Old Harry looked up at the pair entering his coffee 
shop.  "Good day, your highness," he said to the green 
haired man who had just walked in, wearing a blue floral 
dress that was several sizes too short, carrying a dark-
skinned, dark-haired man dressed in green robes and a 
blue turban.  "Had a bit of a fight with the missuses?"

	"It's been a rough day," the green haired man said, 
carrying his companion over to a table.

	"It's only about half past eight, sir," he said, 
going to his coffee pots.  "Will you be having the 
usual?"

	"I demand to be put down!" the man in the robes 
said, right before he was put into a chair.

	"The usual," the green-haired man said.  "I assume 
you favor Klatchian Dark Grind, Ambassador Talik Ahmal?"

	"Of course," the man said.  "But first, you must 
release me at once!"

	The green-haired man tugged his skirt around, and 
tried to sit down, then got tangled in his chair and 
nearly fell.  "I already let go of you."

	"Put this on your tab?" Old Harry asked, tugging at 
a lock of his gray hair as he waited for the pot to start 
brewing.  Then he went over and popped several muffins in 
the oven, and some sausages as well to warm them back up.  
"You don't have any problems with sausage, do you, Mr. 
Ambassador?"

	"No, not at all," Talik said to Old Harry.  He 
turned to the green-haired man.  "The King will not be 
pleased at you kidnapping me!"  He paused.  "You are 
paying for this, right?"

	"Yes, it's going on my tab," the green haired man 
said, sighing.  "I could do with some toast and apples 
too, Harry.  Haven't had breakfast."

	"So what happened today to bring you out here this 
early?" Old Harry asked as he made the toast and got some 
apples.  The coffee was ready, so he brought out the two 
cups.  "Would you like milk or cream or sugar, 
Ambassador?"

	"My nation declared war on the last country to taint 
our coffee with milk," he replied.

	"Yes, yes, I heard you lost too," Old Harry said, 
then left some sugar cubes for the green-haired man.  "So 
did your wives dress you up last night or something, your 
highness?"

	Talik asked, "Why are you calling him 'highness'?"

	"He's the King.  I can't just call him 'hey you', 
now can I, hmm?" Old Harry asked, crossing his arms.  
"And calling him High King Thoric, Son of Saionji of 
Amber, King of Arcadia and President of the Green Circle 
would mean his coffee would get overbrewed every time."

	The Klatchian Ambassador twitched.  "You...you're 
High King Thoric???"

	Thoric rose and bowed to the man.  "In the flesh.  I 
normally don't wear Mutsumi's dresses, but...well, it's a 
long story."

	Old Harry went and put another pot on.  "Morning 
rush is already over.  You might as well tell us the 
whole thing."

	Thoric sighed.  "Okay, it started like this..."

************

	It's Good To Be The King?

A UnS/F9R Campaign Fiction

	by John Biles

************

	Thoric woke up with two women tangled around him.  
He'd gotten used to this, though it was hard at times 
still for him to believe it was all real.  He was lying 
on his left side, with Mutsumi cuddled up to his back, 
her right leg hooked up over his legs.  Jacqui was 
snuggled up to his front, lying on her right side to face 
him.  And Tama-chan was asleep on Mutsumi's head.  Thoric 
mumbled to himself and tried to see if the sun was up.  
It was, which probably meant time to get up and go face 
the Klatchian Ambassador.

	He gently shook his wives.  Jacqui mumbled something 
about the apocalypse, while Mutsumi yawned and stretched.  
Tama-chan took to the air.  Mutsumi sat up and said, 
"Ready to face the Omnian Ambassador, Thoric?"

	Thoric blinked.  "Is he coming for lunch or 
something?"

	"Breakfast."

	"But we scheduled the Klatchian ambassador for 
breakfast," Thoric said.

	Mutsumi blinked.  "When did that happen?  I told the 
Omnian ambassador yesterday that he should come by for 
breakfast."

	Jacqui sat up, yawning.  "No, the Genuan ambassador 
is coming for breakfast.  I promised him some of Mako-
chan's muffins yesterday."

	Thoric twitched.  "But I told the Klatchian 
Ambassador to come for breakfast."  Tama-chan landed on 
his head and meowed.  This did not help.

	Jacqui now stood on the bed and stretched.  You 
could hear joints pop.  "We can have them all, can't we?"

	"Well, the Klatchian and Omnian ambassadors hate 
each other because Omnia aided us in the Blue Turban war.  
And the Klatchian ambassador used one of Ambassador 
Overwhelm-The-Infidel-With-Treatises' favorite pamphlets 
as fuel to make coffee.  And the Genuan Ambassador is 
sleeping with three of the Klatchian Ambassador's wives," 
Mutsumi said, frowning.  "None of whom know about the 
other two."

	"What about the fourth wife?" Jacqui asked.

	"She's sleeping with the Omnian Ambassador."  
Mutsumi looked thoughtful.  "Was it the last Klatchian 
Ambassador that Doctor Jacqueline hated or this one?  
This one, right?"

	"No, the previous one," Thoric said.  "This one was 
appointed after the last one gave up and fled the country 
in the middle of the night.  Since we've been avoiding 
meeting him, this will be only his second visit to the 
castle."

	Jacqui sighed.  "Well, we can each have breakfast 
with the one we invited.  That'll work, right?"

	"Right," Thoric said.  "Good idea.  We'd best all go 
take a bath, and then..."

	Jacqui cast a spell on herself, and became shiny and 
clean.  "You two go relax.  I'll go make sure Mako-chan 
makes extra food and run herd on them while you two get 
cleaned up."

	Thoric blinked.  "Okay.  Sure you don't want to 
come?"

	"I'll be fine," she said, smiling.  "See you!"  She 
bolted over, kissed each of them on the cheek, then 
wiggled a hand and teleported away.

	"A good idea," Mutsumi said.  She wiggled a hand, 
and blink, they were in the royal baths.  "Mmm, spikard."

	Thoric laughed, looking down at the one he wore.  
The turtle was carven from a sapphire.  "They are handy."

	Mutsumi dumped a bucket of water over him, then got 
some soapy water and began scrubbing him vigorously.  
"I'll trade ambassadors with you."

	"No thank you, you can have the Omnian.  I'll go 
mad."  He wiggled a bit, enjoying being scrubbed.  "I had 
him last time."

	"He stares at my breasts," she said.  "We need to 
generate a diplomatic incident and get rid of him.  I 
thought a really religious Omnian was bad, but he's 
worse."

	"Well, they're certainly worth staring at," Thoric 
said.  "Wiggling them at him to see if his eyes would 
track them probably wasn't a good idea."

	She blushed slightly.  "You noticed?"

	"You normally never spontaneously jiggle, honey," he 
replied.

	She began soaping up his long hair.  "Except for you 
and the Jacquis."

	"I don't jiggle for just anyone either," he replied.

	She laughed, running soapy fingers through his hair.  
"I wish I had your hair," she said.  "It's just so soft 
and strokeable and nice."

	"You can't braid it, no matter how many nice things 
you say about it," Thoric said.

	Her fingers paused.  "I wasn't going to braid it."

	"Uh huh."

	"But it _would_ look nice in a braid."

	"Your hair looks wonderful in a braid.  I start 
getting mistaken for a woman," he replied.  "By the Ankh-
Morpork Ambassador no less."  He shook his head.  "No 
braid."

	"But if Jacqui grew hers out, we could all have 
matching braids!"  

	Thoric reached back and took her braid with one 
hand, then kissed the end of it.  "I'd rather you be the 
special one.  Your braid is beautiful."

	"Thanks," she said. She dumped another bucket over 
him.  "Okay, your turn."

	He doused her, then began scrubbing her with a soapy 
washcloth.  "I'll take the Omnian ambassador next time.  
But just in case Dr. Jacqueline decides this Klatchian 
must die also, I'd best stick with him."

	"Well, this one hasn't called her a whore, so I'm 
sure she won't just kill him on general principles."

	"I hope not," Thoric said.  

	Mutsumi suddenly said very loudly, "Oh, it's a pity 
Doctor Jacqueline didn't join us this morning.  She's so 
much fun to have in the baths, and I'm sure she has a new 
cleaning machine we'd love to test."

	Thoric sent her a flesh-to-flesh psychic message, 
'Is she spying on us?'

	'That about sums it up.'

	"But I guess if she doesn't come, we'll just have to 
continue our perfectly innocent bathing, which certainly 
isn't turning me on and making me fantasize about what 
it's going to feel like when Thoric scrubs my breasts.  
Nope, this is most certainly not a covert tryst in the 
baths to which we didn't invite Dr. Jacqueline."  Mutsumi 
said this in her usual perky voice, but Thoric could feel 
Mutsumi twitching nervously through his fingertips 
against her skin.

	Thoric could feel himself starting to get turned on 
as she said this.  He fought his body, trying to tell it 
to turn back off, but the presence of his lovely wife was 
enough of an excuse for it to continue to work on getting 
hot and bothered.  Strained, he said, "Yes, it's most 
certainly..."  

	He could feel his danger senses tingling, and ever 
subtly, he could hear the sound of approaching robots.  
'She's about to send more of her ninja pet-bots, I 
think', he mind-said to Mutsumi. 

	'Do we have time for a quickie before they get here?  
If she's going to punish us, we might as well be guilty,' 
Mutsumi replied.

	Note to self, do not go to baths without at least 
one of the Jacquis, Thoric thought.  Or go by self.  
'Trump us out, honey,' he said.  'We wouldn't finish'.

	They trumped into the hallway.  Still naked.

	"No, not without..."  Thoric began.

	She trumped them each a huge soft white fluffy 
towel, which they quickly donned.  "Okay, let's get some 
clo..." he began.

	Then the ninja pet-bots dropped out of trapdoors in 
the ceiling.  "Target Thoric acquired!  GET HIM!" they 
shouted in unison.

	"Mutsumi, go get dressed, see about the ambassadors.  
I'll have to deal with these."

	"Okay!"  She trumped out. 

	He turned to face the six dog-bots in ninja outfits.  
"You wouldn't attack an unarmed man, would you?" he said 
soothingly, and began to back up.

	The dog-bots began to strike a series of poses which 
he knew was a prelude to attack.  So he took off running, 
whipped up a Deep Submerge with his spikard, and threw it 
at them.  The spell rolled off them, reflected back and 
washed over him, sending him sliding down the hallway to 
tumble down the stairs as the pet-bots chased him.

	I should have known Doctor Jacqueline would start 
making them reflect magic, he thought.  He got to his 
feet at the bottom of the stairs and ran down a side 
corridor, then round a corner as they gave chase and he 
tried to think of how to get to his bedroom.  

	Then he crashed right into the Klatchian ambassador, 
who was standing impatiently in the hallway by one of the 
meeting rooms, as one of the secretaries tried to appease 
him.  "I'm sure the King will be here soon!" she said.  

	"Klatchian Ambassador!  GOING TO KILL MODE!" the 
ninja pet-bots announced.

	Thoric groaned, and simply picked the man up as he 
ran past him.  "Hello, Joseph.  Make sure his wives get 
fed.  We'll be back once I lose the dogs."

	"Very good, sir."  Joseph saluted.

	"Put me down!  THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!"

	"Not like your death would be," Thoric said.

	"You!  You must be an Omnian terrorist!"  The 
Klatchian began to rant.

	Thoric turned and darted to a room with a window, 
then realized he couldn't climb the wall and carry the 
ambassador at the same time.  Damnation, he thought.  The 
petbots were closing in, too.  Then he looked down and 
saw the clothesline across the courtyard.  Perfect, he 
thought.  "Hold on tight!"

	"What are you dooooooiiiiinnnggggg!!!!!"

	They went out the window.  Thoric's aim was a little 
off, and instead of managing to score some pants and a 
shirt, he ended up with one of Mutsumi's dresses as he 
went past the clothesline.  He landed on his feet, then 
hefted a rock and tossed it at one of the petbots as it 
jumped out the window, knocking a hole in its head.  The 
rest came springing out and he ran for the stairs up to 
the walls.  He reached the top, only to see the ninja 
cat-bots were coming along the wall from both directions.  
The Klatchian ambassador continued to scream.

	Only one way out, he thought, and leaped off the 
wall, down into the moat, throwing the dress on as he 
fell.

	The Klatchian ambassador screamed as they plunged 
into the water.  Thoric touched bottom, then 
springboarded off it and up out of the moat, to run off 
deeper into town.  The petbots barked impotently; their 
programming forbade them to leave the castle.

	And that brings us to where we came in...

***************

	Thoric quickly built a spell with his spikard, and 
yanked himself some clothing and his sword out of his 
bedroom in the castle.  "I'm going to change," he said.

	"Will you want another cup?" Old Harry asked.

	"A good idea," Thoric said.

	Then the door got kicked down.  "Halt, in the name 
of the law!" Ota Minor shouted.

	"Shouldn't you be in Ankh-Morpork?" Thoric asked.

	"Hah!  And how would you know THAT?" Ota Minor 
demanded.

	"Because I'm your father and I got a letter from you 
yesterday about how the Undertaker's Guild gave you their 
'Man of the Year' award?" Thoric asked.

	"You can't fool me by pretending to be my father 
THIS time, Nym!  My father doesn't cross-dress!" Ota 
said, waving Whalekiller Mark III about.

	"Cream in your coffee as usual?" Old Harry asked 
Ota.

	"Yes, and three donuts."

	"Right."  Old Harry went to prepare a fresh pot for 
Ota and checked the cream.

	Thoric sighed.  "Did Dr. Jacqueline tell you I'm 
Nym?"

	"Yes!  I had to thank her for giving me this chance 
to track you down!"

	"And the fact that I look exactly like your father 
doesn't show I'm not Nym, who is a weasely short man with 
bad hair?" Thoric asked, sighing.  "And that I have Wave 
and Frostrazor with me?"

	"You stole those from Dad?  Ooooh, he's gonna be 
more pissed than when I accidentally hit the Wymrberg 
ambassador with that dwarf bread and dented him!"

	"Here's your coffee," Old Harry said, passing it 
over to him.  "And here's the damage claim for the door."

	"Have the ambassador hold it," Thoric said.  
"Ambassador, I suggest you step into the kitchen."

	"Is there going to be a fight?"

	"Not a very long one."

	"'Cause I'm gonna whip your swaggy ass, NYM!" Ota 
shouted.

	"I suppose you'll shoot me with your gun first, then 
go for the patternblade to finish me off," Thoric said.

	"Oooh, good idea!" Ota said, reaching down and 
pulling his .50 Magnum off his hip.  "Surrender now!"

	"Are you going to shoot me even if I do surrender?"

	"Obviously, you'd only be trying to trick me so you 
could escape from prison again," Ota said.

	Thoric sighed.  "I guess we have to get violent."

	"TIME TO CAP YOUR ASS!"  A mighty finger pulled the 
trigger.  Click.  Click.  Click.

	And then Thoric's right foot was slamming into Ota's 
left hand.  Whalekiller Mark III flew into one of the 
tables, went off, and blew out one of the windows, and 
put a hole in the bakery next door.  Ota cursed.  "I HATE 
THE WAY GUNS DON'T WORK HERE!"  He shouted, and reached 
for his sword.

	Thoric's foot was already coming down.  It hooked 
Ota's belt and ripped it right off him.  The sword and 
belt landed at Thoric's feet.  He kicked the patternblade 
up into his left hand to match the one in his right.  
"This is where you go for the knives in your boots," he 
said.

	"Damn straight!"  Ota Minor bent to get them and got 
kicked in the face.  Patternblades flashed, and he was 
bootless.  Thoric then sheathed both of them and tossed 
them to the kitchen door.  "Hold these, please."

	"Damn you, Nym!  But you forgot about the..."  Ota 
reached into his inside jacket pocket.  Then he buckled 
as Thoric's foot slammed into his groin.  "Ooogh."

	"C'mon, Ota," Thoric said. "I'm your father."

	"My father is not Nym the Swagman!" Ota shouted.

	"What's it going to take to prove I'm your father?"

	"Dad always hugs me," Ota said nervously.  "Not in 
like, a fruity way or nothing."

	Thoric sighed, knelt down, and hugged Ota.  "Hi, 
son."

	"Damn, it is you!" Ota Minor said.  "I was starting 
to wonder when Nym turned into a bad ass like that."

	Thoric smiled, let go of Ota, and helped him up.  
"Dr. Jacqueline is having one of her fits again."

	Ota went and chugged his coffee.  "And she dressed 
you up in that?"

	"I got attacked while wearing a towel.  Had to take 
what I could get."

	"Damn.  That sucks."

	"I know.  I'm going to get changed.  Want to help me 
bust up some ninja petbots?"

	Ota grinned.  "Yeah, let's get some breakfast, and 
then..."  He cracked his knuckles.  "A little whoop ass 
never hurts."

************

	Mutsumi sipped her coffee and tried to remind 
herself that trumping the Omnian ambassador into the 
middle of the Grand Nef would, in fact, be bad.  So would 
strapping him to Dr. Jacqueline's medical experiment 
table.  Or telling Minako she needed to try to fix the 
man up with Nanami Minor.  

	The Omnian ambassador tried to speak, but the muffin 
in his mouth got in the way.  Mutsumi gave thanks to the 
Turtle for small favors.  

	Mutsumi said, "I understand there's been another 
schism?"

	The Omnian sighed.  "It passes my comprehension."  
He took a large swig of fruit juice.  "It apparently 
hinges around interpretation of 4 Rochester 35, and the 
meaning of what exactly a 'Rochester Rain of Glass' is."

	"It's a spell my uncle Touga invented," Mutsumi 
said, then started working on an apple.

	"..."

	Mutsumi said nothing, but focused on the sweetness 
of the apple, letting it wash away her worries.

	"This may cause another schism when I report this."

	"Well, it may be a coincidence.  He's not even from 
this universe."  This had better not turn out like the 
time Jacqui spilled her coffee and started a war over the 
prophetic meaning of the coffee stains by accident, 
Mutsumi thought.

	"So where is your husband and your..."  The man 
paused.

	"My sex-crazed lust-vixen female concubine?" Mutsumi 
asked sweetly.

	"I didn't say..."

	"You were thinking it so loud that people could hear 
it on Continent XXXX," Mutsumi said with a hint of 
irritation in her voice.  "She is my wife, not my 
concubine, and you can criticize my lifestyle when you 
stop sleeping with the Klatchian Ambassador's fourth 
wife, Fatima."

	"..."

	"I have never cheated on my spouses.  Whereas, I 
believe it's the faction currently running Omnia has 
proclaimed castration for adulterous males these days..."

	"This is blackmail!" The Omnian ambassador retorted.

	"It's an impolite request for you to be polite, 
that's all," Mutsumi said.  "As if I was going to force 
you to do something, I'd just stare into your eyes, and 
you'd strip naked and make love to the Klatchian 
Ambassador with all the other ambassadors watching.  Then 
beg for more."

	"..."

	"But I try not to be evil if I can help it."  She 
reached over and picked up a muffin, sliced it in half 
with a butter knife, then began to spread jam on it.  "I 
wouldn't want someone to wander by and adjust my brain, 
so I try not to do it except in self-defense.  Would you 
like another muffin?"

	"Yes, please," the ambassador said faintly.

************	

	"I'm a very big fan of your acting work," the Genuan 
ambassador said to Jacqui.

	Jacqui twitched.  "Please tell me you haven't been 
watching the Amber Porn Channels."

	"I haven't been watching the Amber Porn Channels," 
he replied, then munched on a muffin.  "Very good."

	Jacqui gave a great sigh of relief.  "That's good."

	"I have it all on crystal tape."

	"..."

	Makoto Minor snarfed her muffin through her nose and 
then tried to clear her nasal passages.

	"I'm sorry, has someone been selling bootlegs or 
something?"

	Very weakly, Jacqui said, "Why don't we discuss the 
Uberwald problem?"

	"Well, basically, we're having trouble with illegal 
immigration by vampires.  And with people selling 
imitation Genuan Gumbo in Arcadia."

	"I'll see about having the customs men step up 
measures to prevent that.  Probably more cheap Ankh-
Morporkian ripoffs," Jacqui said.  "Are you alright, 
Mako-chan?"

	"I'm fine," Makoto said, then drank some milk.  
"Well, I'll see about stepping up vampire eating by my 
werewolves, but the border is too long for us to really 
monitor it completely."

	There was an audible pop, and the Bride of the Jewel 
appeared.  "Threat to reality identified."  A tiny red 
dot of light appeared on the Ambassador's forehead from 
the Jewel.

	"No, no, don't vaporize the Ambassador!" Jacqui 
shouted, getting in between the Bride and the Ambassador.  
"He didn't do anything bad!"

	The Ambassador stared in horror.

	"He threatened your emotional stability.  As a 
Pattern Avatar, a threat to you is a threat to the 
Pattern."

	"Slow day today, eh, Bride?" Makoto asked.

	The Bride nodded at her.

	"He was just trying to be nice," Jacqui said firmly.  
"Why don't you go blow up Dr. Jacqueline's pet-bots 
before someone trips on them and falls on the Pattern?"

	"Oooh, good idea," the Bride said, then vanished in 
a spray of red light.

	"And that solves that problem," Jacqui said.  "Are 
you okay, Mr. Ambassador?"

	He stuffed a muffin in his mouth, still in its paper 
wrapper, then mumbled through it.

	"Good, good," Jacqui said, smiling.  "Okay, now 
about the vampires..."

*************

	Makoto rushed at her father, aiming a flying kick at 
his head.  He side-stepped, grabbed her foot, and pivoted 
as she went by, redirecting her to slam into a nearby 
wall.  She bounced off the wall and threw herself at his 
feet, but he leaped up and she slid under him, then got 
kicked in the butt.  

	Ota laughed loudly nearby.  She shot him a glare, 
then flipped up to her feet and began to circle her 
father warily.

	Then her foot hit a tile and slipped.  Thoric darted 
in, hooked her legs with his, and sent her sprawling, 
following up with a kick to the chest as she fell.  

	"Eeee!  That wasn't very nice!" Jacqui shouted from 
the bench by the wall.  She was watching the morning 
practice session, while Mutsumi was off composing a 
letter to the Wyrmberg ambassador.  

	"Kick her ASS, DAD!" Ota shouted.

	Makoto picked herself up.  "Did you plan that?"

	"Yes," he said.  "Your environment's one of your 
most important weapons, you know."

	She nodded.  "And showing off my chest to make men 
stupid."  She pointed to her tight shirt, which was half-
way unbuttoned.

	"Doesn't work on your father," Thoric said.  "And 
you can't count on it working on other men, either."

	"Well, some guys are like my brother, and wouldn't 
know what to do with a woman," Makoto began.

	"I know what to do with a woman!  Kick her ass if 
she's an idiot!"  Ota jumped at Makoto, and they began 
duking it out.

	Thoric sighed and went over to sit down by Jacqui, 
who immediately hopped into his lap, took his arms, and 
wrapped them around her.  "You okay, honey?" she asked.

	"I wonder if all parents wonder what planet their 
children came from, sometimes."

	"But you love them, don't you?" Jacqui asked, 
worried.

	"I love them.  But sometimes I want to scream."

	She kissed his cheek.  "You can make me scream, if 
it helps."

	"Not right now.  I have to go over the treasury 
reports in about fifteen minutes.  Which means I'd best 
take another bath."

	She hopped out of his lap and picked him up.  
"Right, let's get you clean, then!"  She shouted to 
Makoto and Ota, "See you two later!"

	They didn't notice when Thoric and Jacqui left.

***********

	Thoric lay in the tub of hot water with Jacqui on 
top of him and relaxed.  "I wish I could have the 
treasurer come and discuss the report with me without 
having to leave this tub."

	"You could," she said.  "You are the king, after 
all.  I'd tell him to come here if it was my turn this 
week to go over the reports with him."  She stretched 
out, then blinked.  Her left palm was flashing blue with 
the current time and the cryptic message 'CA in Sto 
Helit, Orphans'.   "Uhh..."  Her eyes widened.  "I'm 
supposed to be in Sto Helit right now at the opening of 
an orphanage!  WAAAHHH!!!"  She leaped to her feet and 
raised her spikard high.

	"Clothing!" Thoric shouted.

	"Oh, right."  She leaped out of the water, magically 
dried herself, and quickly got dressed.  Thoric tried to 
muster the will to do the same thing.

	Once she was done, she kissed his cheek.  "Be back 
later."

	He felt a trump contact from Mutsumi, 'Honey, the 
Treasurer is looking for you.'

	'I'm in the baths,' he replied.

	'Okay, I'll send him through, then come join you 
once I finish arranging the legal docket for later 
today.'

	'No, wait, I....'

	The treasurer appeared, wrapped in a towel, holding 
his reports and looking confused.  "Sire, what's going 
on?" he asked.  He was a big burly man with a thick 
yellow beard and rumpled hair, by the name of Jonas.

	"Mutsumi has decided we'll be discussing this in the 
baths."

	"..."

	"If we hurry, we can probably get out before she 
gets here if this bothers you too much," Thoric said.

	The treasurer pulled a bench over to put the reports 
on.  "If you can waterpoof these, I suppose this will 
do," he said.

	Thoric gestured with Wave.  "There we go."  The 
papers now gleamed with a thin, transparent membrane.  

	"Very good, sir.  Alright, the receipts from customs 
were..." 

	After about fifteen minutes, they'd reached the 
windows taxes, and Mutsumi popped into the tub, wearing a 
blue one-piece.  She sank into the water, wringing her 
hands.  "Franz trapped me into signing decrees."

