Episode 2: A Stranger wanders through (Opening Scene: We see a rather confused young man wearing a gold and brown thatched shirt, black paints, and a yellow and black bandana wandering through the streets of Tomobiki. He is carrying a sling bag and an umbrella. He stops at one intersection and stares up at the street sign.) Confused Young Man: Hmmm....Fuji Street and Chonisatbu Avenue...(Consults a map. He is holding it upside down.) (We hear the sound of running feet as we see him run one finger over the map and point at an intersection on the map. We can now see he has a map of Kyoto in his hands.) CYM: So if I go right here, it should take me to the subway station, and I can just get a ticket to Furinkan... (Suddenly, around the corner zooms Shinobu who collides with him.) Shinobu:I'm late. I overslept. Sensei will ...ooff! (They collide, she starts to fall, he catches her in such a way that he is holding her rather close to him. They stare into each other's eyes.) Shinobu: (thought) He's handsome.... CYM: (thought) She's cute, although she looks kind of like...(Suddenly realizes what he is very close to her, blushes) Shinobu: (blushing also) I really need to get to... School Bells: Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong! Shinobu: ...school. CYM: (Puts her back on her feet, steps away still blushing) I am sorry to have delayed you...ah... Shinobu: My name is Miyaki Shinobu. Who are you? Ryouga: My name is Hibiki Ryouga. Where am I right now? Shinobu: (starts.) You are in Tomobiki-Chou. Where did you think you were? Ryouga: This isn't Kyoto? Shinobu: Well, you're on the right island, but... Ryouga: This map is worthless! (Throws map in air.) Lum: (catches it from the air above him. She is hovering over them.) This is a map of Kyoto. (We hear running feet) Shinobu: Lum, give Hibiki his map back! Ryouga: You can call me Ryouga.(stares at Lum) (Ataru runs up.) Ataru: Why is everybody standing around talking? We're late for school. Sensei will tan our hide! Lum: We wouldn't be late if you hadn't used up all the hot water for your shower so I had to make more. Ataru: You don't heat water with lightning! Lum: I was in a...(Shinobu is giggling) What are you laughing at? Shinobu: So you, so you lightning bolted the shower! Ha Ha Ha! Ataru: It really hurt! Shinobu: (Staggering around laughing) What a stupid oni! Lum: (Mad now) So I'm stupid am I? Well, I'll show you who's stupid. Divine Retribution! (Throws lightning at Shinobu, but misses as Ryouga grabs Shinobu and leaps to the top of a nearby wall with her.) Ryouga: How'd she do that? Or fly for that matter? Shinobu: She's an oni. Ryouga: (As he grabs her and leaps away from a second lightning bolt) An Oni? Shinobu: She stole my boyfriend and now she goes to my school. Ryouga: Is she always like this? (Jump to avoid third bolt) Shinobu: Pretty much. Ryouga: You run; I'll deal with her. (He opens his umbrella and leaps forward using it as a shield. The lightning rolls off it and he crashes into her to the ground.) Ataru: Hey, don't hit her! Ryouga: I've fought worse than you. Lum: So you think you can fight. Let's see you fly. (She grabs him and flies a ways up.) Ryouga: What are you.... Lum: Bombs away! (drops Ryouga who looks none too pleased. Suddenly a gout of water engulfs her. Shinobu has a water hose at her command turned all the way up to full blast. Lum loses her horns and plummets.) (Shinobu drops the hose, runs over and catches Ryouga with one hand. Ataru looks up and sees Lum falling right at him. He tries to catch her and succeeds mainly in breaking her fall with his body. The hose is starting to flood water out to the street now) Ryouga: You're very strong for a girl. Shinobu: (Still holding him, blushes a little) I once caught four people at the same time who were falling out of a building. One is easy. Ryouga: Do you know Kenpo? Shinobu: No. It's not a very... Ryouga: You should learn. I know someone who could teach you. (gets a dreamy look in his eyes