From ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu Sun Feb 11 19:30:18 1996 Received: from kuhub.cc.ukans.edu (SYSTEM@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu [129.237.32.2]) by andrew.cais.com (8.6.9/8.6.9) with ESMTP id TAA21416 for ; Sun, 11 Feb 1996 19:30:17 -0500 Received: from falcon.cc.ukans.edu by KUHUB.CC.UKANS.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #13311) id <01I13HTYPEAO8WWK9E@KUHUB.CC.UKANS.EDU> for fanfic@andrew.cais.com; Sun, 11 Feb 1996 18:30:06 -0600 (CST) Received: by falcon.cc.ukans.edu; id AA06129; Sun, 11 Feb 1996 18:30:04 -0600 Date: Sun, 11 Feb 1996 18:30:04 -0600 (CST) From: "Ranma al'Thor " Subject: Re: [FanFic] Gosunkugi's Story... In-reply-to: To: fanfic@andrew.cais.com Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Raging Wombat Studios Presents: Mystery Fanfic Commentary Theatre 3000 Featuring: Personalities 1: Gosenkugi Hikaru's Story Starring: John Biles as the Infamous Dread Space Pirate Bailesu (The egomaniacal God of Fanfic, just ask him :) Amy Anderson as Mizuno Ami (The helpful commentator) William Pitt the Elder as Mazrim Taim (The completely unhelpful commentator) > > -------------------- > Bile Studio presents: > Personalities 1: Gosenkugi Hikaru's Story. Bailesu: That's Gosunkugi, not Gosenkugi Ami: Actually, the romanization of many Japanese names are debatable, and he does spell it that way consistently. Taim: I recommend we send the Asha'man after him. Ami: Isn't that bit extreme? Bailesu: I think I forgot to give him his sedative this morning... > *Flash Back three years from now* Bailesu: So Ranma and Akane got married three years from now? Amy: I think the now must be three years or more in the future. Perhaps this could be rewritten to be a little more clear? Taim: Shouldn't there be something about Ages coming and going and... Bailesu: Wrong series. > Ranma: I do > Akane: I do Bailesu: I do what? Amy: They're getting married. Needs periods after the do. Taim: Perhaps someone balefired them, and destroyed the rest of the sentence so it never happened... > Preacher: I pronounce thee man and wife. > (Wedding march by Mendelssohn) > Gos: I'll never have my Akane now. (sniff) > *End of Flashback* > Gos: (narrating) That was three years ago, they both were at my age, >23. We're now 26. Me, I am now a lonely spirit. I lost my beloved >Akane three years ago that day. That Ranma, how dare he steal my love! >Well, I'm going to find some way to get Akane. This time, I won't cower >like I always did. Ranma will now have to bow down to me!! Taim: And then I'll break the seals on the Dark One's Prison and...Hey, we're on the air. [blushes] Bailesu: So this is 10 years in the future from when the series started? Ami: Yes. So the first scene was 7 years from normal series "now", the rest is ten years from normal series "now". Bailesu: I think Gosunkugi's first sentence is somewhat confusing. Ami: Yes, perhaps something to the effect of: "They got married three years ago when we were all 23. > Over the years, I became a great scientist specializing in chemicals and metals. I figured out how to make myself totally invisible. Of course, I never did use it, so I do not know if it actually works or not. Although when I tested it out on a mou > se, it did turn the mouse invisible. Anyway, I'm working on a chemical that will make the victim a mindless slave. All I need to do is pour the chemical on a doll that looks like the victim and give the doll to the victim. Of course, I need this rare su > bstance to make the potion complete. It is called trioxlatebisulfatemonochloricdinitride-floric acid (you chemistry majors better shut up about this-- JWC). It is horrid stuff, but you know who has it? Yup, you saw that coming; it can only be obtained > from Akane. It is basically in all of her cooking. Now, I just need her to cook for me, and poof! my formula is complete. And I can finally get rid of that.. .. Ranma, and finally I can have my darling Akane for my self!!!! HAHAHAHAHHA!!! (TWISTED L > AUGH). Heh heh eh.. (calms down) ehem. This is plan, I'll go to Akane's house and get some dinner from her, finish the potion, dip the dolls of Ranma and Akane into the vat of that potion, and in a few hours, she will be mine. (worries) ummm, I hope I > can do this. I hope I can talk to Akane without getting nervous. Taim: This is plan. This is Bob. Bob, meet.. Ami: I think Taim is trying to say there's a possessive missing. Bailesu: a what? Ami: You're forgetting to capitalize again. Gos should say something like, "This is my plan; I'll..." > (he nervously goes to the Tendou dojo) > Ranma: Akane, where are you? > Akane: In the Kitchen! > Ranma: IN.. The... Kitchen??!! > Akane: Ranma, I've been practicing my cooking with Kasumi and my >mother's notebook. I already passed how to boil water. Taim: YOU PASSED BOILING WATER 10 YEARS AGO! YOU SUCK! [A mallet flies out of the sky and pounds Taim flat.] Ami: I would think Akane would probably have gotten through her mother's notebook in 10 years...Or at least far enough along she wouldn't be taking boiling water as something to be proud of. > Ranma: now, who could that be? Bailesu: see, I'm not the only person who forgets to capitalize things! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! [Ami mallets him] Ami: Capitalize now. > Gos: Hel.. Hello Ranma, is Akane home? > Ranma: Gos!! never seen you in a while!! how you've been man? Hey Akane!! look who came to visit!! Ami: More capitals. Taim: Maybe Ranma speaks without capital letters. Ami: [thinking] Who hired this guy, anyway? > Akane: (In an apron) oh! it's Gosenkugi, how you doing? > Gos: (Puts his hands on his cheeks and looks away with huge eyes and an idiotic grin on his face, and looks away.) she.. she spoke to me. > Akane: Well, Gos, come in. I was just making dinner. > Gos: (thinking) all right, she is cooking dinner, and she spoke to me again. > (speaking) Look, Mrs. (grr) Saotome, I... I.. 'm in a huuhry annd can I aask you to give me some of your stew? Ami: Capitalization in several cases. Also, Gos should say "in a hurry and can I ask ..." Bailesu: Maybe he's slurring his speech? Taim: Maybe he's actually a Trolloc. Ami: I don't think so. > Gos: oh, I just want to take it home and... > Ranma: pour it on some turtles and mutate them. Ami: More capitals. Bailesu: [zombie voice] Send more capitals. > Akane: Ranma!! (hits him again with a 10 ton mallet borrowed from Kaori Makimura.) Bailesu: Borrowed from who? Makoto: Not one of my ex-boyfriends. Taim: Get out of here! [binds Makoto with air, then punts her into orbit] Ami: Well, this Obscure Cultural Reference is too obscure for me. [Bailesu and Taim faint from shock.] Who is Kaori Makimura? > Ranma: Gosenkugi Hikaru, still weird as usual > Akane: and still spooky Taim: [singing] Mysterious and Kooky, the Adams' Family! Bailesu: Don't quit your day job, Taim. Taim: The Dark On..The Dragon Reborn pays better anyway. Ami: Capitalize and. > Gos: (narrerating) I quickly went home and took out her stew and poured it into my vat. Bailesu: Doing what? Ami: Narrarrating. > Gos: After few days with heat of exactly 46.4 degrees Celsius, it will be done, and I can finally have my darling Akane. > Gos: (narrerating)I watched the burning vat for four straight days without sleep nor food. Now those bags under my eyes that I always had will probably never disappear. I took the vat and put it on the counter. I took the doll that looked liked Akane and dipped it in the vat. Then took a doll that looked like Ranma and dipped it into the vat. Finally, I was done. Hee hee hee, I danced for two seconds, tired out, collapsed on the floor, and went to sleep. Ami: Narrarrating again. And you might want to use some sort of scene break here. > > (Gos is at the Tendou dojo) > Ranma: Well, well, Gosenkugi. Nice to see you again. How did ya like my wife's stew? wait, you're alive, hey you promised to eat it. Ami: Capitalize wait. Period after alive. Capitalize hey. Comma after hey. Taim: Then chant Hastur, Hastur, Hastur... Bailesu: This is grammar, not the hokey pokey, Taim. > Gos: Of course I didn't eat it, is Akane here? > Ranma: yea. Ami: Capitalize. > Gos: Well, I'm sorry but I forgot you guys got married 3 years 2 months 5 days at exactly 7:05 PM ago, and um.. here's here your marriage present. Oh, and here's yours. > Ranma: Oh, a doll. > Gos: (thinking) something's wrong here, it's not working. Ami: More capitalization. > Akane: Oh it's you again Gosenkugi, hello. > Gos: Heh heh, um a present for you. > Akane: Thanks! ohh a doll.... huh... ug!!! (straightens up and looks hypnotized) > Gos: (thinking) Hoo hoo it worked!! I guess it only works on females. Probably something to do with their chemical composition. (saying) Taim: But why does it only work on females? Bailesu: Perhaps Ranma has become immune to his wife's cooking through long exposure. Taim: Perhaps it is merely the whim of the pattern. Ami: So why does it only work on females? > Gos: Just gave her some hypto-potion. Taim: [singing] It's hypto to be square... Bailesu: Like I said before... Ami: I assume that should be hypno-potion? > Ranma: Oh, ok. Gos.. get Akane back to normal, OR DIE!!! > Gos: Akane protect me! (cowering away) > Akane: yes sir. (takes mallet and smacks Ranma in the face and he goes flying through the