[We see Herb, who has had the misfortune to be captured by Dormammu, who believes him to be Happousai. He has been used to plug a leak in the prison that traps the Mindless Ones. He appears to float in space with wavy lines around him that represent the mystic prison, and white sticky stuff around his circumference, which is the spackle used to smooth his edges for when they paint over him later. On one side of the barrier, we see a typical Steve Ditko-style Dr. Strange landscape, and on the other we see millions of creatures that resemble that statue you tried to make in art class in the third grade that gave you nightmares. I'm sure you wish I hadn't reminded you of it. They pound mindlessly on the barrier, as is their usual pastime, when not pounding mindlessly on each other. In fact, most of them can't reach the barrier and HAVE to pound on each other. A few are pounding on Herb, who is getting more and more pissed off.] Herb: This is even worse than judging those damn peasant disputes. [His battle aura grows brighter with every blow] At least they were occassionally funny and could be insulted. [We see a squad of denizens of the Dark Dimension, dressed in funky quasi-medieval clothing, if Spandex had existed in medieval times, approach. Each holds a paint bucket and a brush.] Herb: Free me and you will be rewarded. Dark Denizen #1: Hmm. The barrier is talking again. We'll have to come back with soundproofing. [They ignore Herb's protests and paint over him and the barrier in the area, then walk away.] Herb: Okay, this is the last straw. HERB SMASH! [He focuses his chi and lets it all detonate in a huge sphere. It blows a five hundred foot hole in the barrier, flinging Mindless Ones deeper into the piled up mound of Mindless Ones by the wall. Immediately, the newcomers begin to pummel everyone around them. Some wander out the hole, and like pus leaking from a picked at scab, they erupt through the hole and begin to rampage. Only the fact that most of the dark dimension is empty space except for neat swirly colors prevents them from doing massive property damage. As it is, Herb is trampled by virtually every Mindless One in the Dark Dimension. This takes a long time. We'll come back to Herb later.] *************** Furinkan Summer #11 "The Temple of the Angry Buddha. Round 2, Fight!" By John Biles "Summer Fields"--The FS Theme. My anger hides a loving heart; My anger drives us far apart. Only your love can heal the pain, For it's your smile that brings the rain That helps love's fields to grow. Walk with me through summer's field So we can help our hearts to heal. Stride through the grass and smell the air Under the sun without a care. I want to walk with you. We hid our love behind our pride, Never letting others inside. To end those lies must be our task; Tear down the walls; Throw out the masks We used to hide from love. Walk with me through summer's field So we can help our hearts to heal. Stride through the grass and smell the air Under the sun without a care. I want to walk with you. Love does not end with "I Love You", Not if what the things we said were true. We have to strive to make it grow. We have to let our feelings show Else love will fade like dew. *************** [We see Ranma and Ukyou, still trapped in the hall of mirrors] Ranma: Hmm, wait, any future we desire is here? Voice: Yes. Just choose one. Ranma: Any future at all. Even one where I'm a giant flaming potato? Voice: ... Ranma: Answer my question. Ukyou: Umm, Ranchan... Voice: Yes. Even that. [pauses] I have to admit no one ever WANTED that before. Ranma: Which means if what we desire is to get out of here and continue on our way to the monks of the Angry Buddha, then there's a mirror for that. Ukyou: Yeah! Voice: I need to learn to not be so thorough. *********** [We see Akane and Hitomi (Shinnosuke's 12 year old cousin), still at the edge of the great chasm where Shinnosuke plummeted out of sight at the end of the last episode.] Akane: [kneels at the edge and listens] SHINNOSUKE! [begins to cry] Hitomi: [crying] Dammit, Shin-chan, you can't die! You can't! Akane: [softly to herself as she cries] We should have found another way. Hitomi: You should have caught him! Akane: [frowns] How the hell was I supposed to catch him? He was six inches away from the edge! Hitomi: [waves her broom at Akane] If you could jump across that thing, you could have caught him! Akane: [stands up] If you weren't so FAT, he would have made it across! Hitomi: I am NOT fat! I didn't make him fall! Akane: [getting louder] He's stronger than I am! If I could make it, he could. But he didn't. Because he was carrying YOU, you worthless BRAT! Hitomi: [screams] I AM NOT A BRAT! Akane: You talk about how you were supposed to keep him out of trouble, but he fell to his death protecting YOU! Hitomi: [raises her broom over her head] SHUT UP! Akane: [gets into a fighting stance] Come and get me, brat. [Hitomi charges in, broom held high over her head like a samurai charge. Akane easily kicks her in the gut and sends her flying across the room. ] Akane: [angrily] You're gonna have to do better than that. [Hitomi screams incoherently and unleashes a flurry of blows at Akane, who panicks a little and is forced back as she defends herself. Finally, unable to bear the screaming, she is forced to try to plug her ears to get some relief, only to leave herself open to a massive blow from Hitomi. Which she doesn't feel] Akane: ... Hitomi: That's just a start! I'm gonna make you BEG for mercy! [Akane strides forward, ignoring every blow, which she doesn't feel, and unleashing a hail of blows on Hitomi, who rather clearly DOES feel it. She drives Hitomi back towards the edge of the cliff.] Akane: Now who's gonna be begging for mercy? [her face is a mask of rage] You made Shinnosuke fall! Now I'm gonna make you fall like you should have, instead of him! [Hitomi's rage drains away, turning into terror] Hitomi: No, stop! [she's defending desperately, barely able to deflect Akane's blows, though every parry nearly tears the broom from her hands] I'm sorry, I'm sorry! IT's my fault! Akane: [her voice sounds almost demonic] Too late for apologies. You're going to pay! Hitomi: [beginning to cry] No, really, I'm sorry! I apologize! It's my fault he fell, please don't kill me! Akane: [freezes in place at the word kill, and falls to her knees, staring at the ground] I nearly...