A Fistful of Finndos:  A Crossover Chronicle of five Finndos, four princes and princesses, three Ambers, two conspirators, and one really big squid (and a spoon!)
Header art by Alan Harnum



 
 
 
 
 


 

The Concept

A Fistful of Finndos was a two GM, three Amber universe crossover run in Winter 2000-2001 by John Biles and Mike Loader.  It initially starred Princess Corrine of TAMD-Amber and Princess Juri of Avalon, who later acquired Prince Roderick of Gumi-Amber and Prince Gideon of Avalon's assistance in trying to stop Skippy the Logrus Squid, who had been hijacked by the children of the now dead Prince Finndo of the Gumi-Amber universe with the assistance of Kiryuu Nanami, Assistant Keeper of the Logrus in the Avalon universe.  The result was a merry (?) chase across all three universes, finally culminating in the destruction of Skippy and of Corrine's half-brother Prince Drake's fortress shadow in the process.

The Universes

Dramatis Personae:

Spoon Gumi Poster
Poster by Alan Harnum (Juri)


Logs by Phil Moyer (Corrine)



Quotes (Selected by 'Mercutio')
 
 

Session One

"The City in the Sun lives again, I see. Of course, that likely means the Ravager Beast will come to attack it again. That would be a great tragedy."
--Dowager Queen Anthy, demonstrating an enormous talent for understatement.
 

"You're not my Darako, are you?  But I suppose I already knew that,
considering that you're alive and have a different haircut and are saying
multiple sentences without cursing."  --Juri meets Corrine.
 

"Hello. If you can see this, you're at the border of the zone I makes with
'no-go' signs so carefully. You ignored them, apparently, and thus are
recieving this message. I'd chide you for it, but as you're undoubtably
going to die anyway I won't bother. Hopefully, King Random will send
condolences to your next of kin. I will endeavor to recover your mauled,
abused, bloody corpses for your relatives to bury. Fare thee well for the
rest of your tragically brief lifespan." --Prince Julian's Early Warning
System.
 

"Yo quiero Royal Family,"
--The Chihuahua of Chaos.
 

"This is NOT my father's Arden."
--Corrine
 

"Best you turn back even though you ignored the first set of markers,
unless you really enjoying flaming death.  But then, you kids just don't
seem to know when not to stick your noses into things."  --Julian's Early
Warning System, Ironic Version.
 

"I've been forced to learn some things through experience.  I met the
Creator of the Universe some time back. Short guy. Had a cute grandson."
--Juri: not a TOTAL lesbian, at least......
 

"Okay, kids, I've finally tracked down this damn thing.  I know it's your
fault it's here, and if I can ever prove it, you'll die.  And I know it
must be you who set this off because no one else in Amber is big enough
fools to go riding around this part of Arden by themselves.  Just turn
around and go home, or this thing will likely kill you.  Do you
understand?  GO HOME." --Julian: Bitterest Prince ever.
 

Session Two

Juri of Avalon rolls over in her sleep, clutches her pillow, and murmurs
something about somebody called "Rex". --Don't Ask. Really.
 

Phil: Rex?
Alan: Mike gets it. :)
--The in-jokes begin.
 

Corrine of Amber nods to Juri, and goes into the tent to sleep.
Presumably, the rest of the night is spent in such a fasion.

Alan: Except for when Juri comes in very quietly and undresses Corrine
with her eyes while licking her lips, but... :)" --Mmm..... lesbians.
 

"Juri?  Those dogs are attacking your horse. Car. Whatever."
"It's tough.  They won't bother it. Mind you, if they decide to start
fouling it or climbing on the upholstery, I'm going down there." --Juri
and Corrine get attacked by Wild Dogs.
 

"I know how to deal with puppies--I didn't spend all that time hanging
around with Horatio for nothing.  Shoo, I said."  --Juri verbally
emasculates her absent cousin.
 

GM: A road runs along the Barimen river, which you can now ride on.
Alan:  Corrine can charm us a ride with her short shorts.  :)"
Phil: Corrine of Amber isn't wearing them for this adventure! *COUGH*
Standard ranger wear for her, -thank- you. Alan: o/~ We like short
shorts... o/~ --Phil learns everything he needs to about Alan's
personality.
 

