This Story No Title A School Rumble Fanfic Chapter 22: Let Dating Kombat Begin! By John Biles **************** "This round goes to Tsukamoto-san, as she avoided levelling her shop," Eri's mother said. "While making lots of money. And being generally fun." "But...but...Lala levelled my shop without provocation!," Harima protested. "But you stooped to his level with the skunks," Eri's mother said. She shivered. "I hate skunks." Eri and her three suitors had gathered around a table with her visiting mother to find out who won and the next contest. "So what is next?" Eri asked. "Romance. Valentine's day is coming. Now, Eri's life is too short for you all to date her at once, but we'll draw lots. One of you will take her out on each of the nights before it, and the winner of this round will get chocolate from her on Valentine's Day." "No holds barred dating?" Harima asked. "Use your money from the business to pay as much as you like," Eri's mother said. "I'll win this one," Imadori said. "No one can resist my lips." "You have a week to prepare, then...Let Dating Kombat Begin!," Eri's mother said. *********** "So how was your sleepover with Yakumo?" Michiru asked. She and Eri had met for Sunday lunch. "Better than I feared, even if I did get wiped out at Monopoly," Eri said, sipping her coke, then working on her chicken pasta salad. It was warm as winter days go, so they were out on the cafe's patio. "Did you give her a goodnight kiss?" Michiru teased. "She fell asleep before I could," Eri grumbled. "As if the very idea bored her." "Oh, she falls asleep all the time," Michiru said. "So what's the next contest?" "Romance. Three dates, one with each, before Valentine's day, just the two of us." "Oh, that should be fun," Michiru said. "I will have to give Yakumo some advice." "..." Michiru smiled. "I rather like her. Since my Haruka has chosen to champion Harima, I must right the balance." If Eri ever heard the word 'balance' again, it would be FAR too soon. *************** Mai felt her arms itch. Scratching didn't help. Something was up...but what? She didn't even know how to find out, though she hoped maybe she'd get another useful dream. Well, sort of useful dream... *************** Yukari paced in her room and cursed. How am I going to have a romantic Valentine's Day when I'm grounded? And Nyamo would no doubt be off with her boyfriend getting all snuggly and... There was really no choice but to destroy her students' Valentine's Day. At least then they would know pain with her. Oh yes, they would know pain. **************** As he sat and graded assignments, Tani-sensei speculated on what to do for Valentine's Day. It had to fulfil two requirements. One, it had to be super-special, two, there had to be NO WAY anyone from the school would find him with two women at once. Especially not when one of them was Tae. Tae now draped herself over his shoulder. "Got any plans for Valentine's Day?" she cooed into his ear. "No, I'm trying to think of suggestions." "It's on a Friday, so how about if we go to a hot springs spa and enjoy ourselves for the weekend?" Tae asked. "Oooh, I like that," he said. "We'll have to ask Yuri, but I like the idea." "Alright, we'll work from that, then." **************** Yakumo sat on her porch with Sara and Iori, who was curled up in her lap. She was thinking about the date. Sara seemed lost in thought herself, but finally said, "Got a plan for your date yet?" Yakumo licked her lips nervously. "I'm thinking we should go dancing, as we both like to dance and we're good at it." "Oooh, that's good," Sara said. "We can make you a nice dress. Eri will get to be the boy, of course." "..." "Not literally, but she needs to wear a prince outfit and you can be the princess," Sara said. "But she's the princess and Kenji is the prince and I'm the witch," Yakumo mumbled. "Not for this. As if she princesses, you'd have to prince and you really aren't a prince," Sara said. "That's true," Yakumo said softly. "Anyway, she princesses for Harima-san, so she ought to prince for you, right?" Sara said. Yakumo nodded because she knew Sara would expect her to agree, not because she actually understood that. "I suppose...hmm, if we make you a sorceress...," Sara said. "Eri-sempai is the sorceress, I'm the witch," Yakumo pointed out. "Well, Prince and Witch might work...But I'd like to try, anyway," Sara said. "Okay," Yakumo said. "I guess you get to be the witch when I'm not, then." "Maybe Tenma could be the witch if you need one. She's good at roles," Sara said. "I'm the priestess." Iori purred happily as Yakumo continued to pet him. "I really don't know where to go dance, but I guess that should be in the phonebook, right?" Yakumo asked. "Yes, and we can get recommendations at school tomorrow," Sara said. "Hmm, and a nice restaurant." "We can find a British one," Sara said, leaning back against one of the posts. "She should like that, right?" "Right," Yakumo said. "I guess we'll get to use the limousine." "Best to ask," Sara said. "Now, let's go root through everything you have and see if we can put together a good outfit..." They got up and headed inside. ************* Harima was total vegetable king and loving it. He knew he ought to get onto planning the big date, but he was enjoying the prospect of free time. No more work. Or at least not so much. He could stand to run the shop a little for some extra cash. But not right now. He was just going to spend Sunday not planning, not doing homework, not even doing manga, since he and Yakumo were a little ahead. Just glorious NOTHING all day long. Tenma ambled in. "What are you doing?" she asked, seeing him on the floor. "Nothing," he said. "ABSOLUTELY nothing. Feels great." "Mind if I join you?" she asked. "I don't feel like doing homework." "Homework sucks," he said. "Join the nothing." She laid down next to him. "You planned your date with Eri-chan?" "Nope. I'm going to be utterly 100% worthless tonight. USELESS for any purpose. Totally slacked out," he said. "You've got to focus and beat Imadori-san," Tenma said. "Oh, he's dead. He can't be HALF as romantic as I can," Harima said. "This one is in the bag." **************** "Bust me out and we can practice dating, get you back in fighting trim," Yukari said to Imadori. "Honey, I want to, but your parents have pretty good security," he said. "Come, now, bust me out, date me, love me," she commanded. "NOW." He licked his lips nervously. "Yes, dear." Only one choice; time to get a master of girlfriend liberating. And that could mean only one man... ************ Yoshidayama studied the situation. "Okay, we need dogs. You haven't used the dogs, right?" "Dogs?" Imadori asked in confusion. "Unleashing crazed animals is a classic diversion. Now, remember, her dad will try to kill you and her parents WILL bust her ass once she comes home, so you'd best be sure you want to do this," Yoshidayama said seriously. "She pines away in confinement. I must help her to fly free," Imadori said. "We're gonna need dogs and a car. Both to get them here and for you to make your getaway." "She can take her car," Imadori said. "Fine for the breakout, but unless you want to haul dogs on our shoulders for miles while they try to kill us..." "Okay, I'll call Mom, then." He was pretty sure she'd help. ************** "We'd be glad to have you," Hanai said. "If you're interested in studying with us. I don't know if Takano-san will like it, but we need all the students we can get." "You can train with Yuuki and Fuyuki and Sagano," Mikoto said to Nara. "They're all beginners and have the same abilities as you." "Cool," Nara said. "I really need some training to keep up with everything that happens." "We don't know when..." Hanai's mother ran out. "It's your father, on the phone!" "Is he okay?" "He's in the Phillipines. I'm going to wire him money for plane tickets," Hanai's mother said. "He'll be home soon." Hanai gulped. This could be a big help, but also possibly ugly. Well, he is my father, Hanai thought. You don't get to pick your family, just pick up after them. ************** "Run! FASTER!" Yukari yelled, dragging Imadori by the hand with Yoshidayama straggling after them. Yukari and Imadori leaped into his mother's car, but Yoshidayama got clocked in the head by a hurled garbage can and went down. "Yoshi-san!" Imadori shouted, trying to turn back. "Don't make his sacrifice for nothing," Yukari said. "Ma'am, HIT IT!" Imadori's mother peeled out, leaving Imadori feeling somewhat guilty. Yoshidayama staggered to his feet, then ran for a nearby bicycle that several kids were playing next to. "Sorry, kids, gotta borrow this!" he said. "HEY!", one of them said. "MY BIKE!" He jumped onto Yoshidayama and began battering him as Yoshidayama peeled out with Yukari's father chasing him. As he raced down the street, someone said, "Hey, that kid is kidnapping the Keisho boy! I'm calling the cops!" Yoshidayama would have cried, but he was too macho to cry in front of another guy, even if it was a ten year old. Who was chewing on his arm. So he kept peddling and prayed for a miracle. **************** "Did you have fun over at Nara-san's house?" Chiyo asked Yomi. The two of them and Sakaki were studying together. Chiyo was at her desk, Yomi sat on the bed, and Sakaki sat in the windowframe, watching a raven which perched on a nearby tree. "Yes," Yomi said. "We played a lot of video games and...stuff." Chiyo looked suspiciously at Yomi. "Did you kiss someone? I've heard about...kissing games." Yomi turned red. "Just because...no. No, no, no." Sakaki looked up from math, curiously studying Yomi. "There's not any guy I find interesting at all," Yomi said further. "Nor did I play any kissing games. And you're not old enough to think about such things." "I'm a high school student!" Chiyo protested, pigtails flapping furiously. "Come back when you have these," Yomi said, poking her own breast. Chiyo frowned, but couldn't argue with that. Sakaki came over and patted Chiyo on the head. "Smallness is cute." "Easy for you to say," Chiyo mumbled. It would be so much easier if I was older, she thought. Even my friends can't forget how tiny I am compared to them. Not that she had any guys or kissing in mind herself, but at least they'd take her seriously if she was bigger. But nothing could fix that but time. She'd probably graduate before she hit puberty, anyway. Sakaki stood, rocking back and forth on her feet slowly, not sure what else to say, but feeling she ought to say something. Chiyo sighed and went back to work. The raven took flight and flapped away. ************ "We should meet at your place some time," Fuyuki said to Yuuki. "We've never practiced there." "Bring boys into our house?" she said, looking up from her keyboard. "My mother would go insane." "Insaner," Sagano said. The band had assembled at Sagano's as usual to practice. Karasuma was busy tuning his guitar, and Karen was fiddling with the sound system. "Why is your mother..." Fuyuki never got to finish. "She assumes all high school and college boys are total sexual predators because her brothers were like that and she dated some guys like that," Yuuki said. "She only trusts married guys." "So if Fuyuki and I got married...," Karasuma said. Everyone stared. Fuyuki laughed. "Wow, a joke, from you," he said, laughing. "I suppose the Three's Company solution would only lead to trouble, though." "Wait...are you saying that guy was PRETENDING to be gay?" Sagano asked. Fuyuki and Karen facefaulted, while Yuuki looked confused and Karasuma focused on his guitar. "That's a joke," Sagano said. This made them facefault again, and Sagano laughed. "Anyway, I can't have any male guests unless Mom is gone," Yuuki said. "Anyway, she'd only complain about the noise and try to serve us cupcakes." Sagano winced. "Chili powder is not for cupcakes." "I'm glad I didn't get her weird tastebuds," Yuuki said. "Anyway, what's wrong with this place?" "Well, I kind of...nothing," Fuyuki said. "We're fine here." Yuuki cocked her head curiously, then decided not to pry. Sagano cocked her head as well, then shrugged. "Let's practice," Sagano said. "We could do my house some time," Karen said. "My parents were really grateful you all helped clean up." "Just doing our duty," Sagano said. "I'm sure some time my house will end up covered in ant farms or something, and then you can pay me back." Fuyuki wished that wasn't disturbingly possible. *********** When he heard the cop cars, Yoshidayama abandoned the bike and took to the alleyways; thankfully, the kid let go once he got his bike back. He made his way along slowly, trying to figure out where the hell he was. He'd ridden wildly away from Yukari-sensei's house, and now he was totally lost. Maybe I can call Mom, he thought. Click. Buttons. Ring. "Hey, Mom, can..." "Can't talk, watching porn with friends," she said. Click. Shit, I can't even go home, he thought. Maybe...well, can't hurt to call Nara, see if he can rustle me up a car somewhere. It beat hiding among garbage cans until the next day when he could be sure his mother was done with her porn, anyway. ************ "I'm thinking taking her to an English style restaurant would be good," Imadori said, clinking wine glasses with Yukari. "Hmm, maybe we should set up something so I can feed you English. It'll get extra points if you seem more sophisticated by knowing a foreign language, right? Your friends have some spy type stuff, right?" Yukari said. "That would be awesome," he said. "But do you..." "Anything to help you, dear," she said, reaching over and taking his hand. "I don't mind." "You're the best woman ever, Yukari-chan. Don't ever change," he said fervently. She smiled. Gonna get me a sugarmomma and finally get away from the folks, she thought. I can't lose. ************ Yoshidayama tried kicking his leg into the wall, but the grey cat biting his calf somehow rotated around his leg to dodge the blow. That is total bullshit, he thought. BLAM! A second after the blam, the cat screamed as a rubber bullet took it right between the eyes, knocking it into the wall. It passed out. "Come with me if you want to live," Akira said, sitting on a motorcycle with a rifle in one hand and her other hand outthrust. Yoshidayama took it and hopped up behind her, then she roared off. "You didn't send the cat to bite me just to look cool when you saved me, right?" "Of course not," Akira said. He gave a sigh of relief. "It was just supposed to chase you this direction so I wouldn't have to park the bike," she said. He facefaulted. People are so gullible, she thought. But I'll let him think that. Could be useful if I have to trick him later. They roared off across the city. ************** Yuuki was about to hop on her bike and ride off home when there was a tap on her shoulder; the others had scattered, but Fuyuki was still here. "Before you go..." Then he swept her into a very fervent kiss, leaving her breathless and red in its wake. "That should keep you warm on the way home," he said, smiling, then said, "See you later, dear," and headed off. She tried to calm herself; if she came home like this, her mother would get suspicious. It's not like they hadn't kissed before. It was just so... He'd kissed her with just the two of them, but not so hard before. His kiss goodbye to Sagano had been longer, but less... Frenzied. She smiled goofily all the way home. Almost all the way; she stopped at an ice cream shop to let the goofy out so she wouldn't have to face the Spanish Inquisition at home. ************* Sakaki hopped off the back of Harima's bike, while Chiyo and Osaka piled out of the sidecar. Only