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. Dammit, I shouldn't have...I just... [breathes heavily] It's my duty to...to...use my strength wisely. I nearly, I'm just so...Shinnosuke. [cries some more] He's dead, he's dead, and I couldn't do anything and then you...I'm sorry, I'm sorry... [She and Hitomi kneel and hug each other and cry] ************** [We see Ranma and Ukyou walking through a maze of corridors and prayer cells. No one is in them, but there's prayer wheels and prayer strips everywhere.] Ukyou: Maybe they got confused and sprayed for monks. Ranma: ... Ukyou: We need a 'You are here' map. [Ranma points. There is a map of the temple: All twelve levels and 653 rooms. Unfortunately, it is labelled in Quecha, and large parts have painted over with blue paint and have the words 'Deleted for Security Reasons' painted over that in black, not that Ukyou and Ranma could read Quecha.] Ukyou: We need one we can use. Ranma: Picky, picky. ************** [We see Onna-Happousai pacing back and forth.] Onna-Happousai: There has to be some way out of here. I just have to figure out how it works. [looks at the floor] Hmm. I didn't notice this. It's sort of curved, just a bit. [moves forward] Weird, the curvature seems to remain stable, arcing up in front of me and behind me. Must be more magic. [There is an audible pop and forty-three demons appear behind him. They are lead by a giant guinea pig with no head, a huge mouth across its belly, and a mouth in each of its forepaws] Onna-Happousai: Hey, you can't come for my soul! I would never sell my soul to something as stupid looking as you. Y'Guineac: [the guinea pig thing] Unfortunately, the stars aren't right for Cthulhu to come after you himself, so he hired me. Onna-Happousai: I'll double his offer! Y'Guineac: If you can turn two planets into food pellets, I'll take that deal. Onna-Happousai: Um...I could afford a nice splurge at the pet store, maybe get you a new head... Y'Guineac: SLAY HIM AND BRING ME HIS FOOT! Demon: Shouldn't that be his head? Y'Guineac: I'm not trying to get a head in the world. Demon: ... [The horde charges at Happousai, who starts running. As they zoom along, they just can't seem to get any closer. Our view zooms out, and we can see the entire length of the hallway in profile. It is a giant hamster wheel, rotating around a central axis. We can see the axle is turning some gears, but what that does, we do not see before we fade to the next scene] ********** [We see Ukyou and Ranma wandering across a large dining hall. There is a soda dispenser at one end of the room and some cups. Ukyou and Ranma stop and each get some coke, then sit down.] Ranma: I hope the monks haven't gone to Transylvania to kill vampires or something. Ukyou: Given the stuff guarding the ways in, they don't have to worry about being robbed while they're gone. Ranma: There has to be some safe way in, unless they ALWAYS fight their way in. Ukyou: Well, maybe it's good practice. Ranma: I'm hungry. [looks around and sees the kitchen is locked, but there's a snack machine, so he buys some chips] I'd hate to be the guy who has to come restock this machine. Ukyou: I bet he's the buffest delivery man in the universe. [The door opens and a man walks in, pulling a cart full of cases of various snacks. He looks incredibly wimpy, although he isn't having any trouble moving the cart] Ranma: ... Ukyou: ... Delivery Man: [blinks] Hey, I thought you all went after the people who mugged that dwarf. Ranma: ... Ukyou: They're off hunting some people who mugged a dwarf? Delivery Man: Yeah. Apparently some group of Japanese people broke into his shop and beat him up, so he went to them to get himself avenged. Ranma: ... Ukyou: ... Delivery Man: So you came here to petition them? Ranma: Yeah, there's these six armies of demons and... Delivery Man: The ones who followed me in through the service entrance? Ranma: ... Ukyou: There's a service entrance? Delivery Man: It's not like I have the skills to fight my way in. Ukyou: You LET the demons in? Delivery Man: Do I look like I could fight six armies of demons by myself? Ranma: We're toast. Delivery Man: Well, if you go to the main temple, the Demons can't get in because it's sacred. Ukyou: Yeah. We can wait for the monks there. Delivery Man: Good luck! Ranma: Do you know how to get to the shrine? [The deliveryman begins giving directions, and we cut to the next scene] *********** [We see Akane and Hitomi walking quietly down a hallway, past a bank of prayer cells, similar to the ones we saw Ukyou and Ranma by earlier] Akane: [thinking] Is she just weak, or am I really tough for some reason? Her blows felt like taps. Hitomi: [thinking] She's good. I hit her so many times, and she just kept going, and then she clobbered me. [They walk in silence until finally, they round a corner and come face to face with a pack of sixty eight demonic looking skeletons. They look like human skeletons, but with glowing fires in the eye sockets and a long bony (obviously enough) tail tipped with a scorpion stinger. Each holds a pole-axe made from bones. They are lead by a strange female demon which has six human arms, a human torso, and a human head, but whose lower body is a ten foot long snake tail, which she slithers along on. Each arm holds a different weapon, she has purple eyes, and a golden tiara holds back her blonde head.] Akane: Ack! Demons! [The tiara clad demon nods, but the others all shake their heads] Bone Monster #5: We've decided that term is archaic and denigratory, used only to discriminate against us. We prefer the term 'Tanaari' now. Bone Monster #8: I thought we changed our species name so that the Moral Majority wouldn't boycott us. We never should have let Disney buy us out, anyway. Bone Monster #6: Technically, it's more like a genus or even a family name. I've been working on extending the classification system to include supernatural beings. So, we'd belong to the fourth Kingdom, 'Unnaturale', and then the Phylum would be determined by alignment, so our Phylum is Lawfulus Evilus, and... Tiara wearing monster: Hey, I'm chaotic evil! Bone Monster #3: Hey, you HAVE to be lawful evil to be from the Nine Hells! Tiara Wearing Monster: Oh, umm...[starts to sweat] I guess I just got confused. Bone Monster #23: Hey, she's a type five demon! Why are we following her? Tiara Wearing Monster: [turns to face him] We no longer answer to such a generic term as 'type V' or a denigratory term such as 'demon'. We' prefer to be called Baatezu, and I prefer to use my name, which is Denise, instead of a silly 'Type whatever' designation. I have an identity beyond my species, thank you. Bone Monster #5: [gravely] While normally I would applaud your enlightened sentiments, I'm afraid due to the fact that our respective planes of existence have been at war for all of eternity, I'm going to have to help them annhilate you. Denise: [nods] I understand. I'll kill you last as a gesture of my respect. Bone Monster #5: Thank you. [The monsters begin beating each other up, while Akane and Hitomi run.] *********** [We can see Ranma and Ukyou running down a corridor. Then they hear a really LOUD grinding noise.] Ukyou: Look behind us. Ranma: Why? Ukyou: I have this feeling a huge stone ball is about to come rolling down the hallway