Wheel of Anime:  Book 1 - The Eye of God 
Chapter Three:  Even the Dirt is Evil

By John Biles

http://www.thekeep.org/~wombat/Jordan/


********

	Far to the north of Baerlon, the city of Marabon, capital of 
Saldea sat beneath the stars.  At the docks, the silence was broken by the 
sound of heads being thumped--namely the heads of the crew of the river 
boat Deus ex Machina, home to river boat captain Bayle Tylor.  "Wake up!  
We're out of here!  Cast off!  Man the yardarm, pump the bilges, and 
uh...all that other nautical stuff."

	The crew stumbled out of their hammocks.  "Eh what?  I thought we 
were here for a couple more days?...But I haven't even gotten drunk 
yet...Where's my radish?...Zat you captain?... Hamsters, hamsters, 
hamsters...What?...It's a man's life in the Saldean Navy.  What am I 
talking about?...Cast off your 
chains, you have...Right, Captain.  Brains...Brains..."

	Tylor said, "Where's my first officer?"  Tylor was a slender man 
in his early twenties.  His brown hair was cut short in front and back.  
Thin eyebrows perched over blue, sparkling eyes, and a winning smile.  
Though he often appeared sleepy or distracted, this is only because those 
were his natural states.  He was dressed in a brown longcoat that ran from 
shoulders to ankles, with a yellow smiley face on the right side near the 
collar.  Under the coat, he wore a red wool shirt, and brown woolen pants.  
His body could be described as thin, so we will.  He was a smuggler by 
profession, not because he was criminal by nature, but because it was less 
effort to not pay customs, than to pay them.  Too much record-keeping.  It 
was not that he was lazy...it was that he was extremely lazy.  How did a 
man like this become the captain of a riverboat?  When you explain to me 
how Isildur, a man capable of beating up Sauron in hand to hand combat, 
could get killed by stupid orcs while carrying the One Ring of Power so 
that it fell in the river and a hobbit found it, I'll tell you how Tylor 
became the captain of a riverboat.  With that bit of dodging a lengthy 
explanation behind us, on with the story.

	The first officer, who was standing right behind Tylor, tapped him 
on the shoulder.  "I'm right here."  Tylor's first officer was Lt. 
Yamamoto, an ex-officer in the Saldean Navy, whose amazingly successful 
recruitment motto simply states, "Fanboys can't swim."  However, Yamamoto 
was a man of action, so he had left the Saldean navy in search of more 
dangerous activities, like cow-tipping in the Blight, a common past time 
of bored Saldean youths.  Eventually, he ended up as first officer of the 
Deus ex Machina, when it fell into the hands of Captain Tyler, by means 
which I'm still not going to tell you, but will endlessly refer to 
enigmatically until book 7, when I might have time to actually explain it.  
Or maybe you'll have to wait until book 8.

	Regardless of unexplained gaps in his history, Yamamoto was a huge 
man.  He stood close to seven feet tall, and was made of pure muscle and 
rawhide, to quote Ray Stevens from a different context.  He was dressed in 
an immaculate Saldean Navy uniform, from the white cap on his head, to the 
black boots on his feet, with a white coat, blue shirt and blue woolen 
pants in the middle.  His hair was clipped short like his captain's, but 
unlike the captain, his hair was neatly combed, despite the fact that the 
comb had not yet been invented in this age of the turning of the wheel.  
But he was the type of person whose hair would be immaculately combed and 
his suit neatly pressed after being tortured in Shayol Ghul for a month, 
so a petty thing like the non existence of combscertainly wouldn't stop 
him.  

	"Not that I mind leaving, but why in the middle of the night, 
Captain?"  Yamamoto asked, expecting some answer along the lines of I'm 
bored, or it seems like the thing to do.

	"There's a Lagman or twelve after my head, so I suppose it is time 
to leave.  Everyone to their posts...or whatever.  Cast off and all that 
jazz.  Off we go.  I think we'll go to Illian this time."  Tylor said, 
scratching his head.

	"We always go to Illian."  One of the crew said, sounding bored.

	"We're on a river.  That kinda limits our choices.  Unless we go 
by land."

	"Don't even mention that...brr.  It might happen..."

	"Why is there a Lagman after you, captain?"  Yamamoto was worried.  
What were Lagmen doing inside Maradon?  That should be impossible.  They'd 
have to be after something big.

	"I think I found his cracker jack prize or something."  Tylor 
fished in his voluminous pockets.  He pulled out a round yellow button 
with an icon of a black CM, with a red circle around it, and a slash over 
it.  It felt like soap almost, a bit slick to the touch.  There was a pin 
attached to the back, of the same material.  You could in fact wear it as 
a button.  Realizing this, Tylor pinned it to his trenchcoat on the other 
side.

	"Found his crackerjack prize?"

	"Yeah.  I was at that curio shop I like to visit.  Some spooky 
fellow had apparently just made a purchase shortly before I left.  I 
didn't think anything of it at the time.  I got this neat little 
statuette.  "  He pulled out a second item, a seal made from what looked 
like polished ivory.  "The guy tried to tell me it was one of the seals of 
the Dark One's prison, but even I know better than that.  But is is 
heartstone.  I payed a pretty penny for it...a lot of pretty pennies in 
fact.  Anyway.  As I was heading back towards the ship, I saw this creepy 
fellow standing on a horse in the middle of the next intersection.  He 
seemed to be waiting for something.  Well, I saw this in the middle of the 
road."  Tylor pointed to his button.  " I discarded the peel from the 
banana I had been eating and picked it up.  It looked valuable, so I 
decided to go see if the fellow had dropped it.  Well, I finally almost 
caught up with him, and he bolted off down the road at high speed.   He 
was halfway to the gate when he suddenly stopped dead.  I suddenly 
realized he was a Lagman. "

	The entire crew was listening carefully.  Yamamoto turned to them.  
"GET TO WORK!  We have to get out of here!"  They all fell down from the 
force of his voice and scrambled to get the boat ready.

	"So I decided to head back to the boat and skip town.  Especially 
when he turned around and started staring at me."

	"I thought Lagmen don't have any eyes, " one of the crew said.

	"You're not gonna have any eyes if you don't get to work!"  
Yamamoto bellowed.

	"So I sauntered on down to the ship and asked you to get the boat 
going. "Tylor seemed to think he was done.