	Thoric said, "You did read them, right?"

	"Yes, yes, of course," she said.  "This was the 
stack we went over yesterday, but then the cat got into 
them."

	Thoric sighed.  "Raven loves playing with paper."

	"He's a very sweet kitty, but yes."

	"Would you like me to review what I already went 
over with King Thoric, your highness?" Jonas asked 
Mutsumi.

	She shook her head.  "Just continue from where you 
left off.  I was monitoring the whole thing with one of 
my mental processes and my trump of the baths while I 
signed papers."

	Jonas blinked.  "Right.  Windows tax revenues are 
down, although the rise in pay-per-trump taxes seems to 
be picking up the slack.  We'll get to that in a moment, 
though..."

	Then the miniature submarine surfaced, fired a net 
at Thoric, sucked him into itself, and sank out of sight.  
Thoric shouted, "Mutsumi, finish going over the reports 
with him!  I'll be back soon as I can!" as he got sucked 
in.

	There was a moment of silence.

	Mutsumi sighed.  "Alright, what sort of revenues can 
we expect from the cattle exports?"

	"Hold on, let me find them..."
 
************

	"Ahahah!" Dr. Jacqueline cackled as she stood over 
Thoric, who she now had strapped (still clad in towel) to 
one of her operating tables.  "Now, just sit still while 
I install this camera imp in your right eye, so he can 
monitor your activities for me."

	"You could just monitor me through my spikard," 
Thoric pointed out.

	"That wouldn't further the cause of science at all," 
Dr. Jacqueline replied.  "Now, I'll just..."

	The wall of the lab cracked open, and a dozen 
slobbering hell-hounds burst through the whole, breathing 
fire.  "Oh no, my notes!" she shouted, running towards 
the table piled with notes they were charging towards.

	Thoric burst the leather straps holding him down, 
then rolled under the table, and came up holding 
Frostrazor.  With a gesture, he put a wall of ice between 
the hounds and the table, then sprinted over to leap up 
onto it and mount the wall itself, crouching between it 
and the ceiling.  The wall shook as the hounds breathed 
fire on it, so he vaulted backwards, tipping it over on 
top of them, then began stabbing them as they laid 
stunned.  

	Dr. Jacqueline sighed.  "You could have burst out of 
those straps any time you wanted."

	"Are you alright?" Thoric asked worriedly.

	She blinked.  "I'm fine.  I called the hounds in 
myself to see if you'd escape your bonds."

	"..."

	She picked up a clipboard, and checked the 'Thoric 
bursts his bonds' box, then sighed.  "I really thought I 
had you with the submarine and everything, but you 
probably let me catch you."

	"No, the submarine was really clever," Thoric said.  
"I didn't realize you had subs that could fit through the 
grates in the castle plumbing."

	"Simple use of Pym particles," Dr. Jacqueline said, 
waving her hand dismissively.
	
	"But possibly very useful to us if you can duplicate 
this," Thoric said.  He put a hand on her shoulder.  "I'm 
glad I was able to help you test it."

	She flushed slightly.  "So there's a new 
ambassador?"

	"I seem to remember someone gloating over the old 
one leaving," Thoric said.

	Dr. Jacqueline laughed nervously.  "Oh, yes, I did."  
She stared at the ground.  "And now you're mad at me."

	"I'm not that angry," he said.  "Sometimes you drive 
me crazy, but sometimes you're a big help.  And you're my 
wife and I love you."  He put an arm around her shoulder.  
"Being married to the smartest woman in the universe can 
be nice."

	"You like Jacqui better because she's all soft and 
cuddly," Dr. Jacqueline said faintly.  "And doesn't 
unsuccessfully strap you to tables."

	Thoric picked up Dr. Jacqueline, who gave a startled 
cry, and carried her over to the table.  "I love my wife 
in all her bodies.  Well, except Jack, because I don't 
have any interest in men, but..."

	"I could fix that," Dr. Jacqueline said.  "It's not 
fair that we're all bi and you're not."

	Thoric twitched.  "Given the Logrus would get mad if 
I stole Jack from her..."

	"I bet we could make big bucks showing it on pay-
per-trump," Dr. Jacqueline said thoughtfully.

	He laid her down on the table.  She sighed.  "You're 
going to offer to perform experiments on me, then strap 
me into my own machine and leave me here so you can go 
snuggle up to Mutsumi and Jonas in the ba...you haven't 
been secretly seeing Jonas on the side, have you????"

	Thoric laughed.  "I promise I haven't been seeing 
anyone but you and Mutsumi."

	"And Jacqui.  And the Bride.  And the Hostess.  
And..."

	"You are all part of the woman I love.  You are all 
my wife.  And one day, you will all be one person again."  
He ran his fingertips round the curve of Dr. Jacqueline's 
jaw.  "But while you are many, I will hold and cherish 
every part of you."  His lips began to follow his fingers 
in a series of kisses as her face turned red.  

	Now his fingers reached her glasses, which he pulled 
off her, and his lips moved round to kiss hers.  Then he 
said, "I'm sorry if you're feeling neglected.  Most of 
the time, you seem to want to just work on your 
experiments."

	He could hear her breathing start to speed up.  
"Most of the time, but sometimes, I just see Jacqui and 
Mutsumi, and how they're always with you and I just..."

	"Get jealous," he said softly, then kissed round her 
cheek and down her throat, following his fingertips, 
which had slid down her neck to the top of her labcoat, 
beginning to undo the buttons.  

	"Sometimes, I wish I could be the smiling one," she 
said softly.

	"Sometimes, I wish I could be half as clever as 
you," Thoric said, now pulling off her lab coat, and 
starting on her blouse.  "But I think I know how to make 
you smile."

	She blushed more.  "But we...you have work to do, 
and I..."

	"It will wait.  If I put this off, who knows what 
will happen to prevent me giving you what you need."

	"We made Jacqui to meet your..." Dr. Jacqueline 
began.

	"Not my needs," Thoric said softly.  "Your needs."  
His head bobbed down to kiss the top of the swell of her 
left breast as he now pulled her blouse open.  "I get 
enough sex for three normal men.  And could probably have 
more if Jacqui didn't usually run me into the ground 
before she's done.  But you and the Bride and the Hostess 
don't get half as much as you deserve or need."

	"I wasn't made...oooh....for sex.  I'm supposed to 
be a....oooh....scientist..."  She said as she now 
reached back and undid her bra.  "This is all completely 
irrational and hormonal."

	"Do you want me to stop?" Thoric asked, pausing with 
hands on her belt.

	"Don't EVER stop," she said fiercely, then looked 
embarrassed.  "I mean...this should be an interesting 
experiment in sexual techniques."

	He smiled broadly.  "Which variable should I adjust 
to test our hypothesis, then, Doctor?"

	"Let me get my pants off, and then I can get up over 
you, and you can experiment with my spine and your 
fingertips to start with."

	"Not your left mammary gland?" Thoric asked.

	"That's why we have mouths, my...my..."  She took a 
deep breath.  "Do you think I'm pretty, Thoric?"

	"Smart women turn me on," Thoric replied.  "And yes, 
you're very beautiful."  He now pulled her pants off and 
tossed them aside.

	"But you'd like it if I had longer hair."

	"And Mutsumi wants to braid mine, but that doesn't 
mean I want to make you change how you look.  I would, 
however, be very grateful if you stopped trying to kill 
ambassadors."

	"He called me something terrible!"

	Thoric rolled onto his back and pulled her up over 
him, resting his hands on her back.  "He was too stupid 
to understand why Mutsumi and I love you.  You just have 
to ignore stupid people like that."

	Dr. Jacqueline's whole body flushed now.  "I love 
you too," she said softly.  "I'm not supposed to, but..."

	"Sure you are.  And I'm here when you need me."  He 
paused.  "Except for testing neurotoxins."

	"Damn.  No one EVER wants to test my neurotoxins, 
even after I spent hours lovingly making them by hand."

	"Shall we commence the experiment, Doctor?"

	"Yes, let's."

	The continuing progress of the experiment forced 
Thoric to cancel several appointments, but several 
exciting discoveries were made.

***************

	"Thoric is most certainly not slaking his lust with 
a concubine," Mutsumi said to the Llamedos ambassador.  
"She's his wife, and it's her lust."

	"I had a three o'clock appointment!" the man 
shouted.  "I demand to see the King!"

	"I am the Queen," Mutsumi said.  "Well, one of the 
Queens.  You can address me as well as you address him."

	He grumbled.

	"Perhaps we should send Minako on a goodwill tour of 
Llamedos," Mutsumi said.  "Hmm, yes, that would be good.  
That's what you're here about, right?"

	The ambassador paled.  "No, no, I'm here to discuss 
this import tax on menhirs."

	"You've been flooding our market with cheap, shoddy 
monoliths, so we raised the import tax to protect our 
local pillar industry."

	"Llamedos supplied N'Stylite with pillars during its 
tour in Arcadia!  We produce only the finest..."

	Mutsumi gestured and two monoliths appeared.  One 
was 1:3:5, made of black volcanic rock with stars 
glittering inside it.  The other was somewhat misshapen 
and tended to lean, made of granite with runes carven in 
it.  "See the difference?"

	"I could make perfect monoliths too if I had a 
spikard," the Ambassador protested.

	A strange glowing baby now rose out of the perfect 
monolith and flew off through the ceiling.

	There was a moment of silence.

	"Was that supposed to be some sort of veiled 
threat?" the Llamedos ambassador asked.

	"I think I took the wrong monolith," Mutsumi said, 
then shook her head.  "And besides, you've raised 
protective barriers against our corn and wheat."

	"We do import lots of mistletoe."

	"Only around Hogswatchnight.  And the equinoxes and 
solstices.  And it's only .005% of our trade."

	"Well, how about..."

**************

	Jacqui waved to the crowds, when not busy hugging 
small children.  She was good at that, which meant she 
got to do a lot of the charity and publicity appearances 
for the Arcadian monarchy.  One little girl wouldn't let 
go; she said, "Can't you take me home with you?" she 
asked.

	Jacqui sighed.  "I'm sorry, I already have too many 
kids, honey.  What's your name?"

	"April," the little blonde girl said.

	"That's a nice name," Jacqui said.

	"I hate it.  I want to be May."

	"Okay, I now name you May by the powers invested in 
me as Queen of Arcadia."

	The little girl blinked.  "Can you do that?"

	"Yes," Jacqui bluffed, though she really had no 
idea.  "And I'll try and see about finding you a nice 
family okay?"

	"Okay.  Thank you."  She hugged Jacqui again.

	Jacqui put her down.  "Okay, who is..."  

	Then she saw Death at the fringe of the crowd, and 
felt a chill.  She looked around the plaza in front of 
the orphanage.  It didn't look dangerous.  No men with 
crossbows, no exploding trolls, no out of control horses.  
Just lots of kids and the priestesses who watched over 
them.  

	And then she saw the kid up on the roof.  Up by the 
edge of the roof, trying to get a good look at her.  She 
sprouted wings, even as he slipped and fell.  Racing 
desperately, she managed to throw herself under him, and 
shift to go limp and yielding so that she absorbed the 
impact of his fall without throwing it back at him.  They 
toppled to the ground together.  

	Death loomed over her.  HE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE 
DIED.  IT WAS HIS FATE, AND HE SUCCUMBED TO IT.

	"No child is going to die while I can help it," 
Jacqui replied.

	THERE ARE FAR MORE CHILDREN YOU CANNOT SAVE.

	"I know," she said softly.  "But I saved this one."

	His hands ducked into his robes and pulled out an 
hourglass.  The sand had all run out.

	She took the hourglass and shook it, then turned it 
over.  It now contained far more sand than it had before.

	THANK YOU.

	"No problem," Jacqui said.  "Oh, Minako told me to 
invite you to the Grand Ball next weekend.  She has a 
friend..." Jacqui began.

	Death was gone as if he'd never been.  
	
	"Wait!  She's really cute!"

**************

	Saionji practiced sword drills while he waited for 
Thoric to arrive.  He'd done them a hundred million 
times, but he found them soothing.  Coinspinner was light 
in his hands, a shining golden blade with a silver hilt.  
The Pattern was etched into the blade; each of the two 
crossbar ends had multiple coins of different nations 
imbedded in themselves.

	The troops at Fort Callain drilled in the valley 
below him; it was important to maintain discipline and 
order in times of peace as well as war.  He had left them 
to their officers, though he watched inbetween drills.  

	He felt a rush of power, and then his grandson 
appeared a few feet away.  "Hello, grandfather."

	"Hello, grandson," he said, smiling.  "Is it still 
good to be the King?"

	"Well, I saved the Klatchian Ambassador from Dr. 
Jacqueline and had an important meeting in the baths."

	"The usual, in other words."

	"I'm sorry I'm late. I had to go back to Jonas and 
finish the treasury reports so that I would actually know 
what to tell you about the military budget.  After I 
spent several hours calming down Dr. Jacqueline."  He 
sighed.  "Sometimes, I wish Jacqui had split me into 
pieces as well, so I could do everything at once that I 
need to."

	"Well, in times of peace, there isn't much for me to 
do except sign reports and sit on military tribunals, and 
work out contingency plans.  So if you need me to hold a 
second office to help out, I could give it a shot," 
Saionji said.

	"There's just too many things that only I or Mutsumi 
or Jacqui can do.  And I'm the only one of us who 
actually got any administrative training, though 
Mutsumi's learned a lot over the last few decades, and 
Jacqui does her best."

	"But Dr. Jacqueline got most of Jacqueline's high 
intelligence, leaving Jacqui less able to do such 
things," Saionji said.

	Thoric winced.  "That's a little harsh."

	"But true," Saionji said.

	"Jacqui is very kind and gentle and loving," Thoric 
said.

	"Which are good, but aren't the keys of the art of 
rulership.  Though she is more sane than the other 
Jacquelines."

	"I would rather see her healed, but it seems beyond 
my power to find a way."

	Saionji sighed.  "I know.  I know.  Perhaps in time, 
she will heal herself."

	"I hope so.  Anyway, let's get down to discussing 
these budget matters."

	This not being a treatise of rulership, we shall 
leave them to their work.

****************

	"She's still in Sto Helit?" Thoric asked Mutsumi.

	"Formal dinner there tonight," Mutsumi said, 
carefully cutting her pork chops into squares, then 
dipping the squares in ketchsup and eating them.  "Like 
the one we have for National Celery Week tomorrow."

	Thoric twitched.  "Why exactly did we declare that 
holiday?"

	"Celery is green, a very noble color," Mutsumi said.  
"And crunchy and good."

	"Right."

	"I'll cancel it if you let me braid your hair," 
Mutsumi offered.

	"I think all the celery producers would get mad."

	She sighed.  "Unfortunately."  

	Thoric worked on his mashed potatoes.  "Well, celery 
isn't bad.  I'm not sure it's more deserving of a week 
than the noble potato."

	"National Potato Week is in three weeks," Mutsumi 
said.

	"..."

	"You signed the proclamation a month ago, honey."

	"In another hundred years, we'll be having a party 
every day for something."

	"Doesn't sound too bad to me," Mutsumi replied.  
"Did you have a good time with Dr. Jacqueline?"

	"We had a very successful set of experiments, and 
she promised to not kill any more ambassadors."

	"Unless she thinks they deserve it," Mutsumi said.

	Thoric sighed.  "Well, yes."

	"We have to be up early tomorrow for the National 
Celery Week breakfast and Guild opening, right?" Mutsumi 
asked.

	"They're going to have that celery coffee," Thoric 
suddenly realized.

	"Yes."  She looked thoughtful.  "You don't have 
anything else scheduled this evening, do you?"

	"Once I finish eating, I ought to read the report 
from our ambassador in Klatch, so we can discuss it after 
the breakfast tomorrow morning."

	"Good, good," she said.  "I'll need you after that."

	"You're not going to ask me to pose for another set 
of porn trumps, I hope."

	"One set's enough unless inspiration hits me," 
Mutsumi said.  "But I was thinking more in terms of the 
real thing."

	"The real...oh.  Of course," Thoric said.

	"If you aren't too worn out."

	"I'm never too worn out for you," Thoric said.

	"Unless Jacqui's been having her way with you."

	Thoric sighed.  "I lack Jacqui's infinite genki 
energy, yes."  He finished off his potatoes now, and took 
a swig of wine.  "Time to read my report, I think."

	"Alright, honey.  I'll go to my office once I finish 
eating and start going over those writs."

	He frowned.  "Is the Chancellor trying to make you 
do his job again."

	"I like to do samples to make sure he isn't up to 
anything or messing up."

	Thoric nodded.  "Okay, I'll see you once I finish."  
He kissed her cheek and went off to his office and buried 
himself in the report from Klatch for a half hour, then 
jotted down some notes on issues to discuss with Jacqui 
and Mutsumi in the morning.

**************

	Jacqui fretted lightly.  She had a knack.  

	The Duke of Sto Helit babbled on about how grateful 
he was for her coming, and how bravely she'd saved the 
child, and how much Arcadia had helped them over the 
years.  She could feel that he actually was insulted that 
the person he regarded as little more than a sex-toy had 
been sent to his nation, and how he wished he had a free 
hand to dominate his neighbors, but the fear of Arcadia 
kept him leashed, and how he was leering at one of the 
ladies in waiting inside his mind.  He was going to do 
something stupid one of these days, and then he'd have to 
be killed, and she didn't like killing anyone.

	Sometimes she hated diplomacy.  

**************
	 
	Thoric stripped down to his underwear.  "There's a 
new religious movement in Klatch."

	Mutsumi groaned.  "Great, more would be all 
conquering fanatics."  She tossed her dress on the floor 
and sat down on the bed, grumbling.  

	Thoric kneeled down on the bed behind her and 
wrapped his arms around her, then bent round to kiss her 
cheek.  "But we can discuss that with Jacqui in the 
morning."

	Mutsumi purred softly.  "Yes, we shall."  She pushed 
him backwards, then moved backwards, to slide up into his 
lap, turning to half-face him, sliding a hand up and down 
his chest.  "How are you?  I'm feeling some tension."

	"The trip.  In two days."

	Mutsumi frowned.  "Oh, that."  He could feel her 
tense up.  "I'm sure nothing will happen while we're 
gone."

	"Oh, I'm just worried this will be one of the bad 
trips, instead of one of the good ones," he said, 
sighing.  "Although it seems like over the years, they've 
gone from mostly bad to mostly good."

	"Well, let's hope this is one of the good ones, 
then," Mutsumi said.  "And not one where they have a big 
fight."

	"Well, I'd half-hoped that the whole point of Jack 
was so she wouldn't have to do this, but she insists 
anyway..."  Thoric sighed.  "But I'm probably just 
worrying for nothing."

	"Well, at least it does mean we get to see the 
Quartet," Mutsumi said.  "Even if it means there will be 
more rumors of mad orgies."

	Thoric sighed.  "It's enough to tempt one to have a 
mad orgy, just because if you're going to be accused of 
something like that, you might as well have done it 
anyway."

	"Is someone thinking naughty thoughts about Motoko 
again, hmm?" Mutsumi teased.

	"Not specifically.  Just general aggravation that 
half the family thinks we're all freaks.  I can't think 
of another woman while I'm holding someone as wonderful 
as you."  He kissed her on the neck.  "You are my rock, 
which holds me steady when I feel like just going mad."  
He kissed her cheek.  "My anchor in stormy seas."  He 
kissed her nose.  "My muse when inspiration flees me."  
He kissed her lips.  "The steel in my spine.  I was 
nothing until you and Jacqui made something of me."

	She frowned.  "That's not true.  You were always 
wonderfully kind and gentle and full of love and hope.  
But I was too busy obsessing over Keitaro to notice.  I 
should thank him for dumping me, because it meant I got 
you."  She kissed him firmly.  "If you'd let me braid 
your hair, you'd be the perfect man."  She kissed him 
harder.  "Strong and gentle and wise and kind and loving.  
Nothing else matters."

	He began to run his hands up and down her back, 
listening to her purr at his touch, and he felt the 
weight on his heart fade.  "I wish I had your strength," 
he said, kissing her throat, then beginning to kiss down 
her chest.

	She moaned softly.  "I wish I had your heart."

	"My heart is yours," he said.  "Take all of it you 
need."

	"That's not what I meant," she breathed as he began 
to kiss up the swell of her left breast, which was still 
clad in her bra, though likely not for long.  "You know 
just how to love each of us.  I only have one kind of 
love to give, but you can give each of us..."  She moaned 
for a moment.  "Exactly what we need."

	He lifted his head.  "Mutsumi, my love, you've given 
me exactly the love I need from you all these years.  
"And I will do the best to give you exactly what you 
need."  His head dipped down again to kiss her through 
the soft fabric of her bra.  His hands began to trace 
down her back towards the catch which held it on.  

	"Do you ever regret marrying us?" Mutsumi asked.

	"Sometimes," Thoric said, sighing.  "I know you do 
too."

	She nodded.  "There are days I want to scream and 
blow out the walls and strangle my daughter and run off 
into shadow cackling madly and become the new Furry 
Ripper or something."  She brought her hand up to caress 
his cheek.  "And there are days where I cannot imagine 
living in any other way, when I am so happy that I could 
just die.  And others where there's good and there's 
bad."  She kissed the top of his head.  "But the good 
outweighs the bad.  I knew going into this that it 
wouldn't be easy.  Marriage is never a cascade of perfect 
days, though we dream it will be."  She kissed him again.  
"But I am not a woman who gives up easily."  She stroked 
his cheek again.  "And I know that you never run away 
when it's important."

	Kiss.  "I will always be there when you need me.  
And though I may have my moments of despair, I will not 
falter or give up.  Because I love you, and I love 
Jacqui, and I love our kingdom and our children, though 
they drive me nuts sometimes."  His hands undid the catch 
on the back of her bra.  "Though I may whine about it."

	She laughed, and stroked his hair.  "Well, so will 
I, sometimes.  But right now, I want you to love me with 
all your might."

	He smiled.  "I have a lot of might."

	"Hug me like a Harad, then."

	He began to laugh and laugh and laugh.  So did she.  
Once he pulled himself together, he took off her bra, and 
the fun began.

	We are not, however, going to stick around to watch.  

*****************
	
	"Mmm, celery," Jacqui said, munching on celery at 
coffee time the next morning.

	Thoric had hideous flashbacks to the celery coffee.  
He'd made sure to accidentally destroy the batch supplied 
for their morning coffee break.  "I think we're going to 
have to dispatch some agents to investigate this Yellow 
Turban movement."

	"And find them a better name," Jacqui said.

	"That too," Thoric replied.

	"Perhaps we could invite them to send someone to 
explain their beliefs to us.  Most religious groups like 
that," Jacqui suggested.

	Mutsumi nodded.  "Although it might raise their 
hopes too high."

	"Well, if worse comes to worse, we lock them in a 
room with the Omnian ambassador.  Whoever dies, we win."

	Thoric laughed.  "Alright.  That's a good start, 
then.  And send some agents just in case."

	Mutsumi nodded.  "Right."

	Jacqui munched on more celery.  "Nothing beats the 
yummy taste of celery."

	"Are you practicing for advertising?" Mutsumi asked.

	Jacqui nodded.  "The payments should make up for the 
shortfall in the window taxes."

	"Damn, they must be pretty desperate," Thoric said.  
"That's a lot of money."

	"Fortunately, I can shapeshift my tastebuds to make 
celery taste like chocolate."

	Thoric laughed.  "Lucky woman."

	Jacqui smiled.  "I just hope I can film them all 
tomorrow without any trouble so we can head off to Chaos 
without any trouble the next day."

	"I thought we left for Chaos tomorrow."

	"..."  Jacqui sighed.  "All-nighter time..."


**************
	
	The next day, they were in the Plaza of the Serpent 
in Chaos, when Jacqui kissed Thoric and Mutsumi on the 
cheek.  "Wish me luck," she said.

	"Good luck," Thoric said.

	"Have fun with Jack and Jewel," Mutsumi said, 
smiling.  

	"Aww, don't I get a kiss?" Jack asked Thoric, 
smiling as well.

	Mutsumi said, "I don't think your wife would take 
that very well."

	"I suppose not," Jack said.  "Come on, Jacqui, we'd 
best get going."

	Jacqui nodded.  "Say hello to everyone at the 
embassy for me!  See you tomorrow!"

	"We will," Thoric said.  "See you!"

	And then Jacqui and Jack vanished in a tangle of 
Logrus tendrils.

	Mutsumi twined her arm around Thoric's.  "Jack is 
very nice."

	"Yeah.  And Jewel too," Thoric said.  "It's a pity 
Random never comes to these reunions, though."  He 
sighed.

	Mutsumi stared at the cobblestones.  "Well, I can 
understand why she's not happy with us, but..."  She 
sighed.  "At least she seems to be happy from what we've 
heard."

	They took off towards the Embassy, lost in their 
thoughts.

*************

	"And you are?" the guard, a big ugly burly man, 
asked Thoric.

	"King Thoric of Arcadia, and this is my wife, Queen 
Mutsumi," Thoric said.

	"Ain't never heard of no Arcadia," the guard said.

	"..."

	"Is that one of those Black Zone sneeze and you miss 
it kingdoms?"

	"..."

	"Where people go to be having sex orgies and 
squirrel money away in secret accounts and so on?" the 
guard asked.

	The other guard said, "C'mon, Bran, don't be so 
rude."

