too," Foxy said.  
"Anyway, where you want us to take you?  I can take you back to the 
Keep, or we can go hunt up Bustie so you can get together with your wife 
again, or if you wanna meet Carie, we can take you by the puppetry 
studio."

	"Puppetry studio?" he asked.

"Yeah, I wanted to give her all the chances we never had and shit, 
so when I saw how much she liked making paper dolls, I encouraged her 
to go to some special art schools, and now she helps run the Muppets."

	"My granddaughter's in the movies?" he asked, stunned.

	"Yeah, cool as shit," Shady said.  "Although it's her puppets people 
see, but hey, ya gotta take your fame where you can get it."  They crested 
a ridge and began to descend towards a great forest of fungi under a green 
sky with three blue moons.

	"Where'd you get a car this nice, anyway?" Shiz asked as it raced 
down the highway.

	"Stole it," Shady said.

	"Previous owner was a dumbass who liked to go ninety down the 
highway, then go and have sex with himself on the hood while his 
passengers screamed and tried to keep the car from crashing.  After he 
took Pinky for a ride like that, me and Moonie decided to cap his ass."

	"Don't call me MOONIE," Shady bellowed.

	"I did the 'oh look how young and innocent and seducable I am' 
routine so he picked me up, then when he went up on the hood, I kicked 
him in the back of the head, then took the driver's seat and raced off 
through shadow with his car."  She patted the dashboard.  "It's a very nice 
machine."  She leaned over and kissed Shady on the cheek.  "But not half 
as hot as you are, honey."

	Shady seemed somewhat mollified.  "So where's it gonna be, 
Stalag Shiz?"

	"I think we'd better head for Begma and see about gettin' ma 
woman out of the 'ho business.  And then I'm gonna fuck up her pimp 
good," Shiz said.  "And her sister.  This is probably all Nakoruru's fault."

	"She's running a temple of ill-repute down in Therin these days, I 
hear," Foxy said.  She turned to Shady.  "You sure you wanna go through 
with this?  We get too close to Amber, and Keiko may try and blow you 
up with that damn rocket launcher again."

	"I ain't afraid of her or her evil Force powers either," Shady said.  
"I tossed her down a reactor core twice, I can do it again."

	Stalag Shiz cocked his head.  "Am I hearing bad jazz 
spontaneously again?"

	Foxy looked up.  "Harpies!"

	Stalag Shiz reached under the front seats and whipped out two 
Mac-10s.  He opened fire on the descending flock of harpies before their 
hypnotic Kenny G melodies could mesmerize his companions too much.  
Half of them died in seconds and the rest fled.  

	"Damn, you're good," Foxy said.  

	"Where'd you get the Mac-10s?"

	"Ain't much point in having the Pattern tattooed on my back if I'm 
not gonna use it, eh?"

	"True 'nuff," Foxy said.  "Well, put the pedal to the metal, Shady.  
We've got a thousand miles to cross, it's the middle of the night..."

	They all put on shades in unison.

	"And we're wearing shades."

******************

	Davros sat cross-legged on his pillar, watching the sun set as he 
said his evening prayers.  He felt a little excited.  After years of waiting 
for a vision, some sort of temptation to prove himself against, anything but 
long days of watching the sun rise and set and memorizing every aspect of 
the desert, he'd been visited by one of the Unicorn's temptress demons.  
She'd been good at it too.  He'd had to summon everything he'd learned 
and all of his force of will to resist her wiles.

	He hoped she'd come back.  So he could prove his strength in 
resisting temptation of course.  Certainly not because he wanted to see a 
nearly naked woman dance for him and try to take his clothing off.  Nope, 
this was a test, and he intended to enjoy...pass it.  Pass it.

	He could see her flying across the desert.  She had white feathery 
wings like an angel, but he knew she was a Unicorn temptress.  She 
looked just like one of the pictures from _Ye Olde Booke of Succubi and 
Temptresse_.  He'd studied that in great detail; know your enemy, after all.

	She wore a long white skirt with the Pattern drawn on it, that sigil 
of golden evil, slit up both sides, showing off her well-muscled legs.  He 
forced himself not to linger on them more than the few seconds allowable 
to make sure there were no hidden spikes or anything.  Which there 
weren't, just smooth skin and well-developed muscles.  The same could be 
said of her bare arms.  His gaze stayed on them only briefly, no more than 
was allowable.

	Then he moved on to gaze upon her torso.  Her white dress pressed 
tightly against her flesh, covering most of her torso, but cut out in a 
diamond that showed off the swell of her ample bosom.  Her face was 
quite lovely as well, as was her short ash blonde hair.  In fact, there was 
nothing to indicate she was a demon at all, except that she wore clothing 
with the Pattern on it and sought to tempt a faithful stylite to have mad 
passionate sex with her.  

	"Hi, Davros!" she shouted as she flew closer.  "I'm not late, am I?"

	"It's never too late to bathe in the light of the Serpent!  Repent your 
evil deeds and all can be forgiven!"  He began performing the sacred hand 
signs, hoping he hadn't forgotten them in the decades since his initial 
religious instruction.

	She laughed.  "Now, now, I'm the Archangel Mitsune, not a 
demoness!"  Flying closer, she said, "I've been watching you for a while."

	"Study me for a decade, and you will never break my resolution!" 
he shouted.  "I cannot be tempted by the Unicorn's servants!  Even cute 
ones!"  Damn me, he thought.  That will just encourage her.

	Her eyes twinkled in the light of the now rising moon as she drew 
closer.  "You know, you're pretty cute yourself for someone who just sits 
on a pillar all day."

	"I don't just sit here," he replied.  "I have sacred prayer for an hour 
three times a day, morning meditation, afternoon exercises, and I practice 
my unarmed combat at night."

	She paused.  "How do you practice unarmed combat by yourself 
on top of a pillar with only ten feet of space in all directions?"

	"Through a series of very precisely directed katas designed to be 
performed on top of pillars."

	She nodded.  "I see."

	"And I fall off the pillar about once a week."  He felt embarrassed 
to admit that.

	"So, right about now, you'd be practicing unarmed combat if I 
wasn't here, 'tempting' you, hmm?"

	"Yes," he said.

	"Oooh, I wanna see," she said.  "I bet your sweaty muscles will 
glimmer in the moonlight."

	He twitched.  "It's not supposed to make the Unicorn's Succubi get 
all..."

	"Hot and bothered?"

	"Yes," he said.

	"Oh, c'mon, please?  After all, how can you expect me to tempt 
you if you won't tempt me back?"

	He stared at her.  Brother Alexis had never mentioned anything 
about _that_.  "Is that...uhh...Am I supposed to be tempting you too?"

