This Story No Title A School Rumble Fanfic Chapter 17: Exams! Exams in the Deep! By John Biles **************** Eri grumbled to herself. Stupid army confiscating her books. She could probably have found some way to get them all out of the cells if only they'd let her keep the books. Also, she was going to kill Mikoto for calling Imadori. What kind of a crazy idea was that? Even if my parents would kill me and maybe all of us, we should have called them; they'll get us out of here. There was one good thing, though; at least Yakumo couldn't make any moves on Kenji. She could be content with that. ************ All alone in a room with no need to think. Harima was in heaven, for now. ************ Akira wished very much that Itoko hadn't been dragged with them, as from outside, she could have gotten them sprung out of this joint by now. On the inside, with no way to make contact...she was helpless. Indeed, the entire Sukuran Tea Club was in captivity here. Only she and Itoko even knew how to contact other Tea Club cells yet. Still, there had to be SOME way out of here. She just hadn't figured it out yet. ************ Yakumo watched soldiers go back and forth past the cell that she, Satsuki, and Sara were in. Company helped, but she wished she had Kenji with her. And her books. And her big sister. One wish was granted as the door opened and they shoved Tenma in. She could see flashes of their thoughts; the soldiers were clearly confused as to what was going on. Her powers had definitely gotten stronger; maybe more than she would have liked when she realized one of the soldiers was checking Sara out. She instinctively shielded Sara with her own body, startling Sara, then turned to her sister when the door closed. "Onee-chan!" "I'm okay," Tenma said. "I refused to give them anything but my name, rank, and serial number." "You have a serial number?" Satsuki asked. "I like Product 19, when we can afford it," Tenma said. "..." Tenma hugged Yakumo. "Don't worry, little sis, I'm sure they'll soon figure out this is a misunderstanding. There's hardly any chance they'll think we're terrorists and ship us off to some secret prison." "I think we're already IN the secret prison," Satsuki said. "I didn't realize it had a jail, but this is where NORAD is based," Sara said. "And I guess where the US army conducts secret experimental travel to fantasy worlds." "To level up their commandos, no doubt," Tenma said. "Anyway, I refused to give up any of our secrets." "We have secrets?" Satsuki asked. "They'll have to kill me to get Mother's secret brownie recipe!" Tenma said, waving her fists in the air. Delightful, Satsuki thought. I'm sure Japan will be safer because of you. She sighed and flopped back on the bed. "You think our boyfriends are okay?" "I'm sure they're fine," Sara said. "They're very sensible." Beat. "Well, mine and Yakumo's." Beat. "Mine." Beat. "I hope." ************* "Sir, two of the prisoners are fighting," Cpl. Blank said to Sgt. Roll. "Let them clobber each other," he said. "Kids need to learn some discipline." "Yes, sir." ************* "State your name," the interrogator said. "Lala Gonzales," Lala said, sitting sternly in her chair. "Daughter of Arturo Gonzales." The dusky-skinned Captain tapped his check. "Hmm, name sounds familiar...You're a Mexican national, right?" "Yes, sir. My last name is very common in Mexico, like your Smith." Lala wanted to scream and rage, but desperately controlled herself. "And my father was El Platado Zorro, the Silver Fox as you'd say it, before his retirement." From too much damn drinking, she thought. "The Silver...THE SILVER FOX? As in 'The Silver Fox and Santa vs. Dracula and Wolfman?'" he asked. Lala cringed. Another terrible movie her father had appeared in that had somehow made a ton of money, but of course he hadn't seen much of it. "Yes." The man got out his intercom. "Hey, everyone, the Silver Fox's daughter is here! Come on down to room 1187." Soon, Lala found herself surrounded by soldiers trying to get autographs, asking questions, trying to get her phone number, taking pictures of her, and generally treating her like royalty. It was rather flattering, really, and they gave her a proper bedroom instead of a cell. On the other hand, she now had the impression they wanted to keep her as their own totem of celebrity. Which might not work so well. Papa, thank you, she thought. You got me OUT of trouble instead of INTO it, for once. ************* "I will translate for you," the expert translator, a short, skinny man who was actually Korean by ancestry, said. "Oh, I speak English well," the young lady said in English. "I'm ready for my test." She sat down opposite the interrogator, a tall, muscular black man. "State your name," the interrogator said. Karen smiled broadly at the interrogator, who felt embarrassed at interrogating such a cute young lady. "I'm Ichijou Karen. Nice to meet you." "Where are you from?" "Tokyo, Japan. I attend Sukuran School." She continued to smile brightly, and the interrogator fidgeted. How could he keep someone so bright and cheerful locked up in this dingy place? "Grade?" "Eleventh, according to the American system. Second Year High School by Japan's. Class 2-C," Karen said. Her voice had a lyrical tilt to it; he could just listen to it forever, really. There were scuffling noises in the hallway. The interrogator frowned. "What the hell is going out there?" The translator, having nothing to do, stuck his head out. "One of the drug dogs is getting frisky a little too much." "Stupid dogs," the man mumbled. "Anyway, please explain how you got into this high security facility." "Didn't you see us come in through the stargate?" She blinked. So cute and innocent, he thought. Really, there's not much point in her being handcuffed. She's just a kid like the others. They could hear the dog barking wildly. Damn dog, he thought. "Humor me." "Well, it started with some people going to the wilderness..." Karen began explaining everything. She had reached, "And then I got sick from the mushrooms," when he saw the crazed looking drug dog come running in the door, looking half angry and half stoned. The damn thing kept finding people's private stashes and raiding them. More like a 'druggie dog' in the interrogator's opinion. It bowled over the translator and was leaping at Karen from behind. Time seemed to slow down, the dog leaping in a frenzy at the poor, cute girl from behind, the interrogator going for his gun but not sure if he could shoot safely and then... And then Karen's eyes glazed and she vaulted out of her chair, flipping up and catching the dog with her legs. She spun on one hand and redirected the dog into the wall, then flipped along the table to come down on it, feet to the head. As the dog flailed, she seized it and leaped straight up and twisted to land on it, knocking it out as her mass helped push it into the concrete floor. Then she suddenly looked panicked. "Oh, you poor doggie, I hope I didn't hurt you," she said, petting his head. "You shouldn't surprise me like that." The interrogator stared in shock. "How..." She could probably break those handcuffs and kill us all any time she wanted to, he thought. But she seems so nice. She got back in her chair. "I'm sorry I interrupted the story, sir. Anyway, so I was getting sick..." He listened to the whole thing. "So, you say you can sing?" "Yes, sir," she said. "A little. The rest of our band is better." "You brought your band with you?" he asked. "Yes." Hmm, the base did need entertainment...time to talk to the commander. **************** Tani-sensei finished explaining everything. It would sound crazy, but what else could he possibly tell them? There were no plausible lies in this situation. "Hmm. I have only one final question," the tall skinny white interrogator said. "Yes, sir?" "How did you ever get two women to shack up with you at once? I HAVE TO KNOW. I'll smuggle you out of here myself if you'll only teach me your secret!" the interrogator said desperately. "..." ************ Nakamura, Eri's butler, stared out the window of the limousine. Why was one of the little miss' classmates running down the street mostly naked being pelted by girls with some sort of...nuts? Male solidarity forced him to intervene, pulling over and opening a door. "Hop in," he said. The boy took the chance and jumped into the car. "THANK YOU," he said. "You are the best person who ever lived." "You are one of the little miss' classmates, correct?" Nakamura asked. "Uhh..." He studied the man. "Are you Eri-chan's butler?" "Yes," he said, surprised the boy referred to her so familiarly. "Praise Doujibiron!" the boy shouted. "She's in big trouble." "She's been gone quite a while. If her parents paid more attention to her, I think she'd be grounded for all of eternity by now," Nakamura said. "But the old ninja clan doesn't seem to have her and our detectives came up blind." "The US Army is holding her prisoner in Cheyenne Mountain," Imadori said. "..." "I swear it's true!" he said. "We need a lawyer. And maybe a commando team." Well, it was a lead, Nakamura thought. It couldn't hurt to look into it. "Let's get you some clothing," he said. "Thanks. I am really grateful." Beat. "If utterly incapable of...well, if you want to learn how to pick up women..." I have neglected my duty to carry on the family line too long, Nakamura thought. "Deal." "Excellent." Imadori relaxed. "Umm...can I borrow a phone to call Mom and tell her I'm okay?" "There's one in the glove compartment." "Excellent. Thank you." Imadori began taking care of business. ************ Lala stared at the tape library. "All five of father's movies." The soldier with her nodded proudly. "We only have limited tapes to watch, so we've all seen these about a billion times." "You really liked Father's movies?" she asked in shock. "Yeah, they're a ton of fun," he said. "Not so impressed yourself, huh?" "I was very little when they got made," Lala said. "I just..." "Have you ever seen them?" the soldier asked. "Well...only the one with the Batman ripoff." "Here, take this one. You can watch it in your room," he said, removing one of the tapes. Later, Lala watched it in her room, and laughed and laughed. It was very silly, but it sucked her in and held her attention, and for a little while, she could forget all her problems, and sing along with the stupid songs and watch her father beat up badly costumed monsters. It hurt and felt good at the same time. "You have a lovely singing voice," Karen said. Lala half jumped out of her skin. "How did you get here?" "The soldiers brought me, after I mentioned we're in wrestling club together," Karen said. "What's this?" She looked at the movie. Lala wanted to hide it. "A movie." "Can I watch it with you?" Karen asked. "Do you sing often?" "I rarely feel the urge to sing," Lala said, grunting and making room on the bed. Karen came over and sat by her, and Lala felt nervous, having seen the other Lala and other Karen making out a lot. There was no reason to think her Karen wanted anything like that, but... Karen said, "You should join our band. We could use a second singer to handler the deeper stuff I don't do so well." "I...you want me to join your band?" Lala asked in surprise. "Sure," Karen said, watching the movie. "I'll have to ask the others, but I'm sure they won't mind." "I'm really not that good." "You'll do great. You always do at everything that interests you," Karen said, smiling at Lala. Lala crumpled in on herself a little. "You flatter me." "You're a great wrestler, and you could be a great singer," Karen said. Well, it might be fun to compete with her there, too, Lala thought. Even if performing made her nervous. But fear was something to fight and overcome. "Alright, I'll try it." "Good," Karen said. "Do you think they'll let us go?" "I'm sure they will," Karen said. "They seem very reasonable." *************** The concert for the troops was in full swing when the commander was pulled aside by one of the base military lawyers. "We have a court order for their release, sir." "Habeus Corpus?" "Yes. Also, our country's supply of Swedish porn will be cut off if we don't release them." "We can't have that," the base commander said. No more naked nordic women? That would be un-American. "Their story checked out, anyway, with the natives on the other side. Just a coincidence." "What about the secret things they've seen here?" the lawyer asked. "That's what a good solid hit in the head and whacky amnesia are for," the base commander said. "As you will, sir," the lawyer said. The base commander watched the six students jam. "They're pretty good, really." "And how many bands can say they played here?" "So true," the commander said. "Pity they won't remember it." "A pity." ************ Eri rubbed her head as she sat up; she was lying on a bed inside an odd room; the ceiling was a huge endless arch, all rounded; there was another bed across an aisle from her; Tenma and Mikoto were sprawled out on it. She felt something bump her back and twisting, she saw Akira very gently head-butting her in her sleep. Akira then curled her arms around Eri. "Kentarou-kun," she mumbled in her sleep. Where are we, Eri wondered. She remembered passing through the stargate...and now she was here. There were weird doors at either end of the room and these dinky little windows... She curled around, tangling herself with Akira to peer out. There were CLOUDS below and now she recognized distant engine roars. A plane? Wait, this was... The door opened and her mother walked in. "Eri- chan, I see..." She paused. Eri looked at how she and the sleeping Akira were tangled. "This isn't what it looks like!!!" "Given how you kissed that boy, I'd be surprised," her mother said. "Your father is going to go back in time and kill you before you were born. I'm just paying for the time machine." Eri paled. "Mother, I..." "You're lucky you have such a dedicated friend who brought this to our attention or you would still be in jail." "Jail?" Eri asked in confusion. "I was in jail?" "He must like you a lot to make helping you his first priority after being mugged," her mother said. "The poor boy was being chased by a delinquent girl gang when Nakamura found him." "I...who?" Eri asked. "Imadori Kyousuke. He's in the boy's room if you want to see him." "Running naked with women, that's him alright," Eri said, sighing. "Don't take that tone, young lady. He went to great lengths to help you, even though you won't give him the time of day." Her mother looked quite angry. "He's a woman-chasing pervert!" Eri protested. "He's a fine, respectable young man. Much better than the young delinquent you have your heart set on. That's why we've decided to engage you to him." Her mother made a gesture across her lips. "Don't even bother protesting." "You want...you engaged...you..." Eri began to shake, trying to repress the urge to violence. "TO IMADORI?" "His mother was quite agreeable," Eri's mother said. "Normally, we'd want someone richer, but how often can you find a young man of such high character?" "High...character..." The bed shook as Eri shook, and now Akira snapped awake, glanced at Eri, and disentangled herself. "Sawachika-sama," Akira said, bowing. "I am most grateful for your assistance." She looked around. "Are the others on board?" "A few of your male classmates are on board; everyone else is going to be on a commercial flight," Mrs. Sawachika said. "I expect everyone to observe the rules of propriety, however." "Of course," Akira said. "Is..." "Yes, he is," Mrs. Sawachika said. Tenma sat up groggily. "Hey, Eri-chan, Sawachika- san." She yawned. "Akira-chan, hi!" She looked around. "Am I dreaming of being filthy rich again?" "No, this is real," Mrs. Sawachika said. "You're on your way back to Japan." She frowned. "I tried to contact your parents, Tsukamoto-san, but they're out of Japan." "They're on the Grand Line," Tenma said, yawning, as Mikoto began to rise. "Did they leave you with a guardian?" Mrs. Sawachika asked, worried. "We're big enough to take care of ourselves, but if we need an adult, we call up Uncle Takumi. He's a lawyer." I wish you'd mentioned that when we only had one phone call, Eri thought. "Alright." Mrs. Sawachika seemed relieved. Mikoto had to be told everything when she finally got up, to which she responded, "Do you have a phone? I have to make sure..." "Your mother said your father is in Hokkaido, engaged in 'extreme training' of some new students," Mrs. Sawachika said. "Actually, two friends of mine, I need to see if they got home okay." Mrs. Sawachika passed her a phone. "Now that you're all awake, I'm sure Eri will want to tell you all about her engagement. And I have business to take care of. Suou- san, you can just give me that phone when we land; I have another." "Thanks!" "Engagement?" Tenma asked. Once her mother was gone, Eri punched her bed. "Mother engaged me to Imadori. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT." Tenma and Mikoto facefaulted. Akira said, "I find it hard to believe." "This is just... I cannot marry that man-whore." Eri tried to make herself stop shaking and hitting things. "I can't." "He's far too poor. Your parents would never do this," Akira said. "Logically speaking, this is probably a joke or possibly a punishment for running off." "I hope you're right," Eri said. "Well, it would mean you and Yakumo wouldn't have to...fight over Kenji..." Tenma said tenatively. Mikoto felt a faint jealousy of Eri. Not that she wanted Imadori, but now he... No, it was silly to be jealous. She didn't want him. Of course, my parents will likely forbid me to ever see Hanai again after this. She sighed. "The game isn't over YET," Eri proclaimed, though she had no clue what to do. "Not yet." ************ Hanai sat up, looking over at Nara, who for some reason, was in the same bed with him. "Where are we?" Nara didn't answer, but from the other bed, Karasuma said, "Bed." "Ha," Hanai said. "Is this a plane?" "Yes." Groggily, Nara sat up. "What sex am I?" "Male," Hanai said. "Oh, good," Nara said. He looked down inside his shirt anyway, though. "We are on the Sawachika family jet on our way to Japan," Karasuma said. "Imadori is in the lounge." "Wait, how did he..." Hanai asked. "He contacted Sawachika-san's family, who got us out of Cheyenne Mountain," Karasuma asked. "I...wait, where?" He couldn't remember anything since leaving the stargate. "Never mind," Karasuma said. "We're going home." I hope Dad didn't escape, Hanai thought. Not that Mom won't kill me anyway. "Where is everyone else?" "Sawchika-san, Suou-san, Tenma-san, and Takano-san are in the next bedroom. Imadori-san is in the lounge. I think everyone else is on a commercial flight," Karasuma said. "I guess her parents didn't want Harima in here with Sawachika-san," Hanai said. "Yeah, sounds right." "But why is Imadori here?" "He came with them to get us," Karasuma said. Hanai stretched. "Well, let's go say hello to everyone, then." Too bad for Harima, he thought. But the man would probably break a wall and kill us all anyway. "Sounds good," Nara said. "Alright," Karasuma said. They headed out. ************** Harima woke up on a plane with Yakumo seated next to him, asleep with her head on his arm. He stared at her a moment, then carefully threw a blanket over her. I wonder where we're going, he thought. Have I blanked out a large chunk of my life somehow? He had been going through the stargate and then...boom, on a plane somewhere with Yakumo. Maybe my manga got an award...my manga! He'd hardly gotten any work done on it during the whole trip...did he have it? Where was it? But if he looked for it, he'd wake up Yakumo. And she looked too peaceful to disturb. He glanced across the aisle; Sara was asleep, curled up to a sleeping Asou. Maybe this is some kind of class trip, he thought. Well, it was quiet and peaceful. He needed that. He sank down in his chair and went back to sleep. ************** Mai tied the rope in place. "There," she said. "I'm impressed," Kozue said. "I didn't think a rope existed strong enough to keep Buddha hanging from the ceiling." "And Yoshidayama too," Madoka said. "I'm impressed." Mai now hung a flag over the door. "I now declare this the Women's Republic of 2-C! First order of business, we need a new homeroom teacher. Female. Must hate men except for our boyfriends." "Yeah. We need to replace our losses too," Kozue said. "The dating pool is shrinking." "Well, we can start taking applications tomorrow." Kozue nodded. "And today...we party!" ************ Imadori was enjoying a glass of champagne and discoursing on philosophy when Eri and company arrived in the lounge. "Well, you see, Bishop Berkeley believed that all of creation was inside God's mind. God was basically 'imagining' the world into existence. We could trust thus that the world had a stable form beyond our perceptions of it, but at the same time, God had total control of it." He wore an elegant white suit that fit him perfectly. "Hmm, an interesting approach to the problem," Mrs. Sawachika said. "Don't you think so, Henry?" Her husband, Henry, said, "Yes, but wouldn't that mean God's attention could wander and things could evaporate at any time?" The lounge was very nice, with padded chairs and couches, several TVs (all off), and a nice buffet and drink bar. Nakamura stood at the bar. "HOW CAN YOU ENGAGE ME TO IMADORI?" Eri shouted. "My darling fiancee!" Imadori said, waving. "It's so lovely to see you." I thought he only liked women with very large chests, Mikoto thought. But he seems happy with this. Though Eri is on the high side of average. "He's a very bright and engaging young man," Henry said. "With a very good character. You'll be good for each other." "He's a pervert and a lech!" Eri shouted. "Haven't you already lost this argument, dear?" Mrs. Sawachika said. "He's an intelligent young man who is more cultured than we might have hoped," Henry said. "And while not rich, he is not dirt poor either, unlike some folk." "Once I get my business degree, I expect I'll be able to change my level of wealth, finally," Imadori said. "Fortunately, my trust fund will pay for college and Mother has already set aside monies towards my future retirement, gaining interest each year, since I was six. We'll both have to work, no doubt, but I will do my best to support her." His voice was serious, though not grim. Mikoto could hardly believe it was him. "Karen's not going to be happy," Akira pointed out. "I'm sure her true destiny is with Gonzales-san," Imadori said. "I will always remember her fondly, but in time, we must all move on from the carefree flings of those joyous high school days." "Exactly," Henry said. "Please, everyone, sit down and relax. We have a long flight and you will get tired if you stand the whole way." "I suppose I'm grounded forever too," Eri grumbled, getting a glass of whiskey and sitting down on a couch. She drank it all in one bitter swig, then began to cough and gag. "I would suggest something milder," her father said, frowning a little. "No grounding. You and your fiancee will be too busy with the social plans we've made for you to have time for anything else, once you finish your mandatory study periods each day." I'm in hell, Eri thought. I died in the gateway and now I'm in hell, suffering for my sins. And Imadori is the devil. Everyone got a drink and sat down. Henry turned to Nara. "Your father is the famous financier Nara, correct?" "Is he famous?" Nara asked. "Yes, I am." "Do you plan to follow in his footsteps?" "I...I don't know," Nara confessed. "I haven't figured things out." "Well, it's never too early to start investing for the future, as Imadori-san pointed out. You should talk to him about investing part of your allowance." "Very wise," Akira said, glancing at Imadori, who was now debating the philosophical merits of Hume vs. Berkeley in comparison to Kant. Akira wondered if they'd actually been sent home to the correct universe. "Anyway, Imadori-kun says you are a very smart young man and that Akira-san is the smartest woman in your class, so I'm sure you two will do well together, so long as you plan ahead," Henry said. He then got into a complicated finance discussion with Akira that the others couldn't understand, as Eri worked on drinking herself unconscious. Mikoto sipped her own wine, then said to Eri, "You sure that's wise?" "Maybe if I pass out, time will reset and the world will suck less," Eri said, taking another swig of wine. "Eri-san," Imadori said. "It isn't healthy for a young lady your age to drink that fast." "You do NOT get to sue my first name." Beat. "USE my first mane. Name. DAMMIT," Eri said. "He's right," Mrs. Sawachika said. "Nakamura, don't give her any more alcohol." "DAMMIT!" "One more dammit and I'll have to wash your mouth out," Mrs. Sawachika said. "You're talking just like the delinquent." "He's not a delinquent any more!" Eri said. "And he's three illion billion times better a man than Imadori, even when he's a woman!" "Oh yes, delinquent crossdresser," Mrs. Sawachika said sourly. What's an 'illion', Nara wondered. Mikoto frowned, putting down her phone. "I still can't raise Miki or Masahiro." Hanai frowned as well. "I hope they're alright." "They may be asleep or something, due to time zone differences." "True." *********** "I have good news for you," Hanai's father told Miki and Masahiro as they slumped on the ground, trying to muster the energy to eat dinner. "We get to go home?" "Haruki-kun and Mikoto-chan will soon be coming to save you or die trying," Mr. Hanai said. "I will be curious to see if they're strong enough to defeat the Seven Fists of Fury." "Is that a move you know?" "Mercenary Shao-lin ninjas," he began. From the shadows, a voice shouted, "WE ARE NOT NINJAS! WE ARE MONKS OF THE WHITE LOTUS." "Ninjas of the White Lotus." "WE ARE NOT NINJAS!" "What if they lose?" Miki asked weakly. "Then we wait and see if any of their friends can save you all or if I end up with everyone they've ever met training here. Which could be fun," Mr. Hanai said. For some values of fun. ************* "We can't let you into the country, since you have no passport," the immigration officer said once again to Tani- sensei. "But I'm a Japanese citizen! I have a driver's license! I work in Japan!" "There's no record of you leaving the country; ergo, you can't be the real Tani-san," the officer said. "Also, you dressed like a cosplayer for an international flight, probably marking you as completely insane." Tani-sensei wished he could legally smack down immigration officers. He could use the XP. Though he did wish the stargate had turned their magical world clothing into normal clothing. "I could just kick his ass, sensei," Harima said. "Once we're out of this security area, it's not like they can kick us out of our homeland." "No violence," Tani-sensei said firmly. Yet, anyway. Yakumo studied the jumbled thoughts of the immigration officer, then frowned. "He wants a bribe." "What?" Tani-sensei said in shock. "I am not angling for a bribe!" the immigration officer said. "Also, he's cheating on his wife," Yakumo continued, her voice turning just a little harsher. "I...no, that's not true! What makes you say that?" Harima looked at Yakumo nervously. Looked like she, at least, still had her witch abilities. Abilities which creeped him out a bit...mind-reading...a woman who could read a man's mind...what privacy could he have? But she never seemed to use his mind against him...why? Maybe she can't read my mind, he thought. The purity of my heart must shield me. Buddha defends me! Truly I am blessed. He resolved to go visit a temple later in thanks. Sara frowned. "That is a sin in the eyes of God! Get on your knees and repent!" "You can't intimidate me! You're not old enough to be a real priestess, anyway!" the immigration officer snapped. Sara held out her cross, which began to glow. "Oh lord, if this man has been unfaithful, curse him with..." "NO, DON'T SHRIVEL MY FAMILY TREASURE!" the panicked officer shrieked as he saw Sara began to glow all over. "I'm guilty! I take bribes, I cheat on my wife, I PULL THE TAGS OFF PILLOWS JUST TO AMUSE MYSELF!" He collapsed crying, and Sara said, "I assign you the penance of letting us into Japan." Her glow faded. "If you do this, God will forgive you." "Go! Go into Japan with your stupid cosplay outfits! Just leave me my mini-me!" And thusly did our heroes and heroines return to Japan. *********** Mikoto felt bad for Eri, but maybe Imadori had turned over a new leaf in their absence. He seemed so...more polished and cultured. If he'd always been like this...she might have actually gone for that. He hadn't even made reference to the existence of breasts in hours. She could hardly believe it. As they were getting ready to leave the plane, Imadori came up to her and said, "I hope you all didn't end up spending too much time in the US Jail. I did my best, but things took a while." "Jail? Wait, we were in jail?" Mikoto tried to think about it...a cell...some mountain... He blinked. "You know, where we picked you up? You were asleep, but...you did call me from there, right?" "Security Amnesia," Mrs. Sawachika said. "The US Government had to make you all forget everything you're not high enough clearance to know by hitting you in the head." "They can do that?" Mikoto asked in shock. "Only in people prone to whacky amnesia. Fortunately, you were all vulnerable to that." Mikoto said, "Won't it wear off, though, like normal whacky amnesia?" "Well, I would think so, but I can't pretend to expertise," Mrs. Sawachika said. "Well, time to go chivvy my daughter home. We'll see you in the morning, Kyousuke-san." "Of course, Sawachika-sama," he said. He bowed to her and turned back to Mikoto. "So what...what happened to you all? I thought at first everyone was trying to go on vacation without me again, but as the disappearances racked up, I grew very worried." He certainly sounded worried. Everyone must be worried sick, Mikoto thought. She felt terrible. "I'm sorry, you see..." She explained the whole thing. "Well, I've been acting as class president, but I think Mai decided to stage a coup, invading my apartment with her goons and I had to flee naked into the street. I hope Mother is okay." He frowned. Mikoto frowned. "Invaded your own home?" "They threw...PECANS...at me," he said, shuddering. She laughed softly, then made herself stop. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh. I know you hate them totally. Anyway, I'm very grateful." She kissed his cheek hesitantly. "You're a good friend, Imadori-kun." "So are you," he said, twitching slightly. "I had best see to my dear fiancee." "Please be kind to her," Mikoto asked very seriously. "She's had it very rough and...be careful. It seems weird to me that her parents would pick...well, not to be rude, but..." "I'm a very lucky man. And we're hardly poor," Imadori said. "I am sure all will be well." She hoped so. "See you in school tomorrow, then." "See you. I hope you're ready for exams. We're almost to winter break." I AM SO DEAD, she thought. "No, not ready at all, but I'll do my best." "See you, Mikoto-kun," he said. Still so familiar with me, she thought. But he's just so...different. I wonder what happened. "See you, Kyousuke-san," she said. Just a touch more intimate; she owed him that much. And then she headed out to face familial doom. ************* "KAREN!" her father shouted as she nervously walked in the door. "Papa!" She hugged him tightly. "Where have you been? We thought you'd eloped with one of your boyfriends, but they didn't know where you were!" he said urgently. She laughed nervously. "I got stuck in another universe." "Damn other universes," he said. "Every so often, I go in the closet, trying to find my shoes, end up in some magical land...boy does it ever piss your mother off." He sighed. "However, I'm going to have to ground you for life, anyway." Karen sighed. "But wrestling club..." "Oh, you can wrestle all you want," he said. "But no more dating skanky boys and running off to other worlds without telling us. So, therefore, you are grounded until roughly the end of time or when you move out to live on your own." He sighed. "Come on in, tell us all about it." Imadori-kun, she thought. I hope you're okay. ************* "Mom, I'm home!" Sagano shouted as she came in. "Oh, hi, dear," her mother said. "I hadn't realized you left." "..." "Anyway, set the table for supper; we're about to eat." "Yes, ma'am," Sagano mumbled weakly and got to work. ************ "MY PORN!" Fuyuki said, crying. "That's your punishment. I found all your porn, even the stuff you hid inside the walls of our bedroom, and burned it all," his mother said. "Couldn't you just ground me?" he asked weakly. "This should suffice." He cried until no tears were left. ************ Nara's mother hugged him. "My dear boy, how's life as a married man?" "..." "Akira-san's mother told us you two ran off to Vegas to get married. Time flies so fast," his father said, shaking his head. "Still you might have wanted to sow your wild oats before marriage, but, then, she is a very sweet girl." Nara rubbed his forehead. Oh boy... ************ There was red everywhere, holes in the walls, and her mother lying on the floor in torn clothing, in a red puddle. Akira looked down at the kitchen floor. "Did you try to open the jam with a nailgun, Mother?" "Couldn't you at least pretend to think I'd died?" Akira's mother asked sadly as she sat up. "I could see AND hear you breathing," Akira said. "Well, I've lost that talent, then," Akira's mother said. "Clean this mess up while I take a bath." "Mother, I..." "Nara's parents think you and he eloped to Vegas to get married and your friends went with you," Akira's mother said. "..." "Well, I had to tell them something so they didn't die of fear," Akira's mother said. Akira felt her head spin. "They bought you a nice house for when you get back." "..." "Anyway, you should go see them after school tomorrow, clear things up. Or Nara may do so." "A house?" Akira began trying to think of some way to keep it. "I suppose you and Nara can use it as a love shack for you and your friends," Akira's mother said. "Anyway, get this mess cleaned up." "Are you going to ground me?" "I think Nara's parents will do the killing for me, while I enjoy all the wedding presents." "..." "See you," Akira's mother said, going out. ************ Hanai bowed deeply. "And that's what happened." "DIE, YOU BASTARD!" Mikoto's father shouted, leaping at him. Hanai's mother batted him aside with a broom. "Let us crush them like civilized folk. First of all, you two need to go fetch my husband from Hokkaido. He's holding your college friends hostage, I think, and probably plans to put you through hell." Hanai and Mikoto nodded. "Once he's clobbered you, the three of us will have figured out more punishments for you," Mikoto's mother said. "Yes, ma'am." Hanai said. "Now, go fetch," Hanai's mother said. "We're on our way." ************ "Poor Arisa-chan," Yuri said wearily. "She probably thinks I'm dead." "You should call her," Tani-sensei said. "Let her know you're okay. We can go back to my place and you can call from there." "I'm going to have to arrange to go home tomorrow and get my business going again," Yuri said, sighing. "I've already way overstayed my vacation, and I have no income if I'm not running the bakery and the bills mounted up and..." She sighed. "This is going to be a huge pain in the...the rear." "Well...our students take their exams soon," Tae- sensei said. "Oh man, my class is going to DIE," Tani-sensei mumbled. "So...if you wait until they finish, then we could come down with you and we could help you get things running again, and I could meet your families," Tae-sensei said. That would be really nice, Yuri thought. Or possibly my parents will kill us all; they are rather conservative. And this relationship is...unusual. "They take the exams soon?" "Yes, very soon," Tae-sensei said. "We've been gone a while. Assuming the school doesn't fire us, anyway." "..." Tani-sensei felt his gut clench. "Wait, wouldn't your parents be running the bakery?" "They passed it to me, while they built up a catering service so they could semi-retire. They're making three times as