A CHIBI-CHIBI FOREVER VOYAGING A BAILESUCOM Game by JOHN WALTER BILES Chibi's Room You are hit by a disgusting wave of kawaii. The human mind cannot begin to comprehend how cutesy this room is. Words on a screen cannot possibly cope with how pink and small and sugary and sweet and happy joy joy this room is. Your mind reels in sheer unadulterated horror. Oh, there's also a bed, a dresser drawers, a small table, lots of sheets of paper, a closet, a window, and the door out of the room. >WHO AM I? You are Chibi-Chibi, enigmatic and excessively cute small child with a funny hair-do. >WHAT DO I WANT? You're thirsty. >HOW DO I GET IT? If I told you, the game would be over really quickly, now wouldn't it? >DIAGNOSE You are in good health. You are having a good hair day. You are thirsty. You are not a mime. >INVENTORY You are carrying: your spell book a pouch containing several gold nuggets a red crayon pocket fluff Newt Gingrich >KILL NEWT GINGRICH With what? >KILL NEWT GINGRICH WITH CRAYON A noble sentiment, but hardly a deadly weapon >PUT NEWT GINGRICH IN POUCH Done. >READ SPELLBOOK You are illiterate. >HOW AM I READING THE MONITOR THEN? Your character is illiterate. You are merely unable to appreciate context. >BASTARD This is a family game. >KILL PARSER Kill parser with what? This isn't some PRIMITIVE adventure game where you only get two words. OR are you too stupid to type more? >KILL PARSER WITH CRAYON What are you, obsessive? This is the second person you've tried to kill with a crayon >OPEN DRESSER DRAWER You find more kawaii clothing. >LOOK ME Try using a preposition, moron. Like LOOK AT ME or LOOK INSIDE ME >LOOK AT ME You are Chibi-Chibi. You're wearing a cute pink jumper with bunny rabbits and have a goofy haircut. >SO I DON'T NEED THE CLOTHING? I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. >LOOK AT ROOM Chibi's Room You are hit by a disgusting wave of kawaii. The human mind cannot begin to comprehend how cutesy this room is. Words on a screen cannot possibly cope with how pink and small and sugary and sweet and happy joy joy this room is. Your mind reels in sheer unadulterated horror. Oh, there's also a bed, a dresser drawers, a small table, lots of sheets of paper, a closet, a window, and the door out of the room. >TAKE PAPER Taken. >LOOK AT TABLE You see your Sailor V fanclub membership card, lying on the table, which is one of those long low tables with a heater under it and a curtain around the edge. >TAKE MEMBERSHIP CARD Taken. >GO INTO CLOSET You can't reach the doorknob. >OPEN DOOR OUT OF ROOM You can't reach the doorknob. >CRY Waaaah. >OPEN WINDOW You can't reach the window. >OPEN TRAP DOOR What trap door? >SAVE Game saved. >CLIMB ON BED With a little effort, you climb up on the bed. You could easily reach the windowsill from here. >GO TO WINDOWSILL You climb out on the window sill. Windowsill You are perched on the windowsill. From here, you can see the front yard of Usagi's house where you are staying. You can reach the bed from here, or jump out the window. >JUMP OUT WINDOW You leap out the window and land on your skull. CRACK. You end up in the hospital. >REST You are eaten by a passing youma. ***** You have died. ***** [Do you wish to RESTART, RESTORE, UNDO, QUIT, or get a HINT?] >UNDO Undone. >KILL YOUMA WITH CRAYON What youma? >REST You are eaten by a passing youma. ***** You have died. ***** [Do you wish to RESTART, RESTORE, UNDO, QUIT, or get a HINT?] >HEY, YOU SAID THERE WAS NO YOUMA! Huh? >RESTORE Done. >CLIMB ON BED With a little effort, you climb up on the bed. You could easily reach the windowsill from here. >GO TO WINDOWSILL You climb out on the window sill. Windowsill You are perched on the windowsill. From here, you can see the front yard of Usagi's house where you are staying. You can reach the bed from here, or jump out the window. >WAIT Usagi walks out the door into the garden. >JUMP ON USAGI'S HEAD You leap out the window and land on Usagi's head, knocking her down. You roll to your feet, unharmed. [+5 points] Front Yard