ranma@TASS.org (Saotome Ranma)


===============================================================================
                  Daigakusei no Ranma: The Round Robin part 1
===============================================================================

        In the Beginning, there was the Word.

        Then the critics came along.

        The two don't get along too well.

        Case in point.  Somewhere, on the East Coast of the United States,
in Northern Virginia, near the Metropolitan DC area, a man is reading some
well-intentioned comments from a group of critics.

        We will call this man... "Jeff."  The critics, we will call "the
Daigakusei no Ranma Mailing List."  This is all purely hypothetical, of
course.  "Jeff" has written a chapter of a popular series of fanfiction
following the exploits of one Saotome Ranma as he struggles with college.
Recently elevated to co-authorship, Jeff is understandably excited and
nervous about his efforts.  He is attempting to breathe some new life into
the series, take it in new directions, and he can't wait to see what people
think of his ideas.  He is sure that they will meet with approval.

        Naive, isn't he?

        "Argh!" Jeff exclaimed, reading another e-mail off his server.
"'Nabiki is out of character?'  What is this person talking about?  The
anime has clearly shown she's not a morning person!  'Why the heck is
KASUMI carrying condoms?'  It's a JOKE, you nimrod!  Shock Value!  And
maybe Kasumi isn't as perfect as everyone thinks!  'I think Kasumi would do
better in college, why did you give her THOSE grades?'  Look, being a
stereotypical Japanese housewife for several years doesn't prepare you for
college!  'Why did you have Ranma and Akane sleep together?  It upsets the
status quo!'  STATUS QUO!"

        Jeff starts to tear at his hair.  Every e-mail has had something
along those lines, even the mostly congratulatory ones.  Even the people
who had argued that 23 episodes without Ranma and Akane having sex was too
many were saying it happened too fast.  It was infuriating!

        "OK, calm down... just relax," Jeff muttered, hitting the key to
move to the next message.  "I've got to keep in control... or else my mind
will SNAP!"  He begins to read the message.

        "'Dear Jeff, your story, while good, seems to have the characters
acting out of character... the manga and anime clearly show..."

        For a moment, all is silent.  Then, a dark aura seems to flicker
around the fanfic writer, followed by a low cackling sound.

        "Bakas," Jeff mutters, giggling.  "They don't see it.  They can't
see it.  A story has to grow and change, or it is not a story at all.  But
I'll show them all.  Criticize me, will they?  Say -I- am out of character?
I have not yet even BEGUN!  If they're going to make me into a villain for
changing things, then I'll show them a villain!"  A quick e-mail is sent,
and then he begins his master plan.

        His sanity shattered by one too many pieces of C&C, Jeff activates
his word-processor and begins to write.  The dark aura pulses around him
and then there is a sharp POP of imploding air as our villain writes
himself into the story.

        Meanwhile, the e-mail shoots along its intended path to the DNR-
Author's list.  It reads as follows:

Subject: DNR MUST DIE!
To: dnr-author

Dear 'fellow authors':
        BAKAS!  None of you can truly grasp what I am trying to do with the
DnR series!  I try to make a few SMALL, INSIGNIFICANT changes and you ALL
jump down my throat!  The ML is no better!  Bunch of ingrates.  They should
be grateful I wrote anything at all!  Well, if I'm not appreciated, I'll
take my talents elsewhere... but first, I'll destroy your 'perfect little
world.'  And I dare you to try and stop me!  :P'
        What am I going to do?  It's simple.  I'm going to make all of the
characters' lives HELL.  You think RYOUGA has it bad?  HA!  I'll drive
Ukyou insane (Yes, John, YOUR Ukyou-sama!), force Kasumi to sell herself on
the streets and feed Ryouga non-kosher hot dogs until he explodes!  Lardy
can become a drunken bum on the streets!  Wait, he already IS!  ;)  So take
that!

P.S.  I am definitely going to KILL SATO!  >:)

                                *      *      *

        Whistling as he took note of the DnR mails, David nodded.  He had
seated himself in front of his computer after a dinner of re-heated pizza
and had just begun to sort through his mailbox.  He grinned as he noticed a
fair amount of e-mails coming from U. of Toledo.  "Heh.  I wonder if Jeff
Hosmer took criticism well?"

        In a pig's eye.

        David's eyes widened as he took note of Jeff's e-mails.

        "Has he gone loco?  How the heck is he going to get into the DnR-
verse?"

        Scratching his head, David grinned, and dismissed the mail as
Jeff's need to blow off steam.  He did, however, make a mental note to send
private e-mails to John and Paul that Jeff might need a... few positive
comments, if only to alleviate his frustration.  First things first,
though...

"To: jhosmer
cc: dnr-author

        Hey Jeff... Hang in there.  We all had our frustrations with
criticism.  I realize some comments are really nitpicky, but look at it
this way; they care or they wouldn't notice those eensy weensy details.
Ya, I know how you feel, man... I wanna thwap somebody with a wiffle bat
sometimes whenever they ask the same ol' questions, like... "When are you
gonna bring Ryouga back?" Okay, so I realize it's not the same as dealing
with the continuity police on the ML, but... well, it's just a bit of
patience, that's all.

I found the Kasumi bit funny, but I DID expect that kind of reaction.
After all... um, you know, you're messing with perfection.  But don't take
it personally... remember, "fans" come from the word "fanatics".  Think of
them that way, and take a deep breath, huh?

I'll talk to you on Muck, and we can work things out.  How's that?"

        "A bit too much?" David thought.  "Hmmm... oh well!" David hit the
send button, and then suddenly realized that he had sent two copies of the
e-mail to Jeff.  "Damn, that's right, dnr-author already includes him.  Oh
well... it's not that bad.  Double his pleasure or something.  Whatever..."

        David shrugged, and opened a window for fanfics to work on.  He
groaned at the sight of 'Else-6.txt' "Aw, man... when the hell will I ever
finish Elseworlds 6?  Oh well... at least John isn't hounding me for it.
Might as well finish it later..." David said, as he clicked on
'TimeTwist.txt' and started work on a DnU episode.

        He quickly lost track of time, and failed to note the blinking
window indicating a talk request from Jeffrey Hosmer...

                                *      *      *

        Paul sat at work fretting about how to reconvert several years'
worth of data into recognizable form when the screen notified him he had
new e-mail.

        "Now what?" he wondered, opening the mail.  "From Jeff..." he
trailed off as he realized the severity of the message.  "He wouldn't... no
way..."

        Quickly, he fashioned a reply:

"To: jhosmer

Jeff, dude, you're taking this WAY too seriously.  Maybe you need a break
or something?  The criticism is just words, and you don't have to listen to
them or anything.

I looked at the story so far, and the only problem _I_ had with it was the
simple fact that Kasumi hasn't been established yet to carry birth control
yet.  I think if we add a scene or two to establish it, then it's pretty
plausible, and then the only arguments we'll get are the die-hards that
don't get it through their thick heads that Kasumi's a little ... starved
for attention.

Anyway, it's not a big deal.  We'll work on it some more before the next
revision goes to the ML.

Paul"

        After sending the message, he realized he had forgotten to cc: the
author's list.  He typed up another quick message to Jeff:

"To: jhosmer

Could ya bounce a copy of the reply I just sent to the authors' list?  I
forgot to cc: them.  Thanks."

        Satisfied, he put the window in the background and continued to
work, unaware of the talk request coming through from jhosmer...

                                *      *      *

        John read Jeff's mail and frothed.  One, he wasn't going to let
Jeff kill Sato who was just too cool to die.  And secondly NO ONE IN ALL OF
CREATION WAS ALLOWED TO THREATEN UKYOU-SAMA AND LIVE!!!!!!  Time for the
scathing mail of annihilation.

Subject:  DIE DIE DIE!!!!!
To: jhosmer

        Don't you dare life a FINGER against Ukyou-sama or I shall make you
regret the day you were EVER BORN!  If you can't take the heat, get out of
the kitchen!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

John Biles
Holy Defender of Ukyou-sama

        John hit the return key.  Another threat defused.  Jeff would never
DARE threaten Ukyou-sama again.  John turned to work on the next Lemon
Sherbet episode, deciding to use Jeff as one of Dark Queen Skuld's youma
minions.  Right as he reached a critical moment of the story, a talk
request began eating the screen over and over and over and over again.  He
began to yell.  "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                *      *      *

        Sato sat before a smoldering lump of incense and tried to center
himself.  Once again, his attempt to find inner peace had failed.  With a
sigh, he turned away from the burner.

        Someone was standing behind him.

        Sato goggled, amazed he had not sensed anything.  The intruder was
wearing a dark cloak that seemed to absorb light and sound around him, and
his face was hidden in the shadows of a cowl.

        "I don't believe--" Sato began to say.

        "That," the figure said quietly, "is why you fail."  The figure
then drew a gun from the folds of his robes and shot Sato in the head.  The
silencer on the muzzle absorbed the sound easily and Sato slumped to the
floor, his brains splattered against the far wall.

        The cloaked figure sat down on Sato's bed and smiled to himself.
"THAT is how villains should do it.  No mucking around with speeches and
death traps.  Just BAM!  Dead."  He giggled insanely for a moment, then
composed himself.  "I wonder how long it will take for his death to be
noticed... maybe by the time it starts to smell.  Oh, well... not MY
problem.  Now..."

        The figure raised his hands as if he was sitting at a keyboard.  A
shadowy, transparent laptop, like the one Washuu uses, appears in front of
him.  Banging at the keys, he sent three talk requests out to the 'Real
World' and then began to arrange his fellow authors points of entry.  They
had to witness his triumph.  With one last cackle, he disappeared.

                                *      *      *

        Kasumi closed her notebook with a sigh.  College wasn't getting any
easier.  The notes she had taken seemed to swim in front of her eyes.  None
of it made any sense to her at the moment.  To make things worse, she
wasn't sure if she could make the rent payment this month.  Ranma and Akane
had been stretching Father's budget to the limit with all the property
damage, and she wasn't sure if he could give her enough.  She should get a
job to help pay for things, but she needed all her time to study.  But she
couldn't stay if she had no money...

        With a cry that ended almost as a scream, Kasumi suddenly swept all
her books off her desk and onto the floor.  Burying her face in her hands,
she began to sob.  It wasn't FAIR!  She had finally escaped the dojo, only
to fail?

        Slowly, she got control of herself.  She would manage, somehow.
There must be something she could do.... Something out of the corner of her
eye caught her attention.  Turning, she saw a man in a black robe trying to
close her door without bothering her.

        "Oh my," she said, in as calm a voice as she could manage.  "Are
you a friend of Yuriko's?"

        The man looked up, startled.  "Um, yes... I was looking for her
lab.  Sorry to bother you."  With that, he shut the door, leaving Kasumi
looking puzzled.

        Jeff sighed in relief.  "I didn't realize she would sense me...
still, she'll soon have enough problems of her own... just like Paul will,
when he appears in front of Yuriko in her lab..."  He giggled at the
thought and then vanished.

                                *      *      *

        Paul breathed a sigh of relief.  "Got it!  FINALLY!" he said.  He
began to clear away the papers and code that was strewn about his desk when
he noticed the talk request flashing in another window.  "Hmm.  From Jeff,"
he muttered.  "Oops.  He sent that 3 hours ago.  I wonder if it's still
active..."

        The screen flashed.  "Talk Request Accepted."

        Suddenly, Paul was drawn into a psychedelic void, falling endlessly
down... or at least he thought it was down; since he really couldn't tell
exactly which way was UP, he went with the thought.

        After a while, he landed on a padded table in a room he was SURE
he'd seen before.  "Okaaaay, I gave up caffeine for Lent, so this has GOT
to be some kind of withdrawal, right?" he asked himself.

        The door opened, and Paul watched Yuriko walk in, looking him up
and down.  "Cool!" she exclaimed.  She then muttered something else, too
fast for him to catch, then rushed out of the room, returning quickly with
a pad of paper, a pencil, and several leather straps.

        Paul had the sinking feeling he knew what was next.

                                *      *      *

        In the middle of Mizunoikan Campus, a young man wearing a bandanna
looked around in confusion.  "Where the hell am I NOW?" he grumbled.  He
didn't seem too surprised or even particularly concerned about being lost.
It was nothing new for Hibiki Ryouga.  He had been wandering his entire
life, and things often seemed bleak to him.

        You're lost again, and Akane doesn't love you, she loves Ranma, and
you've wasted your entire life to date trying to defeat Ranma or profess
your love... what a loser, came a little voice in his head, heightening his
depression.  The voice was saying nothing new to him, but it seemed to make
the bleakness of his life weigh even heavier on him.  "Oh, Akane-san..." he
sighed.

        Not too far away, a student weaved his way slowly down the street,
a bottle of sake in his hand.  He stopped by eternally lost boy and took a
swig.  He was Tanaka Lardizabal, master of Drunk Fu.  His drinking this
early in the day was unusual, but it seemed fitting.  He had awoken this
morning with his head full of dreams of one Tendo Akane... when they
weren't filled with him pulverizing that punk, Saotome Ranma.  Then, at
breakfast, his mood had come crashing down as he thought of Akane being
married to that creep Saotome.  They sent his mood spiraling even further
downward, because of all the little humiliations the pig-tailed martial
artist had heaped upon him.  "Oh, Akane-san *hic*"

        The two men paused and looked at each other.

        Nearby, a man in black turned away, looking very satisfied.  "David
should have his hands full with THAT."  Again, he vanished.

                                *      *      *

        Grinning madly, David put the finishing touch on "TimeTwist.txt".
Now, then, to send it to John for his approval on Ukyou's character....

        ...just as the power went off.  David blinked once, then started
cursing the darkness as he lit a candle.  Still muttering dark comments on
the electricians' ancestry, David headed to the fuse box, and reset the
switches, bringing power on.  David groaned, as the computer rebooted.  He
logged on and reconnected to his old session again... hoping to find that
"TimeTwist" was still intact... and then raised an eyebrow as continuous
TALK messages began scrolling across his screen.  Shrugging, David saved
the story he was working on, and answered Jeff's TALK request...

        *FWOOSH*

        Blinking and rubbing his eyes, trying to get rid of the dancing
flecks streaking across his vision, David stumbled forward... and opened
his eyes.

        He only caught the sight of a black-haired boy wearing a leopard-
spotted bandanna just before two fists met in the middle of his face.

                                *      *      *

        Makiko looked in on her roommate with concern.  Ukyou was normally
fairly chipper in the mornings, but today, for some reason, she just sat on
her bed, staring at nothing.

        "Hey, Ucchan, what's wrong?" Makiko asked, quietly.  "You better
get moving.  You'll be late for class and--"

        "Ran-chan..." Ukyou sighed.

        Makiko grimaced.  It was another relapse.  Ever since Ukyou had
gotten back into okonomiyaki and the martial arts, it seemed her defenses
against her old hurts had vanished, or at least had been weakened.  Of
course, Ukyou had explained that it had all been a brave front before, and
that it was good for her to be honest about her feelings... but every now
and then Ukyou's emotions crashed down hard.

        "Hey, come on, don't let him get you down..." Makiko said, giving
her roomie a little shake.

        Ukyou turned toward her.  A strange grating sound filled the air,
puzzling Makiko until she realized it was her roommate's teeth grinding.
"YOU're one to talk, Makiko... stringing along Tanaka-san like Ran-chan did
with me!"

        Oh, boy... this was a BAD one.  "Ucchan, we're just FRIENDS, OK?"

        "Bullshit."  Ukyou stared down at her hands, which were twisting
her pajamas to the point of tearing.

        Makiko was startled.  Ukyou almost never swore.  "Hey, what's the
matter?" she asked quietly.  "What brought this on?"

        Ukyou sobbed quietly.  "I had such wonderful dreams last night...
me and Ran-chan, married, raising a family... it was WONDERFUL!"

        "And then you woke up?" Makiko asked.

        "WHY COULDN'T HE LOVE ME?" Ukyou screamed.

        "Whoa!  Calm down Ucchan!"  Makiko was shocked and concerned.  It
wasn't like Ukyou to lose it, especially after all this time.  Something
was wrong, but the young computer programmer couldn't see what it could be.

        In a corner of the room, a man in black frowned and vanished,
unnoticed by either of them.  We made these people too perceptive, he
grumbled to himself as he reappeared in Ukyou and Makiko's living room.  He
could still hear them talking.

        "Ucchan, why don't you go take a nice long bath?  It'll make you
feel better.  Come on, get undressed.  I'll run the tap," Makiko was
saying.

        Excellent, the man in black thought.  With any luck, John will be
out with a concussion for a day after he... drops in on Ukyou.  He grinned
evilly and vanished.

                                *      *      *

        John howled in frustration.  The talk request would not go away.
He killed all his terminal windows and it started to flash on the
background of Windows 95.  Now he was really angry.  He tried Ctrl+Alt+Del,
but it wouldn't let him kill the 'Talk' task.  He banged on the keyboard
with his head in desperation, ranting about finding the man who invented
Unix Talk and strangling him with his shoelaces.

        The screen flashed.  "Talk Request Accepted."

        John shouted, "NO!  I don't WANNA TALK TO SOME MORON WHO WILL ASK
ME IF I FLOSS THREE TIMES A DAY!!!!"  The world suddenly flashed around
John and he found himself falling through a psychedelic void.  Normally,
this would have aroused comment, but John was too frenzied to care.

                                *      *      *

        Ukyou quietly scrubbed herself in the western-style bathtub,
moping.  Stupid Ranma.  Stupid dream.  Look on the bright side, she
thought.  At least nowadays I can get through a bath without being
interrupted or having to worry that Shampoo has laced my shampoo again.

        She reached for the shampoo, still feeling cranky, when there was
an audible popping noise and the most hideous screaming she had EVER heard
suddenly filled the room.  About two seconds later, a frothing young man
with ash-blond hair and hazel eyes suddenly landed on her.  He started
pounding on her chest.  She reached for her giant spatula when suddenly he
lashed out and began to strangle her.  "NO TALK REQUESTS!  I DON'T DO TALK
REQUESTS!  EVIL!  EEEEEEEVIL!"

        Ukyou flailed about helplessly, unable to breathe.  There was
something eerily familiar about this maniac, whoever he was.  Dim memories
that made no sense flitted through her mind.

        Makiko opened the door.  "Ukyou, what in God's green earth are
you...ACK!"  She charged forward, picked up Ukyou's giant spatula and
whanged John in the head with it.  She then dragged him, now unconscious
out of the tub.  "Who is this?"

        Ukyou rubbed her throat.  "I think he mistook me for someone else,
or perhaps he's insane as well as ecchi."  Oddly, the entire incident had
broken her gloom.  She wouldn't have expected this to cheer her up, but it
had.

        Makiko laughed.  "Maybe he's Choji's brother or something."

        "I sure hope not."  Ukyou looked at the man.  He's cute in a
helpless sort of way.  Perhaps he goes mad when he sees naked women the way
Ranma does when he sees cats.  "Well, drag him out the living room and we
can beat him up again when he wakes up if we have to."

        Makiko said, "How the heck did he get in here anyway?  He'd have
had to walk right past me."

        Ukyou looked for holes in the ceiling, trapdoors, etc.  There
weren't any.  "WE can beat it out of him later.  I need to do my hair, then
I'll be done."

        "Feeling any better, Ucchan?"

        She smiled.  "Yeah."

                                *      *      *

        Nabiki sighed as she struggled with her homework.  Normally it
would have not been difficult for her, but tonight she was distracted by
thoughts that would have surprised her friends and family.  They surprised
her as well, when she thought about how much things had changed in a few
short months.

        A soft knock came at her window.  She shut her book quickly and
with a grin went to open it.  Outside, clinging to the windowsill, was
Ranma.

        "Konban wa, Ranma-kun," Nabiki said with a smirk.  "Just hanging
out tonight?"

        "Just give me a hand, Nabiki," Ranma hissed.  He glared at her as
she began to applaud.  Then, giggling, she pulled him inside.

        "You know, I don't think you have to worry about Junko knowing...
the girl is dead to the world most of the time," Nabiki said.

        Ranma looked uncomfortable.  "I just don't want word getting back
to Akane..."  He suddenly glared at her, remembering how she had let him
hang outside her window.  "Why didn't you give me a hand?  I could have
fallen."

        "Poor baby," Nabiki said, snuggling up to him.  "Let me make it up
to you."  With that, she kissed him on the lips for a very long time.
Ranma was tense at first, but then relaxed into the kiss, wrapping his
strong arms around her.

        "Mmmmmm," Nabiki purred after they broke the kiss.  "You have
gotten better."  Jealousy suddenly tinged her voice.  "Or is Akane helping
you out?"

        Ranma sat heavily on the bed.  "No, Akane isn't helping me out.
I'm afraid to even try something like that 'cause I'm sure she'd hit me
with that damn mallet."  He shook his head.  He looked down at his hands.
"One of these days I might hit her back and really hurt her."

        Nabiki hugged him.  "That may be the only thing that my little
sister understands, Ranma-kun.  She's always been violent.  Remember the
boys she had to beat up before school?  She enjoyed the fighting."

        "But we're married!  Why does she have to fight me?"  His voice
dropped into a low whisper.  "I love her."

        "Do you?"

        Ranma's head snapped up angrily but his protest stopped on his lips
as he saw Nabiki was unbuttoning her blouse, revealing her breasts sitting
in her lacy silk bra.

        "I mean, Ranma, if you love her still, why are you fucking her
sister?"  Nabiki arched an eyebrow.  "Oh, you could argue the first time
was because of that dirty trick she and Ukyou convinced me to do to
you...."

        "I'm still not convinced you had no part in the planning of that
kidnapping," he mumbled, unable to look away from her body.

        Nabiki sighed.  "I told you, Ranma, I helped plan out how to do it,
but they came up with the idea.  Ukyou wanted to know how you felt and
Akane did too, if not for the same reasons."  She unbuttoned her pants and
let them drop to the floor.  Now clad only in her underwear (and hoping
Happousai was still off in China) she sat down on Ranma's lap.  "I can see
how Akane got her version of things... I did make a comment on how she owed
me for helping her with those boys.  Akane has always only seen HER version
of events, however."  Nabiki sighed and Ranma had to nod.  "Have I ever
really lied to you?"

        Ranma looked at her for a long second.  She had the grace to blush.
"Once or twice you've bent the truth rather severely."

        "Listen Saotome, you're the one who started this affair."

        Ranma sagged.  "I know.  But I shouldn't... if that kawaiikune--"

        Nabiki laid a finger on his lips.  "Ranma, I understand.  Part of
you still loves her.  But you have to accept this for a fact:  Akane
doesn't really love you.  She may think she does, but it's a jealous love,
an immature love.  Come on, how does she treat you?  Like P-chan, almost,
except she's more affectionate to him.  She's smothering you."

        Ranma was silent.

        Nabiki bit her lip and then hugged him tight.  "It's not your
fault, Ranma-kun.  Daddy and your father pushed you two into this before
you were ready.  The question now is if you're man enough to admit your
mistake."

        "Mistake?" Ranma asked quietly.

        Nabiki swallowed.  "I don't want to sneak around anymore.  We've
been having se--making love for months now."  Her voice trembled slightly
as she said the L-word.  Ranma did not challenge it.  Emboldened, she
continued.  "Look, it's got to be tearing you up too.  I don't want another
prolonged mess like all your fiancees.  Divorce Akane."

        "Divorce?  I can't do that.  Mom will--"

        "Your mother only wants you to be happy, Ranma-kun.  And is it very
honorable for you to lie to your... wife like this?  Will hiding it make it
any more honorable?"

        "Now you're an expert on honor?"  Ranma's voice was wry, and
slightly sarcastic.

        "My word is my bond, Saotome.  You don't get far in business if you
break your word," Nabiki said, stung.  "You believed me when I swore to you
that I didn't mean for you to be so hurt by the 'kidnapping.'  Things got
out of control.  It was partly my fault, I'll admit, for letting Akane-chan
and Ukyou push me into it.  As for what happened with us..."  She took a
deep breath.  "I didn't plan this, I swear.  You were just so... lost.
Like a puppy that had been kicked by its master.  I tried to help."  Her
voice turned bitter.  "I'm no Kasumi, so I probably loused things up."

        "No," Ranma said quietly, hugging her back.  "I needed it then.
I-I still need it."  He sighed and rested his chin on her bare shoulder.
"To Akane I'm just sparring dummy for her damn mallet.  To Ukyou I'm a
childhood friend she had to marry for honor's sake.  I don't even know if
either of them even see the real me any more.  Their images of me, both the
'hentai baka,'" his voice went rough with pain as he used Akane's favorite
phrase for him," or 'Ran-chan.'  As for Shampoo and Kodachi I was just a
hunk of meat to them, the catch of the day."

        "I'm here if you need me, Ranma-kun," Nabiki said seriously.  "But
I want to be with you during the day.  I want to be able to walk in the
sunshine with you in a park, or go out to cafes for lunch.  I especially
want you to stop acting like you hate me when Akane's around."

        "I-I'll think about it," Ranma said.

        "No."  Nabiki's voice was hard.  "Listen, you can't let everyone
else run your life for you while you wallow in indecision.  Not even me.
Look me in the eye and tell me if you love me right now.  If you can't,
I'll help you get in good with Akane, just like I always did back home."
When I realized too late that you were someone I could have loved, and that
you loved Akane, she thought to herself.  Why did I foist you off on Akane?
Because I was freaked out by your curse, a part of her said.  Well I'm not
freaked any more.

        Ranma was silent for a long pause, refusing to look at her fierce
brown eyes.  Finally, when he did look into them his conflicting emotions
nearly tore him apart.  His affair with Nabiki, even if it had started by
accident, had filled something in him.  Nabiki had opened up a new side of
herself to him and helped fill a void in his life.  She seemed to honestly
want to help him improve himself rather than just berating him for his
faults.  She listened to him when he talked about his dreams, even if she
took a certain delight in pointing out where he was being unrealistic.  He
couldn't talk to Akane like that.  Her mallet came out far too readily.
Nabiki just stung him with her sarcasm, but somehow kept it from getting
too bad.  He weighed Akane and Nabiki against each other and sighed.

        "I do love you, Nabiki..."

        Nabiki's eyes leapt for joy.

        "...but I still love Akane, in some way.  I don't want to hurt
her."

        Nabiki nodded slowly.  "I don't want to hurt her either,
Ranma-kun... but letting this go on... it'll only hurt more when it comes
out."

        "I know, but..."  Ranma just let his words trail off.  Nabiki then
kissed him on the lips again.

        "What--?" he asked, surprised.

        "At least you admitted you love me.  I love you too, Ranma-kun.
We'll just have to try and think of something else to do.  But for right
now, I think we have some unfinished business."  With that, she pushed him
back onto the bed.

        Outside the building, a figure in black turned away in
satisfaction.  "'This will be a day long remembered,'" he quoted.  "'It has
seen the end of Ranma and Akane's relationship, and soon it will see the
end of DnR as well.'"  He cackled madly.  "My 'fellow authors' will be too
busy with their little predicaments to do anything about this, and once I
break Akane and Ranma up for good, there will be no DnR!"  Mad laughter
floated up on the breeze as he walked away, deciding not to watch what the
couple above was up to, since this isn't going to be a lemon.  :)

                                *      *      *

        "Wow.  Actual material transport!  Wait until my teachers get a
load of this!" Yuriko said as she tightened the straps on her new guinea
pig.  He had put up a little struggle at first, but fortunately she had a
little ether handy in the lab.  She wondered if it had gotten too strong,
for he had gone out like a light, and the fumes were making her dizzy.  She
opened her window and took some deep breaths.

           Taking out a notebook, she began to scribble down some notes.
"Subject is male, age seems to be in mid- to late-twenties... just under
two meters in height... approximately 70 kilograms weight.  He seems human,
but a more thorough examination will have to be made to make sure."

        Putting down the notebook, she began rummaging around her room,
looking for something.  Not finding it, she opened the door and called out,
"Kasumi!  Do you have a pair of scissors?"

        "Just a moment," her roommate called back.  A moment later she
appeared at the door to Yuriko's room, holding a pair in her hand by the
blades, just like her mother had taught her.  "What do you need them for--
oh my!"  She just caught sight of the strange man strapped to the table.

        "I need to cut his clothes off so I can examine him," Yuriko said,
matter-of-factly.

        "Oh..." Kasumi said.  She looked back towards her room and the
studying there, then at the helpless man before her.  "Need any help?" she
asked brightly.

                                *      *      *

        "Hey!  What're you doing?" Paul said as Yuriko began to cut open
his shirt.  He tried vainly to move, but the bonds were holding him down
tightly.  He shook his head groggily to clear it of the fogginess that
seemed to reach out and grab him.

        "I'm not going to hurt you," Yuriko said soothingly.  "I'm your
friend."  She looked up at Kasumi, who stood behind the table, out of sight
of the man strapped there.

        "You greet all your friends by strapping them to a table and
cutting off their clothes?" Paul asked.  "Chotto hen ne..."

        "I am NOT strange!" Yuriko said indignantly.  "You're the one that
just appeared out of nowhere in my lab!" She said straight up and looked at
Paul thoughtfully.  "Hey, you regained consciousness pretty quickly.  That
IS strange.  I thought I used enough ether..."

        "Your lab?" Paul asked, looking around the room.  "This is a lab?
It looks more like..."  Paul trailed off as he realized just where he was.
"You..  You're not Murata Yuriko, are you?"

        "At your service," Yuriko replied.  "Gee, I didn't know I was so
famous off-planet."

        "I _told_ you, I'm not an alien!  Gaijin, maybe, but not an alien!"
Paul struggled against the straps.  "I have NO idea how I got here, but I'm
not from another planet!"

        "Sure, you're just saying that because you probably want to get
free and eat my brains or something.  Well, I'm not falling for it."
Yuriko resumed cutting off Paul's shirt.

        "Oi!  I'm _telling_ you I'm not an alien!  I'm quite human!" Paul
shot back.

        "Yuriko," Kasumi said softly.  "I think he's telling the truth."

        Paul strained to look at Kasumi.  "Oh, you're here too, eh Kasumi?"

        "But he know who we are without us even telling him!  Maybe he
reads minds!" Yuriko said.  "He's a find!  I've GOT to examine further!"

        "Hey, listen to your roommate!" Paul said.  "I'm telling the truth.
The reason why I know your names is because I KNOW you two.  I'm a writer!"

        Yuriko again stopped and stared incredulously at Paul.  "A writer?"