	Mutsumi said sharply, "It is not a place for 
degenerate sex orgies or for people to hide their ill-
gotten gains!  It's a decent, honest kingdom, not some 
land of freaks and idiots, despite what some people like 
to think.  And we rule the lands of Order in our own 
universe, thank you.  Who is the moron who hired you 
without giving you some basic education?"

	Bran flapped his mouth wordlessly.

	"I am sick and tired of idiots like you who act like 
we're a bunch of degenerate sex monkeys just because our 
gonads haven't shrivelled up from disuse, and we don't 
have a standard two-partner marriage!  I love Thoric and 
Jacqui both very, very much!"

	Bran said faintly, "I was just joking..."

	"Joking?  You think it's your business to insult 
people who come into the embassy on a visit?"

	The other guard looked like he was going to die.  
Bran didn't look much better.  "Okay, I guess it wasn't 
very funny, I just wanted to tease you a little..."

	"Tease me?  You aren't allowed to tease royalty, you 
pathetic fool!" Mutsumi snapped at him.  "What sort of 
idiot works at an embassy and hands out insults to 
visitors?"

	Thoric said softly, "Mutsumi, that's enough.  I'm 
not pleased with him either, but I think he really 
thought he was just kidding around."

	Mutsumi shuddered.  "You're right.  I shouldn't snap 
at people.  I've just been stewing in my own juices 
about...well, you know."

	"I know," he said, squeezing her hand.  

	Bran sighed, and shimmered, and turned into an 
embarrassed looking Mitsune.  "I'm sorry.  I thought it 
would be funny, but I didn't realize you were having a 
bad day, and now I've made it worse."

	Thoric said, "It was one of your stupider practical 
jokes, yes."

	Mitsune wilted more.  "Well, I won't do it again."

	"Good," Mutsumi said.  

	"Well, come on in," Mitsune said.  "Everyone's 
waiting for you."

	They followed her in, through the hallways, to the 
living room, where Moonshade was busy whittling while 
Motoko and Davros sat on the couch, reading books.  
Everyone looked up and smiled as they came in.  Mitsune 
said, "Well, after me nearly causing a diplomatic 
incident, they're here."

	Motoko frowned for a moment.  "Have you been 
impersonating one of the front door guards again, 
Mitsune?"

	"I don't do it THAT often," she said.

	Moonshade put aside her whittling and came over to 
Mutsumi.  "How's my sister-in-law?"

	Mutsumi hugged her tightly.  "Been better."

	Motoko said, "Not everyone laughs at everything as 
easily as you do, Mitsune."

	"I know," Mitsune said miserably.  "Just had that 
shoved in my face."

	"Everything well in Arcadia?" Davros asked, getting 
up and coming and shaking Thoric's hand.

	"Everything is well.  Makoto is acting as regent 
while we're gone.  And Minako hasn't levelled Aidacra 
yet.  Hopefully, this concert she's lining up should go 
well."  He paused.  "Although you probably don't want to 
hear about it."

	"N'Stylite:  Generation 4?" Davros asked, frowning.

	"Yeah, the furry dancer guys," Thoric said.  "Pretty 
ludicrous, but the kids seem to love them."

	Moonshade asked Mutsumi, "What's wrong?"

	"Oh, the last few days have been fairly hectic, and 
I started getting depressed about Random again, and then 
Mitsune decided to be funny in a 'ha ha, how funny you 
suck so much' sort of way."  Mutsumi leaned on Moonshade.  
"And worrying about whether Jacqui's visit will go well 
or not."

	Mitsune overheard this and winced.  "I wasn't trying 
to hurt your feelings."

	Davros sighed.  "Well, at least in your universe, 
there is unlikely to be violence."

	"Yeah," Thoric said.  "Should be a very peaceful 
concert.  I hope.  Everything well with you?"

	"Still strangely quiet," Davros said.  "With Kanako 
and Yomiko gone back to Amber, we just have Kaname 
staying with us, and she's at Helgramways a lot, with her 
friends."

	"I hope she'll be around today," Mutsumi said.  "As 
I'd like to see her."

	"She'll be here for dinner and this evening," Motoko 
said.  She then stepped forward, and embraced Mutsumi.  
"It is very good to have you with us.  You will always be 
welcome here, even when certain members of the family 
lose their senses."

	Mitsune sat down on the couch to pout.

	Moonshade now turned to Thoric.  "You up for a good 
whoopass session?"

	"In a little bit, when my nerves calm down," Thoric 
said.

	"Good.  Ain't nobody around here who can give me a 
good fight, except when Ramon or Uotani or Nanami Minor 
comes down."

	Mutsumi said to Motoko, "Thank you.  And you will 
always find safe haven in Arcadia, you know."

	"I know."

	Mutsumi let go of Motoko, and stepped over to hug 
Davros firmly.  "So, how's your book coming?"

	"Three chapters to go, and then the Life of Saint 
Haulin will be complete.  I've got all my research done, 
I just need to organize the last batch of material.  
Within a few months, I hope," he said.  

	Motoko now stepped over to Thoric, and smiled at 
him.  "I see your majesty is travelling undercover."

	"Sometimes, it is nice to set aside one's burdens 
for a day, and just be yourself," he said.  "I'm not your 
king, just your friend."

	"A very good friend," Motoko said, and then they 
stepped towards each other and embraced.  "You grow ever 
more dear to us as time passes."  'Is everything really 
alright?' she asked, mindtouching him through the 
embrace.  'You seem burdened.'

	"Bonds forged in fire do not rust, I hope," he said.  
'Just worried about Jacqui's visit to the Logrus, and 
some fools in Klatch.  And Dr. Jacqui tried to kill an 
ambassador again.  And various other parts of being a 
king.  Nothing I cannot talk about in public.  Well, and 
being a little aggravated with Mitsune.'  "We have an 
eternity to share."

	Mutsumi said, "Well, I'd like to see what you have 
written so far.  I don't know anything at all about this 
saint, so you can see if you're getting your ideas across 
to someone who isn't knowledgeable."

	Davros smiled.  "Thank you, Mutsumi.  I would 
appreciate that."

	'I know she did not mean to hurt you,' Motoko 
replied.  'She cares for you deeply, and for Mutsumi as 
well.'  "May you find rest and refreshment and peace 
within this house."

	'I know.  I'll talk to her once the edge dulls off 
my aggravation.'  "I know we will," Thoric said.  "There 
are few places that can bring us more rest."

	Mutsumi said, "I'm going to kidnap Davros now and 
have my way with him and his book.  You going to go let 
everyone try and beat you up now, Thoric?" 

	"I think so," Thoric said.

	Moonshade grinned.  "Good.  Time to break my 
brother-in-law."

**************

	Motoko and Mitsune sat down in chairs hauled into 
the practice room to watch.  Moonshade and Thoric moved 
out into the center of the room.  "You didn't say about 
how I was going to kick your ass this time," she said.  
"Feeling confident today?"

	"I feel like kicking something's ass," he replied.  

	"Then let the asskicking commence!"  She zoomed at 
him, wooden sword at waist-level, then leaped high at the 
last second to be able to aim a powerful blow at his 
right shoulder.  He ducked under the blow, and brought 
his sword up to tangle her legs, sending her tumbling.

	She rolled, bounced off the wall, and charged again, 
unleashing a flurry of chest-level blows which drove him 
back, forcing him towards the wall.  Until his leg hooked 
around and pulled her off her feet.  He tried to leap 
over her, but she lashed up with her legs and knocked him 
down, then rolled up and got in a solid blow on his back 
before he spun and parried the next blow.

	Two hours of back and forth combat followed.  
Moonshade generally had the upper hand, but Thoric got in 
some pretty solid blows as well.  Three times, they broke 
their practice weapons and had to get fresh ones.  

	Finally, on one of Moonshade's charges, Thoric 
managed to disarm her with a mighty kick, then grab her 
hands and flip her back over himself as he rolled 
backwards, slamming her into the ground.  They then 
started wrestling, tumbling all over the floor.  

	This went on for another twenty minutes.  Moonshade 
finally managed to pin Thoric, though it was an extreme 
struggle.  "Damn, you just keep getting stronger," she 
said.

	"You too," Thoric said.  He gave a happy sigh.  "I'm 
not normally much for beating out my stress, but I feel a 
lot better."

	"Well, I, unfortunately, now feel extremely worked 
up, and I think I'm going to have to drag off Mitsune and 
have my way with her while you and Motoko spar."

	"Are you sure you feel up to sparring?" Motoko asked 
Thoric.  "You've been at it for hours."

	"Be gentle with me," Thoric mumbled as he got up.

	Mitsune strode over to Moonshade and helped her up.  
"Let's go to the baths, then, and I'll see 
about...removing your stress," she said, then took 
Moonshade by the hand.  "See you all later."

	"I will do my best to be gentle," Motoko said, 
smiling.  She got into a combat stance.  "See you all at 
dinner if not before."

	"See you!" Moonshade said.  And then she and Mitsune 
left.

	"You should talk to her after dinner," Motoko said 
to Thoric.

	He nodded.  "Yes.  Ready?"

	"I am ready."

	They bowed, then began to circle each other, 
periodically darting forward to strike, each parrying the 
other's blows.  In an almost stately manner, they danced 
across the floor of the practice room.  At times, Motoko 
would slip a blow in, but most of the time, she was lucky 
to parry Thoric's strokes, and many of his blows got 
through.  

	"...And so I got the Klatchian ambassador back to 
his embassy.  It looks like it's rather likely his 
government may be overthrown soon, so we may not see much 
more of him," Thoric concluded the tale of his little 
morning adventure of a few days previous.

	"Is there likely to be another war?"  Motoko asked, 
parrying a series of shoulder-level strokes, then darting 
in and almost striking Thoric's leg.

	Thoric staggered slightly, having thrown himself off 
balance with his dodge, and his next stroke at Motoko 
went quite awry.  "We hope not.  We're going to send 
emissaries and see if they are hostile or potentially 
friendly."

	"Several of the Black Zone kingdoms are having a 
nasty little war; we're scrambling to keep from getting 
drawn into it."  She shook her head.  "But I'm sure you 
know how that goes."  She managed to get in a torso blow 
and made a small smile.

	"Yes, exactly," he said.  Recovering his balance, he 
successfully struck at shoulder, chest, stomach, then 
knee, then gave a small smile himself.  

	Motoko shook her head.  "Four in a row.  I am 
slipping."

	"Well, your sorcerous skills exceed mine.  I'm sure 
that limits the amount of time you have for sword 
practice," Thoric said.

	"I doubt you have that much more time for it than I 
do," Motoko said, then unleashed a flurry of blows.  
Thoric parried them all, and struck her left arm.  She 
then managed to slip in a blow to his leg.  

	"This is true," he said.  "Well, if you ever tire of 
your work in Chaos, you should ask Tylor to post you to 
Arcadia.  Then we could practice together."

	"It is a very tempting thought," Motoko said.  "I 
love Chaos, and it is my home as much as Amber now, but 
it would be nice to see more of you.  And Jacqui and 
Mutsumi."

	She circled left, then feinted and moved right, 
getting in a solid blow to his left arm before he managed 
to recover, parry a second blow, batter her sword aside, 
then strike twice to the left side of her lower torso.  
"It's harder for anyone to come visit us; we haven't had 
half the luck you've had with some of the family coming 
for very extended visits."

	A servant stuck his head in the door.  "Ambassador, 
there is only a half hour until dinner will be ready."

	"We'd best stop and go take a bath," Thoric said.

	"Yes," Motoko said with a tiny quaver in her voice.  
"That would be good."

	They left to do so.

*************

	"It is probably not necessary to sit in my lap to 
read the draft," Davros tried again.

	Mutsumi said, "It's much more comfortable than a 
chair."  She kept reading.

	I ought to be used to this by now, he thought.  
Given she does this every time they visit.  "So what do 
you think?"

	"The quotations from his writing at the start of 
each chapter are a nice touch, to show how his life 
influenced his writing."  She redlined several sentences.  
"You're still very wordy, though."

	"I have a lot to say," he said, slightly 
defensively.

	"I know," she said.  "But Edith tells me I tend to 
be too wordy too when I write."

	"I thought your field guide to turtles was very well 
written," Davros said.

	"That's because you're a big fluffy and I don't 
think you'd say you didn't like it even if you didn't."  
She turned her head and smiled at him.  "While I can be 
ruthless."

	Davros laughed.  "Yes, we all know how terribly 
ruthless you are."

	She turned and drew a spiral on his forehead with 
one finger, smiling.  "I always get what I want."

	"It's usually done in the other direction," he said.

	"Counter-Clockwise?"

	He nodded.  "Yes," he said, tracing it out on her 
forehead.

	"Right," she said, then traced it out the correct 
way on his chest.  "Like that?"

	He nodded.  "Yes."

	"Right."  She returned to marking up the papers, 
making various comments.  This went on for about a half 
hour.  

	"A thought comes to mind," Mutsumi said.

	"Go on."

	"What exactly how does serving the Serpent as Pindin 
differ from serving Milithi, as this saint did?" Mutsumi 
asked.  "I suppose your target audience would know, but 
I'm not very schooled in Serpent Theology."

	"Well, ultimately, we all serve the same Serpent, 
but we emphasize different aspects of him, for no one can 
see all his aspects at once.  I serve Pindin because I 
have a natural attunement to Fire, and I bear Breath of 
the Dragon, which is tied to Pindin.  Pindin is the fires 
which bring growth and change, both physical, spiritual, 
and mental.  Some of his priests are rather scholarly 
like myself.  Others are very activist in bringing about 
change through more physical forms of confrontation.  
Milithi's priests are mostly very scholarly, but also 
very involved in pastoral duties, as counselors and 
sources of guidance.  They overlap in that respect with 
many other groups, some of whom people don't often think 
of as counselors, like the Kundali Adepts."  Davros made 
himself stop before he could give a twenty minute 
lecture.  

	"Sex counselors, I suppose," Mutsumi said.

	"Kundali's adepts try to find the shy and 
introverted and afraid and help them to break out of 
their shells and to confront their fears, in order to 
live.  Sometimes they overdo it somewhat," Davros said.

	"I think you'd make a good Kundali adept," Mutsumi 
teased.

	Davros said, "Well, if they could get me to change 
orders by sheer force of will, they'd have certainly 
recruited me by now.  As it is, they've given me honorary 
degrees in their order."

	"Miroku told me you were a level thirteen adept or 
something."

	He sighed.  "Apparently, having participated in the 
Rites to enable a universe's rebirth gave all four of us 
that ranking, if we chose to claim it."

	"So why don't you?" Mutsumi asked.

	"Because I am perfectly happy as a priest of Pindin.  
I won't pretend I don't like sex, but..."

	Mutsumi giggled, interrupting him.  "I remember once 
when we visited, Jacqui and Moonshade started trying to 
out-brag each other as to how good of sex they'd had with 
Thoric and you, respectively."

	Davros blushed.  "I am glad she forgot to tell me 
about that."

	"They never did resolve it.  Jacqui tried to talk 
Moonshade into a swap, so she could judge for herself."

	"..."

	"Moonshade said you and Motoko would never go for 
it."  Mutsumi continued.

	"I would never violate my marriage oaths, so it 
would not be possible.  Tempting, but not possible."

	Mutsumi nodded.  "Much as any of us might think of 
such a thing, or enjoy it if it happened, marriage is 
marriage, and even if it's consensual, you can't just go 
around swapping partners.  We swore holy oaths."

	He nodded.  "Exactly.  Now, in something such as the 
Summer Rites, where the Serpent calls upon us to shed our 
inhibitions and gives explicit permission to go beyond 
the normal boundaries at the times when all loves become 
one love, that is a special case.  Or if the Serpent 
commands it for some high and holy purpose.  That is why, 
though I didn't like it, I accepted it when Motoko was 
with Loewen those many years ago."

	Mutsumi brushed a hand across his cheek.  "I'm glad 
she helped him, but I'm also glad it wasn't Jacqui who 
had to do it.  And I'm sure the children didn't help."

	He sighed, shivering a little at her touch.  "Having 
living reminders of what Loewen and Motoko did has not 
helped.  I know they will never do it again, but there 
are times when it eats at me.  Mostly, I'm past it, 
but..."  He sighed.  "I suppose watching Thoric with all 
the Jacquis isn't easy."

	"Well, I also sleep with the various Jacquis," 
Mutsumi said.  "They love us, and I love them.  But I'm 
starting to think that we'll never find a cure, that 
we'll be juggling them for the rest of eternity."

	"And you don't like that," Davros said softly.

	"Being married to two time-bombs and an enigma which 
sometimes turns into an annoying asshole does not make my 
life easy," Mutsumi said.  "But Thoric and Jacqui keep me 
sane.  Thoric is very rock-steady and dependable, and 
incredibly good at calming down Dr. Jacqueline and the 
Bride.  And Jacqui is so full of good cheer, that every 
time my batteries run down, I can go to her, and she'll 
fill me back up with happiness."

	"Mitsune can always make me smile," Davros said.  
"Moonshade is my well of courage, when I am afraid.  And 
Motoko is my strength when I am weak.  They make me 
complete; I could not live without them now, and I hardly 
understand how I ever did."

	Mutsumi nodded.  "That is how marriage should be," 
she said, then sighed.  "I am sorry to dump my problems 
on you."

	"Dump away," Davros said.  "I am an old friend and a 
priest, and thus doubly suited to listen and comfort and 
counsel."

	"I just have days where I'm tempted to stuff Thoric 
in my pocket and run far, far away.  Not most days.  But 
there are bad days where I want to cry and scream and 
beat people up because of it all.  Where I wish I'd never 
gotten married, and never become a Queen, and could just 
be the old me, free and carefree," she said.  "Where I 
get tempted to do something stupid just to rebel against 
it all."

	"That's all part of being married," Davros said.  
"We have a very happy marriage, but we've had screaming 
matches where no one talked to anyone else for hours or 
even days.  There are times when I feel a little jealous 
that Motoko will always be closer to the Serpent than I 
will be, where Mitsune feels like she just butted in and 
shouldn't be here, where Moonshade gets drunk and rambles 
on about how hunky various members of the Houses of Amber 
are, where Motoko decides that it's her way or the 
highway and won't even talk about it."  He sighed.  "None 
of us are perfect."

	"When Motoko flirts with another man?" Mutsumi asked 
softly.

	"When I cleanse myself of all my attractions to 
various other women, I will complain about hers," Davros 
said.

	"That's the priest talking, not Davros," Mutsumi 
said softly.  "What does Davros think?"

	"That if they were ever going to have sex, they'd 
have done it by now.  They've had plenty of 
opportunities.  They are simply intimate, and it will go 
no further.  I have my moments of fear, where I wonder if 
I am too optimistic, that one day they will go too far, 
but if after seventy years they haven't had sex, they're 
not going to have sex, unless it's under special 
circumstances like the Rites or the Serpent's command.  
And..."

	"Have you ever turned into Thoric for them?" Mutsumi 
asked softly.  

	Davros' eyes widened.  "How did you know?"

	"I would expect it's a hard to resist temptation, 
especially at times perhaps when you're wondering what 
they are really thinking of some person."

	Davros nodded, and sighed.  "Yes."

	"Well, Jacqui sometimes imitates people, but she 
can't persona-shift any more, so it she doesn't even do 
physical imitations as much as I think she would if she 
hadn't...split."  Mutsumi paused.

	"You want to know if I've ever asked them to be 
you," Davros said.

	Mutsumi laughed nervously.  "I see my shields are 
slipping."

	"On those times when we have done such things, quite 
a few people have shown up in our beds who would not 
really be found there, so to speak," Davros said.  "It is 
not a game we play often, but there are times when 
Kundali rises over us, and we become more daring than 
otherwise we might be."  

	"You're trying to decide whether to tell me 
something," Mutsumi said.  "You don't have to, if it 
makes you uncomfortable."

	"There is nothing more glorious and more terrifying 
than to see Motoko when the Serpent is upon her, coiled 
round her, filling her in the way that only He can fill 
someone."  There was an aching joy in Davros' voice.  
"Except perhaps the time the Serpent has also coiled 
around me and spoken to me as well as to her.  And when I 
have felt Him inside me during certain sacred rites.  But 
I will ramble if I am not careful."

	She simply nodded encouragingly.

	"I fear losing her to Him far more than I fear 
Thoric.  For if He commanded her to leave me for some 
reason, she would.  It would hurt her to the core, and 
leave wounds that my selfish heart hopes would never 
heal, but she would.  And I cannot blame her for that, 
for I would do the same thing in her place.  The blessing 
of our lives has been that the Serpent WANTS us together, 
that our joy in each other is matched by His joy in us.  
I left love behind to chase the Serpent, and in the end, 
He blessed me with more love than I know what to do with 
sometimes.  And I know the Serpent does not take away His 
blessings.  But to love the Serpent is to be called to 
ever harder tasks, and each rest is to let us recover 
until the next great striving.  The time may come, when 
for some reason, we may be parted for a time, or even the 
rest of our mortal lives.  Times have come when the 
Serpent has commanded us to things which hurt each other, 
because they had to be done, and one or more of us wasn't 
strong and faithful enough to accept the necessity, 
knowing the Serpent blessed us by choosing us for the 
difficult task."  His voice ached now with a mixture of 
fear and longing and regrets.

	Mutsumi frowned.  "But if He loves you, how can He 
hurt you so?  I can't imagine any good god making such a 
demand."

	"It is because He loves us that he calls us to the 
most difficult tasks, though it may cause pain for a 
time.  For you do not entrust difficult tasks to someone 
you believe will fail.  He tasks us to our limits because 
He believes we are strong, that our might is great 
enough, that we are good enough.  It is because He 
believes in us," Davros said, "that He calls us to the 
hardest deeds.  Even when it hurts.  And He never brings 
us only pain.  To serve Him is joy.  And He brings joy.  
For He is Siva, the Serpent of Destruction, and Draco the 
Dragon, but he is also Milithi, who brings wisdom, and 
Quetzacoatl, who brings dreams, and Kundali, who brings 
love.  I have seen Siva upon her, when we hunted the last 
of the Taylors.  And I have seen her burn with Pindin's 
flames, and shine with Milithi's wisdom.  And I have seen 
her with Kundali upon her."  He shuddered, and his flesh 
rippled for a moment, like an ocean into which a rock had 
been thrown.

	"In the Rites," Mutsumi said softly.

	"Not just the Rites.  There have been times, when 
the Serpent has come upon me or Isillome or Mitsune, 
because he wished to lie with His Bride.  The sex..."  He 
smiled in an almost hungry fashion she'd rarely ever seen 
him show.  "I can barely remember any of it when it is my 
turn to be His vessel by which He enters her.  But there 
are times, when he comes upon her, because he wishes to 
be with us, to share the joy of his Bride with her lovers 
from her perspective.  And then..."

	Mutsumi began to blush.  "I don't know if talking 
about this is a good idea."

	But Davros could not stop.  "Sometimes it is the 
Primal Motoko with whom we make love.  Motoko stripped of 
all that is shadow, of all that is not her, a glorious 
goddess who I hunger to fill with myself.  And sometimes 
they become her male side, and I a woman, that they might 
come upon me."  The hunger in his voice was growing.  
Mutsumi would have poured smoke out of her ears if she 
could.  Part of her suggested it was best she run before 
they both do something they would regret.  And part of 
her was transfixed, fascinated by this glimpse into a 
part of his life he rarely spoke of in quite this way.  

	"And sometimes, we are all transformed.  She becomes 
our fantasies, and we hers, and together, we ride the 
Serpent and experience the place where all loves become 
one.  Where we are part of Him, and He a part of us, the 
ecstasy of which sex is only a shadow.  It is at those 
times that I understand why Miroku walks Kundali's road.  
For there is nothing I crave more than the Kiss of the 
Serpent."  His eyes stared through her; she wasn't even 
sure if he knew she was there now.  

"It would destroy us if it went on too long.  Even 
Motoko can only bear it for a few hours, and she is his 
Bride, adept to all His purposes.  But we always want 
more, in all His forms.  But a single meeting with Him 
was enough to send me into the Stylite Order for eighty 
years, and to keep me going, though I flagged at times.  
Words cannot describe it.  Even my memories could not 
describe it, for I cannot retain the full glory.  Best I 
cannot, or I would linger on the memories, and they would 
devour me.  Though I would be honored and pleased and 
eager to be so devoured."  The need in his voice was raw; 
it terrified her and excited her at once, reminding her 
of how it felt on the times she had lain with the Bride 
of the Jewel, who could destroy her at any moment, but 
who drew her in like a moth to the flame.  

	"For she is a consuming flame, who draws me in, for 
she needs my fuel if she is not to consume herself and 
become a hollow, destroying shell.  She needs me so much, 
and yet she terrifies me, for she could snuff me like a 
light with her Eye," Mutsumi said softly.  "And she too 
is my beloved Jacqui, the shadow she cast away from 
herself, the guardian she set to her Pattern that she 
might dodge her Father's fate."  She heard her voice, and 
like his, it mixed fear and desire and love and 
compassion and despair and need.  "She is so utterly 
lonely, for she believes she is made only for 
destruction.  And perhaps she was, but I cannot leave it 
at that.  Is this her destiny, Davros?  Is my precious 
Jacqui to be shattered into pieces, none of them complete 
forever?  Did we fail her?  Could we have changed 
things?"  