	"You got away from the Lagman that easily?"  Yamamoto's eyes 
widened with disbelief.

	"Well, I was walking down the street, and every so often, it would 
zoom about a block, getting closer every time.  But when it got to where I 
had found the button, it hit that banana peel in midzoom, and slid several 
blocks past me into a haywagon.  When that happened, I took off running.  
I probably lost it."  Tylor shrugged and headed for his cabin.  The boat 
shook a bit as the sailors cast off from the docks.

	"Probably lost it?"  Yamamoto eyed the captain, mentally willing 
him not to have been so stupid as to not check to make sure he didn't lead 
a Lagman back to the boat.  

	Once again, Yamamoto proved to positively lack mental powers.  
Tylor shrugged.  "We're leaving.  What does it matter?  Well, nap time for 
me.  Have a nice night!"  He wandered off into his cabin, leaving his 
first officer staring mindlessly after him.  
     
     Yamamoto shook his head once more, wondering how he had ever gotten 
into this.  But he knew his duty and did it.  Soon the boat was heading 
downstream.  Far off, a Lagman howled with rage and prepared to sneak out 
of the city.  It slipped on the bananna peel again and skidded off towards 
the other end of the street.  This time it woke up half the neighborhood.  
There was about to be one less Lagman in the world.  

***********

	Ranma awoke to find himself lying in bed.  The room was nice and 
warm, quiet and peaceful.  Breathing a sigh of relief, he sat up and 
rubbed his eyes.  "I must have dreamed all of this."  He rubbed the lumps 
on his head.  "I must have slipped sometime on Winternight and bumped my 
head and dreamed all of this."

	An amused voice spoke from about arm's reach to the left of his 
head.  "If that was a nightmare, you haven't woken up yet, Ranma."  It was 
Eleanor's voice.  

	Ranma looked over and frowned.  If Eleanor was here, then some of 
all that must have been real.  But yet, he was male!  Like he always had 
been.  Had it just worn off?  

	Eleanor looked him up and down.  "Yes, you are still male.  I am 
not sure why, but I have a theory now."

	"Maybe it just wore off.  I mean, not everything Aes Sedai do 
lasts forever, does it?"  Ranma scratched his head.  

	"What happened to you was Aes Sedai work in only the most round 
about of ways, boy.  As well say a smith struck you when someone buys a 
hammer from him and hits you with it."  She paused.  "When exactly did you 
turn back to your male form?"

	"Uhh...." Ranma thought for a moment.  "I think it was just after 
I got in the bath with Ukyou and Hinako and whoever those other women 
were.  I felt kinda tingly, but I thought it was just the shock of the hot 
water.  Until one of the other women screamed."  The memories were dim in 
Ranma's mind, perhaps because of all the blows to the head the event in 
question had lead to.

	"Hmm."  For a few minutes, Eleanor simply perched on her staff and 
stared Ranma in the eyes.  Slowly, Ranma's nerves began to jangle and he 
felt himself getting twinges in his arms.  The hair stood up on the back 
of his hands.  

	"Stop staring at me like that!"  Ranma waved his arms in a futile 
manner, as if he could somehow make her stop.

	"Do you see anything, boy?"

	"I can see you're staring at me!  Willl you stop?  You're making 
me nervous!"  Ranma rubbed his arms, trying to get the tingly feeling to 
stop.  It reminded him uncomfortably of how he had felt when he had been 
turned into a girl.  

	Ranma's arms stopped tingling as Eleanor cocked her head slightly.  
"Interesting.  Do you feel up to getting out of bed?"

	Ranma paused before answering, trying to get a feel for his own 
health.  "Yeah, I feel great."

	"Good.  You should have some clean laundry soon, as I've arranged 
to get you some more clothing so you won't have to wear the same clothing 
every day.  You've slept a large portion of the day.  Dinner will be ready 
whenever you chose to come eat."  She turned and headed out the door.

	Almost immediately after she left, Ranma realized he was in 
nothing more than his underclothes.  Who dressed me?  I must have been 
naked in the baths, he thought, feeling a little embarrassed.  His reverie 
was interrupted by the door opening.

 	"Here's your laundry," Nanami said.  "The bill's on top."

	"Alright," Ranma said.  "Just put them on the table over there."

	She looked him up and down assessingly.  "Nice trick."

	"Trick...oh, that."

	"You're not half-bad looking as a guy," she said.  "I take it you 
can't control when you change."  She put the pile of clothing down on a 
small table near the bed, then plopped down in a chair.

	"I didn't know if I'd ever get to be a boy again," Ranma said.  "I 
found this stupid bottle of water Pop brought home from the wars, and it 
fell on me and I turned into a woman."

	Nanami looked thoughtful.  "Have you had a real bath since then?"

	"No, not really," Ranma said.  "Not a nice hot one."

	"Hot water must have been the cure," she said.  "We had a hell of 
a time trying to explain to all the patrons what happened."

	"Now you know why I was so jumpy," Ranma said.

	"You acted a lot less perverted than most men would in the women's 
baths," Nanami said thoughtfully.

	"I am not a pervert."

	"On the other hand, you've seen all those women naked, which means 
you owe me for covering up for you," Nanami said, grinning.

	"HEY!" Ranma said.  "I couldn't exactly go over to the men's side 
like that!"

	"Well, if you'd told me that you change into a man..."

	"I'm a man who got turned into a woman and is back to being a man, 
hopefully forever!  And don't tell me you wouldn't have thought I was some 
kind of nut!"  

	"Well, I need to run some errands.  You can pay me what you owe me 
by coming along and being my pack horse."

	"Alright," he said.  That didn't sound too bad at all.  "Just get 
out and let me get dressed."

	"Alright," she said, getting up.  She paused, glancing off to one 
side of his head.  Ranma turned and looked and didn't see anything.  
"Well, at least I know how that's possible now," she muttered.

	"How what's possible?" he asked.

	"Nothing," she said.  "Find me after you get dinner, okay?"

	"Okay," he said.

	She left, and he got up and got dressed and went down to eat.

************************

	Later, after eating, the group of companions adjourned to Eleanor 
and Roland's room upstairs.  "We shall have to leave very soon.  The 
SubNazis are looking for us," Eleanor said.  "Luckily, they have no 
physical descriptions of us, yet.  We shall leave with the dawn.  Everyone 
will need to get some rest, so I'd advise going to sleep soon.  Although I 
need to talk to 
Nanami and Hinako first."