of Usagi's house This is a tight cramped little front yard, squeezed in between the wall and the house. From here, you could easily head out to the street, or inside the house. There is an unconcious Usagi here. >GO IN HOUSE Living Room You are inside the living room. There is a nice couch, a table, and a TV. Stairs lead up to the bedrooms and there are doors to the laundry room and the kitchen. There is a box of donuts on the table. >TAKE BOX OF DONUTS Taken. >GO INTO KITCHEN Kitchen This is a well equipped kitchen, with a refrigerator, a table, lots of counter space, an oven, a microwave, a giant six armed fanged demon, cabinets, and lots of paper towels. Okay, there's actually not a demon. >GET GLASS You can't reach the cabinet >GET WATER FROM SINK You can't reach the sink >OPEN REFRIGERATOR You can't reach the refrigerator door handle. >HOW TALL AM I? Too short. >MOVE CHAIR BY THE SINK What chair? >SAVE Game saved. >STAND ON BOX OF DONUTS TO REACH SINK You squash the box of donuts. We're not exactly talking sturdy, ya know. >UNDO Undone. Ikuko enters. >LOOK AT IKUKO Ikuko is Usagi's mom, who is very sweet when not having fits of violence over Usagi's grades. >IKUKO, I WANT WATER. You say, "Chibi-Chibi!" Ikuko smiles at you. "What, Timmy fell down the well?" >ASK IKUKO ABOUT TIMMY You say, "CHIBI-chibi?" Ikuko smiles and picks you up, carrying you outside. "Minako is supposed to pick you up to take you to the mall. You wait here like a good girl." >LOOK AROUND Front Yard of Usagi's house This is a tight cramped little front yard, squeezed in between the wall and the house. From here, you could easily head out to the street, or inside the house. There is an unconcious Usagi here. >LOOT USAGI You pilfer 5 100 yen coins, a sketch of Tuxedo Mask, and the Silver Empyrian Crystal. Minako has arrived. "Hiya, munchkin. Ready to go shopping?" >MINAKO, YES. You say, "CHibi-ChiBi!" "Okay, you can ride in the basket." Minako picks you up and puts you in the basket of her bicycle. >MINAKO, I WANT WATER You say, "chiBi-ChibI!!!" Minako laughs. "But where would you put it?" >SCREAM IN FRUSTRATION You say "CHIBI-CHIBI-CHIBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You arrive at the mall. The Mall This is a huge mall full of stores selling mostly worthless garbage. There's also a Waldenbooks, a food court, a Studio Ghibli Store, and a huge statue of a flaming wombat. >SAVE. Done. >DOODLE ON STATUE WITH CRAYON You entertain yourself happily doodling while Minako goes and buys half the contents of the mall. "Ready to go?" >UNDO Undone. >WRITE ON PAPER, 'MINAKO, I WANT WATER' You're illiterate. >DRAW A PICTURE OF ME DRINKING WATER ON PAPER "How cute! But you shouldn't draw yourself drinking beer. If you're really nice, I'll buy you a soda!" >BE REALLY NICE How? >SHOW SAILOR V CARD TO MINAKO Minako goes into a spiral of ecstasy. "WOW! That's great, Chibi! Now let's go shopping!" Minako drags you through so many stores your brain begins to malfunction. You manage to pull yourself together inside a toy store. [+5 to Score] Not Very Lethal Toys This store carries a bajillion toys. Giant Wombat dolls. A complete set of 'Danger Miki' Action figures. Manga. Model Kits. Board Games. Computer Games. Games that require three legs and five heads to play. Life size inflatable Godzilla dolls. But what really grabs your attention is the Goldie Gold doll. YOU WANT IT!!!! >TAKE GOLDIE GOLD DOLL You can't afford it. You only have 500 yen, and it costs 1000. >ASK MINAKO TO BUY ME DOLL You say, "Chibi-ChIbi?" Minako says, "You don't have a computer, dear." >POINT AT GOLDIE GOLD Minako follows your finger. "Oh, you want the Goldie Gold Doll but you don't have enough money?" >NOD HEAD "Okay, I'll get it for you." You are getting thirstier. Minako buys the doll for you. >DIAGNOSE You are very happy to have a Goldie Gold doll. You are in good health. You are having a good hair day. You are thirstier. You are not a mime. >SAVE Done. >THANK MINAKO You say, "Chibi-Chibi." "You're welcome. Let's go