Prince Julian of Amber looks you up and down.

Juri of Avalon. o O (He's undressing me with his eyes, I just know it.)

Corrine of Amber . o O (Everything's calm, Everything's cool, I will not
mouth off, it would be bad.  Queens do not mouth off.) --Juri and Corrine
meet Julian.
 

The door opens, and two people saunter in - a man in an orange trenchcoat
and black fedora, smoking a cigarette and looking annoyed, and a pale
woman in Full Goth Regalia. "Right!" drawls the man. "We'll take it from
here, Julian." --Ishmael makes his FoF debut. May God have mercy on us
all.
 

"Oi, you two. Seen anyone named Finndo?"
"Yes.  He had three arms and my brother decapitated him."
--Ishmael questions Juri.
 

"Ladies, I must regretfully hand you over to these two.  If you are
fortunate, you will not be strapped to the underside of a mule which is on
fire and falling off a cliff by this time tomorrow, but I doubt it."  --
Julian. I reiterate: bitterest Prince EVER.
 

"Who's Fido?"
"He's our pet Squid."
--Corrine and Rose.
 

"Did the Random you know have a son named Martin? Married to a Queen named
Vialle? Having an affair with a woman named Gretta?" "The king is having
an AFFAIR?" "No, but it sounded good." --Ishmael and Rose's unique
conversational style.
 

"Eating Fire Patterns."
"The breakfast of squid champions."
--Corrine and Ishmael.
 

"I'm here, alive, and riding away laughing having kicked my foes in the
head. Any other Ishmaels can bloody well look out for themselves."
--Ishmaels approach to trans-universal metaphysics.
 

Session Three

"Ah, be it ever so drizzly, there's nowhere quite like a near parallel of
home..." "Unless it's full of cannibal versions of your relatives."
--Corrine and Rose, upon reaching Amber City.
 

"The Chihuaha gazes also."
--Juri.
 

"Basically, I have this uncle named Finndo.  He had a bunch of kids, and
he decided to destroy Amber in retaliation for Grandpa dumping Primal
Chaos on him." --Rose exposits.
 

"Your grandfather... King Oberon... -created- the Logrus Squid."
--Corrine.
 

"What -IS- the Logrus, anyway?"
"Oh, it's this big tunnel network that constantly shifts around. You have
to know shapeshifting so you can adapt to the changes or you die."
--Corrine and Rose, in Logrus for Dummies.
 

"I think Suhuy knows something he's not telling."
--Ishmaels stupendous grasp of the obvious.
 

"The Ravager Beast... it was told to me by Dowager Queen Anthy that a Lord
of Chaos, by the name of Gideon, tried to make himself a god by merging
himself with a Shadow... instead, it turned him into a beast that was
obsessed with eating Patterns. I would -extremely- perfer it if -didn't-
eat Ember again.  Call it a personal quirk." --Corrine
 

"These coincidences of names between universes is... I don't know.  Like a
big in-joke between the creators of various universes.  I don't like it."
--Juri glimpses the big picture.
 

"The Questing Beast?  Doesn't it go around harrassing people who've
committed incest?" --Rose exposes Dante's hideous, hideous secret.
 

"I can safely say I'm not into my relatives. Well, in that fashion.  I love
my family, just no desire to sleep with 'em." --Corrine.
 

Session 4

"Good morning.  I hope you don't mind rabbit stew."
"As long as it wasn't a cute rabbit."
--Rose and Juri breakfast.
 

"Oh, Rhianna, this is Corrine of Amber and Juri of Avalon. They're from
somewhere that isn't here." "This isn't going to be like the magic cow, is
it?" --Rose makes introductions.
 

"Mother will no doubt run off again trying to draw her own pattern after
seeing you." --Rhianna
 

"To be perfectly honest, I had numerous concerns of my own to deal with in
my own universe and am not entirely pleased by this, but I seem, as usual,
to have little ability to determine my own destiny." --Juri questions the
Grand Design.
 

"My brother Bleys has long theorized there could be multiple universes
with 'true' Patterns because the Jewel of Judgement does not contain a
single two-dimensional pattern, but actually a three dimensional pattern
of which any given Pattern is merely a two-dimensional slice, you see."
--Fiona.
 