	Kurz nodded.  Ryouga scratched his head and said, "How do you know 
they are looking for us?"

	"I have my sources, boy."  Roland got up and looked out the 
window.

	"Like that orange-haired girl you were talking to earlier, 
Eleanor?  Or should I call you Setsuna?"  Ukyou said, frowning.  "Anything 
else you haven't told us?"

	Setsuna narrowed her eyes.  "I see you have good ears."

	"I grew up in an inn.  You get used to overhearing conversations.  
So what's really going on?"  Ukyou stood with her arms folded in front of 
her.  Ranma recognized this as often being a sign that the beatings were 
about to commence.  

	Hinako frowned.  "I always said you can't trust Aes Sedai."

	"We had our reasons to travel incognito.  The SubNazis, among 
others, are easily fooled by tricks such as changing one's name.  My true 
name is Setsuna Sedai, and Roland is actually known as Soun."  Leaning on 
her staff, she smiled faintly.  

	"And how do we know that's true?"  Hinako said.  "You could really 
be named something else entirely."

	"An Aes Sedai cannot lie.  The Oaths forbid it, even to survive."

	Ryouga coughed.  "Oaths?"  He scratched his head.

	"Upon becoming a full sister, an Aes Sedai swears three oaths.  To 
never use the One Power to kill anyone but shadowspawn except in the 
extreme of defense of one's warder, one's self, or other Aes Sedai.  Never 
to make weapons with the One Power.  And to never lie.  These oaths are 
sworn on the Oath rod, a ter'angreal that binds those who swear on it.  A 
person who swears on the rod can never break that oath, ever."  Setsuna 
stared hard at Hinako.  "An Aes Sedai can never lie."

	Hinako glared back.  "Then how did you tell us your name was 
Eleanor?"

	"I never said my name was Eleanor.  I merely said you could call 
me that."  

	Hinako spluttered.  "But...isn't that the same thing?"

	"Not at all."  Setsuna paused and looked around the room.  "I 
suggest you all go get some sleep now.  Well, the men anyway.  I need to 
talk to Ukyou and Hinako."

	Ranma started to open his mouth, then shut it.  He nodded and 
headed out with Ryouga and Kurz.

	As soon as the door closed, Kurz said, "Let's go see the town!"

	Ryouga blinked and said, "Didn't Eleanor say to go to..."

	Interrupting him, Kurz said, "Her name's Setsuna!  Weren't you 
listening? The girls are gonna be up. It won't hurt to go see a little bit 
of the town!  Come on, when has any of us ever been in such a huge town 
before?  Real tile roofs!"

	Ranma laughed.  "Nanami wanted me to run some errands with her, so 
I'm sure she wouldn't mind if we all came."

	Kurz looked Ranma up and down.  "Living dangerously, hmm?  
Sneaking off to the baths with this woman, and now going out on the town 
too."

	"I...hey, it wasn't like that at all!"

	"Man, I'd be willing to turn into a woman if it got me into the 
baths with them.  So does she look good naked?" Kurz asked.

	"Kurz, you are a hopeless pervert," Ryouga pronounced.

	"Not too bad, if not quite as good as Ukyou," Ranma pronounced.

	"See, that's the spirit," Kurz said.

	"Ahh, there's my tote-slave," Nanami said, coming up.  "You ready 
to be my mule, Ranma?"

	"Yeah, I'm ready.  Mind if Kurz and Ryouga come?  They want to see 
the town."

	"Fine with me, can't say no to unpaid labor," Nanami said.

	"Let's go," Kurz said.  

	Nanami lead them out the door and into the streets of Baerlon.  
The first thing that hit them was the smell.  Ryouga screwed up his nose, 
while the others just coughed a bit.  

	"What in the name of the Creator is this smell?"  Kurz said.

	Nanami smiled faintly.  "All the farmboys complain about that.  
It's the smell of the city.  The walls trap the air and the smells.  Plus 
there's a lot of metalworking around here.  Miners bring the ore down from 
the mountains, and we forge it into tools and weapons."

	They started down the street, looking at the huge three and four 
story buildings with tile and slate roofs.  The windows in the buildings 
had real glass.  As the sun dropped below the walls, they could see a man 
going down the street with a wagon and a long pole, hanging up lanterns at 
some of the intersections.  Slowly the smell faded, or perhaps they simply 
ceased to notice it.

	"I still wanna know what you were talking about earlier," Ranma 
said as he looked around at everything.

	"About what?"

	"What was possible," Ranma said.

	She stopped and stared intently into his eyes.  Ryouga kept going, 
until Kurz chased after him, grabbing him and dragging him back.  

	Nanami said, "Well, your Aes Sedai already knows.  About me."

	"Huh?"

	"Just talking to myself," she said.  "I see things.  Sort of 
like...visions.  Around some people.  I'll look by them and see things 
which are going to happen to them.  They always come true."

	"Oh wow, a fortuneteller," Kurz said.  "Any idea who I'll score 
with next?"

	"The next woman you flirt with will kick you in the balls," Nanami 
said flatly.

	"..."

	Ryouga cracked up laughing.  "I always told you that you'd get in 
trouble if you didn't know when to stop, Kurz."

	"Although I can see the woman you'll marry one day, too.  Or 
something like marriage."  She frowned a little.  "Or at least it looks 
like it.  You're both in wedding garb and everything."

	Kurz stared at her, eyes open wide.  "What's her name?"

	"Trying to see who to avoid?" Ryouga asked, laughing.

	"I don't know.  Sometimes I know what my visions mean, and 
sometimes I just have visions.  Dark haired, glasses, dark skin.  She 
looks like a princess to me."

	Ranma laughed.  "Kurz and a princess?  That's about as likely as 
ME marrying a princess."

	Nanami gave him a strangely assessing look.  "Ryouga might."  

	"What?"

	"I've rarely ever seen such images on anyone but Aes Sedai as I've 
seen on you three," Nanami said.  "You must be ta'veren, I suppose."  She 
started down the street again.

	"What's this about me and royalty?" Ryouga asked.

