From ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu Tue Feb 13 23:35:07 1996 Received: from falcon.cc.ukans.edu (ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu [129.237.34.1]) by andrew.cais.com (8.6.9/8.6.9) with SMTP id XAA08385 for ; Tue, 13 Feb 1996 23:35:05 -0500 Received: by falcon.cc.ukans.edu; (5.65v3.2/1.1.8.2/12Jan95-0207PM) id AA04436; Tue, 13 Feb 1996 22:33:49 -0600 Date: Tue, 13 Feb 1996 22:33:49 -0600 (CST) From: "Ranma al'Thor " To: Caroline Seawright Cc: fanfic@andrew.cais.com Subject: Comments and Commentary on Passion Spice ... ? In-Reply-To: Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII On Tue, 13 Feb 1996, Caroline Seawright wrote: Welcome to Mystery Fanfic Commentary Theatre A Raging Giant Wombat Production Starring: John Walter Biles as The Dread Space Pirate Bailesu, the egotistical god of Fanfiction Amy Anderson as Mizuno Ami, the helpful commentator Demi Moore as Lanfear, the even more useless than Taim commentator This Week's Feature is: > ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Ranma Nibunnoichi - Passion Spice ... ? > > All characters portrayed in this fanfic are copyright of Rumiko Takahashi > and Shogakukan Inc, etc, etc, etc. > > *Translations at the end of the story* > _____________________________________________________________________________ > Bailesu: Who's the author? Ami: Maybe we're supposed to guess? Lanfear: It's Caroline Anne Seawright. Ami: But how do you know that? Lanfear: I read the name by the "From" message. [Ami and Bailesu facefault.] > Ryouga opened a sliding door and walked through it, his eyes down. koko wa doko da?> he thought, "ITTAI WA DOKO DA!?" He raised his face > skywards as he yelled, looking up at a ceiling. > Lanfear: Why is he lapsing into the old tongue? Bailesu: That's Japanese. Lanfear: Will you translate it for me, Lews Therin-chan? Bailesu: [looks around] Who are you talking to? Lanfear: [puts an arm around Bailesu. He bigsweats] You, dear. Bailesu: I, uh, don't know any Japanese... Ami: His name isn't Lews Therin either. Lanfear: Oh, he always says that, but in the end, he comes around. Ami: The translation is at the end of the story, Lanfear. Bailesu: Uh, let's be moving on, shall we? Lanfear: [All over Bailesu] Where would you like to move on to, dear? Ami: [thinking] This is gonna be a LOOOONNNGGGG episode... > > Ukyou stared as Ryouga fainted, and lowered her spatula. "Ryouga-kun?" she > asked. He did not stir, so she sighed and stepped back into the bath, > sitting down to relax in the hot water. he keels over! What's the point in wanting to marry Akane when he wouldn't > be able to get through their wedding night conscious, let alone their > honeymoon!> She closed her eyes and relaxed, knowing Ryouga would be out > for a LONG time. > Ami: EEP! The girl has no modesty! Bailesu: The author has no modesty. Lanfear: [angrily] Have you been cheating on me again, Lews Therin? Bailesu: I'm not LEWS THERIN! I'm not even Rand al'Thor! Lanfear: You're so cute when you lie. [Bailesu faints] > > > A moment later, a wet and naked Ryouga sat up in the bath, spluttering. "What > the - ?!" > Bailesu: [thinking] Don't say anything and maybe she'll forget I... Lanfear: Ooooh. That looks like fun, Lews Therin. Bailesu: D'oh! > > "Sorry, Ryouga-kun, but this isn't the Tendou Doujou, and you're not going to > find Akane-chan here, any time soon." > Lanfear: I'm not the Akane you're looking for! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Ami: [thinking] I'm starting to wonder if we should have tried to free Taim from the Black...Red ajah instead of hiring her... > "Errrrr, well. Sorry, Ukyou-san. Would you be able to give me directions?" > > Ukyou narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. I realise who 'P-chan' is.> She shook her head again then looked into his > eyes, "I wonder what would happen if Akane-chan found out who P-chan really > is..." > Ami: Might want to change that to "even knows that I know who", although some people would say it was better not to use the same verb twice in a sentence...or maybe "he even realises that I know who" > Ryouga's eyes clouded with fear, "N-nan da!? I... I'm not P-chan!!" > Lanfear: Lews-chan, he's speaking in tongues again. Bailesu: That's Japanese again. Lanfear: I think the author must be trying to hide something from me...Hmmm... Bailesu: [thinking] Who hired her, anyway? > "Feh. Ryouga-kun, you've just given yourself away. I never accused you, did > I? Well... how do you plan on keeping this from her?" > Lanfear: The same way he always has? Geez, her own father knows and hasn't told her... > "I need to get the passion spice from Shampoo and o-baba. Ran-chan and > Akane will never suspect my okonomiyaki to be laced with magic, ne?" > Lanfear: Just use compelling, Girl. It's