much as before for half the work, while I work myself to death keeping it going," Yuri said a little enviously. She sighed. "They're going to lecture me." "We'll defend you," Tae-sensei said firmly. "Right, Tanisa?" "Of course, Tae-chin," he replied. "This is all my fault, anyway." Yuri asked, hesitantly, "What about...I mean...long- distance relationships are difficult and..." "Sell it, move here, start a bakery here, be with us, everyone wins," Tae-sensei said. "My parents would kill me!" Yuri said, shivering. "After facing down dragons and ogres, are you really afraid of your parents?" Tani-sensei asked. "You know my parents," she said urgently. Dragons, by comparison, were weaklings. "Sometimes, you have to gamble," Tani-sensei said. "Are you happy running that shop?" "It's nice, sometimes, but...no. I feel like I got left behind...all that studying and everything, and I just ended up running a bakery in a little town in the middle of nowhere, while all the other smart kids left town," Yuri said, sighing. "Sell it, use the money to go to college, get a business degree, and you can start a bakery in Tokyo that will make a lot more money," Tae-sensei said. "And you'll be free of your parents." She dug into her pockets. "Also, don't forget, we all still have this." Her hand was now full of gold and silver coins. "Unless you all threw your cut of the loot away..." Yuri's eyes sparkled. Maybe they could make this work. "I...alright. Let's try it. I want a better future." Tani-sensei nodded. "For the future!" Yuri was not a risk taker at heart, but sometimes, you just had to gamble if the prize was big enough. She just hoped she wouldn't regret this. ************** "He's WHAT?" Lala asked her host mother. "He flew to Japan and is looking for you," Lala's host mother explained. "But...he doesn't even speak Japanese!" "Well, I can't say it's going well," the host mother said. "You should go look for him. He heard report of your boyfriend's father being in Hokkaido and headed that way." Papa, she thought. How do you always manage to cause me so much trouble? "I am jet-lagged and tired, but I will set out tomorrow to get him." "Wise, I think. Good luck." I'll need it, Lala thought. ************* Harima flopped down on the floor; Yakumo went to make them some tea. "Are you sure Tenma is alright?" he asked her for the fiftieth time. "She got to fly in the private jet," Yakumo said. But I'm not jealous at all, she thought as she worked on the mint tea. "We need to work on the manga, or we'll miss the deadline, which is...IN THE MIDDLE OF EXAMS." Harima cringed. "We'll just have to work extra hard," Yakumo said. "We got some done on the trip, which will help, right?" "Right, right," he said. She brought the tea over and sat down by him, handing him a cup. "Kenji-kun...how do you..." She could feel her confidence draining away. She couldn't bear to ask, or even to look too closely at his thoughts, for fear of what he would say. How did he feel about her? Not the same as he did about Tenma. Or about Eri. And yet, he did like her, and he didn't like the idea of someone else dating her AT ALL. He thought about what Tenma had told him, about loving different people in different ways. He wished he knew what the different ways were supposed to feel like, so he could judge better. Don't forget you committed to being Eri's boyfriend too, when you were me, Onna-Harima said. WHAT?, he asked himself. Since you called Eri your boyfriend, that means now that she's a girl again, she's your girlfriend. So you have two now, Onna-Harima told him. But that makes me a monkey!, he told himself. Well, if you can get everyone changed in gender, it'll be okay, since a woman can have multiple suitors, but a man can't, without being a monkey, Onna-Harima said. I don't want to be a woman and even if I did, I have no way to do it! Can't you go live in Eri's head and annoy her?, he told Onna-Harima. No, her boy-side took the extra space. Onna-Harima shook her head. Of course, Yakumo does seem willing to kiss women, so if you can get them to date each other too... YOU ARE A MONKEY, Harima told his other self. I'm a woman; it's my prerogative, she told him. "Kenji?" Yakumo asked nervously, afraid to try and see his mind for fear of what was in it. "Sorry, I'm trying to get her to shut up and let me think," he said. She gulped and looked stricken. "No, no, not you. HER," Harima said, taking her hand. "H...her?" Yakumo asked. Now she did peer at Harima's thoughts. "Onna-Harima. She likes to taunt me," Kenji mumbled. "Oh kami-sama, it's like having Itoko in my head." I'm much cuter than Itoko, with more suitors, Onna- Harima said. "Kenji..." she said softly, taking his hand. "Maybe you should get some rest before we talk about this." She wanted an answer, but if he was so tired he was talking to himself... "I like you very much," he said. "But I can't pretend it's the same as what I felt for your sister. What I'm still trying to stop feeling for her, before I go crazy." Like was a start. She smiled a little. "She is very loveable." Yakumo loved her sister very much. "Yeah," he said softly, sighing. He liked Yakumo, she was comfortable and kind and nice to be around. But she didn't arouse the passion in him that Tenma did. And Eri...she aroused his passions, but most of the time, it was by being a total ASS. But when she kissed him... He felt suddenly very embarrassed, then recognized the emotional memory and tried to stop getting all mushy like his girlself had when Eri the boy had kissed her. "What's wrong?" Yakumo asked. His thoughts were harder to read, something about kissing... "I need to talk to someone smarter than me." Pause. "You're smarter than me, but I mean, maybe Akira." "To understand how you feel?" "Yeah," he said. "Even though she'll probably make fun of me." Maybe I should ask Tani-sensei how he...no, no monkey business. I shouldn't be a monkey! "She likes you," Yakumo said. "Not 'like' like, but like." "I like her too," he said. "Even if she can be a pain. But she owes me." He got up. "I should go...no, I should wait for your sister to get here. Maybe I should just call her." "I'll be fine if you need to go," Yakumo said. "Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't want you endangered by me leaving." She smiled a little; it was nice to know he cared about her safety. "I'll be fine, Kenji-kun." "Thanks, Yakumo-san," he said. "I'll talk to you again when I understand myself." "Are we still..." Yakumo asked hesitantly. "I think I have two girlfriends until I get my head straight," he said to her. "Two?" she asked. "I did tell Eri the boy he was my boyfriend, ergo...girlfriend now." That was logical, she thought. She didn't like logic. "You're not supposed to..." "I know. That's why I'm going to talk to Akira-san. See you soon." He ruffled her hair gently, then headed out, leaving her to wonder what he would decide. ************** "Stop waffling," Akira said. Harima sniffed the air of the kitchen, where he and Akira sat at the kitchen table and ate nice muffins and drank tea. There was a huge smell of strawberry jam. "These are muffins." "..." "I just...I dunno. I have stronger feelings for Eri, but I like Yakumo more. Does that make any sense?" he asked. "So she gives you the love-love feelings, but Yakumo is easier to get along with?" Akira asked. "I didn't say THAT," he said, instinctively being cautious. She brandished a muffin as it got its butter and jam. "Close enough. Well, it depends on if you like excitement or security better. You and Eri are likely to bite and claw each other a lot, but you'll have a very strong love. On the other hand, Yakumo may not make you very passionate, but she'll never bite your face off either," Akira said. Harima suddenly felt tumblers in his mind click into place. Softly, Onna-Harima said, AHAH. What?, he asked. Think about her and Hanai, Onna-Harima said softly. My girlfriend powers are tingling. Holy shit, he thought. You're right. "So what did you decide?" Harima asked. Akira froze, dropping her muffin, then caught it and stuffed it in her mouth. Harima felt far too much pleasure at being one up on Akira for once. "Were the good parts not worth risking the bad parts?" he asked. "I...what are you talking about?" she asked, once she finally finished her muffin. "Hanai. You like him, don't you," Harima said softly. "No one is supposed to be able to tell!" she blurted out, then paused and closed her eyes. When she opened them, she was calm again. "How could you tell?" "I understand better how women think now," Harima said softly. "I learned a little, if only a little, from my brief stint as a man." She took a sip of tea. "Tell no one," she said very calmly. "I won't," he said. "Does Nara know?" "That is not..." she began. "As it would be awful hypocritical of you not to tell him after how you ragged on me for being slow to tell Yakumo about the kiss," Harima said, feeling irritated. Akira breathed in and out deeply, then very slowly finished her cup and poured another one. "We're not here to talk about me." "He deserves the truth, doesn't he?" Harima said. "Or do you just judge others?" He was frowning deeply now. "Do you think I don't judge myself? Do you think it makes me happy to be...to not tell him?" she snapped at him, then forced her voice calm. "But you've never been in my position." "Yeah, I don't tell Yakumo I hate Eri while having a secret crush on her and treating her like garbage to cover it up like you do, so yeah, I don't understand your position," Harima barked, putting his cup down hard. "At least I'm trying to be honest with how I feel to them!" Akira vibrated, about to explode, Harima suspected. Harima felt a brief jolt of fear. She may just shoot me, he thought. "You couldn't understand," she said, her voice wavering. "I'm not stupid, you know!" he said. "But we'll never know if you don't tell me!" "Kentaro is the only boy who has ever liked me," Akira said softly. Unless she counted a five year old, which didn't count for this. "I'm not pretty; I'm not sexy; guys generally don't like smart women. But Kentaro loves me more than ANYTHING." Her voice became warmer. "I never imagined anyone could love me that much. I can't even understand how...why...it's possible. With all my flaws and all that I've done. And all that I'll have to do to protect this world. But he loves me anyway. I wish...I wish a lot of things. Kenji, two women love you. There will never be two boys who love me at once; I'll be lucky if any boy ever looks at me again if I lose Kentaro." Akira stopped and made herself drink more tea. Some of the raggedness went out of her voice. "You don't know how good you have it. A good looking guy like you can get all the women you'll ever want; I can't risk losing Nara. I can't imagine he'd take knowing that I have this...I keep trying, but I don't know how to forget about him. Even with him dating Mikoto now. I want to be happy for them. I am happy for them. But it hurts, too, to see him with someone else. And seeing him run around on her..." "You're punishing him because you'd do the same thing," Harima said softly. "It's nice being pursued. I learned that as a...in the magic world." "Exactly. It's a temptation. Don't give into it, Kenji. It's the monkey in both of us. Pick one and let go of the other. At least for you, they both know," Akira said wearily. "More tea?" "Yes." She poured out more tea. "If I tell him, if it...it hurts our relationship...I couldn't stand it," Akira said. "It'll come out eventually," Harima said. "I know. I should tell him, but I can't bear the risk," she said, sipping her tea and preparing another muffin. "Eat one, they're good." Harima began dousing his with condiments. "Does anyone but me and you know this?" "You and I," Akira corrected. "No one knows. I can't even tell my girlfriends." "Let it out, before you go crazy hiding it. Nara should know, even if no one else does." He munched on a muffin and decided they were good. She stared at him in silence for a little while; he wished he could read her face, but it was so flat and impassive. Finally, Akira said, "You're a good friend, Kenji." Her voice had returned to its usual calm, with a little warmth. "Thanks." "So, do you like excitement or comfort better?" Akira asked. "Risk or security?" "I like going out, doing exciting things, and coming home to comfort," Harima said. "You can't have it both ways," Akira said softly, getting out another kind of grape jam and spreading it with the other kind and with some butter. "Though I am lucky; Nara comforts me well, but when his passion is up...he is very exciting." "You two got so excited, you got stuck back then." "Yes. His love transcends even my gender." She sounded proud and a little excited. "Is it always that good for guys?" she asked hesitantly. "Yeah," he lied. "It's always great." But really, he didn't know. "Well, it's possible they each have hidden depths like Kentaro does, that you might find comfort and passion with either one," Akira said. "But they do specialize." Harima sipped his tea. Akira gently corrected the way he held his glass. "Like this." They drank tea for a while, then Harima said, "Thanks for the advice, Akira-san." "Did you make up your mind?" "Not yet, but at least I know what I'm thinking about," he said. "Better decide soon. Christmas is coming and they're both going to want to do something romantic with you," Akira said. He nodded to Akira. "Thank you for the advice." "And thank you," she said softly. "I needed to tell that to someone." "I won't tell anyone," he said. "I know you won't," she said. "Good luck, Kenji." "Good luck to you too." ************* "Well, I have good news for you, Yakumo, though I don't know if it's good news for Eri or not," Tenma told her. "Yes?" Yakumo looked up from making dinner. "Eri's parents engaged her to Imadori-san. So, she's no longer in the running for Kenji, which should help you." Tenma was happy for Yakumo, but felt bad for Eri. Imadori would always be thinking of bigger breasted women instead of someone who loved him like Karen. Yakumo said, "Imadori-san and Sawachika-sempai? May they be very happy together." She smiled, and Tenma wasn't sure if she was sincere or gloating. Hopefully the former. "I have a feeling it will be a disaster," Tenma said, sighing. Yakumo was afraid of that as well, but she couldn't cry too much for Eri in that case. ************* The next morning, Mikoto leaned against a pillar. "I need sleep," she mumbled. Hanai yawned. "I know. But we need to catch this train." "Hello, Haruki-kun, Suou-san," Lala said. They both half-jumped out of their flesh, then turned to look at her, both not sure what to say. Lala half-looked at them, then yawned loudly. "Haruki-kun, I'm afraid I may have to kill your father." "We're on our way to kill him, Gonzales-san," Hanai said. "He's overdue for his annual beating of sense into his head, I think, and now he's trying to lure us out so he can get his revenge for the hanging." "My father is on his way to challenge your father, in the belief I am there. I have to catch up to him before it's too late." "Your father?" Mikoto said. "Came all the way to Japan for you?" "Papa loves me, when he's sober enough to remember me," Lala mumbled, then looked angrily at Mikoto. "You sound like it's a bad thing." "We should travel together then," Hanai said. "It will likely take three of us to stop him. And we may lose, even then." No, we are not travelling with your ex, Mikoto thought. Sheer force of will did not make it so, though. "Do you think...should we call Karen before it's too late? She's our next strongest warrior." "Let's not drag more people into this. I just want to finish this quickly so I have time to study for exams," Hanai said. Lala stared at him, trying to figure out what to say, but she didn't know what. She couldn't just try to pick up where they left off, not now that he, but she... She shook her head. Maybe I'll figure it out on the train, she thought. *********** "Kidnapped to another universe," the Principal said. Tani-sensei nodded firmly. "Please excuse everyone's absence, we had to fight evil in another dimension." The Principal looked at Yuri. "And this is your independent witness?" "Yes," she said. "I was there too." "The PTA is going to go berserk," the Principal said. "Heads will roll, souls will be eaten." "We could try confusing them with interpetative dance," Aino-sensei suggested. She had been given Moto's old job after the assistant principal had been sent to jail in an earlier chapter. "Someone is going to have to take the fall for this," the Principal said. "I suppose suggesting Katou-sensei would be out of line," Tani-sensei said. "Yes," the Principal said. "And they probably won't accept pinning the blame on bourgeois resistance this time," Tani-sensei said. "Probably not," the Principal said. "Monster attacks?" Aino-sensei suggested. "We hid the missing students for their own safety." "The students were being tested to pilot giant robots," Tae-sensei suggested. "It was all part of the secret field trip program," Yuri suggested. "So secret, the parents couldn't be told." "We could whack the PTA in the head and give them all whacky amnesia," Aino-sensei suggested. "They had to be hidden from the Yakuza." "Kidnapped by aliens." "Stolen by potato-people from deep inside the earth." "Quantum fluctuation." "In detention," Tani-sensei said finally. "Hmm...detention," the Principal said. "Too realistic." "I suggest we stage a fake terrorist attack at the PTA meeting, then declare martial law," Aino-sensei said. "Hmm, that does appeal," the Principal said. "But it could probably get us sent to jail." "Actually, given we somehow ended up in the US," Yuri said, "We could just blame the US government for accidentally picking us up in a terror sweep." "That works," the Principal said. "Please avoid any further unscheduled field trips to other worlds." "I'll do my best," Tani-sensei said. "Did you meet any cute elf women?" the Principal asked. "The women who came with me were much cuter," Tani-sensei said smoothly. Tae-sensei smiled a little. Nice dodge, she thought. "Alright. We can work this. O/~ Blame Canada o/~ No, wait...Blame the US. Right," the Principal said. "Okay, go teach. I hope you have your exams ready." Planning in advance saves my bacon, he thought. ************** "You're alive!" someone shouted as Sara walked into her classroom. "It's Sara-san! She's alive!" The whole class went crazy, surrounding her. She laughed nervously as a flood of questions came at her. Finally, Himeko asked, "So did you and Satsuki really elope with your boyfriends?" "They were with us on the trip," Sara said. "Ooooo..." A murmur of envious whispers circulated. "So...that makes you two the first to lose your virginity," Meimi said. "I...what?" Sara said, blushing. "Not the first," Himeko said, grinning a little. "I expect it will take a lot before pure little Sara gives up her virginity." Sara mumbled incoherently. "But dating an upperclassman is wicked enough to make up for it," Himeko said. Yakumo now arrived, and Sara said, "Yakumo-chan! Come on over and tell us about baking pies!" Yakumo blinked and came over and said, "Well, I like to start with..." "Was he good?" Himeko asked her. Yakumo said, "The pie?" "No, your boyfriend!" Himeko asked. "Sometimes good, sometimes bad, usually good," Yakumo said. Except when he's a woman, in which case, he's rather...well, not so good. "See?" Himeko said to Sara. "You're missing out on some good stuff." "We're taking it slow and waiting," Sara mumbled. "It's the right thing to do." Himeko shook her head. "It's..." Satsuki came in. "Hi, everyone! You're not going to believe where we've been!" "Come help us corrupt Sara," Himeko said. "Oooh, I'm game!" Satsuki said. This was going to be a looong day, Sara realized. ************** Mai was in the process of laying out the plans for reducing the class males to subjugation when Imadori walked in with a squadron of security from the Sawachika family. "COUNTER-COUNTER REVOLUTION!" he announced. The class was in full-blown riot by the time Tani- sensei walked in and slammed his books on the desk. "EVERYONE SIT DOWN!" Even the security guards sat down. "Due to an unfortunate set of events which will never be explained clearly, I, and much of our class have been gone for days, maybe weeks. I'm not even sure how long we've been gone. Nevertheless, we have one week to exams and then Winter Break begins. So we're going to have to CRAM extra hard." He looked at everyone. "The war for control of this class is over. The election held in my absence and all coups are now declared nullified. I am appointing Yuuki as class president because I trust her to have some common sense; Mai, you are demoted." Yuuki's eyes widened. "Me? Thank you!" "Hanai will resume his duties once he finishes beating up his father," he continued. "Now, let's get down to business." "You can't just decide who rules! This is a democracy!" Mai protested. "Alternately, you can all go to the principal and explain how this class has been run in my absence." Dead silence. "I thought so. Alright, get out your English books and let's get started." ************ Imadori strode up to Eri as everyone broke for lunch. "Well, fiancee, shall we dine together?" "WE ARE NOT ENGAGED!" Eri shouted. EVERYONE stared. Karen rose. "You...Imadori-kun, are you really engaged to Sawachika-san?" "Hai," he said. "I made a good impression on her parents." Karen gave a great cry of despair and ran out of the room. Imadori stared after her, then turned and said, "So, shall we, my cute fiancee?" "I would sooner die," Eri said. Akira frowned. "Imadori-kun, you really shouldn't make Karen cry like that." "I never told her to get a crush on me!" Imadori protested. Tenma frowned. "You hurt Karen. You'd better go apologize." "All I did was to tell the truth!" Imadori protested. Harima stirred slowly. "You are pretending that Eri- san is your fiancee?" His voice was soft, but deep. "I am not pretending," Imadori said. "Her parents..." Eri said, "I refuse. I can't. There is no way I'm going to marry Imadori." "So you are forcing yourself on her," Harima said, his voice ticking up a notch. "He's being forced on me," Eri said. "I'm not forcing myself on her!" Imadori said. "But her parents have the power to..." "IS THERE NO WOMAN SAFE FROM YOU?" Harima shouted, rising from his chair. "DIE!" Imadori ran for his life with Harima in pursuit. Eri could feel her heart beating faster as she watched this, and she smiled a little smile. At least at school, I'll be safe, she thought. ************* Harry was JUST about to put his hamburger in his mouth when half the desks in 2-D flew into the air and suddenly he was hit by an eighteen wheeler. Or maybe it was just Karen. She was sobbing incoherently and babbling about engagements. Harry had no idea what was going on. Finally, he managed to peel them off the floor into a chair and hold her until she calmed. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Imadori-kun, he's gone and now he's going to marry Sawachika-san!" she said, crying onto his shoulder. He embraced her firmly. "I'm here for you," he said. He felt terrible for her, though this would work to his advantage. But he just didn't like to see her cry. "Where is Lala-san?" Karen asked weakly though her sobs. "Dunno, she didn't come to school," Harry said. "I just...I wish I could just forget about him. It always goes wrong..." Karen said. "Let me help you forget," Harry said softly. "You did your best, but he turned to Sawachika instead of you." "I...I..." She stared into Harry's eyes, then suddenly kissed him. That surprised him, but he kissed her back, enjoying it. He could make her forget, at least for a little while, she knew. She remembered when they had...had almost gone all the way. Well, he liked her body. He appreciated her. He had been so kind and helpful and patient and tried to help her make her dream come true. Well, now it was her turn to try making his come true. And maybe...maybe she'd come to dream that way too. It was better than waiting for a miracle. Right? ************ Asou looked over at Sara as they ate together. "You okay?" he asked. She sighed. "Everyone in my class thinks we ought to be having sex by now." "No rush," he said. "It's best we take things slow and easy and not rush it so we burn out quick," he said. She nodded. "Yes. Just because other people hop in the sack doesn't mean we have to." They could hear jingling of coins, and Asou frowned. "Do they have a betting pool on us?" he asked, staring off at the rest of Sara's class, a ways off. "I think so." Asou wished 1-C's class president would turn male so he could kick some ass. This failed to happen, so instead, he just sighed and ate. Gonna have to do something about these fools, he thought. Somehow. ************* Harima tried to talk to Eri before the school day was out, but since he missed his chance at lunch, he had to wait until after school. Unfortunately, her butler took her away before he could say anything. So he worked up the courage to call her. She answered. "Hello?" "Eri-san," Harima said. "We should try and talk at lunch tomorrow. About...everything." "I...yes," she said softly. "Kenji-san, this engagement was not my idea." "I know," he said. "I...I'd better not talk too much," she said. "The parents will go crazy if they catch me on the phone." He nodded. "Okay, see you tomorrow." "See you." Click. Now he just had to figure out what to say. ************* Lala blinked. "We're in Hokkaido already?" They had ridden to northern Honshu, switched trains to take the tunnel, and now they were on Hokkaido. "Yes," Hanai said. "Now, we hop a train to the nearest station to where he is, then trek into the wilderness." Where, hopefully, Gonzales will be eaten by bears, Mikoto thought. ************* Tenma, instead of studying for her exams, fantasized about having a grand Christmas party. Unfortunately, with half her friends grounded until the end of time, it was going to be hard to throw a good one. Though at least it would mean no danger of Harima and Eri encountering under mistletoe and... She sighed. He needs to be faithful to Yakumo, but I want my friend out of hock. And maybe...well, I can have a big romantic kiss with Karasuma. Now that...it all hit her at once. He'd confessed his love to her! Sure, he'd been a girl and she'd been a boy and his girl self had been very affectionate compared to normal and it was possible she dreamed the whole thing...aaaaaa. She called him immediately. "Karasuma-kun," she said. "Yes?" "You're my boyfriend now, right?" Tenma asked. "Yes," he said. "WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she shouted into the phone. "What?" he asked. "I love you, I love you, I love you!" she shouted. "What?" he asked. He couldn't hear anything now, due to the shouting. "We're going to have the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER," she proclaimed. "You met Christ?" he asked in confusion. "Oh, it'll be the most wonderful Christmas ever!" Maybe her parents would even make it back, though the latest letter indicated they were still on the hunt for lost treasures of the Atlanteans down on the Grand Line. "You want me to bring my copy of It's a Wonderful Life?" he asked, trying to make sense of what little he could hear through his temporary deafness. "Yes!" she said. "IT IS A WONDERFUL LIFE." "Okay, see you soon," he said, then hung up. Wait, is he coming over now? Tenma scratched her head. Well, either way, she was good. ************* They were supposed to be studying, given the exam apocalypse was coming, but instead, they were making out. Akira felt very happy as her boyfriend sat in her lap, kissing her softly, his hands running up and down her back. Finally, she said, "Kentaro-kun, about...there's some things we need to discuss." "Like our 'marriage'?" Nara asked her. Akira laughed softly. "Well, we can just tell them we're not married yet, right?" "Yeah," he said. "I just couldn't get a word in edgewise last night." "The house would be nice, but it's best not to push things too far," Akira said. "But actually, well..." She could feel her resolve melting. "We...I hope...you don't mind that we..." "When we were flipped?" he asked softly. "Yeah," she said, shivering. "I was just...are men always like that?" "You get more used to it after a while, and it...well, it comes and goes, but yes," he said. "It's worst right when you hit puberty and you don't even understand the signals your body is trying to give you or what to do about them." She could see that. "I...I guess that..." She tried to focus herself and to stop sounding so hesitant. "Are you feeling freaky?" he asked softly. "I should, shouldn't I?" she said. "But instead, I feel like it was magnificent. Like we proved something." He put his hand on her chest, over her heart. "Yeah, me too. So if we're freaks, we're freaks together. I never thought...I always...well, you know how my parents are." "Yes," Akira said, frowning a little. "I was raised to see that as normal and...well, I can't pretend I still don't. Though I know you hate that sort of thing." He sounded very nervous. "I can't stand it," she said. Because I know the temptation. Her mind tried to drift to Hanai, and she slapped it. "But I don't expect you to agree with me on everything." Though it would be nice if he did. He ought to. "We all have our own fantasies that others may not understand." "But you're a woman worth giving up the dream of that for," he said to her, kissing her softly. "Just, please, stop harassing Hanai. You are far too cruel to him." "He..." I have to tell him, she told herself. Tell him now. Honesty, she told herself. She couldn't speak just then, though, as he had his tongue in her mouth and he was starting to pull her shirt off. She really should stop him, she knew. She should confess right away, admit it all, tell him the truth. But that might prevent the joy he was about to bring her, so she held her tongue, and let herself forget it in his arms. Until her mother walked in with Harima. "Your friend is here to ask you about..." Distantly, crickets chirped. Harima said, "I'll...uh...guess I'll see if Tenma wants to study with me. See you, goodbye!" And he ran off. Really, I ought to go work on my manga with Yakumo anyway, he thought. As well as study. So I can do both. "Study now, sex later," Akira's mother told them. "Don't make me stand over you." "Yes, mother," Akira said weakly. ************ Much to Fuyuki's surprise, Sagano was actually studying. Or at least doing something like studying; he wasn't sure if anyone could possibly assimilate information at the speed she was reading. He was seated at her computer, hard at work doing practice math problems with a study program her parents had gotten her. It was pretty helpful, he thought. "Dammit, I can't find anything on Nobobonaga!" she said frantically. "That is probably because he was named Nobunaga," Fuyuki said. Yuuki nodded. She was seated at one end of Sagano's bed; Sagano was all over the floor. "One of those people involved in the struggle that led to Tokugawa taking over." "I suppose referring to him as Nobu-chan on the exam would be bad," Sagano mused. "Yes," Yuuki said. "I'm surprised your parents didn't ground you forever," Sagano said to Yuuki. "I know where Father keeps his porn stash, and threatened to reveal it to Mother if he didn't let me off," Yuuki said. "..." "Damn, someone narced out mine," Fuyuki said. "Well, shit," Sagano said. She ran into the closet; there were frantic noises. Then she came out. "Whew, mine's fine." "..." "You have a porn stash?" Yuuki asked. "Yeah. One box for het, one for yaoi, one for yuri, one for things which defy classification," Sagano said. Fuyuki wondered, idly, how much of it he'd want a copy of. "You want some?," Sagano asked. "I need to cull the herd so it doesn't get so big that my parents find it." Yuuki was tempted, but not with Fuyuki watching. "New topic so you two don't start making out or something," Yuuki said. Sagano's mother stuck her head in. "Good news, dear." "What is it?" Sagano asked. "My sister's family is going to come stay with us from Christmas through New Years." "But...there's hardly room for us!" Sagano protested. "Oh, it'll be fun. We'll be putting Tomo in your room, of course." Yuuki had never seen Sakano turn a chalk-like white before, nor seen her jaw drop to her knees. "But...she..." "Now, now, they don't let her eat a pound of sugar a day any more. You'll be fine," Sagano's mother said. "Would any of you like a drink?" "Tea, please," Fuyuki said. "I could go for some tea," Yuuki said. "Bring me some strychnine on the rocks," Sagano mumbled. "And a Pepsi with ice for my lovely daughter, who won't complain about sharing her room with her cousin for a week, given she's the eldest and has to set a good example for her younger siblings so that Santa won't decide to only bring her coal." Sagano winced. "Yes, mother." "Very good. Be back soon." And Sagano's mother darted out. "SWEET BABY JESUS," Sagano shouted. "What?" Fuyuki asked. "You don't like your cousin?" "She is an excitable, hyperactive, meddling, inquisitive little freak!" Sagano began waving her arms about. "She comes up with these utterly stupid plans which always fail and backfire on everyone around her, and she thinks she's a genius, but really, she's an idiot! AN IDIOT!" Yuuki said hesitantly, "I see." "She will no doubt see my cute boyfriend and try to seduce him for herself! She thinks she is irresistable and that everyone MUST love her," Sagano began to vibrate. "BUT I WILL BREAK HER." "I don't think she could seduce me," Fuyuki said. "Forget exams. I must plan to crush her or perish!" Fuyuki shook his head. "Study. You can't afford to flunk." "But I have to crush..." "Study," he said firmly. "Can I crush her just a little?" Sagano asked meekly. "No," he said flatly. "We have to focus on school," Yuuki said. "So study. Or I'll have to steal your boyfriend." "WHAT?" Fuyuki said. "But...I tried to..." Sagano's brain shorted out. Yuuki said, "Well, at least you were listening. Come on and study." Sagano sighed. "Okay, okay, let's study." ************* If Imadori can get an engagement, surely I can, Yoshidayama thought as he tried to study with Buddha. I'm at least as good looking as him and far less obviously perverted. The one tricky bit would be breaching the ice. "Buddha, I need an intel report on Sawachika's parents." "You're going to try to get an engagement by impressing them? I wouldn't put much odds on your success," Buddha said. "I am a MAN, and a MAN must try," Yoshidayama said. "If IMADORI can do it, anyone can, anyway." "Don't say I didn't warn you. I'll see what I can do." ************* Tenma stared. Kenji was drawing manga with one hand and studying with a book in hand with Yakumo's help at both. It was the most impressively awesome thing she'd ever seen. That's it, she thought. He works so hard because he's sating both sides of his brain! So if I do something with both sides of mine, I will become a STUDY GENIUS. Tenma got some paper and began drawing Karasuma with one hand while reading and taking notes with her other hand. She kept herself busy in this manner for a half-hour, then looked at Karasuma. He looked like the aftermath of Chernobyl and her brain was now trying to tell her how to conjugate the history of Japan. Sculpture, collage, painting, and play-writing all proved equally unable to keep her wilder brain elements busy, allowing her logical brain to study. But there had to be something... And then it hit her. She ran through the house until she got to her parent's closet; she dug her dad's graduation robes out. If I wear these, she thought, I can act like I'm already a graduate and know it all. This will enable me to study better! Truly a brilliant plan. *********** Sara asked Asou, "Are you sure you don't need to be studying your own stuff?" She, Asou, Suga, and Satsuki were at Sara's church, in one of the meeting rooms, studying together. Suga said, "Oh, we're screwed. But if we play our cards right, you two will pass this year and we'll be held back and then we can be in the same year together." "That is NOT the plan," Asou said. "But