"And then I blew up!  Damn the Lord of Nightmares!  How 
could he betray me to that pathetic little girl?"  Shaburanigdo was 
drunk and bitter again, smashing up the furniture at the Nine 
Hells, one of the premiere bars catering to the Lords of Entropy in 
Pandius, the great city of the Gods (or as they prefered to call 
themselves in private, the Immortals, for they themselves 
worshipped beings they regarded as the true Gods, the Old Ones 
who created all of Space and Time...or at least managed to 
convince everyone they did.  A few heretical Immortals mutter 
about people taking credit for things they didn't do and couldn't 
control.  They should know; the Immortals are rather good at that 
themselves.  For example, Asmodean, the bartender and owner of 
the Nine Hells, which was simply a bar for Immortals, had 
successfully parlayed the quite true fact that he 'controlled the 
Nine Hells' into making the inhabitants of multiple dimensions 
believe he actually ruled over all devils, when in fact, he could 
barely keep his bar's staff in line, let alone the patrons.).  

        Atzanteotl, one of his fellow Immortals of Entropy, patted 
him on the shoulder while dodging tentacles.  "Now, now, 
Shabby, Asmodean will throw us out again if you don't calm 
down."  Where Shaburanigdo was brown and black with redly 
glowing eyes, wings,  tentacles and no fashion sense, Atzanteotl 
was a handsome blond elven male clad in elaborate and tasteful 
black and silver satin with dark brown eyes and a cunning grin.  

         "I mean, you're only barred from one universe.  There's a lot 
of other ones out there.  Lina Inverse simply guaranteed you 
wouldn't be free to ravage that one.  No point in obsessing over 
just ONE mortal in ONE universe.  Even if she did beat you."  He 
took a swig of pain-flavored Ichor.  "This is going on your tab, 
right?"

        "DAMN LINA INVERSE!"  Shaburanigdo shouted.  "I'd 
give ANYTHING to see her destroyed and the Lord of 
Nightmares punished for what he did to me!"

       Atzanteotl grinned wider.  "Anything?  At all?"

       "Even some of my power.  Just to see her mangled corpse 
lying at my feet.  But I'm banished from that universe until 
another fool opens the way for me!  Damn Celphiel and whatever 
the hell he did to my manifestation body in that universe.  Stuck in 
all those damn pieces all over creation.  Baah!"  He swigged down 
another mug of ichor.  "Asmodean!  Gimme an entire barrel of 
this stuff!"

        Asmodean raised an eyebrow.  "I think you've had enough."  
He was tall and handsome, the only sign of his demonic nature 
being tiny horns upon his brow, cloven feet hidden inside boots, 
and small fangs that sometimes got him mistaken for Ryouga.  
People who made that mistake didn't usually live very long.  

        "I haven't had enough until I frenzy and wreck the place!"  
Shaburanigdo said.  "I'm an Empyreal in rank!  Do what I say!"  
The Immortals have six ranks, although there is no fixed method 
of advancement other than pleasing one of the Hiearchs.  The 
Empyreals were the fourth rank.  It's supposed to mirror power 
and experience and accomplishments.  Too often, it simply 
mirrors one's ability to brownnose.  Shaburanigdo was not one of 
those immortals even though he DID have a physically brown 
nose.

         "As if I was afraid of someone who was beaten by a mortal I 
can't even legally serve Ichor to because she's too young to drink 
it,"  Asmodean said.  "I think it's time for you to go home.  Don't 
make me get Dispater to throw you out."  Dispater was the 
bouncer, lurking near the door, dreaming of the day he would save 
up enough power to finally quit working for Asmodean.  He had 
been dreaming this dream for millennia, but perhaps one day his 
dreams might come true.  Not today.

          "Hey!  It was only a manifestation form!  And you're the 
one who got knocked out by having black roses shoved under his 
nose when that girl summoned you!"  Shaburanigdo began to 
cackle.  "C'mon, Atzanteotl, let's go to the Abyss and smash up 
the place.  No one cares there if we destroy a few levels."

         Atzanteotl nodded.  The Abyss was another bar favored by 
the rowdier Entropics; it got destroyed every night, then rebuilt 
itself during the day.  "Sure.  So you really want revenge on this 
Lina Inverse?"

         Shaburanigdo began to slorple towards the door.  "Yes!  I 
hates her forever!"

         "I've got an idea on how to help you.  And since you're a 
friend, I'll sell it to you cheap..."

         Asmodean listened carefully to make sure they weren't 
going to sneak around, climb in the back window, and try to steal 
some of his highest quality ichor.  The problem with catering to 
the Lords of Entropy was that they tended to get petulant and 
destructive when angered and to engage in petty theft all the time.  
They were the sort of people who didn't just steal the towels from 
their hotel room; they took the bed too, then laid an ambush for 
the maid and robbed her on the way out.

          Also, it was a good way to get potential blackmail 
information.  And from what little he heard, it had a lot of 
potential for blackmail.  For one thing, the Lord of Nightmares 
would pay well to know that Atzanteotl and Shaburanigdo were 
plotting against him.  

          The other Fiends had laughed at him when he had taken 
'Enhanced Hearing' as one of the four Powers he had gained upon 
achieving Immortality.  They had all taken things like 'Fiery 
Breath', 'Instill Mindnumbing Fear', and 'Slay Living'.  They'd 
cackled sarcastically and asked if the screams of tormented souls 
really sounded THAT good.  But he had known what he was 
doing, and now, as usual, he was about to laugh all the way to the 
bank.