        "Don't believe me?  How about I tell you everything that's happened
to you since Kasumi got to school this semester.  Will that convince you?"
Paul asked.

        "I don't believe it, but go ahead and try," Yuriko said, leaning
back in her chair.  Kasumi walked around the table and leaned against
Yuriko's desk.

        "Well, starting with Ranma and Akane's wedding..."

                                *      *      *

        Ryouga jumped back from the strange man who had appeared out of
nowhere to block his attack.  He was male, Chinese, and looked too thin to
be a threat.  Besides, the punch seemed to knock him out.

        Almost immediately, Ryouga began to think through the logical
implications of this:

        This man appeared out of nowhere, which requires magic.

        All sorts of magic exists in China.

        He appears Chinese, so he must have come here from China via
magical means.

        All the Chinese people I've ever met in Japan who knew magic were
involved with Ranma somehow.

        This was all Saotome's fault!

        Lardizabal, on the other hand, had a much simpler chain of thought,
helped along by the alcohol in his blood.

        Hey, he thought, my opponent is still standing!

        He charged Ryouga, and soon the two of them were grappling over the
fallen David Tai, neither of them paying any mind to his moans or
fluttering eyelids.

                                *      *      *

        David slowly opened his eyes.

        "Oooooh... what hit me?" he moaned, as he slowly blinked, trying to
gather his wits.

        Shaking his head, David slowly sat up.  He slowly touched his face,
then winced as he felt fire course through his cheeks.

        "ARGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

        Both Lardizabal and Ryouga paused a moment, looked at David, then
resumed fighting.

        He gathered his thoughts, then blinked.

        Ryouga.  Easily identifiable.

        An oriental man, fighting in drunken martial arts-style.

        "No way.  No way."

        Then David winced as he felt his bruised cheeks flame up again.
The very real pain told him that this wasn't a dream.  He sighed.

        "Ryouga.  Drunken Martial artist.  Ryouga vs... Lardizabal, I bet,"
David thought to himself.  "Now what...? *sigh*  I guess I have to figure
out how to get out of here.  Wherever here is."

        David scratched his head, then snapped his fingers.  "Okay...
Since this is Ryouga, I must be in the Ranmaverse.  But with Lardy
there..."

        Then memories came rushing back.  Jeff... Sato... Jeff snapping...

        "Oh bloody hell!!!  Jeff, you $&*@&%*@#^%&^#&!@!!!!!!!"

        The long and colorful screaming David unleashed was enough to
freeze Ryouga and Lardizabal both in mid-punch.  Both stared at David.

        "Um... can you tell me where Mizunoikan University is?"

        Ryouga wordlessly pointed one direction.  Lardizabal pointed
another.  David looked back and forth between them.

        "Um, I take it you're Ryouga Hibiki.  And Lardizabal Tanaka?"

        Both nodded wordlessly, Ryouga expressionless, and Lardizabal
widening his eyes slightly.

        "Okay.  Um... Tanaka-san, which way to the Nekohanten?"

        Lardizabal pointed another direction.

        David nodded in thanks.  Then he started to leave, only to have
Ryouga block his way.

        Ryouga pointed an accusing finger at David.  "You know Saotome
Ranma?"

        "Huh?  Yeah, I guess I do..."

        "That fool Saotome!  I shall repay my debts to him a hundredfold!"
Ryouga vowed, staring up at the sky and clenching his fists.  David
shrugged, and started to leave.

        "Hey, where are you going?" Lardizabal asked.

        "To the Nekohanten," David said.

        "And you know Saotome."  Lardy's statement was not quite a
question.

        David started sweating as he realized that he was facing two people
who were... touched in the head and a bit... sensitive on the subject of
Saotome Ranma.

        "Um... I'm just going down there to get a drink, ya know?  How
about... um, I buy you guys a drink?"

        Ryouga and Lardizabal looked at each other.  Then they shrugged.
Lardizabal made a motion to follow him, and David and Ryouga followed.  The
last thing on David's mind as he followed Lardizabal was, "How am I gonna
pay for this?"

                                *      *      *

        Ukyou finished with her hair and put on a fuzzy blue bathrobe.  She
considered getting completely dressed, but decided she wanted answers from
the stranger first.  Besides, maybe this guy DID go nuts on seeing a naked
woman.  It gave her a vicarious thrill to think that.  A small part of her
mind argued that this wasn't the way she normally would act, but she buried
that voice under a pile of mental okonomiyaki.  She deserved to live a
little dangerously, have some fun teasing the hentai.  Anything that took
her mind off Ranma.

        She didn't abandon all practicality, however.  She grabbed her
bandolier of throwing spatulas and put it on.  There, much better.

        Stepping outside the bathroom, she found Makiko tying the pervert
down on one of their kitchen chairs.  "Has he woken up yet?" she asked.

        "He started to wake up, so I walloped him again," Makiko said.
Then she noticed Ukyou's attire.  "Aren't you going to get dressed,
Ucchan?"

        "After I get some answers from him," she said.  "Is he tied down
tightly?"

        Makiko pulled one last knot tight.  "Yup!" she said as Ukyou walked
back over to their prisoner.  He seemed to be stirring.

        "Okay, then, let's see what he has to say."  She bent over to look
him in the eye, not realizing that her bathrobe fell open a little as she
did so....

                                *      *      *

        John moaned faintly and began to wake up just before they arrived.
He had some sort of vague memory of someone making a talk request, but the
rage from that had burned itself out.  He realized he was tied up and
concluded that he must have gone berserk in the lab.  Maybe I killed that
girl who believes in vampires.  I can only hope...

        He slowly opened his eyes.  He seemed to be tied to a fairly normal
chair in someone's living room.  This does NOT compute, he thought.  This
doesn't look like any of the dorms or anywhere in the computer lab.  Dim
bits of memory drifted back to him, along with the realization that he was
in fact, dripping wet.  Something about a bathtub and a... girl.  He
blushed.  How did I get into someone's BATHTUB?  She was cute, whoever she
had been, he thought.  I don't know who she is, but somehow, I feel like
I'd seen her before.

        In fact, she was standing right in front of him.  "Woken up, eh?"

        John turned his head and noticed her bathrobe was hanging rather
wide open in front.  He blushed horrendously.  "Uh...your robe..."

        Ukyou blinked and looked down, noticing she was showing off quite a
bit of her breasts, though it hadn't quite reached the level of something
on late night Cinemax.  She pulled the robe shut and slapped John.  "You
shouldn't look down someone's robe!"

        "It would be a lot easier to avoid if you didn't leave it wide
open!"  John thought her voice sounded familiar, too.  I know this girl, he
thought, but why can't I remember who she is?

        "That was an accident!  Who are you and why did you jump into my
bathtub?"  Ukyou yelled.

        "My name is John Biles and I don't know how I got here or HOW I
ended up in your bathtub!  Who are you anyway?"

        "My name is Kuonji Ukyou.  What do you mean you don't KNOW how you
got in my bathtub?"

        John blinked.  John blinked again.  He then promptly fainted for
dramatic effect.

        Ukyou looked at Makiko.  "This guy passes out really easily."

        Makiko thought for a second.  "Well, he has a gaijin name and a..."
She paused and looked more closely at the shirt the gaijin was wearing.
"Ucchan...that looks remarkably like a fairly good drawing of you...and
your NAME is on the shirt."

        Ukyou blinked.  She hadn't really paid any attention to the
gaijin's shirt earlier, having been preoccupied with pummeling and
interrogating him.  Her name was across the top in big red letters in latin
script:  UKYOU KUONJI.  Under that was, 'RANMA 1/2'.  Ranma 1/2, she
thought.  What the heck is that supposed to mean?  Half of Ranma?  It's a
pretty good likeness of me, she thought.  If it was any better, I'd be
blushing at how it shows the binding cloth I used to wear under my uniform.
She tried to figure out why it had P-chan and Shampoo's names in a little
yellow triangle in the right hand bottom corner, but quickly abandoned the
attempt for lack of evidence.  Maybe the artist was named P-chan Shampoo...
Gaijin all have weird names, though this would be a rather massive
coincidence.  "Where did he get this shirt?"

        John shook his head and woke up.  "What a nightm...eeep!"

        "Where did you get this shirt?"

        John considered the truth, then decided she would not believe him.
If someone walked up to him and told HIM he was a fictional character,
would he have believed it?  No way.  On the other hand, what else could he
tell her?  "You're not going to believe me."

        "You're probably right, but tell us anyway," Makiko said.

        John took a deep breath.  "I'm from another universe where you're
all fictional characters."

        "You're right, I don't believe it."  Makiko said.

        Ukyou thought for a second.  "Wait.  Your name is John Biles?"

        John nodded quietly.  "Yes.  Why, you've heard my name before?"

        Ukyou suddenly ran out of the room.  Makiko blinked and shrugged.
"So what's the real story?"

        "That IS the real story!"

        Ukyou returned, clutching thirty printed out and stapled pages.
"Ahah, here it is."  She read through the pages.  "I was right.  That WAS
the name I used."

        John had a bad feeling.  "The name you used for what?"

        "This short story I had to write my senior year of high school.
Our English teacher made us write short stories.  It was REALLY hard.  We
had to give the protagonists English names...so I named one of the
characters John Biles."

        John paused briefly and wondered if somewhere out there, someone
was laughing at him.  "And what was this John Biles like?"

        "He was a history major at some unnamed university who wrote
stories.  One day he wrote one that was so good that he was sucked into it
and decided never to come out."  She paused, slowly skimming over the
story.  "That sound like you?"

        Well, if I got to stay with you, I wouldn't mind that, John
thought.  He would have hit himself for thinking that, but he couldn't move
his arms.  "Well, yes."

        She read through more of the story.  "In fact, he was in love with
one of his own characters, and that's why he decided not to go back to
reality."

        John started to blush quietly.  "So what did, uh...yours look
like?"

        "Ash-blond hair, glasses, around 5'7...Hmmm.  Sounds a lot like
you."  She paused.  "You know what that means."

        Makiko said, "It's an amazing coincidence?"

        "You must be that character come to life!" Ukyou announced.

        John wondered briefly why Ukyou found that more plausible than what
he had said, then realized it was because it meant she could believe he was
LESS real than her, rather than more real.  "Uhhh..."

        Makiko blinked.  "You're kidding, right, Ucchan?"

        "It makes perfect sense, like why he would land on me...I made him.
And that's where the shirt came from..."

        For a moment, John found himself starting to believe this.  Well,
if I do get to stay with her... He paused for a moment and looked at
Makiko.  Who is this, he thought.  I've never seen her in ANY manga
story...This doesn't look much like Ukyou's shop, either.  Wait, unless...
He looked at the girl.  "Is your name Makiko?"

        The girl nodded.  "How did you know that?"

        "I told you.  Believe me or not.  Your call.  So you go to
Mizunoikan, right?"

        Makiko nodded.  "So what is REALLY going on here?"

        "I told you!  Somehow he's come to life from that story I wrote!
Here, lemme get you untied.  Much as I hate to suggest it, we'd better go
talk to Sato...he understands this mystic stuff."

        Makiko looked VERY dubious, but followed Ukyou's lead.  She looked
at John hard.  "Try anything funny..."

        "I know that in a fight against Ukyou, I would last about 2
seconds, that being the amount of time it would take her to grab her
spatula and kill me.  Maybe as many as five if I got lucky."  John
shivered.  "And I'm all wet still..."

        "You'll dry off," Ukyou said cheerily.  "A good brisk walk will do
you good."

        At least I don't have a curse, John thought.  YET.

                                *      *      *

        The figure in black swept into the Nekohanten, only stumbling a
little on his cape.  "Darth makes this look so easy," he muttered to
himself.

        Shampoo bounced over.  "Table for one?" she chirped.

        "Actually, I'm expecting a guest.  He may show up with Tanaka
Lardizabal or Hibiki Ryouga.  If you could show him to my table when he
arrives?"

        "Is no problem!"  Shampoo led the figure in black over to a booth
in the most shadow-filled corner she could find.  Her great-grandmother had
taught her how to serve the more villainous elements of society.  It was
all part of a restaurateur's job.  "You need time to look over menu?"

        "No, just some of your best ramen, please."

        "Okie-dokie!"  She bounced away.

        "Hmm, I wonder if Biles wrote her last... she's acting more
air-headed than when I did DnU2.  Well, easily fixed."  He made a small,
almost unnoticeable motion of his hand.

        Back in the kitchen, Shampoo stiffened slightly.  Mousse, who was
stirring a pot of ramen, peered at her in concern.  "Are you okay,
Shampoo?"

        "I'm fine, Mousse," Shampoo replied.  "I just felt a little strange
for a moment.  It's passed now."

        Mousse goggled.  "Shampoo, your Japanese..."

        Shampoo sighed.  "I know that my language skills are not as good as
yours, Mousse, but you..."  She trailed off as the import of what she was
saying hit her.  "Mousse... I'm speaking perfect Japanese, aren't I?"

        "Hai."

        "But how...?"  Then it dawned on her.  The strange man in the black
robes!  He must be a magician of some sort.  That made her feel much
better.  While strange magicians performing favors for people was not
exactly commonplace, at least it fit the genre better... and wasn't a
continuity glitch.  She shook her head then.  What strange thoughts she was
thinking today.

                                *      *      *

        David led his two companions to the Nekohanten, pausing only to get
directions from Lardizabal.  He still wondered how he would pay for the
drinks he had promised them.  Then he wondered why Ryouga had accepted the
offer, since he didn't drink.  It was then that he began to feel that
something was wrong in the DnRverse.

        "Well, maybe I can get some answers here," he thought, as he
entered the Nekohanten.

        "Welcome to the Nekohanten," said the very familiar-looking
purple-haired Amazon, speaking in a very unfamiliar manner.  "Table for
three?  Oh, Tanaka-san and Ryouga."  She looked at them crossly.  "Are you
two going to be able to pay your bills this time?"

        "Shampoo?  When did your Japanese get so good?" Ryouga stammered.
A horrible suspicion crossed his mind.  "WHERE THE HELL AM I NOW?"

        "He's paying," Lardizabal said, pointing a thumb at David.

        Shampoo ignored the Lost Boy with the ease of long practice.  She
looked David over and said, "Oh, you are expected."

        "I am?" David asked, confused.  Not for the first time today.

        "Yes.  That gentleman over there, the magician or whatever he is."
Shampoo pointed to a booth in the back that was cloaked in shadows.  David
struggled to remember if there were that many shadows in the Nekohanten,
but things seemed somewhat fluid, as if reality was something easily molded
rather than rigorously followed.

        "A magician?" he asked, trying to get a handle on things.

        "Yes, or at least I think he is."  Shampoo's Japanese seemed to be
improving as she spoke.  She had also started doodling on her order pad.
Not doodling, David realized.  She was writing, in English, small snippets
that he couldn't quite see.

        "Well, I better see what he wants... Oh, let Tanaka-san and
Ryouga-san have whatever they want to drink.  I did promise them that."  He
sighed, hoping that Shampoo would take credit.  Or dollars.

        Shampoo struggled with that, her business instincts against the
prospect of both a drunk Lardizabal and a drunk Ryouga in her
establishment.  The instincts won.  "All right, but you better pay their
bill.  Otherwise, I'll show you our Amazon deadbeat policy."  She smiled.
It wasn't a nice smile.

        David gulped and went over to the man in black.  As he approached
the table, the man seemed to notice him for the first time and threw back
his cowl.

        "Jeff?" David said.  "What the HELL are you DOING here?"

        "Didn't you get my mail?  I am destroying DnR."

        "But why?  Just because the ML got on your case a little?  And
HOW?"

        "The how doesn't matter.  And as for why, I just plan to show
those, those... CRITICS the folly of their actions."

        "Hey, we've all been there.  I've wanted to kill those guys who
keep wanting me to bring Ryouga back--"  He suddenly looked back at the
bandanna boy.  "You brought him here, just to hack me off, didn't you?"

        "Pin Pon!" Jeff said, smiling insanely.  "I brought you, and John,
and Paul over from the Real_World to here, just so you could watch it all
collapse.  You might as well sit back and enjoy the show."

        "Paul and John are here?  Where?"

        "Oh, John's with Ukyou, who else?  As for Paul... well, I'm afraid
that I had him appear in front of Yuriko.  He should be knee deep in
experiments now."

        "That's inhuman!"

        "No, it's fun!"  Jeff's smile rose a few notches on the insanity
scale, if that were possible.

        "And Shampoo?"

        "Oh, THAT was a spur of the moment thing.  I made her an author."

        "A writer?  Why would that--"

        "Oh, excuse me," Jeff interrupted, "I forgot to capitalize.  I mean
an Author.  She's now a Dn* Author.  Notice she's driven to write in fits
and spurts?"  He pointed to the amazon, who was indeed scribbling on a
napkin.

        "You made SHAMPOO an author?"

        "No, an Author.  You don't quite have the hang of this, do you?"

        "Excuse me, I don't usually have to LIVE my stories.  Or your
stories, for that matter."  David took a deep breath, trying to calm down.
He was now certain that Jeff had been unhinged by the flames of the ML and
he wanted ONE of them at least to be rational.  "You know I can't let you
do that."

        "Oh, you can't stop me.  You don't know what I'm doing.  And Sato
is already dead."  Jeff giggled.  It was an unhealthy sound that David
thought should only be in horror movies, not in someone you were sitting
next to.

        "You killed Sato?"

        "Surprised?"

        "No, not really.  It's you, after all."

        Jeff seemed a little put out.  Then he smiled again.  "Well, it was
nice talking to you, but I have things to put wrong.  Here's some yen," he
said, putting down a HUGE sheaf of 10,000 Yen bills, "so you can at least
be comfortable.  Give some to John and Paul when you see them.  Have fun!"

        "Wait a moment!  You can't do this!  We won't let you!"

        "What seems to be the problem, gentlemen?" Shampoo asked, coming
over.
She looked very cross.  "I won't have any fighting in my establishment."

        "Oh, nothing, Miss Shampoo.  It's just that my friend was insisting
that I put you back the way you were," Jeff lied smoothly.  "I'm sorry.  I
thought it would be a nice present, but he disagrees."

        Shampoo turned and glared at David.  "For once in my life, I can
get people to take me seriously and not look at me like a bimbo because I
can't speak their damn language and YOU want to ruin it for me?"  She
grinned ferally.  "'You I kill!'" she mocked, producing bonbori from out of
nowhere.

        "Waah, what did I do?" David eeped as he jumped back out of the way
of the bonbori crashing into the table he and Jeff had been sitting at.  It
shattered instantly, sending wooden shards everywhere.  He held up his
hands to ward the enraged Amazon off...

        ...just as Jeff took Shampoo's head in his hands and rammed it
forward violently.  To someone not paying close attention, it looked like
Jeff had grappled with Shampoo as David punched her.  Shampoo's eyes
crossed and she slumped to the floor.

        "Well done, David!" Jeff said, applauding.  "I'll leave you to deal
with THAT!"  He chuckled and then vanished, not even leaving a grin in the
air.

        "Why me?" David asked, as Shampoo began to stir.  He knew what
would happen next.

                                *      *      *

        "... and that's where we've left off," Paul finished.  He looked at
both Yuriko and Kasumi, who exchanged some kind of glances he wasn't quite
catching.

        "You basically make me out to be an unscientific idiot!" Yuriko
said.

        "And I'm an airhead!" Kasumi followed.

        Paul began to sweat.  "Well, but that's not REALLY who you are.
The whole idea was that you're supposed to mature over the course of the
series and become your own persons.  We had to start somewhere."

        Yuriko scowled.  Kasumi scowled.  Paul scowled, then stopped when
he noticed he was doing it.  Yuriko and Kasumi turned to each other and
whispered in hushed tones so Paul couldn't hear.  Not that it mattered, as
Paul was working on something else in his head.

        "You know... you were complaining about how we wrote you as
completely idiotic and unscientific," Paul began.  Yuriko glared at him.
Paul gulped nervously and continued, "Well, um... is it completely
scientific for you to just dive in and cut off my clothes without making
sure I didn't have any kind of alien disease or chemicals that might be
harmful to humans first?"

        Yuriko paled.  Paul knew he had her.  "I didn't write you to do
this.  Someone else did.  I don't know exactly who, yet, but I've got a
pretty good idea."

        Kasumi looked at Paul curiously.  "Why do you say that?  And why
should we believe you?"

        "Because I have a feeling that the person who did this wants to
destroy the entire universe."  Paul gauged Kasumi's reaction.  "That means
no more experiments, no more cooking, and no more school."  Kasumi grinned.
"And no more Soun, Nabiki, or Akane either."  At this, Kasumi fell silent.
"You have to let me go.  Otherwise..." he trailed off for effect.

        Yuriko slowly got up and loosened the leather straps.  Kasumi sat
watching as Paul hopped off the table and examined his shredded shirt.  "Is
there anything we can do?" she asked hopefully.

        Paul nodded.  "Yes, but we have to act quickly.  I have a sinking
feeling that my co-authors are also stuck here and may need help."

        Yuriko blinked.  "Co-authors?"

        Paul sighed.  "Co-authors.  There's four of us, but I believe that
one has gone completely wacko.  He's the one that wants to destroy this
place."  He paced back and forth.  "If it really WAS him, he'd probably
want to be here and watch as it all came crashing down.  I guess the
question is, how do we identify him?"

        Kasumi suddenly snapped her fingers.  "He wouldn't be dressed in a
black robe would he?"

        Paul stopped short.  "Black robe?" he asked.  "A black robe.  That
would do it, yes.  The color standing for evil, and prominently displayed,
but easily hidden.  Yes, that would be a good guess."

        "He was already here.  He said he was looking for Yuriko's lab."
Kasumi looked at Yuriko.  Yuriko glanced back at her quizzically.

        "Why my lab?" Yuriko asked.

        "Most likely, he needed someplace for each of us to ... well,
appear.  A transfer point," Paul mused.  "Since I always have so much
trouble writing you, he stuck me here."

        "So what about your other authors, then?" Kasumi asked.

        "Well, John most likely is over at Ukyou's apartment and David...
probably at the Nekohanten dealing with a drunken Lardizabal," Paul said.
"Then again, both are just guesses.  The real problem is trying to figure
out HOW Jeff plans to destroy the universe."

        "Jeff?  That's your other person?" Yuriko asked.

        Paul nodded.  "Yup.  He's obviously brought us here to watch."

        "So, now it's just a process of elimination." Yuriko straightened
up.  "List some things that hold this universe together.  Maybe we'll come
up with how he's going to do it."

        Paul frowned.  "There's got to be a million ways to get rid of
DnR."  He sighed, then clapped his hands together.  "No, wait, there
isn't!"

        "I don't understand," Kasumi said.

        "There's only one real constant in DnR - Ranma and Akane.  If those
two separate for some reason, DnR will collapse," Paul began.

        "So, we need to find Akane and Ranma!" Kasumi finished.

        "The question now becomes, where ARE they?" Yuriko said solemnly.

        "And how bad off are John and David?" Paul muttered.

                                *      *      *

        The only thought running through David's mind as he watched
Shampoo's lids flutter was...

        "RUN!!!"

        Turning to run, David bumped into Mousse.  "Er... hi?"

        Mousse glowered at him.  "ANOTHER MAN AFTER MY SHAMPOO?!"

        "Ayi yi yi!  I didn't do it!!!" David yelped as he waved his hands
fanatically.  He backed off as Mousse turned an angry shade of red and
begin to emit a blue aura.

        "YOU CAN'T HAVE MY SHAMPOO!" Mousse howled as he whipped out
chains...

        ...to ensnare Ryouga.  David, from Mousse's left, blinked as he
watched Ryouga, who had been drinking a bit, hiccup.  Ryouga blinked, then
yelled as the realization sunk into his head that he was caught in Mousse's
steel grip.

        David stared as Ryouga began to turn an angry red.  Then he felt a
tap on his shoulder.  Shampoo stood staring at him, left eyebrow crooked.

        David's eyes widened, and he began backing away.  "Oooh, thanks a
lot, Jeff... thanks a WHOLE lot!"

        A thin wispy voice whispered from a distance, "You're welcome,
Dave."

        David glared into the distance and yelled "DON'T CALL ME DAVE!"

        Shampoo stared at him.  David gave her a feeble smile, and said,
"Uh... you know... it wasn't my fault!  See..  ya... Jeff did it!"

        Lardizabal spoke up from behind David.  "Oh come on, you whacked
her.  Be a man, and apologize!"

        David hissed, "You idiot!  That's not what she wants!"

        Shampoo nodded.  She eyed David critically.  "You're not much, but
if you can knock me out, you must be good."  She smiled impishly.  "Let's
get married!"

        David cringed, as Shampoo stretched out her arms...

        "SHI SHI HOUKUDAN!"

        ...just as Mousse was blasted into her back.  Ryouga stood panting,
legs wobbling, face all red... and then he fell over senseless, from both
the alcohol and his chi blast.  David blinked and looked at the unconscious
Shampoo and Mousse.  Then he pulled Lardizabal off the stool, grabbed the
bottle of sake, stuck it in his arm, and dragged the drunken fighter out of
the bar as fast as he could.

        "Wha... wha... wha?" Lardizabal spluttered.

        "Never mind, just tell me where Ukyou lives, fast!  I wanna know,
and I Wanna know NOW!"

        "You're running away from a marriage to someone that good looking?
You're sick, man!" Lardizabal muttered, as he chugged his bottle... and
pointed a finger towards a direction.  David nodded, and dragged Lardizabal
that way.

                                *      *      *

        Paul left Kasumi and Yuriko's apartment and headed for the street.
"I wish I had been more specific with directions, but maybe this'll help,"
he thought, looking down at the hastily drawn map with Kasumi's notes next
to it.  "I just hope that Kasumi reaches Akane in time... and that I can
find Ukyou's apartment."

                                *      *      *

        "Hmmm," the man in black said as he loitered outside Maison Sabaku.
"My fellow authors might be more trouble then they are worth.  Perhaps it
was a mistake to bring them here."  He shrugged, and looked at the door to
the building.  Nabiki and Ranma were entering it, looking nervously at each
other.  "Well, it won't matter in just a little bit.  I've planted the
props, and the actors are just about to take the stage."

                                *      *      *

        Ranma nervously pulled at the collar of his Chinese shirt.
Suddenly, it felt awfully constricting.

        "Nervous, Ranma-kun?" Nabiki asked quietly, showing a little of the
nervousness she felt.  No matter what they did or said, someone was going
to be horribly hurt by what was about to happen.

        Honestly, she thought, not without some irony, if Ranma could just
tell a convincing lie, we wouldn't have to do this so soon.  After their
little rendezvous, Nabiki had asked Ranma when he was going to tell Akane
about her.  The martial artist had gone red in the face and babbled
incoherently.  Nabiki had immediately despaired of Ranma keeping this a
secret for much longer.  It was one thing to keep a guilty affair a secret,
but keeping the fact that he loved someone else a secret was beyond him.
If her sister was a little more perceptive, she probably would know the
whole story.

        "Me?  Nervous?  Ha!" Ranma said, unconvincingly.

        Nabiki sighed.  "Look, let me do that talking, OK?  You'll have to
tell her yourself about the you-know-what," she said as they climbed the
stairs of the old apartment house.  "But I'll set you up."

        Ranma nodded gratefully, not realizing the double meaning of
Nabiki's words.  He was so preoccupied with that, he didn't see three
familiar figures (one carrying a battle spatula) walking towards the
apartment house.

                                *      *      *

        Akane hummed a little to herself she began preparing the evening's
dinner.  She was following the instructions VERY carefully this time.  She
would show Ranma that she could cook.  And he'd eat it, too!  Or else her
mallet would send him to bed early.

        Sighing, she tried to reign in her temper.  The few times she had
tasted her own cooking, she had been forced to agree with Ranma.  She was a
horrible cook.  But she always tried her best.  Why couldn't her baka
husband see that and accept the love that made her keep trying?  It wasn't
like she had killed him or anything, yet.  If he loved her, he should just
eat it, and not make any snide comments, right?

        "You'd think he'd appreciate me more," she muttered, losing her
place in the recipe.  "I mean, he could have married that Chinese bimbo, or
that psychotic gymnast, or that, that transvestite!  It's all his fault,
anyway."  She drew some comfort from her familiar spiel.

        The apartment door opened.  "I'm home," Ranma called quietly.

        "Ranma!" Akane called out happily.  "I'm in the kitchen, cooking
dinner!"

        An almost audible gulp came from the direction of the door, but
Akane was too busy trying to remember the last ingredient she had used to
hear it.  Well, another three teaspoons of red pepper wouldn't hurt, right?
Or was that tablespoons? she thought.

        "Hi, sis," came an unexpected voice.

        "Nabiki!" Akane said happily.  "What are you doing here with Ranma?
Have you two made up?"  She turned to face her husband and sister.  Their
somber looks took her aback.  Something was wrong, but what was it?

        "Um, you could say that," Nabiki said, sounding
uncharacteristically unsure of herself.  "Look, why don't you come into the
living room and sit down, OK?  Ranma has something to tell you."

        Ranma shot Nabiki a dirty look at that, Akane noticed.  Well, maybe
they hadn't made up completely.  But what could be bothering Nabiki?  Had
she heard something from home?

        "Is Dad OK?  Or is something wrong with Mr. or Mrs. Saotome?" Akane
asked worriedly, following the pair into the living room.  She sat down on
the couch and looked at her sister.

        Nabiki almost flinched under the gaze.  "No, it's not about
them..."  She nudged Ranma in the ribs.  "Ranma has to tell you something.
Go on, Ranma."

        Ranma shot Nabiki another dirty look, but she simply bowed her head
and looked at her hands in her lap.  He sighed and took a deep breath.
"Akane, I..."  He trailed off, helplessly searching for what to say.  "That
is, I want... well, it's not just me... and it's not my fault... or your
fault... it's just something that happened... no one planned it or
anything.  It's just..."

        Akane stood and pulled her mallet out, seemingly from mid-air.
"WHAT IS IT?" she screamed, desperate for Ranma to get to the point.

        "Iwantadivorce," he blurted out.

                                                           --- to be continued.

-- 
The DnR Round Robin was originally slated for release April Fool's Day 1997.
Final release 10/29/97. Go figure.

A product of the deranged mind of Jeff Hosmer after reading one too many
DnR critiques... also writing were John Walter Biles, David Tai and Paul
Gallegos.