a few...more months...he thought. Then I'll be done with my services and be even with Chiyo-san. Not that she wasn't a nice person, but he was not born to be a taxi driver. "Thanks!" Chiyo said, bowing to him. He bowed to her as well, or more precisely, nodded his head. Thus the baseball intended to take him in the forehead instead glanced off his skull. He looked up just in time to see some girl running back into the building. "Who the hell was that?" he asked. "Kaorin. She doesn't seem to like you, but I don't understand why," Chiyo said. "He probably reminds her of Kimura-sensei," Osaka said. "He's not like Kimura-sensei," Sakaki said, touching Harima's shoulder in a manner reminiscent of someone hesitantly petting a cat. "He's nice." "Uh, thanks," Harima said. "Well, I've got to go." Going to have to do something about this lunatic, he thought. ************ Mai yawned in 2-C as they waited for class to begin. She'd spent the night running around town with Iori looking for evil. There was a distinct lack of evil, though she had taken out three muggers and a delinquent gang. Which was better than tucking people into bed. "I have good news," Karasuma said to her. She yawned. "You can teach me to go without sleep?" "Hmm, if you like," he said. "But actually, I meant about the dreams." She vaguely perked up. "Go on?" "It doesn't quite make sense, but it would appear the dreams somehow come from the future," Karasuma said. "When a new Dream Censorate has been founded." "..." "I have no idea how they got here, though," he said ruefully. "People sometimes dream of the future, but normally, the future can't reach back and dream itself into the past. I will continue to study." "Thanks," she said, then looked thoughtfully. She glanced around, then whispered, "Come by my place after school. I need to ask you something private." He cocked his head, then nodded. "Okay." "Thanks," she said. He seemed to know mystic stuff...maybe he could find the Tikis. Or whatever evil was next on her schedule. She was ready for smiting! *************** "Honey, want to go out after school?," Tenma asked Karasuma at lunch. "I have to help Mai-san," he said. She frowned. "But..." "I'm hoping Sagano-san didn't store porn in her head when she promised to not store porn in anyone's head," Karasuma said. "..." "So I may have to go porn-diving. But I'll see you tonight." "I...okay," she said. She was going to have to monitor this, clearly. All this about porn...she had a feeling wicked wanton women were after her boyfriend! That couldn't be allowed. *************** Mai was glad her dad was at work and her mother was out running errands, as that way, she wouldn't have to explain anything. Not that she was going to do anything necessitating explanation. "I wonder when he's going to get here," she said, sitting at her desk, trying to do homework while waiting. "I'm here," he said. She half-jumped out of her skin. "What...how..." He pointed to the window. "..." "This is a secret, right?" "Umm...well, yes, but...is someone watching my place?" she asked. "Maybe," he said, sitting down on the bed. "Look, you seem to know about mystical things," she began. He got a slightly unfocused look. "Yes." "There are these...While I was in Hawaii, these..." "Someone bought a cursed Tiki idol and the Tiki gods came after you?" he asked. "..." "I saw that episode of the Breakfast Brunch too," he said. "The whole series is actually a coded occult message, but most people don't realize that. The title, you see, is a code in and of itself." "What?" "The union of opposites. The alchemical wedding, you see," he said. She didn't see at all. Indeed, she was perfectly blind. "I see," she lied. "This will spare me the effort of going to America to fight them," he said thoughtfully. "Very nice of you to lure them here." "They are here?" Mai asked. "Do you know where?" "Oh, I was just assuming you were asking me now because they are here," he said. Mai facefaulted. ************* Outside, Tenma made her way slowly up the side of the apartment building. Climbing with plungers worked pretty well so long as she didn't think about it. Tenma was good at that. She hoped her ongoing count of windows was correct, as she didn't want to peep in the wrong window. She counted again, looked up and down, then kept going. Finally, she found the right window and peeped. Some couple were on the bed, kissing...taking each other's clothing off...But it didn't look like Mai seducing her boyfriend...the disguises were VERY cunning. Or do I have the wrong window? Whichever it was, she found herself frozen, staring in the window. There was a lot to be learned here. She whipped out a notebook to take notes, only to realize this now rendered her unstable. She began to topple, then managed to grab one of the plungers, dangling off the window. Now she was stuck, dangling by one hand. Not one of her better peeping operations. ************* "I can look for dream clues," he said. "But my abilities largely relate only to personas and to dreams," he continued. "Or to myself. But I will gladly help you." "Thank you," she said. "Though I understand it's traditional to fight before teaming up," he continued. She thought about the time she'd seen him fight. "I think we can skip the formalities." "Alright. I need to go rescue Tenma," he said. "Is she in trouble? I can help," Mai said. "She tried to follow me up secretly, but now she's stuck halfway up," he said. "Do you have any rope?" "We could try using the bedsheet, rolled up," Mai said. "That works." They rigged up a sling and then lowered him out the window. Tenma saw him coming. "Ooji-kun, fancy meeting you here," she babbled. He took her in his arms and Mai pulled them up. "Are you okay?" he asked. "I'm fine," she said, leaning against him. Mai pulled them up into her room. "Hi, Tsukamoto- san." Tenma turned red. "I wasn't going to spy or anything!" she said frantically. "Okay," Mai said. "Well, since you're both here, why don't we have some tea and a snack? I'm sure Tenma wants to unwind." "Yes, please," Tenma said. I should have trusted him, she thought. I know he wouldn't get up to any hanky- panky. Karasuma looked thoughtfully at Tenma, tapping his cheek, then followed Mai off into the kitchen with Tenma. ************** "Mom," Sagano said to her mother. "Lasers work by focusing light, right?" "Something like that," her mother said. "But I'm an accountant, not a physicist." "Hmm, and you use magnifying glasses to focus light to set leaves on fire," Sagano mused. "Honey, you can't make a death ray to shoot your cousin," her mother said. "Not to shoot Tomo," Sagano said. "Okay," her mother said as she ambled off. It was only when Sagano was gone off to the library that it sank in that Sagano had only denied PART of it. *************** The next morning, as he was dropping off Sakaki, Osaka, and Chiyo again, another baseball came for Harima's head. This time he was ready, drawing a baseball bat he'd strapped to his back and returning the ball to the sender. Kaorin tumbled out of sight deep into the school. Chiyo winced. Sakaki winced. Osaka said, "Run, Harima, Run! I think you can get a home run out of this!" "Was that...," Chiyo began. "Absolutely," Harima said. "She's got to learn to not attack people she doesn't even know." Sakaki ran inside to make sure Kaorin was okay, while Chiyo said, "That's true. I'll try to get her to lay off." "Thanks," Harima said. "I don't like hitting women." "Well, we don't like getting hit," Chiyo said. "Except for Brittney Spears," Osaka pointed out. "True," Chiyo said. "See you this afternoon, Harima- san." He waved and drove off. ****************** Harima kneeled and waited. After a long, wearying month of heavy work, it was nice to have time for things like going to Tea Club and having a nice cup of tea at the end of a day of school. It did, however, pose certain problems. Yakumo was serving today, which normally would be fine, but Eri was also here, as was Imadori. They'd both suddenly decided to tag along when Harima had indicated he was going to go to Tea Club. (Which he had done partly out of a desire for tea, and partly to show his gratefulness to Akira for all the help she'd been to him.) He glanced over at Akira, but she had her amused look on, which he knew meant she was going to enjoy this, whatever happened. He looked at Yakumo. She looked serene. Which could mean nothing would happen. Or could bode disaster. Eri knelt next to him, correctly, while Sara gently tried to correct Imadori's sloppy sitting. One by one, Yakumo served them cups of tea. He sipped his; it was very good. He saw Eri sip hers and smile just a little. Imadori looked at his tea warily, then took a sip, smiled, and gulped the whole thing down. This required Akira to whack him in the back with a rod. "No gulping," she said. Harima knew this by now, and smiled a little feeling superior. Slowly, they sipped their tea, and he was feeling quite serene when... "Aren't you supposed to be picking up Mihama-san's gang right now, Kenji-san?" Akira asked. "DAMMIT!" Whack. "No swearing." "Sorry, gotta run!" he said, and took off running. Akira smiled. All according to plan. ************** Harima pulled up under a tree in the parking lot. "Sorry I'm late," he said. "It's okay, it's not too cold today," Chiyo said as the trio headed forward. Harima heard stirring in the tree and jumped off his bike. Kaorin dropped down out of the tree in a ninja outfit, then leaped towards him, a sword in each hand; it was clear to him that she didn't actually have much clue how to use them. He swatted the swords out of her hands, picked her up, then held her upside down. "What is your problem???" he asked. "You're a horrible seducer of women!," she said. "I can't let you be near Miss Sakaki!" Harima looked over at Sakaki, who looked even more dumbstruck than usual. "You want her?" "I...Kaorin, he just gives me a ride over to Iori's house and a ride to school in the morning," Sakaki said frantically. "Everyone knows he's seduced you! It's terrible!," Kaorin wailed. "What the FUCK are you talking about?" Harima shouted. "That is EXACTLY what I'm talking about," Kaorin shouted. Harima, Sakaki, Chiyo, and Osaka's brains tried to parse that. Chiyo got to the finish line first and passed out. Osaka actually reached it second, but by the time she got there, she'd started trying to think of anacronyms for 'fuck', such as 'Followers Uncovering Credible Knowledge' or 'Funky Undertakers Cover Korpses'. She lost points for misspelling corpse. Harima and Sakaki hit the finish line in a tie for mental last place. They turned red in unison. "We have not had sex!," Harima said. "I haven't had sex with anyone!" "I'm not...we didn't..." Sakaki ran away, shaking and blushing. "See what you've done?" Kaorin demanded. "How can you be so cruel to a woman who loves you?" "She doesn't love me!," Harima said. "And I don't love her!" "USER OF WOMEN!" Kaorin flailed about, still held up by her feet and glad her ninja outfit meant her underwear wouldn't show like this. "You've got to go after your girlfriend," Osaka said to Harima. "She is NOT my girlfriend! I already have a girlfriend and a fiancee!" Harima said. "Which would..." Osaka began. "Don't even start with me!," Harima said, then stuffed Kaorin into Osaka's grasp. "Hold onto this idiot." He took off running, wishing he didn't have to be surrounded by crazy people. ************** Imadori was wandering around the tea room with Sara watching over him, having had a little too much white lightning tea. Meanwhile, Eri and Yakumo sat facing each other, sipping tea quietly. "We'd best take Imadori to the nurse's room," Akira said. "We'll be back." She and Sara hustled Imadori out of the room as he began to sing something about how Doujibirion's gun has a knob on the end. For a little bit, Eri and Yakumo sat in brittle silence, drinking tea. Finally, Eri said, "Have you planned our date for next week?" "You like dancing?" Yakumo asked. "Yes," Eri said softly, calmly. Yakumo looked at her, trying to resist the urge to read Eri's mind. "We'll go dancing. I'm trying to think of a nice restaurant to take you to." There was silence. Then Eri said, "How about Mandarin Palace? I haven't had high quality Chinese in a while." "That would be nice," Yakumo said. There was silence again, then Eri said, "Does it bother you?" Yakumo said, "I like Chinese food." Eri frowned. "No, I mean, the other girls and giving them rides." "Debts must be paid," Yakumo said. "I don't mind." Eri's gaze intensified. "At all?" Yakumo felt pinned down, felt like she was shrinking. "Well, I'd rather be the one riding with him." Oddly, Eri seemed a little mollified by this. "Good." They drank tea in silence again, with Yakumo feeling a little awkward. She normally loved silence, peace, calm, but not like this. ************** "Look, get a grip," Harima said to Sakaki. "I can't even figure out why you're listening to that moron's stupid shit." Sakaki mumbled, "All I ever wanted was to be little and cute." What the fuck does that mean, Harima wondered. "I hate to be the one to tell you, but I don't think you're ever gonna be little. You done freaking out?" Sakaki sat at the base of a tree, knees pulled up to her chest, folded down over herself. "Do you think..." "No one believes this stupid kid, whoever the hell she is and whyever the hell she hates me," Harima said. "But I couldn't care less." "Her name is Kaorin. She's in another class from us, that's all I know," Sakaki mumbled. She sighed. "I guess I overreacted." "You can't let stupid people get you down," Harima said. "Someone fucks with you, just kick the shit out of them." Sakaki stared at the ground. "Don't like fighting." Maybe that's for the best, Harima thought. She could probably kick the shit out of anyone short of me, given her size and strength. "Well, I'm trying to stop, but...well, anyway, you ready to go play with Iori?" Never met anyone who liked cats so much, he thought. She smiled a little. "He's a very nice kitty." Harima offered her a hand. "C'mon, I have to go keep some people from killing each other once you get to Yakumo-san's house." "Okay," she said, letting him pull her up. "You're lucky to have a girlfriend with such a nice kitty." Yakumo's kitty was the last of his worries. ************* Harima approached the tea club, finding Sara and Akira at the door with a cup to it. They failed to notice his approach. He whispered into their ears, "Good or bad?" Sara jumped; Akira said smoothly, "Nice stealth. It's been oddly silent." Harima nodded and pushed the door open, casually catching Sara as she fell and pushing her back up to stand. He found Yakumo asleep with her head on Eri's lap. Eri's face was very hard to read, very blank. "Hey," Harima said softly. "You'd better take her home," Eri said softly. "Also, we'd better go somewhere NICE on our date." "Well, I wasn't planning on going anywhere evil," he said. "..." "..." They stared at each other, then Eri said, "Mother is going to expect this to be as fancy as possible." "Well, I've got money from the shop, so I can fancy," he said. "Good. Have you made plans yet?" "Still thinking," he said. "The best places require reservations, so you'd best make your plans quickly," Eri said. He nodded. Haruka would probably know some nice place. Or Michiru. Or maybe Mihama-san. Or Hanai, maybe. Harima picked up Yakumo. "Want to come over to Tenma's?" "I have things to do," Eri said, looking a little nervous. "Oh, okay," Harima said. "See ya!" She nodded and he started to go, then stopped, backtracked, and kissed