ranma@TASS.org (Saotome Ranma)


===============================================================================
                  Daigakusei no Ranma: The Round Robin part 1
===============================================================================

        In the Beginning, there was the Word.

        Then the critics came along.

        The two don't get along too well.

        Case in point.  Somewhere, on the East Coast of the United States,
in Northern Virginia, near the Metropolitan DC area, a man is reading some
well-intentioned comments from a group of critics.

        We will call this man... "Jeff."  The critics, we will call "the
Daigakusei no Ranma Mailing List."  This is all purely hypothetical, of
course.  "Jeff" has written a chapter of a popular series of fanfiction
following the exploits of one Saotome Ranma as he struggles with college.
Recently elevated to co-authorship, Jeff is understandably excited and
nervous about his efforts.  He is attempting to breathe some new life into
the series, take it in new directions, and he can't wait to see what people
think of his ideas.  He is sure that they will meet with approval.

        Naive, isn't he?

        "Argh!" Jeff exclaimed, reading another e-mail off his server.
"'Nabiki is out of character?'  What is this person talking about?  The
anime has clearly shown she's not a morning person!  'Why the heck is
KASUMI carrying condoms?'  It's a JOKE, you nimrod!  Shock Value!  And
maybe Kasumi isn't as perfect as everyone thinks!  'I think Kasumi would do
better in college, why did you give her THOSE grades?'  Look, being a
stereotypical Japanese housewife for several years doesn't prepare you for
college!  'Why did you have Ranma and Akane sleep together?  It upsets the
status quo!'  STATUS QUO!"

        Jeff starts to tear at his hair.  Every e-mail has had something
along those lines, even the mostly congratulatory ones.  Even the people
who had argued that 23 episodes without Ranma and Akane having sex was too
many were saying it happened too fast.  It was infuriating!

        "OK, calm down... just relax," Jeff muttered, hitting the key to
move to the next message.  "I've got to keep in control... or else my mind
will SNAP!"  He begins to read the message.

        "'Dear Jeff, your story, while good, seems to have the characters
acting out of character... the manga and anime clearly show..."

        For a moment, all is silent.  Then, a dark aura seems to flicker
around the fanfic writer, followed by a low cackling sound.

        "Bakas," Jeff mutters, giggling.  "They don't see it.  They can't
see it.  A story has to grow and change, or it is not a story at all.  But
I'll show them all.  Criticize me, will they?  Say -I- am out of character?
I have not yet even BEGUN!  If they're going to make me into a villain for
changing things, then I'll show them a villain!"  A quick e-mail is sent,
and then he begins his master plan.

        His sanity shattered by one too many pieces of C&C, Jeff activates
his word-processor and begins to write.  The dark aura pulses around him
and then there is a sharp POP of imploding air as our villain writes
himself into the story.

        Meanwhile, the e-mail shoots along its intended path to the DNR-
Author's list.  It reads as follows:

Subject: DNR MUST DIE!
To: dnr-author

Dear 'fellow authors':
        BAKAS!  None of you can truly grasp what I am trying to do with the
DnR series!  I try to make a few SMALL, INSIGNIFICANT changes and you ALL
jump down my throat!  The ML is no better!  Bunch of ingrates.  They should
be grateful I wrote anything at all!  Well, if I'm not appreciated, I'll
take my talents elsewhere... but first, I'll destroy your 'perfect little
world.'  And I dare you to try and stop me!  :P'
        What am I going to do?  It's simple.  I'm going to make all of the
characters' lives HELL.  You think RYOUGA has it bad?  HA!  I'll drive
Ukyou insane (Yes, John, YOUR Ukyou-sama!), force Kasumi to sell herself on
the streets and feed Ryouga non-kosher hot dogs until he explodes!  Lardy
can become a drunken bum on the streets!  Wait, he already IS!  ;)  So take
that!

P.S.  I am definitely going to KILL SATO!  >:)

                                *      *      *

        Whistling as he took note of the DnR mails, David nodded.  He had
seated himself in front of his computer after a dinner of re-heated pizza
and had just begun to sort through his mailbox.  He grinned as he noticed a
fair amount of e-mails coming from U. of Toledo.  "Heh.  I wonder if Jeff
Hosmer took criticism well?"

        In a pig's eye.

        David's eyes widened as he took note of Jeff's e-mails.

        "Has he gone loco?  How the heck is he going to get into the DnR-
verse?"

        Scratching his head, David grinned, and dismissed the mail as
Jeff's need to blow off steam.  He did, however, make a mental note to send
private e-mails to John and Paul that Jeff might need a... few positive
comments, if only to alleviate his frustration.  First things first,
though...

"To: jhosmer
cc: dnr-author

        Hey Jeff... Hang in there.  We all had our frustrations with
criticism.  I realize some comments are really nitpicky, but look at it
this way; they care or they wouldn't notice those eensy weensy details.
Ya, I know how you feel, man... I wanna thwap somebody with a wiffle bat
sometimes whenever they ask the same ol' questions, like... "When are you
gonna bring Ryouga back?" Okay, so I realize it's not the same as dealing
with the continuity police on the ML, but... well, it's just a bit of
patience, that's all.

I found the Kasumi bit funny, but I DID expect that kind of reaction.
After all... um, you know, you're messing with perfection.  But don't take
it personally... remember, "fans" come from the word "fanatics".  Think of
them that way, and take a deep breath, huh?

I'll talk to you on Muck, and we can work things out.  How's that?"

        "A bit too much?" David thought.  "Hmmm... oh well!" David hit the
send button, and then suddenly realized that he had sent two copies of the
e-mail to Jeff.  "Damn, that's right, dnr-author already includes him.  Oh
well... it's not that bad.  Double his pleasure or something.  Whatever..."

        David shrugged, and opened a window for fanfics to work on.  He
groaned at the sight of 'Else-6.txt' "Aw, man... when the hell will I ever
finish Elseworlds 6?  Oh well... at least John isn't hounding me for it.
Might as well finish it later..." David said, as he clicked on
'TimeTwist.txt' and started work on a DnU episode.

        He quickly lost track of time, and failed to note the blinking
window indicating a talk request from Jeffrey Hosmer...

                                *      *      *

        Paul sat at work fretting about how to reconvert several years'
worth of data into recognizable form when the screen notified him he had
new e-mail.

        "Now what?" he wondered, opening the mail.  "From Jeff..." he
trailed off as he realized the severity of the message.  "He wouldn't... no
way..."

        Quickly, he fashioned a reply:

"To: jhosmer

Jeff, dude, you're taking this WAY too seriously.  Maybe you need a break
or something?  The criticism is just words, and you don't have to listen to
them or anything.

I looked at the story so far, and the only problem _I_ had with it was the
simple fact that Kasumi hasn't been established yet to carry birth control
yet.  I think if we add a scene or two to establish it, then it's pretty
plausible, and then the only arguments we'll get are the die-hards that
don't get it through their thick heads that Kasumi's a little ... starved
for attention.

Anyway, it's not a big deal.  We'll work on it some more before the next
revision goes to the ML.

Paul"

        After sending the message, he realized he had forgotten to cc: the
author's list.  He typed up another quick message to Jeff:

"To: jhosmer

Could ya bounce a copy of the reply I just sent to the authors' list?  I
forgot to cc: them.  Thanks."

        Satisfied, he put the window in the background and continued to
work, unaware of the talk request coming through from jhosmer...

                                *      *      *

        John read Jeff's mail and frothed.  One, he wasn't going to let
Jeff kill Sato who was just too cool to die.  And secondly NO ONE IN ALL OF
CREATION WAS ALLOWED TO THREATEN UKYOU-SAMA AND LIVE!!!!!!  Time for the
scathing mail of annihilation.

Subject:  DIE DIE DIE!!!!!
To: jhosmer

        Don't you dare life a FINGER against Ukyou-sama or I shall make you
regret the day you were EVER BORN!  If you can't take the heat, get out of
the kitchen!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

John Biles
Holy Defender of Ukyou-sama

        John hit the return key.  Another threat defused.  Jeff would never
DARE threaten Ukyou-sama again.  John turned to work on the next Lemon
Sherbet episode, deciding to use Jeff as one of Dark Queen Skuld's youma
minions.  Right as he reached a critical moment of the story, a talk
request began eating the screen over and over and over and over again.  He
began to yell.  "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!"

                                *      *      *

        Sato sat before a smoldering lump of incense and tried to center
himself.  Once again, his attempt to find inner peace had failed.  With a
sigh, he turned away from the burner.

        Someone was standing behind him.

        Sato goggled, amazed he had not sensed anything.  The intruder was
wearing a dark cloak that seemed to absorb light and sound around him, and
his face was hidden in the shadows of a cowl.

        "I don't believe--" Sato began to say.

        "That," the figure said quietly, "is why you fail."  The figure
then drew a gun from the folds of his robes and shot Sato in the head.  The
silencer on the muzzle absorbed the sound easily and Sato slumped to the
floor, his brains splattered against the far wall.

        The cloaked figure sat down on Sato's bed and smiled to himself.
"THAT is how villains should do it.  No mucking around with speeches and
death traps.  Just BAM!  Dead."  He giggled insanely for a moment, then
composed himself.  "I wonder how long it will take for his death to be
noticed... maybe by the time it starts to smell.  Oh, well... not MY
problem.  Now..."

        The figure raised his hands as if he was sitting at a keyboard.  A
shadowy, transparent laptop, like the one Washuu uses, appears in front of
him.  Banging at the keys, he sent three talk requests out to the 'Real
World' and then began to arrange his fellow authors points of entry.  They
had to witness his triumph.  With one last cackle, he disappeared.

                                *      *      *

        Kasumi closed her notebook with a sigh.  College wasn't getting any
easier.  The notes she had taken seemed to swim in front of her eyes.  None
of it made any sense to her at the moment.  To make things worse, she
wasn't sure if she could make the rent payment this month.  Ranma and Akane
had been stretching Father's budget to the limit with all the property
damage, and she wasn't sure if he could give her enough.  She should get a
job to help pay for things, but she needed all her time to study.  But she
couldn't stay if she had no money...

        With a cry that ended almost as a scream, Kasumi suddenly swept all
her books off her desk and onto the floor.  Burying her face in her hands,
she began to sob.  It wasn't FAIR!  She had finally escaped the dojo, only
to fail?

        Slowly, she got control of herself.  She would manage, somehow.
There must be something she could do.... Something out of the corner of her
eye caught her attention.  Turning, she saw a man in a black robe trying to
close her door without bothering her.

        "Oh my," she said, in as calm a voice as she could manage.  "Are
you a friend of Yuriko's?"

        The man looked up, startled.  "Um, yes... I was looking for her
lab.  Sorry to bother you."  With that, he shut the door, leaving Kasumi
looking puzzled.

        Jeff sighed in relief.  "I didn't realize she would sense me...
still, she'll soon have enough problems of her own... just like Paul will,
when he appears in front of Yuriko in her lab..."  He giggled at the
thought and then vanished.

                                *      *      *

        Paul breathed a sigh of relief.  "Got it!  FINALLY!" he said.  He
began to clear away the papers and code that was strewn about his desk when
he noticed the talk request flashing in another window.  "Hmm.  From Jeff,"
he muttered.  "Oops.  He sent that 3 hours ago.  I wonder if it's still
active..."

        The screen flashed.  "Talk Request Accepted."

        Suddenly, Paul was drawn into a psychedelic void, falling endlessly
down... or at least he thought it was down; since he really couldn't tell
exactly which way was UP, he went with the thought.

        After a while, he landed on a padded table in a room he was SURE
he'd seen before.  "Okaaaay, I gave up caffeine for Lent, so this has GOT
to be some kind of withdrawal, right?" he asked himself.

        The door opened, and Paul watched Yuriko walk in, looking him up
and down.  "Cool!" she exclaimed.  She then muttered something else, too
fast for him to catch, then rushed out of the room, returning quickly with
a pad of paper, a pencil, and several leather straps.

        Paul had the sinking feeling he knew what was next.

                                *      *      *

        In the middle of Mizunoikan Campus, a young man wearing a bandanna
looked around in confusion.  "Where the hell am I NOW?" he grumbled.  He
didn't seem too surprised or even particularly concerned about being lost.
It was nothing new for Hibiki Ryouga.  He had been wandering his entire
life, and things often seemed bleak to him.

        You're lost again, and Akane doesn't love you, she loves Ranma, and
you've wasted your entire life to date trying to defeat Ranma or profess
your love... what a loser, came a little voice in his head, heightening his
depression.  The voice was saying nothing new to him, but it seemed to make
the bleakness of his life weigh even heavier on him.  "Oh, Akane-san..." he
sighed.

        Not too far away, a student weaved his way slowly down the street,
a bottle of sake in his hand.  He stopped by eternally lost boy and took a
swig.  He was Tanaka Lardizabal, master of Drunk Fu.  His drinking this
early in the day was unusual, but it seemed fitting.  He had awoken this
morning with his head full of dreams of one Tendo Akane... when they
weren't filled with him pulverizing that punk, Saotome Ranma.  Then, at
breakfast, his mood had come crashing down as he thought of Akane being
married to that creep Saotome.  They sent his mood spiraling even further
downward, because of all the little humiliations the pig-tailed martial
artist had heaped upon him.  "Oh, Akane-san *hic*"

        The two men paused and looked at each other.

        Nearby, a man in black turned away, looking very satisfied.  "David
should have his hands full with THAT."  Again, he vanished.

                                *      *      *

        Grinning madly, David put the finishing touch on "TimeTwist.txt".
Now, then, to send it to John for his approval on Ukyou's character....

        ...just as the power went off.  David blinked once, then started
cursing the darkness as he lit a candle.  Still muttering dark comments on
the electricians' ancestry, David headed to the fuse box, and reset the
switches, bringing power on.  David groaned, as the computer rebooted.  He
logged on and reconnected to his old session again... hoping to find that
"TimeTwist" was still intact... and then raised an eyebrow as continuous
TALK messages began scrolling across his screen.  Shrugging, David saved
the story he was working on, and answered Jeff's TALK request...

        *FWOOSH*

        Blinking and rubbing his eyes, trying to get rid of the dancing
flecks streaking across his vision, David stumbled forward... and opened
his eyes.

        He only caught the sight of a black-haired boy wearing a leopard-
spotted bandanna just before two fists met in the middle of his face.

                                *      *      *

        Makiko looked in on her roommate with concern.  Ukyou was normally
fairly chipper in the mornings, but today, for some reason, she just sat on
her bed, staring at nothing.

        "Hey, Ucchan, what's wrong?" Makiko asked, quietly.  "You better
get moving.  You'll be late for class and--"

        "Ran-chan..." Ukyou sighed.