(c) 1997 Digital Knight Communications
http://www.tass.org/~ranma/home.html
ranma@TASS.org (Saotome Ranma)


===============================================================================
                   Daigakusei no Ranma: The Round Robin part 2
===============================================================================

        The mallet fell, slowly.  Everyone was frozen as the words came
out, seemingly of their own volition.  The mallet tumbled end over end as
it fell, and smashed into the floor.  It bounced once, and then was still.

        "A... divorce?" Akane said, numbly.

        Ranma, now that the words had been said, nodded.  "I... I don't
think our marriage was a good idea."

        Akane felt tears filling her eyes.  How could he leave her?  How
could he even think of leaving HER?  "Don't you love me?" she asked, her
voice trembling.  She hated that.  It made her sound weak.

        Ranma nodded.  "I do... but I don't think that being married is
good for us.  We fight all the time, and I'm sick and tired of being
malleted.  We were too young for this, Akane...."

        "But... but... you can't do this!  You're MY husband!" Akane
screeched.  Then a terrible suspicion crossed her mind.  "There's someone
else, isn't there?  You've been seeing someone else, haven't you?"

        "S-someone else?" Ranma stuttered.  "N-no!" he said, very
unconvincingly.

        "There is!  Just because I didn't satisfy your hentai desires.  Who
is it?  That cross-dresser?  Or is it that Amazon bimbo?" Akane took a step
towards Ranma, her mallet raised high.

        "It's me," said a quiet voice.

        The two spouses looked at Nabiki in shock.

        "Nabiki...?" Akane said, not willing to believe her ears.

        "Ranma's been seeing me," Nabiki said.  "We're in love.  That's
what we came to tell you."

        "How could you do this to me?  To your own sister?  He's MINE!"

        Nabiki stood and faced her little sister, staring her in the face.
"No, he's not.  Not anymore.  Since Daddy forced you two to get married,
you've been harassing, abusing, and generally treating him as a pet rather
than a man.  Wake up, little sister.  You started to lose him a long time
ago."  Nabiki reached over and squeezed Ranma's hand  "Well, we're both
tired of living a lie, and we decided it was time to tell you the truth."
The words were matter-of-fact, almost emotionless, but Nabiki's eyes were
full of remorse and regret.  "I'm sorry, Akane-chan," Nabiki said simply.

        Akane sank to her knees.  This couldn't be happening to her.  The
world didn't work like this.  Ranma was HER husband.  No one could take him
away from her, not like how Kasumi took Dr. Tofu.  Now her other sister had
stolen her happiness as well?  It was unforgivable!

        "You..." she growled, her battle aura flaring, "you... you BITCH!"
Her hand flew out to slap her sister in the cheek.  The anger-inspired
force of the blow sent Nabiki to the ground.

        "Hey!" Ranma cried out, leaping to Nabiki's defense.  Akane,
however, had time to get her mallet and she swung it at the pig-tailed boy.

        "How could you!" she hissed.  "Sleeping with my SISTER!  You're a
married man, you baka hentai!"

        "Ranma dodged the mighty mallet.  "Wouldn't know it to look at us,
you kawaiikune tomboy!" he retorted.  "You're always hitting me, or telling
me what a pervert I am."

        "That's because you ARE!" she screeched.

        "Quiet down you two!" Toshi yelled from outside the hall.

        "SHUT UP!" Akane yelled back.  Ranma took advantage of the
distraction to kick Akane's mallet out of her grasp.

        "Now, just calm down, Akane," Ranma said with exaggerated calm.
"Look, you're letting your anger get the better of you.  I mean, slapping
Nabiki?"

        "It's OK," Nabiki mumbled, getting to her feet.  Her jaw didn't
seem to be working quite right, but she was afraid to feel it for damage.
"I deserved a little of that."

        "No, you didn't Nabiki-chan," Ranma retorted.

        Akane, still in the grip of her rage, reached round the couch for
something to throw at them.  Two throw pillows were flung with deadly
accuracy, or it would have been deadly if pillows could actually cause any
damage.  The couch cushions had a bit more effect, but it still didn't
satisfy her.  Ranma simply blocked them while talking to Nabiki.

        Then Akane's hand closed around something cold and metallic.  She
picked it up, not even registering what it was.  It could hurt them, she
knew, even through the red haze that clouded her vision.  Slowly she raised
it in her hand.  It fit her palm perfectly, her fingers filling the grooves
as if it was made for them.

        Nabiki looked at her then, as if warned by some sixth sense.  Her
eyes widened and she suddenly shoved at Ranma, pushing him out of the way.

        BAM!

        Akane's finger was clenched tightly around the trigger.  She looked
in shock and fear at the gun that sat in her hand.  Ranma spun around,
looking at her in stupefied amazement.  Then Nabiki's voice cut through
their paralysis.

        "Ranma-kun," she said weakly, "I think... I've been shot."  Ranma
and Akane looked at her in shock.  Nabiki's hands were clutching at her
stomach and were already colored bright red with her blood.

                                *      *      *

        Outside the apartment house, the man in black nodded in
satisfaction a high, piercing shriek cut through the night.

        "ONEECHAN!"

        Looking down the street, he smiled as he saw three familiar figures
(one carrying a battle spatula) walking towards the apartment house.
Fishing a cellular phone out of his robes, the man made a quick phone call.
"Police?  Yes, I'd like to report someone firing a gun.  Yes, that's what
it sounded like to me.  Someone screamed right after it, so I'm afraid
someone might be hurt.  I think it came from Maison Sabaku."  The man in
black gave the address, then hung up without giving his name.

        "Now, with a little luck, they'll find Sato sitting in his unlocked
apartment, match the gun that killed him with Akane's, and everything will
fall into place."  He then heard a police siren wail somewhere nearby and
knew that it was time to beat a retreat.  He would approach John later.
With that, he strode away, unnoticed in the rapidly gathering crowd of
curious bystanders.

                                *      *      *

        John paused in his recounting of how the Universe came to be, just
staring at Maison Sabaku.  This day was definitely the most surreal moment
of his entire existence.  Being with Ukyou made it a lot better, though.
She seemed to accept a lot of what he told her, even if she didn't buy the
"universe is going to end and my friend is responsible for it" story.
Makiko, on the other hand, thought he was crazy.  He smiled faintly.  If I
am, I wish all my insane dreams were like this... well, without the part
where I got beat up.  He followed Ukyou and Makiko inside, heading for
Sato's room.  They knocked on the door.

        There was no answer, but the door swung open.  Inside, Sato was
sprawled on the floor, a bullet through his head.  John froze up with total
paralysis.  He had never seen a corpse before in person.  Makiko turned
around and ran out into the hallway, unable to look.  Only Ukyou could
muster the strength to go in and check his pulse.  He was definitely dead.
"I... I can't believe it.  Who would want to shoot Sato?"

        Well, Jeff probably wouldn't mind, John thought, but he's hardly
the homicidal type.  "I have no idea.  We'd better tell the landlady."
Ukyou nodded.

        They went downstairs and knocked on Kazuyouya's door.  Suddenly,
there was a shot from upstairs, followed by a despairing scream.
"ONEECHAN!"  It sounded like Akane.  The three of them sprinted up the
stairs and into Ranma and Akane's room.  Nabiki was sitting on the floor
and had quite obviously been shot in the stomach.  Her hands were red from
trying to stop the bleeding.  Ranma was trying to help, but not succeeding
in doing much.  Akane was lying nearby, crying her lungs out, while Kazuyo,
who had been visiting Toshi upstairs, was on the phone, trying to get an
ambulance.  Ukyou knelt helplessly near Akane, trying to calm the poor
girl.  A gun lay on the floor, almost unnoticed.

        The next thing they heard was the sound of police sirens.

        "Wha--What happened?" John stuttered.  Ranma's head flipped up and
glared at the fanfic writer with enough intensity to burn through steel.

        "What happened is that my 'wife' got so angry she shot her own
sister!
That's what happened."

        "N-no!  I didn't mean to!  I didn't... I...." Akane blubbered
incoherently.  Ukyou looked at her in shock.

        "But why?" Makiko blurted out.  The sirens were getting louder.
Help was on its way.

        John walked over to Ranma.  "Here, I know a little first aid, let
me look."  Well, I know what they taught us in Security --not much--but no
one else seems to have a clue.

        The wound was deep and bleeding copiously.  Nabiki was half-
unconscious from shock and pain.  "Quick, lie her down, keep pressure on
the wound, and raise her feet.  She's going into shock."  Or was that raise
her head?  John didn't know.

        Ranma did as he was told, quickly and without question.  "Nabiki-
chan," he murmured.

        John did a double-take.  Ranma didn't like Nabiki that much.  At
least not that he knew of.  Was Jeff behind this?  "What happened, Ranma?"
he asked, looking over at the hysterical Akane.  Ukyou looked back at him
helplessly.

        Slowly, Ranma told the story.  He only stopped when the paramedics
and police came.  Upon hearing the story, they were quick to act.  Akane
was arrested for murder and attempted murder.  Possession of a handgun was
also tacked on, but this was almost an afterthought.

                                *      *      *

        John lay back against the wall of the hallway in Maison Sabaku and
took a deep breath.  The police had been grilling them for hours, but they
finally had left.  Funny, though, it didn't seem like hours, even though he
was beat.  It felt more like a second, like there had been a scene change.

        "J-John?" came a tremulous voice.  He looked up to see Ukyou, her
eyes red with unshed tears.  She had her arms crossed over her chest,
hugging herself tightly and seemed to be shivering.  Her hair was a mess
and she was sniffling slightly.  She was lovely to him, however.

        "Ucc--Ukyou?" he asked, but was startled when she ran over and
hugged him tight.  Not knowing what to do, he hugged her back.  Slowly, at
first, she began to cry.

        "Shhh... it's OK," John whispered, not knowing what else to say.
He felt like a grade-one baka because the girl of his dreams (well, the
Ranma hentai ones, at least) was emotionally distraught and he couldn't
help her.  And he was thinking too much of how nice her body felt next to
his.

        "I-I'm sorry," she hiccuped.  "I just... I knew Akane-chan was
violent, but to shoot Nabiki.... And Sato!  Someone killed Sato.... Oh,
god, all the blood... W-were you telling the truth?  Is the world going to
end?"

        "I don't know, Ukyou... I wish I did."

        Ukyou rest her head against his chest, drawing some comfort from
listening to his heartbeat.  "But.... y-you think it is going to end, don't
you?"

        He debated lying, but he knew Ukyou would know if he did it.  He
didn't want to lie to her, anyway.  She was strong, she could take the
truth.  That was one of the things he loved about her, how she took all the
crap the universe threw at her and still managed to be optimistic... most
of the time.  "Yes."

        "J-john... if it is ending... I-I... I've never been... you know...
kissed properly."  John's mind almost went into Ryouga shutdown mode.  Was
she--?  Ukyou looked up at him.  "Would you kiss me?"

        OK, you can see where this is going.  Suffice to say, when our
villain appeared with a faint pop five minutes later, they were still in
lip-lock.

        "Hey, John, good going!" Jeff cried, adding a whoop-whoop sound.

        "Wha--?" Ukyou stammered, getting very red in the face.  She was
red in a few other areas too.

        "Huh?"  No points if you guess who said this.

        The man in black bowed.  "Greetings, Miss Kuonji.  I am the villain
of this piece, but you may call me... Jeff."  He smiled madly.

        Ukyou's head spun for a moment as she tried to get a grip on the
situation.  "Y-you're the one who killed Sato?"

        Jeff smiled.  "Now, now.... The cops say Akane did it."

        "But that's not true is it?"

        "What do you think?"

        "Jeff, what are you doing here?" John finally managed a coherent
sentence.

        Jeff sighed.  "What is it with you guys?  First David and now you.
I bet if I go see Paul, the first thing he'll ask is 'What are you doing
here?'  Don't you guys read your e-mail?"

        "I meant what are you doing HERE and NOW.  I read that e-mail where
you threatened Ukyou-sama!"

        "Ukyou-sama?" Ukyou asked.

        John blushed.

        "You might have noticed that John has a bit of a thing for you,
Miss Kuonji," Jeff said with a smile.  "I'm afraid that I made some threats
against you in particular when I threatened to destroy this universe."
Ukyou's hand went to her mega-spat.  "Oh, don't worry.  That was just to
get John's goat."  He smiled in a way that was not at all reassuring.

        "You never answered my question, Jeff," John said, stepping in
front of Ukyou.

        "Oh, right.  I'm here to make you an offer."  He snapped his
fingers and a glowing portal appeared behind him.  "And someone wants to
meet you."

        A young girl stepped through the portal.  She had short, blue-black
hair and looked rather like a kindlier, gentler Akane.  Her eyes lit up
when she saw John.  "John-chan!" she cried, running over to hug him.

        "Am--!?" he started to say, but was stopped by a rather energetic
kiss.

        "Sorry, we can't say her name, John.  One of our fellow authors
doesn't like her series very much.  We'll just call her... Miss Anderson,
OK?  It's not a great name, but it's what the dub came up with."

        "John-chan?" Ukyou said archly.

        'Miss Anderson' broke off the kiss and flushed.  "Oh, sorry.  I got
a little carried away."

        "Gaaah," John said.

        "Anyway, the first part of my offer is to you, Miss Kuonji.  I do
plan to destroy this universe, but there is no need for you all to die."
Jeff held up his hand and a small glowing sphere appeared above it.  "I can
grant you the power to save as many people as you want.  Thanks to 'Miss
Anderson,' I even have a universe they can stay in."

        'Miss Anderson' bowed demurely before Ukyou, her demeanor now
totally different.  "Yes.  I come from a universe that Jeff and Biles-sama
write.  If you want, there's a place for you all there."

        "Biles-sama?" Ukyou asked, glancing over at John.

        Jeff shrugged.  "They call him that."

        "They?"

        John, even bowled over by receiving two kisses from lovely anime
girls in a row, realized he was in deep trouble.  "Um, Ukyou, I can
explain."

        "There's nothing to explain," 'Miss Anderson' said.  "Kuonji-san,
you have nothing to worry about.  Jeff and Biles-sama are giving all of us
happy relationships."  She glanced over at John and whispered, "I AM
getting Ryo-kun, aren't I?"

        John nodded frantically.  "Right!  Next episode!  I promise!"

        "Why is HE always 'Biles-sama?'" Jeff muttered.  "Anyway, it's a
very nice world, Ukyou.  Relationships work out and endure even after
death.  Romantic fantasies are fulfilled.  There IS a _small_ monster
problem, but it's being taken care of by our courteous and efficient
staff--"

        "We're not a Holiday Inn, you know," 'Miss Anderson' said, jabbing
Jeff sharply in the ribs.

        "I can save Maki-chan and Lardizabal and Ran-chan?" Ukyou asked,
looking at the glowing ball.

        "Yes.  I'll make you an Author, with as much power as I have, or as
John potentially has."

        "Potentially?" John asked.

        "Yes, that's the other part of my offer, the part for you, John."
Jeff proceeded to take John up a mountain and show him all the kingdoms of
the world... well, figuratively speaking.  "Listen, I am nigh-omnipotent
because I wrote myself in like that.  I wrote you guys in as well, but
without any real powers, in the consciously-activated sense of the word.
Now, I can," he said, draping an arm over John's shoulder, "give you full
control over your powers as an Author.  Otherwise, you'll have to wait for
your subconscious to get around to it."

        John hadn't been born yesterday.  "And what do you want in return?"

        "Nothing... much," Jeff said.  "Help Ukyou save a few souls, move
them over to Z, don't try to interfere with my plans for DnR.  You've seen
Ranma and Akane.  My job is pretty much done, now.  Just sit back, relax,
and enjoy the end of the world."  John listened, indecision filling his
face.  Jeff's voice dropped conspiratorially.  "Look," he whispered, "you
and Ukyou seem to be getting along well.  You can probably visit her in
Z... or move in with her there, if she's willing.  And 'Miss Anderson' and
the others will be there, as well."

        John began to salivate.  Ukyou and the blue-haired girl both hit
him, on general principles.

        "I swear, I don't know what I'm going to do with him," Ukyou
muttered.

        "Do you like him?" 'Miss Anderson' asked.

        "I... er, that is..." Ukyou stammered.

        "Oh, don't worry on my account," the other girl said.  "We're not
into too much jealousy over there.  Well, a little, especially with
Re--well, two of my friends.  But it's friendly.  And later, we learn that
love is too precious to be wasted by jealousy and envy.  John-chan is
special.  He can love a lot of people equally."  'Miss Anderson' sighed.
"It's one of the things I like about him."  She turned to Ukyou.  "Maybe we
could share him?"

        Ukyou just blushed.  'Miss Anderson' giggled.  John's nose nearly
exploded in a gusher of blood.

        "Sorry," Jeff whispered.  "I picked her up by way of Lemon Sherbet.
She hasn't been decontaminated yet."  In a louder voice, he said, "So, what
is your decision, John, Ukyou?"

        Ukyou looked down at her feet, then up at the man in black.  "If
you can give me the power to save my friends, I'll take it."

        Jeff smiled.  The glowing globe floated over to Ukyou and gently
passed through her skin.  For a moment, she seemed to glow, then it faded.

        "That's it?" Ukyou asked.

        "Reality is now fluid to you, Kuonji-san," Jeff said.  "As long as
you remain within continuity and characterization, anything is possible."

        "Wow..." Ukyou said.

        "And you, John?" Jeff asked, turning to his co-author.

                                *      *      *

        John twitched faintly.  This was incredibly tempting.  If he hadn't
been certain that Jeff had killed Sato and set up the shooting of Nabiki,
he would have taken Jeff's offer.  As tempting as the offer was, he
couldn't accept a murder and a near-murder.  On the other hand, he couldn't
quite believe Jeff would REALLY kill anyone.  Plus, he was worried that
Jeff might just vaporize him if he said no.  Yes, these ideas WERE
contradictory.

        He looked over at Ukyou, who was reveling in newfound power.  Well,
trying to figure out how to use her newfound power.  "Can Ukyou and I have
some time alone to discuss your offer?"

        Jeff smiled, for overconfidence is the bane of all evil.  "Sure.
Just don't get distracted, if you know what I mean."  He wagged a finger at
them in an admonishing way.

        'Miss Anderson' giggled.

        John and Ukyou blushed in unison.  They went down the stairs into
the foyer, then out into the front yard, sitting down by the tree.  John
tried to decide whether to put an arm around Ukyou's shoulder or not, but
didn't quite have the courage to do it, even after spending five minutes
kissing with her.  Ukyou, however, took John's hand with hers.  "John, do
you think he...?"

        "I think it's pretty clear that he at least had something to do
with the shootings.  I can't take his offer, but if he does something to
you, I... I don't know what I'd do."  I'm being a complete goober, John
thought.  I thought I told myself I wouldn't fall in love this fast with
anyone any more.

        Ukyou smiled at John.  "Thank you.  We have to do something,
though.  He's trying to use my friends in his own sick game, and I won't
stand for it.  Maybe we can write him into non-existence with our powers."

        "With your powers.  Mine haven't been awakened yet."  He sighed.
"Any idea HOW your powers work?"

        Ukyou tried wishing herself up a ham sandwich.  Nothing happened.
"Well, you can't just wish for things."

        A few seconds later, a passing vendor walked by, selling ham
sandwiches.  Ukyou bought one for herself and one for John, who was hungry.
John said, "Hmm.  I think I'm starting to get the idea.  You're not exactly
all powerful, but you can make things happen.  Bend the probabilities, so
that you get what you want.  Like Amberites in Shadow."

        "Like what?"  Ukyou sat back down by John and leaned over, laying
her head on his shoulder.

        "Like you could summon up a vendor, which is plausible, but you
couldn't make a ham sandwich just appear from nothing.  You probably
couldn't make Mousse become a pacifist, but you could probably make him get
angry with someone, like say, Ranma."

        "Or Akane angry at Nabiki."

        John nodded.  "I think that answers one question.  Now we have to
come up with a plan."  He finally got the courage to put an arm around
Ukyou's shoulders.  "From what he said, I'm going to guess the other DnR
authors are here.  We need to find them and see if they have any idea how
to stop Jeff."

        Ukyou nodded.  "We could try the Nekohanten.  They might be there."

        John said, "Good idea.  We'd better hurry before Jeff gets antsy
and comes after us."

        They stood up, staring at each other for a moment, then kissed
again.  Ukyou smiled, then said, "So, who was that other girl, John?"

        "She's...uh from this story I wrote."

        They started walking.  "She seemed to know you pretty well."
Ukyou's voice was subtly taut.

        John laughed nervously and tried to explain.  Luckily, the next
scene change happened before he could get a beating.  Well, much of one.
At least he got to hold her hand during the ordeal.

                                *      *      *

        "Let me get this straight, Paul.  In about two minutes, you looked
at those people, and immediately deduced you were in the DnRverse?"

        "Yep."

        The scene shifts to David and Paul, who are standing outside
Ukyou's apartment.  Lardizabal, with a bored look, was leaning against a
wall, grumbling and taking occasional sips from a bottle.

        David gave Paul a funny look.  "We're talking about a really THIN
line of reasoning here, Paul."

        "Hey, it was right, wasn't it?  What're you complaining about?"

        "Sherlock Holmes himself couldn't have reasoned all THAT out just
on one or two bits of information!"

        "Dave, calm down... we're getting sidetracked here.  We should be
getting Jeff, ne?"

        "YOU DIDN'T EVEN MEET JEFF BEFORE YOU FIGURED ALL THIS OUT!!!"

        Paul whacked David on the back of the head.  "Look, we don't have
time for this.  Let's find Biles and get the heck outta here."

        "Get out of here?  THAT MANIAC IS DESTROYING OUR UNIVERSE, AND
WE'RE GOING TO LET HIM?"

        Paul gave a sigh.  "He already killed Sato.  What's next?"

        David groaned.  "Why don't we find John?  Beats standing around
here waiting for John to show up."

        Paul grinned.  "Or waiting for Shampoo to come by."

        David groaned.  "So where to?"

        "Maison Sabaku."

        "Oh?  And just what line of reasoning are you using this time?"

        "Well, if John ain't here, he must be at Maison Sabaku.  And he
wouldn't go to the Nekohanten, right?" Paul said with a knowing grin.

        "Yeah, right.  Hm... okay.  Hey Lardy!  Let's go!"

        Lardizabal looked up from where he had been leaning, and shook his
head.  "I ain't going nowhere."

        "How about we buy you a drink?" David said.

        "Deal."

                                *      *      *

        "Yuriko... let... you... go?" David gaped, as he and Paul walked
towards Maison Sabaku.  Lardizabal tailed them.

        Paul paused to glance at the directions Kasumi gave him.  "Yep.
C'mon, Dave... relax a little.  It ain't good for your blood pressure."

        David took a deep breath, then resolved to not ask any more
questions before his head exploded.  Instead, he peeked over at the
directions, noticed that Maison Sabaku was only a few blocks away, and
started running down there, turning a corner... only to run into a
stammering John.

        Both of them went flying.  "JOHN!"

        From the ground, David rubbed his head, as Ukyou ran to John and
put his head in her lap, cradling him carefully.  John's eyelids fluttered
a bit as he slowly regained consciousness.  "Ow... oh man... that hurts..."

        David sat up, holding his head and moaning as Paul came up to them.
"See, David?  You have absolutely no patience."

        "Bite me, Paul."

        Ukyou blinked a bit, and patted John gently on the cheek.  "John?
Are these the people you were looking for?"  John rubbed his head, and
blinked... then recognized David.  "Yeah, that's David.  I guess that other
guy must be Paul."

        Soon, the three authors were swapping tales about how they came to
this world.  John giggled a bit at David's predicament with Shampoo, and
laughed out loud at Yuriko's adventure with Paul, then blushed when both
David and Paul glanced meaningfully at Ukyou, who was attached to his arm.
John then told them about Jeff's offer to him, at which David glared at
him.

        "Uh... let me get this straight, John.  Jeff offered to unleash
your author powers as well as Ukyou's?"

        "He already unleashed Ukyou's.  Mine, he offered if I would join
him."

        "And you ran off?"

        "Yep."

        "Without doing anything about his offer?"

        "Yep.  I wasn't thrilled about the fact that he killed people to
accomplish his goals."

        "Yeah, but couldn't you have ACCEPTED his offer THEN run off?"

        John blinked.  "D'oh!"

        "JOHN, YOU IDIOT!!!"  At that moment, a small fish-headed alien
wearing a spacesuit popped up and handed David a giant rubber trout.  David
whacked John with it, sending John flying into a tree.  David panted with
the effort... and got a giant spatula planted in his face... sending him
flying into another tree.

        "JOHN!" Ukyou cried, as she ran to him again.  Paul, however, had a
strange expression on his face, as he helped David up.

        "Dave?  Why did Commander Yamada give you that giant rubber trout?"

        "Uh?  What giant rubber trout?" David muttered, as he tried to
clear the cobwebs from his head, batting away several loose strands.

        "Takahashi's fish alien just gave it to you."

        "I dunno.  I was just so irritated at John that I wanted to whack
him with a rubber trout.  Hey..."

        David and Paul looked at each other.  "You don't suppose..."

        Further discussion was preempted as John stood up suddenly and
howled, "RUBBER TROUTS!  I HATE RUBBER TROUTS!  DIE!!!" Paul jumped out of
the way, as suddenly a van with the words "Animal Control" written on its
sides crashed into a nearby tree.  Its rear doors were forced open by the
impact and a horde of small furry creatures leaped out.  In a moment, David
was covered with numerous wombats, all foaming at the mouth.

        "ARGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!" David howled, and suddenly, animal
control people snatched up all the rabid wombats.  Both David and John
glared at each other... then they slowly grinned.  "Heh!"

        "This is interesting.  You two seem to have activated your powers
by getting mad," Paul said.

        "Yep!" John said, and David nodded.

        "I believe this is how Jeff got his powers, ne?" Paul mused, but
David and John were too busy lost in thought.

        John spoke first.  "Well, it appears Jeff has gone off his rocker.
He plans to destroy the universe by destroying the premise."

        "How did you know that, John?" Paul asked.

        "He read Jeff's scenes", David said.

        "Hmmm?  How...?"

        "Simple.  We're Authors.  We can read anything we wrote.  We're not
just characters being pulled around by Jeff anymore... now we can write our
scenes." John said.

        "Yeah.  For example... I was stupid to let Shampoo fall in love
with me.  I was in charge of that scene.  I just didn't realize it... until
now," David said.

        "That's all well and good, guys, but how come you guys have the
powers and now I don't?" Paul said.

        "Well... Jeff gave Shampoo and Ukyou Author powers because they're
just characters..."

        "HEY!"

        "Sorry, John.  I mean... they're fictional characters.  But you're
real.  You gotta activate the powers yourself," David said.

        "Yeah, man.  You've gotta get really upset over something," John
said.

        "Like what?  Nothing disturbs me."

        "Hm... I don't know," John said.

        "We'll worry about that later.  For now... we need to do something
about Jeff," David said.

        "NIHAO!"

        "Oh no.  No."

        "David!  So that's where you've been!" Shampoo cried, as she
glomped onto David.  David sighed.

        John grinned.  "We know that Ukyou and Shampoo were given Author
powers because they were pawns of Jeff.  But that's easily fixed."  John
pulled out a laptop from his jacket, and typed rapidly away.

        Shampoo blinked, then thought back to Jeff's detailed writings of
how he killed Sato and framed Akane.  "That wizard tricked me!"

        David gave a sigh of relief.  "Thanks, John."

        Shampoo's eyes narrowed.  "He's going to pay for trying to hurt
Ranma.
Even if I don't like Akane, he HURT RANMA!"  Ukyou nodded.

        "He's been way ahead of us, leaving us mucking around at the
beginning while he set his plans in motion.  How about we give him
something to think about?" David said.

        John nodded, and typed some more.

                                *      *      *

        The Chief of the Galaxy Police looked up from his terminal.
"Kiyone!" he hollered.

        "Galaxy Police Detective First Class Kiyone reporting.  What's up?"
the raven-haired beauty said as she entered and saluted.

        "You've been assigned to track down an criminal.  He's killed
someone already, and plans to destroy a universe.  Sanction him by any
means possible."

        "Uh... how am I expected to stop him?"

        The Chief turned back to his terminal and typed a bit.  A backpack
materialized in front of Kiyone.  "This is the Universal Backpack (tm).  It
does anything you can think of.  It'll also protect  you from undue outside
influence (namely, the black-robed villain named Jeffrey Paul Hosmer).  It
also slices, dices, and even does kitchen windows."

        "Ah."  Kiyone took the backpack, and strapped it on.

        "Good.  No problems?"

        Kiyone shook her head as she checked her weapon and held it up to
her face.  "No problem, sir!  Galaxy Police Detective First Class Kiyone
always gets her man!"

                                *      *      *

        "Not a bad idea.  Now how do we fix everything?" David said.

        "Hm..." John said.

        David snapped his fingers.  "The Nanban Mirror!"

        Shampoo nodded.  "I have it somewhere... let me check!"  She began
pulling stuff from hammerspace, dumping various spices, herbs, bottles,
weapons... until she held up the mirror.

        "Um, guys?  I really can't think of anything that gets me really
mad," Paul said.

        "Don't worry, Paul.  We'll take you along... maybe something Jeff
does can honk you off and we can gang up on him."

        "Let's use the mirror.  Let's see... you have to cry, right?" David
said.

        John nodded.

        Shampoo shook her head.  "Not anymore.  I just fixed it.  Now you
just have to think about where you're going."

        "Ah!" David said.  Then his eyes narrowed.  "John, give me that
computer!"

        "NO!" John howled, as he held his laptop close to his chest.  "Get
your own!"

        "I'm not in the mood to get my own... oh all right!" David said, as
he pulled out his own laptop and started typing away.  He looked up and
grinned.  "Okay... I've keyed in the Mirror to John, Paul, and I.  This
ought to prevent Jeff from using it."

        "Great!" Paul said.

        "Cool!" John said.

        "Okay... shall we go?"

        The five authors nodded.  Lardy came trudging up.  "Hey, what about
me?"

        "You, we get when we need you," David said.

        "What about Ryouga?" Paul asked.

        "Hm... good idea.  Now all we need to do is twist a few possibility
threads here and there" John said as he typed away...

        Ryouga came wandering by.  "Which way to the Unyruu farm?"  John
grinned.