         It was time to get the crystal ball and give the Lord of 
Nightmares a call.  And then...this Lina Inverse person bore 
investigating.

**************

Slayers:  Exile

Chapter 1:  Seventeenth Birthday Presents

by John Biles

**************

        A little over a year had passed, and much of Sairagg had 
been rebuilt from the devastation caused by the battle with the 
copy of Rezo the Red Priest, who had destroyed the city with the 
power of the great demon he had merged with.  The great temple 
of the city had been rebuilt; it was sacred to Sairagg, the hero who 
had founded their city, then gone on to join the gods (at least 
according to the locals; oddly, he didn't seem to have any other 
worshippers.  Just about every major city claimed its founder was 
now a god; indeed, if your city didn't have its own personal god, 
you got taunted quite a bit.  The major exception was the city of 
Dorf, which had responded to such taunts by building a temple to 
a dead goat and declaring him their god-founder.  Then again, 
Dorf was the same city where a cat had been elected mayor every 
year consecutively for ten years, the last five without an opponent, 
until he died.  And then they elected him one more time as a 
tribute.).

           The sacred tree Flagoon (which protected the city from the 
miasma released by the Demon Beast Zannifar which had been 
defeated long ago by one of Gourry's ancestors and bound under 
the tree) was flourishing and the associated temple had been 
rebuilt as well.  Ordana the Forest Mother, protector of trees, was 
worshipped there.  

          One of her shrine maidens was a teenager named Sylphiel, a 
shy young lady with long purple hair, a pleasant smile, and soft 
green eyes.  She was an orphan, for her father had died during 
Copy Rezo's rampage, so she lived at the shrine now.  As usual, 
she wore her shrine maiden uniform, although it would not have 
been recognized as such in most universes.  She had huge purple 
shoulder guards which served no apparent purpose, other than as 
something to hang gold trim on.  The attached jacket did give her 
a vaguely military look, although the light purple tights tended to 
defeat that effect.  Usually, she carried a short elaborately carven 
rod tipped with a translucent sphere which helped to focus her 
powers.

        Her powers of white magic were extensive, and had grown 
moreso with the passage of time, especially with the practice she 
had gained in their use during the rebuilding of the city.  Several 
of the smaller buildings owed their current state to her magic, 
which made her proud.

	Today, she was working on a small seedling of Flagoon, 
which she had growing in a pot.  If her world had possessed 
bansai trees, it could have been mistaken for one; she was 
surprised it was growing so slowly.  If her friend Lina had been 
around, she would have assumed Lina had shrunk it somehow.  

	She'd been caring for the tree for several weeks now, ever 
since a vision from Ordana had led her to the seed, which the 
sacred tree only produced once every hundred years.  Eventually, 
the seedling would go to protect another site where evil needed to 
be bound and imprisoned by Ordana's mikos.

        After she finished tending to the tree for the day, she sat 
down to read a letter from her friend Gourry, who she sometimes 
hoped would one day be more than just a friend, although it didn't 
seem likely this would change soon.  

        'Hi, Sylphiel!  I hope you're okay.  Lina and I will be in 
Sairagg in a week.  It's going to be Lina's birthday.  Please 
organize a birthday party, okay?  I sent letters to everyone so 
they'd show up.  Your friend, Gourry.'

       A birthday party, she thought.  Hmm.  What can I do to 
arrange a really fancy party for Lina-san...

************

       "So, Gourry, what are you giving me for my birthday, 
HMMMM?"  Lina asked, bouncing around in front of him.  Her 
eyes got big and she super-deformed.  "The Sword of Light, right?  
Please please please?"  

        Lina Inverse, perhaps the most famous, and likely the most 
feared mage of her world, despite being only sixteen on the verge 
of seventeen, was short for her age, and looked like she had just 
barely gotten out of puberty.  This was beginning to frustrate her; 
her appearance had barely changed in the last three years; she 
wanted to be taller and bustier.  Unfortunately, there wasn't any 
magic that was both permanent and didn't have any bad side 
effects to accomplish that.  At least not in black magic, her 
specialty.  (While her specialty is called 'black magic' in her 
world, in most it would likely be called 'battle magic'.  She had a 
reputation for being an evil, irresponsible, destructive mage, but 
the evil part wasn't true.)

        "Nope.  And it's a suprise, so I can't tell you," he said.  
Gourry was only a few years older than Lina, but he looked a 
good ten years older, and had long blond hair that tended to come 
down and cover one or more of his eyes.  He wore blue armor 
with the huge shoulderpads that were, for no discernable reason, 
quite common in his world.  He was the warrior of this pair, while 
Lina was the brains of the operation.  He also was the wielder of 
the Sword of Light, a powerful weapon which Lina had long 
lusted after.

        "You didn't forget my birthday, did you?"  She had reminded 
him every day for the last month, just to be sure, but she'd also 
been searching his possessions while he was asleep and she hadn't 
found anything likely to be a birthday present for her in them.  So 
he must have somehow found a cunning hiding place for the 
present.  Unlikely as that was, since Gourry had only marginally 
more brainpower than a rock.  

          "I'd have to be deaf to have forgotten.  You can control 
yourself two more days, can't you?"

          "Can't you even HINT to me what it is?"  Lina bounced 
around Gourry as if she was a drunken grasshopper.  "I wanna 
know!"

          He made a come hither gesture, and she stopped jumping, 
leaning forward to listen to what he would say.  A tiny smile 
crossed his lips.  "Lean closer.  It's a secret."