for a moment.) Lum: (pounds on Shinobu) You idiot! Now I have to walk to school! Ataru: How about if we all just skip school? We're late anyway and it'll just be boring as usual. Ryouga: (Stares at Lum)Didn't you have horns just a minute ago? Lum: I...uh... Shinobu: She fell in a cursed pool in China and now... Ryouga: (big eyes) Ataru: ...she turns into an ordinary human whenever she gets wet. Ryouga: And Hot water turns her back to normal? Lum: Yes. How did you know? Ryouga: I know someone with the same problem. Ataru: Is there a cure? Lum: Do you know what it is? Ryouga: We haven't found one that will last very long yet.(looks at Shinobu) You didn't fall in the pool of the drowning Amazon to get that strength did you? Shinobu: It's natural. Ataru: I wouldn't say that. (Wham! Shinobu backhands him) Shinobu: I fell in a different pool. (puts down Ryouga, picks up the hose, douses herself. She transforms--horns sprout, she grows about an inch, figure becomes a little fuller, and there is a wild light in her eyes) The pool of the drowning oni. Now Ataru... Ataru: You don't have to demonstrate! (Shinobu-oni chases Ataru around with the hose, rapidly entangling Ryouga and Lum in it. Finally she corners him.) Ataru: No! Shinobu-oni: Take your water...(No water is coming out. They look back. The hose is snagged on Ryouga and Lum and is swelling to ridiculous size.) Ryouga: NO!!!! (It bursts, water erupts everywhere. Ataru becomes a woman, red hair and all. Ryouga becomes a little black pig with a yellow and black bandana shrouded in his own clothing.) Ataru-chan: What did you have to do that for? (charges Shinobu-oni) Shinobu-oni: Oh yeah! (lightning bolts him. He flies back.) (They chase each other around. Meanwhile Lum picks up P-chan.) Lum: That explains how you knew about the pools. You're a cute little pig. P-chan: Bwee! (We see Lum gathering Ryouga's stuff together. We see Ataru duck behind a garbage can. It gets lightning bolted and falls apart. She grabs a nearby garbage can and throws it at Shinobu-oni. It hits her, she plummets. He stares at his hands.) Ataru-chan: I didn't think I was that strong. Shinobu-oni: (staggers to her feet) I could have done it. Easily. You've always been weaker than me. Ataru-chan: Hah! (runs straight at her) (Shinobu-oni zaps her. She takes it and leaps on Shinobu-oni. They start wrestling.) (A woman with a broom comes running out of the house.) Housewife: What are you kids doing? Why aren't you in school? (She hits Ataru-chan and Shinobu-oni in the head with the broom) Get out of my yard. (She chases them away). Lum: Well, time to go find you some hot water. (She picks up P-chan and his stuff and goes chasing after Ataru, Shinobu-oni and the Housewife) (Scene cuts to Tomobiki High School. We see the principal talking to a tall man wearing a trenchcoat and a black fedora with an armband that says "Truant officer".) Principal: They have cut school for the last time! You must bring them to justice. Truant Officer: They? Principal: Oh yes. I haven't told you who yet. Morobishi Ataru, Redet Lum, and Miyaki Shinobu have cut school again. I have called their parents and they are not home sick. You must find them and bring them in. Here are pictures of them. (He holds up pictures. In the most prominent one, Ataru is clinging to Miss Sakura while Shinobu pounds on him and Lum is about to throw a lightning bolt. The Truant officer points to Miss Sakura.) Truant Officer: Who's this other woman? Principal: Morobishi is a notorious lech. He clings to every woman he sees. She is the school nurse. Truant officer: Why does the one with green hair have horns? Principal: She is an oni. She also throws lightning. Truant Officer: You've got to be kidding. Principal: Never. Truant Officer: No wonder they call this the "Nightmare school". Well, never fear, I, Toshiba Mitoshi shall prevail! No truant student has ever escaped me! Never! (Strikes a pose like a samurai lifting a sword to the heavens, except he is holding