        Makiko grimaced.  It was another relapse.  Ever since Ukyou had
gotten back into okonomiyaki and the martial arts, it seemed her defenses
against her old hurts had vanished, or at least had been weakened.  Of
course, Ukyou had explained that it had all been a brave front before, and
that it was good for her to be honest about her feelings... but every now
and then Ukyou's emotions crashed down hard.

        "Hey, come on, don't let him get you down..." Makiko said, giving
her roomie a little shake.

        Ukyou turned toward her.  A strange grating sound filled the air,
puzzling Makiko until she realized it was her roommate's teeth grinding.
"YOU're one to talk, Makiko... stringing along Tanaka-san like Ran-chan did
with me!"

        Oh, boy... this was a BAD one.  "Ucchan, we're just FRIENDS, OK?"

        "Bullshit."  Ukyou stared down at her hands, which were twisting
her pajamas to the point of tearing.

        Makiko was startled.  Ukyou almost never swore.  "Hey, what's the
matter?" she asked quietly.  "What brought this on?"

        Ukyou sobbed quietly.  "I had such wonderful dreams last night...
me and Ran-chan, married, raising a family... it was WONDERFUL!"

        "And then you woke up?" Makiko asked.

        "WHY COULDN'T HE LOVE ME?" Ukyou screamed.

        "Whoa!  Calm down Ucchan!"  Makiko was shocked and concerned.  It
wasn't like Ukyou to lose it, especially after all this time.  Something
was wrong, but the young computer programmer couldn't see what it could be.

        In a corner of the room, a man in black frowned and vanished,
unnoticed by either of them.  We made these people too perceptive, he
grumbled to himself as he reappeared in Ukyou and Makiko's living room.  He
could still hear them talking.

        "Ucchan, why don't you go take a nice long bath?  It'll make you
feel better.  Come on, get undressed.  I'll run the tap," Makiko was
saying.

        Excellent, the man in black thought.  With any luck, John will be
out with a concussion for a day after he... drops in on Ukyou.  He grinned
evilly and vanished.

                                *      *      *

        John howled in frustration.  The talk request would not go away.
He killed all his terminal windows and it started to flash on the
background of Windows 95.  Now he was really angry.  He tried Ctrl+Alt+Del,
but it wouldn't let him kill the 'Talk' task.  He banged on the keyboard
with his head in desperation, ranting about finding the man who invented
Unix Talk and strangling him with his shoelaces.

        The screen flashed.  "Talk Request Accepted."

        John shouted, "NO!  I don't WANNA TALK TO SOME MORON WHO WILL ASK
ME IF I FLOSS THREE TIMES A DAY!!!!"  The world suddenly flashed around
John and he found himself falling through a psychedelic void.  Normally,
this would have aroused comment, but John was too frenzied to care.

                                *      *      *

        Ukyou quietly scrubbed herself in the western-style bathtub,
moping.  Stupid Ranma.  Stupid dream.  Look on the bright side, she
thought.  At least nowadays I can get through a bath without being
interrupted or having to worry that Shampoo has laced my shampoo again.

        She reached for the shampoo, still feeling cranky, when there was
an audible popping noise and the most hideous screaming she had EVER heard
suddenly filled the room.  About two seconds later, a frothing young man
with ash-blond hair and hazel eyes suddenly landed on her.  He started
pounding on her chest.  She reached for her giant spatula when suddenly he
lashed out and began to strangle her.  "NO TALK REQUESTS!  I DON'T DO TALK
REQUESTS!  EVIL!  EEEEEEEVIL!"

        Ukyou flailed about helplessly, unable to breathe.  There was
something eerily familiar about this maniac, whoever he was.  Dim memories
that made no sense flitted through her mind.

        Makiko opened the door.  "Ukyou, what in God's green earth are
you...ACK!"  She charged forward, picked up Ukyou's giant spatula and
whanged John in the head with it.  She then dragged him, now unconscious
out of the tub.  "Who is this?"

        Ukyou rubbed her throat.  "I think he mistook me for someone else,
or perhaps he's insane as well as ecchi."  Oddly, the entire incident had
broken her gloom.  She wouldn't have expected this to cheer her up, but it
had.

        Makiko laughed.  "Maybe he's Choji's brother or something."

        "I sure hope not."  Ukyou looked at the man.  He's cute in a
helpless sort of way.  Perhaps he goes mad when he sees naked women the way
Ranma does when he sees cats.  "Well, drag him out the living room and we
can beat him up again when he wakes up if we have to."

        Makiko said, "How the heck did he get in here anyway?  He'd have
had to walk right past me."

        Ukyou looked for holes in the ceiling, trapdoors, etc.  There
weren't any.  "WE can beat it out of him later.  I need to do my hair, then
I'll be done."

        "Feeling any better, Ucchan?"

        She smiled.  "Yeah."

                                *      *      *

        Nabiki sighed as she struggled with her homework.  Normally it
would have not been difficult for her, but tonight she was distracted by
thoughts that would have surprised her friends and family.  They surprised
her as well, when she thought about how much things had changed in a few
short months.

        A soft knock came at her window.  She shut her book quickly and
with a grin went to open it.  Outside, clinging to the windowsill, was
Ranma.

        "Konban wa, Ranma-kun," Nabiki said with a smirk.  "Just hanging
out tonight?"

        "Just give me a hand, Nabiki," Ranma hissed.  He glared at her as
she began to applaud.  Then, giggling, she pulled him inside.

        "You know, I don't think you have to worry about Junko knowing...
the girl is dead to the world most of the time," Nabiki said.

        Ranma looked uncomfortable.  "I just don't want word getting back
to Akane..."  He suddenly glared at her, remembering how she had let him
hang outside her window.  "Why didn't you give me a hand?  I could have
fallen."

        "Poor baby," Nabiki said, snuggling up to him.  "Let me make it up
to you."  With that, she kissed him on the lips for a very long time.
Ranma was tense at first, but then relaxed into the kiss, wrapping his
strong arms around her.

        "Mmmmmm," Nabiki purred after they broke the kiss.  "You have
gotten better."  Jealousy suddenly tinged her voice.  "Or is Akane helping
you out?"

        Ranma sat heavily on the bed.  "No, Akane isn't helping me out.
I'm afraid to even try something like that 'cause I'm sure she'd hit me
with that damn mallet."  He shook his head.  He looked down at his hands.
"One of these days I might hit her back and really hurt her."

        Nabiki hugged him.  "That may be the only thing that my little
sister understands, Ranma-kun.  She's always been violent.  Remember the
boys she had to beat up before school?  She enjoyed the fighting."

        "But we're married!  Why does she have to fight me?"  His voice
dropped into a low whisper.  "I love her."

        "Do you?"

        Ranma's head snapped up angrily but his protest stopped on his lips
as he saw Nabiki was unbuttoning her blouse, revealing her breasts sitting
in her lacy silk bra.

        "I mean, Ranma, if you love her still, why are you fucking her
sister?"  Nabiki arched an eyebrow.  "Oh, you could argue the first time
was because of that dirty trick she and Ukyou convinced me to do to
you...."

        "I'm still not convinced you had no part in the planning of that
kidnapping," he mumbled, unable to look away from her body.

        Nabiki sighed.  "I told you, Ranma, I helped plan out how to do it,
but they came up with the idea.  Ukyou wanted to know how you felt and
Akane did too, if not for the same reasons."  She unbuttoned her pants and
let them drop to the floor.  Now clad only in her underwear (and hoping
Happousai was still off in China) she sat down on Ranma's lap.  "I can see
how Akane got her version of things... I did make a comment on how she owed
me for helping her with those boys.  Akane has always only seen HER version
of events, however."  Nabiki sighed and Ranma had to nod.  "Have I ever
really lied to you?"

        Ranma looked at her for a long second.  She had the grace to blush.
"Once or twice you've bent the truth rather severely."

        "Listen Saotome, you're the one who started this affair."

        Ranma sagged.  "I know.  But I shouldn't... if that kawaiikune--"

        Nabiki laid a finger on his lips.  "Ranma, I understand.  Part of
you still loves her.  But you have to accept this for a fact:  Akane
doesn't really love you.  She may think she does, but it's a jealous love,
an immature love.  Come on, how does she treat you?  Like P-chan, almost,
except she's more affectionate to him.  She's smothering you."

        Ranma was silent.

        Nabiki bit her lip and then hugged him tight.  "It's not your
fault, Ranma-kun.  Daddy and your father pushed you two into this before
you were ready.  The question now is if you're man enough to admit your
mistake."

        "Mistake?" Ranma asked quietly.

        Nabiki swallowed.  "I don't want to sneak around anymore.  We've
been having se--making love for months now."  Her voice trembled slightly
as she said the L-word.  Ranma did not challenge it.  Emboldened, she
continued.  "Look, it's got to be tearing you up too.  I don't want another
prolonged mess like all your fiancees.  Divorce Akane."

        "Divorce?  I can't do that.  Mom will--"

        "Your mother only wants you to be happy, Ranma-kun.  And is it very
honorable for you to lie to your... wife like this?  Will hiding it make it
any more honorable?"

        "Now you're an expert on honor?"  Ranma's voice was wry, and
slightly sarcastic.

        "My word is my bond, Saotome.  You don't get far in business if you
break your word," Nabiki said, stung.  "You believed me when I swore to you
that I didn't mean for you to be so hurt by the 'kidnapping.'  Things got
out of control.  It was partly my fault, I'll admit, for letting Akane-chan
and Ukyou push me into it.  As for what happened with us..."  She took a
deep breath.  "I didn't plan this, I swear.  You were just so... lost.
Like a puppy that had been kicked by its master.  I tried to help."  Her
voice turned bitter.  "I'm no Kasumi, so I probably loused things up."

        "No," Ranma said quietly, hugging her back.  "I needed it then.
I-I still need it."  He sighed and rested his chin on her bare shoulder.
"To Akane I'm just sparring dummy for her damn mallet.  To Ukyou I'm a
childhood friend she had to marry for honor's sake.  I don't even know if
either of them even see the real me any more.  Their images of me, both the
'hentai baka,'" his voice went rough with pain as he used Akane's favorite
phrase for him," or 'Ran-chan.'  As for Shampoo and Kodachi I was just a
hunk of meat to them, the catch of the day."

        "I'm here if you need me, Ranma-kun," Nabiki said seriously.  "But
I want to be with you during the day.  I want to be able to walk in the
sunshine with you in a park, or go out to cafes for lunch.  I especially
want you to stop acting like you hate me when Akane's around."

        "I-I'll think about it," Ranma said.

        "No."  Nabiki's voice was hard.  "Listen, you can't let everyone
else run your life for you while you wallow in indecision.  Not even me.
Look me in the eye and tell me if you love me right now.  If you can't,
I'll help you get in good with Akane, just like I always did back home."
When I realized too late that you were someone I could have loved, and that
you loved Akane, she thought to herself.  Why did I foist you off on Akane?
Because I was freaked out by your curse, a part of her said.  Well I'm not
freaked any more.

        Ranma was silent for a long pause, refusing to look at her fierce
brown eyes.  Finally, when he did look into them his conflicting emotions
nearly tore him apart.  His affair with Nabiki, even if it had started by
accident, had filled something in him.  Nabiki had opened up a new side of
herself to him and helped fill a void in his life.  She seemed to honestly
want to help him improve himself rather than just berating him for his
faults.  She listened to him when he talked about his dreams, even if she
took a certain delight in pointing out where he was being unrealistic.  He
couldn't talk to Akane like that.  Her mallet came out far too readily.
Nabiki just stung him with her sarcasm, but somehow kept it from getting
too bad.  He weighed Akane and Nabiki against each other and sighed.

        "I do love you, Nabiki..."

        Nabiki's eyes leapt for joy.

        "...but I still love Akane, in some way.  I don't want to hurt
her."

        Nabiki nodded slowly.  "I don't want to hurt her either,
Ranma-kun... but letting this go on... it'll only hurt more when it comes
out."

        "I know, but..."  Ranma just let his words trail off.  Nabiki then
kissed him on the lips again.

        "What--?" he asked, surprised.

        "At least you admitted you love me.  I love you too, Ranma-kun.
We'll just have to try and think of something else to do.  But for right
now, I think we have some unfinished business."  With that, she pushed him
back onto the bed.

        Outside the building, a figure in black turned away in
satisfaction.  "'This will be a day long remembered,'" he quoted.  "'It has
seen the end of Ranma and Akane's relationship, and soon it will see the
end of DnR as well.'"  He cackled madly.  "My 'fellow authors' will be too
busy with their little predicaments to do anything about this, and once I
break Akane and Ranma up for good, there will be no DnR!"  Mad laughter
floated up on the breeze as he walked away, deciding not to watch what the
couple above was up to, since this isn't going to be a lemon.  :)

                                *      *      *

        "Wow.  Actual material transport!  Wait until my teachers get a
load of this!" Yuriko said as she tightened the straps on her new guinea
pig.  He had put up a little struggle at first, but fortunately she had a
little ether handy in the lab.  She wondered if it had gotten too strong,
for he had gone out like a light, and the fumes were making her dizzy.  She
opened her window and took some deep breaths.

           Taking out a notebook, she began to scribble down some notes.
"Subject is male, age seems to be in mid- to late-twenties... just under
two meters in height... approximately 70 kilograms weight.  He seems human,
but a more thorough examination will have to be made to make sure."

        Putting down the notebook, she began rummaging around her room,
looking for something.  Not finding it, she opened the door and called out,
"Kasumi!  Do you have a pair of scissors?"

        "Just a moment," her roommate called back.  A moment later she
appeared at the door to Yuriko's room, holding a pair in her hand by the
blades, just like her mother had taught her.  "What do you need them for--
oh my!"  She just caught sight of the strange man strapped to the table.

        "I need to cut his clothes off so I can examine him," Yuriko said,
matter-of-factly.

        "Oh..." Kasumi said.  She looked back towards her room and the
studying there, then at the helpless man before her.  "Need any help?" she
asked brightly.

                                *      *      *

        "Hey!  What're you doing?" Paul said as Yuriko began to cut open
his shirt.  He tried vainly to move, but the bonds were holding him down
tightly.  He shook his head groggily to clear it of the fogginess that
seemed to reach out and grab him.

        "I'm not going to hurt you," Yuriko said soothingly.  "I'm your
friend."  She looked up at Kasumi, who stood behind the table, out of sight
of the man strapped there.

        "You greet all your friends by strapping them to a table and
cutting off their clothes?" Paul asked.  "Chotto hen ne..."

        "I am NOT strange!" Yuriko said indignantly.  "You're the one that
just appeared out of nowhere in my lab!" She said straight up and looked at
Paul thoughtfully.  "Hey, you regained consciousness pretty quickly.  That
IS strange.  I thought I used enough ether..."

        "Your lab?" Paul asked, looking around the room.  "This is a lab?
It looks more like..."  Paul trailed off as he realized just where he was.
"You..  You're not Murata Yuriko, are you?"