          "I won't tell anyone!"  Lina crossed her heart, and hoped 
someone else would die.

          "IT'S A SECRET SO I CAN'T TELL YOU!"  Gourry 
shouted into Lina's ear.

          Lina flew across the clearing and crashed into a tree.  "..."  
He's getting smarter, she thought.  Or maybe I've gotten stupider.  
No, that can't be it, she thought.  No way.  Gourry didn't REALLY 
outsmart me.  I must have wanted him to do that.  Yes, that must 
be it...now why did I want him to do that...

************

        It just wasn't Zelgadis' day.  He had woken up with a 
poisonous snake in his sleeping bag.  The scent of his breakfast 
cooking had attracted a pack of trolls.  He'd tried to take a bath 
afterwards, and chose the exact stretch of river inhabited by a 
nymph, who tried to drown him in retribution for seeing her 
naked.  Then he'd been attacked by three rabid wombats while 
walking through the woods.  

        Finally, while he had been cooking one of the wombats for 
lunch, a basilisk had charged out of the woods, turned his dinner 
to stone, and was now trying to make him into statuary.  
Normally, he could have blasted it to bits in a dozen different 
ways, but basilisks have an annoyingly dangerous power:  if you 
meet their gaze, you turn to stone.  And it's rather difficult to blast 
something you can't look at.

         The usual method of dealing with basilisks is to trick them 
into looking at their own reflection, which turns them to stone.  
Zelgadis, however, had no mirrors, because he didn't WANT to 
look at himself.  Having been turned into a strange human-demon-
troll crossbreed with skin that looked somewhat like bluish 
cobblestone several years ago by Rezo the Red Priest during the 
aforenamed's career as a mountingly insane madman, his own 
appearance repulsed him.  Luckily, since he couldn't grow facial 
hair, he rarely needed to look in a mirror.  

         This was doing him no good right now.  The basilisk was 
fast and agile, scuttling on its eight legs out of the way of every 
attack, its gemstone eyes glittering in the light.  He had seen dead 
basilisks, so he knew it would have blue-black scales and a head 
like a dragon's, for it was distantly related to those great lords of 
the world.  It did not speak, for it only had animal level 
intelligence, but it was a cunning animal, at least as good a hunter 
as a wolf, despite its lesser need in most cases for such skills.

        Why the thing was so obsessed with him, Zelgadis didn't 
know.  It had been keeping up the pressure too much for him to 
cast a levitation spell, which really would have been the best 
solution to the problem; basilisks can neither fly nor swim.  
Instead, he was stuck careening through the trees, becoming more 
and more lost.

        It couldn't get much worse.

        It did.

        "Chasing innocent folk through the forest to turn them into 
stone isn't very nice, especially when they're already half-way 
stone anyway!"  The speaker was perky and female and perched 
up in a nearby tree.  She had the perching instincts usually found 
in  champions of justice, and Zelgadis knew her; her name was 
Amelia.

         The basilisk looked up at her, attracted by her voice, and 
Zelgadis took the opportunity to finally cast levitation, rapidly 
becoming airborne.  "Don't look at its eyes!"

          Little danger of that.  She had blindfolded herself, which 
wasn't making staying up in the tree easy, since the branch was 
swaying under her weight.  Not that she was too heavy; Amelia 
was going on sixteen now, but she would never be very tall.  She 
dressed in a simple white tunic and skirt with pink trim, and a 
white cape.  She had picked up one new accessory since Zelgadis 
last saw her; a red turban with a golden brooch on its front with an 
emerald set in the middle.  He thought it looked rather ridiculous.

         The basilisk now began to demonstrate a power of which 
Zelgadis had been unaware; its claws were long and sharp enough 
to enable it to climb a tree.  It was fast too, faster than any human 
climber.  Zelgadis readied a spell to save Amelia.

         To his suprise, she saved herself.    She bent over, pointing 
her hands at the oncoming basilisk.  "Narcissine Mirror!"  she 
shouted, and a small silver pool of light formed in front of her 
hands.  It became a small reflecting surface, glinting with 
reflected light and catching the basilisk's gaze.  It stiffened and a 
wave of gray ran over it from its nose.  Soon, the tree had a nice 
statue of a basilisk as a fashion accessory.  "Once again, justice 
has triumphed!"  Amelia struck a pose.

        Then the tree branch broke.  "AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"

         Zelgadis swooped down and caught her before she could hit 
the ground.  "Why are you climbing trees blindfolded?"

         "I heard in the village of Zed that a basilisk was terrorizing 
them, so I decided to hunt it down.  And since it can't turn you to 
stone if you can't see it, I blindfolded myself."  She took off the 
blindfold, turning it into a scarf.  

          They settled to the ground.  "And the turban?"

          "It's magical."

          "So what does it do?"  They began walking back to the 
road.

          "I have no idea.  Daddy gave it to me for my fifteenth 
birthday, but the court wizards weren't sure what its powers were.  
They claim it comes from another world, though."

          A world of people with no taste, Zelgadis thought.  "So 
you're just out adventuring?"

          "Acting as a true champion of justice!  And also I'm on my 
way to Sairaag for Lina's birthday party.  How about you?"  
Amelia began brushing off various small bits of stick that had 
worked their way into her clothing.

        "So am I.  Found a present for her?"

        "Yeah!"  Amelia smiled.  "I think she'll really like it."