her. This seemed to lighten her up, and she smiled a little. "See you," she said softly, and then Harima headed out. ************** He will pay, Kaorin thought as she stomped along home. For what he has done to Sakaki-san, making her cry, he will PAY! Somehow. Clearly, this was going to take a bigger hammer. A raven took flight from a nearby tree, spiralling into the sky. ************** Tenma glanced out into the backyard, wondering exactly how long Sakaki and Iori had been batting a ball back and forth. She was certainly good at it. Once Tenma left, Iori caught the ball with his mouth, then stared intently at Sakaki, who now felt a little confused, looking down at herself. Iori began meowing urgently at Sakaki, who gently picked him up, trying to figure out if something was wrong. Meow, meow, meow! Finally, she took him inside to Harima, who was drawing manga and pretending to do homework, while Yakumo did her homework and waited for enough pages to ink and detail. "Can you ask him what's wrong?" "Hey, Iori, what's wrong?" "I'm hungry," Iori replied in Cat, though he sounded oddly evasive to Harima. Harima looked at him dubiously. "You sure? If you get fat, I'm putting you on a treadmill." Iori yowled, leaped out of Sakaki's arms and ran away with Sakaki chasing him. Cats and cat-lovers are crazy, Harima thought. ************** "In the shower? That's brilliant!," Yoshidayama said the next morning. "But wait...how do you keep it from washing off early?" he asked. Rinko wanted to just fall over and die. How did I end up as his sex guru, she wondered. When she just wanted...but she couldn't have that. Be happy with what you have, she told herself. But the human soul is rarely content with what it haves. "You have to shield her with your body until you're done, then let it be washed off once you finish," Rinko mumbled. "That'll save us on the special cleaning bills," Yoshidayama said, then gently punched her shoulder in the man punching male friend way. "Thanks. You're a big help." "Glad to be of assistance," she said. Which she was. But also unhappy to be of assistance to him with someone else. I hope she knows how lucky she is. **************** "So, did you have fun?" Tomo asked Yomi. "I had fun," Yomi mumbled. "See, he really is a nice guy. I know his body's kinda...not so impressive..." "Oh, it's fine," Yomi mumbled, staring off into space. They were hanging out before class. Tomo started, but nodded. Well, it takes all kinds. Probably he makes her feel thinner just by standing near her. And this WAS the plan, after all. "Well, I'll see about setting up another group thing this weekend, so you can kind of ease into it, no one-on-one pressure yet." "I dunno," Yomi said. "If I really...If I should..." "NO fear," Tomo said. "Live every moment as if it could be your last and you want to die happy." "But he has...," Yomi began. "Look at you. You're very pretty. Any guy should want your body," Tomo said, poking Yomi's breast. "You're bigger than me, and I got a boyfriend easy. Guys go crazy for big knockers." "If that's true, why doesn't Sakaki have a boyfriend?" Yomi asked. "Her one true love is cats. Get with the program!," Tomo said. "Now, this time, we'll have to tart you up a little." "I don't want to be tarted up!," Yomi protested. "Too late," Tomo said. "My will cannot be denied." Oh yes, Buddha won't be able to resist her. Yomi still wasn't sure if going for Nara was a good idea when he already had a girlfriend. But she never had been much good at resisting Tomo's will. ************** The Tiki Gods studied a map of Japan. "You know, this place is kind of big," one of them said. His name was P'o'tiki, though any outsider could hardly have told him from the others. "It may be a little difficult finding our target, yes," the second said. Shan'a'tiki was a Tiki goddess, in theory, though in practice, you couldn't tell her apart from the others in appearance. She'd started wearing a grass skirt just to make the distinction clearer. They were lurking inside a warehouse with their captive from the docks, who M'o'tiki had trapped in an enchanted cage he had somehow built despite his protests that they were all really just an art fad and a kind of cheesy one at that. "We're going to have to summon our cultists," P'o'tiki said firmly. "Do we HAVE cultists?," the third said. M'o'tiki had the difficult duty of being the voice of reason in a chorus of self-centered gods. "All gods have cultists," P'o'tiki said, as if this was self-evident. "Don't worry, I'll rustle us up some cultists," K'o'tiki, a fourth Tiki god, said. "Remember, don't eat the cultists," Can'a'tiki said. She was another Tiki goddess; in her case, she applied lipstick to all her faces to try to assert some kind of gender distinction. Which isn't easy when you normally have no arms unless you conjure some. "Hey, I got past that stumbling block centuries ago," he protested. "We didn't...," M'o'tiki began. "Shut up," P'o'tiki said. "Let's not jinx ourselves. K'o'tiki, you find us some cultists. Can'a'tiki, back him up. The rest of us will start redecorating so our home isn't mostly made of cardboard." "Redecorating with what?" M'o'tiki asked. "Shut up and get to work." ***************** "It would have been cheaper to take the train," Hanai pointed out to his mother. He was in his navy suit. "I want everyone to look presentable," his mother said. She wore a nice red dress that didn't quite fit right if you knew what to look for, and enough rings for an army. "Mikoto-chan, Gonzales-san, are you alright back there?" She was up front with the taxi driver, while Hanai, Mikoto, and Lala were in the back. "I'm fine," Lala said softly. "Thank you for the ride." She was wearing a long black dress and no jewelry except a silver chain. "You're welcome," Mrs. Hanai said. "We're supposed to meet the Tawarayas at the airport, so I want everyone to look nice." "So long as your husband doesn't attack us hello," Mikoto mumbled. She wore a long blue skirt and a nice light blue blouse with some gold earings and a gold necklace. "That's up to you three to deal with, dear." "Well, both of us together can handle father, while Gonzales-san handles her father." "What about Satsuki's father?" Lala asked. "I doubt he's a threat," Hanai said. "He's just a salaryman." "I wouldn't be so sure," Mikoto said. "Remember how much he beat into Miki and Mashiro's heads so quickly?" Hanai did math in his head. "Hmm, this may require a shift of strategy." He got out his phone. "You think Asou and Suga will be able to handle him?" Mikoto asked. "I could call Harry," Lala said. "Suga is Satsuki's boyfriend. He should keep her father's attention long enough for us to deal with Father, then turn on him," Hanai said. "Adding Asou should help keep him alive." "Maybe we should call Akira," Mikoto said. "Now, now, I'm sure it will all be fine," Mrs. Hanai said. "We're off to greet fathers, not crazed killers." He doesn't attack you hello, Hanai thought. ************* "What is it?" Madoka asked Shigeo. "I...umm..." He tried to focus. Don't come apart now, he told himself. They were at the school library, studying. "Are we going out for Valentine's Day?" she asked. He gave a sigh of relief. "Yes." "Good," she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Man, that was easy, he thought. Too easy. Something bad had to happen to cancel it out. Thus he spent the rest of the day in fear of a disaster that never came. To him, anyway. *************** Satsuki had to admit she hadn't ever realized how flexible her boyfriend was before he got stuffed into a trashcan by her father. "Dad, get a grip!" She grabbed his arm as he tried to dribble the trashcan. "I have a grip!" She could see airport security trying to stop the brawl and being casually tossed aside. Finally, Mrs. Hanai blew a whistle. "That's enough! It can wait until we get home!" The husbands froze up, as did the kids. "We're going to go home, then eat the big meal that Mrs. Tawaraya and I made for everyone, then we can all kill each other inside the dojo where there's no innocent bystanders," Mrs. Hanai said. "Now, let's get moving." *************** "Wrench," Harima said to Haruka. Haruka passed a wrench, sitting next to Harima's bike in the Tsukamoto yard. As they worked hard on the bike, a giant Tiki god ambled on by down the road without either of them noticing. Instead, Haruka said, "Didn't we fix all this?" "Performance isn't up to snuff, gonna have to test it, thinking we can race again," Harima said. "Cool, I like racing," Haruka said. "You planned out your date yet?" "No, still thinking. Gotta be fancy, but I'd rather we both just cruise around on a bike, hit some place for food, maybe drive somewhere cool, watch the sun come up," Harima said. "That's my idea of a cool date." "Yeah," Haruka said. "A lot of women won't go for that, though." "Well, hell, I gotta be me. Best not to date on false pretenses, right?" Harima asked. "Exactly," Haruka said. "However, this isn't a normal date." Harima sighed. "I know. I'll probably try and take her somewhere fancy, go see a concert or something else boringly cultural, then take her home. Though unless I get to borrow the limo..." "You can borrow my car," Haruka said. "It's not hard to learn if you can cycle." "Thanks," Harima said. "So let's get this thing done so we can race." "That eager to lose?" Haruka teased. "Gonna KICK your booty." ************ Lala was talking quietly to her father, while everyone else beat each other up. Satsuki's father had just used Asou in a free throw to take down Suga; they were tangled on the ground and he was dribbling basketballs on them as Satsuki and his wife tried to pull him back. Sara was glaring at him in a way which said Holy Fire was immanent. "I'm going to stay, I think, so long as you do," Mr. Gonzales told his daughter. "I like it here and teaching is fun." She felt relieved. For all that Mr. Hanai was an assmonkey, nonetheless, her father needed friends, even assmonkeys. Mr. Hanai spun, tossing Mikoto and Hanai in two different directions like straws in a hurricane. Lala caught Hanai and punted him back into play; Mikoto had to settle for bouncing off a wall. Sara finally made her move. "HOLY FIRE!" Satsuki's dad howled and collapsed, enabling her to drag her boyfriend free. "Better take your dad and go home," Sara said. "And tell him to not clobber my boyfriend." "I could take him," Suga murmered. "Sure you can, but not right now," Satsuki said, picking him up. "Mom, you get Dad. Let's go." "Nice to meet you all," Satsuki's mother said weakly, then headed out. ************* Harima was headed for the finish line. He'd make it this time. Finally beat Haruka, who was lagging a little behind. It looked like this time, power was going to beat manueverability. It usually did, in his opinion. He raced across the finish line, grinning. "Hah! I won!" Haruka roared up and then hit the brakes. "I guess next time, I use the good bike." "..." Haruka grinned. "Anyway, let's go get the car. I can make sure you won't wreck it and we can go get some food." Harima said, "You're kidding, right? About the good bike?" "Nope. I have a pro racing bike. This one is just for fun." "..." Haruka punched his shoulder, grinning. "Anyway, you won, let's go drive." ************ Tenma looked out in the backyard. She thought she'd heard voices, but instead, it was just Iori fighting with some white cat with a yellow crescent moon on his forehead. The white cat was losing, and Tenma felt bad for it. "Lay off, Iori!" Iori ignored Tenma, continuing delivering the gift of a beating. "STOP!" Tenma charged into the fray, and soon all three were chasing each other about wildly. ************* Harima stuffed beefbowl down his gullet; he hadn't realized how hungry he was; Haruka was eating more mellowly from a bowl of ramen and chicken. The place wasn't high class, but it had some good rock music. "Man, everything tastes better when you're hungry. So you're thinking I should take her to the British place again?" "It sounds cool with all the jousting. If you're lucky, you'll get a chance to show off. Or you could do French." "I won't have a clue what I'm eating," Harima said into his bowl, eating more of it. "So go English. Or Italian. I know some nice places," Haruka said. "Too bad we can't make it a double date," Harima said. "Your girlfriend probably knows the best places." "I'll see what she has to offer," Haruka said. "And why not take her to an art show, afterwards? That would let you play to your strengths." "Ooh, perfect," Harima said. "All cultured and high class; she'll like that." Haruka finished eating. "You ready for more driving practice?" "Let's kick some ass," Harima said, finishing the rest in a single draught. ************* "Well, maybe Lala should stay with us, since her father will be here," Mrs. Hanai said. Her family and the Gonzales' and Mikoto were back at the Hanai family dojo. Lala and Hanai both squirmed. "That might be uncomfortable," Hanai mumbled. "I'm fine where I am; someone needs to take care of my hostess, after all," Lala said. "Now, my little darling, you should be here with me, your father," Mr. Gonzales said. "I'd rather...," Mikoto began. "I'm sure they'll be fine in the guestroom," Mrs. Hanai said. Mr. Hanai remained silent, being currently unconscious. For the good of all. "And I can supervise your training," Mr. Gonzales said. Lala sighed. "Alright. I'm just surprised..." "Your father is a very nice man and he'll be happier with you, and I know Miko-chan will beat you unconscious if you cause trouble," Mrs. Hanai said cheerfully. "..." Mikoto grinned. "With pleasure." This was going to be a long year, Lala had a feeling. ********** Yakumo came outside and found Tenma, Iori, and some white cat passed out from exhaustion. She took Tenma inside and put her to bed, then put out food for Iori next to him. After a bit of thought, she decided to feed Iori's friend too. Then she went back to her chores and her homework, hoping Kenji was okay. Though surely he was. ************ Harima was half-okay. He was in no physical danger. Being chased by the police for speeding while driving without a license, that was another question. But he enjoyed it, grinning widely. Haruka was laughing as the stereo pounded and Harima took a tight turn. Really, this was easy. Having this much power felt pretty good. "Just remember, don't do this on the date," Haruka said. Harima grinned. "I'll remember that." "Cops don't make a good ending." Too true, Harima thought. He'd been busted by the police before and it was no way to end a date. "Got any suggestions for losing them?" Harima asked. Haruka looked around the neighborhood. "Here's what we're gonna do..." ************* Yakumo was a little worried; Kenji still wasn't home. He'd sent her a text message that he'd be late, but he wasn't answering his phone. She bathed, put on her pajamas, and went to bed, hoping she'd find him with her in the morning so she wouldn't have to worry. After a while, she couldn't sleep, so she got up and made a call. *********** Michiru checked the news. No massive car chases on the news, so they were probably just goofing around. She went out on the veranda and stared off across the city, enjoying the cool night air and looking up at the stars. Her phone rang and she took it out, turning around to lean up against the railing, with her back to it. Thus, she didn't notice the giant Tiki god lumbering by below. "Hello, Tsukamoto-san," she said. "Have you heard from them?" Yakumo asked. "They sent me a text message about Harima taking driving lessons," Michiru