	"It would hardly be fair if I had to do ALL the tempting myself, 
now would it?  Especially when I have to migrate to tempt you, but you 
won't even leave your pillar for me."

	It did seem fair, he thought.  "Well, alright."  He tried to focus 
himself, then moved into one of the introductory katas to steady his mind 
and calm his soul.

	Punch, kick, spin, punch, grab, throw, punch, kick, spin, almost 
fall off pillar, spin correctly, punch, punch, high kick, handstand, spin 
while kicking, handspring, almost fall off pillar, kick, kick, punch, elbow 
smash, spin, kick, punch.  By the time he was done with that, he could feel 
himself falling into the rhythm of well practiced movements.  Well 
practiced against the air, anyway.  If it attacked him, he couldn't possibly 
lose.

	Now he began to move into the more elaborate katas; for the most 
part he couldn't see the temptress at all, though he caught the occasional 
glimpse of her; she hovered just beyond the edge of the platform in the 
direction the sun usually set.  She seemed quite appreciative of his 
performance, so he decided he would try one of the really fancy ones, to 
show her that she was tempting someone of high skill and grace.

	Performing the Nine Whirlwinds took years of practice.  After the 
first three years, he'd stopped falling off the pillar every single time.  After 
three more, he no longer fell off half the time.  And now he could stay on 
almost every time.  Not counting the parts where you deliberately went off 
the edge.  Punch, kick, leap and flip, kick in air, spin as you come down, 
kick, punch, spinning kick, advance, leap and flip, kick in air, spin as you 
come down, shapeshift feet into hands, grab edge of pillar with feet-hands, 
flip self back up into air, spin and punch in two directions as feet turn back 
to feet, land in crouch, kick out low, advance, flip backwards, kicking 
behind you as you land, spinning punch at waist, another spinning punch, 
spinning kick, leap straight upwards, flip in air, land on hands, lean 
'backwards' to wrap legs around head of imaginary foe, flip imaginary foe 
and land on feet, hop back spinning, go off pillar again, catch edge with 
hands and spring oneself back up into the air, get eyeful of ample bosom 
of Unicorn temptress, use too much force and go flying over the pillar and 
off the other side out of arm's reach, no wait, that wasn't part of it....

	Davros plummeted, his body already beginning to shift to prepare 
itself for impact with the sand.  Then two arms suddenly caught him, and 
he found himself pressed close to a woman's chest as wings beat and he 
rose into the air in the arms of the Unicorn's temptress.  He could smell the 
scent of lilacs on her, and hear her heart beat counterpoint to the beating of 
her wings.  Resting in her arms was a very comfortable place to be.  

	"Are you alright?" she asked softly.  

	"I am fine," he said.  

	"The trick with turning your feet into hands and flipping back up 
was very well done," she said.

	"Thank you.  It took me a long time to perfect that.  I should have 
been more careful on that last one."

	It seemed to be taking an awfully long time to get back up to the 
top of his pillar.  Looking around, he realized that was because they were 
now flying over forested mountains, with the desert receding in the 
distance.

	"Hey, my pillar!"

	"Oh, I'll bring you back later.  You have to pay attention so you'll 
know the route so you can come and tempt me when it's your turn."

	"Oh, right," he said.  "Although I can just use the Logrus to find 
your hellpit, then pull myself to it without seeing the way."

	"Now, now, I know I need to do the laundry, but don't call it a 
hellpit until you actually SEE it."

	Davros was quite surprised to discover that the vile yet warm and 
pleasant and attractive and sweet-smelling temptress of the Unicorn 
seemed to live in a nice little one story house by a cheerful beach on the 
far side of the mountains, surrounded by thick, but pleasant forest.  The 
thought struck him that in decades of pillar sitting, he'd never even looked 
to see what lay beyond the horizons he could see from his pillar.  "It's very 
nice," he said in confusion.

	She settled down on the back porch, where a wooden table and two 
benches sat under an elevated tent roof.  "Do you like black mint tea?" she 
asked.

	"Yes," he said.

	She soon came out with two mugs and a nice hot pot of black mint 
tea.  He savored the taste of it; he hadn't had good tea in years.  The 
thought then struck him that the tea itself was a temptation of the Unicorn, 
inviting him to revel in the pleasures of the material senses.  He decided 
that since he'd already succumbed, he might as well finish the cup, since 
waste was a sin.  

	She asked, "So how long have you been a Stylite?"

	"Eighty years."

	"That's a very long time," she said, impressed.  

	"Not half as long as Gregor the Holy or Andreas Who Can't Stand 
Up," Davros said.  "I was starting to wonder if the Unicorn was ever going 
to try to tempt me."

	"I take it the recruiting pamphlets say you'll be assailed by endless 
visions of delectable foods and lines of dancing maidens of the Unicorn 
from the moment you climb up your shaft?" she asked curiously.

	"Well, you do read a lot of memoirs of the more successful stylites 
that make it seem like that.  But most of the time, you meditate, and read 
holy texts and pray and practice the way of the falling hammer and hope 
for an earthquake or a tidal wave to change the landscape."  He paused.  
"Pretend I didn't say that last bit."

	"What last bit?" she asked, grinning.

	"The bit...oh, thank you," he said instinctively, even though he 
knew you shouldn't thank vile, yet nubile, pleasant, friendly, and kind 
temptresses of the Unicorn.  

	She reached over and patted his hand.  "You're welcome."

	"So how long have you been tempting monks to abandon 
themselves to carnal pleasure?"

	"Hmm...two days."

	"..."

	"You're my first case," she said.  "I was talking to Rimururu-san 
about you, and I thought that anyone who tried to claim there were no 
nudity taboos in Chaos to get women he'd just met to bathe with him was 
someone I could learn a few things from."

	He twitched.  "I was young and mired in the flesh, then," he said 
weakly.  He could feel his body stir as he remembered them.  They had 
both been young and pretty, and he had been going through one of his 
periods of despair over his lack of exciting spiritual combat, and...

	"Probably not half as good looking as you are now," she said.  "Or 
I'd imagine they'd have pretended to be fooled."  She paused.  "You could 
try to fool me," she winked.  "I could imagine you'd want a bath after that 
workout.  Or would you like to show me the rest of it?  I could make you a 
pillar if you need it for some of the moves."

	He said, "Yes, it would be helpful," he said, savoring every drop of 
the tea as best he could, and making himself gaze into her eyes instead of 
her...other body parts.  They weren't pits of evil or even of raging lust like 
he expected.  Instead, he found some amusement and kindness and a 
definite lack of destroying hellfires.  
	
	She rose into the air and concentrated.  The ground shook and a 
fair duplicate of his pillar arose at the very edge of the beach.  "Whenever 
you're ready to start tempting me," she said, "I'm ready."

	"I will show you the power of my holiness!" he proclaimed.  "Once 
I finish my tea."