I can spare some time to help you, Sara." He smiled at her, and she felt all mushy inside. He's such a good boyfriend, Sara thought. She leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Thank you." He looked embarrassed, but pleased. Satsuki said, "Come on, you two can kiss better than that." "Not with you two watching," Asou said. "Oh, so you will be waiting until we leave to take her clothing off?" Suga asked. "No, we don't go that far," Asou said. Sara nodded. "Exactly. We do the right thing." Though he was so kind and gentle and nice to her, that sometimes Sara did have naughty thoughts about him. But she did her best to suppress them. Though she wondered at times, if he thought about her like that. "Ahh, such purity. It will be wonderful when we finally break you," Suga said. Satsuki nodded. "I'd be more impressed if you two had actually done anything besides babble about corrupting us," Asou said. "Come back when you've actually done anything beyond kissing and holding hands." "Hey, we got...," Satsuki began. "Okay, you do get a few points for trapping yourselves as the opposite gender from whacking off too much," Asou said. "Not the kind of points anyone would WANT, though." "Hah! I'll show you! We will be FAR naughtier than you can even IMAGINE," Suga said. "Whatever," Asou said. "We need to study." Suga couldn't deny that, but he couldn't let such a statement of defiance stand. Sure, he and Satsuki hadn't gone very far, but they just wanted to make sure they didn't leave Sara and Asou behind, that's all. He certainly wasn't too nervous to try anything. Not at all. "Any chance you can get Kami-sama to give us the test answers?" Satsuki asked Sara. "Well, God did tell Yakumo and I to go find Harima, but beyond that..." Sara said. "I expect someone was playing a prank on you," Asou said. "Well, it did work out in the end," Sara said. "But God rarely grants miracles of good test grades." "Damn," Satsuki said. "Especially if you swear." *********** Eri watched Imadori suspiciously as he studied. He hadn't hit on her at all. Were her breasts too small? Kenji certainly seemed to like staring at them. Or was he...was this even the real Imadori? She knew of other worlds now. Maybe this one was from another world...or this was the wrong world. When he came over and helped her through a difficult math problem without even trying to touch her, she finally said, "I can't believe you're not trying to grope me." "That would be unmannerly of me," he said. "Groping is for young, foolish perverts and I am a man of distinction and taste. We will touch each other enough once married." She frowned. Maybe he's so in love with my wealth, it even overrides his perversion. "We're not even in love!" "I have always loved you," he said. "The grace with which you walk, your fiery strength and passion. You are magnificent, and that is why I love you." She blushed slightly at that. He seemed so sincere. But it had to be fake. Surely her parents would never really engage her to a poor fool like Imadori. But then...what about Kenji? She'd worry about him tomorrow, she decided. She wondered...hoped...no, think about it later. Imadori was enough to fret about for now. ************ Things had not been as bad as Hanai had feared. Lala seemed subdued and nervous, while Mikoto looked cranky, but Lala wasn't giving her excuses. As they tromped into the woods, looking for a campsite, Hanai said, "Are you sure your father will know how to get to where my father is?" "Yes," Lala said. "His nose for trouble is infallible." She frowned, looking around. "I'm not seeing a trail of beer bottles," Mikoto muttered. Lala froze, then slowly turned. "I will NOT tolerate you insulting my father. You can steal my boyfriend and defend unworthy scum like Imadori, but I will not STAND for this." "You tried to steal MY boyfriend!" Mikoto said. "He was never your boyfriend! I've known him since we were tiny, and you just showed up and decided to make him your boytoy so you could use him against us for your class and to taunt me!" She and Lala were in each other's face. "I was NOT using him! I LOVE HIM!" Lala shouted back at her. Hanai's instincts told him to run for the hills. But he couldn't let them fight each other. Not with the troubles to come. Better they get mad at him. He stepped between them. "QUIET!!!!!" he shouted. Surprised, they both jumped back slightly. "We can kill each other later! If we hurt each other now, my father will rip us apart with whatever crazy scheme he has going. Even if we're on the top of our game, we may be crushed anyway. But we HAVE to work together. Or Father will annhilate us." He glared at both of them. "We need to be like a finely oiled machine, every part working in unison." "I could never work in unison with that tramp," Mikoto said, still angry. "She's useless," Lala said. "Then we're all going to be Father's playthings until he decides we've learned our lesson. Do you like Father's lessons?" They were both silent. Lala could feel her heart throbbing with frustration and pain; this was the Haruki she loved most, but she was seeing it here and now when he was likely to hardly ever show her any of his private faces again. But she wouldn't give up, not yet, not until the final ten count was made. "No," Lala said. "You're right." Mikoto stared at her in surprise. "We have to work together, whatever our personal feelings." Lala's voice was tight. She held out a hand to Mikoto. "Until Hanai's father is crushed, we must make peace." Mikoto suddenly felt ashamed that Lala was being more reasonable than her. She took the hand. "And...until your father is safe." Lala looked surprised now, but nodded. They both turned to Hanai, who smiled. "Good. Let's find a good campsite, then. We're going to need to be well-rested." The rest of the night was peaceful. ************* Tani-sensei blinked. "Tenma-san, why are you wearing a college graduation gown?" "I am Dr. Tsukamoto," Tenma said in flawless English. "I am standing in for Miss Tenma while she fantasizes about Christmas with her boyfriend." Many in the class laughed and whispered. Eri looked frustrated. Technically, it violates the dress code, he thought. But if she can improve her performance...hell, it would be nice to have more competent English speakers. "Well, Dr. Tsukamoto, let's see you conjugate." "With pleasure," Tenma said, then began running through the verb forms of 'to create' in exceeding detail, while most of the other students struggled to keep up. Eri finally learned what the subjunctive tense actually WAS, though. ************** Eri bailed out of class to go to the bathroom shortly before lunch. The plan was for her to never go back; he would slip out and they'd meet on the roof for the talk. Part of her hoped he would profess his love, part of her feared he would be giving her the 'I love Yakumo forever' speech, and part of her wondered what future they could possibly have if he did profess his love to her. She reached the roof without any trouble, and stood, staring out across the campus. The longer she waited, the more she feared he was going to just come and do some stupid shit like he did most of the time. Talk some smack about...like all the smack he'd talked when he was a woman. But even then, turned into something other than her normal self, even with Harima rambling on, she couldn't stay away from him. Which made her angry with herself for having that kind of weakness. She could hear his voice, full of passion in her mind. "If you touch the woman I love, I will KILL YOU," he had shouted to Taro. "Touch her and DIE." He'd said that too. He had to...you couldn't...Kenji would never fake feelings like that. He was a terrible liar; if he was so worked up, the truth always came out. "Yo, princess," Harima said, startling her so much she nearly flipped over the railing. "Don't scare me like that!" she ordered. "You need to pay more attention," he said, striding towards her with a lazy grin. "I was paying attention! You snuck up on me!" she shouted. "I'm not sneaking now," he said, grinning wider. "Stuff that damn engagement. You are MINE," he said, and then he suddenly swept her into an embrace. She felt her heart pound wildly and leaned up to kiss him, feeling him pull her in tight. She wanted him so desperately, wanted to be free. "Let's just run away from all this," she said when he finally broke off the kiss. "I don't want to be a puppet of my parents." "Fuck yeah," he said. "I'm down with that." He jumped off the roof with her, and she screamed all the way down, and then he carried her to his bike and they hopped on and rode off into the sunset. ************ Harima stared at what he'd just doodled and crumpled it up, glancing across the room at Eri. He'd made plans with her to meet on the roof at lunch, but he didn't know what to say. He'd already given Yakumo a half-assed... He was tempted to just run away again, but he HAD to finish his manga and he wanted to know how his heart stood. He had a lot to think about. But he HATED thinking. He had to say something clear and definite and not- monkey-like or weaselish. Eri would get pissed if he waffled, like he really had with Yakumo. But he didn't have any muffins this time. Or ability to think, apparently. He sighed. We won't be able to do anything until this engagement is broken, anyway. Just gonna have to improvise, he thought. When the time came, she was waiting for him, just like in his manga. "Yo, Eri-san," he said. She turned around and stared at him, looking to him almost like a deer about to break and run from a hunter. "Look, I gotta tell you...," Harima began. And then the security men flowed over him like a tide. Eri shouted, "No, wait, we're just..." "Sorry, Miss," one of them said. "We're not supposed to allow him any special contact with you." "PUT ME DOWN!" Harima shouted as they carried him off. They put him down in a garbage can behind the school. They were gonna pay for this. Oh yeah, they would pay. ************ As Hanai, Lala, and Mikoto hiked along, Lala held a hand up. "I heard something above us." Hanai looked up with the others, and they saw three angry bears plummeting towards them. "Drop bears! Flip back!" They flipped back and the bears landed where they HAD been, then charged at them, growling loudly. Lala grabbed one bear and threw it into the air, then leaped up after it, ramming it in the back with her head. As it howled, she spun with it in the air, threw it to the ground, and came down on the bear's groin, leaving it howling in pain. Mikoto dropped under the bear's claws and swept its legs, then kicked it in the face as it fell. As it tried to scramble to its feet, she proceeded to punt it up into a tree, where it got stuck headfirst into a hollow spot. Hanai grabbed the hands of the bear as it swatted at him, then rolled backwards, slamming it headfirst into a rock. Once it was dazed, he hefted it and hurled it down a nearby steep slope. Then he looked up the nearby cliff they were going around the bottom of, to see if there were more bears. But it looked clear. "I'll take point," he said. "This probably is the start of Father's 'fun' for us." "Look, it's a cute bunny!" Mikoto said, pointing at a fluffy white bunny. "Probably a deadly killer," Hanai said. "With laser eyes," Lala said. "And armor-piercing fangs," Hanai said. "I think it's just a cute bunny," Mikoto said. "We'd best strike first," Hanai said. The rabbit looked at them curiously. "Agreed," Lala said. "I really think it's..." By the time she said 'harmless', Hanai and Lala had hogtied it and rolled it down the slope Hanai had thrown his bear down. "You sure that was necessary?" Mikoto asked. "Absolutely," Hanai said. "Definitely," Lala said. Mikoto said a brief silent prayer of apology to all the animals who were about to suffer. *********** "Got the report yet?" Yoshidayama asked Buddha. "Here you go," he said, passing the report to Yoshidayama. They were at Buddha's, studying with some of the other guys. Inbetween movies, anyway. The report opened with 'Give it up, Yoshi-san'. Not the best of omens, but Yoshidayama stubbornly pressed on, reading the whole thing. Culture, he thought. Going to have to become more cultured. "What does 'cultured' mean?" he asked Buddha. Before Buddha could reply, Umezu said, "It's how they make cheese and yogurt, right?" Buddha looked at Yoshidayama, then nodded solemnly. This is gonna be tricky, Yoshidayama thought. ************ "I'm sure the deer are innocent," Mikoto said. "Oh, this time, it's for eating," Hanai said as he and Lala brought down a deer. "Do you, in fact, know how to prepare a deer for eating?" Mikoto asked. "Yes," Hanai said. "Hmm, it is possible your father anticipated this and poisoned the deer, so we would eat it and weaken ourselves to assault," Lala pointed out. Hanai frowned. "Wouldn't that kill the deer?" "Not everything affects every mammal, I think," Lala said. "Look, we owe it to the deer to at least eat it, given you decided to mug it," Mikoto said. "True," Hanai said. "Well, maybe he ran out of poison," Lala said, rationalizing. "I don't think he normally uses poison," Mikoto said, sighing. "We're special," Lala said. Not that special, Mikoto thought. Except maybe like Special Ed. ************* Sagano was trying to study, but mostly goofing off, which was starting to irritate her. She really did want to get good grades so she wouldn't flunk. That would get her more Christmas swag and keep her boyfriend happy and lessen the chance he would move up a grade and she would...not. However, there kept being this weird noise outside. So she went to the window; she could see rabbits streaming past her apartment building, a hopping horde, gradually coming together and flooding across the city. As she watched, she could see them streaming towards the nearby train station and somehow hopping onto the roof. It looked like something exciting was going on. Maybe I should... She shook her head and drew her shades. No. I must focus. FOCUS. I have to study, she thought. There was only one choice. Find a victim...smart person...to pound the info into her brain. Selling herself to Akira wouldn't be cheap, but hopefully, it would be effective. *************** The venison turned out quite tasty and entirely not poisonous. They had a good meal and saved the rest to eat later (if not too much later, as they only had salt for a preservative). An hour later, they came to a narrow stone bridge over a chasm. A martial artist clad in blue stood on it. "NUN SHALL PASS," he shouted. "So, we have to challenge you to pass you?" Hanai asked. "Is that 'nun' or 'none'?" Mikoto asked. "NUN," the man bellowed. "Too bad Sara isn't here," Hanai said. "I can take him," Lala said. "Ready for your beating?" she asked the man. "NUN SHALL PASS," the man shouted. "Can you, in fact, say anything else?" she asked. "NUN." "Right." Then she charged at the man, trying to simply run him over. He ducked under her arms and head-butted her in the groin, sending her pitching back, moaning and falling. She staggered to her feet and dove for his legs, but he jumped over her arms and landed on her back, then kicked her in the butt, keeping his arms behind his back. As they fought, she noticed he never used his arms. It was rather like fighting someone using soccer-fu, all kicks and head-butts. She frowned in thought, and tried kicking a rock towards him; he stole it and began driving down the bridge, oblivious to her; he realized what he was doing just in time to turn around and get kicked in the face. Now she got her hands on him and quickly forced him into a hold he couldn't break since he wouldn't use his arms. "Got you," she said. "Dammit," he said. "You win." "Not bad, but your style is vulnerable to holds," she said, letting him go and waving Mikoto and Hanai up. "So what's this thing about nuns?" "Nun kicked my ass when I tried to stop her, one time," he said. "Well, good luck." "Thank you," she said, and they headed on. ************* "I'm sorry, Akira's gone to her boyfriend's house," Mrs. Takano told Sagano. Dammit, should have called her first, Sagano thought. I can gatecrash there as well as here, though. ***************** As Lala, Hanai, and Mikoto pressed on through the shadows of twilight, they came to a sign. 'All who pass this point shall be crushed by the Seven Fists of Fury. Turn back, weaklings.' "I'll show THEM weaklings," Lala said. "Hmm. I understand they're a group of mercenary ninjas," Hanai said. Distantly, a voice echoed, "WE ARE NOT NINJAS! WE ARE MONKS OF THE WHITE LOTUS!" "Mercenary monks of the white lotus, then," Hanai said. "We can expect them to have powerful Kung Fu." "And flowers?" Lala asked. "Possibly. They may lecture us on buddhism and enlightenment as they clobber us," Hanai said. "Vicious buddhist monks, then," Mikoto said, leaning on a tree. "They follow the path of internal peace through exterior violence," Hanai said. "Every broken bone or knocked out fighter removes one of the barriers to Nirvana." "And the White Lotus itself?" Lala asked. "It watches," Hanai said solemnly. Mikoto didn't get it, but she was ready to fight them. "So we just have to lure the White Lotus Ninjas out of..." "WE ARE NOOOOOOT NINJAS!" "Triangle formation," Hanai said. "Mikoto-kun to my left and rear, Lala-san to my right. I'll take the lead." They moved into formation and began heading down the trail in the direction of the shouting voice. ************* "You can't explain where you were due to being brainwashed by the American government?" Nara's father asked in surprise. "National Security Amnesia," Nara said. "I see," Nara's father said. "But you are not, in fact, married." "No," Nara said. "Well, you'll have to pay us back for the house, then," Nara's father said. "Can't you keep it and I just stay here?" Nara asked. "The house is in you and Akira's name," Nara's father said. "I've already taken the tax writeoff and everything. So you'll have to pay it off to us as your punishment for vanishing without telling us." "But...I don't have that kind of money!" "Now, let's discuss an installment plan," Nara's father said. "I'll figure us out...something, Kentaro-kun," Akira said, frowning. Well, at least I'll have more space, Nara thought. "It's not built on a secret Indian burial ground or anything, right?" Nara's mother patted him on the head. "There's no secret Indian burial grounds in Japan, dear." "It's on an old Ainu burial ground, next door to some vampires," Mr. Nara said. "Don't worry, they're pretty reclusive and their bats have been trained to use a litterbox." I think Sara's going to have to be our first guest, Nara thought. Once we're no longer in hock to my parents, anyway. **************** Lala peered into the woods again. "Still not seeing the Fabulous Fury Freak Brothers or whoever these people are." "WE ARE NOT...WHATEVER THAT IS...WE ARE MONKS OF THE WHITE LOTUS!" the voice echoed in the trees, but they couldn't pin down its location. "Well, you seem to be the hiding little chickens behind trees monks." She began making chicken noises. That was too much; all semblence of a plan fell apart and seven people clad in white came rushing out of the trees, four men and three women. A pair each of a man and a woman went after each of the three of them, while the final man stood and watched, arms folded across his chest. Hanai found himself facing a man armed with nunchaku and a woman armed with a long chain with a huge metal sphere on the end. It had spikes, but they'd been carefully covered with nerf padding. Hanai stared mindlessly at the covered spikes, and the woman said, apologetically, "Your father was afraid your glasses would get broken, and he'd have to pay for new ones." Hanai leaped over her first sweeping attack with the chain and blocked the nunchaku. "And a huge metal ball won't break them?" "I didn't follow the logic either," the woman said, as she switched grips and moved to attack him from the right as the nunchaku man moved to Hanai's left. Hanai now ducked under the assault, letting the chain tangle the nunchaku; he then kicked the man down, pulling the woman with him. They rolled, and disentangled, and resumed their assault. Meanwhile, Lala faced a pair of huge people, a giant of a man and an enormous woman. They wore matching White Lotus masks. They rushed her at once, and she said, "Not fair when I don't have a partner!" "Shouldn't have let the other woman take him," the wrestling man said as he grabbed one of Lala's arms. She managed to kick the wrestling woman in the face, then twisted around to slide out of his grasp, only to have him come at her again. She managed to grab and throw him, but then the woman got hold of Lala, slamming Lala down onto her knee. Then the man jumped at her, and only by wiggling loose did she avoid disaster. "I didn't 'LET' her do anything! She used her evil wiles to twist his heart!" "I AM NOT EVIL!" Mikoto shouted as she faced a lithe dark haired woman with two short swords and a quarterstaff wielding man. She rolled between them, getting them to hit each other as they struck at her, but then they both jabbed her in the back, sending her pitching into some bushes. "Haruki-kun and I have loved each other a long time, we just didn't realize it!" Mikoto shouted as she flipped to her feet. She circled, then lunged, trying to smack the man in the back. She parried his quarterstaff response, but then the woman darted in and slashed at her legs. This forced Mikoto into the air, where the man whacked her to the ground with his quarterstaff. "From what we've heard, he rather enjoyed having three girlfriends. I'm surprised he didn't bring the other one too." He tried to whack her again, but she tumbled out of the way, then leaped up into a tree. Coming down at the woman, Mikoto said, "They were never his girlfriends, only me." "Well, really, it's too complicated to explain during a fight," Hanai said as he tried grabbing the chain and pulling the woman in, only to get beaten around the head with nunchaku repeatedly so he lost his grip. "I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP YET!" Lala shouted as she grabbed the woman and began twirling the woman wrestler over her head. "You sure looked like you'd moved on in the other world. Rather loudly," Mikoto said as the woman parried Mikoto's dive with her swords, then the man spanked her bottom with the quarterstaff. Which made her angrier. "He was so lonely and sad," Lala said sadly, as the male wrestler headbutted her stomach; she lost her grip on the woman wrestler, and they fell into a pile on the ground. "Lala-san!" Hanai shouted, seeing this, and tried to turn to go to her aid. Unfortunately, this left him open to the woman he fought snagging his legs with her chain, and she dragged him back in so the nunchaku wielder could reap a harvest of back injuries on Hanai. "Haruki-kun!" Mikoto turned and dived at Hanai's foes, only to have her leap knocked to one side by the quarterstaff man, followed by her pants being pinned to the ground with two sword thrusts. "YOU TOUCHED MY BREASTS!" Lala shouted, and applied her foot full force to the male wrestler's groin. His eyes crossed and he flew off her. She then pulled the female wrestler into a hold and began beating her against the ground. The observing Fist of Fury's eyelids flickered slightly. While Mikoto and Hanai took their beatings, Lala continued to pound the woman into the ground. Once the female wrestler was in no shape to fight more, she rose, carrying the woman as a club, and proceeded to hammer the woman who had chained up Hanai with her. She lost her grip on Hanai, who then spun on his back and knocked the nunchaku wielder down. He flipped to his feet and grabbed the nunchaku, tossing them aside and pounding on the man, while Lala tied the chain woman up with her own chain. Meanwhile, Mikoto tried hard to fend off her two foes, but wasn't having much luck. She couldn't get up without mostly ripping her pants apart, and it was far too cold to run around in her underwear, leaving aside propriety issues. She was tough enough to take some beating at the moment, though. The last of the Fists, oddly enough, continued to quietly observe. Hanai, seeing Mikoto still beset, said, "Mikoto-kun!" and was about to run to her. Lala said, "We have to deal with that other guy. She can keep them busy and..." "I can't leave her there to be beaten up!" Hanai said. "She deserves it," Lala said darkly. "She wouldn't leave..." Hanai began. "Bullshit, she'd let me get clobbered and we both know it," Lala said. "I can't leave her to be clobbered," Hanai said. Every minute of arguing meant more clobbering for Mikoto. "Fine, go save her, I'll deal with this guy," Lala said, charging off after the man. Hanai sighed and ran over, axe-kicking the man and driving him back, then beginning to beat him to pieces, while Mikoto defended herself from the woman as best she could. The last of the fists glowed a soft yellow as Lala charged him. Lala tried to grab him, but he began bouncing around her, constantly kicking and punching her, then pulling out of reach. "You shouldn't have tried to fight me alone," he said. "You can't hope to beat me." She feared him right, but refused to admit the possibility. She would fight until she could fight no more. Which, with the many beatings he was giving her, might not be much longer. Meanwhile, Hanai felt himself impressed with Mikoto's survival, as the man proved a more vicious fighter than either of his foes had been. Mikoto found her foe improved as well, or perhaps just being pinned down was hurting her. She finally gave up and ripped her pants to shreds, tearing loose, just in time to get pinned by her shirt to a tree. "Are you some kind of pervert?" Mikoto asked the woman. "You're the pervert, from what I hear," the woman said. "Sleeping with two men and a woman." "I haven't ever had sex with anyone but Haruki-kun!" Mikoto protested. She was getting clobbered again. Don't make me shred my shirt, she thought. "They're just friends!" Hanai said, protesting. He foolishly turned to say this and got whacked in the back of the head with the quarterstaff. "What, you're sleeping with yet others, but not with me?" Lala shouted, turning. This distracted her enough that the last Fist got in a massive blow to her back, knocking her down, then stomped her head, knocking her out. He then advanced across the field, color shifting to red and advancing on Hanai, who he soon put in a grappling hold and held him while the man with the quarterstaff kept pounding away. That finally motivated Mikoto to tear her shirt off and charge, only to get smacked in the back with the flats of both the woman fighter's blades. The woman then held the points of her blades to Mikoto's back. "You lose." "MIKOTO-KUN!!!!" Hanai struggled to escape the hold, only to find himself cutting off his own oxygen in the process. He then passed out. Shit, Mikoto thought. She sighed. "You win. Just don't hurt Haruki any more." "And the woman?" the last fist asked. "Do whatever you want," she said. The last fist shook his head sadly. "Kids these days. Okay, let's take them in." ************** Karen sat in her bedroom and studied by herself, since she was still grounded for life and likely to stay that way. As she was busy doing example math problems, there was a subtle noise at her window. Turning, she saw Harry dangling from the window frame outside. He made handgestures of uncertain meaning, so she came over and opened the window. She whispered, "I'm still grounded for life!" "Yeah, but if we're quiet, we won't get caught. I won't stay too long," he whispered. She knew she shouldn't, but she felt lonely, so she pulled him in. He immediately pulled her into a kiss, which she returned, stumbling back to end up with him in her lap as she sat on the edge of the bed. He finally broke it off, saying softly, "I'd show you heaven, but I fear your lovely voice would attract your parents' notice." Karen blushed. He now swung around a thermos and a small box. "Cookies and tea," he said. "We'll have to eat quietly." She nodded, smiling. "Thank you." "I can't pretend either is very well made, but I tried," he said. Her eyes widened. "You made it yourself? For me?" He nodded, smiling. "You're so sweet," she said. If only Imadori-kun would treat me like this, she thought. But he's...he's engaged. I have to forget him. She smiled at Harry. I'm lucky to have someone to take my mind off it, or I'd just sit and cry all the time, she thought. Well...I wish him luck with Eri. May they be...happy. ************ "How strange, you would almost think someone added salt and pepper to my tea," Imadori said, after he sipped it. He and Eri were being tutored by her father. Henry said, "That wasn't very nice of you, Eri-chan." "I didn't do anything!" she protested. She'd made the butler do it. Henry sighed. "Your struggling will only make this hard on you, dear." "Now, now, I'm sure it was just an accident," Imadori said. "Please continue to tutor us; we have so much to learn; there's no time for squabbling." STOP ACTING SO BENEVOLENT, Eri thought. How the hell is Imadori doing this? And why won't he try to fondle my chest? I HAVE A VERY NICE CHEST. Kenji likes it. She grumbled to herself. ************** "Haruki-san!" Miki said in horror as the Seven Fists dragged their three captives into the clearing. She was busy practicing punching a wooden dummy. "Mikoto-san!" Masahiro said. He was busy cleaning the dishes from dinner. "My little Lala!" Mr. Gonzales shouted; he was confined inside a cage, wearing a rough brown shirt, jeans which had seen better days, and a silver and black mask. The head of the Fists went and talked to Mr. Hanai quietly. He shook his head sadly. "No teamwork at all," Mr. Hanai said. "A pity, really." "Well, the two lovers did try to cooperate, but they failed to coordinate all three together," the head Fist said. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LALA!" Mr. Gonzales shouted, rattling the cage. "Just given her a gentle beating," the head Fist said. "She'll wake up eventually." Mikoto tried to get Miki's eyes. Instead, she caught Masahiro's gaze. She mimed a key. He nodded and slunk over to the stump on which the cage keys sat and began to slink away with them. But not skillfully enough; Mr. Hanai saw him and dived at him, knocking him down. He tossed the keys to Miki, who sprinted for the cage, which Mr. Gonzales was increasingly frantically rattling. The lady with the chain whipped it about and snagged her legs, pulling her down, but Miki hurled the keys to Mr. Gonzales. He caught them before anyone could intercept them, and unlocked the cage. He adjusted his mask, then said, "Who wants to die first?" The two wrestlers charged at him. He spun, kicking the woman in the gut and knocking her aside, then grabbed the man and rolled backwards, slamming him into the ground, followed by Mr. Gonzales rising up over him, breathing hard and then coming down on the man like a ton of bricks. As he jumped up and down on the man, the staff and nunchaku wielding men went to the aid of the male wrestler, although the woman with the chain was still dragging Miki towards her and the head Fist stood back. Then Miki managed to twist around and grab the chain and yank. To her surprise, the woman was tugged towards her, and now Miki rose and began to twirl the woman around over head as she spun the chain. She could see Mr. Hanai clobbering Masahiro, the swordswoman keeping Mikoto pinned and Mr. Gonzales under attack from three people at once. She could help one of them, but not all three. The world seemed to slow as she agonized over it. Mr. Gonzales needed her more, but her boyfriend, her wonderful, handsome, kind boyfriend was getting beaten up. But even if she did whack Mr. Hanai with the woman, it would probably not take him down. But she had to do something to help her boyfriend. She bit her lip in frustration, then spun the woman at the nunchaku-wielding man; the chain tangled up with that, and dragged him around to crash into the man with the quarterstaff, who then got gut punched by Mr. Gonzales, who picked him up while he was off balance. Mr. Gonzales hurled the quarterstaff man at the swordswoman. "TAG!" Miki could hardly believe what she was doing; this was like some martial arts movie where super-intense training in the woods suddenly makes you a badass. She hadn't realized how much tougher it made her. Now it was time to save Masahiro-kun. Except that now the lead fist was moving to attack Mikoto as Mikoto got attacked by the swordswoman; she was having to fight in her underwear. And Masahiro...well, he wasn't half-naked, though she wouldn't have minded if he was...getting back to business, though, he was getting clobbered, but had started out fresh, while Mikoto was battered and worn. Mr. Gonzales seemed to be busy finishing off the nunchaku man. Miki shouted to him, "Mikoto-kun needs your help!" She then ran to intercept the head fist. "I'll keep him busy while you all deal with his minions!" He advanced on her relentlessly. "So, you think you're tough enough to take me?" She began shelling him with quick punches and kicks, trying to keep out of his reach when he retaliated. His aura glowed blue, and his body just seemed to shrug off his blows. But she kept on punching and giving ground, drawing him away from the others. "I hardly believe that I'm able to fight like this at all," she said. "But if I can keep you busy long enough for the real fighters to win the day, I'll be happy." "And you don't mind abandoning your boyfriend?" the head Fist asked amiably as he punched her in the gut, sending her sprawling. She rolled out of the way of his followup stomp, however, and kicked him in the butt, then sprang back. "I'm not...abandoning him...but I can't possibly beat Mr. Hanai by myself. But maybe all of us together, can. There's strength in unity," she said. He grabbed her foot and slammed her into a tree, but she twisted, losing her shoe, but sliding free. "You think you can count on the old drunk and the woman who had a crush on your boyfriend?" "Mikoto-kun is my dear friend!" Miki said indignantly. "I know she'd never try anything with my boyfriend without letting me do the same with hers!" The head Fist froze up a moment in surprise at that response and Miki nailed him in the chest with two punches that knocked him down. Her followup kick to his groin got blocked and she got knocked down. Mikoto, busy nailing the swordswoman to a tree by her shirt, said, "I...uh...ahahaha." Masahiro shouted, "Miki, let's not tell the world about our sex life!" He was so embarrassed that he burst out of Mr. Hanai's grip with the power of sheer panic, then ran across the camp, making Mr. Hanai chase after him. Then he had an idea. He circled past the dishes, grabbing some of the leftovers, of which there were a lot, as his effort to cook had been a disaster. As Mr. Hanai grabbed him, he popped the slightly slimy looking deer meet into Mr. Hanai's mouth. Mr. Hanai turned to get water, and Masahiro charged to his girlfriend's aid, even as Mr. Gonzales and Mikoto charged the head Fist as well. By the time his mouth stopped burning, the head Fist was chained up, swinging from a tree, and Mr. Gonzales and Mikoto were helping Lala and Hanai up, respectively. "Surrender now!" Hanai said to his father. "You win," Mr. Hanai said. "I suggest we all get some sleep, then go home." "Just sleep and go home?" Lala said. "AFTER WHAT YOU PUT US THROUGH?" "It's enough, little Lala," her father said, hugging her. She blushed. "I'm tired after all that fighting. Let's get some sleep and we can go back to Tokyo tomorrow." "Papa, how did you get here?" Lala asked. "I didn't think you had enough money for a flight." "Remember what I did in 'El Zorro Platado vs. the Alien Drug-Runners of Nazca'?" he asked. She struggled...she'd seen it...with...Americans? "You...you climbed up in the WHEEL WELL???" "Wow, that's impressive," Masahiro said. "Wasn't it cold?" "I FEEL NO COLD," Mr. Gonzales bragged. "Really, after all the heat of my homeland, I found it refreshing." "Papa, you shouldn't just make things up," Lala said, looking embarrassed. "All true," he said, then yawned. "I'm going to take Mr. Hanai's tent. He