a night stick. Lightning crackles all around him.) Principal: Nice trick. Toshiba: I learnt it at the Academy. (Scene cuts to the Morobishi house. Ataru-chan puts P-chan in the bathtub, then turns on the hot water. P-chan quickly reverts to a naked Ryouga (except for his bandana). Ryouga gets out, dries off, puts his clothes on. Meanwhile...) Ataru-chan (Getting undressed to use the hot water herself) So did you fall into one of the cursed pools? Ryouga: I was knocked off a cliff into one of them by that fool, Saotome Ranma. Ataru: Never heard of him. Ryouga: I think he fell in the same pool you did. Ataru-chan: (stops as he is getting into the water) Ow! Hot! Someone else did? Ryouga: (has look of--I said too much--then decides he doesn't care) Yes. So why does your girlfriend have horns? Ataru-chan: Lum is not my girlfriend. Ryouga: Why do either of them have horns sometimes? Ataru: (Now in the hot water with a luck of pain as steam rises around him) Ow. Lum is an oni, but she fell in the pool with me so she turns into a human with cold water. Shinobu was human, but fell in the drowning-oni pool. Shinobu and I were dating before Lum showed up and tried to take over my life. (He has now reverted to male status.) Ryouga: So Lum is living with you? Ataru: Yes. I wouldn't mind if she would let me see other women. It's not that I don't like her, but... (Knock on door) Lum: Darling, are you done yet? Shinobu and I need to use the shower. Shinobu-oni: I just need some dry clothing. Ataru: Ask Lum. I don't have anything you could wear to school. Ryouga: We'll be out in a minute. Ataru is still naked. (Door flies open. Lum walks in. Shinobu(still in oni form) pokes her head in too.) Lum: No big deal. We're married after all. (Lum comes in and starts taking off her school uniform. Ataru eeks and wraps a towel around his torso. Shinobu grabs Ryouga and pulls him out.) Ryouga: What was that about marriage? Shinobu-oni: (Wearing her still somewhat damp school uniform) Lum thinks they are married because...well, it would take a long time to explain. I'll just say she thinks he proposed to her, but he doesn't agree. Ryouga: Were you and Ataru really going out before Lum showed up? Shinobu-oni: (looks a bit sad) Well, yes, but she eventually drove me away from him. (perks up a bit. Gives Ryouga an assessing look) But I'm not dating anyone right now. Ryouga: (slightly uncomfortable) Uh, well.... (Scene cuts to a restaurant "Totoro's house" with pictures of a big weird looking purple creature everywhere. Shinobu-oni, Ryouga, Lum, and Ataru, all now changed into casual clothes approach the restaurant. It is a sidewalk cafe. ) Ryouga: Shouldn't you all be in school right now? Shinobu-oni: And why aren't you in school, Ryouga dear? Ryouga: Uh, well, I'm not registered in any school because I...travel a lot. Ataru: Well, if you don't have to go to school, we don't. (They sit down at a table. The waitress comes over). Waitress: So whadda ya want? (She is tall, brunette and attractive. Ataru starts drooling.) Ataru: Oh, you, baby, you! (Throws himself across the table at her, comes short because Lum is holding his legs.) Lum: Stupid darling. (She holds him down and addresses the waitress.) Beefbowl for my stupid husband, a ham sandwich for me (Ryouga winces) Uh, make that some salad and an apple for me, and two cokes. Shinobu-oni: I'll have some rice and carp please. What do you want, handsome? (twines herself about Ryouga. He blushes and looks uncomfortable) Ryouga: Some beefbowl for me too. (turns to Shinobu-oni) You really think I'm... Shinobu-oni: You're about the cutest guy I've seen today. Ataru: MPUJSDAFSJJ ASFWOEQWJFD. Lum: (raises his head, lets go now that the Waitress has left) What? Ataru: I said I can't breathe!! Lum: Now you can, Darling. Ataru: (to Ryouga) Hmph. So what do you do if you don't go to school, Ryouga. Ryouga: I am studying Kenpo. My father began my training, but I train on my own now. Lum: Why? Did you have a fight with