Her voice was rising.  "It can't be part of her 
destiny.  It can't.  I will smash destiny itself to 
pieces and trample on it if I must, for if this was meant 
to be, I cannot accept it.  Ever.  Is this some test?  
What I am I supposed to be learning?  Help me, Davros.  I 
want to understand."  She seized his hands.  "Tell me 
it's a test.  Tell me how to pass it.  Tell me there's 
something we can do for her.  Please.  Even if you have 
to lie to me.  Even if I have to sleep with Kentaro and 
Saionji and Corey all at the same time to do it.  
Please."

	Davros reeled under the full weight of her fear and 
need and despair.  Her own shields were crumbling, and he 
could feel her emotions through the touch of her hands, 
see them written on her face in unmistakable writing.  
His own unleashed need for the Serpent, the hunger born 
of his memories of his god, reeled before the sheer 
potency of her mind.  He knew at an intellectual level 
that her mind was puissant, more powerful even than 
Motoko's, as strong as the strongest elders, stronger 
even, perhaps.  But he'd rarely had it so thoroughly 
pointed out to him.

	For a moment, his mind teetered on the brink, about 
to let itself collapse under the wave of her mind.  He 
could feel her doubts, and for a moment, he wondered how 
the Unicorn could let this happen to the one who had been 
his Champion, who had purified the lands of Order, how 
Order could bring madness.  Unless this was what Jacqui 
wanted, that it was what she needed, that to fulfil all 
her duties, she needed many bodies, many selves, that she 
might give love to those who needed it, and defend her 
Pattern, and guide others, and pursue her arts.  That 
sometimes, great sacrifices were demanded.  But he did 
not know, for the prophesies of Chaos spoke little of 
Order, and the Jacquis either did not know or would not 
tell the truth.  And he did not wish to inflict his 
doubts and uncertainties on someone who needed hope and 
reassurance.  Neither did he wish to give false hope.  
But there was something he could give her.

	"It is possible, that if I continue to be successful 
in some of my studies I have pursued, that I may be able 
to do something for her," Davros said, struggling to find 
some sort of emotional balance.  "You see, as you learn 
more of the arts of shapeshifting others, you begin to 
enter the realm where multiple beings can be joined into 
one being, to pool their powers and to even potentially 
fuse into one true being, though that is often abused by 
those who use it to steal other's bodies."

	Mutsumi stared at him for a moment, trying to calm 
down enough to understand her.  "You mean...you could 
join her bodies back together?"

	"If they wish to be joined, in time, I will possess 
that skill," Davros said.  "It may be years or decades 
before I feel confident enough to risk making things 
worse for Jacqui, but even now, I know enough to conduct 
temporary mergings of beings."

	She whispered, "And you think you can eventually use 
this to help her?"

	"It will likely require the use of the Jewel of 
Judgement, given her nature, and all of the Jacquis would 
have to want to join together.  But in time, I think, 
perhaps, I can help her."

	He could feel the rush of joy and hope in her heart.  
"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you."  She grabbed him 
and kissed him fervently, then let go of him and seemed 
to forget she'd done this within seconds of it being 
over.  "That's wonderful!  Why didn't you ever tell me 
before?"

	"I didn't want to get up your hopes until I was sure 
I could deliver.  It may be that my strength and my skill 
will not be enough, and even if they are, it will be 
years or decades before I am ready."  He paused.  "But 
let me show you just a little of what it is alike."

	"I'll do anything.  Anything," she said.  She smiled 
the beautiful smile that usually graced her face, and 
Davros felt a weight lift off his heart.

	"I have done this with Motoko several times, as a 
test of my skills and a gift to her," he said.  "You must 
turn so that your back is to my stomach and chest, your 
head in front of mine, then hold your arms level in front 
of you, palms down."

	She nodded and turned, and extended her arms, 
leaning back against him.  He brought his arms up under 
hers, and grasped her palms.  "Now what?"

	"Now, open your mind to mine.  This will feel very 
strange, but do not be afraid."

	She opened her mind to his, felt the touch of his 
mind as well, felt his flesh press against hers where 
bare hands and arms met.  There was a very strange 
tingling, and strange sensations began to press against 
her mind.  Her body felt larger, and configured 
strangely, like some sort of...  "You...you've joined our 
flesh together," she said softly.  "I can feel your body, 
feel myself sitting in your lap, and your lap as I sit on 
it, and, oh my.  And the...what is that I feel inside 
you?"

	"It is my Logrus initiation.  Just as I feel your 
Pattern within you."  

 	She could feel it coiling, circling, spreading 
through her.  "What...what's going on?"

 	"Our bodies are one, though lightly joined.  Our 
minds touch and swirl about each other.  And our powers 
as well."

 	The lines of power spread through her, round the 
place of stillness in her heart, becoming a living circle 
around it.  She knew them, knew how to use them, 
remembered how she had walked the Logrus to gain this 
power.  She raised their arms, and called forth the sign 
of her power.  The Logrus appeared before her.  She 
extended her arms into it, drawing it into herself, and 
commanding it from within.  Black tendrils formed around 
her arms, and she reached across the room with them, 
drawing two books to herself.  

	"Do something with Pattern," she said.  "I want to 
feel you do it."

	She felt him concentrate on its image, and it formed 
in the air before them.  She reached into her 
spikard...his spikard...and called forth the magics she 
now knew, and placed a large shining box in the air.  
Then, gazing through her Logrus Sight, he guided the Sign 
of the Pattern to slice her spell to ribbons.  Nervously, 
he guided her Logrus Tendrils towards his...her...his 
Sign of the Pattern, to coil around it, not quite 
touching, the air crackling with power at their 
closeness.

	They danced together in the air.  She carefully wove 
tendrils of sorcery through the Pattern and the Logrus, 
then he called forth his Trump cards to join the dance.  
Secrets opened up before her, revealing things she'd 
never known existed, ways to weave powers together she'd 
never thought of.  He wanted to do something, some great 
work, with all of this power.

	"Let's make something," Mutsumi said.  "We have to."  
She was startled when the words she meant to speak came 
out of Davros' mouth, with his voice.

	Then her lips moved, and he replied, "Yes, let us 
make a memento."

	And they gazed upon the desk, and spotted a small 
pyramid with four sides, which he used as a paperweight.  
It rose into the air with but a thought.  Perhaps sorcery 
or Logrus or it rode upon a trump card or upon the very 
Sign of the Pattern.  Or all at once.  He reached out and 
stroked one side of it with her hand, and the stone 
smoked and burned as her sweat became acid, and he etched 
a tiny trump of herself into that face.  And the Logrus 
inserted itself into the second one, and it began to 
squirm like clay.  And spells flowed out of the spikard 
into it, storing themselves in the piece of Logrus 
imprinted there.  And then it broke apart into two 
identical pyramids, and the Pattern imprinted itself upon 
them, stabilizing them, trapping the Logrus inside them 
to hold the magics, protecting the trump face from the 
Logrus.  And upon one was Davros' face, and on the other, 
Mutsumi's.  

	And she smiled with his lips and he with hers, and 
then she said, "This is so wonderful, I don't ever want 
to stop."

	And he said, "Which is why we must."

	She nodded reluctantly.  "How did you and Motoko 
ever let go?"

	"It was not easy," he said softly.

	And then the power slowly uncoiled out of her, and 
she ceased to feel his body, to breathe with his lungs, 
and then they were just two people in a chair, drained, 
one in the other's lap.  She said softly, "Wow."

	"That is but a fraction of the skill I will need to 
help Jacqui.  But as you see, I am making progress," 
Davros said.

	"Thoric will be very happy.  Thank you.  Thank you 
again," she said.  She paused.  "Did I kiss you?"

	"Yes," he said.  "Though a kiss is very little 
compared to that."

	"Is there anything I can do for you?" she asked.  
"You have given me hope, and I..."

	"Times will come, when I must ask of you some great 
task, I am sure.  But until then, do not feel you owe me 
anything, until I actually deliver," Davros said.  
"Although if we could finish going over my book, that 
would help."

	She laughed.  "Yes, the book.  Alright, let's 
see..."

	  
*************

	Thoric was in the middle of shampooing his hair when 
he heard movement behind him.  "Do not turn around," 
Motoko said.

	"..."

	She began to expertly scrub his hair.  "You have 
very soft and shiny hair," she said.

	"Is something wrong with the other side?"

	"I cannot focus on bathing while Moonshade and 
Mitsune are on round five, headed for round six.  Or so," 
she said.  "And were I to join them, I would only just be 
getting...into it when it would be time for dinner, while 
they are winding down."

	"..."

	Cold water dashed down over his head.  "If you could 
do my hair, I would appreciate it," she said.

	"I hope you're more dressed than I am," he said 
weakly.

	"I can't see the important parts from this angle," 
she said.  "Throw something on once you can, though.  I 
will tell you when I'm ready for you to turn around and 
face me."

	"Alright," he said.  He finished scrubbing himself 
and got a towel to wrap round himself.

	Motoko finally said, "Alright."

	He turned around and got some soapy water, then 
began to scrub her long hair.  It had reached its full 
length again by now, long and black and beautiful.  
"Mutsumi keeps asking to braid my hair."

	"I think you would look good with a braid," she 
said.  

	"You too, huh?" he said, continuing to scrub her 
hair.  "I always seem to get mistaken for a woman when 
I've tried that."

	"Only a very foolish person would ever mistake you 
for a woman, Thoric," Motoko said.  "And it would be 
their loss.  Though I was mistaken for a man once myself, 
so I can imagine how it felt."

	"And I find that hard to imagine," he said, now 
scrubbing the top of her head intensely.  Over her 
shoulders, he caught a glimpse of her bosom, which seemed 
a bit larger than usual, though he tried not to stare.  
Best not to lead oneself into temptation.  "You have a 
very womanly body."

	"Thank you, Thoric," she said.

	He dumped a bucket of water over her head, washing 
the soap out of her hair, which he then began to brush.  
"Your spouses are very fortunate to gaze upon such beauty 
all their days."

	"You flatter me," she said, smiling.  "Do you brush 
Mutsumi's hair often?"

	"She loves having me brush it," he said.  "Jacqui 
likes me to brush hers, but, well, that tends to end 
rather quickly for obvious reasons.  Whereas, it can take 
quite a while to brush Mutsumi's."

	"I suggest we get in the water, then, since we're 
under a time budget," Motoko said.

	"Right."

	They soon settled into the hot water.  Thoric slowly 
worked the kinks out of Motoko's hair.  "If we have time, 
I should get you to brush mine."

	"I would be happy to," Motoko said.

	"Hmmm..."

	"Hmm?"

	"Trying to decide whether to broach a subject," 
Thoric said.

	"Still no prospect of further children for me or my 
loves," Motoko said.  "Unless Davros is pregnant and 
hiding it."

	"How would...oh."  His eyes widened.

	"Now that I think about it, I suppose I could simply 
have turned into a man to come over to this side," Motoko 
said, but took no measure to do so.  "Not much point at 
this stage."

	He finished her hair, then turned around.  "Your 
turn," he said.

	She began to brush his hair with firm, energetic 
strokes.  It was a pleasant feeling.  "How about you?"

	"No pregnancies," he said.  "Either for us or for 
our children.  Makoto Minor is dating King Dios, though."

	Motoko paused.  "..."

	"I know, it boggles me too.  I have a feeling it may 
end messily, but..."

	"But if it does not, your descendents may well rule 
both ends of a universe," Motoko said softly.  "And your 
daughter as Queen of New Chaos would help to ensure that 
peace endures between your nations.  Good luck, Thoric."

	"Thank you," he said.

	"Do you think..."  She paused, then went silent long 
enough to untangle a particular snarl.  "Would I..."  She 
shook her head.  "It is a silly, adolescent question, and 
I will not ask it."

	"You would make a magnificent Queen," Thoric said.  
"Wise and just and intelligent and honest and honorable 
and beautiful, before whom men would be proud to bow, and 
women proud to serve.  Just as you make an excellent 
representative for Amber in Chaos."

	She blushed slightly.  "How did you guess?"

	"We know each other.  Things could have been 
different easily enough, and I might be the ambassador, 
wondering if I would have made a good king.  Although 
you've been a Queen before."

	"Kenshi is not the same as Arcadia," Motoko said.

	"In many ways, it is not," Thoric said.  "But if 
circumstances had come out differently, I think you would 
have ruled well in Arcadia.  Or as Dios' consort in New 
Chaos."

	"It is part of the price of immortality to gnaw 
relentlessly at might have beens and what ifs, though not 
a healthy activity," Motoko said, untangling another 
gnarl.  "What if Moriya had not died, or Moonshade had 
never been found or if Moriya had died fighting the 
Serpent's Horn or if you had perished or if you had been 
assigned to investigate Ota's death with me or if we had 
seen each other's true hearts long before we did."  She 
fell silent, continuing to gently brush his hair.  

	"I do not regret my choices," Thoric said.  "Though 
they closed certain roads I would not mind walking down."

	"Nor do I," Motoko said.  "It is only that I have a 
foolish human heart, which always wants ever more 
happiness, to gather everything that brings it joy close 
to it, and keep it there forever.  I am not discontent, 
merely greedy."

	"I understand, for I am the same way," Thoric said.  
"After many years of having Beowulf resident in Arcadia, 
I was very sad to see him go.  Whenever Kanna must go 
after a brief visit, I am sad.  Every time I see the four 
of you, I wish that none of you had to leave, or that I 
did not.  I hate being separated from people I care 
about.  Especially those I rarely get to see.  Though I 
know that your work here would be far more satisfying to 
you than if you were Amber's ambassador to Arcadia, my 
greedy heart wishes to have you there anyway."

	"Well, look at it this way," Motoko said softly.  
"When you see people but rarely, it is easier to make 
every moment with them precious, to make a shining jewel 
of them to add to the treasury of your memories.  And in 
our immortal lives, we will slowly build up a hoard of 
such memories to comfort us through the long nights."  
Her arms slid around him from behind, and her head rested 
on his shoulder.  "Are you feeling lonely, Thoric?"

	"I am never lonely here," he said softly.  "And 
Mutsumi and all the Jacquis ensure I am never really 
lonely in Arcadia.  But I do miss everyone.  Especially 
you and Mother and Beowulf and Kanna.  You all  believed 
in me before I believed in myself."

	"I cannot claim membership in that elite company," 
she said.  "For I only came to understand your true worth 
even as you did.  I had thought you weak like all the 
others.  But then you proved me wrong."

	"And I feared your reputation," he said.  "Not 
understanding why you had built such high walls to guard 
your heart.  Or the beautiful gardens which lay within."

	"Do you speak so flatteringly to your wives, hmm?" 
she asked.

	"I never flatter.  Every word is true.  Mutsumi is 
my rock to whom I cling when the storms come.  Jacqui is 
my never dry well of good cheer, who can draw me out of 
my self-pity and despair to hope again.  Dr. Jacqueline 
finds the clever solutions which elude my sight.  The 
Hostess guides me to new wisdom.  And the Bride...the 
Bride is terror and ecstasy combined, a nightmare and a 
dream."  

	"We will find her a cure one day," Motoko said.  
"Davros and Mitsune have been doing some experiments with 
shapeshifting which we hope can eventually be used to 
reintegrate her with the help of the Jewel of Judgment.  
She will be whole again.  Do not despair."

	"I will not."

	She held him in silence for a few seconds, then said 
softly, "I keep gnawing away at why Davros and I haven't 
been able to have a child."

	"Have you tried..." Thoric began.

	"No.  We wish to let it happen naturally.  When the 
Serpent wills it.  But I just..."

	"This is not a punishment," Thoric said firmly.  
"You've already had as many children as Kozue in less 
time.  It sometimes takes a very long time for Amberites 
to get pregnant if they don't cheat."

	"Jacqui has so many children," Motoko said a little 
wistfully.

	"She has the record," Thoric said.  "But it's no 
judgement on you.  Now if you don't luck out in the crop 
of Crisis Babies after the next big crisis, then you can 
worry."

	She laughed.  "We do seem to have children easiest 
in such times."

	Then she leaned against him slightly.  Teasingly, 
she said, "We could try having a child together, as an 
experiment."

	"I'm sure Dr. Jacqueline would be happy to help us 
try to make each other pregnant, in ways which might last 
for hours at a time, just to perform a single test."  
Thoric laughed.  

	"I suppose Jacqui has been training you in Yumi's 
secret techniques all these years."

	"And you've been studying with Mitsune."

	"Spider Crosses the Web," Thoric said.

	"Deer Nibbles the Corn," Motoko said.

	"Squirrel Digs Up His Buried Nuts," Thoric said.

	"Stylite Climbs the Pillar," Motoko replied.

	"Explorer Finds Snow-Capped Mountain Peaks."

	"Hmm, I don't remember that one," Motoko said.

	"You have to use ice cream, and you have to make 
sure you find the snow capped peaks before they melt," 
Thoric said.  "Or it gets very messy.  Works better for 
Jacqui, who can cool her breasts down a bit, to slow the 
melting."

	"I could probably do that," Motoko said 
thoughtfully.  "Do you have to use vanilla or could it be 
a cherry or strawberry capped peak?"

	"Any flavor you like, of course," Thoric said.

	"Very good," she said.  "We've tried some food 
variations, but it always seems to turn hideously messy."

	"I know.  You can do some incredibly sensual things 
with watermelon, but you had best simply give up and burn 
the sheets, and possibly the bed afterwards," Thoric 
said. 

	Motoko laughed.  "How often do you burn the sheets?"

	"At least once every few weeks," Thoric said.  
"Would be a lot easier if we had Davros to burn them for 
us," he teased.

	"He could probably burn the sheets while you laid on 
them without hurting anyone," Motoko said, with obvious 
pride in her voice.  "He can shave all our legs at once."

	"Do you actually need to shave your legs when 
everyone but Moonshade has shapeshifting?"

	"We can't let her have ALL the fun," Motoko said, 
smiling.

	He gazed on her face, smiling himself.  It was a 
pity more people didn't get to see her like this, so full 
of happiness and warmth.  So many judged her unfairly 
because she didn't open up easily.  He certainly had, 
once.  But he knew better now.  They could be honest with 
each other, and open.  And sometimes, they could discuss 
things they couldn't discuss with their lovers, because 
they needed someone who both understood them and wasn't 
part of the problem.  

	They didn't get to see each other often, but it only 
seemed to make the times spent together all the sweeter.  
She was his best friend who wasn't one of his wives, and 
he treasured every precious moment.  There were times 
when he wanted more, but he had made marriage vows, and 
he would keep them.  And so would she.  And he knew that 
the fact that neither of them would cheat made them each 
more desirable to each other, more the sort of person 
they most cared for.  It was, perhaps, a paradox.  But at 
times, there was a strange strength to be found in 
paradox. 

	"Now I'm having a horrible mental vision of the Host 
trying to shave my legs."  Thoric shivered and laughed at 
once.  

	"Give me some sugar, baby," Motoko said in an 
uncanny imitation of the Host's voice.

	Thoric shivered.  "You're TOO good at that."

	"When we came to visit some years ago, he tried to 
get me to make out with him when we went up to the Castle 
of Dreams," Motoko said.  "Amazingly freakish, he is."

	"But good at forcing us to confront truths we hide 
from," he said.

	"I hope that my becoming a stripper was not a truth 
I try to hide from," Motoko said.

	"..."  Thoric then felt the touch of trump against 
his mind.  "Mutsumi is calling me."

	She blinked.  "You can tell without even needing to 
consult a deck?"

	"No one else would trump me while I'm in the baths."  
He took the call, not even thinking of how Motoko was 
twined round him from behind.

	It was Mutsumi, seated in Davros' lap in his study.  
She held a sheaf of papers in one hand, and a red pin in 
the other.  "Dinner's about ready.  You two done 
bathing?"

	"Yes," Thoric said.  "We'll go get dressed.  
Enjoying the critiquing session?"

	"Very much," Mutsumi said.  "See you in a few."  She 
leaned forward and kissed Thoric on the lips, then cut 
the contact.

	"She is a very secure woman," Motoko said.

	"Mutsumi knows exactly how I feel about you, as I've 
told her.  And she trusts me greatly."

	"They all know my heart with regard to you," Motoko 
said.  "The three of us share very intimate mindscapes, 
and we can't really hide our fantasies."

	"Does..." he started to ask, rising and helping her 
up.  "No, I will not ask."

	"And I shall not tell," she said, taking his hand.  
"Though I'm sure you can guess."

	"It adds to my temptation, but I won't yield," he 
said firmly.  "Don't ever tell Minako, or she'll get 
weird ideas in her head."

	"Too late there, I fear," Motoko said, walking 
towards the door with him.  "I just fear she'll team up 
with Deirdre on it."

	"Let us pray NOT."


**************	
	
 	Mitsune glanced over at Thoric as they all sat at 
the dinner table.  His eyes were shut as Davros prayed 
over the meal, so she couldn't tell anything.  She could 
feel her ecstasy slowly deflating and hated it.  She 
normally never lost her delight this quickly after 
Moonshade made love to her, but now she felt like a 
leaking tire.

	She shoved away her worries and ate quietly, 
listening to the others talk.  Motoko was in such a good 
mood, she seemed to almost be someone else entirely than 
her usual self.  Even happy, Motoko rarely spoke so 
freely and joyfully.  Moonshade was smiling at her, and 
Mitsune did her best to smile back.  Mutsumi was smiling 
as well; she looked like someone who had been carrying a 
mountain, then discovered it was gone.  She kept glancing 
over at Davros gratefully, and Mitsune wondered what he 
had told her.

	Then it struck her that he must have told her about 
their experiments, which they hoped they could use to 
cure Jacqui.  "Someone pass the butter," Mitsune asked.

	Mutsumi did so, smiling at her as if she'd never 
been angry.  "Here you go," she said, her voice happy.

	Mitsune felt some relief.  "Thanks."

	"You're welcome," she said.

	The meal went on, and afterwards, Mutsumi went to 
play some music for everyone in the living room with 
Kaname, while Thoric took her aside for a talk.

	They went to the gardens, and walked together in 
silence for a little while.  Finally, Mitsune said, "I'm 
sorry."

	"It's okay," he said.  "I know you didn't mean to 
hurt us.  We both just showed up feeling pretty stressed 
out."

	"Kingship getting rough?" Mitsune asked, worried.

	"Narrowly averted having the Klatchian Ambassador 
killed," Thoric said.  "Had to explain to Ota why we left 
Makoto in charge.  Nearly got killed by Ota, who thought 
I was Nym the Swagman."

	Mitsune boggled.  "Why did he think that?"

	"Dr. Jacqueline told him that."

	She pursed her lips.  "Delightful."

	"And there may be trouble in Klatch.  But that's 
fairly normal, I suppose."

	"Any good news?"

	"Minako's arranging a major concert.  It seems 
likely to be a lot of fun.  Makoto is dating King Dios."

	"..."

	"Yeah, it boggles me too," Thoric said, sitting down 
on a bench.

	"Is Ota seeing anyone?"

	"He was seeing this shrine maiden for a while, until 
she turned out to actually be an agent of the Thieves' 
Guild, sent to seduce him so he wouldn't be out solving 
crimes."

	"..."

	"Or so he claims.  She may have just dumped him and 
he needed an excuse to look less bad."

	"Is he still seeking a harem?"

	"In his spare time.  He keeps too busy most of the 
time."  Thoric shook his head.  "I'll be happy if he 
finds one wife, let alone several."

	"How about Minako?"

	"Messy breakup complete with a really vicious fight 
over who gets the cats," Thoric said.  "She said 
something about Trademark Violation, but I didn't get 
that part."

	"With Minako, you can't be sure."

	"Amen to that."  She leaned over and put an arm 
around him.  "It's good to have you here."

	"It's good to visit," he replied, putting an arm 
around her.  "Though it always means I have to fret over 
whether Jacqui will come back happy or with her heart 
stomped on."

	"I'm surprised she keeps coming."

	"Well, she loves Jewel, and Jewel always wants to 
meet her with Jack and the Logrus, so..."  He sighed.  
"And she likes seeing you all too."

	"I'm always happy to see her," Mitsune said.  

	"It must be strange, having so few people here now," 
Thoric said.

	"Yes, it is," Mitsune said.  "Even Miroku's gone off 
to Amber for a while.  And Kanako too."

	"Is Miroku well?  I just realized no one's said 
anything about him."

	"The last time I heard from him, he told me he had 
decided Lady Haruna desperately needed sex to loosen her 
up.  I expect to hear about him being beaten up some time 
soon."  She sighed.  "He seems to have this knack for 
picking women he doesn't have a chance with."

	Thoric nodded.  "Well, I was pretty good at that 
form of stupidity myself, back in the day.  It would 
probably help if he didn't go into every relationship 
thinking about who else he can bring into it."

	Mitsune nodded firmly.  "Exactly.  Relationships 
like the ones we're in don't happen because you wake up 
one day and think 'Hey, I want multiple spouses'.  It 
just..."

	"It just happens, and then you look back at it, and 
you see why," Thoric said.  "If I'd woken up one morning 
and decided to try to get Jacqui and Mutsumi into my bed 
at the same time, I'd have never succeeded."

	"If you'd told me in 1331 that a year later, I'd 
have three lovers at once, I'd have thought you were 
insane," Mitsune said.  "But now, I'm the happiest woman 
in the universe."

	"Marriage is not easy," Thoric said.  "But it can be 
very wonderful."

	"Yes," Mitsune said.  "We should probably go join 
the others."

	He nodded and rose.  "Let's go."