said. "I'm sure they're fine." "Okay," Yakumo said. "Feeling a little lonely?" Michiru asked softly. "Yes," Yakumo said. "Want some company?," Michiru asked. "I...if you don't mind," Yakumo said nervously. "That's fine. I'll be over soon. I expect they'll be out late." "But we have school tomorrow," Yakumo said. "Sometimes, you just have to let them let their crazy out when it doesn't matter," Michiru said softly. "I'll see you soon, okay?" "Okay," Yakumo said. "See you," Michiru said, then hung up and went to grab what she'd need. *************** "Man, it's like a sea of stars," Harima said, looking down at the city. "I was too busy killing Hanai last time I was here to notice." Haruka laughed. "Yeah, I thought you'd like it. Even if you'd already seen it before, I guess." Harima sat down, legs over the edge. Haruka sprawled out next to him, breath turning to frost in the cold air. "Sometimes, life is good," Harima said. Cranky birds lurked in the trees above, a mixture of crows and ravens and one lone, bored owl. They didn't seem too happy about the chill of night, but neither were they inclined to leave. "Yeah," Haruka said. "How's school coming along?" Harima sighed. "I'm trying, but I'm kinda...well, I spent a long time not going and not paying attention. I think I'm gonna have to kidnap me a tutor or something. Which at least I have some money for it." "Well, Mihama-san is pretty smart," Haruka began. "I'd have to kill myself being tutored by a munchkin," Harima said. "I'll probably bug Yuuki or maybe Asou," Harima said. "Though Asou is kinda stuck up a bit. Or maybe Akira, but I always bug her for too much help." "Well, I'd offer, but it wouldn't be much help," Haruka said. Harima laughed. "Yeah, that would go badly." He flopped down next to Haruka, staring up at the sky. "I hate to think about it, but I really...I need to get into art school, for my future. Even if it means...work." "Well, I've done better with Michiru holding the whip hand on me," Haruka said. "Get your ladies to police you." Yakumo wasn't really forceful enough for that. And Eri...well, hard as they didn't live together. And Tenma...would either forget or go crazy on it. Or both. Still, he was gonna need something. "So you're gonna be a race car driver?" "That's the plan, if nothing else gets in the way," Haruka replied. "I love to drive." "Yeah, I can see why. So when's your next race? We ought to come see you kick some ass," Harima said. "If all goes well, end of February," Haruka said. "Cool. We'll make sure to come," Harima said. They laid there in silence a little while as the birds rustled about. "They'd better not try and..." Harima began. Haruka laughed. "We're not under the branches, so we're fine, I'm sure." There was silence, briefly, and then Harima sat up and produced a sketchpad. "Don't move." "Am I your fashion model now?" Haruka asked, laughing. "Something like that. I'm trying to get better with shadows and shit," Harima said. Haruka laid there silently, watching Harima focus on drawing. Harima's face looked different, much more serious and focused than usual. It was interesting to study the differences. Though it would have been more comfortable on softer ground in warmer weather. *********** Yakumo lay in bed, trying to sleep. Michiru lay next to her, eyes closed; Yakumo couldn't tell if she was asleep or awake. She felt very strange, which was part of why she couldn't sleep; the rest was nerves. "Still up?" Michiru asked softly. "Yes," Yakumo mumbled. "We could call Sara. She helps you sleep, doesn't she?" Michiru said. "She went off to some meeting thing with her boyfriend today," Yakumo said. "After school." "Do you get to see as much of her as you'd like?" Michiru asked softly. "No," Yakumo said. "But it can't be helped. I have my duties and she has hers and a boyfriend to watch over." "Do you like him?" Michiru asked softly. "He's a good guy," Yakumo said. "I'm sure he'll be good for her." She could tell Michiru wanted to ask something, but was hesitating. "Do you mind all the time your boyfriend spends with Kenji-san?" Yakumo asked softly. "Do you?" Michiru asked back. "I shouldn't," Yakumo said, looking guilty. "It's okay to be a little jealous," Michiru said. "To tell you a secret, I'm a little jealous sometimes too. It's only human." Her voice was soft and confidential. "I know he doesn't...that they won't...but I just...," Yakumo said. "Well, you are after Sawachika-san as well as him," Michiru began. "But so is he," Yakumo mumbled. "So, are you going to date both of them? Or what?" Michiru asked softly. "I...I..." Yakumo was starting to breathe harder, feeling extremely nervous. "I shouldn't want two people," Yakumo mumbled. "I'm not good enough for that." "None of us is even good enough for one lover," Michiru said softly. "But people fall in love, anyway." She reached over and brushed Yakumo's hair aside, watching Yakumo shiver. "I think...I can't understand what Eri-sempai thinks of me. Sometimes, she's so kind and sometimes she's so strong and sometimes, she's really angry and mean," Yakumo said, shivering. "I'm afraid to see what she really thinks." "There's a little of that inside all of us, isn't there?" Michiru asked softly. "I can't...I always used to hurt onee-chan, even though she loves me with all her heart, when I was little. I was so jealous and bitter and terrible," Yakumo said, shivering more, remembering. "I have to be better than that." Michiru took Yakumo's hand and placed it high on her own breast. "Feel that?" she asked softly. "Your breast?" Yakumo asked quizzically. Michiru laughed. "No, beneath it." "Your heart?" Yakumo asked. Michiru pulled the hand down to the mattress as they lay facing each other. "There is darkness in every human heart. If you deny it, if you try to pretend it isn't there, it will only fester until it explodes. No one can be perfectly kind all the time. You have to face your darkness and master it, not deny it." "I can't...I don't want to hurt onee-chan. Or Sara-chan. Or Kenji-san. Or...or...," Yakumo said frantically. "Or Sawachika-san?" Yakumo nodded, staring at their clasped hands. "I don't want to be like I was when I was little," she mumbled. "I'm not saying to go backwards. But you can't just live your life for others, denying yourself, or else your desires will explode," Michiru said. "You have to learn when to assert yourself, when to take what you want." "But what if...," Yakumo began. "Those who love you have their own darkness to contend with. They'll understand," Michiru said softly. "It has to be give and take, not one taking always and one giving." "Eri-sempai tried to tell me that," Yakumo said softly. "You want her, right? And Harima-san?" "Yes," Yakumo said softly. "Then go for it. It's better to try and fail than to give up before you start," Michiru said, squeezing her hand. "I shouldn't...," Yakumo began. "Go for it," Michiru said. "Doesn't this make me...," Yakumo started. "Labels mean nothing," Michiru said. "They can't capture all the intricacies of the human heart. You love who you love because of who they are. Trying to put people in a few boxes is simplistic. Don't ask yourself if you're bi or straight or lesbian or whatever. Just love your lovers as best you can, and everything else will follow." "Do you really think...," Yakumo began. "You can do it. If you all want it, if you all work for it, you can do it," Michiru said. "Let go of your fear and fly." Yakumo closed her eyes and imagined herself flying. She held Kenji-san's hand with her right hand and Eri- sempai's with her left. And Sara rode on her back as she flew, flew across the countryside, zooming high enough to touch the sun. Others flew with her, Tenma and Karasuma. Satsuki and Suga-sempai. Haruka and Michiru. Akira-sempai and Nara-sempai. Asou flew above her, his hands on Sara's shoulder as she smiled at him. All her friends flew in a great swarm, and she laughed for the joy of it as they flew on towards the rising sun. It seemed so easy. But could it really be so easy? For now, she tried to forget her worries and lose herself in flight. ************** Harima was still drawing intently, when Haruka said, "You ever dream about living other lives?" "All the time," Harima said. "Some of it gets put into my manga." Beat. "A lot. I suppose you must too, or you wouldn't ask." Haruka laughed, hand behind head, then went back to the pose Harima was trying to draw. "I'm not good at subtlety." "Yeah, you pretty much suck at that," Harima said amiably, trying to get Haruka's leg to not look dipped in chocolate instead of wreathed in shadows. "Any dreams I showed up in?" Haruka asked. "Yeah, we chased down Speed Racer and stole his car," Harima said. Haruka laughed loudly. Harima tried to think. He dreamed of almost everyone he knew every so often, some people more than others. As he erased and redrew Haruka's leg for the third time, he said, "Hmm, I should base a character on you for my manga. You'd have wind magics, maybe a cool magic sword and a magic horse...," he said thoughtfully. "Maybe some kind of magically summoned armor...yeah." Haruka's voice was very soft. "Everyone in that manga based on people you know?" "No, they're all original characters," Harima said, unaware he was lying his ass off. "But I think you'd fit in. The hero needs someone to talk to who is a guy and not always trying to kick his ass, anyway." "I'm going to have to take a closer look at it, but sure, that's cool," Haruka said softly. "It's weird, you know, sometimes, it's almost like looking into another world when I draw," Harima said, finally getting the leg right. "Or maybe another time. But I'm probably just imagining it." Haruka nodded in the dark, breath spiralling upwards, forming mist in the cold. "Michiru says that sometimes too. Maybe it's what makes an artist an artist, the ability to see into other places and times." "Wouldn't that be more a prophet?" Harima asked, putting down his pad and pencil for a moment. "Maybe so," Haruka said. "Done," Harima said, finishing off the leg, then offering Haruka a hand up. Haruka rose with the tugging. "We should probably head home before...hmm, I have a message." Haruka checked it, then put the phone away. "Hmm, Michiru's over at your place, staying with Yakumo." "..." "Which if we didn't have school tomorrow would be our cue to go tear down a bar, I think," Haruka said. Harima laughed. "I wish. But really, I'd best go get some sleep." "Well, if you don't mind, I'll crash at your place so I can get Michiru and drive us both to school in the morning." "Fine with me," Harima said. "You drive, I'll call Tenma, make sure she doesn't mind." "Let's go, then." They headed out as a raven took flight. ************ "Taro," his mother said from the top of the basement stairs. "There's someone here to see you." "I'm busy," he said. He and Keiichi were busy playing Call of Booty 3, and he was about to finally regain his title as 'King of Bling'. "I'll flip the breakers again if you don't come to the door," she said, hands on hips. "Dammit, pause for me," Taro said and went to the door. "It's late and...shit," he said, staring at a giant walking tiki statue. "YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO HEAD OUR CULT," the statue said. "..." "FORTUNATELY, AS YOU ARE A VIRGIN..." "Hey, don't say that so loud the entire universe hears!," Taro said frantically. "STUDY THIS," the statue said, thrusting a book into his hands. "GIVE US POWER AND WE WILL GIVE YOU POWER." Now THAT was more like it... ************ Tenma waggled a finger at Haruka and Harima. "No Yaoi tonight. Kenji has a girlfriend and a fiancee now." Haruka laughed. "No Yaoi." "Also, you're going to have to let me come see your rich pad some time," Tenma said. "That's cool," Haruka said. "Okay, you can stay then," Tenma said. "I've got the guest room all set up for you." She yawned. "I'm going to bed." "Okay, thanks," Harima said. "Goodnight, Tenma- san." "Goodnight, brother," she mumbled and stumbled off to bed. "She's such a weird mix of innocence and perversion," Haruka said. "She's not perverted," Harima said firmly. "How many women you know who tell their guests explicitly they can't have sweaty man-love?" Haruka asked. "Well, if you didn't pretend to have a crush on me, people wouldn't think it necessary to say it," Harima grumbled. Haruka ran a finger up and down Harima's arm as he froze up. "But it's so much fun watching you freak out." "Let's go to bed," Harima said. "Oooh, so bold," Haruka teased. Harima stomped off and they went to bed. *************** The twin suns of Mars beat down upon the desert sands as Lord Harima stood on the deck of a sandschooner. It was most definitely smuggling sandworm spice, as his contacts had indicated. Unfortunately for the smugglers, he and Lord Haruka were here to shut down the smuggling ring. The old fashioned way. Namely, beating every smuggler unconscious. "Umm, Lord Harima," Lord Haruka said as they stood back to back on the deck of the schooner, surrounded by forty gangster-sailors as the ship raced across the sands towards Som Yelsie, the most wretched hive of scum and villany on Mars, which had most certainly not been ripped off from any movies AT ALL. "Yeah?" he said. "Since when did Mars have twin suns instead of twin moons?" "DAMMIT!" The dream jumped off the rails and crashed. ************* Princess Yakumo lay sleeping peacefully in her crystal coffin, waiting for a prince to come to kiss her and wake her up. For what might have been centuries, all was sweet quiet and bliss. Then the voices started, penetrating her quiet haze. It sounded like a pack of princes arguing over who got to open her casket and kiss her. She could hear Prince Eri- sempai and Prince Kenji-san squabbling loudly, while Priestess Sara-chan and Princess Michiru-sempai stood further away, trying to assert their own claims, but could be barely heard over the two arguing princes. For a long while, she tried to ignore them, but she could neither rest nor wake so long as they kept...on...fighting... Finally, she could take no more and sat up, pushing the coffin open. "STOP ARGUING AND KISS ME!" she shouted. As she rose, her princess costume ripped away, revealing her witch costume. She grabbed her staff and rapped them both in the head, then waved her hat in the air. "Don't make me wear this hat!" Prince Harima and Prince Eri stood, jaws agape in shock. "Now, now," Princess Michiru said. "A true princess does not assert herself in such manner. She is quiet and submissive and puts others ahead of herself. She waits patiently to be kissed." She didn't sound very sincere about this; indeed, her voice dripped with irony. Witch Yakumo's staff flicked out, snagging Princess Michiru's dress, then spun, twirling the fabric around the end. She yanked and the dress flew off, revealing an aquamarine witch outfit. "You're a witch too," she said firmly. "Witches have far more fun," Witch Michiru said, smiling. "It can be fun to pretend to be a princess, but you can't live like that. Or at least, I can't." "And Priestesses have more too," Priestess Sara said, smiling a slightly naughty smile. "I don't want to be a bad witch, like I used to be," Witch Yakumo said softly, suddenly sagging in on herself. "It's not being a Witch, it's whether you use your powers for good or for evil, to help or to hurt," Witch Michiru said. "You don't have to surrender your will to avoid being bad, you just have to control it yourself, instead of giving it over to someone else." "You're a good, kind person," Priestess Sara said. "But you shouldn't let yourself