	"What exactly is a ta'veren, anyway?" Ranma said.  "I've heard the 
term, but it was never very clear, beyond them being sort of important."

	"As the Wheel turns, it weaves out the Pattern of the Ages, the 
great story we are all but a part of," Nanami said, pausing to look in 
through a shop window at some fine cloth on display.  "See that linen?"

	Ranma nodded.  "Yeah."

	"Every thread is a life.  All of them together are woven by the 
Pattern.  But ta'veren are special threads.  When certain things must 
happen, the Pattern makes certain people ta'veren.  So long as they work 
with the Pattern, they can bend the threads around them in ways that would 
normally not happen without such influence.  Some are incredibly lucky, 
others are very persuasive, and some find that the seemingly chance flow 
of events twist and bend themselves to their benefit.  It is great power, 
but it also means that you are, in some ways, trapped, for if you try to 
defy the Pattern, you bring doom on yourself and others."  She frowned.  
"I wouldn't want to be ta'veren."

	"Maybe that's why the Fanboys were after us," Ryouga said.

	"Three from one village," Nanami said.  "Hard to believe, but the 
Wheel wills as the Wheel wills."  She looked thoughtfully at Ranma.  
"Whether we will it or no."

	"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded, but she took off down 
the street instead.

	"So these visions of yours always come true?" Kurz asked, 
following after her.

	"They always come true.  What I see, I mean."  Nanami spoke 
rapidly as they walked down the street.  Up ahead was a knot of men in 
white, but the little group did not notice them.  "When I was little, I 
didn't realize that others couldn't see these images.  In fact, I used to 
tell on my sisters before they did things they weren't supposed to.  I got 
pummelled for that enough times."

	Ryouga laughed.  "It's a good thing for Kurz here that none of his 
sisters had that talent."

	Kurz frowned.  "What's that supposed to mean!?  I don't get in 
trouble any more than you do!"

	"I see.  That's why you're the only person in the village who has 
been hit by Ukyou more times than Ranma has?"  Ryouga laughed some more.  
"Like the time you hid outside Yuka's window in the middle of the night 
whispering that you were Be'lal coming to get her, then threw a handful of 
frogs into her room.  You couldn't walk for a week after Ukyou threw you 
through the wall."  

	Kurz turned red, waving his arms wildly as he talked.  "No sense 
of humor!  Women just have no sense of humor at all!  Yeesh, it's not like 
they were death toads from the Blight, croaking the name of the Dark One 
or something."  

	A man grunted nearby.  Kurz blinked and realized that he had just 
struck the man in the face as he was walking by him.  The man was dressed 
in scale armor, with a white cloak pinned in place by a small button with 
the letters DUB in the center, surrounded by a circle and cut across by a 
slash.  One of the SubNazis, accompanied by several of his angry brethren 
glared at Kurz.  "So you think you can just slap us around, do you, boy?"

	"It was an accident!  An accident!"  Kurz said.  "I didn't 
mean to hit you!"

	"He probably likes Warriors of the Wind,"  one of the SubNazis 
said.  "Do you walk in the Light, boy?"

	"Yes, of course I do!  If you walk in the dark, you bump into 
things.  Uh, I mean..."  Kurz spluttered.

	"He's making fun of us.  I think we need to teach this dubfriend a 
little lesson."  The SubNazi started to reach for his sword.

	"Hey, calm down.  Kurz does stupid stuff like this all the time."  
Ryouga smothered Kurz's mouth as Kurz began to draw breath to deny it.  
"He's a little feeble minded.  I'm really sorry he accidentally hit you.  
It won't happen again."

	The SubNazi paused and moved his hand away from his sword.  "Maybe 
I'll just give him a friendly beating, then."  

	Kurz ripped loose from Ryouga's grasp.  "I am not feebleminded, 
and no one is giving me a beating!"  He swung his staff around and clonked 
the SubNazi on the head.  For a moment, the SubNazi stared back at him, 
then quietly collapsed without further protest.

	The remaining SubNazis reached for their weapons.  Ryouga hefted 
his umbrella, Nanami pulled out a pair of knives, and Ranma drew the panda 
blade.  The SubNazis stopped and stared.  "The little boy has a panda 
blade."

	"And I know how to use it!"  Ranma proclaimed, hoping none of them 
could tell that he really didn't know what he was doing.

	"Who did you steal that from, boy?"  The SubNazi was tall, with 
short, but somewhat pouffy brown hair, moderately handsome, though a bit 
cruel in appearance.  "No one achieves blade mastery at your age."

	"I got this from my father!  Now back off!"  Ranma said, waving 
the sword about.

	The man laughed.  "And who did he steal it from?"

	"My father is no thief!"  Ranma raised his sword and waved it 
about.  "And this blade is rightfully mine!"

	The SubNazi drew his sword in a fluid motion.  "Then let's see if 
you can keep it."  He moved into a fighting stance.

	Ranma faced off with him, holding his sword out in front with both 
hands.  "Who are you, anyway?"

	"Ah, yes, my name, oh thief and defender of the dark, is Kunou.  
Kunou Bornhald.  I am the rising star of the SubNazis!    No doubt you are 
one of those who thinks Hikaru's real name is Rick Hunter."  The man 
slashed at Ranma, who parried desperately.

	"My name is Ranma al'Thor.  You have insulted my father.  Prepare 
to die."  Ranma unleashed a hail of blows, which Kunou parried, yawning 
loudly.

	"I could beat you in my sleep, but it's too early to go to bed."  
He began to drive Ranma back as his men watched and laughed.  

	Soon, Kunou drove Ranma down the street, right past his friends.  
Kurz waited until Kunou advanced past him, then turned and clonked Kunou 
in the head.  Kunou stumbled and Ryouga swept his legs with his umbrella.  
As Kunou fell, his men drew their swords.  Nanami yelled, "Let's get out 
of here!"  The group took off down the street with the SubNazis in hot 
pursuit.
 
	Through the winding streets of Baerlon, they fled, following 
Nanami's lead.  The walls of slate and stone flew past them, one muddy 
street after another, through alleyway and byway.  Finally, the footsteps 
fell behind them.  Nanami paused, listened, then put away her knives.  

	"I think we should be safe now, but it would be best if you all 
got out of town quickly.  The governor here is rather afraid of the 
SubNazis, and if they find out you three are with Setsuna..."  Nanami 
shuddered.