*************

	Mutsumi handed Thoric a violin as he came in; she 
was playing on the mandolin while Kaname played on a 
piano which only barely fit into the room.  He knew the 
tune, so he joined right in.  Davros, Moonshade, and 
Motoko were seated on the couch in that order; Mitsune 
now draped herself across the three of them.  

	They finished the tune, and then Mutsumi said, "Any 
requests?"

	Mitsune said, "You need to get Isillome to sing one 
of her weepy Elven ballads."

	Moonshade said, "No.  No weepy Elven ballads."

	Davros said, "You sing beautifully, Isillome.  And 
we rarely get to hear you sing with musicians as good as 
our friends."

	"Come on, you sing better than I do," Kaname said.  
"Otherwise, I'll have to sing 'A Drop of Nelson's Blood' 
again."

	"You say that like it's a bad thing," Moonshade 
said.

	"Do not feel you must do it," Motoko said.  "Though 
we would enjoy hearing you sing."

	"C'mon, please?" Mitsune begged.

	"Well, I suppose I could do just one," Moonshade 
said, getting up and going over to lean on the piano.  
Mitsune immediately popped into where she'd been sitting, 
and put her arms around Motoko and Davros.  

	"I will sing the lay of Thingol and Melian, an elf 
and a Maiar, who together created, protected and 
eventually failed the fair kingdom of Doriath," Moonshade 
said after some thought.  "A part of the grand affair of 
the Silmarils."

	And then she began to sing, and every vestige of her 
usual self swiftly faded away.  Her singing voice was 
beautiful and her singing heartfelt.  The lay went on for 
hours, telling a tale of centuries.  Thoric had heard her 
sing it before, but it still made him cry.  Indeed, the 
whole room was full of weeping people by the end, but it 
was a good kind of weeping, a release of tensions, like a 
rain after a drought.

	The sky had turned to redsky by the time she 
finished; it was time for bed.  Thoric turned to Kaname, 
"I hope you'll be here in the morning?"

	She nodded.  "Yes; I'll see you at breakfast, 
Thoric."  She turned to Mutsumi.  "Good night, sis."

	"Good night," she said, kissing Kaname on the cheek, 
then taking Thoric on the arm.  "What am I bid on the 
service of this handsome hunk of manflesh for the night?" 
she asked teasingly to everyone.

	"A Sickle!" Mitsune shouted.

	"A Sun!" Moonshade said, grinning.

	"A Castle!" Mitsune replied.

	"A Dream!" Moonshade shouted, grinning.

	"Two Dreams and I'll throw in Nanbara too!" Mitsune 
said.

	"You can't bid with Nanbara!  He's not your child!"

	"Alright, I'll throw in Miroku," Mitsune said.

	"Hey!" Davros said.

	"He's got a half-share in Miroku," Moonshade pointed 
out.

	"Surely Motoko and Moonshade have some share in the 
ownership of Miroku, since they helped raise him," 
Mutsumi said.  "No bidding people, since it's too 
complex."

	"Aww," Mitsune said.  

	Thoric wondered, for just a moment, if Mutsumi was 
actually joking, then dismissed the thought.

	"Not going to bid?" Mitsune teased, poking Motoko in 
the arm.

	Motoko blushed.  "I do not see the need to make a 
fool of myself."

	"How about you, Davros?" Mutsumi asked.  "Going to 
bid?"

	"Even the priests of Kundali don't hold auctions," 
he mumbled.  "I think."

	"A Comet," Moonshade bid.

	"Two Comets!" Mitsune replied.

	"Two Unicorns!" Moonshade said.

	Thoric said, "We're going to be here a very long 
time if we wait for them to stop bidding money they don't 
have on a sale which is not actually going to take 
place."

	"And what makes you so sure of that, hmm?" Mutsumi 
asked him.

	He picked her up.  "Because, I'm going to carry you 
off and make love to you before you can finish."

	She purred and curled up to him.  "Auction is 
closed.  See you all in the morning!"

	And then he swept out of the room with her. 

	"Damn, he always does that," Mitsune said.

	"Like this?" Moonshade picked Mitsune up, and threw 
her over one shoulder.  Then she leaned down and kissed 
Davros and Motoko on the forehead.  "Good night," she 
said.  "I have to finish this woman off, since we ran out 
of time earlier."

	"You'll never take me alive!" Mitsune giggled, as 
she was hauled out of the room.

	"Goodnight, everyone," Kaname said, and departed, 
leaving Davros and Motoko alone on the couch.

	Motoko scooted over to Davros, and they put arms 
around each other.  "Was Mutsumi able to help you?" she 
asked.

	"She was a great help to me, and I told her about 
Mitsune and I's experiments.  I hope we can help Jacqui."

	"I believe we can," Motoko said.  "If she wants to 
be helped.  Of which I am not so certain."

	He sighed.  "I know.  But I will do my best, and so 
will Mitsune."

	"And so will I," Motoko said.  "She is my friend, 
and she has suffered much, and I want to bring her 
healing if I can."

	"We had a long talk about it all," Davros said.  "I 
think she feels better about it now."

	She leaned over and kissed Davros' cheek.  "I have a 
confession to make, oh great priest of Chaos."

	"You've been sleeping with that naughty, naughty 
Serpent again, haven't you," he replied teasingly.

	"There's this very, very attractive priest, who I 
keep having wicked thoughts about," Motoko breathed into 
his ear.  "Involving ice cream and spikards and 
shapeshifting."

	"Ice cream?  Tell me more."

	She said, "Let's go to the kitchen, and get some ice 
cream and..."

	Logrus tendrils flicked past her, and two large 
tubs, one chocolate, one vanilla, appeared.  "Do we need 
spoons?"

	"Perhaps we'd best retire somewhere private, before 
I tell you all about mountain-climbing snow-capped 
peaks," she said softly, smiling.

	"Then let us go," and they left.

**************

	Mutsumi cuddled up to Thoric, spent in the aftermath 
of lovemaking.  "Thoric, do you like big breasts?"

	He blinked.  "Why are you suddenly asking me this?"

	"Answer the question," she said.

	"Yes.  I also like long, shapely legs."  He ran a 
hand along Mutsumi's left leg.  "And cute little noses."  
He kissed hers.  "And the way you smell, too."

	"So, if you could change one thing about me, what 
would you change?" she asked.

	"I'd give you a lot more strength so you could punch 
out stupid people for me."

	Mutsumi laughed.  "Like our daughter."

	"But really, I'm quite happy the way you are.  I'd 
ask you what you'd change about me, but I know you'd ask 
to braid my hair again."

	She twined several strands round her fingers.  
"Promise me you'll never leave me."

	"I will never leave you, ever," Thoric said.  
"Promise me you'll never leave me."

	"I will never leave you, ever," Mutsumi said.  
"Eternity is ours."

	She kissed his cheek, then closed her eyes and 
drifted off to sleep.  He lay in the dark a little while, 
listening to her breath, then slipped off into slumber as 
well.

**************
	
	"Is it not incredible?" Motoko asked Mutsumi the 
next day, as they sat together in the gardens.  Mutsumi 
was seated in her lap; Motoko wondered vaguely if Mutsumi 
had foresworn the use of anything but human beings as 
chairs.

	"Yes, it was," Mutsumi said.  "Magnificent.  We 
could do...virtually everything worth doing.  You and he 
must do that a lot."

	"Not too often. It's best not to do such things 
purely for fun," Motoko said.

	"I suppose not.  It's rather intoxicating," Mutsumi 
said.  "We..."

	And then there was a tangle of Logrus tendrils, and 
Jacqui landed on top of both of them, knocking them off 
the bench, onto the ground.  "Sorry about that," Jacqui 
said.  "Jack's aim was a little off."  She cuddled up to 
Mutsumi.  "How are you, honey?"

	"I'm fine," Mutsumi said.  "But I think my elbow is 
in Motoko's mouth."

	Jacqui jumped back off them, and helped them up.  
"I'm really, really sorry," she said.

	"It happens," Motoko said, dusting herself off.  
"Did the visit go well?"

	"We had a very good time, and the Logrus only 
threatened to destroy Thoric once," Jacqui said.  "In a 
few decades, she'll probably stop entirely."

	Motoko and Mutsumi winced in unison.  "Did she 
threaten to destroy me?" Mutsumi asked.

	Jacqui sighed.  "Twice."

	Motoko pursed her lips.  "The Logrus needs to let go 
of this."

	"She and Jack had a very big row about it," Jacqui 
said, taking Mutsumi's hand.  	"But Jewel and I got 
them to kiss and make up."

	"That's good," Motoko said.  "Reconciliation is 
always good."

	"So, are we going to have a big group orgy tonight?" 
Jacqui asked.  "I brought..."  She looked around.  "Jack 
kept the ice cream for himself!"  She tugged her hair.  
"Wait, you can trump some, right, Mutsumi?"

	Motoko said, "No big group orgy tonight."

	"We have a reputation to keep up, you know," Jacqui 
said.  

	"Yes," Motoko said.  "Best we not damage it any 
further."

	"If you're going to get blamed for fire, you might 
as well smoke," Jacqui said.

	"Are you trying to channel our daughter?" Mutsumi 
asked teasingly.

	"Not deliberately," Jacqui said.  "You can come to 
Arcadia and we can all get married.  I even passed a law 
to make it okay."

	"..."  Mutsumi stared at her.  "When did we pass 
that law?"

	"It was a rider on the National Celery Week 
proclamation," Jacqui said.

	"..."

	Motoko said faintly, "You're joking, right?"

	She shook her head.  "Nope.  I was thinking about 
it, and I realized that it would be a lot easier if you 
all just moved to Chaos and married us and we all lived 
happily together.  That, and I appropriated more funds 
for Dr. Jacqueline so she can find a way to make Corey 
impotent until he learns to treat Edith better."

	"..."

	"He's been off being an idiot for months.   Poor 
Edith must be close to snapping from trying to wait for 
him so long."  Her voice had about as much sadness as 
Jacqui ever got, which usually wasn't very much.  "I had 
a really good idea on what to do about Klatch while I was 
visiting with everyone, but it doesn't seem as cool now 
that I've had time to think about it."

	Mutsumi said, "I don't remember any such rider on 
the copy I signed."

	Jacqui frowned.  "Well, I thought I put it on.  I 
guess I'll have to check."

	Mutsumi said, "Unfortunately, I don't think just 
seven people would be enough.  As, until we find a way to 
put all of you back together, there's also the Bride, and 
Dr. Jacqueline, and the Hostess too."

	"And the Host," Jacqui pointed out.  "But since all 
of us count as one person for marital purposes, as per 
our declaration of the fifth of May, 1373, making it 
seven would be enough."

	Motoko opened her mouth to protest further, then 
decided to deflect things more subtly.  "I am afraid my 
duties will likely keep me here for the foreseeable 
future.  I am needed here."

	Jacqui sighed.  "But if you don't come marry us, it 
means we'll hardly ever get to see you."

	Motoko nodded.  "I am afraid so.  Also, wouldn't it 
be illegal for you and Moonshade to marry the same 
people?"

	Jacqui's eyes widened.  "Dammit, I didn't think of 
that!"  She began to pace.  "Yes, this complicates 
things.  I'll have to consult with the Lord High 
Chamberlain."

	"Yes, that would be wise," Motoko said.

	"Hmm, perhaps some sort of special structure of 
overlapping marriages," Jacqui said thoughtfully.  "Allow 
each person to be in two groups at once, so Moonshade and 
I act as the two lynchpins of the ovals..."

	Motoko felt her head begin to swim.

	"So, two six person marriages, allowed to overlap, 
such that five people are in both, and two people are 
each only in one of them?" Mutsumi asked.

	"Exactly," Jacqui said.  "That way, there's no 
incest, and we can all live together and be happy."  She 
turned to Motoko.  "Are you alright?"

	Motoko was rubbing her temples.  "I'm fine.  Too 
much ice cream last night, I think."

	"Oooh, you did remember to chill your breasts, 
right?" Jacqui asked.  "It's very important.  But not too 
cold, or your lover gets stuck to you like a telephone 
pole."

	Motoko fought the images in her head.

	Jacqui looked more closely at Motoko.  She poked 
Motoko's chest.  "Hmm, bigger."

	"Are they?" Motoko asked.  "I hadn't noticed."

	"Am I to believe that you made your breasts larger 
to entice Thoric without realizing it?" Jacqui asked.  
"Or were you trying to entice Mutsumi?"

	"I did not make my breasts bigger to entice Thoric," 
Motoko said.  "Or Mutsumi.  I...I'm practicing to be a 
warrior hussy."

	"Oooh, you'd make a good warrior hussy," Jacqui 
said.  She took one of Motoko's arms and studied it.  
"Hmm, you need to work out more, though.  Also, you're 
dressed completely wrong for a warrior hussy."

	"This is the Lipunese garb of a warrior," Motoko 
protested.

	"I can't see your cleavage," Jacqui said.  "So 
there's not enough hussy in it."  She turned to Mutsumi.  
"Do you drool at the sight of this outfit?"

	"Not really," Mutsumi said.  "I'm afraid we're going 
to have to take you and put you in proper warrior hussy 
garb."

	"I save my cleavage for my spouses," Motoko said a 
little primly.  "They find it quite satisfactory."

	"Oh, it's not the amount.  It's the showing off 
that's key.  I could do a good warrior hussy in the right 
outfit.  But you have to show what you have, to be a 
hussy," Jacqui said.  "Right, Mutsumi?"

	"Right," Mutsumi said.  "Although, wearing tight 
black leather which covers everything naughty, but 
emphasizes how much of it you have, also works.  Half the 
point of my battle costume is so that men will waste time 
drooling instead of trying to kill me."

	"Oooh, good idea.  We can dress her up in that."  

	"Dress her up in what?" Moonshade asked, then came 
over and hugged Jacqui.  "Hi, sis," she said.

	Jacqui hugged her back.  "Motoko's planning to 
muscle in on your warrior hussy schtick.  We're trying to 
convince her she needs to show off her breasts, or at 
least wear something sexier."

	Moonshade came over and wrapped her arms around 
Motoko from behind.  "You should come to the master, if 
you wish to learn the ways of the Warrior Hussy," she 
said.

	Now I understand why some people take oaths of 
silence, Motoko thought.  "I will keep that in mind."  
She decided to change the subject.  "Oh, Jacqui, you 
should talk to Mitsune and Davros.  They've been doing 
research towards putting you and the other Jacquis back 
together again."

	"So long as the Logrus needs Jack, that's not really 
an option," Jacqui said, with a hard to read tone of 
voice.  "I don't think it would be wise to take him away 
from her, and I don't think anything which tried to put 
me back together again with a piece missing would be very 
smart."

	Mutsumi frowned.  "That's true."

	"Sooner or later, the Logrus will take on some new 
obsession," Moonshade said.  "And toss him aside like 
yesterday's newspaper."

	Jacqui frowned.  "I don't think she will.  I think 
she really loves him."

	They all stood around uncomfortably for a few 
seconds, then Mutsumi said, "We should go check on the 
others."

	"Yes, we should," Moonshade said.

	"Let's go, then," Jacqui said, smiling once again 
and running off ahead, dragging Mutsumi behind her.

	"Well, at least the Bride didn't show up and try to 
vaporize us for making her unhappy," Moonshade said.

	"That only happened once," Motoko said.  "It's the 
other times I've met the Bride that it's really been 
ugly."

	"I wonder sometimes what all the pieces of me would 
be like, if I split into pieces," Moonshade said.

	Motoko took her hand.  "Quite lovely, all of them, 
I'm sure, though some would likely be as terrifying as 
the Bride."

	"I can imagine."  She shook her head.  "But she's 
right.  So long as the Logrus wants Jack, we're not going 
to be able to put her back together.  And I dunno if she 
really wants to be fixed."

	"I fear she does not," Motoko said.  "That she did 
this to herself deliberately to try to meet all the 
demands on her.  It was a poor solution.  But I judge too 
easily, so I will not speak of it more."

	"So, what's this about wanting to become a warrior 
hussy, hmm?" Moonshade asked as they walked.

	"I...umm...ahaha.  Yes."  She paused.  "Isillome, my 
love, you are cupping one of my breasts with your hands 
where anyone could see."

	"Have to see what cupsize you are today," Moonshade 
said.  "Are you planning to stay this stacked for a 
while?"

	"Yes," Motoko said.  "I've decided to experiment 
with seeing what it's like over a long period of time."  
There was a certain false boldness in her voice.

	"I sense someone is talking smack to cover something 
up," Moonshade said.

	"Not at all.  I decided there was no point in 
envying you and Mitsune's bosoms when I could have any 
size I wanted.  So I settled on this," Motoko said 
firmly.

	"Very pleasing," Moonshade said.  

	They reached the room where everyone was else was 
busy relaxing.  Jacqui was busy measuring Davros with a 
tape measure.  Motoko asked, "What are you doing, 
Jacqui?"

	"I've decided that I've seen him wear this outfit 
too many times, so I'm going to design him some new 
robes," she replied.  

	"They're my uniform as a priest of Pindin!" Davros 
protested.

	"Well, I'll just have to talk to your boss on my 
next visit," Jacqui said.  "And you're not at work, 
anyway, so you ought to dress casually."

	"Make him a holy muscle shirt," Mitsune suggested.

	"Ooh, good idea," Jacqui said.

	"So how long will you be staying?" Kaname asked.

	"Until tomorrow morning," Thoric said.  

	"Hmm.  We should go see the fire-falls of Debna this 
afternoon, then," Kaname said.  "Since Mutsumi and Thoric 
and Jacqui have never been with us any of the times we've 
been."

	"That would be very nice," Motoko said.  

	"Oooh," Jacqui said enthusiastically.  "That sounds 
really cool.  I'm game."

	"Sure," Thoric said.

	"Sounds good to me," Mutsumi said.

	"Alright, then we can go after lunch," Kaname said.  

*************

	The fire-falls of Debna are a quite spectacular 
sight; the entire shadow is made up of volcanic rock and 
flowing rivers of fire, which burns without needing to 
consume anything.  At Debna, the Yoria River, half-a-mile 
wide, plunges over a 2000 foot precipice to the Great 
Plains of Yorlo below.  Tourist traps have sprung up at 
both the top and the bottom of the falls, as well as 
ledges cut into the rock partway up for those who want a 
different perspective.  A Fire Shrine of Pindin sits at 
the very base of the falls; only those of sufficient 
shapeshifting skills or with heavy magical protections 
can survive trying to get to it.

	There were hundreds of tourists everywhere, almost 
all shifted into fire Avatar forms or into demon form; 
Thoric and Mutsumi and Moonshade and Kaname stuck out 
like sore thumbs.  Thoric glanced over at Jacqui, who 
leaned on the railing in demon form.  He wasn't used to 
seeing her like that.  Davros looked like a gargoyle, 
Motoko a serpent-woman, and Mitsune a fox-woman.  
Moonshade and Kaname seemed quite blase about all the 
demon-formed people running around.  They still made 
Thoric a little nervous, in part because Jacqui almost 
never assumed her demon form.  

	Davros rambled on about the falls and the shrine; 
Thoric half-listened and half-lost himself in their 
dangerous beauty.  

	While Davros rambled on, Jacqui quietly tugged 
Motoko aside.  "Are you mad at me?" she asked.

	"No, I'm not mad at you," Motoko said.  "And I'm not 
trying to steal your husband."

	Jacqui blinked.  "What?"

	"Nothing," Motoko said.  "Nothing at all."  She 
looked down at the fire river.  "If you look carefully, 
you can see..." she began.

	"If you love a bird," Jacqui said, "You have to let 
it fly free, and then see if it comes home to you."

	Motoko froze, staring over the railing.  "What?"

	"I know that my siblings and I drive Thoric and 
Mutsumi crazy sometimes.  I'm not blind," she said 
softly.  "But I also know they love me, love all of us.  
And we need them.  Desperately.  I try my best to be a 
good queen, and I do some of it really well.  But there's 
other things I can't do, and the rest of us aren't...many 
of us are too focused.  And I'm not focused enough.  Not 
on the right things for being a queen.  But I do my 
best."

	"I know you do," Motoko said, turning around.  
"You've always been someone who did their best, and if 
they messed up, you tried again and again, if you were 
ever going to be able to do it at all."

	"I know they won't leave me.  Because they would 
have done it long ago, if it was going to happen.  But 
sometimes, everyone needs to get away from their lovers.  
Not because you don't love them, but just because 
otherwise, you will drive each other insane.  It's just 
how it is."  Jacqui came over and leaned against the 
railing.  "It's one reason I keep making these visits.  
The three of us, all of us, we can't get away from each 
other.  Or our jobs.  And Thoric and Mutsumi would feel 
their duties wouldn't let them leave.  So I make them get 
out of the castle and come down here, and be with people 
who care about them, but who they don't get to see very 
often.  Of course, I want to see you all too, and I want 
to see Jewel and Jack and the Logrus.  And  I need a 
little space sometimes too.  I could tell they were 
getting kind of jumpy, but they both seem a lot happier 
right now."

	Motoko sighed, and came over and put an arm around 
Jacqui.  "It's a lot of work, I know."

	"I don't mind, most of the time.  With three people 
ruling instead of one, we can do a lot more than any one 
King or Queen can.  And they are wonderful, tender 
lovers.  But sooner or later, we all need little 
vacations.  And if I don't make them take them, it won't 
happen, and they'll work themselves to death and start 
listening to Lawrence Welk or something."

	"..."

	"Anyway, I know you're not trying to steal my 
husband.  But if you want to borrow him for a little 
while, I wouldn't mind."  She smiled in an ever so 
slightly predatory way.  "As long as I get to borrow you 
sometimes."

	"..."

	She reached up and stroked the scales of Motoko's 
cheek.  "You have very pretty scales," she said.  "They 
shine so brightly in the firelight."

	"I think they scare Thoric and Mutsumi a little," 
Motoko said softly.

	"Nonsense.  They're beautiful scales," Jacqui said.  
"You shimmer iridescently in the firelight, like a 
beautiful rainbow."

	"My combat form is very disturbing to those not used 
to such things.  It reminds me of how I was when I first 
came to Chaos."  She sighed.  "And they don't see me 
enough in it."

	"Don't change the subject," Jacqui said.  "You're 
going to try and wiggle out of admitting you want 
Thoric."

	"But you brought up my scales first," Motoko said.

	"Okay, okay, maybe I did.  Anyway, whatever you do 
is fine with me, because I know he loves me, and he'll 
come back to me," Jacqui said.  "Just give me some 
advance warning, so I can make sure that, say, the Bride, 
who probably would be less accepting, doesn't walk in on 
you."

	"I a..."  Motoko paused.  "Yes, the Bride of the 
Jewel."  She sighed.  "I'm afraid I don't share your view 
of sexual ethics, Jacqui."

	"I know," Jacqui said.  "But the offer still stands, 
should you change your mind, or temptation overwhelm 
you."

	"Temptation will not overwhelm me," Motoko said 
firmly.  "We won't do anything wrong.  Ever."

	Jacqui rolled her eyes.  "Motoko, Motoko, Motoko."

	"What?"

	"You want to be naughty, but you want someone else 
to start it, so you can tell yourself you're not naughty, 
because you only succumbed to temptation.  But Thoric 
does exactly the same thing.  So you're both waiting for 
the other person to do something that will give you an 
excuse to 'give in to temptation'."

	Motoko frowned.  "Most certainly not.  Thoric and I 
are just very close friends who have shared a lot.  We're 
not both waiting for the other person to rip our clothing 
off and make passionate love to us for hours.  At all."

	Jacqui shook her head in a wise, knowing manner.  
"Uh huh."

	Motoko frowned in an ever so slightly petulant 
manner.  "I am not trying to steal your husband."

	"I'm giving him to you freely," Jacqui said.  "So 
technically, you are correct."

	"But he's also Mutsumi's," Motoko said.  "You could 
waive your rights, I suppose, but Mutsumi still has a 
half-claim."

	Jacqui sighed.  "This is why I never became a 
lawyer.  Well, what if she agrees to it?"

	"What if Moonshade suddenly becomes a potato?  It 
could happen, but I wouldn't count on it."

	"Well, I tried," Jacqui said.

	"I know," Motoko said.  "I appreciate it."

	"I love you, you know," Jacqui said softly.

	"I love you too," Motoko replied.  

	Jacqui looked thoughtful.  "Hey, Thoric, come over 
here."

	Thoric blinked and came over.  "Hmm, what?"

	"What do you think of Motoko's scales?"

	"..."

	"Well, hmmm?"

	He glanced over at Motoko, who was giving him a 
strange look he couldn't read, but which seemed almost 
shy.  He looked at them more closely.  "They shine like 
rainbows," he said.  "In the firelight."

	"Do you like them?" Jacqui asked.

	"They're very nice as scales go, though I can't 
pretend I'm much of an expert," Thoric said.

	"Very strokable, I'd say," Jacqui said.

	Thoric took Motoko's hand and ran his fingertips 
across her palm.  "Yes," he said.  "As long as you go the 
right way."  He looked over at Jacqui.  "Why are you 
asking me this, anyway?"

	Motoko sighed.  "She is attempting to maneuver you 
into saying whether or not my demon form scares you."

	"Demon forms always scare me.  I'm an easily scared 
man, and I'm not used to it," he said.  "But even when 
Jacqui has three heads and six arms, or Mitsune has a 
tail, or Motoko had shiny scales, you're still my 
friends.  My head knows that, but my heart is still a 
little jumpy.  But I hope, with time, I'll get used to 
it, and be able to appreciate the beauty I'm sure you can 
see in each other when you're like this."  He pointed 
down the balcony to a pair of stone golems kissing.  
"Like them."

