[OPENING SHOT:  We see the city of Paris Town, circa 1650 or so, at night.  Mobs with torches are roaming the streets, and a shouting horde surroundes the Tuilleries, one of the royal palaces in the city.  The royal fleur-de-lis flies over the palace, but the flag is burning.  The view zooms down towards the palace, to a balcony, where CARDINAL OAK, PRINCE ASH, and QUEEN MOTHER JOY are looking out across the city, while PIKACHU sits on the railing]Prince Ash:  Mother, why are the peasants revolting?Queen Mother Joy:  They need to bathe more often.Prince Ash: ...Cardinal Oak:  The nobility believes they can use them to force me to resign, and they themselves blame me for all the taxes they have to pay so we can hire mercenary Pokemon trainers to fight the Spanish, as we've been doing since before you were born.[There are smashing sounds downstairs, and the palace shakes]Queen Mother Joy:  [nods]  Also, the Spanish have circulated rumors that you're illegitimate, and that the real prince is being held in a Pokeball somewhere in the palace.Cardinal Oak:  We're going to have to send you on a quest so you can prove you're the rightful prince.Prince Ash:  [eyes widen]  Me?  By myself?Cardinal Oak:  Yes, I know it will be hard, but...Prince Ash:  [jumps up and down]  Finally, I get to do something fun!  [bounces around Cardinal Oak]  When do I leave?Cardinal Oak:  [pulls out a whistle and a book, hands the book to Ash]  This is 'De Pokemon Mysteris', a tome written by the legendary Pokemon breeder Ludwig Prinn.  It will help you find and identify Pokemon.  You must find Fleur-de-Lis, the royal Pokemon of France.  If you can find him, it will prove you're the rightful king.Queen Mother Joy:  [pulls out a small bag of pokeballs]  You can use these on your quest.  They belonged to your father.  [hands them to Ash]Prince Ash:  The royal balls!  Oh wow!  [dances about]  I've got the royal balls in my hands![The Queen Mother and Cardinal Oak glance over at each other, then both start to say something.  They both fall silent and shake their heads]Cardinal Oak:  It would be better if you didn't...advertise that.Prince Ash:  [nods]  Oh, you're right.  It would be bad if our enemies knew that.  They'd try to take them for themselves.Queen Mother Joy:  [dryly]  Exactly.Cardinal Oak:  Your father had six balls, so you'll only be able to keep six Pokemon at a time.  Right now, you've got Pikachu, Puff the Magic Dragon, and...well...Queen Mother Joy:  [eyes widening]  Not that one.Cardinal Oak:  Your ex-husband was very fond of it.Queen Mother Joy:  [cringes]  I thought I drowned it.Cardinal Oak:  Rather hard to drown an octupus, you know.Queen Mother Joy:  It's been done.  [sighs]  It kept trying to tickle me the whole time!Prince Ash:  What's it's name?Cardinal Oak:  It looks like a blue miniature octupus.  They're called 'French Ticklers' because we find them in our coastal waters and they like to tickle people.[There is a smashing sound closer to them]Cardinal Oak:  [stares at the door, then sighs]  We must flee.  Fortunately, I brought three pokeballs with me, each with a Byakhee in it.  Yours will take you to Amiens, beyond the reach of the mobs, Prince Ash.  [takes out three pokeballs and releases the Byakhee, which resemble humanoid ants, sort of...well, except for the huge batwings]  Byakhee, take me and Queen Joy to the army in Flanders, and take Prince Ash to wherever is necessary for the plot.Queen Mother Joy:  [firmly]  Wherever he is destined to go.Cardinal Oak:  [shrugs]  Like I said...[Each grabs one person, and they fly out the window, rising over the city, which is burning in places due to the riot.  Pikachu rides wobbily on Prince Ash's back.  Then they fly right over the credit sequence...]*****************BaroquemonEpisode 1:  Young Monarchs in Exileby John BilesBased in a very loose sense on Pokemon and seventeenth century European history and historical figures.  I did mention the 'loose' part, right?****************[Ash helps Brock fight off Team Roundhead]****************[The sauce runs brown in the streets of Worcester, England.  The Scots, supporters of Prince Brock Stuart, son of the recently executed King Brack Stuart, whose obsession with ham sandwiches and tiny brain finally drove Parliament to revolt against him, too many clauses...sentence structure breaking down...must find closure...  Anyway, by this point the English Civil War has become the 'English stomp the Scots again' war, making it fairly interchangeable with just about every Anglo-Scottish war in the last two hundred years except the Bishop's war, which started the whole mess, and this sentence is getting too long again.  Okay, just to make it simple.  The Scots are getting stomped by the English (as usual), and now Prince Brock is trying to decide what to do with the help of his trusted advisors]Lord Angus McBaine:  [cackling evil Scottish necromancer and golfer]  I say we reanimate the fallen, and unleash the dead to eat Roundhead brains![The Parliamentarian forces, now effectively the English Imperialist Running Dog forces, were called Roundheads because they had ugly short haircuts.  In this cartoon, they're all drawn with perfectly round heads, and are led by Oliver Cromwell, who is either a defender of religious liberty, the champion of parliamentary sovereignty, an evil forerunner of capitalism, a vicious mass murderer of Irishmen and Irishwomen, or just a man lucky enough to blunder his way to total control of England despite a lack of any long term planning.  You should imagine him as being drawn to look like Charlie Brown at age forty in Renaissance clothing, riding a horse and carrying a gun, unless you're Irish, in which case his head looks like a flaming skull and he wears a skirt of severed human hands.  Your call.]Lord Ronald McDonald, Duke of the Western Isles:  [a clown with a rubber nose and a red curly wig]  I suggest we bribe them with hamburgers.  Surely, they'll accept that.  Lady Shirley McClaine:  [who will eventually be reborn as a mediocre actress and skillful fool]  I don't think they'll accept that, but I could try channeling Caesar again.Prince Brock:  Last time you ended up with Crassus instead.  That's how we got into this mess.  Lady Shirley McClaine:  Okay, getting someone whose most famous military experience was being slaughtered by the Persians might not have been the best idea.  But I don't see you doing any better![Pokemon begin to stream past them, covered with sauce]Lord Angus McBaine:  This battle is lost.  [pulls out a pokeball]  I choose you, Binky![A skeletal horse appears, with a saddle on its back]Lord Angus McBaine:  Binky, take Prince Brock to safety.Brock:  [clambers up onto its back]  There has to be something we can do.Lord Ronald McDonald:  [pulls out a pokeball]  I choose you, Grimace!  [Grimace appears]  We can sacrifice our Pokemon to cover our retreat.  Brock:  That isn't QUITE what I meant.  **************