        "I'm still trying to think of something appropriate she won't 
destroy accidentally within three days of getting it."  Thinking of 
such an object would have been quite a challenge for the greatest 
of geniuses, as Lina had demonstrated she could smash almost 
anything, except maybe the entire planet...and if the Giga Slave 
(her thankfully rarely used ultimate attack) ever went haywire, 
even that might prove not immune.

        "That's why I got her several copies.  She can't destroy them 
all in just three days!"

        Amelia is the very definition of an optimist.

*********

        Lina and Gourry walked down the streets of Sairagg; 
everyone seemed to be whispering about something.  She quietly 
crept up on one trio of whisperers to listen in; her curiousity had 
overwhelmed her.  

         "Do you really think she'll come destroy the city tomorrow?"  
one of the men, a fat, balding peasant, asked.

         "I understand that shrine maiden...what's her name... 
Xylophone...is having some sort of party to try to ward her off."  
The second speaker was the man's equally fat wife.

          The younger man with them said, "From what I've heard, 
nothing can appease her.  She eats the flesh of the living for 
breakfast and gets drunk on human blood."

           Lina said, "Someone's coming to destroy the city?"  Good 
thing I'm here, she thought.  I bet they'll pay me well to stop the 
menace.

          "A horrible evil sorceress.  She levelled part of our city a 
year ago."

          Lina blinked.  "When did a sorceress level this town?"  
Sylphiel never told us about this.

          "Two years ago.  Rezo the Red Priest was trying to stop her 
and..."

           "He was trying to kill some people.  And it was just a copy 
of Rezo."  

           They looked dubious.  "How do you know that?"

            "Because the copy was trying to kill ME!  And I saw the 
real Rezo die,"  Lina said.  "I'm Lina Inverse."

             They all ran away screaming, and she pouted.  "I saved 
this city!  You should be grateful!"  I never did find out who was 
coming to destroy the city; I guess Sylphiel will know, she 
thought.  She stomped back over to Gourry.  "Let's go find 
Sylphiel."

             "You really shouldn't scare people for fun, Lina."

            "All I did was tell them who I was."

            "Like I said."

            Gourry had, luckily for his health, learned to run very fast 
in his years with Lina.

***********

    	Sylphiel walked quickly through the streets.  She had to get 
back home before everyone started arriving.  She had two 
wrapped packages under her arms; one was her present to Lina, 
the other the one Gourry had asked her to buy for Lina.  

	As she strode down Xagyg street, she spotted an old man 
lying by the side of the road, trying to drag himself along; his leg 
was broken.  Much to her surprise, everyone seemed to be 
ignoring him, to the point that a small child simply ran right over 
him.  She ran over to him, putting down her packages.  "What 
happened?" she asked.

	"Lord Uilon's coach ran me down.  My hearing isn't too 
good, and I didn't realize it was coming until it was too late."  The 
old man had mud in his short grey beard and scraggly hair 
combed to hide his bald spot.  He wore a simple brown tunic and 
black trousers with mud-splattered boots.  "But his horse got hurt, 
so he threatened to kill anyone who helped me."

	Her eyes widened.  She'd heard some bad stories about Lord 
Uilon, but nothing this bad.  It didn't matter, the man needed help.  
"Let me heal you."

	"I can't pay," the man said.  "I'm rather poor."

	"It doesn't matter," she said.  "You need my help."

	"Lord Uilon will try to kill you.  I...A young girl like you 
shouldn't have to risk her life for an old man like me."  He tried to 
stand and failed.  "AAAA!!!!" he howled.  

	"Don't worry about me," she said quietly, then held up her 
staff.  "RECOVERY!"  White magic flowed from the staff into 
the leg.  It contorted about, and for a moment, he screamed, but 
then the bone set correctly and the flesh reverted to normal.  Her 
power soothed away the pain and uncramped his muscles, 
restoring bone, flesh, and muscle to normal.  "There you go."  She 
helped him up.  "Oh, I'm Sylphiel."

	"I'm Darios the Cobbler.  If you ever need a shoe fixed, come 
to my shop on the Street of Dead Jackals.  I'll happily fix it for 
free."  He smiled nervously.  "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

	"I'll be fine."  She smiled back at him.  "I'd better take my 
packages and go."

	He looked and his eyes widened.  "Those two packages being 
stolen, you mean?"

	She spun and saw two large blonde men who would have 
made good posterboys for the Third Reich, clad in leather, 
carrying off her packages.  "Hey, those are mine!" 

	"Finders' Keepers!"  one of them shouted, and they both ran 
as if she terrified them.  Most people wouldn't have been able to 
catch them as they ran through the crowded streets.  Sylphiel 
wasn't most people.

	Holding up her rod, she rose into the air, calling upon the 
element of air to fly; she had studied some Shamanist (elemental) 
magic to go with her White magic of healing and protection.  In 
this way, she was able to easily avoid the crowds and keep up 
with them.  

	The problem was what to do with them; most of her magic 
wasn't really related to beating people up.  And most of her attack 
magic would risk hurting the people they were running past if she 
missed.  As she thought about various strategies, she flew right 
over Amelia and Zelgadis, so she waved to them.  "Hi!  These two 
thieves stole my present for Lina!"

	Amelia's eyes widened.  "They what?!  I'll make them pay!"  
She shouted at the thieves, "Stop in the name of Justice!"

	The thieves ignored her and ran off down an alley.  Amelia 
cast Levitation and joined Sylphiel in the air, while Zelgadis 
simply bowled his way through the crowd which willingly parted 
for him.  The trio soon reached the alleyway and started down it, 
only to be confronted by eight thieves with crossbows, as well as 
the two they were chasing.  