	"A very honest answer," Motoko said.  "I know it is 
a long road to walk, to come to appreciate such things.  
And this is not a form well suited for affairs of the 
heart, even with those who are used to it."  She paused.  
"And you are not an easily scared man."

	"Thank you," Thoric said.  "Now, I have a question."

	"Fire away," Motoko said.

	"Jacqui, why does your demon form have three heads 
when you hardly ever use two of them?"

	"Decoys," Jacqui said.

	"I suppose that's as good an answer as any."

	"Also, it gives me all-around sight.  Very useful in 
battle."

	"I suppose so."

	"And I can kiss three people at once."

	"Now, that would be useful," Motoko mumbled.

	Jacqui grinned.  "We'll make a mad pervert of you 
yet, Motoko."

	"..."

	Jacqui took Thoric by the arm with one of her six 
arms, and Motoko with another.  "So why haven't we ever 
done it like this, hmm, Thoric?"

	"Your poisonous body fluids," Thoric said, 
embarrassed.

	"Oh, right," Jacqui said, equally embarrassed.  

	"The fire glows so beautifully, don't you think?" 
Motoko asked, staring down over the railing.

	"It's magnificent," Thoric said.

	"And not poisonous at all," Jacqui said.

	"Exactly," Motoko said.  "Exactly."	

************
	
	Later, Jacqui sat down on the bed.  "Hmm, do you 
think they'd mind if we asked to stay a few more days?"

	Thoric frowned.  "I'd like to, and I'm sure they 
wouldn't mind, but there's the whole Klatch situation 
brewing and we have appointments with various 
ambassadors, and..."

	"Well, it would be good to have a vacation," Mutsumi 
said.  "And except for Klatch, there's really nothing 
that Makoto can't handle."

	"That's true," Thoric said.  "And she could use the 
experience.  We haven't taken a real vacation in...well, 
forever.  We could stay here a few more days, pop up to 
Amber, see everyone, visit Mom and Mutsumi's parents, and 
Jacqui's."  He sat down by Jacqui on the bed.  "And 
Morgernstern can keep us posted so that we can go home if 
there's a crisis."

	"And maybe, we can find Random," Jacqui said softly.

	"I hope so," Thoric said.  "I hope so."

	Mutsumi sat down on the other side of Jacqui.  "So, 
anywhere you particularly want to visit?"

	"We have to go to Shamber too," Jacqui said.  "And 
maybe Akasha just so we can see Mutsumi in tight 
leather."

	"If you want tight leather, you just have to ask," 
Mutsumi said to Jacqui.

	"Yeah, but this way, we can get Thoric into the 
tight leather."

	"Your wish is my command," Thoric said.  "I will 
happily grant that boon."

	Mutsumi giggled.  "How majestic of you."

	"That's what we need.  Tight Black Leather Week!" 
Jacqui said.

	"Imagine Ota Minor in Tight Black Leather," Thoric 
said.

	Jacqui paused.  "Okay, toss THAT idea out."

	"Exactly.  Some horrors must never be unleashed," 
Thoric said.  "For the good of mankind."

************

	Random sneezed as she stepped up the ramp into the 
boat.  "I hope I'm not getting a cold."

	"So do I," Juri said.  "Given that you'll probably 
give it to me."

	Random smiled lazily.  "Does that mean we'll share 
everything on this trip?"

	"Not that kind of everything, I hope," Juri replied.

	"Awwww...."


************

	"We would be honored to have you for as long as you 
wish to stay," Davros said the next morning.  "While 
Motoko and Mitsune have a lot of ambassadorial work, 
their evenings are usually free, and Moonshade and I can 
both go round with you all to places.  And I suspect 
Kaname can probably wrangle a few days away from her 
lessons."

	"You have to come to Helgramways with me one day," 
Kaname said.  

	Jacqui frowned.  "It might not be a good idea for me 
to go anywhere near Lady Kodachi."

	There was a long moment of uncomfortable silence for 
everyone.  Kaname said, "Well, we could go hang-gliding 
in Turik Ved.  It's a lot of fun."  She paused.  "You 
should meet Sousuke.  He's very nice, and I don't think 
he holds...what happened...against you."

	Jacqui stared at her breakfast for a moment, then 
nodded, and her usual good cheer returned.  "Alright.  
I've heard you tell so many stories about them, I'd 
almost think they were miracle workers or something."

	Kaname smiled.  "They are very good friends.  I'm 
sure you'll like them."

	"I hope so," Jacqui said.  

	"They are good people, though Kurz is a bit of a 
letch," Motoko said.  "I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun 
while I try to figure out why the least diplomatic man in 
Valusia was made an ambassador."

	"Second least.  His brother was worse," Mitsune 
said.

	"True, true."

************

	Thoric hugged his mother tightly.  "How are you?" he 
asked.

	"I'm fine," she said.  "Sauron broke Henry's nose 
before I managed to fry his little spikard, but 
fortunately, the nose healed with a little magic."

	"Latest field trip?" Thoric asked.

	"Yes.  It was a smashing success.  I'm especially 
proud of Ian, as he managed to rout an entire flank of 
one of the orc armies with an enhanced version of the 
Grease spell, and a cigarette lighter.  Though he really 
needs to smoke less."  She pulled him over to sit down on 
the couch with her, gesturing to several chairs, which 
moved over so Mutsumi and Jacqui could sit down as well.  
They both sat down.

	"Did your visit to the Logrus go well?" Michelle 
asked Jacqui.

	"Yes, it did," Jacqui replied, smiling.  "We're 
hoping to catch Random in Amber as well."

	"I heard she just left on a trip into shadow with 
Juri," Michelle said.

	Thoric, Mutsumi, and Jacqui sighed simultaneously, 
though not in unison.

	"Well, maybe next time," Mutsumi said.

	Michelle sighed.  "I hope that you all and her will 
eventually be reconcilled."

	"So do I," Jacqui said.

	"All of us do."

	"Where is Lady Atsuko?" Mutsumi asked.

	"Basics of Countermagic runs until 3 PM," Michelle 
said.  "Lawrence was called away to attend his sister's 
wedding, so she's pitching in until he gets back in about 
two weeks.  So she should join us for tea later.  And 
Damask and Alexander are sorting through and organizing 
the loot from the field trip."

	Thoric started to ask something, but decided it was 
a waste of time.

	Michelle smiled.  "You were about to ask me if I'm 
ever going to marry Damask?"

	"..."

	"Well, am I wrong?"

	"As usual, you see right through me, Mother," Thoric 
said.

	"Call me Mom," she said.  "And no, we probably won't 
ever marry, since I think it is unwise for immortal 
beings to try to pledge eternity to each other.  Few 
relationships last a century, let alone forever.  He is 
very dear to me, and perhaps in time, I may well change 
my mind.  I am often a rather fickle woman, though 
certainly I find my heart grows more attached to him over 
time than less.  He is the only one of my boys still here 
who was here a century ago."  She stared off thoughtfully 
out the window to the well-manicured lawns of the school.  
"I am at times surprised he has stayed so long, but he 
makes me happy, and so long as it makes him happy, I am 
glad that he has stayed."

	Thoric did his best to not look disappointed.  
Mutsumi said, "We don't mean to nag."

	"I know," Michelle said.  "Despite all the stories 
some people tell, I know you don't view things the way I 
do.  I'm still not sure how I managed to have such a 
stuffy old fuddy-duddy for a son."  She hugged him in a 
way meant to show she was just teasing.  "Though I am 
sure he's shown you some of the things we did manage to 
teach him."
 
	"Thoric gets an A+ in performance in Bed from me," 
Jacqui said.  

	"And me," Mutsumi said.

	"But he won't let us braid his hair," Jacqui said.

	Michelle looked over.  "Now, now, what did I teach 
you?"

	"You mistook me for a woman two days after braiding 
my hair.  THAT is what you taught me," Thoric said.

	Michelle twitched.  "I was drunk, honey."

	"There will be no more hair braiding," Thoric said.

	"But Mutsumi looks so nice with her braid," Michelle 
said.

	"I am not Mutsumi," Thoric said.  He looked at his 
mother.  "You're thinking about asking Damask to make 
some sort of creature that will sneak into my bed and 
braid my hair.  I can tell."

	"Oooh, good idea," Michelle said.

	Thoric twitched.

	Mutsumi asked Michelle, "So how many students do you 
have these days?"

	"One hundred students and twenty instructors in 
various subjects," Michelle said.  "Broken into four 
'grades'."  She paused.  "I'll stop myself now before I 
start quoting our brochures."

	Jacqui laughed.  "How did the yearly soccer game 
with Ohtori go?"

	"Our fifteenth win in a row."  Michelle smiled.  "We 
had QUITE the victory party."

	"Please tell me you didn't do the Dance of Joy on 
the pool table again."

	"Dining table," Michelle said.

	Thoric winced.

	"You're awfully puritanical for a man with five 
wives.  Or have you added Motoko yet to make it six, 
hmm?"

	Thoric said firmly, "There is NOTHING going on 
between Motoko and I."

	"You've always been a terrible, terrible liar," 
Michelle said.

	Thoric sighed.  "Does everyone in this universe 
think Motoko and I are having sex?"

	Michelle shook her head.  "Most people don't know 
you are."

	"We are NOT!" he said.

	"They aren't," Jacqui said.  "If they were, I'd be 
having sex with Motoko too."

	Michelle sighed.  "After seventy years, you don't 
have the courage to rip her clothing off?"

	"Motoko and I would never break our marriage vows.  
Ever."

	"Unless the Serpent or the Unicorn told you to," 
Jacqui said.

	"Well, yes, or unless it was the only way to save 
the universe or save our lover's lives or something 
similar.  Because keeping Mutsumi and Jacqui alive is 
more important to me than any oath.  But neither of us is 
going to do it."

	"Even if you want to," Michelle said.

	"And even if I didn't care about my marriage oaths, 
I'd rather not risk the Bride or Dr. Jacqueline deciding 
Motoko ought to die for sleeping with me," Thoric said.

	Jacqui shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

	Michelle stared at the floor.

	Mutsumi said, "Has Allen come by for any visits 
lately?" Mutsumi asked.

	Michelle perked up.  "You missed him by just a few 
days.  He was elegant and handsome and a lot of fun as 
usual.  He offered to help us out with finding our next 
Rose Scholar, which I will be glad of his company on the 
trip."

	"How are the ones you have right now doing?" Mutsumi 
asked.

	"Very well.  Eric seems to have rather a knack for 
tactics.  We're encouraging him to consider the Harad 
City War Academy.  Will is finally getting over his 
shyness.  It's been an uphill battle.  Mitch will 
graduate soon, and is planning to go down to Chaos to the 
Great School of Magic for graduate studies."  She smiled 
proudly.  "And Daniel seems to have an incredible knack 
for water magics.  Quite impressive.  Over all, over the 
last fifty years, all but three of our Rose Scholars have 
graduated and gone on to make something impressive of 
themselves."

	"One of them got eaten by a dragon, right?" Jacqui 
asked.

	Michelle sighed.  "Yes.  I keep wondering if I found 
the wrong boy that year, or if we did poorly in his 
education, or what exactly went wrong.  Ultimately, 
though, I can't stop my students running off into shadow 
to try to hunt Dragons to impress their girlfriends."

	"There's no way to foresee every act of stupidity," 
Mutsumi agreed.

	"I always feel horrible when one of my students is 
hurt or killed," Michelle said.  "The field trips always 
make me nervous, as a result."

	"I understand," Thoric said.  "I know why you do 
them, but it does seem rather risky."

	"Well, they're strictly voluntary.  But it's 
important to take what you've learned and apply it under 
stress.  As otherwise, when it comes to the sticking 
point, you may freeze up, and that can get people 
killed," Michelle said.  "And I don't want any of my 
students to get killed because I didn't educate them 
properly."

	Mutsumi nodded.  "Doing things in the safety of your 
painting room and field work is VERY different."

	A bell chimed three times in the distance.

	"Ahh, Atsuko should be with us soon," Michelle said.

	A table walked into the room, carrying tea and 
biscuits; Atsuko followed it in, dressed in an elaborate 
blue and green dress which showed off her arms to good 
effect, but covered most of the rest of her.  She made a 
beeline for Thoric and hugged him.  "How are you, honey?"

	"I'm fine, Mother," he said.

	Atsuko smiled.  "You called me Mother without me 
having to remind you."

	He laughed.  "You look lovely as ever today."

	"Thank you," she said, then came over and hugged 
Jacqui.  "And how are you?" she asked.

	"I'm great.  Thoric's still in denial, though," 
Jacqui said.  "And Mutsumi."

	"Now, now, if you nag him, he just gets his back 
up," Atsuko said.  "Ever since he was a little boy.  You 
have to be subtle.  You don't tell him to jump on her; 
you just have to engineer situations where he finds 
himself alone with her.  And let nature take its course."  
She came over and hugged Mutsumi.  "And how are you?"

	"Wishing my mothers-in-law weren't trying to 
encourage my wife to encourage my husband to commit 
adultery," Mutsumi said with her usual chipper voice.

	Atsuko froze up.  "I thought you approved too."

	"I take marriage very seriously," Mutsumi said.  
"Though I am rather more flexible about size limits than 
most people.  I know you mean well, which is why I'm not 
screaming and trumping angry warthogs everywhere, but I'd 
rather we change topics."

	Atsuko sighed.  "I'm sorry."  She went over and sat 
down in one of the nice plush chairs.  "No crises in 
Arcadia, I hope."

	"The Palace Guard mistook King Dios for an intruder 
and tried to capture him when he showed up for a tryst 
with Makoto," Mutsumi said.  "Fortunately, it was 
straightened out quickly."

	"Oooh, so she really is dating Dios?" Atsuko asked.

	"Yes," Mutsumi said.

	Atsuko smiled.  "Tell me all about it."

	"Well, it started when she took a trip down to New 
Chaos..."

************

	"I'm not doing anything with Motoko, you know," 
Thoric said to Mutsumi later, as they stood on the 
balcony of their room and watched the sun go down.

	"I know," Mutsumi said.  "I trust both of you, and I 
know that if you two did do it, neither of you could hide 
it from us.  And I get just as flirtatious with all of 
them as you and Motoko get with each other.  Does it 
bother you that I was sitting on Davros' lap?"

	"No," Thoric said.  "I was too busy being 
embarrassed to get mad."

	She laughed softly.  "I shouldn't tease him like 
that, but I can't help myself.  But I'll never cheat on 
you or Jacqui."

	"And Jacqui won't do it unless we do it first, so 
we'll all be fine," Thoric said.  "If Mother and Mom 
don't drive me insane."

	"Well, my parents won't be urging us to do anything 
like that," Mutsumi said.

	"I have this deep down fear we're going to arrive, 
and discover Miki's married Juri and Kozue too, or 
something," Thoric said.  "Though I know it'll never 
happen."

	"Papa would never marry Aunt Kozue, even if it was 
legal and moral," Mutsumi said.  "And Mama would never 
agree to him marrying Juri, even if that was legal and 
moral.  Though it would certainly make Papa and Juri very 
happy."

	"Well, morality's the problem," Thoric said.  "As he 
could always make any marriage laws he wanted.  But yes, 
I'd see Madoka agreeing to it about the same time as 
Drake marries Saionji."

	Mutsumi laughed loudly.  "THAT would be worth 
seeing."

	Jacqui came out onto the balcony with a bucket of 
ice, some champagne, and three glasses.  "Sorry that took 
so long.  They moved the wine storage."

	"That's fine," Thoric said.  He came over to her, 
then turned to Mutsumi.  "You and your father will 
probably have one of those huge discussions of Trump 
things while we're in Rebma, right?"

	Mutsumi laughed.  "Yes, we'll likely spend one night 
talking shop."

	Thoric turned to Jacqui.  "You want to go out on a 
date while they talk shop, whatever night that is?"

	Jacqui smiled.  "Oooh, a date.  Will we make out 
afterwards?"

	Thoric grinned.  "Of course."

	"Yes, let's do it," Jacqui said.  "I'm sure Queen 
Madoka can recommend us a good jazz bar to go to."

	Mutsumi began pouring champagne for them all.  "I 
know she likes to sneak out and play at a few of them.  I 
understand there's going to be some plays opening while 
we're there, so you might check them out as well."

	"You don't mind missing out, do you?" Jacqui asked.

	"I'll be having fun with Daddy," Mutsumi said.  "So 
don't worry about me."
	
	"Okay!"  	

************

	Jacqui watched her dress billow as she and Thoric 
rode down a canal in a gondola piloted by a cheerful, 
short Rebman, dressed in black pants and a white and 
black striped shirt.  "Every time I come here, it's still 
weird," she said.

	Thoric laughed, and watched the buildings go by as 
he sat with his arm around Jacqui's shoulders.  "It's a 
good weirdness, though."  He could feel his own hair 
drifting in the water behind him.  "How much further to 
the Blue Waters, sir?" he asked the gondolier.

	"About five minutes.  So you two are frequent 
visitors?" he asked.

	"We have family here," Thoric said, wishing to avoid 
admitting his own royal status.  He just wanted a quiet 
incognito evening.

	"Is the Blue Waters as good as we've heard?" Jacqui 
asked.

	"It gets better at night," the gondolier said.

	"Well, we have to catch a performance of 'The 
Tragickal Tale of Lian', so we can see if it's all made 
up.  As if it is, we may have to ask Kanna-chan to come 
shut it down messily," Jacqui said.

	"Kanna..."  He scratched his head.  "Name sounds 
somewhat familiar."

	"Probably not anyone you need worry about," Thoric 
said, looking meaningfully at Jacqui.

	"Probably not," Jacqui said.  "How late do the 
gondolas run?"

	"Well, most of us go to bed after about 2 AM, as 
generally, all the bars are winding down by then, during 
the week.  Some people work a night run, but you have to 
wait a lot longer."

	Jacqui nodded.  "Alright."

	They reached Blue Waters without any trouble, and 
headed inside.  There were a few people quietly drinking 
and talking and reading books at various tables, and up 
on the stage, a band played lazily.  Thoric and Jacqui 
both ordered an Elven Mist, then sat back and listened to 
the music for a while and chatted.

	The band was quite good, though Thoric got a feeling 
they weren't playing up to full potential since hardly 
anyone was there.  Jacqui leaned over and whispered, "You 
should ask them to let you play."

	Thoric laughed.  "I shouldn't butt in like that."

	"You're making those disappointed frowny faces at 
them," Jacqui said.

	"Am I that obvious?" he asked.

	"Yes."

	"It would be rude."

	Jacqui smiled.

	Thoric felt the icy hand of doom clutch his heart.

	Jacqui stood up, and went over to the stage, then 
crooked a finger at one of the band members at the end of 
a song.  She whispered to him for a minute.

	He laughed, then helped her up onto the stage.  She 
went round to the rest of the band, then stepped forward, 
cracked her knuckles and said, "Hi, my name is 
Jacqueline, and that's my husband, Thoric."  She pointed 
at Thoric.  "And I'm going to sing until he breaks down 
and comes up here and performs with the band for at least 
one number.  So if you value your sanity, you'd best make 
sure he gives in."

	The patrons all turned and looked at Thoric, who was 
glad it was hard to burst into flames in Rebma.

	And then she launched into a song.  Her voice was 
joyous, and much better than Thoric remembered; he 
wondered if she'd been secretly practicing.

	O/~ Well, I know it's kind of late 
                    I hope I didn't wake you
                    But what I got to say can't wait 
                    I know you'd understand
                    'Cause every time I tried to tell you
                    The words just came out wrong 
                    So I'll have to say I love you in a 
song o/~

	Thoric felt both embarrassed and pleased.  I suppose 
if they don't mind if she sings, they might not mind if I 
come up and play with them.  Although I'm not carrying 
anything to play with me.

	O/~ Yeah, I know it's kind of strange
                    But every time I'm near you
                    I just run out of things to say 
                    I know you'd understand
                    'Cause every time I tried to tell you
                    The words just came out wrong 
                    So I'll have to say I love you in a 
song o/~

	Thoric sat and listened to Jacqui sing, and forgot 
all his troubles and worries.  There was nothing else for 
him but her and himself and the song.  

	Finally, when she was finished, he got up and said, 
"Alright, I surrender.  If they don't mind, I'd be happy 
to play, if someone can give me something TO play."

	He was given a saxaphone and settled down to play 
while Jacqui sang.

	Time flew by as he lost himself in the music; he 
wasn't sure how many songs they played before he looked 
up and realized the bar was getting quite full.  He 
checked the wall clock, which indicated that the play he 
and Jacqui were hoping to attend started in five minutes.  
He passed the saxaphone back, bowed, and said, "Thanks 
for letting me play."

	"No problem.  Can't say no to a pretty woman," the 
bandleader said.

	Thoric laughed, went over and took Jacqui's hand.  
"You sang like a dream, honey."

	She smiled.  "Was it a good dream?"

	"The best."

	Then he made a hand gesture, mumbled a few words, 
and teleported them off to see the play.  


************

	'Lian' raised her mouth from the fallen Abyss Monk.  
"Ahh, the taste of human flesh!  It makes me strong!"

	"I think we can tell who wrote THIS version," Thoric 
muttered.

	"She should have blood on her face, and probably 
she'd get the lymph glands stuck in her teeth," Jacqui 
said, irritated.

	Thoric looked at her.

	"Not that I'd know, of course," Jacqui replied.

	The four Hendrakes began singing a chorus about how 
they enjoyed murder and mayhem.

	Thoric says, "Should I trump Kanna and let her 
rampage?"

	Jacqui said, "It would wreck our date."

	He sighed.  "We'll tell her tomorrow."

	Jacqui nodded.  "Next time, we go see 'How to 
Succeed in Harems Without Really Trying'."

	"Please tell me that's a joke."

	"It's a historical comedy."

	Thoric twitched. "About..."

	"Us.  Your Mom.  The Quartet."

	He buried his face in his hands.  "I fear."

	"Oh, I'm sure it'll be fun."

	"Like the ferret?"

	"Not like the ferret."

***************

	Jacqui climbed into Thoric's lap as they rode home 
in the gondola.  "We need to go on dates more often."

	"Yes," he said.  "At least here, nothing can disrupt 
them."

	She twined a lock of his hair around one of her 
fingers.  "Yes.  Nothing to stop us from doing ANYTHING 
we want."

	"Please wait until you get out of my gondola," the 
gondolier said.

	Jacqui blushed.  "Sorry."

	"I'm used to it.  Hey, I know a nice little place 
that rents by the hour if you two are looking for 
privacy."

	"Oooh, does it have rotating beds?" Jacqui asked.

	"Yes."

	"Take us there!" Jacqui said.  

	"Jacqui, we don't need to..."  Thoric began.

	"Indulge me," she said.

	"Alright, my love," he said.  "But if this place 
burns to the ground like the last one..."

	"I promise to move all lanterns out of kicking 
range," she said.

	"Alright, let's go."

***************

	Jacqui moaned loudly as Thoric's index finger traced 
the line of her spine down her back.  She moaned softly 
and pressed her naked body close to his.  Her hunger for 
him was howling to be sated.

	And then the door got kicked down, and the City 
Watch burst in.  "Vice Squad!  THIS IS A BUST!"

	Thoric said, "Hey, we're married!  This is perfectly 
legal!"

	"Tell it to the judge!"

	They were clapped in irons and hauled away.

*****************

	"You know, we could have fought them off," Jacqui 
said to Thoric as they sat together in their jail cell."

	"I'd hate to slaughter the City of Watch of Rebma, 
though," Thoric said.  "No hard feelings this way.  Well, 
not too many hard feelings."

	"I have hard feelings," Jacqui said.

	"Really?" Thoric asked.

	"No," she said, sighing.  "Hmm, do you think they'll 
stop us if we..."

	"Everyone will see us."

	"Damn."

****************

	Later, the City Watch Commander bowed before them.  
"I am really, really sorry," he said.  "You should have 
mentioned you were a king!"

	"It happens," Thoric said.

	"Just don't let it happen again," Mutsumi said.

	"Certainly not, Princess Mutsumi."  The tall man 
bowed again.  "Your mercy is much appreciated."

	Mutsumi took them both by the arm.  "You could have 
told them who you were."

	"Tried that.  They thought we were lying," Thoric 
said.

	"I'll make sure that doesn't happen again," Mutsumi 
said firmly.  "Was your date good besides that?"

	"The play was awful.  We're going to sic Kanna on 
it," Thoric said.

	"But the Jazz bar was very nice," Jacqui said.  
"Remind me to thank your mother in the morning."

	Mutsumi smiled.  "I will.  Let's go to bed."

	"And hope the vice squad doesn't show up," Thoric 
muttered.

	"I'll send them to Topeka, City of Whores," Mutsumi 
said.  "That'll keep them busy."  She laughed, and took 
them off to their quarters.

***********


	Fuyutsuki carefully held the piece of curved metal 
in place.  "Okay, I've got it."

	Kasumi carefully extended the clockwork driven hand 
up and around from the bottom to squeeze the glue into 
the proper positions.  "Okay, this segment's attached.  
How are we going to do this once we have most of the 
sphere in place, though?"

	"We'll have to use magic, I suspect," Fuyutsuki 
said.

	Kasumi frowned.  "Rather cheating for building a 
miniature Dyson Sphere."

	"We're having to use magic to get the miniature sun 
to work too," Fuyutsuki pointed out.