get some food!" >FOLLOW MINAKO Food Court You are at the food court. There are dozens of cheap flimsy tables and flimsy wire chairs here, one size fits none. There is a Colonel Chicken, a Burger Pope, a branch of the Nekohanten, Bobson's Ice Cream, Taco Hell, Dairy Queen, Akie's, Taiki's House of Tofu, and another Taco Hell competing with the first one. >INVENTORY You are carrying: Goldie Gold Doll 5 100 yen coins Sketch of Tuxedo Mask Silver Empyrian Crystal Box of Donuts Sailor V fanclub membership card lots of sheets of paper your spell book a pouch containing several gold nuggets and Newt Gingrich a red crayon pocket fluff >HEY, WHY COULDN'T I BUY THE DOLL WITH THE GOLD NUGGETS? Who said you couldn't? >ASK MINAKO FOR FOOD You say, "Chibi-Chibi!" Minako buys you a Saintburger from Burger Pope, a Chibi-size fries, and a large orange drink. She puts it on the table. >SAVE GAME Saved. >TAKE DRINK You can't reach it. >CLIMB INTO CHAIR Good thinking. You hear movement behind you as you clamber into the chair. [+2 points] >TAKE DRINK The Chair is too far from the table. >GET OUT OF CHAIR You clamber out of the chair. You hear screaming. >IGNORE SCREAMING. You ignore the screaming. Minako runs off. "Stay here, Chibi!" >PUSH CHAIR CLOSER TO TABLE. The chair is now close enough for you to reach the table from it. [+8 points] >CLIMB INTO CHAIR Good thinking. You hear movement behind you as you clamber into the chair. >KILL YOUMA WITH CRAYON What Youma? >THE ONE I KNOW IS RUNNING AROUND THE COURT You haven't seen any youma. >TAKE DRINK As you reach for the drink, a youma kills you. ***** You have died. ***** [Do you wish to RESTART, RESTORE, UNDO, QUIT, or get a HINT?] >CURSE OUT GAME That is not an option. >UNDO >TURN AROUND There is a youma getting ready to kill you. >TAKE NEWT GINGRICH OUT OF THE POUCH The Youma stares at the only being it knows which is more horrible than it. >THROW NEWT GINGRICH AT YOUMA The Youma screams and runs in total abject fear. Newt Gingrich runs off into the darkness. Sailor V chases them both shouting, "I will punish you in the name of the Democratic National Committee!" >SAVE Done. >TAKE DRINK Newt bumped the table. Your drink has spilled, run off the table and poured into a hole in the floor. You are even thirstier now. >CRY You dehydrate yourself with your tears and die. ***** You have died. ***** [Do you wish to RESTART, RESTORE, UNDO, QUIT, or get a HINT?] >UNDO Undone. >PANIC You began to shout "CHIBI-CHIBI" really loudly. Makoto has arrived. "Hi, Chibi! What's wrong?" >BEG MAKOTO FOR A DRINK You say, "CHIBI-CHIBI!" "You want to go shopping with me? Sure!" She drags you off into the mall. >SHOW SPELLBOOK TO MAKOTO "How cute!! What a nice little book." She takes you BACK to the toyshop. Not Very Lethal Toys This store carries a bajillion toys. Giant Wombat dolls. A complete set of 'Danger Miki' Action figures. Manga. Model Kits. Board Games. Computer Games. Games that require three legs and five heads to play. Life size inflatable Godzilla dolls. There is a Ranma plushie here. There is a Velvet Elvis here. There is Makoto here. She is examining the video game selection. >SAVE Saved. >BUY VELVET ELVIS What do you pay for it with? It costs 20,000 yen. >LOOK CLERK The clerk is a bored looking young female teenager who is making kissy-face with a Tuxedo Kamen plushie. >OFFER TUXEDO KAMEN SKETCH TO CLERK She squeals with delight and gives you the Velvet Elvis [+5 points] >BUY RANMA PLUSHIE What do you pay for it with? It costs 600 yen. >BUY RANMA PLUSHIE WITH GOLD NUGGET You give the clerk a gold nugget. She faints. >PLUNDER STORE You get a million toys. [+10 points] Makoto finishes making her selection. She notices the unconscious clerk and plunders everything you couldn't pick up. >INVENTORY You are carrying: A Million toys Ranma Plushie Velvet Elvis Goldie Gold Doll 5 100 yen coins Silver Empyrian Crystal Box of Donuts Sailor V fanclub membership card lots of sheets of paper your spell book a pouch containing several gold nuggets a red crayon