        After some convoluted explanations and a few snaps of the fingers
convinced Ryouga that the authors thing was for real, Ryouga agreed to come
along to give that "black-hearted villain" something to think about.  Just
before the party vanished into the timestream, David typed something.

        "What were you typing, David?" Paul asked.

        "Oh, just something to make Jeff happy... at least until Kiyone
catches up to him."

                                *      *      *

        "Where is Biles-sama?" 'Miss Anderson' said after a while.

        "I don't know.  Why don't we go see?" Jeff said.

        They both went outside... to find only an old passerby blinking at
them.

        "He BETRAYED ME!" Jeff frothed, as 'Miss Anderson' frowned.  "I'm
GOING to KILL THEM ALL!"

        "Now now, that's not nice...!"  Two giant purple arms wrapped
themselves around both Jeff and Amy and hugged them close.  "I love you,
you love me, we're a happy family..." the voice said in a singsong voice.

        "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Jeff screamed.  He struggled
to burst free, just as Kiyone materialized in front of him.

                                *      *      *

        In the Beginning, there was the Word.

        Then the critics came along.

        The two don't get along too well.

        Case in point.  Somewhere, on the East Coast of the United States,
in Northern Virginia, near the Metropolitan DC area, a man is reading some
well-intentioned comments from a group of critics.

        We will call this man... "Jeff."  The critics, we will call "the
Daigakusei no Ranma Mailing List."  This is all purely hypothetical, of
course.  "Jeff" has written a chapter of a popular series of fanfiction
following the exploits of one Saotome Ranma as he struggles with college.
Recently elevated to co-authorship, Jeff is understandably excited and
nervous about his efforts.  He is attempting to breathe some new life into
the series, take it in new directions, and he can't wait to see what people
think of his ideas.  He is sure that they will meet with approval.

        Naive, isn't he?

        "Argh!" Jeff exclaimed, reading another e-mail off his server.
"'Nabiki is out of character?'  What is this person talking about?  The
anime has clearly shown she's not a morning person!  'Why the heck is
KASUMI carrying condoms?'  It's a JOKE, you nimrod!  Shock Value!  And
maybe Kasumi isn't as perfect as everyone thinks!  'I think Kasumi would do
better in college, why did you give her THOSE grades?'  Look, being a
stereotypical Japanese housewife for several years doesn't prepare you for
college!  'Why did you have Ranma and Akane sleep together?  It upsets the
status quo!'  STATUS QUO!"

                                *      *      *

        David, John, Paul, Ukyou, Ryouga, and Shampoo suddenly appeared at
Jeff's front door.

        "OK, David, you, Lardy, Ryouga, and Paul go through this door.
Shampoo, Ukyou-sa... Ukyou, and I will go around back," John said.  The
trio began to move off.

        "Why is it that HE always gets the women?" Paul asked.

        "I was just about to ask the same thing," David replied.

        "Enough chatter, let's rock!" Ryouga said with an evil grin.

                                *      *      *

        Jeff started to tear at his hair.  Every e-mail has had something
along those lines, even the mostly congratulatory ones.  Even the people
who had argued that 23 episodes without Ranma and Akane having sex was too
many were saying it happened too fast.  It was infuriating!

        "OK, calm down... just relax," Jeff muttered, hitting the key to
move to the next message.  "I've got to keep in control... or else my mind
will SNAP!"  He begins to read the message.

        At that precise moment, Ryouga blew open the door with his Bakusai
Tenketsu technique.  The ensuing shockwave from the blast sent Jeff
tumbling to the floor.

                                *      *      *

        Somewhere beyond the constraints of time and space, a young woman
with long green hair suddenly looked up.  She is dressed in some sort of
uniform resembling an abbreviated sailor fuku and holding a large ornate
rod.  She frowns at nothing and then waves her hand.  In front of her,
space ripples and a large gate appears.  With a grim look on her face, she
steps through the gate as it opens.

                                *      *      *

        "OK, Jeff, the party's over--" David began to say, when he realized
two things.

        One, the figure they had just smashed was NOT Jeff, but rather a
cute doll of him, similar to the ones Washuu has been known to use.

        Two, a rather large and ornate gateway had appeared in Jeff's room.

        "It's a trap!" David yelled, grabbing the Nanban mirror from Paul.

        "Dead Scream," someone said in a voice barely above a whisper.
Suddenly, a gale force blast of air struck the mirror, shattering it into a
million pieces.  The pieces of magical glass swirled in the air, then
swooped toward the figure emerging from the gate.  In a flash, they
coalesced in her outstretched hand.

        "At last," she said.  "Do you know how long I've been trying to get
this away from that disgusting pervert?"

        At that moment, John and the others ran up.  On seeing the
newcomer, John stopped dead in his tracks and said, "We're screwed."

        Paul and the Ranma-ites looked confused.  "John, you know this
person?" Paul asked.

        "That's Sailor Pluto, the Guardian of the Gate of Time in Sailor
Moon," John replied.  "I assume she's here to punish us for trying to
create a paradox."

        Paul's face turned an interesting shade of red.  "Jeff put a SAILOR
in our universe?"

        Sailor Pluto watched as the confused authors and companions tried
to make sense of things, but quickly grew bored with their antics.  They
seemed to be ignoring her, anyway.  With a wave of her staff, she banished
them to another part of the fanfic universe and then went to work resolving
the paradox they almost created.

                                *      *      *

        There was a flash of light and suddenly the five authors and two
martial artists found themselves sliding down a tunnel formed of
psychedelic light.  The slide ended all too abruptly, however.

        "Aaaaaaaah!" they all yelled as they appeared 10 feet over the
ground and slammed down on something soft and squishy and making growling
sounds.

        David looked around groggily and noticed three people staring at
them.
One was a young man in a dirty shirt and fatigues and holding a katana.
The other two were young women, with long black hair who looked almost
identical to each other, except one seemed older than the other by a year
or two.  Or so it looked to him.  Then he noticed that the "ground"
underneath him was actually some sort of black, oily flesh that covered
incredibly large muscles.  He scrambled to his feet, quickly followed by
the others.

        Now that he could get a good look at it, he saw it was man-shaped,
but grotesque, with something vaguely fishlike about its head.  Two large,
bulging yellow eyes peered malevolently back at him.  David knew that he
was suddenly number one on the thing's hit parade.

        "Run!" the young man shouted as the monster raised a misshapen
fist.  "It's a Lost Soul!"

        Trapped in the Mermaid Universe, oh joy, David thought as the fist
hurtled toward him.

                                *      *      *

        Jeff sighed and looked around the remains of Maison Sabaku's front
lawn.  Mixing Barney and Kiyone had been a mistake on David's part, he
thought.

        The silly purple dinosaur had been blown away by Kiyone on sight,
as something in Barney created fear and loathing in almost any sentient.
That had given him and "Miss Anderson" time to use their powers.  The
intrepid Galaxy Police detective was now encased in a solid block of ice,
except for her head.  "Miss Anderson" was standing beside her handiwork and
smiling.

        Jeff kicked away a smoldering piece of dinosaur meet and winced at
the smell.  "Well, thanks for calling in Pluto," he said to "Miss
Anderson."  "Good thing they didn't try something more subtle with the
Nanban."

        "So, what are we going to do now?" she asked.

        "Well, I'll let them stew for a bit, then pull them back here so
they can see what I have wrought."  He smiled insanely.  "It's no fun if
they don't get to witness my triumph!"

        "And Biles-sama?" she asked.

        "Oh, don't worry.  I'll make sure he survives.  You can have him
when I'm done."

        "I don't know if I want him," she said, making a face.  "He tossed
me aside for that spatula slut, after all."

        "Tsk, such language, Ami."  Jeff considered the dinosaur-littered
yard again and the GP officer on ice.  "Well, time to clean up the mess."
With a few taps on his suddenly summoned laptop, Jeff express warped the
remains and Kiyone to Neptune.  "There, Kiyone can shovel snow for Oyuki
for a while.  Mihoshi will find her eventually.  And maybe Barney won't
stink so much in the cold."

        "So, now what?" Ami asked.

        "Well, you go back to the Z universe and marshal my forces.  Tell
Mako-chan and Minako-chan what John did, if it helps.  I'm going to watch
how our friends deal with Mermaid's Mirror for a bit.  If they find that
too easy, maybe I'll dump them into 'Lies' or 'Misadventures of a Foreign
Exchange Student' or 'Kasumi the Axe Murderess.'"

        Ami giggled and gave Jeff a small kiss on the cheek.  "That sounds
just about right."  Then she vanished with a tap of a key.

                                *      *      *

        David ducked at almost the last moment.  Fear of impending death
seemed to make him incredibly agile as he ran for his life.

        "Wonderful!" Paul said.  "This is the Mermaid Universe, isn't it?"

        "Probably!  Just shut up and RUN!" John yelled.  He started to
scamper away, but Ukyou grabbed him by the arm.

        "Wait a minute, John-chan," she said, as she whipped out a giant
spatula.  "Let me take care of... that thing."  Lardizabal, Shampoo and
Ryouga converged next to her and took up fighting stances.  John, David,
and Paul gathered behind them and watched.

        However, at that moment, a rock the size of a hand bounced off the
Lost Soul.  "Get out of here!" shouted the young man who was standing with
the two girls.

        "Oh, quit it with the machismo and just run!" screamed the older-
looking twin at the young man.

        Paul blinked.  "Yuta?"

        Yuta halted.  "How did you know my... ugggh!" He never completed
his sentence, as the Lost Soul sent him flying.

        "Oh joy!" David said.

        "Yuta!" cried the younger-looking twin.

        She started forward, but the older twin grabbed her arm.  "Mana,
wait!"

        "Let go of me, Ryouko!  I can handle it!" Mana shouted, as she drew
a wicked knife from her backpack.

        "Ryouko?" Paul thought.  "Who the hell ARE these people?"

        But that thought was broken off when Ukyou hurled a few spatulas at
the Lost Soul.  The martial artists and Yuta and Mana quickly made short
work of it.  As they stood pondering over what to do with the Lost Soul,
Mana made a decisive move and chopped off the Lost Soul's head.

        "Whatcha do that for?" John sputtered.  Ukyou nodded grimly besides
him.  Ryouko glared at Mana.  Mana stared back.  They held that pose for a
moment, as if, in their exchanged looks, they were imposing their wills on
the other.  Then Ryouko sighed, nodded, and turned away.

        "It was necessary," Paul said.  Everyone turned to look at him.
"Well, do you want to deal with THAT?  Right, David?"

        "Right.  I ain't dealing with it, no da!"

        "Okay!" Paul said... then he blinked.  "No da?"

        "Oops.  Forget I said that, no da!" David said.

        John stared at David.  So did Ukyou, Shampoo, and everyone else.
David started sweating.  Paul stared at David a bit closer.  Then he
grimaced.  "You're not David, are you?"

        "Oops, I guess the game is up, no da!"  With those words, David
suddenly poofed.  In his place stood a gray-haired young man with spiky
hair, vacant-seeming squinted eyes wearing a large monk hat.  He gave a
great big smile.  "Daaaaa!"

        "Chichiri!" Paul shouted.  "What the heck are you doing here?"

        Chichiri smiled.  "David talked to Miaka-sama, no da!"

        Paul blinked.  "Just when did David switch with you, anyway?"

        Chichiri smiled.  "Somewhere among the Nanban Mirror fiasco, no da.
David says to work on unlocking your Author powers, no da.  John'll help
you, he said, no da!"

        John blinked.  "But...?"

        Paul slapped himself in the head.  "Of course!  If Jeff's been
keeping track of us by 'reading the page,' then David has just basically
taken himself off the page!"

        John blinked.  "Why didn't HE tell us that?"

        It was Ukyou who answered.  "Because to tell us, he'd have to be on
the page with us."

        Shampoo said, "Yes.  And if he had mentioned it to us, Jeff would
have stopped him.  Just like he stopped our Nanban mirror."

        Yuta, Mana, and Ryouko stood there, blinking.  "Don't worry,"
Lardizabal said.  "I don't understand this either.  Want some sake?"

        Paul grimaced.  "Well, what now?"

        Chichiri grinned.  "Well, David said that we should go talk to
Taiitsu-kun and ask for help, no da."

        "Who's Taiitsu-kun?" John asked.

        "David seems to have gotten a hold of the 'The Universe of the Four
Gods,' from that anime series, 'Fushigi Yuugi.'  I wonder if he's reading
it now?" Paul said.

        "Who's TAIITSU-KUN???" John bellowed.

        "She's very scary, no da," Chichiri commented.  "Well, let's go, no
da!" he said, as he pulled off his hat.  "Now get in the hat, no da."

        Everyone except Paul blinked.  Mana shrugged, picked up her
backpack where she had dropped it, and prepared to leave.  "Yuta, Ryouko.
Let's go.  This doesn't concern us."

        John turned.  "Hey, wait.  Yuta and Mana, I know, but who are you?"
he said to Ryouko.

        Ryouko grinned as she picked up her backpack.  "I'm Ryouko!  Mana's
twin sister."

        Yuta blinked.  "Just a minute, how DID you know who we are?"

        "Just think of us as gods!" Shampoo said.

        "Er, no wait..." John got out before he got an elbow to his side,
courtesy of Ukyou.  She hissed, "We DON'T have time for explanations!"

        Mana shrugged.  "So?  Come on, Yuta, Ryouko, if you don't get
going, I'll leave you behind," she said as she started walking off.  Yuta
and Ryouko exchanged glances before they followed her, shaking their heads
at the madness of it all.

        "Wait a minute, Mana didn't have a twin sis..." Paul began.

        John interrupted.  "You know, I think David mentioned that he was
working on a new Mermaid series."  Then John blinked, and began to sweat.

        "What's wrong?"

        "He was working on it... with JEFF!"

        Chichiri shook his head.  "No more time, get in the hat, no da!"

        Paul nodded.  "I think we better trust David.  Let's go!"

        John sighed.  "Okay, but if I end up in a pit of flaming wombats, I
swear, I'll hunt Dave down and stuff a few of Ukyou's spatulas where it
really hurts."

        Paul and the others began climbing through the hat...

                                *      *      *

        Jeff grimaced.  "David's sneakier than I gave him credit for," Jeff
muttered to himself.  He hoped Ami would get here soon with the rest of the
Sailor Senshis.  He shrugged.  "Well, the DnR universe won't be around for
much longer."  He smiled.  "And Fushigi Yuugi is not a problem.  I'll just
destroy the 'The Universe of the Four Gods.'"

        Jeff whipped out his computer, and began to request an
Inter-Library loan.  He quickly went to the search function and looked up
"The Universe of the Four Gods."

        "What the... DAMN IT!" Jeff shouted, as he looked at the entry.
"Checked out already?  It's an Important Document!  They DON'T check those
out!"  He narrowed his eyes.  "David must have gotten to it before I did.
Well..."  Jeff started typing on the keyboard.  "We'll just have to make a
simple little shift in Chichiri's teleportation mechanism.  Or two."  He
grinned as he input the commands.  "Now, then... I guess I will just have
to make sure that the DnR-verse is destroyed right now!"

        Jeff quickly typed a few words on his computer.

        DEL UNIVERSE.DNR? Y/N

        Jeff grinned as he hit Y.

        FILE NOT FOUND.

        Jeff blinked.  "What?"

        Then the universe around him blinked out of existence.

                                *      *      *

        "Too bad, Jeff." David said, as he removed a tape from his tape
drive.  He then put it away in a pocket.

        "Are you done yet?" a voice behind him complained.

        David looked over his shoulder at the three figures standing
impatiently in the shadows.  "Give me a few more minutes, I need to do a
couple things.  Just try not to kill each other till then, eh?"

        David typed a few commands on his computer.  Then he turned to look
at the three figures in the background.  "Well, sorry about that.  The DnR
universe is gone."  Then he grinned.

        "Too bad the uncute tomboy wasn't in the universe," one figure
muttered.

        One of the other figures promptly produced a mallet out of nowhere
and began to hit the first figure.

        The third figure ignored both of them and leaned towards David.
"Can you reset everything the way it used to be?"  Her voice was hesitant
and filled with pain and she was keeping her hands clutched over her
stomach.

        David grinned.  "Maybe.  But first, I have to deal with Jeff."
Then he patted a book next to him.  "And with luck, the others should be in
Fushigi Yuugi.  You'll be joining them there soon enough.  You three need
to work out your problems.  So I've arranged for some help there.  Now get
in there.  I have to stay here and read the book."

        Ranma, Akane, and Nabiki reluctantly nodded.  Then they were gone,
in a flash of red.  David nodded, then pulled out a mask, identical to
Chichiri's face.  With a goofy grin, he put on the mask and began reading
'The Universe of the Four Gods.'

        He turned to the page with Chichiri's arrival back from the other
universe, and began reading to himself.

        "And with a flourish, Chichiri pulled the hat after him, and
returned to Taiitsu-kun and the other Suzaku Seishis.  Suzaku no Miko came
to greet him."

                                *      *      *

        "I'm back, no da!!!" Chichiri cried out as he entered the temple
that was Taiitsu-kun's home.  "Where's everyone, no da?"

        A slender brown-haired girl in schoolgirl clothes grunted at him
from the dining table.  She was too busy trying to out-eat Ranma, who next
to her, accidentally once chomping on Ranma's hand as she tried to gnaw the
meat off a whole chicken.  It was Nuriko, the cross-dressing young man, who
came up to him.

        "The only ones who arrived were those three," Nuriko told him.

        Chichiri suddenly covered his ears, as a loud mental voice yelled,
"WHAT???"

        "Jeez, take it easy, will you, Tai-san, no da?" he mentally
vocalized.
The masks they both wore formed a mystical connection between them,
allowing communication between the worlds.

        "Sorry.  Now where are they?" David relayed back in Chichiri's
mind.

        "I don't know, no da!" Chichiri shrugged.

        Then he held his head, as David let loose a loud steady stream of
curses impugning Jeff's ancestry.  "NO DAAAAA!!!"

                                *      *      *

        David closed the book.  "Hm.  Well, just a little alteration in
plans, then." David muttered.  "I'll just have to go find Mr. Hosmer."
Then he simply... went offline, taking 'The Universe of the Four Gods' with
him.

                                *      *      *

        John, Ukyou, and Ryouga arrived in an nondescript Tokyo district.
John looked around and grimaced.  "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't
think this was where we were supposed to be."

        "It's not my fault!" Ryouga exclaimed as Ukyou looked at him.

        "Oh no, John-sama, you're in quite the right place!" shouted a
voice from above him.

        John, Ukyou, and Ryouga looked up in the sky to see a girl with
reddish-green hair, horns and wearing a tight school uniform floating above
them.

        "How could you forget all about me!" cried the oni.

        John blinked.  Ukyou frowned at John.  "You knew her?"

        John shook his head no.

        "JOHN-SAMA!!!  Don't you remember me?  I'm Miyaki Shinobu, your
secret lover!"

        John stared up at the angry Shinobu-oni.  "Ummm..."

        Ukyou turned and glared at John.  "WHAT is she talking about?"

        "This is the first time I've seen her in the flesh in my life!"

        Ryouga stared at John.  "So you had all your trysts with her in the
dark?"

        John blinked and tried to figure out what Ryouga meant, then
understood.  "It's not like that!  It was just a joke!  Something for my
.sig file!"

        "So it all meant nothing to you?"  Shinobu-oni gave a great shriek.
"You toyed with my affections as a JOKE?"

        Ukyou glared at John.  "How could you do that to her?"

        John yelled back at Ukyou, "WHAT, DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING ANYONE
TELLS YOU?  HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE'S NOT LYING OFF HER ASS?"  He took a deep
breath.  "She's just another maniac Jeff sent to kill me."

        "You're just trying to cover up what you did to her!  You admitted
yourself it was all a joke!"  Ukyou was angry.  She thought he was
different, but he was just another jerk like all the other guys she knew.
Even her Ranchan did stupid things like this.  Not that he was HER Ranchan
anymore, but still...

        "Are you ready to face your punishment?" Shinobu-oni shouted.

        Ryouga watched, uncertain whether to intervene.  He felt like he
knew this girl who was shouting at Biles, but he wasn't sure where he had
met her.  It was like he'd known her in another life or something.

        "I thought she was imaginary!  Dammit, I thought all of you were
imaginary until pretty dang recently!  How was I supposed to know it would
have real consequences?!"

        "EVERYTHING has real consequences!  Even just hopes and dreams and
jokes!"  Ukyou turned her back.  "You made your bed, now lie in it."

        "Hey!  Pay some attention to me!" Shinobu-oni shouted.

        John sighed.  Arguing with Takahashi characters is futile.  Once
they made up their mind, there was NOTHING you could do to get any sense
into their heads.  A wave of despair washed over him.  I'm toast.  He
glanced over at Ryouga, who was staring up at Shinobu-oni with a befuddled
look.  "I don't suppose I can get you to save my ass, Ryouga?"

        Ryouga, lost in fantasies and an effort to remember, didn't even
hear John.

        John shrugged and ran.  Shinobu-oni chased him, hurling lightning.
He ran like a maniac, faster than he had ever run in his life.  Massive
amounts of stock background footage blurred by:  marketplaces, alleyways,
rooftops, libraries, the Sahara Desert, the Death Star, the Eiffel Tower,
and finally, Tomobiki High School.  Ukyou jogged after the chase, easily
keeping up, though she did nothing to help John.  Ryouga, on the other
hand, was left far behind.  He tried to catch up and soon found himself
utterly lost.  He looked up and saw a city sign, 'Welcome to Angel Grove,
population 20,000 humans, 5,000 putty men, 365 monsters (Variable by
season)".  "Uh oh."

        John slammed a door behind him and sat down to take a rest.  Maybe
she won't find me in the clock tower, he thought.  Unfortunately,
Shinobu-oni wasn't the only person gunning for him.  Ataru and the Gang of
Four were waiting for him.  "There you are!" Megane shouted.  "The monster
who turned our Lum-chan into a human!"

        "The rat bastard who turned me into a girl!" Ataru shouted, leaping
at John.  The five men dogpiled John and began to batter him.  He flailed
desperately, but he was no match for even relatively normal wimpy humans.
Soon they had him tied to the bell clapper.

        Megane began to laugh.  "The bells!  The BELLS!"  Ataru had to give
him a sedative so he wouldn't induce a heart attack in himself.

        John sighed and tried to think of some way to get out of here.
Maybe Lum will show up and distract them.

        She did, in fact, show up just as Megane was about to start ringing
the bell.  The Gang of Four fell at her feet.  She then started arguing
with Ataru.  John gave a sigh of relief.  I'm saved.

        Or not.  Shinobu-oni now flew into the room, Ukyou close behind
her.  Shinobu-oni shouted, "There he is!  You won't get away from me by
hiding inside a bell!"

        Lum blinked and looked in the bell.  Her face hardened.  "There you
are!"

        John sighed.  "Doesn't anyone in this universe like me?"

        Ukyou snorted.  "You're just getting what you deserve for the hell
you've put them through."

        "I thought it was all fiction!  I was just trying to be funny!  If
they're mad, they should blame Rumiko Takahashi for creating them and
putting them through hell for over 8 years!"

        "We can't get to her," Ataru said, "But we can get to you!"

        Mendou walked in now.  "What's going on here?  Ataru, what foulness
are you up to?"

        "He's going to ring me to death!"

        Mendou blinked.  "Ataru, how did you bring this bell to life?"

        Ataru grabbed Mendou and held his head down low so he could see
John inside the bell.  "There's the bastard who wrecked our lives!"

        "Aiii!  I'm scared of the dark!  I'm scared of the dark!" Mendou
yelled.  Ataru pulled him back out from under the bell.  As soon as he saw
girls watching him, Mendou recovered miraculously.

        "Hey, JEFF was the one who put YOU through hell, Mendou!"

        Mendou nodded.  "Understand that I bear you no personal ill will.
You are merely acting as my voodoo dummy for my revenge on Hosmer."

        John began to cry.  He would have tried to beg for help with his
eyes, but he couldn't even SEE anyone inside the bell.  More and more
people showed up, each with their own grudge.  Pretty soon, the bell tower
was getting stuffed.  Finally, once the situation had been explained for
the two thousandth or so time, Megane began to pull the bell cord.

        For a moment, there was silence and then...there was more silence.
The tower was so stuffed that the bell couldn't move.  John laughed.
"Saved by the bell.  How ironic."

        "We can fix that." Shinobu-oni said.  She and Lum grabbed John,
untied him and flew him out the clock tower window.  Soon, he was over the
Tomobiki High School Pool--about four stories over it.  "Do you know how to
swim?"

        "More or less."

        "Good.  We're going to drop you in, then electrocute the entire
pool."

        "I'll die!"

        "Oh please, like that ever killed anyone," Lum said.  "But you'll
suffer, and that's the point."

        "Can't you just noogie me repeatedly or something?"

        "No."

        John twisted his head and looked back towards the clock tower,
hoping Ukyou would do something, anything to save him.  She glared back,
looking angrier than before, although at least half of it was probably due
to Ataru trying to fondle her.  "I guess you're not going to save me."

        "You're the all powerful author, who bends and twists lives to suit
his amusement.  Save yourself.  No doubt you've got something even FUNNIER
in mind than the stories they've been telling me about what you've done to
them."

        "Dammit, I don't write torture fests!  They're just blaming ME for
their own failings!  I didn't even create them!  I didn't give them the
flaws they have!"  He began to cry.  "I just wanted to make people laugh
and maybe think about life in a new way a little."

        "By putting us through hell.  Tell it to the marines."  Shinobu and
Lum flew over to dump John into the exact center of the pool, then shifted
their grip so they could drop him head first.

        "Take responsibility for your own actions!" Ukyou shouted.

        John sighed.  She was right.  I have put them through hell for my
amusement and the amusement of others.  Is that what all the suffering of
my own world is?  A joke for the amusement of some higher level universe of
authors and readers?  Maybe someone is reading about me right now and
getting a good laugh out of all this.  I know I'm not.  His body sagged.
"Go ahead.  Punish me, whatever.  Just be warned that you're going to kill
me if you do this."

        Shinobu-oni's face was a frenetic mask of rage and Lum's wasn't
much better.  "You deserve it!  You deserve to have your skull split open
and your blood poured out on the ground!"

        John paled, then sagged more as his last ounces of hope evaporated.
"Well, that sounds about right."

        "Coward!" Ukyou shouted.  "You're giving up!"

        "So I should atone for my sins against them by doing more damage to
them?  Even if I had some idea how to use my Author abilities to stop this,
what do you expect me to do, destroy them?  Flay THEM alive?  Warp their
minds and turn them into my groveling slaves?  Wouldn't that be just as bad
as what they're accusing me of doing?"

        Ukyou paused, having not engaged in much rational thought for the
entire scene.  Her mind was raging with confused emotions.  She hadn't been
this angry since the time she'd thrown bombs at Ranma and Akane's wedding--
well, the first effort at one.  It wasn't like her anger ever mattered.
She never got what she wanted from it.  It never even had any long-lasting
effects.  But what if this was different?

        She who hesitates is lost.  While Ukyou began to reconsider,
Shinobu-oni and Lum dropped John and gathered their lightning.  His last
words were, "Goodbye, Ucchan.  I lo..."  Sploosh.  An instant later, the
entire pool was filled with electricity.

        A few seconds later, the whispering began as various people
speculated on what Biles would look like when he surfaced, what the first
thing he would say would be, how long this episode would last, and other
topics.  The whispering gradually died away as he failed to surface.
Everyone fell silent.

                                                           --- to be continued.

-- 
The DnR Round Robin was originally slated for release April Fool's Day 1997.
Final release 10/29/97. Go figure.

A product of the deranged mind of Jeff Hosmer after reading one too many
DnR critiques... also writing were John Walter Biles, David Tai and Paul
Gallegos.

(c) 1997 Digital Knight Communications
http://www.tass.org/~ranma/home.html
ranma@TASS.org (Saotome Ranma)


===============================================================================
                  Daigakusei no Ranma: The Round Robin part 3
===============================================================================

        Ukyou frowned.  He must be hiding at the bottom of the pool.
Coward.  The anger took her again.  But not for long.

        A charred body drifted to the surface.  The hair was frizzed out,
the glasses shattered, the clothing blackened and torn.  Yet, it was still
recognizably John.  It bobbed on the surface of the water.

        Off in the distance, the sun reached the horizon, beginning to set
out of sight as Shinobu-oni and Lum dived down towards him, howling
imprecations.  He made no reply.  Perhaps he had recovered his courage and
was determined to take his punishment.  Or...

        Ukyou gave a strangled cry.  He had been right.  He was dead.  She
leaped down as Shinobu and Lum poured more lightning into the water,
shouting at John to say something, to howl, to stop being so stubborn as to
not admit that he was suffering.  The ground almost shook on impact.  It
felt funny.  She moved forward as the school yard grew darker.  Dim
electrical lights were coming on, making everyone look strange in their
yellow glow.  John's remains bobbed in the water.  Ukyou felt another wave
of rage growing in her.  It should have been directed at herself, but as
she usually did, she directed it outward instead.  "You BITCHES!  YOU
KILLED HIM!"

        Shinobu-oni's voice was a mixture of rage and desperation.  "He's
faking it!  He can't be dead!  No one ever dies when I blast them!"

        Lum took John's pulse and paled.  "No pulse," she whispered.

        Ukyou fired a barrage of mini-spatulas at Shinobu-oni.  "DAMN YOU!"

        Shinobu-oni turned and glared at Ukyou, barely dodging the barrage.
"YOU EGGED US ON!  YOU WANTED HIM TO SUFFER TOO!"

        "I felt bad for you people, but I didn't expect you to kill him!  I
thought he was running around on me!"

        Shinobu-oni and Lum looked more demonic in the fading light and the
yellow glow of the yardlights than before.  Shinobu-oni said, "So without
any proof, you helped hound him to his death and ignored his desperate
pleas for help.  I at least KNOW he was running around on me.  All you had
was other people's stories!  You could have stopped us!  This is YOUR
FAULT!"

        The words stung.  Some part of Ukyou insisted there was a flaw in
the logic here, but another part of her responded to the words.  Despair
flooded over her mood.  The sun finished setting.  Darkness settled upon
the land.  Only the faint glow of the yard lights staved off total darkness
as clouds hid the stars and the moon.  "No...I only wanted him to know I
was hurting, that he had..."