be walked on. I wouldn't have a boyfriend if I hadn't gone after him myself." Witch Yakumo closed her eyes, then opened them. She stepped forwards, taking her Princes by the hand. "You...you...you are mine," she said softly. "Even if I'm not sure what that means or how we'll work it all out. You belong to me. Whatever it takes. Whatever rises against us." "I don't...I mean...," Prince Eri mumbled. "I know what's in your heart," Witch Yakumo said, putting a hand over her heart. "And yours," putting the other over Prince Harima's heart. Then she kissed both of them until they gave in and kissed back with everything they had. Witch Michiru quietly led Priestess Sara away. They were all breathing hard, when Witch Yakumo whispered, "What comes next?" "I don't know," Prince Eri said, looking embarrassed. "Never done it before," Prince Harima said, laughing nervously with a hand behind his head. "..." "We'll, uh, have to guess, I guess," Prince Harima said, laughing nervously. "Well, we could start by asking Sara and Michiru, since they're hiding over there spying on us," Prince Eri began, pointing to a nearby bush. Then Sagano fell butt first out of the sky onto Prince Harima's head, knocking him into Prince Eri, who toppled onto Witch Yakumo, knocking them all out. As the dreamscape dissolved away, Sagano resolved to listen to Karasuma's warnings about using the cloud- railing in the future. ************** The twin moons of Mars shone coolly above the desert sand, from which heat was still rising from the daytime sun, as Lord Harima stood on the deck of a sandschooner. Their interactions created flickering shadows, which made for interesting lighting effects, though they'd make stealth harder, as there was less in permanent shadow. Lord Harima adjusted his heroic pose slightly so the light would show off his determined stare more effectively. The schooner was most definitely smuggling sandworm spice, as his contacts had indicated. Unfortunately for the smugglers, he and Lord Haruka were here to shut down the smuggling ring. The old fashioned way. Namely, beating every smuggler unconscious. "Umm, Lord Harima," Lord Haruka said as they stood back to back on the deck of the schooner, surrounded by forty gangster-sailors as the ship raced across the sands towards Som Yelsie, the most wretched hive of scum and villany on Mars, which had most certainly not been ripped off from any movies AT ALL. "What?" "Isn't that Sagano?" Lord Haruka asked, pointing at the tiny figure standing in the sands, about to be rammed by the schooner. "Dammit!" The ship hit a suspiciously Sagano shaped statue which was standing right where it had looked like she was and flipped into the air, causing the dream to unravel as Lord Harima continued to curse. *************** Sagano looked at Karasuma, who was giving her the blank look that somehow nevertheless said 'you screwed up'. "I'm very sorry! I was just trying to get a better look for something connected to all this like you said!" Karasuma relaxed slightly. "Well, no permanent damage was done. But be careful, or you will get yourself killed." "Yes, sir," she said, subdued. "It doesn't seem like we're getting anywhere." She sighed. "Well, we may be stuck until whatever is feigning being the Celestial Censors strikes again," Karasuma said. "In the meantime, we're going to be look..." He paused. "What?" she asked, confused. "You must promise me to not buy any cursed items." "..." "No matter how funny you think it is," he said firmly. "Uhh...okay, I promise." "Alright. There is some reason to believe the Tiki Gods may be invading Japan." "Cool," Sagano said. "Sounds like a job for...THE HAREM NINJAS!" "And possibly someone else," Karasuma said. "I'll have to confer with her, though." "You mean Magical Girl Mai?" Sagano asked. "..." "HAH! I got one over on you this time!" Sagano crowed. "Well, that will make things easier." "Rock. I could use some evil to fight by moonlight," Sagano said. "Vice-principal by day, superhero by night!" "Vice-president." "Same difference," Sagano said gleefully. This would rule. ************ Yakumo woke up with Michiru hugging her while asleep, whispering "Haruka, my love," into her ear. Her grip proved inescapable. Yakumo was about to wake her up, then realized she wouldn't remember anything from the dream, as it was only a dream-Michiru in it. So, instead, she forced herself back to sleep, though it wasn't easy. ************* The twin moons of Mars shone coolly above the desert sand, from which heat was still rising from the daytime sun, as Lord Harima stood on the deck of a sandschooner. Their interactions created flickering shadows, which made for interesting lighting effects, though they'd make stealth harder, as there was less in permanent shadow. Lord Harima adjusted his heroic pose slightly so the light would show off his determined stare more effectively. This was hampered by the fact that he was vibrating slightly, as if anticipating disaster. The schooner was most definitely smuggling sandworm spice, as his contacts had indicated. Unfortunately for the smugglers, he and Lord Haruka were here to shut down the smuggling ring. The old fashioned way. Namely, beating every smuggler unconscious. "Umm, Lord Harima," Lord Haruka said as they stood back to back on the deck of the schooner, surrounded by forty gangster-sailors as the ship raced across the sands towards Som Yelsie, the most wretched hive of scum and villany on Mars, which had most certainly not been ripped off from any movies AT ALL. "What?" Lord Harima's voice vibrated tensely. Lord Haruka pointed to the sky. "It's George Lucas, he wants his hive of scum and villany back." "DAMMIT! I said it is NOT ripped off from any movies at all!" "His lawyers seem unconvinced." "Dude, you should have gone to China to have this dream," one of the smugglers said. "They don't let copyrights get enforced there." "AAAAARGH!!!!!" BOOM. ******************** Kaorin tossed and turned, images of Harima and Kimura-sensei haunting her mind. The great banes of her existence. But there was nothing she could do about either. Sakaki-san would never be free of Harima's evil influence and she'd never escape Kimura-sensei. Never. "Nevermore," quoth the Raven. "Talking in your sleep gives away secrets," the Raven perched in her window continued. Kaorin leaped to her feet. "PERV...hey, you're a raven." "The Raven of the West, one of the magical guardians of Ireland," he said. "But...this isn't Ireland." "That's because the true rulers of Ireland were killed long ago and reborn in other lands, such as this one," the Raven said. "Are you trying to tell me I'm a reincarnated Irishwoman?" Kaorin asked in confusion. "Not just any random one, but a reincarnated Princess, one of the daughters of the Morrigan, sister of King Balor who sleeps until his Eye is found," the Raven said. "Is he like King Arthur?" Kaorin asked, trying to remember the geography of Europe. "Exactly, but for Ireland," the Raven said. "I have come to awaken you to your true identity, that you might begin the search for your uncle's eye and crush the servants of the evil ones who drove us into exile so long ago. He has many perverted servants." Kaorin grimaced. "I know some disgusting perverts who want to fondle Miss Sakaki. She's so sweet and trusting and doesn't understand what they want to do to her!" "Then you should punish the wicked," the Raven said. "I will guide you as best I can, but while I know much lore, my own powers are limited. But I can awaken your slumbering powers." "Please," Kaorin said. "I...I can't beat them as I am." "You are the Princess of the West, the land of hills and mountains, and in you is hidden the strength of the mountains," the Raven said, hopping onto her shoulder. Then the moon glinted off nearby silver in front of him. "Now, I...oooh, shiney!" The Raven jumped into her open jewelry box and began rolling around in it like Scrooge McDuck. "SO MANY SHINEY." Kaorin sweatdropped. They never showed this part of dealing with your magical advisor in magical girl shows... ******************** "Clearly, Sagano falling on you represents your fear of disaster, that if you do reach out, something will happen to knock you back down," Michiru said to Yakumo as they laid in bed. "You have to overcome that fear in order to be free to express how you feel to them." "There's so many things that could go wrong," Yakumo said softly, nervously running one of her hands up and down her side as if trying to brush something off. "I don't even know for sure...Eri-sempai is hard to understand and boys are so confusing," she continued, hand still moving. She felt very strange. "Boys follow the call of their hormones, but so do we," Michiru said. "You just have to be bold," she said. "And be the one to break the ice. They're scared too." She shook her head. "Feelings are so complicated." "I...also don't quite know what to do...afterwards," Yakumo confessed nervously. "Are you asking Haruka and I to train you and Harima-san?" Michiru asked teasingly. Yakumo imagined it in her mind, playing it out from various angles. Her eyes widened and she felt...her body felt...like when she held Kenji tightly sometimes...like she...she wanted...she didn't know what she wanted except vaguely, but suddenly she wanted it so much. Enough that she felt ready to die of embarrassment. "You're teasing me," she mumbled. "We'd have to train Sawachika-san too, of course, so you'd all be equally good." Michiru sounded very practical. "And we'd need a large bed, though if we dragged one together. "And we'd need...well, of course Sara-san would help." "But she has a boyfriend...," Yakumo choked out, her arms flailing on a very small scale. She had to, she felt...hard to think... She was rubbing her side like she was trying to shed her skin. "I'm sure I could get him to help," Sara purred into Yakumo's ears, embracing her from behind. "Of course, that would complicate things a little, still, I'm sure we could work things all out," Michiru said. Sara began kissing Yakumo's neck. She felt like she was going to explode. "Sara-chan, I..." "Well, true, I shouldn't tempt you to cheat on your boyfriend and girlfriend," Sara said. She didn't let go, though. This was wrong, Yakumo thought. Sara would never do that, no matter how cute she was, and surely...but Ten'ou-sempai did seem to like Kenji and...and... Wrong...wrong...she wanted it, but no...no...NO! The world shattered into mirror fragments. ************ Harima shook Haruka awake. Haruka stared groggily at Harima. "Something wrong?" "Mars isn't...like...owned by anyone, right? You can't get sued for using it or anything?" "..." "Is that 'Kenji is so stupid to think it might be' or 'Everyone knows someone owns a copyright?'," Harima asked. "I was just dreaming about Mars," Haruka mumbled. "No, anyone can use it, but I think...there's old stories set there that might be copyrighted, but if you make up your own stuff, you should be fine. Did you really have to ask me this right now?" "Yeah, I don't want to blow up again," Harima said, settling down to sleep. "..." A few seconds later, Haruka said, "Hey, what do you mean by that?", sounding a little nervous. But Harima was fast asleep. Haruka sighed and went back to sleep. ************** Michiru was now cuddled up to her pillow, which she kept calling 'Athena' for some reason. Yakumo was too distracted to contemplate thinking about it. Her whole body felt like it was going to explode; her blood seemed to be flowing at 20,000 miles an hour. Images flickered through her mind, the people she found most attractive. It was exciting and terrifying at once and she wanted Kenji to kiss her so badly. Kiss her and touch her and, and... Her body was doing things and she felt oddly disconnected from it and enveloped in the physicality of it at once, her fear holding her back from the surging caldron of emotions. From expressing what she wanted. She staggered out of bed, fleeing for the bathroom and not sure why, just that she needed privacy if she couldn't have Kenji, who might be home but he might be somewhere else and he might be kissing Eri-sempai or Ten'ou-sempai or...or... She fled herself but couldn't get away. ************* The twin moons of Mars (which had better not be protected by copyright, dammit) shone coolly above the desert sand, from which heat was still rising from the daytime sun, as Lord Harima stood on the deck of a sandschooner. Their interactions created flickering shadows, which made for interesting lighting effects, though they'd make stealth harder, as there was less in permanent shadow. Lord Harima adjusted his heroic pose slightly so the light would show off his determined stare more effectively. This was hampered by the fact that he was vibrating as if trying to cause an earthquake. The schooner was most definitely smuggling sandworm spice, as his contacts had indicated. Unfortunately for the smugglers, he and Lord Haruka were here to shut down the smuggling ring. The old fashioned way. Namely, beating every smuggler unconscious. "Umm, Lord Harima," Lord Haruka said as they stood back to back on the deck of the schooner, surrounded by forty gangster-sailors as the ship raced across the sands towards Notcopy Rig Hted City, the most wretched hive of scum and villany on Mars, which had most certainly not been ripped off from any movies AT ALL. DEFINITELY NOT. "What?" Lord Harima's voice vibrated tensely. Lord Haruka pointed to the sky. "Now Frank Herbert's angry about the Sandworms." "Screw Frank Herbert! The only cool thing in that movie was the giant worms! But they didn't even get to kill much shit! SO NOW WE KICK HIS ASS!," Lord Harima shouted. "Hey, what about us?" the smugglers said. "Take a damn number!" Lord Harima said, leaping into the sky towards the oncoming lawyer attack fleet. Lord Haruka laughed, drawing his bejeweled, gaudy sword. "Hamlet had it right!" He leaped after Lord Harima. Lawyers don't stand up well to FISTS OF IRON or to magical energy blasting swords. Within a few minutes, the lawyers were destroyed or fled, leaving Lord Harima and Lord Haruka with a giant attack fleet. A giant attack fleet plummeting out of the sky towards the ocean because now no one was flying it. "Dammit, why is there never a Mac for hacking an attacking fleet to control it all at once when you NEED IT?" Lord Harima shouted as they plunged. "Only one hope," Lord Haruka said. "Dammit, you sure? Witch Yakumo always claims that much force would shatter the universe! Banish us to another one!" "Yeah, that's our only hope to escape," Lord Haruka said. "But we have to focus it right and time it right so I don't blow your hands off or you don't punch out my blast." "Won't she get kind of pissed if we blow up the universe with her in it?" Lord Harima asked. "Well, dammit, we're fucked, then," Lord Haruka said, shaking his head sadly. "Maybe we'll be lucky and Sagano will somehow trash this version too," Lord Harima mumbled. "That may well be our only hope," Lord Haruka said solemnly. They looked to Heaven, but it was silent and Sagano- less. "We are so fucked." *************** While a shampoo bottle had roughly the right kind of shape for what Yakumo wanted to do, she quickly discovered that it was far too easy to squeeze it until the cap popped open, making a humongous mess. Furthermore, trying to clean it all out was taking roughly a billion years, as a seemingly small amount turned into seemingly infinite amounts of suds. All this time, her body was pounding wildly like a hammer and her inchoate needs were beating at her temples, her fingers, but