	Zelgadis' eyes narrowed.  "A trap."

	"You've got that right!" one of them shouted.  He pointed at 
Sylphiel.  "You can't defeat us, Lina Inverse!  We've all got 
amulets that protect us from Black Magic!"

	Sylphiel blinked.  "I'm not Lina Inverse."

	"Hah!  You're a notorious liar," one of the two 'bait' thieves 
said, holding up a fairly well done line drawing of Sylphiel.  "This 
matches you to a T!"

	"Protects you from Black Magic?"  Zelgadis asked.  "So you 
can't be affected by it at all?"

	"Not one bit!"  one of them said, a short weasely fellow with 
dirty blonde hair.  "Bob the Mighty even cast Dynast Flare on me, 
and all it did was give me a nice foot massage!"

	Amelia blinked.  "Bob the Mighty?"

	A scruffy looking wizard with short black hair, neatly 
trimmed and held down by a black beret covered with stars, 
wearing a dark blue vest over a white shirt and blue trousers, 
stepped out of the shadows, holding a long crystal rod tipped with 
an emerald.  "I am Bob the Mighty, CRIMELORD OF 
SAIRAGG!"

	"So I suppose you're also immune to other forms of magic?"  
Zelgadis asked.

	"There's other forms of magic?"  Bob the Mighty asked.

	Amelia and Zelgadis facefaulted.  Sylphiel said, "But I'm not 
Lina Inverse!  Can I please have my packages back?"

	"Hah!  I summoned a powerful demon, and coerced it into 
telling me what you looked like so I could destroy you to prove 
that I am the greatest wizard in the land!  Then I forced it to 
enchant these amulets!  Then I made it bring me donuts!"  He 
continued to rant about his greatness while Zelgadis, Amelia, and 
Sylphiel had a quick conference.

	"Who is this moron?"  Zelgadis asked.  "Any of you ever 
heard of him?"

	"Keep him busy and I'll get the packages back,"  Amelia 
said.  

	They both nodded and she went out of the alley and started 
flying round the block to get behind them.  Meanwhile Sylphiel 
said, "Consorting with demons is illegal, you know."

	"I'm a CRIMELORD!"

	"What demon was it?"

	"Some loser named Orcus."

	Sylphiel almost fell from the sky.  Orcus was an incredibly 
powerful demon.  If this fellow could slap Orcus around...for a 
moment, she wished that she WAS Lina.  Or at least that she 
knew where Lina was.  "How about if I just tell you that you're a 
greater wizard and you give me my packages back?"

	"Only your bloody, severed head hanging from my belt can 
prove that!"

	"But the blood would ruin your pants," she said.  

	"Hmm.  Good point.  I'll put you on my mantel."

	Unseen, Amelia swooped down and grabbed the packages, 
then took off into the air again.  "Hah!  Your evil theft has been 
thwarted by the forces of JUSTICE!" she proclaimed.

	"Hey!"  he turned around.  "You cheated!"

	She stuck out her tongue at him.  "Now surrender so we can 
hand you over to the Watch!"

	"Never!"  She flew over to her friends, handing the packages 
to Sylphiel.  "Give it up!"

	Zelgadis felt a tap on the shoulder.  He spun, sword in hand, 
only to see Gourry and Lina.  Gourry said, "Hey, what's going 
on?"

	Bob pointed his wand at Sylphiel.  "Alright, enough talking!  
It's time for you and me to duel to the death, Lina Inverse!"

	Lina stepped forward.  "Who are you and why do you want 
to duel me to the death?"

	Bob stared at Lina.  "Who the hell are you?"

	She blinked.  "You just called me by name!"

	"I did not."  He pointed at Sylphiel.  "SHE is Lina Inverse."

	Gourry looked back and forth.  "Did you two switch bodies 
or something?"

	"NO!"  Lina shouted.  "I am the one and ONLY Lina 
Inverse!"

	"Hah!  You can't fool me by trying to sacrifice some innocent 
child while you get away!" he shouted at Sylphiel.  "Go ahead!  
Hit me with your most powerful Black Magic!  Even your 
legendary Dragon Slave won't get through MY power!"

	"Are you really sure about this?"  Sylphiel asked hesitantly.  

	"SOCK IT TO ME!"

	Lina frowned.  "I'm the real Lina Inverse, you IDIOT!"  She 
started to raise her hand to cast a spell, but Zelgadis put a hand on 
her shoulder and shook his head.  Lina stepped closer to him and 
hissed, "Why are you stopping me?  You know Sylphiel isn't good 
at any kind of attack spell!"

	Zelgadis simply smiled at her.

 	"Well, okay..."  Sylphiel held up her hands as if she was 
holding a bow.  "Source of all power, Wind which blows to the 
East... FLARE ARROW!"  A bow of light appeared in her hands, 
flickering in and out, then solidified.  She released a single arrow 
at him, aiming for his wand.

	"Hey, that's not Black Magic!" he shouted as it struck his 
wand, which shattered.  

	"I don't use Black Magic,"  Sylphiel said.

	"LIAR!" Bob shouted.  "Men, shoot arrows at her until she 
uses some REAL magic!"

	Lina boggled.  "She destroyed your wand with REAL magic, 
you idiot!"

	The men raised their crossbows to fire.  Sylphiel said, 
"WINDY SHIELD!"  A whirling sphere of wind surrounded her, 
batting the arrows away.  