behind us. Ranma: [looks] Nope. Ukyou: Don't horrible grinding noises usually mean something is about to kill you in a place like this? Ranma: Perhaps someone else is dying and we just get to listen to it. Ukyou: ... Ranma: [laughs] I'm joking. Don't worry about it. [They round a corner and see a huge stone plate is jerkily descending down to block the entrance to the Shrine beyond.] Ukyou: [speeds up] This is gonna be tight. Ranma: Naah, we'll make it easily. [A side door bursts open and dozens of six foot tall cigarettes with painted on faces and Mickey Mouse like hands, arms, legs, and feet erupt into the hallway. They are armed with small lighters, but nothing else.] Ranma: ... Ukyou: Lemme guess, you work for the demon lord Joe Camel? Cigarette Demon: We'd be camels. He won't employ living cigarettes like us. In fact, he slaughters our brethren! The bastard! We're working for Mammon now. Ukyou: Look, we're not Happousai! Cigarette Demon: And we're not picky. ATTACK! [Ukyou and Ranma tense, but the demons simply ignite the top of their bodies, which begin to burn, releasing cigarrette smoke in massive quantities. Ukyou and Ranma begin to cough.] Ukyou: You guys do know you're going to die, right? Mr. Butts [ a Cigarette Demon]: Hah! Unlike you, we have no lungs to turn black! Ukyou: I was thinking of the fact that you're going to burn to ash. Cigarette Demon: ... Ranma: [sees the door is still descending] Ukyou, run! Ukyou: I'm not leaving you, Ranchan. Ranma: [coughs] I'll be...ack...fine. Ukyou: [shakes her head] I'm not going. Cigarette Demons: At least we can take you with us! [They charge in, trying to burn Ranma and Ukyou with their heads. There's simply too many of them, and Ranma's lack of a weapon hampers him. He tries simply using his speed to strike without getting burned, but soon his hands are in agony, and all he can do is retreat] Ukyou: You fall back, Ranchan. I can hold them off. [tries to cover a retreat that doesn't happen] Ranma: [dodging desperately] I'm not going to leave you! Ukyou: [leans over and kisses him, then suddenly scoops him up with her spatula and sends him sliding across the floor like a shuffleboard puck just before the stone door slams down] Goodbye, Ranchan. Don't forget me. [turns to the cigarette demons] Get back or die. Cigarette Demons: There's too many of us for you to kill us all! Ukyou: [coughing on the smoke] Unless I use... [whips out a several pound bag of some kind of white and black powder] This. Cigarette Demon #25: Looks like salt and pepper to me. Ukyou: This is your last chance! Retreat now! Cigarette Demon #26: Fat chance! I can't sneeze because I have no real nasal passages! Same reason we aren't choking on our own smoke! Ukyou: This isn't salt and pepper. [hurls it into the air, where it becomes a huge mottled cloud over the heads] It's tempura flakes mixed with gunpowder. [*BOOM!*] ****************** [We see Akane and Hitomi running down a corridor towards a stone door that is jerkily dropping towards the floor.] Akane: Run faster! Hitomi: [falling behind] I don't get any faster than this! [The pack of demons chasing them, a mob of slavering hell hounds with flames coming from their eyes, noses, mouth, and ears and four five armed flaming demons with flaming swords and flaming whips and lots of gratuitous flames dancing around them as they each ride a flaming member of the band Black Flag. And the band doesn't look too happy about this. ] Flaming Demon #3: It's about bloody flaming time we flaming well flamed these flaming flames! Flaming Demon #4: Well, things would be a lot more flamey if you and Screaming Flamer hadn't decided to have a flaming argument about your flaming excuse for a godflamed flaming fling with the flame forsaken Taanari bimbo. I was so disgusted, I had to eat all my flameberries to calm down. So chew on my smoke, Whining Flamer. Flaming Demon #2: Look, Sarcastic Flamer, we've all had flaming enough of your flaming sarcasm, you flaming flame. Akane: [snaps] I can't STAND IT ANYMORE! The first being to use the word Flame again DIES SCREAMING! Sarcastic Flamer: [Aka Flaming Demon #4] You need to kill your flaming self then, you flaming idiot. You said Flame before we did. Akane: Run, Hitomi. I have to kill them all. Hitomi: I don't think that's a good idea. Whining Flamer: Like get on with killing us flaming already. I'm flaming tired of waiting to get flamed. Flaming Demon #1: DIE IN FLAMES, YOU SMOKELESS PILE OF ASHES! [unleashes a huge wad of flames capable of lighting even the most recalcitrant barbeque] Akane: [emerges unhurt from the flames and grins] Nice try. Flaming Demon #1: Uh, guys, I think we're so flamed it isn't going to be very flamey. Akane: Run, Hitomi, just in case. I need to work off my frustrations. Hitomi: But... Akane: Unless you're fireproof, run. [Hitomi runs, making it under the dropping stone barrier just in time] Akane: Looks like you guys picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue. Flaming Demon #5: I tried that, but my nostrils stuck together and I couldn't breathe when I was asleep and I died. [Everyone turns and looks at him] Flaming Demon #5: Hmm. I suppose I should be dead. [slumps over and dissolves to ash] Akane: Who wants to be next? [They all direct massive gouts of flame at her, and she walks unhurt out of the fire and dropkicks one of the hellhounds right into Flaming Demon #2's head, knocking him off the flaming Black Flag member he is riding, who runs off] Akane: I could get to like this. *********** [We see Ranma and Hitomi both tumble into the temple at the same time. It is huge, with a two hundred foot tall vaulted ceiling. Every inch of wall has either paintings, wall carvings, or painted wall carvings depicting various Buddhist legends or victories of the monks. The room is circular, with four entrances. An eight sided table stands in the middle, with four walk ways leading to the doors. Between the walkways, large pools of water fill much of the room, although there is a fifteen foot wide walkway around the outside. A glowing octagon floats over the table near the top of the ceiling, and dozens of prayer strips hang down from the ceiling. There are signs hanging from the ceiling over each of the pools, but they are in Croatoan, Esperanto, and Bg'tzlian.] Ranma: [pounds on the door] UKYOU! Hitomi: [shouts through the door] Akane! [They both turn and stare across the room at each other.] Ranma: Akane's on the other side of that door? Hitomi: She's fighting a bunch of flamers! Ranma: ... Hitomi: She thinks she's invincible or something! Ranma: ... Hitomi: So what happened with you? Ranma: Ukyou threw me in here to save me from a bunch of angry cigarettes. Hitomi: Don't make fun of me! Ranma: It's the TRUTH! Hitomi: What, did they set themselves on fire? Ranma: Yeah. Hitomi: ... Ranma: [runs across the room to where Hitomi is] So Akane's on the other side? Hitomi: Yeah. [Ranma struggles to open the door, but soon gives up] Dammit, I'm not strong enough! Hitomi: Got any gunpowder? Ranma: UKYOU! [runs halfway across the room and reaches the table, then sighs] Dammit, they're both in danger and I can't help either of them! Hitomi: It sucks. Ranma: Hey, where's Shinnosuke and Happousai? Hitomi: Happousai's trapped in a corridor with no end or beginning. It's one big circle. And [shudders] Shinnosuke is dead, I think. Ranma: [big eyes] He...WHAT? Hitomi: [starts to cry] He fell to his death throwing me to safety. Ranma: [runs over to her] He...fell to his death? Hitomi: [buries her face in his chest] It was my fault. He couldn't make the jump because I weighed too much. [shudders] I'll never eat again. I won't! Ranma: Starving yourself won't bring him back. [awkwardly pats her back] Hitomi: I just...I meant to...I didn't want him to...