	"Right," she said, sipping her tea.  "I expect a pretty impressive 
temptation, given your years of experience, you know."

	"Right.  I'll have to show you the Four Pillars, then."  He finished 
his tea and scrambled up the pillar, carefully not thinking about the stories 
which claimed you'd fall under the spell of any temptress of the Unicorn if 
you accepted food or drink from her.  

	The Four Pillars was developed by the somewhat eccentric Saint 
Archibald, who liked to preach while he practiced the Way of the Hammer 
(so named because it taught one to hit like a hammer).  Carefully shifting 
his brain and nervous system, he began to flow through the intricate 
pattern of kicks, punches, elbow strikes, knee gouges, blows to imaginary 
balls, leaps, spins, flips and multi-limb attacks, while reciting a four part 
sermon on the four pillars of the Stylites:  faith, asceticism, discipline, and 
generosity.  

	At the end, the temptress of the Unicorn applauded.  "Very well 
done!  I don't think I've ever felt so tempted to rip off a priest's clothing 
and have my way with him in my life!"

	Davros blushed.  "It's supposed to inspire you with a hunger for 
holiness!"

	"I'm certainly wanting something holy," she said, winking.  "Oh, 
my name is Mitsune, by the way."

	He racked his memory of holy works, but he couldn't think of any 
demons of the Unicorn named Mitsune.   "I'd better head home and get 
some sleep," he said, yawning.  "Thank you for the tea and the 
temptation."

	She grinned.  "I'll bring some more temptation with me tomorrow."

	"I'll be looking forward to it."  Finally, a chance to resist some real 
temptation, he thought.  He hadn't done half badly, either.  Though he'd 
have to do some extra prayers to throw off the effects of the tea she'd lured 
him into drinking.  

	The Logrus took him home, and he quickly fell asleep.

******************

	"Running away with Motoko tomorrow?" Romar asked Narya.

	"Yes," he said absently, as he tried to cram his shirts into the 
suitcase.

	"Son, when no one is supposed to know you're doing something, 
you're not supposed to tell the truth," Romar said, lighting his pipe.

	"I've still got to fit my pants in here," Narya said with horror.

	"Also, leaving the palace with suitcases is probably going to make 
people wonder what sort of trip you're going on," Romar observed.

	"Where did all this clothing come from?  I never have anything 
clean to wear, and yet suddenly, I have all this clothing!" Narya said more 
frantically.  "And my shovel will never fit!"

	Romar puffed a smoke ring into the air, then puffed a steady 
stream of smoke like a not very firey flamethrower through the middle of 
it, then said, "Look, tentacular beasts are coming through the wall to eat us 
all."

	"Where's my copy of _The Prophecies of the Unicorn_?  And I 
can't find my silver unicorn necklace either!"  Narya pulled up the 
mattress on his bed and looked under it.  "How did eight issues of 
_Practical Gardening_ get under my mattress? "

	Romar took another puff, then walked over and yanked the 
necklace Narya was wearing, which was a silver chain with a silver 
unicorn pendant.  "Here it is," he said.

	Narya started.  "Father, what are you doing here?"

	"Narya, this is your mother and I's bedroom."

	"..."

	"You and Motoko won't get very far if you both act like this."

	"I'm not going anywhere!  We're not running away together or 
anything!"

	Romar laughed, and puffed another smoke ring.  "Son, I'm not here 
to stop you.  It's my duty as your father to warn you that young love often 
doesn't last, but I like Motoko, and I have no objections if you two take a 
little trip, as long as you stop acting like an idiot."

	"I'm not an idiot!" Narya said irritably.  "And you can't stop me!"

	Romar sighed.  "Narya, have you shapeshifted your ears shut 
again?"

	"No, I...oh, wait, you said you didn't mind."

	"Now, do you want to get out of here successfully, or do you want 
to leave a trail so large that even Jacqui could track you down 
successfully?"

	"We have to get out without Nanami or Keiko catching us."

	He nodded.  "Now, this is what we have to do..."


******************

	The heavens poured down rain on the city of Drakala.  Water 
dripped off thatch and tile roofs, and everyone huddled inside.  At the 
front gates of the palace, Belak and Thira, two bored out of their mind 
guards, huddled under a tiny awning and cursed their bad luck.  "We could 
make out to stay warm," Belak suggested.

	"Kiss my ass," Thira replied, as usual.  They'd been down this road 
before.

	Two horses, one a dun palfrey, the other a white stallion, rode up 
to the front gates.  A tall woman in red rode upon the dun palfrey, while a 
shorter, more muscular woman with long pink hair rode the white stallion.  
Both wore dark blue fezzes with several elven runes on them.  

	The guards stared.  Belak said, "Hey, didn't you get drunk and tear 
down the Green Dragon Inn last year?" to the pink haired woman.

	She looked embarrassed.  "It was a victory celebration."

	The tall woman said, "We have come to see the King, having heard 
of the rising of the Dread Beast in the mountains to the east."

	Thira shuddered.  "It destroyed three dwarf holds and depopulated 
the entire city of Rillisti!"

	"They say it makes men impotent!" Belak said in horror.  

	"Anyway, the army the King sent got destroyed, so he's busy 
fondling his concubines instead of marching forth to battle," Thira said in 
disgust.

	"We will see about that," the tall woman said.

	"Punk ass bitch needs an ass whooping," the pink haired woman 
said.

	The tall woman stared at her.

	"We will convince him to reform his ways," the pink haired 
woman said.  "Through our superior moral force."

	"Much better."

	King Ota the Horny was getting jiggy with his court bard, a 
fetching green haired lass, when the two women barged in through the 
door.  He said, "Take a number, we're not done yet."

	"King Ota, you must take up your sword Justice, and join us to ride 
forth against the Dread Beast," the tall woman said.

	"Also, your foreplay technique needs a LOT of work," the pink 
haired woman said.  "You're not even using your tongue."

	"Isillome, we were not sent by the Valar to be sex counsellors," the 
tall woman said.

	"We should have been, Melokewen  This sort of thing would never 
be tolerated back in Valinor," Isillome said.  

	Both of the Witches, King Ota thought.  Why couldn't I just get the 
horny pink-haired one again?  I bet I could get her into bed THIS time.  
"No mortal man can stand against the Dread Beast!  I might as well just 
make sure it kills me after a good lay."

	"No real woman wants to sleep with a coward," Melokewen said.

	"What about you and Esteldil, hmm?" Isillome asked.

	"Don't undercut my rhetoric!"

	"Oh, right."

	Ota said, "Hmm, here's a deal.  Have sex with me, both of you at 
once, and I'll do it."

	"Here's a deal," Melokewen said.  "Get off your lazy ass and fight 
for your kingdom, and I won't burn you to a small pile of ash."