can sleep in the cage." "I will sleep with my son so as to keep him from sneaking off to his ladyfriends," Mr. Hanai said, yawning himself. "Goodnight, everyone." *************** The doorbell rang, and Nara's mother went to answer it. Nara and Akira were now studying together in the living room. "Oh, Kentaro-chan, there's another girl here to see you," his mother said in a sing-song sort of way. Akira frowned slightly, until she saw it was just Sagano. "Not studying with Fuyuki tonight?" "His parents needed him for slave labor," Sagano said. "Takano-san, I must beg you to fill my poor empty head with wisdom." She knelt before Akira. "First, you must learn not to give straight lines like that," Akira said. "Yes, sensei," Sagano said humbly. "It's going to cost you 1000 yen/hour," Akira continued. "Nara and I have expenses to meet." "Yes, sensei," Sagano said, wincing. "Thirdly, you must bring us food and drink each night, made by someone competent," Akira said. "Yes, sensei," Sagano said. "That is all. Let us begin." "Thank you, sensei," Sagano said, rising, and they got down to business. ************** Yoshidayama thumbed through the very comprehensive intel report. It was crammed full of facts about Eri's parents. It was everything he'd asked for. But he didn't know what to do with it. His main talents were soccer, delinquincy, scoring cigarettes, drinking, swearing, and a little brawling. Unfortunately, unless he could get onto Manchester United, he wasn't likely to parlay any of those into impressing Eri's parents. How had Imadori done it? No choice but to probe Imadori. Not like that, though. *************** Harima had been working his butt off all night, studying with one hand and drawing with another, while Yakumo studied with one hand and drew with the other as well. They were like a finely oiled studying and drawing machine. Indeed, Harima was stunned when he glanced at the clock and realized they'd been working together for five hours straight. He only stopped because he was starving. He glanced over at Dr. Tenma and Karasuma; Dr. Tenma was explaining to Karasuma how to reconcile Heinlein's authorship of both The Moon is a Harsh Mistress and Number of the Beast without assuming demonic possession or Alzheimer's. It wasn't easy. "Anyone want some tea? And is there anything to snack on?" Harima asked. "I'll make us some riceballs," Yakumo said, rising. "And get everyone some tea. You'd better keep studying." Harima really wanted a distraction, but he knew she'd produce better food than him, so he tried to study, instead of brooding. Tenma was so cute in the professorial outfit...no, can't think about that, he thought. I must draw and study and draw and draw studying... He had to throw out a page, then another one when he realized he was drawing himself stuffing security men into a garbage can. He frowned. "Tenma-san, have you ever had any trouble with Eri- san's security?" Harima asked. "I have found it expedient to avoid gestures which might contribute to being assaulted by her protective agents," Dr. Tenma said. "Have they been intruding on your personal space?" "Yeah, a bunch of them kicked my ass at lunch time," he said. He'd managed to forget it, but now it was coming back to him and irritating them. Dr. Tenma said, "I fear our contact with Eri-chan will be limited until her parents relent." "True," Karasuma said. "Fuckers, how they can chain her to a bastard like Imadori? I ought to just break him," Harima snarled. "Violence will only beget violence; they can wield more force than you can. I suggest a propaganda campaign." "A what?" "Raise public protest," Dr. Tenma said. Harima brooded over that until the food came, and for whatever reason, the taste of one of Yakumo's delicious riceballs gave him an idea. Oh yes, this would be perfect, he was sure. ************** "Son, have you been sleeping with those two girls?" Mr. Hanai asked his son as they tried to fall asleep in their tent. "Only one of them," Hanai mumbled. "As that Miki girl sounded like..." "We haven't done anything. I've never even kissed Miki," Hanai said. Mr. Hanai tried to turn the words in his mind; there was a catch, and the question was how Haruki was hiding it. "You haven't..." "I haven't had sex with Lala, either," Hanai said. She was certainly sexy, but he was a faithful man. "I am faithful to my girlfriend." "Then what did..." "Mikoto USED to have a crush on Masahiro-san. She got over it once he got a girlfriend. That's all. Miki was just being superlative as she often is." Mr. Hanai looked at Hanai suspiciously. "It is all! No giant sex orgies, no partner swapping, no nothing," Hanai said. Even if Miki did look even better than before. "So where have you been? What happened?" Hanai explained it all to his father. "Learn any good secret techniques?" Mr. Hanai asked. "They wouldn't be secret if I told you," Hanai said. Mr. Hanai laughed. "Well, I think your beating and being turned into a woman is punishment enough. However, if you don't settle things with Gonzales-san, I will have to crush you again. The three of you didn't cooperate very well." Hanai sighed. "Which is why we lost." "Exactly. I realize now I haven't put enough emphasis in your training on group combat, either. You all fight well individually, but you don't fight as a unit. And sometimes, that's important. That's why your friends and Mr. Gonzales did better, despite being inferior to you three in skill." "Mr. Gonzales seemed pretty formidable to me," Hanai said. "He was huffing and puffing; he's got the skill, but his endurance is shot. I'm tempted to keep him a while and get him back in shape; it hurts to see someone gone to pot like that," Mr. Hanai said. "I think he'd beat me for hurting his daughter every day, if you kept him," Hanai said. "Hmm, good point. Definitely going to have to keep him." "FATHER!!!!" ************ Miki stretched, before lying down. "So tired." "Me too," Mikoto said. "I ache all over." Miki laid down, then said, "I...I'm sorry about my outburst. It was just the truth, but I was all worked up and..." She blushed, rolling onto her stomach and staring at her pillow. "Miki, I..." Mikoto said nervously. "I trust you," Miki said. "You came to rescue us and went through a lot of hell to do so." She turned a little to look over at Mikoto, who was on her back, staring up at the ceiling. "I just wish Haruki's father wasn't here, so we could have sex." She sighed. "I...I could go sleep by myself and let Masahiro come in," Mikoto said nervously. "I mean, it's not like he can stop you two doing what you want." She paused. "Well, not now he can't." "It wouldn't be fair. We can wait and have a victory party this weekend," Miki said. Mikoto imagined a victory party with Miki and Masahiro and shivered a little. "Because we missed so much school, we're going to be studying our asses off," she said. "But I'm sure we can make some time for a party. As long as it isn't too long." "Oh Buddha....school...I AM SO DEAD," Miki said, pounding the ground. "If I flunk my classes, I'm gonna have to kill Hanai's father." "I'm sorry," Mikoto said, feeling guilty. "We're gonna have to study hard...dammit, I want a victory party. But we can make it a Christmas party, I guess. That'll be fun. And then...all night, afterwards...oh, it'll be perfect. My folks have a place in the mountains we could all go to." "I'm not sure if, after this, I'll be allowed out of the house without a chaperone," Mikoto said. "But if I am, that would be great." "We can even ski if you don't mind having to walk back up the mountain," Miki said. "No chairlift or anything." "That'll be fine," Mikoto said. She felt she ought to bring up the whole not exactly group sex thing, but she was afraid to say anything. It was hard to discuss. "You can invite some friends, we'll bring some friends...the master bedroom is big enough for four people, and my folks will be in Hawaii, so..." Mikoto gulped. "Hawaii?" she asked, dodging the question. "Dad's boss is holding some sort of conference / party for his top men and women and their spouses. In Hawaii, Christmas through New Years. I think it's mainly an excuse to charge his vacation to the company's accounts," Miki said. "But you didn't hear that from me." "Right." "I suppose your parents will probably be the sticking point here," Miki said. "I think my parents are about ready to slow roast us both over an open fire," Mikoto said. "Well, I'll have to figure out something," Miki said, yawning. "I suppose we should sleep." "Probably," Mikoto said. "Goodnight." "Goodnight." ************* "You have to forget about him. I'll break his limbs, and you can move on," Mr. Gonzales said. Lala sighed, lying on her back. "It's not that easy," she said. "Well, he's clearly moved on, and seems to have several other girlfriends. He's not good for you," Mr. Gonzales said. "He's great for me, but that bitch Suou got to him." She frowned. "He'd be mine if she hadn't known him so long." "You have to move on," Mr. Gonzales said. "Which will be easier when I kill him." She sighed. "Daddy, how are you going to get home?" "Probably hop in another wheel well." "That's really dangerous!" Lala said. "Well, until the next royalty check, I don't have money for international flights," he said. Lala frowned. "We'll figure out something. I don't want..." She felt the ground shaking gently. Mr. Gonzales sat up, frowning. "Earthquake?" "It sounds like something hitting the ground. A lot of...like a herd of...there are no big wild herds in Japan," Lala said, frowning. Mr. Gonzales stuck his head out the tent flap. "Rabbits." "What?" Lala stuck her head out, then stared. "Uh oh." A tide of rabbits was flooding through the trees towards them, covering everything in a blanket. "RABBIT ATTACK!" she shouted, leaping out of her tent and charging the rabbits. Everyone was still groggily getting up when the rabbits flooded over everything like a tide. ************ The next afternoon, Sara was passing the train station when Mikoto, Lala, Mr. Gonzales, Miki, Masahiro, Mr. Hanai, and Hanai all staggered down the steps to the street. They were all a mess in torn clothing and covered with bandages. "Oh no, what happened!" Sara said, rushing over to them. "Rabbits," Hanai mumbled. "I hate them." "Forever," Lala mumbled. "I tried to tell you two," Mikoto mumbled. "But did you listen? Noooo." "Rabbits attacked you?" "All the rabbits attacked us," Lala said. "Who's your friend?" Mr. Gonzales asked. "This is Senorita Sara Adiemus, Papa," Lala said. "Sara, this is my father, Jorge Gonzales, the Silver Fox." "Nice to meet you," Sara said, bowing. "Did you all make sure..." "We washed the wounds to avoid infections," Mr. Hanai said. "Good," Sara said. Why did the rabbits..." "Long story," Lala mumbled. "It was karma," Mikoto said, sighing. "If you see Akira or Tenma or Eri, can you let them know we made it back sort of okay, Sara?" "Sure," Sara said. Miki asked, "Is she one of your classmates, Mikoto- kun?" "She's one of our kohai, Tenma's sister's best friend," Mikoto said. "And she's dating Asou-san from my class." "Nice to meet you," Sara said, bowing to Miki and Masahiro as well. Mikoto introduced them to Sara, then said, "Anyway, we'd best all get home so my parents can kill me." She sighed. "I'll pray for you!" Sara said. "We'll need it," Hanai mumbled. ************* "Rabbits? They got their ass kicked by RABBITS?" Harima said to Sara in disbelief. She nodded. "They looked pretty bad." Harima laughed so hard he fell down, so Yakumo had to take the food. "Are you going to come study with us after you finish working?" Yakumo asked. "I'll see if the gang wants to come," Sara said. "Satsuki and I are supposed to study with our boyfriends, but they may want company." "Rabbits...ahahahahaha...RABBITS...ahahahahah..." Harima felt, for one perfect moment, all of his worries and problems fade away as he reveled in the misery of others. Yakumo frowned at that, but didn't say anything about it. Instead, she just said to Sara, "We'd love to have you." "I'll see if they're willing," Sara said. "See you soon." "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA." Harima was writhing like a man who had just been electrocuted. "Better make sure he doesn't choke," Sara said. "I'll take good care of Kenji-kun," Yakumo said. "Bye for now." "Bye!" ************ The hard part of going home was knowing she would likely die at the hands of her parents. Mikoto nervously opened the door, only to have her mother stare at her, then hug her (which hurt, thanks to the injuries), then usher inside. Her parents quickly decided she'd been maimed enough as punishment, though as they put it... "No more training trips that last for weeks." "Not if I can help it," Mikoto said. "We think Hanai-san has clearly put you through enough hell," her mother said. "Too much hell," her father said, frowning. "So we won't punish you any further. Just don't do anything like this again." "Thank you," Mikoto said gratefully. "Now, go empty the dishwasher," her mother said. "Yes, Mother," Mikoto said and went to go do that. ************ "Mr. Gonzales will be staying with us to give you a daily beating for leading his daughter on," Mr. Hanai told his son. "Until he can save up to go home without having to risk hiding in wheel wells. I could use another instructor, anyway." Lala listened thoughtfully. Her father could use a structured situation like this. Perhaps Mr. Hanai could beat him into shape. "I can come beat him up every day." "Hey, I told you how I felt, remember? I didn't make any promises," Hanai said, starting to get mad. "I told you we shouldn't go on, but you kept persuading me not to!" "You didn't try very hard," Lala said. "I got the impression you were just playing hard to get." "HARD TO GET? Do I look like Harima?" Hanai punched the nearby wall, which shook. Don't want to know, Mr. Hanai decided. "You will pay for spurning me," Lala said angrily. "So what exactly were you doing with the other me? You didn't exactly wait around long after being rejected to jump on someone else!" Hanai shouted. "He loved me!" "He loved someone else who looks like you! You were both being hypocrites!" Hanai said. "Do you think I would have done that if we'd been in opposite positions?" Lala winced and stared at the ground. She made herself look up. "And who's this other woman you're also seeing?" "I AM NOT DATING MIKI-SAN!" Hanai shouted. Dating wasn't the right word, anyway. "You said you weren't dating Suou, either!" "I wasn't...yet..." It was hard to explain. "LIAR! YOU LIED TO ME!" Lala shouted. "I held back because I didn't love you," Hanai said. Though maybe...but no, best not to think of if things could have been different. "I never claimed I did. And when my heart went elsewhere, I broke it off. So stop acting like I did the wrong thing!" They glared at each other, until Mr. Hanai said, "It's time for you to go home, Lala-san. Haruki-kun, it's time for you to go get cleaned up and sleep; you've got lots of studying to catch up on. Don't forget to get up early for your beating." Hanai sighed. "Yes, father." Lala kept her dignity up until she got outside, and then it was time to cry, where no one could see her. ************ Satsuki, Yakumo, and Sara sat at one table, trying to study, while Asou, Suga, Tenma, Karasuma, and Harima sat at another, also trying to study. Asou found the fact that Harima AND Karasuma were both drawing and studying at the same time to be rather distracting, as he kept looking at their little cartoons. Harima was drawing something which looked based on their adventures in the other world, while Karasuma was drawing a pirate adventure starring Yuuki as a pirate captain, Hanai as first mate, and everyone else as subordinate pirates, being hunted by the HMS Tudee. It didn't help that every so often, Harima would toss a page to Yakumo, who would catch it and start lettering it or adding backgrounds with her free hand. It was fascinating to watch them, like drawing machines. TOO fascinating. He was about to say something when Suga said, "Hey, Harima-san." "Hmm, what?" Harima asked, eyes fixed on a math book as math failed to sink in, while his hands drew. "You and Yakumo ever...do it?" Do what, Harima wondered. "Do what?" "It, you know," Suga said. "The beast with two backs." "We're trying to study, you know," Asou said. Karasuma ignored them and kept working. Two backs? Harima tried to think what exactly that could be. "I don't think we have anything like that in our manga." "..." Suga stared. Asou laughed softly, then tried to remember the English verb for 'scrub' or 'clean'. "No, not in your manga, for real," Suga said. "There are no real creatures with two backs," Harima said. "Do you think I'm stupid?" "No!" Suga said. "I mean, have you two ever...slept together?" "Hmm, lots of times," Harima said. "Didn't you notice on the trip?" "Wait...you...but wasn't Sawachika-san and sometimes Tsukamoto-san usually there too?" Suga asked. Asou tried to decide if it was worth bothering to correct them, then decided study was the better investment of his time. "Well, yes, I've slept with them too, you know," Harima said. "And myself, Suou-san, and Takano-san. And Nara- san," Karasuma said. He tapped his cheek with a pencil. "Also, Imadori-san." Suga's jaw dropped. "But...you...really?" "Would I lie?" Karasuma asked. "But....damnation," Suga said. "You...ahh...ahahaha." He fumbled his pencil in his hands. Harima looked at him curiously. "What?" Asou smirked. "You didn't know, Suga?" "I had no idea," Suga mumbled weakly. "I'll probably sleep with Yakumo-san tonight too," Harima said. "Wait...you slept with Tsukamoto-san and her sister...not at the same time, right?" "Yes, at the same time," Harima said. Smoke curled out of Suga's ears and he fell over. Satsuki looked up. "Suga-kun, what are you DOING?" "Harima was just explaining how he'd slept with Yakumo-san and her sister at the same time," Asou said dryly. Sara blushed. Satsuki said, "Damn." "Oh yes, several times, sometimes with Ooji-kun, sometimes without him," Dr. Tenma said cheerfully. "Like the time they pinned us up against the wall on the porch," Karasuma said. "That was WONDERFUL," Tenma said. "We are sooo far behind," Suga mumbled. Sara's brain painted a picture; it was too much, and she fainted, nosebleeding. Asou pulled a handkerchief and came over and gently wiped her nose clean. Dr. Tenma smiled. "Such a thoughtful boyfriend." She paused. "Oh yes, if we're trying for a complete tally, didn't you and Sara sleep with us all that one time?" "Yes," Asou said. "We all watched some of your movies, then slept together." "But...you said....LIAR!" Suga recovered. "You said you'd never done that!" Sara sat up. "Are we...studying?" "You and Sara-chan are welcome to sleep with us tonight if you want," Dr. Tenma said. "We'd love to have you," Yakumo said. It was too much for Suga, who finally overloaded and passed out. Satsuki said, "Oh wait, you mean, sleep as in sleep." Dr. Tenma said, "Did you think...oh." She turned red. "I'd love to," Sara said. "But I think Asou's parents would want him to come home." "I don't have any clean clothing here, so I'll need to go home," Asou said. "But thanks for asking." For a moment, he wondered if Yakumo would make moves on Sara if he wasn't here, then dismissed the thought. "Kenji could take you to get some and bring it back," Dr. Tenma suggested. "And no, we just meant sleeping, Satsuki-san." "Right," she said, a little relieved that Harima had not sexed up half the class. "Well..." It won't hurt to ask the parents, I suppose, Asou thought. His folks were so busy with work, they hadn't realized he was gone all that time; he knew he'd gotten off lucky. He called up his parents and got their approval. "They say it's fine. So I guess Harima and I should go get me some fresh clothing for tomorrow and other supplies. If you don't mind, Harima-san." "I could use a break," Harima said. "Let's go." *************** "So what's your secret?" Yoshidayama asked Imadori as their gang studied together. "I have to use a LOT of hair gel," Imadori said. "I expect it's the same for you, but more so." "No, dammit, I mean how you got engaged to Sawachika-san," Yoshidayama said. "My charm and grace marked me as a man of destiny," Imadori said. "Charm and grace? You?" Yoshidayama said in surprise. "Unlike you, I don't radiate 'punk', and I can be charming if it's worth it," Imadori said. "So, how's Karen taking it? She broken you in half yet?" Imadori stared at his book, frowning. "It's not like I ever told her to come after me." "She completely slutified herself for you and you kinda ran off after someone else," Yoshidayama said. "Most girls would castrate you for that." Imadori sighed. "I'm not designed to survive a woman that strong." His eyes roamed across his book without actually seeing anything. "And it's not like she didn't immediately go to another guy, which makes me think she couldn't have been too serious about me, anyway." "Rebound, ya know. So, really, how did you get the engagement?" Yoshidayama asked. "Something you could never do," Imadori said, sounding irritated now. "Ain't nothing I can't do." Imadori sighed. "Well, it started with running naked in the street. Work it out from there." Holy shit, he must have seduced Eri's mom, after she saw him naked. I'd better practice my streaking... *************** As they rode, Asou asked, "You and Yakumo are still...have you had sex?" Harima nearly wrecked the motorcycle as he suddenly lost control, then regained it. "What?" "I didn't think so, but I was just...nevermind, it's a rude question." "We've done all the usual stuff boyfriends and girlfriends do," Harima said. You couldn't admit to being a virgin at his age, unless you liked humiliation. And they had done all the usual stuff...he was getting the impression over time that more guys claimed sex acts than had done them. "So you have done it?" Asou asked. "You...never mind." There's no way Sara and Yakumo have really done anything and I need to stop thinking about it. "You and Sara?" Harima asked. "We're chaste," Asou said. "By what?" Harima asked. "..." Harima zipped over a lane, swerved between cars, and turned down a side street. "Who is chasing you?" "No, I mean, we haven't done it." Harima almost wrecked his bike. A guy who would admit that? It was unheard of. Then again, she was a priestess. "Suga and Satsuki haven't either, but...I don't know what they're thinking, really," Asou said. "It's no big deal," Harima said. "Just don't go spreading it around. Wouldn't want to hurt Yakumo's reputation." "I won't tell anyone," Asou said. They reached his house. "Thanks for the ride." "No problem," Harima said. "I'll just wait here. Just don't take too long or I'll get bored. You wouldn't like that." Probably not, Asou thought. ************** Akira said, "Hmm. We're going to have to find you some jobs if we're going to afford this house." "Maybe we should just sell it and use the money to pay my folks back," Nara said. "Hmm, if we turn it into a love hotel for the teenage set..." Akira said thoughtfully. "I mean, we don't actually NEED a house yet..." "We'll never get a better finance deal on a house than your folks are giving us," Akira said. "Trust me, better we work hard now and be sitting pretty later." Nara wasn't so sure, but he nodded. "And we can finally have privacy for...stuff." Akira ruffled his hair. "That too." ************** "You have a visitor," Karen's mother said to her. "What? I thought I couldn't have any," Karen said. Her mother sighed. "I couldn't turn her away like this." Now Karen was confused, until she found Lala on her couch, crying. She wouldn't have thought it possible. Lala tried to choke back her tears upon Karen's arrival. But her dignity failed her. Karen rushed over and put a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?" she asked. The ensuing crushing hug knocked the wind out of her, and she had to fight her own instincts to start wrestling. "Lala-san, what's wrong?" Finally, Lala mumbled, "It's over. He probably hates me now...damn that Suou!" "Did you and Hanai break up?" Karen asked. "He left me for Suou! I HATE HER!" Lala bellowed. "Here, we should come to my room and talk," Karen said, guiding Lala back to her own bedroom, and closing the door to keep the sound level down. Lala buried her face in her hands. "I did everything right...I don't understand what I did wrong. I was a good girlfriend, wasn't I?" "You can do all the right things and someone still may not love you," Karen said sadly. "That's not fair!," Lala shouted. "Sometimes, life isn't." Karen sighed. "You heard about the engagement?" Lala stared. "You and Imadori got engaged?" "He's engaged to Sawachika-san," Karen said. "So I'm seeing Harry now." "Harry's much better, though still a little trampy," Lala said. "So that whore Imadori dumped you to get engaged to Sawachika? I thought she was seeing the delinquent boy. They were having flipped-gender sex, it looked like to me." "They were?" Karen's eyes widened. "Oh my." "Want me to kill him for you?" Lala asked Karen. She sighed. "No. It's better...I don't know how to move on, but I'm trying." "Bastards," Lala said. "Dammit, what does Suou have that I don't?" "I don't know," Karen said. "I can see why Imadori would want to marry Sawachika...she's pretty and rich and well built and charming and..." Lala frowned. "You're pretty and charming, way more than that smug gender-bender. Believe in yourself." "You too," Karen said softly. "Sometimes, people...you can't always persuade them. Even if you change who you are." She sighed deeply. "There has to be something I can do," Lala said. "He and Mikoto are pretty serious," Karen said softly. "And do you want a man you can steal from someone else? Wouldn't that mean someone could steal him from you?" "Didn't you go after Imadori, the manslut?" Lala asked, frowning. "Yes, but he wasn't seriously committed to anyone," Karen said. Lala flopped back on the bed. "And those damn exams are coming." "Well, if I wasn't grounded, I would help you study," Karen said. "Well, if I give a big enough sob story, maybe I can talk your mother into it," Lala said, fists still clenched. "It would be nice to have some company," Karen said, smiling. "Then I'll see what I can do." ************ Asou blinked as he came in and saw Satsuki and Suga already changed into pajamas. "Did you guys run home and get stuff faster than we could?" "Planned ahead, in case we studied too late," Suga said. Asou blinked, then said, "Well, I commend your foresight, then. I didn't think of that at all." "My little Snuga-Bunny can be very clever," Satsuki said proudly. Asou began to laugh so hard he fell against the wall, then dropped his bag on himself as he fell down to his butt. "Hey, I don't laugh when Sara calls you something cutesy!" Suga protested. "Snuga...Bunny..." Asou tried to breathe, but he was laughing too hard. "Sara-san, I need...help..." Sara came over and kissed him to force him to stop laughing. He blushed slightly, and gradually got control of himself, though he ended up pulling Sara onto himself, then realized she was in pajamas too. (As were Tenma and Yakumo and Karasuma. Karasuma's were apparently intended for someone about 12 clothing sizes larger, though, and Tenma still wore Dr. Tenma's mortarboard.) Harima said, "Dammit, I didn't think to get mine." "You can wear some of Dad's like Ooji-kun is doing, Kenji-kun," Dr. Tenma in Pajamas said. Yakumo took Harima to show him where they were. Meanwhile, Asou had lost track of what he was doing, and was still kissing Sara. Suga was tracking it with his watch, which had a stopwatch function. Satsuki leaned against him, wanting to kiss, but knowing that they had to track this for Asou-harrassing purposes. Such a high and noble purpose overweighed a simple kiss. Dr. Tenma in Pajamas took this as her excuse to lean over and go for a kiss with Karasuma. Karasuma took this as a good time to go make more tea for everyone, having failed to see the warning signs. Dr. Tenma in Pajamas found, too late, that she couldn't stop her lunge. Yakumo and Harima returned JUST as Dr. Tenma in Pajamas toppled down onto Iori, appearing to kiss him. Did someone turn Karasuma into a cat?, Harima wondered. Yakumo looked at the snuggling and kissing in progress and tugged on Harima's arm, then looked up at him. Harima looked down at her, trying to figure out why she was tugging his arm. "You thirsty?" he asked. "I could go for a drink." "Umm, a little," she mumbled. This was not the plan. Not that she had a plan. But if she did, this was not it. "Okay, let's go get a drink." He went to the kitchen with her and found Karasuma making tea. "Your woman's kissing a cat," Harima informed him. "Iori is very cute," Karasuma said amiably. Yakumo said, "Is it ready?" "Not yet, I'll bring it back to you soon," Karasuma said. Yakumo tugged Harima back to the living room and looked over at Sara and Asou still kissing. Suga looked vaguely stunned, and Yakumo...wanted a kiss. Now. She glanced to see what Kenji was thinking; he was planning out more manga and calculating how much further they had to go. She sighed and hesitantly, put an arm around his waist. That got his attention. "You need a lift?" he asked. He picked her up onto his shoulders. "Does a lightbulb need changing or something?" Might as well while we can, she thought. "Let's go this way..." ************* As Lala lay half asleep next to Karen, leaning on her, she had a better appreciation of how their other-worldly selves had ended up as lovers. "You're the best friend I have," she mumbled. "Thank you," Karen said, a little embarrassed. "I'm always here if you need me." "I think I'm going to collapse now." "Okay," Karen said. Lala fell down on top of Karen, who instinctively started to grab and slam her; she stopped just in time, lowering Lala to the bed instead. I hope you find another nice boy, Karen thought. Good luck, my friend. ************* "Holy shit, I can't believe this is still going," Suga mumbled. Satsuki studied Asou and Sara carefully, then slapped her forehead. "THEY FELL ASLEEP." Suga face-faulted. Karasuma shook them gently awake, giving each a glass of tea. He went round and served everyone, then sat down with Tenma. They all drank tea quietly for a bit, then Dr. Tenma in Pajamas yawned. "Let's go to bed," she said. Suga felt a little nervous. "Bed?" "There's bedding for Sara and Satsuki and their boyfriends in the guestroom," Dr. Tenma in Pajamas said. She got up. "Goodnight, everyone." She and Karasuma took off. Harima said to Yakumo, "Maybe we should do a little more manga before bed." Yakumo, however, was already asleep. He sighed and carried her off. Sara got up and stretched. "Come with us," she said to Suga and Satsuki, leading them to the guest room. "So, how long exactly did you two...before you fell asleep?" Suga asked. "Also, next time, you need to start stripping each other." "Not in public," Sara mumbled. "Oh, so you do get naked in private?" Suga asked. "NO," Asou said. "Don't you want to see her body?" Suga asked. "I can see it right here," Asou said as they got to the room. "I can't believe you two are being so goody-goody." "Not counting magical weirdness, you two haven't done any more than we have," Asou said. "I...we...we just don't want to leave you behind," Satsuki said. "Yeah." "That is possibly the most ridiculous excuse in the history of mankind," Asou said. "Yes," Sara said, yawning. Asou pulled back sheets for himself and Sara. "When you two actually do something naughty to each other, instead of yourselves behind locked doors, then Sara and I will do something naughty." Sara blushed. We will? "A CHALLENGE!" Suga said. "Come here, Satsuki, we must defy them." She gulped and came over, kneeling by him. "I could...or we could..." She could feel her blood pounding. Sara covered her eyes. "Don't do anything naughty!" Asou said, "You don't need to bother. They're all talk." "Well, I could...touch your breasts," Suga mumbled. Satsuki shivered with anticipation. "But it's so...I mean...eeee...." "Don't worry, I'll be gentle," he said, reaching over towards her chest. Asou watched; it was a good illustration of Xeno's paradox. The closer the hand got, the more excited and frantic Satsuki got and the slower the hand moved. He glanced at Sara, who he could see peeking between two fingers. He whispered, "Either watch or don't peek." "I...she...they..." Sara mumbled. The hand was closing in...six inches...three inches...one and a half inches...three fourths of an inch...Suga and Satsuki were both shivering with excitement, their faces flushed. "Give her some Shuga, baby," Asou said deadpan. Satsuki cracked up, falling over, laughing, while Suga froze in place. " Hiroyoshi-kun!!!!!" "I'm going to sleep," Asou said. "If you two ever get around to doing something, you can tell me in the morning." Sara yawned. "Good idea." She and Asou laid down, while Suga and Satsuki sighed and got into the covers. "Does he have to be so mean?" Satsuki whispered to Suga. "He's just jealous I got the cuter girlfriend," Suga whispered back. She smiled. "You say the sweetest things," she whispered, and leaned over for a kiss. Then they started hearing...noises...from Tenma's room. Flailing and laughing and yelping and bouncing bed noises. "Daaamn," Suga said. "Those two get into it." "Wow," Satsuki said. She was in awe. ************* Harima threw open the doors to Tenma's room. "What the hell is going on!?!?" He couldn't stand the thought of Karasuma taking advantage of Tenma's love. However, what was actually happening was that Tenma, Iori, and Karasuma were bouncing around chaotically as Iori tried to get inside Karasuma's clothing. Harima stared mindlessly at this, until Karasuma pulled a can of sardines out of his pocket and tossed it out into the hallway, then followed it up with a lone sardine from inside his shirt. Even as Yakumo stumbled out to look, Iori ran over and began eating. Tenma said, "I'm sorry, I wanted a snack and...Iori wanted it more." "I'll get you a snack," Yakumo said, stumbling off to the kitchen. Tenma kissed Karasuma on the cheek, and Harima felt like lightning had gone through him. "Sorry, honey," she said to him. "See you all tomorrow," Harima said stiffly, barely restraining the urge to rush Karasuma and kill. He went back to Yakumo's room to pout. She found him slamming his fist into the palm of his other hand, over and over, and silently leaned over him, embracing him. "I'm here," Yakumo said softly. I have to forget her, Harima thought. But I don't know how. I can lecture my other self about it, but when it comes down to it... He leaned back against Yakumo and slowly started to feel better. "You're too patient with me," he said. "You're worth it," she said. "We'll finish the manga, get good grades on our exam and...you'll do something special at Christmas with me, won't you?" "Sure," he said, then wondered how he would PAY for it. Yakumo wiggled around him to sit down in his lap, and lean her head against his chest. "You'll hold me tonight, won't you?" she asked softly. "Of course," he said. He couldn't be a man for Tenma, but at least someone wanted him. He would do his best to make her happy, like a man should. He couldn't settle things with both of them, but at least he could try to make their lives easier. That would be the manly thing to do for now. "I'll hold you all night long." "Thank you," she whispered and fell asleep. He settled in, hoping for no backpain in the morning from sitting against the bed all night. ************** Suga got woken out of a sound sleep by Asou gently shaking his shoulder. "Hey, you going to come exercise with me?" "Sure," Suga said. He knew Asou always did some exercises in the morning to loosen up if he could. Suga tried to make himself do them, but many mornings, he was too lazy. They exercised together quietly for a while, and then Asou said, "I hope I wasn't too rude last night." "Naah, it's fine. We both tease each other; it's what friends are for, Hiroyoshi-kun" Suga said. "It gets to Satsuki-san a little, though, I think." "Right," Asou said. They exercised some more, then Asou said, "I think everyone else is still asleep; we should make breakfast, to show gratitude to our hosts." "Man, you are too formal for your own good," Suga said, though he went inside and helped Asou start making rice, eggs, bacon, fruit, toast, some fish, and fried vegetables. "Maybe I should try making some of Mom's good soup." "Do you have any idea what the full recipe is?" "No." "Not today, then." Satsuki soon appeared, with Sara right behind her; Satsuki almost floated on the tasty smells. "FOOD," she said. Asou laughed softly and tossed her an apple. "Here, we're almost ready. This should keep you alive." "Tempting me with apples, hmm? Okay, snakey," Satsuki said. Sara laughed melodiously, while Asou and Suga felt confused. Then more confused when Satsuki looked over at Sara. "Aren't they so cute like that?" "Very cute," Sara said, coming over and kissing Asou softly. "Very sweet of you to make breakfast too," she said. Satsuki immediately kissed Suga. "Very sweet of you too, honey." The two couples were busy kissing when Yakumo and Harima came out. Harima stared in surprise. Yakumo said, hesitantly, "Thank you for cooking for us, all of you." Suga said, "Asou's idea." "Just trying to be a good guest," Asou said. Yakumo smiled. "Thank you." She turned to Harima and leaned up and kissed him softly, inspired by having seen the others. "Help me get the table ready." Harima helped get everything set up for eating by the time Tenma came out. "Where's Karasuma-sempai?" Yakumo asked, noticing his absence. "Am I awake or dreaming?" Tenma asked. "Awake," Asou said. "Dreaming," Satsuki said. "I don't know," Yakumo confessed. Karasuma now came in. He headed straight for the food. Harima could see Tenma staring at Karasuma. So he did the only thing he could; he turned and kissed Yakumo until she blushed softly. That way, he didn't have to watch. This turned into an impromptu four way contest which ended when the toaster popped more toast, startling Tenma, who accidentally head-butted Karasuma. "Stupid toaster," Tenma grumbled. Asou finally broke off the kiss. "Food is ready. Let's eat." *************** As Hanai got his morning beating, he gave thanks that at least no one was filming this for the whole class to see. It would be a private humiliation. He was thus blissfully unaware Akira had set up a camera and had sold the daily beating viewing rights as a pay-per-view deal. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. *************** "I am announcing my special tutoring services," Akira told everyone at lunch. "Those who wish to learn may come to Kentarou-kun and I's house and I will ensure superior grades for only 1000 yen an hour. We're also renting rooms by the hour (2000 yen an hour) for those with naughty business to conduct out of the sight of their parents. But you have to clean up after yourself or pay a cleaning fee." "House?" Imadori asked in shock. "House," Akira said. "How did you get a house???" Imadori asked, sounding jealous. "AHAH!" Nara said. Akira looked at him curiously. "Later, honey." Akira said, "Nara's family gave it to us." "..." "Damnation," Yoshidayama said. "Your family is loaded." "More than I realized," Nara said, laughing nervously. "Anyway, I know many of us need help, and I need money, so I'm willing to deal," Akira said. There was an immediate rush of desperate folk. The cash would flow, oh yes. *********** Nara felt a little depressed; he wanted to do something to make money, but he didn't have much in the way of saleable talents, AND the new house was eating up what tiny amount of time he had which was not dedicated to desperate studying. Having to help hide one of his father's girlfriends (Ami) from one of his mother's boyfriends (Alphonse) wasn't helping his stress, as Ami simply would not be quiet and stay under the couch like she was supposed to. I shouldn't have come home, he thought, as he sat on the couch, trying to study, when he wanted to be at Akira's study-a-thon. I should have charged Ami for hiding her; I'm wasting my... It suddenly hit him as to exactly how much of his own time tended to get invested in some aspects of the usual parental hijinks. There had to be some way to turn THAT into cash. Especially since so many of them were loaded, yet had no common sense... He could feel the wheels in his mind begin to turn. Distantly, Akira sneezed. ************ "So, going to destroy her as well?" Tougo asked Mai as they studied together. "No," Mai said. "At this point, it's better to repair my reputation and go for a run next year." "Do you perhaps have time to assist me on some projects when school resumes, then?" Tougo asked her, idly twirling a pencil in his hands. "Sure," she said. "You willing to wear a Gundam outfit for me?" He laughed. "Of course. But you're paying for the outfit." "Alright," she said. "So how is Gonzales-san doing?" "Not well. She beat up Mitoko for no reason at all." "Is that unusual?" Mai asked teasingly. He laughed. "More beat up than usual. Do you have any idea who this 'Miki' she keeps ranting about is?" "No," Mai said. "But I'll see if I can find out." ***************** Suga glanced at Satsuki as she studied. I should try it again, he thought. If we can't even...how will we ever corrupt them? Sara and Asou were oblivious; Sara was busy helping Asou with his English. Slowly, Suga crept closer to Satsuki, who was busy running her finger up and down a list of elements and their attributes. She glanced over at him and smiled, then scooted over to him. "Can you help me with this?" "Sure," he said, slowly going over the list with her. He hated memorizing things; that's why sports was better, really. Finally, he got up the courage to reach down and put a hand on her leg. She blushed slightly and looked over at him, smiling nervously. He started to slide it around, and she smiled more, but looked more nervous. A shadow fell across him, but he didn't notice. He was too busy moving his hand in a slowly expanding spiral on her leg under the table, while she grew more embarrassed, but also more pleased. Then her father's foot suddenly landed on his face, knocking him down and away from her. Satsuki's father spun on Suga's face and put a plate of cookies and tea down on the table. "Refreshments for all." "Daddy, don't crush my boyfriend!" Satsuki protested. "Your boyfriend needs to learn to be nice and respectable like Adeimus-san's boyfriend," he said. "My name is Asou Hiroyoshi," Asou said. "He's very gentle, kind, and pure," Sara said, smiling. "Not like Booger-kun here," Satsuki's father said. He finally got off Suga's face. "Suga, sir," Suga mumbled. Asou frowned at seeing Suga crushed. "He really is an ideal boyfriend for her." "Men your age have one thing on their mind," Satsuki's father began, crossing his beefy arms across his chest. "The foot of people's fathers," Suga mumbled. "And it's usually sex. If you hurt my daughter, boy," Satsuki's father began. "Yes, you'll kill me. You said hello at the door by threatening to kill me," Suga said. Satsuki said, "Daddy, he's a very sweet boy." "I slept with half my high school by appearing sweet! You can't trust the sweet ones. At least the obvious man- whores are easily avoided," Satsuki's father said. "Don't you have work to do, daddy?" Satsuki asked. He froze up, then ran a hand through his messy black hair. "I suppose I do. But I will HEAR if you touch my daughter." "Yes, sir," Suga said wearily. Then he strode out. "No naughtiness," Sara said. "How does Sa...oh, her father isn't here," Suga said. "Asou's parents like me very much," Sara said. Asou laughed nervously. "You could say that." "Dammit, did they decide we're gay lovers again?" Suga asked. Asou sighed. "Just because I maintain some sense of dignity and proper behavior..." "And dress well," Satsuki said. "And have a manly body which...oh my," Sara said, eyes crossed. She closed her eyes and began praying. "Giving yourself penance again?" Suga asked. "Yes," she mumbled. Suga grinned a little. "Well, we might as well just tell your folks we're all gay and faking dating to cover it up while they date each other and I date you, Asou." Asou choked on his cookie. He could see Sara and Satsuki kissing, while Yakumo curled around them and... "Man, looks like he's getting hot for you, honey," Satsuki said. "Remembering that night in Paris, Hiroyoshi-kun?" Suga asked. "I can never forget how you held me so tenderly and..." He was grinning widely and almost laughing. "Just choking on madness," Asou mumbled. He turned and kissed Sara, catching her by surprise. They soon ended up falling over onto the floor, embracing and kissing. "Woo!" Suga said. "I think in that case..." "Yeah," Satsuki said. They leaned over. Their lips met. His arms embraced her. Her father's foot nearly took his skull off. "NO GROPING MY DAUGHTER!" This was going to be a long night, Suga realized. ************ Eri glanced out the window as she studied, then froze up. Was that...some pervert was running back and forth in front of her house naked? Even Imadori wasn't that messed up. "Invisible security men who normally only come out to get in my way, I need you," Eri said. Eight popped out of the shadows. "There's some pervert running naked in front of our home. Please get rid of him." "WITH PLEASURE!" They ran off. Eri soon heard the soothing sounds of violence; it helped her study. ************* Sagano looked up from math, frowning at the window of the living room of Nara and Akira's new house. "Was there someone out there right now?" "Swamp gas," Akira said. "But...we're not in a swamp!" Sagano said. Around them, various other 2-C students, as well as other second year folk who wanted help anyway, were working on things while Akira and Nara circulated, helping them. "Jet Stream effect," Akira said. "Oh." "Braaaaaiiiinnnnsss..." a distant voice moaned. Yuuki frowned. "What was that?" "The neighbors in the big creepy house next door like horror movies at high volume," Nara explained. "And bats," Akira said. "Which like to make messes on our roof, which is going to be VERY annoying," Nara said. Akira nodded. Yuuki made a face. "Ugh." "Anyway, there is very little chance of angry undead Ainu breaking through the walls and devouring us all in an orgy of blood and death," Nara said. "Really." Akira said, "No chance at all. I paid Sara to bless this house, and I know she did a very good job." All was peaceful until Akira's attempt to explain chemistry was interrupted by a sizzling noise. "Nara, the bacon must be ready," she said, looking at him meaningfully. He nodded, picked up the woodaxe by the kitchen door, and headed into the kitchen, even though the sizzling came from another direction. "Oooh, bacon," Sagano said. "Tasty." Madoka said, "Why does he need a woodaxe for bacon?" She listened nervously to the sizzling. The sizzling was replaced by a sound somewhat like chopping wood, but more muffled and with periodic outbursts in some strange tongue. "You have to smoke the bacon with the right kind of wood, so he's chopping some," Akira explained smoothly. The sounds quickly stopped and now they could hear fumbling in the kitchen. That aroused no fear, so everyone got back to work. As Akira was trying to show Lala how to conjugate some English verbs, Nara walked in with a big bowl full of a mixture of apple slices, cooked cabbage, cooked carrots, bacon, and some sort of light oil, along with many slices of bread. "Tonight's snack," he announced. For no particular reason, he was now wandering around with no shirt on; an adept eye would have noticed he had a bandage wrapped around his left forearm. "Only 600 yen, 300 more if you want beverage," he said. Sagano studied him, trying to figure out if he looked studlier than usual, or if she'd imagined things. It was as if he actually had a muscular figure instead of a kind of bland one, as if... She suddenly wondered if her harem-ninja powers would work here if she dressed appropriately. Not that this was the time for testing. He was now more dressed like a cabana boy and damn, he looked good, Akira probably wouldn't mind a small kiss...NEW LINE OF THOUGHT. "How much for an hour with you?" she asked, then regretted saying it. "I...me?" he asked, suddenly embarrassed. Fuyuki punched Sagano in the arm. "He's got a girlfriend and you have me, you know." Sagano felt a strange heat on her left cheek. Turning, she could see Akira regarding her the way one would regard a poisonous snake. A poisonous snake one was about to crush using a tank. "I'm just joking!" Sagano said. "You know me, I'm a joker; I’m a smoker; I’m a midnight toker; I sure don’t want to hurt no one." She half-broke into song by the end. Karen hummed the next verse of the song to herself, smiling a little. Akira continued to frown at Sagano, then said, "Listen to your boyfriend, he is wise." She then turned back to tutoring. Nara quietly served all who wanted some, then put the rest in the kitchen and ran off. He returned, back to normal, though more confused looking than normal. The rest of the study session was not disturbed. ************* "Daddy, you shouldn't beat up my boyfriend," Satsuki told her father. "He's just another boy who wants some fine female flesh," her father said. "I'd tell you to dump him, but I know that would just make you go do something stupid to defy me." We're already at that point, Satsuki thought. "My little Suga-Bear is a kind and gentle boy and he's never tried anything perverted with me." "HE TRIED TO FONDLE YOUR LEG IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS!" her father bellowed. Satsuki's hair flapped about. "But he loves me." "You should have stuck to the other boy. He's the sort of boy I can respect," her father said, hands on his hips. He was rolling around on the floor, kissing Sara, and Dad didn't even care, Satsuki thought. She was definitely going to have to do something defiant. If she could figure out something defiant to do. ************ Sara laid her hands on Suga's chest as he laid on a park bench and prayed. He felt his bruises and scrapes and pain fade. She smiled. "There you go." "Thanks," he said, standing up. "I vote we never study at Satsuki's again." "For your sake, I have to agree," Asou said. "My folks would be happy to host us. Or we could go to Sara's church. Or your place." "I dunno if her dad would let her come to mine," Suga said. He stretched. "Well, I'm off. Try not to make out too much without me." "I'll try," Asou said, smiling. And they parted ways. ************ "I have good news," Mikoto said to Miki over the phone. "My parents approved the trip. Hanai's parents are waffling." "Cool. Have you asked any friends yet?," Miki asked. "No, but I will at school tomorrow," Mikoto said. "Good," Miki said, then shivered with excitement. "My friends who came to the movies with us that time will all come." Hmm, maybe I should ask Karen and Harry to come...he'll want to see his sister, right?, Mikoto thought. "I should ask Harry and Karen to come, then." "Oh, that would be great." Miki shivered again with excitement. "This will be perfect." Mikoto hoped so. But you never knew with these things. ************* Asou hoped he wouldn't suffer divine vengeance for making out with Sara against the side door of a church. Her lips were so soft, her body pressed against his. It tempted him to do things he wasn't fully sure how to do. But not here, against a church, and really they shouldn't, not at their ages. But it was tempting. ************** Nara went over to Akira as she was sweeping the floor. "Hey, honey, are you okay?" She'd seemed cranky ever since Sagano's comment, and he was pretty sure she was jealous. "Nara, do you think Sagano is pretty?" she asked. "Not half as beautiful as you," he said, pulling her into an embrace. "And it's Sagano--you can't take anything she says seriously." "True," she said. "You didn't have to show off for her." "Was I? It wasn't deliberate." "There were a lot of women enjoying looking at you," Akira said, head on his shoulder. "But most of them aren't crazy enough to try anything." "You're as pretty as she is," Nara said firmly, sliding a hand down onto her leg and pulling her head down to his with the other. "Don't worry about other people." Though part of him wondered if other people behind Sagano would find him sexy like that. But he made himself not think of such things. Akira took a deep breath, then let it out. "I wish we didn't have school tomorrow, so we'd have time for..." "Let's do it anyway," Nara said. "Let me show you how I feel." She let her common sense slip away. She wanted to see it all. "You're going to have to start with some half- naked posing for me," she whispered. He grinned. "It will be my pleasure." They headed upstairs to let the games begin. ************* "Ooh, a Christmas vacation in the countryside! That would be great," Tenma said. "I'd hate to leave Yakumo all alone, though." "She'll have Harima-kun with her," Mikoto said. "Unless..." She held her tongue, knowing Tenma would go crazy at any suggestion Harima might not be entirely focused on Yakumo. "I think you should invite them too," Tenma said. "I'll be happier if Kenji-kun is there too." "Hmm, okay," Mikoto said. "I don't want to invite TOO many people, though." "Is Eri coming?" "I think she's still grounded until the end of all things," Mikoto said. Tenma frowned. "It won't be Christmas without her." "Well, I'll see. Maybe if I invite Imadori too, her parents will come. I just don't want to overcrowd the lodge..." Mikoto said. "Maybe we'll be lucky and someone else you invite will have a place we could divide people among," Tenma said. "That kind of thing only happens in anime and manga, Tenma-chan," Mikoto said. "A girl can dream." ************** Yoshidayama shook Imadori. "ALL I GOT WAS CLOBBERED." "Were you singing 'God Save the Queen'?" "No." "Learn it, then try THAT with your nudity, so they know you are Anglophile." "I don't lust for little kids!" Yoshidayama said angrily. Imadori stared at him blankly. "What???" "Oh wait...Anglophiles...lust for geometry?" "It means 'Pro-English'," Imadori said. "How do you know that?" "I do my research, you know," Imadori said. "Anyway, you must learn 'A Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered at All' and 'God Save the Queen', and sing them, alternating, while naked." "Does it have to be naked?" "I was naked when Nakamura-san found me," Imadori said. Hmm, I need to pass him my love secrets, Imadori thought. Best I get off my butt and do that. ************* "Hmm," Eri said. "I have an idea..." She quickly got on the phone for a while. Finally, she said, "Okay, Nakamura located your friend's place and bought the estate next door. I convinced Mother to pay for it in return for me organizing a big snooty party on it, which I can invite my friends to, so long as I make nice with Imadori. So we'll have a giant Christmas party and I can put up some of us." "You think you can handle him without killing him that long?" Mikoto asked. "Not much choice. Big snooty party with him humiliating me in the city...or in the country but with friends." She sighed. "Though Mother probably agreed to it so I'd have to squirm in front of my friends." Mikoto frowned. "I hope she won't keep this up." "So do I, but I think she thinks I haven't suffered enough, yet." Eri banged the desk with her fist. Mikoto sighed. "Right. So what exactly is going on with you and Harima and Yakumo?" Eri looked around the classroom, then crooked a finger. Mikoto leaned down. "Hell if I know," Eri whispered. "Kenji tried to talk to me, but security kicked his ass. I just wish we could talk in private somehow." "Well, let me see what I can do..." ************** "You think it'll work?" Harima asked Mikoto. "Well, it can't hurt to try, right? You won't be recognized that way," Mikoto said. "And if you are, at least she knows you did your best." Now I just have to figure out what to SAY, Harima thought. ************* Nervously, Harima knocked on the door. Clad in one of Mikoto's family's work uniforms, his glasses off, clean- shaven, hair carefully crinkled up by Mikoto, he could hardly recognize himself. He knocked on the door with one hand and held a large box in the other. Nakamura opened the door. "Hello, Harima-san. I'm afraid I can't let you in." "I'm not Harima! I'm Employee H, with a delivery for Sawachika Eri-sama," Harima lied. Nakamura took the package. "Thank you; you'd best get home before Sawachika-sama arrives home for the evening." Harima heard the sound of a limo and ran. ************* The doorbell rang, and Nakamura headed to the front door. Nakamura opened the door. There was a young man in a American-style football uniform; the outfit hid his face rather well, but showed off his figure. "Eighth Man," the man said. "I'm here to..." "Not good enough, Harima-san." He shut the door. ************* The doorbell rang, and Nakamura headed to the front door. This time, there was a punk rocker with a torn t-shirt, a guitar, and spikey pink hair. "I'm Syd Vicious..." he began. "Syd is dead. Good day." Slam. ************** "Landshark!" "I give you points for creativity and dock them all for using an old SNL joke," Nakamura said, then slammed the door. ************ "I have come as a samurai to..." "Your determination suits you well, yet, you fail again." SLAM. ************ "Well, we could try putting you in drag," Mikoto said. Harima shook his head. "Taking NO risks." Awww, his girl side said. "I'm sorry," Mikoto said. "It seemed like a good idea." "Maybe if we disguise you and you deliver me in the box..." Harima speculated. "We should let it rest for tonight, Harima-san," she said. "Think about it, we can try another plan later. I really need to study." "I should too, Suou-san," he said. "Thanks for the help. And he headed out, leaving Mikoto wondering what exactly was going on with those two...three...them. ************* Eri summoned Nakamura to where she was trying to study with Imadori, who was busy explaining art theory to her; she wished she could understand it, as it would make his existence useful for once. "What was all those visitors?" "Lost, foolish deliverymen," Nakamura said. "Trying to ship some...H-Factor." He'd give her that small hint. "H-FACTOR?" Imadori said, then caught himself, and with visible effort became composed. "The very essence of hentai?" Nakamura said deadpan, "Alright, I confess, they were delivering yaoi manga for the young miss' collection." Imadori froze up. "IT BURNS." He fell over. H-Factor, H-factor... Harima! Had he been trying to get inside. "Beards." "Yes, ma'am. Lots of bearded manga." She smiled a little. That was so Kenji. Stupid, but well-meaning and persistent plan. "You do know our family's standard marriage contract requires you to act out my yaoi fantasies, right?" she asked Imadori sweetly. He was too busy being passed out. I'll have to save that lie for another time, Eri thought. There was a distant noise, almost like screaming, and perhaps, vaguely like singing. Vaguely. Eri blinked. "What is that?" "I don't know," Nakamura said. He investigated, then returned. "The naked fellow with rap hair is trying to sing something about hedgehogs in English, badly." "Rap hair?" "Some terrible movie with rap music. This fellow is not black, however," Nakamura said. "Send security," Eri said. They did have one use, anyway. "Very good, young miss." Nakamura went to sic the 'hounds' on the fool. ************ Harima collapsed in a heap. "We done?" Yakumo said, "It'll take me an hour or so to catch up, but we can turn these chapters in tomorrow, and then we'll be all caught up." He said, "I should study, but I'm exhausted." "Rest," she said. "I'll finish my part and box it all up." He was out in five minutes. She was out in eight. ************* Fortunately, the next day they had no school. Unfortunately, the day after that, exams began. Also, there was no mail service on Sunday. This did give time for Yakumo to finish her bits and for them to carefully box it all up. Harima, wiped out, slept most of the day. Yakumo also slept most of the day, as her sister was gone, studying with Karasuma. It was the gentle hand of Sara which finally woke her. "Studied yourself unconscious?" Sara asked. Yakumo yawned. "Kenji-kun napped all day and onee-chan was gone." "Well, I thought we should study together, one last time before the exams start," Sara said. Yakumo nodded and they soon got down to business. A while later, Sara said, "Can I ask you something?" "Sure," Yakumo said. She could see Sara's thoughts floating around her. Thoughts of...Yakumo and Harima... Yakumo's eyes widened and she blushed. Sara blushed. "I...I just...have you two...?" "No," Yakumo said. "We sleep with our clothing on." She stared at her English vocabulary. Sara seemed relieved. "Good. It's really best to wait until marriage." Yakumo could tell she was tempted not to, though. Yakumo wasn't sure exactly what she thought of it. She could remember, sort of, the thoughts her boy-self had had, and things were rarely so intense for her as a girl. Does it mean I don't love Kenji as much as I should? Or maybe it's just worrying about Eri...I think she wants to do that with him. The thought made Yakumo frown deeply. She's got a fiancee; she should stay away from my Kenji. "What's wrong?" Sara asked softly. "Sawachika-sempai," Yakumo said. Sara came over and hugged her. "If she couldn't seduce him all the way as a sexy, masculine, bold, dashing..." Sara suddenly blushed. "Oh dear, I'm going to have to give myself a penance again." Yakumo glanced at Sara's thoughts. She turned very red. "Sara-san!" "Didn't she...it was so..." Sara vibrated. "What was it like when she kissed you?" Yakumo was sooo glad no one could read her thoughts. "It was an accident." "No, no thinking about that. She'll never be a boy again," Sara told herself. "Neither will I, though As...no, no." She closed her eyes and began praying. Yakumo closed her eyes and prayed. She wasn't sure to what. All the buddhas and buddy-satvas. Or whatever they were called. Sara sighed. "I seem much naughtier since we got back." "I still like you," Yakumo said. Sara smiled at her. "And I like you." She kissed Yakumo on the cheek. Yakumo hesitated a moment, then kissed her back. Sara took Yakumo's right hand between hers. "Best friends forever, right?" "Yes, forever," Yakumo said, smiling. Yakumo could see Sara daydreaming of a beautiful joint wedding in her chapel, the sun shining in and birds singing. It made Yakumo smile. Wouldn't it be nice, Yakumo thought. Then, in Yakumo's daydream, Eri broke in and challenged the wedding and carried off Harima and then boy Eri stole Sara and it all dissolved into chaos. But Sara's daydream, at least, remained intact. "We should study," Yakumo said, sighing. "Yeah." Sara sighed. "Okay, let's get to it." ************ "Tell me what REALLY happened!" a bandaged Yoshidayama demanded of Imadori. "Seriously, I got run naked out of my house, Nakamura found me, and I told him about how Eri needed her family's help along with our other classmates," Imadori said, looking up from his ice cream and the text book he was mostly ignoring. "You lie! It couldn't be that way! THEY KILL POOR NAKED PEOPLE!" Yoshidayama shouted. "Fine, go ask Sagano how I did it," Imadori said. "I will!" Yoshidayama stormed off. Imadori shook his head. Poor, doomed soul, he thought. ************* Tenma banged her head on the table in frustration. "I hate school." Akira came over to her and stopped her doing this. "You need to learn to focus." "I am focused like a DEADLY LASER." Akira, Mikoto, Hanai, Nara, Tenma, and Karasuma were having a last minute study session. "We should call Kenji, see if he wants to join us," Tenma said. "No one has answered the phone at your house ever since you got here," Mikoto said. "He and Yakumo are probably still drawing manga or something." Akira nodded. "Now, focus, Tenma-chan. You don't want to be held back, do you?" "No," she mumbled. "You can do it," Karasuma said. "It's just so aggravating!" Tenma said. Her pencil suddenly bent. "Doh," Tenma mumbled. Hanai blinked and studied it. "I didn't think it possible." "I can bend anything and move things around some," Tenma said. "But it takes some concentration. Or being really irritated." "Which is why you're such a good archery shot?" Mikoto asked. "Hmm, I never thought of that," Tenma said. "I wish archery and samurai shows were on the exam!" "We don't have the archery unit until after the break, I think," Mikoto said. Maybe I can somehow telekinese myself the answers, Tenma thought. But how? I may have to rely on Dr. Tenma to pass these exams for me... They studied until they could study no more. Finally, Tenma said, "I think I'd better go home and get some sleep." "I'll walk you," Karasuma said. They bid everyone farewell, and he took her home. They kissed goodbye and she went inside and found Sara and Yakumo asleep in the living room. Harima was asleep in the guest room, his hand moving in his sleep, drawing a manga. Curiously, Tenma went and looked at it. It was a manga about a boy studying and drawing manga at the same time. If you studied the manga that he drew, it was itself about a boy studying and drawing manga at the same time. It seemed to infinitely recurse, drawing Tenma in...deeper...deeper... She fell asleep, staring at it. *************** Two exams a day for four days, one exam in the morning of the last day, and then the apocalypse was over. Today was English and Math. Tani-sensei said, "I've tried to be kind, as I myself was gone part of the semester, so the test doesn't cover anything I didn't actually teach myself." There were many sighs of relief. "Good luck!" Eri and Karen began answering questions at blinding speed, while most of the class plodded along slowly. Dr. Tenma also buzzed along at a good clip. Harima and Yoshidayama stared mindlessly at the questions. So dead, Yoshidayama thought. He began trying to sneak peeks at those around him, to see if he could spot any right answers. Or at least wrong answers that might arouse pity. When he tried to peek at Eri's answers, however, her security men rushed him and hauled him away. Meanwhile, Harima stared as the words swam, forming tiny captions in bubbles in his mind...but he couldn't quite grasp them. As he desperately tried to figure out what to do, his hand began to twitch. He looked over and saw his hand doodling little pictures of himself and Eri talking to each other. She speaks English...maybe if I draw her, she'll give me the answers, Harima thought. It beat sweating to the point of collapse and flunking anyway... ************ Yakumo, in her class, was struggling with temptation. She could see the answers in Sara's mind. But she shouldn't cheat on her English exam, she knew. But it would be so EASY. But you shouldn't just do the easy thing. In fact, with her strengthened abilities, she could get the answers to everything. Yakumo frowned. What would Kenji think of her if he knew she cheated her way to good grades? But she had to stare rigidly at her paper in order to avoid temptation or accident. Her teacher watched her quietly, then came over. "Are you alright? You look tense." "Fine," she said without looking up. "Are you sure?" "I'm fine," Yakumo said. "There's not any..." "Fine," Yakumo repeated. The teacher scratched her head. "Alright." What a strange girl. But she's doing so well on the exam, it looks like. Though not as well as Sara, who was almost done. But that didn't surprise their teacher. What did surprise her was that Satsuki was doing better than usual. Maybe she actually studied instead of playing basketball all day, the teacher thought. If only I can have touched her young heart with the desire for wisdom! Their teacher floated off on wings of dream. ************* Harima, Asou, and Suga went to go get their ladies for lunch. Harima ambled into 1-C, drawing gazes as usual. "Yo, Yakumo-san, you coming?" "I'm coming," she said, getting up. Once they were assembled and off searching for somewhere to sit, Sara asked, "How did everyone do?" "Okay, maybe," Satsuki said. "Studying with you helped a lot, Sara." "Me too," Yakumo said. She'd only peeked a little. Just a little. She did her best to avoid more than that. "You helped me a lot." "I dunno if I did good or not; Eri-san had to answer everything for me," Harima said. "But she is good at English." "You got her to give you the answers?" Asou said in disbelief. "Well, I tried to imagine what she would have told me the answers were," Harima said. "..." "Huh. Maybe I should see if I can imagine Einstein telling me the answers for physics," Suga said, laughing. "Well, whatever works, as long as you didn't really copy from Sawachika," Asou said. "Her security guards would throw me out and I'd fail," Harima said. "Oh, THAT's what happened to Yoshidayama," Suga said. "He got thrown out?" Satsuki asked. "Yeah." They finally found a place to sit, sat down, and had a nice lunch. ************** Meanwhile, Tani-sensei was in the teacher's lounge, eating and flipping through exams. He stopped when he came to Harima's; every inch of it was covered with doodles with little boxes drawn off in which Harima announced the right answer. Most of the drawings involved Eri answering questions, but a few showed Karen. Surely they weren't cheating, Tani-sensei thought. This probably just his way of remembering things. He can't even get close to Eri without being beaten up by her guards, anyway. Furthermore, a quick check showed his answers didn't perfectly match up with Karen or Eri's, though they were, to Tani-sensei's surprise, pretty good. Well, more power to him, Tani-sensei thought. I dunno how well the other teachers may take this, though. A further check showed, to his utter shock, that Tenma had done extremely well on her exam, although her answers all repeated themselves inside enfolded brackets in increasingly tiny print. Which was strange, but the top level was readable. Umezu had failed to answer one of the questions and had a little doodle of Madoka instead. Eri had done well, but the words 'kill Imadori' figured prominently anywhere she could fit them in. And Suga seemed to have answered anything he couldn't figure out with 'STUPID FATHER', whatever that meant. About par for the course, really. ********** "Done," Akira said, handing her exam to Kozuka- sensei. Kozuka-sensei stared. "You finished the whole thing in thirty minutes?" Akira nodded. "Well, you are the best student, but are you sure..." "Yes." "Well, good luck, then." Ten minutes later, Dr. Tenma brought hers up. "Here you go." Kozuka-sensei stared at her. "What are you doing in that outfit?" "I find it reminds me of my college years, enabling me to overcome any intellectual task," Dr. Tenma said. "It evokes the scholarship I absorbed during those joyful days." "Uhh...right," he said. He examined her exam. The questions looked right, but everything had been derived using recursive equations, regardless of appropriateness. She was going to lose some points on that for not using the right methods. Still, infinitely better than usual. Imadori was next. "I hope that I have not failed you, sensei," he said politely, then handed her a fruit basket. "For all your hard work." "Flatterer," she said. He was probably trying to bribe her, but was good enough he didn't need to. "Good luck on everything." "I expect my fiancee and I will do well," Imadori said. "We studied long and hard together." "I'm sure you will. Good luck!" And then Imadori was gone. Eri was next to finish, and then others, until finally, only Fuyuki, Harima, Sagano, and Yoshidayama were lurking about, working to try to finish in time. One by one, they left, until, finally, there was only Harima. Kozuka-sensei came over and saw every inch of his test was covered with little doodles of Akira telling him the answers. Very strange, Kozuka-sensei thought. It can't be cheating as Akira's not present, but...did he meo...no, you can't memorize the answers in math. Unless someone leaked my exam. He frowned. Will have to look into that. ************* Day two was wall to wall science day--Chemistry and Physics. Ichiban-Sensei studied the class, wondering if they would do well or die screaming as usual, on their Chemistry exam. 2-C was lacking anyone really hugely strong in the subject, although Hanai and Eri did pretty well at it. To his surprise, the class was very quiet and intent in their work, more focused than usual. Then again, the 'never to be explained' vacation half of them had taken might have gotten the goofing off out of their systems, at least briefly. He'd had to study Tenma's outfit to make sure she had no answers in her robes, but she seemed to be 'clean'. Circulating, he studied the crowd; Imadori looked frustrated and was busy drawing doodles instead of answering questions. Kozue spent too much time looking at Imadori instead of her test. Tenma was doing strangely well, although she scribbled bizarre arcane notations involving lots of brackets; he tried to remember his set theory, but couldn't quite follow it. And Harima...was drawing doodles of Eri telling him the answers, then writing them down? The sensei pursed his lips and went over and studied Eri's answers. Not the same as what Harima doodled Eri telling him...what was going on here? ************* "Oh, he did that on mine," Tani-sensei said. Kozuka-sensei nodded. "And mine. Maybe he memorized the drawings as part of his study technique?" Ichiban-sensei frowned. "Something's going on." The teachers were lunching in the lounge. "Anyone else seen anything like this?" Aino-sensei, who among other things, taught First Year English, said, "One of my students, Satsuki, kept scribbling 'WWSS' on her paper; I'm still not sure what it's supposed to mean." "What would Satan say?" Tani-sensei speculated. "Oh my," Aino-sensei said. "I don't think she worships devils," Kozuka-sensei said. "Well, it may remain a mystery," Ichiban-sensei said. "Suga!" Tani-sensei suddenly said. "What?" Aino-sensei asked. "Her boyfriend. She was clearly asking herself what he'd say," Tani-sensei said. Aino-sensei smiled. "How romantic." "Yeah," Tani-sensei said. "I'm a romantic at heart." "Pity you don't have anyone to practice on," Katou- sensei said. Tani-sensei held his tongue with difficulty; he and Tae had decided it best not to show off at school, as he had the idea it might lead to scandal; the PTA seemed jumpy about such things. Sasakura-sensei said, "Hello, Mr. Pot." There was an undercurrent of whispers around the lounge which reminded Itoko-sensei of nothing so much as a bunch of gossiping eight year olds. Some things never change. "Hey, I have plenty of dates," Katou-sensei said. "With people who may actually be men, online," Tani- sensei said. They glared at each other. "Now, now," Aino-sensei said. "Teachers shouldn't fight. I'm sure you won't both die as old maids." "Actually," Sasakura-sensei said, "Tani-san has a cute girlfriend. She's a baker." Tae-sensei wished she could snuggle up to Tanisa right now, but no, propriety. Stupid propriety. The teachers closed in on Tani-sensei like vultures on fresh meat, wanting details. Tani-sensei carefully spun a line of half-truths to accomodate them, concluding with, "So she's looking for a business school now." "Well, very wise of her," Karanagi-sensei said. She taught third year economics. "More money in management than labor, of course." "A likely story," Katou-sensei grumbled. "Hey, I'm not making her up," Tani-sensei protested. "I'll believe it when I see it," Katou-sensei said. "Fine, I'll bring a picture tomorrow," Tani-sensei said. "Pictures can be faked," Katou-sensei pointed out. "Who spat in your Wheaties?" Kozuka-sensei asked. "It's not THAT implausible." "He's king of the class of idiots, 2-C," Katou-sensei says. "You are the company you keep." He folded his arms across his chest. "Which is why you're a loud-mouthed thug," Tani- sensei said hotly, surprising everyone. "Now, now, let's stay calm," Aino-sensei said. "We'll have to settle this the mature way. Come to my office after the next final ends, and I'll see about setting things up for a duel." "A DUEL? Tani-sensei asked nervously. "Yes. Now, we need a new topic--amusing stories of cheating," Aino-sensei said. That kept them busy for the rest of lunch. ************** Eri studied the rolled up note. 