much easier. Bailesu: She can't channel. Lanfear: What a loser. [Bailesu mallets Lanfear.] > > "Ryouga-kun, it's the only way to win Akane, you know. Ran-chan's not good > for her, and I'll keep him away so you can have Akane-chan for yourself..." > Lanfear: And then we can do wife swapping later on! Bailesu: [thinking] Please God, just strike me down now... [A lightning bolt hits Bailesu.] Bailesu: [thinking] Pain. > "The only way?" he asked in a small voice. > Ami: Well, he could try telling Akane he loves her. Bailesu: Yes, but that would require common sense. And he'd have to not faint halfway through it. Lanfear: He could Balefire Ranma! Ami: He can't channel either. Lanfear: Yeesh, what is it with these people? They're all incompetent. > "Well, Ran-chan's coming over for some okonomiyaki soon, so I'll plant the > suggestion in his mind. Just hang around here till I'm finished, okay? I'm > sure he's going to go to the Nekohanten next." She stood up, have a little fun, first. Ryouga's cute when he's fainted like that!> She > giggled a little and took the towel from her head, then, facing him, started > to undo the towel around her body. > Lanfear: I think Ukyou's been hitting the passion spice already... Bailesu: This is nothing compared to some stories. Trust me. Lanfear: [glomps on to Bailesu] Will you show me? [He faints again] > > Cologne scowled at Ukyou, "You are just jealous of Shampoo and muko-dono." > With that, Cologne hopped out to follow Shampoo. > Lanfear: What's a muko-dono? Bailesu: I don't know, but there's one on your foot. Lanfear: [leaps about wildly] AHHHH!!!!!! Ami: [thinking] I won't kill her...yet. > The hot water ran down his body, highlighting his muscles. The water gleamed > as it caught the light from the window, almost making Ryouga's skin sparkle. > The body of a martial artist, Ryouga's muscles were not too big. His body was > firm and well proportioned... She gazed at him, almost wishing he was a > sculpture to view. she thought. She gave > a soft sigh. > Lanfear: Now the author's hitting the passion spice. Ami : [covering her eyes] Can I look yet? Bailesu: Sure Ami: [looks and nosebleeds] EEEP! [covers eyes again] > "Hi Ucchan! Your cooking saved my life yesterday!" > Lanfear: Who said that? I can't tell. Ami: Probably Ranma from context. > > > Ranma glared at Ryouga and dropped into the chair next to Akane. "Can't handle > the truth, irokeganee onna?" > Lanfear: iro..wha? Ami: Check the translation at the end. Lanfear: I want to know NOW! [balefires the screen] Bailesu: Great... > Ukyou thought, > She > leaned over to Ryouga whispering, "I'll take Ran-chan and leave you with > Akane." > Ami: Might want to change that to "I've got to get alone with Ran-chan" Lanfear: Lusting after Ranma, Ami? [Ami mallets Lanfear.] > Ucchan's, and Akane, Ukyou and Ryouga were sprawled over the counter. > He reached over to Akane and gently shook her shoulder, "Akane? > Daijoubu?" > Lanfear: Her name is Daijoubu? Ami: Take a wild guess. Bailesu: It's japanese for something I don't know. Ami: Well, you've got part of that right... > > Ranma closed his eyes as he kissed her, Akane responding to the kiss. They > held each other tighter, both exploring the experience. Ranma instinctively > parted his lips, Akane following suit. Their tongues began to probe each > other's mouths as they kissed, moving in soft flicking motions. > [Lanfear leans over and smiles at Bailesu who laughs nervously. She leaps, grabs him and they sink out of sight below chair level] Ami: Now who's been hitting the passion spice... > Ukyou sat up, the pain of her headache showing in her face. She pressed her > hand to her forehead and opened her eyes. Ryouga was still out. She shook > her head, trying to clear it. "What hit me?" she wondered, then hit Ryouga > over the head, "Oi! Wake up!" > Ami: I'm not sure if Ukyou would say Oi... > Ryouga gave a half shrug. "I guess it was that spice..." He picked up the > bottle and looked at it, "It's labelled 'The Path of the True Way'" He > frowned, "When did I learn Chinese? I thought the only kanji from the lable > that I could read was 'spice'!" > Lanfear: I take it Ukyou always uses bottles without reading the labels? Bailesu: Sssh, we're not supposed to ask that. Ami: She SAID she could only read part of the label before. Lanfear: If the label is in Chinese, how did she pick that particular bottle in the first place? Ami: Good question. And that should be label, not lable. > > Akane smiled back, her face shining with happiness, "Un. Let's tell the > family!" They continued walking home, "But break it to them gently." > Lanfear: Dos, tres, quatro! Ami: I don't think she was counting in Spanish... > > Ukyou nodded, smiling, "They will be the ones for us... But just for now..." > She trailed off, the