your father? Ryouga: Actually, my whole family gets lost easily, and one day he tried to go to the store to get us some milk and never came back. Then we went looking for him and never came back either. I have a hard time finding anything. Lum: That's very sad. Ryouga: I miss my family. Only our dog is able to find us. At least through messages on him I know they are alive. (Everyone looks a little sad for a moment.) Shinobu-oni: Well you can stay with my family for a while. I'm sure they won't mind. I'll keep an eye on you so you don't get lost. (evil grin) Ryouga: You're very kind, but... Shinobu-oni: Its' decided then. You'd better not tell Mom we skipped school today, though. Hmm. Do you think you could teach me Kenpo? Ryouga: Well, I know someone who runs a dojo in Furinkan. I think he could do a better job of it. He trained his youngest daughter....(Ryouga gets a dreamy look again) (Fantasy scene: Ryouga: (leading Shinobu into the Dojo) Mr. Tendo, I have brought you a new student. Mr. Tendo: Thank you, Ryouga. Akane: That was so nice of you to bring Daddy a new student. (hugs Ryouga) (Ryouga is in ecstasy. Fade back to Reality) (Ataru is waving his hands in Ryouga's face. He has a silly grin. Lum looks concerned, as does Shinobu-oni.) Ataru: Earth to Ryouga, come in Ryouga. Ryouga: Akane, I...(phases in) Oh, sorry. Shinobu-oni: (a little tension in her voice, but dripping with honey) So who is Akane? Ryouga: She is an angel...Uh, she is the daughter of a Kenpo sensei named Tendo Soun. She is the youngest of his daughters. And she is engaged to a jerk named Saotome Ranma, who has made my life hell for as long as I have known him. Lum: Is he really that bad? Ryouga: His father is a thief and the disciple of a lech, he knocked me into that cursed pool, and he has three fiancees who he strings along to think that he loves them. Shinobu-oni: How horrible! Ataru: (thought) Three fiancees? I need to talk to this guy and get some tips. Lum: (looks at Ataru--Thought) I need to keep Ataru away from this Ranma character before he gets any ideas about multiple fiancees. Ryouga: And there is worse than that, but I can't talk about it. Ataru: Don't say things like that! If you can't say it, don't. So what is it? Shinobu-oni: Oh, please tell us. (Cuddles up to Ryouga who blushes again) You wouldn't keep a secret from your friend, Miyaki Shinobu would you? Ryouga: I... (The waitress returns with the food.) Waitress: Here it all is. (Dishes out food) Anything else? Ataru: Yes. Will you...MPAFJASJF AIFJAF(Lum claps her hand over his mouth) Waitress: (looks at Lum then Shinobu-oni) Why do you too have horns? Shinobu-oni: We're in the Drama club. Waitress: At the University? Shinobu-oni: Yes. We are both portraying Onis in a play and we're trying to get used to having horns on our head. Waitress: Okay. (They start eating. Perspective shifts to show officer Toshiba Mitoshi watching them from his bicycle behind them. He is looking at the picture.) Toshiba: There they are. They have an accomplice, too. I'll have to take him in as an accessory. Hmm. This Miyaki character has no horns in the picture. Must be barrettes or something. Now where are my insulated gloves? (digs through pockets. Pulls out big bulky black gloves, puts them on. Takes nightstick in hand.) Toshiba: That should stop my nightstick from conducting electricity into me. I'll try asking them to come along peacefully first. I don't need another citation for excessive violence. (He approaches them from behind. When he gets within 10 feet.) Toshiba: Halt! You're busted! Ryouga: What? (turns around) (The others turn to look, then focus in on Toshiba's armband which says "Truant Officer" then they go pale. Ryouga does not.) Ryouga: We're just eating... Toshiba: (Turns to his clipboard and reads:) Redet Lum, Morobishi Ataru, and Miyaki Shinobu. You are hereby cited for Evasion of Scholarly Duties and Failure to Attend School during the Appointed Hours. Your compatriot is cited for Accessory to a Crime. You must now come with me to...