        "At your service," Yuriko replied.  "Gee, I didn't know I was so
famous off-planet."

        "I _told_ you, I'm not an alien!  Gaijin, maybe, but not an alien!"
Paul struggled against the straps.  "I have NO idea how I got here, but I'm
not from another planet!"

        "Sure, you're just saying that because you probably want to get
free and eat my brains or something.  Well, I'm not falling for it."
Yuriko resumed cutting off Paul's shirt.

        "Oi!  I'm _telling_ you I'm not an alien!  I'm quite human!" Paul
shot back.

        "Yuriko," Kasumi said softly.  "I think he's telling the truth."

        Paul strained to look at Kasumi.  "Oh, you're here too, eh Kasumi?"

        "But he know who we are without us even telling him!  Maybe he
reads minds!" Yuriko said.  "He's a find!  I've GOT to examine further!"

        "Hey, listen to your roommate!" Paul said.  "I'm telling the truth.
The reason why I know your names is because I KNOW you two.  I'm a writer!"

        Yuriko again stopped and stared incredulously at Paul.  "A writer?"

        "Don't believe me?  How about I tell you everything that's happened
to you since Kasumi got to school this semester.  Will that convince you?"
Paul asked.

        "I don't believe it, but go ahead and try," Yuriko said, leaning
back in her chair.  Kasumi walked around the table and leaned against
Yuriko's desk.

        "Well, starting with Ranma and Akane's wedding..."

                                *      *      *

        Ryouga jumped back from the strange man who had appeared out of
nowhere to block his attack.  He was male, Chinese, and looked too thin to
be a threat.  Besides, the punch seemed to knock him out.

        Almost immediately, Ryouga began to think through the logical
implications of this:

        This man appeared out of nowhere, which requires magic.

        All sorts of magic exists in China.

        He appears Chinese, so he must have come here from China via
magical means.

        All the Chinese people I've ever met in Japan who knew magic were
involved with Ranma somehow.

        This was all Saotome's fault!

        Lardizabal, on the other hand, had a much simpler chain of thought,
helped along by the alcohol in his blood.

        Hey, he thought, my opponent is still standing!

        He charged Ryouga, and soon the two of them were grappling over the
fallen David Tai, neither of them paying any mind to his moans or
fluttering eyelids.

                                *      *      *

        David slowly opened his eyes.

        "Oooooh... what hit me?" he moaned, as he slowly blinked, trying to
gather his wits.

        Shaking his head, David slowly sat up.  He slowly touched his face,
then winced as he felt fire course through his cheeks.

        "ARGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

        Both Lardizabal and Ryouga paused a moment, looked at David, then
resumed fighting.

        He gathered his thoughts, then blinked.

        Ryouga.  Easily identifiable.

        An oriental man, fighting in drunken martial arts-style.

        "No way.  No way."

        Then David winced as he felt his bruised cheeks flame up again.
The very real pain told him that this wasn't a dream.  He sighed.

        "Ryouga.  Drunken Martial artist.  Ryouga vs... Lardizabal, I bet,"
David thought to himself.  "Now what...? *sigh*  I guess I have to figure
out how to get out of here.  Wherever here is."

        David scratched his head, then snapped his fingers.  "Okay...
Since this is Ryouga, I must be in the Ranmaverse.  But with Lardy
there..."

        Then memories came rushing back.  Jeff... Sato... Jeff snapping...

        "Oh bloody hell!!!  Jeff, you $&*@&%*@#^%&^#&!@!!!!!!!"

        The long and colorful screaming David unleashed was enough to
freeze Ryouga and Lardizabal both in mid-punch.  Both stared at David.

        "Um... can you tell me where Mizunoikan University is?"

        Ryouga wordlessly pointed one direction.  Lardizabal pointed
another.  David looked back and forth between them.

        "Um, I take it you're Ryouga Hibiki.  And Lardizabal Tanaka?"

        Both nodded wordlessly, Ryouga expressionless, and Lardizabal
widening his eyes slightly.

        "Okay.  Um... Tanaka-san, which way to the Nekohanten?"

        Lardizabal pointed another direction.

        David nodded in thanks.  Then he started to leave, only to have
Ryouga block his way.

        Ryouga pointed an accusing finger at David.  "You know Saotome
Ranma?"

        "Huh?  Yeah, I guess I do..."

        "That fool Saotome!  I shall repay my debts to him a hundredfold!"
Ryouga vowed, staring up at the sky and clenching his fists.  David
shrugged, and started to leave.

        "Hey, where are you going?" Lardizabal asked.

        "To the Nekohanten," David said.

        "And you know Saotome."  Lardy's statement was not quite a
question.

        David started sweating as he realized that he was facing two people
who were... touched in the head and a bit... sensitive on the subject of
Saotome Ranma.

        "Um... I'm just going down there to get a drink, ya know?  How
about... um, I buy you guys a drink?"

        Ryouga and Lardizabal looked at each other.  Then they shrugged.
Lardizabal made a motion to follow him, and David and Ryouga followed.  The
last thing on David's mind as he followed Lardizabal was, "How am I gonna
pay for this?"

                                *      *      *

        Ukyou finished with her hair and put on a fuzzy blue bathrobe.  She
considered getting completely dressed, but decided she wanted answers from
the stranger first.  Besides, maybe this guy DID go nuts on seeing a naked
woman.  It gave her a vicarious thrill to think that.  A small part of her
mind argued that this wasn't the way she normally would act, but she buried
that voice under a pile of mental okonomiyaki.  She deserved to live a
little dangerously, have some fun teasing the hentai.  Anything that took
her mind off Ranma.

        She didn't abandon all practicality, however.  She grabbed her
bandolier of throwing spatulas and put it on.  There, much better.

        Stepping outside the bathroom, she found Makiko tying the pervert
down on one of their kitchen chairs.  "Has he woken up yet?" she asked.

        "He started to wake up, so I walloped him again," Makiko said.
Then she noticed Ukyou's attire.  "Aren't you going to get dressed,
Ucchan?"

        "After I get some answers from him," she said.  "Is he tied down
tightly?"

        Makiko pulled one last knot tight.  "Yup!" she said as Ukyou walked
back over to their prisoner.  He seemed to be stirring.

        "Okay, then, let's see what he has to say."  She bent over to look
him in the eye, not realizing that her bathrobe fell open a little as she
did so....

                                *      *      *

        John moaned faintly and began to wake up just before they arrived.
He had some sort of vague memory of someone making a talk request, but the
rage from that had burned itself out.  He realized he was tied up and
concluded that he must have gone berserk in the lab.  Maybe I killed that
girl who believes in vampires.  I can only hope...

        He slowly opened his eyes.  He seemed to be tied to a fairly normal
chair in someone's living room.  This does NOT compute, he thought.  This
doesn't look like any of the dorms or anywhere in the computer lab.  Dim
bits of memory drifted back to him, along with the realization that he was
in fact, dripping wet.  Something about a bathtub and a... girl.  He
blushed.  How did I get into someone's BATHTUB?  She was cute, whoever she
had been, he thought.  I don't know who she is, but somehow, I feel like
I'd seen her before.

        In fact, she was standing right in front of him.  "Woken up, eh?"

        John turned his head and noticed her bathrobe was hanging rather
wide open in front.  He blushed horrendously.  "Uh...your robe..."

        Ukyou blinked and looked down, noticing she was showing off quite a
bit of her breasts, though it hadn't quite reached the level of something
on late night Cinemax.  She pulled the robe shut and slapped John.  "You
shouldn't look down someone's robe!"

        "It would be a lot easier to avoid if you didn't leave it wide
open!"  John thought her voice sounded familiar, too.  I know this girl, he
thought, but why can't I remember who she is?

        "That was an accident!  Who are you and why did you jump into my
bathtub?"  Ukyou yelled.

        "My name is John Biles and I don't know how I got here or HOW I
ended up in your bathtub!  Who are you anyway?"

        "My name is Kuonji Ukyou.  What do you mean you don't KNOW how you
got in my bathtub?"

        John blinked.  John blinked again.  He then promptly fainted for
dramatic effect.

        Ukyou looked at Makiko.  "This guy passes out really easily."

        Makiko thought for a second.  "Well, he has a gaijin name and a..."
She paused and looked more closely at the shirt the gaijin was wearing.
"Ucchan...that looks remarkably like a fairly good drawing of you...and
your NAME is on the shirt."

        Ukyou blinked.  She hadn't really paid any attention to the
gaijin's shirt earlier, having been preoccupied with pummeling and
interrogating him.  Her name was across the top in big red letters in latin
script:  UKYOU KUONJI.  Under that was, 'RANMA 1/2'.  Ranma 1/2, she
thought.  What the heck is that supposed to mean?  Half of Ranma?  It's a
pretty good likeness of me, she thought.  If it was any better, I'd be
blushing at how it shows the binding cloth I used to wear under my uniform.
She tried to figure out why it had P-chan and Shampoo's names in a little
yellow triangle in the right hand bottom corner, but quickly abandoned the
attempt for lack of evidence.  Maybe the artist was named P-chan Shampoo...
Gaijin all have weird names, though this would be a rather massive
coincidence.  "Where did he get this shirt?"

        John shook his head and woke up.  "What a nightm...eeep!"

        "Where did you get this shirt?"

        John considered the truth, then decided she would not believe him.
If someone walked up to him and told HIM he was a fictional character,
would he have believed it?  No way.  On the other hand, what else could he
tell her?  "You're not going to believe me."

        "You're probably right, but tell us anyway," Makiko said.

        John took a deep breath.  "I'm from another universe where you're
all fictional characters."

        "You're right, I don't believe it."  Makiko said.

        Ukyou thought for a second.  "Wait.  Your name is John Biles?"

        John nodded quietly.  "Yes.  Why, you've heard my name before?"

        Ukyou suddenly ran out of the room.  Makiko blinked and shrugged.
"So what's the real story?"

        "That IS the real story!"

        Ukyou returned, clutching thirty printed out and stapled pages.
"Ahah, here it is."  She read through the pages.  "I was right.  That WAS
the name I used."

        John had a bad feeling.  "The name you used for what?"

        "This short story I had to write my senior year of high school.
Our English teacher made us write short stories.  It was REALLY hard.  We
had to give the protagonists English names...so I named one of the
characters John Biles."

        John paused briefly and wondered if somewhere out there, someone
was laughing at him.  "And what was this John Biles like?"

        "He was a history major at some unnamed university who wrote
stories.  One day he wrote one that was so good that he was sucked into it
and decided never to come out."  She paused, slowly skimming over the
story.  "That sound like you?"

        Well, if I got to stay with you, I wouldn't mind that, John
thought.  He would have hit himself for thinking that, but he couldn't move
his arms.  "Well, yes."

        She read through more of the story.  "In fact, he was in love with
one of his own characters, and that's why he decided not to go back to
reality."

        John started to blush quietly.  "So what did, uh...yours look
like?"

        "Ash-blond hair, glasses, around 5'7...Hmmm.  Sounds a lot like
you."  She paused.  "You know what that means."

        Makiko said, "It's an amazing coincidence?"

        "You must be that character come to life!" Ukyou announced.

        John wondered briefly why Ukyou found that more plausible than what
he had said, then realized it was because it meant she could believe he was
LESS real than her, rather than more real.  "Uhhh..."

        Makiko blinked.  "You're kidding, right, Ucchan?"

        "It makes perfect sense, like why he would land on me...I made him.
And that's where the shirt came from..."

        For a moment, John found himself starting to believe this.  Well,
if I do get to stay with her... He paused for a moment and looked at
Makiko.  Who is this, he thought.  I've never seen her in ANY manga
story...This doesn't look much like Ukyou's shop, either.  Wait, unless...
He looked at the girl.  "Is your name Makiko?"

        The girl nodded.  "How did you know that?"

        "I told you.  Believe me or not.  Your call.  So you go to
Mizunoikan, right?"

        Makiko nodded.  "So what is REALLY going on here?"

        "I told you!  Somehow he's come to life from that story I wrote!
Here, lemme get you untied.  Much as I hate to suggest it, we'd better go
talk to Sato...he understands this mystic stuff."

        Makiko looked VERY dubious, but followed Ukyou's lead.  She looked
at John hard.  "Try anything funny..."

        "I know that in a fight against Ukyou, I would last about 2
seconds, that being the amount of time it would take her to grab her
spatula and kill me.  Maybe as many as five if I got lucky."  John
shivered.  "And I'm all wet still..."

        "You'll dry off," Ukyou said cheerily.  "A good brisk walk will do
you good."

        At least I don't have a curse, John thought.  YET.

                                *      *      *

        The figure in black swept into the Nekohanten, only stumbling a
little on his cape.  "Darth makes this look so easy," he muttered to
himself.

        Shampoo bounced over.  "Table for one?" she chirped.

        "Actually, I'm expecting a guest.  He may show up with Tanaka
Lardizabal or Hibiki Ryouga.  If you could show him to my table when he
arrives?"

        "Is no problem!"  Shampoo led the figure in black over to a booth
in the most shadow-filled corner she could find.  Her great-grandmother had
taught her how to serve the more villainous elements of society.  It was
all part of a restaurateur's job.  "You need time to look over menu?"

        "No, just some of your best ramen, please."

        "Okie-dokie!"  She bounced away.

        "Hmm, I wonder if Biles wrote her last... she's acting more
air-headed than when I did DnU2.  Well, easily fixed."  He made a small,
almost unnoticeable motion of his hand.

        Back in the kitchen, Shampoo stiffened slightly.  Mousse, who was
stirring a pot of ramen, peered at her in concern.  "Are you okay,
Shampoo?"

        "I'm fine, Mousse," Shampoo replied.  "I just felt a little strange
for a moment.  It's passed now."

        Mousse goggled.  "Shampoo, your Japanese..."

        Shampoo sighed.  "I know that my language skills are not as good as
yours, Mousse, but you..."  She trailed off as the import of what she was
saying hit her.  "Mousse... I'm speaking perfect Japanese, aren't I?"

        "Hai."

        "But how...?"  Then it dawned on her.  The strange man in the black
robes!  He must be a magician of some sort.  That made her feel much
better.  While strange magicians performing favors for people was not
exactly commonplace, at least it fit the genre better... and wasn't a
continuity glitch.  She shook her head then.  What strange thoughts she was
thinking today.

                                *      *      *

        David led his two companions to the Nekohanten, pausing only to get
directions from Lardizabal.  He still wondered how he would pay for the
drinks he had promised them.  Then he wondered why Ryouga had accepted the
offer, since he didn't drink.  It was then that he began to feel that
something was wrong in the DnRverse.

        "Well, maybe I can get some answers here," he thought, as he
entered the Nekohanten.