"All right.  So we're from, apparently, equal but different universes.
How do we get back to them?" "That is a tricky question." "Oh dear.  I
hate tricky questions." --Juri and Fiona.
 

Session 5

"If you ladies will accompany me, the King will see  you now. And, I quote,
'tell those two walking natural disasters to come along as well'." --King
Random's summons.
 

"I also heard the name 'Brand' come up. Repeatedly."
"Not your Brand. Another one.  From my universe's version of your Amber.
He's dead now." --Random and Juri make polite small talk.
 

"My cousin Horatio once aggravated our own situation with Chaos by
attacking House Hendrake using a giant pink and gold train." "I'm of
Hendrake. We've only ever been attacked by hats." --Juri and Ishmael trade
war stories.
 

"Your universe sounds like a nice place."
"I have only mentioned the positive points so far."
--Random and Juri.
 

"Corwin will probably want to be drunk and moody at a real live
Avalonian." "Well, I'm not from his Avalon." "Doesn't matter. Corwin likes
excuses to get drunk and moody and sing depressing stuff about ships and
dead swans."  --Random gives Juri valuable insight into her genetic
heritage.
 

"I'm just the King. Benedict's Benedict, and so outranks me."
--Politics in Amber.
 

"I think Random wanted me to pump you for information. Would you like some
tea first?" --Vialle.
 

"Would you be willing to assist in an experiment to learn more?"
"As long as it doesn't involve evil black tar."
--Vialle and Juri.
 

"Look, can you just please tell us plainly what the hell we're supposed to
do, you stupid primal powers?" --Juri mouths off to the stupid primal
powers.
 

"Damn, y'all be SO fuckered, it ain't even funny."
--Branch.
 

"How can I assist Juri, and destroy those who would bring revolution to my
universe?" "Juri needs to get laid. Get it on with her, girl!" --Corrine
and Branch. A ha. A ha ha ha.
 

"I haven't quite finished that one, and it may not be the most
reliable..." --Vialle explains about her randy oracle-head.
 

"Are we to pursue the Finndo Clan and the Squid, then?"
"Go forth, find them, and some hot lesbian action would be nice too."
--Juri's turn to question Branch.
 

"I can see I'll need to put this one back in the kiln when we're done."
--Vialle. Guess who it's about.
 

Session Six

"Dworkin Barimen, Attorney At Law. No Dogs or Irish In Hats. My Shoes Are
Neat." --Dworkin's Sign.
 

"You!"
"YOU! *blink* Who are you?"
"Oh. It must have been another Creator of the Universe. Never mind."
--Juri and Dworkin meet again for the first time.
 

"Latest sighting of evil twin had no cucumber. Destroy Begma to compensate
for lack of consistancy, or possibly buy new loafers." --Dworkin.
 

"If I knew what a Patternghost was, then it'd make more sense to me,
then." "It's like a big hunk of brie cheese, only different." --Corrine
and Dworkin.
 

"The Outsiders are evil beings of immence power who, ages ago, loaned
their lawnmower to the unicorn and the serpent, who never got around to
returning it. They've been trying to get it back ever since, tricking
people into offering black and decker accessories to the unicorn in
exchange." "... Oh." --Dworkin explains the subtle intricacies of the
universe to Corrine.
 

"Anyway, what did all you young women want?"
"Information and advice on how we can defeat the MacFinndos, and how we
can then subsequently get home." "Oh, that's easy. I can help you with
that. I thought it was something hard, like my hat or that God-Jesus
thing." --Dworkin and Corrine run headlong into Alan's dementia.
 

"Hi, my name is Shiori, and I'm out to get Juri! Revenge shall be mine at
least!" --Shiori Spear-gun.
 

Dworkin goes over to the desk, roots around in it, and pulls out a wooden
spoon with hundreds of little scratches on it. "A use for this might
present itself." --SPOON!!
 

"A spoon like that would cost you at least a silverpence, and I'm giving
it to you for free!" --Dworkin.
 

"I want a bath and then I want to go somewhere where I might be able to
stab something." --Juri's idea of a good time.
 