pocket fluff Makoto says, "We'd better go before the girl wakes up." >MIME DESIRE FOR WATER You are still not a mime. >DIAGNOSE You are ECSTATIC to have a million toys. You are very happy to have a Goldie Gold doll. You are in good health. You are having a good hair day. You are even thirstier. You are not a mime. >DAMN This is a family game. Makoto picks you up and you run. You soon find yourself at Makoto's house. Mako-chan no Heya Makoto has a nice snug little apartment. How she pays for it, you don't know. She has two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen and a bathroom. You're in the living room right now. This room is in immaculate shape. There is a nice color TV in one corner, along with an L-shaped couch and a coffee table, plus a nice reclining chair. A large oak dining table, with a flower centerpiece dominates the rest of the room along with the wooden chairs for it. Along the walls are a large bookshelf, mostly occupied by romance novels, cookbooks, manga, magazines, and schoolbooks, and a long shelf of painted figurines of various kinds. The figurines range from little painted senshi to traditional Japanese mythological figures to little swordsmen in armor. One spot on the wall holds pictures and stuff and forms the 'Boyfriend' shrine, of sorts. The door to the hallway is near the bookshelf, while doors in two of the other walls provide access to the bedroom and kitchen respectively. Makoto says, "I'll get us some snacks from the kitchen, okay?" >NOD TO MAKOTO. Makoto goes into the kitchen. >PLUNDER ROOM That would be rude. This isn't a dungeon where you just steal everything not nailed down you know. >TURN ON TV "METAMORFORCE!" Looks like Moldiver is on. >WATCH TV You vegetate. While watching TV, you notice Mako now has two pictures in the 'Boyfriend' shrine on the wall. One of them is a cute black haired boy with a pigtail, the other a cute brown haired girl with a giant spatula. You have the feeling you've seen the boy before. >LOOK AT A MILLION TOYS You collapse, pinned under the huge pile of toys. With effort, you manage to climb out of the pile. No boy here. >LOOK AT VELVET ELVIS This is a painting of the young Elvis, who looks nothing like the boy on the wall. >LOOK AT GOLDIE GOLD DOLL This is a girl. Not a boy, capiche? >LOOK AT RANMA PLUSHIE He looks suspiciously like the boy in that picture. >WATCH TV Mirai beats up a bunch of Machinegal's robots. Makoto comes out with a plate full of cookies and Klondike bars. "Here you go!" You are INCREDIBLY thirsty. >SAVE Game saved. >DRAW PICTURE OF ME DRINKING ON PAPER It looks pretty good for a stick figure holding a rectangle with wavy lines flowing into her mouth from it. >SHOW PAPER TO MAKOTO "You're too young for beer, Chibi." >OFFER RANMA PLUSHIE TO MAKOTO She stares at the plushie, a look of total obsession filling her eyes. She grabs the plushie and brings you an ice cold six pack of Sam Adams. >SAVE Game saved. >OPEN CAN OF BEER You're not strong enough to pull the tab, due to your thirst. >CRY Don't you remember what happened last time? >ASK MAKOTO FOR HELP. You say, "Chibi-ACKSJFD..." Your throat is so dry you can't even say Chibi properly. Makoto stares at you. >SHOW MAKOTO MY EFFORT TO OPEN CAN Makoto watches you struggle. "Eep. Didn't realize you couldn't handle a pull-tab. Here, I'll get it for you." While you are watching Makoto open the can, you are eaten by a Youma. >WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Just kidding. Makoto opens the can of beer. Your heart jumps for joy. [+5 points] As you reach for the can, Ami walks in. "MAKOTO! How can you give Chibi BEER?" Ami rushes over, grabs the can, then runs to the kitchen and empties into the sink. She picks you up. "I can't believe you did this Makoto!" "Hey, the kid was thirsty!" Makoto hugs her Ranma plushie. "I owed her one." "Well, I'm taking her away to where she won't be corrupted by you!" Ami carries you off to her house, far away from the beer. You would have cried if it wouldn't have lead to fatal