[cries some more] Ranma: [thinks a moment] There has to be some way to open these doors. [looks around] Maybe if we pull the right prayer strip. [He and Hitomi start pulling on the prayer strips. Bells ring, whistles sound, and at one point, an animatronic Buddha comes out of the ceiling and pronounces a blessing, but they don't seem to be opening the doors] Hitomi: [keeps unleashing the animatronic Buddha] We could use one of these in my house. I like it. Ranma: Keep searching. [sounds desperate] SOMETHING opens those doors up. Hitomi: Maybe they never closed them before. Ranma: Try not to have any more helpful thoughts like that, okay? We don't want to give the universe any suggestions. ************ [We see Herb finally peel himself off the floor of the Dark Dimension. He can see buildings being smashed off in the distance as the Mindless Ones run amok.] Herb: [moans] This really hurts. [He sees the sky start to crack in the distance, with a starry void shining through] Herb: Well, now we know why he kept those things imprisoned. Dormammu: [appears by Herb] I will destroy you for this. It's going to take me centuries to fix all the damage! Damn you, Happousai! Herb: Look, Flaming Carrot, I am NOT Happousai. Dormammu: I am NOT Flaming Carrot! Herb: You're Jack O' Lantern's dumber brother? Dormammu: Enough of your insolence! Now, I will destroy your soul! [reaches into his pocket and pulls out a packet of gum, then blinks] Your soul looks like a packet of gum? Herb: Why would my soul be in your pocket to start with? Dormammu: Part of the contract. Herb: That I didn't sign. Dormammu: [whips out his copy] See, here's your handwriting! Herb: [scribbles, Herb, Emperor of the Musk Dynasty in elegant handwriting next to the illiterate scrawl of Happousai's name] Does this look like the same handwriting? Dormammu: Maybe you had plastic surgery. Herb: ... Dormammu: Doesn't matter. You unleashed the mindless ones. For that, you will die. Slowly. Herb: Do I get a last meal? Dormammu: Sure. What do you want? Herb: Some perrier, miso soup, and a meat lover's pizza. Dormammu: [gestures and a table, chair, silverware, and the requested food appear] You have ten minutes, then I kill you. Herb: [eats the entire pizza, then dumps the perrier AND the soup on Dormammu's head. The fire goes out, revealing he is wearing an ape mask. Herb rips that off and sees his own face. That too is a mask, which he rips off, revealing a sinister looking man with a long pointed nose, sparse dark hair, and a long moustache that curls at the ends] Ahah! So the Dread Dormammu is actually... Snidely Whiplash! Snidely: Curses, foiled again! Velma: [yes, the Scooby Doo character] And the Dark Dimension is actually... [reaches out and rips down the rest of the sky, revealing star...and a projector. They are standing inside a planetarium] The Angel Grove Planetarium! This was all just an effort to scare off everyone by thinking they'd been kidnapped to the Dark Dimension, then buying up their homes cheap in return for 'returning them to their home dimension' Snidely: And it would have worked if not for you meddling kids and the Dragon Prince of the Musk Dynasty! Scooby: Rut rabout me? Snidely: No, you didn't do anything to ruin my plans. Scooby: [goes off and pouts] Fred: Hey, Herb, need a ride anywhere? The Mystery Machine is ready to roll. Herb: Can you take me to China? Fred: No problem. You're already in China. Herb: Great! [runs out the door of the Planetarium, sees a sign nearby which says, 'Welcome to China, Texas'] AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [suddenly everything goes black, and Herb wakes up in a dentist's chair] Herb: ... Dentist: Hmm. Did I not use enough anaesthetic? Herb: Umm...how did I get here? Dentist: The Mindless Ones destroyed the Dark Dimension, and you fell through the resulting rift into my office, so I decided to use you to practice my oral surgery skills. Herb: ... Dentist: I wasn't sure if I still remembered how to do a root canal, you see, and... [Herb explodes out of the chair and through the wall, leaving a Herb shaped hole in the wall] Dentist: I suppose this means you won't be wanting the complimentary toothbrush and floss? ************ [We see Akane standing in the middle of a pile of unconscious flaming demons and hellhounds. She is now totally naked, except for her socks and shoes. Little bits of ash cling to her, showing that her clothing burned away.] Akane: [strikes a triumphal pose over the knocked out people] Akane wins! Fatality! [looks at herself] Or maybe that should be Akane wins, nudity. Yeesh, I hope no one can see me. [Embarrassed, she tries to cover herself with her hands and starts looking for clothing. Eventually, she finds her way back to a cubicle and takes some monk robes] Akane: I hate to take this guy's clothing, but I can't just wander around nude. [returns to the battleground. The Flaming demons are burning away to nothing] I can't believe I beat them all. I must be invulnerable somehow. [looks at the stone door] Maybe I'm stronger too. [tries punching the wall. Nothing happens, but she doesn't feel it] I can't lift it...no way to get my fingers under it. There's got to be a mechanism around here somewhere... [starts feeling along the wall. She finds a panel that opens, and inside is a push-button] Ahah! [pushes it. There is a great grinding noise, and far down the hallway, she can hear the sound of a spring being released. The far end opens up and a huge pinball shoots down the corridor straight at her] I hate pinball. [*WHAM!