        "Welcome to the Nekohanten," said the very familiar-looking
purple-haired Amazon, speaking in a very unfamiliar manner.  "Table for
three?  Oh, Tanaka-san and Ryouga."  She looked at them crossly.  "Are you
two going to be able to pay your bills this time?"

        "Shampoo?  When did your Japanese get so good?" Ryouga stammered.
A horrible suspicion crossed his mind.  "WHERE THE HELL AM I NOW?"

        "He's paying," Lardizabal said, pointing a thumb at David.

        Shampoo ignored the Lost Boy with the ease of long practice.  She
looked David over and said, "Oh, you are expected."

        "I am?" David asked, confused.  Not for the first time today.

        "Yes.  That gentleman over there, the magician or whatever he is."
Shampoo pointed to a booth in the back that was cloaked in shadows.  David
struggled to remember if there were that many shadows in the Nekohanten,
but things seemed somewhat fluid, as if reality was something easily molded
rather than rigorously followed.

        "A magician?" he asked, trying to get a handle on things.

        "Yes, or at least I think he is."  Shampoo's Japanese seemed to be
improving as she spoke.  She had also started doodling on her order pad.
Not doodling, David realized.  She was writing, in English, small snippets
that he couldn't quite see.

        "Well, I better see what he wants... Oh, let Tanaka-san and
Ryouga-san have whatever they want to drink.  I did promise them that."  He
sighed, hoping that Shampoo would take credit.  Or dollars.

        Shampoo struggled with that, her business instincts against the
prospect of both a drunk Lardizabal and a drunk Ryouga in her
establishment.  The instincts won.  "All right, but you better pay their
bill.  Otherwise, I'll show you our Amazon deadbeat policy."  She smiled.
It wasn't a nice smile.

        David gulped and went over to the man in black.  As he approached
the table, the man seemed to notice him for the first time and threw back
his cowl.

        "Jeff?" David said.  "What the HELL are you DOING here?"

        "Didn't you get my mail?  I am destroying DnR."

        "But why?  Just because the ML got on your case a little?  And
HOW?"

        "The how doesn't matter.  And as for why, I just plan to show
those, those... CRITICS the folly of their actions."

        "Hey, we've all been there.  I've wanted to kill those guys who
keep wanting me to bring Ryouga back--"  He suddenly looked back at the
bandanna boy.  "You brought him here, just to hack me off, didn't you?"

        "Pin Pon!" Jeff said, smiling insanely.  "I brought you, and John,
and Paul over from the Real_World to here, just so you could watch it all
collapse.  You might as well sit back and enjoy the show."

        "Paul and John are here?  Where?"

        "Oh, John's with Ukyou, who else?  As for Paul... well, I'm afraid
that I had him appear in front of Yuriko.  He should be knee deep in
experiments now."

        "That's inhuman!"

        "No, it's fun!"  Jeff's smile rose a few notches on the insanity
scale, if that were possible.

        "And Shampoo?"

        "Oh, THAT was a spur of the moment thing.  I made her an author."

        "A writer?  Why would that--"

        "Oh, excuse me," Jeff interrupted, "I forgot to capitalize.  I mean
an Author.  She's now a Dn* Author.  Notice she's driven to write in fits
and spurts?"  He pointed to the amazon, who was indeed scribbling on a
napkin.

        "You made SHAMPOO an author?"

        "No, an Author.  You don't quite have the hang of this, do you?"

        "Excuse me, I don't usually have to LIVE my stories.  Or your
stories, for that matter."  David took a deep breath, trying to calm down.
He was now certain that Jeff had been unhinged by the flames of the ML and
he wanted ONE of them at least to be rational.  "You know I can't let you
do that."

        "Oh, you can't stop me.  You don't know what I'm doing.  And Sato
is already dead."  Jeff giggled.  It was an unhealthy sound that David
thought should only be in horror movies, not in someone you were sitting
next to.

        "You killed Sato?"

        "Surprised?"

        "No, not really.  It's you, after all."

        Jeff seemed a little put out.  Then he smiled again.  "Well, it was
nice talking to you, but I have things to put wrong.  Here's some yen," he
said, putting down a HUGE sheaf of 10,000 Yen bills, "so you can at least
be comfortable.  Give some to John and Paul when you see them.  Have fun!"

        "Wait a moment!  You can't do this!  We won't let you!"

        "What seems to be the problem, gentlemen?" Shampoo asked, coming
over.
She looked very cross.  "I won't have any fighting in my establishment."

        "Oh, nothing, Miss Shampoo.  It's just that my friend was insisting
that I put you back the way you were," Jeff lied smoothly.  "I'm sorry.  I
thought it would be a nice present, but he disagrees."

        Shampoo turned and glared at David.  "For once in my life, I can
get people to take me seriously and not look at me like a bimbo because I
can't speak their damn language and YOU want to ruin it for me?"  She
grinned ferally.  "'You I kill!'" she mocked, producing bonbori from out of
nowhere.

        "Waah, what did I do?" David eeped as he jumped back out of the way
of the bonbori crashing into the table he and Jeff had been sitting at.  It
shattered instantly, sending wooden shards everywhere.  He held up his
hands to ward the enraged Amazon off...

        ...just as Jeff took Shampoo's head in his hands and rammed it
forward violently.  To someone not paying close attention, it looked like
Jeff had grappled with Shampoo as David punched her.  Shampoo's eyes
crossed and she slumped to the floor.

        "Well done, David!" Jeff said, applauding.  "I'll leave you to deal
with THAT!"  He chuckled and then vanished, not even leaving a grin in the
air.

        "Why me?" David asked, as Shampoo began to stir.  He knew what
would happen next.

                                *      *      *

        "... and that's where we've left off," Paul finished.  He looked at
both Yuriko and Kasumi, who exchanged some kind of glances he wasn't quite
catching.

        "You basically make me out to be an unscientific idiot!" Yuriko
said.

        "And I'm an airhead!" Kasumi followed.

        Paul began to sweat.  "Well, but that's not REALLY who you are.
The whole idea was that you're supposed to mature over the course of the
series and become your own persons.  We had to start somewhere."

        Yuriko scowled.  Kasumi scowled.  Paul scowled, then stopped when
he noticed he was doing it.  Yuriko and Kasumi turned to each other and
whispered in hushed tones so Paul couldn't hear.  Not that it mattered, as
Paul was working on something else in his head.

        "You know... you were complaining about how we wrote you as
completely idiotic and unscientific," Paul began.  Yuriko glared at him.
Paul gulped nervously and continued, "Well, um... is it completely
scientific for you to just dive in and cut off my clothes without making
sure I didn't have any kind of alien disease or chemicals that might be
harmful to humans first?"

        Yuriko paled.  Paul knew he had her.  "I didn't write you to do
this.  Someone else did.  I don't know exactly who, yet, but I've got a
pretty good idea."

        Kasumi looked at Paul curiously.  "Why do you say that?  And why
should we believe you?"

        "Because I have a feeling that the person who did this wants to
destroy the entire universe."  Paul gauged Kasumi's reaction.  "That means
no more experiments, no more cooking, and no more school."  Kasumi grinned.
"And no more Soun, Nabiki, or Akane either."  At this, Kasumi fell silent.
"You have to let me go.  Otherwise..." he trailed off for effect.

        Yuriko slowly got up and loosened the leather straps.  Kasumi sat
watching as Paul hopped off the table and examined his shredded shirt.  "Is
there anything we can do?" she asked hopefully.

        Paul nodded.  "Yes, but we have to act quickly.  I have a sinking
feeling that my co-authors are also stuck here and may need help."

        Yuriko blinked.  "Co-authors?"

        Paul sighed.  "Co-authors.  There's four of us, but I believe that
one has gone completely wacko.  He's the one that wants to destroy this
place."  He paced back and forth.  "If it really WAS him, he'd probably
want to be here and watch as it all came crashing down.  I guess the
question is, how do we identify him?"

        Kasumi suddenly snapped her fingers.  "He wouldn't be dressed in a
black robe would he?"

        Paul stopped short.  "Black robe?" he asked.  "A black robe.  That
would do it, yes.  The color standing for evil, and prominently displayed,
but easily hidden.  Yes, that would be a good guess."

        "He was already here.  He said he was looking for Yuriko's lab."
Kasumi looked at Yuriko.  Yuriko glanced back at her quizzically.

        "Why my lab?" Yuriko asked.

        "Most likely, he needed someplace for each of us to ... well,
appear.  A transfer point," Paul mused.  "Since I always have so much
trouble writing you, he stuck me here."

        "So what about your other authors, then?" Kasumi asked.

        "Well, John most likely is over at Ukyou's apartment and David...
probably at the Nekohanten dealing with a drunken Lardizabal," Paul said.
"Then again, both are just guesses.  The real problem is trying to figure
out HOW Jeff plans to destroy the universe."

        "Jeff?  That's your other person?" Yuriko asked.

        Paul nodded.  "Yup.  He's obviously brought us here to watch."

        "So, now it's just a process of elimination." Yuriko straightened
up.  "List some things that hold this universe together.  Maybe we'll come
up with how he's going to do it."

        Paul frowned.  "There's got to be a million ways to get rid of
DnR."  He sighed, then clapped his hands together.  "No, wait, there
isn't!"

        "I don't understand," Kasumi said.

        "There's only one real constant in DnR - Ranma and Akane.  If those
two separate for some reason, DnR will collapse," Paul began.

        "So, we need to find Akane and Ranma!" Kasumi finished.

        "The question now becomes, where ARE they?" Yuriko said solemnly.

        "And how bad off are John and David?" Paul muttered.

                                *      *      *

        The only thought running through David's mind as he watched
Shampoo's lids flutter was...

        "RUN!!!"

        Turning to run, David bumped into Mousse.  "Er... hi?"

        Mousse glowered at him.  "ANOTHER MAN AFTER MY SHAMPOO?!"

        "Ayi yi yi!  I didn't do it!!!" David yelped as he waved his hands
fanatically.  He backed off as Mousse turned an angry shade of red and
begin to emit a blue aura.

        "YOU CAN'T HAVE MY SHAMPOO!" Mousse howled as he whipped out
chains...

        ...to ensnare Ryouga.  David, from Mousse's left, blinked as he
watched Ryouga, who had been drinking a bit, hiccup.  Ryouga blinked, then
yelled as the realization sunk into his head that he was caught in Mousse's
steel grip.

        David stared as Ryouga began to turn an angry red.  Then he felt a
tap on his shoulder.  Shampoo stood staring at him, left eyebrow crooked.

        David's eyes widened, and he began backing away.  "Oooh, thanks a
lot, Jeff... thanks a WHOLE lot!"

        A thin wispy voice whispered from a distance, "You're welcome,
Dave."

        David glared into the distance and yelled "DON'T CALL ME DAVE!"

        Shampoo stared at him.  David gave her a feeble smile, and said,
"Uh... you know... it wasn't my fault!  See..  ya... Jeff did it!"

        Lardizabal spoke up from behind David.  "Oh come on, you whacked
her.  Be a man, and apologize!"

        David hissed, "You idiot!  That's not what she wants!"

        Shampoo nodded.  She eyed David critically.  "You're not much, but
if you can knock me out, you must be good."  She smiled impishly.  "Let's
get married!"

        David cringed, as Shampoo stretched out her arms...

        "SHI SHI HOUKUDAN!"

        ...just as Mousse was blasted into her back.  Ryouga stood panting,
legs wobbling, face all red... and then he fell over senseless, from both
the alcohol and his chi blast.  David blinked and looked at the unconscious
Shampoo and Mousse.  Then he pulled Lardizabal off the stool, grabbed the
bottle of sake, stuck it in his arm, and dragged the drunken fighter out of
the bar as fast as he could.

        "Wha... wha... wha?" Lardizabal spluttered.

        "Never mind, just tell me where Ukyou lives, fast!  I wanna know,
and I Wanna know NOW!"

        "You're running away from a marriage to someone that good looking?
You're sick, man!" Lardizabal muttered, as he chugged his bottle... and
pointed a finger towards a direction.  David nodded, and dragged Lardizabal
that way.

                                *      *      *

        Paul left Kasumi and Yuriko's apartment and headed for the street.
"I wish I had been more specific with directions, but maybe this'll help,"
he thought, looking down at the hastily drawn map with Kasumi's notes next
to it.  "I just hope that Kasumi reaches Akane in time... and that I can
find Ukyou's apartment."

                                *      *      *

        "Hmmm," the man in black said as he loitered outside Maison Sabaku.
"My fellow authors might be more trouble then they are worth.  Perhaps it
was a mistake to bring them here."  He shrugged, and looked at the door to
the building.  Nabiki and Ranma were entering it, looking nervously at each
other.  "Well, it won't matter in just a little bit.  I've planted the
props, and the actors are just about to take the stage."

                                *      *      *

        Ranma nervously pulled at the collar of his Chinese shirt.
Suddenly, it felt awfully constricting.

        "Nervous, Ranma-kun?" Nabiki asked quietly, showing a little of the
nervousness she felt.  No matter what they did or said, someone was going
to be horribly hurt by what was about to happen.

        Honestly, she thought, not without some irony, if Ranma could just
tell a convincing lie, we wouldn't have to do this so soon.  After their
little rendezvous, Nabiki had asked Ranma when he was going to tell Akane
about her.  The martial artist had gone red in the face and babbled
incoherently.  Nabiki had immediately despaired of Ranma keeping this a
secret for much longer.  It was one thing to keep a guilty affair a secret,
but keeping the fact that he loved someone else a secret was beyond him.
If her sister was a little more perceptive, she probably would know the
whole story.

        "Me?  Nervous?  Ha!" Ranma said, unconvincingly.

        Nabiki sighed.  "Look, let me do that talking, OK?  You'll have to
tell her yourself about the you-know-what," she said as they climbed the
stairs of the old apartment house.  "But I'll set you up."

        Ranma nodded gratefully, not realizing the double meaning of
Nabiki's words.  He was so preoccupied with that, he didn't see three
familiar figures (one carrying a battle spatula) walking towards the
apartment house.

                                *      *      *

        Akane hummed a little to herself she began preparing the evening's
dinner.  She was following the instructions VERY carefully this time.  She
would show Ranma that she could cook.  And he'd eat it, too!  Or else her
mallet would send him to bed early.

        Sighing, she tried to reign in her temper.  The few times she had
tasted her own cooking, she had been forced to agree with Ranma.  She was a
horrible cook.  But she always tried her best.  Why couldn't her baka
husband see that and accept the love that made her keep trying?  It wasn't
like she had killed him or anything, yet.  If he loved her, he should just
eat it, and not make any snide comments, right?

        "You'd think he'd appreciate me more," she muttered, losing her
place in the recipe.  "I mean, he could have married that Chinese bimbo, or
that psychotic gymnast, or that, that transvestite!  It's all his fault,
anyway."  She drew some comfort from her familiar spiel.