	Gourry frowned and drew his sword.  "That's cheating!  You 
want a fight?  Fight me!"  He charged into their midst, followed 
by Zelgadis, Amelia, and Lina.  About a minute later, the thieves 
had been scattered.  Only Bob remained, and he was starting to 
sweat.

	"Now you're hiding behind YOUR minions!"  Bob said.  
"C'mon, hit me with a REAL spell!"

	Lina boggled.  "Where did you guys dig up this freak?"

	"Shut up, fake Lina!" Bob said.  "Don't make you hurt you, 
kid."

	"Kid?  KID?  That's it!  You want Black Magic?  I'll GIVE 
YOU BLACK MAGIC! DYNAST BLAST!"  A huge glowing 
pentagram formed under Bob's feet.  A vast surge of energy 
erupted upwards around him.  He yawned and scratched his back.

	"Hah!  If you were the real Lina Inverse, you would have 
used the Dragon Slave!  Not that it would work either!"

	Lina's eyes widened.  "What the..."

	"Well, we know he didn't lie about the amulets,"  Zelgadis 
said.  "So your amulets only stop 'real' magic?"

   	"Yeah!  Who cares about other stupid stuff?  Black Magic is 
the way to go!"

	Amelia nodded.  "So if we fireballed you..."

	"Hah!  A wimpy little kid like you couldn't hurt ME with a 
fireball!"

	Amelia's eyes flared.  "HEY!"

	Lina traced a circle in the air.  "DILL BRAND!"  The ground 
erupted under Bob, exploding in fragments and hurling him into 
the air.  "Hah!  See, I AM Lina Inverse!"

	Sylphiel dropped the two packages into Gourry's hands and 
caught Bob.  "She really is Lina Inverse."

	"Orcus wouldn't lie to me!"  Bob was perhaps the only 
person in the history of all universes to say this and mean it.

	Lina looked at the packages.  "Oh wow, Sylphiel got me two 
presents!  Lemme have 'em, Gourry!"

	He held them out of her reach.  "Not until the party, Lina."

	"But...but!  They're for ME!  Me!  Me!"

	Bob laughed.  "Try as you will, you'll never convince me 
that's Lina Inverse."

	Maybe I should try using Recovery on his brain, Sylphiel 
thought.

	"NOW I WILL SHOW YOU THE TRUE POWER OF 
BLACK MAGIC!  CLOTHING OF DEATH!"  He touched the 
high collar of her jacket, which turned into a hissing snake.  She 
panicked and dropped him.  Before he fell, he managed to hit one 
of her shoulder pads, which turned into a third snake, and on the 
way down, he touched her belt pouch and her shoes, which also 
became snakes.  The snake 'shoes' came off her feet, which he had 
tried to grab to stop himself from falling, so he plummeted to the 
ground, still holding the serpents.  Landing on his head, he passed 
out, and in the process, he touched his own clothing, which 
transformed into serpents.  This was not good--for him, anyway.

	Sylphiel screamed, flailing about.  Lina shouted, 
"LEVITATION!" then rose into the air, swiftly cutting each of the 
snakes in half with her sword.  Each of them turned back to the 
normal clothing item, but hacked in half.  

	"T...Thank you," Sylphiel said, shuddering.

	"You're welcome,"  Lina said.  "Now let's see if Bob has 
anything worth keeping."

	"Shouldn't we turn him over to the watch?  And keep the 
snakes from killing him?"

	"Spoilsport."

**********

	The party was huge, or at least the decorations were.  The 
temple was full of huge tapestries of Lina's mighty deeds, and 
swathed with commemorative Wanted Posters of Lina.  Someone 
had obviously collected the full set, even the rare one where Lina 
was dressed as a Shrine Maiden of the God of Potatoes.  

	The table was laid out with a feast big enough for a hundred 
which meant that even working together, Lina and Gourry 
wouldn't be able to eat it all.  The cake was huge as well, and 
there were casks and bottles of two dozen different beverages.  
There was a small pile of presents at one end of the table, shielded 
by a spell cast by Zelgadis at Sylphiel's request.  

	Lina was starting to become hyperactive while Sylphiel put 
the last few touches in place and started some music playing with 
a spell.  "Are we ready yet?"

	"We're ready,"  Sylphiel said.  "Is everyone ready to sing the 
birthday song?"

	Zelgadis shook his head.  "I do NOT sing."

	"C'mon!  Sing for me!"  Lina said, tugging on his cape.  

	They finally coerced him into it, and then Lina dug into the 
pile of presents.  The first one was from Amelia.  "'The 
Autobiography of Prince Phillionel of Sailoon'.  Three copies.  
How...nice."

	Amelia smiled.  "Yeah!  He autographed all three for you!"

	She checked.  'To the mighty sorceress, Lina Backwards'.  
Only the fact that deep down she did like Amelia kept her from 
either vaporizing Amelia or eating the books in frustration.  

	The next present was from Sylphiel.  It was a formal white 
gown with a matching veil.  "You can wear it on your wedding 
day," Sylphiel said.  "Whenever that happens."

	"You're getting married?"  Gourry asked.  "Who's the guy?"

	"I'm NOT GETTING MARRIED!"

	"Sylphiel gets you a nice dress and then you're going to 
waste it?  Have you told him yet?"

	Lina resolved to ignore Gourry.  "Thanks, Sylphiel.  It's a 
nice dress."

	"You're welcome."  She smiled and sidled nervously over to 
Gourry.  "Have you ever thought about getting married, Gourry?"