	"True, true," she said.  "A pity the Doozers are too 
big for this."

	"They turned the last one into a cathedral," 
Fuyutsuki pointed out.

	She sighed.  "I know, I know."

	"Why are you building a Dyson Sphere?" Jacqui asked.

	Kasumi and Fuyutsuki both jumped, then Kasumi turned 
around and hugged her daughter.  "Jacqui!"

	Jacqui smiled and leaned into the hug.  "Hi, Mama."

	"Where's your spouses?" Kasumi asked.

	"They'll be here in a minute.  Thoric had to go to 
the bathroom, and Mutsumi is dropping off some trumps at 
the library for the archive."

	"We're building a Dyson Sphere so we can use it to 
tap a miniature sun to power our new miniature train set 
up," Fuyutsuki explained.  

	Jacqui nodded.  "That makes sense."

	The door opened and Thoric came in.  "Hi, everyone," 
he said.

	Kasumi came over and hugged him.  "Hello, son-in-
law.  Given me any new grandchildren yet?"

	Thoric laughed.  "I don't think I'll be bearing 
children any time soon."

	"I suppose the experiment didn't work, then," Kasumi 
said.

	Thoric twitched.  "Did you give Dr. Jacqueline 
suggestions again?"

	"Oh, I had to be very subtle, so she would think I 
didn't want you pregnant, or else she'd have never tried 
it," Kasumi said.  "Since she thinks Fuy-chan and I are 
quacks."

	"..."

	"That must have been the brownies," Jacqui said.

	"The ones you ate and got sick for two weeks?" 
Thoric asked.

	She nodded.  "And I turned into a man and got stuck 
that way too."  

	There was a splash of light and Mutsumi appeared.  
She hugged Kasumi.  "Hi!"

	"Hi, daughter-in-law.  How are you?"

	"I'm fine.  How are you two?"

	"We're building a Dyson Sphere," Fuyutsuki said, 
pointing to the half-finished shell floating around a 
very bright, hovering ball of fire at one end of the 
room.

	Thoric went over to take a look at it.  "Isn't the 
glue going to dry up and eventually come apart in the 
heat?  So the whole thing will eventually collapse?"

	Fuyutsuki frowned.  "You think so?"

	"See, I told you that rubber cement was the way to 
go," Kasumi said.

	"You should probably weld it together," Thoric said. 
"Or use screws."

	"Do you know where Random went?" Jacqui asked them 
anxiously.

	"I believe she and Juri went on a love boat cruise," 
Fuyutsuki said.  

	"I thought they were going to go on a cross-shadow 
killing spree, ending with driving a corvette off a cliff 
into the Abyss," Kasumi said.

	"Perhaps it's a cross-shadow love boat killing 
spree," Fuyutsuki replied.

	"I suspect not," Mutsumi said.

	"Anyway, they'll be gone a few years," Fuyutsuki 
said.

	Jacqui sighed.  

	Thoric said, "Also, why does this thing have reactor 
vents when it doesn't have a reactor?"

	"In case we need to blow it up," Fuyutsuki said.  
"Oh, would you all like to see our train set?"

	"Sure," Mutsumi said.

	He lead them into a very large room, hundreds of 
feet on each side, carved out of the rock of Kolvir.  
Almost the entire room was occupied by a 1:160 scale 
model of Castle Amber, Kolvir, the sea, the City of 
Amber, the Vale of Garnath, the fringe of Arden, and the 
Harad Pass.  Train lines had been run through the pass, 
through the Vale and the mountains, down into Arden, and 
down the coast.  Several trains sat idle along the 
tracks; Fuyutsuki went over to the control panel and 
started one of them up.  

	They all stood and watched the train chug merrily 
along through the mountains for a while, and then Jacqui 
noticed all the little people in the Castle Amber model.  
"So why is Uncle Drake up on the walls?" she asked.

	"So he can see the trains chugging along," Kasumi 
said.  "Sumire was up there, but I guess she got bored of 
waiting for us to come back."

	"You should add some boats too," Mutsumi said.  
"Since you've got the Gulf of Amber here."

	"The Rebman submarine pirates keep sinking them," 
Kasumi said.  "They're very naughty."

	"We should build some trains for Arcadia," Jacqui 
said.

	"Steam engines don't work," Thoric said.  "So they'd 
have a hard time going anywhere."

	"We could fix that," Jacqui said.

	"Industrial Revolutions are too smelly," Mutsumi 
said.

	"True, true."

	"So when do I get more grandchildren?" Kasumi asked.

	"Well, I've been trying," Jacqui said.  "But I guess 
there must be some trick we haven't been thinking of."

	"I think the universe thinks it's Thoric's turn to 
get pregnant, so you two won't be able to bear any more 
kids until he does," Kasumi said.

	"You can't be a real man until you've borne 
children," Fuyutsuki said.

	Thoric laughed.  "I guess I'll just have to be a 
puppet who wants to be a boy, then."

	Kasumi said, "Now, now, you want to give your Mother 
more grandchildren, don't you?"

	"Not like that," Thoric said.

	Kasumi sighed.  "Doomed, I am, doomed."

	"To only have five grandchildren," Thoric said.  
"Yes, there's a terrible fate."

	"Don't forget you have all of my grandchildren too 
now," Fuyutsuki pointed out to her.

	"Too many grandchildren is never enough.  And none 
of yours will call me Grandmother," Kasumi said.  She 
suddenly looked thoughtful.  "Hmm, have we tried turning 
Mutsumi into a man and having her impregnate Jacqui?"

	"..."  Mutsumi stared at Kasumi.

	"I don't think Thoric or Mutsumi are ready for 
something like that," Fuyutsuki said.  "We have to ease 
them into it with the mutagens in the tea we gave them."

	"You didn't give us any tea," Thoric said.

	Kasumi slapped her forehead.  "I'm sorry, we made 
some tea when we heard you'd be visiting."

	"I'm afraid I swore an oath to never drink tea with 
mutagens," Thoric said.

	"Me too," Mutsumi said.

	"Mmm, Mutagens," Jacqui said.  "I could use some 
tea."

	"Oh dear, I think I hear Elvis calling," Mutsumi 
said.  She took Thoric and Jacqui by the arms.  "It's 
been good seeing you both!  Take care!"  And then she 
trumped out.

	Kasumi sighed.  "Next time, don't mention the 
mutagens until it's too late, honey."

	He nodded.  "I'll remember that."

	"Good thing I also prepared these water pistols," 
Kasumi said, pulling them out of her purse.  "Ready?"

	"Let's go."

****************

	"And then they chased us around the castle for three 
hours," Jacqui said.  "They finally got Thoric, who's 
gone and locked himself in his room and is pouting."

	Yumi sighed.  "Can you blame him?"

	"But changing sex is fun!" Jacqui said.  "I thought 
he'd like it."  She sipped her tea delicately.

	"If he was interested, I believe he would have asked 
to try it by now," Yumi said.  She sipped her tea 
delicately as well, then said, "I see you have retained 
the lessons I taught you in tea-drinking."

	Jacqui smiled.  "Yes.  And all the other etiquette 
as well."

	"But not the lessons on not forcing shapeshifting on 
people," Yumi said.

	Jacqui frowned.  "It's Mom's fault."

	Yumi just stared.

	"It's not permanent!   I think."

	Yumi sighed and stood up.  "I will see what I can do 
for him."

	Jacqui got up.  "Let's go."

	They soon reached Thoric's old quarters; they could 
hear him playing the violin.  Yumi knocked on the door.  
"May I come in?"

	"Alright, come in," Thoric said.  There was the 
sound of a lock being undone.

	Yumi slipped in, with Jacqui right behind her, 
looking a little ashamed.

	Female Thoric was several inches shorter, built 
rather like her mother, with hair the same shade as her 
as well.  She looked rather cranky.  "Can you fix this?" 
she asked Yumi.

	"If my power words work, yes."  She concentrated and 
spoke a word of power.  Female Thoric's body rippled and 
turned back to normal.  He gave a sigh of relief.  "All 
better now, then?"

	She studied him with a logrus lens.  "I suggest a 
Pattern Walk to clean yourself out."

	He nodded and rose.  "A good idea."  

	Jacqui said softly, "You still mad at me?"

	"Helping them hose me down wasn't a very good idea," 
Thoric said.  He bowed to Yumi.  "Thank you."

	"You're welcome," she said, rising herself, and 
following along with them as Thoric took Jacqui's hand 
and headed down to the Pattern Chamber.

	"I just..."  Jacqui sighed.  "I wasn't thinking, 
sorry."

	"We all make mistakes," Thoric said.  "Don't worry 
about it."

	"Okay."

	The Pattern Walk went through without any trouble, 
and Thoric checked out clean to another examination, for 
which he was very grateful.

************

	Thoric sank down into the hot water and relaxed.  
Sometimes, it was nice to just take a soothing warm bath 
by yourself.

	Then the door opened and Miroku came in.  Thoric 
could feel his blood pressure rising already.

	"Uncle Thoric!"  Miroku smiled, and stripped down 
and started cleaning himself.  "I heard you were in town, 
but I couldn't find you!"

	"I hear House Darios is after you."

	"All a terrible misunderstanding," Miroku said.  "I 
thought she wasn't married."

	"Uh huh," Thoric said.  "And she had sex with you in 
Lord Darios' bed because..."

	"She claimed she was his mistress!"  Miroku sounded 
quite irritated.  "False pretenses and everything."

	Thoric sighed, leaning his head on the edge of the 
hot water tub.  "And I see you've done your bit to 
contribute to the Bust Rimururu/Rimururu feud."

	"I didn't do anything to Rimururu at all.  I didn't 
even mention Bustie is at least three times better in bed 
than her."  Miroku said.

	"Uh huh.  And you know this how?" Thoric asked.

	"There's a baseline performance level for really 
uptight people.  Then I adjusted it upwards, because 
Rimururu and Shizumaru love each other and they do have a 
lot of experience with each other," Miroku said.

	"..."

	"Now, I'm having to work by hearsay and estimation, 
but I'd put you at least on a par with Bustie," Miroku 
said.  He began working on his legs.  "But probably 
higher, considering the conditions you work under."

	"Work under?"

	"Given some of Jacqui's avatars are a bit on the..."  
He paused, trying to find a polite way to say it.  "I 
imagine your marital relationships get pretty stressful 
at times."

	"Yes."

	Miroku finished scrubbing and got in the hot water.  
"Oh wait, I didn't take into account your harem training.  
That would probably move you up a notch."

	"Let's not talk about sex," Thoric said.

	"Right.  Have you read Saint Ilyana's 'Workout For 
the Soul'?"

	"Never even heard of it."

	They sat in the tub in silence for a little while, 
enjoying the hot water.  Miroku tried again.  "How are 
things in Arcadia?"

	"Going as well as they ever do," Thoric said.  
"Minako seems to be doing well as Regent of Aidacra.  
Makoto is acting as Regent of Arcadia while we're gone."

	"I hear N'Stylite is going to tour in Arcadia."

	Thoric nodded.  "The kids seem to love them."

	"I smell disaster," Miroku said.  "Every incarnation 
of that band goes down in flames."

	"Oh, I'm sure it will go well," Thoric said.  "If 
nothing else, it's unlikely to result in me being turned 
into a woman again."

	"..."

	"I'm sure that seems natural to you, but not to me."

	"Who did that?" Miroku asked.

	"So far on this trip, my mother has encouraged me to 
commit adultery and Jacqui's mother turned me into a 
woman because she wants more grandchildren.  Thankfully, 
Mutsumi's parents are completely sane."

	"So what are you going to do to get even?" Miroku 
asked Thoric.

	"Get even?"

	"You can't just sit back and let them mutate you 
without retaliating," Miroku said.  "Tell me all about 
it.  I think I can feel a plan coming together."

	For a moment, Thoric was going to turn him down, and 
then he thought about it, and decided revenge was a dish 
best served.

************

	Kasumi looked up from the Dyson Sphere.  "Am I 
hearing shark attack music?"

	Fuyutsuki frowned.  "Yes."

	She sniffed the air.  "Do I smell smoke?"

	"Yes."

	"Do I hear submarine noises in the baths?"

	"Yes."

	There was a pause.

	And then they ran for the bathroom.  Dozens of fire-
breathing turtles were pouring out of the hot tub and 
rampaging out into the rest of the laboratory complex, 
along with dozens of giant crabs.  Some of the turtles 
were flying, and chewing on anything they could find.  A 
very mini-sub dove beneath the surface of the water; it 
seemed to be flying the Arcadian flag.

	Fuyutsuki stared in shock.

	Kasumi laughed.  "I think, perhaps, we finally 
pushed him a little too far.  We'd better go get the 
turtle repellant."

	Fuyutsuki took off running.  "I think this is really 
overdoing it a little."

	"Well, he didn't retaliate the last five times, 
so..."

	"How can you be so philosophical about this?"

	"I'm hoping we can wheedle the sub plans out of him 
if we don't retaliate."

	"Hmm, good point."

************

	"So, is it good to be the King?" Thoric asked 
Keitaro.

	Keitaro looked up from his cards and laughed.  "I'm 
Prime Minister, not King."

	"Close enough," Jacqui pointed out, frowning at her 
pair of threes.  

	They were seated at a table in a gazebo in the 
garden of the Prime Minister's residence, playing poker, 
while a string quartet played soft music for them nearby.

	Mutsumi asked, "Am I allowed to trump better cards 
into my hands?"

	"No," Keitaro said.

	"I fold, then," Mutsumi said.

	Shinobu Minor, dressed in an elegant green Begman 
gown, tossed several silver coins into the pool.  "I 
raise by two."

	"It's pretty good," Keitaro said to Thoric.  
"Although having Talma glaring across the border at us 
while Kashfa rips itself apart doesn't help."

	Thoric nodded.  "I heard.  So the Fronde is still 
going on?"

	Keitaro stared at his cards.  "I see your five and 
raise two more."  He tossed his coins into the pool, then 
said, "I feel bad for my aunt, stuck in the middle of 
that Chaos, but after the war we just fought, I can't 
afford to try to play White Knight.  Especially since it 
would probably unite everyone against us and her."

	Jacqui frowned.  "Fold."

	Thoric studied his cards.  Three of a kind, King 
high.  Probably not worth what Keitaro and Shinobu Minor 
had.  He might, however, be able to bluff them.  "I see 
your seven and raise you eight," he said, shoving fifteen 
silver coins into the pot.  "Kentaro is trying to 
convince Shinobu Major to help him intervene with some 
mercenaries."

	Keitaro winced.  "There goes Kashfa," he said.  He 
frowned at his cards.  His Queen high flush was strong, 
but was it strong enough?  Probably not, he thought.  
"Fold."

	Shinobu Minor studied her cards.  "Aunt Shinobu 
isn't that bad," she said.  She had a straight, seven 
high.  "I see your fifteen, and raise you six."

	Mutsumi sighed.  "Yes, she is, if you're her enemy."

	Thoric smiled confidently.  "See your six and raise 
you twelve."

	Damn, he's confident, Shinobu Minor thought.  He's 
normally so cautious, but I have a really strong hand.  
Dammit.  "See your twelve, and raise you six," she 
thought.

	Thoric smiled broader to hide his nervousness.  "See 
your six and raise you twelve more."  Clink.

	Shinobu Minor sighed.  "Fold."

	Thoric tossed his cards into the discard pile, 
gathered the others, and shuffled it.  "Much as I hate to 
say it, the Kashfan mess is going to need competent 
ruthlessness, and Shinobu Major has it in spades."

	"So what did you have?" Shinobu Minor asked.

	"Don't have to say, since you folded," he said.

	"You bluffed," she said flatly.

	"That, as they say, would be telling," Thoric said.

	"Any big political problems back home?" Keitaro 
asked.  "We don't get much news of you."

	"There's a new movement in Klatch; we fear we may 
get a Yellow Turban war soon," Thoric said.  "Otherwise, 
all is good."

	Jacqui said, "And we missed the rest of National 
Celery Week."

	"Makoto likes celery," Mutsumi said.  "I'm sure 
she'll be fine."

	"How is Minako doing as Regent of Aidacra?" Shinobu 
Minor asked.

	Thoric began dealing cards.

	"She's doing very well," Jacqui said.  "There's a 
big concert coming up."

	"She's performing?" Keitaro asked.

	"N'Stylite Generation 4 is performing," Jacqui said.  

	Keitaro said, "Well, I suppose the Stylite Order is 
unlikely to attack in another universe."

	"I'm sure it'll be just fine," Jacqui said.  

***************

	Ota Minor ran through the flaming wreckage of Stolen 
Nickel Row.  One of the beasts of the apocalypse was 
right over there.  He shouted to the watchmen behind him, 
"We just spotted another one!  FIRE!  FIRE!"

	The orange robes wearing cat-man yelped and dived 
for cover in an alleyway, then shifted to ordinary cat 
form and hid in a trashcan.  He watched as the man with 
the giant crossbow directed his men to search.  What a 
disaster, Kreskin the Cat thought.  So much for our 
triumphant Arcadian Tour...

***************

	Beowulf carefully placed another figurine into the 
model tomb, then began slowly, carefully moving the 
coffins in next.  Until he was hugged from behind and 
squeezed one of them into a twisted wreck.  "Ack," he 
said.

	Mutsumi said, "Oh no, did I mess something up?"

	Beowulf blinked, turned, then said, "Mutsumi!"

	She laughed and hugged him again.  "Did we surprise 
you?"

	"Thoric, Jacqui, it's good to see you," Beowulf 
said.  "What brings you all here?"

	"You did," Mutsumi said.  "We're making the rounds, 
taking a long vacation.  How are you?"

	"I'm fine," Beowulf said.  "I'm glad you came to see 
me."

	"Well, we miss you when you're gone," Mutsumi said.  
She looked down at the tomb.  "So what did I mess up?"

	"It's a Kavellian tomb.  This model, once I'm done, 
will show off all their funerary practices.  I need to 
make another coffin now, though," he said, starting to 
conjure one up.

	Jacqui and Thoric came over to take a look; the 
model was huge, some eight by eight feet, illustrating a 
huge underground complex, carefully decorated and full of 
mourners and priests performing various burial rites.  
"Is this one of those civilizations that bankrupted 
itself spending too much on funerals?" Thoric asked.

	"Exactly," Beowulf said.  He placed the new coffin 
in the case.  "Come with me. I'm sure Lily will want to 
see you all.  How long are you staying?"

	"Well, if you're not too busy, we thought we'd stay 
two days," Thoric said.  "We should have called ahead, 
but Mutsumi wanted to surprise you."

	Beowulf grinned wryly and led them out of the 
workshop and down the hallway.  "You certainly did.  Is 
everything well in Arcadia?"

	"Oh, everything's just fine," Mutsumi said.  

***************

	Minako signed the decree.  A massive trade embargo 
against Ankh-Morpork for slaughtering the poor N'Stylite 
dancers.  And writs of privateering too.

	She clenched her Henry Horse plushie.  They would 
PAY for this, Minako thought.  They'll rue the day they 
ruined this concert tour!!!!!

***************

	Lily rose from her desk, laying down her pen.  
"Hello, everyone."  She was wearing a tan blouse and 
matching tan shorts today, and looked rather like she'd 
just wandered in from a dig.  "It's good to see you all."

	Jacqui said, "It's good to see you too."

	"How's the museum been going?" Thoric asked.

	"It's been going well," Beowulf said.  "Although we 
had quite an argument with Setsuna about why we haven't 
put up a Cone People exhibit yet."

	Lily laughed.  "Yes.  Have you all eaten?  I was 
thinking we ought to pop off somewhere nice for dinner 
together."

	"I want stir-fried vegetables," Jacqui said.

	"Well, I know some nice places in Cathay," Thoric 
said.

	"Sounds good to me," Lily said.  "How about you, 
Beowulf?"

	"Fine with me."

	"Okay, honey," Mutsumi said.  "Give me a psychic 
imprint, and I'll whip up a trump sketch."

	A few minutes later, they were on their way.

*************

	"She's been WHAT?" Makoto Minor asked Agent Lynch 
again.  

	"She's been sending privateers to attack Ankh-
Morpork's shipping because of the riots when N'Stylite 
came to Ankh-Morpork," he said again.

	This is going to be fun to explain to the parents, 
she thought.  No, I don't want to make them come running 
back.  They never take vacations.  Going to have to do 
this the old fashioned way.  Beat some sense into 
Minako's head.

*************

	"Everything's just fine," Makoto Minor said to her 
mother.  "No need to rush home or anything."

	"Are you sure?" Mutsumi asked; she was in the middle 
of a restaurant, the Non-Euclidian Dragon,  in Talislanta 
with her spouses, Beowulf, and Lily.

	"I'm quite sure," Makoto Minor said.  "Nothing I 
can't handle."

	"Has that tour gone well?" Mutsumi asked.

	"It made quite an impact on Ankh-Morpork," Makoto 
said.

	"Alright.  Well, say hello to Minako and Ota for me, 
and I'll talk to you later," Mutsumi said.

	"See you!"

	Mutsumi clicked off the Morgenstern manifestation.  
"She says everything is fine.  I guess I'm just being 
paranoid."

	"I'm sure everything is alright," Beowulf said.  
"Your kids are all very sensible."

	Lily started to say something, then decided sarcasm 
to old friends when trying to have fun was not a good 
idea.  She simply said, "I'm sure they'd tell you if 
everything wasn't okay."

	"I hope so."

**************
	
	" 'Numerramar' is not an acceptable word, Isillome," 
Davros said.  

	"It's a perfectly fine word in Quenya," she replied.

	"If we allow every language of Shadow into this, we 
can just put down any combination of letters we want," 
Mutsumi said.

	Having made the rounds, they'd returned to the 
embassy for a few days before going home, and were now 
deep in a game of Scrabble.  

	Moonshade grumbled, picked up her tiles, grabbed the 
single tile she hadn't used in her previous word, and put 
down 'marred' as her next word.

	As usually happened, fairly quickly, Davros, 
Mitsune, and Mutsumi were skunking the others pretty 
hard.  

	"Epistemology is not a word," Moonshade said.

	"I'm afraid it is," Motoko said.

	Davros counted his points and smiled.  "It's the 
study of how we know things."

	"Hrmph."

************

	"So, how did things go while we were gone?" Thoric 
asked Makoto Minor, glancing over at Minako and Ota 
Minor, who both had bandages wrapped round their heads.

	"An ounce of pounding prevents a pound of 
stupidity," Makoto Minor said.

	"I can take you any time!" Ota shouted.

	Jacqui ran over to Minako.  "Are you okay, honey?"

	"I got a little hysterical," Minako said.

	"You tried to start a major war!" Ota shouted.

	"A war?" Mutsumi asked, frowning.  "Okay, what 
exactly happened?"

	"Stupid Ota killed all the cute little furries!" 
Minako shouted.

	"Minako turned evil werewolves loose in my city!" 
Ota protested.

	"I take it the N'Stylite tour didn't go so well," 
Thoric said.

	"We settled out of court," Makoto said.  "I took it 
out of Minako's clothing budget."

	"YOU WHAT?"  Minako lifted her hand, and winds began 
gathering around her spikard.  "Spirits of the wind, hear 
my..."

	Then her spikard turned rainbow colored and dropped 
into Mutsumi's hands.  "No Apocalypse Whirlwinds in the 
throne room, honey."

	Minako pouted.

	"Don't worry, we got it all settled before there was 
much death," Makoto said.

	"And you didn't tell us about all this for what 
reason?" Thoric demanded.

	"I didn't want to ruin you guys' vacation," Makoto 
said nervously.  "I mean, you hardly ever take real 
vacations, and I knew it would ruin yours, and I was 
pretty sure I could handle it."

	Mutsumi sighed.  "Well, it looks like you did a good 
job, but next time, let us decide if we'll come back or 
not, okay?"

	"Okay."

	"And no declaring wars on your brother," she said 
sternly to Minako.

	"Yes, Mom."

	"And no shooting your sister in the back of the 
head," she said to Ota.

	"I didn't shoot nothing!"

************

	Thoric climbed the steps and passed through the 
gate.  There was a party in progress in the courtyard of 
the Dream Castle, a reception for the Yellow Turbans 
ambassador.  He smiled, having not expected to get such a 
relevant foretelling right off the bat.  

	He watched for a while, wandering and listening to 
conversations, until he felt he knew as much as he was 
going to get.  The ambassador seemed a reasonable enough 
man, so perhaps this wouldn't be a problem after all.

	He passed on into the great hall, and upon the great 
throne sat the Hostess, knitting.  She was busy making a 
yellow sweater with a jagged black stripe across the 
belly of it.  He wondered again why the Hostess was the 
only Jacqui to grow her hair out; her long white hair 
went down to nearly to her waist, contrasting against her 
sky-blue dress.  She set aside her knitting as he came 
in, and then she rose and smiled.  "Good day, Thoric."

	"Good day," he said, smiling and coming over to her.  
While she was the hardest of all the Jacquis to get 
straight answers out of, she was usually pleasant and 
easy to deal with.  "Have you any wisdom to share with me 
today?"

	She nodded.  "There is always wisdom to be gained.  
If you will come with me?"

	He took her hand.  "Of course."

	"You are seeking to learn if we can be merged 
together into one being, are you not?" the Hostess asked.

	He sighed.  "I am, as always, transparent."

	They walked down one of the long hallways; the doors 
began to open ahead of them.  