all this gunk was in the way and the mess was incredible and... And there went more shampoo onto the floor, and now the floor was turning into a wet sudsy mess and her innards were still slicked up and sudsy and... Someone was knocking on the front door. At this hour? Yakumo had never been this totally panicked in her entire life. Surely someone else would answer it. Surely. PLEASE. *********** "So do we brace for impact or try to jump clear?" Lord Haruka asked Lord Harima. "WHY DOESN'T ANYONE PUT SEATBELTS IN THEIR DAMN SPACESHIPS???" Lord Harima demanded. Lord Haruka studied the controls as they stood on the bridge of the falling flagship. "Hmm, maybe I can reverse the polarity of the neutron flow..." "What the fuck does that mean?" "Damned if I know, but it's the kind of meaningless bullshit that always saves the day in Star Trek," Lord Haruka said. "MAKE IT SO," Lord Harima bellowed. "Hey, convenient, it comes in a button." PUNCH. The ships began falling upwards. "...." "Sweet, I think I just reversed some of the laws of physics," Lord Haruka said. "By hitting something." "Well, let's find an escape pod and get out of here, we have smugglers to smite," Lord Harima said. "Oooh, gender reversal ray," Lord Haruka said. "We can use that for some victory making out." "Dammit, Haruka, that's not...," Lord Harima began, then narrowly dodged the pink ray. "Haruka!" Lord Haruka was laughing and laughing. Distantly, there was a huge sound of fist hitting wood. "You think it's so funny, you be the one who gets zapped!" Lord Harima said, storming over. "Okay," Lord Haruka said. "It's only fair, though it's your turn next time." "That's fine, the...no, wait!" Lord Harima said. "C'mon, I'm ready. Just remember, you'll owe me!" "We have girlfriends, dammit! We shouldn't do this!," Lord Harima said. The distant banging got louder. "Oh, I shudder to think what Lady Michiru will tell us to do to atone, let alone Witch Yakumo or Sorceress Eri, but hey, if you can't experiment in a dream, when can you?" There was that, and it wasn't real and...and...No, it wasn't the right thing to do, tempting as it might be and sort of curious as he was...no, don't give in to temptation. My life is already too fucked up, Lord Harima thought. BANG BANG BANG... "But we'd better answer that!", Lord Harima said quickly, then woke up. ********** A groggy Harima opened the door to find a groggy Sara. "Sara-san, what are you doing here?" he mumbled. "I don't know, but Yakumo needs me," she said softly. "..." "May I come in?" "Sure," Harima said. "I think Yakumo's in her bedroom." "Don't worry, I know where to find her," Sara said softly, then headed for the bathroom. Harima raised an eyebrow, then decided it best to go back to bed. ************* "It's perfectly normal. Everyone does it." If less messily, Sara thought softly. "I don't...I shouldn't...I'm not even sure what I'm doing," Yakumo mumbled. "Let's get you cleaned up," Sara said. "And let you sleep and I can tell you more in the morning." "Felt good," Yakumo mumbled. "But scary." "It's like that," Sara said softly, guiding Yakumo over, getting her fully stripped, and then dumping water over her, then getting some soap. "But...I shouldn't..." "It's okay," Sara said firmly. "It's okay to want things," she said softly as she began to scrub Yakumo down. "As long as your conscience keeps you from getting selfish and greedy. But it's okay to want people; it's part of being human." "It scares me," Yakumo said softly, enjoying being bathed. It was nice to be pampered a little. "Better get used to terror," Sara said, as she continued her work. "Love is unpredictable and so is desire." Yakumo had been afraid Sara would say that. ************ "Sara-san?" Haruka asked Harima groggily. "Damned if I know and I probably shouldn't butt in," Harima said. "Time to get back to dreaming. Maybe everything won't fuck up this time," he said as he laid down. "Fuck up?" Haruka asked. "Yeah, if another damn author invades my dreams, gonna be pissed," Harima mumbled, then quickly slid into sleep. Haruka's eyes widened slightly. "Wait, what was that about...man, I wish I could sleep that fast." Haruka sighed, then went to bed. *********** When Michiru awoke in the morning, she blinked. What was Sara doing in bed with her and Yakumo? It was kind of crowded, though a kind she didn't mind at all. Maybe this is some sort of porno dream, she thought. But surely they would have been making out or something if this was a dream... Best to take no chances. She got up and went to go make breakfast, only to find Tenma asleep, leaning against the counter, next to the stove. Rice was busy charring inside a pot. She carefully turned off the heat, moved the pot by the sink, took Tenma and laid her out on the dining room table, then went to work. ********* Haruka woke up as Harima got up, stumbling about. "You okay?" "Groggy," he said. "Spent all night trying to get a dream right. Finally got it right, then the damn sun woke me up before we could all go plunder Jupiter." "Dreamed about adventures on Mars all night?" Haruka asked softly. "Yeah," Harima said. "You too, right?" "Yes," Haruka said very softly. "Hmm, great minds think alike. I'm gonna go shower." Harima stumbled off leaving Haruka lost in thought. ********* Yakumo woke up in a panic; Sara restrained her from running. "It's morning," she said softly. "No one knows but me, and I won't tell." Yakumo relaxed into Sara's arms. "Thank you," she said softly. "I can hardly believe you'd never done that before," Sara said softly. "I never...I didn't think...I mean, I feel that way, but never so strong. It always kind of went away." Very softly and sounding scared, Yakumo said softly, "It felt like something...broke." "Well, you have to be discreet," Sara said, sounding a little embarrassed. "But it's normal. I...well, I..." She laughed nervously. "I can show you what to do less messily, when you...need to." "Thank you," Yakumo said softly. "But not right now. We've got to get dressed and ready for school." "Breakfast!" Yakumo rushed off to the kitchen with Sara trailing her, only to find Michiru busy cooking and Tenma napping. "Big sister?" she asked Tenma curiously. "She must have wanted to surprise us with breakfast," Michiru said. "That's sweet," Yakumo said. "Do you need help?" "Sure," Michiru said. "You're better than I am." "You flatter me," Yakumo said, coming in and getting out fruit. "Never sell yourself short," Michiru said. "Don't hide your true skill unless you have to." "I guess I'll go shower," Sara said. "See you soon!" Breakfast soon ensued without any further trouble. ************** Satsuki looked over warily at her dad, who seemed back to normal as he ate breakfast. "Dad?" "Yes, dear?" he asked. "Are you...going to be in trouble at work?" She wimped out. "Hanai-sama explained it all to them. I am going to need some time to get up to speed, though." He began buttering another roll. She wanted to ask about her boyfriend, but maybe it was best to let him get wrapped up in work and just forget about her boyfriend. Yeah, that was best. She couldn't break any rules she had never been given, right? Right? ************ There was the sound of violence outside Akira and Nara's house as they tried to eat breakfast. Akira looked up from her beef fried rice. "Hmm, Lala-san is trying to fight her way to our front door." "Should we help her?" Nara asked. "Probably best the zombies soften her up a little, just in case," Akira said. "True," Nara said, though he wasn't sure if that would 'soften her up' or 'piss her off'. But he deferred to Akira's judgement. ************** Shigeo felt somewhat nervous; why would Madoka's parents call him over this early in the morning on a school day? He knocked on the door and her mother answered. "Thanks, Shigeo-san. She's going to need a little help getting to school." "What's wrong?" he asked. "She was trying to make some huge thing with chocolate and it came out too rich and she's a bit zoned out on sugar," her mother said. "And chocolate." "She got up early to work on it?" he asked, hoping it was something she planned to give him on Valentine's day. She wouldn't give other people chocolate, right? Right? "Yes. Instead of going running. Anyway, she just needs a firm hand until the sugar buzz wears off, but her father and I both have to go to work," her mother said. "That's fine," he said. He could try and find out more on the way to school. ************ Akira answered the door to find Lala brushing bits of zombie off. "Does that always happen?" Lala asked. "It seems to be getting more common," Akira said. "But I don't know why." Lala breathed in, then out. "Takano-san. I know we have had some past troubles..." "Yes, you could say that," Akira said. Lala winced. "Yes. That relates to this." Now Akira looked curious, insomuch as she usually showed off her thoughts. "I have decided I need...to become wiser, to avoid such problems in the future." "Commendable," Akira said. "You are the smartest person I know. I'm not doing well in my classes and I have...been suckered too often." Lala's voice was slow and reluctant. "Please, teach me to be wiser and smarter. I don't have much to offer you besides my strength, but that...is one of the few things you lack, so I hope that would be enough." Akira's eyes flickered wide. "You...are you looking to apprentice yourself to me?" "If that's what you wish to call it. I am just tired of being everyone's monkey." Akira looked her up and down. "I don't know if you have the fortitude for it." "I had the fortitude to survive ten years of training at the hands of my father. You know my father," Lala said, sounding proud. "I have spent days running barefoot through the Mexican desert with kegs of tequila hanging from my arms. I have spent days punching stone walls until they shattered to tiny bits. I once went without sleep for four days straight, under the constant threat of attack if I slept even once. It does not matter what you do to me, I can survive it. I can survive things which would kill you." Akira was about to speak, when Lala interrupted her. "But my problem isn't fortitude. Papa taught me how to crush my enemies on the battlefield, but...I don't think I'm very good at picking my battles. Or living off it." She stared at the ground. "And you are." "It's not easy for you to say that," Akira said softly. "It's almost impossible," Lala said. "I never thought...I won't be used again. I didn't spend a decade perfecting my body just to be used as puppets in other people's games!" Her voice grew heated. "I hate having to ask you for help. I hate it." She took a deep breath, fists clenching and unclenching. "But...you're the best. I don't know anyone smarter and less easily conned than you. And if I have to...bow to someone...I'd rather it be to someone who has...who is the best at what they do." Lala stared at the ground. Akira smiled a little on the inside. Flattery shouldn't be listened to. But...Lala was sincere. She was a terrible liar. And she was right. There was no one who could do this better than her. And apparently, Lala could rein herself in at least a little. It was a start. "If you wish to be my apprentice, you must pass three tasks I am going to set you. If you can accomplish those, I will regard you as worthy to study under me," Akira said. "Of course," Lala said, relaxing. This sort of thing was traditional. She was back on more familiar and comfortable ground. "This is the first. You must go to Mikoto and apologize to her for all the trouble you've caused her. I don't expect a flawless performance, but you must clearly apologize and take responsibility for the trouble you caused her over Hanai," Akira said. "I didn't do anything wrong!," Lala protested. "I...I wanted Hanai to be my boyfriend and I approached it honestly!" "I didn't say to apologize to Hanai," Akira said. "I think you approached him honestly and forthrightly and he totally made a mess of things by waffling around. But you caused Mikoto a lot of trouble and I can't teach someone who is on bad terms with one of my best friends." Lala shook physically at the thought of apologizing to Mikoto. "It would be...I'm not sorry." "She deserves your respect; she's a warrior like you. I think you could be friends if only you could start over," Akira said. "But if you can't even apologize to someone you've wronged, you're beyond my help." "But..." "Wouldn't you feel wronged if she did to you what you've done to her?" Akira asked. Lala struggled to bend her mind around the scenario. "Have they..." "They've been friends since they were little, and in love long before they could admit it," Akira said. Lala imagined that, someone coming in and trying to take away someone she loved, had been close to for years... She grimaced. She would have been very angry too. Suddenly, she felt terrible. Softly, Akira said, "You're going to have to learn how to see things through other's eyes, if you are to gain more wisdom." "I didn't know. I just thought she was being stupidly jealous," Lala mumbled. "Well, there was a little of that. But a wound between people can't heal until someone reaches out," Akira said. "Now, go and apologize, and we'll talk again when you do." "Yes, sensei," Lala said, bowing and walking away. Akira headed back upstairs, where Nara was getting ready to go. "Well, this will be interesting." "The good kind or the kind your mother describes with that?" "Yes," Akira said. Nara felt a slight shiver up his spine. "I'm going to be training at Hanai's dojo this afternoon." "Maybe I should come watch you," Akira mused. Nara felt a little embarrassed. "I'd feel self- conscious." "Well, I should see about the shop, anyway," Akira said. "And figure out with Harima how much he can afford to work there, so we can set our hours of operation." "Going to keep it running?" Nara asked. "Enough to give him and I some spending money, anyway," Akira said. "Let me know if Lala apologizes or death ensues." "..." "Here, let me explain..." ************ "Hey, can you two give Yakumo-san a ride to school?" Harima asked. "I have to go play taxi man." "Sure," Haruka said. "Hold on," Yakumo said nervously. "Ehh?" Harima asked. She stepped over and pulled him down and kissed him, feeling very tense. He seemed confused a moment, then kissed her back firmly. "Thanks," he mumbled. She smiled a little. "See you later, Kenji-san." "See you," he said, ruffling her hair, then heading out. ************ Shigeo walked along, hand-in-hand with Madoka. This made him feel very excited, though her tendency to start wandering off until his hand restrained her wasn't as good. "Man, you really ate way too much sugar," Shigeo said. "It was so full of choclatey goodness," Madoka mumbled. "But now I know the recipe worked." "Practicing for Valentine's Day?," he asked nervously. "Yes," she said. "Well, I'll eat mine slowly over several days," he said. "What? Oh yes, right," she said, starting to try to do hopscotch until he dragged her on. "I need to make you chocolate." He twitched. If she'd just remembered that, who was this giant chocolate thing for??? They rounded a corner and found Rinko pushing Ishikawa up against a wall, kissing him fiercely. Shigeo felt a huge surge of jealousy, not that he wanted Rinko, but just because his girlfriend never did that sort of thing to him. "Oooh, not bad, but we can do better," Madoka said, then grabbed Shigeo, pressing him to the wall and kissing him hard enough to almost make him implode. Though he would have been okay with that, given how nice it felt. ************* "We're going to be late