	"We aren't supposed to burn the mortals to death if they won't do 
what we want, Melokewen."

	Melokewen grumbled to herself.

	"Well, if you'd rather it be known that you sat in your castle 
masturbating while two women went and saved your kingdom because 
you were too much of a pansy to do so..." Isillome began.

	"I am not a pansy!" he shouted.

	"Then are you going to come fight the Dread Beast or what?"

	He leaped to his feet.  "Dammit, let's go!"

	"Get dressed first," Melokewen said.  "We will be waiting in the 
throne room."

	The woman finally spoke, saying, "Can we finish first?"

	"Hmm, should only delay us maybe two minutes," Isillome said.  
"Sure."

	"I'll show you two minutes!!!!!"  Ota shouted.

	As they left, Melokewen said, "More like thirty seconds."

	"I was trying to not be insulting," Isillome replied.

	
******************

	Mona walked into the photo lab.  "You Tomoyo?" she asked the 
dark haired woman on the other side of the counter.

	"Yes, I am," she said, smiling pleasantly.  "Are you here to pick up 
some photos, to try out for the porno movies we film in the back room, to 
buy some of our pornos, or to buy some costumes?"  She looked 
thoughtful.  "Oh, you're the woman we taped for Vinnie down at Motel 6!"

	"..."  Mona tried to say something threatening, but just couldn't 
manage it in the face of so much cheerfulness.

	Another woman came out of the backroom, dressed in an outfit 
that pretty much screamed 'Little Red Riding Hood', except for the long 
staff she also carried.  "This hood hampers my peripheral vision, Tomoyo-
chan," she said.  "Oh, a customer."

	Tomoyo reached under the counter and pulled out a DVD case, 
which she passed over to Mona .  "Here's your copy.  I added a 
commentary track, with some suggestions on improving your technique.  
It also has some clothing designs I think you'll find useful for your future 
sex games with your boyfriend, although you may have to tweak them, as 
I had to estimate your measurements."  She turned to the other woman.  
"But it's so cute, Sakura!"

	"You...commentary track..."  Smoke poured out of Mona 's ears.
	
	"Anyway, let me know if you like the opening logo, as I can 
redesign if I need to.  Also, for the cast listing, should I spell your name as 
'Shady', 'Mona ' or 'Ooooh, Baby!'?"

	"Mona Shade," she said weakly.

	Sakura's eyes widened.  "You're Mona Shade, the Sexy Monster 
Slayer?"

	"Uh huh."

	"You didn't tell me we had footage of her!" Sakura said to 
Tomoyo.

	"Well, I was going to save it until we finalized everything, in case 
we filmed more footage or had to cut some stuff," Tomoyo said.  "Oh 
yes..."  She slid a piece of paper over to Mona .  "Sign this receipt, please."

	Mona signed it, then staggered out of the store, down to her 
Corvette.  David was sitting inside, reading Aquinas with an eye in his 
right hand and keeping watch for trouble with his normal eyes.  He shifted 
away the hand-eye, then asked, "Sounded like you got it without a fight."

	"Brain hurts," Mona said.  "We need to switch hotels, then you 
need to fuck my brains out."

	"You can't survive without a brain, dear," he said.  "You see, the 
brain maintains the..."

	"I don't need a biology lecture," she said, revving the engine.  "Oh, 
and we need to find some place to rent a DVD player."

	"Why?"

	"Gotta see if the advice is any good."

	"..."
	
******************

	Thoric sat in his room and tried to calm himself by playing his 
violin.  I will not fantasize about what I saw, he told himself.  That way 
leads to more beatings.  Nothing but nice, soothing music.

	Then he realized he was trying to play 'I want your sex' on a violin 
and sighed.  He got out a piece he hadn't learned yet, and forced himself to 
practice it.

	Then there was a knock on the door.  "Come in if you're not here to 
turn me into a doll or beat me up or set my bed on fire," he said.

	Mitsune came in, shirt hastily buttoned.  So hastily buttoned that it 
was, in fact, inside out.  "Thoric, you have to come with me."

	"Did Jacqui and Suu set the east wing on fire again?"

	"No, no," Mitsune said, tugging on his arm.  "You've got to hurry."

	"Uh, okay," he said.  "I promise I didn't see anything earlier, and I 
won't tell anyone about what I didn't see."

	She walked down the hallway with him.  "I know you won't," she 
said.  

	"So where are we going?"

	"The baths," she said.

	"..."

	"Worried about getting beaten up?"

	"I once tried cleaning the baths at 3 AM on the belief they would 
be empty.  Naru and Motoko were BOTH in there," he said, sounding 
frustrated.  "Yet, they said nothing until it was too late."

	"Well, the wards we put up should mean we get some privacy," she 
replied.

	"P...privacy?"

	"For you and me and Motoko."

	"..."

	"We wanted to apologize for earlier, so we're going to bathe you," 
she said.

	"Bathe me," he said weakly.

	"Do you not want us to?" Mitsune asked.

	"Yes, I want to, I've been having fantasies about both of you ever 
since I..."  He slapped himself.  "I didn't mean to say that."

	She slid the doors of the bath open.  "But it's what I wanted to 
hear."

	The doors slid shut behind them, and the wards kicked into 
operation.    

	And across the Hina Inn, an alarm pinged loudly, drawing attention 
to itself...

******************

	The backstreets of Begma City are never pleasant, especially not 
on a foggy night when the air stinks of hairspray and the hideous 
cacophany of N'stink and the Rearentry Boys fills the air from a dozen 
temples of ill-repute.  As Shady drove down the street, they could see the 
neon sign in front of the run-down shrine they sought:  'Pimpin' Pooh's 
House of Esoteric Taoism'.  A smaller sign said, 'Yes, we accept honey in 
payment for our honies'.  

	"She's working FOR PIMPIN' POOH?" Stalag Shiz asked in 
horror.

	"At least she ain't working for Yummi," Shady said.

	"Hey, don't go talking bad about my mom!  She's got _class_," 
Foxy said.  "When she goes down on a  man, he stays down."

	Shady laughed.  Stalag Shiz said, "Alright, we go in, we get my 
wife, and if we see Pimpin' Pooh, we turn him into heffalump chow."

	Shady said, "We'd better get the guns out of the trunk, then."

	She and Foxy armed up, while Stalag Shiz made sure his Mac-10s 
were loaded and he got more clips for them.

	They strode into the temple; a worship ceremony was in progress, 
in which many men gave up offerings of ones, fives, tens, and twenties to 
a pair of dancing goddesses upon a dais.  For those who thirsted for 
something other than holiness, there was a bar with a bored looking 
bartender.  Yen-Yang signs were plastered everywhere; the two dancing 
goddesses were pretty much only clad in such by now.