'Eat lunch by the huge tree in the school garden--H'. Is he going to try to meet me, she wondered. It must be. But how? She headed over to sit there, only to find Tenma had tagged along with her. "You shouldn't go mope by yourself," Tenma said. "And you shouldn't abandon your fiancee." "I AM NOT MARRYING IMADORI," Eri said. "So don't push me at him." "But your parents..." Tenma began. "Can bite me. Can we not talk about that?" Eri got to the tree and sat down. He can't possibly...not with Tenma here. She sighed. But I don't want to just bite Tenma's face off to make her go. "Okay. Did Mikoto invite you to the countryside yet?" "Yes. I'll be at my family's winter lodge, but hopefully, we can see each other. Also, Mikoto and I discussed and by hard effort, I persuaded Mother to let some of our group stay with me, as I don't think Mikoto- chan's friend has infinite space," Eri said. She heard something odd inside the tree, like someone drawing breath. The tree, she realized; Kenji must be hiding in the hollow tree. Tenma said, "It will be so much fun!" Her hair antennae wiggled, whacking into her mortarboard. "I hope so," Eri said. "I'll need it." She cocked her head. "I think I hear Karasuma calling you." "Ooji-kun!" Tenma shouted, running off. Finally. Very, very softly, she whispered, "Kenji-kun, you in the tree?" "It's me," he whispered. "What's this trip thing?" Eri explained, trying to use her eating to hide her talking. "I guess you guys will have fun," Harima mumbled. "I'm sure you're invited," Eri said. "But you'll have to stay at Mikoto's friend's place." "Look, Eri-san, I have to tell you some things," Harima said very seriously. "Kenji-kun," she said, holding her lunch box up to her mouth to try to hide any speaking. "I am NOT going to marry Imadori, whatever happens." "I'll kill him if he tries," Harima said hotly. "I should go kill him right now." Eri shook her head. "No, not now. You have to tell me, first." "Okay, I'm telling you I'm going to kill him." "..." Harima started to climb out of the tree, at which point, the security swarmed over him and carried him off for his daily beating. Eri sighed. Kenji... Akira put down her binoculars, eyes narrowing slightly. The repeated beating of a member of Tea Club was entirely unacceptable. Entirely. But taking on the security wouldn't be easy. This would require more thought. ************ "Oh, I ACED the English exam," Harry said to Lala, Tougo, Mai, and Karen; Karen was seated in his lap as they ate lunch. He could see Lala had a weird look; he wondered if she was jealous. He hoped not, as he was pretty sure Lala relieved jealousy through beatings. "It really wasn't hard," Karen said. "I found it easy," Lala lied. Her spoken English was actually pretty good, but she struggled with the written form. "Me too," Mai said. "And I," Tougo said. He believed it in his heart, so it must be true. "Chemistry, though, it kicked my ass," Harry said. "Me too," Karen said softly, between bites of food. "I hate chemistry," Lala said, then munched viciously on her fried mushrooms. "I was too busy trying to take over 2-C to pay enough attention to study for Chemistry," Mai confessed. "Me too," Tougo said, grinning. He and Mai looked at each other, then began laughing loudly. Karen put her food box down and leaned against Harry. She couldn't pretend she felt the same about him as Imadori, and yet...it was so comfortable. She enjoyed being around his friends and they all seemed to accept her. Maybe...their love...once it was love...could build a bridge between the warring nations. That would be noble, wouldn't it? And she did like Harry. She picked up her tea to drink it, only to see Imadori clinging to the window, STARING at her. He didn't look happy at all. Was he jealous? She felt her heart beat faster, and her mind whirred, trying to understand. He looked so happy with Eri-san, and yet...Did he just expect me to sit around and wait for him? Karen felt a surge of anger at that. If he doesn't like me, I can...try to accept that...but he can't expect me to just mope forever while he runs around getting engaged to other women. "Karen, are you okay?" Mai asked, worried. She pointed. Imadori mouthed something. Tougo rose and strode over, opening the window. "You could use the door, you know." "Just passing by," Imadori said, trying to clamber over to 2-C's windows. Tougo pulled him in. "Have you come seeking to engage yourself to a woman in each class?" Lala rose. "You!" She pointed at Imadori. "What you've done to Karen is UNACCEPTABLE!" "But...I didn't..." he began. "Imadori-kun, you should be with your rich fiancee," Karen said sadly. He looked very guilty, a look she'd rarely seen on him. "It's for her own good," he mumbled. "You can't fool me with your lies!" Lala said. "GO BACK TO 2-C!" She charged, grabbed him, and punted him out the window. "I think you sent him to the wrong school's 2-C," Tougo observed idly. "They're welcome to him." Then the security men swarmed through the walls. "We cannot allow this insult to Imadori-sama!" one of them said. "-sama???" Tougo said in shock. They dogpiled Lala, who vanished under the tide of security men. "Lala-chan!" Karen said, leaping to her feet. "Fools, NEVER GRAPPLE A WRESTLER!" Lala rose from the mass of security men like the tide inevitably, inexorably coming in. Grabbing them all, she began to spin; one by one, they lost their grips and slammed into the walls like dough in a centrifuge. Karen grabbed Harry and Mai and dove to the floor to avoid the barrage. Tougo threw himself flat by Mai. "I can save my own girlfriend, thank you." "I don't need saving!" Mai said. "I can save myself! Don't expect me to wear the Sailor Senshi costume for you for this, Karen!" There was a terrible silence punctuated only by the sound of security men slamming into walls. "I...Mai..." Karen blushed. "I'm sure my dear girlfriend would rather have Lala as Sailor Jupiter, anyway," Harry teased. Karen imagined Lala in a Sailor Jupiter uniform. So cute, she thought. Perfect body for it, and... Karen blushed slightly. Tougo said, "I suppose Sailor Mercury for Karen." "It is a good fit," Harry said. Karen blushed more. "I'd much rather be Jupiter, but no, Tougo likes the blonde wig and..." Mai paused. "Never speaking again." Another security man flew overhead as they laid on the floor. "How many of these people are there?" Tougo asked, looking up. Two of the downed ones rose, then weakly rushed Lala, who put them both in a headlock, then bodyslammed them. Finally, there was silence. "Who the hell are you people?" Lala asked. "Sawachika's family's security," Karen said. "Right. Help me take out the trash, Karen." "Okay," Karen said softly. ************ Karen and Lala walked back into 2-C holding a pile of security men, which Lala dumped on Eri's desk, burying it. "Keep your perverts to yourself," she said. Sagano stared. "..." "Umm, okay," Yuuki said. Lala stalked off with Karen in her wake. When Eri eventually returned, looking grumpy, she stared in surprise at the pile of security men. "What happened?" "Lala happened," Sagano said. Going to have to buy her a nice present, Eri thought. ************ Tomo stood on a desk. "I HATE EXAMS. Flunkers, TO ME!" She, her friend Osaka, and her other friend, Kagura, were right in the middle of a song and dance routine about how they hated exams and school when a blond man crashed through the window behind them. Tomo was crushed under him, while Osaka and Kagura went flying into the rest of the class, ending up with people's food all over them. Well, my lunch was too fattening, anyway, Yomi thought as she shoved Osaka off her lap. Everyone gathered curiously to stare at the unconcious blond. "He's kind of cute," one girl said. "How'd he end up coming in the window?" a boy asked. Chiyo-chan checked his pulse. "He's alive," she said. The door opened and Yukari-sensei came in. "Did anyone die?" "A boy got flung in the window!" Yukari-sensei frowned. "If this is one of Tomo's pranks..." "He crushed Tomo flat," one boy said. "Where is Tomo?" Yomi asked. "He's still on top of her!" another said, dragging him off Tomo. "Well, if he crushed Tomo, he must be a saint among men," Yukari said. "Someone clean up this mess. Sakaki, haul him down to the nurse's office. I'm going to go finish my lunch. Try not to flunk TOO much, everyone." Sakaki rose from her chair and came over and hefted the boy onto her back, then began hauling him to the nurse's office. The boy began to stir on her back, feeling the healing power of D flowing into him. Sakaki noticed when his hands suddenly came around to grab her breasts. The pure power within them flowed into him, awakening him with a jolt. "D!!!!!" For a moment, all was silent in the world as Sakaki froze up, uncertain what to do. "DEFILER OF WOMEN!" There was a blur, and suddenly two feet were crashing into Imadori's face. "How dare you exploit someone trying to help you like that." Imadori found himself pinned to the ground with a small-chested woman standing on his face; she looked flushed and nervous and angry at once. "I, Aida Kaorin, will NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" One of the creepiest looking teachers in all of space and time, Kimura-sensei, stuck his head out into the hallway. "Oh, Kaorin-san, you look so cute when you're angry." "I can see your panties, you know. And you have no D within you, so you must get out of my way," Imadori said. "AHHH!!!!" Kaorin jumped up and down on Imadori's face in a panic, until Sakaki pulled her off him. She turned and buried her face in Sakaki's chest. "The freaks are after me! Save me, Sakaki-san!" "Oh, hello, nephew," Kimura-sensei said to the unconscious Imadori, who he began to drag away. "Thank you for coming to visit me, but shouldn't you be in your own school?" "Such perfect D..." Imadori wailed. "C just isn't enough, I have grown weak for its lack..." "The little cute ones are better," Kimura-sensei said, dragging Imadori further down. Sakaki stared off at them. Birds of a feather do flock together, she thought. *********** Itoko looked at the mangled Harima. "Sawachika-san, will you help prop him up?" she asked. Nervously, Eri approached Harima. The security men, however, were now all piled up unconscious in the corner and did not intervene. Eri straightened him up, and shook him. "Snap out of it, Kenji-kun." Harima stared at Itoko. "What the hell are you doing here?" "I teach this class, baka," Itoko said. "Now, everyone clear their desks. Test time." She looked around. "Where is Imadori?" "Lala threw him into the next prefecture," Sagano said. Karen sighed, feeling guilty. I hope you're okay, Imadori-san. Itoko frowned, but nodded. "Well, that's going to be trouble for his grade." Harima shook his head, feeling groggy. Just remember, I must draw Mary...wait, who is Mary? Eri. Must draw Larry. Eri. I'm gonna have to start wearing a helmet, Harima thought. Dr. Tenma asked, "Will we get to design an atomic accelerator on this exam?" "If you can design a working accelerator in the amount of time available, I will give you an A," Itoko said. "Can we make it a group project?" Yoshidayama asked. It was the only hope he had of making an A. "Those of you who wish to gamble your grades on it, may work in groups to design an atomic accelerator for an A," Itoko said. "However, I don't advise it." The class immediately broke into small groups which began quickly scribbling on paper together. Only Hanai, Harima, and Eri stayed in their seats, working the regular test. She circled, studying those three; Eri was methodically working things out. Hanai was blazing at high speed through the questions and...Harima was doodling little cartoons, like he had on the other exams. She got her camera and began recording him; she was curious enough to want to get to the bottom of this. Sagano held up a hand. "Itoko-sensei, is this an accelerator for atoms or an atomic-powered car accelerator?" "The former," Itoko said. "Thanks," Sagano said, though she looked nervous. Itoko sat and filmed Kenji and waited for something exciting to happen. Instead, there was a scene transition. ************* "You really need to learn to appreciate the full beauty of the female body, not just focus on unusually large breasts," Kimura-sensei said to Imadori. "They are the source of all my power," Imadori said. "Though I must admire your skill at finding a job that lets you pursue your interest in the female form." "I wanted to be a doctor, but I couldn't do well enough at Chemistry or Physics," Kimura-sensei said. "MY FINAL!" Imadori said, panicking. "I have to get back to my school." "Let me see if I can find someone to drive you over," Kimura-sensei said. He turned to his students. "Don't cheat while I'm gone." Whether or not they did cheat, they did start to play celebratory music when he left, making Imadori wonder what was going on. After some investigation, he finally found Yukari- sensei taking a nap, as she had no exam to give this period. "Yukari-san, can you please drive my nephew back to his school? He has a final. I'll pay for your gas." She yawned. "Sure. If he doesn't mind." "Mind?" Imadori said. "What could be better than to be driven by a fair maiden such as yourself?" Yukari smiled. "You're a good boy. Come with me." ************** Karen's band had pooled their knowledge to try and design an atomic accelerator. She was quite impressed by Karasuma's contributions; he seemed to know all about atomic physics. Or possibly, he bluffed well. Sagano scratched her head. "Are you sure that the tube needs to be lined with rubber?" "So the atoms bounce off it and stay inside," Fuyuki said. "Why don't we line nuclear reactors with rubber, then?" Sagano asked. Karen looked around the room. Still no Imadori. She was starting to worry. "Rubber can only handle the low, periodic yields of an accelerator. There's too many atoms at too high of energy for it to work in a nuclear power generator," Karasuma said. Yuuki tapped her cheek. "Sounds reasonable to me." "And we can really split an atom with sonics?" Sagano asked. "You seem awfully critical today," Fuyuki said. "Hey, I don't want to botch this, and it seems kind of..." Sagano paused. "Karasuma, you're not drawing on physics from another dream, are you?" "It should be the same," Karasuma said. "Physics from another dream?" Fuyuki asked. Karen stared off out the window, fretting. Distantly, Dr. Tenma said, "Insulation won't stop particles moving at thousands of miles an hour by itself, Nara-san." "It's funky," Sagano said. She paused, looked over at Tenma, then looked at Karasuma who nodded. "Oh." Karasuma said, "Now, we will need a really big slingshot here..." ************ "Faster!" Imadori shouted as Yukari took a corner at 150 in a 50 zone. She looked at him in shock. "Faster?" "I get a little rush from this, but only a little. It does go faster, right?" Imadori asked. Yukari grinned. "Oh yes, it goes faster. I'm used to cowards I have to drive slow for." "Take it to sixth gear!" Imadori crowed. The first cop car showed up when they hit 200 KPH in a 40 zone. Soon, it began to have children; Yukari upshifted and now weaved through traffic, trying to lose the cops. "I know the perfect place to lose them," Imadori said. "Take the next exit." She roared off the highway and down into thick city streets, into a warehouse district. They managed to lose the police in the maze of streets, then pulled into an abandoned building to hide until the cops dispersed enough to resume travel. Then they peeled out again, only to have cops on their tail almost immediately. This is going to be a long afternoon, Imadori thought. ************* Itoko-sensei frowned. Still no Imadori. Didn't answer his phone. Calling around the direction he'd been flung yielded nothing. Normally, she would have left him to his own devices, but given all the trouble from the last time people started vanishing... When Akira turned in her group's final report, Itoko told her, "Imadori is STILL missing. We should make sure he hasn't vanished to another dimension." "Is it worth bothering?" Akira asked. "Best to make sure he isn't in some kind of trouble that will suck us all in one by one," Itoko said. "True. I will see if he can be found." "Thank you." ************* Everyone looked up at Akira as she came to 1-C, just as Sara finished her test. "Ahh, Sara-san, will you come with me?" Akira asked. "Of course," Sara said, and came with her. "What's wrong?" "We're going Imadori hunting. You're my backup." "Okay, sempai. I hope he's okay." "I hope he's not, as I'll have to throttle him if he's fine, but we had to go find him," Akira said. "But we'll see." ************ Imadori had never made out with a teacher in the back of a car before. He was pretty sure it was okay, since they went to different schools. While his ideal woman was more stacked than Yukari-sensei, she was just too cool for him to pass this chance up. "Oh, Nyamo-chan will die from envy," Yukari-sensei moaned as he kissed her throat. "You don't have a boyfriend, do you?" he asked. Not that it would necessarily stop him, but it was best to know of complications. "No, being loved and left is Nyamo-chan's job," Yukari-sensei said, running her hands up and down his back. "She's an old friend of mine, also teaches at our school." "Oh, okay," he said, then went back to work, reassured. *********** "But...what? He must have left with Yukari-sensei hours ago," Kimura-sensei said. Sara shrank slightly, half-hiding behind Akira, who seemed unbothered. The man creeped her out. Nyamo-sensei came up. "What's this about Yukari?" "I asked her to drive my nephew back to his school, since she was napping, and..." Kimura-sensei began. "You...let her...DRIVE?" "Is that bad?" Kimura-sensei asked. "Bad driver?" Akira asked. "WORST OF ALL DRIVERS," Nyamo-sensei said. "Come on, I know the roads here pretty well; we can cruise around and see where they wrecked." "If they wrecked," Sara said. "No, WHERE they wrecked," Nyamo-sensei said, shaking her head. "Come on, let's go." ************* Itoko stared at Dr. Tenma's group's final report. It was a nearly flawless design, with well crafted diagrams done by Harima. She wasn't quite sure what purpose the attached dojo served, but that was clearly Mikoto's idea. Well, this wasn't conventional, but after all the hell, maybe they did deserve a break, just this once. She'd give a bonus to the few students who did it the right way and grade these leniently. But how did Tenma do it? She wasn't picking up any radio frequencies. It was very strange. ************* "Do we have to?" Harry asked Karen. "Well, I have to. I'm really worried he hasn't come back," Karen said. "You need to forget about him," Harry said, frowning. "I'm sorry," she said, quickly kissing his cheek. "But he'd normally be back by now. I'll walk." Harry sighed. "Okay, okay, we'll take my bike." She kissed him again, this time a lot more firmly, arms around him. "You're the best boyfriend," she said softly. "Flatterer," he said. "You'll owe me some more kisses." "I'll pay gladly," she said, taking his arm. Well, best to earn some credit with her, Harry thought. And really, there was some chance that Imadori was crumpled under rubble or something. Harry wasn't callous enough to risk that. ************* Yukari gobbled ice cream madly. "This is GREAT. Next time, I make Nyamo-chan take me here and pay for it," she said. "I'm glad to repay you your favor of driving me," he said, slowly working on his vanilla and extra lemon flavor ice cream. It was very tasty, but the lemon was SUPER tart. He'd given up on getting back in time to do the final and was just enjoying himself. He'd been likely to bomb Physics, anyway. He passed her a business card. "Here's my number," he said. "If you ever want to do this again." "YES," she said eagerly, then more sedately, "I might be interested." She pulled one of her own and passed it to him. It was nice to be able to just relax and be himself instead of having to be all formal, he thought. Though, admittedly, Sawachika-sama had made it worth his time. And teasing Eri-san was fun. She was good company when she forgot to be angry. "Well, perhaps to celebrate the end of exams," he said. "I could do with some celebrating," she said. "It'll have to come quick, as Nyamo and I are going ski-ing. I think." "You think?" he asked curiously. "She got us some package vacation deal. I leave the details to her," Yukari said, waving her hand. "Anything that gets me out of the house, away from the parents." "I know the feeling," Imadori said emphathetically. She grabbed his hands. "It's so nice to meet someone who understands me." "I am truly a lucky man to meet someone so beautiful and wise and fun to be around," Imadori said. She turned red a moment, then said, "You flatter me." He let go of her hands, then said, "That enough for you, or would you like some more?" "MORE!" Her order had just arrived when Nyamo, Akira, and Sara walked in. "You stopped for ICE CREAM???" Nyamo asked. "And it took three hours to eat it," Akira pointed out. "I can't drive without fuel," Yukari said, pointing her thumb at herself. "Imadori-sempai, you've missed your final!" Sara said. "I was going to flunk anyway," he said. "I was too focused getting ready for Geography tomorrow. I want to SUPER ACE it." "If you haven't had your English yet, I could help you get ready for it," Yukari said. Nyamo stared at Yukari. Is she possessed, Nyamo wondered. "I must regretfully inform you that fate decreed I had to take it without your help, which would no doubt have elevated my grade several steps," Imadori said. "Of course it would. I am a GENIUS of English," Yukari said. "Really?" Sara asked in English. "So you teach English, I take it?" Yukari stared at Sara. "Have you been to Hawaii for vacations? You're very good." "My family speaks it at home," Sara said, feeling amused. "Language immersion is the best method," Yukari- sensei said in English. "You'll do well, when you grow up." She turned back to Nyamo-sensei, "I bet you wish you could have followed that." "It wasn't hard to follow," Nyamo-sensei lied. "Anyway," Akira said. "We've come to take Imadori- san to Itoko-sensei for his ceremonial flunking and beating. Come along, Imadori." "Do I have to?" Imadori asked. "Yes," Akira said. They stared at each other, Akira's slightly cold stare vs. Imadori's vapid smile. Everyone else watched, until finally Imadori bowed his head. "You win. I'll go." "See you later, Kyousuke-san!" Yukari said. "Don't forget to pay for the ice cream on the way out!" Nyamo-sensei rolled her eyes and took her charges out. *************** It struck Harima that with the security men out of action, this was finally his chance to talk to Eri. "Yo," he said, as she got up. He pointed at the men, then at the door. Her eyes widened. Finally! They ran out of the classroom together. Dr. Tenma stared at them as they went. "What are they doing?" "Probably trying to talk without being beaten up by the security men," Mikoto said. "About what?" Dr. Tenma asked. Mikoto wasn't sure. "I don't know for sure." He'd better not be doing anything monkey-style to hurt Yakumo, Dr. Tenma thought. ************** Eri and Harima made it to the roof to talk in peace. "So..." she said softly. "So, umm...dammit, I got hit so hard by those punks, everything flew out of my head and stuck to their fists," Harima said. He tried to focus, but his brain kept screaming for revenge. "..." "There was...kissing...and something about manga...school...engagement...have to KILL IMADORI..." Harima strained to remember; his head was full of physics and blows to the head at the moment. She glided a little closer. "Kenji, don't you DARE forget everything when this is our best chance to talk!" Never count on Kenji's brain, she reminded herself. "You're so cute when you're mad," he mumbled. She blushed and slid a little closer as they both leaned on the railing. "Look, I am getting out of this engagement as soon as possible." "Hmm, you know, it's the seventh month anniversary of when we first met," he mumbled, as female Harima prompted him with this information. Her eyes widened. "You remember?" "Yeah, of course I do," he said idly. Got any other useful bits?, he asked his girl side. Tell her how you thought she was the prettiest girl in the class, his girl-side advised. But I was obsessed with Tenma! LIE, YOU FOOL, Onna-Harima said. "You were the prettiest girl in the class, and still are," Harima said nervously. Sometimes Onna-Harima told him stuff just to see him get hit; she was whimsical like that. Eri forced herself to not blush too much. People told her that sort of thing all the time, but when Kenji said it, it was like a bird singing in her heart. "I thought you loved Tenma on your arrival," she said softly. "I never loved her for her looks. I loved her for her spirit and her grace and her kindness," Harima said. "I loved her because she had strength, but she had it under control, instead of it controlling her, like with me." He sighed. "I'm still trying to get control of mine." "You're doing much better." She was bold enough to take his hand; he continued to stare out across the countryside, but he gripped it firmly. "You think she has strength?" He explained the story of how he met her to Eri in some detail, finishing with, "So feminine, but strong when she needed to be. And never giving up." "Sometimes, you have to give up," Eri pointed out. He looked over at her, looking tired. "I know. I'm still letting go of her. I can't just switch my emotions like a light, you know." "I know," she said softly. "But do you..." Something hit him. "Weird...girl-me had it hard for you and Yakumo, but didn't seem interested in Tenma much." There had to be some deep meaning in that, but he was going to need time to chew on it. Eri blushed. "I had it...hard...the emotions...how can you guys live with that? I could hardly..." She tried to rein herself in, to not say too much. "You were HOT for my body," Harima said, grinning. And you loved it, Onna-Harima told him. YOU loved it, Harima said. I was kind of... We're the same in the end, Onna-Harima told him. Mmm, too bad she's not too likely to change to female again, Otoko-Eri whispered to Eri. Eri's eyes crossed. "Just...because...dammit, kiss me now!" she barked. He couldn't disobey, stepping forwards and embracing her, pulling her in tight and kissing her as she commanded; it felt so good, although she was poking some of his sore spots. But it felt good to stop thinking and just enjoy a sweet kiss with a beautiful woman, even if you could see security men coming out of the corner of your eye. Even as he went flying over the railing, he thought it had been worth it. At least until he clonked heads with someone on the way down. *********** Harima woke up on a bench with Lala sitting next to him, reading her geography book. "Harima," she said. "Lala," he mumbled. "What's up?" "You landed on my HEAD," she said. "If you hadn't been unconscious, I would have rendered you such." "Sorry," he said. "I understand Sawachika's family seeks to keep you away from her." "Yes," Harima said, feeling angry about it. "But you are not tough enough to stop them." "I've had bad luck," he said. "The sun in my eyes, swamp gas rising off the marsh..." "Give me no stupid excuses. Do you wish to become strong enough to stop them?" Lala asked. "Fuck yeah," he said, then paused. "Fuuger yeah." Fuuger?, she asked herself. "Good. I will train you if you help me kill Imadori when the time comes." "Hell yeah!" he said, holding out a hand. She took it. "Let us swear our revenge, then." "IMADORI MUST BE CRUSHED!" they shouted in unison. Far away, Imadori sneezed. Too much ice cream in one sitting, he thought. **************** Karen frowned. No sign of Imadori at all. "Where is he?" "Maybe he went home," Harry speculated. She tried calling him again; he finally answered. "Yo." "Where have you been?" she asked frantically. "I got knocked all the way to Azuma High," Imadori said. "One of the teachers gave me a ride back, but we had a lot of trouble; I'm almost back now." "You're going to fail your exam!" Karen said. "I was gonna flunk anyway. This was more cool. Anyway, don't worry about me, I'm just fine, though I think I ate too much ice cream." Now Karen felt aggravated about getting so worked up about him. "We've been looking for you! Why didn't you answer your phone?" "Sorry," he said. "I had it on vibrate so it wouldn't annoy people during the exam if it rang." "You should have called people!" Karen said. "But you were all in exams, so I couldn't, until now," he said. His answers were far too reasonable. She had all this emotional energy and she needed to let it out, and getting mad at him wasn't working. "Well, try not to provoke Lala by peeping at us, okay?" "Okay," Imadori said. "I'll only peep when she's not looking." "Imadori-kun!" He laughed. "Thanks for calling," he said. "I have to go. Bye!" "He's okay?" Harry asked as Imadori hung up. "Yes," Karen said. She vibrated. "I was so worried, but he was just off on some joy ride with a teacher and..." Harry pulled the motorcycle over, parked it, and lifted Karen off it, then hugged her. She squeezed him tightly. "I feel so frustrated," she mumbled. "I think I know what will let it all out," Harry said. She blushed. "What...are you thinking?" "Come with me..." *************** Harry was right. Bowling DID let it all out; she could imagine each pin was Imadori not calling her. She wrote down his score. "Okay, you got nine on this one." She got up and took a shot; seven pins went flying; her second shot took out the other three. All the Imadoris had been punished for making her panic. She smiled. "Okay, your turn." What a gentleman, she thought. She'd assumed he...but...well, maybe. She might have said yes. But really, it was better not to rush things. ************** The next day was going to be Japanese History and Geography, so Tenma had assembled her gang for last minute studying. Unusually enough, it was her and Mikoto taking the lead, as Mikoto was the best at Geography and Tenma at Japanese history. She just wished Eri had been allowed to come, but her parents had her at home, studying with Imadori. Harima and Yakumo had both fallen over, exhausted; they looked cute with her head on his stomach. Tenma sighed. "Poor Kenji; he keeps getting clobbered." "It begins to annoy me," Akira said. "And me, but not much I can do," Mikoto said. Akira gently shook Harima. "Wake up, Kenji-san. You need to study." "Suou-san and Tenma-san can take my exam for me," he mumbled. "Not an option," Akira said. Harima sat up, pulling Yakumo up into his lap as he did so. She continued to sleep. He yawned. "Have we figured out who is staying where for the trip thing?" "Well, I was going to see about you and Yakumo and Tenma and Karasuma and Akira and Nara staying with us," Mikoto said. "And Eri will host anyone else, as I was thinking Yakumo would want Sara to come, which means all four of them will want to come." "They do seem kind of close," Tenma said. "Well, Asou and Suga are best friends, so the girlfriends kind of get coupled," Mikoto said. Hanai said, "Harima-kun, you should wake your girlfriend up; she needs to study too." "Yeah, I guess. I mean, really, are we going to learn anything at this point?" Harima asked. "You must study your hardest," Hanai said. "So you can get into the best art school." "Worn out after two hours of training," Harima said, yawning. "Training?" Hanai asked. "With Lala," Harima said. Hanai frowned. "You need to be faithful to your girlfriend." "Huh?" Harima asked. "We were just wrestling." "..." Hanai stared. He turned to Mikoto. Mikoto frowned. "Harima-san, you should be careful that she isn't out to seduce you." "By slamming my head into a tree forty times?" Harima asked, confused. If that's seduction, I hate to see what she would be like at a wedding. "We've sworn an oath together to kill Imadori and crush the security men." Mikoto rubbed her forehead. "Harima-san, he's just...he's just a typical horny guy. Not worth killing." "He's out to crush Eri's freedom and I won't let him," Harima said fiercely. "Even if he married her, he'd go off chasing D, instead of loving her." Mikoto sighed. "He's not a bad guy. Just lecherous." "I won't let some lecherous guy use and abuse Eri! And neither will Lala! So we formed an alliance." "Just don't let her tempt you to monkeydom," Tenma said. "I won't," he said. "Hanai's the one who lusted after Lala, not me." Hanai stared at his geography notes. She must be on the rebound, he thought. I'm sorry, Lala, I never meant to hurt you. "Okay," Tenma said. "Let's study!" ************** Imadori held his hands near Eri so the heat coming off her would warm them up; the heater was not working as well in the large, drafty room as he would like. "Touch me and DIE," Eri said. He grinned lazily. "Oh, I would never force myself on you," he said. "Liar," she grumbled. It didn't help that two of her worst subjects were tomorrow. "You drilled your countries yet?" Imadori asked. "I'm fine." "Well, if you have any questions, I can help," Imadori said. "I'm good at geography." "I'm fine," she said again firmly. He began drilling the major facts on each country out loud. After a bit, she realized he'd remembered a lot of thing she'd somehow missed, so she began scribbling notes from what he said. She wondered if he was taunting her or trying to help. That infernal constant smile... "How are you two doing?" Henry asked, coming in. "We're doing well, sir," Imadori said. "I think Eri could use more tea, though." Henry sent Nakamura to take care of it. "Studying geography?" "Yes, sir. Running my notes past Eri-san, so she can correct my errors," Imadori said. "Well, that's very nice of you to help your fiancee," Henry said. "Carry on." He headed out. Once he was gone, Eri said tightly, "You didn't have to cover for me." "Sure I did," Imadori said. "It's a fiancee's duty." He's mocking me, she thought. But he sounds so sincere. "We both know you'd rather marry Mikoto and her huge breasts." "While your own are not so bountiful as Miko-chin's, they are sufficient to satisfy any reasonable man," Imadori said cheerfully. "Shall we resume our studying?" Dammit, there has to be something to make him crack and expose himself, Eri thought. But what? ************** "I will find him, and I will kill him. Deader than Disco," Tomo said. Yomi rolled her eyes. "Sure you will." Sakaki blushed and looked embarrassed. "Don't any of you even care that he groped Sakaki?" Tomo said. "What?" Yomi said. She turned to look at Sakaki. "Is this true?" Sakaki, reddened, stared at her notes. "Anyone who could get away with that must be one dangerous person," Kagura said. "If he groped me, I'd break his arm." "He's going to have to pay. I should sic my dog on him," Chiyo-chan said, frowning. Tomo paused. "Wait, no one cared if he crushed me, but if he fondles Sakaki, you care?" "Exactly," Yomi said. "DAMMIT!!!!!" ************* Distantly, Sagano's nose twitched. Was Tomo in the house? No, it couldn't be. She shoved the thought aside. "We should do something for the break." "We should study, then make plans," Fuyuki said. "Studying is boring," Sagano grumbled. "Actually, I talked to Sawachika-san," Yuuki said. "She wants us to perform at the big party she's holding." Fuyuki said, "ROCK!" "We should," Karasuma said. "Where is Karen, anyway?" Yuuki asked. "Off with her new boyfriend," Sagano said. "She works fast." "I guess so," Yuuki said, sighing. "Maybe we can get you a rich boyfriend at the party," Sagano said, speculatively. "Your day will come," Karasuma said quietly. Yuuki started. Karasuma wasn't much for comfort. "You think so?" "I know," he said, then turned back to his notes. It felt strangely authoritative. So Yuuki put the thought behind her for now and turned to studying with the others. ************* Karen leaned against the wall, letting it hold her up as she and Harry kissed and their hands roamed around each other's torsos. She could forget Imadori when they did this, just lose herself in the moment. What she couldn't forget was her exam tomorrow. "I really...have to go. I should study at least a little. And I'm getting home late, so my folks will get mad." "Still grounded?" She sighed. "Yes." He patted her butt, kissed her one more time, then let go. "Okay. They may spot us here, anyway. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" She smiled. "Okay." Then she kissed him quickly. "That's for being a gentleman tonight." "Thank you. Goodnight, dear." "Goodnight, dear Harry," she said, then headed up to her house. He hopped on his bike and rode away, pleased. ************** Eri lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. There had to be something to crack Imadori, something to let her finally talk to Kenji. Though the kiss HAD been nice. She smiled at the memory of it, then began turning every inch of the conversation around in her mind. He'd been cut off before he finished what he had to say. She heard his voice in her mind--"Weird...girl-me had it hard for you and Yakumo, but didn't seem interested in Tenma much."-- Her boy self had an interest in everything female, it seemed like, but his big focus had been on Kenji and Yakumo. On Kenji. Girl-Kenji. Sexy, alluring... No, don't think about that, she thought. I think we both must have been sexier like that. Which seemed odd to her. Probably part of the magic. Magic... She'd been so busy with everything, she'd forgotten to test if she could still do anything sorcerous. Eri sat up nervously, hoping no one was looking. But really, her folks weren't THAT paranoid. Surely they wouldn't have anyone watching her in here. She wiggled out of her nightgown; the less clothing you wore, the more power. She thought about what to try and knew what she needed. Focusing her mind, she commanded, "REGO LIBRUM!" There was a huge swirling of energies, and everything in her room was flung everywhere. Explaining this was not going to be fun. But in the center of the mess stood the books she'd been given which she'd somehow lost. It made her head hurt to try to think of how she'd lost them. This should advance my studies, Eri thought. Assuming my parents don't beat me to death for this mess. She tried to think of a spell to fix the room, but she didn't know the right word for 'Mess' or 'disaster area'. Well, she could experiment with this later. Time to flip the bed the right way and sleep. Nakamura flung the door open. "Young miss, are you..." His eyes widened. Eri, realizing she was naked, shrieked and dove into the mess to hide. "What happened?" he asked. "There was a tornado," she mumbled. "Get dressed, we'll clean it up, so your parents will not kill you." He sighed. "You must learn to control your temper, young miss." "But...it was an accident," she said, getting her nightgown back on. He looked at her dubiously, and she sighed. No more experiments until finals are over, she thought, then got to work. ************** Karasuma started awake, then tried to remember where he was awake. He'd felt something... He frowned. Something...something had happened. But he couldn't feel anything now. He sighed and resolved to ask his parents about it in the morning. Back to sleep. ************** "I have a clever plan," Akira said to Harima, stopping him outside the front door. "To crush our enemies and drive them before us?" Harima asked. "Yes," Akira said firmly. "What is it?" Nara asked. "We're going to exploit the extreme romanticism of Nara's parent's harems," Akira said. "W...what?" Nara said nervously. "I'm going to appeal to their devotion to romantic ideals to get one of them to smuggle a transmitter into Eri's house. Then you can covertly radio her when everyone's asleep," Akira said. "Ooooh," Harima said. "Couldn't you just hand her one at school?" Nara asked. He didn't trust any of the harem members to actually pull this off. "They may detect something on her and they're always watching everyone around her," Akira said. "I'm thinking Selina is probably the best person for this job." "But she's just a rich socialite," Nara said. Akira just smiled a tiny smile. ************** During the test, Asou glanced over at Mikoto, who was busy answering questions at high speed. He smiled a little; she was usually so slow, but she knew her geography well. It was hard to think of her as a good student. She was a good looking woman; he'd thought at times about asking her out, but she and Hanai had always seemed kind of destined; they were around each other all the time, and he'd never quite found the courage to risk rejection. It was probably lucky Sara had come after him; he'd always tended to stand back and wait for things to happen. One of his flaws, really. But it had gotten him something wonderful this time. I hope she's doing well, he thought. But there wasn't much he could do for her right now. **************** Sara was pretty relaxed about her morning final, but feared the afternoon one would eat her alive, as she had little background in Japanese history before coming here. Yakumo and Asou had tried to help her, but she had a bad feeling about it. She glanced over at Satsuki, who was dripping sweat, and said a little blessing for her; it felt reassuring to know someone was more worried than her. Sara hummed a happy little tune as she turned back to her work. ************** "There really is only one solution to the mystery," Kozuka-sensei told the geography teacher, as she studied Harima's test, which had tons of doodles in which Mikoto was explaining Geography facts. "Surveillance." "But where are we going to find someone who get us the information?" "I know just the person," Kozuka-sensei said. ********** "This sort of thing is dangerous you know. Harima will kill us all if he finds out," Buddha said. "I'll give you a 20 point bonus on your final you had with me," Kozuka-sensei said. "Throw one in for Yoshidayama, and I'll take the job," Buddha said. "Why him?" "I need a monkey to string the cameras and assist me and help doesn't come cheap." "True," Kozuka-sensei said. "That's fine. Sold." "I'll get on it after my next final." *************** "Good news," Buddha told Yoshidayama. "If you help me with a small project, you'll get 20 extra points on your Math exam." "..." Yoshidayama smiled. His luck was FINALLY turning. "Sweet! I'll take it." "Good, you have to help spy on Harima." "..." Buddha smiled. "After the exam is over, we go to work." "But..." "Too late. You're in," Buddha said. I hate life, Yoshidayama thought. ************** The history test went by without incident. Harima felt pretty good about how well he'd done. So did Tenma, so they were both very perky until they got outside and found someone had taken both wheels off Harima's bike and left them lying on the ground. Harima glowed red. "Someone is going to DIE!" Tennouji came out, saw this, and began to laugh hysterically. Yakumo and Tenma both frowned at him. This did little. "YOU!" Harima said. "This is your fault!" he charged at Tennouji and began to pummel him; soon, a grand brawl was in motion. ************ "Plan worked," Buddha said over the radio to Yoshidayama. "You ready to go in?" "That damn cat will KILL me," Yoshidayama said. "That's what the fish is for." Yoshidayama approached the house, cringing. When Iori charged out, he threw the fish to Iori, who sat down to eat. Yoshidayama gave a great sigh of relief and went inside to do his job. Nothing can go wrong now, he thought. ************** "Hmm, interferance," Akira said, frowning. Her radio receiver was spitting static. "Maybe Selina put it in the wrong place," Nara said. "She always seems kind of lazy to me." Iori butted his head against Harima's leg; he idly petted Iori while he watched. "Probably should have just passed it covertly to Eri-san." "Hmm," Akira said. "Sawachika-family surveillance equipment may be using the same frequency and jamming this. I didn't think of that." She clicked it off. "I will recon tonight, and we try again tomorrow." "Akira-san, thank you," Harima said. "You owe me," Akira said. "That will be useful." She shook her head. "Let's study." They got on with it. ************** Day 4 was Literature and Art. Mikoto was feeling pretty confident, while Hanai looked worried but determined. Mikoto had helped him study all night and he hoped that he would bring his grade back up. Harima hoped he could somehow leverage reading War and Peace in the literature exam, as he'd neglected his school reading in favor of trying a few of the 'great books' this semester. They were, to his surprise, usually fairly interesting, though hard to read. Art, on the other hand, he was sure he would utterly kick ass. Dr. Tenma adjusted her hat. Please let it all be samurai stories, she thought. So dead, Eri thought. Two weakpoints in one day. She'd pass, but only barely. She glanced over at Imadori, who looked very confident, and frowned. Someone had been in her room last night...was it him? There was no proof, but it just had felt not quite right. But he would have stolen her underwear or something... She frowned and tried to focus on the test. ******************* The literature teacher stared at the test. "Tolstoy and Suou gave him the answers on this one." "Tolstoy?" Katou-sensei asked in disbelief. A demonic version of Tokugawa and Tsukamoto had advised him on the History exam; much to Katou-sensei's regret, the advice had been good and Harima had done pretty well. So hopefully, there would be proof he was cheating. "Let's run the tape," Tani-sensei said to Buddha. Buddha ran the tape; as they watched, they could see that Harima had transcribed aspects of the study session onto his test, with Tolstoy taking on the speaking parts of everyone wasn't Tenma. In a few cases, he'd garbled things said; if you viewed the tape carefully, he wasn't paying attention when those things were said. "Well, an impressive memnonic trick," Tani-sensei said. "But not cheating." "Dammit," Katou-sensei said. Aino-sensei said, "By my power as acting vice- principal, I declare him free of wrongdoing. Case dismissed." Tani-sensei gave a great sigh of relief. One less thing to worry about. *********** "Want to come to our party?" Tenma asked Karen. "It's going to be lots of fun. Since we really don't need to study for the gym exam." "Sure," she said, then paused. "Is it okay if Harry comes?" "That's fine, so long as there is no violence," Tenma said. "He'll be good," Karen said, hoping she wasn't lying. Tenma smiled. "See you then! Good luck with the art exam!" "Thanks," Karen said. "You too!" ************ "Your final exam will be drawing portraits of each other, to show how your skills have improved from when we did this earlier in the semester," Sasakura-sensei said. "I will draw names from a hat to pair you off." Tenma pointed at the hat, trying to will Sasakura- sensei to draw her name and Karasuma's first. Sasakura-sensei reached into the hat and felt several pieces of paper twitch. She blinked and pulled them. "Karasuma and Tsukamoto." "YEAH!" Tenma said, fist in the air. "Imadori and Nara." "DAMMIT," Imadori said. "Can't I partner with my cute fiancee? Or Mikoto-chan?" "Can I partner with Akira-san instead?" Nara asked. "No switching," Sasakura-sensei said. "I want everyone to have a chance to draw someone new." Akira ended up paired with Umezu. Mikoto ended up paired with Karen. Hanai ended up with an embarrassed looking Yuuki. Sagano ended up with Yoshidayama. "Dammit, I wanted my boyfriend!" "You're no big win either," he grumbled. "Not half so pretty as Eri-sama." "I'm TWICE as pretty as her," Sagano said. "Hell no," Yoshidayama said. I'll show him, Sagano thought. I'll show her, Yoshidayama thought. Curry, Karasuma thought. Finally, the last two names came out. "Sawachika and Harima," Sasakura-sensei said, smiling. The security men started to rush forward, but Sasakura-sensei stepped inbetween. "Now, now, this is serious school work. Why don't you handsome gentlemen sit down and I'll do a picture of you all?" She soon had them herded to a corner. I owe you one, sensei, Harima thought. Soon, the air was full of scribbling. Don't imagine Nara in drag, don't imagine Nara in drag, Imadori thought, as he began drawing Nara in drag. Don't think about Imadori-san, Karen thought. Or Harry. Or kissing Harry. Or kissing Imadori. Or Mikoto kissing Hanai. Or Hanai kissing Harry...yaoi... She blushed, and her hands began drawing Mikoto kissing Hanai, with herself kissing Harry in the background, along with Imadori and Onna-Nara kissing. I hope my girlfriend doesn't get jealous, Umezu thought, as he began drawing Akira. Can't make her too sexy, or Madoka might not like it. He glanced over at Madoka, who was busy drawing Kozue. Madoka seemed unperturbed. Akira drew a stick figure, then began slowly, painfully fleshing it out. She glanced at Umezu, and saw he had his head turned; he was busy looking at his girlfriend. She began drawing him with his head turned. Tenma began drawing away; she could see Karasuma hard at work. Don't draw me in Ukiyo-e, she thought. Not again. Make it really pretty so I know you love me. Dammit, I wish I had someone I could trust to draw me as a sexy pirate, Sagano thought. I liked that dream. Hanai finally said to Yuuki, "Any pose you'd like to be in?" "Something...musical?" she said nervously. He nodded and began drawing her at her keyboard. She licked her lips nervously, then decided to draw him in an attack pose. She began to draw carefully, looking up nervously at him every so often; their eyes often met and they both looked away, not knowing what to say. Eri nervously breathed in and out. "You doing okay?" she asked as she drew. She'd decided to draw him crushing Imadori. "I'm fine," he said. "Tomorrow is the easy day." He'd decided to draw her posing with her hunting rifle. She'd look more bad-ass that way. "Good," she said, then whispered, "I think someone snuck into my rooms somehow." "We planted a radio," he whispered back. "Call you tonight." Her eyes widened. "Wow." He grinned confidently and she felt a little better. Nara hummed to himself as he carefully drew Imadori being rejected by every woman in the class. Finally, it was time to turn in the pictures. Sasakura studied them as they came up one by one, commenting in her head. "Hmm, having someone use Yoshidayama as a cigarette is an interesting approach, but not quite what I had in mind," she said. "But it's what I did," Sagano said. "And Yoshidayama, it's a nice nude, but..." Sagano's eyes widened. "WHAT?" "You do know these won't be publically posted, right?" "They won't?" Yoshidayama asked. "DAMMIT!" "You could make an exception for this one..." Buddha suggested. "Really, it is kind of flattering," Sagano said. "I wouldn't mind." "NO," Fuyuki said. "No," Sasakura-sensei said, flatly. She then continued on. "Ichijou-san, you drew so many people kissing, it's hard to see Suou-san," Sasakura- sensei said. "Ooooo...." the class said. Karen blushed. "And who's this old man Karen is crushing in your picture, Suou-san?" Mikoto blinked, then looked embarrassed. "Hanai's father," she mumbled. Tenma took a peek at Karasuma's rendering of her...he'd done it in cave painting style. She frowned and tugged her hair in frustration. "Harima-kun, this is magnificent, if too violent to another class mate." Eri was hunting Imadori with her rifle in the pic; it was an incredible piece of work, right down to the glint off the gunmetal. Harima smiled. "Thank you, sensei." "And Eri...hmm, any particular reason you drew Harima in drag?" "It's not drag!" Eri protested. People swarmed to look. "It's...robes!" She now realized she'd zoned out and drawn Onna-Harima. Yoshidayama began laughing hysterically at the picture, until Harima flattened him. "Dammit!" Harima shouted and ran out. Stupid Kenji, Eri thought. It was just an accident! Every little thing is the end of the world with him. ************ Harima ran into Sara and Satsuki and Yakumo on their way to 2-C. He grabbed Yakumo's hands. "You don't think of me as a woman, do you?" "You made a pretty cute woman," Satsuki said, then began flipping through Harima's wallet to see if he had any interesting pictures. "I think of you as a boy, Kenji-kun," Yakumo said, smiling at him. "But you did make a cute girl," Sara said. "Very cute," Satsuki said. "Who is this?" She held up a picture of a bishonen blonde with short hair. "That's my mentor, Haruka. He's a delinquent like I used to be, but better at...HOW DID YOU GET THAT?" he asked. "You...dropped it," Satsuki said. "Oh, okay." He snatched it back. "Never invade a man's wallet." He looked at Yakumo. "So you prefer me as a boy?" "Yes," she said. "Though girl-you was cute and I didn't mind kissing you." He felt a great deal of relief. "Well, the worst is over. Let's get home and goof off." "Gym class tomorrow," Satsuki. "That's the best one." "Amen," Harima said. Not for me, Sara thought. But she didn't want to rain on their parade. "Yep. This is going to be awesome," Harima said. ************ "MY BIKE!" Harima screamed to the heavens. Once more, the wheels had been taken off. Sara frowned. Twice in two days? "Someone has it out for you." "Do the gods tell you who did it?" he asked Sara. "I will pray." She began praying, but she didn't see anything. Yakumo began looking for thoughts which might indicate who was guilty, but everyone was too busy thinking the gym exam would probably be fun to give her any clues. Satsuki dropped to one knee, took out a small bag of white powder, and began sprinkling it on the wheel and the axle. "What are you DOING?" Harima asked. "Dusting for fingerprints," she said. "I thought about tracking, but there's too many footprints here." "Wow, where did you learn all this shit?" Harima asked. "I mean, this STUFF." Sara giggled a little. Satsuki mumbled something. "What?" She finished getting the image of the fingerprints with some tape. "It takes a thief to catch a thief," she mumbled. "I still remember everything I learned in the other world." I wish I could forget what I learned, Harima thought. Yakumo nodded. "Me too." "And I," Sara said. I wasted my XP, dammit. Well, I did get some more brawler levels too, Kenji thought. "Okay, now the hard part is going to be getting everyone's fingerprints. Your last chance is tomorrow, during gym class," Satsuki said. "Hmm. Right. I'll do my best," he said. "So I can take my BRUTAL REVENGE." Satsuki tapped her cheek. "Hmm, I suppose the school doesn't keep fingerprint records." "Tae-sensei might," Yakumo said. "Well, let's go see her, then," Satsuki said. Harima nodded. "Lead on, Sherlock." *********** "Oh dear, twice in a row?" Tae-sensei said. "And fingerprints...unless they take those at the yearly physical..." She began fiddling with records. "I'm sorry, Hario, if you had a blood sample, I could help you, but not fingerprints." "I'll have a blood sample...once I kill whoever did this." A hand landed on Harima's shoulder. "WE TRAIN," Lala pronounced. "But...my bike..." he began. 300000 feet tall, she loomed over him like the apocalypse. "WE TRAIN." "Yes, master," he mumbled. "Yakumo-san, I'm counting on you to call Haruka to fix my bike since I have to train!" "But I don't know his number!" Harima threw her his phone as he was dragged off into the distance. "She's not after your boyfriend, is she?" Satsuki asked, frowning. "They're just training to kill Imadori-sempai," Yakumo said. "Perfectly understandable," Satsuki said, then paused. "Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something?" "We were supposed to meet Suga and Asou and go get some ice cream," Sara said. "And we wandered off...uh oh. See you later, Yakumo!" She took Sara by the hand and ran off. Well, I guess I should call Haruka-san, Yakumo thought. She headed towards Harima's bike and made the call. ************** Haruka hummed a little tune as work proceded. "So, why's he going to beat up this guy?" "He's a perverted sempai who has forced my sister's friend Sawachika Eri into a marriage," Yakumo said. And Kenji...had feelings for Eri. Which frustrated her, but she wasn't sure what to do about it. "So Kenji is going to beat him up with Gonzales-sempai's help." Haruka looked thoughtful as the front wheel now went into place. Haruka tightened the nuts holding the wheel in place. "Is he being a good boyfriend or is he still a punk." "He's a good boyfriend, mostly," Yakumo said, leaning against a tree and looking up at the sky. "Mostly?" Haruka asked. "He can be kind of loudmouthed and thoughtless sometimes," Yakumo said. "And won't talk about how he feels unless he's angry. Often." "Well, guys don't do much emotion-talking," Haruka said. "They show it by punching people in the face for you and letting you ride their precious bike." Yakumo smiled a little. "Has he taught you to ride it yet?" "No," Yakumo said, then a little jealously, said, "He taught sempai." "She's a firecracker, that one," Haruka said, working on the back wheel. "She was all...so...and then she kissed me and..." Yakumo suddenly realized how insane trying to explain it all would be. She felt very embarrassed. "The plot thickens," Haruka said, grinning. Haruka brought the other wheel into place. "Maybe she wants a threesome." Yakumo's eyes widened. "You think so?" "It's logical. Why else would she kiss you?" Haruka asked. "She claimed it was an accident," Yakumo mumbled. "I think it's clear she wants you. Any other signs she likes girls?" "She pretty clearly likes to kiss girls," Yakumo mumbled. "Like...umm..." Haruka grinned broadly. "She's been all smoochy on women before then?" "Yes," Yakumo mumbled. Haruka finished tightening up the other wheel, then moved the bike around a little to see if it stayed on. "Pretty clear. She sees she can't steal Kenji from you, but figures if she gets BOTH of you, then she's good." Yakumo looked nervously at Haruka, whose thoughts were closed to her, even when she probed deeper. I shouldn't pry...what am I even prying for? It was just panic. "Well, if I did date a girl, I'd rather date Sara," Yakumo said. "She is pretty, but she's rather bossy and has a temper," Yakumo said. "While Sara is sweet and kind and gentle. I mean, not that I would date a girl." Haruka laughed, then tested the engine. "Okay, I think this bird will fly. And never knock something until you try it. You might be surprised." "Thank you, sempai." "Well, keep me posted. I want to see if my theory is right." Yakumo blushed again. "Yes, sempai." Haruka said, "You might try posting a watch tomorrow, to see if someone comes after it. I guess that's hard to do when you all have a final, though." "True," Yakumo said. "Thank you again, sempai." "No problem," Haruka said, heading out. ************ Nara found Akira standing by the window, staring out across the countryside towards their neighbors, who had a brooding manor house surrounded by steep slopes down and a bramble forest. "Worried about the neighbors?" "Just thinking. Maybe we should go to Vegas," Akira said. "I...you want to get married?" Nara asked in shock. "Well...I..." Akira froze up. "I meant to gamble ourselves up the wealth for the house, not to get married." She paused. "I mean...we're too young for marriage, right?" Her voice was weaker than usual. "Yes," he said. "But if we have time after the ski trip, that would be great." "I'll see if I can find a group deal," Akira said. "Even with the cheapness of our haunted house, we still owe your parents a ton of money." "Yeah," Nara said. "Are we going to Tenma's party?" "I thought that's tomorrow night, to celebrate no more exams?" Akira asked. "Isn't everyone getting together since we only have the Gym exam tomorrow?" Nara asked. "Hmm, makes sense. Let's go, then." Marriage, Nara thought. Really, marrying Akira would be nice, but we don't have the time or money right now. Does he really think we're too young or does he not want to marry me, Akira wondered. I'm just being silly. We are too young, and that's that, really. ************ Many had gathered at Tenma's to enjoy themselves, since the exams were virtually over. Harima found himself facing off with Hanai across a checkerboard. "Don't we need dice?" he asked. "Dice? Why would you use dice?" Hanai asked. "You have to roll off to see who gets the next move, right?" Harima asked. "..." "I've never heard of that," Mikoto said, sitting nearby. "Me neither," Tenma said. "But there is betting, right?" Harima asked. "No," Hanai said. "And the loser doesn't have to run naked?" Harima asked. "No, not at all," Hanai said nervously. Mikoto nosebled slightly. "Ecchi," Tenma teased as she passed Mikoto a handkerchief. "Who taught you checkers, anyway?" Hanai asked. "DAMN YOU, ITOKO!!!!!!!" Harima shouted. *********** Elsewhere, Sagano knelt behind Fuyuki as he sat on her bed. "C'mon, there's no reason to bother studying up on game rules. We all know these sports by now. And the final's hardly any of the grade. Let's get frisky." She purred like a cat into his ear. "Your mother is napping next door," Fuyuki said. "And coach is tricksy." "I can be very quiet," Sagano whispered. "Also, I'm RIGHT HERE," Yuuki said from the floor, where she was reading over the rules of soccer one more time. Sagano jumped. "Yuuki? Dammit, I forgot you were here." "Hmmph." Sagano hopped down and struck up the same pose as before, this time with Yuuki. "I'm sorry." "You say that, but it doesn't make you change," Yuuki grumbled. "Well, here, give me some of your boss paperwork. I'll do it for you while you study," Sagano said. "Oh, hey, that's nice of you," Yuuki said, softening. She passed a stack of papers to Sagano. Sagano went to her desk and went to work. I HAVE THE POWER, she thought. HAHAHAHAHA. ************* "We should play loud music and dance," Mikoto said. "Yeah," Tenma said. "I'll get some!" "Dance, huh?" Harima said. "I'm not good at dancing." "Or checkers," Hanai said. "Shut up!" "Please," Yakumo said to Harima. He melted. "Okay." "You'll dance with me, right?" Nara asked. "Of course," Akira said, staring at Hanai. "What?" he asked. "Aren't you going to ask Mikoto to dance with you?" she asked. "Of course," he said. "Mikoto-kun, do you wish to dance with me?" "Of course, Haruki-kun," she said, smiling, and taking his hand. Soon, loud rock music was flooding the room with a wall of sound. Iori fled. Yakumo wasn't sure what to do; neither was Harima; he began observing Hanai and imitating him, while Yakumo did likewise with Mitoko. I wish Eri could come dance with us, Tenma thought. She must be going crazy off on her own. ************* Eri took a petty pleasure in watching Imadori slowly go crazy. They were having tea and cookies while listening to classical music, a nice relaxing break for her. And clearly slow torture for him as he fidgeted. Radio tonight, she thought. Finally, I can talk to Harima. If I can figure out what to say to him. ************** Tenma danced like a very tiny tornado; the wise got out of her way as she rocked out. She slowly circled the 'dance floor' (better known as the living room), circling each of the various couples or singles dancing, thus forcing everyone to keep an eye on her to avoid collision. It didn't help that Karasuma followed her, imitating her moves with precision, so as to create a larger tornado in her wake. Asou, Suga, Harima, and Hanai found themselves facing each other near the center of the room. (Nara was also there, but as often happened, might as well have been invisible.) It was, of course, obligatory to see who danced better. The four began to circle, almost as if stalking each other, and sometimes trampling on Nara just a bit. Hanai had the edge in coordination, but lacked much dancing experience; thus, he tended to observe moves and learn them quickly, but had only a shallow repertoire to work with. Harima had raw enthusiasm going for him, along with good coordination, but he had the least experience of all. The results might be charitably compared to a Veritech in heat. Suga, on the other hand, had all the smooth moves, constantly popping out something new to outdo Harima and Hanai, even as they learned his old tricks. He also had some knowledge of dancing with women, and quickly pulled his girlfriend into his moves, though she had to hustle to keep up. Asou, though not so adept as Suga, had more grace than Suga, who every so often, would make a move more like Frankenstein than Gene Kelly. His girlfriend, on the other hand, didn't have much experience in this kind of dancing. Harima tried to now pull in Yakumo to back him up, but she quickly swooned into his arms, rather hampering getting his groove on. Hanai, on the other hand, found Mikoto a willing and able partner in dancing, and they were soon dancing rather close together. It was at this point that Harry and Karen proceded to shame them all by basically re-enacting Olivia Newton John and John Travolta's last big song and dance routine from Grease, ending with the two of them kissing in front of everyone, who had fallen silent and still by the end. There was a moment of staring, and then Tenma began to clap, as did everyone else. Karen turned beet red, but smiled. Harry grinned like he now owned the world. Harima had to outdo that. BUT HOW? Yakumo had woken back up, at least. Then he remembered a scene from some movie Itoko had been walking where people had danced right up a wall. He was badass enough for that, right? He took Yakumo and sped up with her, forcing all others to flee out of the way and tried to dance up the wall with her. To his pleasure, they got partway up. To his displeasure, they then fell to the ground as they lost momentum. He managed to roll to catch Yakumo. "Ohhh, I know that one," Harry said. "Good try if not quite good enough," he said. "Be nice," Karen said. "Before you can hurt yourself again, I'll warn you that they cheated with a rotating set on that," Harry said. "What, they FAKED IT?" Harima asked. "Yeah." "Disgusting," Harima said. Hanai was trying to think of a good way to show off as well. Unfortunately, his knowledge of dancing was not too great. He could tell Mikoto was trying to think of something also. While he thought, Satsuki and Suga looked at each other, then at Asou and Sara, then grinned. He went and changed the music to something slow, then began some intimate dancing with her, moving constantly to try and keep themselves in Asou and Sara's line of sight for maximum embarrassment. Asou and Sara tried to ignore them and began waltzing in a stately and impressive manner. Karasuma drew Tenma into a waltz, as did Akira with Nara. Harry and Karen soon followed suit. Harima wasn't sure how to waltz, but he could see what Satsuki and Suga were doing, and it looked a lot easier. He took Yakumo out onto the floor and began dancing with her that way, their bodies undulating as they moved along slowly. Yakumo could feel herself get more and more embarrassed from how intimate and sexy it was; she could tell Harima was starting to get into it, which heightened her embarrassment. Seeing this, Hanai took Mikoto by the hand and began doing likewise with her. Unlike the other two couples, they very quickly lost their self-consciousness and began to bump and grind together quite intimately, which began to embarrass a fair number of the observers. Sara turned beet red and Asou tried hard to steer a course to avoid seeing any of the intimately dancing couples, which was mostly impossible. He was starting to wonder if Hanai and Mikoto were going to forget where they were and just take off each other's clothing. Sara found herself breathing hard, and she had to make herself stare just at Asou and nothing else, which wasn't easy when he kept getting his attention pulled over. Tenma trailed tiny tendrils of smoke. She kept imagining herself doing things like that, with Karasuma and her heart beat faster, and then she realized somehow Karasuma had drawn closer to her, and she rested her head on his shoulder, fighting the urge to jump on him. Well, we won't need to corrupt them, as it looks like Hanai and Mikoto are out to corrupt everyone, Suga thought. I hope this place has enough rooms for everyone. The excitement finally got to be too much for Yakumo, who swooned into Harima's arms. He took her to the kitchen for tea, then came back and observed everything. The group seemed about to descend into mass insanity, so he did the only thing he could...he changed the music to something light and spritely that wouldn't induce mass