to school," Yomi mumbled. "That's fine, but since he won't come by our school yet, you have to go to him," Tomo said. "But we're going to be late," Yomi mumbled. "Fuck the police!," Tomo proclaimed. "What?" Yomi stared at her in confusion. "Uh...the truant police...whatever," Tomo mumbled, now looking embarrassed herself. Students streamed past them as they waited at the gates of Sukuran High. Now Nara, Akira, Yoshidayama, and Buddha came around the corner together. "Yeah, so episode 54, they get the giant laser, remember?" Yoshidayama said. "Oh, right. I thought that was 32," Nara said. "The Pink Douji gets her claw upgrades and a new visor in 32. It's part of the five episode power-up level 2 sequence," Buddha said. "Yeah, so...hey, babe!" Yoshidayama ran over to Tomo and kissed her. "What brings you here, sexy? Oh, hey, Yomi-san!" "Hi, everyone," Yomi said extremely nervously. "Nice to see you," Nara said, smiling. "Hello, Yomi-san," Akira said. "What brings you here?" "I...uh...I'm chaperoning Tomo," Yomi mumbled in a panic. "Hello, Yomi-san," Buddha rumbled. "You ready for a rematch some time?" "Sure," Yomi said, gaining a little more steadiness. "No one can outdance me." "HAH!," Tomo said. "We'll see about that! Yeah, Yomi's here to keep the leash on me so my parents don't rampage." "I'm surprised they let you do this," Akira said. "Well, they trust Yomi," Tomo said. "More than me." "Wise," Akira said cooly. Yoshidayama said, "Thanks, honey. I'll see if I can sneak out a little early, meet up with you at your school." "Cool. Bring some friends, we can go party!," Tomo said. "You're already in too much trouble," Yomi said. "And so will we be." "Yes, but being in trouble is the ideal state of existence," Tomo said. "I try to stay out of trouble myself," Nara said. "See? He's a wise man," Yomi said. "Well, my mom won't care either way, so I'll come see ya, honey," Yoshidayama said. "But right now, Buddha and I have to go see Imadori-san." "Okay," Tomo said. Kiss. "See you later!" She nudged Yomi. Yomi felt her brain melt down. "It's very nice to stand near you, Nara-san. Buddha-san. Takano-san. Door-san. Floor-san. Ahaha." Then she ran off, dragging Tomo. Akira watched her go curiously. Strange woman. ************* Kaorin stood on the roof of the school. "Now?" she asked her raven. The Raven of the West said softly, "Not now. If we strike now, it might get in the way of dealing with that disgusting teacher. Once he's dealt with, then we can deal with the delinquent." "Good point," Kaorin said, though she itched to go into action. But patience was a virtue, after all. "Hmm, also...," the Raven said. "Down, boy!" Kaorin said, grabbing his leg as he flapped. "It took you sixteen years to find me because you had to keep stopping to grab abandoned coke cans, right?" "Guilty as charged," the Raven mumbled. Patience and not beating your advisor is a virtue, Kaorin reminded herself. ************ "No, no, Mikoto, you use 'she' for a woman, and 'he' for a man," Eri said to Mikoto, correcting her English homework. "And 'it' for neuter. Also, you can't just leave them out and let people infer it from context, unlike Japanese. Most of the time, anyway." Mikoto wrinkled her nose. "Don't people mess up whether they're using 'she' or 'he' all the time?" "Not really, you get used to it. Also 'his' for men and 'her' for women. And 'its' for neuter," Eri said. Mikoto began scribbling corrections. "I ought to know this by now." "The quality of English teaching in this country is sh...terrible," Eri said. "Yeah, well, it's your native tongue," Mikoto mumbled, working hard. "Trying to improve your English?," Eri asked. "Yeah, in case I have to bluff for you again." Eri looked intently at Mikoto, who laughed nervously. "And they seem to like it at this one school..." "Oh ho," Eri said. "We get to the heart of the matter." She grinned. "It's not...we don't...tell her it's not like that," Mikoto said to Hanai, who was busy checking over his math homework nearby. "Uh, what?" he asked. Eri said, "We're discussing..." Mikoto covered her mouth with a hand. "Nothing, just English." "Well, there's another reason to improve English," he said. "Yuuki and Sagano and Fuyuki and I have been discussing things and we're thinking of making the Class Trip to England." "Oooh, I could show everyone so much stuff!," Eri said. "Yeah. Everyone always goes to Kyoto, so we'd be crowded by mobs of students. But England would be cool, and Eri's mother offered us to help pay for it." "..." Eri stared. "Oh wow, that's great, Eri-chan!," Mikoto said. "We were surprised, but the Principal approved. We were going to announce it soon," Hanai said. Eri smelled a trap. But how could she shoot it down? This would probably be the coolest thing some of her classmates would get to do in their entire lives. But it was definitely time to call some of her old friends to sniff around a little. "Sempai," Yakumo said softly. Eri jumped. "I...what?" Her ponytails flopped wildly and Mikoto laughed. "Hey, everyone," Tenma said, waving. "What's this about going to England?" "For the class trip," Hanai said. "Awesome," Tenma said. "I can be Duchess Tenma." Hmm, that dress I got from Eri would be good, Mikoto thought. "Sempai," Yakumo said softly. "Uh, what?" Eri asked nervously, feeling her body vibrate. What's she going to do? "You'll have to kiss Kenji-san when he gets here, but I'm here now," Yakumo said shyly. "I..okay...wait...you...," Eri babbled, turning red. Then Yakumo leaned forward and kissed her softly. "Hey! Now you owe me a kiss!" Imadori shouted from across the room. Eri was too busy passing out to deny the claim. Yakumo now walked over to Imadori, whose eyes widened. "Uh..." "Well, you said, I owe you a kiss," Yakumo said shyly. "..." Tiny tufts of smoke came out of Imadori's ears and he keeled over. Akira rose. "Yakumo-san," she began. "Is he sick?" Yakumo asked, looking worried. "You were kidding, right?" Akira asked Yakumo. "I'm still a little confused how this whole contest and the balancing works," Yakumo confessed. Hanai started to say something; Mikoto began to noogie him immediately without waiting for actual words. "I don't think you have to kiss Imadori, but it's possible Eri-chan has to," Akira said. Yakumo looked thoughtful. "So if I kissed, say, umm, Nara-san..." "What??," Akira said in a sudden panic. "Say what?" Nara said, looking up from where he, Imadori, and Imadori's gang were all gathered around several volumes of manga having an argument. Though technically, Imadori was down for the count with Buddha trying to revive him. "Would Eri have to kiss him? Or would Imadori?", Yakumo asked. "I think it's just if Eri kisses anyone," Akira said. "Or whatever her mother thinks is funny, I expect." "Technically, Yakumo kissed Eri," Tenma said. She dug through her pockets. "Hmm, I can't quite figure out what would brand me as a lawyer..." Mikoto looked amused. "So anyone can kiss Eri without needing to balance it, but if Eri initiates it, she has to kiss everyone?" "She's not kissing my boyfriend unless...," Akira began, then tightly shut her mouth. Hanai's eyes crossed. Tenma looked thoughtfully at Akira in a manner which made Akira remind herself to always follow the 'count to three before you speak' rule in the presence of anyone from her class. Especially Tenma. "Really, to be fair, Eri shouldn't be the only person to have to balance," Mikoto said. She was sure she was throwing oil on the fire, but she couldn't help herself. "Yes, but that could lead to Imadori-san having to kiss Harima-san," Nara pointed out. Imadori's unconscious body went into convulsions. Buddha sighed. "Shin-san, Yoshi-san, help me take Imadori to the infirmary." They got in motion. Yakumo asked, "So do we have some kind of conclusion? Do I have to...with anyone?" "I think you're fine," Akira said. "I'll text-message you if our class president rules otherwise when she gets here." I am totally surrounded by madmen, Asou thought. At least I don't have to deal with any of this shit with Sara. She's sane. And Suga, he thought. Suga said into his cellphone, "Yes, but it would be totally hot if you and Sara...honey, you can't punch me over the phone." Okay, just me and Sara against the world of madmen, Asou thought. ************* "Brooding?" Michiru asked Haruka as they drove to school, having dropped off Yakumo. "Trying to figure out what happened. I had these weird dreams, and it seems like Harima might have had the same ones," Haruka said. Michiru's eyes flickered. "What?" "It was like we kept trying to have the same fantasy action movie dream and something ALWAYS went wrong," Haruka said, laughing. "Pretty funny, but if we had the same dream...but he might have just influenced me, talking in his sleep or something." Michiru stared out the window. "We've shared dreams, memories of our past...," she said softly. "No way this was a memory, not unless the old days were a lot weirder than I remember," Haruka said, rounding a corner casually. "Still...very strange." Michiru frowned. "Yes. It would bear investigating if I had any idea how." "Maybe Ami has some data," Haruka said. "Well, it can't hurt to ask later," Michiru said. Haruka glanced at her and had the feeling they'd better share a dream tonight, or it might be couch time... "I think...it is possible I may have shared a few dreams with Yakumo-san as well, but I'm not sure," Michiru said. "I did dream of her." She sounded very tentative. Haruka felt some relief. "Maybe it was all Yakumo's mindpowers." "That would make sense for us, but Harima-san doesn't seem to...well, he can talk to Animals. He may have talents he's never had the training to learn properly," Michiru said. "Or sleeping with Yakumo-chan may have done something to his mind..." "Well, we'll have to see what we can find out," Haruka said. "Don't tell him yet. Best we know what is going on," Michiru said. "So we don't dream secrets away." "Good point," Haruka said. Well, this will complicate things, Michiru thought. ********** "Tiki gods?" Yuuki asked. "Exactly," Sagano said as they walked to school together. "We're gonna have to hook up with Mai and plan our holy war after school." "It's still too cold to run around half-naked," Fuyuki said. "The sight of us all half-naked should keep us warm," Sagano said firmly. Yuuki's eyes crossed. "I suppose that's one solution." "It's the only one we've got," Sagano said. Yuuki was afraid Sagano was right. ************* "Hmm, I'm sure he'll be fine in a little while," Tae said to Buddha. "You can go to class; I'll make sure he's alright." Buddha nodded and headed out with the others. Tae watched Imadori convulse curiously, then walked over and whispered in his ear, "I'm naked." The convulsions stopped and Imadori sat up. "Woo...hey, you lied!" Tae laughed softly. "Sorry, you don't get to see that for real." "Damn," he said. "And you have a fiancee and a girlfriend, so that's really enough for one man, right?," Tae said teasingly. Imadori froze. "You know about Yukari-chan?" "Your uncle is also my brother-in-law," Tae said. "Oh right...ack, we're related!," Imadori said. "By marriage, yes," she said. "I'll try not to lust after you in the future," he mumbled. "It's nice to be wanted," she said. "But that would probably be wise as...it would be wise." She felt a bit frustrated at having to hide her relationship with Tanisa and Yurippe, but there was nothing she could do about that for now. "I'd better get back to class," Imadori mumbled. "See you later, nephew-in-law," she said, smiling, then went back to work. *********** Akira came over to Harima at lunch. "You keep looking at me, then not. Overwhelmed by my beauty?" she asked teasingly. "I still like the blonde hair look better," Harima said. "You would," she said, smiling a little. "So what is it?" she asked, taking off his sunglasses and staring into his eyes. He wilted slightly and put them back on. "Don't rumple my hair either," he muttered. She of course had to do so. Finally, he said, "Look, I have to get my grades up," he began. "And you want my help?" she asked. "Yeah," he said, sighing. "I thought about asking Yuuki, but I don't know her very well and she's gotta be busy being class president." "If you can stand being around Lala, that's fine," Akira said. "If she passes my tests, then she may be...studying with me a lot." "Tests? I gotta pass an entrance exam?" he asked in a panic. She patted his clenched hands. "You already passed. And really..." She looked at him in a way which made him sweat. "I have things perhaps to learn from you." "I am way better at beating crap out of things than you," Harima said, recovering his stability. "We can start tomorrow; come by my place after school." "Okay," he said. "I already have today planned, anyway." "And I," she said, turning to go. "Thanks," he said. "You're a lifesaver." "That's what friends are for," she said fondly, then headed back to finish her lunch. She headed back to her chair, and Eri asked her curiously, "What was that about?" She glanced over, looking like she might defect over to Harima, but worried that would mean lunch with Imadori. "We..." Akira made herself stop before she could say 'Were-lesbianism'. Not with Tenma here. A thousand humorous things flitted through her mind, only to be discarded because they would cause more trouble than their value. "Tutoring," she finally said, settling for the boring answer. "You should tutor him in English, though, for the trip." "Good idea," Mikoto said. "You can tutor Tenma and I too." Eri preened just a little. "Of course. My English is better than that of our English teacher, after all." "And when we're hobnobbing with the nobility, we'll want to not make fools of ourselves," Tenma said. Eri had learned by now to avoid head-on-collisions with Tenma's imagination when possible. "That too," she said. "Lala hasn't talked to you, has she?" Akira asked Mikoto. "Not since the last time you asked five minutes ago," Mikoto said. "What's up?" "Nothing," Akira said. Lala had to win this by her own strength. ********** Kimura-sensei rubbed his forehead. Why am I sweating? It's cold in here, really. He felt very tired and he couldn't focus well enough to even leer at anyone properly. "Now, we...words..." His vision was blurry, so he took his glasses off. "Sensei?" one of the students asked nervously. "Do you need to go to the infirmary?" "Someone call my sister-in-law," he mumbled, then fell over, dropping his glasses. "Sensei!" one of the male students said, running over to him. "Your sister-in-law? Who is that?" The ladies, on the other hand nodded to each other. Whatever was wrong with him, it was just what he deserved. Kaorin agreed completely. This was her first blow for righteousness. And soon...she'd strike a second. FINALLY. *********** Shin scratched his head after first period. "Man, it looks like Bishi-san and Shigeo and their girlfriends skipped school today," he said. "Maybe they went on a double-date," Saeko said. "Which reminds me, you're taking me out Saturday." "Sweet," Shin said. "Man, they might be in a love hotel right now. The four of them..." "Oh come on," Saeko said. "Shigeo would have a heart attack and die, and Rinko would turn so red they'd think she was a tomato. They're probably just going out somewhere fancy for lunch." She tapped her cheek. "Yeah, I can cover it," Shin said. "Your wa...you're so nice," Saeko said, patting his hand. "I don't like chemistry, anyway. I'm going the humanities route for college." "Me too," he lied. He was pretty sure he'd probably end up working in his dad's bar, but