        "That he had what?  You accused him with no proof!"  The crowd was
flocking around Ukyou now.  "All you had were unsubstantiated accusations
from someone you'd never met!  But you believed them!"  The crowd pressed
in closer.  "Just like you always did with Ranma.  You never really trusted
him or believed anything he said.  You betrayed him, you tried to kill the
woman he loved, you plotted against him."  Accusation after accusation, and
all rung true.  Ukyou shrank in on herself, babbling, unable to make any
coherent defense.

        The voices faded as the darkness swelled, until only the guilt
remained.  She had killed him.  It was all her fault.  She could have saved
him and she did nothing.  She never was sure how long she cried after that.
Finally, she heard footsteps, interrupting the silence of her misery.  She
opened her eyes.  There were only three things left in the swirling
darkness around her.  She was one of them, John's remains were the second,
and a woman Ukyou did not know was the third.  She was tall and elaborately
dressed in an ornate garment, with a blue tattoo upon her forehead and
spiky brown hair.  She was bent over John's body and seemed to be doing
something to it.  Ukyou grabbed her spatula and charged.  "GET AWAY FROM
HIM!  I WON'T LET YOU DESECRATE HIS BODY!"

        As she lifted her spatula to strike the woman, the woman said,
"Maybe you should have done this when they were trying to kill him.  A
little late now, isn't it?"

        Ukyou dropped her spatula and began to cry again.  "I wasn't
thinking clearly.  I didn't mean to hurt him.  I just...I just...It's not
my fault!"

        Her own voice spoke from the air, twisted with rage.  "Take some
responsibility for your actions!"

        Ukyou cried uncontrollably for several minutes.  "I didn't think
he'd die!  I thought he'd just get beat up and bruised and in a few minutes
he'd be okay!"

        Her voice spoke from the air again.  "EVERYTHING has real
consequences!  Even just hopes and dreams and jokes!"  There was a pause.
"You made your bed, now lie in it."

        The woman turned back to the body, then stood back up, holding a
small glowing sphere in one hand.  "There."

        "What have you done?"

        "I'm taking his soul."

        Ukyou shrieked.  "He can't be dead!  He can't!  You can't have his
soul!"

        "Didn't you say he needs to suffer for what he's done?  Well, after
a few millennia in the level of hell we built to your specifications, he
should have atoned for all he's done."

        "That's cruel!  He doesn't deserve to suffer for millenia!"

        The woman shrugged.  "Just giving you what you wanted."

        "How can you be so cruel?"  She clung to the woman's leg.  "Please,
please don't take him away to suffer!"

        "I don't want to, but you give me no choice.  Those who show no
mercy cannot receive it."

        "I'm not merciless!  I have forgiven people!"

        "Then why is he dead?"

        Ukyou tried to pull herself together.  "Because I listened to my
fears instead of my heart.  Because I didn't trust him as much as...he
trusted me.  I keep doing this to people."  She shuddered, trying to hold
back more crying.  "Now he's gone forever."

        "Nothing is forever, not even death.  The body dies, but the soul
remains."  The woman knelt and hugged Ukyou.  "You have the power to bring
him back.  The question is whether you will use it."

        "I can't bring back the dead!  I'm not some kind of deity!  I'm
just Ukyou Kuonji, an ordinary girl.  I don't even have a curse to make me
special like Ranma, let alone any powers.  I don't even know any chi
attacks.  What can I do?"

        The woman said, "The power of creation is in every soul, and this
is the place of creation, the void between the worlds, the place where new
things are made.  Have you forgotten all that has happened to you?"

        "What...what happened to the world we were in?"

        "He created it as a prison for himself.  It was his own guilt that
they expressed, his own doubts of the rightness of his past actions, faced
with the reality of what he had thought imagined.  As an Author, he
possessed vast power, but as himself, he had little control over it.  He
thought it was real, and so..."  The woman held out her hand to Ukyou,
offering her the soul.  "Take it.  Here, in this place, you can help him."

        Ukyou gazed into the woman's compassionate eyes.  They were like a
deep ocean she almost lost herself in.  There was more love and hope in
those eyes than she had ever experienced before.  It was a tonic, shocking
herself out of her self-pity and despair.  Despite knowing everything wrong
that Ukyou had ever done, this woman cared about her, wanted her to be
happy, wanted to help her.  Ukyou's strength returned from the fires of the
woman's power.  She held out her hand and took the sphere.  "What must I
do?"

        "The heart of creation is believing.  Anything else is just a way
to enable others to perceive your creation, to transfer that creation from
your mind to the mind of others, that it might outlive its creator."  The
woman gestured and a tall mirror appeared.  She began to step into it.
"Follow your heart, and it will tell you what to do."

        Ukyou thought for a moment, and began to make an okonomiyaki.  She
couldn't have told anyone where the grill came from, or where she found the
ingredients.  That wasn't important, anyway, it was the act of creation.
Once, in her life, every okonomiyaki had been a masterpiece, each one hand-
crafted to the person who ate it.  Slowly, that had faded.  Her restaurant
had slowly devoured her pride in her work as she strove simply to survive.
One reason she had been willing to give all that up was that the joy had
gone out of it.  She had become an okonomiyaki assembly line.  It had
played a part in why she hadn't even cooked okonomiyaki for the entire
semester.  Now, she was cooking the greatest okonomiyaki of her life.  The
aromas surrounded her and brought back memories of some of the happiest
times of her life, times she had cooked for someone she loved.

        Finally, her masterpiece was ready.  This was her creation, her
idiom, the way in which she best shared her heart with others.  It was the
summation, the essence of her power, her heart, her very self.  The tiny
shimmering soul sat in her apron pocket, next to her heart, while she
prepared her magic.  She placed the finished okonomiyaki onto a plate and
brought it over to John's body.  Reaching into the pocket, she pulled out
John's soul.  She opened his mouth and placed his soul into it, then cut
off a piece of okonomiyaki and placed it in John's mouth as well.  She
closed his mouth and bent down, kissing his lips.  Awake from your slumber,
she thought.  Come back to me.

        For a moment, all was silent, then John's body jerked and he
swallowed.  His eyes opened and the charred flesh dropped off, leaving him
completely unhurt under all the ash.  "Ooog, I hurt."  He paused.  "Except
for this yummy taste in my mouth.  Did you make this for me, Ucchan?"

        She smiled.  "You like it?"

        "Almost as much as I like you."

        She blushed and leaned in to kiss him again.  Before their lips
could meet...

        Ryouga, now battered and bruised, covered with putty, walked up.
"You bastards!  You left me in Angel Grove!  YOU MADE MY LIFE A LIVING
HELL!!!!!"

        John fled for his life with Ryouga in hot pursuit.  Ukyou leapt up
and chased after Ryouga, trying to save John.  The game was once again
afoot.

                                *      *      *

        Paul, Lardizabal, and Shampoo blinked into an nondescript Tokyo
district.

        Paul blinked.  "This is definitely not Fushigi Yuugi."

        "Well, well.  Looks like we don't have to find you, after all,"
said an accented voice behind Paul.

        Paul blinked, and turned around.  Before him stood a girl with
auburn hair in a sailor suit with a black skirt and silver-laced thigh-high
black boots.

        "Now who are you?" Paul asked.  Lardizabal, meanwhile, just rolled
his eyes, and grimaced.

        "I am Sailor Odysseus.  Welcome to my universe, Mr. Gallegos.  The
other Sailors are on their way, but frankly, I think I can take care of you
myself."  She smiled wolfishly.

        "Sailor Odysseus," Paul said, scratching his head.  "I'm not sure
I've heard of you.  I thought all the Sailors were named after planets or
some such nonsense."

        Sailor Odysseus looked at him impassively.  "I come from the Star
K-"

        Paul interrupted.  "Um, actually, I'd REALLY rather not know."

        It was Sailor Odysseus' turn to blink.  "You don't...?"

        "Look, we're not interested, OK?"  Paul sighed impatiently.  "We've
got far more important business to take care of, and frankly, you're just
wasting our time."

        Sailor Odysseus glared.  "You are here because the stars deemed it.
The stars write all our destinies."

        Lardizabal finally spoke up.  "Do they say when and where I'll get
my next bottle of sake?"

        Paul slapped Lardizabal behind the head.

        Shampoo stepped forward.  "I'm confused.  Why, exactly, are you
holding us here?"

        "You've been ... how should I put this... re-rerouted," the sailor
in black began.

        "... by 'Hosmer-sama'," Paul finished sarcastically.  "Y'know, I'm
getting tired of this.  We need to find a way forward.  Or at least back."

        "You and me both," Lardizabal chimed in.

        Paul looked at Lardizabal and raised an eyebrow.  Shampoo summoned
a chair out of nowhere and sat down.  "Well, personally, I'm tired of being
manipulated as well, so I'm just going to sit right here until everything's
put back to normal."

        "Um... Shampoo, wait just a sec here," Paul said.  "You're the one
with the powers to get us OUT of here, remember?"

        "Yeah," Lardizabal agreed.  "We need you to get off your butt and
open that portal-thing back to our universe."

        Shampoo turned a shade of red.  "You don't give me orders!"

        "Actually, he usually does, seeing as he's your best customer,"
Paul muttered.

        Sailor Odysseus' head began to snap back and forth between Shampoo
and Paul like a tennis match.  After a moment, she stopped and clapped her
hands to her head.  "WHAT ABOUT ME?!" she screamed.

        "What about you?" Lardizabal asked.  "Do you have any sake on you?"

        "No..." Sailor Odysseus began.

        "Then never mind!" Lardizabal snapped.

        The black-clad sailor turned an even darker shade of red.  She
clasped her hands against her chest tightly and began to sway back and
forth slightly.

        Paul watched this with interest.  On impulse, he asked, "Oi! You
know, I've always wondered - what's with the sailor outfit thing?  Is it
fashionable or something?  I mean, wearing that in the South Side would get
you knifed or at least some catcalls..."

        Sailor Odysseus opened her eyes.  "STAR BOLT!" she shouted.  A beam
of blinding white light shot out from her pendant toward the two men.  Paul
instinctively dove to his right, while Lardizabal automatically fell
backwards.  The beam incinerated the row of houses behind them.  Sailor
Odysseus staggered slightly, taking deep breaths.

        Shampoo applauded.  "That was magnificent!  Can you do it again?"

        The Sailor looked at Shampoo as if she were insane.

        Paul felt as if someone had turned on a light switch in his head.
Power seemed to fill him and he grinned.  "Lardy!" Paul hissed.  "I know
what happened!"

        "Duh!" Lardizabal hissed back.  "She just tried to fry us!"

        "No, I mean, I know why we're here!" Paul said, running over and
helping Lardizabal to his feet.

        Sailor Odysseus turned back to face the two men.  She began to
smile the smile of a cat who has cornered the mouse.  Lardizabal noticed.
So did Paul.

        "You know when you have a sake bottle in your left hand, and one in
your right?" Paul asked Lardizabal quickly.

        "Yeah..." Lardizabal replied uncertainly.

        "Where do you put the cup?" Paul shouted, running away from
Lardizabal.

        Lardizabal hesitated for a moment as Sailor Odysseus followed
Paul's movement, about to fire off another bolt.  "You put the cup..."  His
eyes lit up.  "... in the middle!"

        Paul moved in a semi-circular arc as fast as he could.  "C'mon,
Lardy, move!" he thought, watching Lardizabal out of the corner of his eye.
Finally, Lardizabal took off in the opposite direction, moving in the same
arc.  Sailor Odysseus hadn't paid attention, Paul noticed, but Shampoo had.

        "Where are you going?" Shampoo called after Lardizabal.

        Lardizabal ran right up to Shampoo and stood in front of her.
"Right here," he said with a grin.

        Sailor Odysseus fired.

        Paul stopped short as she did so, the bolt passing harmlessly in
front of him, missing him by mere centimeters.  "Hoo boy!" he said aloud,
running in a zig-zag pattern toward Lardizabal.

        Sailor Odysseus turned to look at where Paul was headed and saw
only Lardizabal standing alone.  She smiled an even wider smile and began
to concentrate again.  "STAR BOLT!" she cried, as Paul reached Lardizabal.

        The bolt erupted forth, gaining speed as it neared its target.
Paul, not breaking stride, tackled Lardizabal, knocking the two to the
ground as the flare detonated.  Shampoo threw her hands up in front her
face and screamed, moments before she was atomized in a brilliant flash of
white.

        When the light began to dissipate, Sailor Odysseus surveyed the
area with a trained eye.  Nothing moved on the horizon.  The air smelled
hot, with a trace of something else.  She sniffed again, puzzled by the
scent.  There was definitely something else in the air, something that
reminded her of rain and thunder and ... lightning.

        Paul and Lardizabal stood up and brushed themselves off.  The
glowing aura around them flickered once, then disappeared.  "How?" Sailor
Odysseus began.

        "Ozone shield," Paul answered.  "Stellar radiation doesn't touch
the ground because of the atmosphere, which is made up mostly of ozone.
Ain't science wonderful?"  He grinned.  Lardizabal also grinned.

        "But..." she started again.

        "I think I've had enough of you to last quite a long time,"
Lardizabal said.

        "I agree," Paul concurred.  With a snap of his fingers, the sailor
reverted to her normal human form once before disappearing.

        "Where'd she go?" Lardizabal asked.

        "I sent her to deal with a monster-of-the-week," Paul answered.
"AND in her human form.  Oopsie."  Paul shrugged.

        "But... what about getting back?  Shampoo was our only link back,"
Lardizabal sighed.

        "No, she was what STUCK us here," Paul replied.  "She was an agent
of Jeff's."

        "Oh?" Lardizabal queried.  "Are you sure?"

        "If not... well, I never liked her anyway.  Now, let's try and
catch up with the rest before it's too late..." Paul trailed off.

                                *      *      *

        Nothingness can be pretty boring, Jeff reflected.  He stood up and
took a walk around the void left by the departure of the DnRverse, paused
to smell the nothing, lay back on nothing and watched the nothing set.

        "I'm beginning to agree with the Tick.  Even electroshock therapy
or elevator music is better than being bored," he said.  "Maybe a good
villainous rant will help."  He stood up and faced the patch of nothingness
that best approximated the sky.  "CURSE YOU, DAVID!  YOU HAVEN'T BEATEN ME
YET!  YOU HAVE TO BRING THE UNIVERSE BACK EVENTUALLY!"

        He sat back down.  "Well, that helped.  NOT," he said.  He
shrugged.  Well, I'll just keep bouncing them between worlds until David
decides to behave."  He began to pass the time by sending MAKE MONEY FAST
emails to each and every member of the DnR Mailing List.

        With a poof, David appeared, wearing a Chichiri mask and a white
robe.

        "Oh, real original.  I wear black, so you have to wear white.  Very
nice," Jeff commented sarcastically.  "Trying really hard to NOT be a
ninja?"

        A Tibetan monk dressed in black and wearing a mask popped up.  "WE
ARE NOT NINJAS!"  Jeff produced a wooden mallet and sent the monk flying
back where he came from.

        "I just didn't want to get lost in the nothingness," David said,
pulling up a seat.

        A skeletal figure in a black robe passed by.  INFINITY IS BLUE.

        "Boy, this place has gotten busy all of the sudden," Jeff muttered,
looking after the departing figure, wondering where he had seen him before.

        "Look, Jeff, we can keep this up forever."

        "Keep what up?  There's NOTHING here!"

        David produced a rubber trout from the nothing and whapped Jeff
upside the head.  "Listen!  We can't keep--"

        A man in khakis began to dance the Fish Dance around David,
whapping him in the face with a tiny little fish.

        "JEFF!"

        "Sorry, it's all this nothing.  Thoughts tend to leak out, set up
shop and the like."  Jeff made a show of concentrating and the fish dancer
returned to Monty Python.  "It'd be easier if there was a universe here,
y'know."

        "I'm not going to return the universe just so you can destroy it!"

        "Then Paul, John, and the rest will keep bouncing around.
Personally, I can't wait for Ukyou to find the La Blue Girl Universe."

        Then we are at an impasse."

        "Looks like it."

        "I could just kill you."

        "Want to make a bet that I pull a Dark Schneider and return?"

        David grimaced.  "No bet."

        "Wow, that's a pretty responsive mask."

        "We're getting sidetracked."

        "I know, ain't it cool?"

        David got a rein on his temper.  "Look, we need to settle this
somehow."

        "Well, I take it that just letting me destroy DnR is not a good
'somehow?'"  At David's nod, Jeff continued, "So what do you suggest?"

        "Since we're all authors, our powers will just keep canceling each
other out.  We need a means of settling this without direct conflict."
David pulled out 'The Universe of the Four Gods.'  "I propose we settle
this using the Seishi method."

        "What, we each choose a Miko and seven powerful beings to fight for
our cause?"  Jeff grinned.  "I like it."

        "Well, it works out well, considering there are four of us--"

        "Hold on!  I don't care if there are three of you, we fight this
seven on seven.  I'm not going to pit 7 Seishi against 21."

        David shrugged.  It had been worth a try.  "OK, so what say we just
pick our Seishi from the worlds we've already contacted, either directly or
indirectly?"

        "Eight worlds, seven Seishi and a Miko?" Jeff suggested.

        "Sounds good... so, which ones?"

        Looking back over the rest of story, they began compiling a list.
Some worlds, like the Mermaid series, were discounted because of lack of
good villains for Jeff to pick.  Other worlds were added to fill in the
blanks.  In the end, the following worlds were chosen:  Daigakusei no
Ranma, Tenchi Muyou, Fushigi Yuugi, Sailor Moon, Bubblegum Crisis, Urusei
Yatsura, Neon Genesis Evangelion, and a wild card.  Jeff got to pick
villains (or the closest he could find to villains) and David got to pick
the heroes.  One character from each universe.  After that was done, they
could use the wild card to pick any character from any anime series not
already used.  The Miko, or Shrine Maiden who would lead each side, was to
be from the DnRverse.  Ranma and Akane were to be the prize.  Finally, they
had the rules worked out to their satisfaction.

        "OK, I choose the following," Jeff began.

        "For the Jeff no Miko, I choose: Tendo Nabiki."  Behind him, an
image of Nabiki from Ranma Movie 2 appeared.

        "We choose Ukyou," David said.  An image of Ukyou in her
okonomiyaki-seller's outfit appeared behind him.

        "Of course you do," Jeff said with a grin.  "John wouldn't have it
any other way, would he?"

        David just gave a small smile.

        "From Tenchi Muyou, I choose Kagato."  An image of a white haired
man wearing robes and red-tinted glasses appeared beside Nabiki.

        "Tsunami," David said.  A very beautiful woman with long blue hair,
tied back in a long braid, and wearing a very ornate dress appeared beside
Ukyou.

        "From Fushigi Yuugi, I choose Nakago."  A very handsome blond man
wearing ornate scale armor appeared on the other side of Nabiki.  A blue
symbol glowed with power on his forehead.

        "We'll take Tamahome."  A man with dark hair, tied back in a
pigtail, and wearing rough-hewn clothes appeared next to Ukyou, opposite
Tsunami.  On his forehead the character for Oni glowed red.

        "From Sailor Moon, Sailor Galaxia."  The galaxy-conquering Senshi
appeared by Kagato.

        "Who's she?" David asked.

        Jeff just gave a small smile.  "The destroyer of galaxies,
absorbers of various sailors, and..."

        "Che!  No choice, we'll go with Sailor Moon."  Sailor Moon appeared
next to Tsunami, giving a goofy wave.

        Jeff smiled even wider.  "You do know that when Usagi defeated
Galaxia, she had a lot of help?"

        David frowned.  "Nope."

        Jeff grinned even wider.  "Good.  Be interesting to see how Usagi
deals with Galaxia, without the other Senshis."

        David just groaned, as Jeff thought for just a minute.

        "From BGC, Largo, of course."  The silver-haired boomer appeared
beside Nakago.

        "Priss!" David blurted out, and a blue hardsuited figure appeared
next to Tamahome.  David was beginning to sweat.  This did not look good.

        "From UY, I'll take Mendou Shutaro."  The dark-haired scion of
Japan's richest family appeared beside Sailor Galaxia.

        "Ataru... no, wait, I mean Lum!"  But it was too late.  The most
lecherous man in all of animedom appeared next to Sailor Moon.  Even though
they were just images, it appeared that Ataru was drooling over the Sailor
Senshi.

        Jeff just lifted an eyebrow.  "Interesting."

        "Can't I change it?"

        "Nope.  You said it, you can't take it back."

        "That's not fair!"

        Jeff gave an evil laugh.  "I'm a villain.  Villains don't play
fair!"

        David just sighed.

        "From Evangelion, Ayanami Rei."  A young girl with short, powder
blue hair and wearing a form-fitting white uniform appeared beside Largo.

        "Souryu Asuka Langley."  David felt a bit better as the hot-
tempered redhead, in her form-fitting red plug suit, appeared beside Priss.

        "And for my wild card, Iczer-II of... oh, you can guess."  A
beautiful redhead with pointed ears and dressed in blue and black battle
armor appeared beside Mendou.

        "Ifurita from El Hazard," David shot back.  A beautiful woman with
pale silver-blue hair and carrying a large staff appeared beside Ataru.

        "Wasn't she a villain?" Jeff wondered.

        "Isn't Rei supposed to be a good guy?" David replied.

        "Well, I'm reserving judgment until we see the end of Evangelion,"
Jeff said.

        "Good point."

        "As challenger, I claim the right to decide on the contest," Jeff
said.

        "OK," David agreed.  "What's it to be?"

        Jeff smirked.  "Ragnarok."

        "Ragnarok?  As in 'Twilight of the Gods?'  THAT Ragnarok?"

        "Sure!  We'll get Belldandy, Urd, and Skuld to judge the battle and
pull up a load of Nameless Faceless Minions (NFMs) from the worlds.  Last
Miko standing wins."

        "So, you get Kagato's servitor droids, Nakago's army, Sailor
Galaxia's monsters-of-the-week, Boomers, the Mendou Clan Armed Forces, Unit
00, and any slimy monsters left from the Iczer series?"

        "Yup!  Sailor Galaxia had Animates, by the way.  Oh, dear... looks
like you get the About-to-Die Police."  Jeff started sniggering.

        David just glanced up at the 'sky' and gave the most vehement curse
he could muster while wearing a silly smiling mask.  "NO DA!"

                                *      *      *

        After David recovered from the debate over the Seishis, ("Just how
CAN Chichiri curse without gagging through that mask?" David wondered), the
next order of business was to settle the site of the battle.

        "Arrakis, the Dune planet!" David shouted.  Behind him, a giant
sandworm erupted out of the void.

        Jeff just coolly looked at his fingernails and flicked a little
speck of dirt that had gotten under his nails.  "I hate sand.  How about
Hoth?"  As he spoke, the sandworm turned into a Wampa Ice Creature holding
a big bottle of beer.

        "Too cold, too icy.  How about Jupiter?"  Dark red storms began
forming.

        "Too much gas.  How about Asgard?"  A rainbow formed over Jeff's
head.

        David blinked.  "Asgard?  The one with all the Norse gods and frost
giants running around?"

        "Sure.  That IS where Ragnarok is supposed to be, anyway.  The gods
can be cannon fodder."

        David widened his eyes.  "THOR is cannon fodder?"  Thunder rumbled
in the distance.

        Jeff yawned, then rubbed his beard, admiring his reflection in a
mirror that had suddenly popped up in front of him.  "Hmmm.  True, he could
be annoying.  A shame... that Loki fellow would have been simply smashing
to work with.  Hmm... how about Lodoss... the accursed continent?"

        David blinked.  "Hey... not bad."

        Jeff hrmed.  "Although all those people and houses would get in the
way..."

        David grinned.  "Cannon fodder."

        A moment's pause, then, almost simultaneously...

        "Hey, who's good and who's bad here?"

        "Hey, I thought YOU were the villain here."

        They stared at each other... then started laughing.  Little bubbles
started forming around them, and Lawrence Welk music started playing in the
background.

        When the laughter died down, they looked at each other.  "Lodoss it
is, then," Jeff said.

        David nodded.  "A week, then, for training?"  He swatted at a
little blue fly that zipped around, buzzing angrily.

        "Oh, I don't need a week, but if you want it, go ahead.  It'll just
give me time to turn a sure victory into a butt-stomping take-no-names
massacre.  See you in a week, then."  Jeff turned the page and vanished.
His mouth remained for a few minutes, mocking laughter emitting, before
fading away.

        David sighed.  He sat down on a comfortable couch that suddenly
appeared behind him and waited.

        It was at this moment that Ukyou, Ryouga and John popped up out of
nowhere.

        Now nothingness is generally not very pleasant to a being of
somethingness.  So it was rather predictable that John would react... well,
rather less than gracefully.

        "WHERE THE HELL AM I?!" John frothed.  He was turning a rather
alarming shade of blue.  Meanwhile, Ukyou was desperately trying to orient
herself, finally glomping onto Ryouga.  Ryouga merely looked around and
said, "Oh, I've been here before."

        David smiled.  "You're in what's left of the DnRverse."

        And just then, Paul blinked in as well, looking rather disheveled
and bringing Lardizabal with him.

        David blinked.  "Oh, about time you figured out the powers."

        "Dave, shut up.  Where the hell are we?" Paul said as he looked
around, trying to get oriented.  Besides him, Lardizabal was holding his
mouth and stomach, trying to keep his nausea under control.

        "Well, we're where the DnRverse used to be."

        "WHAT?"

        David smiled.  "John, Paul, to borrow John's vastly overused
phrase, 'let me tell you a story...'"

                                *      *      *

        The three original authors were having a heated... discussion.

        "You picked MOROBOSHI?  Are you SURE you're not working with
Jeff?!" said Paul.

        "How can you pick Asuka?  She has the smallest brain of all the EVA
pilots!" said John.

        "Now, now, guys... we need to get our Seishis.  There's only a week
to prepare," said David.

        "OUR Seishis?"

        "You picked this weird group!!!"

        "Well, but there's some potential here..."

        "Not with that Sailor Moon ditz in there!"

        John made frothing sounds.

        "Uh, guys, why are you looking at me like that?  Trust me, I know
what I'm doing..."

        "Do you KNOW what I had to do to Shampoo just to get out alive?
And that Sailor Odysseus... arrrgggh!!!"

        "And poor Shinobu!  You're going to PAY for not sharing your plans
with us!!!"

        And there was much stomping.

                                *      *      *

        Nabiki looked up from where she had been resting on a table, being
massaged by a strange-looking girl.  "What is it?"

        Ukyou walked over to Nabiki.  "I guess we're the last ones.  David,
John, and Paul are gathering their Seishis.  And you will be leaving to
join Jeff soon."  She turned to the Nyanyan who was massaging Nabiki.  "Can
you leave us?"

        The Nyanyan nodded and left.  Her high-pitched voice was heard from
the hallway as she met her sisters.  "I fixed her!  I fixed her!"

        Nabiki sighed.  "And just as I was getting settled in here."  She
wrapped the towel around herself and sat up.

        Ukyou looked at Nabiki.  "Well, we're on opposite sides."

        Nabiki nodded.  "Jeff made a convincing argument for why I should
be his Miko.  I can get Ranma and Akane out of their marriage.  It's...
it's for the best, really."

        Ukyou looked at Nabiki.  "Are you really after him because you love
him, or is this just another one of your schemes?"

        Nabiki looked up angrily.  "Look, I don't have to justify my
actions to you!  You and Akane were the ones who thought up the kidnapping
routine.  Did I constantly scheme to separate Ranma from his money?  Yes,
but only while he and his Dad were freeloading at the Dojo!  Do you know
how many times I tried to help him and Akane get together when I realized
that they were in love but too stubborn to admit it?  Dozens of times!
Even after I realized...."  She stopped, her anger having run its course
and been replaced by sadness and regret.

        Ukyou sighed.  "I know how you feel.  But life goes on.  We can't
have Ranma.  He's Akane's."

        Nabiki looked up, eyes blazing.  "Perhaps.  But does she deserve
him, after all she's done to him?  Ranma will never hurt her.  He'll go
through hell for someone he loves.  But she'll hurt him.  She's so angry
and he's so naive.  I love Ranma, I want to protect him... from Akane, from
himself!"  Then she groaned, and clutched her stomach.

        Ukyou was there at her side almost at once.  "I thought those girls
'fixed' you," she said, referring to the Nyanyans, Taiitsu-kun's servants.
The Nyanyans were magical and could heal people and fix clothes, among
other skills.  They were also unbearably enthusiastic and bubbly.

        Nabiki grit her teeth.  "Yeah, but it itches like hell."  She
looked up at Ukyou.  "Look, Tai-san sent me here with Ranma and Akane
because he felt that someone from Fushigi Yuugi could help us.  But get
real... a monk with a silly grinning mask, a pretty-boy emperor, and the
rest of those ridiculous Seishis, help me?  I can take care of myself.  I
know he wanted me, Ranma and Akane to deal with our problems, but none of
us are talking to each other.  How are we supposed to deal with the fact
that Jeff knew us so well that we fell right into his manipulations?  Is
what we're feeling real or something he made us feel?"  She sighed.  "Maybe
we've both lost him..."

        Ukyou frowned.  "You never had him in the first place."

        Nabiki smirked.

        "You didn't..."

        "A lady doesn't kiss and tell," Nabiki said smugly.

        "But he never... I didn't... not even a KISS!"  Ukyou gripped her
battle spatula until it looked like the handle might warp.

        "Anyway, this place is just the pits.  I want my MTV.  I want ice
cream.  There's nothing here that's worthwhile..."  She smiled.  "Well,
except that Tamahome guy... he's CUTE, and he reminds me of me..."

        "I don't think Miaka will let you have Tamahome," Ukyou said
absently, still lost in thoughts of finding Ranma and beating some answers
out of him as to how far he had gone.

        Nabiki's smile turned to a sigh.  "That's just the thing, isn't it?
All the good guys are taken."

        Ukyou frowned.  "Well, it's not like Ranma was the only man in the
world.  Or the best," she added.

        Nabiki just looked at Ukyou.  "If you were given the chance to have
Ranma, would you take it?"

        Ukyou was silent.

                                *      *      *

        For this meeting, Jeff had wanted to choose the most impressive
gathering place he could.  The problem was that there were too many places
to choose from.  In the end, he went for the Emperor's throne room from
"Return of the Jedi."  It fit his current attire at least.

        Nabiki stood next to him, clad in a rather ornate black and silver
kimono, the ceremonial attire for a Miko.  The colors were chosen by Jeff,
however.