        The apartment door opened.  "I'm home," Ranma called quietly.

        "Ranma!" Akane called out happily.  "I'm in the kitchen, cooking
dinner!"

        An almost audible gulp came from the direction of the door, but
Akane was too busy trying to remember the last ingredient she had used to
hear it.  Well, another three teaspoons of red pepper wouldn't hurt, right?
Or was that tablespoons? she thought.

        "Hi, sis," came an unexpected voice.

        "Nabiki!" Akane said happily.  "What are you doing here with Ranma?
Have you two made up?"  She turned to face her husband and sister.  Their
somber looks took her aback.  Something was wrong, but what was it?

        "Um, you could say that," Nabiki said, sounding
uncharacteristically unsure of herself.  "Look, why don't you come into the
living room and sit down, OK?  Ranma has something to tell you."

        Ranma shot Nabiki a dirty look at that, Akane noticed.  Well, maybe
they hadn't made up completely.  But what could be bothering Nabiki?  Had
she heard something from home?

        "Is Dad OK?  Or is something wrong with Mr. or Mrs. Saotome?" Akane
asked worriedly, following the pair into the living room.  She sat down on
the couch and looked at her sister.

        Nabiki almost flinched under the gaze.  "No, it's not about
them..."  She nudged Ranma in the ribs.  "Ranma has to tell you something.
Go on, Ranma."

        Ranma shot Nabiki another dirty look, but she simply bowed her head
and looked at her hands in her lap.  He sighed and took a deep breath.
"Akane, I..."  He trailed off, helplessly searching for what to say.  "That
is, I want... well, it's not just me... and it's not my fault... or your
fault... it's just something that happened... no one planned it or
anything.  It's just..."

        Akane stood and pulled her mallet out, seemingly from mid-air.
"WHAT IS IT?" she screamed, desperate for Ranma to get to the point.

        "Iwantadivorce," he blurted out.

                                                           --- to be continued.

-- 
The DnR Round Robin was originally slated for release April Fool's Day 1997.
Final release 10/29/97. Go figure.

A product of the deranged mind of Jeff Hosmer after reading one too many
DnR critiques... also writing were John Walter Biles, David Tai and Paul
Gallegos.

(c) 1997 Digital Knight Communications
http://www.tass.org/~ranma/home.html
ranma@TASS.org (Saotome Ranma)


===============================================================================
                   Daigakusei no Ranma: The Round Robin part 2
===============================================================================

        The mallet fell, slowly.  Everyone was frozen as the words came
out, seemingly of their own volition.  The mallet tumbled end over end as
it fell, and smashed into the floor.  It bounced once, and then was still.

        "A... divorce?" Akane said, numbly.

        Ranma, now that the words had been said, nodded.  "I... I don't
think our marriage was a good idea."

        Akane felt tears filling her eyes.  How could he leave her?  How
could he even think of leaving HER?  "Don't you love me?" she asked, her
voice trembling.  She hated that.  It made her sound weak.

        Ranma nodded.  "I do... but I don't think that being married is
good for us.  We fight all the time, and I'm sick and tired of being
malleted.  We were too young for this, Akane...."

        "But... but... you can't do this!  You're MY husband!" Akane
screeched.  Then a terrible suspicion crossed her mind.  "There's someone
else, isn't there?  You've been seeing someone else, haven't you?"

        "S-someone else?" Ranma stuttered.  "N-no!" he said, very
unconvincingly.

        "There is!  Just because I didn't satisfy your hentai desires.  Who
is it?  That cross-dresser?  Or is it that Amazon bimbo?" Akane took a step
towards Ranma, her mallet raised high.

        "It's me," said a quiet voice.

        The two spouses looked at Nabiki in shock.

        "Nabiki...?" Akane said, not willing to believe her ears.

        "Ranma's been seeing me," Nabiki said.  "We're in love.  That's
what we came to tell you."

        "How could you do this to me?  To your own sister?  He's MINE!"

        Nabiki stood and faced her little sister, staring her in the face.
"No, he's not.  Not anymore.  Since Daddy forced you two to get married,
you've been harassing, abusing, and generally treating him as a pet rather
than a man.  Wake up, little sister.  You started to lose him a long time
ago."  Nabiki reached over and squeezed Ranma's hand  "Well, we're both
tired of living a lie, and we decided it was time to tell you the truth."
The words were matter-of-fact, almost emotionless, but Nabiki's eyes were
full of remorse and regret.  "I'm sorry, Akane-chan," Nabiki said simply.

        Akane sank to her knees.  This couldn't be happening to her.  The
world didn't work like this.  Ranma was HER husband.  No one could take him
away from her, not like how Kasumi took Dr. Tofu.  Now her other sister had
stolen her happiness as well?  It was unforgivable!

        "You..." she growled, her battle aura flaring, "you... you BITCH!"
Her hand flew out to slap her sister in the cheek.  The anger-inspired
force of the blow sent Nabiki to the ground.

        "Hey!" Ranma cried out, leaping to Nabiki's defense.  Akane,
however, had time to get her mallet and she swung it at the pig-tailed boy.

        "How could you!" she hissed.  "Sleeping with my SISTER!  You're a
married man, you baka hentai!"

        "Ranma dodged the mighty mallet.  "Wouldn't know it to look at us,
you kawaiikune tomboy!" he retorted.  "You're always hitting me, or telling
me what a pervert I am."

        "That's because you ARE!" she screeched.

        "Quiet down you two!" Toshi yelled from outside the hall.

        "SHUT UP!" Akane yelled back.  Ranma took advantage of the
distraction to kick Akane's mallet out of her grasp.

        "Now, just calm down, Akane," Ranma said with exaggerated calm.
"Look, you're letting your anger get the better of you.  I mean, slapping
Nabiki?"

        "It's OK," Nabiki mumbled, getting to her feet.  Her jaw didn't
seem to be working quite right, but she was afraid to feel it for damage.
"I deserved a little of that."

        "No, you didn't Nabiki-chan," Ranma retorted.

        Akane, still in the grip of her rage, reached round the couch for
something to throw at them.  Two throw pillows were flung with deadly
accuracy, or it would have been deadly if pillows could actually cause any
damage.  The couch cushions had a bit more effect, but it still didn't
satisfy her.  Ranma simply blocked them while talking to Nabiki.

        Then Akane's hand closed around something cold and metallic.  She
picked it up, not even registering what it was.  It could hurt them, she
knew, even through the red haze that clouded her vision.  Slowly she raised
it in her hand.  It fit her palm perfectly, her fingers filling the grooves
as if it was made for them.

        Nabiki looked at her then, as if warned by some sixth sense.  Her
eyes widened and she suddenly shoved at Ranma, pushing him out of the way.

        BAM!

        Akane's finger was clenched tightly around the trigger.  She looked
in shock and fear at the gun that sat in her hand.  Ranma spun around,
looking at her in stupefied amazement.  Then Nabiki's voice cut through
their paralysis.

        "Ranma-kun," she said weakly, "I think... I've been shot."  Ranma
and Akane looked at her in shock.  Nabiki's hands were clutching at her
stomach and were already colored bright red with her blood.

                                *      *      *

        Outside the apartment house, the man in black nodded in
satisfaction a high, piercing shriek cut through the night.

        "ONEECHAN!"

        Looking down the street, he smiled as he saw three familiar figures
(one carrying a battle spatula) walking towards the apartment house.
Fishing a cellular phone out of his robes, the man made a quick phone call.
"Police?  Yes, I'd like to report someone firing a gun.  Yes, that's what
it sounded like to me.  Someone screamed right after it, so I'm afraid
someone might be hurt.  I think it came from Maison Sabaku."  The man in
black gave the address, then hung up without giving his name.

        "Now, with a little luck, they'll find Sato sitting in his unlocked
apartment, match the gun that killed him with Akane's, and everything will
fall into place."  He then heard a police siren wail somewhere nearby and
knew that it was time to beat a retreat.  He would approach John later.
With that, he strode away, unnoticed in the rapidly gathering crowd of
curious bystanders.

                                *      *      *

        John paused in his recounting of how the Universe came to be, just
staring at Maison Sabaku.  This day was definitely the most surreal moment
of his entire existence.  Being with Ukyou made it a lot better, though.
She seemed to accept a lot of what he told her, even if she didn't buy the
"universe is going to end and my friend is responsible for it" story.
Makiko, on the other hand, thought he was crazy.  He smiled faintly.  If I
am, I wish all my insane dreams were like this... well, without the part
where I got beat up.  He followed Ukyou and Makiko inside, heading for
Sato's room.  They knocked on the door.

        There was no answer, but the door swung open.  Inside, Sato was
sprawled on the floor, a bullet through his head.  John froze up with total
paralysis.  He had never seen a corpse before in person.  Makiko turned
around and ran out into the hallway, unable to look.  Only Ukyou could
muster the strength to go in and check his pulse.  He was definitely dead.
"I... I can't believe it.  Who would want to shoot Sato?"

        Well, Jeff probably wouldn't mind, John thought, but he's hardly
the homicidal type.  "I have no idea.  We'd better tell the landlady."
Ukyou nodded.

        They went downstairs and knocked on Kazuyouya's door.  Suddenly,
there was a shot from upstairs, followed by a despairing scream.
"ONEECHAN!"  It sounded like Akane.  The three of them sprinted up the
stairs and into Ranma and Akane's room.  Nabiki was sitting on the floor
and had quite obviously been shot in the stomach.  Her hands were red from
trying to stop the bleeding.  Ranma was trying to help, but not succeeding
in doing much.  Akane was lying nearby, crying her lungs out, while Kazuyo,
who had been visiting Toshi upstairs, was on the phone, trying to get an
ambulance.  Ukyou knelt helplessly near Akane, trying to calm the poor
girl.  A gun lay on the floor, almost unnoticed.

        The next thing they heard was the sound of police sirens.

        "Wha--What happened?" John stuttered.  Ranma's head flipped up and
glared at the fanfic writer with enough intensity to burn through steel.

        "What happened is that my 'wife' got so angry she shot her own
sister!
That's what happened."

        "N-no!  I didn't mean to!  I didn't... I...." Akane blubbered
incoherently.  Ukyou looked at her in shock.

        "But why?" Makiko blurted out.  The sirens were getting louder.
Help was on its way.

        John walked over to Ranma.  "Here, I know a little first aid, let
me look."  Well, I know what they taught us in Security --not much--but no
one else seems to have a clue.

        The wound was deep and bleeding copiously.  Nabiki was half-
unconscious from shock and pain.  "Quick, lie her down, keep pressure on
the wound, and raise her feet.  She's going into shock."  Or was that raise
her head?  John didn't know.

        Ranma did as he was told, quickly and without question.  "Nabiki-
chan," he murmured.

        John did a double-take.  Ranma didn't like Nabiki that much.  At
least not that he knew of.  Was Jeff behind this?  "What happened, Ranma?"
he asked, looking over at the hysterical Akane.  Ukyou looked back at him
helplessly.

        Slowly, Ranma told the story.  He only stopped when the paramedics
and police came.  Upon hearing the story, they were quick to act.  Akane
was arrested for murder and attempted murder.  Possession of a handgun was
also tacked on, but this was almost an afterthought.

                                *      *      *

        John lay back against the wall of the hallway in Maison Sabaku and
took a deep breath.  The police had been grilling them for hours, but they
finally had left.  Funny, though, it didn't seem like hours, even though he
was beat.  It felt more like a second, like there had been a scene change.

        "J-John?" came a tremulous voice.  He looked up to see Ukyou, her
eyes red with unshed tears.  She had her arms crossed over her chest,
hugging herself tightly and seemed to be shivering.  Her hair was a mess
and she was sniffling slightly.  She was lovely to him, however.

        "Ucc--Ukyou?" he asked, but was startled when she ran over and
hugged him tight.  Not knowing what to do, he hugged her back.  Slowly, at
first, she began to cry.

        "Shhh... it's OK," John whispered, not knowing what else to say.
He felt like a grade-one baka because the girl of his dreams (well, the
Ranma hentai ones, at least) was emotionally distraught and he couldn't
help her.  And he was thinking too much of how nice her body felt next to
his.

        "I-I'm sorry," she hiccuped.  "I just... I knew Akane-chan was
violent, but to shoot Nabiki.... And Sato!  Someone killed Sato.... Oh,
god, all the blood... W-were you telling the truth?  Is the world going to
end?"

        "I don't know, Ukyou... I wish I did."

        Ukyou rest her head against his chest, drawing some comfort from
listening to his heartbeat.  "But.... y-you think it is going to end, don't
you?"

        He debated lying, but he knew Ukyou would know if he did it.  He
didn't want to lie to her, anyway.  She was strong, she could take the
truth.  That was one of the things he loved about her, how she took all the
crap the universe threw at her and still managed to be optimistic... most
of the time.  "Yes."

        "J-john... if it is ending... I-I... I've never been... you know...
kissed properly."  John's mind almost went into Ryouga shutdown mode.  Was
she--?  Ukyou looked up at him.  "Would you kiss me?"

        OK, you can see where this is going.  Suffice to say, when our
villain appeared with a faint pop five minutes later, they were still in
lip-lock.

        "Hey, John, good going!" Jeff cried, adding a whoop-whoop sound.

        "Wha--?" Ukyou stammered, getting very red in the face.  She was
red in a few other areas too.

        "Huh?"  No points if you guess who said this.

        The man in black bowed.  "Greetings, Miss Kuonji.  I am the villain
of this piece, but you may call me... Jeff."  He smiled madly.

        Ukyou's head spun for a moment as she tried to get a grip on the
situation.  "Y-you're the one who killed Sato?"

        Jeff smiled.  "Now, now.... The cops say Akane did it."

        "But that's not true is it?"

        "What do you think?"

        "Jeff, what are you doing here?" John finally managed a coherent
sentence.

        Jeff sighed.  "What is it with you guys?  First David and now you.
I bet if I go see Paul, the first thing he'll ask is 'What are you doing
here?'  Don't you guys read your e-mail?"

        "I meant what are you doing HERE and NOW.  I read that e-mail where
you threatened Ukyou-sama!"

        "Ukyou-sama?" Ukyou asked.

        John blushed.

        "You might have noticed that John has a bit of a thing for you,
Miss Kuonji," Jeff said with a smile.  "I'm afraid that I made some threats
against you in particular when I threatened to destroy this universe."
Ukyou's hand went to her mega-spat.  "Oh, don't worry.  That was just to
get John's goat."  He smiled in a way that was not at all reassuring.

        "You never answered my question, Jeff," John said, stepping in
front of Ukyou.

        "Oh, right.  I'm here to make you an offer."  He snapped his
fingers and a glowing portal appeared behind him.  "And someone wants to
meet you."