hey, you do what you can to get a woman in your corner, right? "Good," she said. She glanced at the empty seats. I hope they're okay. ************ Inspector Kobayashi studied the four unconscious teenagers. "No obvious sign of injury," he said. "Lupin's knockout gas, clearly," Zenigata said. Kobayashi ground his teeth. "Looks to me like they were making out and...something." "We can't just leave them here. Better take them to the hospital, just in case," one of the beat cops who had found the kids said. "Yes," Zenigata said. "That way, we can definitely find out where Lupin is." "Yes, of course," one of the beat cops mumbled, resolving to not call for backup in the future. ************ "He passed out?" Tae asked over the phone. "Yes," her sister, Kimura-sensei's wife, said. "I don't suppose you could check on him?" "I can after school, but right now, I'm working. But I'll call the nurse at his school." "I don't trust her," her sister said, frowning. "It's not...he's too young for a heart attack." "I'm sure it's not a heart attack. Are you sure he didn't just get kicked in the gonads by a student again?" Tae asked. "The nurse said his students said he was lecturing, got wobbly, and fell down," Tae's sister said a little irritably. "Hmm, I'll look some things up and see what I think when I go to see him," Tae said. "And call you back then." "Okay. Thank you, sister. So how are you doing with your lovers?" "We're planning a little hot springs trip for Valentine's Day." "Ooh, I like that. Maybe we'll join you," she said. "That would be nice," Tae said out of family obligation, even though she really wanted the two of them all to herself for a few days. "Well, I'll see what my cute little hubby thinks once he recovers," Tae's sister said. "I'd best let you get back to your work," she said. "Okay," Tae said. "I'll let you know how it goes." ************* "Do you remember anything at all?" Inspector Kobayashi asked Shigeo. "Madoka kisses good," he mumbled. This made Madoka laugh softly, as did several of hte police. Kobayashi sighed. "And you?" he asked Madoka. The kids were laid out in four adjacent beds; they looked unharmed, and the doctors couldn't figure out what happened. "I was facing the wall," Madoka said. "Me too," Rinko mumbled. "There was a raven watching us from a tree," Ishikawa said. "And I thought I just passed out because I kind of forgot to breathe from...uh...too much kissing." "Yeah, it was like that for me too," Shigeo said. The girls nodded their heads. "You all four oxygen-deprived yourselves at the same time from kissing," Inspector Kobayashi said. "You weren't trying that erotic strangling thing, were you?" one of the beat cops said, then cringed when everyone, even a passing guy in a wheelchair, stared at him. "Not that I've ever tried it," he mumbled. "No, not at all," Rinko said firmly. "Our love is not freaky like that." "I had way too much chocolate before school," Madoka said. "If that helps." Kobayashi looked at the doctor. "Well, a post-sugar crash can weaken you, but I can't see how she would have taken everyone with her," the doctor said. "And we didn't get robbed or anything," Rinko said. "Did you smell anything unusual?" Inspector Zenigata asked. "No, not really," Ishiyama said. "Chocolate," Shigeo said. Madoka looked a little embarrassed. "Any of these people?" Zenigata asked, flashing a series of pictures. "The blonde woman looks kinda like someone I saw at Imadori's hobby shop," Ishikawa said. "Oh ho!," Zenigata said. "Time to go make an arrest of a notorious criminal!" "Well, actually, I think the shop is closed right now," Ishikawa said. "As the contest ended." "Contest?" "Okay, it's like this..." ************ Tanaka Kazuya frowned. Bishi-san, Rinko-san, Madoka-san and Shigeo-san were all still missing. Maybe they were just sick, but it seemed odd to him as they'd all been just fine yesterday. As class ended, Tae-sensei came in, and he hoped for news, but instead, she went over to Harima and draped over him. "Hario-san, I need you to give me a ride over to Daioh High. I have to check on my brother-in-law." "Yeah, I'm going there, anyway," he said. "And you shouldn't just..." "Oh, I think I can feel Sawachika-san burning a hole in me with her eyes," she whispered to Harima, laughed a little, and stood up. "Thanks." "You're welcome," he mumbled. Aino-sensei entered and blinked. "We haven't had a plague outbreak, have we, Tae-sensei?" "I just...," she began. Then Rinko, Ishikawa, Madoka, and Shigeo entered together with a group of cops. "That's him," Madoka said, pointing to Imadori. Imadori froze up. "You can't bust me for truancy when I'm AT SCHOOL!" Tenma stood, coming over to the cops. "Is something wrong, officers?" "Oh, hello, Officer Tsukamoto," one of the cops said. "We have to question this boy to see what he knows about the location of Fujiko Mine. Assuming it really was her." "Of course it was!" Zenigata bellowed. "You!," Eri said. "You're the incompetent who couldn't stop Lupin III from kidnapping me!" "I am not incompetent!," Zenigata said. "You've been chasing Lupin III for 30 years without catching him," Akira said coldly. "I wouldn't trust you to save your own sandwich from being stolen." "Fujiko? We worked with a Miss Marilyn who my fiancee's mother hired for us. Surely she wouldn't be so stupid as to hire a confederate of someone who tried to kidnap her daughter," Imadori said. "But...," Zenigata began. "Secondly, Fujiko Mine was notorious for disguising herself. Why would she be stupid enough to come out in public with her real face?," Imadori said, beginning to count on his fingers. "But...," Zenigata tried again. "Thirdly, she didn't steal anything. Why would Fujiko Mine take a short-term job in a hobby shop and not even bother to steal anything?" Imadori continued. "Uh...," Zenigata said. Inspector Kobayashi said, "We'll speak to Sawachika- san's mother. Come on, Zenigata-san, let's get out of here." He dragged off the speechless Zenigata. Akira frowned. Imadori's logic was very good. Good enough to make her feel like an idiot. This 'Miss Marilyn' hadn't done anything criminal, and surely Eri's mother would have recognized her. I got suckered, she thought. Akira HATED getting suckered. Meanwhile, one of the beat cops said to Tenma, "Sorry to disturb you." "Not a problem," Tenma said, having donned her officer's cap. "I'll talk to Sawachika-san, see if she knows anything else relevant and forward it to you." She glanced over at the four students who just got here; Tae was looking them over. "Did you all get busted?" "They got found unconscious, the nutjob from Interpol assumed Lupin III gassed them. Damned if I know why," the cop said. Tenma's nose twitched. She smelled a mystery. It definitely beat studying. Detective Tsukamoto would soon be on the prowl. "If we can get back to class now," Aino-sensei began. "Of course, ma'am," the beat cop said, tipping his hat. "I don't suppose you're busy after school, ma'am?" Aino-sensei smiled. "I'm sorry, but I'm married, but it's nice to meet you." The cop headed out, looking a little disappointed, and class now began. *********** "Classic energy draining attack," Mai said to Tougo, Yuuki, Sagano, and Fuyuki. "We should go check out the site, look around the area; I doubt the monster, whatever it is, would feed on just one group and go away." She was perched on the podium, holding Iori, who purred. "So your cat advisor can't actually talk?" Sagano asked. Iori made apologetic mewlings. "He was too busy learning how to beg for food to learn that trick, I think," Mai grumbled. "Probably not the Tiki Gods," Tougo said. "They just tried to hit things, if I remember correctly." "Well, they may come in different categories of powers," Sagano said. "Well, I have something for everyone!" She pulled out a set of nicely made wands, about six inches long with golden stars on the end. "Transformation Wands!" She passed one to everyone. Mai passed hers back. "Nice craftsmanship, but I have my staff and my transformation compact Luna gave me." Fuyuki said, "When did you learn to make magical artifacts?" "I just made them pretty, but hey, Mai's staff is magic and I thought I was making a sex toy for her, so...," Sagano said. Yuuki looked suspiciously at the switch on the side of hers. "This had better not be a..." "Well, last time I thought...," Sagano began. Yuuki twitched. "Try again with something like wood or metal that isn't..." "Fine, we'll do it the hard way for now," Sagano said. "If we get clobbered because we can't strip fast enough, though, don't blame me!" "I'll see if I can find Luna, ask her for more," Mai said. "Oh, don't worry, I'll figure it out. Hmm...can I see your compact?" Mai tossed it to her. "Be careful." "I am the very soul of caution," Sagano said, fortunate that in real life, no amount of lies makes your nose bigger. She studied the compact, trying to figure out how it worked. No obvious buttons, no innate sense of it inside her head. "How does it work?" "Pose in the mirror wearing your costume, tell it 'store' and it'll store the costume, and then you can use the compact to henshin yourself," Mai said. "Hmm, which means we need costumes...sewing time later." She tossed it back to Mai. "Well, for now, I guess we go search for trouble." "Yeah," Mai said enthusiastically. She was ready to let out some stress. *********** "Hmm, I'm not really an expert on such things, but..." Ami typed away at her computer quickly, then scanned a data file at a speed which Haruka found to be blinding. "Generally, such things are either the fruit of deliberate training of a talent for dream-sharing, or the result of intimacy between two people," Ami said. Haruka's eyes crossed. "Not that kind of intimacy," Ami said quickly, looking embarrassed. "I mean, not necessarily that kind of intimacy. But people such as martial artists, magical girls, psychics, and others who begin unlocking the power of their soul can sometimes share dreams. And the closer you are to each other, the more easily it could happen accidentally. According to my data file, anyway." "Hmm, well, he can talk to animals and he fights very well...yeah, that makes sense," Haruka said. "Also...hmm..." "Hmm?" "Anything on Mars?" "What about Rei?" Ami asked in confusion. "No, no. The planet. Did it have a kingdom in our time?" "A bunch of city states in the desert, lots of nomads and sandworms, sand pirates, etc. Around the poles, it was wet and green and lush, though, and much more comfortable." Ami said. "No united kingdom, but it had a fair number of Champions who defended the major kingdoms. That's what I remember. Rei might know more, though." "Hmm, good point. Thanks," Haruka said. "You're welcome. Trying to figure out if your friend is a reincarnated warrior of our age?" Ami asked. "..." Ami laughed softly. "It wasn't that hard to put it all together." "I'm just...curious," Haruka said. "Fair enough," Ami said. "If you need help with anything else, let me know." "Thanks." Haruka headed out, looking thoughtful. *********** "You didn't have to come," Tae-sensei said to Imadori as he rode in the side-car. She rode behind Harima on the cycle, arms around his waist. "Yeah, exactly," Harima mumbled. "Mom would get pissed if I didn't check on her brother," Imadori said. "That's sweet of you," Tae said. "It sounded kinda like the same thing that happened to Bishi-san and Rinko-san," Imadori said. "I hope it's not some new disease." "Disease is for weaklings," Harima muttered, then cruised into the parking lot. "Here we go." Sakaki, Chiyo, and Osaka were waiting for them on the steps, with Kagura hanging out with them. Chiyo stood and waved wildly. "Hi, guys!" Harima looked up at the roof. No ambush. Maybe the kid had learned her lesson. "Hi," Imadori said as he got out of the sidecar. "Kept it warm for you." "Thanks!" Osaka said. "No sign of the psycho?" Harima asked. "I don't see her anywhere," Kagura said. "And I've been watching, since Chiyo asked me to." "Good thinking, Mihama-san," Harima said. "You can call me Chiyo if you want to," Chiyo said, smiling. He was worried that would give people the wrong idea. It suddenly hit Imadori that he could go visit Yukari- chan while he was here. Double score! Harima suddenly had a nervous feeling, but he couldn't see anything around except a pair of ravens watching him from a tree. He shrugged. Birds were no threat. "Hop in, everyone," he said. They soon roared out leaving Imadori and Tae to head inside. Harima failed to notice the birds following him. ************ "I really am clueless. I think he'd best go to a doctor," the Daioh High nurse said to Tae as she studied Kimura. "Has he been here the whole time?" Tae asked. "Yes," she said. "With no exposure to young ladies?" "Uh...yes, no exposure." "I'll be right back," Tae said. Say what, the Nurse wondered as Tae left. ************* "You act like I WANT to revive him," Yukari-sensei said. "Please, he's my uncle," Imadori begged. "Well, I guess I can do it for you, dear," Yukari-sensei said. "Really, there's no one else here who still looks as good in your old uniform as you do," Tae lied, having no clue if Yukari could fit or not. "True, I am still prettier than anyone else here," Yukari-sensei said. "But you both owe me." "That's fine." "Okay, let's get me suited up, then," Yukari said. ************ "Where is Suou?," Lala asked Hanai as he got ready to give his lessons for the day. "She's gone off with Tenma," Hanai said. Lala grimaced. But this would give her more time to get ready. "Alright." Hanai looked at her curiously. "Nothing," Lala said and stalked off, telling herself to calm down. She couldn't afford to mess this up. She drifted outside, watching her father teach some kids the basics of wrestling. She smiled a little at that. He was so much...she'd despaired of him ever changing. And yet he was finally starting to get better. Maybe there's hope for me too, she thought. *********** Clad in deerstalker cap with matching half-cape and coat, Detective Tenma began studying the area with her magnifying glass. "Dust for prints, Watson." "Do I have to do this?" Mikoto asked, dressed in a nurse's uniform and looking embarrassed. She carried a medical bag full of things Tenma had somehow obtained and stuffed into it. "You are Watson, so yes," Detective Tenma said. "But...he was a doctor!" "I don't have a doctor outfit," Detective Tenma said patiently. For that matter, Mikoto wondered how exactly her uniform fit her so well, given it had been in Tenma's possession. "Okay, hmm...dust..." She found a compact with brush with some sort of tannish powder she began dusting about. "Watson-chan," Detective Tenma said. "Yes, Holmes-chan?," Mikoto asked. "That's some of my darker skin base makeup for disguises," Tenma said. "Try the white powder." "..." This was going to be a long investigation, Detective Tenma could see. *********** "Do the pose with your hand on your hip, where you blow a kiss," Imadori suggested to Yukari, then snapped a photo when she did it. "Still cuter than any other teacher here, even if they have a rich boyfriend," Yukari said. They were in the Nurse's office with Tae and Yukari posing in school uniforms, trying to awaken Kimura. Suddenly, he gave a great cry and sat up, looking groggy and more normal than usual. "Schoolgirls," he mumbled. Tae and Yukari high-fived. "Still got it," Yukari said, grinning. "It was terrible," Kimura moaned. "I could feel a powerful male presence, taking away all my memories of the beauty of young school girls." "That's awful, uncle," Imadori said, patting his hand. "Just don't