"Where are these guest rooms, again?"
"They're up above, in the East Tower."
"I'm afraid Rhianna just blew up the East Tower."
--Corrine, Rose, and Ishmael.
 

"We have Badog."
"Bravo. We shall fill Shadow with them."
--Rhianna and Ishmaels cunning, badger-wolfhound related plan.
 

"You and Prince Julian are an item? Wow!"
"... Different Julian, Rhianna."
--Corrine and Rhianna.
 

Corrine of Amber blinks at this, and ers.  She coughs, and blushes.  She
mumbles something about already being involved with someone. Rose . o O
(Someone? Was Branch right? No, evil thoughts, evil! Pretty birdies, Rose!
Cavorting puppies!) --Mmm..... lesbians.
 

Hot, LIVE, TRANS-UNIVERSAL Girl-On-Girl ACTION!
--Alan. That boy ain't right.
 

"Bed.  Soft.  Good."
"Soft Bed A Good Thing."
--Mmm.... Juri and Corrine.

Session Seven.

"Oh good, you're out of the bath.  I timed things right."
"I highly recommend the hot water.  It's very pleasant."
--Corrine and Juri.
 

"I'm beginning to dislike just how big this is starting to get."
--Juri. And get your damn minds out of the gutter.
 

"The last time things were like this, people I cared for died because I
put the pieces I had together in all the wrong ways." "Oh. Like Darako?"
"Yes, like Darako." --Juri and Corrine converse about Corrine's dead
trans-universal twin.
 

"Branch was disturbing as well, admittedly for different reasons."
"Oh yes.  I love my sister, Juri, but... not in that fashion, no. Making
out with a counterpart of my sister would be beyond bizzare." --Juri and
Corrine try to deny their wicked, sinful lust for each other.
 

"Great.  Now I'm trying to ponder hooking you up with one of my siblings.
This is just getting -too- weird for words, Juri. Never mind father's
strictures against incest, which pretty much shoots -that- down, anyway.
They'd be weirded out too. Nevermind." "Technically, it isn't incestuous;
there's no blood relation.  I simply look exactly like one of your
siblings. It would be _disturbing_, but it wouldn't be... why am I talking
about this?" --Corrine and Juri discuss the planned trans-universal orgy.
Or not.
 

"I confess to feeling somewhat motherly towards Julian at times, but don't
tell Horatio that." --He knows, Juri. He knows. ;)
 

Session Eight

Juri of Avalon rolls over in her sleep and gropes Corrine.
Phil: ... is that an OOC pose, or real? o_O;
Alan: It's a 'Make Mike pay attention and set things in motion' pose.
--Mmm.... lesbians.
 

As you touch the basket, a furry head explodes out of the heaped clothing
and glares wickedyly at you. "Veepveepveep!"

Corrine of Amber -blinks- at the thing in the basket.  "Meep!  What the??"

Then a paw holding a raygun pokes out and blasts you.
--The Mole-Men Attack! Beware the Mole-Men!
 

"Corrine, are you all right?"
"... oh, I just got zapped by a raygun-weilding insane muppet and got
thrown back into a wall.  Juuuuuust peachy."  --Juri and Corrine.
 

Mole-men dash screaming about the room, blasting wildly. More dash in
through the door, riding Wargophers, and are met by Juri. --Mike has *far*
to much fun with the whole Mole-Man thing.
 

"Yaaay.  Just what I've always wanted.  To be pursued and groped by
Mole-men." "They groped you?" "Well, I have no doubt if I'd stayed still,
they'd try!" --Ishamel and Corrine explore her Mole-man fixation.
 

"I expect they want to carry us off to their underground lair to use in
bizarre erotic ceremonies for their evil gods, or something like that."
--Juri.
 

"Otho probably was bored and decided to do something stupid to relieve his
boredom. Like the time we found Fiona and Julian making out in the
courtyard, but it wasn't actually either of them." --Rhianna exposits on
Otho, Master of Mole-men.
 

"After the current crisis has passed, perhaps we can discuss this over
dinner." "Who are you, really?" --Roderick and Juri. Time between first
meeting and begginning of Mack: 30.2 seconds.
 