	"What about you?" Ranma looked back the way they had come, then 
turned to Nanami again.  "They saw you too."

	"Don't worry about me.  I have friends who can hide me."  She 
didn't sound entirely confident about that.  "I'll be fine.  Let's get 
back to the inn."

	Ranma nodded and they headed back.

*********************

	"The SubNazis," Setsuna said, frowning.  "I should have tied you 
all to your beds."

	"Hey, they started it!" Kurz protested.

	"All of you pack.  We're leaving.  You too, Nanami."

	"What?" Nanami asked.

	"You know too much," Setsuna said.  "And I do not share your 
confidence in your ability to evade the SubNazis.  Now, go pack."

	"But...my job!" Nanami said.  "I don't have a lot of money for 
travelling and..."

	"The Tower is paying for this trip."

	Nanami's eyes lit up.  "Free travel?"

	Setsuna looked at her suspiciously.  "Any reasonable expenses 
met."

	Nanami grinned broadly.  "I'm in, then.  Let's go!"  She pulled 
out a bullhorn and announced, "Go pack!  Let's GO!"

	Soon, they were packed and ready to go.

	"But how are we gonna get out?  The gates are closed!"  Kurz said.  
"Not to mention we haven't had any sleep."

	"Sleep makes you weak," Soun said in such a tone that no one dared 
to challenge him, although Hinako did make googly eyes at him.  She found 
him very attractive, but he seemed to think of her as a child.  Of course, 
being half his height most of the time didn't help.   

	And then of course, there was Setsuna, Hinako thought.  Crazy 
woman, but powerful as all get out.  What ever possessed me to let her 
drag off all of us?  What possessed me to come along?  Evil channeler, 
like some kind of spider in the middle of a web.  She's got something 
horrible in store for all of us.  I should leave, but I can't leave the 
children to her power.  

	Hinako sighed.  This was going to be a long night.  Ukyou smiled 
at her and whispered, "I'd rather sleep too, but I don't want to meet the 
SubNazis if I can help it."

	Hinako sighed again.  She should be the one offering comfort.  The 
Wisdom isn't supposed to need comforting.  Sometimes she felt like such a 
little child.  Shameful.  How would she get any respect that way?

	Soon, with Soun taking the leading, the group slipped out into the 
streets. Heading through the silent streets, they moved through the 
shadows, avoiding the light of the street lamps.  Soon, they reached the 
gatehouse, where several extremely bored guards were lounging around.

	"Gates are closed until morning.  Governor's orders.  Especially 
if you're an Aes Sedai named Setsuna.  Are you?"  One of the guards asked, 
looking up from his card game.
 
	"Now why would the governor want to stop a group of innocent 
travelers from going about their business?"  Setsuna said, smiling and 
leaning forward in a way that showed off her figure quite nicely. Kurz 
tried to stare without being noticed staring.
 
	The guard blinked, and his vision swam as he tried to look down 
her dress without obviously doing so.  "Answer my question, ma'am."  

	Setsuna looked the man right in the eye.  "These aren't the 
travelers you're looking for."

	The guard blinked and turned to the other guard.  "These aren't 
the travelers we're looking for."

	"Who cares!  I wanna know if you're gonna see my bet!"  The other 
guards nodded. 

	"You'll just let us go on our way,"  Setsuna continued.

	"We'll just let you go on your way,"  the guard said.

	Glancing at the man's cards, Setsuna said, "You'll see their ten 
and raise them fifteen."

	"I'll see your ten and raise you fifteen."  He sat down at the 
card game and started playing again.

	"Let's be on our way,"  Setsuna said, turning to the others.

	"Um, Set...Eleanor..."  Ukyou began.

	"Yes, Ukyou?"  Setsuna replied.  

	Ukyou pointed to the gate.  "You forgot to ask them to open the 
gate."

     Everyone face-faulted.

********************
     
 	The travelling band fled east along the margins of the road, 
hoping to avoid pursuit.  Well, they weren't really a band, as only one of 
them had any musical instruments, or particular musical talent for that 
matter.  And he wasn't quite a one man band.  But anyway, the Lagmen and 
Fanboys were on their trail, so they were trying to get out of Dodge..uh, 
Baerlon.  They had been travelling for a day or so, paralleling the road, 
so as not to get lost, except for Ryouga, who could get lost trying to get 
out of bed in the morning.  Currently, he was tied to the back of a horse, 
which was itself being led by Soun when he was not scouting ahead, and by 
Ranma when Soun was out ahead.  

	Ryouga grumbled.  "I feel like a pig being dragged to the 
slaughter."  He looked about through the woods.  All was silent, except 
for the occasional sound of animals off in the distance.  He could hear 
deer moving through the brush, birds singing in the distance, and all the 
other normal noises of an early spring day.  Not a hint of Fanboy 
activity, or anyone else for that matter.

	"They hunt us, but they shall not have us.  Not while I live, " 
Setsuna declared.

	"What if you get killed?"  Kurz asked.

	Setsuna cocked her head to one side and turned to face Kurz.  
"Pray they kill you first in that case."

	"I'd rather not..."  Kurz fell silent, staring off nervously into 
the woods.

  	"I don't think anyone is going to die," Nanami said.  "I would 
have seen something."

	Far off, Ryouga heard a distant cry.  Then another.  Another.  
Another.  Something about Rick Hunter.  He shuddered faintly.

	"Taking cold, Ryouga?"  Hinako asked.  "Do you need a scarf or 
something?"

	"I can hear them...I must be imagining things."  Yes, definitely 
something about Rick Hunter, whoever that was.

	"Them?"  Hinako blinked and listened carefully.  All she heard was 
Ranma mumbling something about being happy to never leave home again.

	"The Fanboys.  I must just be paranoid."  Ryouga looked about 
nervously.  "I think it's going to rain soon, too."

	Hinako looked up and scanned the sky.  Yes, the signs were there.  
It would indeed rain.  "I think you're right.  It will rain soon.  How 
could you tell?"

	"I dunno.  Just an instinct.  It...It just kinda smells like 
rain."  Ryouga paused, forced by the question to think about how he knew.  
"Yeah.  It's in the air."