	"Not really," he said.  "Although that one stupid hero wanted 
to marry me."  He laughed nervously, afraid the lunatic would 
somehow show up.

	Lina laughed at the memory of that incident,then opened the 
next package, from Zelgadis.  It was a nicely crafted sword with a 
silver hilt and several gems set in it.  "Thanks!  My old sword was 
getting kind of beat up."

	"You're welcome," he said.  "Try not to destroy it."

	"No danger of that."

	The door flew open and Xelloss charged in.  "No!  Don't be 
fooled, Lina!  It doesn't lead to immortality, but only to 
destruction!"  Xelloss was the priest and general of one of the 
great leaders of the Mazoku (a race of monsters, sort of.  Their 
leaders were among the ranks of the Immortals).  He had been 
both enemy and ally to them in the past, and his motives were 
never clear.  Usually, they were a little more clear than this, 
however.

	"Huh?"  Lina asked.

	"Oops.  I came in too early," he said.  "Or did you not read 
the book yet?"

	"What, the autobiography of Amelia's father?"  Maybe he 
was talking about the destruction of brain cells, she thought.

	Xelloss ran over and picked up one of the three copies.  "To 
my close freind, Linna Yamazaki...what?  What's a 'freind'?  This 
isn't 'The Secret of the Radiance'!"

	"The what?"  Lina asked.  

	"A form of magic in another universe that can enable you to 
become a god," Xelloss said, paging quickly through the book.  
"This is NOT right.  Three copies of this...this...This has nothing 
to do with the Radiance."

	Lina's eyes sparked.  "A form of magic that can turn you into 
a GOD?"

	"Did I say that?  I meant a 'dog'.  Yes, using the Radiance 
will turn you into a dog.  I must be getting verbally dyslexic."  He 
nodded.  "That was it.  I really meant..."

	Zelgadis frowned.  "You're up to something."

	"Of course not.  I simply came to bring Lina a birthday 
present and save her from turning herself into a dog by using the 
Radiance.  You see, one of her birthday presents has been 
replaced by a book which is actually a magical trap, and not just 
tripe like this."  He tossed the autobiography aside. 

	"Hey!  Every word in that is TRUE!"  Amelia said.  "It's all 
about my father's fight for Justice!"

	Lina stared at Xelloss.  Was there really a form of magic that 
could turn her into a diety?  If there was, she wanted it, and she 
wanted it right now.  Xelloss was probably trying to steal it for 
himself.  That had to be it.  He thought he could fool her.  Well, it 
wouldn't work.  "Gimme my present, then."

	He reached into his copious robes and pulled out a long grey 
rod, about three inches wide and a foot long.  "This is a magic 
rod."  he handed it to her.  "Do not lose it; it may not seem of 
much use now, but one day you will need it."

	"What does it do?"

	"I don't know.  It's called a 'Rod of Control', but I don't know 
the command word."

	"It's not a very useful present if you don't tell me the 
command word!"  What a cheapskate, Lina thought.  He probably 
just molded some rock to look like a rod.  "So how do I go find 
this Radiance thing to become a goddess?  That would be a REAL 
present, if you told me."

	He shook his head.  "I can't let you go.  But really, it's for 
your own good.  The Radiance would only destroy you."

	"Hah!  I'm not afraid of some glow!"

	"Anyway, you were scheduled by Destiny to be tricked into 
getting a book that would take you to the other dimension where it 
resides, but I don't think THAT," he pointed at the autobiography, 
"fits the bill."

	"Well, only Gourry's present is left,"  Sylphiel said, "And I 
know it doesn't have any books about any 'Radiance' in it."

	Lina said, "Let's find out."  She ripped it open, and found a 
book, a huge tome bound in blue dragon hide with metal bands 
across the cover.  It was titled, 'Secrets of the Radiance'.  "Gourry!  
I forgive you for not giving me the Sword of Light!  Because 
becoming a goddess is even better!"

	Xelloss put a hand on the cover.  "Don't open it!  The 
Radiance...umm...it makes your breasts shrink!  Really!"

	"I dunno if anyone would notice,"  Gourry said.

	Lina said, "You can't fool me!  You want _the Secrets of the 
Radiance_ for yourself!"  She hugged the book to her chest and 
cackled.

	He shrugged.  "Destroy yourself."  He then went over to the 
cake.  "Just let me get a piece of cake, first."

	She pulled the book open.  "Hey, this is written in a cipher!"

	"Well, I'll have plenty of time to get some cake," Xelloss 
replied.

***********

	Later, Lina, Zelgadis, and Amelia were busy trying to decode 
the book and arguing over whether they should decode it and if 
this was another one of Xelloss' tricks.  Sylphiel pulled Gourry 
aside and asked, "Will you go with me while I get my shoes 
fixed?"

	"Sure.  I could use some new boots myself.  These are 
coming apart."

	The Street of Dead Jackals had once been the heart of the bad 
part of town, a wretched hive of scum and villainy.  Then the 
Copy Rezo had levelled half the town.  Now, it was a quiet street 
of artisans, living in refurbished housing that was in better shape 
than it had been in decades.  It still smelled bad due to being 
downwind from a slaughterhouse, but they could live with that.

	"So how are you and Lina-san getting along?"  Sylphiel 
asked.

	"I had to hit her in the head this morning when she tried to 
search the clothing I was wearing for her present," he said, 
shrugging.  "The usual."

	"I noticed she was very enthusiastic."

	He laughed.  "She's been excited for weeks.  So which shop 
do we want?"