"Roderick, what the bloody hellfire are you blathering about?"
"I'm just getting acquainted with the lady, Ish."
--Ishmael is just jealous of the House of Bleys inherent Mad Macking
Skillz.
 

"You would be Bleys' son, I would guess."
"You've heard of me!"
"No."
--Juri and Roderick.
 

"I have a cunning plan."
--Ishmael says THE WORDS!
 

Session Nine

"Here is my cunning plan. We shall garb ourselves as guards, enter the
citadel, find the MacFinndos, and put them to the sword. That is, of
course, a broad outline." --The Cunning Plan.
 

Roderick bows grandly to Juri. "After you, m'dear."
Juri of Avalon colours faintly.  "My, what a gentleman."  She walks
through the gates. --Roderick thinks he's sooooooo big.
 

"Fingon is right! Are we mice or MacFinndos? They can take our weapons...
they can take our squid... but they can never take... well, okay, they
did, but we're free now! Aye! More coffee!" --Faenor MacFinndo.
 

"Ah doo nae like that this is taking so long. Faenor, are ye sure tha this
won't be bloowing us tae kingdom come?" "Quait, wumman! Mah craeftmoon's
skills and tha voices in me head tell me that this is parfectly saafe."
"Och, weell, if'n it be tha voices in yer head, sure and that's fine, it
tis." --Arwen and Faenor.
 

"They seem to have gone hillbilly on us."
--Rose, Mistress of the Blindingly Obvious.
 

"I, of course, shall have Juri's back, covering her."
"How chivalrous."
--Roderick and Juri. And no, she wasn't being sarcastic.
 

"REMEMBER THE MAINE, BITCH!"
"I am the great and powerful OZ!!!"
"SPOOOOON!"
--Battle cries.
 

"FOR MISTREATING JULIA, YOU SHALL ALL DIE! Well, except for my lil niece.
Hi, Rhianna!" --Jurt, Destroyer of Worlds.
 

"I love you, Findy!"
--Corrine gets her brain eaten.
 

Phil: Given Corrine's Love For Findy -- could she trump to her?  Or is she
too brain-addled to think that clearly? John: Keep subduing Juri is your
great desire. Phil: Okay.  I can work with that." to Akemi. --The joys of
being psychically dominated.
 

"Right. New plan. Run like hell."
--Ishmaels cunning plan goes pear-shaped.
 

"Can someone _please_ stop Corrine being insane?"
--Juri.
 

"Corrine!  You said you weren't interested in me like that!  Snap out of
it!" --Mmm.... lesbians.
 

"What happened to her?"
"Findy ate her brain."
"What, permanently? It's not that the attention isn't flattering, but can
someone please _fix_ her?" --Juri and Ishmael.
 

Session Ten

"Is she going to be all right?"
"Oh, Corrine will be fine. I didn't just clean her brain, I applied a nice
layer of psychic wax to keep it shiny." --Juri and Rose.
 

"I wonder why you were specifically ordered to immobolize me."
"Perhaps because they need you intact for something?"
"Erotic ceremonies for their mole-man gods, undoubtedly. Probably nasty
things with all kinds of tentacles." "Tentacles really aren't very useful
for sex." --Juri and Rose. Fun girls, they are....
 

"If it [the Palantir] can get in remote contact with Feanor and the rest,
what's to stop us from using it to find them?" "Safety?" "Exactly!
Nothing!" --Ishmael and Juri.
 

"Apparently someone in another universe used the Logrus to use the
Palantir as a sort of broadcast station into Feanor's mind. In this case,
one Kiryuu Nanami, an Assistant Keeper of the Logrus, instructed Feanor
and helped him escape via the relay." "On behalf of my universe, I
apologize for her existence." --Suhuy and Juri.
 

"Dworkin, I fear, is what we in Chaos like to call 'stark barking loony.'"
--Suhuy slams his opposite number.
 

"At the moment, the entrance to the Cave is the mansion on the hill past
the mausoleums." "The big spooky one that horrible screams are always
coming from?" "That's the one." --Suhuy gives Rose directions to the Cave
of Worlds.
 
 
 



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Last Updated: April 8, 2001