	One of them froze up and stared over at the trio who had just 
entered.  "Shiz?" she asked weakly.

	Half the men turned and stared at him.

	"Rimururu, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" he shouted.  
"We're married, you know!"

	"Nako-chan said you'd divorced me and become a prison gigolo!" 
she shouted back.

	The other woman laughed nervously, and began to edge towards 
the side of the dais.

	"..."

	Foxy began to laugh hysterically.  Shady chortled.

	"I ain't no FREAK!" Stalag Shiz shouted.  "Just because I like to 
carry an umbrella doesn't make me gay!"

	"Hey, gay guys make pretty good lovers if you don't mind shifting 
into a man for them," Foxy said, a little offended.  "They know what 
tongues are for."

	"Nakoruru, YOU BITCH!" Stalag Shiz shouted.  "You done 
corrupted my woman!  DIE!  DIE!  DIE!"  He opened fire on Nakoruru, 
the other dancer.  She tumbled, plucking up a set of robes which she 
tossed on, and pulling out several short blades she used to parry the 
bullets.

	"Piglet, get Pooh!" she shouted.  

	A pig-man took off for the stairs up.  Shady took off after him, 
blazing away at him, but he proved very good at dodging bullets.  
Meanwhile, Foxy began shooting up the bar, mostly out of a sense of 
tradition.  The bartender ignored her, except for getting a broom and 
beginning to sweep up the glass.

	Rimururu ran towards Stalag Shiz, who decided not to kill her on 
the spot, since it was all Nakoruru's fault, as usual.  "We need some ice, 
baby," he said.

	She slid her left hand into his pants.

	"Not an ice rod, baby, I need you to freeze up the room."

	"Sorry, force of habit."  She turned and froze up the stairs, causing 
Piglet to tumble back down them.  

Shady grabbed him by his ears.  "You're not going anywhere."

"Leggo!  I'll show you where the honey is hidden!"

In the distance, they could hear the wail of police sirens.  "Shit, the 
cops are coming!" Stalag Shiz said.  "We'll have to kill Nakoruru and 
Pimpin' Pooh later."

"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, MOONIE!" the voice of Keiko 
bellowed through the walls.  "YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY FROM 
ME THIS TIME."

	Shady twitched.  "Don't call me MOONIE, you FUGLY BITCH!"

	"Out the back door," Stalag Shiz shouted.  They ran through the 
panicked mob of worshippers towards the back door as Ramon crashed 
through the front doors of the place, a shotgun in each hand.  Behind him 
was Keiko, with a very large rocket launcher.  

	They dove through the doors into the storage room even as the 
front of the temple exploded in flames.  Shady tossed Piglet to one side 
and charged the back door, which crashed open.  "Now we've got to circle 
around to our car," Shiz said.

	They followed his lead around the now burning building, hearing 
Ramon and Keiko shouting before them.  As they came back around to the 
front, they could see City of Begma police pouring into the building.  
Unfortunately, their car had a yellow bear hovering cross-legged over it, a 
jar of honey floating in the air before him.  He wore a bright red pimp hat 
with feather, a plaid jacket, plaid pants, and boots with aquarium soles.  A 
tiger-like being balanced on its very long tail next to him, as he drew a 
character on its forehead with honey, using his silver headed pimp-cane as 
a writing instrument.  It was Pimpin' Pooh, the Horny Sage.

	"I can't let you take one of my best 'hos, Stalag Shiz," Pimpin' 
Pooh said.

	"She's my wife!  Now get away from our car!"

	Rimururu said, "I'm sorry, Pooh, but I just found out we're still 
married!"

	"Marriage interferes with the Quest for Enlightenment.  We must 
live like beasts do, answering the call of our bellies, and rutting like goats, 
if we are to find true wisdom and power," Pooh said, patting his big belly.  
"Have you not touched the powers of the cosmos as three men took you at 
once, Bust Rimururu?"

	"Yes!  Ooooh, yes," she moaned, then froze up.  "But I'm married.  
Even if it means I don't find enlightenment, I'm going home with my 
husband."

	"Look, I don't give a damn about enlightenment, but you're 
dripping honey on my car!" Foxy said.  "Stealing that wasn't easy!"

	Pooh's voice was hypnotic.  "The Tao which can be tasted cannot 
be understood.  If you hear the wind, is it not smelly?  A full belly and an 
engorged manhood, is that not wisdom?  Abandon these other things 
which..."

	Then the rocket launcher fired and blew up the car, flinging 
Pimpin' Pooh and Tigger into the front wall of 'OK Charlie's Dog-
Breeding Emporium' across the street.  Keiko shouted, "HAH!  TAKE 
THAT!"

	Fires glowed in Foxy's eyes.  "MY CAR!"  Her hands crackled 
with lightning.  "DIE!"  She unleashed billions of volts at Keiko and 
Ramon.  Keiko fell down gibbering, but Ramon began to stride through 
the lightning, looking pained but relentless.

	Shady said, "Good thing I remember how to hotwire a car.  
Everyone into the City of Amber Police Cruiser!"

	Rimururu hopped into the backseat of the car.  Shady got in and 
started hotwiring.  Shiz picked up Foxy and dragged her over as she 
continued to emit electricity and scream.  

	Ramon said, "Hey, you're stealing OUR CAR!"

	Once Shiz got Foxy inside, Shady hit the gas, and they took off 
running.  

	
******************

	Days turned into weeks of spiritual struggle.  The Unicorn's 
servant, Mitsune, brought forth such potent weapons of spiritual 
corruption as tea, cookies, ham and cheese sandwiches, dresses which 
revealed just enough of her body to make him want to see the rest of it, 
and half-baked theological arguments which wouldn't fool even an initiate 
of the Stylite order.  Of course, she was just an initiate herself, apparently.  
So he carefully worked with her on her theology; after all, an easily 
resisted temptation was hardly worth resisting.  After a while, they'd 
begun practicing unarmed combat together; it was ever so much easier if 
you actually had a real opponent.  They usually did this when he made his 
visits to her pit of pleasant beach-side Unicorn evil.  She kept trying to get 
him to go swimming afterwards, but that was clearly yet another 
temptation to be resisted, although part of his brain kept arguing that 
seeing her in a bikini would give him a chance to demonstrate his spiritual 
strength by resisting the sight of her nearly naked body, just as daily hand 
to hand combat let him fight his instinct to embrace her rather to toss and 
throw her.

	He could tell he was winning her over to the side of the light.  That 
would be a story for the legends.  Even Saint Markos, who once converted 
an anvil to worship the Serpent, had never actually managed to convince a 
demoness of the Unicorn to repent and join the true faith!  But he was 
definitely making a break through, he was sure.  Certainly, a truly 
entrenched in evil demoness couldn't laugh so pleasantly and smile so 
brightly or feel so good to touch at the end of a long workout.  