	Sylphiel kept an eye out and saw the old man she had met 
through the window.  "That one."  They went inside, and she said, 
"Hi!  Can you fix our boots?"

	"Sure.  Just drop them off, and I'll deliver them to your 
temple in the morning."

	"But then I'll have to go barefooted,"  Gourry said.

	"I'll give you both some loaner shoes you can wear until you 
come back for these, since Sylphiel-sama helped me so much."  
He pointed to a shelf of various sized boots and shoes.  "Just find 
some that fit."

	"Thanks!"  Sylphiel said, then went to work picking 
something that would match the tights she had changed into.  
"Hmm.  I'm going to have to go get some new shoulder guards as 
well."

	Gourry grabbed a pair of boots at random.  "These will 
do...ooh, they feel nice!"

	She finally selected a pair and slipped them on; they were 
snug and fit better than the ones she had brought in for repairs.  
"See you in the morning, Darios-san," she said.

	"See you!"  he waved goodbye as they walked off.  

***********

	Later that night, Sylphiel carefully watered the seedling of 
Flagoon before bed and put it on her endtable.  Nearby, Amelia 
was getting ready for bed; she and Sylphiel were going to share 
Sylphiel's double bed.  (Get your mind out of the gutter.  You 
know who you are.)   "That's a seedling of Flagoon?"

	"One day, it will grow into a great and mighty sacred tree," 
Sylphiel said.  "But it takes a long time to grow."  She went to the 
wardrobe and began to change into her own nightclothes.  
"There's only a dozen or so in the world that we know of."

	Amelia nodded.  "There's a shrine in Sailoon that has one."  
She plopped down on the bed.  "Oooh, nice and soft."

	"Amelia, do you think..."  Sylphiel tried to muster up the 
courage to just ask.  "Do you think Gourry-sama and Lina...like 
each other?"

	"They fight a lot, but I'm sure they don't hate each other."  
She paused.  "Oh, you mean like that."

	"Uh huh."

	"Well, I've never seen them kiss, and everyone knows you 
kiss people you love.  So you still have a chance, I think," Amelia 
said.

	"I just...I get scared to try anything."  She paused.  "And I 
don't know why."

	"You should ask him out on a date.  Even if he likes you, I 
don't think he'd ever think of asking a girl out without someone 
telling him to."  Thinking's not his strong point, Amelia thought.

	"Right.  I'll...I'll ask him tomorrow."

	"Good for you."  Amelia got comfy.  "Good night!"

	"Good night."

***********

	Lina continued to work feverishly through the night, long 
after everyone else had gone to sleep.  First, I'll become a 
goddess, she thought.  Then I turn my sister into a toad.  Then I'll 
force Xelloss to finally give me a straight answer.  Then maybe 
I'll bring Shabranigdo back to life just so I can kill him again.  
And then...she tried to cackle, but she was too tired.

	The problem was that she wasn't sure if the book should be 
translatable into Common or not.  Maybe it was in Dragon or 
Mazoku or something.  It could be in Ancient High Kobold for all 
she knew.  It did have a few comprehensible pictures.  There were 
some sort of diagrams for building a metal stand for some sort of 
crystal orb that looked like a normal crystal ball to her.  There 
were several maps of places she didn't recognize.  

	Maybe the book will do something magical if I read the first 
page out loud, she told herself, too tired to think clearly.  "Ohwa 
tagu siam," she enunciated.  "Myoonu Prisumu Powa, mayk upu.  
Gyan robo atta ku.  Go go spied razor.  Ghoti."  The nonsense 
words fell into a rythym, a hypnotic rythym.  She felt herself 
finally falling asleep, but she repeated the words as her head sunk 
towards the page.  And thus it was that she was fast asleep when 
the book began to glow.

*************

	Amelia was used to waking up with dirt in her mouth, but not 
when she had gone to sleep in a nice double bed.  Sylphiel was 
still curled up next to her, her arms wrapped around a teddy bear, 
her rod lying just within arm's reach, but like Amelia, she was 
sprawled out on the ground.  An endtable stood at their feet with 
the tiny seedling of Flagoon on it.  The ground itself was a thin 
layer of dirt over rock with only scraggy grass and some moss as a 
cushion, so her body didn't feel too great after sleeping on it.

	She sat up and looked around, spotting Lina sleeping a few 
dozen feet away at a table which looked quite incongrous standing 
on the gentle hillside where Amelia found herself to be.  Gourry 
was nearby as well, sprawled wildly on the ground near the 
equally unconscious Zelgadis.  Somehow, Zelgadis was the only 
one of them who got to keep his pillow, unless you counted the 
book Lina was drooling on.

	We're not in Sairagg anymore, Amelia thought.  Following 
her instincts, she cast Levitation and perched in a tree.  From here, 
she could see they were on an island perhaps a dozen miles 
across.  It was lightly forested with a big mine set into the side of 
the largest hill.  There was a small town of sorts, a village, really, 
protected by a wooden palisade by the shore near the mine.  Most 
of the island was largely barren, although one hill had some crops 
growing on it.  There was only ocean all around the island, out to 
the horizon.    

	Gang-labor squads, chained together, worked the fields in the 
village and came in and out of the mines.  Amelia was horrified.  
Slavery! We must smite this evil, she thought.  And free the poor 
innocent prisoners.  She leaped down from the tree to awaken her 
comrades, landed on Zelgadis, tripped, fell down, and banged her 
head.

	Justice would have to wait a few hours.