        At a gesture from the demented author, seven portals opened at the
foot of the dais.  One by one, he summoned his Seishi.

        Kagato appeared in a globe of green light before the Tenchi Muyou
portal.  He smirked as he viewed his surroundings, no doubt feeling his
technology and taste in interior decorating was superior.

        Nakago, clad in his full armor, strode easily through the gate to
Fushigi Yuugi.  There was nothing flashy about his entrance, nothing to
hint at his power.  However, his bearing and small smile spoke volumes.
His eyes assesed his surroundings, looking for weaknesses and
opportunities, sure in the knowledge that he could handle any challenge.

        Sailor Galaxia was next to appear, standing imperiously before the
dais.  She sniffed slightly at Nabiki and eyed the other Seishi carefully.
Both Kagato and Nakago took note of the raw power her beautiful form
contained, though they gave no sign of being dismayed.

        Largo strode arrogantly though his portal.  He took his place
beside a wall and leaned back nonchalantly, his mismatched eyes fixed on
Nabiki and Jeff.  Those eyes burned with a mad hunger for power to top his
already impressive store.

        Clad in white and carrying his katana, Mendou Shutaro appeared.  No
less confident than the other Seishi, he smiled at Nabiki, his teeth
glinting slightly.  The others seemed somewhat amused but no one said
anything.

        As quietly as a ninja, Ayanami Rei stepped through her portal.  She
appeared no more powerful than any other fourteen-year-old.  Her red eyes
and odd-colored hair would attract some notice, but they were nothing
compared to her absolutely emotionless face.  The other Seishi found
themselves slightly unnerved (though they would never admit it.)  There was
something strange about that girl.

        Finally, Iczer-Two appeared in a flash of yellow light.  Tall,
beautiful, efficient and ruthless.  Those were the words that best
described her.  She looked almost bored as she viewed her surroundings.

        As soon as the last Seishi arrived, the subtle power struggles
began.  Nabiki could feel it, in the casual glances and subtle looks... HER
Seishi gave each other.  She could taste their powers on her tongue, thanks
to the link Jeff had forged between them.  Kagato was cold and numbing.
Nakago was pleasant at first but then turned sour.  Galaxia was like red
hot pepper on the tongue, burning uncontrollably.  Largo had a metallic
tang to his power.  Mendou was strong, yet without much substance.  With
Rei, there was almost no taste at all, like distilled water.  Finally,
Iczer-Two was like french-kissing a light socket.

        There was a faint crackle and scent of ozone as those powers tested
each other, though nothing was visible to the naked eye.  Nabiki looked at
Jeff, but he seemed unconcerned.  He also didn't seem about to do anything.
With a start, Nabiki realized that he was leaving things in her hands.

        "People, people, let's settle down and get to business, shall we?"
she said.  At her words those seven pairs of eyes fell on her.  Nabiki had
to use all her willpower to keep her face impassive.

        "Why should we listen to a mere slip of a girl?" Kagato said.

        "Power," the middle Tendo sister said.  That got their attention.
"If we succeed, each of you will get a chance to crush your most hated
enemy once and for all.  Here are our opponents."  She hit a button on the
throne's arm and a hologram of the "Good" Seishi appeared.  Most of her
Seishi grit their teeth and clenched their fists at the sight of their
enemies.  Rei showed no reaction at all.  Iczer-Two looked bored.

        "There is no one there that I wish to fight," she said.

        "Ah, but you are a warrior, made for combat, aren't you?" Nabiki
said.  At a simple command, the hologram shifted to show shots of Ifurita
in action.  Cities vaporized and vast armies fell before her.  For the
first time, Iczer-Two showed some interest.  "Imagine the challenge
inherent in defeating Ifurita, who also was built as a warrior.  She can
copy any power used against her, so this is a battle that requires more
than brute force."

        "Interesting," was all Iczer-Two would say, but Nabiki knew she had
the warrior.  The images reverted to the group shot.

        "Mendou Shutaro pledges himself to this cause!  Any cause that
fights against Moroboshi is worthy!  Besides," he said with another
glinting smile, "how can I refuse a request of such a beautiful woman?"

        "The power of Tsunami..." Kagato mused.  "That is a prize worth
fighting for."

        "That worm dared harm me," Largo said, pointing to Priss, "so I
will enjoy making her suffer."

        Nakago went so far as to kneel, but Nabiki knew that there was no
respect in the action.  It was a ploy, a strategy, nothing more.  "This
warrior pledges himself to your worthy cause, Nabiki-sama."

        "Sailor Moon is an annoyance, nothing more," Galaxia said.  "I will
toss her into primal chaos and claim the power of her pathetic trinket."

        Rei said nothing.

        "Ayanami-san, will you join us?" Nabiki said at last.

        "Yes."

        "You are willing to fight against your comrade?" Nabiki pressed,
unwilling to believe that Rei would take things so calmly.

        "Yes."

        "Why?"

        "You said to."

        Nabiki gave up.  It was probably a pointless conversation, anyway.

        "Good, good," Jeff cackled.  He raised his hands and seven bolts of
black lightning shot out, marking the Seven Seishi with black symbols of
power.

        PRIDE appeared on Kagato's forehead.

        AVARICE appeared on Mendou's sword hand.

        LUST appeared on Nakago's chest, glowing through his armor.

        ANGER appeared on Largo's left hand, the one Priss had destroyed in
their earlier encounter.

        GLUTTONY appeared on Sailor Galaxia's shoulder.

        ENVY appeared on Iczer-Two's neck.

        SLOTH appeared on Rei's stomach, shining through her plug suit.

        "You have one week to prepare, Nabiki.  I know you will succeed!"
With that, Jeff vanished.  The Seishi were examining their marks.  Some of
them seemed a little displeased by the selection of markings.  Rei, of
course, showed no reaction at all.

        Nabiki smiled and sat in the throne.  "Shall we begin?" she said.

                                *      *      *

        David grimaced as he walked into the Konan Emperor's audience room.
He had underestimated John and Paul's reaction to his Seishi choices.
Fortunately Mitsukake, the healer of the Suzaku Seishi, was around.

        "If I didn't know better, I'd swear John had been bitten by a rabid
wombat at birth," David muttered.

        "What was that, Dave?" Paul said, leaning against a wall.  John was
next to him, and both of them were giving him suspicious looks.

        David sighed.  "Don't call me Dave, Paul.  And the answer is,
nothing."

        Paul nodded.  "Well, we gathered the Seishis here.  Although I
still think you're nuts for picking some of THEM."

        David grinned.  "Hey, trust me, I know what I'm doing."

        John growled, as Paul just rolled his eyes.  David decided to turn
and address the Seishis instead.

        The Seishis of the Triad.

        David smiled as his eyes was drawn to the beautiful, serene woman.
"Tsunami," David said.  A projection of Jurai's finest battleship, Tsunami
was serenity and harmony wrapped in the nastiest weaponry that House Jurai
could produce.  He made a motion, and a glowing silver symbol appeared on
Tsunami's right shoulder.  The Chinese symbol for "Sheep."  David grinned,
feeling that the Chinese Zodiac sign was most appropriate.  "Most feminine
of the zodiac, indeed," he thought.

        A couple of shouts from the other Seishis diverted David's
attention.  A loudmouthed teenage redhead girl and a tough-looking woman
pushed their way to the front.

        "I ain't about to get branded like some kinda cow!" Priss Asagiri
shouted.

        "Neither am I!" Asuka yelled at David.

        David just sighed.  "Look, it's temporary.  After we're done, we
can take it off.  In the meantime, think of it as a temporary tattoo."

        Priss blinked, then grinned.  Asuka just gave David a suspicious
look.  "Don't think about putting it ANYWHERE on my private property!"
Asuka said, hugging her chest protectively.  David grinned, as he willed
the symbols for "Tiger" on Priss's right arm and "Dragon" on Asuka's left
arm.  Asuka hmph'ed and stormed back to her previous position, as Priss
slowly walked back, admiring her "tattoo."

        "Me next!  Me next!" cried a young girl with long blonde hair done
up in a very unusual style.  Usagi Tsukino bounced up to David and leaned
towards him.  David just looked at her, sighed, and then willed a glowing
silver character on her head: Rabbit.

        A sudden chill ran through the room as a tall beautiful woman
walked towards David, holding a very large staff with a round orb on top of
it.  "Ifurita," John whispered.  David grimaced, backing away slightly as
he put "Dog" on Ifurita's left shoulder.

        "Oooooh, BABY!"  With a GLOMP, Ataru Moroboshi announced himself to
the room, and most particularly, to the region of Ifurita's chest.  Without
saying a word, Ifurita raised the staff.  *ZAP*

        David barely managed to brand Ataru's left ankle with "Monkey"
before Ataru went flying past him.

        David nodded.  "Okay... that's all of them, right?"  He counted.
"Wait.  Six? Who's missing?"

        Noise was heard outside the room.  Paul grinned.  "Oh, Tamahome had
a little problem coming this morning."

        "Problem?" David asked.

        "Miaka," John smiled.

        A hand appeared at the doorway.  This was followed by an handsome
face, surrounded by unkempt black hair.  Then a thin, sinewy frame
followed.  All the women in the room, with the exception of Ifurita and
Tsunami, took a sudden intake of air.  "Wow, what a HUNK!" Usagi said with
hearts in her eyes.

        "Miaka, come on, let go!" Tamahome said, as he dragged himself into
the room.  Attached firmly to his leg was a young schoolgirl, wearing a
brown school uniform.  Behind her was Nuriko.  Nuriko was apologizing to
all the people in the hallway who had tripped or otherwise run afoul of
Miaka.

        Miaka glared up at him with a mixed look of anger and fear.
"You're leaving me!  And you're fighting that SCARY Nakago!"

        "Whoa, a babe!" Ataru yelled, running toward the ravishing Nuriko.
He stopped before he got within five feet, however.  "Ugh... You're a guy,
aren't you?"

        Nuriko slammed Ataru into the wall, then looked away with an
innocent maidenly look.  He lifted a hand and tee-hee'd.  "Oh, you!  You're
such a kidder!" the cross-dresser said, as everyone else sweat-dropped,
except for Tamahome and Miaka, who were still absorbed in their own
struggle.

        Tamahome raised his leg and shook it.  "LET GO ALREADY!!!"  Miaka
held on ferociously for a few minutes, before Tamahome shook her loose.

        Miaka went flying... to be caught in Ataru's waiting arms. (He had
made the world's fastest recovery from being used as wallpaper, it seemed.)
"Hello!"  Ataru got out, before his face made acquaintance with Tamahome's
fist.

        "What do you think you're doing to Miaka?" Tamahome seethed.  Ataru
made no response, being unconscious.

        David, who was sweating a bit watching the whole display, ahemed.
"Tamahome?  We don't have time for this."

        Tamahome nodded.  "Damn right.  I waived my usual fee, just so I
could get a shot at Nakago again.  I owe that bastard."

        "Right, right.  Let me give you the Seishi symbol," David said.  He
made a gesture.

        Tamahome frowned.  "Where did you put it?"  He checked his
shoulders, then opened his shirt to reveal the glowing silver symbol,
"Rooster," on his chest.

        Usagi fainted.  Priss whistled.  Asuka gaped.  Ifurita raised an
eyebrow, and Tsunami smiled faintly.  Miaka narrowed her eyes suspiciously,
frowned, and clutched Tamahome's right leg possessively.  The men wore
unreadable expressions, except for Nuriko, who was busy powdering his face
before reaching out to *glomp* Tamahome's left arm.  "Oh Tama-chan...!"

        "Hey, get off me!  Pervert!  Miaka!  Help!"

        "Nuriko!  He's MINE!"  Miaka and Nuriko got into a playful (not-so-
playful on Miaka's part) tug-of-war over Tamahome.  This just caused
Tamahome's shirt to open even further, showing his taut stomach and
muscular chest.  Asuka was blushing as red as her plug suit now.

        Ukyou peered through the door.  "Hey, guys, sorry I'm late, but I
had a problem with the kimono..." she began, before seeing Tamahome.  Her
eyes widened.  "Tama... Tama... Tamahome.... eh heh heh."  She blushed,
closed her eyes, put her hand behind her head, and giggled nervously.

        The resulting chaos required all the Suzaku Seishis, all the
Nyanyans, and a demon head appearance from Taiitsu-kun to break up.  John
had to be tranquilized for excessive frothing.

        Tamahome just sweat-dropped.  "Are ALL girls from other worlds this
forward?"

                                *      *      *

        The Seishis of the Triad were put through their paces.  Finally,
the day of Ragnarok arrived.  Ukyou gathered her Seishis together, each
with his/her army behind him/her.  Priss, wearing her blue armor, had the
AD Police behind her, Ataru had the Onis behind him, and Tamahome the army
of Konan Country.  Asuka was wearing her red form-fitting plug suit,
awaiting orders to climb into her robot, EVA 02.  Behind Sailor Moon was a
massive crowd of raving, slobbering fanboys.  Tsunami had brought the
finest of Jurai's soldiers with her.  Ifurita floated above it all, calmly
watching Ukyou while her army of soldiers from El Hazard muttered briefly
and nervously under her feet.

        Ukyou smiled at her Seishis, savoring the connections she could
feel on her tongue with them.  Tamahome, the supreme okonomiyaki.  Priss,
the spicy okonomiyaki.  Asuka, the peppery okonomiyaki.  Tsunami, smooth
and creamy.  Ifurita, so plain yet bold.  Usagi, so light and airy and
sweet.  And... *ICK*!  She stuck her tongue out and shuddered.  Ataru, the
sea urchin.

        Despite their diverse personalities, Ukyou felt pretty good about
the group.  Ataru, though he seemed to be the weakest of the lot, showed
the most tenacity, even if he HAD to be admonished quite often (with a very
large spatula) not to attack friendly forces.  Ifurita's sheer destructive
potential was frightening.  Priss and Asuka were like twin goddesses of
armored doom, and they worked surprisingly well together.  Tsunami was the
calming force that unified the Seishis.  Tamahome's fighting ability and
strength was amazing, nearly on a par with Ranchan!  As for Usagi... well,
Ukyou had to take John's word that she would pull her weight.

        There were numerous disputes among the Seishis as to who should
lead them in battle.  Asuka had immediately claimed it, but the others were
unwilling to follow the hotheaded teenager.  Tamahome turned it down,
saying he was more interested in ripping Nakago's head off his shoulders.
NOBODY wanted Ataru to lead them, and Ifurita showed no interest.  Priss
was entirely too chaotic in her leadership style.  In the end, they offered
it to Tsunami, who shook her head, and suggested someone else.  They had
finally chosen a pretty good leader.  Sorta, Ukyou thought as she eyed
Sailor Moon, who was giggling and talking to a profusely sweating black
cat.  Even though Paul had protested this, David nodded to Ukyou with
approval at her choice (even if it was the only one she could make).
Still, the group they were going up against was scary, Ukyou had to admit.
The sheer destructiveness of Iczer-Two alone...

        John prodded her.  "Ukyou? You should give them a speech."

        Ukyou blinked as she came out of her fugue,and realized what John
had said.  She shuddered.  "No, I can't...!  I... I'm just no good at this
stuff."

        "Okay, then, I'll do it!" David said.  He marched up to the
Seishis, and ahemed.  "Okay, guys.  This is the day!  You all know the
rules.  The last Miko standing is the winner.  You've been working for this
the whole week.  Try not to die out there!"

        Paul rolled his eyes.  "Oh real awe-inspiring, David," he said as
Ukyou whacked David with her spatula.

        Ukyou sighed.  "Okay, I'll give the speech."  She went out to face
them, and began to give a speech for the history books.

        "Ahem.  Um, can you all hear me?  Okay... um... well, today, we go
out there to face the forces of darkness.  We go forth to fight for love,
for honor, and for truth.  We fight for freedom of speech.  We go to punish
that scum-sucking evil bitch who should've known better than to touch her
sister's husband and did things with him that good girls just shouldn't do
even though that husband is sooo handsome and so brave and we should punish
her because she did bad things that _I_ haven't done with him, and she did
all those things with him even though that baka had me for a fiancee and
never ever gave me a kiss even though I'm the CUTE fiancee and now I'm
going to HURT her by shoving a few spatulas under her fingernails and then
I'm going to put her on the griddle and fry her till she's well done and
then I'm going to hunt down Ranchan and I'm going to beat him up and get
some answers from him and we're gonna..."

        Ukyou blinked, as she realized everyone was STARING at her.  She
blushed and smiled cutely.  "Oh, um... sorry.  Um.  Let's kick butt!"

        The armies cheered, and then prepared to converge towards the
transportation site.  David and Paul followed them.  Ukyou sighed, and
prepared to leave, when she noticed John walking over to her.

        John looked at her sadly.  Ukyou looked at John, feeling
apprehension.  "Oh, kami, what do I say to him?"  The look on John's face
was that of caring entirely too much, and Ukyou was starting to feel rather
confused about her feelings.  Nabiki's words echoed in her head.  "How are
we supposed to deal with the fact that Jeff knew us so well that we fell
right into his manipulations?  Is what we're feeling real or something he
made us feel?"

        John started to hug her, but she halted him.  "Look, John-san, not
now.  I'm all messed up.  I just don't know if I'm in charge of my own
actions or if one of you authors is messing with my emotions or whatever.
All I know is, after talking to Nabiki, I'm not sure anymore about my
feelings.  For you or for anyone else.  Please... leave me alone."

        John looked downcast, as Ukyou walked away.

                                *      *      *

        The armies of the Seishis of the Triad gathered, and began their
journey to Lodoss, teleported there by the authors.  The last remaining
were the Seishis themselves.  Led by Bishojo Senshi Sailor Moon, the Triad
Seishis gathered outside the Konan palace and waved to the population as
they awaited their Miko.

        Ukyou Kuonji, dressed in her traditional okonomiyaki uniform and
carrying her large spatula, came riding out of the palace on a large gray
mare.  She nodded at her Seishis, and turned her head towards Chichiri, who
was standing atop the palace with the rest of the Suzaku Seishis and Miaka.
Chichiri nodded at her and began to chant.

        The wandering monk said a prayer of blessing over the party, and
then the Seishis prepared to leave.  Konan's population cheered and waved.

        The last thing Ukyou heard as she was transported was Chichiri's
cheerful "We who are about to watch you die salute you, no da!!!"

                                *      *      *

        Meanwhile, the Seishi of the One were gathered in the cathedral of
Kagato's Soujya II.  Nabiki was seated on the throne and her seven Seishi
were clustered before her, along with the gathered officer corps of their
armies.  Largo had three boomers behind him that looked exactly like him,
though there was no mistaking the power-mad gleam in the eyes of the
original.  Iron Mouse, Aluminum Siren, Lead Crow, and Tin Nyanko abased
themselves behind Sailor Galaxia, looking like they would rather be
anywhere else than under the eye of their superior.  Nakago had a few of
his officers behind him, but they were mere tokens.  Their medieval armor
looked out of place in the hi-tech cathedral, and especially with the
blaster carbines they were toting.  Behind Iczer-Two were a selection of
nightmarish beasts from the Cthuluwulf, good shock troops if nothing else.
Mendou had his officers standing rigidly at attention behind him.  Rei and
Kagato stood alone.

        "The time has come," Nabiki said.  "Nakago, are we prepared?"

        "Yes, Nabiki-sama," the blond shogun replied.  "Kagato's weapons
have been dispersed to those who require them.  We shall make short work of
our foes."

        "The Soujya II is all the firepower we need!" Kagato announced.

        "Now, now, Kagato-chan," Nabiki said soothingly.  "We discussed
this.  You'll have your hands full taking on Tsunami at first.  There's no
point in not taking precautions."

        Kagato looked disgruntled, but let it pass.

        "Enough of this foolishness," Iczer-Two said.  "I only wish to test
my new strength against this Ifurita."  She raised her hands and two green
jewels glinted from where they were embedded in her wrists.  Kagato smiled
proudly.  While not quite up to Washuu's power gems, he had not been idle
in all his years of searching.  Adding them to Iczer-Two's own formidable
powers was like throwing antimatter into a nuclear explosion.

        "Follow the plan and you ALL will get what you want," Nabiki said.
She stood and walked down amongst them.  "Remember what's at stake here and
why we pooled our resources."

        "Of course, Nabiki-sama," Nakago said.

        "I shall bring you Moroboshi's head on a pike," Mendou swore.

        "As long as that blue-suited worm feels my wrath, I will be
content," Largo vowed.

        "Is your link to the Soujya's weapons working?" Nabiki asked.

        Largo raised his left hand and clenched it into a fist, his Seishi
symbol glowing darkly.  "'And the first angel sounded the trumpet and there
followed hail and fire mingled with blood,'" he quoted.  "I am ready."

        "Ayanami?  Are you ready?"

        "Hai."

        Nabiki knew it would be pointless to press for more of an answer.

        "Galaxia?"

        "I am ready."

        Nabiki looked each of them in the eyes, one after another.  "Do not
fail our purpose," she said.

        The Seishi of the One bowed.  Somewhere, Jeff threw back his head
and laughed.

                                *      *      *

        The portals from Konan country open up on the plains of Lodoss,
disgorging the mighty armies gathered from seven worlds.  Oni battle
cruisers flew overhead in formation around Tsunami.  ADPolice transports
and helicopters followed, and then the horses and men of Konan.  The
drooling fanboys were a vast mob that lay on the land like a plague of
locusts.  Evangelion Unit 02 stomped along, receiving power in a tight beam
from Tsunami, thus doing away with its biggest liability, the power cord.
There was no place to plug it in on Lodoss, anyway.  The armies and fleets
got into their position and awaited the coming of the enemy.  Binoculars
and sophisticated sensors scanned the horizon, eagerly seeking the foe.

        All was silent.

        "Where are they?" Ukyou said from her command post.  "They're late!
And they're the ones who picked the time and everything!"

        The moon of Lodoss rose quietly over the horizon.

        "It's probably a scare tactic," Tsunami said quietly from where she
stood beside Ukyou.  Her ability to be in two places at once made for very
good communications.  Suddenly, the blue-haired woman froze.  "Oh, my," she
said faintly, looking up at the moon in the sky.

        "What?  What?" Ukyou almost screamed.

        "To quote someone from your world, 'That's no moon, it's a space
station.'"

        Ukyou looked up.  The 'moon' was indeed a gigantic space battleship
bristling with weapons.  As she watched, it seemed to grow larger and
larger until it seemed to fill a third of the sky.

        "Kagato always did overcompensate for his feelings of inferiority,"
Tsunami said placidly.

        Thousands of small specks detached themselves from the gargantuan
ship, swooping down toward the plains.  Only as they grew closer could
Ukyou truly judge their size.  Each of them must have held hundreds of
troops, and they were guarded by dozens of fightercraft each.

        "Ataru!  Tsunami!  Take out as many of those troop ships as you
can!  Come on people, let's cook with gas!" Ukyou screamed.

        The battle was joined.

                                *      *      *

        Tamahome, dressed in a black Chinese robe, stood at the front of
the battle lines, looking up at the large enemy spaceship.  The Suzaku
Seishi could only shake his head at the sheer size of it.  Around him, the
Konan army was muttering among themselves, in a near panic.

        "We can't fight that!"  "Are they crazy? I'm getting out of here!"

        Tamahome spun around at the army.  "What're you, men or wusses?"
He pointed up at the sky, where already, the Oni ships were gathering.
"They're taking care of that iron bird.  Our mission is to take care of the
land forces!  Kutou Country is among them, and it is them we will stop!"

        Tamahome spun on his heels and strode forth to the front of the
lines.  There, he reached into his pocket, and took out a red ribbon.
"Miaka..." he thought, as he slowly tied the ribbon around his right arm.
Then he turned to face his men.

        "Let's move!"

        They marched forth into battle.

                                *      *      *

        Ifurita rose above the battlefield, scanning carefully for the most
worthwhile target.  With the ease of long experience, she targeted a small
group of transports and let loose her Red Thunder.  They disappeared in a
satisfactory ball of incandescent gas.

        She was tracking another target when suddenly the world wavered and
turned 90 degrees away from its proper setting.  The battlefield of Lodoss
was replaced with an endless vista of blue sky and floating islands of
matter.

        "Interesting.  Subspatial transport," Ifurita commented as her
systems assimilated the technique.  It was, she noted, less versatile than
the Eye of God, but also consumed less power.  She deemed it a worthy
addition to her arsenal.

        "It is a good way to remove distractions," someone said behind her.

        Ifurita turned and faced Iczer-Two.  The two warriors locked gazes,
each seeking some weakness in the other they could exploit.

        "Iczer-Two," Ifurita said dispassionately," Humanoid Battle
Construct developed by the Cthulwulf.  Primary ability: Absorption and
control over ambient cosmic energy.  Upper limit of power: Unknown."

        Iczer-Two nodded, accepting the analysis for what it was, a
straight-forward statement of fact.  She returned the favor, equally
dispassionately.  "Ifurita.  Humanoid Battle Construct from the dimension
of El Hazard.  Primary Ability: Assimilation of any attack used against
unit.  Upper limit of power: Unknown."

        Ifurita raised an eyebrow as she considered her foe.  "Interesting.
I have not had a truly serious challenge in thousands of years."

        "I thought that you would appreciate this."

        Ifurita raised her staff.  "Shall we begin?"

        "Quite."  Iczer-Two charged, energy sword held high.

                                *      *      *

        Asuka Langley gave an exasperated sigh, from inside her robot, EVA
Unit 02.  Despite her naturally superior fighting skills, they were having
her baby-sit some dinky spaceship?  She frowned.  She had the world's very
best weapon, Evangelion Unit Oh-Two, a 50 feet tall heavily armored robot,
with which she had near-perfect synchronization, and they were just
relegating her to the background?  She would almost rather kiss Ikari
Shinji again than playing rear guard; she was a fighter, dammit!  She was
hoping to take the stage full-center and have the world adore her marvelous
skills (and dazzling beauty, of course!)  And now she was stuck, providing
anti-air support.

        Tsunami's image appeared on her telecommunications screen.  "The
enemy is coming.  Prepare yourself."

        Asuka sighed, knowing full well that her duties on anti-air support
required she be able to take out the maneuverable ships.  Then she narrowed
her eyes.  Well, then, if that was her role, let it be said that Asuka
Langley was the best there was!

        Asuka raised her guns and began to target the dropships that would
soon disgorge the enemy ground troops... IF they landed.  She began
shooting them, grinning at the ease with which she was picking them off.
This was almost as much fun as picking on Shinji!

        Suddenly, her telecommunications beeped again.  Tsunami appeared.
"Warning, warning, warning.  An unidentified object has ejected from the
Soujya II.  It is headed your way."

        Asuka blinked.  EVA Unit 02 raised its head and began scanning.
"Where?" Asuka queried.

        Then a shadow fell over her.  EVA Unit 02 turned and looked into
the sun.  Asuka blinked and rubbed at her eyes, trying to get the monitor
to filter the glare out.  Her eyes widened as the screen cleared, and she
barely managed to erect the AT Field before EVA Unit 00 smashed into it,
brandishing a wicked electrified blade the size of a tree.

                                *      *      *

        Inside EVA Unit 00, Ayanami Rei calmly moved her controls.  EVA 00
adjusted its grip on the knife from a stabbing downward position into a
position more suitable for knife-to-knife fighting.  Her knife's field
crackled, as Kagato's modifications had boosted its strength up.  Rei's
emotionless red eyes were drawn to a communication panel beeping.  She
reached out to turn it on.

        Asuka's angry face popped up.  "What do you think you're doing,
traitor?  Are you trying to take me on?  Just HAVE to prove you're better
than me?  I'm the one who scored higher than you in the synchronization
tests!"

        Rei's only response was to have Evangelion Unit 00 slash at EVA
Unit 02.  EVA Unit 02 danced out of the way, pulling out its own large
knife, itself crackling with the modifications that Jurai technicians had
made to it.

        They met, knife to knife.

                                                           --- to be continued.

-- 
The DnR Round Robin was originally slated for release April Fool's Day 1997.
Final release 10/29/97. Go figure.

A product of the deranged mind of Jeff Hosmer after reading one too many
DnR critiques... also writing were John Walter Biles, David Tai and Paul
Gallegos.

(c) 1997 Digital Knight Communications
http://www.tass.org/~ranma/home.html
ranma@TASS.org (Saotome Ranma)


===============================================================================
                  Daigakusei no Ranma: The Round Robin part 4
===============================================================================

                                *      *      *

        "Retreat!  Retreat!"

        Tamahome looked back, as a man came running up to him.  Tamahome
paused, holding back his men as he looked at the large army in the
distance.

        "What is it?"

        The man stood panting.  "The opposing army we face are armed with
lightning!  The Lady Ukyou urges you to retreat!  We cannot stop them, not
armed with spears and shields!"

        Tamahome frowned.  The enemy was fighting dirty.  With that, there
was only one thing to say...

        "Retreat."

        His army looked at Tamahome like he was insane.

        "Retreat.  Defend the Triad Miko.  Protect the Lady Ukyou."

        The lieutenant next to Tamahome sighed, and was about to give the
order, when Tamahome grabbed him by the arm.

        "Taki, take charge of them."

        "Wh... what?  My lord, will you not be...?"

        Tamahome tightened his grip.  "Take them back.  That bastard Nakago
has a lot to pay for, and I'm not letting him off so easily."

        "But sire!..."

        "THAT'S AN ORDER!"

        The lieutenant's training took over.  "All men, fall in, prepare to
defend the Triad Miko!"

        As the army prepared to move back, Tamahome looked at the advancing
enemy forces.  His eyes narrowed.

        "Nakago..."

        And then Tamahome was off, running into the advancing enemy horde.

                                *      *      *

        The Juraian Battleship Tsunami rose quickly through the atmosphere,
leaving the Oni fleet behind.  The bulk of the Soujya II filled the sky as
she took up a position between the battlestation and the plains of Lodoss.
The gun ports of the Soujya opened and the first energy blast of the battle
flew toward the slim, graceful ship challenging it.

        Ten blades of energy, the Wings of the Light Hawk, sprang into
being, easily turning aside the torrent of energy that Kagato threw at
them.  The first shot was soon followed scores of others.  Fighters,
piloted by the fanatical Mendou Clan Air Force, launched themselves at the
Triad ship.