air.) Ami: Capitalize. > Gos: thank you... heh heh HAHAHAHa. C'mon Akane, lets go to my house. Ami: Let's > Ranma: (barley dodging the sharp nails) woah, where did he learned to do that? Taim: So the barley dodged. What about the wheat? Or the rye or the... Ami: I think that should be barely. And woah should be capitalized. Also, "where did he learn to do that?" not learned. > Tofu: Hello, Ranma, it's a good thing that my wife saw you laying in the streets. It seems that gas had some slow poison in it. Taim: It looked pretty fast to me! Not as fast as when I destroyed the city of ...Oh yeah, I'm pretending not to be one of the Forsaken. [angelic smile] Ami: I think he means it knocked you out AND had a slow poison effect, right? > Ranma: P.. Poison!! what about the other people in the streets?? > Tofu: Oh they're fine, they're all in my hospital. Of course, we've known each other for quite some time and my wife insisted that I personally treat you. > Ranma: where is she anyway? > Tofu: my wife? Oh, she should me here, I sent her to make me a batch of antidote potion. > (a door opens and an attractive woman with long brown hair walks in.) Ukyyo: Ranma-honey!! you are awake. Ami: More capitalization. > Ranma: Yea, thanks to you. > Ukyyo: No, thank my husband, he is the best doctor in Nerima you know. Ami: This sentence needs work. "No, thank my husband. He is the best doctor in Nerima, you know." Taim: He's the only doctor in Nerima. Bailesu: Makes it easier to keep that title then, eh? >Ukkyo: So, who threw that poison anyway? Bailesu: It's Ukyou, not Ukkyo! Ami: Well, it is debatable. However, given that he used Tendou instead of Tendo, I'd recommend Ukyou. Or Ukyo, but not Ukkyou. > Ukkyo: the same, sweet Gosenkugi?? skinny, with bags under the eyes? Taim: Sweet? You call someone who could give a Myrdrall the creeps sweet? Who keeps spying on Ranma and trying to trap him and... Bailesu: [hands a Valium to Taim] Calm down. Take this. Ami: I'm not sure if Ukyou would call him sweet. Incompetent yes. Sweet...I dunno. > Ranma: Yes, yes, and he's not sweet any more. Matter of fact, he's not the same wimp we knew since high school. Ever since he disappeared after we graduated, he seems to have gotten meaner. Taim: Actually, he's really not acting any different than in the manga, except that his plan worked, mostly. Bailesu: I think Ranma would say he never was sweet. Ami: You two are actually making sense...I must be hallucinating. > Tofu: (smiles) ok see ya. Ami: Ok, see ya. > Mousse: (Looks toward Ranma) Oh there you are, thank you Kasumi. Ami: "Oh, there you are. Thank you, Kasumi." > Mousse: We came as soon as we heard, what happened? Ami: "we heard. What happened?" > Kasumi: You're welcome (smiles and giggles and leaves) Ami "You're welcome." > Shampoo: If Mousse go, Shampoo go too. > (Shampoo has gotten more mature looking. She still has that nice, >dark blue hair, and has gotten a little taller) Taim: But not much more intelligent. Bailesu: Every series needs a village fool. Ami: Shut up, you two! But seriously, why does Shampoo say "Shampoo go too" here, then switch to using normal first person after this? > Ranma: Now you know how I felt Mousse. Ha Ha Ami: Needs punctuation. Period or ! or something. > Ranma: Come on guys, lets go save Akane. Ami: "Come on guys; let's go save Akane." > (Back to Gosenkugi and three hours later.) > Gos: (narrating) Now.. Ohhhhh here they come now. This will be fun to watch. (Gosenkugi sees them coming. We see Ryouga, Shampoo, Ukkyo, Mousse, Kodachi, Kuno, and of course Ranma) > Ranma: We finally made it. (looks around and sees the big sign that says Gosenkugi Hikaru's House) I guess he was expecting us. > Gos: (through a loud speaker) Hello my friends, I see you guys have come for Akane. Well, it won't be easy. I hope you guys luck. > Ranma: (pulling up sleeve) I don't need no stinking luck. (this phrase is from "The Magnificent Seven" and coincidentally there are seven of them. Ohhhh...) > Ryouga: Gosenkugi!!! why don't you give up and just give Ranma Akane back. Taim: Ryouga? WHERE DID HE COME FROM? Bailesu: I'm sure Ryouga is wondering that also. Ami: You didn't show when Ryouga shows up and joins them. > (Gos tries feebly to carry/ drag the bodies inside his house.) > Gos: (Panting, out of breath) Man!! these guys are heavy. > (29 minutes later, we still see Gos trying to drag the bodies into his house) > Gos: (looks at his watch) Oh no! one more minute and they will be awake. (all of a sudden, Ranma wakes up. Then the rest follows.) Oh no! (takes out a doll and sprays everybody with it and soon they fall asleep.) Phew, that was close. Wait, why didn't