	The first doorway showed Mutsumi and Thoric shoving 
the Jacquis into a huge machine labeled 'Jacqui Re-
Integrator #45'.  Once they'd all been put in the hopper 
and the lid closed, Minako pulled the switch.  All of the 
Jacquis tumbled out of a long tube into a box; they now 
all had red stars on their stomachs.

	Thoric sighed.  "I know better than to let Dr. 
Jacqueline build a machine to do it."

	The next doorway had them the Arcadian Royal Family 
throwing Jacquis at each other, trying to see if they'd 
stick.  It wasn't going very well, and then the Bride 
started blowing everything up.

	Thoric said, "We're not that stupid.  I hope."

	Dozens more ludicrous solutions followed.  After a 
while, Thoric was starting to get impatient, but he held 
his tongue.  Complaining usually only irritated the 
Hostess into starting to show you things intended to get 
you in trouble.

	Though he didn't remember going down the stairs, 
they were now standing at the door to the Pattern 
Chamber.  Looking through, he could see the Jacquis had 
all formed a conga line, with the Bride in the lead.  As 
they walked the Pattern, it subtly began to reshape 
itself.  The Jacquis began to turn transparent and fade 
into each other.  Finally, a Jacqui made of shining light 
reached the middle and collapsed, unconscious.

	Thoric looked thoughtful.  "Hmm, but we'd have to 
get Jack to cooperate."  He sighed.  "Which will happen 
around the end of the world."

	"Not quite that unlikely, but not likely to happen," 
the Hostess said.  "But yes, so long as some of us have 
reason to continue to exist as parts of a greater whole, 
we will not be reunited."

	Thoric leaned against the wall.  "I will ask again, 
though you never have given me a straight answer.  Is 
this what Jacqui wanted?  Did she deliberately split 
herself?"

	"Every action has unanticipated consequences.  Did 
you intend to miss the Aidacra-Ankh-Morpork war?"

	"No.  I thought Makoto would have the sense to tell 
us a war was breaking out," he said, sounding angry.  "I 
shudder to think what could have happened."

	"I do not know what Jacqui intended.  None of us 
have perfect recall of her memories.  And, indeed, I 
don't know if Jacqui really knew what she was doing; she 
just did what everyone told her to," the Hostess said 
softly.  "But you are jealous because she did not give 
herself to you entirely."

	Thoric started to protest, then sighed.  "She has 
all of me.  Well, all of me that Mutsumi doesn't have, 
but that's what you get in a triad like ours."

	The Hostess moved closer.  "And what about Motoko?  
Doesn't some part of you wish to be with her?"

	Thoric tried to back up, but it's hard to move away 
from someone holding your hand.  "I can't pretend I don't 
have feelings for her I shouldn't, but part of life is 
making choices, not trying to have your cake and eat it 
too.  And if I did succumb to temptation, I would want to 
be able to give Motoko all of me, not some shadow, not 
just an incomplete fragment.  I gave up all of my rights 
to be with other women when I hooked up with Mutsumi and 
Jacqui.  So yes, I am angry that one of her pieces is the 
Logrus' love-monkey."

	"Isn't it better for her to get rid of that part of 
herself, so she could make both you and the Logrus 
happy?" the Host asked.  "So she wouldn't be torn in two 
directions like you've been for the last seventy years?"

	"The Logrus went on one date with her!  If one date 
meant people could claim a chunk of me, I wouldn't have 
any of me left!  It's got infinite shadow to get itself 
girlfriends from if it's THAT lonely," Thoric snapped.

	"Jacqui never liked to make people unhappy," the 
Hostess said.  "And they had a daughter."

	"I know.  But if you try to make EVERYONE happy, you 
end up making no one happy," Thoric said.  "And it won't 
surprise me if the Logrus just gets confused one day and 
eats Jewel."

	"The Logrus would never hurt her," the Hostess said, 
a little sharply.

	"The Logrus would happily flay me alive and scatter 
my remains from Arcadia to the Abyss.  It's _insane_, by 
its very nature.  I would hate to see Jewel or Jack get 
killed because the Logrus gets confused and thinks 
they're Mutsumi and me, or something.  And I expect 
sooner or later, that will happen.  Or if it decides to 
hurt us by hurting them."

	The Hostess frowned.  "I think you attribute too 
much insanity to it."

	"It hasn't spent the last seventy years periodically 
trying to kill YOU," Thoric said.  "I'm going to spend 
the rest of my life with this stupid thing trying to kill 
me and Mutsumi because we weren't willing to let it take 
Jacqui on the strength of one date and a baby."  He 
fumed.  "The worst part is that there's simply nothing I 
can do about it.  Nothing but kill assassins every so 
often.  We can't change its mind and we can't kill it, 
and it has eternity to keep trying."

	"Until it gets bored and does something else," the 
Hostess said.  "If it's as insane as you think..."

	"Maybe it will get bored, but I can't count on 
that," Thoric said, pounding a fist into the wall.  "I am 
sick and tired of having to play hide and seek with the 
damnable thing!"  Slam.  "Stupid, stupid, stupid Logrus!"  
Slam.  "It probably did something to Jacqui to make sure 
this would happen to her so it could get what it wanted!"  
Slam.  "Damn it!"  Slam.  "Of course, with my luck, the 
Bride will decide I'm a threat to the Pattern and kill me 
first."  Slam.  "Or Dr. Jacqui will accidentally turn me 
into a woman and make me bear Jack's baby."  Slam. 

	The Hostess moved behind him and wrapped her arms 
around his waist, pressing her cheek against his back.  
"You're going to hurt yourself if you don't stop."

	"Well, I can't do anything about anything that 
really drives me nuts, but I can at least beat my hands 
to death so the pain distracts me," he mumbled, then 
started pounding on the wall harder.  "I can't do this 
forever.  I can't.  But I can't just abandon Jacqui 
because it's not all wine and roses and cuddling either."  
He snarled at the wall, which was beginning to crack, 
then began pounding on it harder.  "My son is the biggest 
idiot who ever was, and my daughter doesn't have the 
sense to tell me a war broke out, and my wife is 
encouraging me to commit adultery, and my step-daughter 
is a raging lunatic, and I just want to SCREAM!"  

	"Then scream.  Let it all out.  If you hold it in, 
you'll just explode," the Hostess said.  "I'm here, no 
matter how mad you get."

	"I hate getting mad!  I hate it!" he shouted.  "I 
hate myself for wanting someone I can't have, and I hate 
having to run herd over crazy people, and I hate waiting 
for my daily assassination attempt, and I hate getting 
mad at my family and saying awful things about them!"  
Pound.  Pound.  Pound.  "I just stink."

	"You don't stink.  We all get mad sometimes.  Better 
to let it out than to let it fester."

	He leaned against the wall and began to cry tears of 
frustration.  "There has to be something I can do.  I 
can't...I don't want to leave her like this.  Am I being 
selfish?"

	"Yes," the Hostess said.  "But I love you, 
selfishness and all."

	"I am not a very good husband to you," he said.  

	"I was not made for love, so I treasure whatever of 
it I can get.  For I know how easily love fades and 
dies."  She circled round to hug him from the front.  

	"Can't you...can't you show me what to do?" he 
pleaded.

	"We've gone round this a million times before," she 
said softly.  "Even my powers are not infinite.  And some 
problems lack good solutions, at least until conditions 
change."

	"I don't like waiting."

	She let go of the hug and took his arm.  "Let me 
take your mind off this."

	"Alright," he said.

	She took him round the castle, showing him various 
whimsical futures.  Slowly, he began to relax, and then 
to feel embarrassed.  "I hate getting mad, because I say 
a lot of stupid stuff I don't mean."

	"Or that you normally aren't brave enough to say," 
she said softly.

	"I love my family.  But sometimes, yeah, they can 
drive me nuts."

	The Hostess nodded.  "I do not like to see you in 
pain."

	"I don't like causing trouble for other people," he 
said.

	"You are no trouble to me," she said.  

	"I'm sorry you have to live up here by yourself," he 
said.

	"It is what I was made for.  I am content, and you 
and Mutsumi both come visit, as do my sisters."

	"Anything else you wish to show me tonight?" he 
asked.  

	She smiled softly. "Follow me."

	She lead him round by winding routes to one of the 
bedrooms, which she ushered him into.  He looked around.  
"I'm not seeing anything."

	She turned her back to him.  "Undo these catches and 
I'll show you something soft and wonderful."

	His eyes widened.  "You mean..."

	She laughed.  "THIS isn't a mystery..."

	Once he got the catches undone, he soon experienced 
many soft and wonderful mysteries.  


************

	Thoric woke up, and realized he'd actually fallen 
asleep in the Dream Castle; he hadn't done that in years.  
I hope I haven't vanished for weeks again like last time, 
he thought.  He could hear breathing next to him, so he 
started to roll over.  Then he realized several things.

	First of all, he was now female.  

	Secondly, she could hear thunder and lightning and 
rain against the windows.

	Thirdly, 	she was now in bed with the Host, whose 
dark-skinned face was lit with a wide grin.  He was 
wearing purple pajamas with the top unbuttoned.  "Give me 
some sugar, baby!"

	Then the Host jumped on her.  She brought a knee up 
to smack him in the balls.  He rolled off her, groaning.  
"You're no fun," he mumbled.

	"I don't sleep with men!" she announced.

	"Hey, I'm all woman inside," the Host said.  "You've 
got to get over this silly inhibition of yours if you 
ever want to really fuck Motoko's brains out.  Since she 
likes it both ways."

	"I am NOT looking to fuck Motoko's brains out!" 
Thorica insisted.

	The Host shimmered, and turned into Motoko, still 
clad in the purple pajamas.  The open top showed off her 
bosom nicely.  Thorica reminded her stupid hormones this 
was a fake, but they wouldn't listen.  Thorica backed up, 
glad she was wearing a pullover shirt that didn't need 
buttons.  "You want her, and you know it," the Motoko-
Host said.  "Haven't you ever fantasized about a little 
hot girl-on-girl action with Motoko?"

	"I fantasize about hot boy on girl action with 
Motoko, with ME as the boy," Thorica insisted.

	"See, now don't you feel better for admitting you 
lust after her?" the Motoko-Host asked.  "That's the 
first step to finally shagging her."

	"I am not out to shag her!"

	"Sure you are," the Host said.  "Let's roll the 
tape..."

	Images formed in the air, next to one wall...

	["Well, look at it this way," Motoko said softly.  
"When you see people but rarely, it is easier to make 
every moment with them precious, to make a shining jewel 
of them to add to the treasury of your memories.  And in 
our immortal lives, we will slowly build up a hoard of 
such memories to comfort us through the long nights."  
Her arms slid around him from behind, and her head rested 
on his shoulder.  "Are you feeling lonely, Thoric?" 

	"I am never lonely here," he said softly.  "And 
Mutsumi and all the Jacquis ensure I am never really 
lonely in Arcadia.  But I do miss everyone.  Especially 
you and Mother and Beowulf and Kanna.  You all  believed 
in me before I believed in myself."

	"I cannot claim membership in that elite company," 
she said.  "For I only came to understand your true worth 
even as you did.  I had thought you weak like all the 
others.  But then you proved me wrong."

	"And I feared your reputation," he said.  "Not 
understanding why you had built such high walls to guard 
your heart.  Or the beautiful gardens which lay within."]

	"Ie, you want to fuck her brains out," the Host 
said.  "And she wants you BAD.  Let's face it, can you 
name another man she'd cuddle up to from behind in the 
baths like that?"

	"Motoko is very important to me, but I'm not going 
to cheat on my wives with her!"

[	"I suppose Jacqui has been training you in Yumi's 
secret techniques all these years."

	"And you've been studying with Mitsune."

	"Spider Crosses the Web," Thoric said.

	"Deer Nibbles the Corn," Motoko said.

	"Squirrel Digs Up His Buried Nuts," Thoric said.

	"Stylite Climbs the Pillar," Motoko replied.

	"Explorer Finds Snow-Capped Mountain Peaks."

	"Hmm, I don't remember that one," Motoko said.]

	"And here we have the two of you trying to impress 
each other with your knowledge of esoteric sex 
techniques.  Foreplay for people who can't quite bring 
themselves to admit their burning burning love love!"

	"That wasn't foreplay!  We were just showing off, 
the way guys do."

	"Ahah!  So you DO burn with lust for men!" the 
Motoko-Host said triumphantly.

	"I do not!"

[	"You have to use ice cream, and you have to make 
sure you find the snow capped peaks before they melt," 
Thoric said.  "Or it gets very messy.  Works better for 
Jacqui, who can cool her breasts down a bit, to slow the 
melting."]

	The Motoko-Host was now seated on the bed with a tub 
of vanilla ice cream.  "Would you like to demonstrate on 
me?"

	"No!"

	"Would you if I was the real Motoko?"

	"No!"

	"Liar."


[	He gazed on her face, smiling himself.  It was a 
pity more people didn't get to see her like this, so full 
of happiness and warmth.  So many judged her unfairly 
because she didn't open up easily.  He certainly had, 
once.  But he knew better now.  They could be honest with 
each other, and open.  And sometimes, they could discuss 
things they couldn't discuss with their lovers, because 
they needed someone who both understood them and wasn't 
part of the problem.  

	They didn't get to see each other often, but it only 
seemed to make the times spent together all the sweeter.  
She was his best friend who wasn't one of his wives, and 
he treasured every precious moment.  There were times 
when he wanted more, but he had made marriage vows, and 
he would keep them.  And so would she.  And he knew that 
the fact that neither of them would cheat made them each 
more desirable to each other, more the sort of person 
they most cared for.  It was, perhaps, a paradox.  But at 
times, there was a strange strength to be found in 
paradox. 

	"Now I'm having a horrible mental vision of the Host 
trying to shave my legs."  Thorica shivered and laughed 
at once.  

	"Give me some sugar, baby," Motoko said in an 
uncanny imitation of the Host's voice.

	Thorica shivered.  "You're TOO good at that."

	"When we came to visit some years ago, he tried to 
get me to make out with him when we went up to the Castle 
of Dreams," Motoko said.  "Amazingly freakish, he is."

	"But good at forcing us to confront truths we hide 
from," he said.]

	"And this is one of them," the Motoko-Host said.  
"You want Motoko.  And sooner or later, you two are going 
to end up having sex."

	"No, we won't," Thorica said firmly.  "We will 
remain just close friends."

	"Uh huh.  Unless you two lose the attraction, the 
end result is going to be hot Thoric on Motoko action.  
Or maybe Hot Thorica on Otoko-Motoko action."  The 
Motoko-Host shimmered and became the Otoko-Motoko-Host.  
"Feel free to use me as a test model."

	Thorica sank into a chair.  "I won't.  I don't need 
to look outside my marriage for sex and love."

	"Then why do you?"

	"Because humans are stupid and want more than they 
have, all the time, no matter how much they get," Thorica 
muttered.

	"I think someone's wishing they'd signed up with the 
firm that isn't full of crazy people," the Host said.

	"Everyone has their regrets sometimes," Thorica 
said.  "But I love Jacqui and..."

	"Do you love me?" the Otoko-Motoko-Host demanded.

	"No," Thorica said.

	"Then you don't really love Jacqui.  I was part of 
her once.  And if you do put her back together, I'll be 
part of her again."

	Thorica winced.

	"Do you really want the whole Jacqui?  As I know you 
don't like some of the pieces she's in now."

	Thorica said, "I fell in love with the whole thing.  
No one is perfect.  I'm sure I have some pieces she 
doesn't like."

	"Like your refusal to admit you lust for men," the 
Otoko-Motoko-Host said.

	"I do NOT lust for men!"

	"There you go again," he said.  "C'mon, just give me 
one little chance, and I'll make a believer of you."

	"Mmm...no.  No.  No," Thorica said.  "And turn me 
back to a man."

	"Naah.  You're too cute like that."

	She sighed.  "Well, I guess I get to hang out in 
this chair until the rain stops."

	"It's going to rain buckets all night," the Otoko-
Motoko-Host said.  He turned to female Motoko again.  
"How about some hot girl on girl action, then?"

	"You'll turn male in the middle," Thorica said 
suspiciously.

	"I swear I won't," the Motoko-Host said.  "I'll stay 
all Motoko, all the time."

	It was somewhat tempting, and the Host was part of 
Jacqui, so they were married, Thorica thought.  And it 
would keep the Host from talking.  "How long have I been 
missing?"

	"Three nights," the Motoko-Host said.

	Thorica sighed.  "Do they know I'm up here?"

	"Well, you did tell them, right?" the Motoko-Host 
asked.

	"I'd best be getting home."

	"You want to walk those stairs in the rain?" the 
Motoko-Host asked.

	"You really are determined," Thorica said.

	The Motoko-Host stared at the ground.  "Well..."

	A thought hit him.  "You haven't had any in seventy 
years," Thoric said.

	"Has it been that long since I was born?" the 
Motoko-Host asked.

	"Didn't you and Mutsumi ever..."

	"She can't stand me," the Motoko-Host said, staring 
miserably at the ground.  

	"Because you're rude and obnoxious and press 
yourself on people."

	"I can't help how I was made!  It's my nature!" the 
Motoko-Host protested.  "You just all get pissy when I 
tell you the truths you don't want to hear!"

	The part of her nature which was too compassionate 
for its own good rose up in unison with her own inner 
Motoko lust.  She rose from the chair, came over, and sat 
down next to the Motoko-Host.  "You're right.  I do want 
her.  And I'm afraid I'll fuck up sooner or later and 
have sex with her and make a mess of everything.  But I 
can't stop how I feel, just by willing it."

	"Well, if you're looking for an escape from your 
current marriage..."

	"I don't want out of it.  There's some things I wish 
were different, like Jacqui being all in one piece, but I 
don't want out."

	"Then you want Motoko in it."

	"Yes," he said softly.  "We need more stable people, 
like her.  But our destinies lead us apart."

	"Well, Jacqui and Mutsumi both wouldn't mind 
boinking her," the Motoko-Host said.  "Me neither."

	"I live in a sea of chaos.  Which is ironic, given I 
live on the Order side of things."

	"Truth in paradox and all that."

	"Indeed."

	"So, are we gonna fuck or what?" the Motoko-Host 
asked.  

	"Do you even know what to do to a woman?" Thorica 
asked.

	"Do you?"

	"I was trained by my mother, then further trained by 
my lovely, erotic wives, each of whom trained under an 
expert.  And you?"

	The Motoko-Host laughed nervously.  "Uh, Jack got 
all the sex skills usable by men in this family...and 
Jacqui got the female skills."

	"So, in other words, you wouldn't know what to do at 
all," Thorica said.

	"I can kiss people," the Motoko-Host said weakly.

	"Hmmm...can you persona-shift or do you just 
physically shapeshift?"

	"I can become more like Motoko than Motoko is," the 
Motoko-Host said.

	"Alright, if you persona-shift Motoko, then you'll 
know what to do."

	"Right."  The Motoko-Host began to concentrate, then 
said, "Oh shit, her mind's too strong!  I'm drowning!  
Thorica, do something!"  

	Thorica was very tempted to just let Motoko take 
over, but that was likely to have ugly consequences.  She 
reached out and strengthened the Host's mind with her own 
by taking her hand.  The Host reverted to his male form.  
"Damnation.  I coulda got some."

	"Keep practicing.  When you can persona-shift into 
Motoko without any trouble, I'll do it with you."

	"Woot!  GOT ME A GOAL!" the Host shouted.

	Let's pray that day never comes, Thorica thought.


************

	Jacqui hugged Thorica tightly.  "You're sooooo 
cute!" she said.

	Thorica said, "My clothing doesn't fit right."

	"We can fix that," she said, dragging him towards 
the closet.  "Hmm, let's see..."

	"I'd rather we focus on getting me turned back to 
normal."

	"Oh, that's too easy," Jacqui said.

	"..."

	"Besides, now we can braid your hair and it won't 
matter if anyone thinks you're a girl!" Mutsumi said.

	"..."

	"And Ota won't mistake you for Nym this time," 
Jacqui said. "Hmm, how about a nice red dress to match 
your hair..."

	"Alright, alright.  I'll play along tonight.  But I 
need to be a man again before we meet with the Yellow 
Turban representative tomorrow."  Thorica looked at the 
items in the closet and tried to figure out what she 
could wear without dying of embarrassment.

	Mutsumi clapped her hands.  "So, we can keep you a 
girl until then?"
	
	"You can even braid my hair."

	"Time to go visit that fast-time shadow we found, 
Jacqui."

	"..."

	Jacqui grinned.  "An excellent idea.  Mallworld, 
here we come!!!"

	"..."

	There was no escape.  


************


	A shadow loomed over Thoric as he worked at his 
desk.  "Hello, Bride," he said.  "How are you?"

	"Obviously, some very, very cunning threat to the 
Pattern must be arising," she said sternly.

	"Can't find anything to destroy today?" he asked.

	She frowned.  "Yes, I..."  A roach scuttled across 
the floor.  It evaporated as the Bride shot it with a ray 
of Jewel energy.  "And it's making me restless."

	"Well, if you're feeling bored and lonely, Mutsumi 
and I are always willing to let you share our bed," 
Thoric said.

	The bride's armor turned more red.  "I am the angel 
of death, who rains down destruction on the...mmmmm...."  
Thoric was up on his own desk now, leaning across it to 
kiss her on the lips.  Finally, she stepped back.  "It is 
not my role."

	"Sure it is," he said.  "You're very soft and 
cuddly."

	"I am hard, metal, destruction!  I smash planets and 
level civilizations if they threaten the Pattern!"

	"And most of the time, there aren't any major 
threats, so you end up having to blow up bunnies or blow 
up cities just in case they become a threat."

	The Bride sighed.  "I cannot even determine where 
those assassins came from, or who killed them.  The 
Pattern does not know who to blame."

	"Then come and relax with us," Thoric said.  "You 
can destroy the leftover celery coffee so we don't have 
to keep drinking it ."

	"Is it a threat to the Pattern?" the Bride asked.

	"A great and terrible one."

	"I will annihilate it as if it had never been made."

	Thoric looked thoughtful.  "Could you arrange for it 
to never be made?"

	"Yes."  She concentrated, and the Sign of the 
Pattern flared to life around her, glowing with the light 
of the Jewel.  "The cooks will now forget it ever existed 
and will have to use Klatchian Dark Ground instead."

	"You're a sweetie," he said.

	She swallowed nervously.  "I am not supposed to be 
sweet.  And I know I scare you."

	"You terrify me," he said softly.  "Dr. Jacqueline 
wants to scare me, but she's not very good at it.  You 
are."

	The Bride turned to stare out the window.  "I will 
go, then."

	But he reached out and took her hand.  "But I also 
love you, dangerous as it is."

	She turned and stared at his hand; he could feel the 
heat of her Pattern Gaze.  He wondered what she saw.  She 
said, "I could...I could kill you one of these days."

	"I know," he said softly.  "But like a moth, I am 
drawn to your flame."

	"Flame burns," she said intensely.  "I do not wish 
to hurt you, but I am made for hurting."

	"And flame needs fuel," he said, intensely, and then 
he took her other hand, and pulled her up onto the desk.  
"And fire can forge metal stronger as well as burning and 
consuming wood.  It hardens clay to become a beautiful 
statue.  It cooks food.  We cannot live without fire.  We 
would wither and die."  He kissed her fiercely now, and 
she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back.  Her 
armor softened, losing its metallic strength and gleam, 
shrinking in to become a well-cut Arcadian military 
uniform in red and black.  "Sometimes, we all hurt each 
other.  But I need your fire, your strength, your 
willingness to do what must be done.  If it means I must 
sometimes be burned, I will take the risk."  

	He could feel the light of the Jewel playing across 
his face.  She could vaporize him in an instant if she so 
chose.  But he knew she would not, though the terror 
roared across his mind and tried to consume him.  It was 
mixed with a sense of exhilaration which always came over 
him when he held the Bride.  Desire welled up within him.  
I wonder if this is what Motoko feels like when she is 
with the Serpent, he thought for a moment, then kissed 
the Bride again.

	They smooched for long moments, and then she said, 
"This desk isn't very good for this."  The light of the 
Jewel played across it, turning it into a nice, comfy 
bed.  And destroying several dozen reports, letters, etc, 
in the process.  He decided not to mention this.  Her 
hand slid across his cheek.  "Do you think..."  She fell 
silent, and stared at him with a nervous look which made 
his heart ache.  How much pain does she always carry 
inside, he asked himself again, as he always did when she 
came out of her shell, and came to be with him and 
Mutsumi.  

	"I think Mutsumi would love to join us," he said 
softly.

	"Yes," the Bride said.

	He sent Mutsumi a spikard-gram.  She popped into the 
room a few seconds later.  "Hi, honey," she said, kissing 
the Bride on the Cheek.  "Nice uniform."

	"Thank you," the Bride said faintly.

	"A pity we have to take it off in order to make love 
to you all over," Mutsumi said, beginning to trump the 
buttons off it one by one, as she sat down next to the 
Bride.

	"I could fuse it to my flesh, I suppose," the Bride 
said.

	"Not necessary," Thoric said.  "But it would help if 
you could make sure we aren't interrupted."

	The voice of the Bride boomed across the entire 
Discworld.  "WE ARE HAVING SEX.  DO NOT COME INTO KING 
THORIC'S OFFICE OR I WILL ANNHILATE YOU."

	Mutsumi turned red.

	Thoric said faintly, "I was thinking more on the 
lines of molding the door away until we finished, but 
that will do."

	And they burned into the depths of the night.

*****************