        A young girl stepped through the portal.  She had short, blue-black
hair and looked rather like a kindlier, gentler Akane.  Her eyes lit up
when she saw John.  "John-chan!" she cried, running over to hug him.

        "Am--!?" he started to say, but was stopped by a rather energetic
kiss.

        "Sorry, we can't say her name, John.  One of our fellow authors
doesn't like her series very much.  We'll just call her... Miss Anderson,
OK?  It's not a great name, but it's what the dub came up with."

        "John-chan?" Ukyou said archly.

        'Miss Anderson' broke off the kiss and flushed.  "Oh, sorry.  I got
a little carried away."

        "Gaaah," John said.

        "Anyway, the first part of my offer is to you, Miss Kuonji.  I do
plan to destroy this universe, but there is no need for you all to die."
Jeff held up his hand and a small glowing sphere appeared above it.  "I can
grant you the power to save as many people as you want.  Thanks to 'Miss
Anderson,' I even have a universe they can stay in."

        'Miss Anderson' bowed demurely before Ukyou, her demeanor now
totally different.  "Yes.  I come from a universe that Jeff and Biles-sama
write.  If you want, there's a place for you all there."

        "Biles-sama?" Ukyou asked, glancing over at John.

        Jeff shrugged.  "They call him that."

        "They?"

        John, even bowled over by receiving two kisses from lovely anime
girls in a row, realized he was in deep trouble.  "Um, Ukyou, I can
explain."

        "There's nothing to explain," 'Miss Anderson' said.  "Kuonji-san,
you have nothing to worry about.  Jeff and Biles-sama are giving all of us
happy relationships."  She glanced over at John and whispered, "I AM
getting Ryo-kun, aren't I?"

        John nodded frantically.  "Right!  Next episode!  I promise!"

        "Why is HE always 'Biles-sama?'" Jeff muttered.  "Anyway, it's a
very nice world, Ukyou.  Relationships work out and endure even after
death.  Romantic fantasies are fulfilled.  There IS a _small_ monster
problem, but it's being taken care of by our courteous and efficient
staff--"

        "We're not a Holiday Inn, you know," 'Miss Anderson' said, jabbing
Jeff sharply in the ribs.

        "I can save Maki-chan and Lardizabal and Ran-chan?" Ukyou asked,
looking at the glowing ball.

        "Yes.  I'll make you an Author, with as much power as I have, or as
John potentially has."

        "Potentially?" John asked.

        "Yes, that's the other part of my offer, the part for you, John."
Jeff proceeded to take John up a mountain and show him all the kingdoms of
the world... well, figuratively speaking.  "Listen, I am nigh-omnipotent
because I wrote myself in like that.  I wrote you guys in as well, but
without any real powers, in the consciously-activated sense of the word.
Now, I can," he said, draping an arm over John's shoulder, "give you full
control over your powers as an Author.  Otherwise, you'll have to wait for
your subconscious to get around to it."

        John hadn't been born yesterday.  "And what do you want in return?"

        "Nothing... much," Jeff said.  "Help Ukyou save a few souls, move
them over to Z, don't try to interfere with my plans for DnR.  You've seen
Ranma and Akane.  My job is pretty much done, now.  Just sit back, relax,
and enjoy the end of the world."  John listened, indecision filling his
face.  Jeff's voice dropped conspiratorially.  "Look," he whispered, "you
and Ukyou seem to be getting along well.  You can probably visit her in
Z... or move in with her there, if she's willing.  And 'Miss Anderson' and
the others will be there, as well."

        John began to salivate.  Ukyou and the blue-haired girl both hit
him, on general principles.

        "I swear, I don't know what I'm going to do with him," Ukyou
muttered.

        "Do you like him?" 'Miss Anderson' asked.

        "I... er, that is..." Ukyou stammered.

        "Oh, don't worry on my account," the other girl said.  "We're not
into too much jealousy over there.  Well, a little, especially with
Re--well, two of my friends.  But it's friendly.  And later, we learn that
love is too precious to be wasted by jealousy and envy.  John-chan is
special.  He can love a lot of people equally."  'Miss Anderson' sighed.
"It's one of the things I like about him."  She turned to Ukyou.  "Maybe we
could share him?"

        Ukyou just blushed.  'Miss Anderson' giggled.  John's nose nearly
exploded in a gusher of blood.

        "Sorry," Jeff whispered.  "I picked her up by way of Lemon Sherbet.
She hasn't been decontaminated yet."  In a louder voice, he said, "So, what
is your decision, John, Ukyou?"

        Ukyou looked down at her feet, then up at the man in black.  "If
you can give me the power to save my friends, I'll take it."

        Jeff smiled.  The glowing globe floated over to Ukyou and gently
passed through her skin.  For a moment, she seemed to glow, then it faded.

        "That's it?" Ukyou asked.

        "Reality is now fluid to you, Kuonji-san," Jeff said.  "As long as
you remain within continuity and characterization, anything is possible."

        "Wow..." Ukyou said.

        "And you, John?" Jeff asked, turning to his co-author.

                                *      *      *

        John twitched faintly.  This was incredibly tempting.  If he hadn't
been certain that Jeff had killed Sato and set up the shooting of Nabiki,
he would have taken Jeff's offer.  As tempting as the offer was, he
couldn't accept a murder and a near-murder.  On the other hand, he couldn't
quite believe Jeff would REALLY kill anyone.  Plus, he was worried that
Jeff might just vaporize him if he said no.  Yes, these ideas WERE
contradictory.

        He looked over at Ukyou, who was reveling in newfound power.  Well,
trying to figure out how to use her newfound power.  "Can Ukyou and I have
some time alone to discuss your offer?"

        Jeff smiled, for overconfidence is the bane of all evil.  "Sure.
Just don't get distracted, if you know what I mean."  He wagged a finger at
them in an admonishing way.

        'Miss Anderson' giggled.

        John and Ukyou blushed in unison.  They went down the stairs into
the foyer, then out into the front yard, sitting down by the tree.  John
tried to decide whether to put an arm around Ukyou's shoulder or not, but
didn't quite have the courage to do it, even after spending five minutes
kissing with her.  Ukyou, however, took John's hand with hers.  "John, do
you think he...?"

        "I think it's pretty clear that he at least had something to do
with the shootings.  I can't take his offer, but if he does something to
you, I... I don't know what I'd do."  I'm being a complete goober, John
thought.  I thought I told myself I wouldn't fall in love this fast with
anyone any more.

        Ukyou smiled at John.  "Thank you.  We have to do something,
though.  He's trying to use my friends in his own sick game, and I won't
stand for it.  Maybe we can write him into non-existence with our powers."

        "With your powers.  Mine haven't been awakened yet."  He sighed.
"Any idea HOW your powers work?"

        Ukyou tried wishing herself up a ham sandwich.  Nothing happened.
"Well, you can't just wish for things."

        A few seconds later, a passing vendor walked by, selling ham
sandwiches.  Ukyou bought one for herself and one for John, who was hungry.
John said, "Hmm.  I think I'm starting to get the idea.  You're not exactly
all powerful, but you can make things happen.  Bend the probabilities, so
that you get what you want.  Like Amberites in Shadow."

        "Like what?"  Ukyou sat back down by John and leaned over, laying
her head on his shoulder.

        "Like you could summon up a vendor, which is plausible, but you
couldn't make a ham sandwich just appear from nothing.  You probably
couldn't make Mousse become a pacifist, but you could probably make him get
angry with someone, like say, Ranma."

        "Or Akane angry at Nabiki."

        John nodded.  "I think that answers one question.  Now we have to
come up with a plan."  He finally got the courage to put an arm around
Ukyou's shoulders.  "From what he said, I'm going to guess the other DnR
authors are here.  We need to find them and see if they have any idea how
to stop Jeff."

        Ukyou nodded.  "We could try the Nekohanten.  They might be there."

        John said, "Good idea.  We'd better hurry before Jeff gets antsy
and comes after us."

        They stood up, staring at each other for a moment, then kissed
again.  Ukyou smiled, then said, "So, who was that other girl, John?"

        "She's...uh from this story I wrote."

        They started walking.  "She seemed to know you pretty well."
Ukyou's voice was subtly taut.

        John laughed nervously and tried to explain.  Luckily, the next
scene change happened before he could get a beating.  Well, much of one.
At least he got to hold her hand during the ordeal.

                                *      *      *

        "Let me get this straight, Paul.  In about two minutes, you looked
at those people, and immediately deduced you were in the DnRverse?"

        "Yep."

        The scene shifts to David and Paul, who are standing outside
Ukyou's apartment.  Lardizabal, with a bored look, was leaning against a
wall, grumbling and taking occasional sips from a bottle.

        David gave Paul a funny look.  "We're talking about a really THIN
line of reasoning here, Paul."

        "Hey, it was right, wasn't it?  What're you complaining about?"

        "Sherlock Holmes himself couldn't have reasoned all THAT out just
on one or two bits of information!"

        "Dave, calm down... we're getting sidetracked here.  We should be
getting Jeff, ne?"

        "YOU DIDN'T EVEN MEET JEFF BEFORE YOU FIGURED ALL THIS OUT!!!"

        Paul whacked David on the back of the head.  "Look, we don't have
time for this.  Let's find Biles and get the heck outta here."

        "Get out of here?  THAT MANIAC IS DESTROYING OUR UNIVERSE, AND
WE'RE GOING TO LET HIM?"

        Paul gave a sigh.  "He already killed Sato.  What's next?"

        David groaned.  "Why don't we find John?  Beats standing around
here waiting for John to show up."

        Paul grinned.  "Or waiting for Shampoo to come by."

        David groaned.  "So where to?"

        "Maison Sabaku."

        "Oh?  And just what line of reasoning are you using this time?"

        "Well, if John ain't here, he must be at Maison Sabaku.  And he
wouldn't go to the Nekohanten, right?" Paul said with a knowing grin.

        "Yeah, right.  Hm... okay.  Hey Lardy!  Let's go!"

        Lardizabal looked up from where he had been leaning, and shook his
head.  "I ain't going nowhere."

        "How about we buy you a drink?" David said.

        "Deal."

                                *      *      *

        "Yuriko... let... you... go?" David gaped, as he and Paul walked
towards Maison Sabaku.  Lardizabal tailed them.

        Paul paused to glance at the directions Kasumi gave him.  "Yep.
C'mon, Dave... relax a little.  It ain't good for your blood pressure."

        David took a deep breath, then resolved to not ask any more
questions before his head exploded.  Instead, he peeked over at the
directions, noticed that Maison Sabaku was only a few blocks away, and
started running down there, turning a corner... only to run into a
stammering John.

        Both of them went flying.  "JOHN!"

        From the ground, David rubbed his head, as Ukyou ran to John and
put his head in her lap, cradling him carefully.  John's eyelids fluttered
a bit as he slowly regained consciousness.  "Ow... oh man... that hurts..."

        David sat up, holding his head and moaning as Paul came up to them.
"See, David?  You have absolutely no patience."

        "Bite me, Paul."

        Ukyou blinked a bit, and patted John gently on the cheek.  "John?
Are these the people you were looking for?"  John rubbed his head, and
blinked... then recognized David.  "Yeah, that's David.  I guess that other
guy must be Paul."

        Soon, the three authors were swapping tales about how they came to
this world.  John giggled a bit at David's predicament with Shampoo, and
laughed out loud at Yuriko's adventure with Paul, then blushed when both
David and Paul glanced meaningfully at Ukyou, who was attached to his arm.
John then told them about Jeff's offer to him, at which David glared at
him.

        "Uh... let me get this straight, John.  Jeff offered to unleash
your author powers as well as Ukyou's?"

        "He already unleashed Ukyou's.  Mine, he offered if I would join
him."

        "And you ran off?"

        "Yep."

        "Without doing anything about his offer?"

        "Yep.  I wasn't thrilled about the fact that he killed people to
accomplish his goals."

        "Yeah, but couldn't you have ACCEPTED his offer THEN run off?"

        John blinked.  "D'oh!"

        "JOHN, YOU IDIOT!!!"  At that moment, a small fish-headed alien
wearing a spacesuit popped up and handed David a giant rubber trout.  David
whacked John with it, sending John flying into a tree.  David panted with
the effort... and got a giant spatula planted in his face... sending him
flying into another tree.

        "JOHN!" Ukyou cried, as she ran to him again.  Paul, however, had a
strange expression on his face, as he helped David up.

        "Dave?  Why did Commander Yamada give you that giant rubber trout?"

        "Uh?  What giant rubber trout?" David muttered, as he tried to
clear the cobwebs from his head, batting away several loose strands.

        "Takahashi's fish alien just gave it to you."

        "I dunno.  I was just so irritated at John that I wanted to whack
him with a rubber trout.  Hey..."

        David and Paul looked at each other.  "You don't suppose..."

        Further discussion was preempted as John stood up suddenly and
howled, "RUBBER TROUTS!  I HATE RUBBER TROUTS!  DIE!!!" Paul jumped out of
the way, as suddenly a van with the words "Animal Control" written on its
sides crashed into a nearby tree.  Its rear doors were forced open by the
impact and a horde of small furry creatures leaped out.  In a moment, David
was covered with numerous wombats, all foaming at the mouth.

        "ARGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!" David howled, and suddenly, animal
control people snatched up all the rabid wombats.  Both David and John
glared at each other... then they slowly grinned.  "Heh!"

        "This is interesting.  You two seem to have activated your powers
by getting mad," Paul said.

        "Yep!" John said, and David nodded.

        "I believe this is how Jeff got his powers, ne?" Paul mused, but
David and John were too busy lost in thought.

        John spoke first.  "Well, it appears Jeff has gone off his rocker.
He plans to destroy the universe by destroying the premise."

        "How did you know that, John?" Paul asked.

        "He read Jeff's scenes", David said.

        "Hmmm?  How...?"

        "Simple.  We're Authors.  We can read anything we wrote.  We're not
just characters being pulled around by Jeff anymore... now we can write our
scenes." John said.

        "Yeah.  For example... I was stupid to let Shampoo fall in love
with me.  I was in charge of that scene.  I just didn't realize it... until
now," David said.

        "That's all well and good, guys, but how come you guys have the
powers and now I don't?" Paul said.

        "Well... Jeff gave Shampoo and Ukyou Author powers because they're
just characters..."

        "HEY!"

        "Sorry, John.  I mean... they're fictional characters.  But you're
real.  You gotta activate the powers yourself," David said.

        "Yeah, man.  You've gotta get really upset over something," John
said.

        "Like what?  Nothing disturbs me."

        "Hm... I don't know," John said.

        "We'll worry about that later.  For now... we need to do something
about Jeff," David said.

        "NIHAO!"

        "Oh no.  No."

        "David!  So that's where you've been!" Shampoo cried, as she
glomped onto David.  David sighed.

        John grinned.  "We know that Ukyou and Shampoo were given Author
powers because they were pawns of Jeff.  But that's easily fixed."  John
pulled out a laptop from his jacket, and typed rapidly away.