I think of this earlier. (A big mechanical doll comes out and carries the gang to Gos's house) Taim: HEHEHEHEHEH! Ami: Nice touch with Gos unable to move them. > Kuno: Ug prithe ug, (shakes head) Huhn? Curse you voodoo man! untie us from this bondage. (looks at Ranma) Pig tailed girl! Oh how it enrages me to see an innocent woman like you to be in yolk! Taim: Okay, now Kunou shows up from nowhere? Ami: Maybe he came seperately? Bailesu: I'm not sure if he'd say Curse you, voodoo man! either. Maybe "A curse on you and your sorcery, voodoo boy." Ami: Picky, Picky. > Ranma: Yea right, hentai. Oh and what would Nabiki say if she saw you flirting with me? Taim: She'd say, "Cough up, Kunou-baby" Bailesu: Speaking from experience? Taim: I plead the fifth. > Ranma: Stop torturing her! > Gos: I never did such a thing. > Ranma: Oh? then why are you making her watch Sailor Moon? Taim: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ami: That's good for you, not torture! Bailesu: I think you're a little biased to judge that, Ami. > Gos: I... I.. don't know how. (shrinks) > Ranma: What?! > (All of a sudden Akane snaps into reality.) Ami: I told you it was good for you! It broke the mind control! Taim: Or maybe she just went mad from watching it. Ami: I'm going to have to hurt you now. [Much violence, deleted to keep our PG rating] > Akane: Ug, Sailor Moon. (goes to Gosenkugi) Gos, Ami: [brushing her hands off] "Gos..." And she ought to be grateful that Sailor Moon cleared her mind and saved her from a fate worse than death and...[rant, rant, rant] Bailesu: Hmm, I think you may be needing a sedative as well... > Akane: I am very pissed off of you ordering me around!!! hiryuu Shoten Ha!!! Ami: "pissed off from you" > Ranma: (sigh) forget it, lets go Akane. > Ryouga: (to Mousse) gee, we were a lot of help. Ami: You might want to cut them out entirely, since they didn't actually do anything... Taim: Like you in an average Sailor Moon episode? Or Deanna Troi in ST:NG? Or... Bailesu: Like you in this commentary? Taim: ... > Gos: (lands on the ground again in a weird position) Ooff, sigh, that's what I get trying to get friends. I guess I will always be living alone, no female companionship or anything. > Mousse: Hey, where did Shampoo go? Oh well, who cares, at least she is away from me. > Ryouga: Oh Akari, where are you? > Ukkyo: Hmmmm, I wonder if Tofu-san is cooking tonight. Ug, I hope not, all he knows how to cook is Tofu. > (everybody leaves) Taim: ANOTHER PERSON APPEARS FROM NOWHERE AND... Ami: I wish you'd just disappear into nowhere...I suggest the author cut all these characters who just show up for one or two lines in a scene and don't actually get to do anything. > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > This is my first fanfic I finally completed. It probably took me about 10 months to finish this mess. As you can see, the ending seems rushed, but I didn't want to spend any more time with this so.... I still have 3 more fanfics that I need to finish.. Taim: In ten months, I will be the Naeblis and...[Bailesu and Ami mallet him.] Bailesu: The ending isn't too rushed. Ami: The main problem is that a lot of the characters don't actually do much in the final scenes and probably shouldn't be there. Also, some sort of reason why Gos' mind control potion doesn't affect Ranma is needed. Plus, would it effect Ranma's girl form? Why doesn't Gos test that out? > Scape goats: > Blame them for inspiring me to write fanfics > and of course, the great John Biles. > Bailesu: Feel free to worship me and send me money. You can join the cult of John Biles by...[Amy punts him into space.] Ami: Thanks! The Boss is a bit of an egomaniac, but it is great to be appreciated! I hope these comments help you! > Also from Bile Studios: > Ranma vs Joker > Gel pt 1,2,3 > (Bile studio is not from John Biles, he just stole my company's name that's all. It is the stuff that your liver filters. In other words, this is pretty horrible stuff you are reading. No correlation with John Biles ok?) > completed 7:56PM 2/8/96 > Bailesu: [from orbit] You wouldn't believe the number of Bile jokes I've had to put up with...Not to mention being called Biles most vile... Ami: Say goodnight, Bailesu. Bailesu: Goodnight, Bailesu. John Walter Biles http://triol.dorm.umd.edu/~gauntman/index.html MA-History http://falcon.cc.ukans.edu/~ranma/wotstuff.html Ph.D. Wannabe at U.Kansas "Love is the image you place around your significant ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu other, and how close it is to being true love gauntman@triol.dorm.umd.edu depends on how closely he or she fits into the mold."--Orlando de La Cruz