*] ************** [We see Ukyou, who is unconscious, lying in one of the streets of a city, which could be any Japanese city of a fair size. She moans and wakes up, looks around, then blinks. Except for the black soot all over her, there is no sign she ever left Japan.] Ukyou: [sits up and blinks] Did I dream that? [She notices there is a bra on her foot, and blinks, then quickly looks inside her own wrap around top] Ukyou: Well, that's not MY bra. [kicks it away as she stands up] Did I dream all that? Somehow? [The bra scampers over near her feet and nudges one of them] Ukyou: [looks down] Another one? [kicks it away, then starts down the street] Okay, I don't quite recognize this area...well, I think I hear the metro that way... [The bra pauses, then scampers after her. More underwear tries to present itself to her, from boxer shorts to panties, but she doesn't even notice half of it, steps over most of the rest, and kicks a few away. Finally, when about thirty items of underwear are trailing her, she stops and looks back. The underwear stops moving and tries to act casual.] Ukyou: ... [stares for a long moment] I must be in Nerima. I bet Happy dumped these here. [shakes her head, then realizes there's a teddy by her feet] Yeesh! [pauses] Was that there before? [The underwear shakes itself no, then freezes in place] Ukyou: Okay, even for my life, this is weird. Are you going to attack me? [The teddy plays dead] Ukyou: [sighs] Now I'm talking to underwear. [Our view pulls back and we see that two junior devils are watching this on a crystal ball] Big Butt: Hmm. I thought you said this was guaranteed to work. Big Nose: Hey, according to our records, Happousai CANNOT resist underwear. Big Butt: According to our records, he's a wizened old man, not a cute teenager. Big Nose: Happousai is VERY devious. Besides, we've learned he was turned into a woman at the castle of the Seven Lucky Gods. So this could be him. She used explosives, right? Big Butt: But she's ignoring the underwear. Big Nose: Hey, the Tantalus method is the guaranteed way to deal with addicts like this Happousai. He's just bluffing. Big Butt: We have the wrong person. Big Nose: Trust me. Big Butt: You think I'm going to trust a devil? Big Nose: Like you can talk. ************* [We see Ranma and Hitomi sitting on the big table in the center of the room with their legs dangling over the edge, lying with their backs on the table, head to head] Ranma: So then Ryouga just went berserk, tearing the place apart, shouting about how they were evil and all had to be destroyed. By the time he finished, there wasn't a piece of the building more than an inch across that wasn't broken. Hitomi: I was wondering why we couldn't find an International House of Pork in Nerima. Ranma: You won't find one in Tokyo. Or anywhere else Ryouga goes. I think he's on their Most Wanted List. Hitomi: How does he pay for the damage? Ranma: Even if he wanted to, he'd get lost trying to take them the money. Hitomi: [laughs, then sighs] Does it normally take this long to get rescued? Ranma: [frowns] We are not waiting to be rescued. We're waiting for someone to open the door. Hitomi: [cocks her head] I think I hear someone coming. [A panel in the ceiling opens and shaven headed monks wearing 'Batman' costumes begin leaping out to the various prayer ribbons and then swinging around the room, ribbon to ribbon, gradually lowering themselves to the various walk-ways. Seventeen make it, while three of them fall into various of the four pools. One crawls out as a woman, one is a falcon, and the third seems unaffected, except for being sopping wet. They all stare at Ranma and Hitomi.] Voice: [from up inside the trapdoor. It is deep and gruff] Oh no, I am NOT going to do that. Monk #4: Intruders! Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! Monk #5: [clonks #4 on the head with a batarang] Calm down, Bruce. Monk #4: You didn't have to hit me in the head, Bruce! Monk #18: Yes, but only violence makes you shut up, Bruce. Monk #3: [to Ranma] Who are you and why have you come to the temple of the Angry Buddha? Hitomi: [flatly] I'm an idiot. Monk #9: Well, I have to say your honesty is refreshing. Ranma: Happousai said only you could stop the six armies of demons after him. Monk #2: [blanches] Why would we want to do that? Ranma: [hesitantly] So they don't destroy humanity? Monk #5: Demons aren't allowed to hurt anyone who doesn't invite demons into their life. They can't just carry ANYONE off to Hell, or they already would have. Hitomi: [frowns] So we came here for nothing? [The sound of scuffling up above the trapdoor and of batarangs bouncing off metal can be heard. Ranma looks up.] Ranma: Some criminal you're bringing to justice? Monk #12: [now a woman] No, a client who doesn't want to come in the proper way. We're trying to track down some people who beat him up. The weird thing is, the Buddha gave us an omen that we'd find some of them back here in our temple. Ranma: [nervously] You're not working for Ryouga, are you? Monk #7: [shakes his dripping head. He is the wet one who didn't transform] No, he's one of the people we're hunting. Along with... [consults a list] Soun Tendo. Akane Tendo. Ryouga Hibiki. Oh, I said him. Ranma Saotome. Some dragon named...hmm, the rest of the list smudged when I fell in. You got a copy, Bruce? Monk #10: Sorry, Bruce, I thought you and Bruce had the list. Monk #7: Well, Bruce is up with that dwarf guy, trying to get him to come down. [Five feet simulatneously punt a dwarf in full chainmail with a horned helmet out the trapdoor. He desperately clings to a prayer ribbon as he passes it] Dwarf: AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! [Ranma looks up and bigsweats] Ranma: That's the guy you're trying to help? Monk #7: Yes, we swore the Oath of Massive Pain against everyone who assaulted him. Hitomi: Oath of Massive Pain? Monk #7: When we catch them, they will be subjected to the 101 tortures of the Yama Jacks. Hitomi: Yama Jacks? Monk #6: The lower ranking subordinates of the Yama Kings. Hitomi: ... Ranma: [sweats more] 101 tortures? Monk #7: We start with feeding you a quart of whiskey made from the apples of immortality. This essentially means you won't age for a century, and all your wounds regenerate within hours. Hitomi: That's a torture? Monk #9: You wouldn't last through all 101 tortures without it. [Up above, two monks are trying to grapple the dwarf with batlines from their batarangs. Instead, they succeed in tying themselves up, and are now dangling from the dwarf, who is starting to slip.] Dwarf: I don't live in a cave because I LIKE heights, you know! Strung-up Monk #1: Would you rather have to fight your way in? Dwarf: I AM HAVING TO FIGHT MY WAY IN! Strung-Up Monk #2: Nice job, Bruce. Strung-Up Monk #1: I don't see you doing anything, Jason! Strung-Up Monk #2: He died. I told you that phone-in contest was a bad idea. Strung-Up Monk #1: I didn't think they would actually vote for him to DIE! [Down below] Ranma: Um, well, if we don't have to worry about the demons, we'll just round up our friends and go home. Monk #7: Be our guest. We'll clean up those annoying demons ourselves. Thanks for visiting! It