        Shampoo blinked, then thought back to Jeff's detailed writings of
how he killed Sato and framed Akane.  "That wizard tricked me!"

        David gave a sigh of relief.  "Thanks, John."

        Shampoo's eyes narrowed.  "He's going to pay for trying to hurt
Ranma.
Even if I don't like Akane, he HURT RANMA!"  Ukyou nodded.

        "He's been way ahead of us, leaving us mucking around at the
beginning while he set his plans in motion.  How about we give him
something to think about?" David said.

        John nodded, and typed some more.

                                *      *      *

        The Chief of the Galaxy Police looked up from his terminal.
"Kiyone!" he hollered.

        "Galaxy Police Detective First Class Kiyone reporting.  What's up?"
the raven-haired beauty said as she entered and saluted.

        "You've been assigned to track down an criminal.  He's killed
someone already, and plans to destroy a universe.  Sanction him by any
means possible."

        "Uh... how am I expected to stop him?"

        The Chief turned back to his terminal and typed a bit.  A backpack
materialized in front of Kiyone.  "This is the Universal Backpack (tm).  It
does anything you can think of.  It'll also protect  you from undue outside
influence (namely, the black-robed villain named Jeffrey Paul Hosmer).  It
also slices, dices, and even does kitchen windows."

        "Ah."  Kiyone took the backpack, and strapped it on.

        "Good.  No problems?"

        Kiyone shook her head as she checked her weapon and held it up to
her face.  "No problem, sir!  Galaxy Police Detective First Class Kiyone
always gets her man!"

                                *      *      *

        "Not a bad idea.  Now how do we fix everything?" David said.

        "Hm..." John said.

        David snapped his fingers.  "The Nanban Mirror!"

        Shampoo nodded.  "I have it somewhere... let me check!"  She began
pulling stuff from hammerspace, dumping various spices, herbs, bottles,
weapons... until she held up the mirror.

        "Um, guys?  I really can't think of anything that gets me really
mad," Paul said.

        "Don't worry, Paul.  We'll take you along... maybe something Jeff
does can honk you off and we can gang up on him."

        "Let's use the mirror.  Let's see... you have to cry, right?" David
said.

        John nodded.

        Shampoo shook her head.  "Not anymore.  I just fixed it.  Now you
just have to think about where you're going."

        "Ah!" David said.  Then his eyes narrowed.  "John, give me that
computer!"

        "NO!" John howled, as he held his laptop close to his chest.  "Get
your own!"

        "I'm not in the mood to get my own... oh all right!" David said, as
he pulled out his own laptop and started typing away.  He looked up and
grinned.  "Okay... I've keyed in the Mirror to John, Paul, and I.  This
ought to prevent Jeff from using it."

        "Great!" Paul said.

        "Cool!" John said.

        "Okay... shall we go?"

        The five authors nodded.  Lardy came trudging up.  "Hey, what about
me?"

        "You, we get when we need you," David said.

        "What about Ryouga?" Paul asked.

        "Hm... good idea.  Now all we need to do is twist a few possibility
threads here and there" John said as he typed away...

        Ryouga came wandering by.  "Which way to the Unyruu farm?"  John
grinned.

        After some convoluted explanations and a few snaps of the fingers
convinced Ryouga that the authors thing was for real, Ryouga agreed to come
along to give that "black-hearted villain" something to think about.  Just
before the party vanished into the timestream, David typed something.

        "What were you typing, David?" Paul asked.

        "Oh, just something to make Jeff happy... at least until Kiyone
catches up to him."

                                *      *      *

        "Where is Biles-sama?" 'Miss Anderson' said after a while.

        "I don't know.  Why don't we go see?" Jeff said.

        They both went outside... to find only an old passerby blinking at
them.

        "He BETRAYED ME!" Jeff frothed, as 'Miss Anderson' frowned.  "I'm
GOING to KILL THEM ALL!"

        "Now now, that's not nice...!"  Two giant purple arms wrapped
themselves around both Jeff and Amy and hugged them close.  "I love you,
you love me, we're a happy family..." the voice said in a singsong voice.

        "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Jeff screamed.  He struggled
to burst free, just as Kiyone materialized in front of him.

                                *      *      *

        In the Beginning, there was the Word.

        Then the critics came along.

        The two don't get along too well.

        Case in point.  Somewhere, on the East Coast of the United States,
in Northern Virginia, near the Metropolitan DC area, a man is reading some
well-intentioned comments from a group of critics.

        We will call this man... "Jeff."  The critics, we will call "the
Daigakusei no Ranma Mailing List."  This is all purely hypothetical, of
course.  "Jeff" has written a chapter of a popular series of fanfiction
following the exploits of one Saotome Ranma as he struggles with college.
Recently elevated to co-authorship, Jeff is understandably excited and
nervous about his efforts.  He is attempting to breathe some new life into
the series, take it in new directions, and he can't wait to see what people
think of his ideas.  He is sure that they will meet with approval.

        Naive, isn't he?

        "Argh!" Jeff exclaimed, reading another e-mail off his server.
"'Nabiki is out of character?'  What is this person talking about?  The
anime has clearly shown she's not a morning person!  'Why the heck is
KASUMI carrying condoms?'  It's a JOKE, you nimrod!  Shock Value!  And
maybe Kasumi isn't as perfect as everyone thinks!  'I think Kasumi would do
better in college, why did you give her THOSE grades?'  Look, being a
stereotypical Japanese housewife for several years doesn't prepare you for
college!  'Why did you have Ranma and Akane sleep together?  It upsets the
status quo!'  STATUS QUO!"

                                *      *      *

        David, John, Paul, Ukyou, Ryouga, and Shampoo suddenly appeared at
Jeff's front door.

        "OK, David, you, Lardy, Ryouga, and Paul go through this door.
Shampoo, Ukyou-sa... Ukyou, and I will go around back," John said.  The
trio began to move off.

        "Why is it that HE always gets the women?" Paul asked.

        "I was just about to ask the same thing," David replied.

        "Enough chatter, let's rock!" Ryouga said with an evil grin.

                                *      *      *

        Jeff started to tear at his hair.  Every e-mail has had something
along those lines, even the mostly congratulatory ones.  Even the people
who had argued that 23 episodes without Ranma and Akane having sex was too
many were saying it happened too fast.  It was infuriating!

        "OK, calm down... just relax," Jeff muttered, hitting the key to
move to the next message.  "I've got to keep in control... or else my mind
will SNAP!"  He begins to read the message.

        At that precise moment, Ryouga blew open the door with his Bakusai
Tenketsu technique.  The ensuing shockwave from the blast sent Jeff
tumbling to the floor.

                                *      *      *

        Somewhere beyond the constraints of time and space, a young woman
with long green hair suddenly looked up.  She is dressed in some sort of
uniform resembling an abbreviated sailor fuku and holding a large ornate
rod.  She frowns at nothing and then waves her hand.  In front of her,
space ripples and a large gate appears.  With a grim look on her face, she
steps through the gate as it opens.

                                *      *      *

        "OK, Jeff, the party's over--" David began to say, when he realized
two things.

        One, the figure they had just smashed was NOT Jeff, but rather a
cute doll of him, similar to the ones Washuu has been known to use.

        Two, a rather large and ornate gateway had appeared in Jeff's room.

        "It's a trap!" David yelled, grabbing the Nanban mirror from Paul.

        "Dead Scream," someone said in a voice barely above a whisper.
Suddenly, a gale force blast of air struck the mirror, shattering it into a
million pieces.  The pieces of magical glass swirled in the air, then
swooped toward the figure emerging from the gate.  In a flash, they
coalesced in her outstretched hand.

        "At last," she said.  "Do you know how long I've been trying to get
this away from that disgusting pervert?"

        At that moment, John and the others ran up.  On seeing the
newcomer, John stopped dead in his tracks and said, "We're screwed."

        Paul and the Ranma-ites looked confused.  "John, you know this
person?" Paul asked.

        "That's Sailor Pluto, the Guardian of the Gate of Time in Sailor
Moon," John replied.  "I assume she's here to punish us for trying to
create a paradox."

        Paul's face turned an interesting shade of red.  "Jeff put a SAILOR
in our universe?"

        Sailor Pluto watched as the confused authors and companions tried
to make sense of things, but quickly grew bored with their antics.  They
seemed to be ignoring her, anyway.  With a wave of her staff, she banished
them to another part of the fanfic universe and then went to work resolving
the paradox they almost created.

                                *      *      *

        There was a flash of light and suddenly the five authors and two
martial artists found themselves sliding down a tunnel formed of
psychedelic light.  The slide ended all too abruptly, however.

        "Aaaaaaaah!" they all yelled as they appeared 10 feet over the
ground and slammed down on something soft and squishy and making growling
sounds.

        David looked around groggily and noticed three people staring at
them.
One was a young man in a dirty shirt and fatigues and holding a katana.
The other two were young women, with long black hair who looked almost
identical to each other, except one seemed older than the other by a year
or two.  Or so it looked to him.  Then he noticed that the "ground"
underneath him was actually some sort of black, oily flesh that covered
incredibly large muscles.  He scrambled to his feet, quickly followed by
the others.

        Now that he could get a good look at it, he saw it was man-shaped,
but grotesque, with something vaguely fishlike about its head.  Two large,
bulging yellow eyes peered malevolently back at him.  David knew that he
was suddenly number one on the thing's hit parade.

        "Run!" the young man shouted as the monster raised a misshapen
fist.  "It's a Lost Soul!"

        Trapped in the Mermaid Universe, oh joy, David thought as the fist
hurtled toward him.

                                *      *      *

        Jeff sighed and looked around the remains of Maison Sabaku's front
lawn.  Mixing Barney and Kiyone had been a mistake on David's part, he
thought.

        The silly purple dinosaur had been blown away by Kiyone on sight,
as something in Barney created fear and loathing in almost any sentient.
That had given him and "Miss Anderson" time to use their powers.  The
intrepid Galaxy Police detective was now encased in a solid block of ice,
except for her head.  "Miss Anderson" was standing beside her handiwork and
smiling.

        Jeff kicked away a smoldering piece of dinosaur meet and winced at
the smell.  "Well, thanks for calling in Pluto," he said to "Miss
Anderson."  "Good thing they didn't try something more subtle with the
Nanban."

        "So, what are we going to do now?" she asked.

        "Well, I'll let them stew for a bit, then pull them back here so
they can see what I have wrought."  He smiled insanely.  "It's no fun if
they don't get to witness my triumph!"

        "And Biles-sama?" she asked.

        "Oh, don't worry.  I'll make sure he survives.  You can have him
when I'm done."

        "I don't know if I want him," she said, making a face.  "He tossed
me aside for that spatula slut, after all."

        "Tsk, such language, Ami."  Jeff considered the dinosaur-littered
yard again and the GP officer on ice.  "Well, time to clean up the mess."
With a few taps on his suddenly summoned laptop, Jeff express warped the
remains and Kiyone to Neptune.  "There, Kiyone can shovel snow for Oyuki
for a while.  Mihoshi will find her eventually.  And maybe Barney won't
stink so much in the cold."

        "So, now what?" Ami asked.

        "Well, you go back to the Z universe and marshal my forces.  Tell
Mako-chan and Minako-chan what John did, if it helps.  I'm going to watch
how our friends deal with Mermaid's Mirror for a bit.  If they find that
too easy, maybe I'll dump them into 'Lies' or 'Misadventures of a Foreign
Exchange Student' or 'Kasumi the Axe Murderess.'"

        Ami giggled and gave Jeff a small kiss on the cheek.  "That sounds
just about right."  Then she vanished with a tap of a key.

                                *      *      *

        David ducked at almost the last moment.  Fear of impending death
seemed to make him incredibly agile as he ran for his life.

        "Wonderful!" Paul said.  "This is the Mermaid Universe, isn't it?"

        "Probably!  Just shut up and RUN!" John yelled.  He started to
scamper away, but Ukyou grabbed him by the arm.

        "Wait a minute, John-chan," she said, as she whipped out a giant
spatula.  "Let me take care of... that thing."  Lardizabal, Shampoo and
Ryouga converged next to her and took up fighting stances.  John, David,
and Paul gathered behind them and watched.

        However, at that moment, a rock the size of a hand bounced off the
Lost Soul.  "Get out of here!" shouted the young man who was standing with
the two girls.

        "Oh, quit it with the machismo and just run!" screamed the older-
looking twin at the young man.

        Paul blinked.  "Yuta?"

        Yuta halted.  "How did you know my... ugggh!" He never completed
his sentence, as the Lost Soul sent him flying.

        "Oh joy!" David said.

        "Yuta!" cried the younger-looking twin.

        She started forward, but the older twin grabbed her arm.  "Mana,
wait!"

        "Let go of me, Ryouko!  I can handle it!" Mana shouted, as she drew
a wicked knife from her backpack.

        "Ryouko?" Paul thought.  "Who the hell ARE these people?"

        But that thought was broken off when Ukyou hurled a few spatulas at
the Lost Soul.  The martial artists and Yuta and Mana quickly made short
work of it.  As they stood pondering over what to do with the Lost Soul,
Mana made a decisive move and chopped off the Lost Soul's head.

        "Whatcha do that for?" John sputtered.  Ukyou nodded grimly besides
him.  Ryouko glared at Mana.  Mana stared back.  They held that pose for a
moment, as if, in their exchanged looks, they were imposing their wills on
the other.  Then Ryouko sighed, nodded, and turned away.

        "It was necessary," Paul said.  Everyone turned to look at him.
"Well, do you want to deal with THAT?  Right, David?"

        "Right.  I ain't dealing with it, no da!"

        "Okay!" Paul said... then he blinked.  "No da?"

        "Oops.  Forget I said that, no da!" David said.

        John stared at David.  So did Ukyou, Shampoo, and everyone else.
David started sweating.  Paul stared at David a bit closer.  Then he
grimaced.  "You're not David, are you?"

        "Oops, I guess the game is up, no da!"  With those words, David
suddenly poofed.  In his place stood a gray-haired young man with spiky
hair, vacant-seeming squinted eyes wearing a large monk hat.  He gave a
great big smile.  "Daaaaa!"

        "Chichiri!" Paul shouted.  "What the heck are you doing here?"

        Chichiri smiled.  "David talked to Miaka-sama, no da!"

        Paul blinked.  "Just when did David switch with you, anyway?"

        Chichiri smiled.  "Somewhere among the Nanban Mirror fiasco, no da.
David says to work on unlocking your Author powers, no da.  John'll help
you, he said, no da!"

        John blinked.  "But...?"

        Paul slapped himself in the head.  "Of course!  If Jeff's been
keeping track of us by 'reading the page,' then David has just basically
taken himself off the page!"