	Hinako nodded.  I wonder if the boy somehow is able to listen to 
the wind as some Wisdoms do.  Well, it's nothing to do with the power, so 
I suppose it is possible.  No one ever bothers to see if men can do it.  
"I understand the feeling."

	"You...you do?"

	"Wisdoms learn to listen to the wind, but it's hard to explain how 
we do it.  You just sort of start doing it one day..."  Hinako trailed 
off.  Ryouga was listening attentively.  It was nice to get a little 
respect from someone.

	"It's channeling," Setsuna said without turning around.  "The ones 
who aren't just making it up are channeling, mark my words."

	Ryouga paled slightly.  Hinako frowned.  "It most certainly is not 
channeling."

	"I haven't time to argue with you, girl, but you know I'm right."

	Hinako turned red with anger.  "You are not right!"

	"Don't yell at Setsuna Sedai,  Wisdom.  I'm sure she knows how to 
tell channeling when she sees it."  Ukyou said.

	Hinako grumbled, but subsided.  It is not channeling.  It's not.  

*****************

	As they made camp, thunder began to rumble.  Even as Kurz finally 
got a fire going, rain began to slowly dribble down.  Before long, the 
rain suddenly intensified and the wind began to blow.  Soon, a high 
pitched shriek broke the silence.  "AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!  I've turned back into 
a girl!"

	All heads pivoted and looked at Ranma, who was now quite wet and 
once again female.  "Don't stare at me like that!"

	"What am I supposed to do when you scream at the top of your 
lungs?"  Kurz asked.

	"Yeah, Ranma.  It's not like you'd normally ignore someone who was 
screaming,"  Ukyou said.  

	"Whatever.  I guess this curse is just gonna come and go.  That's 
gonna be a lot of fun."  She sighed and started munching on her bread and 
cheese.

	"I was right!" Nanami said.  "It's got to be the water 
temperature."

	Setsuna nodded to Nanami and came over.  "We can test that."  She 
lifted a kettle from her saddlebags and filled it with water, then set it 
over the smoky, almost entirely rained out fire. It blazed up and around 
the kettle. She then walked over with the kettle after a minute and poured 
it on Ranma-chan.

	Ranma-chan yelped as she turned back into Ranma, then almost 
immediately turned female again.  "AAAAAHHHH!!!!! Hot! Hot!"

	"Hot water makes her a him, and cold water turns he into she."  
Setsuna nodded her head contemplatively.  "Well, once it stops raining, we 
can make you male again.  Not much use now."

	"It had better not have to be that hot all the time...I'm gonna 
bake myself alive if that's the case."  Ranma-chan rubbed her now red 
arms.  

	"Just wanted to be sure it would be hot enough."  Setsuna said as 
she went to her saddlebags and began to dig through them.  "And now I can 
make some tea with the rest of this."

	"I don't suppose you could dry me off," Ranma-chan asked.

	"You'd just get wet again," Setsuna said.  "It's raining."

	Ranma-chan shivered.  "I'm soaking wet and it's very cold!"

	Nanami came over to her.  "I have a dry towel I could rent to you 
cheap."

	She grumbled, digging out some coins.  "How much?"

	"You can set up my tent for me."

	"Alright," Ranma-chan said.

	"Here, Ranchan, you can use my towel for free," Ukyou said, coming 
and starting to dry Ranma off.  Nanami grumbled about price wars and went 
over to convince Kurz to set her tent up for her.  Ukyou said softly, "She 
is SUCH a mercenary."

	"Yeah, she does worry about money too much," Ranma said.  "I still 
owe her for the laundry."

	"Ranchan, that was part of our inn bill."

	"..."

	Ukyou looked over at Nanami.  "Going to have to give her a piece 
of my mind one of these days."

	"At least she isn't trying to get me into a dress like Wisdom 
Hinako does."

	Ukyou said, "I don't wear dresses all the time myself."  She got 
up.  "Can you help me set up my tent, Ranchan?"

	"Sure thing," she said.  "Then you can help me with mine, since it 
looks like Kurz is busy with Nanami."

	"I think he likes her," Ukyou said.

	"If it has breasts, he likes it," Ranma-chan said.

	Ukyou laughed.  "True, true."

*****************

	"It had to be Aes Sedai, Captain Kunou," Harlan Ellin, Keeper of 
the Mint, said.  "Look at the hole in the wall.   Only Aes Sedai could 
blow a hole like that open."  

	Kunou rang his finger along the edge of the hole.  "What's this 
glittery powder around the edges?"

	"Some strange Aes Sedai working," Harlan said.  "I think."

	Kunou looked over at the man next to him.  "What do you think?"

	Inquisitor Zenigata studied the hole and the powder.  "It's not 
Aes Sedai."

	"But what else could make a hole like this?"

	"Lupin the Third, that's what else," Zenigata said.  "Didn't you 
ever hear about how his Grandfather stole an entire Illuminator 
chapterhouse?"

	"But, there's only one Illuminator chapterhouse, right?" Harlan 
asked.

	Zenigata ran his fingers through his dark hair.  "There is only 
one.  NOW."

	"Ooooh," Harlan said.  "What, he blew it open with fireworks?"

	"Exactly.  I've been chasing him for years, but this 
time...perhaps this time we will have him.  There's only one way to go 
from here.  Captain Kunou, gather your men, we're heading for Whitebridge.  
We should be able to intercept him there."

	Captain Kunou nodded.  "It shall be done."
	

*******************

	Days passed with the Fanboys a far off presence.  It was as if 
they had been fleeing forever.  Slowly, the Fanboys were catching up with 
them.  Setsuna explained it was because they consumed some mystic 
substance known as Caffeine that made them think they did not need sleep.  
Eventually the Fanboys would collapse, but not until their supply of the 
evil fluid known as Jolt ran out.

	"I think we may have to leave the road.  And risk the one place 
the Fanboys will not go."  Setsuna announced.

	"Surely you don't mean..."  Soun began, then trailed off 
mysteriously.

	"Exactly.  They would never go there.  Of course, neither would 
any reasonable person, but this isn't a time to be reasonable."

	"Where are we going?"  Basara asked. 

	"You would be happier not knowing."  Setsuna said.

	Basara frowned.  "I'd be happier not running for my life either.  
Where are we going?"

	"I'll tell you when we get there.  We might not live to see it."