dehydration. Ami's Room This is a neat and orderly place, with a huge bed, a desk crammed with a computer and tons of schoolbooks, a closet, a bookshelf with, well books. There is a big poster of Carl Sagan on the wall, and a star chart. There is also a large anatomy chart. Ami says, "I'll be right back. Just sit down and relax." >PLAY DOOM ON COMPUTER Ami doesn't have Doom on her computer Ami leaves the room. >LOOK AT COMPUTER Ami seems to be in the process of hacking into Bill Gates' bank account. >HELP AMI HACK INTO THE ACCOUNT You don't know how to do that. >STRIKE RANDOM KEYS By sheer random chance, you type in Bill Gates' account number. [+5 points] Ami returns with a box of pretzels. "How clever of you, Chibi! Now I can divert all of his money to my swiss bank account and take that vacation in Hawaii with Ryo-kun!" She hugs you. "Here, I've been making something for you." Ami hands you Uzi, 9mm, with laser sight in the 40 watt range. >SHOW SPELLBOOK TO AMI She looks at the spellbook. "Wow, there's a spell for conjuring a glass of water. >BEG AMI TO CAST SPELL You croak out, "CHIsdlkjsdlijd!" "Your voice sounds pretty bad. Let me get you some cough syrup." She doses you up. You are still thirsty, but your throat is no longer dried out. >PLAY CHARADES "Oh, you want to play Charades?" >NOD HEAD "Okay. That's a fun game because you have to think and be creative." >HOLD UP THREE FINGERS "Okay, Three words." >HOLD UP FIRST FINGER "First word." >POINT AT SELF "I?" >NOD HEAD, THEN HOLD UP THIRD FINGER "Okay, Third Word" >MIME GLASS OF WATER You are not a mime. >SAVE You save your game. >BECOME MIME You become a set of protocols for internet transmission of files. Ami spends a long time wondering where you ran off to. While you are very useful on the internet, you never do get that glass of water. GAME OVER. [Do you wish to RESTART, RESTORE, UNDO, QUIT, or get a HINT?] >HINT Buy low, sell high. >UNDO Ami is waiting for you to continue the game of charades >ACT LIKE I'M DYING OF THIRST You make choking sounds, which comes naturally to you and fall down acting like you're very thirsty, which you are. Ami says, "Oh, you're thirsty! Let me get you something to drink." [+5 points] >CHEER "Chi...cough." >SAVE Game saved. Ami walks off to the kitchen. You hear her pouring a glass of water. >WAIT The doorbell rings. >WAIT You hear Ami go to the door. She answers it. "Why, hello, Ryo-kun!" You hear them talking quietly. >WAIT You are getting VERY thirsty. >WAIT Ami and Ryo come into the room. He is drinking a glass of water. He drains the last drop as he enters. >SCREAM Your throat is too dry. >SHOOT RYO WITH UZI You try to shoot Ryo but he steps to one side, having forseen this. Ami then freezes you in a block of ice in a fit of rage, then mails you to Antarctica. You never escape. ***** You have died. ***** [Do you wish to RESTART, RESTORE, UNDO, QUIT, or get a HINT?] >RESTORE Ami walks off to the kitchen. You hear her pouring a glass of water. >GO TO KITCHEN You enter the kitchen. Ami finishes pouring the glass of water. >TAKE GLASS OF WATER The doorbell rings. Ami starts to walk off with your water. >SAVE You save your game. >TACKLE AMI You tackle Ami. The water goes flying and spills out on the floor. >UNDO >TUG AMI'S LEG "Oh, the glass of water!" She hands you the glass of water. [+15 points] >SAVE You save the game. >DRINK WATER It is rat poison. You die. ***** You have died. ***** [Do you wish to RESTART, RESTORE, UNDO, QUIT, or get a HINT?] >WHAT?????? Just joking. You drink the water. It is cool and refreshing. [+5 points] As you enjoy your water, there is a tap on your shoulder. Usagi is standing over you. "You LANDED ON MY HEAD! What do you have to say for yourself?" >SHOOT USAGI WITH UZI Tuxedo Kamen shows up and throws a rose into the barrel of your uzi. It explodes, killing you. You have won. >JUST KIDDING, RIGHT? You really want to keep experiencing total frustration? >NO Then take your death like a ...whatever. You have won. Score: 70 out of a potential 80 points.