(Looks up, Lum and Shinobu-oni are airborne, Ataru and Ryouga are being carried by them.) Do you have a license to fly? That's another charge! (jumps on his bicycle) Bicycle to air-bike, TRANSFORM! (The bicycle goes through a complicated process that ends with it as a speeder-bike similar to Benten's. It accomplishes this by reaching out with mechanical arms and cannibalizing everything metal in the area including cars, the table, etc. He then zooms after them on it. Various people are shaking their fists at him over destroyed cars, tables, etc.) Crowd: Jerk! Toshiba: All in a day's work. Surrender yourselves or I will have to use violence! Shinobu-oni: Like what? Yelling angrily? Toshiba: Last warning. Lum: Ha ha ha! Toshiba: (Throws his baton at Shinobu-oni. It bonks her in the head and comes back to him like a boomerang.) That was a warning shot. Shinobu-oni: You hit me in the head! Toshiba: So I can't aim. shoot me. Shinobu-oni: Good idea! Shinobu-oni and Lum: Divine Retribution! (ZAAAAPPPP!!!! Two bolts at Toshiba. He blocks one with each of his gloves. However, he is now not steering. He plunges down into traffic, crashes through a truck hauling chickens which fly everywhere and rises back into the sky with a rooster on his head. It starts pecking him.) Toshiba: Ow! (Swats chicken away, climbs back into the sky. The gang has gained ground in getting away from them. He pushes down the accelerator.) No evildoer escapes my grasp! Ataru: I'm not evil! Shinobu-oni: (to Ryouga) You're good at hand-to-hand fighting aren't you? Ryouga: Yes. Shinobu-oni: Good, (turns and flies at Toshiba. He throws the nightstick, Ryouga blocks it with his umbrella, then Shinobu tosses Ryouga into the truant officer. They fight on the bike as it loops crazily across the sky.) Ataru: The stick! (points at it coming back.) (It comes back and bonks Ryouga in the head. Ryouga slumps and both feet land on the accelerator. The bike heads for a sky-scraper. Shinobu-oni pulls Ryouga off as Toshiba crashes into a series of offices, passes through a moving elevator, then out the other side of the building.) Toshiba: This is going to be harder than I thought. (Angry executives shake fists at him from the window as he zooms off after the truant students) Lum: (to Shinobu-oni) You are a remarkably good flier for someone who hasn't been doing this for very long. Shinobu-oni: (doing loop-de-loops with a now turning green Ryouga) I guess I just have the knack. Ryouga: I guess I am just going to be sick. Shinobu-oni: (realizes Ryouga looks a bit airsick) Sorry, darling Ryouga. We'd better land so you can recover. (looks around) Follow me! (They are heading for a vast walled estate with a huge mansion at the center.) Lum: Isn't that Mendo's place? Shinobu: Yes. (Cannon come out and start spraying the sky with shells) Ataru: Hey! Shinobu-oni: It's just the air defenses. They should pick off that truant officer. (Ataru climbs onto Lum's back to avoid a shell) Ataru: What about us getting picked off? Shinobu-oni: We'll just land. (They zoom to the ground.) (Toshiba desperately dodges shells and tries to spot them. He sees them land by a grove.) Toshiba: Down I (Shell hits speeder. It burns and falls) gooooooo! (Splat!) (Meanwhile soldiers and tanks pour up and surround Ataru, Ryouga, Shinobu-oni, and Lum. ) House Mendo Trooper: Halt! Who are you? Trooper 2: Its' mistresses Miyaki Shinobu and Redet Lum, you idiot! (All bow fawningly) Ryouga: Who are these guys? Ataru: They're the private army of the Mendo clan. One of them goes to our school. (Whispered to Ryouga) Shinobu thinks he's cute, but he's a jerk. Shinobu-oni: (a bit angry) The pot calling the kettle black, I see. Trooper: How dare you anger Mistress Shinobu. Why aren't you bowing? (He still is) Ataru: I don't bow for anyone. I am Morobishi Ataru, class president! (The troopers laugh at him) Ataru: Don't laugh at me. Trooper: Ooh! I am SO impressed. Ha Ha Ha Ha! Trooper 