        Tsunami's own guns now spoke, lashing out at the fighters as they
approached.  Just before the deadly beams touched the smaller ships, the
pilots vanished, beamed away by Tsunami to the Triad's POW encampment.
This compassionate gesture meant that some of the fighters made it to the
Wings of the Light Hawk, but that did not matter.  They could not penetrate
the most potent shielding known to space.

        Colonel Ken Wakajima, MCAF, knew this.  Tsunami's actions had been
predicted in the planning session.  He now flew in formation behind twenty
of his comrades and together they swooped down from the Soujya toward their
enemy.  He spared a glance to the picture of his wife and son he had taped
below his control board, then devoted all of his concentration to the task
at hand.

        Tsunami's beams reached out for his group.  Twenty fighters became
eighteen, then fifteen.  Closer they flew.  Another salvo and they were
eleven.  The fighters reformed their defensive shield.  By now, Tsunami
realized that Wakajima's fighter was some sort of attack and began to
dedicate more of her guns to their group, but the drain of transporting the
pilots was slowing her reaction time.  Nine fighters left and they were
still approaching the target.  Wakajima reached down and armed the device.

                                *      *      *

        The Kutou army laughed as one lone unarmed man charged toward them.
A foolhardy man, about to die before their lightning guns.

        They did not laugh for long.  Somehow, Tamahome glided through,
around, over, and under their death beams.  Almost otherworldly.  Some men
swore that day that a demon, marked with a glowing red  brand of "Oni" on
his forehead, had risen from the pits of hell to smite them.  Others were
only able to mumble things about how a young man armed with inhuman
strength and speed ran through them, swiping left and right in smooth
efficient strokes, and how numerous soldiers fell like wheat before him.
In truth, many fell, not only by Tamahome's hands, but to sheer panic,
shooting each other in their haste to destroy the Ogre that was rampaging
through their collective ranks.  The last sight many of them saw before
unconsciousness greeted them was the face of Tamahome, looking for all the
world as if he was taking a merry stroll on a beautiful spring day.

        "Damn it, let's get out of here!" one of Kutou's soldiers said.
Tamahome was a few thousand feet away, and descending rapidly on them...
and many nodded, agreeing with the soldier who had spoken.  They started to
run, but stopped when a voice of rationality spoke.

        "Wait... do you know what the Shogun would do to us?"

        Murmurs ran through the soldiers.  The same soldier who had
encouraged retreat suddenly sweated.  "I guess we could just fall down the
second Tamahome touches us."

        "But he won't fall for that," said the rational soldier.

        "Dammit, just gang up on him, and pray he kills us!" said the other
soldier, as he pulled a knife out from inside his vest.  He hefted his
rifle in his other hand.  "It's better than facing Nakago and tell him we
failed!"

        The soldiers looked at each other, and nodded.  Some drew their
knifes as well.  All of them charged Tamahome, firing their guns madly.

                                *      *      *

        Tamahome flung the last of the soldiers on top of a large pile of
unmoving flesh.  The sign of the Oni glowed bright on his head, as Tamahome
dusted off his hands.  He paused to inspect himself.

        "Aaaaa!  Who's the bastard who cut my robes?  That cost me money,
you know!"  Tamahome frothed.  The large pile of unmoving flesh suddenly
fell apart, as its individual components suddenly decided that they would
be wise to remove themselves from Tamahome's immediate vicinity.  In
moments, Tamahome stood alone.

        Tamahome sighed.  "Damn it.  I should have kept one around for
questioning."

                                *      *      *

        Mendou's elite tank battalion easily cut into the fanboy ground
forces, like slicing cheese with the sword from Conan the Barbarian.
Mendou smiled smugly as otaku after otaku was crushed under the rolling
wheels.  "We will be the first to penetrate their defenses.  Capture of the
Triad no Miko will be child's play from there."

        "Oi... Mendou..." an eerily familiar nasally voice said.  Mendou
began to sweat.

        "Mo- Mo- Moroboshiiiii?!!" Mendou screamed, turning around to face
the leering visage of Ataru Moroboshi.

        "Hi!" Ataru grinned.

        The tank came to an immediate halt, throwing Ataru over the front
of the machine and dumping him unceremoniously onto the ground.  Mendou's
eyes blazed red with an inner fire as Ataru began to get up and dust
himself off.  The tank jerked forward suddenly, and Ataru jumped up and
caught the gun barrel, hanging on to avoid being crushed.

        "Let go of that!" Mendou cursed.  Even Moroboshi could not stop the
Mendou elite tank battalion by himself, he though.  Something's amiss...

        The bolt of lightning energy that coursed through the tank next to
Mendou jolted him to his senses.  He stopped his tank and climbed up the
ladder to see what was going on.  Above him, the Oni fleet had deployed and
was beginning to wreak havoc on his slow tanks.  Mendou cursed silently and
climbed back down to radio his air squadron to deal with them.

        Except that Ataru was in his seat.

        Before Mendou could react, Ataru turned to him and asked, "What
does this do?" as he pushed the control lever to the left.  The tank
commenced a quick 90 degree turn, throwing Mendou against the inner wall,
toppling the ammo stack on top of him.

        "Never mind.  I figured it out!"  Ataru gleefully took control and
rammed another tank, flipping it on its side, where it was immediately
overrun by fanboys.

        Mendou got to his feet slowly.  Unsheathing his sword, he crept up
on Ataru, intending to sever his head from the rest of him.  As he raised
to strike, Ataru found the red trigger behind the drive control and pulled.

        The tank fired, blowing another tank off the ground and several
hundred feet backward.  It landed ablaze with red and orange flames and
exploded exactly three seconds later.  The force of the blast caused Mendou
to fly forward off his feet and head first into the control panel.  The
tank's main gun turret rotated 180 degrees and fired again, this time
missing another tank by mere inches.  Ataru snapped his fingers.  "Dammit
Mendou, you're always getting in the way."

        Ataru clambered out of the tank.  All around him, the scenes of
battle were in motion - although it didn't look good for the otakus.  He
heard Mendou stirring below and peeked down to see if he was all right.
Mendou was sitting back in his chair, shaking his head groggily.  Ataru
grinned again.  Poor Mendou, he thought, he really does try hard.  I feel
sorry for him.

        "Moroboshi..." Mendou muttered.  "I will kill you and take Lum for
myself."

        Ataru dropped a brick on Mendou's head.  "No you won't," he
replied.  Mendou fell forward, unconscious, his body driving the tank
forward.  Ataru jumped off as the tank began to pick up speed.

        Picking up a set of binoculars from the body of a nearby fanboy,
Ataru surveyed the area.  Onis and tanks were engaged in a nearly one-sided
battle, with the otakus cleaning up whatever was left.  Far off in the
distance, Ataru could see a glint of gold and silver.  He could make out
many figures surrounding one taller one, but that was all.  Looking back,
he saw Mendou's tank careening out of control.  A small smile took hold of
his face, and then he laughed out loud.

        Mendou's tank flew past several startled fanboys, who watched in
disbelief as its passenger hung on for dear life to the hatch cover.
"MO..RO..BO..SHIII!!!!" Mendou screamed.  He clambered out of the hatch as
carefully as he could, looking around wildly.  Two fanboys tried to jump on
the moving tank and fell helpless to the treads.  Mendou smirked.  He had
to find Ataru quickly, before all was lost to him.

        Ataru decided to walk in the direction of the glittering person.
Who knows... maybe it's one of those cute sailor girls, he thought.  At the
last moment, he turned around to see what had happened to Mendou's tank and
his jaw dropped in disbelief.  Not twenty yards away was Mendou himself,
running at full speed, sword drawn.

        "I thought you..." Ataru began, before he ducked.  Mendou's sword
swung harmlessly overhead.

        "Shut up!" Mendou fired back.  He slashed again, but Ataru danced
away.

        "Hey, do you know what's over there?" he asked, pointing to the
golden and silver figures.

        "What?  That's Sailor Galaxia!  Even now, she shreds your pathetic
armies to nothingness," Mendou haughtily replied.

        "Sailor Galaxia, eh?" Ataru wondered aloud.  "Is she your Miko?"

        "No, you fool!  But your Triad no Miko will be caught before the
end of the day!"  Mendou looked crazed, as if he were about to crack.

        "What about Lum?" Ataru asked, a sneaky smile on his face.

        "Where?" Mendou said, stopping short.

        "Never mind," Ataru casually replied, calling forth a 50 pound
mallet from hammerspace and delicately pounding Mendou into the ground.
Throwing the mallet over his shoulder, he whisked off in the direction of
Sailor Galaxia.

                                *      *      *

        Galaxia sat upon her throne and watched her animates going forth to
destroy her foes.  She still wasn't quite sure why she was here, or why she
was working with her allies instead of enslaving them.  For that matter,
she had dim memories of having already been defeated and ceasing to be a
villain.  Still, she had a job to do.  Or something.

        While her allies had gone forth to mix it up with their foes,
Galaxia preferred to let her minions do all the work.  Indeed, she
preferred picking people off one by one to mass battles, unless of course,
she had overwhelming force.  Still, her army seemed to be doing its job
well.

        The only problem was that something seemed to be pressing against
her chest.  She blinked and looked down.  A goofy looking young man was
trying hard to remove her chest plate as it was obstructing his efforts to
grope her.  "Do I know you?" she asked.  How did he get past my army? she
wondered.

        "I'm Ataru Moroboshi!  How do you get this thing off, anyway?"

        "I don't."

        Ataru's lithe fingers slipped through a crack, and suddenly, the
chest plate came off, causing most of the rest of the armor to come off as
well, leaving Galaxia clad only in a slip and a golden helmet.  For a few
seconds she was stunned.  Even SHE didn't know how to take it off...

        Then he buried his face in her chest and instinct took over.  "Let
go of me or die!"

        "I'd happily die in your arms, baby!"

        Sailor Moon sprinted forward.  It looked like Galaxia was crushing
that poor guy, Ataru, to death.  As she got closer, she realized that in
fact, Ataru was trying to grope Galaxia.  She thought for a moment, and
decided to let her squash him for that before she intervened.

        Even with a handy crowbar, Galaxia couldn't peel Ataru off her.
This reduced her options, as many of her best attacks would fry her in the
process of lightly baking and basting Ataru.  Finally, she decided to
simply take his Star Seed.  Perhaps he would make a good animate...he
wasn't good for much else.

        When Sailor Moon saw Galaxia slam her fists into Ataru and fire two
quick yellow blasts into Ataru, she realized she had waited too long.
Galaxia was about to take Ataru's Star Seed.  He would turn into a
monster...although she wasn't sure if she'd be able to tell the
difference...and then she'd have to fight him.

        The yellow energy suffused Ataru.  She waited for his head to
sprout the sort of flower thing that always formed just before you lose
your Star Seed.  Nothing happened.

        Galaxia and Sailor Moon both said, "That's not possible!"

        Ataru said, "Oh, Galaxia-chan, let's run away together!"

        Galaxia almost said, "I'd rather just run away," but her dignity
wouldn't let her.  Reduced to abject terror, she simply hit him repeatedly,
but nothing could get him off her, not even picking up a handy mallet and
repeatedly hitting his head.

        Sailor Moon walked up and decided to bluff.  "This is your
punishment for serving evil again!  Are you going to surrender, or do I
have to let Ataru stay on you a while longer?"

        Galaxia screamed.  She couldn't take any more of being snuggled up
to by Ataru.  "I'll do anything!  Anything!  Even watch the Brady Bunch
movie!"

        "Just stand still while I purify you both."  Sailor Moon
transformed to Eternal Sailor Moon and pulled out the amazing Swiss Army
Shining Moon Staff, and popped out the 'Soul Purifier' attachment, which
resembled a giant lollipop with a golden heart inside it.  She leaped into
the air and whacked both of them in the head, shouting "SHINING SPIRITUAL
PURIFICATION!"  Tiny sparkles rained down upon them.  Ataru dropped off of
Galaxia like a full leech.  The fires of evil in Galaxia's eyes went out.

        Ataru got up and said, "I'm sorry about that.  I don't know what
came over me."

        Galaxia said, "Oh great...I tried to conquer all of creation again.
Sorry about that."

        "No problem," Eternal Sailor Moon said.  "Well, that about wraps
this up.  Let's go get some ice cream."  Being used to problems that
usually ended when she beat the main bad guy, she failed to remember that
the battle was still going on.

        They joined arms and skipped off into the sunset in search of an
ice cream parlor.

        Slightly behind the two women, Ataru grinned.  HIM, purified?
Yeah, right.  But this way they let him walk behind them and look up their
skirts (such SHORT skirts, too!) and who knew what could happen at the ice
cream parlor....

                                *      *      *

        "What do you mean, Tamahome just went to fight them all by
himself?!"

        Tsunami calmly nodded her head at Ukyou.  "After being ordered to
retreat, Tamahome sent his army back here, with orders to protect you.  But
he went on."

        Ukyou shook her head.  "Damn it, he's as pigheaded as Ranchan.
Drag his damned carcass here, now!"

        Tsunami gave a small smile.  "But he's taking out the army now...
my surveillance systems indicates...  correction.  He has already taken
them out."

        Ukyou smiled.  "Oh good.  Where is he now?"

        "He appears to be on the outskirts of a woods south of her.  Close
enough for one of the Oni ships to pick him up."

        "Great.  Now..."  She took a deep breath.  "TELL HIM TO GET HIS
DAMN ASS BACK HERE!!!"

        Tsunami nodded, then froze.  "Surveillance indicates a man
materializing... oh my."

        "What?  What is it?"

        "I'm afraid that I cannot follow your order, Kuonji-sama."

        "What?! Why not?!"

        "Nakago has arrived."

                                *      *      *

        "About time you got here, dirtbag!" Tamahome said, as he clenched
his fists.

        Nakago merely raised an eyebrow.  "Temper, temper, Tamahome..."

        Tamahome's temper flared.  "I told you someday I would get
stronger.  I always keep my promises... and I WILL defeat you!"

        Nakago inclined his head slightly, his icy blue eyes showing his
amusement.  "Do tell."

        Tamahome narrowed his eyes.  "I still owe you for what you did to
Miaka, you slime ball!"

        Nakago gave a small mocking smile.  "What?  I'm hurt.  You did not
appreciate my little gift to you?"

        Tamahome's forehead started glowing bright red with the sign of the
Oni.  "Bastard!!!"  And then he snapped.  With a loud cry, he charged at
Nakago, leading with his fist.

        Nakago raised his right hand.

        Tamahome's body thudded against an translucent force field.  He
pounded on it, as Nakago, surrounded by that force field, closed his eyes.

        "Come out and face me, you coward!  What you did to Miaka... what
you did to Yui... what you did to ME!  Damn you to hell!"

        Nakago opened his eyes, his forehead glowing blue with his own
sign.  "Oh, I'm afraid that is incorrect," he said with a taunting smile.
He raised his right hand, and suddenly, Tamahome went flying.  "The only
one going to Hell is you."

        As Tamahome slowly gathered his wits and coughing up dirt, Nakago
raised his hand again.  Tamahome was sent flying into the woods.  He
crashed into a large tree, then sent crashing into the ground.  Invisible
tendrils reached out to choke Tamahome's neck, and the Suzaku Seishi
grasped desperately at the unseen forces.  Just when Tamahome thought he
had breathed his last, he was sent flying yet again.  The last thing
Tamahome heard as his body was sent smashing front-first into another tree
was the sound of rustling leaves descending around him, and Nakago's voice.

        "Welcome to hell, Tamahome..."

                                *      *      *

        Tsunami paused her report on the battle, causing Ukyou to look up
in alarm.  The command center was now in full swing, with Oni and NERV
technicians working feverishly to update the battle map.  The tactical
situation could have been better.  Ifurita was missing, the Onis were
unable to stop all of the transports from landing, and Tsunami was locked
in battle with the Soujya, rendering her incapable of ground support.  No
one knew where Ataru and Sailor Moon had gotten too.  At least Priss and
the ADPolice where holding fast.

        "Talk to me, Tsunami," Ukyou said.  An Oni tech ran up with a
report confirming some earlier bad news.  The enemy Kutou soldiers had been
armed with futuristic beam weapons that made mincemeat of Ukyou's Konan
forces and that Tamahome had ordered them to retreat.  "Order Priss in and
let the ADPolice fight them, they're better equipped to handle that," she
told the tech, who saluted and ran off.  That left Ukyou's line thin on the
Boomer front, but if they could achieve air superiority then they could
limit the number of enemy forces on the ground and still achieve victory.

        "The Otaku Fan Boys encountered Mendou forces," another tech
reported almost as soon as Ukyou closed her mouth.  "Casualties are
reported as heavy."

        "Later!" Ukyou snapped, "Tsunami, what's going on?"

        "Mendou Fighters are making some sort of attack run.  They are
guarding one plane to the exclusion of all else," Tsunami finally said,
with a distracted air.  "I am trying to down them now before they reach the
Wings.  I anticipate no problems, however."

        Ukyou turned to a NERV tech, "Run a scan NOW.  I want to know what
they're trying."

        "Scanning," Ibuki Maya replied.  "Located the fighter.  All its
armament is stripped save one bomb.  Scanning for bomb type."  The battle
display changed to show five fighters now streaking towards Tsunami.  Four
of them flew in front of the fifth, keeping Tsunami from targeting it.
They were getting uncomfortably near the Wings of the Light Hawk.  Even as
Ukyou watched, two more fighters disappeared from the screen, then another.
Finally, only one was left, but it's blip was almost touching the schematic
representing the Wings.

        "My God," Maya breathed.  "IT'S A N2 MINE!"

        "Tsunami!  Break off!" Ukyou yelled.

        The fighter blip merged with the Wings of the Light Hawk.

                                *      *      *

        Ifurita leveled her staff and fired a Light Arrow at her opponent.
Iczer-Two parried it with her energy sword, dissipating it easily.  The
Cthuluwulf warrior then aimed her finger at Ifurita and let loose a bolt of
energy of her own.  Ifurita made no attempt to dodge, confident in her
abilities to absorb the blow.  She didn't realize she was not the target.

        The bolt flew past the El Hazardian Demon God and slammed into one
of the ubiquitous floating islands.  The impact imparted a great deal of
kinetic energy into the mass of earth and stone, which exploded violently,
sending shrapnel everywhere.  One particularly large chunk slammed into
Ifurita's back, sending her tumbling for a second.  Then a fiery aura
blazed around her, protecting her from further harm.  The purple and red
flames incinerated any pieces that came near her.

        "An interesting tactic," Ifurita said calmly.  Raising her staff,
she sent four Red Thunders at the red-haired warrior.  The four expanding
balls of plasma converged on Iczer-Two's position.  The Cthuluwulf
transported away, but a bit of the attack singed her.

        "I'll try to keep you amused," Iczer-Two replied.  The green gems
on her wrists began to glow.

                                *      *      *

        "MENDOU!" shouted Colonel Ken Wakajima, husband and father, as his
fighter hit the Wings of the Light Hawk.

        Brilliant white light erupted from almost every monitor in Ukyou's
Command Post and alarms rang as the N2 mine's impact fuze detonated its
charge.  The final word in "clean" nuclear weapons, the N2 Mine unleashed
an atomic fury unseen outside of a star's core.  But that fury was not
uncontrolled.  Instead, all of it directed itself against the Wings of
Light Hawk.  Against that, NO shielding could stand.

        Tsunami's screams cut above the clangor in the Command Post.  Her
human body seemed to burst into flames even as the living starship that was
truly her was seared by nuclear flame.  Onis and NERV techs ran up with
extinguishers and called for medics, but the flames refused to go out until
the N2 explosion subsided.

        "Get the Tsunami on the main screen!" Ukyou yelled.  Maya was quick
to respond, rerouting sensors to get around the ones burnt out by the
explosion or wiped out by the electromagnetic pulse.  The Tsunami appeared
on the screen.

        Ukyou stood, aghast.  The once pristine ship was now badly scored
and listing to the port.  Its smooth, clean lines were now broken and
melted.  Even as they watched, a gout of flame burst out of its side,
making the list even worse.  "My god," she whispered.

        The Soujya II moved ponderously toward its prey.

        "Get the Oni Fleet out there to protect her!" Ukyou yelled, finally
snapped out of her daze.  She knew it was too late, however, as several
tractor beams shot out from the Soujya II to enwrap the Tsunami.  A massive
port opened in the Soujya's side, large enough to swallow Tsunami whole.

        "Invader reports that they are engaged with heavy Mendou resistance
and cannot break away at this time!" an Oni reported.

        "If we don't save Tsunami, we lose any hope of air superiority!
Order the Kashin to move to protect her!" Ukyou snapped.

        "N-no..." croaked an unsteady voice.  Ukyou looked over.  Tsunami
was weakly fending off the attentions of the medics.  Her clothes were
largely burnt away and her skin was blackened and cracked.  In places it
fell away and Ukyou could not look at the raw, bloody wounds.  Looking at
Tsunami's face wasn't much better.  "U-ukyou-chan... wh-where are you?"
Tsunami asked, turning her head slightly back and forth, even though she
was staring directly at Ukyou.

        Oh, gods, she's blind, Ukyou thought.  How bad is the damage if she
can't spare the energy to repair her human form?  Ukyou was fuzzy on the
nature of Juraian Tree Assimilation, but she knew the burnt body before her
had once been that of a little girl named Sasami.

        "Don't try to talk, Tsunami," she said, making herself reach out to
touch Tsunami's hand.  "We'll protect you."

        "T-too late," Tsunami said, turning her now-milky eyes toward the
young okonomiyaki chief.  "I won't let... Kagato use me...  Self-destruct
has been initiated..."

        "NO!  Don't give up!" Ukyou screamed.  She could feel Tsunami's
life, taste it.  But the okonomiyaki was burnt now, turning to ashes in her
mouth.

        "Oh dear..." Tsunami said faintly.  "He's damping my power... Self-
destruct impossible.  Ukyou, tell Tenchi I l--"

        Tsunami vanished.

        Ukyou didn't have to look at the screen to see the Soujya II
swallow Tsunami whole.  She didn't have to see the Wings of the Light Hawk
snap into being around the massive battlestation.  She could feel Tsunami's
soul being shackled and beaten by Kagato's devices.  Then the Seishi link
shattered.

        It felt like a part of her soul had been ripped away.

                                *      *      *

        Asuka was FURIOUS.  Not only was the passive girl matching her blow
for blow, but she was just TOO quiet!  Even that baka Shinji couldn't help
but respond to her taunts, insults, or running commentary.  She never
thought she'd find someone more apathetic (emphasis on the pathetic) than
him.

        "Dammit, Rei, you passive little... aren't you going to get mad?"

        There was no response from her viewscreen.

        "Damn, I just don't see what that baka Shinji sees in a cold fish
like you.  You'd think he'd be more interested in a WOMAN like me... not
that I care about that baka, but, you..."

        EVA Unit 00 was quietly continuing to fight.  It managed to disarm
EVA Unit 02, but lost its own weapon as well.

        "Oh, NOW it's a woman-to-DOLL fight?  Well, come on, Rei!  Bring it
on!  I don't need any weapons to beat you!"

        The sky overhead suddenly went white with a titanic explosion.

        And on Asuka's screen, a blip suddenly appeared, and Tsunami's
scream of pain echoed through the communication systems.

        Stunned, EVA Unit 02 staggered back, as its power beam cut out.
Asuka desperately switched to the backup systems, and managed to gain
control just as EVA Unit 00 tackled her.

        EVA Unit 02 managed to throw Unit 00 backwards with a nice flip,
but EVA 00 was quickly back on its feet.

        Asuka panted, and took a quick glance at the communication screens
where Rei was looking at her calmly.

        "Well, what are you waiting for?  Bring it on!"

        Rei calmly looked at her, as if waiting for something.

        "Dammit, answer me!"

        Rei parted her lips.  "Kagato... fire."

        "WHAAAAAT?"

        Above her, the Soujya II fired a large laser beam at Unit 02.
Asuka struggled to raise her AT field.  Her eyes widened as she realized
just what Rei had done in her battle.  "Rei, you fucked with my field,
you...!"

        The beam cut through her field.  Asuka was barely able to dodge the
beam, but EVA Unit 02's left arm was hit.  Asuka screamed as the agony of
the wound flooded her through her mental link to her robot.  The psionic
backlash was enough to knock her into unconsciousness.

        As EVA Unit 02 fell, EVA Unit 00 turned away.  Inside, Ayanami Rei
looked at her monitor, where Asuka was slumped in her seat.  She looked at
Asuka's prone form, red eyes unblinking.  Then she reached out, and clicked
her monitor off.

        EVA Unit 00 turned around, and strode purposefully into the
sunlight, leaving the crumpled smoking ruins of EVA Unit 02 lying among the
rubble.

                                *      *      *

        In subspace, the battle of the titans still raged, though Ifurita
was quickly growing tired of it.  Iczer-Two flitted around like a pesky
mosquito, either unable or unwilling to engage in direct combat.  Instead,
she used her teleportation powers, augmented by Kagato's gems, to dodge
Ifurita's attacks and her energy blasts to blow up the floating islands.
Ifurita had to keep her fire shield up at all times to protect herself from
flying debris.  She was beginning to feel the drain.  Constantly having to
fly after her teleporting opponent was also further draining her.

        She finally landed on a floating island.  Iczer-Two appeared
nearby, a mocking smile on her face.  "What, tired already?"

        Ifurita made no reply.  The fight had become a delaying tactic, she
realized, and it was time to get back to the real battle, the one she had
sworn to participate in.  Gathering her energies, she began to process of a
subspace warp.

        A yellow beam of energy blasted her Power Key Staff from her hands.
Ifurita immediately dodged to one side, but another bolt quickly followed
the first, slamming into the depleted demon god's chest.  The energy she
had been gathering for the subspace warp exploded outward violently in a
blinding flash.

        Ifurita tumbled backward and fell over the edge of the floating
island.  She fell for several seconds, blackness filling the edges of her
vision, until she slammed down hard on something solid.

        "We can't have you leaving yet," Iczer-Two said.  She raised her
right arm, point a fist at Ifurita.  "Poor dear, it looks like 10,000 years
really does put you past your warranty."

        Ifurita said nothing, struggling to assimilate Iczer-Two's attack
and repair the damage.  But her systems were sluggish, slow to regenerate.
Millennia of use, even with most of it spent in hibernation, had weakened
her.  Little errors had crept into the process and now, with the added
battle damage, they were cascading out of control.  She struggled to sit up
and look at her attacker.

        "Good-bye," Iczer-Two said, punching a bolt of energy through
Ifurita's midsection.

        Iczer-Two gave a small smile of satisfaction as her foe fell
backwards.  The power gems Kagato had given her had boosted her energy
levels so much that she barely felt winded.  How stupid these Triad Seishi
had been.  They had wasted their week, while her side had spent it
upgrading and improving their forces.  This war's end was a foregone
conclusion.

                                *      *      *

        Priss casually blew up another boomer.  She could keep doing this
all day.  In fact, she had been doing this all day.  By her own mental
count, the ADPolice was only ahead of her today by five boomers, and there
were hundreds of ADPolice here.  In fact, she had been surprised by how
many of them there were.

        The number of boomers was surprising as well.  Well, maybe not too
surprising.  The problem was that she couldn't find Largo.  While she could
kill boomers all day, he was the one she really wanted.  Finally, she
thought of using her assisted jumping capabilities to get a view from
above.  One advantage of fighting in a nice level plain was that you could
see a long ways.

        She leaped high into the air.  She spotted Largo, sitting on a rock
on a slight rise that gave him a decent view of the battle field.  He was
watching the battle between the two medieval armies.  Priss couldn't
remember who those two armies worked for.  She didn't really care.  Killing
Largo was the key.

        She began a series of assisted leaps towards him.  Jump, swat a
boomer aside, jump.  She estimated it would take two more leaps to reach
him.  Jump, swat a boomer aside, jump.

        A beam swept down from the Soujya's weaponry, frying Priss to ash.
A fine metal mist rained down on Largo, who smiled.  "I told you that you
would die for what you did.  It just took longer than I had anticipated."

        "I-it's not over yet!" croaked a voice.  Largo spun toward the
voice in surprise.  It was Priss, her armor battered and scarred from his
hit, but still intact.  The paint on it was peeling, but the weapons
glinted evilly in the sun.

        "Really, your persistence is becoming quite tiresome, worm," Largo
said, his ire showing.  "What does it take to keep you from coming back!?
What demon must I deal with to rid myself of you?"

        "Funny, I was going to ask you the same thing," Priss growled,
firing her railgun at the boomer overlord.

        Largo caught them in his hand.  "Pathetic.  You did no better--"
He was interrupted as Priss's armored fist flew at his face.  While he had
been showing off, she had moved in and almost succeeded in shearing his
head clear from his body.  But he dodged in time.  Her fist only grazed his
cheek.

        "This time, you're DEAD, fucker!" Priss screamed.  As she rocketed
past Largo, she activated her boot jet for a power kick.  Largo ducked
easily under her leg and danced out of reach.

        "No," he said, locking his targeting systems fully on her.  "Today,
it truly ends, Priss.  I will no longer put up with your interference."  He
raised his hand.  "Now it ends."  He sent the command to the Soujya.  Now,
no matter where she dodged, the Soujya's weapons would track her and
destroy her.  "Enjoy the last few seconds of your life, worm!"

        It's doubtful that Priss even heard Largo's rant.  She simply
charged him.  The last thing she saw as she grappled him was the look of
utter surprise on his too-handsome face, then everything went blue.

                                *      *      *

        Nakago frowned, showing the first signs of true emotion.  After all
that, how could he still live?

        The sight he was looking at was that of a badly battered and bloody
Tamahome, still struggling to his feet despite the pounding Nakago had
given him.  Nakago was forced to shake his head in admiration.

        "Truly, Tamahome, I must applaud.  You have lasted far longer
against me than I believed."  Nakago's icy-blue eyes narrowed.  "But the
game ends here.  Goodbye, Suzaku Seishi."

        Nakago raised his hand, the symbol on his forehead flaring blue...

        Tamahome's body suddenly shuddered, and he glowed a bright red.
His hair went white, and his body expanded, swelling up, distending...

        Nakago paused in shock.  Tamahome had become the beast that his
Suzaku symbol indicated.  Nakago's icy blue eyes narrowed, and he formed a
force field around Tamahome and slowly began to squeeze Tamahome's life out
of him.

        Tamahome struggled against the force field, bestial fury taking
control of him.