	Ranma rolled his eyes.  Dripping sarcasm, he said, "You always 
know how to inspire good cheer, Setsuna."

	"I try."

*******************

	After several hours of hard riding, they could hear the faint 
cries of Fanboys in the distance, through the woods.  They were shouting 
something about over the river and grandma's house.  

	The forest opened up before them, and a vast urban eyesore stood 
before them, ringed by a wall with nine towers.  The city 
of...uh...actually, they had no idea. 

	"Yeesh, someone hit this place with an ugly stick,"  Kurz said.  
"Not to mention they don't seem to have had any colors but puce, fucia, 
grey, black, and off-black."

	"This was once the great city of Aridextradry.  But you probably 
know it better as Shady Logon."  Setsuna said.

	"I've never heard of it,"  Hinako said. 

	"City of what?"  Ranma asked.

	"Nope.  Never heard of it,"  Ryouga said, scratching his head.

	Kurz took a few swipes at the wall with his staff.  "Hmm.  Caked 
on dirt."  

	"Don't touch that dirt!  It's EVILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!"  
Setsuna shouted, knocking his staff away with her own. 
      
	"Evil dirt?  You sound like my mother."

	"That dirt can kill!  Or worse..."

	Kurz paled slightly.  "Worse than killing?  From dirt?"

	Basara nodded.  "I know the tale of this city.  It is an evil 
place.  I shall tell you the tale of Shady Logon, once known as 
Aridextradry, one of the Ten kingdoms of the Second and a half covenant, 
also known as the Covenant of Ten Nations."
 
	"Two thousand years ago, the world was torn by three hundred years 
of battle:  The Fanboy Wars.  They came from the Blight, pestering 
everyone with irrelevant questions and trying to carry off everyone's 
possessions to buy more posters for their caves.  They were lead by the 
Grateful Deadlords, channelers who sold their soul to the Shadow so they 
could afford to follow bands around, or something.  The stories are not 
quite clear on that."  Basara sat down under a tree, and the others 
dismounted, listening to him.

	"During the Fanboy wars, Arid Extradry was one of the Covenant of 
the Ten Nations.  Into that city came the counselor, a man known only as 
H, with his own plan for resisting the shadow...Steal the underwear of the 
Fanboys so they are too embarrassed to fight.  He soon had the entire city 
training for such activity...soon the city degenerated into chaos as 
everyone was busy stealing everyone else's underwear.  While this tactic 
worked well for driving off Fanboy armies, the moral fibre of the city 
corroded."  Basara got out a bit of cheese and made everyone wait for him 
to finish eating it.

	"The king of Tomobiki sent his son, Luke.  When Luke arrived, he 
found the king cackling on top of a pile of underwear, and had his own 
underwear soon confiscated by the king.  He was locked in the dungeons, 
but escaped because all of the chains and handcuffs were stolen for 
bondage games and there was nothing to tie him up with, so they just put 
him in a broom closet and leaned a chair under the knob.  However, the 
hinges were on his side, so he removed them and took the door off.  He 
fled the city.  When an avenging army came, they discovered everyone had 
starved on a mountain of panties, but a great hentai evil lurked within 
waiting to corrupt people...or at least steal their underwear.  An evil 
known only as Mashedpotatoes.  The city became known as Shady Logon, 
'where something waits to steal your underwear and carry it off somewhere 
to cackle and fondle it.'"  Basara fell silent.

	Kurz fell over laughing.  "That's really funny!  So what's the 
real problem with this place?"

	Setsuna frowned.  "Evil beyond your reckoning lives here.  Even 
driven by Lagmen, the Fanboys will not enter here.  Too much underwear was 
lost to them in this place.  They shall never forget."

	By now, just about everyone was laughing but her, Soun, and 
Basara.  She sighed.  "Three rules.  1.  Don't take anything.  2.  Don't 
accept anything offered you by someone inside the walls other than us.  3.  
Don't eat anything after midnight.  4. Don't leave my presence."

	"That's four rules,"  Ryouga said.

	"Right.  Four rules."  Setsuna put her hands on her hips.  "Any 
questions?"

	"Why can't we take anything?"  Nanami asked.  "There must be piles 
of stuff just sitting around in there and..."

	"If you remove anything, the evil Mashedpotatoes will be freed to 
leave the city."  Everyone started laughing again.  "I didn't name it, 
okay?  It would be bad."

	"Then why are we going in this place, anyway?"  Ranma asked.  

	"Because not even the Fanboys will follow us in.  We can lose them 
there."  Setsuna began riding towards the gate.

	Ranma shook his head.  The very dirt is evil and we're going 
in...This is gonna be bad.

*******************

	As the sun sunk low in the sky, the group slowly made its way 
through the streets of Shady Logon.  Abandoned buildings surrounded them, 
and there was a fine crust of dirt on everything, including the dirt.  Far 
off, they could hear cries of "You can't have Linna, she's mine!" and 
"Dy-no-mite!"  

	Ukyou shuddered.  "They sound like they might be inside the 
city..."

	"They are inside the city,"  Ryouga said.  "Their voices couldn't 
possibly carry over the walls like that.  Not so clearly."

	Setsuna frowned.  "They must be driven indeed to enter this 
place."

	"Or maybe they don't know where they are.  It's not like the place 
is lit up with fifty foot tall flaming letters--THIS IS SHADY LOGON, 
GUYS!"  Kurz grumbled.  

	"How could they have possibly forgotten?"  Setsuna said.  "This 
place is..."

	"Abandoned for the last two thousand years.  Fanboys aren't 
exactly geniuses, you know."  Ranma sighed.  This place seems more dirty 
than evil, anyway...

*******************

	Far off, a man clambered over the wall.  A very short man.  A very 
short man who will be left enigmatically underdescribed, except that he 
was on a quest to find someone...someone inside.  Someone whose name 
starts with the letter R....Someone who just fell off the wall on his butt 
because he doesn't climb very well.

********************

	Setsuna consulted her ancient AAA road atlas again.  "Hmm.  This 
street isn't on here either."   The others sighed.  

	"I'm starting to feel like Ryouga is leading us."  Ranma said.

	"Do not criticize Setsuna Sedai, young one.  Without her guidance, 
you would have no hope of leaving here alive."  Soun said, leaning against 
a wall and polishing his sword for about the 100000th time today.  He was 
quite certain it gave him that certain air of danger.  Fortunately, his 
blade was Power-wrought and mostly indestructible, or he would have slowly 
worn it down to a knife with all the polishing it got.