2: Everyone knows you are the biggest loser in Tomobiki! Trooper 3: No woman would touch you with a ten foot pole! Trooper 2: Unless it had a blade on the end! Ha Ha Ha! (Lum is getting angry.) Lum: Don't talk that way about Darling! Trooper 1: I am sorry, Ma'am. We have strict orders to lock up this Morobishi character if we ever caught him on the estate. We just didn't realize he'd be so pathetic. (Lum is really mad now--horns are larger, teeth to fangs, starting to glow) Lum: You can't arrest my husband! (Ataru gets behind her, drapes arms around her waist, big insincere smile) Ataru: Yes. She is my wonderful wife. (Shinobu-oni smirks at this) Ryouga: (to Shinobu-oni) I thought he said they weren't.... Shinobu-oni: The strength of their marriage is in direct proportion to the amount of danger they are in and inversely to the number of attractive women in the area. Ryouga: Huh? Shinobu-oni: He doesn't want to be arrested and only she can save him. Ryouga: That's much clearer. (Elsewhere we see the truant officer stagger away from the wrecked vehicle, and gets grabbed by more Mendo Family Troopers.) MFT-345: No Littering allowed. Off to the cells you go. Toshiba: You can't arrest me! I'm an officer of the law in hot pursuit... MFT-345: Tell it to the Judge. We caught you red-handed. Toshiba: (hauled away) I'll get you for this! All of you! Detention forever!!!!!!! (Meanwhile the nervous troopers look at the charred to ash tank Lum apparently just zapped.) Trooper (To Shinobu-oni) Won't you help us, Mistress Shinobu? Shinobu-oni: Why don't we just forget about arrests and all have a nice snack. You could bring us some crackers and tea and we could all just sunbathe and relax. (Runs a hand along his shoulder) A nice big man like you deserves some rest, I think. Trooper: (eyes glaze over) Yes. That would be good. (Cut to Mendo parachuting home from school. He is talking on a radio.) Mendo: You arrested a truant officer? He says he was after...Morobishi? Did you find him? What do you mean those troopers haven't reported in for five hours? Why didn't you...Oh, those troops didn't return either. I'll investigate myself. (Scene cuts to a large grassy field. One of the tanks has been turned into a buffet platform and Mendo family chefs are serving food from it. The troopers are all wandering around in tank tops, and shorts. They are still wearing their uniform hats. Some of them are playing volleyball, with the net hung from a tank cannon. Ryouga is playing in the game, as is Lum. Shinobu-oni is sunbathing in a bikini on the hood of a Jeep. Ataru is looking at girlie magazines with some of the soldiers around an Armored Personnel Carrier where Lum can't see them. Some other soldiers are organizing a baseball game. Several troopers are sunbathing. Mendo comes roaring up in a chauferred Jeep with a column of men marching behind him.) Mendo: What's going on here? Trooper 456: It was such a pretty day that we decided to take Mistress Shinobu's advice and have a festival. Toshiba(staggers out of the Jeep) You're all under arrest for Accessory to Truancy! Now...(realizes every soldier has pulled out a cannon, gun, rifle, missile launcher or other BIG WEAPON OF DESTRUCTION (TM) and is pointing at him) So, I think I'll just dismiss all the charges now...(Runs amidst a hail of gunfire) Mendo: I'm not paying you to have a festival! (Suddenly Shinobu-oni is at Mendo's side. She is wearing a tiger-striped bikini similar to that often worn by Lum.) Shinobu-oni: Now Shutaro. They just looked so stressed. I just wanted them to be able to relax. Don't be angry with them. (flutters eyelashes) Pretty please. (Mendo realizes she is in very close proximity without much clothing. His eyes glaze for a moment, then he puts an arm around her.) Mendo: As a favor to Mistress Shinobu, I will not punish you! Everyone: Yaay! Mendo: In fact! Let's all go swimming! (Ataru and Ryouga look at each other, then grab Lum and Shinobu and take off running) (end part 2)