does get lonely sometimes. [The prayer ribbon above breaks, and the two monks and the dwarf plummet into one of the pools. There is a great gout of water and Ranma, Hitomi, and most of the monks get splashed. The female monk and the falcon turn back into male monks. No one else is effected. The pool is half empty now as the dwarf and two monks struggle out.] Ranma: [looks at the pools] Wait...are these magical pools? Hitomi: What, you thought they could have turned that monk into a falcon if they were normal? Ranma: Hey, they could have been cursed BEFORE they struck the pools. Monk #7: We have four pools. One is a cold one for exercise. One is a nice hot sauna. One cures any shape-changing curse. That's the one we just all got splashed with. The fourth one causes a gender-changing curse. Ranma: I wish I'd known about this place before. Monk #7: You had a curse? Ranma: I wouldn't be here if I had come here first. Monk #7: ... Ranma: I mean, I went on a quest for a cure, and that's how I was at the castle where Herb or Happousai, or whoever, unleashed the demons. Anyway, if I could have just come here... Monk #7: It was fate, no doubt. Dwarf: [points at Ranma] That's one of them! Still Strung-up Monk #1: [staggers as he tries to get untied and falls down] The guy? Dwarf: Yeah. Not the girl, though. [All the monks turn and stare at Ranma] Ranma: I think I hear my mother calling. [grabs Hitomi] Geez, you're heavy! [tries to leap up to the trapdoor, but only spans half the distance] Hey, this should be easy! Hitomi: [big eyes] I really am getting fat! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's my fault! [As they plummet, Ranma grabs onto a prayer ribbon, so they don't fall all the way] Ranma: Wrap your arms around me so I can use both arms. [She does so, pausing to stick her broom through her belt and climbing onto Ranma's back] Ranma: Did you eat bricks or something? Even Pop doesn't weigh this much. Hitomi: [starts to tear up] I don't mean to be so heavy. Ranma: [slowly climbing] I mean, you're not fat, but it's just so hard to carry you! [pauses] Come on, don't cry. Hitomi: [choking back tears] I'm nothing but trouble. [panics] You're going to die just like Shinnosuke! Ranma: He fell off a prayer ribbon while carrying you? Hitomi: Okay, maybe not JUST like Shinnosuke. ********** [We see Ukyou, still in the 'city'] Ukyou: Geez, where is everyone? It's like the city is deserted. [In the observation room] Big Butt: She's getting suspicious. I told you we should have hired those succubi. Big Nose: We're Tanaari. We can't hire Baatezu. Big Butt: Since when were we Racoon-foxes? Big Nose: Don't make me hurt you. [In the 'city'] Ukyou: [frowns] And I can't open any doors, or get into the metro station. [pounds on the door] They're all locked! No people. What is this? [takes a mighty swing with the mega- spatula. Not only does the door shake, the entire block shakes] What? [takes another swing, and the entire side of the street sways] Hrm. [pauses, closes her eyes, and focuses, then takes a really heavy swing. The entire side of the street topples over, revealing it to be only a big false front. Panicked underwear runs everywhere. Ukyou stares at it.] What the... [Back in the 'control room'] Big Butt: I thought the flats were warded to be invulnerable versus perverts! Big Nose: They are! Big Butt: Screwtape is going to eat our heads for this. Big Nose: Mammon is going to use you to pave the floor. Big Butt: He's going to use YOU as a control rod in his nuclear reactor. Big Nose: Mammon's going to force you to listen to every protest song recorded in the sixties. Big Butt: [winces] Ugh, even he wouldn't do that. Mammon: [a slickly dressed devil with a Gordon Gecko haircut and a nice business suit, wearing a gold ring on every finger] And why would I do this to you? Big Butt: Can I just throw myself in a pool of molten gold and get it over with? ************* [We see Akane slowly rolling the pinball back down the hallway] Akane: [pauses] Well, I may be invulnerable, but I'm not tireless. [breathes hard] This thing must weigh tons. Voice: [*Ping*] Ball Two! Akane: ... [We hear the sound of a rapidly approaching sphere and...*BLAMMO*] **************** [Back to Ranma and Hitomi. As they climb, they can see all the monks are shimmying up ropes towards them. There is a loud impact noise and everyone looks down towards the door that made the noise. It now bulges in spherically.] Ranma: What the... Hitomi: Climb! Climb! The bat-monks are coming! Ranma: Only in my life. [huffs and puffs as he climbs] Geez, why am I getting so tired? Hitomi: Maybe I should climb. Ranma: I can climb faster than you. [The monks are closing in.] Monk #5: I know what evil lurks in the hearts of men! I, the...oh wait, wrong tag line. Monk #9: You can't outrace us! We can climb faster than you. Ranma: In your dreams! [nearly slips and falls] Urk. [looks down at the monks, then up at the trapdoor] Oh great, we're on the wrong ribbon. Hitomi: [whips out her broom and bats away the leading monk, who falls down near the bottom before grabbing onto the ribbon again] I hope you don't fall, changing ribbons. We'll fall pretty quick. Ranma: Good idea. Hitomi: What? Ranma: Hold on tight! [She does. He leaps down into one of the pools, praying he remembered them correctly. They plunge into the pool, and when they surface, he is a woman, and Hitomi is a man.] Boy-Hitomi: Please tell me this was NOT part of your plan. Ranma-chan: This wasn't part of the plan. Boy-Hitomi: [beats him with the broom] LIAR! You're only saying that because I told you to! Ranma-chan: [hefts Hitomi, then blinks] Hey, you suddenly lost almost all your weight. Boy-Hitomi: [looks at Ranma's breasts] I guess it all went to your chest. Ranma-chan: Hey, if I have to be a girl, at least I get to look good! Boy-Hitomi: Big breasts are overrated. Ranma-chan: You'll change your mind when you're older. [pauses] Okay, maybe YOU won't unless that's permanent... Boy-Hitomi: AAAAAAAAA!!!!! Ranma-chan: Don't worry, there's a cure pool. Which must be...THAT ONE! [points and leaps] Hmm, jumping's back to normal. Boy-Hitomi: I guess Happousai was right. Ranma-chan: Maybe my chi was just jammed in the door of my soul. Boy-Hitomi: Maybe your brain died. [*SPLASH!*] Ranma-chan: [shivers] Brr, cold! Boy-Hitomi: [frantic] That was NOT it! [*SPLASH!*] Ranma: That's it. Hitomi: Are you sure it wasn't just the hot water pool? [Jump. *SPLASH!