        John blinked.  "Why didn't HE tell us that?"

        It was Ukyou who answered.  "Because to tell us, he'd have to be on
the page with us."

        Shampoo said, "Yes.  And if he had mentioned it to us, Jeff would
have stopped him.  Just like he stopped our Nanban mirror."

        Yuta, Mana, and Ryouko stood there, blinking.  "Don't worry,"
Lardizabal said.  "I don't understand this either.  Want some sake?"

        Paul grimaced.  "Well, what now?"

        Chichiri grinned.  "Well, David said that we should go talk to
Taiitsu-kun and ask for help, no da."

        "Who's Taiitsu-kun?" John asked.

        "David seems to have gotten a hold of the 'The Universe of the Four
Gods,' from that anime series, 'Fushigi Yuugi.'  I wonder if he's reading
it now?" Paul said.

        "Who's TAIITSU-KUN???" John bellowed.

        "She's very scary, no da," Chichiri commented.  "Well, let's go, no
da!" he said, as he pulled off his hat.  "Now get in the hat, no da."

        Everyone except Paul blinked.  Mana shrugged, picked up her
backpack where she had dropped it, and prepared to leave.  "Yuta, Ryouko.
Let's go.  This doesn't concern us."

        John turned.  "Hey, wait.  Yuta and Mana, I know, but who are you?"
he said to Ryouko.

        Ryouko grinned as she picked up her backpack.  "I'm Ryouko!  Mana's
twin sister."

        Yuta blinked.  "Just a minute, how DID you know who we are?"

        "Just think of us as gods!" Shampoo said.

        "Er, no wait..." John got out before he got an elbow to his side,
courtesy of Ukyou.  She hissed, "We DON'T have time for explanations!"

        Mana shrugged.  "So?  Come on, Yuta, Ryouko, if you don't get
going, I'll leave you behind," she said as she started walking off.  Yuta
and Ryouko exchanged glances before they followed her, shaking their heads
at the madness of it all.

        "Wait a minute, Mana didn't have a twin sis..." Paul began.

        John interrupted.  "You know, I think David mentioned that he was
working on a new Mermaid series."  Then John blinked, and began to sweat.

        "What's wrong?"

        "He was working on it... with JEFF!"

        Chichiri shook his head.  "No more time, get in the hat, no da!"

        Paul nodded.  "I think we better trust David.  Let's go!"

        John sighed.  "Okay, but if I end up in a pit of flaming wombats, I
swear, I'll hunt Dave down and stuff a few of Ukyou's spatulas where it
really hurts."

        Paul and the others began climbing through the hat...

                                *      *      *

        Jeff grimaced.  "David's sneakier than I gave him credit for," Jeff
muttered to himself.  He hoped Ami would get here soon with the rest of the
Sailor Senshis.  He shrugged.  "Well, the DnR universe won't be around for
much longer."  He smiled.  "And Fushigi Yuugi is not a problem.  I'll just
destroy the 'The Universe of the Four Gods.'"

        Jeff whipped out his computer, and began to request an
Inter-Library loan.  He quickly went to the search function and looked up
"The Universe of the Four Gods."

        "What the... DAMN IT!" Jeff shouted, as he looked at the entry.
"Checked out already?  It's an Important Document!  They DON'T check those
out!"  He narrowed his eyes.  "David must have gotten to it before I did.
Well..."  Jeff started typing on the keyboard.  "We'll just have to make a
simple little shift in Chichiri's teleportation mechanism.  Or two."  He
grinned as he input the commands.  "Now, then... I guess I will just have
to make sure that the DnR-verse is destroyed right now!"

        Jeff quickly typed a few words on his computer.

        DEL UNIVERSE.DNR? Y/N

        Jeff grinned as he hit Y.

        FILE NOT FOUND.

        Jeff blinked.  "What?"

        Then the universe around him blinked out of existence.

                                *      *      *

        "Too bad, Jeff." David said, as he removed a tape from his tape
drive.  He then put it away in a pocket.

        "Are you done yet?" a voice behind him complained.

        David looked over his shoulder at the three figures standing
impatiently in the shadows.  "Give me a few more minutes, I need to do a
couple things.  Just try not to kill each other till then, eh?"

        David typed a few commands on his computer.  Then he turned to look
at the three figures in the background.  "Well, sorry about that.  The DnR
universe is gone."  Then he grinned.

        "Too bad the uncute tomboy wasn't in the universe," one figure
muttered.

        One of the other figures promptly produced a mallet out of nowhere
and began to hit the first figure.

        The third figure ignored both of them and leaned towards David.
"Can you reset everything the way it used to be?"  Her voice was hesitant
and filled with pain and she was keeping her hands clutched over her
stomach.

        David grinned.  "Maybe.  But first, I have to deal with Jeff."
Then he patted a book next to him.  "And with luck, the others should be in
Fushigi Yuugi.  You'll be joining them there soon enough.  You three need
to work out your problems.  So I've arranged for some help there.  Now get
in there.  I have to stay here and read the book."

        Ranma, Akane, and Nabiki reluctantly nodded.  Then they were gone,
in a flash of red.  David nodded, then pulled out a mask, identical to
Chichiri's face.  With a goofy grin, he put on the mask and began reading
'The Universe of the Four Gods.'

        He turned to the page with Chichiri's arrival back from the other
universe, and began reading to himself.

        "And with a flourish, Chichiri pulled the hat after him, and
returned to Taiitsu-kun and the other Suzaku Seishis.  Suzaku no Miko came
to greet him."

                                *      *      *

        "I'm back, no da!!!" Chichiri cried out as he entered the temple
that was Taiitsu-kun's home.  "Where's everyone, no da?"

        A slender brown-haired girl in schoolgirl clothes grunted at him
from the dining table.  She was too busy trying to out-eat Ranma, who next
to her, accidentally once chomping on Ranma's hand as she tried to gnaw the
meat off a whole chicken.  It was Nuriko, the cross-dressing young man, who
came up to him.

        "The only ones who arrived were those three," Nuriko told him.

        Chichiri suddenly covered his ears, as a loud mental voice yelled,
"WHAT???"

        "Jeez, take it easy, will you, Tai-san, no da?" he mentally
vocalized.
The masks they both wore formed a mystical connection between them,
allowing communication between the worlds.

        "Sorry.  Now where are they?" David relayed back in Chichiri's
mind.

        "I don't know, no da!" Chichiri shrugged.

        Then he held his head, as David let loose a loud steady stream of
curses impugning Jeff's ancestry.  "NO DAAAAA!!!"

                                *      *      *

        David closed the book.  "Hm.  Well, just a little alteration in
plans, then." David muttered.  "I'll just have to go find Mr. Hosmer."
Then he simply... went offline, taking 'The Universe of the Four Gods' with
him.

                                *      *      *

        John, Ukyou, and Ryouga arrived in an nondescript Tokyo district.
John looked around and grimaced.  "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't
think this was where we were supposed to be."

        "It's not my fault!" Ryouga exclaimed as Ukyou looked at him.

        "Oh no, John-sama, you're in quite the right place!" shouted a
voice from above him.

        John, Ukyou, and Ryouga looked up in the sky to see a girl with
reddish-green hair, horns and wearing a tight school uniform floating above
them.

        "How could you forget all about me!" cried the oni.

        John blinked.  Ukyou frowned at John.  "You knew her?"

        John shook his head no.

        "JOHN-SAMA!!!  Don't you remember me?  I'm Miyaki Shinobu, your
secret lover!"

        John stared up at the angry Shinobu-oni.  "Ummm..."

        Ukyou turned and glared at John.  "WHAT is she talking about?"

        "This is the first time I've seen her in the flesh in my life!"

        Ryouga stared at John.  "So you had all your trysts with her in the
dark?"

        John blinked and tried to figure out what Ryouga meant, then
understood.  "It's not like that!  It was just a joke!  Something for my
.sig file!"

        "So it all meant nothing to you?"  Shinobu-oni gave a great shriek.
"You toyed with my affections as a JOKE?"

        Ukyou glared at John.  "How could you do that to her?"

        John yelled back at Ukyou, "WHAT, DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING ANYONE
TELLS YOU?  HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE'S NOT LYING OFF HER ASS?"  He took a deep
breath.  "She's just another maniac Jeff sent to kill me."

        "You're just trying to cover up what you did to her!  You admitted
yourself it was all a joke!"  Ukyou was angry.  She thought he was
different, but he was just another jerk like all the other guys she knew.
Even her Ranchan did stupid things like this.  Not that he was HER Ranchan
anymore, but still...

        "Are you ready to face your punishment?" Shinobu-oni shouted.

        Ryouga watched, uncertain whether to intervene.  He felt like he
knew this girl who was shouting at Biles, but he wasn't sure where he had
met her.  It was like he'd known her in another life or something.

        "I thought she was imaginary!  Dammit, I thought all of you were
imaginary until pretty dang recently!  How was I supposed to know it would
have real consequences?!"

        "EVERYTHING has real consequences!  Even just hopes and dreams and
jokes!"  Ukyou turned her back.  "You made your bed, now lie in it."

        "Hey!  Pay some attention to me!" Shinobu-oni shouted.

        John sighed.  Arguing with Takahashi characters is futile.  Once
they made up their mind, there was NOTHING you could do to get any sense
into their heads.  A wave of despair washed over him.  I'm toast.  He
glanced over at Ryouga, who was staring up at Shinobu-oni with a befuddled
look.  "I don't suppose I can get you to save my ass, Ryouga?"

        Ryouga, lost in fantasies and an effort to remember, didn't even
hear John.

        John shrugged and ran.  Shinobu-oni chased him, hurling lightning.
He ran like a maniac, faster than he had ever run in his life.  Massive
amounts of stock background footage blurred by:  marketplaces, alleyways,
rooftops, libraries, the Sahara Desert, the Death Star, the Eiffel Tower,
and finally, Tomobiki High School.  Ukyou jogged after the chase, easily
keeping up, though she did nothing to help John.  Ryouga, on the other
hand, was left far behind.  He tried to catch up and soon found himself
utterly lost.  He looked up and saw a city sign, 'Welcome to Angel Grove,
population 20,000 humans, 5,000 putty men, 365 monsters (Variable by
season)".  "Uh oh."

        John slammed a door behind him and sat down to take a rest.  Maybe
she won't find me in the clock tower, he thought.  Unfortunately,
Shinobu-oni wasn't the only person gunning for him.  Ataru and the Gang of
Four were waiting for him.  "There you are!" Megane shouted.  "The monster
who turned our Lum-chan into a human!"

        "The rat bastard who turned me into a girl!" Ataru shouted, leaping
at John.  The five men dogpiled John and began to batter him.  He flailed
desperately, but he was no match for even relatively normal wimpy humans.
Soon they had him tied to the bell clapper.

        Megane began to laugh.  "The bells!  The BELLS!"  Ataru had to give
him a sedative so he wouldn't induce a heart attack in himself.

        John sighed and tried to think of some way to get out of here.
Maybe Lum will show up and distract them.

        She did, in fact, show up just as Megane was about to start ringing
the bell.  The Gang of Four fell at her feet.  She then started arguing
with Ataru.  John gave a sigh of relief.  I'm saved.

        Or not.  Shinobu-oni now flew into the room, Ukyou close behind
her.  Shinobu-oni shouted, "There he is!  You won't get away from me by
hiding inside a bell!"

        Lum blinked and looked in the bell.  Her face hardened.  "There you
are!"

        John sighed.  "Doesn't anyone in this universe like me?"

        Ukyou snorted.  "You're just getting what you deserve for the hell
you've put them through."

        "I thought it was all fiction!  I was just trying to be funny!  If
they're mad, they should blame Rumiko Takahashi for creating them and
putting them through hell for over 8 years!"

        "We can't get to her," Ataru said, "But we can get to you!"

        Mendou walked in now.  "What's going on here?  Ataru, what foulness
are you up to?"

        "He's going to ring me to death!"

        Mendou blinked.  "Ataru, how did you bring this bell to life?"

        Ataru grabbed Mendou and held his head down low so he could see
John inside the bell.  "There's the bastard who wrecked our lives!"

        "Aiii!  I'm scared of the dark!  I'm scared of the dark!" Mendou
yelled.  Ataru pulled him back out from under the bell.  As soon as he saw
girls watching him, Mendou recovered miraculously.

        "Hey, JEFF was the one who put YOU through hell, Mendou!"

        Mendou nodded.  "Understand that I bear you no personal ill will.
You are merely acting as my voodoo dummy for my revenge on Hosmer."

        John began to cry.  He would have tried to beg for help with his
eyes, but he couldn't even SEE anyone inside the bell.  More and more
people showed up, each with their own grudge.  Pretty soon, the bell tower
was getting stuffed.  Finally, once the situation had been explained for
the two thousandth or so time, Megane began to pull the bell cord.

        For a moment, there was silence and then...there was more silence.
The tower was so stuffed that the bell couldn't move.  John laughed.
"Saved by the bell.  How ironic."

        "We can fix that." Shinobu-oni said.  She and Lum grabbed John,
untied him and flew him out the clock tower window.  Soon, he was over the
Tomobiki High School Pool--about four stories over it.  "Do you know how to
swim?"

        "More or less."

        "Good.  We're going to drop you in, then electrocute the entire
pool."

        "I'll die!"

        "Oh please, like that ever killed anyone," Lum said.  "But you'll
suffer, and that's the point."

        "Can't you just noogie me repeatedly or something?"

        "No."

        John twisted his head and looked back towards the clock tower,
hoping Ukyou would do something, anything to save him.  She glared back,
looking angrier than before, although at least half of it was probably due
to Ataru trying to fondle her.  "I guess you're not going to save me."

        "You're the all powerful author, who bends and twists lives to suit
his amusement.  Save yourself.  No doubt you've got something even FUNNIER
in mind than the stories they've been telling me about what you've done to
them."

        "Dammit, I don't write torture fests!  They're just blaming ME for
their own failings!  I didn't even create them!  I didn't give them the
flaws they have!"  He began to cry.  "I just wanted to make people laugh
and maybe think about life in a new way a little."

        "By putting us through hell.  Tell it to the marines."  Shinobu and
Lum flew over to dump John into the exact center of the pool, then shifted
their grip so they could drop him head first.

        "Take responsibility for your own actions!" Ukyou shouted.

        John sighed.  She was right.  I have put them through hell for my
amusement and the amusement of others.  Is that what all the suffering of
my own world is?  A joke for the amusement of some higher level universe of
authors and readers?  Maybe someone is reading about me right now and
getting a good laugh out of all this.  I know I'm not.  His body sagged.
"Go ahead.  Punish me, whatever.  Just be warned that you're going to kill
me if you do this."

        Shinobu-oni's face was a frenetic mask of rage and Lum's wasn't
much better.  "You deserve it!  You deserve to have your skull split open
and y