	And then one day she didn't come.  He waited, and waited, and 
waited and waited, and there was no sign of her.    He could hardly sleep 
that night.  Was it over?  Had he she given up in defeat?  They'd been 
planning to try to thrash through Saint Willefer's commentaries on Saint 
Millifi's commentaries on the Annotated Book of the Serpent of Flame.  
That would give them enough room for heated spiritual debate for weeks.  
Perhaps she had known its arguments were irrefutable and was hiding in 
shame.  But he didn't think she'd ever give up so easily.  She'd been trying 
for months to get him to spar with her with his top off so she could see his 
muscles better.  Every day she asked.  She even offered to take hers off 
too, just to be fair.  But he couldn't be tricked THAT easily. 

	The next day, he quickly traversed shadow with the help of the 
Logrus, finding himself at her house.  It seemed the same as ever.  He 
knocked on the door, but no one answered.  He frowned, not wanting to 
barge in, but worried that something had happened.  I shouldn't be worried 
about this, he thought.  Demonesses deserve whatever might happen to 
them!  

	But he couldn't think of her like that.  Perhaps her evil relatives 
had learned she was about to come over to the Serpent and hauled her off 
to torment her for succumbing to the Serpent's blandishments.  He 
frowned at the thought.  No one was going to do that to his temptress if he 
had anything to say about it.  He called upon the Logrus and tried to seek 
her in shadow.  It simply pointed through the door.  He knocked again, but 
still no answer.  

	He opened the door.  "Serpent's Blessing on this House and All 
that Dwell Within!" he shouted.  "Are you there, Mitsune?"

	No hideous beasts assailed him, though the smell of the dirty 
laundry stacked in the living room in rough piles was almost as bad.  For 
some values of bad.  He pressed onwards, shouting, "Mitsune, are you 
there?"

	Finally, he heard a mumbled reply through a door and knocked on 
it; it swung open, revealing a bedroom.  Looking flushed and miserable, 
Mitsune lay on top of the sheets, sweating profusely, wearing only a red 
shirt that went down to just below her butt.  She said weakly, "I haven't 
been this hideously ill in ages.  I didn't even think I COULD get sick."

	He came over and put his hand on her forehead.  "You're burning 
up," he said.

	"Duh."

	"Still, not too hard to cure."

	"I can't think straight enough to cast spells," she mumbled.  "Or I'd 
have cured myself."

	He went and got her some water, then sat down for the three hours 
it would take to weave the spell together, while she babbled about people 
he didn't know and drank water like it was going out of style.  Finally, he 
finished the spell, then cast it on her.  He could see the redness of her skin 
quickly fade to its usual color, and she stopped sweating.  "Ugh," she said.  
"I feel like I got whacked upside the head."   She sat up.  "Thank you, 
Davros."

	"You're welcome," he said.  "You're going to need to rest for a few 
days after this, and get your strength back."  He started to stand up.

	"Don't go," she said softly.  "I can't tempt you much like this, 
but..."

	If I stay, I can work on her while she's vul...while she's open to my 
preaching, he thought.  "Alright.  I'll stay."

	She smiled.  "Thank you," she said, staggering to her feet.  "I'll get 
us some food."

	"Rest," he said.  "I'll make us some food."

	The next few days were very pleasant in ways he had forgotten 
were part of normal life.  He hadn't puttered about a house doing nothing 
since he'd gone to his mother's funeral thirty years earlier.  They'd laid 
about the house, sipped tea, argued theology, and done some holy reading 
together.  It was all very peaceful and calm, though he worried that he was 
succumbing to the subtle temptation to just stay.  After all, he had another 
pillar right here, and what was the point of them making that long 
commute?  Plus, if he stayed, he would have more time to spend with 
her...proselytizing her.  But he couldn't just ask to stay.  Not in a very nice 
house...hellpit.  Hellpit.  He had to remind himself of that.  

	One evening, she came back from putting away the dishes and sat 
down in his lap.  He was about to protest when he realized this was a 
chance to resist temptation, and therefore, he shouldn't fight it, just avoid 
giving in to the temptation to go further, like  kissing her soft lips.  
"Davros, you've been a lot of help to me," she said softly.  "Even though 
I'm an evil temptress of the Unicorn."

	"My vows require me to help everyone, even evil temptresses of 
the Unicorn."  He told himself that he wasn't saying 'evil temptresses of 
the Unicorn' with the same sort of tone of voice one might use for 'lovely 
woman you find very attractive' or 'girlfriend'.  "I'm sure with a little more 
effort, I'll tempt you to come over to follow the Serpent."  He told himself 
he wasn't enjoying the tingling feeling he got as she ran one of her hands 
up and down his arm.

	"Hmm, well, it would be a lot easier if we didn't have to make that 
long trip every day," she said.  "You could just move onto the workout 
pillar here."

	"Alright," he said.  "But don't think this means I'm giving in to 
your temptations or anything."

	"Oh, of course not," she said, then laughed.  "Oh, Davros, you're 
one of the most unique priests I've ever met."

	"Is that good or bad?" he asked.

	"I've been celibate for longer than I've ever been since I lost my 
virginity, hanging around out here in the wilderness with you.  No other 
priest ever got me to do that."

	"You said I was the first priest you ever tempted," he said, feeling 
a little hurt she hadn't told him about the others.  

	"Oh, I wasn't trying to tempt them.  And they were all Unicorn 
priests."

	"The Unicorn has priests?" he asked.

	She laughed.  "Davros, sometimes you are the most incredibly 
intelligent man I have ever known.  And then you say something that 
shows how sweetly naive you are."

	"Well, I suppose the Unicorn would have evil priests."

	"Davros," she said softly.  "Do you really think I'm evil?"

	He ought to say yes, he knew.  But looking into her eyes, he 
couldn't say it.  Couldn't believe it.  She was flirtatious, and wild, and 
naughty and out of control.  She was more of a Chaosian than he was.  But 
evil?  No.  Whatever the Stylite texts said about temptresses of the 
Unicorn, he couldn't believe she was evil.  "No," he said softly.  "You 
tempt me to my very limits, but you are not evil.  You...you are a good 
person," he said.  "And I like being with you, and I like doing things with 
you, and even though you really, really need to do laundry more often, this 
isn't a hellpit.  It's just a house."  He felt like his mind was snapping in 
two.  "Mitsune, why did you keep coming back?  After all the things I've 
said?"

	"Well, at first, I just wanted to get you naked and in my arms," she 
said.  "Because you were pretty damn hot.  And I thought that if I could 
score with you...well, sometimes I see something, and I want it, and I'll go 
to the ends of the Earth to get it.  But then, I just..."  She gently rumpled 
his hair.  "I enjoy playing our little game, and you...you make me feel 
holier for doing it.  And I like you, and I like being with you, and I like 
doing things with you.  And I'd like to strip you naked and let you have 
your way with me."