*] Ranma: [shudders] Looks like the cure pool really works. Brr, this is cold! Hitomi: [gives a big sigh of relief, then looks up] Uh oh. Ranma: Can't you take a little cold? [She points to the edge of the pool. While they were jumping around, all the monks got down and surrounded the pool] Monk #21: Come out with your hands up, criminals! Ranma: See ya, suckers! [lifts Hitomi and tries to jump away, but only makes it to the table in the middle of the room, right next to some of the monks] Urk. You're heavy again! Hitomi: No, you're weak! You were stronger as a girl than as a guy! Ranma: I am not! I'm stronger as a guy than a girl! Hitomi: Then the curse did it! Ranma: IT DID NOT! [Soon, they are surrounded again as they bicker. Just as the monks are pulling out handcuffs, chains, padlocks, manacles and neckties...] Voice: [*Ping!] BONUS BALL! CONGRATULATIONS! Ranma: What? Monk #5: Wow, only Groo the Wanderer ever made it to that point. [*WHAMMO!* The stone door ruptures inward and four huge hallway sized pinballs and Akane come flying into the room. Akane simply gets run over, while all three giant pinballs go flying into the cure pool, splashing most of the room. The pool is now full of the huge pinballs.] Akane: [peels herself off the floor] This place is EVIL! EVIL! [starts to flare red with chi, then turns and sees the monks] Who built those pinballs? Monk #10: I did. Pretty neat, eh? You win a prize for surviving to the bonus round, you know. Akane: Do I get to pick it? Monk #10: Sure. Akane: YOUR HEAD! [charges berserkly towards the monks] Ranma: Hey, Akane! You made it! Hitomi: [cries a little] You're alive! Tied up Monk #2: That's Akane Tendo? Ranma: Yeah. Monks: ARREST HER! ARREST THEM ALL!!!!! [An all out brawl erupts] *************** [We see Ukyou, wandering through a maze of hallways. Each one seems to open onto a scene of someone being tortured in some way, from endlessly rolling a boulder to the top of a hill, only to have it roll down at the last moment to someone being forced to watch Friends. At this last sight, Ukyou hastily slams the door.] Ukyou: No one deserves that much punishment. [hears movement behind her] Who's there? Mammon: My apologies. I'm afraid you were mistaken for Happousai. Those responsible are being dealt with. [We see Big Nose and Big Butt. They have been locked in a room with Jean Paul Sartre, and are pounding on the walls, begging to be let out as he drones on.] Ukyou: Where am I? Mammon: Mammon Studios. I'm sure you've seen some of our productions, such as 'Full House', 'Highlander 2', 'Speed 2', 'Batman and Robin', and the Fourth Crusade. Ukyou: Most of these shows were painful to watch when I peeked in the doors. Mammon: I see you haven't seen any of what I mentioned earlier, then. Ukyou: I thought a Full House was a hand in cards. Mammon: [sighs] I see we need to work on our overseas marketing. Anyway, I'm here to send you back to where you came from, since we can't keep you, more's the pity. Ukyou: Keep me? Mammon: [smiles] Nothing. [wiggles his fingers and Ukyou suddenly finds herself back in the Temple, next to the stone door, which still blocks the entrance to the main shrine. She can hear shouting, however, through the door] Ukyou: Time to circle around, I guess. ************* [We see Hitomi, Ranma, and Akane beleagured by the assault of 22 bat-monks and one angry dwarf with an axe. The trio is standing on top of the giant pinballs that now fill one of the pools, kicking, punching, and brooming any monks that get too close. The balls are hard to climb up, and so only a few can come at a time, which is why they haven't overrun our hero and heroines yet.] Hitomi: [swats away another monk] This is starting to bore me. Ranma: [axekicks another monk] Feel free to surrender to them. I'm sure they could use the practice with the 101 tortures. Hitomi: Actually, this is kinda exciting. Akane: [hefts and throws one monk into two more, who fall into the hot water pool and yelp loudly] Well, it could be worse. Ranma: Don't say it. [leaps onto the shoulders of a monk and noogies him until he collapses, then leaps back to the top of the ball] Akane: The demons could show up. [The remaining stone doors rupture and demons pour into the room.] Akane: Happousai could show up. [Two seconds later, with a great rumbling, a huge arced piece of stone breaks through one wall and ruptures. Onna-Happousai leaps out of the hole in the arced piece of stone, followed by an army of demons. She runs towards Ranma, Akane, and Hitomi] Onna-Happousai: SAVE ME!!!!! Akane: We could...[Hitomi muffles her] Ranma: We could be quiet and not tempt fate. Monk #3: Hmm. Is that the person the demons are after? [We see all the armies of demons closing in on Happousai as he closes in on Ranma] Ranma: Yes. Monk #7: I say we all just get out of the way and let them settle this among themselves. Hitomi: Amen! Onna-Happousai: [points at Ranma] Happousai! Save me! You said you'd marry me! [The demons all turn and look at Ranma] Ranma: I am NOT Happousai! I'm Ranma Saotome! She's Happousai! Onna-Happousai: [runs closer to Ranma] Don't lie, Darling! You should be proud! Demon #2345: Hmm. Everyone knows Ranma Saotome is a notorious sex-changing pervert. Easy to test your claim. Ranma: I am NOT a pervert! Demon #2345: Then you are Happousai. Ranma: No! Onna-Happousai: [runs forward and glomps onto Ranma] But, Happy-chan, why are you denying who you are? Ranma: I'm gonna KILL you, old man. Demon #2345: Easy to test this. [gestures and half the contents of the cold water pool fly across the room, dousing Ranma, Akane, Hitomi, and Onna-Happousai. No one changes sex] Ah, you don't change sex, therefore, YOU ARE HAPPOUSAI! Akane: ... Ranma: DAMN YOU, HAPPOUSAI! Demon #236: Sad to see a man curse himself, but we're glad to oblige. [The army of demons closes in on Ranma. He runs, but Onna- Happousai clinging to him slows him down. He and his friends only get as far as the big table in the middle of the room before the demons close in from all sides. Onna-Happousai stops clinging and starts fighting. The monks go down under the stream of demons, although they take out a fair number. Only the crowded quarters around the table keep the demons from immediately pulling them all down.] Hitomi: [knocks three demons off one of the walkways into the cold water pool, where it dies, since it was a fire demon] We can't keep this up forever. Ranma: [pokes a demon in the eyes, and shoves it down after the ones Hitomi hit] We can take them. Onna-Happousai: [flipping demons everywhere with her pipe] Your foolish confidence in the face of certain doom is refreshing. Foolish, but refreshing. Ranma: Why are you fighting if you think you're going to die? Onna-Happousai: There is something in the human spirit that refuses to give up, even when the odds are great against it. Something which says, never say die. [Everyone looks inspired] Plus, I'm hoping they'll take you and leave me. [They all turn and punt Onna-Happousai into the sea of demons in unison] Hitomi: I don't suppose there's any chance the cavalry will arrive? Akane: Not unless that flying giant reindeer shows up. [The ceiling cracks open, and a giant reindeer head sticks in through the hole. It