	"Without her guidance, we wouldn't be in here risking our lives!  
Not to mention half the street signs are gone anyway..."

	Setsuna put away her AAA road atlas of the Covenant of the Ten 
Nations and said, "We keep going that way until we hit Mercury Avenue, 
then turn right at AridExtraDry University.  That should point us towards 
the gate."

	Basara looked up at the sky.  "Hmm.  The sun has set.  I think now 
is when all the really horrible evil things come out to play with us."

	Hinako rolled her eyes.  "Like the killer mashed potatoes?"

	Setsuna grunted.  "We'll see what you think when it flips up your 
skirt..."

	"What?"  Hinako instinctively crossed her legs.

	A low mournful wail came from nearby.  They turned and looked and 
saw a low lying groundmist, faintly off-white in color closing in.  Hinako 
frowned.  "There shouldn't be any fog with these weather conditions."

	There was...something floating in the mist.  It looked 
like...underwear.

	"GO!  GO!"  Setsuna shouted, spurring her horse.  "Follow me!  
It's Mashedpotatoes."

	"It doesn't look much like mashed potatoes,"  Kurz said.

	"Baka!  Come on!"  Setsuna shouted back.  The mist closed in as 
they fled down the street.  As they raced past a street sign that read 
Ses..e Street, a horde of Fanboys erupted out in front of them.  

	"More Urusei Yatsura!  Priss is a babe!  So why did Kyousuke's 
shoes vanish for five cels in episode 9 of..."  The Fanboys chanted their 
inane phrases and closed in.  

	Soun wheeled his horse down the street of the damaged sign.  
Setsuna wheeled her horse and followed.  Ukyou galloped after them, 
leading Ryouga, whose horse was tied to her saddle today.  Ranma, Basara, 
Nanami, and Kurz followed after them, only to have a tendril shoot out 
from between two buildings, cutting them off from the others.

	As Ranma prepared to spur Lugosi through the tendril, Setsuna 
shouted, "Don't touch it!  You might die...or worse!"

	Kurz blanched.  "Worse than death?"

	"Meet us outside!  Head North east!"

	"Uh...right."  Behind them, they heard Fanboys screaming.  "MY 
UNDERWEAR!  IT TOOK MY UNDERWEAR!"

	Basara sighed and pointed down an alleyway.  "That way!  I don't 
see any Fanboys or underwear stealing, possibly fatal clouds that way."

	Ranma nodded.  "Right."  They turned and galloped off...into the 
dead end.

*********

	Meanwhile, Setsuna tried to read her old, decaying AAA Road Atlas 
as the group fled through the streets.

	"HOW could you leave them behind like that?"  Hinako shouted at 
Setsuna.

	"I don't see you going back to their aid!"  Setsuna replied.  "Oh 
great...this road isn't on this stupid map either!"

	Hinako groaned.  "Are there any roads in that stupid map book?"

	"Just the major ones.  Which are currently swarming with Fanboys."  
Setsuna said.  "Hmm.  Mulberry street.  Ahh!  Left!  Go left!"

	They barrelled around the corner, only to have Ryouga's horse bolt 
right.  Ukyou turned her horse to follow him, unwilling to have the two 
horses play tug of war.  "Ryouga!  Turn your horse around!"

	Ryouga strained at the reins.  "I can't!"  It was too late.  A 
tendril shot out into the intersection, cutting them off from Hinako, 
Setsuna, and Soun.

	Setsuna yelled, "Make for the gate!  We'll have to meet you 
outside the city."

	Ukyou shouted back, "We'll do our best", then muttered.  "If we 
can find it..."

*********************

	Basara, Ranma, Nanami, and Kurz ducked through a side door into a 
building as the Fanboys charged down the alleyway.  Soon, they fled deep 
into its interior, until finally, they came to a door with a sign that 
said, "Mai Treazur Vault".  

	Basara hummed faintly.  "Looks like someone who couldn't spell 
lived here."  

	Kurz said, "Treasure?  Cool!  Let's grab some!"

	"Yeah!" Nanami said, her eyes lightning up.  "When are we going to 
find another big score like this?"  

	Ranma frowned.  "Didn't Setsuna say not to take anything?"

	"We don't have time to play treasure hunter,"  Basara said.  They 
heard the war cry of onrushing Fanboys.  "On the other hand, we don't have 
time to sit and chat about it either..."

	They ducked through the door.  The room was full of...underwear.  
Every shape and size imaginable.    And a man, standing by the wall.  
"Isn't it beautiful?"

	"It's...underwear."  Ranma said, staring at the non-descript man 
in black.

	The man in Black said, "And there's so much of it!"  He went back 
to sweeping it all into piles with a huge black broom. 

	"I was hoping for some nice jewels or even just money, not a big 
pile of old underwear," Kurz said,  disappointed.  

	Nanami looked around the room thoughtfully.

	Kurz spent some time poking around as Basara tried to hustle him 
out of the room.  "Come on.  I can hear the Fanboys getting closer," he 
said.

	Kurz finally gave up.  "Alright, let's go, then."

	"Can't you spare the time to help me move my collection out of the 
city?" the old man asked hopefully.  "I'm willing to share if you do."

	"No thank you, we're running for our lives now, and I'd rather 
have Setsuna's underwear if I did get some and I can't believe I said 
that," Basara said, hustling the boys towards the door.  "Nanami, stop 
digging for buried treasure and come on!"

	Nanami straightened up.  "I'm coming!"

	The Fanboys now burst through the door.  "It's clobbering time!  
Giant Cheeseburger Power, Make  up!"  

	Our heroes and heroine bravely ran for their lives.

	I should find some use for this lingerie I picked up, Nanami 
thought as she ran.  I just hope it fits...


*********************

	Ukyou and Ryouga rode out the north gate, not looking back...

*********************
 
	Soun, Hinako, and Setsuna rode out the east gate, not looking 
back...

*********************

	The shadowy figure fell off the wall again, this time from the 
inside of the city, as underwear rained down around him...

*********************

	Basara, Kurz, Nanami, and Ranma fled through the South gate, not 
looking back.... 

End Chapter 3