reached up and kissed him full on the lips, her eyes > closing. He kissed back, blushing furiously but enjoying the kiss. > Lanfear: Go, girl, go! Ami: [buries her head in her hands] I can't look... > > Shampoo shook her empty head. It rattled. > [Wild, mad Unanimous laughter] Lanfear: She reminds me too much of that Aviendha ...That reminds me, I need to go kill her... Bailesu: Then you'll be leaving us? [hopeful look] Lanfear: After the movie, dear. Bailesu: [sighs] > > Akane stopped kissing Ranma and looked up, "It is the way things are, Shampoo. > I am now Akane Saotome, wife of Ranma. You have to look for a new love." > Lanfear: I'm not the love you're looking for! HAHAHAHAHAAH!!!! Ami: [thinking] Somebody please balefire her. > "Noooooooooo! Ranma!" Shampoo called, collapsing to the floor. She started > crying, "Shampoo will kill Akane!" > Lanfear: At least she knows what to do about a rival. I have to approve of that. > Slowly, Ranma caressed her back and neck as they kissed with a tender passion. > He held her close, enjoying having his love in his arms. He felt her arms > around him, her small hands running up and down his back. > Lanfear: This gives me a few good ideas. Bailesu: [thinking] The only idea I'm getting is that I should run for the hills. > Akane felt Ranma's hands work down her back, then slide down around her waist > to her hips. she thought, leaning back a little. > > He followed her lean to continue kissing her sweet lips. Letting his hands > slide around to her stomach, then upwards until he found the intricate knot, > holding her kimono closed. Slowly he undid it, never breaking the kiss. > Ami: Oh, god, he's taking her clothes off! Bailesu: You've been sheltered, haven't you? > > She let her eyes linger on the large lump in his boxers. "Ranma..." she > whispered, "I'm all yours, tonight..." > [Ami nosebleeds and covers her eyes] > > Ranma moaned softly, his excitement growing. He reached out and ran his hands > over her breasts, then slid them down her sides, and, finding a zip, undid > her lingerie. It practically fell from her, sliding off her sleek form. Her > well formed breasts, perky pink nipples already hard... Her flat, smooth > stomach... the delta of dark hair at her sex... He moved a hand down to part > her legs, gently, wanting to gaze at her, fully. "My wife... oh, so sexy..." > he managed to moan. > Ami: [face hidden] Can I look yet? Lanfear: Sure! [Ami looks. She faints.] Lanfear: She doesn't have much of a H threshold, I guess. Bailesu: Not unless you read Sailor Moon Dojinshi... > > Ryouga followed, "And Akane-san?" > > Akari smiled brightly, "Ryouga-sama!" > > Ryouga stopped and blinked, "A-akari-chan!" I?> a part of himself thought. He started blushing a little. > Lanfear: Macleod! Bailesu: Ushiko-san! Ami: Umao-san! > > Kodachi and Mousse sat down together, along with Akari and Ryouga, Ukyou and > Konatsu, Azusa and Tsubasa, Nabiki and Kunou, Asuka and Mikado, and Akane and > Ranma. The last year had changed them all, some in little ways, some more > comprehensively. > Lanfear: Not as much as we changed the ending of the Scarlet Letter! BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! > engaged. The only thing stopping them from marrying was Ryouga's inability to > find the wedding hall. > Ami: Awwwww. > Konatsu and Ukyou's appearances had not changed much at all. He still looked > like a stunningly beautiful girl, and she looked more and more like a guy. Lanfear: Took a trip to Sweeden, did she? Bailesu: That's it! I've had enough! No one insults Ucchan and lives! [He leaps at her and she laughs and wraps him in flows of air, binding him in place.] Lanfear: Now we have some fun! Ami: Now we punish you in the name of the Moon! Bailesu: Mercury. Ami: Whatever! Mercury power, Make up! [She transforms to Sailor Mercury] Lanfear: Ohhh. How fierce. Gonna soft soap me to death? Sailor Mercury: Sailor Mercury Ultimate Attack! [strikes various poses] Lanfear: Nothing@ WAHAHAHAHA! [The planet Mercury falls on Lanfear, crushing her flat. Only her feet stick out like the wicked witch of the west] Bailesu: Remind me never to mess with you. > > Everyone, it seemed, was happy. > Bailesu: Especially with Lanfear out of here. Ami: Well, that's all folks! A fun story, except for the parts that made me hide my face and pass out. Bailesu: Excellent, as always. So please, please don't call me Jimbo ? John Walter Biles http://triol.dorm.umd.edu/~gauntman/index.html MA-History http://falcon.cc.ukans.edu/~ranma/wotstuff.html Ph.D. Wannabe at U.Kansas "Love is the image you place around your significant ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu other, and how close it is to being true love gauntman@triol.dorm.umd.edu depends on how closely he or she fits into the mold."--Orlando de La Cruz