	"I'm not supposed to give in to that sort of temptation," he said.

	"Which is, of course, why you've let me sit in your lap the last 
three days in a row without saying anything," she replied, sounding a little 
amused.

	"One must expose oneself to temptation in order to gain the power 
to resist it, Saint Camargue said," Davros said, making no effort 
whatsoever to eject her from his lap.

	"So, if I was to strip you naked, then wiggle all over you, that 
would be a chance to build your ability to resist temptation?" she asked.

	He started to say yes, then said, "I don't think I could resist that 
temptation."

	"But you want to be tempted like that?"

	"Yes."

	One of her hands slid down to his waist.  "I think we're ready to 
progress to a new level of temptation."

	"Like the spaghetti we had today."

	"Yes."

	"Which I certainly didn't revel in every delightful bite of.  Nor did 
I crave more of it once I was done.  As that would have been yielding to 
temptation."

	"Exactly," she said, pulling off his belt.  "And you're certainly not 
going to yield to temptation and enjoy what we're about to do."

	"I think we'll need to try it several times, so I can resist the 
temptation to enjoy it in many different ways," he said, then paused.  "I'm 
rationalizing."  He could feel the entire mental apparatus he'd built up in 
his head to justify what he was doing to himself collapsing in the face of 
rising desire.  If this wasn't against what he was supposed to be doing, 
then nothing was.  

	"I'm happy to help you rationalize if we need to," she said. 

	He shook his head.  "I shouldn't do this because of deluding myself 
that this is an exercise in holiness."

	She sighed.  "So you don't want to?"

	"I'm only holding myself back from ripping your clothing off by 
sheer force of will."  He wanted her, utterly and completely.  He'd been 
terrified when he'd seen her lying there ill, terrified when she simply 
hadn't shown up.  She was part of his life now, and he wanted her to stay 
in it.  

	"With the right spell, you could rip my clothing off by sheer force 
of will," she teased.

	"We should pray together," he said.  "I need...I need guidance."

	She laughed.  "Of all the men I ever came on to, you're the only 
one who decided to pray before saying yes."

	He tried to stand and failed.  "We can't pray like this."

	"Well, we could, but..."  She got up and kneeled down next to him. 

	"Oh great serpent," he prayed.  "I do not understand what I should 
do.   I cannot believe my...my lo...my love for Mitsune is unholy, yet my 
oaths forbid us to join in union.  What should we do?"

	DAMMIT, GET IT ON ALREADY!  ARE YOU A BIG TEASE 
OR WHAT? 

	They could hear the voice echoing hollowly in their minds.  
Davros started.  "What?"

	EITHER RIP OFF HER CLOTHING, OR GO BACK TO YOUR 
PILLAR AND LOSE HER FOREVER!  NOW, I, THE GREAT 
SERPENT KUNDALI, COMMAND YOU TWO TO GET IT ON RIGHT 
NOW, RIGHT HERE!  

	There was a pause. 

	ACTUALLY, GO TO THE BEDROOM.  THOSE LAUNDRY 
FUMES ARE MAKING MY BRAIN HURT.

	Davros rose and picked up Mitsune, "We hear and obey, oh mighty 
Serpent!"

	Mitsune said, "Damn, I'd have let you convert me already if I 
realized the Serpent was that cool."

	She paused.

	"You know, the Serpent sounds suspiciously like Uncle Morgy..."

	I AM MOST CERTAINLY NOT MORGENSTERN!  NOPE!  
NOW GET IT ON!

	"Yes, sir," Davros said.  

	Despite tripping over laundry, they finally managed to get out of 
the living room successfully, then down the hallway to the bedroom, 
kicking the door open.  It bounced off the dresser and slammed back, 
nearly knocking Davros down.  As it was, he spun around, then tripped on 
some of Mitsune's shoes, and finally fell down onto the bed with Mitsune 
on top of him.

	She traced the great spiral on his chest with one finger as she got 
up on her hands and knees over him.  He shivered at the sensation and the 
warmth she left behind as she touched him.  He pulled off his belt, then 
reached his arms up around her back.  "I have to warn you that I don't 
know what I'm doing at all," he said.

	She kissed his lips for just a moment, then said softly, "I'm a good 
teacher."  She pulled his robes open, then kissed her way down his chin 
and along his throat as he fumbled with the catches on the back of her 
dress.  Her head bobbed up and down as she moved down his chest and 
stomach with her kisses.  One of her arms looped around under him, 
slowly tracing a single finger down the length of his spine.  As it moved, it 
left a lingering warmth behind it, and Davros could feel his manhood, still 
confined by his underwear, swell more and more.  

	The air around them was thick with power; nothing could be seen, 
but he could feel the presence of the Serpent, watching, waiting, revelling 
in their pleasure.  The drumbeat of his own heart was deafening; he could 
smell the soft scent of lilacs he'd come to associate with Mitsune.  And the 
damn catches on her dress seemed to be some sort of complicated fifteen 
part sliding puzzles; his fingers fumbled with them, but he couldn't get 
them to open.

	She was purring as she made her way down his stomach, her 
tongue leaving a trail of warmth that contrasted with the coolness of the 
air.  He could hear her heart beating faster as she grew excited, and his 
own speeding up as well.  He almost flipped off the bed when her tongue 
dipped into his bellybutton.  His spine was tingling, his back was growing 
warm.  Then her hands began to slowly peel back his underwear.

	He couldn't stand the catches any more.  His fingernails became 
claws, and they ripped the little catches off, those he could reach, since 
even her upper torso was down by his legs.  His arms grew longer and 
thinner, extending to reach.  

	She finally pulled his underwear down onto his legs; he nimbly 
kicked it off.  His pillar rose to attention, set free of its constraints, and he 
stared down the length of his own body at it.  Throbbing with pleasure, it 
felt ever so slightly cold in the chill air of the room.  He began to moan as 
one of her hands now slid up around from the base of his spine, across his 
left buttock, then up to twine round his shaft.  From base to crown, her 
fingertips glided gently up and down it; tears came to his eyes as he found 
himself hovering on the very edge of coming.  He could feel her mind 
through her fingertips, feel her power entering into his very manhood, 
locking it in place, freezing him at the very first moment of orgasm.

	Then she kissed it gently, making him moan more, and rocked 
back onto her knees.  She quickly pulled off her dress, and said, "Honey, 
next time, just ask me to undo the catches, okay?"