        Nakago's eyes widened in surprise.  By Seiryuu, it was as though he
was trying to contain a monsoon!  He intensified his efforts...

        The beast broke out.  Nakago was barely able to throw himself out
of the way before the beast was upon him.  He tumbled up onto his feet,
smiling.  "Well, well... the Ogre lives up to his name, after all."

        That was all he got out as the beast that had once been Tamahome
was upon him.  Nakago was barely able to draw his sword as the beast
pounced on him, ripping at his clothes, his armor, and choking him.  Nakago
desperately threw his magic at Tamahome, but the beast was upon him...

        Nakago drove his sword through Tamahome's chest.

        As the beast fell, Nakago smiled.  "So Suzaku no Miko's protector
falls.  And the reign of the Seiryuu Seishis begins..."

        He tugged the sword free of the prone beast's body, and turned away
to prepare for his next battle...

        Suddenly, he fell forward, his legs burning with horrible agonizing
pain.  Nakago barely had time to recognize that the beast that was Tamahome
had hamstrung him before its arms closed around his head.  There was a
sickening crack, and the shogun of Kutou fell limp.

        The beast that had once been Tamahome kneeled there, letting
Nakago's lifeless body slip from its huge hand, the Seiryuu Seishi's icy
blue eyes glazing over in death.  It howled once, then placed its hands
across the gaping wound.

        Slowly the beast shrunk down, becoming Tamahome once more.
Tamahome lifted one hand off his chest and looked at the blood trickling
down it.

        Tamahome wheezed as he tried to breathe, and looked at Nakago's
corpse.  He suddenly coughed, and blood trickled out of his mouth, as he
smiled.  "Nakago... debt... paid in full."  And then his body would not
respond any more, and Tamahome fell.

        He laid prone on the ground, barely able to move.  Tamahome was,
through sheer force of will, able to shift his head just a little bit...
enough to have his gaze fall across the red ribbon tied around his right
arm.

        Tamahome's mouth formed one word, as his life's blood oozed out of
him, and his brown eyes became flat and dull.

        "Miaka..."

                                *      *      *

        And in Ukyou's mouth, the taste of the supreme okonomiyaki faded,
charring and turned to ashes.  She did not need the report, for she knew
immediately Tamahome's star had fallen.  Ukyou fell backwards into
darkness...

                                *      *      *

        "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! TAMA-HOOOOOOOME!!!!!"

        And in Konan Country's palace, a young schoolgirl's sobs could be
heard.

                                *      *      *

JEFF'S ENDING:

        The tide of battle turned drastically after the fall of Tamahome.
Ukyou was incapacitated and most of her Seishi were gone or dead.
Tsunami's capture, followed quickly by the defeat of EVA 02 had destroyed
the morale of the Triad army.  The lines of command frayed and then broke
and the battle became a rout.

        "Yes!" Jeff cried, spilling popcorn over Nabiki's throne, much to
her displeasure.

        "Hey, do you mind?"

        Jeff ignored her.  "Let's see how we're doing..."

        A hologram wavered into being in the center of the room, showing
the results of the battle:

        KAGATO VS. TSUNAMI:  KAGATO
        MENDOU VS. MOROBOSHI:  MOROBOSHI
        NAGAKO VS. TAMAHOME:  TKO
        LARGO VS. PRISS:  TKO
        GALAXIA VS. SAILOR MOON: ???
        ICZER-2 VS. IFURITA:  ICZER-2
        REI VS. ASUKA:  REI

        "Hmmm, what's with Galaxia and Usagi?" Jeff mused.

        "The last report had them and Moroboshi skipping off for ice
cream," Nabiki said wryly.  "I think we have enough other victories to
carry the day, however."

        Kagato chose that moment to appear in a globe of green light.
"Nabiki-san, we have captured the Triad no Miko," he said without preamble.
"The day is ours."  He gestured and Ukyou appeared, chained to a glowing
cross of light.

        "Good, good!" cackled Jeff, clapping his hands together.  "Let's
wrap up the loose ends now."  He waggled his fingers and suddenly Galaxia,
Sailor Moon, and Moroboshi Ataru appeared.  Ataru was covered with ice
cream and Sailor Moon was brandishing her rod at him.

        "I don't get it!" she cried.  "No matter how much I purify him,
he's still a lech!"  She then looked up and noticed her surroundings.
"Uh-oh."

        "Ah, good evening, Tsukino Usagi," Jeff said.  "You'll be happy to
know the war is over.  YOU LOST!"  Jeff flung his hands out at Sailor Moon,
blowing her back against the far wall of Kagato's cathedral.  Before she
hit, however, a glowing cross materialized and caught her tight.  "Do you
have any problems, Sailor Galaxia?"

        Sailor Galaxia yawned.  "I just want to get some sleep.  I'm so
confused now over this right and wrong stuff I don't care anymore... and I
used far too much energy against the lech there."

        "Right.  Who else is out there, loose?" Jeff asked.  In answer,
another cross caught Ataru up, and a fourth appeared, holding Asuka.  "Ah,
I think that covers it.  Now to summon our conquering Seishi."

        "I thought this was my show?" Nabiki asked in annoyance.

        "It is, my dear.  I'm just bringing all the pieces together."

        Iczer-Two, Mendou, Largo, Ayanami Rei and Nakago all appeared.
Largo and Nakago looked around in surprise.  Nakago felt his neck gingerly.
Iczer-Two looked smug and Mendou was nursing his bruised ego.  Rei was
quiet.  Jeff looked over at Nabiki and gave a nod.

        "Seishi of the One," Nabiki said, "we are victorious!"  She
gestured to Jeff.  "You will now receive your promised rewards."

        Jeff smiled beneath his hood and opened up the portals to return
the Seishi to their homes.  "When you return, you will find things are much
to your liking."

        The Seishi of the One all bowed or nodded to Nabiki and turned
toward their portals.

        Kagato returned to a world where he was invincible, the power of
Tsunami making him ruler of the galaxy.  The cathedral vanished around the
rest of them, leaving just the portals, the Seishi, and the glowing
crosses.

        Mendou returned to a Tomobiki where Lum finally dumped Ataru and
came naturally into his arms.

        Nakago returned to a Universe of the Four Gods where Seiryuu was
summoned and made him a god, with the limitless power to control his
destiny.

        Largo returned to a MegaTokyo where Boomerkind had destroyed a
flawed and hopeless humanity, replacing them with beings in his own image,
including one Sylia Stingray, reprogrammed to his liking.

        Galaxia returned to a world where she was supreme... in other
words, the world she came from with no changes.

        Iczer-Two returned to her world as well, content, relishing the
challenge that had come her way, and the new power she had received.

        Rei simply returned home.

        "Hey, babe!  Wait for me!" Ataru yelled, jumping in the portal
after Rei.  Everyone blinked, wondering how he had done that.

        Jeff shook his head.  "I should have expected that."  He started to
march over to Ukyou's cross.  Usagi and Asuka vanished, returned to their
worlds.  He was stopped, however, by a clearing of a throat.

        "What about ME?" Nabiki said, crossing her arms and tapping her
foot impatiently.

        "Oh, right... hehehe," Jeff said, putting his hand behind his head
nervously.  "Almost forgot."  He snapped his fingers and Ranma appeared.

        The martial artist ran over to Nabiki and swept her off her feet
with a huge kiss.  "Nabiki, I l-love you," he said simply, stuttering
slightly to get it out.  "Akane and I were talking things over while we
waited for this ordeal to end and she agrees our relationship would never
work... she's set me free..."

        Nabiki turned to Jeff.  "Paid in full.  Thanks, Hosmer-san.  Look
me up if you ever need help with the IRS."

        Jeff sweatdropped as he opened a portal to a RanmaVerse.  "Do you
know something I don't, Nabiki-san?"

        Nabiki just smiled and stepped through the portal with Ranma.

        "I hate it when she does that," Jeff groused.  Then he threw back
his head and laughed.  "I WIN!"

        *CLANG*

        Jeff suddenly went cart-wheeling as a giant spatula slammed into
his head.

        "I don't THINK so, bunky!" Ukyou growled.

        "Wh-what?  HOW!" Jeff cried.

        Ukyou stood over the prostrate form of the renegade Author.  "Did
you forget, jackass, that you GAVE me Authorship?  And what one Author can
give, another can take away."  She brandished her spatula at him.  "I just
waited for you to let down your guard and I STOLE your powers!  Nyah!"  She
pulled down one eyelid and stuck out her tongue at him.

        "Oh, my," Jeff Kasumi'd as the other authors appeared behind Ukyou.

                                *      *      *

JOHN'S ENDING

        The DNR universe was back.  Everything would be fine, right?  Well,
fine for some people.  John was, as usual, another story.  He sat quietly
under the tree in the front yard of Maison Sabaku.  It was a lemon tree, he
realized.  A tune drifted through his mind, something about learning to
make lemonade out of the lemons that life deals you.  He hadn't been able
to face Ukyou after the victory.  Not after what had happened before the
battle.

        He sighed.  I just have no luck with women.  I don't even quite
understand what happened.  Just like last time.  At least Ukyou didn't send
me a letter like the last one did, though.  I thought maybe this time...

        He shook his head.  I'm not sure what I'd do if she hadn't done
that.  One of us would have to permanently switch universe of residence,
unless we figured out some way to go back and forth.  Unless these author
powers stay when I go home...

        The thought struck him.  CAN I go home?  Since I have no powers
there, can I use my powers here to even GET home?  Well, that would solve
one problem..  Hmm.  I could always go live in my Sailor Moon Z universe
for a while...With Jeff on ice, it's going to need more attention from me.
Assuming the characters aren't still after...oh wait, that was the LEMON
SHERBERT Ami who was after my head.  Right.

        Biles' reverie was interrupted by a shout, "John!  Where ARE you?"

        It was Ukyou.  John thought about hiding, but there was nowhere to
hide.  She soon spotted him and walked over.  "Why'd you go running off?
Everyone's celebrating our victory!"

        He sighed.  "Your victory.  Our forces were crushed, and if you
hadn't outsmarted Jeff, we'd all be...well, this would all be toast."

        "Tsunami thinks he'll be fine in a few decades."  She sat down by
John.  "So why are you so glum and hiding?  Worried about Jeff?  He'll be
fine."

        John took a moment to contemplate the possibility that Ukyou had
forgotten who she was talking to, then discarded the idea.  Ukyou was
rarely THAT clueless.  "Do I really have to say it?"

        Ukyou cocked her head and thought for a moment.  Her face sank
slightly.  "Oh, that."

        "Being dumped tends to make a person feel kinda down."

        Ukyou sighed.  "I'm sorry about that.  I had a LOT of stuff to
think about, and we needed to really talk about our...relationship, and we
didn't have time and so I kinda did that.  It doesn't mean I wanted to dump
you, I just...I needed some space.  It was all happening so fast and I
was..."  She looked over at John, who looked confused.  "Am I talking too
fast?"

        "So I wasn't dumped?"

        Ukyou smiled, leaned over, and kissed John, whose eyes lit up.
This lasted longer than there is any point in describing.  Eventually, they
broke off the kiss.  John shook his head in wonder.  "Wow."

        "Can't the mighty Author manage something a little more
descriptive?"  She winked.

        "Double wow."

        They both laughed, then John turned more serious.  "Well, like you
said, we've got a bunch of stuff to discuss."

        Ukyou nodded.  "I had to think about a lot of stuff, like whether
you were just making me feel what I felt for you."

        "Mrr?"

        "You know, the way Jeff manipulated Ranma and Nabiki.  I mean,
you're an Author.  You could have just been making me fall in love with
you."

        "I wouldn't do anything like that!"

        "You might not MEAN to, but your powers especially seem to work
sort of subconsciously.  Everyone starts acting differently around you,
like the way I didn't rip off your head when you fell into my tub."

        "Yeah, but if I was doing that, you wouldn't have any doubts!  You
wouldn't have been ABLE to think that it might be me warping your mind."

        "Well, I only got the doubts after I got Author powers...I was very
confused and worried and I just couldn't deal with you coming on to me like
that.  Plus, listening to Nabiki made me realize I still wasn't really over
Ranchan.  If he walked up right now and asked me to come with him..."  Her
voice dropped.  "I think I'd say yes."

        John sighed.  "Of course, with your new powers..."

        "I could arrange that.  And it creeps me out to think about it.  If
Ranchan DID come to me now, I wouldn't know if I could really believe in
it.  I wouldn't know if he really loved me or I was doing something to
him."  She paused.  "Then I thought of the other thing."

        "The other thing?"

        "What if I was making YOU love me?  I mean, I have author powers
too, and I'd written a story about you before you even showed up.  Maybe I
was the one doing it...I mean, you used to think I was just a fictional
character, and I think you already loved me before you even got here."

        John laughed nervously.  "You were always my favorite character
from your series.  You're just...so cool.  I just...I mean...Meeting you
was  a dream come true."

        "See?  I know how I feel about you, but we can't be sure if what
either of us feels is real."

        John shrugged.  "I don't care if you DID make me love you.  I love
you and that's all that matters to me.  I want to make this work.  But I
have no idea how to reassure you that what you are feeling is real.  But
you know, you can't ever be sure of that, whether or not the other person
is an Author or just some shmoe."

        Ukyou sighed and leaned over.  "I'm just afraid.  I don't want this
to end like the mess with Ranma."

        "I promise I won't marry Akane.  I don't LIKE getting hit."

        Ukyou laughed.  "And you don't have any fiancees I don't know
about?"

        "Luckily, my dad doesn't engage me to everyone's daughter he
meets."  I hope, John thought.  "So is this a yes, we're still together, a
no, we're not, or a 'I need time to think?'"

        "It's a yes.  I'll take my chances with my feelings.  Of course,
now we have to decide things like where we're going to live.  I don't know
how Makiko would react to you moving in with us, but trying to find an
apartment around this time of year would be..."

        "Try, what UNIVERSE we're going to live in.  I don't think David
and Paul would really want me LIVING in the DNR Universe, but I'm not sure
if I can take you back to mine...heck, I'm not even sure if ANY of us can
get back.  Although, I guess if Jeff could suck us out of our own
universe...I really am not good at this funky metaphysical stuff."

        "Hey, you write DNR too!  You can just tell them they have to let
you be in the stories."

        Paul and David appeared from nowhere.  "No way in hell," they said
with one voice, then vanished back to the victory celebration.

        John sighed.  "They created this place.  I'm just a junior staff
member.  I think they're afraid of everyone thinking they're crazed otaku
who write themselves into stories."

        TOO LATE FOR THAT.

        John and Ukyou looked around for the source of the voice from the
heavens.  "Hello?" John asked.  There was no reply.  If that's Shiva, I'm
going to grab Ukyou and run, John thought.  Or Death.

        "Well, assuming the voice from the heavens doesn't interrupt... I
guess I really don't have that much to stay for.  I could always go to your
universe, though I really don't want to leave my friends."

        David and Paul appeared again.  "You can't take away Ukyou!  We
need her for future stories!"  They vanished again.

        "Do they do that often?" Ukyou asked.

        "They didn't use to have Author powers, so, no, they didn't use to
do that often.  They didn't normally speak in union, either."

        Ukyou thought a moment, then laughed.  "Well, I have Author powers
too, so I'll just vote for you staying!  We have a tie, so the status quo
remains."

        John laughed and waited for David and Paul to make another
appearance.
They didn't.  "I think you stumped them."

        "No, we just decided to let you THINK you did."  Three guesses who
this was, and the first two don't count.  No, Sonny Bono is NOT the right
answer.  "We can't let Ukyou keep her Author powers.  That would make
writing stories with her rather difficult."

        John stood between them and Ukyou.  "Over my DEAD body!"

        For a moment, it seemed there was about to be another War of the
Authors, then a voice from the heavens intervened.

        YOU CANNOT STRIP HER OF HER POWERS.  YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE
JEFF'S PLACE, SINCE HE WENT MAD.

        Everyone looked around.  John said, "WHO are you?"

        DO YOU WANT THE SIMPLE ANSWER OR THE LONG COMPLICATED ONE?

        "How about a simple one?" David and Paul asked in unison again.

        STOP THAT!  NO MORE UNISON IN YOUR SPEAKING!

        "Right," they both said.  Lemons fell from the tree on their heads.

        I STAND TO YOU AS YOU STAND TO...RANMA.

        "Could you perhaps be more obscure?" John asked sarcastically.

        "As which of us stands to Ranma?" Paul asked, finally ending the
unison of speech.

        ALL FOUR OF YOU...NOW.

        "Hmm.  Well, I think he's in the house, so we're in the same
physical direction from him." John said.

        Lemons rained down on his head.

        LOOK, I'M ONE OF *YOUR* AUTHORS.

        "You're one of us?"

        NO, YOU MORON!  I'M THE ONE WRITING YOU!

        "If you're writing us, why didn't you make one of catch on earlier
so we didn't waste your time?" David asked.

        WHY DOESN'T RANMA EVER SUCCESSFULLY BLOCK AN ATTACK FROM AKANE WHEN
HE'S DONE SOMETHING STUPID?

        "Because he loves her?" Ukyou guessed.

        "You're trying to be funny?" John said.  Realization struck him.
"So who's writing YOU?"

        I HAVE NO IDEA, NOR DO I REALLY WANT TO KNOW.  ANYWAY, I HAVE A
PROPOSAL TO MAKE.

        "Sorry, I'm already married," Paul said.

        More lemons than any one tree should have rained down on his head.

        HA HA.  ANYWAY, IF YOU TAKE UKYOU WITH YOU, SHE CAN HELP YOU WRITE
IN JEFF'S PLACE.

        "Yeah, but how can we write DNR with NO Ukyou?" Paul asked.  "Kinda
hard for her to be in the story AND writing it at the same time.  I don't
want to write her out, either."

        NO HARDER THAN IT IS FOR ME OR THE REST OF US WRITING THIS.

        "Ahh, my life is a COLLABORATION!" John said.  Suddenly it all made
sense.  "So which one of you people is the one who keeps wrecking my love
life?  And which one of you decided to make Jeff go mad?"

        THAT WOULD BE TELLING.  ANYWAY, I'VE GIVEN YOU ENOUGH HINTS.  GO
SOLVE THIS ONE YOURSELF SO I DON'T HAVE TO PULL A DEUS EX MACHINA ON YOU.

        Ukyou said, "Ahah!  So if you write a story about YOURSELF, it
creates a universe in which there is a you who is the SUBJECT OF THE STORY!
Now I understand!  All I have to do is write an episode and there will be
another me, who is INSIDE the story!  I could make a series and call it...
'Daigakusei no Ukyou'!  We could make it part of the same universe as DNR
and then you'd have an Ukyou DNR.  She wouldn't have any memories of all
this mess warping her behavior.  You wouldn't have to let John stay,
either."

        John danced around.  "Ucchan's always deserved her own series,
anyway!"

        David looked at Paul and said, "What do you think?"

        "I always thought that too.  Sounds good to me."

        David said, "Okay.  You'll have to use our names as a psuedonym for
the episodes you write, though.  The prereaders would freak, otherwise.
Ahh, you can use Jeff's name until he gets out of the asylum.  Anyway, time
for us to go."

        John took Ukyou's hand.  "You sure you want to do this?  You'll be
leaving everything you've known."

        "Well, I can always leave you for Tamahome if it doesn't work out."
She drooled briefly.  "He's so DREAMY!"

        No visits to FY universe, he thought.  Not until we're MARRIED.
"So how do we go back?" John asked David.

        David snapped his fingers and the neato cool tunnel from "Sliders"
appeared.  "Um, well, we could just take this, I guess."

        "And how long have you known you could do that?"

        "Um, about five seconds now."

                                *      *      *

        The DNR universe was still and without form...okay, actually, it
was well formed, but still.  It stood in suspended animation, awaiting the
power of its authors to return it to life.

        Ukyou sat at the keyboard with Paul, David, and John waiting
anxiously.  If this didn't work, they'd have to come up with another
solution to John and Ukyou's desire to be in the same universe, or at least
able to be together SOMEHOW.  John crossed his fingers.

        Ukyou began to type.  The letters, 'Daigakusei no Ukyou' appeared
on the screen, followed by more letters and words.  A story began to form
slowly.

        The DNR Universe suddenly changed, becoming the DNR/DNU Universe,
its nature forever changed.  Within the story, no traces of the recent war
remained.  There was no way to tell that the Ukyou within it was not the
original Ukyou, except perhaps, that now, she had set out on her own
course, finally beginning the path that lead out of Ranma's shadow.  Ukyou
smiled as she began the long road of setting her child, herself free.  She
wouldn't make it easy on herself, though.  Certainly not any easier than it
had been for herself.

        John turned to the others.  "Satisfied?"

        "Looks good to me," David said, then tried to whack John with a
rubber trout on general principles.  To his surprise, it worked.  "Cool!
We get to keep the neat powers!"

        ONLY BECAUSE YOU'LL NEED THEM.

        The four Authors looked up.  Paul turned to the others, "Mmm...I've
got to be getting back to Phoenix."  He vanished.

        "I think I hear my mother calling," David said.  He vanished as
well.

        "Hey!  You're DEAF!  How can you..."  It was too late.  John
laughed nervously.  "I think you'd better SAVE that story right now before
something happens, Ucchan."

        She did, and then another adventure began for them, but THAT is a
story for another time.

                                *      *      *

DAVID'S ENDING

        David and Paul watched Ukyou go off with John.

        "Dave, man, we need to do something about that."

        David just grinned.

        "You're letting her go with him?"

        "Actually, why not?"

        "But we can't just let him..."

        "Paul, I've got control of the story now," David grinned.  "And,
Paul?"

        "Yeah, Dave?"

        "Quit calling me Dave, willya?"

                                *      *      *

        John and Ukyou were sitting quietly on a park bench watching the
sunset.

        Ukyou smiled, and put her head gently on John's shoulder.  "It's
such a nice change... just being able to watch the sunset with someone..."

        John rubbed the back of his head with his hand, chuckling
nervously.  "Yes, it is..."

        Ukyou smiled, and gently reached an arm around his neck, bending
his head down to kiss him...

                                *      *      *

        Meanwhile, deep within a hidden cave...

        "Eyaaa, eyaa, eyaaa!  The Dread Pirate Bailesu is on the loose
again!  And this time he's got Ukyou Kuonji going along with him!" the
little robot with the great big head squeaked.

        "Calm yourself, Bravo.  It is time to call in the Rangers," the
giant disembodied ghosty head whispered from the viewscreen.

        "Oh my!  Yes, Batezen!"

                                *      *      *

        From somewhere in Walla Walla Grove, Nevada...

        "It's FROTHIN' TIME!"

                                *      *      *

        John was practically salivating, but managed to stay cool long
enough to lean forward...

        "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, VILLAIN!"

        John jerked his head back, jumping off the bench.  Ukyou fell face-
first into the position where John had been sitting, planting a big wet one
on the wooden slats of the bench.

        "Oh, god..." John moaned...

        "There is NO mercy!  For what you have done to the anime universe,
Dread Pirate Bailesu, there can be NO mercy!" cried the masked costumed
heroine in red.  Behind her, four other masked figures, dressed in blue,
black, white, and green, posed in super classical "We are GOOD!" stances.

        "Not the Wombat Rangers," John groaned, holding his head and
shaking it furiously.

        Ukyou picked herself up and looked back and forth between the Red
Ranger and John.  "What...?"

        "Nothing that concerns you, my dear Ukyou," John said as he
adjusted his glasses and stared at the buxom Red Ranger.  Bouncy,
bouncy. :)

        "Vile villain, surrender immediately, and face trial for all your
henious crimes!  Your plundering various universes, dimensions, and worlds
ends here NOW!" cried the Green Ranger, a lean mean tall male with a helmet
that seemed to radiate purple flames.

        "Your various kidnappings of a bevy of beauties will be PUNISHED!"
the White Ranger, a very short female whose helmet looked oddly like two
rabbit ears had been stuck on top of her head, squeaked at John.

        "Your plundering of various universes, dimensions, and worlds
unseen ends here!" howled the Blue Ranger, a short female with a spiky
helmet.

        "..." said the Black Ranger.  The only ranger to wear a cape, he
lifted his right hand, palm facing.  The palm suddenly grew a fangy mouth
and screamed "DIEEEE, BAILESU!!!~"

        John laughed, spun around, and appeared in a Captain Harlock
outfit.  "So, you've caught up to me?"

        Ukyou stared.

        The Red Ranger sighed.  "Really, Bailesu, did you think you could
get away with stealing the Lovely Angel?  Or running around mashing
universes together?"

        Bailesu, for that was who he was, laughed maniacally.  "My dear
lady, I have created many new universes, and many new worlds... the more
for me to plunder!  The multiverse is mine to roam and plunder!"

        "Oh, shut up!"  With that, the Red Ranger started hurling flaming
fans at the Dread Pirate Bailesu.  He laughed, and sidestepped them, going
into taunt mode, pointing a finger at the Red Ranger.

        And a beam from the sky rained down on the Ranger.  She was barely
able to dodge out of the way.  The Rangers started toward Bailesu, but
stopped after a few more beams danced in front of them.

        "Oh, you mighty frothin' Wombat Rangers, are you all still trying
to fight me now?" John taunted.

        Ukyou stared.  "John...?  Wha-?  Are you..."

        "Get away from him!" the White Ranger cried.  "He's a womanizing
slaver who collects women like butterflies!"

        Ukyou sank to the ground... "N-no...!"

        And the Dread Pirate Bailesu began to laugh.  He seized Ukyou by
the wrist.  "Slide me out, Lovely Angel!" he cried, and took her away, de-
rezzing in a beam of light.

        The Wombat Rangers looked at each other, then started summoning
their mecha...

        "Red Flaming Wombatzord Power!"

        "Green Rabid Wombatzord Power!"

        "White Armored Wombatzord Power!"

        "Blue Flying Wombatzord Power!"

        "Black Zombie Wombatzord Power!"

        And with a great rush, the five mighty frothin' wombat rangers were
after the Dread Pirate Bailesu.

                                *      *      *

        Paul snatched the keyboard away from David.

        "What kinda ending is that, DAVE?"

        "Hey, I'm just getting started..."

        "Well, do that some OTHER TIME!  We need to finish this story!"

        "But I didn't even reveal that Hosmer was, in actuality, the Blimey
Pirate Rogue, who was in cahoots with..."

        "LATER!"

                                *      *      *

UKYOU'S ENDING

        Ukyou shook her head.  She watched as all four authors dreamed
their silly little fantasies.  After having defeated that dark, deranged
Hosmer, she had managed to neutralize the other authors immediately upon
their arrival at the scene.  It was not that she didn't trust them, but she
was tired of being manipulated by any author that happened upon her on a
whim.  It was time for her to take control of her destiny!

        Besides, the Dread Pirate Bailesu now had Ukyou, Warrior Princess,
for his first mate as he fought the Flaming Marsupial Rangers or whatever
they were.  She shook her head at Biles's little fantasy, though she did
make a note to check out a leather shop... She shook her head again.
Better get rid of them before they infected her with their silliness.

        She lifted her spatula, sending them all home while they slept.
She looked over her shoulder, and then turned the page, arriving back where
the DnRverse used to be.  She took out the backup disk that she had taken
from David's ugly green jacket (honestly, that boy had no taste!) and
inserted it into the computer.  She began to restart the universe, but
halted.  She smiled... made a few changes... and then pressed the reset
button.

        The universe faded out, and Ukyou with it.

        And restarted.

        And the DnR/DnUverse was born.

                                *      *      *

PAUL'S ENDING

        It was only fair, he mused.  Ukyou needed to finally undo the
chains that had been tying her down since childhood.  It's a good thing
that we're finally going to go ahead with DnU.  Maybe then we'll be able to
explore her character more and give her a better life than where
Takahashi-sama left off.

        Paul sat back at his desk, mindful of the clutter of paperwork in
his in-basket, and continued to type out an outline.  "DnR 24," read the
header.  "I hate being behind," Paul said aloud to no one in particular.
"This entire debacle with Jeff put us at least three months behind
schedule.  Now we'll never get to DnR 26 before the end of the year.
Richard's gonna be pissed."

        A TALK request flashed in the next window.  Paul switched over and
answered.  "Hey David," he typed quickly.  "'sup?"

        "Nothing," David replied.  "Wondering if you have some time to
chat."

        "What's on yer mind?" Paul asked.

        "I'm not sure that John left the DnR-verse with us.  I mean, we
each went back to where we started, but I haven't been able to get a hold
of him for a couple of hours now."

        "Maybe he's at work?"

        "At 10pm?  Doesn't he work in a computer lab or something now?"

        "Oh yeah.  No more security details like in Maryland.  I forgot."

        "So where could he be?  It's not like he's out picking up on
women."

        "Hmm.  It's Tuesday.  Did you check his Pendragon haunts?"

        "*nods*  Already did."

        "*sigh* I don't wanna have to go back in there and drag him out."
Just then, a message flashed across Paul's screen notifying him of new
mail.  "Hold on a sec, David.  I got mail."  Paul clicked over to a free
window and pulled up the mail header.  "As I thought, it's from John.  He's
working on his Shiva stories again," Paul muttered.

        "I just got mail from John - his latest draft of Dance of Shiva."
Paul clicked back into the TALK session.

        "Funny.  I got that about an hour ago...  I just got mail myself.
Hold on a sec."  David went off for a moment, returning quickly.  "I got
the same mail you did - it's a dup of the one I got earlier."

        "You think it's a timed script?" Paul queried.

        "He's prolly still in the DnR-verse," David answered.  "I guess
this means we have to go get him."

        "I didn't think he'd leave Ukyou THAT willingly.  We shoulda made
him go first before we left."

        "Meet you in front in 5... laters." David signed off.

        Paul sighed.  John and Ukyou.  Well, it made some sense, he
thought.  Except I seriously doubt that John's parents would go for it.
After all, she isn't remotely Catholic...

        He opened up a small window that looked remarkably like a TARDIS.
Cute, he thought, as he typed in his destination - "Maison Sabaku".  With a
flash of blinding light, he was gone.

                                *      *      *

                                                           --- fin... or is it?

-- 
The DnR Round Robin was originally slated for release April Fool's Day 1997.
Final release 10/29/97. Go figure.

A product of the deranged mind of Jeff Hosmer after reading one too many
DnR critiques... also writing were John Walter Biles, David Tai and Paul
Gallegos.

(c) 1997 Digital Knight Communications
http://www.tass.org/~ranma/home.html