hormonal insanity, though he was still feeling some hormonal insanity himself. This ended most of the dirty dancing, except that Mikoto and Hanai had apparently not even noticed the change, and now he had Mikoto's shirt halfway up her chest. Akira stared at this, breathing hard, as was everyone else. She knew she ought to break it up, but seeing this...it was so easy to imagine herself in Mikoto's place, him touching her, maybe Nara and Hanai around her, yes, both of them, and...and... Nara looked at the transfixed Akira, frowned very deeply, then said loudly, "Ooops," and deliberately tripped over his own feet, rolling across the floor to crash into their feet. Mikoto gave a great cry and Nara ended up buried under the two as they fell. Akira snapped into reality. "Kentarou-kun!!!!" She sprinted forward. "Hanai, you shouldn't fall on my boyfriend!" "He somehow rolled halfway across the room into my feet!" Hanai fired back. "No fighting! Let's just have fun!" Tenma pleaded. They both backed off, but weren't entirely happy about it. Mikoto tried to make her body calm down, but now she was feeling very worked up. "Okay," Tenma said. "Let's dance." ************ The party had to break up before too late, so everyone could get enough sleep. Mikoto wished she and Hanai could slip off for a little...stress relief...but she had to get home and there would be plenty of that on the trip. Sara walked home with Suga, Satsuki, and Asou. She was feeling very excited in a not very helpful at the moment way. She could see Suga and Satsuki were being very cuddly, and she could see Asou was as tense as her; they both wanted things they knew they shouldn't. She cuddled up to him a bit anyway, though it made it worse. "The ski trip's going to be fun," Sara said. "Yeah," Suga said. "Asou's a great skiier." Asou relaxed. This subject was...safe. "Suga's good too." "I'm GREAT," Satsuki announced. "I've never skiied. South England isn't very good for skiing," Sara said. "We'll teach you," Suga said. "While Mikoto and Hanai teach us to make out at night." Sara's eyes widened. "He was about to take her shirt off! Right with everyone watching!" "The music really can get to you," Asou mumbled. "Yeah," Suga said. "Should have gone a little longer, so we could see you two lose it." "NOT in public," Asou said. "Private, then." "You're incorrigidable," Asou said. "It's my job," Suga said. "Who watches the watchmen get corrupted and all that." "We'll have to finish them off on this trip," Satsuki said. "Where my dad can't stop us." "Bring it on," Asou said, defiantly. "Heh," Suga said. "We will." **************** Mikoto leaned against a wall as she made out with Hanai. He was starting to fiddle with her shirt, and she finally said, "I don't want to, but we should stop, or we'll be late, and someone might wander by." "I just can't...I love you so much..." he breathed into her ear as he licked it. She gave a happy little cry, then said, "We have to. Before someone..." "DEATH!" Mr. Gonzales shouted. He grabbed Hanai and began to crush him. "Time for your beating!" "You gave me one this morning!" "This is a commemorative beating," he said as he dragged off Hanai, who shouted to Mikoto, "See you tomorrow!" *************** Harima felt very strange; Tenma and Karasuma had gone off to the porch to snuggle and he was stuck cleaning up with Yakumo. But he felt extremely worked up and excited, even though he normally would have felt depressed from Karasuma and Tenma getting close. And Yakumo seemed to be supremely embarrassed for some reason. Finally, once everything was clean, he asked her, "Are you okay?" "I'm fine," she said tightly. He wondered if she was upset about something. "Are you sure?" She swallowed nervously and shifted on her feet. "Fine." He wished he could read her mind, then yawned. "I'd better go take a bath and go to bed." She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Finally, she said, "Tell me when you finish. I should bathe too." Feeling nervous, he went and took his bath; at times, he felt like someone was watching him, but he was sure it was just nerves. Finally, he got clean, got dressed, and stumbled off to tell Yakumo the bathroom was free. It was only then that he remembered that he had forgotten to try calling Eri again. I hope I remember how this stuff works, he thought, as he went to check on it; it was still set up in one corner of the living room. He hauled it back to the guest room, then tried doing what he remembered Akira doing. But there was still really heavy static. I forgot to ask her if she found out what was wrong there. He finally gave up and went to sleep. ************* "Are you okay?" Tenma asked Yakumo as they encountered each other just outside the bathroom, where Yakumo had just finished taking a bath; she was now clad in a towel, causing Tenma to envy her sister's figure. "I'm fine," Yakumo said. Tenma wished she could tell; Yakumo was so hard to read. "Anything you want to talk to your big sister about?" "I..." Yakumo stared at the ground. "I had bad thoughts." "We all have bad thoughts sometimes," Tenma said, patting her shoulder. "Anyway, you and Kenji...if you want to...I won't stand in your way." Yakumo licked her lips nervously. "It wasn't...I mean..." She turned and stared at the wall. "Did you have naughty thoughts about Sara's boyfriend?" Tenma teased. "I'm sure she thinks about Kenji sometimes." Yakumo froze up, as if, perhaps, the suggestion was causing the thing suggested. "No, I...that dance..." Tenma gulped. "They were very sexy." "I can't believe I had...thoughts...like that...about Hanai-sempai," Yakumo said, sounding mortified. "He just looked so...and they...they're not normally like that." "You can tell what they've done," Tenma said, sounding envious. "I should have asked Ooji-kun to stay with me." She patted Yakumo's shoulder. "You should go in and just jump on him." Yakumo's eyes widened. "I probably shouldn't tell you this as your big sister, but this is your chance to make him forget all about Eri." She looked guilty as she said this. "It's not like we need to be very focused for tomorrow." Yakumo licked her lips. "You think so?" Tenma said, "I feel so wicked suggesting it, but..." "You're right," Yakumo said. "I have to be bold. Thank you." She turned and crept down the hall and into the guest room, pushing herself forwards. She found Kenji...asleep. He was snoring up a storm and hugging a blanket. He looked so cute. She sighed and kneeled down, kissing his cheek, then pulled back the covers and got in, carefully moving so he was hugging her instead of the blanket, then went to sleep. ************* "Okay, kids time for your last final," Yukari-sensei said to her class. "While you all sit around bored over the break, I will be skiing at a luxury resort and enjoying the life of a QUEEN. Ha!" She slapped her butt at the class. "Please make your answers easy to grade, I need to finish these quickly so they don't eat up precious skiing, eating, drinking, and sleeping time. Just try not to be TOO envious of me." "Actually, my family has another house in the mountains for skiing," Chiyo-chan said. "Sakaki-san, Kagura-san, and Osaka-san are going skiing with me." "I wish I could go," Tomo said. "I have to go to my moron cousin's house." "And my mother's afraid I'll get hurt," Yomi grumbled. "But enjoy your resort!" Chiyo said cheerfully. I hate you, Yukari thought. HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY GLOATING! Having good luck just isn't half as good if you can't use it to lord over people. Well, on the bright side, maybe Kyousuke-kun will be available...The thought of that perked her right up enough that she didn't simply flunk everyone to save on grading time. ************* "So what is our final?" Sagano asked the coach later that morning. "I will arm you all with swords and you will fight until only one of you remains," he said. "Awesome! BATTLE ROYALE TIME!" Sagano shouted. He wished that was the actual exam, but the principal had turned down his request. "Actually, we will have a race. There are thirty four of you. I will give the three best times a Dragon, the nine next best times a Lion, the thirteen next best an Elephant, and the nine worst a Turtle." "But...that means nine people flunk no matter how well they do!" Tenma protested. "That's life. It's not how well you do, it's whether you do better than the competition." Everyone looked nervously at each other. Umezu looked over at Madoka, who nodded to him, and he had a bad feeling she'd leave him behind if she had to. But surely no pigs would wander into his path THIS TIME. Right? "So, a battle royale...of feet," Harima said. "Yes." "Shouldn't the women be separated from the men for this?" Madoka asked. "That would mess up my simple system which will let me finish the grading and be drunk by sunset," the coach said. "But men usually can run faster than women," Madoka protested. "Then you're going to have to be clever," the coach said. "You all spent this semester driving me insane by inches; here's my turn." I'm sooo dead, Tenma thought. Harima pursed his lips. "So the three people who cross the finish line first get a Dragon on the final?" "Yes." "They just have to cross the finish line," Harima asked carefully. "Yes," the coach said impatiently. "Would you like to ask anything else repeatedly?" Harima pursed his lips, looking thoughtful. "Any other rules?" "None of you may attack each other," the coach said. "It's a race, not a war. Beyond that...and oh yes, no cutting across the track. Follow it normally." Harima grinned. "Excellent." "For you, maybe," Sagano grumbled. "This really isn't fair to the women," Imadori said. Many of the women looked surprised, but they nodded. "Too bad. I've seen you run, Imadori; you'll be lucky if half the women don't pass you," the coach said. Imadori quirked a smile. "I have met the goddess of speed. And I have a clever plan." The coach decided it wasn't worth figuring out. "Okay, everyone, get ready to flunk." Harima had to position himself carefully, so as to be in the right position to make his big move. Around him, the class fell into place, a seething, nervous mob. He could see Tenma about to vibrate to death out of nervousness; he tried to flash her a reassuring grin. "GO!" The class took off like a mob. Harima casually scooped Tenma and Eri onto his shoulders, sprinting for the side of the mob opposite where Eri had been. As the security men poured forwards, he moved to keep the class as a shield between him and them, advancing to where he could break past the leaders (Mikoto, Hanai, Asou, Suga, Umezu, and Kozue, with Sagano close behind) when the time was ripe. Akira took Nara by the hand and began to simply amble along slowly. "Shouldn't we run?" he asked. "Do you really think we can outrace the others on speed?" "True," he said. "Hey, I can run on my own!" Eri protested. "I...thank you, Kenji-kun," Tenma said, embarrassed. "Not as fast as I can," Harima said to Eri. "I'd rather beat them on my own!" she said. "If I'm going to get beaten on, I might as well use my enemies to eliminate my competition," Harima said. "..." Eri said. The security men were trying to get through the runners, and the whole thing was turning into a riot instead of a race. At first, it went poorly for the class, until Yuuki yanked off her shirt and tied it to a handy pole, waving it like a flag. "Rally to the flag! I've had enough of these thugs attacking our classmates!" A security guard stared at her, then tried to muscle through and she leaped up and kicked him in the chest, knocking him back. "2-C, GO!" Hanai turned back, and so did the other leaders, rushing to the aid of their classmates. Sagano shouted, "HAREM NINJA GO TIME!", yanking off her own shirt, then leaping into the fray, a whirling dervish of violence. Harima started to keep running; this was his plan, after all, but Tenma said, "Kenji, we have to help." "Turn back, Kenji," Eri commanded. "But...the grade..." "Forget it, we help our classmates!" Eri said. "These fools they're fighting are my family's fault." There goes my only chance for at least one really good grade, Harima thought. "FOR 2-C!" he shouted, and charged back into the fray. Akira, however, now broke into a sprint, pulling Nara with her. "Shouldn't we go back?" he asked. "They'll probably want me to take my shirt off," Akira said. "Even if I'm not that kind of ninja." "You look nice with no shirt," he said. "Although...you think it'll work?" She blinked. "Work, what?" He took off his shirt, then looked thoughtful a moment, then picked her up. "Nara?" He took off running much faster than before. "Hah! It does work!" They circled the track, passed the finish, then came back around towards the brawl after they ran past the coach. "It did seem like..." she said softly. They could see Yuuki's glasses glint as she sniped one of the security men with an electrified slingshot. "Whoever takes out the most security men gets the best grade. So I declare as Queen of 2-C!" "Hey, I decide how..." the coach began. Yuuki stared at him intently, electricity crackling gently around her, her glasses showing only an electrical storm. "You doubt the Queen's wisdom?" "I...uh...okay..." the coach mumbled. "THEN I'M GONNA WIN!" Harima shouted, redoubling his efforts. And then there was a great burst of flame over the riot. "Halt! School is not a place for violence, but for peaceful competition!" Tae-sensei stood on the bleachers, wearing a cheerleader outfit. This was enough to get all the men to stop fighting. Akira poked the coach. "You did see Nara and I make the run and score two of the three Dragons, right?" The coach ignored her. "Go back to your nurse's office! I have this under control!" "Did you see us?" Akira asked again. Slow people needed repetition. "We'll match up everyone into equal male and female pairs, then have a three legged race to see how people are graded," Tae-sensei said. "That way, it's fair between the men and the women. If a 2-C team wins, the security men have to leave. Otherwise, they get to do their jobs." "But we don't have enough women," the security guards pointed out. "Their prize is beating me up????" Harima asked. "Did you notice that Nara and I..." Akira began again. "Fine," the coach said. "And as for women...there's a lot of female teachers who need more exercise..." Tae-sensei sweatdropped. "Why are you staring right at me..." Itoko suddenly had a bad feeling, far away. ************ "But...I don't want to beat up Harima-san," Aino- sensei said as her leg was tied to a security man's. "You can pass your win to me," Itoko-sensei said. DAAAAMNIT, Harima thought. "I should be Eri's partner," Imadori said to the coach. "Being her fiancee." "I should be her partner, as I'm 20 times more badass and 300 times less perverted," Harima said. "I should be her partner because my long hair lets me cross the finish line first, and I know she likes to win," Yoshidayama said. "I still say Nara and I already won," Akira said. "Buddha will be your partner, Harima," the coach said to Harima. "BUDDHA? Since when was he a woman?" Harima asked. Buddha had already teamed up with a classmate whose family ran a local bathhouse. And sometimes supplied him pictures from it... "Right. I'll team you with Nara, he's like a woman," the coach said. "Not right now, I'm not!" Nara protested. 'Right now', the coach thought. "Imadori, you're with your fiancee. Harima, you're with Tenma. Try not to step on her accidentally." Harima would have jumped at this, not so long ago, but now, it brought up feelings he was trying to bury. "Can't I..." he began. Tenma hugged him. "This will be fun!" He couldn't turn her down once she showed she wanted it. "Shouldn't you, umm...put your shirt back on, Yuuki?" Hanai asked. Not that she wasn't nice to see more of, but he shouldn't think such things. "I can't generate enough power to operate if I don't strip down some," Yuuki said, glasses glinting. "And you don't mind seeing other women half or more naked," she said ominously. "I...well, that's...it's okay with my girlfriend," Hanai mumbled. "Ahh, yes," the coach said. "Best I pair up the Class President and the Class Rep." "WHAT?" Yuuki said. "Hey, I want to race with my boyfriend!" Mikoto said. "I have to find someone who...ahh, yes, come here, broomhead," the coach said. "I HAVE A NAME," Yoshidayama said. "Yes, but I can't remember it and don't care today, after all the hell you've all already put me through," the coach said. "I dub you Broomhead and Bimbo, may you be very happy together." Mikoto glared. "I am not a bimbo." "Sleeping with the class rep to get your hands on the power, that's a bimbo," the coach said. "I AM NOT SLEEPING WITH HARUKI FOR POLITICAL POWER, I'M DOING IT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!" Mikoto screamed. Everyone stared. "Sure you are," the coach said. "Now, what other self- destructing pairs can I team up." "I'm very angry with you," Yuuki crankily said to Hanai. "I understand," he mumbled. "You won't even look at me when I flaunt my body like this," Yuuki said, "But I hate this stupid coach more. Let's win this and then pound him flat." "I agree, Ms. President," he said, trying to not ogle her, though he got nice glimpses... Finally, everyone was lined up; the principal had come out to watch, though he was confused as to why many of the female teachers were now tied to Sawachika- family security men. The coach fired a pistol into the air, and everyone took off. Madoka and Umezu moved into an early lead, both being good runners, about the same height, and able to cooperate well. Harima and Tenma moved like a car which needed an alignment, constantly drifting to the right, since Tenma's every stride was shorter than Harima's. He could see Itoko and her partner pulling ahead, and he started trying to come up with a catchup plan that wouldn't end up dislocating Tenma's leg or dragging her on the ground. Sagano had tossed Fuyuki's shirt, letting them both power up for a good run and they soon caught up to Madoka and Umezu and passed them, leading those two to redouble their speed, though it was tiring. Suga was pretty pleased to run with Kozue, who was a good runner, and they lurked towards the head of the pack, trying to move to block the advance of several security- teacher pairs. Asou was pretty pleased with Karen, though he wished she was faster. Still, there had to be some good way to exploit her strength... Tae-sensei 'tripped', almost immediately, creating a multi-team pileup. Just as she planned. Hanai ran along with Yuuki; to his surprise, she started to take the lead a little. Studying the race situation, he said, "We have to eliminate Itoko-sensei and her partner, as they're taking the lead." "Noted," Yuuki said. "I suppose slingshotting her ankles would be dirty pool." "Yes," Hanai said. "But if we coordinate with Sagano and Fuyuki to block..." Hobble, hobble. "Sounds good. Let's do it." Meanwhile, Imadori said to Eri, "Now we must tumble." "WHAT?" He began jumping and tumbling, and rolling along in strange ways, which seemed to gain them a little time, but which Eri found to be intensely uncomfortable, given it dragged her along for the ride each time. Furthermore, she was losing the race, and that was UNACCEPTABLE. Mikoto ran along with Yoshidayama. He wasn't hugely fast, but she could tell he was giving it everything he had, and that made her feel better. At least he was trying his best. Harima glanced back and saw Eri being tumbled about. This pissed him off tremendously, and he turned back, charging at Imadori. "HURRICANE KI..." It was only when he was half-way to kicking Imadori that he realized he was using the leg Tenma was tied to. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tenma yelled. Eri twisted, yanking Imadori out of the way. "Watch what you're doing, you idiot, Tenma's tied to your leg!" "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Tenma-san," he said frantically. "It's okay," she said breathing hard. "But it's not Imadori's fault, really. Let's just..." Hard breathing. "Win the race." The race...he had to win it! For Eri's sake! Harima turned and charged, lifting Tenma half off the ground so he could basically carry her and drag her left leg along with his right. They began to gain ground, and he could see Asou, Hanai, Kozue, and Yuuki trying to block Itoko's advance. He stuck out his tongue at Itoko. This lead Itoko to say, "Hanai-san, I see Lala's coming for you." "Lala? Where?" Hanai said in a panic. She exploited this to rush between the two pairs and pull towards the lead. Sagano and Fuyuki still had the lead, however, and Itoko found it hard to catch up to them. And she could see Harima pulling up behind her. As Harima drew closer, she said, "So you feel fine leaving Sawachika-san to Imadori-san's tender mercies?" to him. Harima winced and started to turn back, but Tenma said, "Don't let her fool you! Imadori-kun would never really hurt Eri, only annoy her a little. We have to win this!" "You'll never catch me and my cabana boy, sensei!" Sagano cackled. Fuyuki laughed softly. I can't let half-naked people beat me, Madoka thought. She pressed herself to her limit, kicking up dust and gaining ground on the leaders. She glanced over at Umezu and he smiled at her. "I'll kiss you if we win," he teased her. "A good reason to win." Faster, faster;she would hardly be able to walk after this, she knew. Only one hope, Madoka knew. "Hey, Sagano-san, Yuuki's making out with Hanai!" "WHAT?" Sagano said, and spun to look. Doing so caused her to tumble and she slammed into Itoko and Harima's teams. "WE ARE NOT, EVEN IF I WOULDN'T MIND!" Yuuki shouted, then blushed, stumbled, and she and Hanai toppled onto each other. Umezu and Madoka vaulted over the fallen teams and raced to the finish line, then kissed each other. "VICTORY!" the coach shouted. "And no pigs to trip over this time," Umezu said. "It would have been worth losing if you hadn't been lying!" Sagano complained as she rose to try and take second as the others drew up upon them. "Sorry, Sagano, but all's fair in love and war," Madoka said, grinning. She was grinning slightly less when the mob of people, crashed into the fallen and everyone tumbled together across the finish line. "Well," the principal said. "I think that was a fine display of athleticism, Coach." "Thank you," he said. "However, you dragged a lot of my teachers away from their classes they were giving exams to," the Principal said. "So I'm sending you to detention." "But...it's about to be Christmas Break!" "I think Santa will find you if he feels you deserve more than coal," the Principal said, rising. "Well, semester is over. Have fun, everyone!" *********** Mikoto made her final plans for the trip. Harima and Yakumo, Tenma and Karasuma, Akira and Nara would be staying at the ski lodge with her and Hanai and Miki and Masahiro and their gang. Karen, Harry, Asou, Suga, Sara, and Satsuki would all be staying at Eri's family's new place. Yuuki, Sagano, and Fuyuki would come out for the big party to perform with the band, but Sagano had family stuff, so they'd only be out there briefly. She'd packed her clothing, checked her packing three times, and made plans which would never work. She was extremely nervous and excited at once. And wondering how exactly Hanai had talked his father into letting them go after what Miki had said. On the other hand, Mr. Hanai might be planning to party crash. I wish Eri-chan could stay with us, she thought and sighed. At least she'll be next door and we'll be able to see her. I hope this all resolves quickly. She decided to call Harima, just to make sure...wait, how would he be able to go to Eri's party? She called Harima. "Harima-kun," she said. "You can call me Kenji," he said. "If you want. Tenma-san and Arika-san and Eri-san all do." "I...Kenji-san," she said. "You can call me Mikoto too, then." "Thank you." "I just realized...since Eri's parents don't want you there..." she began. "I'll figure something out," he said. "We can have fun the rest of the time, right? And Tenma will feel better travelling with her sister and I." "True," she said. "I just don't want you to end up by yourself if...things don't work." "I'll just punch my way in if I have to," Harima said. "We could put you in drag..." she said. "No!" She laughed softly. "You're too much fun to tease. Anyway, have you ever skiied before?" "No, but I learn fast." "You'll need to rent some gear," Mikoto said. "For you and Yakumo." "Right." "Okay. Don't forget we all meet Sunday and head out." "I won't forget," he said. "See you then." "See you." She hung up, and hoped all would be well. ************** "How can I give him his beatings if he's going skiing?" Mr. Gonzales asked. "We'll save them up, then apply them all by surprise one day during his vacation," Mr. Hanai said. "I like how you think. A pity you don't have any spare kids and he's so stubborn," Mr. Gonzales said. "The pen of history, having writ, moves on," Mr. Hanai said. "Come with me, we have to go acquire a good land map to plan our attack." They headed out. ************** "Are you sure we should let her go?" Karen's father asked her mother. "Our daughter has a chance to make wealthy connections, maybe meet a nice rich young man and you want to pass it up?" her mother asked. He frowned. "Money isn't everything." "No, but it doesn't hurt. And this is the sort of chance that doesn't come often. And she's been pretty good," Karen's mother said. "I'm sure the vanishing was someone else's fault." "I hope so," her father said, then sighed. "I just think we probably haven't punished her enough for it to sink in." "She's a good girl," Karen's mother said. "And that stupid boy is now engaged to the Sawachika heir, removing him as a source of things for her to make mistakes over." "There's still the other," Karen's father said warily. Karen's mother frowned. "True. But he's much higher quality than the Imadori boy." "Well, I have to leave for another string of matches, so I leave this to you." He kissed his wife. "Let's hope there are no magic toilets that flush you to other worlds at the place she's going to." "I'm sure there's no danger of that." ************** "Don't touch that!" the realtor said, waving his arms frantically at Nakamura, who was about to test one of the toilets. It was too late to back out of the sale, unfortunately, but this place was making him wary. "Why?" "It's haunted," the realtor said. "..." "This poor girl died of...well..." "I don't want to know," Nakamura said. "Is anything else in this place haunted?" "There's only about twenty known ghosts, but rumors of ten more," the realtor said. Time to call some ghost busters, Nakamura thought. "And you didn't tell us this before because..." "You were in a hurry and might have bailed," the realtor said. "Too late now. AHAHAHAHA... AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!" He suddenly fled screaming. "Are you the toilet ghost?" Nakamura asked. "Yes," a young lady's voice said behind him. "Do you normally haunt the men's room?" "Yes." Well, this will complicate matters, Nakamura thought. ************** Akira lay spent in Nara's arms. She had to tell him. Tell him now. Before she went crazy from holding it in. "Kentarou-kun, I..." "Hmm. Megumi-san wants to pretty you up for our vacation. Do you have time for a session with her the morning we leave before we head out?" Nara asked. "I can make time, if you want me to," she said, though Megumi always made her nervous. The woman had some kind of strange power, and Akira could never resist her. "Wanting to show me off to make everyone else jealous?" she teased. "Yes," he said, a hand running up and down her back. "I want everyone else there to be jealous." "Well, you'll have to let her pretty you up too," Akira said. "Sure," he said. "I wish she could come out to pretty us up for the main Christmas party, but this will have to do." She steeled herself. Confess, dammit. "Nara, about Hanai..." "Are you finally going to confess your crush on him?" he asked softly. "..." Her brain fell over and died. What could she say to that? He brought his other hand around, sliding it up and down her stomach under the covers; they laid in bed, naked and entwined, shielded by layers of sheets and blankets. "Trying to drive him away so he wouldn't tempt you to mess things up for your best friend, right?" He seemed so utterly calm about it that it terrified her. "..." She couldn't move, not at all, except to tremble at his touch, so gentle. "How..." "It never made any sense, why you hated him so much, when he was always polite and kind to you. You don't hurt anyone else like that, Akira-kun," he said softly, his hand moving up her chest to cup one breast. She continued to lay almost paralyzed in his arms. "And I can see how shaken up you've been lately, ever since he and Mikoto got together, since you and I did." "Lots of people think I am mean and cruel," she managed to mumble. "It aroused no suspicions." "But I know better," he said, placing a hand over her heart. "I know the kindness in your heart, the love you hide away to keep it from being destroyed. You are kind and gentle at heart, behind the walls that defend you." She began to cry. "You should be angry with me. If we...I am such a hypocrite." The tears came faster now. "You wouldn't cheat on me, would you?" he asked softly. "No, never!" she said frantically. "I just can't stop these thoughts, thinking about him, wishing he was mine. I shouldn't want two men at once! I ought to be focused on just you, my wonderful boyfriend who loves only me." "I'd be a hypocrite myself," Nara said softly. "I spent most of the first session daydreaming about having half the girls in our class in love with me. I grew up in a double- harem house, you know." His hands continued to roam across her body; arousal warred with sorrow, confusion, and pain in her heart. "I put that aside for you, but no one can perfectly control their heart, Akira-chan. Everyone has stray thoughts sometimes." "I can't help...I mean, I sometimes think about other people, but it's ephemeral. It doesn't...not like with Hanai," she said frantically. "He's so...so..." "Akira," Nara said softly. "Do you love him more or me more?" "You," she said softly. "I can't...I don't have words enough to describe how you can make me feel. But I shouldn't...I can't even hold to my words about fidelity." Nara felt a sense of triumph at that. He'd never beaten Hanai at anything in his life. He'd feared losing her to someone else; it was hard for him to believe she was attracted to him. But if she liked him more than someone as strong and brave and intelligent as Hanai...that was a big win. She slapped her own cheek. "I shouldn't feel like that. He's my close friend's boyfriend and he's never...I can't even get him to stay away from me, dammit." "No one can stay away from someone as beautiful and intelligent as you," Nara said. "Your strength draws us in like moths to a flame." Most guys would have been much angrier than Nara. But Nara had been raised in a house where being in love with many people at once was considered completely normal. For Nara, Akira was only admitting that Nara's own world view was more accurate than the one she professed to believe. He was used to the idea of sincerely loving more than one person, though he'd put aside any ambitions of that regard for her sake. "I will not leave you," he said softly, kissing her. "I've had too many crushes on most of our class for me to ever criticize you for a crush on someone." "Nara..." The weight of his forgiveness was more than she knew what to do with. It was like having one weight removed and another added, for she knew that she could not have forgiven so easily. And then she could hear his voice...her voice...girl- Nara's voice, so full of trembling passion. "I will protect your feelings as you protect my body. Please, let me," she said in Akira's memories, her voice trembling. "I'm here for you. Let me in." She had doubted him, and he had asked her, to let him protect her heart, as she protected his body. It wasn't easy for her to do that, to give it up to him, to trust him to shield it. "How can you...so easily..." she managed to say. "I trust you to always defend me and watch over me outside this room," he said softly. "Let me take away your burdens inside it. You have given up this burden to me, let it go, so it weighs your heart down no more," he said. "I will watch your back as you watch mine." "Take it," she whispered. "I don't want...I have too much pain without it." "However, I must demand one thing of you," he said. "To take it away from you." His hand still rested over her heart, and now she placed a hand on it. "Yes, my love?" she whispered. She would do anything, if only he would stay with her, not leave her for loving someone else as well as him. "You're going to have to apologize to Hanai. I won't make you tell him why you were so cruel to him, but you have to apologize to him the next time you see him." "But we're going to a lodge with him," Akira said frantically, feeling the grip of fear. "We'll see him all the time and he'll know...and they'll be sexy and I won't have any defense." Her voice almost faded away on the last clauses. "You'll have me," Nara said. "You have to apologize to him, but I will be there to take away your pain. Trust me, you have to do this," he said, his hand moving slowly now, caressing around her heart. "It's not easy," she whispered. "To back down." "You must," he said. "I trust you outside. Trust me inside, dearest heart." She gave a great sigh, feeling as if a weight rose up off her as she did so. "I will, though I don't know...I am bad at apologies." "You can do anything you set your mind to, Akira- kun," he said softly, his other hand caressing her back slowly. "Of course, if you want, we could try seducing Mikoto and Hanai, so you could finally live out your fantasy one time," he said teasingly. "I thought...at one point..." She looked embarrassed. "If those things Lala are babbling about are even vaguely true..." She shook her head. "No, it's possibly too hugely messy. I just need to let go of him." "Once you apologize, it will be easier. And if we need to...seduction." He stroked around her left breast slowly. Could he really seduce Mikoto? Could she seduce Hanai? Only if he could make Mikoto feel what she felt, if she could make Hanai burn for her as Nara did. Akira couldn't believe it, and yet, Nara had this strange confidence in him tonight, as if he could do anything, make her believe anything was possible. She liked it. "Tell me I'm beautiful," she whispered. "Your eyes have the mysterious dark beauty of a moonless night, when a mist shrouds the land, enticing men from their homes to seek out the great mysteries, drawing us in..." he said as his other hand moved to pull her in closer, lying side by side with him. "Your skin is strong, and pleasing in tone, neither unhealthfully pale, nor too dark, soft to the touch, but hiding your true strength..." She could believe it all when he said it. He had done so much for her heart. She would do this for him, if it killed her. Hanai deserved that much. She prayed he would not abuse it. And Nara...for forgiving her, he deserved it. How...how was it possible? It felt almost as if he loved her more than before she'd confessed, but that was impossible. But what was this look in his eye, the confidence in his voice, how could he trust her again so easily? Is it something wrong with me, she wondered. Am I the unusual one? She didn't know, but she could feel her worries fading away as he poured his heart into her and made hers stronger. How can I possibly deserve this? And how will I face Hanai? She didn't know. But for now, she could let it go. End Chapter 17 ************** Tenma--Art and Japanese history Eri--Math, Chemistry, Physics, English, Gym, Japan = weak spot Mikoto--Geography, Literature, History, Gym. Art Weak. Akira--Math outstanding, Art is weakness, all else good. Harima--Art, then Gym. All else weak. Hanai--All but Literature and Art are strong, those are good. Imadori--Geography, Math, Gym Karen--Gym Dragon, English excellent, all else good Yakumo--All but English and art at Excellent