looks at Ranma expectantly.] Ranma: ... Demons: ... Hitomi: Akane, try saying, 'At least all the demons haven't all vanished back to Hell, never to return.' Akane: At least all the demons haven't all vanished back to Hell, never to return. [The demons continue their onslaught, and our hero and heroines keep fighting] Hitomi: I guess you can only prophesy doom, then. Akane: Maybe Ukyou will show up. Hitomi: We already proved that won't work. [Ukyou comes galloping in, riding on the back of a brown charger. She is barely staying in the saddle as it gallops full tilt towards the demon hordes] Ukyou: I wouldn't have taken this thing when I found it roaming around if I knew it couldn't be stopped! WHOA! [nothing happens] [She crashes right through the horde, sending demons falling into the hot and cold water pools] Hitomi: Maybe it doesn't speak Japanese. Ukyou: I tried English. Monk #5: It's a Spanish Charger. You have to use Spanish. Ukyou: Yo Quiero Taco Bell! [The horse ignores her, and leaps up onto the table. Ukyou scoops up Ranma as she goes by, and Akane and Hitomi leap on as well. Onna-Happousai gets dragged along. The horse leaps from head to head, running on top of the demon horde] Demons: AAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! [many get trampled] Ukyou: Cool! I wonder why they used that in an ad if it means 'trample those demons'. Ranma: American ads are weird. [The horse, now overloaded, quietly collapses] Hitomi: Urk. [A sea of demons rises up to attack, and then...] Voice: [from one of the entrances] Excuse me, can you tell me where I am? [Everyone turns and looks. It is Shinnosuke, who is covered with dirt and looks tired] Hitomi: Shinnosuke! Shinnosuke: [blinks] I'm at Shinnosuke? I thought I AM Shinnosuke. Akane: We...we thought you died! Shinnosuke: [blinks] Akane, what are you doing here? [looks around] Did I already ask where I am? Hitomi: Help, these demons are trying to kill us! Shinnosuke: [frowns] Okay, you demons, you'd better go home, or you're going to get hurt! Demon #246: And why should we be scared of you? Shinnosuke: Compared to the giant platypuses and multiple headed dragons that live next door to my house, you look pretty pathetic. Demon #246: KILL HIM! [One of the armies of demons rushes Shinnosuke, who begins to broom a swathe through them, seeming invulnerable to their blows] Akane: [looks at Shinnosuke, thinking] He seems invulnerable too, but Ranma and Hitomi aren't...Why? Onna-Happousai: [shakes his head] Sooner or later, they'll figure out they can drown him. Akane: What? Onna-Happousai: Looks like the boy bathed in the Styx. It makes you mostly invulnerable to blows, fire, and the like, but you can still drown or asphyxiate. [cracks his knuckles] We're going to have to take action. Akane: [gets ready to attack the demons] Right. Onna-Happousai: Run while he buys us time! [starts to run, but Hitomi catches her] Hitomi: I have a better idea. Onna-Happousai: Better than running away? Hitomi: [tosses Onna-Happousai to Akane, then gets into a 'batting position'] Pitch for me. Akane: [grins and throws Onna-Happouai. Hitomi bats him into the middle of the horde] Home run! Ranma: [sighs] He's right. We can't beat them all. Ukyou: We have to fight, then. Ranma: [looks over at one of the pools, shudders, and then sprints forward] Not necessarily. Akane: Ranma, don't run off on us! [Ranma leaps and cannonballs into the gender-reversal curse causing pool, then bobs to the surface, female once again.] Ranma-chan: I told you people I'm not Happousai! Demon #245: You're right. Happousai doesn't change sex when wet. Then where is Happousai? Onna-Happousai: [points at Dworkin the Dwarf] He is! See, you can recognize his moustache! Dworkin: HEY! [The demons chase him off down one of the tunnels out of sight. Silence descends.] Onna-Happousai: Well, that settles that. Monk #2: I don't think so. Monk #5: It's YOUR fault these demons came here, Happousai. Onna-Happousai: I am NOT Happousai. Huge Booming Voice: Yes, you ARE. [Everyone turns and looks. The Angry Buddha has arrived. He is fifty feet tall, heavily muscled, and carrying an M-16 with two prayer strips hanging from the barrel] Angry Buddha: And you're going to fix ALL the damage. Onna-Happousai: I don't suppose you'd let me go? Angry Buddha: NO. Onna-Happousai: Would you...do it for an Eskimo pie? Angry Buddha: I'm not a cannibal. Onna-Happousai: ... ************** [We see our gang riding the supersonic reindeer. Happousai, Onna or not, is not with them] Hitomi: I can't believe we're crazy enough to ride this thing again. Ranma: You wanna walk from Tibet to Japan? Akane: Not much choice since the boat went back to Prince Kirin's Castle. Hitomi: So are you two gonna still hate each other or did you finish that? [Ranma and Akane look embarrasedly at each other] Shinnosuke: Don't be rude. They could push you to your death, you know. Hitomi: ... Akane: Ranma and I have to have a BIG talk when we get home. [Ranma looks so unthrilled, that words can hardly describe his lack of enthusiasm] ************ [We see Ryouga, Nabiki, Ken and Ryoko Hibiki in a plane] Ken: [grabs a passing flight attendant] Excuse me, Miss. Flight Attendant: Ms. Ken: No, I'm a Mr. [They both stare blankly at each other for a moment] Ken: Why is our landing being delayed? Flight Attendant: There's a giant reindeer buzzing the tower. Ken: Never mind. I shouldn't have asked. ************ [We see Genma sitting at the dinner table in the Saotome family living room. Grandma Tanuki (Nodoka's Mother) is seated at the table, staring across it at Genma in silence. He is seated next to a plate that is mostly empty except for a few bits of food, and a small pile of peas. His arms are crossed over his chest as he stares at her. They sit in silence for a long time, and finally, an exhausted Ranma straggles in through one door.] Ranma: [yawns] Hi, Dad. Having a staring contest? Grandma Tanuki: He isn't leaving this table until he cleans his plate. Ranma: [boggles] Since when did Pop ever not eat everything he could get his hands on? Genma: It's the principle of the thing. Grandma Tanuki: There's children starving in Africa, you know. Genma: Then give them these peas. Ranma: [sighs] I'm going to bed. See you in the morning, Pop. Genma: Good night, Ranma. Grandma Tanuki: That's Ranma? My grandson? Ranma: Who are you, anyway? Grandma Tanuki: [stands up and stares at Ranma, then sighs] So unkempt, just like your father. I'm your mother's mother, Kyoko Tanuki. Your grandmother. Ranma: [boggles] But Pop said you and Grandpa Tanuki were dead! [She frowns at Genma] Genma: I said that if I was lucky, they were dead. [She picks him up and punts him out the window] Genma: [as he shoots out of sight] Hah! I didn't have to stay at the table until I finished! I WIN! Ranma: ... ************* [End Chapter 11]