	"Okay," he moaned, and sat up, reaching out for her.  She moved 
forward eagerly to kiss him, and he wrestled her around to lay on the bed 
beneath him.  He knealt over her for a while, kissing her ferociously, then 
summoned dim memories of boyhood conversations with other teenagers 
who knew little about sex but talked about it constantly.  As they kissed, 
he slid one of his hands down her chest, up the swell of her right breast, 
and began to caress it clumsily. 

	She moaned happily through the kiss, and brought her hand up to 
guide his, moving it round her right breast in a gentle spiral.  He extended 
his mind through the touch, brushing against her outer mental defenses.  
She opened the gates, and let him in, their minds embracing as their bodies 
touched.  He could feel the cells of her body, as he felt her own.  For they 
were both shifters of some skill.

	He could feel the flow of hormones, sense the firing of the nerve 
endings as his caressing of her right breast brought her pleasure.  The part 
of his mind which could enable him to become anything he could imagine, 
floated in a dreamlike calm above the excitement which was quickly 
destroying his capacity and hers for rational thought.  It studied the flow of 
electricity, the pounding of the hormones, and the structure of the flesh 
which contained them.

	And so, as his fingertips glided round her aureole, his mind thrust 
within her body to work changes upon it.  Mitsune had always enjoyed the 
caress of a man upon her bosom.  But now it felt as if a touch there was as 
good as one in her nether regions, no better, even.  Her breath came harder 
and faster as she felt herself build towards orgasm.  Her heart was 
pounding, and his scent filled her nostrils.  It was intoxicating.

	She howled with pleasure as the orgasm took her, nearly biting his 
tongue off in the first moment of it.  Her body shook with sweet, sweet 
joy, and then it faded.  She lay in the afterglow of it, then felt him switch 
hands to do the same thing to her other breast.  

	She swiftly came again, then a third time as he began to kiss his 
way down her stomach, working his powers upon it as well.  Feeling 
guilty she had already come twice, while she'd left him only hanging on 
the verge because she didn't think he'd be able to hold himself aroused 
long enough to get her properly revved up, she now slid her hands along 
his back, doing unto him as he had done unto her.  

	Confused, he came without coming, his manhood still rigid and 
frozen at the moment of orgasm, yet the pleasure which racked him was 
that which he knew from times he'd succumbed to temptation and 
pleasured himself.  He looked into her eyes, and she was crying, but her 
face was smiling.  She said softly, "One must do unto others as you would 
have them do unto you, after all, Davros."

	Then she pulled his torso up over hers, and took his manhood by 
the hand, and guided it down inside her.  She could feel it shift 
automatically, subtly reshaping and swelling and shrinking to fit inside her 
as her muscles convulsed around it.  He began to thrust down on her, 
harder and harder, and through his manhood, his mind touched hers and 
touched her flesh, and every touch made it easier and easier for her to 
draw pleasure from him.  She howled louder and louder, then came with a 
shout that nearly brought the ceiling down on them.

	She felt him come inside her as she released the lock on his 
manhood; as he began to sag, the gentle touch of her mind revived him, 
and soon he was plunging up and down again.  All around them, the air 
was growing warm, hot against her skin, caressing it as he caressed it.  She 
could feel a mind within it, the mind of the Serpent, she was sure, feeding 
on their pleasure.  She reached out with her mind, and caressed his 
clumsily, feeling herself touching something huge and eternal.

	Positive and negative electrons, alkalis and acids, gunpowder and 
flame, strong forces and weak forces, gravity and electromagnetism, hot 
air rising to meet cold air sinking and producing rain.  She was the 
antithesis, he the thesis, HE the synthesis, the union of opposites, of the 
holy and the unholy meeting to form the everything which embraced them 
both.  Holy lust surrounded them, joined them, infused them.  

	She came again, for what seemed like eternity, and stars exploded 
as they felt her passion and her pleasure through Him.  But mortals cannot 
touch eternity forever, and so she plunged back down the chain, and 
became just Mitsune again, in the arms of her lover as he sagged down on 
top of her exhausted.  There was a kiss on her forehead from their patron, 
and they both felt him crawl down their spines to sleep at the base until 
they needed Him again.  

	Mitsune said, "Wooo...."

	Davros mumbled, "Is that normal?"

	"I hope it's going to be normal," Mitsune mumbled, before sleep 
took her.	

*****************
	
	"Good day, ladies," Wallace, one of the royal guards, said.  "Going 
on quite a shopping spree, are we?" he asked, looking at the wagon they 
were driving; it was mostly empty, although it had several crates in the 
front of it.

	"Yes, we expect to bring back a lot of stuff," Mitsune said, 
winking at the guard, and fumbling with a shoulder of her dress that kept 
slipping off, revealing a perfectly shaped shoulder.  "Oh dear, this keeps 
trying to slip off."

	"Let me help," Wallace said, helping her pin up the shoulder with a 
brooch.

	"You're a dear," Mitsune said, then leaned over and kissed him on 
the cheek.

	Smoke came out of Motoko's ears.  "If you're done flirting with the 
guards, Mitsune, we need to get going before...before the sales all end."

	"Yes, yes, there's lots of pretty clothing to be had.  Perhaps some 
bathing suits too..."

	Wallace turned red as Motoko spurred the horses into action and 
they drove off.

	Once they'd gotten down the slope and into the city, Motoko 
whispered, "Narya, what were you DOING?"

	Mitsune blinked.  "Was I breaking character?"

	"You kissed a guard!"

	"And he had stubble too."  She made a face.  "I'm glad I only grow 
facial hair if I want to."

	"What were you doing, kissing a man?" she asked.

	"I was making sure they didn't figure out I wasn't me," Mitsune 
said, irritably.  "Mitsune would have kissed the guard, you know."

	"I just...don't do that," she said.

	Mitsune leaned over and kissed Motoko on the cheek.  "I won't do 
it again.  Let's go find that warehouse so I can get out of this dress and put 
my face back on."

	They headed down to the warehouse where some of Davros' 
friends were waiting for them; Narya took on a male form, darker and 
more muscular than his usual one, with dark hair, and they got Motoko 
decked out in a disguise with her hair dyed red and put up inside a hat.    
Then they went down to the docks and took passage on a ship.

	That night, inside the privacy of their cabin, Narya reverted to his 
natural form, and Motoko let her hair down.  They both sat nervously at 
the small table and ate, both terrified of what they wanted to do next.  
Finally, Motoko put down her chicken leg and said softly, "I'm scared."

	"Me too," he said, after finishing a mouthful of mashed potatoes.  
"I'd be a little nauseous too if I couldn't shapeshift.  I've never been on a 
boat before."

	"I just..."  She shook her head.  "I am a Princess of Amber.  I have 
no reason to be afraid."

	"Well, I'll be lucky to be peeling potatoes for life if they catch us, 
so I'm still scared," he said.  "But not scared enough to turn back."